Ep 156: Live From Phoenix: The Horniest City On The Tour
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about...

Let's just say I call the minivan the hearse because I be laying them to rest. I had a totally different image of myself. I was the pizza hero. And if you're listening to the podcast at home, we're beating off. Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Okay. Yeah. I just want to say...

Before we start, thank you to the people in the shitty seats. We appreciate you guys. We see you. We see you. I don't know if these two got those seats. We didn't even sell those. Thank you, guys. Thank you. All right, man. Wow. We'll try to play out to you as much as possible. Wow. Guys, we're surrounded. We're fucking surrounded. Holy shit.

All right, all right. Okay, okay. All right, Arizona. I think we should probably say that a lot of times you guys are expecting a big stand-up show. No, this is just going to be the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a few people that come when there's a crowd this size and it's like a girlfriend or a boyfriend or them, they, whoever.

That shows up and has not listened to the podcast. And you're like, oh, what the fuck is this about? And then they watch us just sit here and talk to each other. Yeah, we don't know. But that's what we're doing. Buckle up. Now we're just going to chill. There might be a portal that opens up to another realm. We're not sure. Wait, did I hear what I think I heard here? Oh, yeah. I got a very special regional drop, okay? Phoenix. You guys hear that?

Phoenix! Oh, I heard it. Does anybody know what that is? Yes. Do it again. Phoenix! Who is it? Nope, not the Wizards. Not the Wizards. The Wizards have never been to Phoenix, believe it or not. No, yeah, no, not. Play it again real quick. If the portal were to open tonight, it would be a first for them. That would be. It would be. It's actually a specific draw. It's from the show Workaholics. Has anybody seen it before? Yeah, yeah. Phoenix! Phoenix!

That is none other than the legendary character, Bill. Yeah. Yes. Phoenix! Well, I'm so glad we had such a good reception here. This feels great. Thanks so much for showing up, everybody. Yeah. I love...

I love Phoenix, man. I love Arizona in general. I would say out of... We're doing like 29 cities on this tour. It's insane. This one's number three. And Adam walked out of Chicago. We didn't get this. He left. Yeah, I was like, ugh. It was tough. I said it's no Phoenix. It's not Phoenix. He said that. He left in a guff. Well, I will say that this is probably, looking at our whole tour schedule, that this is our most horniest tour.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Damn. Yeah, without a doubt. That was crazy. Rock hard. Would you guys say that per capita, this place has the most men's wax buttholes? Ooh. Is that like ultimate slipperiness? Yes.

I feel like as far as men's wax buttholes. Per capita? Per capita. I would say probably...

I mean, L.A. probably has a lot of... But you're saying per capita. Per capita, though. Per capita, per capita. What does per capita mean? Yeah. What does that mean? I think we all wonder the same thing. You are so dumb. And what a dumb question, Kyle. I'm fucking serious. I don't know. What a stupid fucking question. Durs, please explain what per capita means. So... Please. Every place has a cap.

Okay. Sure. For sure. No doubt. And so like in for, so you had to go back to like Grecian times and the original Latin word for cap was capita, right? Oh shit. That makes a lot of sense. This is like a, this is like a frat thing. Is that where the word beta capita? Yeah.

And then that's where the word PETA comes from. Right. So a PETA is a circle. Pie chart, hence per capita. 3.14. I'm way ahead of you. 3.1416. Okay, that's pie. Damn. That's pretty good. That's fucking pie, baby. Eraserhead. So yeah. Aronofsky film. And theirs is the smartest one of our crew by far.

Thank you for that. We had to go back to recent times. But no, I would say maybe Phoenix and Vegas. Squeaky buttholes? For the most men's... Sister cities? Fully waxed buttholes. I feel like we're missing a sleeper state. Like maybe 100% of people in North Dakota wax the fuck out of their buttholes. There's like one small town where that's their weird kink. Right.

It's just like percent per capita. Yeah. It's all the tour guides for the Mount Rushmore. That's where it is, right? Fuck. Yeah. North Dakota. Yes. Yeah. You nailed it. Wait, can I give myself? It's in South Dakota though, right? What? Mount Rushmore? It's in Rapid City, South Dakota, right? You're talking about Mount Rushmore? I can't hear you. There's no way to tell. Am I the smartest on the pod now?

There's no way to tell if it's in North Dakota or South Dakota. No one check. North by Northwest, the movie. Do not check. Yeah, don't check. There's no fucking reason to check. Lake Havasu is in Arizona, correct? Oh, it is? I've been there once. That is a fun time, dude. If you want to see your mom's tits...

Fuck it. If you want to see a woman the exact age of your mom with poofy hair, and you're like, oh, that kind of looks like my mom. That's her gist. My mama. Hi, mama. And they're just as sun damaged as you would imagine.

Go to Lake Havasu. Good naked grandma drop, bro. Good naked grandma drop. Thank you. Appreciate it. Naked grandma! Blake's on point. Blake is on point with the board already, and he said he was going to be, and I'm happy about that. Thanks, man. Yeah, dude. Have you guys been to Lake Havasu? It is a trip. I...

I feel like I have been there in my teenage dreams. Right, like through MTV Spring Break or something? Yeah, yeah. I just remember when I first moved to California and people were like, yeah, people are fucking on boats. I know. What? And then you're like, oh my God, I have to go there. That sounds incredible. And then you go there and you see it and you're like, I'm good. Right. Right.

I'm good on seeing that. I'm sure there's other, you know, more chill parts of the lake. But I wasn't there. The people fucking are just covered in like jellyfish burns and shit. The lake though, so I guess maybe not. Jellyfish are not in... Right. But snakes, maybe snake burns. You are so dumb. No, I feel like I just discovered those people were harming each other. They were spanking. Those are spanking marks. I feel like that has to be...

On a scale of the most drunk when you fuck, fucking on a boat on a lake has to be the most drunk fucking you ever do. During the day. During the day. Because it's dangerous. Day fucking as well. Yeah. Broad daylight, right? It's broad daylight. You can't be out on the lake at night, right? What? You can't be on a boat at night? I don't know. I guess you have to have some kind of... Maybe you can't do it. I'll be on a boat at night.

What's cool about doing this podcast live is a lot of times when we're just being fucking morons and we're just together, there's no one to check us. But it's nice to have an immediate response of 2,000 people being like, what the fuck? Yeah, these guys are actual dumbasses. Do you guys remember this movie that came out called Donkey Punch?

Like this, so everyone, if you don't know what a donkey punch is. I don't know if you classify that as a movie as much as a Pornhub original. Yeah, I mean, you all remember the thumbnail? No, this was a legit movie. So the donkey punch, it's like, I don't know if it's real because I'm like, not that cool. What'd you say? The stars are here. She goes, it's real.

It's when you're having anal sex with somebody, you hit them in the head to knock them out and their butthole tightens. Wait, so this is a movie? So there's a movie about some guys who get on a boat, okay? Yeah. And one of the guys is like... Play to the side. He starts hooking up with this girl and he goes, I'm going to try the donkey punch thing. And he kills her. And then it's like a...

We can't let these people off this boat movie that I wrote. I mean, saw. No, but this is a real movie, and this made it. And so many things I've written have not been made. And so it just kind of breaks my heart. Right. Has anyone seen this movie? I want that on your IMDb credit. It's Workaholics, The Mindy Project, The Intern, Donkey Punch.

Donkey Punch. The new King Kong show that's going to come out. Right. Donkey Punch 2. Donkey Punch 2. If you get one made. Donkey Punch 2, the punch back. Yeah, it's a catch. That's a catch. Yes, punch! The butthole snaps your dick off. Very good.

We got some points. I remember being in Lake Havasu. I was dating this girl. This was a while ago. And we were staying. They had some cabin or something, and we were on an inflatable mattress in the living room. Nice. Yeah, it was nice. And we were...

And we wanted to hook up, so we were like, let's walk and we'll go find a spot. Not a good thing. There's like rattlesnakes and scorpions and shit out there. And so we're like just walking to try to find a good fucking spot. Ooh, baby. And we're like, oh, this house looks like no one's home. Let's just go on the side of it. This is the whitest. Go ahead. And so then we were like...

you know, fucking on the side of this person's home. And, uh, this is nice. Hold on. What'd you say? I couldn't hear you. This house had brick. This was stucco. This was a nice little linoleum siding or vinyl. And then, and then as it was, this is why I was like, Oh, the Arizona is like one of the horniest spots is as we were fucking, I,

I heard someone in the window above. It was open, but it was the mesh or whatever. Sure. The screen? They just go... The mesh. It was made of basketball shorts. They made an audible... Oh, yeah. And we ran away. They for sure were jerking off. He immediately ran away? Or was there part of you that was like... An audience. We got an audience. Exactly. You didn't finish? You just were like, nah?

Yeah, I know. I think we took off right away. I don't know. I don't know if that was the move. Yeah. Oh, I should have pointed at him and like, this is for you, buddy. Yeah. Buddy. No, it's all. This one goes out to you. Dude, it's all well and good until he's like, donkey puncher. Yeah. It's true. You're like, no, you're evil. But that's a great movie. It's all well and good until he goes, just kidding.

And we're like, no! Right. Then you got some problems. You ruined that kid's life. Or you jumpstart his entire humanity. From then on, he's just a new man. Oh, yeah. He's a new something. He's a new something. He's a new something. But you think, I like how you go, this is the horniest place. I was here fucking on the side of a house.

Well, that's why. Earlier that day, I saw people having sex on a boat. I saw old titties. I was like, this place is wild. FOMO. So, yeah, you thought you might try it, and then you weren't an exhibitionist. You're not that. Okay, that's cool. Just a when in Rome situation. Yeah, we were looking for a dark nook. Yeah, on the side of someone's house. I think you found one. Right?

Like I said, there's scorpions and shit out there. I'm not going to try to lay to rest underneath a cacti. Lay to rest? Yeah.

This dude lays to rest when he fucks. Jesus. Yeah, I go corpse pose when I fuck. Bro, just side saddle. Just side saddle. No, you did the right move. You don't want to be out there with scorpions and shit. I get that. That's fucked up. Damn. You really told her, yo, you ready to lay to rest? Yo, so I just feel like we really hit it off on the boat. When we get to shore...

I would love to lay you to rest. What? You want to kill me? Yeah, and then she's definitely sending her friend her location. Right. She's like, just in case...

This guy's saying later rest a lot. I don't really know what that means. Yeah. Yeah. Arizona. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It is like, it's a special kind of hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. It's like crackhead hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Wait, and that's like a thing that people know about Arizona? What, that crackhead heat? That it's hot?

I think. I feel like you're a little off base. Yeah. It's like... I've never heard that before. Like you're acting like it's a desert or something. No, dude. You know, it was tight. Like, getting off the plane, my stewardess was like... She's a flight attendant. She was like, what are you doing in town? I'm like, oh, we have a show. And she goes, oh, it's going to be packed. It's starting to cool off, so everybody wants to go to shows and stuff. Yeah. I'm like...

I'm like, seems like dumb logic, but I'm like, okay, thinking it's going to be 80 degrees. I get outside, it was 98 degrees. That's a good band. Great band. That's a good band. Finally. Fucking Nick Lachey outside, bro. Dude, last night was so Nick Lachey.

It was a 98 degree Nick Lachey night. Yep, it was Nick Lachey tonight. What is a hit 98 degree song? Wait, hold on. Yes, points! No, no, that's a Kyle. That's a Kyle. It's okay. I'm getting swallowed up. Yes, points! Okay, you both got them. Yes, for everyone that is keeping track of who gets those points, Kyle gets the points. Yeah, Kyle gets the points. Yes, points! That's you. That's you. Thank you. Yeah, what is a 98 degree song? You are my fire.

I think one of them's here. Yeah. She's singing. Go hook her up. I can just tell she has a beautiful voice. Yeah, there's some kind of a siren over there. Okay, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. It's the hardest to do. Shut the fuck up. To look you in the eyes. I don't know this. And so love you is the hardest. This is a Phoenix church. I do not know this song. Right. Um.

I don't know that. You know what? Uh-oh. You know what? Very short. I'm casting for Pitch Perfect 4, and that ain't it, dawg. What does Randy Jackson say? That ain't it, dawg. That's a no from me, dawg. Yeah, that's a no from me, dawg. That's a no from me, dawg.

I didn't recognize that song at all. She could have been maybe every word to that. She was like, can you pull one up? As you never make the heartbeat end so beautiful. Wait, how did you just remember it? That's a fake song I just made up. But when you started that, it kind of, I kind of thought it was. Watch, I could be a boy band member. Give me five words. I love coffee and ice cream. Well, you just, that's a sentence.

That's not five words. You didn't say I couldn't. I said, give me five words. And I said, I love coffee and ice cream. Yeah. I love coffee and ice cream. Okay. That's a no for me, dog. That's seven words. That's five. You just went coffee. Oh.

I love coffee. You're a stupid dumbass. I love coffee and ice cream. I love coffee and ice. Ice cream. Dude, ice cream. Is one fucking word, bro. There's a hyphen. This dude, he's from the Bay. He's hyphen. That's true. Is it? It is two words? Hey, when I get backed in the corner, I fight. Bro, and that's what I love about you, homie. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yes.

We can do this. Friendship. Friendship. I love coffee and ice cream. Yeah. That might as well be a 98 Degrees song. That was really good. And they canceled Bumper in Berlin today. Can you believe that? Boo. Cancel your Peacock subscriptions, you five people. I'm not going to say it. Legally, I can't say that, but Durst can.

What should they do? Cancel your peep cock subscription. Yes, yes. Everyone here is like, we don't have it. And also, all together now, fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. That's real. That's real anger. That is real fucking anger, dude. My God. We don't want to work again. I'm so mad.

I really want to alienate myself from all the major streamers. You're doing it. So I have to stay on tour forever. There we go. There we go. Right. I looked up 98 Degrees, and this isn't a great sign, guys. Two of their top songs are Mariah Carey's songs.

Oh really? And what's a Mariah Carey song? It's called "Thank God I Found You." Five words. Yeah. Thank God I found you. There it is. Nailed it. And then their third most popular song is a Christmas song. So I think their Christmas album is... The Christmas album hits. Yeah. For sure. So they didn't have any great songs.

What is your problem? Although I will say, short story, when I moved to LA, and this is me, I'm not taking shots at this guy. It's a fucking weird, tough business. I was served by one... Here we go. I was served at a restaurant by one of the guys. From 98? Yeah, and I was like, fuck, here we go. Oh yeah, game on. Dude, that is cool when you first see your first celebrity, and then in hindsight, you're like... Wait, you were served by this?

Them? Like at a restaurant. Like they were your waiter? They were working at the restaurant. And I was like... 98 Degrees was working at the restaurant. And they were popular before you came to Hollywood, right? Yes. No, I feel like you were on... You had to check because yours is old as fuck. I did. I really have no idea what time is what. It was Hollywood Land. Were the Eagles before or after you moved to Hollywood? Let me tell you about the Sunset Strip. It was horse and buggy. And there were orange...

Fields all around us. The orange grove. By the way, Ders is like three years older than us, and we act like he's the oldest man alive. Adam just explained the joke. But to our credit, he drove a minivan. He wore khakis. He did. He did. Mostly those two things. I'm wearing jeans now. You are. Good job. I had a minivan. When your parents go, do you want this? You go, yeah.

You know what I mean? And it was fucking crazy. I got rid of the middle seat, just threw it out. So it was like limo style. I remember that. You know what you could do? You made the bang bus. I did make the bang bus. You could definitely be laying some girls to rest in that thing. Yeah, you could. Damn.

Yeah, you could. Or let's just say some people were laid to rest. Yeah, let's just say I call the minivan the hearse because I be laying them to rest. You could say both those things or you could say a lot of groceries. Yeah, points. A lot of groceries fit there.

Here we go. All right, man. Be careful. Behind you, there's a big drop, baby. What's the likelihood of... A big drop behind you. Yeah, I was going to try to sit up there, but then I'm like, that's how I die. That's how I die. What if you sit on the edge right here? That's not bad. That's not a perch. How did Adam die? I know. I thought you were going to Kanye West your butt crack to them. Well, dude, I need to. Good boy. If that's what you're going to do, I don't want to sit here. So if you're listening at home, because this is a podcast...

Adam just shook his entire dick at the crowd. Oh. What's that song from Workaholics? Do you shake his butt so you know his dick wagging? Right. It's like if you have a big penis, when you shake your butt, your dick wags. Yeah. Because if your dick doesn't wag when you shake your butt, you don't have a big penis. Mine doesn't do that. Well, yeah. I mean, mine doesn't either. It just kind of points. Mine doesn't wag.

Mine rotates. It doesn't wag. It rotates. Wait, what? Whoa, whoa. Pivots. It pivots. It pivots. It didn't get better. Rotate to pivot is not a better way to describe what your dick does. Well, if my butt is pivoting, then so is my dick.

You know what I mean? That's how a fulcrum works, bro. Your dick is like a boat rudder? Yes, exactly. Yes, my dick is like a boat rudder. Thank you. My boy got a dick like a boat rudder, dog. Bro. Yep. Boom, boom, boom. I like that, dude. I like your boat rudder dick. Hey, so far, so good, guys. This is really going well.

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My first car when I moved to L.A., also not a gift. My aunt and uncle made me pay for it. You got it. A 98 Explorer. Sick. Well, it wasn't just an Explorer, though. It was a special Explorer. You had the fucking Eddie Blunt.

Bauer edition. Oh, my God. I wanted that so bad. So, everyone, Eddie Bauer was a store. Yeah. I wanted that car so bad. I remember you being mad jealous. Very jelly, dude. Incredibly mad and jelly. Wait, so you went through cars...

Super fast then. I flipped that one. I remember that as well. That was a tragedy. I flipped it on the freeway and then it was raining in LA. You were going down to OC. I was going down to Orange County to do some stand-up shows and I hydro-planned and spun like five times

Like you see traffic coming towards you and then you're driving straight again and then you see traffic coming towards you again. Right, right. And then I hit the guardrail. I flipped and the back metal guardrail shot through my backseat. Yep. So it would have decapitated anyone back there. But I have no friends. I remember that was weird because you called me and Teddy to come get you. And you were so fucking chill.

Dude, I just flipped it. I was like, I was almost laid to rest and not in the good way. Wait. Congrats. Yeah.

Thank you. And so like... So what happened, the crazy, I mean, that's a crazy part. But so I'm like, I was so addicted to Monster Energy drinks at that time that I climb out. It's a torrential downpour. I forgot my wallet and my phone. And I'm like, oh shit, I got to get something. And I climb back in and I climb through my window and down into my car and I just come out with my Monster Energy drink. Yeah.

And then a car full of these Mexican dudes pull up and they're like, oh shit, dude, you must be fucked up, huh? Like you must be high on drugs or like drunk or something, right? And I'm like,

No, I'm not. I just flipped my car and they're like, so you're telling me you flipped your car? I want to do an accent, but I think that's racist. Yeah. I know you could tell. I know you could tell. Yeah. But you know what my Mexican accent would be like. You know, I want to do this, but you know. Right, right, right. You got the window. She seems she could be Mexican or any other race, but she says it's cool.

Also, you got the queerness. And then just one guy stands up. Got you, fucker. Get him. Canceled. Green light. And so they're like, wait, you don't have any drugs or alcohol? And I'm like, no. And they're like, all right, we're out of here. Yeah, they were trying to fucking get some. And then I go, well, can I use one of your phones to call the police? And they're like, nah. And they fucking left. Yep.

Yep. I remember. You called us somehow. You did call us somehow. The police allowed me to call you guys. Did the police arrive? Was there like a tow truck? Is this a whole situation? It was a whole situation, dude. It was crazy. It was fucking mayhem. The car was totaled. It was crunched. Crunchola. And remember, we went to get it...

CD binder. Yes, we did. Yes, we did, bro. Yeah. We had to grab that shit. I was like, I have a Dishwalla CD that I cannot part with. You did have fucking Everclear. You had... I've got 40 ounces of freedom that there's no way I could find another disc.

Wait, so here's my question, though. So you stayed at the scene of the crime, and then did you roll up in your car? Are you allowed to just do that? I think we caught you, like, at the tow yard or something. Yeah, I think they took me there. Yeah, and then you grabbed your CDs, and we got into my, like, Ford Focus. Ooh.

Car talk. We're back to car talk. I'm pretty sure we immediately just got fucking so lit up in the car on the way back. And then those Mexican guys pulled right up next to us. They were like, I see you found some. Ah!

That is cool. That's fine. Wow. So Blake, tell a very detailed story about how you almost died in a car. Ready, go. I've actually never been in a car accident. And that's because Blake drives two miles an hour. Three miles an hour. Like so slow. On the way to work, I would always just pass by you and I'm like,

I'm late, so I'm trying to get there. What are you doing? I like to be safe. I like to be safe, and I am also always lost. I'm always lost. You've never gotten a car accident? I've never gotten into a car accident. Not even a fender bender or anything like that? Nothing where I had to get out of the car. I mean, the one time that... What? Nothing where I couldn't just drive off quickly? Wait, what? Yeah.

Well, it's like, you know, the guy goes out to look at if there was damage to the fender, and I'm kind of like, are we good? Right. You didn't even exit the vehicle. Do I have to get out? What a cool, nice guy. Damn, I got in a car accident I remember once delivering pizzas. Oh, shit. And the fucking pizza got wrecked, dude. Dude. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza.

They're like, is that blood? I remember I had a bloody nose because I fucking hit the car. Yeah, you're just bleeding from your neck. It's just marinara. I thought that because, and I also remember thinking that because I was like bloody and in pain, that if I did deliver this pizza to the door, they were going to give me the fucking best tip ever.

I've ever gotten in my life. No. No, you're right. That's exactly how they felt. They did not give a shit. They were like, why are you... Yeah, they're like, it's cold. And why are you late and why is it squished? Yeah. And you're all bloody. If anyone showed up to my door with just a bloody face like, here's your pizza. Yeah.

Why is your arm... I thought I had a totally different image of myself. I was the pizza hero. Yeah, your arm is pointed the wrong direction. Yeah, you're like a weird scarecrow. I was the hero that delivered the pizza, even though I got... I was the hero!

In this story. Could you imagine in Kyle's brain, it's just like a scene from a movie. It's just like slow-mo. He's like getting out bloody with a pizza. This is it. Is this like Kevin Costner's The Postman? There goes my hero.

Just ding-dong. Looking weird as fuck. Looking homeless. I looked good back there. This is in high school. I smelled him coming. Okay, it's a roast session. Let's go. I looked good, though. I was in high school. I was still looking fucking solid. This dude is leaving probably before the accident. Should I...

I feel uncomfortable. JK. I don't know, Kyle. I saw you in high school. You...

We're sexy. You look sexy as fuck. Thank you. There's undeniable steez coming from every photo I've ever seen of you in high school. Yeah. Steez. Steez. And that's a good thing. Steez is good, yeah. Steez Harvey over here. It's Steez. It's Steez Harvey. What does steez mean? Steez is like a mix between style and for you, sleaze. Oh, sleaze. That just means like your look had a take.

Right? It had a perspective. It had a point of view. That point of view was bleached blonde, spiky, like super tight rib t-shirts. Yo, Kyle. Oh, yeah. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Kyle took some swings, though. Hot, hot, hot, hot. I got you. Kyle took some swings, though. There was a moment when Kyle actually, you remember you like shaved your head, bleached it blonde, but then you dyed it like a basketball. Yeah.

He literally had... It was orange and it had black lines. I'm not just saying it looked like a basketball. You told your mom to do a basketball? Yeah, my mom was always into me doing shit with my hair.

And I was like, I want to make my head look like a basketball. And she was like, all right, that's awesome, son. I got you faded. Because we didn't go get haircuts. My mom cut our hair. We never went to the barber. My dad cut my hair. Yeah. And then I remember my dad actually was like, well, if you're going to do it, you should shave the lines in. Okay. And so I shaved the basketball lines in. If you're going to do it. Yeah. My dad's always like, if you're going to do something, do it right. Right.

And so he shaved the lines in and then we used a little toothbrush with black dye. And that's how we dyed the little lines. It was fucking sick, dude. It was sick. This was like 02. Like Spalding? What are we talking?

I didn't get the... Yeah, it was brandless, dude. I can't be bought, homie. You just looked like a Reebok pump walking around. I guess I did. It was like a pump.

I mean, my parents are super chill and cool, and I would even probably say chiller than your parents for the most part. I don't know. My parents are pretty chill, bro. Is this a chill parent talk? No, dude, you would get grounded all the time when you were a kid. Well, back then, yeah. Oh, you're talking back then. Yes. Yeah, you're right. Yes. Okay, sorry. I jumped out of the time. Back when they could ground you, yes. Yes, yes, yes. My parents, if they showed up right now and they're like, Adam, you're grounded, I heard what you said, I'd be like, shit. Yeah.

Your parents were... My parents were very strict. I'm the oldest. I got the first level of... I'm also the oldest. I got the first level of discipline. Yeah. Yeah. I don't... Yeah, you're the oldest, too. Yeah, and my parents would never allow me to shave my hair like a basketball. But didn't you have a...

My parents also let me do a cheetah, too. They let me do, like... But you're from the Midwest. He's from California. There's fucking nuts out there. Yeah. But I thought I saw... Hey, like, my uncle still finds this joke hilarious. He's like, how's California land of fruit and nuts? Oh, hey. Wait. Hey. This is for your uncle. Hey!

But, Adam, I've seen pictures of you in high school where you have, like, you have, like, didn't you shave, like, the top of your head or something and look like an old man? Didn't you do, like, a bald haircut? I did do that, but also... I like how Kyle's just pulling receipts now. Yeah.

I grew my hair out, so my hair was really thick when I was younger. It's thinning. I tried to grow it long, but it didn't go flat. It just went this high, straight as an arrow. I looked like fucking Sonic the Hedgehog. I looked so fast. Wasn't. Was basically crippled, but...

I looked super fast and my mom was like, you have to get a haircut or you're going to be grounded. Like your hair looks fucking stupid. Yeah. She was going to ground you for your hair or hair. And my, I've never, no, your parents were really strict then, but I've never been grounded. Oh, wait, what happened? I thought it was like a, my parents are laid back off and now it's like my mom would be, that's the difference. I could get caught with weed and with alcohol and meth and fat. No, not meth. Uh,

But we ate an alcohol and like I wouldn't get in any trouble. But then the hair, my mom was like, enough is enough. You look like a fucking maniac. Go get a haircut. So then I had my friend...

We buzzed the middle part and then shaved it. And then I showed up and I pulled up in my 1993 Cavalier convertible salvage title. That's a whip. Salvage title. Everyone here was born that year. They're like, that's a great year. I was born that year. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And so I pulled up and then I had my friend record my mom and she's out watering the flowers in our front yard. This is watering the flowers? She's watering the flowers. Almost done. Ah ha.

I'm almost done. I'm gonna cum. That's Penny Devine you're talking about. I'm weed whacking now. Watering the flowers. And so she's watering the flowers. And if you're listening to the podcast, listen to the podcast at home. I'm gardening. Where's my hoe? And my mom like never curses and we pull up and she sees me and she goes, you dumb fucking son of a bitch. Whoa.

She said you dumb fucking son of a bitch. She said son of a bitch? And threw the water down and like stormed inside the house. I don't like that. Fucking little Penny, all five foot two with some poofy hair, just like... Does she... Right. But does she realize that she called herself a bitch? Here, do that again. Let me get your feet. Do the feet. Go. Again. Same thing. I'll do the feet. That was Penny scurrying back inside the house. Yes, punch!

Yeah, I don't know. She clocked that. I mean, that's wild. You could have turned around and been like, yeah, I am a son of a bitch. Yeah, got you. Whoa. Kyle. See, but that's the difference between us, and you could start at the penis. Well, we already started with the rudder. You start with the rudder. And I think we did start with the penis.

But, see, I would never... Yeah, I think you like to go back. You like to volley back. That's why I was... And I just like to go, gotcha. Right. No, I like to... I was a really, really good teenager in that respect. I fucked him up. Yeah. With that hot burn you just dropped on us? Yeah, maybe you are. You know what? Maybe you're right. Your mom calls you son of a bitch and you're like, yeah, you are. I guess that's you. Bro, that is... That's it. Bam! Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

What is that? Is that 98 degrees? That is 98 degrees. That's Backstreet Boys. That's 69 degrees. 69.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I don't know about you guys, but I feel this year has gone by so quickly. I became a father this year. Can you believe that, guys? Huge. And the baby that I named Bo is growing bigger every day. Let me tell you, life goes by like that, so fast. So it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for the rest of the year. I agree. And therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next decade.

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I feel like Federline spends some time here, right? Federline? Anybody here kick it with Federline late night? Federline has danced on this stage behind Britney Spears. There's no doubt. So we're talking about Kevin Federline, Britney Spears, the woman that dances alone in her living room. Dude, have you guys... Shaved her head into a basketball. Have you guys seen these videos? I mean, it is sad.

Of Britney Spears, sure, Blake. Yeah, be supportive for sure, but also she's alone going like... Yeah, but she's just setting up her comeback, right? Dude, she does my move, this move. Wait a second. Adam, that's a move you do. No, that's my signature move, dude. No, no, no, no.

I'm known for dancing. What's weird is that move, I think, is specifically for glow sticks, and I've never seen you with glow sticks. Like, that move doesn't work if you don't have glow sticks. You know where I think that was? I think when I was shooting the first Pitch Perfect movie, we had to do like three weeks of rehearsal before we did the movie. To be Pitch Perfect? Yeah, to be Pitch Perfect.

And so none of us knew how to dance, still really don't. And they were like, well, show some of your moves. Like, what can you do? And we'll work them into the arsenal. And I'm back there thinking, like, what are my fucking moves? What a nightmare. So I did, like, my dumb little toe touch. I did my jazz splits. And then I did this maneuver. Perfect.

That's actually a good move. And AJ, the choreographer, who was like Usher's choreographer and a bunch of cool people, was like, Bumper's doing that. For sure. Where did you learn that, though?

Probably Britney Spears. Yeah. If I had to guess. What's your origin story? I'm just trying to get to the bottom of you, baby. Well, I was trying to explain Kevin Federline and who that is. So she was married, that girl that dances alone in her living room. She used to be a pop star. Yes.

And then she was married to this homeless guy that Kyle looks identical to. Oh, fuck. I did model a lot of my style after K-Fan. I did. I remember it was so funny because we lived together at the time. And everybody universally was like, oh, she's dating this guy? He looks like shit. He literally looks horrible. Everyone across the world was like, he is a garbage person. And Kyle's like...

I kinda like what he's doing. Yeah, I like his steez. Let me rip a page out of that playbook. Yeah, the guy's got some steez, man. That's alright. K-Fed's alright. K-Fed's cool. Britney's cool. He's doing fine. I like them both a lot to this day. Oh, really, Blake? What's your newest Britney Spears song that you just can't live without? She doesn't have to do any more songs. She's already a freaking icon. Yeah.

Thank you. For sure. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. For sure. Right? Yeah, there's no doubt. But also, she does need help. We should send someone over to check on her. Let's all go right now. Wasn't that the whole thing? We should maybe put her dad in charge. Wasn't that the whole thing? Yeah. What the fuck? Wait a minute. I don't know. I'm thinking outside the box. I don't know. Just thinking outside the box. God, where's her father? Her dad's...

Maybe put her dad in charge of all her money or something. I don't know. What the hell, dude? What? I don't know. I don't follow her, so I don't know. We fought so long and hard for that to be not the case. Where's the mom? The mom? I don't know, dude. This gets too dark if we start to dive. Where is Kathy Spears? Kathy Spears? I don't know. I assume it's Kathy Spears. She's probably here in Arizona. Yeah.

That's a good spot. That's where you go to hide. What are you keeping from us, audience members? It's just kind of the land of gilfs here, I feel. Gilfs? Yeah. Which is a naked grandma? A grandmother I would love to fuck? Yeah, grandma. Adam can't even say it. I would just say it's like grandparent I'd like to fuck. Naked grandpa. Everyone's team. Naked grandma! Yes. Hey.

Hey, I've been to Lake Havasu. It's true. I'm saying, okay, you guys could raise your hands if you want. How many people have had sex with someone over 60? Lights up. Lights up. How many people have laid to rest someone over 60? We got one here.

We got one there. And your theory is shot to shit, Blake. Thank you. Three people raised their hands. Well, you know what was really cool? Is people stuck their hands up and they didn't realize the lights were coming on. I saw a few go down. I saw a few go down pretty quick. Don't be shamed. Dude, that's my favorite at like sporting events when like a couple is like making out and then the camera comes on them and then just one other person goes like... Yes. Yes.

Like, obviously they're cheating and wasn't here. And has to act like they weren't there. But also, if you're cheating, don't go to a soccer game. I don't know. Yeah, for sure. Well, you got to take them somewhere. On the side of a stranger's house. Yeah, you got to. Yes, points. Just make sure there ain't no scorpions. Yes, points.

Yeah. What else are you supposed to do when the big jumbotron shows you cheating on somebody? I think dipping out. Right. See, but if you do that, then it's meme for life. Sure. Then everybody, you got to double down and be like, this is my real girlfriend. Yeah. We are really together. And then they're like, we don't want to see that pan off. Or do you instantly just make another person's face? You're like,

And you have to hold it for the rest of the game. You sort of morph into a bad De Niro impression. You become unrecognizably, except everyone's like, good fellas, right? What's cool is the camera guy is your worst enemy, so he keeps coming back to you. The director's like, ready, camera one, camera one.

Camera one. Hold it, camera one. Still on camera one. Camera one. Holding camera one. Push in camera one. Holding camera one. Camera two, shoot to camera one. Camera three, fuck yourself. Camera one. Meanwhile, the baseball game's just happening. None of the cameras are on. No, the baseball game stopped, and they're like, we're playing the game here. Camera three. Here. On me. Yeah, the...

We're going into extra innings. Hey, where's your Diamondbacks hat? What happened? Did you forget your hat? It's in the dressing room, but I took a walk to the stadium because I just wanted to see it. That's where I found out that it was so super hot here. Yeah. That's where you found it out that Phoenix, Arizona is a warm climate? On the jaunt to the stadium. It got a little musty in me drawers. A little swass? Yeah.

Yes. Swamp nuts. Phoenix, Arizona, known for their huge population of British people. Right. Well, dude, that's where I found out that it was crackhead hot because I didn't know where I was going and literally everybody I... We need a beer up here. Make it a couple. Here we go. Finish your thought. I'm so sorry. Finish your thought. Literally everybody I asked for like, you know, to find the team store turned out to be a crackhead because...

It's so hot that the only people who can survive that heat in the day is crackhead. Like, and sometimes they're in disguise. That's amazing. Like, I thought it was a construction worker working because he had, like, an orange vest on. I'm like, this is our manager Isaac. Give it up for Isaac. Wow. Awesome. Our manager Isaac right there. Oh, my God.

So wait, is there a whole routine where like maybe you bring extra underwear with you some places? Yes. Well, yeah. That's great. Or I feel like maybe it's a no underwear situation. You know, it's a dry heat. It ain't dry down there. It's a wildly blistering hot dry heat. Yes. But you're still going to be swamping, right? All right.

It's a dry heat. It's always very wet in this zone. That's what I'm saying. There's a misinterpretation over here. We're talking wet. Come on. This is a children's show. That's a wet row over there. We're going to call that the splash zone over there. Jesus. Yeah, sure. Can you guys be really honest with me?

Who? Do you guys... Us? You fellas, do you guys use body lotion? Have you ever used body lotion? Fucking honestly? No, I don't. No? No. Because I used body lotion in the hotel today for the first time. All right, we don't need to hear about you watering the plants. I don't. No points, no points. Good for you. That's awesome, dude. And how was that? Worth bringing up? I didn't love it.

But as I was doing it... Was it worth bringing up? Can you explain it?

I used lotion. I was jacking off. I was just wondering if my fucking bros use body lotion, man. That was my thought as I applied it. Well, you know how celebrities always have some sort of other shit that has nothing to do with them being an actor or a comedian or whatever? Kevin Hart has Fabletics. Right. Or Tommy John's underwear or one of the many other things he sells. Like a company, not like a hobby? Yeah, a company. We should...

I mean, I'm all on board. I've never used body lotion, but I'm ready to be the body lotion king. That's like Pharrell. Pharrell's doing it. I'd be down with that. Pharrell's doing a whole man-gina. No, but I feel like we're known for looking more moist and young than Pharrell. Yeah, I don't know about that one. He's looking pretty moist and young. So we got some cues from the audience. Oh, shit.

A lot of people asked some hot Q's and I think we got some hot A's. Lacey says... Who? My girl Lacey. Are you good? Oh, splash zone. Splash zone. Yeah, we're good. Turns out she isn't. Good job. DZ wrote, are you good? Who was that? DZ also said you good. Hey...

Okie dokie. Your boobs are huge. So if you're listening at home. So for the people over there, that guy keeps showing us his right nipple. Your boobs are huge. Pretty exciting. Nice. Now the Chicago show, I would say probably less rowdy than this show. Yeah. But we did see a man's asshole. Oh yeah, we did. A man's asshole? We did.

A man's asshole. We definitely saw the cheeks. Yeah, it was wild. We put lights up for something. We asked the crowd the very important question is who here has had diarrhea? Just to get to the bottom of it. Hey, Lacey, we know. And...

And so everybody was like raising their hands. And weirdly, some people weren't. We're like, bitch, everybody's had diarrhea. Right. And you've had a taco. Thank you. And so the lights came up and everybody's kind of raising their hands being like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm raising my hands admitting to diarrhea in public. Yeah, it was fun. And then this man, this like 280-pound man was like, well, to be fair. Oh!

To be fair, he didn't raise... We said, hang on, who hasn't had diarrhea? Put your hands up. He put his hand up. We said, you're lying. Show us your asshole face.

Is that how it happened? Yeah. Is that how that went down? He said he had never had diarrhea. Yeah. Oh, wow. He actually... Which I think is bullshit. I think anybody who says they haven't had diarrhea is a liar. It's human shit. He later tweeted at us, and we found out that he was a substitute teacher, so that's pretty cool. Tight. Yeah.

That is good. It's good to know. And he posted a photo of him with one of the buzzball biggies outside the venue just like, ah. Cool. And we have to pay these teachers more. We do. For real. That's a good job. Okay, next question. I mean, God, I wish we knew his name because it would be so fun to call him out and have one of the students just be like, not even, I feel like high school students don't listen to our podcast. It's like their cool stoner parent.

It was like, Mr. Baker? Mr. Baker, you good? So Nathan and Maddie wrote for the group, are you good? All right. Okay, we are. Ryan Nardi, you good? We are. We're good. No kink deaths. Aiden Bledsoe, he had one very quiet friend. It was his girlfriend went, and then he goes, shut the fuck up. He's going to ask my question. Grant! Yes? I'm not good. That's me. What are you saying? That's me. Okay.

Okay, Aiden Bledsoe. Out of the TV show and Game Over Man, what are you most proud of making entertainment-wise? Kyle, you go first. Ooh. Well, they both are like... They're both epic, but I think I'm definitely more proud of the television show. I mean, that was like fucking 10 years of our lives. That was everything. I mean...

Thank you. Yeah, and thank you guys for watching that. I know that it meant a lot to you guys, and it means a lot to us as well. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, for sure, workaholics, for sure, I would say as well. We did that show for six seasons, or seven seasons? Seven seasons. But the movie was definitely like what...

I think I went to Hollywood to do was to make a movie. The movie had fucking very cool stunts that were fun to do. Yeah, it was. We didn't really have a box to play in on that one. It was bigger. It was awesome. It was what we did. Hollywood! But, you know. I always wanted to show my dick in an episode of Workaholics. I'm glad I was able to finally get that.

And this is a little like, this is a little inside baseball. We started with the idea of getting to see Adam's dick and we wrote the movie. We built the world around that. Yeah, that was the whole pitch. It's like, okay. You're like, okay, but why? Why are we seeing your dick? There has to be a good reason. That sequence is still the funniest sequence in movie history. I think someone's dying up there. Oh, show your dick now.

No. You want to see it? You want to see it? It's right in there. Let me get a peek, brother. Oh, my God. I caught a glimpse. Here he goes. Here he goes. Not today. Nope. He's saving that for Ben Salem. Nah. We'll do it live. Not today. You guys are too horny. Fuck it. We'll do it live. Renee. Lay it to rest. Rich Head?

Rene Riched says... How do you say that? Riched? Ratchet. Rene Ratchet. Oh, Rene Ratchet? That's your stripper name. In a zombie apocalypse ten years in, no fucking or anything. Rene, you dirty dog.

No fucking or anything. In the zombie apocalypse? In a zombie apocalypse. Everyone close your eyes and picture this. I'm here. I'm trying. Okay, so we're there. This is one of those many shows on HBO that's about zombie apocalypse. Right. But no fucking. Go. Listen. Be there. No fucking or anything. All right. That's tough. That's tough. You come across fresh zombie. That is fine. Oh. Okay. Okay.

Okay, Renee. I'm listening. And then Renee wrote, like, two days fresh. Oh. Okay. So it's kind of still human? Is that... Well, dude... I'm just trying to get the picture. I have my fucking eyes closed. First of all, that's not that fresh. Huh? Huh?

Yeah, that's like two days stale. Yeah, I feel like on the second day is when you really start to blow. But doesn't it take a certain amount of time to actually turn into a zombie? I think it turns into a zombie pretty much in this world right away. All right, I'm going to close my eyes again. Okay, shh, shh, shh. You managed to protect yourself. Cut off arms. What? Teeths. Teets? Teeths. Is this like a pit bull?

Renee, you are a fucking psychopath. You cut off arms, teeth, etc. Are you fucking it, Blake? Oh my god. No, this one's specifically for Blake. Be honest. Be honest. Remember, there's no fucking or anything. There was so...

Wait, there's no fucking or anything, but then this is like, are you going to fuck this one fresh zombie? Okay, guys, I don't think you imagined properly. I had my eyes closed the entire time. Close your eyes. Okay. I just opened them. I just opened them. It's a zombie apocalypse. I'm here. Ten years in, no fucking or anything. Oh, right. I forgot the ten years in part. We're a decade into this. And then you stumble upon a zombie that's fine as hell, and it's two days fresh. Oh.

And you cut off its... You managed to protect yourself. You managed to. By cutting off boobs. From this fine-ass zombie. Cut off its arms and its teeth. Is this like a Boxing Helena recall here? Are you fucking it? Look, this is... I can go ahead and say... I'm going to say no. This is some twisted shit. But this is a Blake question.

This is just for Blake. If you can. Are you good? Hey, are you good? Yeah, you good? Yo. All I'm saying, Kyle, is if you're not fucking it, you're not surviving in this apocalypse. Did you just make that up? I'm just saying, you have to be able to fuck it if you're going to survive in the apocalypse. Oh. Huh. That's a new take. I was about to fuck it even if it wasn't going to make me survive. Yo dawg. It's two days fresh, dude.

I swear to God, I'll eat Subway two days fresh, and that shit is bad.

Have it all.

We're here for the history, not the hype. To shed light, not fan flames. We're here for the whole story, not just a headline. Here to uphold democracy, uncover the facts, and illuminate what matters. Democracy dies in darkness. That's where we come in. The Washington Post. Switch on. Subscribe today at washingtonpost.com slash iHeart.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. So Cody Lipke, Lopke, Lopke? Lopke's in the building? Oh, shit. Is that the dude right there? Is that you? Yeah, Cody. My man, Cody. We're in the MCU. No, that's not Cody. That's Brody. It ain't him. It ain't him, dude. He's like, no.

Does Durs have a Keith sweat poster up in his room on Workaholics? True. And if you were to cut off his arms and teeth, would you? Oh, fuck it. They must have sat next to each other. No, no, no. Without a doubt. So you did have the Keith sweat poster. Yeah, this is more like a trivia thing. Yes, I had a Keith sweat poster in my bedroom on Workaholics.

And now it's in my office. What is... I don't really... Because you're a little more soulful, I would say, than I am. I think... I don't even know if I know one. Is he the one who goes like, nobody? Okay. You want... I think that's all I know. Snippet? Yeah. Here we go. Get a snippet. I'm more of an I'll be sure guy. Again, I'm super old. I hope it starts quick, though. Oh, shit. Get your gardening gloves on. Yeah. Rudder's ready. It's got to start. I want a tea.

Oh, fuck dude. It's a middle school dance! This is when you just do this. Wow, you just freak danced with Durz. Blake, Blake. Why did you- I just blacked out. Why did you immediately start to lay Durz to rest? What? By the way, when I say I just blacked out, that doesn't have anything to do with Keith Sweat.

African-American heritage. Although, that's kind of a dope thing. Like, last night I blacked out. That's a porno for sure. Nobody. Mario Marquez says, for Blake. Another one for you, Blakey. Okay. I am 30 years old. Congratulations. Happy birthday to you.

It did not say it's his birthday, that he was just stating his age. So we did that for nothing. And I have never had a buzz ball. Would you do me the honor? Oh, fuck. Let's get Isaac. Will you get Mario Marquez a buzz ball? He's got one. And it's our favorite flavor. Wait, dookie. He has one. He's holding one. Who is it? Who is it? Who's the person? Mario Marquez. You? There he is. There he is. And buddy.

And, buddy? Okay. Here we go. Spotlight on and feel free to chug it. Spotlight. He's got to slam it. Feel free to chug it. Chug, chug, chug. Come on, come on, come on. Another substitute teacher. Hey, don't you throw shit on stage. Nice, dude. You pick up your garbage. You pick up your garbage. Wow. That's wild because that's like the chocolate milk one. That one is fucking weird.

Yeah. The cause of diarrhea. Yeah, you took that like a champ. Ashley Martinez, are they related? Yeah. No, that was Marquez. Marquez and Martinez. Ashley Martinez, I fucking love y'all. Thank you. We know. Your boobs are huge. You dog. I fucking love y'all. Adam, how was your kiss with Keef on the Righteous Gemstone? Wait. You kissed another person?

You know, we rehearsed that scene for months. And... Adam, was he better? It was good. That was one of our first days of... I don't know. I'm on a show called The Righteous Gemstones. We shot... It's like a will-they-won't-they between me and my ex-Satanic youth pastor. And at the end of this last season, we have a little smoochie. And...

We're picked up for season four and Danny... No. Purple South! And McBride, Danny McBride calls me and he was like, yeah, okay, congratulations, season four. Looks like you're a gay dude this season, so... Good days. That's cool. New Frontiers. This season? And I was like, this season...

That's been under the whole time. This one's... I'll take this one. When is Eric Griffin, Montez, coming on the live tour, says Zag D and Sam. You know what? This is an easy thing for us to answer. It's fucking never. He's not. Never. He's not. Boo you! You don't know Eric Griffin. He's a horrible person. Yeah.

Wow, dude. You have to go see Eric when he comes in town on his stand-up tour because he's a very, very funny guy, but I cannot be in the same room as that man. He's funny to people, but not here. Why aren't there any 2X arugula shirts? Chonky girls like salad too. Yeah, man. Yeah.

Natalie Meyer. Where are you, girl? Under your feet. Hey, there you go. Oh, shit. Is that it? Where's Natalie Meyer? There she is. House lights up, please. There she is. Here we go. We snagged the last one for you, Natalie. Thank you. Enjoy that. Natalie has a follow-up question. Durs, which serial killer has most inspired your work and why?

Well, I will say re-watching Dahmer. Dersi's the bats of acid in the living room is like, that makes sense. If anybody re-watches Dahmer, red flag, right? That's fucking weird. Although pretty good. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know serial killers personally. Blake does. Yeah! Yeah!

Blake is the big serial killer fan of our group. I love serial killers. Who's your favorite? My favorite serial killer? Go. When we were in fifth grade or whatever, you had a little book that was like all the serial killers. Oh, boy. I will say that's my least favorite. What you just did is what my mom and all of her friends do on Facebook, where they're like, what's your favorite type of ice cream? Go. Bro, chocolate chip cookie dough. The question mark.

We get it. We get it. Let's go. We'll go. I like the Unabomber. The Unabomber's not a serial killer, but... He rocked. So Nils, a person named Nils wrote, who is your current favorite band slash musician? Blink-182. You know my answer. Blink-182. It just came out with the music. I saw Blink-182. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I saw Workaholics Blink shirt somewhere. Yeah, there's...

Yeah, there she is. The bling shirt. These shirts, it says Blink-182, and then on the back, I missed the old Blink-182 or whatever. That's official merch. The band reached out to us to ask if they could do that. Yes. Coolest, one of the coolest moments of my life. Blake, who's your favorite current musician, band? I gotta go with Turnstile. I'm really loving Turnstile. Yeah. Durs, hit us.

I'm not tuned in right now. I don't know who the hell is. Oh, dude, you know what? Mine is Blink-182. Is Doja Cat still purring around? That's what I was going to fucking say. I was going to say Doja Cat. Is she still scratching the cat puss? She just released an album. She's got the thickest little bangs right now, dude. I'm just kidding. I don't even know a Doja Cat song.

Paint the town red. It's like that. And the little bangs are epic. No one knows what the fuck you're saying, Kyle. I don't even know what I'm saying, bro. I don't know what I'm singing. The last song I heard was Young Ma. Dude, she's got the dopest bangs. The last song I heard...

Was Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby? Am I still relevant? Yeah. The very last question is by someone named Elsie. They go, pick a food to describe your balls. Blake? My squash. One squash. Okay. So like orange and really gummy? No, I like getting my shit stepped on, bro. Whoa. That's tight. Phoenix!

69! Stomped. I don't know why I said that I don't. Thank you. That is the wildest fetish. I'm not kink shaming, but bro, when they stomp on the nuts. Right, the speed bag shit? Oh, dude. That speed bag shit's crazy. Where it hangs under the table and then they're punching them. I've seen that shit where there's a little hole in the table and then they're fucking dropped down and then they're like...

Shit's insane. It seems like you like it. Well, I mean... Phoenix! Whatever, bro. That's when you're really deep in the crates on the porn hub. Yeah, sometimes it's just like, what the fuck are they doing in that frame right there? And then you have to check it out. This is on page 54. He always looks at...

porno pages and director speak of frames. What is that interesting frame right there? I'm more about the shot. The framing. You're about the shot. You're about the shot, all right. He's a bukkake guy. Pick a food to describe your balls. Yes, of course. Thank you. I would just say maybe biscuits and gravy. Okay.

It's sloppy like that. You know what I mean? They're a little dry, but they're also kind of soppy. You know what I mean? Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. Yes. I would say mine would be like steamed broccoli. Ooh. Pungent. Yes. What? Not the best broccoli?

It smells like farts. Dude, yes. I like how this dude's... Well, the nuts are right next to the fart zone. I think broccoli smells like... Call me crazy. Farts. Yeah. Yeah, this is... You come home to steam broccoli and you think your house got attacked by homeless dookie people. Right? Yeah, man. Kyle. Yeah. The last one goes to you, bud. What are my nuts like?

Pick a food. Do you want to read the question one more time? Just to reiterate, because I know it's hard to follow along. Yeah, what are my nuts like? LC asks, pick a food. Lauren Conrad.

Pick a food to describe your balls. Oh, dude, I never travel without them. Kiwis. Okay. Okay. Phoenix. Now we're talking. That's easy. All right, do we have any take-backs? Do we have any epic giveaways or apologies to make to each other? No, I don't have any apologies to this show. This show, I feel like...

I feel like I've had a great time. I stand by everything I've said about Arizona and the people. I love them. A lot of sun-damaged old tits at Lake Havasu. Your favorite iced tea? My favorite iced tea, yes. Let's not forget about these guys. Big shout-out to these people. I would like to apologize to everybody over here. You've just been looking at the back of my head. Big shout-out to all these folks. Look at them all the way back there. You guys...

You fucking rock. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Hi. Any apologies, Blake? Anything. I have an epic giveaway, but I need a dead ringer. I need to see a dead ringer. Okay, we need dead ringers. We're looking for dead ringers. It has to be a dead ringer for me. This is a bit we do on the podcast about people who look like us. I like how the guy pointing to someone else going, he looks like Kyle, looks more like Kyle.

There it is. Hell yeah. Okay. This dude just put on a hat. Yo, that's a cool hat. Take charge, Blake. I think I found my dead ringer. You in the striped shirt. Yeah, I want you to come down here. Oh, he's got an epic giveaway? Okay, I've had this for a very long time. This...

This is from my own personal collection. Its value would add up to $180 on Good Markets. Everybody, show your face. Oh, well, okay. I guess you get up here. Yeah. I see it. What are you doing to him, Blake? Andrew WK meets Blake Anderson. Blake, stop freak dancing with everybody.

Alright, thanks. Thanks, Blake. Alright, yeah. Alright. You know what's weird? I feel like that guy looked like Blake, Adam, and Kyle in a swirl. Right? Yeah, I see a lot of a mix of us out there quite a bit where you're like, oh, there's Blake. No, that's me. No, that's Kyle. And Ders is not part of that mix. He might have my, like, web toes or something. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Kyle, you got any apologies or anything? Any apologies? Any givebacks? No. Sorry that the stage didn't rotate. I guess sometimes it rotates. That is a bummer. This is supposed to rotate. I'm pretty pissed about that. I guess it's broken. We wanted to rotate it for you guys, but I guess it's broken. I guess the show just went. It was good anyway, so sorry about that.

Well, guys, it seems like that's it. And that is another episode of This is Artive! Thank you, everybody!

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