Ep 150: Rubber Ball, Steve
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Finding the right news podcast can feel like dating. It seems promising until you start listening. When you hit play on Post Reports, you'll get fascinating conversations and sometimes a little fun too. I'm Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Azadi. Martine and I are the hosts of Post Reports. The show comes out every weekday from The Washington Post. You can follow and listen to Post Reports wherever you get your podcasts. It'll be a match, I promise.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. I would love to take like great minds and look at their dicks. That's what it is.

But what makes the world interesting is nerds with huge dicks and dorks with perfect tits. It's crazy how many of our heroes, quote-unquote, dicks we've seen. If people remember anything about my career in showbiz, I want it to be this episode of This Is Important Podcast. Let's go! Let's go!

Oh my god. Oh my god. Pizza, pizza. Welcome back to This is Important. Joining us today is Adam Devine. Hey. Blake Anderson. What's up, guys? Blake, what's with the no shirt? You just decided to get a little sexy for this one? Dude, it's just a hot California summer. You guys know how it is. Oh, it's hot, dude. That's a sexy frame. Thank you. Like, because I don't know what's happening below the frame. Oh!

Oh, my God. Whoa, Adam, thick. Nucky Grandma! Feel free to everybody take your shirt off if you want. Who ordered the beef? Beefcake. Let's see it, Kai guy. Come on, Kai. Oh, my God. All right. Hold on a second. Damn, look at that chest hair. What?

What's your guy's chest hair? Are we doing it? It's freezing. Yeah. Yeah, Dersh, you're in like long sleeves. What's good? Look at this diamond. Yeah, Blake just has the little pooch in the middle. Look at this. Yeah. You see this thing? Yeah. You see what's going on right here? God damn it. I said I wouldn't do this. I said I wouldn't do this. Come on, Dersh. Show the chest. What do you think my name is? Dersh? Come on, Dersh. Kyle, your physique is insane. Do you see this line? What is this line, bro? I think that's...

Like sagging titties, I think is what that is, Kyle. Yeah, high gut. Hey, did you pull it off like this though, Kyle? Wow. Nice. Okay. Dervs, hairless like a dolphin. Wow. Did you say hairless like a dolphin? Yeah. Dolphins don't have hair. Yeah, exactly like a dolphin. I've seen you say that. Wait, you don't have any chest hair? No.

You don't have any hair, Anders? Yeah, what's up? Well, they're Hollywood, dude. They're laser and that shit. Oh, I see. What are you talking about there? I have hair. I'm a hairy guy. It's barely seeable. Look at mine. Mine's very, very prominent. Kyle, you have the most Czechoslovakian chest hair I've ever seen in my life. And I don't even think Czechoslovakia is still a country, but you are...

You're waving that flag high. That looks like he's straight out of Checklist of Iron. Yeah, this is from them. You look like old world chest hair. Yes. If you told me that that chest hair is fought in World War I, I would believe it.

absolutely or before this is part of the Ottoman Empire it looks like it should be behind like chain mail yeah man right like a steel breastplate this bro's chest hair is on King Arthur's court baby sat at the round table damn son where'd you find that

No, I feel like that wasn't sitting at the round table. It was outside, like, asking to get in. They're like, no, we're good. Yeah, no, that had the plague. That chest hair had the plague, dude. Oh, man. I'm just like, all right. I'll go try and make some bread or something. I'll go try to make some bread. I'm going to go try to make some bread. I didn't know it was just said. I get that. I'll go make some goulash. Look how wide Kyle is.

And then Kyle just caught the bubonic plague right there. Oh, God, man. All right, guys. Kyle, your shoulders are so wide. Same with you, buddy. They always have been. No, look. Oh, yeah. What's going on? He's frail. You make Durz look like a child. He has a female's physique compared to you. Yeah, and they're so bony, too, Kyle.

You see the bones in him. He's just like a fucking coat hanger. Dude, it's crazy. Yeah, that is crazy. You're fucking... I don't know. Hang on a second. Let me just... You guys don't care if I turn off my camera, do you? You're good. Your shoulders... What, are you trying to crank down? Goodbye. It's the only way Kyle will pay attention is if one of us is jerking off. Truly.

I'm getting closer. I'm going to get a little closer to the camera on this one. So then I can't see everything. Dude, I want to put a level across your back. Look at that thing. What do you mean you want to put a level across his... What does that mean? Hey, Adam, even Blake doesn't know. So let's just let it... What does that mean? Because when he does this, it looks absolutely like a straight line. Yeah, well, it's not. Look at that. It's definitely not. He's got great posture. Although I think your collarbones are supposed to be flat, right? Collarbones are like...

true good posture your collarbones are supposed to be level i'm gonna move my mic you guys tell me how to move i think you don't have whatever these muscles are called lats no lats are back there you walked right into his trap oh trapezoids they're traps traps traps is it trapezoid can you guys level this one's for the people listening can you guys level your collarbone so that they're flat like this i don't know am i doing it

Like you're pushing your shoulders down so that you're... Am I doing it?

And do you see how jacked you look now? Do I look extra jacked when I do that? When you do that, you look great. I literally can't. Oh, like is this a Wolverine pose? Is that what that is? What do you mean? Push your elbows down. Just throw your shoulders down. Well, don't stick your... You're not doing this. Just put your shoulders down. Blake's trying to look like Boxing Helena or whatever the fuck that movie is. Dude, can we talk about Boxing Helena? Who's Boxing Helena? I don't know. And why does Blake look exactly like her?

It was a movie where I... In the 90s. In the 90s. In the 90s, where it was about this dude who cuts this chick's arms and legs off and puts her in a box. And that's the whole movie. It's like him keeping this girl in a box. It was like one of the... Oh, my God. And was it played by the guy who they found out? The hiker? The hiker guy? Hey, maybe AI should start to write our movies, okay? Because I think they can do something a little better than that.

What? I just remember, like, that was one of the first movies where, like, my mom was like, yo, this movie's fucked up, but I gotta watch it. And my mom's not really that kind of person. That was what your mom said? Yeah. The first in a long line of fucked up movies. Human Caterpillar, my next new shit. She's like...

That's a bong. That's not a dick suck. Wait, your mom came in and was like... Well, dude, I know your mom, and your mom isn't like that at all. Your mom was like, this is some fucked up shit. I gotta watch it. My mom was like, dude, you gotta watch CKY, and then also you need to watch Boxing Helena, dude. Faces of death. And kids. Yeah, I don't... That doesn't even ring even a small bell for me. Yeah, me neither. Nothing. Yeah, it was about that.

Normally, like when you guys talk about Labyrinth and shit that I haven't seen, I at least know that it's a thing. I have no recollection of this movie. I think it was, yeah, it was the dude. It was Julian Sands, who I know mostly from... Donkey! Donkey Boy? What? No, that's Julian Donkey Boy. Oh, what's Julian's? Donkey. The hiker who just was, his body was, he disappeared outside Los Angeles in the mountains. Wait, what? And then his body was just found like a little bit ago. The guy who wrote it? No, the actor. Oh.

The guy who put Helena in a box. The guy who was boxing. Can someone put this in the chat so I can follow along to what the fuck they're talking about? He was the dude. Yeah, producers, please jump in. He was also the dude from Arachnophobia that was like, Kalyna sounds familiar. He was in a bunch of shit. Oh.

- Oh yeah, I know who you're talking about. - And so they just, they found him in the woods? - He like fell or died or killed himself. I don't know the deal. - What? - Wow. - Very recently? - But like hikers found his body just a little bit ago. Yeah, guys. - Julian San. - Okay, yeah, but there needs to be a link. - You're like saying like this is a huge story. No one heard it. - It was a huge story. - What? - It was a huge story. - Hiker who found Julian San's body said he had wrong tools for the job.

Okay. Water. No, he showed up with one of those hammers that when you hit it, it squeaks. So he was fucked. That's kind of funny. Yes, points. British actor went missing in January while on a hike in California. Man. Yeah. It's a bummer. Never hike. Never hike. Yeah. Never hike. Not by yourself. Never by yourself. He was dressed like a ninja. Okay.

According to the hikers, he said he was dressed like a ninja. I read that and I'm like, well, then what? So then what happened? This is the weirdest story ever. Not if you know the guy. I bet he was hilarious. Sam's was wearing micro spike shoes, not crampons, which are, I guess, a thing which are believed to provide more grip. Crampons are the spiky things that you strap onto your shoes. Oh, was this dude like climbing shit?

I think he might have been like ice climbing and then like they found him after the snow. As a ninja? He was ice climbing like a ninja, which is a good way. In California? Oh, fuck. In the mountains. Were you not here this year when everyone was losing their minds and jizzing about the snow? No, that's right. It does snow in California. It snows right by my cabin. It snowed in like La Cunada. You're right. It snowed in my house here. You're right. You're right. It snows. Yeah.

Okay. I like how Kyle's finding new things about the state that he claims and he reps super hard. Yeah. Okay. I believe you. He's busy jerking off is what's happening. Bro, I'm getting thrown back super hard to blockbuster video right now. Okay. Go ahead. Go off, King. This guy was in the movie that I've never seen, but I remember the cover so well that as soon as I saw this word,

Do you remember the movie Warlock? Yes. I was waiting for it. He was Warlock, dude. Yeah. I've never seen this movie, but the cover was... Great movie cover. Let me look up this guy. Every time I saw it, I was like, oh, this movie is about to kick fucking ass, but maybe it's too demonic for me. This guy is a legend. I didn't remember it, but I definitely rented it a few times because of the box. Yeah, dude. He kind of looks like Kevin Enten. Well,

That sucks, poor guy. You try to be an epic badass and do ice climbing, which seems fun. I think he had done it a ton and then didn't do it after...

That sucks, dude. Right. That sucks. Damn. Well, boxing, I feel like boxing Helena was kind of like the first like human centipede, like where it was like, oh, you got to watch this shit because it's like. So what is the premise of this movie? So it's just like he chops her up into a box and just keeps her in. He loves her and he doesn't want her to leave. So he cuts off all her limbs and keeps her.

Okay. Relatable. Like one at a time, right? It's like, oh, now I got to cut this one off. Now I'm cutting this one off. I don't know. Was it a dream? I can't remember either, but I have seen it because I was like, this is right up my alley. This seems like Ders' perfect movie. Yes. It seems like something you would do. I might reboot it. Might reboot it. Yeah, dude. Oh, there you go. Rebuild. Yeah, dude. But make like the comedy version of it.

Like, it's pretty funny. Well, I might have to do a crossover with, like, Taco Bell. What's the $5 box that they have? Or is that KFC? Darn. Okay. Boxing hella tacos. Yes, points! Boxing hella tacos. I might have to do that there. You got that fourth meal? That's it. Into it. I might have to do that there. The horror movie of the century, Fourth Meal. That would be good.

I'd be into that. Well, we ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. What's fourth meal? You are. And then they just start eating you. Your fourth meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Oh, shit. Taco Bell vampires. Remember breakfast, lunch, and dinner was when Colin Farrell from his sex tape, when he was talking about eating the girl out. Oh, I could eat this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, mate. Yeah.

Yo, shout out to Colin Farrell. You had a sick ass sex tape. Did he? People don't talk about it enough. He turned it around. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember his sex tape. You don't? It was dope, dude. Yeah, it's weird that Blake has seen it so many times. No, we used to watch that. It was on in the writer's room. It was like early morning shit. Allegedly. No, it wasn't. No, wouldn't. Wouldn't. Couldn't. Shouldn't. Didn't. Allegedly. Allegedly. Right outside in our cars. Hello.

Off-premises. I remember now. I remember. It was in Target parking lot. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So he just says, like, I'll eat your pussy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? He liked it so much. Well, he's down there doing it, and he's like, oh, yeah, I live here. I'll eat here.

Will you make up more lines that didn't happen? No, no. Blake's doing lines. These are real lines. He said, oh, I'll build a 4,000 square foot house. I'll build a nice condominium right here.

Multifamily. I want to be a landlord. Oh, Cliffside Manor. I'll rent it out. Rent controlled so everyone can live here. I'm not even going to charge you rent, baby. I won't even charge. I'll give you the flat for free. Slurp, slurp. Yeah, put your coochie juices in the moat. You got to cover taxes. And the little alligators will be the pubic hairs. All you have to pay for is...

utilities cover taxes and you got cover utilities that's not included my buttholes the garage squatters right we share the workshop stay here for a while breakfast lunch and dinner

So when did this sex tape come out? I don't remember this one. A while ago. 2000s. You guys talking about it, I kind of remember it being a thing, but I don't think I ever saw it. It was 2000 and late. I think it was after when he was bullseye for Daredevil. He was like, his star was rising hard. 2005. He's got my star rising. Oh, 2005. That's...

That's really early in the Colin Farrell canon. Yeah, I wonder what is the sex tape drops timeline? Like, I would love to know the years. So, Pam and Tommy was one. Kim Kardashian Ray J was two, right? Paris...

Paris Hilton was before. Oh, Paris. Was Paris before? Oh, yeah. Paris was before Kim K, for sure. Not before Pam and Tommy. No. No, no. No, no. Just before Kim. So Pam and Tommy, Paris, Kim, then Colin? And then I feel like people try to get theirs in there, but it's like Vince Neil or whatever, and you're like, I don't want to see this guy fucking. Yeah. Did China have one? Oh, there was some wrestlers. China went full on for nothing.

- All right, flowers to China. - It was China and Six, right? Wasn't it? Was it them? - Now where was she? Where was China? Did she have like a hiking death or what did? - I got my take back. I'm sorry I brought that out. - How did China die?

I don't know. I'm going to see how she passed. Is she a Hall of Famer? You want to go in like a pretty exciting way. Like, I feel like if you're about to die, you should go on a quick ice hike. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that's true. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, you want it to be like at least a shocking thing to read. Yeah. If you feel a heart attack coming on, get to the top of a building. Mm-hmm. Quickly get to the nearest ice ledge. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah.

No matter what. Even if there's a defibrillator next to you. Yeah. Don't risk it. Chyna had a cocktail in her. She was like, she had anxiety drugs. She had a what? Chyna had a bunch of drugs in her system when she passed. It was an overdose. It looks like. That sucks. That's a bummer. That sucks. I mean, this is the tale as old as time for wrestlers. I mean, what they put their bodies through. Yeah, tragic. Yeah. The pain. Yeah.

uh it's china was a freaking legend she didn't even ever talk she didn't even have to talk she was just a boss first like i want to say like her first five years in like the wwe she just didn't even say a word she just stood there buff as fuck just holding the belt and being a woman in wrestling is just awesome she's dx that you can't get cooler than that she's freaking dx dude

Yeah, I know. She's rad. Yeah, she was DX with Triple H, right? Well, she can get cooler because she did a spinoff featured centered around her She-Hulk character titled She-Hulk Triple X. Yes. And was released to video in April 2013, so she could get cooler, okay? Give me a hell yeah! And I've got my copy. I've got my copy. I don't know where my copy is. Yeah, she went porno. Oh, wow. Look at this. Did you guys know Fred Durst?

Had his a sex tape? Yes. Fred Durst directed pornos. I think he didn't stop at the sex tape. I think he directed pornos. It's just one of those days. Please don't stop at sex days. It's just one of those days. I think that's tight. He had a video of him and an unknown woman having sex and it leaked onto the internet by a repairman who had been repairing his computer and he later sued Gawker, the website. Oh, wow. Gawker. And nine others for $70 million for publishing. Damn.

Damn. That's a lot. Damn. Gawker didn't, they didn't learn after that? This is one of them days when you're pouring no leaks. Wait. Didn't they get Hogan as well? Yeah. So like, what are they doing? Which was first? Which came first? The chicken or the? So Gawker was a trash. It was a real trash. Gawker was a trash ass fucking publication or website or whatever.

Oh, yes. They sucked. They were just stealing. I don't know anything about Gawker. They were making a movie. I read a script about it when they were greenlighting every movie about every company that started in the last 15 years. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They were good, though. During that wave, I read a script about specifically Gawker.

Gawker? The Hulk Hogan incident in Gawker, yes. Yeah. That's the one that has the documentary. There's a documentary out on that that follows the case. I'm sure it's good. That's the one where Hogan's like, I was in character. Or that was his like, there's like a... His character says the N-word? What the hell? Yeah, his character is pretty racist. I think we've done this exact thing on the pod before. And they'll probably put up a side-by-side of the exact like... Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. okay.

Right.

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When we go on tour, I wonder which show we will decide to take our clothes off for. Do you think it's early on? I'm thinking Salt Lake City, the last stop. I wonder too. My clothes will be staying on tour. They will be staying on. You think so, Kyle? You don't know. Dude, we'll see. We'll see once the crowd starts chanting free the nips, free the nips. Unless it's hot. If it's really hot, I might have to rock suspenders just to like,

lose everything on top of the suspenders. Just to have a little variety on stage. I bet Arizona, I bet we're going to get it out of the way pretty quickly. Arizona is a live nude show. Arizona is completely nude. We're billing it that way. Live dudes. You won't even need to buy the NFT of our buttholes. We'll give it to you free. We'll...

Well, one of you guys is going to have to make it. We'll check the hemis. We'll do it live. You're going to have to push it off your nose. We're not going to make it. That's the thing. We're not. We'll have my doctor do it. We'll do it live. He's already back there. He could check all of your buttholes for hemis. Oh, dude, your doctor could snap a pic. Oh, the doctor from last week. Yes. Okay. I remember. My doctor that I went to. It would be cool to have your doctor snap the pic for the quarter butt NFT. Yeah. That'd be tight. Just be like, hey, man, can you help me out?

Hey, Doc, while you're back there. Can you just get a full frame it right in the center? Center punch that thing? Is there a doctor in the house? Yeah. What if we get a doctor on stage? They take us backstage. They do a live nude inspection backstage. They come back with what's wrong with us. Physicals? And yeah, we do a live physical backstage. Is it called physical? I thought it was called live nude inspection.

This is just a physical. Yeah, Blake, what if? Hey, it's Adam. Come on in. You're due for your live nude inspection. Your yearly live nude inspection. Yeah, I like that. Here's one. In 2002, Nelly apologized after accidentally posting a video on his Instagram of him receiving oral sex. Oh, God. Which I like that. Oops. Been there, done that. Oops.

But wait, I feel like this. No, this was 2022. I thought it said 02. Really? Yeah, didn't that happen? That happens a lot. Like, didn't the... Who played Captain America? Who's the guy who played Captain America? Sweetheart. Oh, yeah. Chris. Chris Evans. How he posted, like, a story and it had an image of, like... His cock? Like...

It's just a fucking raging hard dick. It's hard. Sometimes you're texting your homies. The group text gets into the Instagram. You fucking post on the wrong place. It sucks. You keep saying this when you send me dick pics. And I'm like, again? And you're like, sorry, dude. Sorry, I thought I was posting this. What do you think, though? I thought I was sending this to my doctor.

What do you think, though? Doctor, is this normal? Fuck it! It's a boner. Yes, this is an erection. It's an erection, boy. Yeah, it's working. I knew it.

I knew it. I thought you were talking about the insurrection. I knew it. Yes, points. Okay, you could have some points for that. Insurrection. Oh, there we go. The insurrection. Insurrection. Insurrection. I'm like, there's something here. Oh, you want to know about January 7th? That was my insurrection. January 7th? The insurrection never happened. Not here.

Here's a good one. Do you guys remember the Scott stat, the lead singer of creed and kid rock sex tape? Okay. They fucked each other together on the bus. Threesome on the bus. Yes. By the way, all these, all these people are like, everyone just forgot about all this. What a weird reality. It was Scott stab. Uh,

in 2006 for a 1999 sex tape featuring Stapp and Kid Rock receiving oral sex from groupies on a tour bus. Well, I guess Stapp was there in the tape. Crushing Bud Lights? Allegedly! Just watching him saying, it's good to be king. Wow. It's good to be the king of beers, Bud Light. Allegedly!

Allegedly. And that's why Kid Rock is fucking... That's cool. This is the most allegedly episode ever. Dude, it's... It's pretty alleged. Yeah, this is very alleged. This episode's 37 minutes long, brought to you by... Allegedly. Do better. I mean, evidently...

It's real. It's on Wikipedia. It's fucking crazy. It's got to be real. It is fucking crazy. Sex tape culture is fucking nuts. It's crazy how many of our heroes, quote-unquote dicks, we've seen. Like, that just didn't used to be said. Sorry. Quote-unquote heroes, quote-unquote dicks. Quote-unquote dicks. Quote-unquote dicks. Quote-unquote dicks.

I think we haven't seen enough. Yeah, I'm with theirs. I feel like I haven't seen any of their dicks. Yeah. Quote, unquote, dick. I've seen Brett Favre's dick. I've seen Draymond Green's dick. I've seen... When did you see Brett Favre's dick? That was a classic. That's a classic. He posted his dick. He had a really small dick. It was crazy. He had a really small one? Brett Favre? Well, you know, it was fine. It was fine.

Dude, stop judging him. The problem is, is just judgment. And you saw Draymond's like in person? Draymond's was huge. I'm living in a nightmare. Hey, Blake, come here, dude. Check this out. Wait, you saw Draymond Green's dick? It's resting on your shoulder. He posted it on an Insta story one time. He didn't know. Just his limp cock?

He meant to send it to his doctor and then, yeah. Oh, yeah. He was sending a photo of his hard cock to his doc. Dude, that is so wild. It was a Zoom. That's a move, right? The accidental post. I don't know, man. Slow news day. Right. I think so. Especially if you got a big one, if you're packing some heat, you're like, oops, sorry about it.

Oh, my bad. Day it is. My bad. Drop. Oops. Interesting. Interesting. Who else's dicks have we seen? We saw Arnold's, right? Or did we see Dolph's? I can't remember. We saw Dolph's. Dolph's. Dolph's. But that was messed up. That was paparazzi. That wasn't him posting. Yeah, that's not okay. Although, rockin' the North Pole. Guys, I don't remember any of these dicks. How was Dolph's? I remember them all.

all. That's not okay. That's rude. That's invasion of privacy. I wish I never saw Dolph Lundgren's dick in that way. In that way. I'm not even saying I did. If he wants to show it, I'm happy to see it. But if he doesn't want to show it, I don't want to do that. I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled. The fur art is electric. But this whole like, oh, I got a picture of your dick. That's fucking wrong. We can all agree that's ethically wrong. Why do you seek my

Well, so how did that happen? Dolph Lundgren, how did it... This is like fappening style. Oh, it was like... Yeah, the fappening? Fuck the fappening, dude. That shit was fucked up, man. Yeah, that's right. Fuck the fappening. What's worse, the fappening or the happening? The movie. The Mark Wahlberg? Mark Wahlberg. They're both bad. It's a toss-up for me. I think one is disgusting and immoral, and the other is the fappening. It's just bad.

There was a bunch of naked pictures. Oh boy. That's how you write comedy. Let's go. That's a, that's a style of like jokes I would submit at real time. Bill Maher back in the day.

The old bait and switch. Master bait and switch. How much time did you have one-on-one with Bill Maher? Did you have any experiences just chatting him up? Yeah, a little bit. We're talking out of the year and a half or so that I worked there, eight hours to ten hours a day.

I'm thinking 30 minutes. Yeah, 30 hot ones. That's cool. Of you and him? Fixed his Blackberry one time. Oh, tight. Of you alone talking with him? Yeah, the door was open. What? Wait, did you say you fixed his Blackberry? Yeah, he had something going on with his Blackberry. He goes, you're young. Can you fix this? I'm like, yeah, let me do it.

You were his tech boy, dude. In 2006, Bill Maher, when someone was repairing his BlackBerry, released a photo of him getting a... That's one year after Colin Farrell. Wait a second. Colin Farrell's sex date was 2005. This is documented. This is documented. What did you see in that, man? Yeah, I think that was about it. 30 minutes. You know. Okay. I was like a grocery getter. I was like a sandwich shopper, you know? Yeah, I remember...

we got to go into the offices one day. It was like a weekend. Oh dude. Yeah. We would go in there and steal snacks. Yeah. And you were like, you have to come. It was like, you were going to get us like printing paper. You're like, Hey, we're going to print some scripts. And to date ourselves, this is like before iPads. Right. And printing scripts. Yeah.

Was not cheap. You had to go to FedEx. You had to go to FedEx Kinkos. Thank you. And to print a few scripts was like $30. Have printers gotten way better? Or do I just have money now so I bought a good printer? You've gotten rich. Is that it? Both. You got a laser one? You got a laser doggy? Get a laser doggy or what? Kung na!

I don't know. My printer now just works fine. It prints very well. I mean, yeah, not everyone's paying like $600 for like a laser printer that prints like 8, 12 pages a minute. But, yeah. How big is it though? How big is it? I kind of want one. Hang on. Let me show you.

Right now? How big is it? Oh, it's a big-ass printer. It's an interaction. But I remember our old printers where you had to load the paper on the top, and it would take literally half a day to print a fucking script, and you'd be like, oh, jeez. Oh, if you accidentally printed an image, it would be like, oh, fuck, that goes all my ink. Like, tear it out, tear it out. That's all the ink. I will say, though, the printer I have currently has been telling me for probably...

a year and a half or two years that i'm low on toner your boobs are huge and i'm just i'm still rocking with it and it's fine oh that's a racket dude because they like auto do that shit it totally is because that shit's expensive and i buy it what is toner let's go i go i go well i'll buy it until it really starts to run out and now i have like all this ink from two years ago it's a racket and it's probably gonna go bad and shacks schlepping this new stuff where you just pour it in yourself and

You pour it in, Shaquille. That's icy hot. What are you talking about? Shaq has a... Dude, that's Gold Bond. You put that on your feet and shit. No, Shaq... Gold Bond works for like Epson printers or whatever. Epson printers? Oh, when we're in Atlanta, we have to go to Shaquille O'Neal's Papa Murphy's. That's the best. Wait, Shaq has a Papa Murphy's? Yes. I mean, by the way...

Isn't Shaq the person whose dick we want to see the most, though? Yeah. Out of everybody in the world. I think you're right. Only if he wants to show it. I'll come back to it. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to force him to whip it out. I just want base level. We all know that that's base level. I want before Shaq dies. I just want him to be like, guys, everyone's been thinking about this. Here it is. Yeah. The big reveal. He's 85 years old. He's like.

I've got one last thing to do. Yeah. This is my penis. You're saying you want him to post to his story? His Instagram? Fucking accidental. You asked for it. You got it. You asked for it. This is my penis. He'll do it. He's got some shacks. I mean, how disappointing would it be if it's just like, because even a regular like seven inch cock would look way small. Hey.

There's a lot of things that's problematic about that. And I'm like, sorry, I didn't mean to offend you guys.

You didn't offend. You didn't offend at all. It's just I'm wondering where your reality is. Times three? Like, what's your reality? You know what I mean? That's about how big my dick is. And so that's what I consider a regular-sized dick. Well, we're in two different universes, buddy. Okay, so what is your... I mean, I don't want to speculate on how big your dick is or not big, but... You're Marvel. Kyle is DC. Kyle's DC. His dick

I'm not saying a damn thing. We're just in a couple different universes. Kyle's just sticking up for the everyman. He can't say that. I'm over here like, no. Well, I thought that's about, isn't that about average? Seven? I don't think seven is average. Six and a half, seven? Oh, no. You can't just be like regular seven. You can't just say that on air in public. You can't just do that. I don't think that's obscenely big.

It's definitely not regular. You said regular. It's science. Like, that's fucked up. Kyle's crying. I thought that was the average. I thought like six and a half, seven inches was the average. I think you might have a small penis, Kyle. And that's okay. I don't care. Adam, I think your national average is off. I think you're... Well, let's look it up. That's what I'm saying. I think that's old data. I think that's 2005 data. That's Colin Farrell data. Right.

National average. We like to embellish. I just don't think that this should be something that we embellish because I think that people need us for solace. They need to hear that, you know. What Adam's saying is that even if it's 80%,

eight or nine inches. Yeah, even if it's a big penis. I'm disappointed. Okay, now we're talking. Even if it's a big... Oh, dude, the average is so fucking small. Goodbye. Stop! The average size of an erect penis is 5.1 inches. Yeah, that's weird.

5.1 to 5.5. Yeah, what? Oh, yeah, right, yeah. Then why aren't there funnier movies? Yeah, that's fucking weird, dude. That's a trip. That's a fucking weird. That's a trip. That's a trip, dude. Are you kidding me?

That was like me in fucking fourth grade probably. Wake up! Okay. Wait, Blake, where are you going with this? I want to follow you, bud. What are you talking about? My dick's gotten bigger. Oh, okay. By the way, but like, we're all joking, but that's definitely like a pretty cool confidence booster. Yeah. For some. I'm feeling pretty good over here, yeah. Yeah, for some. Pretty cool. That's cool. If you had one wish... Bigger dick. Go ahead. To reveal...

a penis of someone, who would it be? No, small. I feel like that was the whole beginning of this conversation is that it's Shaq. Yeah, well, Blake just decided to get up and... Yours is Shaq. Yours is Shaq. Everyone's a Shaq. Who else do you want to see besides Shaq? Yeah, I think Shaq is the right answer because, like I was trying to explain and then you guys teed off on me for saying a regular-sized seven-inch dick. Jesus! So even if it's huge, even if it's 12 inches, even if it's a monster fucking...

crazy cock that you only see in in porno movies it would look small on shack sure right so if he has a 5.1 inch cock it's gonna look like a goddamn micro which is fucking great fantastic anybody listening that's a great honestly beautiful and you are somebody but to be honest yes thank you what's what's cool about shack is that there's no way it's five there's no way it's seven

It could be nine, which would be the biggest letdown of my life. Letdown? Why is that a letdown? Shaq has a small penis for his body. For Shaq. For Shaq.

He would be disappointed with his nine inch cock. Would he though? Because proportionate proportionately, that would be very small for him. So if he was a small person, he would have like a three inch cock. You want to see it? You keep asking about it. I might as well show it to you. Yeah. I don't think no matter what size Shaq's dick is, I do not think he's disappointed at it. All right. He's not, he's chilling with his dick and that's what he's been doing his whole life, bro. He's all good. Yeah. Uh,

I am so glad that I'm able to control my penis now. Like, I wouldn't be shocked if he if it turned out to be 14 inches. I would believe it if he didn't show if he didn't show it. He's like, I'm not going to show it. But he said it was 14. I go, I think from I mean, for sure. I think Shaq is the correct answer. You're saying if you had one wish to reveal a male penis, you guys are saying Shaq's.

It's Shaq or it's you? It's me. I want to see what you're working with. It's me. It's Blake. See, I would want, I don't know if I could pick one person. I want to be amazed. I want someone, if you said like, I want to, like if Michael Cera is just like, actually I have a 11 inch cock. That's what I would like to see. Someone that you, that you don't see. And by the way, if Michael Cera had a eight or a nine, I'd be like, holy shit. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right? But if Shaq had a nine, I'd go, oh, really? Poor guy. Yeah. I'm not revealing it. I'm not revealing it to be impressed. Great ass! Until you get to St. Louis, Missouri.

Live on stage, the VIP ticket. I'm not revealing it to be impressed. I'm not revealing it. I'm revealing it because I'm trying to think of a person that I want to like. I'm like, huh? I wonder. Envision their cock. You were thinking about men's cocks all the time. Don't make it weird. You're making it weird now. Don't do that. No, dude. I've talked about this before. I think that historically it would be. One of these historic sleepovers that you've had with your hobbies. Go ahead. What about them? What about them? I think it would actually be.

I think it would actually...

add a lot of important information to how society was formed, how people come to power if we revealed historically historical men's penis sizes. Yes, yes. So you want it to have historic ramifications. It would be cool. It would be interesting. Because of his 11-inch cock. When you say ramifications, I like that. Yes. I'm saying, does Elon Musk have a huge...

Or? Or is he? Is it? Is it super small and he's like just outputting so much to get over his small cock? I think he's above average. I think he's big. Because isn't he like 6'5"? Yeah, he's a big guy. Yeah, but you don't know. I don't know like what drives. No, I think you're right. He's like, he's also king of the nerd.

you know, so I feel like he had that confidence. Yes. Which is weird. But nerds, you tend to think nerds have small, small penises. They don't. I don't think that. They don't. They don't. I don't think that. I do not think that. This is what makes the world interesting. I tweeted this a thousand years ago. This is what makes the world interesting. I'm still gonna say that. This shit's interesting. But what makes the world interesting is nerds with huge dicks and dorks with perfect tits. They...

The fact that that exists just keeps this crazy world swirling. It's true. It's like, well, wait a second. Where did she get those? Where did he get that? Ders is making a lot of great points this time. What are you doing with that there? What are you doing with that?

those under there huh what keeps this whole damn world swirling it does i think that's good yeah yeah because if everything was as you expected you'd be like well for sure he's gotten sheep well we see what she'll get well wait a second right yeah hold on a minute what's he got over there sweetheart take your glasses off

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Who do you think has a big cock? Historically, since you want to bring history into this. Oh, historically. Durs and I were just thinking it'd be cool to see Shaq's giant cock. John Wayne. Does John Wayne got a big old dick? That's a great question. The over-reaction on that is crazy. He's a big man. He's a big man. No, I'm saying like Gandhi is...

Hauling around a fucking hog dude right because he just had big big dick energy is what you're saying like just The biggest dick energy like nothing fucking he was in flappable My man is unflappable

That shit was like mind, body, soul, everything. Yeah, but he's wearing the little like kind of the dress. I don't want to say diaper, but like, but you couldn't see, wouldn't you have seen it flop out at one point? Exactly. That's why he didn't wear, he didn't wear traditional garb because he just had to

I think it was pretty traditional garb. I thought it wore the most traditional garb for post-colonial India. Yeah, but how often was he kicking it with them? I feel like he was a bit of a journeyman. He was like...

What? And I want you to finish your sentence and then tell me what this is based on. Wait, what? I feel like my dude just like... No, Gandhi had a one-of-one style. Nobody was wearing that get up. Nobody was wearing that. What do you mean? Every fucking... They all wear that...

little fucking like if you're out in like the sticks and like you weren't part of like the British bullshit that took over and like you think you were wearing the Western bullshit the wrap and over the shoulder like that yes what do you think he was the Ralph Lauren of that era and made that shit up I think he was saying I don't need anything like monks every monk dresses like that great show great show Tony Shalhoub he had a little more steez I feel yeah I feel like he was like I don't Tony Shalhoub

Huge dick. Gotta be. There's no way. There's no way it's small. I don't know. I feel like part of what Gandhi was... Like...

His thing was I don't need earthly possessions, so I'm just going to tie this kind of curtain around me and then that's what's up. But also I'm going to hide my huge lap hop. Can I just say that I don't want to offend anybody. He was not wearing a curtain. I know, but I'm just saying just material. He was wearing material in a way that I think was pretty traditional for India that was hearkening back to what they wore previous to the colonial era.

That being said, probably huge guts. That being said... Adam, I'm right there with you. I can see that. So cool. So that's who you want to see is Gandhi's dick. A religious figure, sure. Kyle, go.

And by the way, it's just good to be back. It's good to be back. Yeah, it's good. Let's go! John Wayne's interesting. And when we get to Phoenix, come on stage and show us your hammer. What about... I stay by wanting to see...

I don't know who I would call out. I would like to call out whoever it would be the most. This is like the ice bucket challenge. The most surprise. It's the most surprise. I want to call out Shaq. Somebody who's like not known for being a cool, big, tough guy. Like Shaq, you expect him to have a huge cock.

But like, what about Timothee Chalamet? Maybe the thing is that if he doesn't, maybe you want to see Timothee Chalamet's cock. I bet Chalamet has like a David Bowie style dick where he's like so thin that even seven looks gargantuan on him. The thinner you are, the bigger it is. The bigger it looks. It is. I think it actually is bigger. Yeah. And when we get to Medford, we're going to see it. He's joining us on stage.

I think your dick is actually bigger when you get skinnier. I don't think it appears just skinnier. I think you're uncovering parts of your dick when you get skinnier. You either have diarrhea or you don't. Does that make sense to anybody else? It does not, Kyle. I think what you're talking about is your pubic mound grows as you gather fatty tissue. And so then the base of your dick is stuck in the sunken place. Correct.

That's right. And then you uncover that. And then you uncover that. That's what's been happening to you, Kyle. That's why it's so top of mind. You're like, you're going like, oh, look at it. It's growing. Your penis is unfurling. I got a couple of nice months. Yes. Okay.

Wait, were you at a point where you would look down and not see your dick? No, no, no, no, no. Hey, nice. And you were up to 270, so that tells me something about you. Yeah, I know. 270. Yeah, yeah, you know. Let's just say I saw my dick at 270. How big is it? Regular 16 inches over here, bro. Regular 16, dog. Yeah.

Flapping, baby. He's unflappable. My dick's unflappable. Wait, but Kyle, who's your guy? Because I agree with Adam. I agree with Adam who is the person you'd be shocked to see. But the cool thing about Shaq is that you're shocked if it's nine inches, which is a glorious thing. Nine inches is fine. Well, you're shocked anyway with Shaq.

That's why I think he was the perfect choice. He has the least disappointing penis. No, because if you said a foot, I'd go... Yeah, but that's still a huge cock and admittedly kind of cool to see. I know, but it's not surprising. Yeah, but that'd be cool. It'd be cool. Like a dick the size of your arm? Well, that's... Adam already said...

Adam's looking for a surprise, right? You're looking for a surprise. I love the like, hey, so did you watch last night? Yeah. Unbelievable. Very cool. What was your favorite part? Just the part where he pulled it out. I know. It was just like, okay, that's 12 inches right there. That's 12 inches of just meat. He's just like me. Yeah.

Don't care. Just average. Stars are just like us. He's just like me. Okay, so Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. What? Who's home? I don't know. Who do I want to see? I don't want to see anybody living. I would want to be digging people up to understand what they say. Well, Blake did the same thing. That's fine. But that's also a dangerous game because I think they got like Jimi Hendrix cock and it's kind of small. Like Napoleon? Really? They found him? Oh, yeah. Jimi Hendrix. There's a woman who made

molds of it. Well, didn't they, there was, yeah, the plaster. Yeah. And she needed like extra plaster. Oh, tight. She like ran out of fucking paper mache. Of all kinds of celebrities, which is really cool. I wish there was like someone in the comedy community that just wants to plaster everyone's cocks. Andy Dick. Andy Dick. John Mulaney's cock.

Andy Dick's cock. He never did yours. No, no, no. He was doing it. John Lovitz's dick. Dude, I've never seen this Hendrix dick. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Oh, you can find it. It's online. It was called Plaster Casters or something, right? Wasn't that the name of it? She was like a pretty... It was a woman. Yeah. Yes, she was a very famous... Do we say groupie? Groupie, yeah. That's like a bad word now, but like...

Well, now it is, but then it was a badge of honor. Oh, it's a whole documentary, dude. It's a whole documentary. How do we pronounce this, Todd? Pamela DeBarris? Yeah. DeBarris. DeBarris. Oh, it's DeBarris. Cast of Jimi Hendrix's Penis goes on show in Iceland. Yeah. Latest member of Museum's phallic collection. So I think we got to take the podcast to Iceland. Iceland.

Look out. To specifically go to this. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah, so Jimi Hendrix had the biggest plaster caster. That's what it's saying. Yeah. He rocked it. He rocked it. Dude, he crushed. What a bummer, by the way. I like that. And Penny Lane in Almost Famous, who is Kate Hudson's character, that's who it's based on. Pretty radical. That's so cool, man. Gotta be an amalgam. Gotta be like an amalgam, right?

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Wow. That's a fake name. Yeah, it is, obviously. But I feel like that woman was not young. Or maybe she's old now. I don't fucking know. Anyway, you're right. We should have the comedy plaster. Who? The plaster caster woman? Yeah, that would be cool. She passed away in 2022. How old was she? Fucking good one, man. Fucking shout out. She was 70. All right.

I love it. 77, I think. 69. Damn. 69, dudes. These things are right there for you, Blake. You want to make it to 80. You want to make it to 80. You want to make it to 80. You want to make it to 90, dude. I mean, I'm sure she lived a pretty radical life if she's casting all of these famous cocks, you know? Yeah, that's really cool, man. She lived a pretty radical life. I bet she was casting out at 78 or whatever. I bet she was like, that was a good life. 74. 74? Yeah.

74, good year. I want to make it to 80. That's my goal. By the way, you have to keep a boner for all that time because she's doing the plaster on you. That takes hours to... No, it's your limp cock, I think. No, it's not. Your boobs are huge. It isn't. It's a hard cock. I think it's hard. I believe so. Why would you want limp? I think it's hard. But I also think that plaster is pretty fast-setting. I'm living in a nightmare. I think it's fast-setting plaster. How fast? And it's warm, and it's warm, so that probably feels pretty good.

I'm just telling you, I imagine there was some sort of technique. Now, I did an art class in high school. I did paper mache, and it sets pretty fast. Well, this isn't paper mache. This is plaster. It's not paper mache. Well, I go around. Paper mache, my favorite comedian's cocks. I've got Will Sasso. I've got Anders Holm. That's got to be big. Oh, that's got to be mass. Sasso. Well, you did it, you said, so. Fred Armisen, Hugh...

Yeah. Fred Armisen's dick for sure has like a style to it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's cool. Yeah. Or if you saw it in a lineup, you'd be like, it's that style. Look at that. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Look at the lean. That one's leaning too cool. The Honda Ridgeline. Yeah.

You know? His dick's doing an impression of someone else's dick. Oh, that's kind of cool. I think this episode is just going to be the guys talk about other male penises for 55 minutes. Let's go! We've done it before. Never for this long. Like part two? Never for this long. Who would you be shocked to see if they had a big wang? Let's go! Um...

Shocked. I don't know. These are great questions. Nothing's shocking anymore, you know? Yeah, I think you'd be shocked if Vanna White pants Pat Sajak on the Wheel of Fortune. Oh, that's a good one. And he just has a huge cock. You'd be like, whoa!

I think that'd knock you on your ass a little bit. Like a very meaty. It would change the trajectory of his career. He's been doing Wheel of Fortune for, what, 40 years? He immediately is in the next Mission Impossible. Yes, dude. He's immediately a giant movie star. He's in Expendables. Yeah.

Oscar nod. He's got the Oscar nod. Yeah, they just give him a nod as soon as Vanna pulls the pants down. We're like, we get it now. I will say I saw Vanna White at some charity thing a few years ago. I was like, what a pull. And I was starstruck by her. There was other really famous people there. And Vanna White was the one I kept just looking at her. I bet she was like, wind it up.

I mean, you recognize her without somebody being like, Hey, that's Vanna White. I don't know if I'd recognize her. Yeah. I recognize Vanna White. Yeah, you would. And it knocked you on your fucking ass. I'd pants. I think if I was in the dairy section of the grocery store and she was like, excuse me, like, can you get the fuck out of my way so I can grab some Ben and Jerry's? I don't think. I mean, it's like, there's a lot of celebrities there. So it wasn't like, yeah, I might not. I think I would. Yeah.

It depends on if you're in the middle of Wisconsin, I would be like, well, that's not Vanna White. But like if you were in Beverly Hills at a grocery store, I might be like, that's Vanna White. I don't think I would. Dude, I'm looking at her face now and it's not even registered. She has to be turning letters. Dude, she was stunningly beautiful. I'll say that. This person I would have never recognized. And I was truly starstruck.

I did not see that coming. Did you watch a lot of Wheel? Yeah, are you a Wheel guy? I think I did as a kid. I think I was a Wheel guy. I never liked Wheel. Yeah, I love watching Wheel. I love Wheel, dude. I never liked Wheel. I went to a Wheel taping. What? At the McCormick Place of Chicago. Yeah, a kid in elementary school was like,

hey do you want to come to a wheel of fortune taping they came to Chicago and we went and we sat in a gigantic auditorium at this like convention center so far away that I was like who cares I'm not exaggerating when I say like it'd be like watching a basketball game in like a football arena yeah

it was that far away that you kind of are understanding what's happening and there's no speakers. It's just kind of happening way over there, but you're there. They, you know, they asked me to do wheel of fortune and I backed out. I said yes. And then I backed out, uh, using the strike as an excuse. But, uh, but really I was like the strike happened. I'm like, good. I can back out of it because I can't spell worth shit, dude. Dude. I fucking love like, I'd like to buy a bowel pee. Yeah, totally. Totally.

I don't know. I was like, I know for myself, I would just eat shit up there. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I know I would do better on Jeopardy. I know I would. Really? Yes. I would wheel over Jeopardy all day. Okay. When I watch Jeopardy, I'm okay. But when I'm guessing the thing, I never get it. I never get it. It can be fully written up there and I'll be like, I don't know. Right.

But Jeopardy, I can do that. I don't think I'm the man. I would for sure lose. Yeah. But I would embarrass myself less in Jeopardy. I think I'm the opposite. Right. What do you think is your, like, what's your bread and butter as far as trivia? Hmm.

As far as trivia goes? Yeah. So Jeopardy is a trivia show, essentially. Yeah. Yeah, but they talk about everything on that show. They talk about everything. But they talk about, I mean, anything pop culture I'm pretty good at and history I'm pretty good at. Okay. So like pop culture.

Pop culture. Okay. How many world wars have I been in? I like that switch. We've been talking about this for quite a while. Okay. So pop culture, pop culture. I feel like, but that's the, do you think you have like a specialty that is like Massachusetts will be trivia night on the tour? Do you have like a surprising, like, Oh, I didn't know Adam knew about that. Cause most people would say pop culture because that's kind of,

unavoidable. Yeah. Unless you're like, yeah, living in a lighthouse. What's your super specialty? What do you deep, deep dive? You know, the most about, I mean, nothing. I think I would be pretty bad at the game. I don't think I'd be great. I think, I think I would suck better there than wheel of fortune. I think I would be better than will afford where you just have to spin a wheel and say letters at stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, Wheel is so much easier than Jeopardy. Jeopardy is... You're like, I know music and movies for the last 20 years. Jeopardy is so hard. Letters and words. Yeah, letters, nah, I can't do it. I can't do it. What's a Pi-he phrase? Well, I knew we just did Family Feud, so I'm like, I also was like, well, am I just going to do every goddamn game show? So brutal. Great episode. I did Price is Right, which was...

my favorite game show. So I already was like, well... Are you good at knowing how much things... Like the first question? Dude, I didn't think I was going to be good at it because I haven't like grocery shopped in forever. It was a bagel. You know, I don't... It was a bagel. But I... Really? But I was so fucking good at it. I won $100,000. They were like, this is the most a celebrity has won on the show. Whoa. Oh my God. Yeah, I was just great at it. For who? For what? For...

Can I get some money? For Children's Miracle Network. Let me get some money. They matched what the contestant won. So it's basically I'm paired with the contestant and I help them guess things. He says contestant. Oh, that's cool. Contestant. That's fucking dope. So Drew... Wait, was that before Famicom? Yeah, it was...

It was the first thing I did back from the pandemic. So you did The Price is Right with Drew Carey, but still couldn't remember Bob Barker. Yeah. Loose butthole. Yeah, dude. Hey, the spotlight burns hot. Yeah. It does. I couldn't think of a word that started with S. I'm telling you, I could not believe I couldn't get Bob Barker. Yeah. Couldn't believe it. I hope.

Anybody who's seen the Family Feud episode between Anders and Adam's families, the Divines First of Home. It's not between us. It's with us. What do we stop? It was between. When your mom served up Drew Carey, I'm like, I know who it is now. Your mom pulled it, and I'm like, that's what it is. But was that the last guest? It was a great episode. Well, it was Bob Barker. It wasn't Drew Carey, but you're right. I know, but was she the last guest of your family? No. Chloe guessed a good one, which was Regis.

Yes. Yeah, that's a great one. And then it was... Oh, from Millionaire. I didn't even... And then it was Drew Carey. And then it went to you guys. And we had already had Bob Barker in the pocket. And I fully blanked. I said, I just don't know, which is so embarrassing, dude.

You said you don't know? You didn't put anything out there? No, because they only give you a few seconds to say something. And I was like, right. Yeah, it's hard. Family feud is hell of like, that's got to be anxious. It's gotten harder. No, it has not. I wouldn't say it's gotten harder. It's not the easiest shit for us. Yeah, it was not hard. I think it's gotten way harder. They're like, what's a thing, you know? And you're like, air? Air?

ding ding water well it's definitely got way more sexual like the answers are hella sexual oh my god I couldn't even let some of my kids watch that shit you couldn't yeah it got hella sexy no I couldn't watch your dad talk about a ball gag your dad talk about ball gags that shit's important I mean our manager Isaac's kids watched it and they were like what's a vibrator daddy and he was like

Bend over and I'll show you. The coolest thing about when your dad said ball gag is he followed it with Steve. He's like, ball gag, Steve. Well, he didn't say ball gag. Ball gag would have been the home run. Oh, no. He said rubber ball. He goes, rubber ball, Steve. I love how he says Steve. I love that. It's so good. The saving grace, by the way, is them cutting to your mom being like, I don't even know what that is or what that means. What? Because if your mom was like this. Oh, a ball gag. Oh.

If your mom looks hella guilty. Yeah, my mom just goes, yeah, yeah. Let's go. That would have been prime time. You know what?

I think I know my wish for the dick reveal I want. I want that Steve Harvey dick, man. What is he got in those pleats, brother? It's got to be good. It's got to be good. Let's go. Oh, it's got to be so good. I don't think it's shocking, but I think it's healthy. It's vibrant. Yeah. And it has six buttons going down the front of it.

It's a cool color. And his pubes are his mustache. It's just his mustache framing it. His dick is just his face, but his nose is extra long. What? Let's go. Let's go. What about Einstein's dick, dude? How about fucking Einstein's dick? There you go, Kyle. There you go. Sure. Not impressive. No, I like that. No, but I want to know.

I want to know too. It's all about the history. He's European, right? Yeah. It's probably not. Why do you want to know? Because he's a genius. Yeah. No. Okay. Okay. And I'm just looking for answers. Yeah. Do you want to see Stephen Hawking stick? Sure. Kind of.

Yeah, that's another great answer. Yeah, I would rather see Stephen Hawking's dick. I would love to take great minds and look at their dicks. That's what it is. Exactly. Kyle gets the game. Well, you know who's packing? My boy Oppenheimer.

That guy built the atomic bomb. You got to have a big swinging cock for that kind of work. Or the exact opposite. And he's just trying to blow up the world because he's so mad at how small his dick is. Good point. Right. The bomb is a metaphor. Well, that's like Napoleon. Napoleon had a small dick. That's in a jar somewhere. Like, and you're like, oh, yeah. Yes. Napoleon. Can we see it? You have it or you want to see it?

It's in a jar somewhere. It's in a jar somewhere. Let me get it. Kyle bought it off of Nicolas Cage. So are there any take-backs, apologies, any epic slams, giveaways? Yeah, I mean, I guess we got to take back this whole darn tootin' thing. Probably should, yeah. Just...

I liked it. I'll stick by this one. I want this one to be, if people remember anything about my career in showbiz, I want it to be this episode of This Is Important Podcast. I want to apologize to anybody who was offended by Adam saying the national average was 7.5 inches. I didn't say 7.5. I said 7, and I thought that was fairly reasonable. I thought it was 6.5 or 7 inches.

I didn't know it was. He said regular. I would think it would be over six. Yeah. Well, it has never, ever. Five to five and a half seems low. And, but yeah. And I would love to apologize. No, that was some bullshit. That was on some bullshit. Cause if,

Never in any conversation have you ever been like the average dick in America is seven inches. There has never been a conversation that has that. And Adam decided to say that right now. For what reason, huh? For what reason? I think he just said he was like, this is what I have and I feel like this is what people have. Sixty-nine!

I think it was a fucking put on. It was weird, dude. Hey, and you'll find out in Arizona. In Arizona, you're going to find out. Now that Adam's got it out and I see it. You want to see it? Actually, that's who I want to see. When we go to Massachusetts. I've seen Adam's dick. If you come to the Medford show, you might see it. Come to Medford. Get your tickets, baby. It's going to be a hot.

Yeah, if you're going to go to Medford, Massachusetts, the 15th, you might see it. Chicago, Illinois, Phoenix, Arizona, Long Beach, Denver, St. Louis, Cleveland, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, Indianapolis, Louisville, Alabama.

Atlanta, Salt Lake City, and Seattle. You want to see it? Yes, points! I mean, that's got to be the fucking... You want to see it? You want to see it? You've been talking about it. Might as well show it to you. The live TII Nation show. At some point, it's coming out. So buy tickets at TIItour.com. TIItour.com. Anything else, Kyle? Anything, Kyle? I just want to make sure it's been said and...

All these stones have been turned over. I'm good. It's good. It's been nice talking with you guys. It's been good. Blake, what are you drinking out of that glass? I think it's just a cup water. A cup water. It was just wax. That was a candle you drank out of? Yeah, just drinking wax. Okay, and that was another episode of...

This is important. This is important. This is important. This is important.

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