Ep 157: LIVE from Long Beach: The Guys Attempt To C Walk
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Finding the right news podcast can feel like dating. It seems promising until you start listening. When you hit play on Post Reports, you'll get fascinating conversations and sometimes a little fun too. I'm Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Azadi. Martine and I are the hosts of Post Reports. The show comes out every weekday from The Washington Post. You can follow and listen to Post Reports wherever you get your podcasts. It'll be a match, I promise.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. It was technically road rage. I was standing on the road and I was raging. I want to know what part of Beetlejuice he was squashing them titties to. Bitch, you have diarrhea.

You can be proud of your body, even if it's kind of falling off the bone. Strap in. Woo! Wow! Woo!

Long Beach, what up? We're in Long Beach. We got a freaking... Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, he's really good at it. Is that really good? That was good to me. That was a great sea walk, bro. Sea walk it out. Let's see it again. Are you doing it too? Oh. You guys are really good. I'm more like this speed.

Oh, shit. That's fuego. I mean, admittedly, I don't want you to die. I don't want that for you. But that would be one of the funniest ways to go.

It's an actual crip is here at the show and he's like, not today, motherfucker. Right, right. That's one step too far. You don't take my dance. He wishes he didn't have to. He's like, I am a fan, but it is the code. He goes through his phone to read the code again. He's like, no, it's right there. It's in the rule book. I have to do it. I have to say, I'm not affiliated. Trust me, I know it looks official. Neutron! Neutron!

Neutron. Dude, I'm telling you. Did you guys not sit in your room and try to learn how to seawalk as kids? Dude, I, yes. Dude, was seawalking even around when we were kids? I feel like that was some new shit. Mom, I'm going to do laundry. Seawalking.

Sea walking has been around since like 92, I'm going to say. I feel like it's been around since the dawn of time. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. But do you remember they like kind of... Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve. Eve could walk. Yeah. Eve be strutting. She had that walk. It's hot. So guys, so a lot of people, this is cool. We got a big crowd here. Yeah. Thank you. Can we see these people?

What up, Long Beach? We got a big crowd here. A lot of people that are new to the podcast, have not listened to the podcast before, and you were brought by your boyfriend or girlfriend. Right. And you're like, I guess I'll show up. This is what it is. Yeah, except we don't get to dance all the time. We debate Seawalk rules.

for about an hour. See, I can't do that. There's no way. I tried. It's getting worse. I feel like it's like Cotton Eye Joe more than... It's turning into Riverdance. I feel like it would be really hard to be like,

leaning towards ginger because I'm not a full ginger. I don't claim ginger. You're strawberry, right? You claim strawberry. It would be hard to be a ginger gangbanger. Show your pubes then. Yeah, but anytime I ever hear like, it's usually girls. I'm working on my posture. What is happening? Dude, my hips hurt when I lean back. I'm falling apart. Well, your pecs are looking good though. I feel like anytime a girl says you have strawberry blonde hair.

That means they want to fuck you, Blake. Whoa. Wow. You think strawberry equals... I don't think you say strawberry. You don't put the little panache of the strawberry because that's the sexiest fruit. Oh, it is an aphrodisiac. You could say watermelon hair. Watermelon is delicious, not sexy. Dude, you're a watermelon blonde.

Are you a watermelon blonde? Wait, well, that's a huge debate because sometimes when you get, and I'm going to rock the boat here, when you get watermelon candy, sometimes it's green. It's not always red. Get the fuck out of here. And that's my time. Oh, I was pointing the wrong way. Yeah, you got to go this way. That way is just the bathroom. That actually works for me. Actually, no, that works for me. Oh, really? That works for me. Oh, fuck. No, no, come on back.

But a lot of times I think apples more classically green than watermelons. So I'm just going to poke holes in your theory right there. Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. There are green and red apples. And then dirty blonde. Dirty blonde. But I don't think dirty. Dirty is a put down. Dirty is like what a guy would say and he'd be like, it's not blonde, it's not brown, it's some dirty ass shit.

About Blake's woman or about his rival quarterback? I'm always judging people on whether they want to fuck Blake or not. Well, dirty still. I think saying... You're describing his hair. But dirty, dirty blonde. I want a dirty blonde. Well, no. What? Because then you think dishwater.

And you're like, no one wants to fuck a sink of dirty dishwasher. If somebody says, like, talk dirty to me, like, you're thinking about dishes? Is that what's happening? You put the rubber gloves on. Yes, Kyle, that is where the saying comes from, obviously. From dishes, dirty, talk dirty to me. Back in the 50s, when women were only allowed to wash dishes, and I didn't like that. What?

Well, that's the side of the fence you're going to be on. Wow. The husband would come up while she was washing the dishes and be like, talk dirty to me. Oh, because she's dirty washing the dishes. Keep going. Keep going. Well, and then... But then it would... And then he would just say... Keep going. Oh, shit. Keep going. And then he would say, take that whole...

soap jar of dawn and shove it up my ass. Oh, that's what they were doing in the 50s. Soap jar of dawn. The old soap jar. Tonight's episode is brought to you by the soap jar of dawn. Dude, we're talking about the 1950s. Yes, dude, there were jars. Soap was jarred in the 50s. It was jarred. It was barely barred. You are so dumb.

it hadn't been born yet work the soundboard because you need to hit a few we didn't rehearse this oh yeah yeah man dumb ass do you have any long beach specific drops for us today long beach specific let's see i think i just have dr dre saying long beach long beach okay yeah yeah long beach and you know what's funny driving in today you know what i noticed that beach

So long. Long Beach. I was like, this checks out. That freaking beach. Dude, I do love Long Beach. It is like the place where just being from the Midwest, if you said like you spent the afternoon in Long Beach, immediately your friends are like, oh, shit. Damn. Adam's a bad boy now. I bet he can seawalk. Right. Look at him go, dude.

What was that? Was that an impression of me seawalking? Yeah, I don't know that part of the seawalk. Just ginger footage? I feel like that's the...

What was that? What is that part? Are you revving up? Is that what's going on? Well, I thought like not to get back to sea walking. No, it's okay. This whole thing is just going to loop back to sea walking. Right. I thought that I saw perhaps a YouTube video or something when I was trying to learn the dance that they were like spelling out. Ex-hamster. I've seen that video.

I heard they were like spelling out the word crip or something. So it was kind of like you're going like. Oh. Is the jump like going the I, the dot for the I? That was dotting the I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Yeah, yeah. Yes, points. Oh, yeah. I got to throw some points. I'll give myself some points. Yes, points. What happens? Wow. So some of you have listened to the podcast. Thank you. Yeah. That's good.

TII Nation. I mean, it is funny what you're saying about the date that gets brought out here tonight. As soon as Kermit, who I can't believe we have DJ Henson and Kermit.

When he says Daya and you're supposed to say Rhea, the date is just like, can we go? Can we leave, please? Can we go now? We'll go to Ruth's Chris. There's a Ruth's Chris nearby. There's a California pizza kitchen within a baseball throw from here. Within a seawalk distance away. An eye dot of a Chris. We can seawalk the entire way. You can hop, skip, and a seawalk away. Come on down. Daya Rhea.

I love that diarrhea gets an applause break. Dude, that is what is so cool about going on this tour is we literally drop. This is what's so cool? Yeah, you can drop diarrhea. Diarrhea. Listen, everybody. Wow. I've never seen more people passionate about diarrhea. Usually you're kind of like, oh, man. And this is Adam Devine. Yeah.

And I've seen people passionate about things. Oh, yeah. I love passion. I love diarrhea. I like to think we're going to get a huge write-up in like... What's a newspaper? Like the Herald. The Herald. Um...

The Mamby's Chronic. Oh, the Chronicle. That's another point. What are some other newspapers? A B. High Times? The Sacramento B. We got one. I like to think there's going to be a huge headline where it says, this is important live has people across the nation embracing their diarrhea. Yeah.

Right. And actually, that's a beautiful segue to why we're actually here tonight. Thank you for bringing this up. We want to talk about the wet brown stuff. Diarrhea is a problem affecting almost all of us. Constantly. Well, that was the thing that we talked about. We were in Chicago a few, what, last week? Last weekend, yeah. No one knows. No one knows anymore. And we were in Chicago, and we were like, everybody has diarrhea. And people were like, no! Right. Yeah. And people were like, no! No!

And we're like, bitch, you have diarrhea. It's weird. When somebody says they've never had diarrhea, I can't trust another word that comes out of their mouth. I think that should be when you are interviewing someone for a job or something important. Maybe you're on a first date or something, which is what it's like to date me. It's like a first job interview. Right.

You have to get that in. Do you have diarrhea? And if they say never, you say hit the road. No.

Yeah, because they're lying. There's nobody that has actually never had diarrhea. I feel like you don't even know when you were three or four. I'm sure you had squirts when you were that little. That's a great point, Kyle. That's a great point. I didn't even think about that until now. But there's probably these people who say they didn't have it probably just don't remember because it was before their brain was constructed. Right, you blocked it out. And this is why we took the podcast on the road.

To dig deep. Isn't your first shit? Yeah, get the word out. Get the turd out. Get the turd out. No, no, no, no, no. No points. No points, no points. Well, we raised the lights in Chicago, and people were like, raise your hand if you've ever had diarrhea. And people were like, eh.

I can't believe. Of course. I don't know. It's the first date, but. The first date. And then you see other people. And we took photos of the crowd, right? And I've investigated all of their faces. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And you see. Yeah. He's out there really doing his detective work. Look at this fucking guy here. And it's very funny to just see like some people that are like, for sure they have diarrhea right now. But let's.

Can we flip this? Can we flip this? What if there was somebody who has really not had diarrhea, but they're like a joiner, so they're like, oh, for sure, the way it just, like, you poop? The way it comes out rock hard? Yeah. Oh, somebody who's trying to be cool. It's like wet stuff. Oh, yeah. No, like, we're like, just right at first, it, like, feels pretty good, and then it, like, it, like, heats up all crazy. And then it, like...

Tingles and pops? The sizzle's my favorite part of what we all know is diarrhea. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. Sizzling diarrhea. So classic. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. Yeah, that's the truth. Moving on. Have you guys noticed...

Young men doing all the sports gambling that's happening. Sports gambling? Sports gambling is like the new lifestyle for everybody under 35. Oh, really? What is... There we go. No, I have not. It's just like the apps. There we go. That guy's an addict. It's fucking weird. Oh, so...

Wow. Well, I haven't done a lot of it, but I do want to be the face of it. Ooh. If they're willing to pay me any amount of money. Yeah. Yes, sir. I will sell out for that. Are you a gambler? Are you a gambling man? No, not really. I mean, no. Kyle, you go. Do you like to place bets? I don't like to place bets. I like to gamble, though. I don't know anything about betting. I like to gamble on like... Well, Adam and I sometimes have bet sometimes in the past. Well, I like to bet on like...

Who's shoe smells the stinkiest? Yeah, and you know that's... Dude, you're fucking crazy! Yeah, that's wild. Yeah. That shit is wild. Like, fun bets. Like, who could do the most pull-ups? I do feel like we used to make... This is just a window into how off the charts this tour's been so far. Adam...

But you realize like whose shoes are the stinkiest like that's objective like there's no way to know. It's not. You don't know. You just pick one. It could be anybody. Yes, even though. You just pick one. Are you pointing at me or Adam? Are you pointing at me or Adam?

You just pick one nice woman from the crowd, and you bring her up here, and she smells shoes. Okay. And then she decides which one's the sneakiest. Yeah, but that's still subjective. Relax, ladies. It's a hypothetical. It's subjective, but it's subjective. That one person is the decider. You're right. You have a control in the experiment, but it's still a subjective experiment. We're not all smelling and deciding. Why do you think it's subjective?

Because the subject's perspective, right? Is that what that is? Is it subjective or objective? You just said three totally different words. I said a lot of ifs, baby. And I admittedly don't know all of them. Subjective is when it, subjective, and I'm probably going to get this fucking wrong, but subjective is when it's my opinion. Objective is when it's like, always, everybody, you can't deny it. Is that right?

Thank you. Y'all don't know. That's going up to my grandfathers who are scientists. My grandfathers who are scientists, that's for y'all. Objective, your honor. Yeah. You idiot. That seems pretty subjective to me. Well, yeah, me talking to my grandpa, that was subjective, yes. You're thinking. Do you want to explain the grandpa bit to people, including me? What's up?

Who were you talking to just now? I was talking to my dead grandpa, my dead scientist grandpa. All right. But I also know, I mean, my friend Chelsea, who I think is here, she's a scientist. Okay. But also, she's dumb as shit. You know, she's... Well, science, yeah. Like, she's very smart, but also... Oh, wow. Like... What? What are you pointing at? My fucking shoes? But, like, I wouldn't trust her sense of smell over anyone else's.

No, that's why the smell thing is a subjective experiment. And now I agree with you. C, walk it out. Okay, hold on. C. Yep. R. I. Whoa. Sick with it. Damn. That actually turned into that NSYNC dance, I feel like. Well, I'm sweating, dude. I'm very hot. Yeah, yeah. You hit the bye-bye-bye, right?

That was my favorite dance when they go, because it's like the only one you can do while sitting. So when I was like in my wheelchair, I could be like, yeah, and me too. He's doing it again. Somebody give that kid a beer. You need a hand? Goodbye. Watch me wheel off this room.

Be my friend. I'm still going to send it. Please be my friend. I have diarrhea too. Wait, but would you let kids ride around on the back of you? Wait. At my high school, like if you were in a wheelchair, you were given rides. Like people were just like, all right, go ahead. Well, it wasn't. Wait, how are they sitting on your lap? It wasn't electric. There was no like.

There wasn't a cart back there for them to sit on. Come electric or come original. Wait, wait. Come original. You were given rides. I didn't give a lot of rides. It was a lot of like people wanted to take me to class because we got to leave like five minutes early. Right, right.

And when you're in middle school, that's fucking elite level shit. Oh, yeah. When you get the pass. You're like five minutes of free time. Right. All these pencils we can throw under the roof on our way. Can't walk, but who fucking cares? Yeah, dude. I can't walk. I hate walking. Mom puts my pants on, but guess what? My toe fell off in the bathtub while I was jerking off once. That shit's important. But I get to be five minutes early. Yeah. Yeah.

Worth it. Hey, life's crazy. So you brought it up. Are you like a big sports better? What's going on? Are you about to admit something to us? I never gamble. I own my house. No one's coming after me or my family. No, I just feel like it's a weird, it's a whole weird thing now. They've opened the floodgates. Well, see, this is why, I mean,

This is why I kind of wish it wasn't legal because I love weed. Sure. Fuck yeah, bro. Give it up for weed, everybody. Whoa. Give it up for motherfucking marijuana. This is called pandering. I love weed. Smoke weed every day. Dude. But admittedly, when it became legal.

Admittedly. Admittedly. When it became legal, a lot of the fun was taken out of it. Right. Because remember how fun it used to be when you were a youngin? Yeah. And you're smoking weed and you see cops and you're like, oh shit. See, we're lucky though. Robo, robo, robo. We remember that. We can still pretend. We can get out there and pretend like it's illegal. Now I see cops, I'm like, could you? Dude. What? What?

And they're like, I smoke weed too, dude. It's fine. Right. And that's how I feel about gambling. Now it's so prevalent. I'm like, well, now I don't even want to gamble. I don't know. I kind of want to. I used to want to lose my house. You're naughty. I kind of like the idea of adults who are allowed to smoke weed who pretend when cops drive by that it's really still really illegal. Yeah.

So it's like you're just grown men at a wedding, you know, having a J. Frickin' Cops pull up. Imagine. Cops pull up to the wedding. Let Blake take you on a ride. We got a spotlight here for him. I'm a real storyteller, y'all. Get ready. Because I've already said it at a wedding.

So for the cops to come, it's already fucking great. It's weird. It's a policeman getting married. Yes, yes. It's a policeman's wedding. Now that would be scary. Twist. Let him tell his story. Let me dig my grave. So you're in a circle. You're smoking weed with your boys. One of the groom's friends, who's a cop, walks up full uniform for some reason because he...

Well, he doesn't own a tuxedo. Yeah. Yeah, it's the only nice clothes he has. Is this nice enough to wear? It fits. Gun or just a holster? Isn't that your work uniform? Full SWAT gear, but sure. He pulls up to the circle and everybody's like, oh shit, oh shit. Skedaddle, bro, skedaddle.

Bro, that's the best part of the story. I'm going to stop. None of them know him. They know him, but it's just part of the ruse. You pretend because you really want weed to have that cachet again. You guys can open your eyes now. Now you can open your eyes. Blake, I'll admit it. That story fucking sucks, dude. It was a long walk for really no fucking payoff. Burn!

Right.

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I bet you're smart. Yeah, and you like to hold your own in the group chat. We can help you drop even more knowledge. My name is Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Izadi. We host a daily news podcast called Post Reports. Every weekday afternoon, Post Reports takes you inside an important and interesting story with the kind of reporting that you can only get from The Washington Post. You can listen to Post Reports wherever you get your podcasts. Go find it now and hit follow.

Dude, I fucking forgot to tell you guys. Today I got hit by a car. Wait a minute. We're finding on this podcast tour that we're talking way more than we've talked in years. And it's great. Don't touch me. I forgot the rule. We're finding that we're talking so much that...

When we come on stage, we're like, save it for the podcast. We've got to save some juicy morsels for the podcast. So you were hit by a car. I got hit by a car today. It wasn't like I got ran over, because I'm here. Yeah.

They got that. Well, so far, I don't think we've made up stories to bring on the podcast, but go ahead, Blake. And also, you know I'm terrible at making up stories. Yeah, so I was hit by a car. What kind? A hot air balloon? Car? Wait, you were in your car, or you were like walking with headphones on? I was jogging. I was jogging in my neighborhood. You had your headphones in, huh? I did have my headphones in. Yeah, you're not paying attention.

Raycons! Those Raycons. Everybody check out Raycons. They're pretty good.

Raycons are good. They're good. They're good. Yeah, so we landed today from Phoenix, right? Phoenix! Yep, Phoenix last night. I actually do have that on the board, right? And the drop goes. Phoenix! Yeah, that's Bill. That's Bill. And I decided that when I landed that I was going to run because we have to run. We're in Chicago just eating pizza. I face fuck buzz balls every night. He does. He does.

And that's not for you guys. He saves that for the hotel room afterwards. Just for us. For me and this little camera, I get to fucking film all that. Do not release that to the public. Do not come. I already accidentally leaked it all. I decided to go on a little jog in my neighborhood, so...

I was kind of coming up to like stop signs and it's like a four-way stop and I was jogging and I saw that a woman was coming along and I saw her out of the corner of my eye and I noticed that she was kind of like slowing her roll. Okay, good. And you were like, I could slide right over this hood. No, I was like, she was slowing at the stop sign so I'm like, oh, she's going to stop. She didn't so I had to do a like that. Yeah.

And so, wait, did you, like, your butt? Like, down here, and then I kind of slid down, and then it was kind of like this moment where it's like. What kind of car? What kind of car? It was like a white Subaru. So, low hood, so you did, like, did it scoop you up at all? Did you sit on the hood? No, I, like, it kind of rolled down the hood.

So you did roll down. You did slide down the hood. Yeah, I did a full hood slide and landed on my feet. And then it was kind of like... What happened? Well, the thing is that I'm kind of new to the neighborhood. Right. You've got to play it cool. So you don't want to sue right away.

Yeah, you don't want to really be litigious. Well, I don't know if this is my neighbor, because initially you're fucking pissed, and I wanted to be like, what the fuck, you stupid bitch? And she's like, oh my God, you're new to the neighborhood.

Blake, welcome. Or she just has one of those videos for me from Instagram where it's just the dudes hitting their cell phone against the window being like, you open up. You get out of your car. I'm going to kick your fucking ass. And then you walk away into the pole and you're even more angry. It's a very specific video. Those are my favorite type of videos because...

I feel like I've been that person. Oh, yeah. Well, what's wild is when they see the camera, it's like they double down. They're like, fucking now. Oh, did you see the one the other day? The guy that was golfing? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, where he's just like...

There he is. He's here. He's here. That fucking psychopath who was just like, he took his shirt off. But here's the thing. I will say, he kind of gave me hope because I was like, yeah, you can be proud of your body even if it's kind of falling off the bone. Yeah. And what did he say? He kept saying, I've been to heaven.

Right. Yeah, he did have some really good lines. People have lived lives. What was the shot? Shot's fired, dude. No, I'm talking about the guy who took his shirt off. He had huge boobies. He wasn't even really built. Yeah, the guy in the video. He had the angles right, though. The way he was moving and the way he had the angles correct. As a guy who recently got kind of fat,

Stop speaking for me. Your boobs are huge. It's not my boobs. It is my belly. My boobs are fine. Stop eating. It's not your ass?

It's not your butt? It's not my ass, no. In fact, since I've stopped cycling, it has gone out of my ass and it's creeped around the front. All in one minute. And then it's come up here. Oh, you... Yeah. So you got to work the angles. That's what I was getting at. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And he knew exactly how to, like...

You saw him doing his shit with his body like that. And it's like, oh, now he looks good. And he knows that. Right. And that's a classic bodybuilding pose. Right. You know? Right. That's like, I know I look sick right now. I know I look fucking intimidating. Like, what are you flexing? Huh?

What are you flexing? Muscles, motherfucker. What else do you flex? Points! Yes! Burn! Yes, points! Damn, I just did this. I never do that. I just did this after that one. Kyle is so excited. I've been that guy before, though. I've been that... I mean, I think I told... I might have said this on the podcast, but I'll tell it again.

No, I forget what I was doing. I was having a totally normal day, and this guy just was honking at me, and I fucking flipped. And I get out of my car, and I'm like, you want to go, motherfucker? That's scary. That's objectively scary. That is objectively scary. Dude, I got out of my car, and I flexed every part of my body. Jesus. And then this guy got out of his car, which I did not see coming. Right, right.

Because my move my entire life, because I've always been a little smaller, was just to out-psycho people. Smart. It's a really smart move. And then everyone's like, I don't want to get into all this. This guy's a fucking little wolverine I'm going to have to deal with. Yeah, the badger king. Little honey badger. Right. And this guy gets out of his car, and he's like 6'4", really in shape. And he just goes, get back in your car.

You fully shit your pants? Dude, and I go, goodbye. Goodbye. Dude, and I get back in my car, and we drive, and we're going the same direction, and I'm like, fuck. And we pull up next to each other, and he pulls up, and I have a convertible, and my convertible top was down like a fucking asshole. Right. And he pulls up, and I go, you have no idea what kind of day I've been having. Right.

Was having a normal day right I was going I think my errands I day were to get a car wash and drink Starbucks what you're saying What you're saying is not untrue. He has no idea what kind of day you've had. Yeah You do not know me scream that Adam I'm still like fuming that he was able to pump me back into my car and then he goes hey, man You just got to chill out. Oh my god. I'm a fan

Which hurt my feelings so bad, dude. He could have said anything else, but it's like, I'm a fan. I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. What about I'm not a fan? Oh, yeah. I would have been like, good. See, but that's the kind of video that needs to get leaked. We could learn a lot from that, you know? He's here. All the people are here. Adam, this is your life. House lights up.

Not really. Keep them down, keep them down, keep them down. Have you guys ever had like a nervous breakdown? Well, that was my thing. I actually, I handled it. I don't know if I handled it well. I definitely diffused the situation because... Well, you didn't punch that woman, so...

Right? I would consider that really good. He didn't finish the story. You didn't punch the woman, right? No, I just kind of was like, I didn't want to be mad, so all I could summon was like, I was just like, dude. You said that? Did she hit you again? Just to be like, I think I can keep hitting this guy. She got out. She's like, are you all right? Are you okay? And I was just kind of like,

Just like, try not to do that again. That's very on brand. And I started to feel bad because she was so apologetic. I was just like, it started to turn where I was like, no, actually, I think it was my fault.

I should have jumped over the car. I got the Raycons in. And you know what? I shouldn't even be exercising. You're right. I need to take better care of my body and just sort of relax. It was really surreal because when things like that happen, the song that was playing in my ear was just straight up like Michael McDonald.

I was like, what a fool believes. I just got hit by a car and I'm like... And so now when you hear that song... I'm going to just go into a blind rage. PTSD, dude. That should be your workout song from now on. You're just deadlifting 800 pounds. Right, face the fear. I feel like that...

That works. That works really well. Hey, man, I feel good about that. Yeah, good for you. Way to not lose it. Nobody was filming or nothing, right? No, because now I'm going to walk around the neighborhood and they're going to be like, there's the fucking bitch right there. Hey, have the car feel, you fucking bitch. You can hit that guy. Yeah, you can. Whenever you feel like clipping a man with your car, that's the guy, the long hair next door. Look, it's the clown again. Yeah, he ain't going to do shit. Hey, daddy, there's the clown. And it's just you running past their house, like hair just like.

His hair goes back. Yeah, because he's running so fast. Right, right, right. Hang on, hang on. Adam, ready? It's science.

Oh, yeah. Carpeted. We're doing some Foley. Some Foley work here. It's tough with the carpet, but I think we still picked it up. Have you guys had any road rage or psychopathic behavior? Well, Durs is probably the scariest. He's like, I've killed a cat or something insane. I was like, you guys have choked out a squirrel before, right? No, no, no. Then you got to, like, wash the car after the pictures you take, like,

Yeah, I had a road rage one. This wasn't even a road rage. And my wife's here and she was like, oh my God, when this happened. But there's a narrow street and it was like trash day. So the trash canisters are out, right? Okay, paint the picture. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Shut up. Shut up. Close your eyes. My man is a cowboy boots. Guys are arm wrestling. And it's narrow. And I'm like, okay, all the trash bins are on my side.

Or his side. So he should just pull over so I can go straight through here. And then he came through on my side and I'm like, well, you're on my side now. Yeah, you're on my side now, bitch. And we didn't really have anywhere to go. I had the whole day ahead of me. He looked like he was in a hurry. And I was like, park. Oh, shit. And just sat there and she was just like, don't be this person. It was a standoff.

She almost was going to get out. And I'm like, you can't get out because then we lose. And then someone else pulls out to be like, are you guys going to move? And I'm like, you tell him. You become a professional sign language person. You're like, you know. And then eventually he backed up. Oh, yeah. Like a bitch. The assholes win again. And let's just say, my life must be sad.

Oh, yeah. Assholes. One for Ders. One win. Oh, yeah. Assholes win, dude. Kyle, you have some deep-seated rage. I do. I was actually thinking about this, and I'm like, you know what? Not sober, but when I remember, like, drunkenly going down San Vicente Boulevard. Nice. Yeah. Nice.

No, I was on foot, but I was walking opposite traffic in a lane trying to hit cars. Yeah, like trying to swing at them when they were coming towards me. Were you there? Do not put me at the scene of the crime. Were you there?

there when I... Kyle's like, yeah, I planted some homemade bomb devices and I sent them to people. I was drunk. Were you there? I was drunk. So these cars were moving or these were parked cars? The cars were moving and I was like, they would come on me. Like just flex on them. I know that I have these memories that...

Are you the guy in Beverly who wore the roller skates and just would dance in front of the mirror? I thought you were going to say you like fought yourself in the mirror or something. No, no. It was technically road rage. I was standing on the road and I was raging. You know what I mean? So that's like kind of what I was thinking about. But it wasn't...

See, what I like about your rage, because usually my rage is to one person specific. Oh, my God. That gave me the tiniest slight. Right. Not even that big of a deal, like a honk, and I'm like. Right. Right. It's man versus man. Yes. Yes. Yours is you versus all of society. Yes. Mine is. You're just like a mom taking her kids to soccer practice. Right. And you're just like, not this caravan. Fucking big oil. Yes.

Yeah, it's like it's me versus the world, dude. That's what it was. I like it. Yeah. Hey, what happened to the beer? I thought there was going to be like a little cooler of beer. Where the frick is the beer? Isaac, you want to bring us out something? I drank a whole beer. Can we get a beer around here? Ladies and gentlemen, Isaac Horn, everybody. Our manager, Isaac.

Isaac said he's gonna take off his shirt if he has to come out here one more time so yeah yes sir lucky ducky can you guys open beer cans

What do you mean? I like bite off my... You probably have this too because I bite off my fingernails. Nobody point at me and say I do anything. I don't bite my nails. I got good ones. And it's a lot of like... Do you need me to open it for you? Do you need me to open it for you? Dude, what? He can't open the can. You can't open a beer can? He can't fucking open the can. Shh.

He's actually struggling. What I like to do is I hold conversations while I do it for a long time. I'm like, yeah, no, for sure. And that's the Dow Jones. I know. It's all fucked, dude. This dude talks about the Dow Jones? Dude, I don't even know what the fuck that means. It's the NASDAQ. It's like that. That's the other one. Oh, he got it. Yes, points! I'm giving points for him opening a can. Yeah, points are cheap tonight. They're easy. They come easy over here.

Thank you, daddy. I like, Ders has a little support group for you not being able to open a can. The little crew over there was like, he can do it. Yeah. I believe. I go to places where people are like, I get Ziplocs and I just can't open them. And the sandwich, I can see it inside. It's trapped. I don't know. The girls are wearing cowboy boots. The guys are arm wrestling.

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So have you guys also been hit by cars? Or is it just me and Blake that are holding this down? I got T-boned. I got T-boned and spun. But the Volvo saved my life. Way to go, dude. Way to go, Volvo. Give it up. Swedish engineering. Whoa. Have you ever been hit by a car, Kyle? Personally? Yeah. Like my body? I don't think so. No. Except maybe like for... No. No.

What do you mean personally? I don't think so. I mean like my body. You don't think so. Look, I said personally like my body, bro. He said his car got hit, so I was like personally, like my body. Does that make sense? You know... Does that make sense to you now? You know, I take it back about weed being legal. It should definitely be illegal, dude. Weed? Yeah.

Have you been hit by a cement truck? So many times. Has anybody been hit by a cement truck? I've literally been in so many accidents. Yeah. My body, three times. Wait, three times you've been hit? Three times. Personally. I'm going to back over this fucker. Personally. Number two.

I was reversed into once. Okay. And that wasn't that big of a deal. Right. But I did scrape up my arms. And then I was hit by a car while on my bike. Didn't fall off my bike, dude. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It was fucking elite level. Whoa. That's some X game shit, dude. I was by the beach and a car pulled out and there was sand there and it clipped.

clipped me and I had my headphones in. Okay, see, this is dangerous. Weirdly, also Michael McDonald. Yeah, the headphones while on bikes is out there in the world. It's obviously dangerous. Yeah, but also... Live dangerously? Yeah. Fuck yeah, bro. Never gonna sleep, never gonna die, never get sick, I'll tell you why. Shit, don't phase me, dog. Bro, let's go. And then I get hit. I fucking slid in the sand, dude. It hits me and it goes...

And then I go like, shh, like six feet. Like an Avenger? Yes. Exactly like an Avenger. Avenger. Avenger? An Avenger? Avenger. Avenger. That feels like one of those moments in a movie where just an electric guitar would go. I think that's the rollerblading movie Airborne that you just. Bro, that movie is so fucking good. Or any time they jump off.

They're all on rollerblades, and any time they jump off, like, four stairs, it's like... Now, that movie, Jack Black's in that movie, right? Yeah, he is. And Seth Green is in that movie, too? He is. Probably. And they take the devil's backbone at the end of that movie? Kyle, you're literally telling the whole movie like you're guessing. Well, I get it confused sometimes with another rollerblading movie, I guess. I don't know.

But that's it, right? Yeah. Yeah, that movie fucking kicks ass. I love that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, we all rollerbladed, right? Oh, yeah. Oh. So will you explain to me something I never understood? Dude, look at us. We're obviously a rollerblading crew. I feel like, well, Durs has rollerblades. I do. And that's fucking sick. I want to get some. Oh, no, bro. Did I rollerblade?

So it was just us? Yeah, I don't think he did. It was just the three of us then. What I'm getting to is that, like, I remember obviously getting around town, jumping off a few stairs, but then when you would see people going downstairs, they did it backwards? Like this. Oh, like that? I thought they did it like that. What don't I know about, like, that being easier than just going down forwards? Well, isn't it because... I don't know, man. Well, it's not easier. And this isn't for you guys. This is kind of for us. Yeah.

Well, dude, that's not easier. That's just more badass. But it was the way that people did it. I've never seen anybody go downstairs in rollerblades forwards. No, you end up doing the hop clunk. You're doing that. You can't ride down the stairs if you're going forwards. We just need ten more minutes on this. It's because you can stick your ass out backwards. Show us. Show us. Because you can do like...

Even when you bend, it's still just flat. Oh, am I out of shape? Are you heating on me? Yeah, I was never good at rollerblading. Mostly I just did it because I couldn't physically skateboard. Right, right, right. Yeah, that was when most rollerbladers got into rollerblading is because they couldn't skateboard. Well, we're such freaking California kids. Long Beach, what up?

No, me and Blake. Just me and Blake. We played roller hockey. Yeah. Which in Airborne, there's a sick roller hockey scene. Dude, there is. Can you say roller hockey or not? Roller hockey scene. Wait, can you not say roller hockey? He couldn't just there. He was like roller. Fuck. What is it? Hockey.

Yeah, there's a roller hockey scene in every movie for five years. Mighty Ducks, too. And your favorite decade, the 90s. Yeah, I do love me some 90s. I got into skate soap shoes for a minute. Oh, soaps were water. Will you explain what that is?

Dude, it was just some regular basic ass air walks or some shit. And they were soaps. They were their own brand. They were soaps. But then they had like some soap, like sex wax right here. It was plastic. Was it jarred soap from the 50s? It might have been jarred soap. And then you just would grind on shit. Yeah. It was like when freestyle walking was like...

Off the fucking charts, dude. Back when freestyle walking was freestyle walking. But these soaps, they had a piece of plastic right here and you could do grinds. You could do sole grinds. You could do the cross grinds. You could fucking do all that shit. You know what, though? To be fair, I remember when the MTV True Life or whatever the fuck it was came out where the dude was like, I'm a freestyle walker. And it was like, well, no, you're just not including yourself in gym class and you're over there doing that thing. Yeah, but...

I could not have foreseen where it's gone. The trajectory. Parkour. I know. And that kid started it. I know. Yep. Right? That's right. Okay. That's the birth. Well, I do, and so does Durs. We're talking about it. Yes, yes, yes. We're talking about it. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Like, so you didn't stop kicking. That is wild that freestyle walking basically is the beginning of

Of parkour. I never thought about that until right now. Is it or is gymnastics? Like, what do you mean? Dude, but gymnastics, they don't teach you. Stop, you're ruining it. Dude, they don't teach you to run up a wall. No.

Like when two walls are really close, that's not in the Olympics, dog. Gymnastics is inside. Next to the rings. You're in a controlled environment. Where they just have a tiny little muscular person. Sure. Honestly, I think parkour could be an Olympic sport. Did you guys see that cat escape from the jail? What? Who was just like this up the walls. Oh, I saw that shit. So good. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, I saw that. The human being.

It was a human being, not a cat. Well, you said cat. Yeah, I know. Yeah, that threw me for a loop. I'm like, we're putting cats in jail now? Yeah, I was like, well, why was he in jail? Hang on, we should. The prison system is insane. We'll circle back. They should, I mean, should we allow them to have pets?

Should we allow prisoners to have pets? Prisoners to have pets? I know Dursley's answer. You're fucking your dog again. We totally should. That's exactly right. They would be fucking that cat all the time. Wait, Kyle. How long in jail before you fucking cat or dog? Go. What did you say to me? What did you say to me? I don't think it's not worth it. Actually, a cat butthole? Or is it a cat vagina that is barbed? No, it's the penis. So sorry. Where's our scientist? Why is everyone looking at me?

Everyone looking towards me for this shit. What's he talking about? He's talking about a cat's butthole being barbed. So apparently a cat's penis is barbed? Barbed. It's not a small woman. It's got a hook? Like a fishing hook? No, like a penis hook. A lot of animals have hooked penises.

Like wolves have a... It sounds like you're trying to tell us... You came to the right guy. It's actually pretty cool and feels great.

I believe it's an evolutionary trait to where when the animal in the wild puts its dick in, like, you know. Mating. Mating. And then it, like, latches in so, like, I don't know, like, animals don't like fucking. This dude escaped jail. Oh.

Going up the walls of like a fucking... That was epic. He was just gone, dude. Like, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen in real life, maybe. I agree. I was blown away, watched it like four or five times. I thought it was so sick. He was so casual before. He was just kind of like... When his dude was just kind of watching, like, yeah, nobody's here.

And then he goes... Also, because you're in prison, how are you training your body to be able to do that? That's all you're doing. Yeah. You're doing those push-ups where you like... Oh, yeah. Plyometric push-ups. I can't do them, but they're like... Oh, here he goes. Okay. Just wait. No, but for real? For real? Oh, shit. There it is. There it is. Blake's ready. Blake's ready. Oh, shit. Wait. Wait.

Wait, oh, I can do the worm? Oh, shit. This is about to break out of jail. Wow. And that's how Blake rebroke his back. Oh, my L3. Should we do a few minutes of these right here? What are those right there? What are those? We're trying to be more polycharged. All righty then.

Let's get down to brass tacks. Yeah, and we're trying to be more topical. So here are some topical poly charge topics. Okay. I'm pissed now. Okay. You want to hit us with a this is important? Straight out the Sacramento Bee. There you go.

Oh, that was cool. Thank you. Did you guys know that all this is a funny one. We haven't seen these. All those NFTs are like fucking worthless now, dude. See, that's why we haven't done the butthole yet.

That's why we haven't done the butthole. It's not worth it. Because it would bring the value back. We would change the entire... Well, actually, I stand corrected. Maybe now is the time to do the butthole. Because our buttholes... We had talked about on the podcast previously that we want to do an NFT, but it's our butthole collective. So it's one-fourth of each of our butthole. And so you don't know who's buttholes who's.

You're going to know. You can figure it out, maybe. Yeah, you can totally figure it out. Although, you know what would be cool? Remember those old, well, maybe they do them again, but the baseball cards where if you twist it like this, it goes from batting to all the way through? If it's all of our buttholes and it just kind of morphs as you turn it? I thought you were going to say... I really like that idea, Durs. It quivers? Your butthole quivers? Yes.

See, I'm not really big into gambling, but I'm ready to invest all my money in this butthole idea. Right now. It's honestly not surprising to me that these NFTs lost their value. That's like... By the way, we said that's topical. This is not like, as of this morning, NFTs are worthless. Yes.

Yeah, I didn't put this list together. That's true. Who did that? He's just reading it, man. It was just out here. Wait, this isn't on the list, I don't think, but we thought we were going to cover it before and we didn't. The Bobert chick?

Oh, the Beetlejuice? The Beetlejuice? The Beetlejuice, Vatron, Hong Kong 2000. How can you do that when you're watching Beetlejuice? How are you not locked on that fucking stage? But she was. She was singing and celebrating. What are you guys talking about? Beetlejuice. If you don't know, you're not paying attention. We're talking about Beetlejuice. That's Senator, I think she is, or Congresswoman. She jerked off her homie.

Yeah, but is that real? She did do that or has it gotten inflated? She was at Beetlejuice. It's very funny. She keeps vaping a ton, which is tight.

She seems like she rocks. I know she does. I know that the news keeps running it as if it's a bad thing. It makes me think she's kind of cool. I don't know, man. She's at Beetlejuice. Cool. She's vaping. Cooler. She's honking DI. Yeah, she's honking DI, which is a thing that we say. She's honking DI. She's really getting her boobs squashed on pretty hard. That's the funniest part. Obviously, we all

we all love our wife's breasts. We do. Obviously. Sure. Yeah. But, uh, but I've never been out at a concert or a theater performance and I've just been like, yeah, but that's what he's doing. He's like watching the show and he's like, uh,

At least he's watching the stage. Yeah. At least he's watching the show. Yeah. I want to know what part... Nice fucking model. I want to know what part of Beetlejuice he was squashing them titties to.

Yeah, it's when they all become like... It was nice fucking model. Honk, honk. We're being judgmental, but I dare any of you guys to make it through Beetlejuice up to that point without honking. What's the song at the end that she floats up? It's like... Yeah, did you say banana song? How does it go? Is it jump in the line? Oh, wait. How does it go? Yeah.

Wait, how does it go? Harry Belafonte! Wait. What the? Hey, wait, what did she say? What did she just say? I would say we're doing it. She just said, help me, I've been kidnapped. She's like, banana song! And I'm like, do you know it? And she's like, uh-huh.

It's Harry Belafonte, right? Yeah, I really do not know. I should know this. Banana. Do you have it, Blake? I think it's... Is it Jump in the Line? Is that it? No. Imagine you're in a theater. Am I right? I'm getting thumbs ups. It's Jump in the Line. Okay, I believe you.

Well, anyway, I guess that is it. That's for sure when he was squashing boobs. Yeah, there we go. Everybody, everybody squash the boobs of the person next to you. Squash your loved one's tits right now.

Play the whole thing. Everybody whip out their vapes and squash your friend's titties. It's the banana song. It's called Jump in the Line. I don't know. Jump in the Line? Why did we all think it was called the banana song? That's what was tripping me out. I don't even know when they say banana. I don't know if we all thought. She was just so confident. Yeah, he's so confident. He made me think I was not right. That's like the bunch thing.

He says bunch of lines. It's called poke in the line? Jump in the line. But when does it say bananas? What's the banana part? I don't have that. I don't know. We can't listen to the whole song just for legal purposes. And now we're off the rails. But I will say, I do understand because watching live plays, like I remember being in high school and we would go for drama class. We would go on field trips to plays and fucking shit went down during those plays. Oh, dude.

Bro, Shakespeare Festival. Dude, Shakespeare Festival up in Ashland. We were squashing boobs. Nice. Dude, I also was a drama kid and...

I was also squashing boobs, dude. Bro, you squash boobs. And to that point, on the swim team, we would shower together in Speedos and shit. Shave each other. And that's the difference between us, dog. You can start at the penis. All I'm saying, dude, is I have very fond memories of Sweeney Todd live, bro. Oh, yeah, man. Hey, dog, I was in that play with you.

Sweeney Todd and the Giant Rat of Sumatra, Orange Coast Community College. The year was 2002. Sweeney Todd and the Giant Rat of Sumatra? No. No, that was Sherlock Holmes, but nice swing, Adam, and I'm going to let you live with it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sweeney Todd is the Demon Barbara Fleet Street. Demon Barbara Fleet Street, whatever, yeah.

Dude, I could have sworn. I've been saying it's Sweeney Todd and the Giant Rat of Sumatra. Wow. It's definitely not that. It's Sherlock Holmes, dude. I was in that fucking play, dude. And you didn't know what it's fucking called. I don't know what to tell you. Hey, that's what an OCC degree will get you, though. Wow. I love this. Go Pirates. Hell yeah. I didn't get a degree. All right.

You got an honorary degree. I got an honorary. Dude, they put Blake and I in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, they did. Yeah, a couple years back, they put us in the Hall of Fame. And then I told the president, I was like, this is crazy because I didn't even graduate. And he goes, shut the fuck up. Do not ever say that. He went, shut up. Fuck it.

The funniest part about the NFTs being worthless is all the people that spent... I mean, how pumped are you if you just had a design of an ape who's kind of bored wearing a dumb hat? Dude. And then you made like a hundred of them and sold them for like $3 million each? Unreal. It's so wild. See, that's why we could have...

all retired off of our butthole NFT if we would have gotten in early. See, but that's kind of our thing. We're late to stuff, so that's why we should do it now. We're definitely 2,000 and late on that one. Right. Every topic we're about to talk about is going to lead to a business initiative for us. Totally. Anyway, did you guys hear about those Legos? So, toys. A business decision that we'll never get around to. No, just fun to talk about. Because Isaac's technically in charge and...

That guy's wearing a shirt right now. Come on out here without a shirt on, Isaac. Let's see it. Come on, buddy. You got a lot of hometown crowd. Take it all out here. Take a bow. Just give us something. The people want to see you, Isaac. Come down like. Let's see those pink nipples. All right. Get out here. Come on, man.

Come on, dude. Do not come. Isaac, just come out. You don't need to show your tits. Just come out and take a bow. The people want to see you, Isaac. I don't want to go viral. Just poke your head out. Just come on out at least, bro. Don't leave them hanging. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh. Oh. He did it? Oh, my God. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. He did it? Oh, my God. Stop. Stop.

I didn't see it. I have my fucking back to him. I want to see his nipple. What if I really threw a fit? That'll be later. Instant boner. Wait, will you do another This is Important sting? Oh, sure. Yeah. Wait, hold up.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. So Kraft Singles might contain a choking hazard. Well, this is a dumb one because, I mean, you deserve to die. Wait, what is it? So Kraft Singles come wrapped in its own little thing and kids are just eating it with the cellophane on it, right? Oh, shit. Well, that happens, though. I mean...

If you're hungry, you know, and you're just scarfing, you're ready to scarf. I feel like when you're a kid, there's some shit you, like, just eat with wrappers just because. That's what I'm saying. Like, do you remember fucking Smarties? I used to just eat the whole roll. What? Wait, really? I remember putting it in my mouth and then, like, going like...

And then pulling it out. Oh, no. I just usually just like eat it with the plastic like a bar. So then what did you do? You swallowed the plastic? No, you just chew it for a little bit and then you kind of. All right. Well. Well, I would do that with Tootsie Rolls. Yeah. I would eat the Tootsie Roll pop like the sucker and then I would chew the stick. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the stick, for sure. But that's like, okay, I'm still starving and didn't get a lunch or something, right? But this is eating the wrapper. Yeah, but do you know how thin the wrapper is? It's not like a wrapper. It's just like a clear piece of plastic. It's very hard to tell that it's on there. Well, I feel like if you choke on a Kraft single and you die from that...

You can't... You lose. Exactly. You lose. That's good. It is like the perfect murder. If you kill somebody, just shove a Kraft single down their mouth.

And leave the crime scene like a moth in Silence of the Lambs kind of thing. Yeah. Oh. Did I say that out loud? You did. So Kraft is getting sued? Is that what's happening? I don't know. It says six customers have reported experiencing these issues. Well, six? Six is? Well, here's the first. Yeah. Yeah, six. That's a small sample size. Well, there's like six total fucking moron kids out there who are like,

Right. They all get brought to the meeting where they're like, so you guys are suing us? And they're like, yeah, you too, right? It's great because you can't tell, right? I mean, that's going to change it, though. I hope that none of them are children. They're all just stoner 23-year-olds. Like fist bumping? Dude, you can't fucking tell, right? Yeah, so give us your money, sir. You're under oath. Yeah, how old are these kids? If they're 17, I like that. That's cool.

Six 17-year-olds. But this is enough to change it. They'll definitely put some prints on the plastic now. Gone are the days of clear plastic. What'd you say? Gone are the days? Gone are the days of the clear plastic craft singles wrappers. This is when we're getting old. The good old days when you used to have to know whether you could choke on something or not. You used to have to just swallow it. You used to have to chew it all. Here's the thing. Hit me with it. Oh, sorry, man. Here we go. Here we go.

Budweiser... Oh, I didn't even know they were doing this shit. Budweiser won't cut off the tails of its famous Clydesdale horses. Wait, that seems like... Yeah, me neither. Do you know what this... They were cutting the tails off of them?

Why do you cut off the tail of a Clydesdale? You've never done it, so you don't know. It's a rush. Is this like cutting off the Rottweiler's tail and their ears? Cropping the ears and docking the tails? Are we talking dogs? I'm talking dogs, yeah. Because you know how Rotties, they cut them and then it's like they point it. They don't crop Rottweiler ears, really. They do Dobermans. Dobermans. That's what I'm talking about then. They dock the tail of a Rottweiler, though. And the thing about Rottweilers, they weigh about 75 to 85 pounds. They're

They're about 24 inches at the withers. Shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch. Dude, he knows this. He knows about dogs. Can we get some Q&As? Oh, yeah, sure. Sure. Isaac and a Bud Light, please. And no pants. You guys ask some questions. We need to bring Isaac back out here. What? Isaac on air. Isaac. Isaac. Isaac. Isaac. Isaac.

Dude. Isaac, I don't drink. Isaac, I don't drink. I haven't drank for 10 years. Your boobs are huge. Okay, so we're doing this. We're doing a little Q&A. You guys got hot, hot Qs. And we got some steaming hot As. Name, Domo, some person named Domo. Have you ever pissed in the sink with a girl in the house? Yes. I'm married. Yes. Yes.

My mom, my wife. Yeah. For sure. They're not looking, but that's the reason you're pissing in the sink is because they're using the bathroom. Wait, so you're arching your dick up and pissing in the kitchen sink. No, we're tall. We don't have to do that. I don't have that. Dude, I'm sink height. Our dicks go down into the sink. Yeah. It's super chill. Wait, so at your house, your sinks come up to here on you. Well, a standard sink is 32 inches tall. Look, that's your counter. So my sinks are this tall.

Because this is... My sinks are this tall. Maybe tips. Maybe tips. Maybe you're up like this. All right. But it's chill. But why don't you just... It's a true privilege to be able to do. Like, when I'm doing it, I'm like, not everyone can do this. I know. This is cool. It is cool. I guess I've never even thought of doing that. Like, why... Wait, you've never ever thought about being in the sink? Well, why would you...

I mean, you've got to do your dishes there. Not in the kitchen. No, I'm talking kitchen. I've pissed in the kitchen sink. Are we talking about talking dirty, baby? I was talking about pissing in the kitchen sink. Oh, you're fucking crazy. Yo, baby, I'm thawing the chicken. It'll be ready in a bit. I'm thawing the chicken. I'm hooking you up, dude.

I'm peeing on the chicken. I don't give a fuck. This is Kyle. That's me. I'm peeing. This is Kyle, guys. I'm peeing. I like that. Hey, it looks like Luis and Kaylee want to know, Blake. Blake, this one's for you. Where did the I'm so fucking hungry sound on the board come from? Please and thank you. That is from the movie Slither, I believe. Oh. Yeah. Now, will you describe the plot of Slither? Yeah.

Um, I don't think I've ever actually seen the movie. I've just seen that scene, and it's so fucking weird. It's like...

Alien, some kind of alien worms have invaded and they like enter your body and it makes you like eat a bunch. Is Thomas Jane in this? Who's in this? I don't know. It's just they go in this barn and they all like shine their flashlights. And this lady who is like taking up the entire barn and she's just like a head. And she's just like, oh my God, I'm so fucking hungry. And I was like, yeah, yeah, that's got to be on the board.

Let's rent that one tonight. I don't know where that one is. So Samuel Avila says, this one's to me, if Tom didn't come back to Blink and Matt Skiba won it out, who would you choose? And I'm willing to step up to the plate. Let's go. Dude, I could sing like Tom. Right. Okay. Let's go. Okay. All right. Let's go. All right. Sing it. All right. This is a generic pop punk song. Okay. Okay.

That's good. That's good.

Not bad. That was good. I liked it. Blake, you give us your best pop punk. I feel... Well, you got to talk about your feelings. Thank you. You got to mention like a season. Like, it was fall. Right? That's a season. It kind of seems like it was August. Yep. That's a month. People were walking their dogs. Nice. Nice.

I saw this dog's barbed butthole. Oh, shit. Yeah. And it made me think of you. Let's go. Yeah. That was good. All right. Yeah. Kyle, you want to hit us with one? Well, I mean, yeah. I'm trying not to cry.

Yep. That's really good. I'm trying not to kill myself. Dude, that's not even... Dude, that's not even one that he just made up off the top of his head. That's a song...

Blake and I had girlfriends. This is 15 years ago, maybe longer. No, it was like 20. It was like 20 years ago. Yeah, 20 years ago. We had girlfriends that were roommates. So we were roommates. They were roommates. So we were always hanging together. Blake hated it. I loved it. Yeah. I also was not a fan. Blake is like, you're going over to her house again tonight? Because I am. And I'm like, yeah, it's going to be fun. He's like, oh, fuck. Can't escape this guy. Fuck. Meanwhile, I'm like, man, man, man, man.

And so we left Kyle home alone a lot. Somebody had to stay at home and watch it, you know, make sure everything's all good. Yeah. And we came home and he was like, I just made this new track. You guys want to take a listen? And we're like, oh, sure. Yeah, let's. Good for you, man. That's cool. Let's see what you created while we were gone. Fucking. Fucking our girlfriend. The bridge is like, I don't want to die. No, I don't want to cry.

Wow, dude. Yeah, man. I thought it was funny as shit, but maybe it was a little too dark for you guys. I don't know. Yeah, dude. It was funny. It was, well, you know, truth in comedy. It's like, I'm working shit out. I'm trying not to cry. I'm trying not to kill myself. Bro, that's... And I'm here. I'm here right now. I'm here. See? I'm fucking here.

Now, Ders isn't much of a pop punker, so he wouldn't... I don't know if you would know how to deliver this, but I would love to hear you try. I guess I... Is this thing on? I guess I would say... I chimed in with, why is this dog's butthole bar? It's ripping my dick off, baby. Let's go. That was so good. That was so good. It was sort of a...

Another song that we know. Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah. The like, haven't you ever heard of closing the goddamn door at the song's butthole? Dude, and that was Panic at the Disco, right? Dude, I met the Fall Out Boy guys. And after one of their shows, and I was just like, dude, that song, closing the goddamn door. I love it. Yikes. And they were like,

But you know what though? They hear that all the time for sure. Yeah, and then they grab their derby caps and like scatter it away. Right. It's like when people shout derz to you on the street and you guys just go, yeah. Dude, that happens all the time. People are like, derz! And I'm like, that's my friend. And then for me, nothing. They're like, I do not recognize that man. Can you move? Can you move? I'm trying to back out of my driveway. Can you move? Can you move?

It's science. It's science. If you could have three superpowers, what would it be? More superpowers. Three? You get three? Well, three is way too many superpowers. What kind of a fucking question is that? Three is a lot of superpowers. Yeah, because you would just pick like... Oh, I'll be invisible. I'll fucking fly and I'll be super strong. Yeah.

Easy. Okay, done. Easy. I would be 6'3", have a 7-inch cock. And a sink to pee in. Dude. And like have $4 million cash. Are you kidding me? I would just like not have ever had diarrhea. Super, super. Times three. Oh, I got mine. I'd be able to see... I'd be able to regularly see my three children...

I'm trying not to cry. That would be super. Trying not to kill myself. That'd be powerful. Oh, he's there. Who is your most unexpected famous friend and how did that happen?

Let's go. What's funny is we're just going to name our famous friends and they're going to be like, I do not know that man. Yeah. I don't know if I have any. Yeah, it's you guys. It's the three right here. Blake has famous friends, but you have to be deep in the culture to know who they are. Right. The culture with a capital C and actually a capital E at the end.

Different. Alt. Whoa, look at me. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, fucking Matt Barry from Shadows is like, I never thought I would be like... That's so fucking random. That's crazy unexpected. It is. That's crazy unexpected considering you work on that show that he's on. But before that, before I got on that show, I didn't really know who Matt Barry was and everybody else did. That's how life works. You don't know people before you know them.

Yeah, so it was unexpected. Okay, touche. Fair enough. Is that what you do in the shadows? Oh, what about... You're just naming people we work with again. Now we're just naming people we work with, so when I got the job...

I was like, yeah, this is expected that I should be his friend because this will be a shitty work environment. Well, you're right. That's hard. These are like work friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I would pick the Primus lead singer. Les. Yeah, Les Claypool. Les Claypool, yeah. That's cool. For you. Yeah, he's a bud. He's a Bay Area bud. I love that guy. I remember I go mountain biking quite a bit with Sinbad. You guys don't even know that. Sinbad? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, kind of unexpected, but also... Wow, very unexpected. ...checks out, doesn't it? I feel like I could maybe text YG. I don't know.

He's talking about the letters. He can text two letters YG and we're very proud of you. That's so cool. Dude, I met Dave Chappelle one night at the Comedy Cellar in New York and he was like stoked on me. He was like, oh, my kids love you. They watch all your shit, man. We're having a big comedian's ball this weekend. Do you have a tuxedo?

And I'm like, I will rent a fucking tuxedo. And he goes, here's my number. Call me. I'll get you in contact with the girl that's putting the whole thing together. It's going to be sick. He was naming all the other people that are going to be there. I'm like, this is crazy. This is going to be so fun. He did not respond to me. Oh, man. You left a message. Did you leave a message? Dude, I was so embarrassing. I texted him like three times. I left a voicemail.

I'm like, hey Dave, me again. You pulled like a cable guy like, I was in the shower, thought I might have heard the phone ringing. Chip Douglas, Chip Douglas, Chip Douglas. Why does that sound so familiar? Chip Douglas, Chip Douglas. Jersey, you got one? And those hair plugs. I feel like I said Sinbad. I'm not buying that.

I'll call him right now. Alex Lang, it looks like, or Pang, wants to know, what was the... Alex is so quiet out there, he's like, don't read my fucking question. Oh, fuck. Don't you fucking read that one. What was the funniest, hardest Workaholics episode to film? Funniest, hardest? Like, physically with our penises, or what? The hardest one is probably the one where he held up... Like, we were laughing in a little harm?

The funniest hardest. That's a weird combination. I remember the episode where I tore my ACL. Was that hard for you? That was hard for me. We had to finish shooting the episode. It was the episode where we were playing company basketball game. Leslie Jones was in the episode. I went to grab a basketball and I turned and my knee just exploded.

Yeah, never turn. Well, and that was nobody knew for a second, like for a while, if you were joking or not because you were doing your scream and you were like, ah! Yeah. And we're like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, divine. He's doing it again. Turns out my comedy scream is also my white hot pain scream. Ah! And then I remember like,

so I go, I can't have surgery right away. So they like, I, they, you know, put my knee in a, in a brace and then we had to rewrite the episode. So it's like I OD'd on Mexican steroids and now. Right. Yes. Which, those are good ones. Which is really funny because you get things like, I'm just chilling in the roid lounge. And it was just me high as a kite on fucking Oxycontins or whatever the hell they had on me. And I was like, I'm,

I feel like a pretty tough one was when we did the Ninja Turtle one and we were like down in the sewers. Right. But what was fucking weird is like that sewer set which...

was built, like, it was really amazing. When you're in that set that looks so good and they had, like, fake turds and shit, it fucks with your head, so you start to really, like, smell turds. But it was just, like, wet pumpernickel loaves. Yeah, but I was like, damn, it was like we were hotboxing fucking shit. It was weird, dude. It started to fuck with my head. That was hard for me. But we also found...

dead bodies while shooting the show. Oh, actually, yeah. On the one where... Yeah, I'm not lying. Was it... Allegedly.

Several? No, I remember one. That several's like six to nine, right? When we did the one with the Nutton Professor, the Nutton Professor, was that that one? Mr. New Leaf, do you remember that shit? Yeah. We were shooting up in the valley and somebody did spot a dead body and they had to shut down production. Right, it was hella standby. Dude, I remember we were on the car and we were next to this little bluff and we kept being like, dude, check your shoes. So,

Someone stepped in human shit. Right, there was an odor. That is human shit, and we're keeping like, it's not me. It must be the... And then we're blaming crew guys. We're like, dude, I don't think he wore deodorant. Right. This guy is foul. And then later on, we found out that there was a dead body seven feet away from us. It was just yonder, actually. It was just yonder. It was pretty close. Do you have a hardest episode?

Yeah, there was one episode where I had to race like a swim race against my nemesis whose name was like Lance Torpy. Who is now the star of Reacher. Star of Reacher, Alan Richen. And it was so hard for me to swim that slow. Oh, shit. That was fucking dope. Yes, points. Yo. Wow. With the posture. My boy is fast. My God.

Fast, baby. Was that the college one that you did that? Is that the one? No. Anyways. So it's about that time. Any take-backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams? Take-backs, apologies, epic slams, giveaways? Any epic giveaways? Candy critiques? First of all, any take-backs? Are we ashamed of anything we've done or said here today? Oh, I would...

Yeah, I was kind of ashamed with how I played it off like a joke, but I was ashamed with how I was flexing earlier. That was actually a moment that I realized I do not know what it means to be a man. And thanks for experiencing with me. And yeah, yeah. But you know what?

Hey, see ya. To that point, if I could speak on that and just piggyback. Speak on it, brother. I'm sorry I went after you so hard about that and asked you what you were flexing. Dude, thank you. But I do want to thank you for torching me. Sometimes I want to get torched. Your apology ended up being a setup for a torch, and that's what's sick. We can take a negative and spin it right into a positive and keep flowing. I like that. Well, then let me give you an epic you're welcome.

Epic, dude, epic exception. And please don't give each other flowers because I want you guys to keep living. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're my best friends. You know what's funny? Today, I was a hell of a day. We came in this morning from Phoenix. Phoenix! I went to a kid's soccer game, then a kid's swim meet, and my kid at the swim meet was like, hey, tell my friends what happens when you talk about people on the podcast and give them flowers. What?

Whoa. And I was like... And wait, how old are they? They're like 10. And then I'm like, well, so... And I start to like step it out. Yeah, perfect age to give someone nightmares for the rest of their life. If my dad talks about people, they die. I'm still going to send it. I was like, I think it's your race, pal. He's like, daddy...

Will you give my teacher flowers? Hey, Daddy, you see that kid over there, Derek? Give him flowers. I'm racing against Derek today unless maybe he gets flowers on the podcast.

So I don't know if everyone knows this, but when we used to give flowers, we were like, you know, we need to celebrate people when they're alive. Let's give some people flowers. And then we've done that for like 100 and something episodes. And so many people have died, dude. Like within like a few weeks. I think it's double digits. Yes. So many people. We should make a list. We should make a list. Allegedly.

I think that I would like to take back all the sea walking I did, just like really up top. Yeah, and you came out admittedly, allegedly and admittedly, right away. And with sea walking, and I was like, he's going to get murdered. Yeah, and if anybody out there is affiliated in any way, I just...

was a suburbs kid watching some YouTube. I thought you spelled it out. It just wasn't a... I've been really worried about the whole hour. I would like to... When we were doing that Congresswoman bit, we were saying, like, grab your friend's titties and jiggle them. And I was thinking, like, as I was doing it, like, grab your friend's titties, and I was like, oh, this could be assault. Um...

So if I did encourage anyone to sexually assault you, my bad. I'm taking it back. And I would like to take that back. And that is legally binding. Right. That is. I take that back. Okay. That's legally bonding. That's legally bonding. Bonding and binding, all those things. Well, I think we want to get a photo. Can we bring the house lights up? Oh, shit.

Let's see some faces. Oh wow. This is important.

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