Ep 154: Live From Boston: Say Less
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And in that time, I will run down seven stories, everything from the most important headlines to fascinating new information you might miss otherwise. My name's Hannah Jewell. Go follow The Seven right now, wherever you're listening, and we will get you caught up.

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warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical oh my god this is important it's gonna start dropping two episodes a week episodes are gonna be dropping on tuesdays and thursdays isn't that hilarious we're on the tour now guys and uh we're churning out epps so get ready it's gonna be a wham it's gonna be a bam thank you ma'am

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important... Four, like, 40-year-old guys just talk about buttholes and cum for an hour and a half. You know, sometimes by accident, things slip inside. Take the spotlight off me, asshole! We just touched cum a little bit. Hello?

Let's goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioio

We're out here. What's up, Medford? I don't know if you guys heard on, like, it might have been our last podcast. I didn't know that there was a T in there. Massachusetts. That's not how I've said it. Not how you raise. What are you saying? You say Massachusetts. Choo-choo-choo. Choo-choo-choo. Is that not right?

Evidently not. But then you said you heard a weatherman this morning say Massachusetts. Well, maybe it was biased thinking because I heard it. I'm like, that's how I say it. Right. Is it like a local thing? Is it like when you really know the place, you can call it Massachusetts? Well, it's a state.

Yeah. Is it? Yeah. That's okay. It still could be local. A state in the union. I should know how to pronounce it. Yeah. I don't say Virginia. No. I say Virginia. But arguably better name for a state. Yeah. Kind of cool. What's up with Penis-lo-vay-nia? Wow. Wow.

Can't be stopped. I'm trying to get points. Blake, give yourself points for that. Yeah, let's get some points. I'm trying. I'm trying to load the freaking board. We did a whole freaking tech and already freaking blew it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Blake, just close Chatterbait and get the board going, please. Okie dokie. Oh, I just heard something. Okie dokie. We got some. Whoa. Yeah.

We got some wizards in the front row. This is tight. That's very cool. Dude. Shit. That hat. I didn't know that other realm had opened up, but evidently they're in the front row. I'm buzzing off. I don't know about y'all. They're wearing like the actual. That Toby hat. I can't find. Toby can't find his hat. Where did you get that?

- Huh, you made it? - Yeah. - You into another realm or something? - Yeah, they got-- - Kyle, you have to say the answer that she just gave you, no one can hear her. - Yeah. - Damn, yeah. - I like to think she just said eBay. - Right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Kyle never looked there. - Someone's making a lot of money selling wizard hats. - Yeah, yeah. - It looks good, you look good. That's what I'm trying to say, you look fantastic. - Wait, so is this Hurricane for real? - Is it happening outside? - Are we all gonna have to live here for the rest of our days?

I don't know. I didn't feel it. There was some wind today, but that was about it. This is like a 36-hour... 69, dudes! Sorry, sorry. This is like a 36-hour podcast because we're not able to leave. Oh! Yeah. Wow, shut in with Medford. We can do it.

Shelter in place. We're just blackout drunk by the end of it. They're like, they couldn't string sentences together. Adam already has a hard time speaking. That was brutal. The police are like, don't tell them the hurricane blew over. Just keep them in there. Just leave them in there. Yeah, they're boarding the doors shut. You can't leave. I think my favorite part about doing the tour so far, it's our first date. Nice one. Nice one.

This is it. We had to start in Boston. I love it here. You guys are cool. I think my favorite is seeing like the DMs of people getting ready for the show just pounding buzz balls. The pregame. There were so many, dude. If you thought you were the only one, you were wrong. Because I got like 60 DMs of people being like, we're all

Yeah! Accurate. Wait, but before our podcast, who here already had buzz balls in their drinking repertoire? How did we do this? How did we find ourselves? So, yeah, before even hearing about it, you know, we're buzzing off. And not that we discovered it. We're not saying that. I feel like if you are into our, like, kind of comedy...

you might drink a buzz ball. Yeah, right, right. You're in that weird part of the liquor store a lot. If you drive with one foot out the window. That weird part of the liquor store, they're like, why is there cobwebs? Right. How long has this been here? Look at this Big Naturals from 1970. They don't make them like that anymore. Yeah, bazoombas. Oops, sorry. Okay. Whoa, Kyle.

Kyle. Yeah. You guys know what big naturals are? They say bazoombas. Yeah, I said bazoombas. I said bazoombas. I apologize. We're a live audience. People are affected, dude. I really am so sorry I was crass just then. I apologize to the entire room. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. All right, thank you. The best. Lying. Kyle got out and played some pickleball today. I did. You did. You did.

You guys really want to talk about it. Okay. Well, yeah. Well, I played that guy right there. Do not come. We played. We did. What happened? It was great. It was great. You say it's great, but what does that mean? You lost? No, I lost one game. We were going to do best of three. We decided that. Best of three games to seven.

Blake fucking almost pickled me game one. I'm gonna come. Don't even know what that means. What does that mean when you say he almost pickled you? In order to climb out of the pickle jar, you have to at least get one point. Okay. So he almost shut me out basically. It was 7-0. It was almost 7-0. Is this part of pickleball or is this like slang? Well, this is slang around the pickleball. I know, but just...

Just so everyone understands what you're talking about. Goodbye. He almost pickled me, but I climbed out of the pickle jar, and the first game was seven to one. Naked grandma! And then, Blake, I'll let you tell them what happened the next two games. Just to wrap it up, he won. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He won. He won. I mean, my God, we started off with pickleball talk, minute three. Hey, he did it. I didn't do it. Yeah, now we got to get in some luggage talk. You're right. Oh, baby. The fancy.

LOOSE BUTTHOLE. It's so weird. You guys really like luggage talk? Yes! I mean... Yes! See, the thing you don't understand about luggage, Blake, is we all have luggage. You're in the airport...

You're looking at the... That's a quality product, Samsonite. Yo, that's what I'm rocking right now. I'm rocking Samsonite right now. You're Samsonite? I'm Samsonite till I die. What'd you come to Medford with? I came to Medford with an Away roller bag.

Sure. And I like it. I'm going to upgrade my lifestyle and get that Ramoha. Okay. I kind of forgot how to say it halfway through. Didn't you notice that? Right. Much like your states. For the away, do you have to pop out the thing, though? They have the charger you can plug in your phone, which is a very cool feature, but they make you pop it out, right? And then those son of a bitches. Pop it out! Pop it out!

Hey, dude, say less, bro. Say less. That's the thing we're saying now. We're saying say less. Guys, we're saying say less. We're trying to be hip and cool like the cool youngsters. We're trying to say less more. Yes, thank you. Eloquently said. So there's going to be a lot of say less. The first time I heard say less, I was doing a podcast with Carmelo Anthony, the basketball player. Okay. Yeah, not the chef.

And not the architect. The b-baller. Yeah, the b-baller. You don't even have to say the last name. Carmelo? That's hot. Sounds like a tasty treat. Yeah, it would be a chocolatier. For sure it's chocolatier. Dessert king. Just caramel and marshmallows. That's all he works with. That's it. I think I see what you did there, dog. I mean...

Oh, yeah, dude. I'll wait to that point. This dude's comedy brains. Blake, say less. Sorry. So you're with Carmelo Anthony, the basketball player. Oh, right. Yes, sir. Say more. Remind me of what I was talking about five seconds ago. I don't know more. I'm asking. I'm like telling a story and he goes, say less. And it's like over Zoom, right? And so I'm like, okay, fuck. Yeah, whoops. It might have been a rambler. It came on your podcast. Yeah.

It was like also, I felt uncomfortable because it was like you had to have a wine that you're drinking and I'm not much of a wine guy, so I just have garbage wine that I got from a gas station. Dude, you could just hold a buzz ball like a wine glass and just be... Wow. Yeah, I didn't think of that. You know what, dude? That's a good product. If you had a stem on that, that would be epic for the buzz ball. That would really class up the buzz ball. If you could...

Set that buzz ball down. Oh, what year is that? You're like, oh, what year is that? It burns! It burns! It's toxic! It's toxic! And for the connoisseurs, what flavor is your buzz ball? This is a legendary Cran Blaster. Dude, that sounds like something like the first guy that finger banged in like 8th grade. Right.

Came out the gate a little hot. So what did you guys do anything? I crayon blasted her. Whoa. That's some points. Give them points. The best artist in kindergarten. Yeah, okay. I'll give you the first points of the tour, baby. Yes, points. That's big. That's big. Yes, points. All right. Put my sword back in its sheet.

I remember where I was when Adam got his first points of the tour. He fucking said, Cranblaster. I literally just repeated what you just said and mentioned finger banging. All right, now go play with your sister.

This is in the future when... They're like, Daddy, when did you meet Mommy? I read about points in my history book at school. Tell me more.

That's a bad book right there, I'll tell you what. Well, it was a podcast and they stole a bunch of other bits from other TV shows and movies. It was kind of just like pop culture. Repurpose them. This is like Bill and Ted's Exit Adventure where they find out in the future they changed the world. Oh, shit. We are the wild stallions? Wow, that's bold. Are we changing the world right now? And Blake, you can hit it whenever you want. Oh, what? It's science.

Oh, not that, but what did you expect? I got you. 69, dudes! Oh, yeah. Duh. I mean, it's not like totally crazy for me to say that Bill and Ted Bogus Journey number two is better than number one, right? Yeah!

Okay, are we getting into this? That is like one of the rare sequels that might be better. Yeah. I think it's, they hang out with Death the whole time. Right. And that actor who does like the naked yoga in the beginning of Die Hard 2. Oh, that guy rocks. He's great. My favorite is the new one. Oh.

Where both Bill and Ted look like a melted candle. 69, dude! They look really old no matter how much makeup they put on. What is it called? Like turn back the clock or something? Fuck if I know, dude. I cannot believe Keanu did that. I'm like, homie.

That's how you know Keanu's a homie. He wants it. He wants to do that. He wants to hang out with Winter, Alex Winter. He rolls. Bill or Ted. Is that his name, Alex Winter? Yeah, I think that's Ted or Bill. It's Bill? Kind of a tough name. Bill Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan. Thank you. Actually, I'll give points for true knowledge. Yes, points! Points for true knowledge is a new take. What are my kids' birthdays?

Is right now? Anyway. No, I said I don't know my kids' birthdays, but I know Ted Theodore Logan. Oh, yeah. Holy shit, it's my son's birthday.

I knew there was something. I knew there was a big event. I thought this was it. Right back. That was important. It's okay. We gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. It's okay. A 10th birthday isn't a big part of a child's life. No, 10th birthday, they don't even remember. I don't even think kids remember anything until like 11. Right. Yeah, I hope, yeah. I mean, and he should have more. Will, do you recall your first memory? Your first memory?

I kind of... Are we getting into this? It's two freaking rocks, dude. I know what... Well, my first memory, I was crawling. You remember when you were crawling bullshit? This is interesting. This is interesting. If you think about it... Now, this shit's interesting. Snacky grandma! Do you have a first memory? I know my earliest dream. I know my first memory. That is way worse. No, no, no. I remember this dream because it was terrifying.

Okay, let's hear the dream. It was like this girl from school. I knew Sherelle McGee broke into my house. Oh, shit. And chased me into my backyard and she turned into a werewolf. Wow. And what was her name? Sherelle McGee. Shout out Sherelle. I believe she had a twin brother named Terrell. Dude, I feel like Dervs is like, you're the Theo Vaughn of our podcast.

Where it seems like any time you talk about your childhood, it seems made up and crazy because it's... But this was a dream. Yeah. Well, but it's... Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, is Shirelle McGee a dream? No, she's very real. Well, that's the fucking weirdest part of the story so far. That's insane. Well, hold up. The werewolf part's kind of trippy, too. I just told you she has a twin brother named Torell. Torell McGee? So, like, it's wild. Shirelle and Torell. I mean...

I'm just saying I thought the werewolf the werewolf Wow that drop nice Beezer I think that that

I don't know if that's my earliest memory, but that's from when I was like six. Yeah. So they don't, so it's like you don't, I think mine was, my brother was like three, I was five. Okay. No, I had to have been four. Wait, so who was the werewolf?

There was no werewolf here, but I did get in trouble. I remember it. I got in trouble by my mom because I drew fucking cat whiskers on my little bro, dude. So there was a werewolf. There was. Werecat. And my mom got really, really mad, and I didn't understand because I was so proud of what I had just done to my brother. Right. I'm sorry, dude. You shamed your brother?

No, he was willing. He wanted to be a fucking little cat. When you're six years old, that's pretty tight. He was hella pumped on being a cat. My mom was not pumped on being a cat. Wait, what does she fucking care? Yeah, what's your mom got against your brother being a cat? Talk to my mom, man. I don't know. I don't know why she laid into me. No, dude, you need to stand up to her. Pamela, come on down here. Mom! You want to yell? Let's yell!

Oh, boy. So you got in trouble for painting like four, five, six lines on your brother's face? No, I think it was like orange and black. It was like tiger. It was more than a cat. It was a tiger. It was like a full face paint. Yeah. Well, now I feel like you're making up the story. Yeah. You're like, it actually is really good art that I did. Yeah. Yeah.

I was really talented. I was a young artist in my room. It was an airbrush. It was a rendition of Mufasa. Keith Haring saw it and then started drawing the same way as me.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. That's how I remember it. All right. And who is Keith Haring? Another guy you went to high school with? No, he's a very famous artist. I don't know who that is. Dude, is he Picasso? I don't think so, bitch. No, he's not another extremely famous artist. Did you say he's not Mufasa? No, he's the New York guy that does squiggles, right? He's a squiggle guy? Dude, every New York guy is a squiggle guy, right?

Yeah, hey, fuck New York, right, Boston? Save him, save him. Yeah! Fuck him! That being said, we will be doing a show there. Yeah, we are going to be in the Beacon Theater. Nice, fine people everywhere, almost, right? And a big shout-out to that guy. There was a guy that just walked backstage and walked into our dressing room. There he is. There he is. I read your little question, and he drove from New York. Oh, okay.

Because he bought tickets before we released the New York dates and I apologize for that. Big shout out. But also, you know... Kind of tight that he just walked back in our dressing room. I do feel like that's how I'm going to die. I know, I was going to say thank you for not murdering us. I could have went real soft. You were really cool about it. First audience points. Yes, points!

Don't do that. Don't. Those are for us. It's going to get out of control. Say less. Let's take that. Just say less. All of us should say less, okay? Okay. On three, say less. One, two, three. Say less. Are we all saying less? We're saying less on three, meaning we're not saying anything. Is he going to say less, like the word less on three?

Or do you want us to sit in silence in front of everyone? Yeah, what's the goal here? Are you scared of silence? No, why are you petrified of silence? You want to talk about my first childhood memories?

We didn't even get you luggage, bitch. Well, we know that this was just a big... You set it up so you could tell this story. If I know Blake, it's going to be epic. Look at him. Look at him go back in his own mind. If I know Blake, this is an epic story, so I'm pretty stoked. I set this up to learn about my brother. Well done. Points. Say less. Sorry. Less.

My first memory. What was yours? Did we get to anybody besides me and Kyle? My dream, Kyle's real life. I have one in the fucking chamber, but I'm waiting for Blake's epic story. It's not going to be epic. I can't even remember last month, dude. Wait, you just geared up. What happened? I don't want to talk about it. Hold on a second. You just said, like, what about me?

What about Blake? And now you're throwing it away. And suddenly you're saying less. Let's put the spotlight on him. Yeah, can we get a spotlight on him real quick? Yeah, spotlight here, please.

And bring the rest down. Yeah, if we could bring the lights down and a spotlight on Blake real quick. Lights down, spotlight, the official Bud Light spotlight on my man here. Which I need a Bud Light, Isaac. Oh. Isaac, take off your pants and bring Blake a Bud Light, please. Whoa, this got real moody. Isaac, bring a bunch of beer, please. Bring a bunch of beer. Tell your story. This is Isaac, our manager, everybody. Thank you.

Oh boy! Let's bring the house lights up and follow him with the spotlight or something. Yeah, I'm golden. Tyke when he bought the whole... Dude. Guy's been sober for like 10 years. Isaac just asked if he wants a beer. He got nervous in front of you guys. He's like, who wants beer?

Our manager knows us really well. Yeah, barely talk. Kyle, you want a shot? Hey! Okay. So, you're still under the spotlight. You want a Jager? Kyle, you want a steak sandwich? I feel like I told my first memory about... Oh, he's gonna puke. Dude, what's happening?

He's cycling through so much. Bro, you gotta realize, I'm the only one up here from a divorce home, dude. Whoa. Dude, that's so fucking sorry. Burn! Dude, it is true. I honestly, I do find it weird that I'm the only one who's fucking cool as fuck in my parents' room. Yeah, but still. When we talk about it, when you're not around, like, we say... Take the spotlight off me, asshole!

So really, Blake, you don't have one story. Not one. Earliest memory. Blake, you had a bonus mom learning to ride a bike. Yeah, you have like extra parents. That's more stories. Yeah, dude, we...

Like, I wish I had more parents or more stories. Yeah, more points of view, funnier topics. Adam, be careful what you wish for. That's cool. No, Dennis and Penny, they're in too deep. That's true. But what if your mom calls you and she's like, I married a whole orgy of people. Wait, what'd you say? I would go, say less. Mom, say less.

So you don't have one? I went through... Okay, so remember I told you guys that I played T-Ball and there was a guy on the team named Will Clark. Literally the name...

Of a professional baseball player, and I wasn't very good at batting, and when I was walking up to home plate, he's on my team. How old are you? You're like 13, 14? No. No, I'm like eight. This was your bully story, wasn't it? Isn't he your bully? Yeah, I remember my bullies, and I write their names down. Your first memory is also your bully story. Oh, yeah, the bitch.

Perfect. We don't need you. We don't need the board. We're fine. We got it. Sorry.

So that's my, I'm walking up to the plate, he's on my team, and I hear him behind me say, here comes a strikeout, and I was like... But did you strike out? Yes, I struck out. Of course I struck out. On tee ball? That's impossible. It's not. Wait, with the tee, with the actual thing that's holding the ball, and you just couldn't hit it three times? Dude, Kyle had to stand up. Kyle got fucking aggroed. This whole half the crowd hates Kyle. Sorry.

Okay. They're saying something a little different than what you said. Just something a little different. Keep blocking them out. We'll see you at the end of the show. Sorry, brother. Fuck it!

Right.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

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I have a way to make your morning more efficient. You can get caught up on the news in about seven minutes. That is my promise to you as the host of The 7 podcast from The Washington Post. And in that time, I will run down seven stories, everything from the most important headlines to fascinating new information you might miss otherwise. My name's Hannah Jewell. Go follow The 7 right now, wherever you're listening, and we will get you caught up.

Quick question for everybody here. Do you guys feel that? Do you know what that is? That's the remnants of Mark McGrath who played here last night. Oh, yeah. Oh. Yeah. Also... That rock and roll snack. You feel the sleeveless sweater vest? Mark McGrath was here with Sugar Ray and also Fastball. Do you remember Fastball? Here. Did anybody here go to that show last night? Are you in the same...

Nobody? Dad? Okay. Bad question. Wait, so we have no crossover or no? It's expensive. I understand. It's like a lot of... Right, exactly. We have to have crossover. They have bangers. Mark McGrath on Workaholics. Very cool. Very funny. I'm a fan for life. Dude, every morning. This song is undeniable. Hold on. Yeah, yeah. This is fucking... A fucking... This is a... Banger! Banger!

And we have to stop. You can keep it going. Maybe it's deniable. Maybe it's deniable because nobody stood up. He stood up. You did. That's the only song me and my wife have sex to. Damn, I'm about to try that. Every morning when I wake up. Honey, where's my phone? Hang on, where's my phone? Hey babe, what are you doing down there?

I like to think you're gonna hit him with the I get the chorg. I like to think your wife's kind of like Al Bundy and married with children. She's like, yeah Yeah with the beard yeah, that is what I'm gonna come that's what's happening currently as soon as I grow this she was like No, sir, I don't like it but the beard looks good man. Let's just take a moment to praise the beard

It does. It does. I would like to thank you, Kyle. I'm a fan of beards. I've always been a huge proponent of you with a beard. And it's great to see you. Well, you know what? It was like a couple months ago. You guys were kind of giving me shit, saying that I can't grow a beard. Uh-huh. I never said that. I don't think we said that. I think we said you can't grow a mustache. I said it. Oh. Oh.

I'll take it. You said he can't grow a beard? I said it, yeah. Spotlight on him. I say that this beard is pretty on and banging. Spotlight? Bro, this is spotlight. Can we get the Bud Light spotlight, please? It's the Bud Light spotlight. Thank you.

Very shaggy-jelly. So my childhood memory... Hot, hot, hot, hot! I was a bully to this kid named Tom Clark. What? Wait, you're Will Clark? You were the butterfly wing flap that sent the butterfly effect to this dude? No, I remember I was probably like five or six, and I ran away from home, but I ran to my neighbor's backyard. Right, right.

Right, right, right. Like across the alleyway and I hopped a fence and I was in his backyard. And I don't know, this guy could have been like a fucking serial killer or something because he had these... Come in. He was like, put on this collar, go in the basement. Little boy in my lawn. Little boy in my lawn, come in. Yeah, he had a cookie on a string that he kept dragging.

Come on, little boy. No, that didn't happen. Sounds fun to me. And no, he had two kiddie pools. But this is already worse than the cookie on a string. Yeah, they are. No, no, not a cookie on a string. Two pools full of gasoline. Are they both filled with water? Yes, they were filled with water. One is water and one is cum. Yeah.

Have I told you this story? Yeah, dude, in your beard socks. Damn. So one was filled with goldfish. Like real swimming goldfish? Just so I understand. And the other was filled with turtles. Wait, the real one? Wait,

Wait, wait, I'm sorry. I just mentioned a person named Shirell McGee. And you're like, Turz's life is crazy. Yeah, that's true. Well, dude, just because your high school experience is... You always tell the craziest stories. There's crazy fights happening all the time. People are bringing guns to school. That's not my life, man. Yeah, just pools of turtles. And goldfish. Wait, are you saying goldfish crackers and, like,

Caramel turtles? No, he's saying real fish. And real turtles. Yeah, Blake, that's what I'm saying. You're saying that it's more normal to have a pond full of live goldfish? Dude, I'm not saying it's normal. I'm saying this is one of my first memories because it's fucking magical. Right, right. Oh, it gets magical. Okay, okay. I'm going to say less. Okay, so if you're a little kid and you run away from home and you're going on an adventure and I packed a little lunch for myself. Dope.

And you hop one fence and find yourself in fucking Willy Wonka's animal factory. Okay, all right. Don't give me points. I wasn't going to. Okay, well, that's my point. Shut up, bitch. Is that what you're going to do?

I can't. So one is filled with the goldfish, one is filled with the turkey. Shut up, bitch! There it is. Okay, good. There it is. And I was like, I have to take all of the, for whatever my kid brain, I was like, I have to put all of these fish...

Into the goal is that the Charles all the turtles and put them in the I had to flip them so That's what this guy made you do. We know the guy that's not a kid brain thing either though So it's just me as a kid being like this is my mission. I must complete this meanwhile It took me like two hours to do this. Where's the guy it's Kyle. Where are your parents you wanna know where he is I?

He's busy. Yeah, he's upstairs. He's upstairs with the wifey. And so, anyways. Anyway. Well, the end of the story is my parents were very...

very worried about me. And I came home and was in a lot of trouble. How did you move the fish from one pool to the other one? Do you remember that? You said basin? I meant to say pool. I tried for like an hour to get them with my hands. Impossible to do. Then I took my shirt off. So now there's a child in this guy's backyard. We're shirtless. Get your shirts off.

And I would lay the shirt down and then pick it up slowly and then pull it up. And it worked. You made a net out of your shirt. That's very, very ingenious. But then I looked insane when I came home because I had this wet shirt that I had tied around my head.

Yeah, and that was one of my first memories. And the rest is history. Don't turtles eat goldfish? Yeah, dude. So that's the other part of the story is that a lot of these fish died. Wait, I don't know if that's true. Were they snapping turtles? I don't think they were like... I don't think turtles eat goldfish. Turtles will. Turtles 100% eat goldfish.

100%. 100%. And I'm the guy who's on your team, and you're saying 100%? I'm fairly positive that turtles eat goldfish. I'm a fairly positive 100%. I'm pretty 100% possible that it's... I don't think turtles eat goldfish. I think they eat bugs and or, like, vegetation. I think I fed my turtles fucking fish. I'm pretty sure...

these turtles were murdering these goldfish in front of my young eyes. I think that's their food. Shredder style. If anything, it makes a better story, so that's what I'm sticking with. I can't stop eating. Do not confuse the truth with a good story. Okay, but then, so after you come home... Why is there so many follow-up questions with my story?

Well, yours is really interesting. I've heard your story. You're the one who set up the whole thing, and then we were like, oh, yeah, you got bullied once. Adam, yours is like a weird preschool Saw episode. It's fucking crazy. Like, that's weird. Like, when you go home and tell your parents that, does your dad go, well, I gotta go kill him now? Right. No, I don't think... I think I kept that secret. That person had a dungeon for sure. I had a lot of secrets. Yeah.

Involving me in the neighbor... Neighborhood. I hated it. Yeah, where I grew up was crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know why he had these two little kiddie pools filled with little animals. My guess is that he had the turtles. He was farming turtles and he was feeding them the goldfish. Farming turtles. Yeah. Or breeding. Breeding is the word I'm thinking of. Yeah. Goodbye. Fuck. Fuck!

And then, okay, so that explains the turtles. What's your take on the goldfish, Kyle? That he's feeding the turtles the goldfish. That's their food. But why does he need a big tub for the goldfish? Can't he just keep them in like a bag? Yeah, I suppose so. I don't know what this dude was really cooking up in there. Well, maybe here's what I think. Maybe when he was buying the kiddie pool, they slip inside of each other. He picked up two by accident. Okay.

And then he got home, he's like, "I have two, I might as well..." - Wait, hang on. - This is sound logic. - Did he, before, when he was there and you rolled up, was he like, "You know, sometimes by accident, things slip inside." - Ooh, ooh. - This is the way.

Great ass! Like I said, I did not talk to this guy. It could have been a woman that owned the house. I have no idea. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, fair enough. It wasn't a woman. The moral of the story is just don't run away. Yeah. Yeah, the moral, that's really, that's really positive. And like, I don't know if you guys can pick up on this. This is more of an educational thing that we're doing. Well, what's funny about this is Blake, we never plan what we're going to do on the podcast, as you can probably tell. They can tell.

They know. You know. They're like, Blake before goes, before we were backstage and he goes, we should talk about when we got our first boners. Did he say that? It was like, we should talk about our first boners. And then he stubbed his hand up Kermit's ass. Oh, sorry. Cat's out the back. That was Blake. All right.

Go time, bro time. So what was your first boner? First boners, bro? I told you, Will Clark. It's the same. His story is his first memory is his first boner. He said, this kid's going to strike out. And he got rocked. No, I know my first boner. It was for sure full on. You don't have to say. That's the funny thing is we act like we have to say it. Are you telling me to say less than that?

Let's hear it. No, it's easy. It's an easy one. It's easy. I remember it well. It was Roger Rabbit. It was Jessica Rabbit. I saw Jessica Rabbit. Yeah. And I... And I...

I mean, Jessica Rabbit was too hot for TV. Oh my God. What were they doing to us as kids? I don't know. That's Zemeckis. That's Zemeckis, right? Well, that wasn't for kids. That was for the guys that jerk off. It was before people jerked off to anime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's pre-hentai. It's the same guy. The same type of person. Dude, but there was so much about that that was just hot as fuck, dude. Wait, I think we found that type of guy that jerks off the anime porn. Yeah. Hentai. I think it's called hentai. Oh, sorry. Hentai. I didn't mean to offend you, Kyle. I just want you to use the right words. You get on me for saying basin. You get on me for saying breed. I want you to say hentai. He's a hentai guy. Part of what was crazy is like, okay, Jessica Rabbit is like un-

Undeniably one of the hottest chicks in the freaking world, dude. Right? Cartoon character. I think that was the joke. The fact that she had like the one eye covered and she's got some... Yo, when a girl has one eye... Dude, I think I remember an earlier memory. I think I speak for all men. If a woman has one eye... And by the way, if you do have one eye, like...

You're a babe. Yeah, you're a super sure babe. Talk to me. I remember every time I would draw a woman. Oh, my God. This is the first date of the tour? I told you we were going to get... What are you doing there, Blake? I told you we were going to talk about shit. Say less. Every time I would draw a beautiful woman...

I would draw her with hair over one eye. I just remembered that. Yeah. I just remembered that. Hey, Blake, or Isaac, if you can get a pen and a paper, I would love for Blake to draw us a beautiful woman. That'd be great. I would actually like to see that too. We can save that for giveaways. I would love to see his artistry if he can draw a beautiful woman. Maybe for the future we put up an overhead projector on the writer so we can just write. Well, I think the other thing that was really hot about Jessica Rabbit, if I can...

Dude, her guy was Roger Rabbit. He was just this little guy. Wait a second. So you saw yourself as Roger Rabbit. That's what's going on here. I wanted to be Roger Rabbit squished with my head outside of these gigantic... I'm basically a rabbit. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's why I wear yellow pants. Wow. That is it. You are a champ. Please, Eddie. Please. Eddie Valium? Do you remember me, Eddie, when I killed your brother? Very good. I thought just...

Yeah, that was one of the... We're talking about first boners. That was also one of the first scariest things in a movie ever. Oh, fuck the dip, dude. Fuck the dip. Watching him drop that little shoe in the dip was... Oh, the poor shoe is so cute. Wait, I thought we were talking about boners. Yeah. No? That was a big boner moment, right? The dying shoe? Isaac, Isaac. Isaac, why are you still wearing clothes, dog? Thank you.

Why are you wearing clothes, dude? Yeah, no more clothes. Next time, he's got to take off his shirt, right? Next time? Yeah. Shouldn't Isaac have his shirt off next time he comes back out here? Probably. Please lay down and kick your feet up like you're just like so stoned. Spend some time. Spend some time. Wow.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I don't know about you guys, but I feel this year has gone by so quickly. I became a father this year. Can you believe that, guys? Huge. And the baby that I named Bo is growing bigger every day. Let me tell you, life goes by like that, so fast. So it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for the rest of the year. I agree. And therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next decade.

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I bet you're smart. Yeah, and you like to hold your own in the group chat. We can help you drop even more knowledge. My name is Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Izadi. We host a daily news podcast called Post Reports. Every weekday afternoon, Post Reports takes you inside an important and interesting story with the kind of reporting that you can only get from The Washington Post.

So I actually, I didn't realize how insane the story was. And I retold it to my doctor. I told the story about how my toe fell off in the bathtub.

I love that everybody knows it. And so last week, I looked down and I see what I think is a piece of like wood. What do they call it? A splinter in my foot? Splinter. Yeah, a piece of wood. Splinter. Exactly, a small piece of wood. Splinter. And I pulled on it with my wife's tweezers and it was a fucking stitch from 28 years ago.

When I was hit by a cement truck. And it was the stitch on my little toe. It held my toe together. From the inside. From the inside. Yeah. And so I had to go to a foot doctor to have him remove it because I didn't just want to yank on it. The rest of my toe just falls off, you know? Right. And so he was like, oh, so you have half the toe here. And I go, yeah, funny story. And then I launch into the story about how I jerked off into a bathtub and my toe fell off.

While in a bathtub. While in a bathtub because I was crippled. Right. And man, he didn't like that story. He wasn't a fan?

He just thought it was a little inappropriate or something? I think he thought it was way inappropriate. Oh, that's fucking whack, dude. Hey, that's what I thought. Dude, the other day... I wasn't even until I was halfway done with the story. I was like, maybe I shouldn't be telling my doctor this. Yeah, but you still got to cap it. Yeah, yeah. I had a bump on my ankle the other day. Damn, dude. Damn. Yep. Shit, you all right? Yeah, you see that? You see the Band-Aid? This motherfucker, the doctor put a needle in there and sucked out fucking shit out of my...

Out of my fucking ankle, bro. Dude, that's so crazy. Yeah, I haven't told you. You sucked shit out of it? It was fucking ooze, and then it was pink. It was green and then fucking pink. I got video of it. It was fucking nuts, man. Ghostbusters 2. It was Ghostbusters 2 coming out of the ankle. That's exactly right. The bathtub tried to eat Oscar and shit? Yeah. What's up, bro?

Did you like twist your ankle or just a growth? It was a growth. They call it a ganglion cyst. Do you guys know that? You heard of a ganglion cyst?

That's what I had in my ankle. Water trash. I don't have the board. I can't do it. I'm just going to do impressions. Okay, you can do the board. Water trash. Yeah, it was a trip, dude. I just hadn't told you. I just thought I'd use this time to tell you that. Yeah, I like it. That's cool. And does that relate to your first boner at all? No, the only thing I remember about the first boner is I was on a top bunk.

Always on the top bunk. You got a little, you're away from the crowd. I know I was on a top bunk. I don't remember much. I used to listen to like the Footloose tape to go to bed. Kevin Bacon jeans. Everybody gotta cut Footloose. That was your night time go to bed music? Yeah. Footloose. His parents are fucking rock and roll. It was like that and Phantom of the Opera just switching back and forth. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, that's a banger, dude. Phantom? I fuck with Phantom. Boom. Dude, I would listen to the Rudy soundtrack. That was my... The what soundtrack? Rudy. Oh. Rudy. Rudy. That's good. I want to remember the name of that composer. You guys remember that one? Jerry Goldsmith? Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay, good. Yeah. That's pretty good. It's a good soundtrack. Is that your favorite soundtrack? Nice.

Yeah, I'll put that on if I'm writing. You know how you're supposed to listen to soundtracks when you're writing to help you... Right, but all your stand-up bits are about football now? Yeah, they're all about being the underdog. That's the original score, though. That's not the soundtrack.

That's right. And it's always cool. I'm a stickler. Hey, Blake, are you about done, buddy? You checked out for like 15 minutes. I'm looking at his picture and it doesn't look like he should have spent as much time on it. It'll be a nice keep seeing. Also, dude,

We should have got him a marker or something. You can't... Wait, but what's crazy now is he's hiding his boner. He's like, yeah, I guess I'm just still drawing down here, but as soon as you drew that hair over the eye... Dude, that's actually a really good YouTube hole to fall into. What? Will you fucking join us? Or do you have a boner now? No, it's like... Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up.

Prove it. Do not tuck. Stand up. Do not tuck. Stand up. What is happening? Do not tuck. Do not tuck. Stand up. Really. Why are you not standing? Just stand up, dude. Hey, all of you guys, this is very cancelable, all right, what you're doing right now. I'll take it. I don't have to do anything. I don't feel comfortable doing it. Hey, guys, do you want to see it? For sure. We keep talking about it. Hey, Blake, you keep talking about it. Dude, his stall tactics are unreal. Yeah.

Alright, I think it's... What? Ready? I think it's good. God, I wish I got a boner. You were trying to will a boner. You were like, yo. Can you guys see this? You might have to get a little closer. Take it to the apron. Just hand it. Yeah, maybe hit it with the spotlight. Or maybe hand it and then they'll pass it around. Can you guys... Well, at least bring it up to the apron. Up there in the balcony, can you see this? Can you see this? I heard yes. Wait, is that... Are you saying yes? Yes.

They got great eyes. They have fantastic eyes. Yeah, it's really bad. For those that can't see it, it's really bad. He's talentless. It's a self-portrait. It says age seven, though. Also, no shoulders, just tits. The man knows. Blake, this is really bad. Come on, dude. May I hold it? May I hold it? And this took you 15 minutes? I wasn't gone that long. We clocked you. Kyle...

- First bow. - Wow. I told you, all I remember is like Phantom of the Opera, Footloose, and Top Bunk.

I mean, now that you... I mean, for sure, dude. Nice. And it was one of those three. I don't know if they were all together or what a combination. I think it is like a combination. But also there was also the Scrambled Spice channel around that time that really... That's very advanced. Yeah, that's advanced bonerhood. Was that everywhere? Yeah, that was later on in the life of the boner. But that also was top bunk because I could go watch it and then run in the other room, go up to the top bunk, and then, you know, do my thing.

We're not talking about when you're jerking off. The first time you got a boner, you knew to jerk off. No, no, no. I moved on to something else. You're like, I know what to do with this. Eureka! Not me. It took me years to figure that out. I was like, I don't know what's happening here.

Should I bang it in a door? I can't remember having a boner and not doing anything with it. Dude, you're a legend, man. You're a fucking legend. Bro, what's up? But I also got a bad memory. This is horrific, dude. Yeah, it's really bad, dude. It's garbage. Okay. Oh. He can handle it, okay? Sorry, that was a projection because I was getting nervous talking about what I was talking about, so I tugged it on you. Who wants it?

Wait, hey, save it for, uh... Epic giveaways. Epic giveaways. Oh, I already did it. And for our first epic giveaway of the evening. Here we go. He throws the mic. Holy shit. Oh, that was such a grab. That's exactly where I meant to throw it, too. Dude. That's exactly where I meant to throw it, dude. Top row. IMCA shortstop. Tom Brady, dog.

Tom Brady dog. Blake, it was okay. It was cool. Thanks, man. Hey, wait, so Tom Brady came back the other day for the Patriots game, right? Right. Oh, okay. Hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. And I saw him get interviewed afterwards, and he was very earnest about what it means to, like, be part of this community and everything. He was very earnest. Did anybody see this interview he was doing? Okay, right? He's had Botox, right?

I think so. Well, they call him Botox Tom. Okay, his whole face was not moving. It's a doodle Imagine if one of us got Botox. I wouldn't we wouldn't stop talking about let's do it I don't know man. What is it? What is Botox even?

What are you? What was that? No, I mean, I know what it is. Let's not do this now. I'm sure there's women in here that do Botox. When else are we going to do this? We know exactly what it is, and we're not going to explain it to you. Okay, great. Let's do it. What is it? It's science. These are injectable collagen things. It's a shot. There you go. No, it's Botox, dude. Oh, Botox is the stuff inside the needle? Is Botox not collagen? I thought it was collagen. There's literally botox. No, no, shut up. We'll get this.

We'll get this. Thank you. Is it collagen? What did you say, though? She's raising her hand. She's a doctor. You can tell. Dr. Brozarts. You can tell she's a doctor. I would have her talking to my body. Oh, my God, her face. I'm just kidding. Adam's got the mic. Hey, guys, shut up. Shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch. No, no, no, no. So I'm an infectious disease doctor, but... No, no, no, I can tell.

She's an infectious disease doctor. She created COVID. She started COVID. She made COVID. She's the Wuhan bat. It's a fucking disaster, my guy. It's the toxin that you get from botulism. Botulism can make your muscles so they can't contract. So it's literally the toxin you get from Clostridium botulinum.

And it makes it so your muscles can't contract so you can't get rid of it. Oh, screw you! I like taking a cheat. That was a smart answer. Very interested in that. That was a smart answer. Very interested in that. No, that's cool. Thank you. No, I'm on the side of the booer. So that makes me think Botox is cooler. You like the booer? I think it's cool when someone gives correct and good information and you boo it.

Wow, it's fucking very helpful. You're too smart. Get the fuck out of here. We want Kyle's answer. I think it's like fucking the pink ooze from Ghostbusters 2. Bro, it's something from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, dude. It's something. Botulism. What's cool? What the fuck? It's botulism.

And I don't remember. I blacked out. Dude, she said it's... She's an infectious disease expert. And what she said was... It's not real? Hang on. What she said is... You know botulism? I kind of know botulism. We all know what botulism is and we all understand exactly what that is. Is it something to do with meat? Does botulism have something to do with meat? No, I think it has to do with cans. It does. It has something to do with meat? Yes, I know.

over there. Why are you checking over there? It's me and you. It's meat. It's a meat disease. A rare, disgusting... It's a meat disease? It's canned foods. It's canned foods. Yes, I said that. It's when you have a can and you drop it

No. It's like you can get botulism. You know how you can get botulism? You know how you can get botulism? When you do your own canning. When you do your own jarring. So my grandmother was just trying to give us diseases. You're trying to get botulism. Dude, your whole life was you just evading murder. Yeah. You had dudes with turtle traps. Your grandma was trying to give you botulism.

Final destination was coming for you. Yeah, my dad kicked me in front of a cement truck. I know, I was gonna say, the truck got him. Whoa, that's a wrinkle. That shit's important. That shit's important. Is it Q&A time?

Yeah, should we answer some Q&As? Yeah. We asked you guys to give us some Qs so we can give you some As. This is Anna. Producer Anna. What did he say? You want me to go get you? I think he said luggage talk. Yeah, Samsonite, man. I had to open up my... I had to open up my Samsonite case just to fit all the stuff in it.

You know how you release it a little bit? We're moving on, Kyle. I like those jams. Oh, so you did try to go to the luggage talk. You used the extender. And that's why I don't want the Ramoa. No, we can't go into luggage talk. Anytime someone says luggage talk, say less. I need the extender. All right, so this is the first time we're doing this. We're doing a Q&A. We're doing live. We're doing live. Some hot, hot questions. We're doing live. We're doing live.

So someone, I wish you guys would have signed your, some people signed their names. This person, they did not sign their name. So it says, we all know the Ders tried to fuck Carl's mom. Fuck it. We all know that. I remember that. But would the Ders actually fuck Kyle's mom?

Whoa. Whoa. Would you fuck Pamela's hot ass? Mom, cover your ears. Would you fuck Pamela's hot ass? I'm a dude. Out of respect for Pamela. Thank you. Only if she asked me to. And that is respectful.

- That is respectful. - Anytime. - Canna vanish! - I love that. - Canna vanish! - Right? - That is respectful. - Oh my God. - I don't know what she would say. - Who has the hottest mom out of the four of us?

Penny's pretty hot, dude. She's the funniest one, I'll say that. Yeah, I don't know. I don't like this question. Moving on, man. Stop! Hey, Adam likes this question way too much. All I'm saying is, send Cheryl my love. You'll see her tomorrow. You're gonna see her. Okay, so Ders. You wanna see her? Ders. Besides the Olympics...

and Nike commercial. - Wait, there's nothing besides the Olympics, right guys? Swimming. - Nike grandma! - Yeah. - Ders, besides the Olympics. Besides the Olympics and Nike commercial, what movie or movie scene has made you cry? Or TV? And that is Katie Donahue. Second row. - Katie Donahue, where you at? - Boys in the Hood. Next question. - Wow.

Wait, is that the one where he's like... Yeah. That was the first time I cried in a movie, I think. Who is doing the crying? Cuba. They do a really funny thing in Don't Be a Menace to Society Watch. He's like doing that and he's knocking everybody out. Watch that! But yeah. Right. I had that one in the chamber because it's the one time it happened. Okay, so which episode...

Workaholics was your favorite. Oh, I should all give one like favorite to watch her to film dude. It's gotta be just it's just to watch It's gotta be the first the first one because it kicked it all fucking off Yes, sir, and that one now entitled piss and shit and perfect Comedy Central was like you want it to be called piss and shit They asked us that question like 25 times. You know what was cool about it?

The first one, piss and shit, we're like, ah, and they're like, okay. Well, because remember, we wanted our careers to be based in piss and shit. Yeah. Look at us now. It happened. That's kind of tight. Moners and buzz balls. That's fucking tight. Remember that time in The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan documentary? Yeah.

The security guard, he goes... Yeah, that guy rocks. I would say my favorite was Office Campout in the first... When we all do mushrooms. Yeah, that's a heater. That was a banger episode. I felt like we found our rhythm in that episode. That episode was very... Yeah, that like broached some real action. She was...

I think I like I like good morning where homegirl dies. Oh, yeah, cuz that teaser is just great She's dead and we're like, you know putting shit all over but I was just remembering Blake's performance and the one where we went back to high school and We went we went to a college Where we went to a college and Blake was being tricked into doing like a porno. Oh, oh, yeah. Yes, and that was like a

Blake's acting like just the best. That was the one where people still yell this to me all the time where mommies don't make pornos, mommies make ham sandwiches. Yeah, that's epic. It's just true, hopefully. Mommies don't make pornos. That's called Dorm Days, I think. That was a good one. I think my favorite one, and I think it could have been a fucking movie, and it should have been a movie, fuck Paramount Plus. Boom! Boom!

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

the check-in desk turns to jello? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Epic. I remember we were very proud of that scene. Bro, that was... And Carl's really funny in that. No one's doing this shit. Carl's really nice. I would love to see... Currency of the future. I'd love to see the league try to pull this off. Oh, yeah. They couldn't. Bully! They couldn't. Bully. They wouldn't. We were fucking mavens, dude. We were mavericks.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. The hard-hitting questions keep coming. Bang bus or casting couch? I'm going to come. I got to say. I don't know. That's tough.

It's not. It's Bang Bus. Oh, no. It's Casting Town. Well, Blake, you're a producer, so that makes you a creative. I think it's Bang Bus. Here's what I'll say. They're both like, there's like the undertone of sadness to all of them.

But the thing about Bang Buzz is that it's more clearly fake and some of the casting couches... You were tricked by some of the acting in the casting couch? Yeah, it's really good. You're like, "Hey, wait a minute. This one seems real." Hey, let's just say they got the part. No, what I'm saying is some of the casting couch ones you're like, "I think this one's kind of real." What?

Luggage talk. We did, man. What else do you want us to say? I tried to talk more about the little extender and Adam did, and then we got yelled at. I'm trying, bro. See Kyle after the show. I appreciate the passion. Yeah, I'll talk all day about Samsonites. Samsonite guy? So you're going bang bus? And also back in the day we did a bang bus like...

video, I guess you'd call it. Yeah, we did it, yeah. Yeah, we were, uh... We were, like, trying to do Bang Bus, and, uh, we're in the back, and we're like, yeah, we're gonna fuck some chicks, yeah! And then we actually pick up a girl, and then we're just dead silent and very respectful. Yeah. Yeah, so do you need a ride, or... We're like...

Oh, has that always been a Cheesecake Factory? You know what? Wow. Has that always been a sizzler? That's right. And she goes, yeah, it has. I'm like, oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah, not so. Oh, well.

That kind of sucks on IMDB. I know when I see it's like... Oh yeah, they put it on... It's like on the thing. It's like this one that you know, Shadows, this workaholics, and then Bang Bus. And I'm like, why is that? Why am I the director of Bang Bus? Yeah, they think I'm a star of Bang Bus. Read us! It's kind of wild that that's... It's cool to have that credit. Yeah, whatever pads the credits, man. Next question? Are the rumors true...

Is Kyle the Delta shitter? Oh, toxicity, yes. Toxicity in the city. I don't even know if I know what that means.

The cause of diarrhea. Do you know the guy, they had to ground the flight because somebody had explosive diarrhea? And they shit down the whole aisle of the plane, dude. I think our news algorithms are different. I don't know what that is, but that's cool. You don't? Oh, dude, they had to ground the plane because it's too toxic to fly. And the video is insane. It's like he walked...

Is that true? Is diarrhea toxic? I need to know. Yes. Can you eat it? Can you eat it? Can you eat it? Can you inject it in your face to look younger? Because I'll fucking do it. Okay. Yeah, it's a real simple process. They put diarrhea in your face and it makes you younger. But it's your own diarrhea. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. That makes sense. I told you it's educational. You got one. Heads up.

Nice catch, bro. This is from the homie that walked backstage earlier. He goes, hey, guys, I'm wasting my question. I don't know why you put question in question. I guess it's because it's not a question. Yeah, congrats on the tour. I'm a 10-plus year fan religiously. I drove four hours from New York and bought before you released the other dates. Please tell me where the after party is or if we can chill for 10 minutes. Yeah! Woo!

We don't know. Yes, sir. We don't know. It's over a deep cut. P.S. Kyle, I lost 100 pounds last year. Dang old son. Way to go, man. Lean and mean, baby. Way to go, buddy. You're killing it lately. Take your shirt off. You were a fat fuck before? What? Hey. Hey, what? What the fuck did you say, bro? Oh, shit. I was chill up until that last comment. Hold me back. Hey, wait. Who? Wait, Kyle. No, I didn't. Naked grandma. I misread that. He didn't say that. Oh.

Oh. Let's play disc golf when you're in New York. All right, homie. We'll play some disc golf. I like that. That's cool. I'll try that. Look at this card. Hold that one up. They wrote half of a question and scratched the entire thing out. Yeah, they're like, uh-uh. And then they came back with a pretty bad one, which is, what is your favorite song from Pitch Perfect? Blake, go. Very shaggy. Have you ever seen the movie Pitch Perfect? Yes, I have. And my favorite song is the song Cups.

I don't know if he got to her. - Oh, good pull. - Wow, you didn't know I knew that shit. - Good pull, dude. - Yeah, damn. - I was trying to find you. - Dude, Jimmy Fallon made me do the cum thing on Jimmy Fallon, and I don't know how to do it. I look like a fucking asshole. - By the way, Blake was so excited to prove that he knew one song. - Yes, mine is, ♪ Please don't stop the music ♪ ♪ Bop, bop, bop, bop ♪

Now that... He's older and fatter and has a beard now, but he's still got it. He's on a bumper. That's my favorite too. What's your favorite? That one. That one? Yeah. I don't like the other ones. I like that one. You like that one? Have you seen Pitch Perfect?

Yeah. I invited you to the premiere, didn't I? Yeah. Okay. Dude, I saw that movie in the theater. I got paid for a ticket and shit, and I was hell-ass. Why, dude? Because I was traveling, and I paid for a ticket. That's sick. It was dope, dude. Because I wanted to see my friend, you know? It was my first friend who made it in Hollywood. Yeah. Hey, I appreciate it. And the movie starts with his wonderful face, a big close-up on Adam Devine. Please don't stop the music. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

If you had to twist any cast member's dick, who would it be? Twist our dick? If you had to twist any cast member's dick, is that a Medford slang? It said just cast members, so it could be, mine would be Robert De Niro. Okay. Twist? Ow! The fuck are you doing? That's so good. Where did Adam go? Adam, that's great!

Ow! Ow! It's fine if you grab my dick, but as soon as you twist it, I don't like it. You twist it. I don't know. It's a little too much. I don't need you to twist it, but you twisted it. A little too much twist. Ow! You hurt my dick. You hurt my dick? Yes.

Next one? Next one? You heard my fucking name. Choose one of the following topics to be off-limits on the pod. This is a girl because this handwriting is real good. Okay. Choose one of the following topics to be off-limits on the pod forever. Buttholes or cum? Get the fuck out of here! I'm gonna cum. There's the X-ray! No, I mean like... Do not cum. Why? Why? No! No!

I'm gonna cum. That's our... I mean, I'm sure there's... What's cool about doing this live show is there's like 2,000 people here. There's definitely some people that have never seen Workaholics that don't know the podcast, and they're like, what the fuck just happened? Babe, just chill. Just chill, babe. It's date night, babe. Come on, chill. These four, like, 40-year-old guys just talk about buttholes and cum for an hour and a half. We didn't really talk about buttholes this episode at all. We touched cum a little bit, but we did not...

Yeah. Loose butthole. We just touched cum a little bit. Yeah, we just barely touched cum and we just touched tight butthole. We talked boners for quite a bit. If you were freaking Friday body switched with one of the guys, who would you choose? P.S. Happy birthday, Marissa. Is it your wife's birthday? No, not at all. Well, maybe there's a Marissa. Is it your birthday, Marissa? Because it's not my wife.

Happy birthday to you.

No

I love you, bud, but no word. I don't know. I feel like you guys probably should have picked me, but that's okay. Well, you do have a very tight bod. I will say I saw that in the jacuzzi earlier today. Thank you. I was like... Wait. He's not messing around. I was like, say less. Okie dokie. I was like, wear less. No points. No points. No points. Yes, points! This person wants to know, how funny are the ad read outtakes?

We don't try again. You're hearing that. And you can probably hear by how bad some of them are. They're like, oh, these guys don't know how to read. Yeah. Ad reads are one take. That's all you get. The only one I take serious is, like, Better Help. Because I'm like... What if someone's, like, going to blow their brains out? Because I'm like... Better Help. Yeah. Yeah, this is going to save you. You're a loser. Just kidding. It's a joke. These are jokes. These are jokes. People...

If you need help, get help. In fact, get better help. Right? We love it. We love it. Absolutely. When is the next Wizard album?

Oh my god. I don't know, we gotta ask him. Yeah, the portal needs to open up and we need to... There's a wizard back there, looks like a few snuck through from the other dimension. Yeah. Oh wow, cool. You know, the next time the portal opens, we'll be sure to ask them. Yes. Whenever then. I noticed our VIP poster "gift" in quotes... Wow! You know what? Has the wrong date for tonight's show, does it really?

And then it says, damn it, Isaac. Isaac. It does. It does, Isaac. And then he says, damn it, Isaac, that fat bitch. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, man. Everybody's like rude about like weight. It says no one would switch bodies with you. You fat fuck. It goes...

I read the other card before and I would never switch bodies with Isaac. Burn! Hated it. Fire them? Fire him for sure. Is that why you're giving them away instead of hanging them on the streets? Dave and Ashley L. want to know that.

We did make the posters. And if we did, they would also be wrong. Probably more wrong than they currently are. They're like, it says July 69th. Tiffany Haddish? Yo, that's what it should say on every poster. This was important starring Tiffany Haddish. And this one's for Blake. What is the meaning of life? Says Will and Pete. Here we go.

It's truly times like this with your best friends just making memories. Moving on. Celeste.

Damn, me and Blake were like really having a kind of a moment there. It is. It sounds like this. I'm going to be looking back on my D-bed. That's deathbed. It's not dickbed. Nobody thought dickbed. Nobody thought dickbed. This dude said D-bed. I love how your brain works and you're like, fuck, they're going to think I meant dickbed. Fuck.

This is gonna haunt me. I should say something now. Oh my god. I'm gonna be real with you, chief. I need better help. I'm still hard from the drawing. I get it. Well, and that, those are the questions, guys. That's all. Oh, wow. Any take-backs? Any giveaways? Any epic slams? I'd like to take back, I would like to take back when I came at that dude. I'd like to, when I stepped to that dude. And if Isaac comes out here and he's wearing all of his clothes, he's fired. God damn. Oh, shit.

We got some epic giveaways right here. I mean, to be fair, they're not like epic. They're just shirts, but they're pretty fucking cool. I think they're fucking cool. These are tight. Naked grandma? Wow. And this is an actual photo of my grandmother. Naked grandma! That's an actual photo of my grandmother. That's pretty cool. Well, I do want to apologize. No, I want to take back. Tom Brady. I was kind of like...

Oh shit. That was like Sean Brady. That was like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch. Let me see that Arigaloids one. Easy now. We're just gonna get these giveaways out of you. Ouch. Easy now. Owie. Owie. Wow, dude. Dude. Dude, look at that. That is fucking cool. Okay, we're going. Oh yeah, dude. Nice shot. That'll...

All right. Nice shot, you guys. Oh, get it all the way up there. Do it. Do it. No. That's pretty good. Hey, eyes up here. Watch out. Those are buzz balls. Everybody be aware. These are buzz balls. I want to take that. I was like, we're in, well, we're in Medford. Shout out to Medford, bro. Fuck Boston. We love Medford.

I like both. But I was like, this is like the only time where we could have done a runner where it was like, the British are coming. Oh, man. Coming. Very funny. Missed opportunity for sure. Is that a take back or an apology? I feel like you're apologizing for that. I'm apologizing. I think that's an apology. And I take back the whole night for not doing that. Well, I would like to thank you guys. I'm not giving you flowers. No. No flowers. I don't want to say that. But compliments and a moment of gratitude. Yes, this is a moment

This is a live moment of gratitude. I would like to thank you guys for coming out and being such a cool, supportive crowd for our first show on the tour. First time. Thank you. Absolutely. It's fucking awesome. Thank you guys. Thank you guys for filling the house. Thank you guys for all the positive energy. You guys fucking rock.

And well, I love seeing everybody. I love it. This is another episode of This is Importance!

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