Ep 111: The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade vs AVN Awards
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And I was like, I'm going to shit on the cop car. I got my 10,000 hours and then come. Funny anal cream pie. I'm starting to chunk. I'm starting to chunk, guys. Let's go. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You guys want some cookies? Actually, yes, I do. Yes, I agree. Thank you, God. I love cookies. I love cookies so fucking much. Should we talk about God this episode the whole time? God? The big guy? One up to the big guy? God talk? Did you find him?

Did I find him? We're finally going to do God talk? Thank God. Throw one up to the big guy, you know? Oh my God! Should we give a shout out and a kudos at the end of the episodes? Let's give a kudos. Should we give a big shout out and a takeaway to God? What a baller. A takeaway? Yeah, what are you taking away? A takeaway and kudos? What show are you on now?

Sorry. I'm talking about my other podcast called Isn't That Something? Isn't That Something? Isn't That Something? The joke is that the most of the stuff we talk about isn't something. Isn't That Something? It is pretty funny and clever. A little kudos for God. Kudos to the big guy. What's up, buddy?

What do you guys, do you think, what if God was one of us? Damn. Just a slob like one of us? Dude, if he was a slob like me, that'd be insane. Like a stranger on the bus trying to find his way home? Damn. Man. I know how to play that guitar. I can play that on the guitar. So, speaking of God, last week he took

Gallagher from us. Leo Anthony Gallagher Jr. Which is his full name. What is it? Leo Anthony Gallagher Jr. was his full name. Leo? Yeah, he's saying Leo. Leonardo. Is it short? Leo Anthony Gallagher Jr. was his full name. Was he Italian? I don't know. He looked Italian. You guys, remember what I said? This is why he probably got, that's why he brought Ninja Turtles to us.

Because his name was Leonardo, dude. His name was Leo? Yeah, he felt a... You know what I mean? He found it on himself. Wait, why do you... His name is Leo, not Leonardo. But you can extract Leonardo out of that, right? No. Leo isn't a name. Of course. Leo is not a name. It's always short for Leonardo. No, it's not. It's short for Leon. It's short for all sorts of stuff. You're saying they're just chopping off one letter. They're chopping off an N. Is that unheard of?

I'm trying to think of another name that does it. But Kyle, why do you say he brought us Ninja Turtles? What is making you say that? Why do you keep saying that week to week? Well, look, Teddy Spencer, friend of the pod. Hell yeah. And I were, we made a movie together. And during the time that we were just chilling, he was doing a lot of research on Gallagher. As one does. Okay. Yeah. Just, we were going down a Gallagher hole where it was like, Oh, this guy Gallagher, Gallagher two.

His whole drama with his brother. And then one of the stories that came out was that he kicked it with fucking Eastman and Laird and was one of the first champions of the Ninja Turtle film. Okay. What does that even fucking mean? That's not fucking rocket science. Like, yeah, you guys should do a movie. He did a hit cartoon and was like, you should do a movie. The hit cartoon, the fucking hit comic book. He's like, what about him?

No. Okay. So hold up because I see, I don't think I have it right, but I think it's human. We need to get answers on this. And I apologize. I don't have the answers because it might've been the. Okay. Hey, that's all right. No, you brought it up. Have the answer. Well, it might've been the cartoon. What came first? I don't know. I don't know. I put it on Kyle, you know, and I'm sorry I did that, Kyle. Yeah.

I should have known you wouldn't have the answers. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. Go ahead. You can lay into me. The cartoon was first. The cartoon was way first. What do you mean first? Before the movie? Yeah, absolutely. Let's see what Gallagher's involvement was. Let's go to seeker.com here.

Let's see here. What's Gallagher? He's a seeker boy. Seeker and ye shall find. Here's the question. Will Ron Gallagher, his twin brother, who Gallagher sued, I believe he sued his brother, correct? For taking his act and going on the road with it? This is great drama. I think he sold him his act.

And then he kept doing it past the... There was a deal in place, I believe. Go ahead. Oh, okay. It's all so weird. Yeah, I wish I knew more about this. It's all so weird. Because they looked so similar, right? They both looked very much the same. So now is Ron going to go back out on the road? He could. I would in a heartbeat. Is he alive? Yeah, I believe so. Yeah, now he's free of litigation, so he could actually take the show out. I'll have my long-haired lawyers take a look at it. You know what I mean?

I know your lawyer. He has short hair. Just for clarity, clarification, Gallagher got the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie made. And how? So it was the movie. I don't know, but I'm at least zeroing in on that. I'm sorry. That was the only clear thing about what you were saying before. Yeah, what do you mean? Well, no, Blake said cartoon, and I said I wasn't sure about cartoon or not. I wasn't sure which one it was. No, no, no. I wasn't saying cartoon.

Gallagher got the cartoon made I said it wasn't rocket science to make a movie because there was already a humongous hit cartoon yeah if he was just a fan of it and he just were to say well that's not a dig to me you're a fucking disaster my guy you're a disaster

Are you trying to dig on me? Cause that's us. That's falling right off me, bro. That's going straight to Gallagher in the grave, man. You're saying what he did was nothing. No, man, I'm coming at you, brother. Gallagher's gone. You're in my sights right now. Okay. But that's not even directed at me. You're saying what Gallagher did wasn't shit. And why does that affect me? Are you trying to just eat this off your plate here?

I just want to make sure that Blake knows what he's doing is dissing dead Gallagher right now. I am not doing that. You are. How dare you? That's what you're doing. Please don't diss dead Gallagher. Please don't diss dead Gallagher. It's rough. It's rough to hear, and I want to make sure that we're clear on what's happening. I would never do that. We're clear already. I would never do that. Okay, good. Thank you, Anders. I trust that. Well,

This is unbelievable. Our producers just sent us an article and the headline is G true Hollywood story as in like Gallagher. But like, I'm not reading it based on the headline. There was a whole network dedicated to Gallagher and we're just figuring it out. The G entertainment channel. Oh my God. People might not even know who Gallagher is. Gallagher. They for sure don't.

If you know what the word yeet means, you don't know who Gallagher is. You might not know who Gallagher is. You might not know who Gallagher is. If you just had to burn 16 pairs of Yeezys, you don't know who Gallagher is. Oh, no.

You want to touch that one? I love that they stopped selling Yeezys, right? Oh, here we go. But now they're going to just take the name off of the shoe and still sell the exact same shoe? Yeah. Correct. That's what it sounds like. I don't think anyone's going to. It's double problematic. Well, everyone knows that they were ugly, bad shoes to begin with. They were fucking disgusting. I hated them. Yeah, they were terrible.

I hated yeezus. Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Guys, guys, guys. Yes, okay. I agree with you except for one pair of the wave runners are sick. Okay. But they were...

huge for a generation below us there's no denying that but here's here's the rub for me yeah yeah they're the the dumbest generation i think a generation of us as well you're claiming the generation below us is the dumbest generation yeah fuck them dude no i'm saying that they like i'm saying that they're not dumb they like bad shoes but adam's saying adam's adam's on that yes i say they have bad style dude

The weird thing about hanging on to the designs and still selling them is that the kids who still rock with Kanye are like, well, now the name's not on them, so they're not as cool. Yes. And then the people who don't rock with him are like, but they were designed under his name originally, so I'm not going to buy them. Yes. So no one's going to buy them. What are they doing? Okie dokie. So why not just cease production and start on something else? Because they like the money. They like the money.

They will. They will. I don't think it's going to. It's not a strong move. No. Yeah, I don't think they're going to do it. I don't think they're going to make the shoe anymore. Yeah, but the Wave Runners are sick. I think Yeezys are dead. Well, they are currently making the shoe. That's what the big announcement was that they're going to keep selling them without the Yeezy name. Right, but they could do another announcement. They love announcements. Well, I got to see it to believe it. Oh, yeah. It's a conspiracy theory. I think so. Yeah. Oh, boy. Hey, what happened? Listen to me.

Blake has fallen down a rabbit hole. They're actually not making them. No, I actually bought a pair after they're no longer easy. No, not real. Those aren't real. Earth's flat. I do want to hear Blake after watching all the interviews back to back to back to back. What's your take then? What's your take? With Kanye? No, no, no.

Okay. Take on what? Take on me. I feel a little backed into a corner. I don't know what's going on. You know I'm about to sing that on the Macy's Day Parade. Take on me. Are you? Wait. You're going to sing that? I thought you were singing Loved Balloons. I'm singing Take on Me with a mashup of...

90 noise is balloons. Right. That song is good. I love both bangers. That's exciting news. And those are both bangers. Can you hit that high note, though, for take? I was going to ask the same question. No, Sarah Highland is taking that high note. Hello. Oh, wow. She's a singer. I mean, I know she's on the show, but she's also an accomplished singer. That's cool. Yeah, she's great. She's like wildly talented at singing. I had no idea because, you know, like really you just like you're like, yeah, yeah, we have good chemistry. We've worked together before.

she'll be a great addition to the show. Right. On a little show called... Bumper in Berlin, the spinoff show I did about my character from the Pitch Perfect movies. Fish Perfect. And it's... Pitch Perfect. And it's coming out November 23rd, only on Peacock. Perfect. Dude, Peacock is fucking killing it. That's my favorite streamer right now. Okay. I love that you love it. Wow, they overtook HBO? Uh...

They're neck and neck. Okay. But Peacock just has too many funny shows. I love that. What makes you love Peacock so much? MacGruber, Girls 5 Ever. Bumper in Berlin. The Jack Knight Show. Sorry, I can't remember the name of it. But that show was super funny. Bust Down. Bust Down. Bust Down, yep. Super funny. Sam Jay's on that. They're taking big swings, dude. Yeah!

Yeah. They're still doing hard comedy. I like that. Yeah, I think that's – NBC is known for having funny sitcoms. They want to get back to that, I think. Totally. And they're taking swings, though. They're actively trying to – yeah, they're taking swings, which is cool. Hold on, though. Adam, you're performing purple.

Performing at the Thanksgiving parade like Macy's? Dude, it's crazy. I had no idea. You're on a float? I'm on a float. I'm on the peacock float. That's insane. I'm on a float. Thank you. Hey, shout out to Lonely Island. There's like an 80-foot giant peacock floating above me. Dude. The stage is absolutely insane. There's 3.5 million people along the parade route, which is a crazy number. And then...

50 million plus people watch it live. Right. Yeah, dude, that is just on in the background. I've watched that shit every year. It's just, you put that on. It's wild. I literally have never seen it. I,

I've never seen it. I know that it's a thing. My family doesn't do it. You just keep it on in the background. It's hilariously kind of weird. I mean, I think it's super dope that you're doing it, but when you watch it, it's like... No, it's epic. And up next, we've got this float and they stop and perform and then it's like a super duper commercial brought to you by Cottonelle poo poo paper. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, no doubt. Tyke, butthole. I have no idea. I did not know it was such a big thing, but... Oh, yeah. But, yeah, we're doing it. Dude, Snoopy, the MetLife Snoopy? Are you going to meet him? Oh, yes, dude. I probably will meet Snoopy, yeah. The MetLife Snoopy. Dude, Kyle, he might shake his hand, Kyle. That'll be his story about shaking hands. Dude, that'll be amazing.

Dude, if you meet Snoopy. Snoopy rocks. Snoopy does rock. And I'll be like, hey, this is a cool cartoon. You guys should do like a movie. Have you ever thought about doing live action Snoopy? Yeah. Diss to Gallagher. It's another diss to Gallagher. And then 40 years from now, when I pass away, someone will be doing their version of a podcast. Yeah. Isn't that something? Yeah. Isn't that something takes off? After the grave. What do you mean takes off? Post-death diss. Yeah.

Okay, come on, man. I can't wait. That's what's going to happen. You get your post-death disses, bro. Yeah, but it's cool. We're going to be in New York doing that over Thanksgiving. Right, right.

my family's coming out they're gonna come they uh peacock gave me like a hilarious sweet nice yeah that that is gonna be so funny to see my parents who like hate anything uh nice nice yeah we don't need this because they're just you know they're middle class uh midwestern people they're like we don't need this fine without it's gonna be so funny to like order room service and

have my parents look at that bill and be like, they're not going to leave the room for sure. I'm not signing that. No way. No bullshit. We're going on a walk to get some eggs. Yeah, I got spaghetti. This is not the cost of spaghetti. They've been in New York, right? They've been in New York. They have been in New York, but this is they like it and they think it's cool. Yeah, but I think it's yeet.

I've put them up in a hotel, but this hotel that they're putting us up is in Midtown, and it's super gaudy and bougie as fuck. Bad and bougie. Which I'm very excited for them to be a part of. Tell me they're going to be at the plaza. Tell me they're at the plaza. No, we're at the palace. That'll be a blast. That'll be a blast.

The palace. You're going to love the way you look. I'm going to come. It's all gold, everything. Is the plaza, the plaza is like from movies and stuff, right? Yeah, I mean, it's from Home Alone 2. Dunstan Checks In. Are we talking Dunstan Checks In? You are. No, we're talking Home Alone 2. We're talking Home Alone 2, not Dunstan Checks In. Well, let me know when we're talking Dunstan Checks In. Okay, and you know what? Here it is. We're home.

And the Palace, I believe, is the same hotel that they put us up in in the intern. Isn't that right, Ders? Yes. Yes. Oh. And then there's like, they're putting us in a 2,500 square foot, two bedroom penthouse. Awesome. At that hotel. That's life. So it's going to be so dumb. That's crazy. Yeah, it's cool. What hotel was Dunstan Checks in? Hey, Adam, really cool. Yeah.

I don't know, Blake. I feel like this is something that you could get on seeker.com and check out. Yeah, why don't you seeker that shit, dude? Don't you remember we watched the bonus features of that? They said where they shot it. It was somewhere. At Dunstan? Yeah, Dunstan checks in on the bonus features. It's Dunstan. You keep saying it wrong. It's not Dustin. It's not actually work with that monkey. You don't remember that? What is this movie? I'm talking about a gay porno called Dunstan checks in. Oh, this ain't Dunstan checks in? Oh.

Oh, that was at the Plaza? That one was shot at the Plaza. Oh, wait. So Blake on our group chat just found that they do a porno parody of Kyle's show, What We Do in the Shadows. Yes. And what was the name of it? It was How We Fuck in the Shadows. That's pretty good. It was super dope, dude. That's pretty good. I'm still going to send it. Did you watch it? How We Fuck in the Shadows.

No, I didn't watch it. I looked at, I was kind of hoping it was going to be more character based and more show based. But they were just, they were kind of like just playing like vampires, like Bram Stoker and stuff. So it wasn't really a direct rip from the show, except for the title, you know? And I'm like, that's cool. That sucks. That sucks. They phoned it in. Kyle, if the money was right, would you direct the, like the porno awards, whatever those are called?

What are they called? The AVNs or whatever. The AVNs. Would you be the director of the AVNs? I doubt it. I don't. Because I remember like Dave Attell hosted them one year and I was like, whoa, all right. I mean. Yeah. The check must have been right. I don't know, man. Live shows are stressful, dude. And when you're. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a lot of moving parts. Literally. You're telling me. Yeah.

I'm moving parts. Yes, points! I don't know if I could do it under that stress. Yes, points! Everybody's watching. It's like all my best heroes are there. That'd be rough, dude. All these icons of the industry out there and they're going to be judging. I feel like we missed our wave to go to AVN. To go to them? I feel like we missed it and we could be right back there if we wanted to. I think we could loop right back.

back. Yeah, that's an easy jog back. We can still go. I just don't think it's like as good of a look. I think you're missing my point. I think we, the window of this, hang on, the window of them wanting us to be there, we missed, but the window of us ending up being there, we missed.

It's very much still in play. Wide open. Wait, did you see fucking Blake from Oaxaca seat filling? Yeah, he's filling something. That's how you got in. Hey, Blake, you have to do the Hollywood Minute. Let people know what a seat filler is. Now we're back. Ooh, and we're back to the Hollywood Minute. Hollywood Minute with Blake Anderson. I feel like people already know this one, but basically at a board show. See, that's because you're so inside. Go ahead.

At award shows, to make the audience look full, they'll have seat fillers in the wing. And it's basically people who are hired for very little money to just sit in the seats of A-list stars when they go off to use the bathroom. When they go 10-1. When they go 10-1. When they're going 10-1 or 10-2. When they go to take a 10-minute piss. Why don't we do like a pop quiz? Like, now, if you listen last week and they go to the bathroom, what are we going to call that? Slide into my DMs with your answer. Ding, ding, ding, ding. We're back.

Yes, points. We got to think these things through. We got to start thinking these things through, man. This is called segments. This is what people like. No, dude. As soon as people realize that we've thought about the podcast even a little bit, they'll smell it. They'll smell it and be like, oh, but this isn't natural, dude. They've planned things. They have pre-planned this. Cut to commercials. These guys are whack.

Right.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. I'm not looking up the AVN award categories. What do I think? This is a good one. Wow, there's so many now. You know what? Everybody gets a trophy. Everyone gets a trophy. Everybody gets a trophy. Wait, wait. Blake, you just said there's so many now? Compared to when?

Well, Durs, I used to watch it. Durs, I used to watch it. It was like a two-hour program. Now those were like six hours. They just go. You used to watch it? Yeah. I've watched it before. I've never seen it. You've never watched the ABN Awards? No. Where do you even watch it at? I think it's on HBO. It used to be on Showtime or something like that. Yeah, it was like pretty fun time. I bet. Yo, there's 100 categories. Oh, here's some. You got the categories, Durs? I got them all. I'm going to start from the...

I'm going to start from the bottom because the first ones are like actor, actress, supporting actor. But then at the bottom. Sure, sure, sure, sure. By the way, I don't know the 2021 and 2022 winner. Yeah, it's lost its loose. Yeah, it's lost the juice. You're falling out, bro. I don't I don't know them. Yeah, falling off. This is so embarrassing for me.

That you don't know these people? That I don't know. Hang on. These are the categories. You're so busy on your Thanksgiving floats that you've completely lost sight of what makes you you. Yeah, what's actually important. This is where we started. Yeah. What's actually important in your life. Oh, I'm sorry.

This giant corporation That shit's important Is putting you up at the palace You and your family up at the palace hotel I need to go back to my roots Get on the laptop Sorry if I'm real quiet We've lost Ders He's so deep I'm mad

I'll say a couple and then I have a legit question. There's MILF performer of the year. You said MILF or milk? MILF. MILF, okay. Milking table. Best sex comedy. Best sex comedy. Who's winning that? I'm sorry, mom. How are we fucking the shadows? Let's get it there. Now, here's a question. I know it's probably not a good look, but it would be very fun for us to write

a hardcore porno and have it be the funniest porno that has ever existed and then we would win an avian award i don't think you realize who you're up against have you seen ven come it's really funny the venom parody i actually don't think you can i don't think you can actually stack up against that i don't think it would work you don't think we would have a shot no

No. We'd have a shot. I'm living in a nightmare. I think Adam's right. I think, of course, we would have a shot. I think we would have a shot. Not even close. Here's an adjacent question to this. There is a best gay solo video, which I assume is just a J-O vid. It has to be, right? Do you think you could put something together? Or a plug. Sure, but that'd be all. It's all part of it. It's all part of it. Okay, Kyle. Yeah, he really...

Hang on, guys. This is important. Really went hard on that. Literally. Yeah, no, Ders wants to get serious for the first time on the bot. Do you think you could make a competing solo video that would actually contend for best gay solo video?

No. Well, no. No, these are the best in the world. Probably not, because I bet you have to be able to bend your dick back and put it in your own asshole. That was my first thought as well, but I think you have to even get past that. Yes, I bet you have to do like...

weird things that we wouldn't even be able to physically be able to do. Yeah. I'm like, speak for your smell. This is a performance piece. This, this is a, this is a performance piece. It's not necessarily about what you can and can't do. This is a performance piece. Uh,

Well, if it's a performance piece, then hell yeah. Then I would win. And by the way, why is it best gay solo? If you're solo. Yeah. How do you, what constitutes gay about being solo? What's, what's gay about it? You have to talk about sucking a dick. If you talk about sucking a dick, are you gay or do you actually have to do it?

No. Thank you. Okay, good, good. Thank you. Yeah, that's not. That's not. That's not. Good. I just needed to. Thank you. There's probably some plugging going on. There's probably some, like, you know, like some fellatio on toys. And then there's probably some J-O-ing. I don't know if I'm guessing. You don't know? Yeah. That all seemed very specific to not know. Have you seen Dustin Checks In?

It's really good. I bet he checks in. I bet he checks. He checks out. Dustin never checks out to even think that we could get close to being the winner in any of these categories that you mentioned is insane. I mean, obviously comedy is the one we're going for. These are the best in the world, dude. This is like when you guys said that there's literally no way that we could go pro in any sport ever. If we dedicated, it was something crazy, like five years to it.

And Durr's hard stance it and said that there's literally no way that we could do it. And it's offensive to people that for professional yo-yoing that we couldn't get that good. I actually now I didn't see his point on that until now. And now I understand. But this is where you're wrong, Kyle, because I've been doing this for 41 years.

You've been having solo sessions? For 30 years, I don't know. I'm ready to go. I got my 10,000 hours and then come. That's true. You're practiced. You are practiced. I hear that. I hear that. Look at how everyone is looking at something. Adam and Dirk are looking at shit on their laptops right now.

I've never seen you guys so focused on the podcast. The font is very small. It's absurd to me that you guys don't think that we would have a shot winning best sex comedy. I think we would. I'm on your side. Yes, okay, because the comedy... I don't know.

The comedy, we would do very well. The sex, admittedly, we would need some help. But we're all connoisseurs. I thought you said kind of sewers. I don't think we need to be performers. We could be producers and writers and directors. We're not in it. We're all kind of sewers. We're definitely on set. We're on set. Kyle, you are directing. We're at the monitor. Let's get back. This is a bonus Hollywood Minute. The monitors...

Are the little TVs that you watch that the cameras are actually filming, so you're watching it in real time? No, cameras are not filming the monitors. It's the image that the cameras are recording. Yeah. No, they're showing what you're filming. It's so you can monitor what it's filming. It's so you can monitor what's being filmed. Hollywood Minute. That was the Hollywood Minute.

There's a bunch of weird ones here, like best unsung starlet of the year. Like, what does that even mean? I get that. That's like, you know, the girl next door type thing where you're like, you know what? Give her a shot. She got destroyed on that one.

No, I think that's like she's not getting the attention she deserves. She's like really putting in. Yeah, which is like a weird award to give. Like, well, why not? I feel like I just said that. No, you said girl next door. Right. Yeah, the girl next door. But like the full on like porned out like they're sung for. No, I'm not saying it's a girl's next door. I'm saying this is a person who is really like fucking a lot of people a lot.

All the time. Oh, you're saying like the effort. Like, hey, you know. Yeah, like they're putting in a lot of hours and no one's watching their videos. Ours are yours. It's the unsung starlet of the year. Mine.

On song. She's on song. It doesn't need to be girl next door. She could be doing some dastardly things. No, but I guess I'm just saying it's somebody who's kind of under the radar. Like girl next door, I guess is what I meant. Under the radar as opposed to fully out there porn star looking. Girl next door means something different to me.

This is like breakout, right? Like unsung starlet is a breakout. No, I think it could even be someone who's been, it's been going on for a while. Why had unsung is what he's saying. Yeah. Well, like why unsung? I don't know. What does unsung mean? I don't know. Sorry. I can't contribute. Why breakout? What does she need to break out of?

Acne? Oh, yeah. When you get close, some of the acne is... There's a lot. You know what, dude? Directing this... This would be a long... Blake's right. This would be long as fuck. These are a lot of categories, dude. I'm telling you. It is. It's a three-hour show. The award show has gotten so long, man. It's just... Speaking of so long...

It's so long. I got to go. I don't even know how you would conceptualize this. See, I'm not the guy for this. No. This is too much. Kyle, I feel like you know your name's on the short list every year to be the guy. You know that to be true. Wow. If I fell that out, that would definitely change.

It would be an honor. Yeah, that would change my whole thing. If there's one thing I know, it would be an honor. It would be an honor to be asked. It would be an honor. Just to get the knob. Yeah, you just want the knob. You just want the knob. The knob. Just to know I was taught. You got the knob. The knob. Yeah, it's not a nod. It's the knob. The knob. So in a sex comedy, though, is the comedy coming from the actual sex or the things between the sex? The bloopers. Both? Oh, is it just like every year is just a blooper reel that wins? Oh, gosh. The blooper reel...

reels are bad. No, no, no, no. I think it's got to be funny. It's got to be funny, right? It's funny. It's funny scripts. It's like funny script writing. Well, where are these pornos? I feel like I would watch more. Adam, your algorithm just doesn't go there. You'd watch more?

I'd watch more. How? Well, you can look up funny on Pornhub. The gigs and the ha-ha? The chucks? The gigs? You can throw funny in there when you're doing a search. Ah, see? I don't put in funny often enough. He's looking for a chuck in a jail. Come on. Dramatic. Dramatic.

I always look up drama blowjobs. No, you should definitely start integrating just whatever you look up, like continue to look it up, but just throw funny. Yeah. Well, no, I normally don't do funny. I usually put in funny facial compilation. Funny gagging. I've usually put in dramatic blowjobs. Do not comment. Sure. Dramatic. Dramatic. Dramatic. Dramatic Oscar. Funny anal cream pie. Right. Yeah.

I'm just ad-funny. It's going to be hilarious. I mean, now I want to do it. Well, now I want to watch porno. Guys, you want to take a quick break? You want a 10-4? I got to go 10-2. I got a 10-4. Roger that. Copy that. I just want to party. Copy that. I got a 10-6.5. Never mind. Forget it. Oh, man.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, look at the award is two people embracing. Kissing. What? Standing up. Yeah, the award itself of the Avian. I like that. I like that embrace of this. You're saying the actual trophy is two people embracing? The trophy is like an abstract piece of art that looks like it should be in a museum.

It's beautiful. And it's got two people hugging, like the shape of them made out of gold. They're hugging? Hugging and they're kissing too. I'm pretty positive they're hugging and they're kissing at the same time. Okay.

I'm into this. I'm into this trophy, though. Oh, wait. Hey, real quick. This is news for Adam, because you've told your Peter North story on the podcast, right? Adam moved to L.A., recognized a guy, thought he was like an actor, and it was Peter North of porno fame who's like, yeah, I'm an actor. You might recognize me from porno. And Adam's like, oh, yeah, no, no. I heard...

the other day that he was like a switch hitter. Like he did gay porno and straight porno. I didn't recognize him from the other stuff. You didn't see Dustin Jackson? It's fine. I just want to know. Best solo. Best solo gay. I didn't. That's a whole fascinating... Because you're like, oh, I know this guy as maybe my favorite penis. Solid. Definitely my favorite...

cum shots yeah yeah and he's got this whole other lifestyle that i didn't even know about other life admittedly it's a much worse gig i feel to be on the male side of really because you i feel like a lot of those guys have to have to do both you can be way more famous you get paid way more yeah do you yeah yeah i think they do they get paid way more yeah because you're like a uh you're more sought after like i don't care who's fucking these people

As far as the girls, I'm like, oh, sure. She's cute. I remember her. All right, cool. Just like on the gay side, they'd be like, I want to see that guy. I don't care about the guy. I don't know. That's where Blake differs. Yeah. Who's your guy then? If you do or don't care. Zip it. You still elect Steel Girl?

By the way, the laugh makes it way weirder. Yeah, it's tripping me out. Way weirder, dude. What's the bald guy? Oh, Sims. Yeah, I'm here. But I don't even know what you guys are talking about at this point. I got to plead the fifth. I kind of got lost, too. Are you still a B-Pumper guy? You still a B-Pumper guy? B-Pumper, Johnny Sims. I think you know. How did it go from me singing at the Macy's Day Parade to this? Yeah.

You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. It got too wholesome. It's like you have to have each side. If it goes really wholesome on this side, we have to balance that shit out. Yeah, it's like, I'm taking my family. We're going to do this funny thing. It's going to be so cute. Oh, you know what's funny? Yeah. Most pornos. Exactly. Yeah. Hardcore pornos also funny. I'm going to be so wholesome. I'm going to hang out with my family. Let me take this. I'll circle back to take on me. If you go on YouTube and definitely use secret to find this. Yes.

There's a take on me acoustic from just a few years ago that like the lead singer from the band does. And I thought it was going to be like not great. It's un-fucking-believable. The dude still can hit the notes. And I feel like I might have even talked about this before.

Who is this guy? This isn't the basis of Wheatus Matthew Milligan? No, no, no. I said aha, Todd. Why are you coming at me? Aha. Todd, why are you coming at me? Did you? I don't know if you did. Aha. I don't think you did. They're Norwegian and I look like one of the dudes in it. Do you? We'll post that picture right now. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Do you?

Todd, will you Google images, aha, and then you'll see the guy I look like and the dude's... Morton Harkett? Not the main singer, the other dude. It's not Horton Market? It's not Morton Harkett. Aha, man. Also, what a name. Dude, you Norwegians and your names, dude. You guys have... Yeah, you guys got some gnarly names. Morton. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I've never even heard that before. That's incredible. Stakes. Okay. This guy looks like me...

He looks more like me than I do. Who is this? It's a guy from the band A-Ha. Do you think it's... Is it Magna for Holman? You got that name. Oh, shit, dude. It might be my uncle. Oh. Oh, my God. Related. Related.

Related. Oh, boy. We're off the rails. Oh, man. I'm starting to chunk. I'm starting to chunk, guys. Kyle's out. Damn. I'm chunking over here. My internet is fucked up. Okay, here we go. Oh, yeah, dude. No, no. Different photo. There's a better photo. You do look like this guy, but this looks like...

A mixture of you and your brother. This is a mixture of you and Oli, I feel. But yeah, he's in the fam. We'll post the picture for everybody listening. Let me look at this. Let me see this. Where are you guys looking at this shit? It's in the chat. It's the link right there in the chat, Blake. You know how Zoom works. We've been doing this for fucking two and a half years. This is good radio. Fuck off, man.

Yeah, I guess he kind of looks like you. No, it's not that. He looks like you. You look like him. You guys are the same. I'm telling you, there's a fucking photo that's crazy. I have it right here. I just don't know how to share it. Well, show me on your camera. Show me on your camera. Yeah, come on, Dirk. Just show it to the camera. I can't. I'm on the computer that has the camera.

But you thought you had it on your phone. I'll do it on the phone. Okay. Please hold everybody. Hey, everyone. I'll be chunking. What's the name of the band? What?

Early apology over here. Okay. Kyle, early apology. I'm chunking. Early apology. I'm chunking pretty bad. I gotta look at this picture. You're not chunking. You're not chunking. Can you see this? Anders? Yeah. Uh-huh. I mean, Anders, that kind of looks like you. Also, look at the reflection. Look at all the porno he has on his laptop. Oh! Oh!

I mean, yeah, he does look very similar to you. He has a stronger jaw. His jaw is a little stronger than you. We see you and hear you just fine. Kyle just left. Kyle just left the podcast. We don't know what happened. That's on Anders, man. He's scared of it.

Oh, Kyle has to leave, so he is pretending to chunk. Okay, that's what Anna, producer, just said, that Kyle has to leave, so he's pretending to chunk. Okay. Now we're back in our rhythm. Wow. Okay, so. Thank God. Lost the dead weight. Speaking of queso, who's hungry? Finally, this sports car can get up to full speed. Here we go. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Any takeaways? Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

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Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. It's my birthday, or it was my birthday a few weeks ago. We are celebrating it now at Medieval Times tonight. You guys are coming down and we're going to go to Medieval Times. Yes, I'm excited. I think...

Zach, my friend, I'm doing it as a co-birthday with my friend Chelsea, Zach's wife. And I think they're going to let us sword fight or something. We're going to get to go down. Dot the fuck up. You're cable guy now? I think so. I think I might get to joist...

joust joust yeah you're gonna joust you're gonna call and joust it i'm gonna call and joust you're gonna joust chelsea we're gonna joust each other yeah i think so so i gotta make sure i strap on the the back brace because this is gonna get violent uh yeah no dude have you ever watched or blue night going down down down down down going down yeah we'll see wait have you ever seen like jousting like have you been or you haven't been to a rent fair and watched it right

No, I haven't. It's fucking... It's intense, dude. Yeah, yeah. There's no doubt about it. Well, we'll see. We'll see what... I mean, we'll see. You're gonna break your back, dude. No, dude. I mean, remember Andy Dick in Cable Guy? He's like, fucking be careful. I don't think this guy's fucking around. Yeah, dude. God, that movie's so good. Andy Dick. I don't want to give flowers, but...

Oh, yeah. That's a really... I don't want to jinx anything. That's a dangerous flower. Those are dangerous flowers to give. Yeah, that's a really dangerous flower. We're scared to give flowers now because it does seem like every time we give flowers, someone perishes. Every time we mention someone on the podcast, they end up dying. Yeah, it's basically an Are You Afraid of the Dark episode. Our podcast is...

This is important. Dude, she lived in the basement. Cool story. When's the last time you guys been to Medieval Times? It's been like a long... Durs, have you ever even been? I've never been because of this. Somebody... So like in seventh grade, you got to go. And it was like half the grade went the first Tuesday and then the other half went on the Thursday. But somebody took like a shit like...

You know, one of those things where like a middle school rumor, I don't know what happened, but somebody took like a dookie in the hallway and then like we didn't get to go. We were like banned.

In the hallway of Medieval Times or of your school? No, like not in a bathroom. They took a shit out in the open or something. At Medieval Times. At Medieval Times. They got medieval with it. Oh, dang, dude. Yeah, that seems like par for the course. Hey, it seems like that should be encouraged. Yeah, that should be frowned against. Also, we were supposed to go to Abe Lincoln's house, but some dude kicked the door open.

Abe Lincoln's door off the hinges because like a teacher said some shit and then we couldn't go to that either wait what was the place Abe Lincoln your school was wild dude yeah trifling um Abe Lincoln's house like the Abraham Lincoln house oh no shit and he's from Evanston Illinois no no he's from Illinois and we would take like the trip down to Springfield or some shit oh Springfield yeah that sounds real yeah

What's his house? Just like a little ass log cabin or something? I'm sure it's a log cabin, but I wouldn't know because somebody kicked the fucking door off the hinges. Because somebody kicked the door off the hinges. Just wild. Well, that's cool. I mean, what a cool field trip to go on as a kid to medieval times. Like, that's sick. Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, you're in sixth grade or whatever. Yeah, that's tight. And sometimes you just gotta take a shit out in the open. Yeah. Well, admittedly, that guy is hilarious. Whoever he is. Yeah, he's somewhere...

He's somewhere killing it for sure. Yeah, you know he's the funniest guy at whatever office job he has. Whatever porno he's filming, you know it's funny. He's winning. He's taking home the gold. You know he's taking home gold for sure. What's cool is he did it, but I was planning on doing it, and I was like, oh man, beat me to it, so...

Yeah, have you guys ever shorked in the room? Shit anywhere. I did one time. Shit somewhere where I'm not supposed to. Okay. Go off. Go off. It was, I think we were like 15 or something or 16. I think we must have been 16. And my buddy was emancipated. So he was fucking.

Fully. Living by himself. Living by himself. Like his mom wanted to move away. And we were in high school. And she wanted to move away. And she was just, she was like, okay, you can live by yourself. And he has a shitty little apartment. From his apartment window, it looked over the gas station parking lot. And a cop pulled up. And it was New Year's Eve. And we're all partying at his house. And I was like, I'm going to shit on the cop car.

Yeah. That's somewhere you're not supposed to. Yeah. Like,

In a church basement or like the Thanksgiving Day Parade. So I shit in the parking lot and then took a napkin and put it on his windshield. Jesus. And then we all came and were hiding in the window seal like looking. And the look – I felt so bad for this poor man because you're at that age. You're like, fuck cops. They suck. They bust parties and they're dicks. And now you got a blue line flag, right? Yeah.

Either you have diarrhea or you don't. And then he came out and he just looked so, so hurt by it. It wasn't like he didn't get mad. He was just like, his head went down and he was like, it was like I stabbed him or something. It was like, he just takes his badge off. I like how Adam's like, there's gotta be a good analogy. Like I stabbed him or maybe like you put shit on his car. Like,

It's bad. You don't need to analogize it. It's bad. Yeah, I guess so. He had the look on his face like he just discovered a child's shit on his car. Like he's hated by teenagers. Could you ever chat somewhere you weren't supposed to? I did it on a cop car. Fuck.

Yeah, honey. Yeah, I think I did it like on the side of the road one time in my pants. Honey, you'll never believe what happened again today. Teenagers shit on my car, brother. You're misunderstood. Yeah, I think I actually totally forgot about that memory. I'm glad we I'm glad that came up. Yeah, shook that one. But man, he really like bummed me out. I wanted him to be like angry, you know, stoked.

No, not anger. I wanted him to be like, what the fuck? Who did this? Right. But he was just like. He started shooting and pulls his gun. He's just like. Yeah, just takes his gun out and shoots his car up or something. Where are you, motherfucker? I know you're close. It's warm. I wanted him to like freak out, but he didn't. He just like looked totally dejected. He was like, this is my life. And I'm like, you know, he probably had a hard day, this fucking guy. Did he pull the gun out and put it to his head and go, not worth it? No, not worth it. Not worth it. Not today. Not today.

Yeah, that always sucks when you, like, prank somebody and they don't get mad. They just get really sad and it goes dark. Right. Damn. Damn.

I just put them down a bad path. Yeah, they're just dejected. What is that? What is that? It's you had a bad day. No, but here's my question. Are they good people? Because you expect them to go ballistic because you're familiar with people going ballistic, but they don't. And you're like, oh, you're like a good person. Well, it also depends. I feel like I'm the type of person that might go ballistic depending on the mood that I'm in. I know. That's what I'm saying. That's why you expected it. But no, when I was punked.

when they brought back with chance, the rapper and they dropped a, a, a giant weight on, on my car. And it like exploded and it wasn't my car. They got a car that looked exactly like my car and blah, blah, blah. But I just, they expected me to like lose my mind. And I was just like,

Right. You were super tired having had traveled or something, right? Yeah. No, I was like, I had to leave super early the next day and Chloe to get me to go out a little later. It's like, please just meet my friends at this bar to like set up the punked.

I'd like to go and hang with her friends. And I'm like, I really got to get up early. Let's get out of here. Like, I'm trying to go to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow. And she's like, okay. And then we go and I'm walking there. And now my car is parked in a construction zone. And they dropped this giant weight on my car. My car just explodes. And then I'm caught just saying, like, it's going to be a long night. Right. Tomorrow is going to suck. Right.

And I'm just totally dejected. I'm like, oh, this is bad TV after they caught me. They caught you on the one day where... If you would have just gave me the heads up, I would have acted like I was more mad. Yeah, I feel like if they would have caught you on any other day, you would have fucking flew off the fucking... What is it? Hinge? Handle? Yeah, handle. Hinge. The hinge of the handle. Both work. Motherfucker! Fly off the hinge isn't a term, though.

No, I feel like it would work, but fly off the handle is the term. Well, I'll take it back. Fly off the handle? Fly off the hinge? Fly off the hinge. No one says fly off the hinge. People say off the hinges. They could. Off the hinge. They do say. Off the hinges. They say off the hinge. You fly off the hook? Yeah, but what we're talking about is the saying, fly off the handle or fly off the hinge. Just parties off the hinges. You've heard of that term, right? Don't make me get Webster's out. It's off the hook.

I feel like in that moment, I wasn't angry. I wasn't angry enough. I feel like in order for me to fly off the hinge or the hook or the handle. Or the hinge of the handle. It needs to be like a technology-based thing that it keeps fucking up and I can't figure it out. That's when I'll freak out. But if it's like an accident that something happens and my car exploded...

I'm like, all right, I have insurance. We'll get another car. It just sucks. Right. Yeah. Good of you. You know, when you watch Jimmy Kimmel, he does the like Halloween candy video every year where the parents the next day go, I ate all your candy when you were sleeping. Yeah. Kids go fucking. Yeah. I fucking hate you. But then there's always the one kid who's like, that's all right. Did you like it? Like you needed to like you liked it. And then the parent and everyone goes, yeah.

You might be one of those kids, dude. Whereas I know Blake is not. Then at night, that kid fucking watches them sleep and plots their death. See, that's what Blake thinks that has to be. That's how Blake is. He can't just get over it, Blake. Oh, I bet you liked it. I bet you really liked it. Did you like the crackles? Yeah, those are my favorite. I love a good crackle.

I'm going to let that one land. Yeah, do crackles exist outside of the little mini? I've never seen a full-size crackle. If you do, run. If you see a full-size crackle, it's not a real place where you are. They've set it up. It's for a punked. Get out. Yeah, you're being definitely punked. Have you ever seen a full-size crackle? These are the hard-hitting questions. Never. I don't know if I have. Like a big red crackle, I think it's only fun size. It's only fun size. Yeah.

Because Crunch Bar, Crunch Bar brought it. Right. And do you even see full-size Crunch Bars anymore? Not really. You used to a lot in the 90s. Oh, my God. You couldn't miss them. You could not miss them. Dude, in the 90s, it was all Crunch all day. Dude, there were some sick ones. Do you remember Crunch Bars did like an NBA series where like you could get all the

different NBA teams and shit. It was so sick. They had the basketball on the cover. They used to do a lot of cool promos. And there was the net and the guy dunking. Yes, it was fire. Crunch bars. They did stuff for the Olympics too. No, they did the Olympics too. They did all the different sports on the bar. The hardwoods.

Fuck off. I'm not lying, dude. Crunch bars used to fucking... Now, I kind of do remember what you're talking about. Because that was my favorite candy bar as a kid. Me too. I loved Crunch Bars. Really? I mean, basketball is my favorite sport. But then what happened when Witch and McCulloch's came on the scene? I never fucked with Witch and McCulloch's. I like the commercial, but I never ate it. I fuck with Twix. Witch and McCulloch's are just better Crunch Bars. Oh. Well, I bet I'd like them. No, it's very different. It has caramel. Well, I like caramel. That's the one difference. So different. Yeah.

No, Crunch Bars were straight to the point. Just some crispies and some chocolate. And you could just smash it. And they tasted really good when they'd melt in your pocket. Kit Kat boy as well. Kit Kats rock. Kit Kats still go hard, dude. Underrated. Let's get flowers.

Yeah, any flowers, takeaways, epic slams, giveaways? I'll give you a takeaway. I took away all the Almond Joys from my boys who went trick-or-treating. I said, line them up, boys. Those are mine. Yeah, kids don't really fuck with coconut usually, right? I always dug them, but yes, you are correct. Yeah. Yeah, I think most kids don't like coconut. I think that's an adult flavor. Or it's like the texture of it is kind of like the same as like onions, like slicey.

All right. And I got to go. Wait, just what? You're a fucking disaster. My guy.

I'm a man. Wait, like, what the fuck did you just say? Please hit it. Okay. Please hit it. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. Wait. Do you know, like, there was a reason I... You just said that kid cats are like onions. No, no, no. He said Almond Joy. No, coconut. No, I'm sorry, sorry. Almond Joy, the coconut, is like onions. Okay, one of the reasons I didn't like onions as a kid wasn't just because of the taste. It was like the texture. It's like it had like a...

I don't know how to describe that. Yeah, you sure don't. Yeah. That is apparent. Yeah, you really don't, dude. You really don't. This motherfucker came with sounds. He's like, you know how it feels like a noise? Oh my gosh.

This dude is mixing up his senses. I see sounds. I see sounds. I'm like Pharrell, bro. So it is a texture thing. Yeah, I think it's a bit of a texture thing. That almond makes up for it. You get that nice crust. Yes, sir. No, but then there's mounds. I don't like mounds.

Yeah, mounds are fucking trash. If you eat mounds, you're a child. Which ones are mounds? No almonds. Almond Joy's got nuts. Mounds don't, was the whole ad campaign. Mounds are the same thing. Oh, so it's just coconut without the nut. Yeah. And dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. Ooh. Fucking yuck, dude. Fuck dark chocolate. Super grown folks candy. I don't even think it exists anymore. Dude, I still can't get on board with some dark chocolate. I bought a dark chocolate weed bar.

And I'm like, do I just feed this to a dog? Yeah. You disaster, my guy. You could do that. Do I just feed this to a dog or something? No, it's fucking gross. I'm like, I blew it, man.

man. Dark chocolate is like, yeah, I think it's like grown up, grown folks. It's like when you start to get into like coffee. Yeah, but dude, I'm 39 years old now. I should, I should be on my grown folk shit. Well, fucking get on it. In my mind, isn't dark chocolate like super close to what coffee tastes like? Yeah, it's all, no, it's all, no, I love coffee. It doesn't. I know you do. And I'm saying, doesn't it taste like coffee? It tastes like coffee to me, to me.

It's bitter. Yes, it's bitter. Bitter. We're talking about bitter things. And when you drink bitter stuff, it's very much like... You know how when you taste something that's bitter, it's like... When you drink a Slurpee really fast and you're...

You didn't even make a noise. You didn't even make a noise, dude. The bit is that you say a thing that doesn't make a noise, then you make a noise. I'm chunking. I'm chunking. I'm chunking. I'm chunking. This has been another episode of... This is another episode of...

This is important. This is important. This is really important. Watch Adam on Thanksgiving. Check me out on Thanksgiving, y'all. That shit's important. Watch the ABN Awards. This is important. Oh, boy. Hear that? Pumpkin.

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