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How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet.
Today on This Is Important. I wish this were either a porno or the Workaholics movie, which was kind of both. Dude, I'm tripping. I'm tripping. Our dicks used to actually drag on the ground as we crawled through the forest. You want to see it? You keep talking about it. Might as well see it. Buckle up.
That's life. Yeah, baby. I slept funny, man. You slept funny? This guy's so funny, he sleeps funny. I fucking slept funny. I'm feeling weird right now. I slept funny, dude. Dude, I woke up funny, dude. Dude, I was like... I didn't sleep funny. I woke up.
Oh, funny, dude. Oh, man. I woke up like bits. I woke up with bits. I slept. I was tossing. Yeah, dude, I walked down in my kitchen this morning. Okay. So I have two houses. I have a house in Hollywood and then a house at the beach. That's because you got to get away from Hollywood. Hollywood's fucking crazy, okay? This business is nuts. Dude, you got to escape. Forget about it. And both are currently flooding.
Both are flooding. Oh, shit. That's what I posted about Hollywood on New Year's Eve. It was like fully just raining in my kitchen. And then now fully engorged down here at the beach. My kitchen is which just got remodeled.
Fully also raining inside So that's my life And then That's my life And by the way that's currently happening I pushed off having the contractors come So we can do this podcast So that shows where my head's at Disappointed Well good for you because we're here We're doing it We're fucking talking for the people out there You know Nothing can derail us
Okay. Nothing. No matter what they throw at us, we'll keep chugging along. Chugga, chugga, chugga. What? Well, the issue, I feel like we have to talk about the elephant in the room. So right after I saw that my house was flooding, my-
Not you, Kyle. The pachyderm. Yeah, not Kyle. Our human elephant. Human balloon. I'm a hungry, hungry hippo. Perfect. That's a good nickname. I'll take that. Hey, bro, what up? This is my friend, Human Elephant. We get a call from our manager, Isaac, that Paramount Plus is pulling the Workaholics movie. What? Yeah. Wait. What?
And let's step it out. Let's step it out. Blake, you didn't know that? Wait, nobody told me. Blake, you didn't know this? You were on the call, Blake. Yeah, you were on the call. We just did it about 15 minutes ago. You were there. Yeah, it's the elephant that's in the room. You're always so stoned.
I was just ripping bongs, bro. I missed that part. Oh, shit. Sorry to be the bearer. I'm trying to get into character. I'm trying to get into Blake Anderson. Should I get out? Well, you don't have to anymore. You could just be Blake Anderson, dude. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Whenever our manager's assistant calls and goes, hey, I have Isaac and all the guys on the phone. I'm like, what?
I'm like, oh. I know. It's 9.45 in the morning. Adam died. Either someone just died. Yes. Right. All the guys minus one. Almost all the guys. Right. It's like, who was flying last night? Who was flying? Right. It's always the safest way to travel is the way they died. Right. When there's more than one or two people on the call, it's bad news. If there's three or more, it's bad news. Yeah.
So essentially they said that they don't think Paramount Plus strategies, which is a thing that I don't know about, but apparently that they said that workaholics isn't global enough and they want a more global reach. And then what was weird is they said, don't be mad, UPS is hiring. And I was like, you're coming at me with rap references. So I think our goal is...
I'm crying. I'm crying. I'm crying. He promised he wouldn't. Dude, I'm with you, bro. Dude, I feel like I'm about to. I know. I'm hot. I'm cold. I'm everything. I'm going to cry about it. Our goal is to take it to Netflix or Hulu or Amazon or another streamer that thinks that
That were funny. That were worthwhile. Or just any community theater. Because we were ready to go. We were doing table reads. We have offices set up. Dude. We were building stage. For real had stages that were starting to build sets. The stages are out there. It's happening. The office was taped out on the floor. Like I saw it yesterday. I was. I went in yesterday to the stages. I saw Pat. You jinxed it.
I did. I saw Grant. It was it was feeling very magical. Well, that that is one of the biggest bummers of it all is that all the crew that we've hired that thought that they're going to spend this time working for us and getting paychecks from us and our show. Right. They no longer get that. And that that truly is the the worst thing about it. Yes, it is. And seeing us.
They got the privilege of seeing us again After many years They don't get to hang out with us Which is like one of the coolest things I still love you And also Payne If we're doing it We're five, six weeks away From when our start date was We're moving We're fucking ready to go
Yeah, but people have other commitments. So if there's any friends of the pod that have big budgets, you know, studios, streamers, we're ready to go. We're fucking ready. All right? All right. So call Isaac Horn. Let's do it. Okay? And what's his number? 323-420-69. No, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
JK rap. So yeah. I'm living a nightmare. So now it sucks. I don't know. You guys want to do apologies, take backs? Six minutes in. I'm pissed, man. Because also, like, I was trying to do a dry January. So now I'm feeling like I want to just go to the local saloon. Bro, I'm with you, dude. I'm so pissed right now. I'm with you, dude. That'd be sick.
so crazy. Kyle has done a dry like last seven years and he's about to throw it all away. I'm going on nine, baby. Nine? I'm about to be nine. Yeah. My God. Just before a decade, I'll throw it away. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. So worth doing it. Yeah. Thank you. Blake, you drink a beer. Kyle, you have like a McNugget or something. No, I actually have something I want to try and I was hoping we could try it together. Oh, okay. I was thinking maybe at the office. Is this a buzz box? No, dude. I got these weird like
And maybe our listeners know about it. Have you guys ever heard about like kava root? Yeah, I have heard. I don't know anything about it, but I've heard that. Is that like rubbing crystals on your armpits? No, dude. You actually drink it, but I just got it. I haven't tried it yet. Oh, this is a kava root beer? From where? Where did you get it? Just some like shaman. What?
But I'm asking, like, was this just something sent to you in the mail? No, it's like a homie's like, this is what I do. Like, I'm on the KavaRoot train. There's no hangover. It's like, gets you where you need to be at parties. I've been YouTubing it. Wait, what is it? What's going on? There's no hangover. It gets you where you need to be. What is that? Is it alcohol? No, it's a plant. It's a root.
Do not drink. So it's like the rice vodka or whatever, just a different way of fermenting a root or something? So it makes you feel drunk or what? What I heard is it's like nature's Xanax.
So it kind of whatever that means. I've never taken Xanax. So like mushrooms or something? Look, I don't know your buddy. I don't want to know him. I might not even know you. Blake, definitely don't drink that right now. No, I'm not. Xanax is going to make you go to sleep and shit. Well, but it's also mixed with another plant.
I think it's mixed with Kratom. What's that? Kratom. Oh, Kratom. Kratom is like a hallucinogen, I think. I don't know, dude. I wanted to do it with you guys. And we're doing this one so early, I'm not going to start it now. Yeah, it's 10 a.m. doing your mushroom juice. Right.
Maybe TII Nation has some experience with it because I am a little shaded out by it. Shaded. Don't even look it up. Just do it, dude. Don't be a pussy. Just go for it. Send it. And you found it? You found it on the street? Yeah. That's fine. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to look it up. Well, guys, we have to promise that we have to hang out at least. We haven't been all in the same room for a while now.
Yeah. What's gonna happen tomorrow? Sorry about that. Sorry about that. So, uh,
We definitely need to kick it. I was excited to hang out with my boys for a few months straight. Yeah. Yeah. What do we do now? What do we do with this time? We make an indie movie. That's what we do. We shoot something. You know, this is just also throwing something at the board. We could go on a, this is important, tour. A little mini tour. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We could set that up pretty quick. Or we could make Volcane Debut.
to beaver okay okay yeah guys i'm grasping i'm ready yo let's fucking go yeah let's make volcano beaver for sci-fi okay i like that okay we still have to write a movie we're forgetting about that and they're like there's only beavers in north america it's not global
We don't have to write that movie. That movie, I'll just set it up and you guys can come on in and it'll be an improv thing. It'll be like an improv freak show. Kyle, I think I know how we can write the script. Little Kava-roo, baby. Oh, little Kray-Tom, dude. I will say that every time they try to do like, it's an improv show and the characters don't know what's happening. It's crazy.
Usually bad. Unless it's Curb Your Enthusiasm, it's bad. Right. Like what? Well, I don't want to shit on specifically the show I'm thinking about, but there are some improv shows out there.
Out there now, and they're not that good. I don't even know. Are they big and they have like a feature version? No feature version. Can we lip read it? What is it? I forget the name of it. Because I can think of one that's very good. Which one? Reno 911. Oh, yeah. That show is hilarious.
And that's all improv. Yeah, but it's not all improv because all those guys were the writers. So they sat around and talk about the bit that they're going to do in the writer's room and then they go do it, which essentially you're writing it with each other. And you know those dudes went off the page or off the like whatever.
Yeah. Dude, that show is fun. Because that's such a like clippable show because it's just like goes like person to person. Some of those fucking clips they pull from Reno 911 are so damn funny. Yeah. Yeah. Never watched it. Oh, really? Dude, it's hilarious. I mean, like I saw it, but I never like watched it. It's very funny. You can just jump in. It is really funny. Yeah. I just remember the trailer for the movie where he was trying to move the whale and he'd
pushed so hard into the whale. That was an all-time moment. Oh, that's a great moment. Genius. Hey, they made a Reno 911 movie. What happened to the Workaholics movie? Same company, man. Son of a bitch. I'm not going to blame the Reno guys, but it's their fault. You think they were like, kill it? It's us or them? Yeah, they were like, hey, we've done two. We need to do three. Tom Lennon was like, nah.
kill it tom lennon you son of a bitch yeah tom lennon goes reno you don't and i go that's that's that's funny did you just improv that's like you know i did that's good that's good he's like no i wrote that down i've been thinking about saying that to you guys for for a long time yeah well he did write the night the museum movies right yeah i'm in his home oh yeah ben ben ben grant i think yeah thank you yeah wow look at you guys what about
Like, what is there? There's a pure improv show, The Murderville. You guys seen that on Netflix? No. I have. Oh. Yeah, it's like a pure, like they do all improv. I don't know. That's all right. Murderville. And who's in that?
It's like, who is it, Adam? It's Will Arnett. And then they have guests come in and they basically try and solve. A murder mystery? A mystery with clues and stuff. Yeah. Well, I get the, it's kind of fun because you're seeing these people that they're in above their head. You know, they're like, I don't know what's going on, but that's fun for like two minutes. And then you're like, well, I wish they did. I wish they would have wrote this. Started fucking. Right.
Right. Adam thought it was a porno. I wish this was a porno. Right. I wish this were either a porno or the Workaholics movie, which was kind of both. Yeah, it was. What's not global about it? Which feels pretty global to me. Murder's global, I guess. Independent investors, we welcome you. Come on. Script's ready. Call up, Isaac. We're ready to go. We welcome your dough. Let's do this.
What about Whose Line Is It Anyways? Did you guys watch that shit? Oh, don't get me started, bro. That's a classic. Ryan Stiles. Who's your MVP or your fave? Oh, who's your favorite dude? Motherfucking Colin Mockery. Colin Mockery. Bro, Wayne Brady. Come on. This dude is a movement. Wayne Brady? Yeah, Wayne Brady's great. Wayne Brady is a movement, dog.
I don't know what that means, dog, but. A bowel one. Yeah. He's legit. I do like how they were like, and now we've got a new category about freestyle rapping, like specifically just because he could. Yeah. And then everyone else had to be like, what are we doing? Ryan Stiles is like fucking doing the Fruity Pebbles commercial from back in the day. Don't stop.
He's doing Robin Williams. Oh, yeah. The hands over there. Yo, yo, yo. Always, always offensive. Wayne Brady, dog. It is. It is. Wayne Brady was good. Colin Mochrie, is that who we're? Yeah. Did only Wayne Brady and Drew Carey spin off from that? I know Drew Carey was before. Whoa. Drew Carey was the first points because he would give everybody like a million points. No, no, no. British dude. British show. Come on. Come on, man.
the bald guy who was hella serious. Yeah, you don't remember the British version? I kind of don't. I do. Well, yeah, but Drew Carey. Kyle Petrimi? Wouldn't he be the guy who'd be like, this is so-and-so saying for goodnight, goodnight. Right. No? Ders watched a lot of it. It was on Comedy Central, also on Paramount Plus. Uh,
Back in the day. And that's where Colin Mochrie came from. No? I don't know. I think you are correct. Who was the guy with the glasses? The guy with the glasses! Yeah! In the blonde hair? Who was that guy? That guy rocked! He was dope. I don't have this British version of Whose Line Is It Anywhere anywhere in my... I don't remember this even a little bit. Ryan Stiles was also on the Drew Carey show, correct? I believe so. He was like the neighbor. Yeah, that's right. So when they started the show, he probably was like, dude...
You gotta get in here. Because that was based in, what, Cleveland? Ohio! Yeah, Cleveland rocks. Cleveland rocks. And that, like, the weather there isn't that much different than Omaha. Okay. Pfft.
And I was like, can we put a pool table in our backyard? Like that looks dope as hell. Oh, did they have a pool table in their backyard? Yeah, that was the hot, hot, hot, hot. I feel like that's like that when you've really got some Skrilla, you have an outdoor pool table. That's like $25,000. No, I don't think it was. It was like a regular pool table that they just put in the backyard. That was kind of a position. But in reality, that's fun fantasy land TV, which we won't ever do again. But, uh,
In reality, those Miami cribs with the pool table overlooking the yacht. Or like the piano. Yeah. Or you get those like the cement like slab ping pong tables. Those are fucking sick. Yes. Oh, yeah.
Those are indestructible. I've never actually seen the outdoor pool tables. I didn't even know that's a thing that's real. Yeah. They're like marble. I love that. They're like they can endure the elements. That's sick, dude. Do they have felt on them or just like everything is all marbleized? I think they rock a cover. You know what I mean? Yeah. You have to. You know what I mean? Yeah. They got to be covered. They're not weatherproof. There's no pool table that's not going to pool up with water. Okay. Okay.
That's interesting. But they just go to the pockets and drip out. Of course, if you have the drawings right down the middle of the pool table, that would be idiotic. That would be going between two posts. Which is my Hollywood house. Evidently, when they remodeled this house like 30 years ago or whenever they did this kitchen, because it's a hundred year old house, you know.
They put the drainage for the entire roof in between two walls, in between the kitchen and like my closet. Oh, what the fuck? So then it got clogged because it is, you know, should I say it because insurance? Fuck him. Wait, wait, wait. What? Fuck it. I don't know. Hold on. No, maybe don't. Yeah, we're here for you. Okay. Maybe don't.
Maybe off pot. No, fuck it. I'll say it. Pot important needs to know. Okay, okay. I had a batting cage up there. I remember. Oh my god. And they said that was part of it. On the roof. Batting cage on the roof overlooking Hollywood, California. It was very cool. I felt like I was Vinny fucking Chase. You were, dude. All seven times that you used it. Yeah, seven times I used it. And
evidently a lot of that sand from the sandbags went down the drain. It got clogged. Sand famously known to stop water in terms of levees and stuff. It's known to stop water. Sand is your friend. It broke that pipe in between the walls and then it
We're having... What are they called? A bomb cyclone. We had a bomb cyclone hit. Which, by the way, these fun names... From an atmospheric river? The atmospheric river is what I'm talking about. An atmospheric river. Also a bomb cyclone. I read bomb cyclone. That is happening as well. But bomb is in fucking quotes. Why are they doing that? Bomb, bomb, bomb.
The cool names for weather is getting out of control, but the atmospheric river just hit last week right on New Year's, and my whole roof just flooded in. We're having rain terrorism. And then this morning, my other house is fully underwater, so... Fully? Not fully. So, by the way, I need to work. Okay.
have this time. Anybody with a couple bags full of a budget, come on and give it to us. We're ready to shoot. Kyle, that's not how it works. How many bags of sand? Because I'm just imagining all the sand over years just going up. Is matriculating the word? It's just filling the
pipes. Perfect. I'll give you points to that. Yeah, I don't know. Enough to... I'm gonna be real. I've never heard that word, and I like the fact that you used that. Can you say it again? Matriculation? I don't know if I used it right, but shit's going down. Matriculate? Yeah. I thought that was like a math term. Matriculate? Like a foil. Like a matriculator? Like a front outer interlace. Like you matriculate. Whoa, Adam, slow your roll, bro. This dude is dropping mathematical shit. Oh, shit. Grammatical mathematical foil. Matriculate. Matriculate.
Wayne Brady on the mic. You sound like a 90s rapper. I had to matriculate mathematical. The chemistry was chemical. Oh, dude, no. But you know who had the best improv? The best improv rappers are from fucking. My dick is like a bomb cyclone. Sorry. Go ahead. Are from fucking Wild N' Out, dude. Wild N' Out. Oh, yeah, where it's just like two lines where they're like, the other day I was at the store. I heard that your mama's a whore. Right?
Oh! That's pretty good, though. Most energetic. How'd you do that? Yeah, that was insane. Guys, I'm Wayne Brady. I'm pulling off a mask now. No! Wow, that would be a sweet reveal. Yeah.
Right.
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Oh, dude, something crazy happened to me yesterday. So I was, you know how I like devour rotisserie chickens? I didn't know that. I love rotisserie chickens, dude. Okay. Like a cartoon, you just put them in and then you pull all the bones out. Right. Yeah, I eat rotisserie chicken like four times a week. I fucking love rotisserie chicken. Diarrhea. So I ate a rotisserie chicken last week. And yesterday when I took a shit. Uh-huh.
an entire rope that was about 14 inches long came out of my butthole, dude. What? Wait, what? You know the string that ties together the...
Oh, I thought you meant like you had a rope of dookie that was like over a foot long. No, no, no, no. No, this man is talking about a rope. You're saying you ate the rope by accident. The rope of the rotisserie chicken. It's string. It's not rope.
rope. You are so dumb. The string. It's string. It's not rope. I know, but rope's a funnier term. I know, but when you said rope, I was thinking with the thickness. Like a dookie rope. But you know, the string, the rope that ties the chicken together. A literal dookie rope. Dude, I was so scared when it came out. I was so scared. You thought it was like a tapeworm? Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck it was. I was like, yeah,
Did you pull it? Yeah, because it was coming. Oh, it was still dangling? It was still dangling. And I'm like, why can't I? Like a dog. Like a dog. Why can't I shake this one loose? And so I had to pull it out. And it was so long, dude. Three-point stance was down bad. Who cares about the movie? How did we not? Oh, my God.
Oh my God. No, we're talking about this right now. Yeah, this is great. What, um, what'd you, how'd you just kept coming to taking Kava route? So this is a good digestive tracker too. Like, you know how long it took you to digest your food. Yeah. When did you eat the rope? Well, that's the thing. I ate it last, uh,
I ate it on Monday. I swallow it every Monday. This dude's eating roast. Yeah, so that's pretty good. I'll give you some roast. Yeah, Monday. I shit it out Wednesday. Oh, yeah. That's great. You're healthy. Congratulations, Adam. You're healthy. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Monday to Wednesday.
Is that how it works? And also maybe the body couldn't figure out what to do with it. It held on to the rope for a minute. It was like, how do we process this? I think that's pretty standard, two days before you put it out. It goes through all that intestine. We're talking about like 50 feet of intestine. Listen, I'm not doubting the rope taking that long, but if it takes that long to shit out what you ate, I think that's too long.
No, I think it goes through your one intestine, then hangs out in the other one for a certain amount of time and breaks down the enzymes, and then goes to the lower colon, and then you shit it out. It's science. That's what I think. I thought that took like 24 hours. Yeah, I think you can eat breakfast...
And then you eat lunch and then you shit. You're shitting out breakfast. I don't think so. Lunch just pushed. It has to make room for lunch. Well, I feel like we need Dr. Brozark. Yeah, where's Dr. Brozark? Yeah, right, right. Where's he at? It's science. Stay shitting, bro.
I know you can eat corn and check it out because if you don't have a lot of corn, you just fucking throw some corn in there and then you're like, oh, that's out a couple days later. But you're saying- I think it's all- What are we doing? How have we done this? For the live show? Should we do a live show? Live shitting. But like, because, and you know, if you eat asparagus, it's like 10 minutes. Right. Different takes- That's pee pee. Different things take different time. Donkey. Different.
That's what I'm saying is the rope probably went through like three dookies were like, yo, are you coming? And it was like, nah, I'm hanging. What do we got, Adam? What do we got from Brozart Google? It takes about 36 hours for food to move through your colon. So the entire colon. So six to eight hours to pass through your stomach and small intestine. Food enters your large intestine, the colon, for further digestion, absorption of water, and finally, elimination of undigested food.
It takes about 36 hours for food to move through the entire colon. So that's a day and a half. Yeah, so you're right on. That was about right. Dr. Brozark's up here. So the rope didn't take any extra time. Kyle? Sorry. It's all good, baby. I'm sorry. It's all good, Anders. So your body digests rope very well.
Yeah. But by the way, so scared, dude. Your body digests rope? This is like straight out of the Workaholics episode where you guys are pulling the spiky rope out of my ass. Oh, that's right. R.I.P. Workaholics. Never heard of it. R.I.P. Never to be seen again. Not sure what that is. Fucking sucks, dude. Well, unless you got a couple bags of dough. Remember when Paramount Plus was telling us that they not only wanted to do the Workaholics movie, but they wanted to have a spinoff TV show and all that?
All this other stuff? Yeah. Shut up, Adam! Pie in the sky dream. Blue skies. Blue skies, baby. Can't co-sign the reboot of somebody else yet. We might have to. Not yet. Not yet. Not until the first check clears. You're not that guy, though. Yeah. Yeah, true. Wait, so Adam, how long did you think the rope was going to be? And when did you put it together? Was it fully out and you saw it when you were like, oh, chicken rope again? Chicken rope. Chicken rope.
It's like nerd rope. Yeah, it's a nerd rope. It was like two separate pulls. Like I pulled it as far as I could get my arm down. And then I had to reach back up. Up your ass. And pull it again. So it was like, what is happening to my body? Will this ever stop? Did you stand up? Wait, do you stand and wipe? Have we been over this? Yeah, I do a squat.
A squat stand. To three points. So you were standing and it was dangling. It was dangling, dude. He was looking right at it. He was looking between his legs. Because I was like, why won't this just fall into the bowl? Like, this is weird. Did you bend over and look? Yeah, I'm looking. Of course. Of course. Did it, like, slap your face by accident? It did not slap my face. Oh, my God.
Did you keep it? You had to keep it. You can't flush it. No, I threw it away. You had to keep it. You didn't flush it, right? You don't flush that. I did flush it. I wasn't going to fucking pick that up. Oh, dude, no. That's supposed to go down a roof drain. Yeah. Filled with sand. You save that kind of thing for the roof drain, Adam, always. Yeah, true.
Yeah. Where do you keep all your secrets? What was cool is I like definitely like ran up to tell Chloe and she's like, don't, don't tell me this. And I'm like, yeah, you have to, whatever you're about to say. I'm like, I have to, I'm like, come check it out. And she's like, I really don't want to. And I'm like, please, please save it for the pod. And I'm like, please come look at it. And she like reluctantly was like, yeah,
Did you wash it? You washed it before you showed it to her. No, it was just in the toilet with the, no, it was just in the bowl. So you showed the whole poop and everything. Yeah. I wouldn't have done that. That's the, I would just tell the story. I think that's fine. Yeah. I don't, I would have taken the string out. Oh, did you take a picture? Uh, uh,
Uh, no. Dang. Yeah, you don't want to do that either. No, that's the problem. Because then you enter a whole world where, like, suddenly you're taking pictures of your shit all the time. Yeah, and then, like, does it start to turn you on? Right. You start doing paintings of it. It gets deep. It gets dark. Yeah, does it? That's life! You start to get a little riled up when you see it. Then you start poking around in it. Scatman! When you start poking around, it's a problem. They call me the Scatman. He's the Scatman!
What's cool is when you have a few random shit pictures in your phone and then like, you know how the phone will be like, memories. And then that one will just pop up. New Year's Eve. You're like, where was I at in my life? Oh, man.
The best is when, like, it made one of those. We were at my wife's grandmother's funeral, and there was photos from, like, the reception. I was so close to saying naked grandma. Sorry about that.
the reception and like a few from the funeral. It made like a video with like super upbeat music. It was just like get togethers. And there was us just being sad for like two minutes of all these fucking sad ass photos. Yeah. That's where AI misses us. They don't, they don't understand emotion.
They have to read your faces in the pictures. They don't yet. They will. Can't be putting popos out of funeral footage. I want to hear AI emo music. Remember the trend of people posting like, you had to post like the 10 first photos that you pick or whatever, right? Remember that? Which one? Kind of. What is this? It was like you just, you post 10 random photos from your phone phone.
feed, whatever, right? It's all just dick pics? Yeah, it's just 10 dick pics. So there was a joke, a bit that I did where I downloaded a bunch of pictures of JonBenet Ramsey. Hold up. First one was like, me, like, running. The other one was like, me, like, with you guys, maybe. And then the third one was like, JonBenet Ramsey. I'm like, that's weird. And then, like, the next one was something else. And then the next one was another JonBenet Ramsey. And I'm like, okay, I...
Can't explain that one either. And then it was like another JonBenet Ramsey picture. It's a lot of JonBenet. Maybe he's doing a lot. It just kept being JonBenet Ramsey. I'm like, guys. I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't know where these are coming from. It's just a dribble. Just trying to be part of society. Thought it was a fun idea. Thought it was cute. Don't judge me. Hey, Adam. How did you... Yes, Kyle. Moving on.
I just saw him staring off into the distance. How did you eat the 14-inch string? What happened there? Like, what, was it a ball or something? You know this dude. You know exactly how he ate it. Was it a ball? Like, what happened? How did you get that fucking thing in your body? It just got mashed up in the chicken, and I was just fucking going for it, dog. And you just chewed? Yeah. You just chewed it and didn't break it? Kyle was still thinking about the poop. I don't know.
I'm just wondering. Yeah, I was curious because I just don't know how you chew that, you know, but whatever. Where were you guys? Sorry. Jersey.
Durs was doing a bit about how he is obsessed with a little girl who was murdered, and you were thinking about my shade. Funny, funny. Funny, also funny. Not just a little girl who was murdered. A little girl who dresses like a woman and puts on makeup that was murdered. Oh, JonBenet. True, true, true. Thank you. That was a crazy case. Murder was the case. Goddamn.
I cannot believe we're not doing the Workaholics movie, guys. I'm so bummed out. I keep going back to it. Dude, I'm tripping. I'm tripping. I'm there with you. We're not doing it now. We were. Fucking we were. It's really weird. We're going to start in just a few weeks. Our whole schedules are totally fucked now. Blake just started his diet. My mom's going to be so sad.
My parents, too, they were going to come out and visit and see everybody on set. My dad was so excited. Yeah. Yeah, I know. This was going to be cool. He was asking about all the crew guys, all of his crew homies, if they're going to be there. Tell them to park it. It's over. Yeah.
Yep. It's over. Yep. I wonder how many people will learn of that. All the people on the crew will learn by listening to this. Yeah, honestly. And my parents were like, you're still working? And I go, yeah. Who is this? What number is this? How'd you get this number? Yeah. What number is this? Who is this? State your name. Hello? State your name. Who is this? Who is this?
Right.
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My god, man, this industry fucking I was ready to do stunts again. Fuck, dude, I was out scouting. I'm like looking at these things. Dude, I've been I've been finally I'm starting to get my my groin is starting to bounce back. Yeah, I've been I got a physical therapist here. I got a big fucking boner right
Nice drop, Blake. I got a physical therapist here that's really, really helping me, but it's so weird, dude. Like, he keeps the door open, I think, because it's so weird. You have to. Because you keep farting. It's so weird, like, how close to his dick he's rubbing. Because he has, like, goop on his hands, and then he's just, like, digging into, like, my lower crotch, basically grazing my testes. So...
Your dick's so big you got a bigger upper and lower crotch, bro. That's right, dog. Yeah, but it's actually starting to work. Blake, do me now. Do me now. Your dick has ribs. It's starting to work? Is it like Icy Hot? Your dick has a rib cage? Yeah, essentially it's like releasing that muscle that has been totally fucked for almost a year. What's it called? Do you know what it's called?
The psoas is what we believe. Groinus maximus. And then I went and got an MRI because it was earlier this week. It was the worst it's ever been. And it's because it was feeling it felt good for like five days in a row. And my physical therapist is like, if it feels good for like four or five days, try to ride the bike for a little bit. So I got on the bike. How long did you ride the bike? I did like 13 miles, like nothing that far. Yeah, nothing new for trash like you. Fitness. That's from a movie.
Harmony, baby. And yeah, so not even that hard or far. And then the next day I was in so much pain, like I couldn't walk and shit. Shit.
Walk and shit. He couldn't walk or shit. We know he could shit. I could shit. We know he could shit. 2023. And then I did that, and then I did a cold plunge, and I think I'm going to buy a fucking cold plunge. I'm in. I love them. I'm fucking in love with cold plunges. Me and Kyle were talking about this. We're doing it. I've never done one. Dude, let's all get cold plunges. It's the best.
I'm all about it. And I can fucking sit in there all day long. I'm like a fucking weirdo in those things. What temperature are you working at? I'm not going that low. It was 41 and I did eight minutes. Whoa, that's really low and that's a really long time. I'm worried about you. I know, dude. And it's actually scary because then I don't get warm for like four hours. Like I came home. It's weird, right? I was shivering. I went to this place and I was like shivering and Chloe's like,
I'm like, is the heat on? And she's like, yeah, it's set at 70. You should be fine. And I'm like, uh, uh, uh. But my hip and groin. This doesn't sound good. No, no, no. You got to have a hot tub right next to you. That's how you got to do it. No, I just get out. Well, I went back. There was a sauna. I think I'm going to get a sauna, too. I think I'm going to get a renew. It's called renew. Get a roof, bitch. Yeah, well, I'm getting that, too. Get two roofs. Damn, son. This movie was going to pay for everything. Yeah.
Yeah. You got to reprogram all these purchases real quick. I'm going to get a renew sauna. Look it up. They're the fucking shit. Okay. The circle thing. Infrared, not sauna. Sorry. The cold plunge is renew. And I thought the jacuzzi infrared. Oh, that's the like white. It's the white one. The renew is the white one. There's like black, white, uh,
It recycles the water though. Yeah, with the wood top. It looks really, really nice. I want a yellow one. Dude, just get the one that looks like a barrel. Yeah, that's the one that I saw on Amazon. I'm like, that's mine. No, because then you got to put ice in it every time. It's too much of an ordeal. I just want to be able to get into it.
This sounds awesome. Look at the Renew one there, Kyle. They're really, really nice. I saw it. Okay, I will. And then the Sauna is the circle one. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. The only time I've ever done a cold plunge is next to a hot tub. I did it in Calistoga where I was like in the hot tub and then in the cold plunge. And I could do the cold plunge for about two minutes around 50 something. Oh, wow. And then I would go back. So, Adam –
You're on another level. I'm so confused. You know what I think it is? I think it's because I can't feel temperature from my knees down. You're like a frog. Oh, yeah. That's cheating. That's no fair. So I think it is cheating a little bit. So the rest of my, there's less body that is feeling cold. But you're in up to your neck though, right? Yeah. In up to your neck. Yeah. Is this your lower half or your whole body? Your whole body up to your neck. Up to your neck. Oh, so you don't go under the head, right? Yeah. No, I keep my hands out too because I'm like, fuck that. I want to be able to drive home. Mm.
Because your hands freeze up. Yeah, your hands freeze up. You just keep, I usually, what I do is I'll like, they say you're supposed to like work on your breath and shit. Real man.
But I'm like, I don't give a shit. I would just rather watch catch up on old episodes of Boardwalk Empire. Right. While you're freezing. Yeah. And then you just but if you watch something, you forget how cold you are. And then you look down. You're like, oh, that was eight minutes. Are you saying you're in the cold plunge and you're watching this? Yeah. I hold my phone up like this. I was listening to music or a YouTube video. Yeah.
Oh, I jumped in. What? Yeah, I... Everybody... You all have different stories. I'm so confused as to what this process is. I jumped in, got under, and then... I just don't heat my hot tub, and it's at like 55, 56 degrees, and I get in there for like seven, eight minutes. If I take a cold shower, it'll take my breath away a little bit. Take my breath away. Dude, me too, Blake. I'm right there with you. Well, tell you what, Blake. If you are ever sore... Like, I'm sore all the time. Like, I think...
from my accident as a kid like I think my joints here we go again I know everything's just fucked right yeah and the way I work out I work out like a fucking lunatic so my body's just like fuck you stop stop just be an old person do not work out
So it really, really helps. Like I feel better immediately afterwards. Yeah, it's great. Is it because you're like numb or is it because you're like you're you're what is it doing to your muscles? It helps with inflammation and with arthritis and it boosts your metabolism and your veins. It's like it's like vascular to something stuff. Yeah, it's a lot. Also, it also increases your T.
Okay. Let's circle back to that conversation. Winning. But it shrinks your testicles for sure. Like it does damage to your genitals. Well, cold water, but they can only get so small, bro. It's not... They can't get any smaller. Dude, it's... Dude. I wonder if there's going to be a whole generation of men that...
Like our balls are going to hang lower than like our parents and grandparents because we're doing all this like getting them really cold, getting them really hot and saggy, getting them really cold, back to hot and saggy. Dicks are getting smaller. I know that. Dicks are getting smaller. I do too. For sure they are. Oh, for sure. Mine's not. I absolutely know that. I'm almost positive they are.
I'm positive they are. Dicks are getting smaller. Mine's not. And balls are getting much, much larger. Yeah. No, dicks are getting smaller and it's like, I'm right on track with how small they're getting. Yeah. By the way, I want to see that picture of the ape becoming the man and then just the dick getting smaller too. If you look close, you can see it get smaller. Dick evolution.
The evolution of man. Our dicks used to actually drag on the ground as we crawled through the forest. Right. That's why foreskin was necessary. Yes, it was a protective layer. Definitely ain't dragging on anything, so snip it off. No, sir. Yeah, but foreskin, you know, it's good for you. You want to have that stuff. That stuff's got 10,000 little feelers, okay? Yeah.
Okay. Dude, I know we've talked about this before. Kyle, I got to get my balls snipped, Kyle. I got to get a ref from you. Oh, you're getting it, Durst? Yeah, I got it. Cool. Cool. Pick your music right. Pick your music now. You can't have four little boys running around. Three's enough, dude. You're cutting your dick off? Three's company. Yeah, from the inside out.
Oh, sweet. I've seen that Pixar movie. Hey, well, now you have time. I'm going to fully heal my... Now we're not doing the movie. You have time to do that. I'm going to fully get this groin situation figured out. We have time to take care of ourselves now, boys. Bright side. You know what I was thinking about doing on this? Have you heard of these full body scans that you can go in and get and you just...
MRI. I just did it. You see your fat. But is it your whole body? Because they're focusing on one region. Yours is the groin. Are you talking about like the body fat scan? No, no. Kyle, I just scanned your body. It just came back.
What's up? Your boobs are huge. I like that. That was good. Thanks, man. No, you lay down, they scan you, and they're looking for anything in your body, any cells, anything that could result in some... Cancer. Yeah, cancer or your... I don't know what they're looking for exactly, but... Yeah. They don't either. You're pretty dialed into what this is.
Yeah, Kyle. Really? I say do it. Drink that thing, Kyle. Go get scanned in that alley. Yeah. It's looking for cells and- I don't know enough about this shit, but it is something that you can do. Well, you were concentrated on the movie, dude. You didn't have time to look up what this scan was about. I know. Now you have time. Is there a lawsuit there?
I think there's a lawsuit there. Yeah. You'll hear from our guy. We'll body scam. We like it. Body scam. But what is this? This sounds to me too good to be true. Well, but is it good or not? Because like, do you want to know these things, I guess? You know what I mean? Like... Your boobs are huge. Yeah. If you're predisposed to like a heart attack or something, I feel like I'd like to know. Yeah. Preventative. Yeah. I think I'm going to do it. It just sounds like...
Are you talking about Theranos? Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me. Oh, shit. The blood shit? Oh, yeah, the girl. When she's looking in the mirror, she's like, I'm talking about Theranos. Yeah, she goes from talking like this to suddenly she's like, hello, investors. Here's the deal. All I need is
I loved it that show was great what was the name of that Elizabeth what was her name no Holmes yes Elizabeth Holmes all I need is just a drop of your blood there is a game changer it's gonna change everything in the world I love her
I bleed red blood just like you do. Just like you do. Oh, still funny. Mean, really mean, still funny. Yep, yep, very mean. Oh.
Cut to commercials. Should we tell people what that was and then they can judge us? You guys can log in and tell us if we should be canceled or not. Yeah. I hope that YouTube video. What was that? That was a. I have no memory. We did a sketch. We did a sketch show, a weekly or monthly sketch show back in the aughts, not the 90s. Mm hmm.
The early aughts. And it was just down the street from Ripley's Believe It or Not. They had all sorts of kind of things on. So it was the real deal. We were a Hollywood attraction. That's right. It was the real deal. That's right. It was. And so we did a sketch about the world's tallest woman who came down the road to like answer questions. She's like, I'm just down the street on tour over at the Ripley's Believe It or Not. I'm here to just meet people. It was massive. Take questions. And she was like, you know, eight feet tall and tall.
Big girl. There's a YouTube video of her. There is. And that's how we kind of set up the sketch with a clip of her. And I came out with like a little itty bitty tiny walker and like a dress on and like a goofy wig and like crazy lipstick or something.
And, um, I was like, I'm going to take questions. And then Adam and Blake were just in the audience planted asking the meanest questions about how big my dick was. And, uh, I was like, I had like nice little jabs back. And then I just started kind of crying. Yeah. Yeah. You held your own. I think that's how it ended. My buddy Zach brought that up randomly, uh,
on New Year's Eve. Yeah, he did. And we were hanging out on New Year's Eve and he just goes, I bleed red blood just like you do. And I'm like, whoa, that is the deepest cut of all time. What was the, how did it tie in at the end? And by the way, he's never seen Workaholics.
Or Pitch Perfect or anything else I've ever done. Just that sketch show is the only thing he knows or remembers. Comedy cocktail. He used to roll. We used to party afterwards pretty fucking hard, bro. No Nardo's gonna be there. I forget how we wrap that sketch up. I don't think we redeem ourselves. I think we kind of just pile on you and you cry and light. I think you guys do a whole thing where you're like, hey, we're sorry. You come up and you're like, we're really sorry. And then you tore my dress off or something.
I don't think it was that. I don't think it was that. And then we started sucking your dick and then lights out. I think that's what it was. It like came down to a simmer. And they canceled the work of Hogs movie. I'm pissed now. I'm pissed now. How dare they? How could they?
Damn it. How dare they? Fuck. How dare they? I'm pissed now. Makes no sense. I'm a man. I'll find the script somewhere deep in the cut. Yeah, we're going to dust those off. Maybe we can shoot that. Let's just shoot a live action version of that. Let's reprise the role and let's do a day in the life of the world's tallest woman. Hi, how are you?
I bleed red blood just like you do. Let's make a horror movie. That'd be great. The world's largest woman. Very funny. Never heard that one before. Do you hear it? It's coming from the hallway. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I wish we got to a point where Dershowitz was like, you want to see it? Huh? You keep talking about it. You want to see it? You keep talking about it. Might as well see it. Nah. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh, man. It's a bagel. That was the bad guy voice in a horror movie? That's scary. And I guess we're looking back because there's nothing to look forward to, huh? Kind of. Yeah, it feels like that. Diary. Oh, yeah. I guess what do we do? We call the wizards up, see if they want to do another album. God, fuck. Well, I will say that, Durs, you wrote one hell of a script, and I was so excited to shoot it with you boys. I was ecstatic.
rereading last night getting excited we were gonna do a a table read tomorrow with some of our writer friends leslie snipes had just signed on leslie snipes to be a boom operator yeah and you you wrote one hell of a script there's he was very very very very funny hey man thank you um it's always fun to sit down with you guys get some ideas do some synthesizing and uh
Wait, we could do that. Don't they do a show in L.A. where you get actors together and you read the scripts that never got made? We could do that. The Blacklist or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, they would read it and go, no. No, not this. Check with Paramount. Check with Paramount. They might make this. Oh, I love it. Any take backs, apologies, epic slams? Yeah.
Yeah, I want to take back the last three years of my life. Everything I've said about Paramount+. Yeah, the user interface is all fucked up. I can't even find Yellowstone on there, so what good are they? My dad was mad about that, too. He could not find it. He was upset. Can we talk about this? Paramount+, where's Yellowstone? And if it's not on Paramount+, you drop the ball.
They sure did. They sure did. But they got every spinoff that no one really watches. And the only people that do are my dad.
My dad, too. Fuck it. Yeah, so. Everyone's, millions of people. I feel like they're skewing old. Maybe that was the thing. So many people. We skew too young. Yeah, but I'm not going down to your 50. Yeah, we're middle-aged. Yeah. Yeah, we are. We're getting middle-aged. I know, man. Old as fuck. We're going to shoot a majority of it in a soundstage because I was like, we don't want to go outside. No, we can't handle the wind anymore.
Yeah, the weather fucked up. Kyle, I said something mean to you earlier about being wrong. Oh, the intestine stuff? I take it back. Oh, thanks, bro. No, I take back the apology I gave earlier. We're having fun. Oh, yes. Good, good. Hey, did it. And hey, do we stop? Truly, do we stop giving flowers because... Oh, yeah. We have not addressed this. It's bad. You know what, though? I do want to give some flowers to Paramount+. Save it for the next one. The last...
flowers we gave was to twitch i believe yes uh the dj for ellen and great dancer uh super sad uh committed suicide and he's he passed away and we have a long line of people we give flowers to and then people fucking die right afterwards horrible track record it's very strange bob saget yeah betty white uh we talked about
Gallagher, maybe before or after. And Coolio, I think, didn't we mention? Coolio, we talked about. Yeah, it's nuts. It's not, it's not good. So, so maybe we stop with the flowers? I'm cool with that. Yeah. Yeah. And, and RIP Twitch. That, that's a, was a true bummer to get a bunch of DMs. Yeah. About how we had anything to do with that. How we murdered him. Well, yeah, but you know. So that, that sucks. Yeah. I don't like that. That was not cool. Um,
so yeah, maybe no more flowers except for Paramount plus. And I don't even know if that joke is funny guys, but is it? Yeah. It,
It is. Is it funny how I make a face like this? We'll give Paramount Plus their flowers. Yeah, your face was what I laughed at. I didn't laugh at your words. All right, guys. That was a bummer. So on that note. I love you dudes. And hey, till next time. We're going to get together and we're going to work together again. I know we will. Whether it's on Workaholics or something else. At McDonald's. Let's get a mountain house while there's some snow during this bomb cyclone and just do something wild.
Yeah, let's just go to Big Bear and hunker down for a weekend. With a little kava? Do some k-ton, baby. Some k-ton. Maybe do some kava. Hey, now we're talking. I like that. Dude, I'm all about it. Blake, I'm coming over. Let's fuck that shit up. And that's another episode of... This is the only thing we have! Importance! Importance! Kava San Lucas, baby!
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