Ep 108: One BIG Promo For Kyle’s Film I'M TOTALLY FINE
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Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network. The problem is nobody takes them seriously yet. So they passed me, a comedian, with convincing all of you people out there that Boost Mobile is a serious 5G network. Time to put on my serious voice.

Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network with coverage across 99% of America. Seriously. The Boost Mobile network includes roaming coverage from partner networks which cover 99% of the U.S. population. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature.

Today we talk about jock itch. I got jock itch. As your lawyer, I wouldn't suggest you party this hard, but I'm willing to look the other way. This is the Arugulord. Yeah, you think this show's funny, but they're huge polluters. Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

I just want to party. Yeah. Tight, tight butthole. I just want to party. I just want to party. Yeah. I just want to party. Yeah. Blake, if you want to go for a little bit and just kind of rip it for a minute. Let it rip, Blake. It'll be good to hear it back. I just haven't heard it for a while. It's Iria.

Diarrhea. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. Very shagadelic. Your boobs are huge. Yeah.

Hey, man. Nothing like other people's comedy to get big laughs on our podcast. Dude, that's where we shine the most is with other people's comedy. Hold up. Hold up. Some people quote movies. We just use the movie. I got to keep it 100. Yeah, we use them to slang our comedies. It's science. Our ha-has, our he-he's. It is science. You're damn right. Do you guys think comedy is a science or do you think it's natural ability? Do you think you can learn to be funny? Ooh.

Oh, the hard hitter. God damn, man. Yeah. Well, not like I don't think you can learn to be actually funny. I think you can learn the math of comedy and

Sure. You input, you get the knowledge, and you're like, okay, this is what people laugh at. If I repeat that in a similar cadence, people will gig. It's science. Sure. Did you start off that sentence with, I don't think you can learn to be funny, but then you explained how people learn to be funny? Get her done. No, I don't think you can be naturally. If you're not naturally funny, you can't just be naturally funny. Yeah.

You can't evolve. You can't be like... Yeah, you can't become super funny. We're not talking naturally funny, though. We're just saying funny funny. But here's the thing, Adam. What if you're funny in your head because you've never had that many friends? You have a good sense of humor in your mind. I'm living in a nightmare. Nobody knows you as funny. And then you start doing stand-up. Yes. And then

There's tons of these type of people, but go. Yes, I know a lot of these. So were they funny to begin with? And just like closeted funny people? Well, there are closeted funny people for sure. There's people who don't realize how hilarious they are. And I feel like all of us have friends that I feel like we were the more putting ourselves out there to be funny people. Desperate. Yeah, desperate for laughs and friendship. Yeah.

And then, you know, you'd always have a best friend or another friend of yours that was secretly very funny but didn't let that light shine upon them. Right. Classic phrase. Or you're like, dude, you gotta come on set to Workaholics and do this scene and then you put a camera in front of them and they're like, uh, uh, uh, diarrhea. Yeah, that big funny bone energy. Diarrhea.

They don't have to go be funny and dance around for people's amusement. They got it like that. You just got to give them a freaking six pack and let them go off, man. They're hilarious. Yeah, I feel like I know what you're talking about. Yeah.

Nope. I know the people you're talking about, and I think that you've also had a six-pack at that point when they've had a six-pack, so everything is funny. Oh. Yeah, that's right. Okay, but that's still kind of funny. I mean, when you're in the comedy club, they're giving you drinks. They're lubing you up, baby. I thought you were talking about more of like a basement NorCal. I am. I am. Okay, sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Anytime I'm talking about my friends back home, I'm talking basement because that's where they're at, brother. Yo, it is a basement lifestyle. It is. It is. Wow. Blake, why are you outside today, bud? You know, I'm just switching it up, switching up the vibe. It's starting to get chilly. Might start raining. Are you outside? I am. Yeah. Oh, cool. Hey, Blake's outside. Yeah, man. It's fall. What did you think? It was just a back?

ground that he had up. You know those green screens that people have when they're like, I don't want people to see how I live. This is the way. My dildo collection. He's definitely one of those people, yes. You don't want to see. He's got his dildos on a drying rack in the background. They're just dripping. A drying rack? Yeah, they're super absorbent dildos. Right. Well, you know, you gotta wash them. That's what you want with a dildo. And he's embarrassed that they're the dildos that have the hollow back to them. Maybe he's wearing them, maybe he's not. Wait, what are

What are those? They wanted to advertise. One of those companies wanted to advertise with us where you could like stick your dick in a bigger dick and wear it. What? Remember? I don't remember those at all. It's like those Hulk hands where you put your hand in the Hulk hand and you can hold beers with the huge Hulk hand. I mean, absolutely. I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm a

Beautiful picture. How small does your dick have to be in order to fit? Or can it be a regular-sized cock, and then you have a giant alien cock? Yes. Here's the rub. If it's too small, you can't support this giant monster on your thing. Sure, it's gonna snap your shit. So it's kind of a confidence builder where you're like, well, at least it's not too small to support the whole monster thing. Yeah. Durs knows a lot about this. I just want to

So everyone at home, real quick, before we do the podcast, they go, hey, here's some advertisers that want to advertise. You know, it's always Mercedes. It's Coca-Cola. It's McDonald's. It's the biggest of the big. Yes, go off. Panda Express. And then every once in a while. The biggest of the big.

They say it's like SlutToys.com and then they send us the link and we go, all right, yeah, we can do it. And if you listen to the podcast, you know that we rarely say no to any of these offers.

We're like, yeah, sure, whatever. It's fine. And if you have a problem with the ads, first of all, fuck off. That's how we get paid. Secondly, just fast forward like I do. That's what everyone does. Everyone does it. That's what the button's for. You hit the 30 second. You hit it four times. For our show, you hit it seven times. Just hit the button. And so these dildos are a confidence builder. Speaking of alien cock...

No, no. So they offered like weird bumpy alien dicks too. Yes. Have you seen those like sex toys that are like alien dildos? Seen them. Yeah. And the thing is you can't be too small or you can't hold them up. No, it's not the one. You keep saying that. Durst keeps saying that. I'm just saying. Hey, and those alien dildos are out of this world. Yeah.

As long as he can keep them up. Yes, points. Which is a problem. Oh, yeah. Sorry, man. Yes, points. When Chloe first moved in with me, she found a giant box. Oh, my God. Like a huge box of fleshlights. What a trash. Because they had given us fleshlights. And if you don't know what a fleshlight is, it's like... You better. You better.

They know because they've heard it on this podcast. Yeah, you know. But they pour like a silicone goo and it's a perfect mold of like a vagina or a butthole. Not that kind of mold. Oh, yeah. Vagina mold. Vagina mold. Perfect. And then you jerk off with it. Yes, sir. I guess. You do. You do. Porn stars or whatever. I put flowers in it. I use it as a vase. What?

Until Blake's up at the court. Flesh fuzz. But Chloe found this giant box and was very weirded out. But they had given us these boxes. And I was thinking, oh, I'm going to give these away as funny gifts for like birthdays and shit. You're a naturally funny guy. Right. But...

I'm naturally funny. You're super funny. But then I gave away one or two, and then it just was weird, and I didn't want to be the guy that always has a flashlight ready to go for a gift. Although, now that you hear it out loud, kind of a cool thing. Now that I say it out loud, I wish it could have gone on for like give the same guy a flashlight every year for like seven years in a row. It is one of those jokes that gets funnier. Yeah.

Weird, wild shot. You get to like year 12 and he's like, when is it going to stop, man? Sweetheart.

Eric is 11 years old now. You've been giving him meat before he was born. And here's the cool thing. You're like, this will be funny. And then you're driving to the birthday party or whatever it is at a restaurant or a bar. And you're driving with it and shotgun. And then you get there and like the valet guy sees you carrying it. Then you go in the bar. Everyone sees you. You're holding it. Well, you have to wrap.

I don't know. I'm not a gift wrapper. I just kind of like... Yeah. Dude, I don't wrap gifts anymore. I'm a bag guy. I'm like, the bag is good enough. I'm a bag guy. I put them in a plastic bag. I tie the bag. Duh. Come on, man. We don't got wrapping paper laying around. Yeah. And you know what sucks now? Because back in the day, in the 90s...

You used to have newspapers laying around, so that was instant. As if. That was instant wrapping paper. But what happened, guys? No more newspapers. Say it with me. No more newspapers. No more newspapers. Even a good magazine. But guess what? Magazines have gone the way of the dinosaurs. Frickin' see ya. I call them dodo birds for fun. What magazine do you miss the most, Blake? Because I know you're a magazine fan.

I know you still get Us Weekly or some weird fucking... Guess what else I still get? The Goss Rags? You get like a celebrity gossip magazine, which is, it still to this day blows my mind and I can't really wrap my head around it. No way. I love that shit, man. I gotta know what's happening with Tom Brady and Giselle. Come on.

Okay, well, you just watched SportsCenter to know what Tom Brady's up to. Right. Yeah, you want to know what, like, the Kardashian cousin, like, a person that I don't even know about, what that person's up to. Right, right. I'm sorry if I need to know if Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum are still dating. Just buzz off for a minute, man.

Hey, dude, whatever works. Yeah, and I like that for you. I just didn't see that coming for you. Dude, you were in last week's. What was I in it for? For the Adam Levine tweet or Instagram post. I'm so glad we're going to circle back to this. The Adam Levine debacle. It is now May when this airs. And while we're at it, can we get some Emmy talk in here? Emmy talk. Fuck yeah!

Well, you know, I also somehow I still have a subscription. I don't even know. What magazine was I in? Was it People or was it Us Weekly? Now he likes it. Now you like Us Weekly. Us Weekly seems like the lesser of the two magazines. I think People is a little classier. People's very classy. You're not getting in People, brother.

You're not a people person, my friend. That sucks, dude. Yes, points! The other magazine I get that I don't know how I get it, I still, and I have gotten Maxim for so long. See, that's what I was thinking you were going to say. I get it. Well, the fact that they still make them. I think you're getting ghosts. Is it like six pages long? No, it's still pretty long.

All advertisements. And it's like three advertisements for deodorant and then like one pinup model. You know what's gotten weird with Maxim? Back when we were reading Maxim back in like high school. I'm an 1850s dad. Wow, she's a real pinup. Dude, now it's like super ultra like rich guy shit. Like that's what they kind of leaned into. When we were reading it, it was like college, like all this stuff. I love college. Yeah.

I love drinking. Yeah. Oh. Water trash. Well, now it's like, this is like the car that can go underwater and it could be yours for fucking $2 billion or whatever. Not billion, but. That's expensive, by the way, for an underwater car. You should. What? Yo ass. It's just weird shit. So it's basically like Rob Report? I.

There's no way. What was Rob Report? I don't recall. Rob Report's magazine for the affluent lifestyle. Yes. Magazine for rich people. Ders put me onto it. Ders, like, way back in the day, he was like, dude, I like to look at Rob Report. And he, like, showed me one. And it is just, like, it's insane shit. Can I tell you? It's a full circle moment here. Just real quick. In, uh,

High school. There was some kid whose dad subscribed to it, and he brought it in one day, flipped to the back, and he was like, I heard you like Chinese Sharpies. Oh, damn. Oh, damn. In the ad section, they have very rare blue Chinese Sharpies. So that put me onto it. Anyway, sorry. Go ahead. And that was your first foyer into Robert Paul. Yes. Robert Paul?

Is it Rob Report or do they say it fancy? I feel like... I think it's Report. Like, this is the report from Rob who's got two bees. Yeah, but you want to say it a little fancier than Rob Rapport. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. But doesn't Rapport mean something else?

Probably. We're not the guys. Maybe. There's no way to tell. There's no way to tell, dude. If Kyle was here, still wouldn't know. Oh, god damn. Kyle. Yeah, we might know less. Oh, yeah, the bitch. See ya. I used to read, what magazines, I mean, the Source was sick for a minute. I still have some of my old Source magazines. I used to have ESPN magazine, which was sick. I have a couple of those.

Slam was a cool magazine. Basketball mag. Swimming World. Of course. Dog Fancy. Really? You had those? You were a subscriber to Dog Fancy.

I mean, if we're coming full circle, yeah, I definitely had some dog fancy back in the day, and I had Swimming World. Wow. You were a fun little dude. I wish I knew Young Dirt. Yeah. Just reading his dog fancies. That was a good, don't get between me and my dog fancy magazines. You know what was my first magazine ever? Did you guys ever get Highlights Magazine? No.

Oh, yeah. Dude. Bro. Gang. Highlights. Give me a hell yeah. That was my shit. Should we get highlights? It's flowers? Absolutely. As long as we won't tank the company because they still are in existence. Yeah. Let's not talk about them too much. Favorite highlights magazine thing. I mean, what's the difference between this picture and that picture? It was always good. Oh, that's what it was. Because I remember...

having some highlights. Mostly I remember highlights being at like a daycare. A hairstyle. And dentist. And dentist office. Yeah. Yeah. Dentist office. Oh yeah. That's when I found out about it. Tore the thing out and like asked for it for my birthday. Oh shit. And I got a card that says you're never going to get a highlights magazine. Yeah.

But I remember seeing it in the dentist's office. I like that about being a child. You don't have any idea how expensive or not expensive things are. Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember my parents, like, I just knew that we, I knew we weren't rich and we didn't have a lot of money. So I remember, like, always tiptoeing around birthday gifts being like...

I don't know if we could pull this off. And it's like a kush ball or whatever. And they're like, I think we got it. We can swing that. And meanwhile, it's like a $4 gift that they're like... It's on Rosie O'Donnell's show, so I'm sure it's...

You were a huge Rosie O'Donnell fan. Dude, I was a huge Rosie O'Donnell fan. Who's not? Yeah, she was sick. She was sick. Dude, her talk show was the shit. Yeah, she used to shoot the koosh ball at the camera. Oh, my God. That was so sick. Killer. Flowers to Rosie without killing you. You got to shoot the koosh, man. Yeah.

What's your, okay. So we've talked about a favorite, uh, highlights magazine, favorite Rosie O'Donnell moments. Wait, wait, wait. There's another, there's another magazine that I had. I remember boys life. What the, do you guys remember boys life? What was that? Dude? I didn't know. I was so, that sounds perverted. What was boys life? Exactly. Exactly. I thought it was perverted, dude. I thought it was perverted because it's boys life. I don't know. I just, I knew that playboy was a thing and my friends, you,

I'm like a little boy. I'm like five like six years old probably seven somewhere in there, and I remember my Friends had it at his house, and I was like oh shit I gotta check out this boys like you thought boys life was playboy why science I thought it was playboy

Playboy? He thought it was Playboy adjacent. It was Boy's Life. I had no idea. I knew that there was a naked lady magazine with Boy in the title. I saw Boy's Life. I was like, let me see this. I remember sneaking off with it, like grabbing it and like sneaking off to go to the bathroom to like look at it. Let's get into this. What a huge letdown. And then it would just being so bummed out. I'm like, they're teaching you how to like tie knots.

Yeah, here's how to pack for camping. Yeah, and you're like, fuck, man. Where's the titties, bro? Another Gusher's ad? Another Capri Sun ad? Where are the titties, bro? I do remember reading a Boy's Life article about some kid who got his butt cheek ripped off by a Komodo dragon. Wait a minute. Hey, I gotta take a second look. It's science. And upon the disappointment subsiding from...

Realizing it's not a Naked Lady Mag Naked Grandma Then I was pretty Excited about Boys Life I was like This is an interesting magazine Yeah Oh okay So you got past The I got past it That's huge Cause it's for boys It talks about things for boys Yeah Adam shout out to your young mind man For getting past that And like actually reading the articles Hey dude I already I'm gonna give him flowers At the end of this episode Absolutely Boys Life Magazine Good magazine A big magazine I feel like it was a big magazine

What's your other mag? My other mag that I had a subscription to for years, probably a decade. Stuff.

Mad Magazine, baby. Oh, yeah. None other than Mad Magazine. What a legendary magazine. I still have most of them, too. Cool art in this mags. Very cool art. I mean, is there anything cooler in the history of magazines than the folding back cover that would go from one thing to another? Dude, so sick. Whoever the fuck started that?

unreal it's definitely yeah there's definitely one dude who we could look up but we're not gonna but uh shout out to yeah yeah shout out to that guy for sure but like he's the guy like fucking cool because it would be like um it'd be like whatever like a some sort of like corporation that's like having fun and then you'd like fold it in half and be like actually they're polluting dude yeah it would just be like a huge dollar bill and it'd be like there's

Sucking your money out of your ass. Right. Yeah, that. I just didn't know how to word it. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. We never got workaholics in Mad Magazine. And we were right there. I remember them like sniffing around. Oh. Like they were going to do like a parody of us or like shout us out or draw us or something. I remember that coming down the pipe. And you do remember that. I remember.

I remember. Okay. I don't remember that even a little bit. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. When did this come around? It was probably like season four or something. They were like sniffing around. They're like, we think that. I remember somebody mentioned. Adam, do you remember the sniffs? I don't remember. You don't remember any sniffs? Any sniffing. No, I don't. I don't remember any sniffs either. I mean, that is cool. And I do see that.

I could see them wanting to take us down a peg or two. We're flying too high. They're like, fuck these guys. Yeah, you think this show's funny, but they're huge polluters. No, I think they would lampoon the people they loved. That was their way of shouting you out by making fun of you. I think that it was equal opportunity offenders. The cause of diarrhea.

Right.

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Let's go places. Sorry, let me drink it this way. We're going to let Ders sit with that one. Chill the cool vibes. Wait, while Ders is taking a drink of his Coors Light vibe, we have a message from Kyle. We have a promo to throw to, okay? This is a message. Before you do, before you do. Okay. This is regarding a movie that Kyle produced that's going to be coming out. Sure. These guys have not listened to the ad at all, correct? No.

No, I haven't heard it. I have not heard this ad even a little bit. I just want to set it up in this way and that's all because I have listened to it. Okay. I wish you didn't. We're going to regret playing it instantly. Okay. Adam already is. And you should definitely go check out this movie. Yeah. Go ahead and roll it. It's Totally Fine is the name of the movie. I'm totally fine. Oh, yeah. He'll say it. Fuck.

I'm totally fine. No, let's let him do it. Here we go. All right. And here, let's throw to our fourth member of the pod, your Arugula King. Here we go. I'm going to go take a shit. Hey, what's up? This is the Arugula Lord. How are y'all doing, TII Nation? I'm coming to you via voice note.

Because I am in the director's chair making new episodes of what we do in the shadows. I'm on lunch right now. So, look, I'm dropping in because I wanted to let y'all know that this weekend, November 4th,

The movie I produced called I'm Totally Fine starring Jillian Bell, Natalie Morales, Blake Anderson, myself, Karen Maruyama, and Harvey Guillen comes out. It will be available on VOD, Amazon, or VOD.com.

iTunes, Apple VOD. It's halfway done. I think they're the same thing. And it will also be in select theaters. So if you're lucky enough to be by a theater that's playing the movie, I'm totally fine. Please go check it out this weekend.

Go do that. Support independent cinema. And if you're not by a theater that plays this movie, then go to your VOD, to your Apple iTunes and your VOD Amazon and type into the subject field, into the search field. Wow. I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine. Yeah, just look it up. They know what that means. This one's from the heart.

This one is very special to me. I'm pissed now. Definitely don't miss it. Get out there and check it out. Okay. Much appreciated. Thank you very much. All right. Okay. Wow. All right. Yeah, man. All right. I'm totally fine. Check it out. Check it out. Man, it was good. I feel now I do have a few notes.

Just on the quality of the recording and just how he delivered that information. He really went down a rabbit hole of how to look something up when everyone just knows how to look a thing up. You could just say, look it up. That's sort of Kyle's thing, though. He's very demeaning in ways that you wouldn't expect, like over-explaining because he thinks you're dumber than you are. Oh, yeah, sure. Okay.

Yeah. Adam, is one of your notes going to be maybe a little excitement? He is very excited for it. And I am too. He is excited for it. I know. But if you're going to sell the movie like that. Well, you got to sell the movie a little bit. That's why I tried to sell it before you turn that on. Because I'm like, look, I want everyone to go see this movie. Fun movie. A lot of fun in the theater. Get out there. Come on. I mean, yeah.

See, you're doing a great job. You're doing a great job, Blake. Yeah, you just brought it. You should have recorded the commercial. Yeah. Because essentially that's what it was. Well, you're here. You're here, so you can hype it. So I can really hype it. I can be like, yeah, come on. Let's fucking – let's go to the theater. Well, he also didn't explain what the movie's about. No. No. Uh-huh.

Like the premise even a little bit? No. Right. No, it's a mystery. It's a dice roll. Just said the name of a movie. That's your...

He starts off the whole thing calling himself a rugelord. Okay, okay. So he doesn't have to explain anything, Adam. They're going to go see it, you know. Hey, true. The Lord sent us. Freaking see ya. Dude, and I hope they do. I hope they rush out to it, especially as one of the named stars in the movie. So thank you very much. And Blake, is it fair to say that you dabbled in not having hair in this movie? Yeah.

Well, I think one of the director's choices, Brandon Dermer, was to pull my hair back and put a hat on. So there is that. Wow. And how did that make you feel about you and your hair? Yeah, you got your feet wet. Yeah, man. How did it make you feel? I'm not having hair. How did it make me feel? Did you say, well, this is my natural hair and I don't know why you would want me to hide it?

um put it away i think it was a note from the producer kyle that came through the director i think it was his way of kind of

fucking taking a shot at me lord kyle yeah taking you down a peg or two yeah he's sick of uh your thick luscious mane right because he's working with some long long stringy strands he's getting there yeah by the way shout out to all the the boarders out there who were like hey there's lawyers with long hair they sent a bunch of really cool long-haired lawyers that are from like there's one from like texas and i think one from florida that was

It's very inspiring. Yeah, well, lawyers, there's a lot of really shady lawyers. And there's fat personal trainers. They're not good lawyers by any means. Yeah, that's not the cream of the crop. It's not like if you killed someone, you wouldn't call the guy with the long hair to be your lawyer.

Blake. Why? See, why? Adam's a great example. Why? That's fucked up. That's fucked up, man. We know, but there are certain things we know. Hey, dude, I don't know. Well, why are the best lawyers in the country? Why don't they have long hair? I'm with you, Blake. That would be cool if they did. They just don't.

They just don't. I don't know. They just don't. I don't know. It's weird. It's like weird protocol, man. There's something that is frowned against about men with long hair. Frowned against. What did I say? What is this saying? Allegedly. What is this saying? Fucking frowned against.

That's what it is. Give me a hell yeah. You know, you'll frown against something. You'll just like, you know. Wow, dude.

Adam's gonna lose his vision again over there. Dude, frowning against killed me. This is my closing argument. This is why I'm not a lawyer. This is why you're not a lawyer. Dude, you're frowning against. Exactly. Yes, murder is frowning against. I understand that. If you cut your hair, if you cut your hair, you're saying frowned upon. It just comes out naturally. I guarantee you.

Wow. Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'll never be a lawyer. I'm sorry, mama. No, you can be a lawyer. Get a little sniff. Well, see, if you have the long hair, you're the type of lawyer that like...

You're basically, you work closely with a bail bondsman. The DUI guy. You're like a certain type of lawyer that can help you out in certain situations. But if you're really in real trouble, he's not the guy to call. Yes, you're right. You're right. And I think that the example given to me was a DUI lawyer. So you're exactly right. Yeah, they all are. And by the way, the time these people have to be like, actually, there are long hair lawyers. Wait, what?

Why are, why are, okay, that brings up my question. Why are DUI lawyers so freaking cool? Like, what is that job? Well, because they hang out with a ton of cool drunks, dude. A bunch of party drunks. I think that goes without saying. They party. I got you. But do they have a way to, like, talk to, like, the judge? Are they like, yeah.

I'm in here every other week. Dude, well, you know what they are. They're smart guys. They probably went to school with the judge, and they're their party friend, and they're like, hey, come on, what are we doing here? I just want to party. Yeah. I'm sure there are workarounds with DUIs and that sort of thing that they know they can capitalize on, and when people get DUIs, they're desperate to get that shit expunged or whatever so that it doesn't fuck with their... Or as cheap as possible, too, probably.

Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, just speak, Adam, you were talking about murderers hiring lawyers. And it's been a while. We have been on. Yeah. I'm always talking about that. Can we talk about how hard Jeffrey Dahmer parties? My God. This dude is slow.

Clamming beers. Dude, Jeffrey Dahmer is throwing them. It reminds me of Blake a lot, actually. I was like, this is Blake. Stop. This dude is just cracking beers.

And he was a natural hard body too. I know. A natural hard body, but you know what he would do, much like Blake? He was doing his push-ups and stuff. Yes, yes. He was doing his push-ups. Carving corpses. He'd sneaky get it in. Yeah. But then just also pounding. They're like, Dahmer, what are you doing in there? Are you sneaky getting it in? He's like, yeah, that's it. Right. Yeah.

Just working out again sneakily squatting. Why does it smell like must and rotting foot? I'm just sneaky getting it in. I got jock it dude after watching that documentary Did you guys feel I felt I'm done? I never feel this way. I'm always dude. It was a series not the documentary series There's a documentary as well. Sorry this series. Yes. Okay, cuz there is a doc. We'll go ahead. Yeah, but that Netflix series is

I felt truly gross after watching... Like, we watched every episode. Yeah. And after I was done, I was like... That's how shows work. I didn't... Well, no, sometimes you just give the fuck up. Like, if it's too... I can't. Gross or whatever. Yeah. I'm like... Dude. Or just dumb. Yeah. You might give up. But this was like... After I was done, I was like, oh, we could have...

not done that, then I would have been okay with not doing it. That was the first thing, like, this was the first time, because I think I've talked about it, like, I used to look through my aunt's, like, encyclopedia of serial killers and, like, look at crime scene photos. Yeah, you love serial killers. And you remind me a lot of Dahmer. Uh-huh. Slamming beers. But, like, for some reason, watching that series, like, I think it's because they kept talking about the smell of it. Yeah. Right. I was just like...

I don't know. I just don't like being here in this world. I bailed after three because I was just like...

I didn't like it. Well, I mean, dude, the second time you watch it, though. Yeah. Okay. No, but it was so good at creating that vibe and the smell and like the heat. Yeah. 70s. Yeah. But man, I didn't know he partied so hard. No, it was very well done. But it was like, that's another thing. I'm like, how is this motherfucker? He should have been caught.

so quickly. Yeah, that's kind of the... White privilege. That was kind of the mission statement of the... Racism. Yeah, and homophobia for sure. They just did not give gay dudes the time of day. Right, right. You get... Just go in there and... Yeah, because there was literally that one dude who was a minor who, like, was, like, out, like...

like, yo, dude, this dude is fucking torturing me. And then Dahmer was just like, gay stuff. We're just doing gay stuff, man. And they're like, yeah, okay, well,

Okay. Go take that inside. And even the neighbor called and was like, you know that was a minor? And they're like, no, it wasn't. It was crazy. It was crazy. Super crazy. It was so easy to murder back in the day. Not anymore. Not anymore. Well, yeah, of course. Well, no. Now it's very easy. The difference is it used to be like serial killers would just –

go one by one over the course of like 10, 10 years and killed 20 people. Yes. Now they go into a fucking school with the gun. You know what I mean? It's a different, but you're getting caught. I want to go back to the old days. You want to go back? You're getting caught back to the 90s. There was a serial killers. Actually, the heyday really of serial killers was like the seventies and eighties, right? Yeah. Cause you're right. They could get away with more. No, I, you, we don't know. Maybe the 1920s. Come on. There's probably people. That's true. We don't know. Uh,

Year zero. Year one. Not just a good movie. Let us not forget Jack the Ripper. Jack the Ripper, quite the serial killer. From hell. Yes. Yeah. But before all the forensics really kicked in, I mean, what was that show about forensics beginning? Bones. Right.

Wasn't that your show, Bones? No. Bones was really highlighting how fantastic forensic... No, it was a Netflix show. Which one? And it was about... Oh, yes. Fuck. Oh, the Mindhunter, right? Mindhunter. They were the first dudes to be... Well, I guess it wasn't forensics. It was more about the minds of... Psychological killers. And being like, let's put ourselves in the heads of them. The FBI's like, what are you, fucking high? And everyone's like, you fucking weirdo. Why the fuck would you do that? Let's go get some snacks.

Yeah, let's go eat some snacks. But yeah, I mean, you're also, I remember talking about, maybe this was on Workaholics, how we were talking about like the fibers. It's always about just like we found a fiber. And it's the same from like a carpet or whatever. Dude, it's crazy. But that, yeah, that could fuck you too. Sometimes with those fibers, they put the wrong people in the wrong place. It's like, come on now. Yeah. And Adam?

Anything to add to that? Hey, I don't want to frown upon it. Wait, what was it? Well, a frown against... Forensic evidence? You don't want to...

You don't want to frown against it? Listen, Judge, Your Honor, I hate to frown against the fibers, but my boy was not there at that time. My boy was not there. And sometimes he puts the wrong people in the wrong place. Yo, Your Honor, I'm Brozark lawyer. Yeah, exactly. I'm lawyer Brozark. Brozark Esquire.

Coming at you, Florida State Law School, which I'm sure is like a pretty good law school. Pretty good law school. It's fun to say. It's a good punchline. Yeah, you never know. You never know. I never know. Roll up on your jet ski. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

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I wonder what the coolest, because I'm sure in lawyer world, I love when we talk about things we know absolutely nothing about. I'm sure in lawyer world, there is like the party college. You know what I mean? There's like, yes, you will get a law degree, but if you go to Arizona State...

And you get your degree from there, we all know that you are the Brozark lawyer. Smoke weed every day. Maybe, maybe, but I'm pretty sure. But even if you, because they're smart people that fucking party their faces off. You know what I mean? Like, a buddy of mine from high school got a 34 on his ACTs, and if you talked with him, you're like, this guy's thick as fuck. Yeah.

He can't even put a sentence together. And he would just, he drank like a fucking fish. And he was just like a meathead who just like math and science just made sense to him. I'm still going to send it. But that's not a person who's in law school or in getting their doctorate or their master's degree. Usually those people are pretty focused orcs. No, but we should put, let's put out the feelers, the question. If you're a lawyer and you're listening. They're not. Yeah.

There's maybe two to three of them. I know. Maybe. They have long hair for sure. And for sure one of them works for us. Right. And he used to have long hair. Yeah. Shout out to Jeff. He grew it out a little bit. And that was a touch and go for me. I had one foot out the door.

No, but see, if you're an entertainment lawyer, you can have cool long hair. That's true. Because it doesn't matter. But entertainment lawyers, you're never like in front of a judge. That's just reading fucking contracts. And you're also in a band at night. So it's like you're in L.A., you're trying to make it, you're also a lawyer. You know Kiefer Sutherland. Yeah. Like you go out, you hang out with him probably. Thank you. Like that's your crew. Took the words right out of my mouth.

And you say cool shit before he, like, tackles Christmas trees. Like, as your lawyer, I wouldn't suggest you party this hard, but I'm willing to look the other way. Right. And then they just crash their Porsche into another car. Well, Kiefer Sutherland, to explain what Blake's talking about, there's a video that we always watch back in the day of Kiefer Sutherland partying, and he just...

dove into a Christmas tree that was in like a hotel lobby. Yeah. Right. And he was just obviously drunk as shit. Yeah. And people were like, oh, he's out of control. Is he drinking too much? And we were all like, this guy seems like a fun guy to party with. Yeah. We need to get him on Workaholics. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Sometimes you just got to tackle the family Christmas tree. I mean, fucking awesome, right? Yeah. So cool. It's only bad if you're like... And that being said, you don't want... If you're in actual trouble, you don't want your lawyer to dive into a Christmas tree and have long hair. Right. They go pretty hand in hand.

but you do, if he's just an entertainment lawyer or like, yeah, you know, if he's like a, a DUI lawyer where you're like, yeah, you know, so you're equating, uh, the most powerful entertainment lawyers with the DUI lawyers. Well, I think that they could, if they wanted to, they could have, it would be more of a slicked back, long hair vibe, a wet look, a,

A wet look. You would have to have a nice wet look if you're a Hollywood entertainer. Yeah, yeah. Stiffer, wetter. Yeah, we want you dripping, baby. Razor Ramon, rest in peace. Jeez, I really thought that Kyle's message was going to be kind of short and then I could keep throwing to it, but the fact that it's like...

I almost said in the chat, like in our text chain, like, should we edit it down? Like, I thought I could like throw it in and be like, go see. What's the name of the movie? I'm totally fine. You're in the movie. November 2nd. And then like, and then we could continue the conversation. But that was, we can't. Was it two and a half minutes long? It was over two minutes long, right? It's right up there. Should we time it?

Yeah, let it rip. It's way too long. It would never air on television, that length. That would be such an expensive commercial. Okay, ready to hear it?

No. You're going to play it again? Hey, what's up? This is the Arruda Lord. How are y'all doing, TII Nation? Stop. Borders. This is your leader. Don't make me be mean. Don't make me be mean. Just have it just be kind of an accent underneath. Okay, I won't make you be mean. I'll do that only if you let it rip for the rest of the episode. On loop? It's just constantly going, yeah. I could do it. Hey, you'll do that only if you do it.

for the rest of the time that we podcast. The next 1,000 episodes. Oh, damn. That's a new theme song. You have to commit hard, dude.

Wow, dude. Wow, dude. Wow. Okay. Everybody take your pills. Take your chill pills. What did you just put? What did you just put in your mouth? I mean, trail mix over here. Trail mix. What kind? What are you working with? Like the tropical kind that has the little dried mangoes and the pineapples and the chocolate chips. Oh yeah. Look at this guy. Ders. The truck looks like such the guy that like has his trail mix game on lock. You look like human trail mix. No.

Okay. Corp core. Sorry, man. Sorry, man. Didn't mean to uncork that on you, bro. That's fine. Dude, no. Here's what I'm saying. I understand. Go ahead. Adam? I understand what you're saying, and I do get it because der's...

does eat a lot of trail mix he wears Patagonia's yes like that to me kind of goes hand in hand he like if you asked him to go actually hiking he'd show up with the proper equipment to go hiking right right he would have the right shoes he'd be dressed properly he'd have like ventilated shirts with like armpit vents and shit

Yeah. So I understand that he looks like human trolics. When we went to Peru, you were, you were down there. You had to go. When you took me to Peru, baby, I was like, I'm going to gear up for my boy. Yeah, I know. And I, I love that. What, what food am I like? Oh, you're just ham.

Without hesitation, so accurate. Wow, dude. Oh my God. So glazed, so hot. Yeah, honey baked ham, baby. So ham.

God damn. Dude, so spot on. Delicious. Do we do Blake? Because Adam, I feel like we might say the same thing at the same time. What, Airheads? Candy? What? Well, it's close. I was going to say one, two, three, four.

beef jerky. I wouldn't say Blake is beef jerky. Like a Slim Jim out of a gas station? That's me. Maybe a Slim Jim. I know you're a high quality jerky guy. I love jerky. If anything, I thought you were going to say jerky for me. I'm human beef jerky. Fair enough. I come from the Midwest. Ham was close. I thought maybe steak or a beef jerky. But ham, man. Adam hails against the Midwest.

Yeah, no, Airhead actually is pretty accurate, you dumb fuck. Fun dip? Human fun dip? Wee-oo!

That's cool. Fun dip. That's a fun time. It's pretty fun. At first. Cavities. Bad for you. Really bad for you. Rots your teeth. It does not end well. The end of a fun dip is brutal. I would have gone something more California specific. Okay. By way of Iowa.

Stop. Your human guacamole. That's what I would have said. Interesting. Oh, I like that. Goodbye. Like your big old bucket of guac. Is he though? I say guacamole is a little bit more. How do you view it? Not him. Refined, I guess. Not like it's a. Wow. It's expensive. No. Adam's talking about like the gross, like not real avocado guacamole. You are the guacamole like seven hours later when it's all brown. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Okay, what? And like, the good stuff is, you can still go under it, but like, you gotta eat that brown. Hey, don't say what type of guacamole. If I chose guacamole, I get to say what type of guacamole it is. Go ahead, Adam. But I agree with Durst. You are the brown. Fresh at the table El Torito. But I actually do agree with Durst here.

And you are the several hours old, the brown layer. Thank you. Pizza, pizza. Well, George, the reason I called you trail mix is because like trail mix is so good. Trail mix is like,

a very substantial snack. When it's there for you, it can hold you over forever. It's prepared for anything. Good old raisins and peanuts. You're like the friend. You wear layers. Look at you. You have layers on. You can peel down. You always have shoes that are

I love that you said peel down because that's one of my favorite. Like when you get to a certain age, you can't say peel down as like a little kid. But when you get older, you're like, all right, boys, peel down. We're heading out. Come on. I bet you say peel down all the time to your sons. I think I say peel down because I heard Dersay peel down. Yeah. Because I don't think that's from anybody in my family. Huh.

But also, you're always wearing shoes like not like... You never wear like a flat-footed shoe like a van or like a Converse. You always have something that...

is versatile. Big ACG guy. Big Solomon man. Okay, well yeah, I see that for Ders. I see that he is human Tromix. Yeah. Little something, ready to go. And Adam is ham because... Hey, let's break this down, guys. He's got, he's an intense flavor. As soon as you taste it, you know exactly what it is.

Dude. A little sweaty. It's delicious. It is delicious. My God, Hamlet. And you always want more. I like it. It's not necessarily good for you, is it, Adam? It's not always good for you. It's not for everyone. No pork on my fork, brother. Some people hate it. Some people hate it.

Some people don't like it at all. Some people really don't like it. Lame. Some people are... Most people like it. I will be honest. I don't like ham on a breakfast sandwich, but like a slice... That's crazy. Did I stutter? Did I stutter, motherfucker? I like it on Thanksgiving. I like a slice of ham. But on a breakfast sandwich, I'd much rather go bacon or even a patty of sausage, guys.

I'll take you on sausage, but no. I eat ham. I ham a lot. Oh, baby. I have ham often. Yes. They are what you eat. Yes. Whenever I'm eating eggs, I go ham every time. Love it. A constant eating. Ham and eggs. Ham and eggs is... Green eggs and ham? He's a green eggs and ham guy. I'm a green eggs and ham boy. On Netflix. Check it out. It's...

Like the show. Wait, who was talking about Michael Douglas on one of the episodes? Well, I was talking about how I saw him at a party and was too scared to talk to him even though I'm in the show with him. Oh, I was doubling back because I was like, was this before the show or after? And it was after. It was like literally the premiere had just happened. Because you're recording at separate times, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Right. And you didn't want him to be like, fuck off. So I never met him and he was like right there. Yeah, I just... He's just... He's a really scary...

looking person. He's like an intimidating... He's got a strong feature. He's Michael fucking Douglas. Yeah. That's fucking cool. Michael Douglas rocks. He doesn't seem scary. Yes, he does. Michael Douglas does seem scary, dude. He's intimidating and there's a sexual energy. Intimidating, but scary is like

He's fucking Gordon Gekko, dude. He's like an intimidating, scary guy. I mean, not scary. I don't think he's going to fucking murder me. Okay, that explains it, though, because you pulled that real quick, and I don't associate him with that character, like, first things first. That's not what goes up front of my mind. What do you associate him with that's scary? That's scary? Because I feel like he's pretty much a guy in peril.

in a lot of his movies. Wait, which movie is Gordon Gekko? I mean, in Falling Down, Gordon Gekko is Wall Street. Blake's a Falling Down guy. Yes, I'm a 1,000% Falling Down guy. You and me, we're the same. I'm not fucking like you. That movie is so funny. Well, Falling Down, that movie rules. It is. And Robert Duvall is also a really key part of that. I always wanted to see the comedy version. I was always like, I wish this was the same movie

but 30% funnier. I feel like if you watch it now, it's the comedy version of itself. Yeah, dude. Is that right? So the movie Falling Down is about this business guy sort of who's having like... It took itself very seriously. I'm like, I want a movie that like doesn't take itself as serious. But it's a satire. If you...

It has like some... Maybe I should rewatch it. Yeah, it is funny. Well, explain what the movie is, Blake. It's like this dude, I can't remember what his inciting incident is, but he's kind of like... Traffic. He's in traffic. Right. Traffic is the inciting incident. He's middle management. He's sick of not... He's sick of getting left over. He's in a divorce. He might not be seeing his daughter ever again. And so he leaves his car in traffic and sets out to go across Los Angeles to see his daughter. And on the way... And just...

Fucking snacks. Yeah. He's racist, sexist, all sorts of stuff. Yeah. Thinks he has a point. It's definitely a weird movie to watch now because it's just like angry white guy on a, like a shooting rampage. It's right. It's strange. I don't know that I would get green lit without like,

I mean, it tries to say things, but overall, it's kind of like just watching a video game where it's just like a guy going from place to place and being like, you're not going to serve me a breakfast burrito because it's past five o'clock. Right. God, fucking this world sucks. And he just pulls out like a...

oozy or whatever yeah in fact it sounds like they need to make that movie more now than ever before it's very topical i think it's it's happening we don't need the movie the movie it's real yeah it's just the news hey turn on the news it's purely just the news now wait what is what's robert duvall say his like license plate is like justice defense defense that's right yeah and he like puts it together and duvall it's his last day on the force last day he's about to retire and he's like oh shit i'm

I gotta solve this one. And the wife's like, just come home. Please. Just retire. She kills it. She kills it. Baby, I can't. I can't. Oh, wow. You have a Duval? Yeah. Hello. So wait. So that's where you know Michael Douglas from. And he's a lunatic in that movie.

Pretty intimidating. He's kind of just like one of my scary uncle, so I'm like accustomed to that. Yeah, huh. Uh-huh. Okay. And then what other movies would you really know him from? The Game. The Game? He's pretty fucking intimidating in that movie. Basic Instinct. That's actually a great question. What the hell do I know Michael Douglas from? Romancing the Stone? Come on. Well, we just named like eight movies. Please name a movie he's not in. None of those...

Like, are the ones where I'm like, yeah, that's where I know Michael Douglas from. What the hell? Well, maybe he's just one of those guys that slipped through the cracks for you and he's been famous forever. Would you let Michael Douglas slide through the cracks? I would. I know my mom thought he was hot. Speaking of, is there any take backs, apologies, epic giveaways? I know who I'm giving flowers to. Huh? Mikey D? Mikey D? No, and actually, I've already forgotten it, but I said it earlier in the podcast. Oh.

Oh, man. That's cool. No. I'm pretty stoned, admittedly. All right. Nice, dude. The can is working. Remember when I said I was going to get flowers? I was like, I'm going to get flowers for that. Yeah, kind of. So long ago now. I know. It was probably like 35 minutes ago. You're going to start talking about other episodes. Dang. Dang.

Sorry, man. You want to think of one? Here's some flowers. And this is safe flowers because I heard he just passed Leslie Jordan. You guys familiar? Yeah, Leslie Jordan. The actor. Short little southern guy of Ski Patrol fame, Will and Grace fame. Like a total one-of-a-kind iconic dude where you're like, oh, that guy. He was actually super good at social media too. All his posts were like, will brighten your day. He got...

like Instagram famous during the pandemic people were like who is this guy that's right yeah and it's like he's a famous actor he's been around forever yeah just passed R.I.P. R.I.P. flowers to him well I guess I'll give flowers any giveaways?

I'll give away a shout out to Kyle for I'm Totally Fine in theaters November 2nd. Well, I would listen to the recording, but it's very long. I'm in it. We don't want to listen to it again. Blake's in the movie without his hair. Watch it. Tell us what you think. Yeah, I'm excited to be a part of it. And it's cool that it's going to be, what did Kyle say? It's in some movie theaters. So if it's around you. Select. Yeah, select.

Not some. Some means that they couldn't get into the ones that they wanted. It's in select. Select, baby. He choice picked these theaters. Yeah. Yes, it's in some select theaters. And then if you need to know how to see the movie, I think Kyle gave a very long explanation. So go ahead. And he'll do it again. He's like, open up Google. And then there's a search engine. And then you take your cursor and you click on it.

Get yourself a MacBook. What's up? This is the Arugulord. How are y'all doing, TII Nation? Shout out to Internet Explorer. Get on there if you got a PC. I love it. Internet Explorer. Is that still around? I'll never know. There's no way to tell. And that was another episode of... This is Important.

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