Ep 162: Live from Columbus: The Guys Have Tested Positive For Sheryl Crow-vid-19
01:27:38 Share

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at hellmans.com. Hellman's Plant-Based Mayo Spread and Dressing. Same great taste, plant-based.

Finding the right news podcast can feel like dating. It seems promising until you start listening. When you hit play on Post Reports, you'll get fascinating conversations and sometimes a little fun too. I'm Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Azadi. Martine and I are the hosts of Post Reports. The show comes out every weekday from The Washington Post. You can follow and listen to Post Reports wherever you get your podcasts. It'll be a match, I promise.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch. It's made with only six simple ingredients. Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find yours in online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... This is the horniest we've seen Kyle on this tour. Oh, diarrhea river! Oh!

You're upside down and you're coming out of your nipples. I ate Amish food and now I'm in the toilet. Here we go. Oh my God.

Man, this is... First of all, thank you. That might have been our most enthusiastic entrance yet. Yeah, baby. You guys are hot. You guys are hot tonight. I knew it. I knew they were going to show up tonight. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's great. Hey, whatever you guys give to us, we give back. So if you're maniacs, we're just going to be like this all night. This is just going to be an hour and a half of us screaming back at you. Yeah, constantly sitting down and then standing back up. Yeah! Let's fucking go!

So how was the show? Adam died. Adam died. Okay, we're just going to do this for 90 more minutes. You got me, Anders. You got me. I thought that was all I had in me. You okay, Blake? Blake, you good? Let's get like real personal. Very comfortable. The chairs change every night, and this is our most...

chillax set that we've had. I got a whole pillow over here. I think the note was they also might want to take a full-on nap. That's easy peasy over here. I know.

We're chilling now. I'm ready to do that dance movie from 2004 where what's-her-name's learning how to dance and he's just like... That saved the last dance. Was that Jessica Stiles? Jennifer Stiles? What's her name? Something Stiles. Julia. Julia Stiles. Julia Louis Stiles. Julia Louis Stiles.

That's correct. Just like a Louis Roberts' stylist. Yeah, what do you think the deal is? Do you think they forgot to set four chairs and then the dude was like, fuck, I'll just bring my lazy boy from home. I don't know. Honey, you're not going to have a place to watch The Housewives tonight.

Because I'm taking the chairs. Just help me get it down the stairs in the van. Do your wives allow you to have chairs like this? Because I want one so fucking bad. And Chloe's like, and that's a, here's the divorce papers. Right, right. Fuck it. Do you have a chair like this? Yeah, dude. What the fuck? I know. I'm thinking it might be over. Yeah. I do not have a chair like this, but I need one in my life. That's for sure. Yeah. This is...

It looks good on you, dude. It looks really good on you. I feel like this is how I'm going to roll up to direct now. I'm going to be like, bring my...

Yeah, you are one of the laziest people I know. It's the kind of chair where most older men are found dead. Yes. That's where you want to be found. Well, he had the TV guide on his belly. Yes. In his favorite chair. That's a deathbed for sure. Choked on a pizza roll. Clicker in his hand. The laziest boy. The deadest boy. Yeah.

So lazy he's dead. Fucking dude is lazy, bro. Dude, we didn't even know he was dead for four days. Yeah. I thought he was just watching TV. I thought he couldn't get enough of the Law and Order marathon that was on. He was watching movies for guys who like movies. Yeah, he was just binge watching. There's no more movies for guys who like movies. You can't even say that. Okay, Adam. No, this is the Nibbles 4. You know what? Fuck it. Whoa. No.

We're getting polycharged here in Columbus. Yeah. Male, female. What happened to movies for men? You can't even say that anymore. You did, dude. You said it in front of a lot of people. Yeah. I want more movies for guys who like movies. Okay. I'm pissed now. Go.

Go off, Kale. They still make them, though. You just don't call them that. Equalizer 3 is a movie for guys who like movies. Really? Oh, is it? I think so. And Barbie just had a 10 the whole time in the movie. Guys are pretending they're really listening to Barbie, but really we're just like...

No, for me, I took the message. I said guys. I said guys. Oh, burn. Not boys. Solid burn. Burn! So we saw the countryside of Ohio today. Beautiful, beautiful land. We did. We love it.

We stopped at, what is it, Der Dutchman? Der Dutchman. Oh, yes! You've been! They're hyped on it. You've been! Well, how can't you be hyped? Thanksgiving dinner 24-7? Yes. Seven days a week. Stuffing galore. Fucking noodles on mashed potatoes. Oh, yeah, what's up with noodles on mash? That's a...

Ohio's kind of flagrant with the noodles, right? They're like, chili on noodles, noodles on mashed potatoes. They're like, what is this? What is this? Skyline chili? I'm wondering what's wrong with your noodles. Yeah, so Skyline chili, people are like, you have to try it. And I'm like, ooh, is that like a delicious type of chili? They're like, nah. No. Right. What is it? No, it's just chili on noodles, dude. Yeah. Chili on noodles? Yeah. But...

Now that I've said it aloud, it sounds kind of good. Yeah, it's chili on noodles. It's fine. That's just like a thick spaghetti sauce or something. For sure, it was just somebody got home from the bar and was like, I got noodles, I got chili, we're in Ohio. Fuck it! This is our state bird now.

Perfect. Right, Tyler? Absolutely. But I will say, I don't feel great after Der Dutchman. It was a weird move for us. Because we hadn't eaten all day long, and then I ate three plates of mashed potatoes. Adam went in. Adam went in on the buffet. I'm...

As you can tell, I'm an obese man now. I'm an obese man. And my new thing is... Der obese man. I'm an obese man. And technically, I think I am obese. Your boobs are huge. That's a DC character.

The Obese-man coming to DC Universe. Yeah. That's the only Marvel character I'm allowed to play. Right. The Blob. The Blob, yeah. The Obese-man. Oof. Yeah, no, that place fucking dominated me. I know. It's sitting low. We should say it's sitting real low right now. It was weird because, I mean, I don't know any Amish people, so I was pretty freaking hyped to absorb the culture. Right. But, like...

Well, Blake, you know that the people working there aren't Amish. They're just people... What? It's very confusing. You don't know what to think. And people who work at Hard Rock Cafe aren't rockers? Yeah. I hate to burst your bubs. Touche. Rainforest Cafe isn't safari tour guides? It's not koalas, yeah. What the fuck? We're sorry. No, but it was weird. It was like...

They make their own peanut butter. I'm like, I got to try it. Got to try the peanut butter. And now I got to try it with chocolate ice cream. So it just kept going, bro. Well, remember Durza's plate? Durza's plate was... You guys can imagine. It was a plate.

I'd never seen anything. It was just a beige meal. It was covered in... Yeah, it was all one color, which was... I got the Manhattan with turkey, which is just mashed potatoes and a turkey sandwich just bathing in gravy. The cost of diarrhea. And the tablecloth is the same color. Yeah, I got a good picture of it. It was like looking at a magic eye. I had to cross my eyes to find my food.

Which, by the way, magic eye, now that you said that, remember, we had that idea, and then what we like to do is have really cool ideas, and then don't do them. Yeah, yeah. Just do not follow through. But I was like, a magic eye of our collective butthole? Mm-hmm. I think people would enjoy that. Yeah. I would not. Very shagadannic.

Hot, hot, hot, hot. And you know, like, we each take a little sliver of our butthole, as we've talked about a lot. Sliver and butthole. On the podcast. And then when you look at it, you, like, fall into it. What? Wait, what do you mean, dude? Well, you know how the magic eyes, like... No, I can't do magic eyes. I've never been able to do magic eyes. You're...

His eyes are already magical. But what do you mean? It's because your one eye is pretty magical already, homie. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. You can't? You seriously can't do it? Seriously, I've never been able to do it. I will say this.

For me, it's reversed. Like, they go back. They're supposed to come out. Well, they can go in. That's what our butthole would do. Well, that's what Adam said. I don't want an Audi. They always go in for me. Well, I think Adam, too, because he said you fall into it. Well, when he was saying that, I was imagining, like, a kid's movie where you open a magic book and it, like, sucks you in. Right. So you're like, you see our butthole and then you're transported to a magical butthole world. You meet a little dude named Turdy.

Who's like, I'll take you to where you're trying to get to. Journey to the center of the butt. Turdy. Yeah, I guess I wasn't

Talking like a magical realm? We're trying to franchise. You've got to build the world. But you were just saying, like, you did... I'm thinking of an enterprise, a true business. Yeah. Adam, I'm talking VR. Like, everybody wears Oculus whatevers, and then you go into this world of our buttholes, and we navigate it with you. Yeah. And then your seats move, like, oh, Diarrhea River! Oh!

So this is like Osmosis Jones. I do think that should be our next movie we do together. It's like Inner Space, but we only go through the butthole. Right. That would be cool. The inner butt. Oh, Inner Space, dude. Yes. The inner butt. Can you not hear us? Huh? Because the other night we couldn't hear each other, so I just want to get ahead of it. Can you not hear us? I can hear you. Can we get it amped up a little bit on our... Maybe a little bit in the monies. Pizza, pizza. Front speakers. That's poking through. But before we went to...

Derek Dutchman. They got the peanut butter gut bomb. Before we ruined our bodies, we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah, we did. Swag like Ohio. What happened was we were a little hungover because we fucking partied, dude. Yeah, we did. Cleveland, we saw a lot of Cleveland last night. Our manager, Isaac, who's here, and then Blake...

went the day before. They ruined it. We had planned on going today. And then this morning, they were like, it's not that cool. Let's just get to Columbus and hang out there. Yeah, let's just go straight there. It's not even cool. We shouldn't go. And I'm like, I bet it's kind of cool. It looks like the pyramids. Yeah, we were like, nah, it doesn't even have any of the bands you'd really want to see, to be honest. Yeah, you guys named every band that

wasn't there and didn't name any bands that were there. Yeah, it was like there wasn't even a Sum 41 wing, which is weird. Well, that was a bummer. The lack of Sum 41 at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is atrocious. Yeah, that was staggering. Off-putting to say the least. Yes.

There were a few bands that were missing. System of a Down, not represented for some reason. Yeah, what's up with that? There was no Toxicity of Our City. Yeah, there's like no Korn, Adidas jumpsuit. Come on, man! I know. Disappointing. No Alien Ant Farm. It's fucked up, dude. That's the takeaway for me. No Alien Ant Farm. No Newfound Glory. Is this even a Hall of Fame? Yeah. Yeah.

It is, and that's why they're not there. Honestly, I bet we could DM all those bands and just open another museum to the side of it. Hey, this is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for worst bands. Right. Is that the name of it? The Backyard of Fame. Yes. This is the Foyer of Fame. Like, you're not in the hall yet. You're just kind of... Whoa. This is the Umbrella Closet.

What was super tight, though, was seeing, like, very, like, people my parents' age, you know, like, super old, just being, like, super geeked out by, like, Chuck Berry or something. Right. Just holding hands and being like, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. You're like, sure. Yeah. Just don't fuck in front of all these people here, lady. It was getting pretty sexual. It was, yeah. You could see grandparents wanting to fuck each other at a museum. They're like, remember...

And then they hold like a weird look. They're like, sweetheart Elvis, remember when we 69'd ain't nothing but a hound dog? Yes, I do. I do, actually. I do. I'd like to do it again. And now we are 69. That's fucking weird. No better time than the present. Fuck it. Do you think we can stand like we used to? Standing cartwheel 69. She picks him up.

Yeah, the Hall of Fame was pretty wild, guys. It was sick. Yeah, there was a lot of Cheryl. She's been doing CrossFit. He got lazy. He's a lazy boy. Don't go in the 1950s section because you're going to see some grandparents. Fuck it. It's hot. It's hot. It's gnarly. To me, it was hot. Jerry Lee Lewis.

We had an orgy with him. And his cousin. Didn't he marry his cousin? I think so. Yeah. 13-year-old cousin, yeah. That's pretty rock and roll when you think about it. Yeah, it turns out rock and roll is just like fucking your cousin. Right. Yeah, and like... That was jailhouse rock. That was what he's like. This is the last song I'm singing because... Jailbait rock. Yeah, I guess it was probably... Wait, hold on. I'll give you points for that. Yes, points! Yeah!

First points. Well done. We're really keeping a really distinct tally on our points on this tour. He's the tally-ho. That's my first one. Yeah, and that's Kyle's first, so that was a big deal. I got no points for tally-ho. Maybe ever. Maybe ever. Wait, why is our manager sending us a video or a picture now? What the fuck are you doing back there, Isaac? Isaac? We're on the show, Isaac. Isaac.

Yeah, he did. He sent a picture of us at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, perfect. Here. So... Yeah, actually... Zoom in. Zoom in. Adam...

Yeah, dude, I was being a real dork this morning. Like, they didn't want to go, and I'm like, we have to. They fucking undersold it so hard. Yeah, they undersold it. They were like, it's not that cool. And I'm like, I bet it's pretty fucking radical. Bro, the Sheryl Crow outfits, let's get into it. First of all, you don't realize how tiny these people were. Right. Oh, yeah, that's true. That was my big takeaway. I was like, I can beat the fuck out of Mick Jagger. Right. Yeah, Prince is... Mick Jagger is 83 pounds. Right, yeah.

Prince's tiny little top and gloves. Some of these people, you're like, well, yeah, they are pretty small. Oh, yeah, Prince is classically small. Yeah, but then you see Puff Daddy's outfit, and you're like, oh, Puff Daddy's a little bitch, right? Right.

That bulletproof vest of 50 Cent was not that big. 50 Cent would kill you. He'd be in a rags. I feel like Diddy's hit the gym recently. He's on that old man for sure on testosterone. I feel like I'm going to do that. I feel like I'm going to start my steroid cycle once I get into my 40s. I will not be funny, dude.

It's going to be so intense. It'll be off-putting. But you were funny. You were funny for a long time. Now you get to be meaty. And I'll be like, hey, and I can be in those action movies, right? And they're like, nah. Not necessarily. So you're going to do a bunch of testosterone and steroids? Yes. I think I'm just going to plant myself at Der Dutchman. That's the more fun route for sure.

We were joking about the tummy troubles we had afterwards. We're like, well, I would go back. I would go back immediately. I ate. I ate Amish food and now I miss the toilet. I miss the toilet. Wait a minute. You can have them. Also kind of a weird joke. You missed.

I mean, I Amish the toilet, but the joke is you miss the toilet? Yeah, because you had like explosive diarrhea. You couldn't, it like shot. Have you never been to a gas station? I thought you were like sitting on the toilet and somehow it went like, diarrhea. Yeah. The ripping and the tearing. There's that too. The cause of diarrhea. If you shit and it like bounced back up, what? I mean, anything's possible after that.

That's true. They have these peanut butter, they're called uncooked peanut butter cookies or something like that. Yeah, yeah. If you have a bite this big, you instantly want to vomit. You umish the toilet. They're so sugary. I mean, are we old or what? We're old, man. No. No, we're not old. We're not old. We're young. We're young people. No, fuck that.

What was your favorite part of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Blake? If you had to pick. The toilet. You don't have a bathroom here, right? I mean, no joke. I know this is a lot of scat talk.

In this beautiful theater. Yes. I knew we were going to defile this beautiful theater as soon as I saw it. I'm like, it doesn't deserve this. Sorry, ghosts. But to be fair, we did about 20 minutes on Cleveland Steamers last night, so you're good. That's true. That's freaking true, dude. I wonder... Wait. Cleveland! But we're not there, though. No, we're in Columbus. No, no, we're in Columbus, and I like it way fucking better. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Fuck yeah! Oh my God. I think I might Columbus-ed, baby. Did people say that?

No, give yourself points for that. Okay, I'll point me up for that. Yes, points! Yeah, I wonder, is Columbus... Are you guys a little salty that Cleveland... They got the Cleveland Steamer? Or are you guys... You're like, I wish I had a super... We're gonna do 20 minutes. Disgusting sexual term. Right. Based off of my city. You guys are hella jelly. Dude, we gave it to him. Chorglumbus. Oh, yeah, Chorglumbus. Chorglumbus. Chorglumbus.

But so, but what's different is... It's already there? Blake, that just, you're just putting Chorg in front of Lumbus, but like, what is Chorg Lumbus? Well, he just said we already call it Chorg Lumbus. Oh, you do? What? Which I feel like it's one guy. Yeah, I don't know if that's true. Did you also put... I feel the rest of the city's like, no, we don't, homie. Yeah, I'm not buying that. Say less. Dude, we already say that. Really? Yeah.

It's just you and your horny friends. I respect the horn ball. Good job. Yeah. Hey, shout out to you, man. Fucking putting Chorglumbus on the map. Yeah, you got to it before Blake. He's like, dude, I even made a flag and everything.

Well, explain what Chorg is. Chorg? I don't want to in this theater. No, everybody can Google it. Yeah, I think we've touched upon it in episodes of Workaholics, in the podcast. Just explain it, dude. Don't you have a sound bite that is... Yeah, it's kind of this noise. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So what do you call that? Onomatopoeia? Yeah, that's an onomatopoeia. Yeah, so I think twark. It's like the noise you make when a large...

I'm going through my brain like, what's the nicest way to put this? There's no nice way to put it. Cock to the throat. Cock. Chork Lumbus. Has a nice ring to it. What was your favorite takeaway from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? What about Cum Lumbus? Cum Lumbus? Yes!

Kyle's on a roll. What's the super sexual term then? Because Cleveland Steamer is you shade on a person's chest and smash it around. You got to be upside down or something. Because why? I don't know. You made it up. You guys got to help me out. Oh, okay. The nipples? It has to do with the nipples? Cum lumbus on the nipples? Coming out of the nipples? Is that something that happens here?

Come on now. This is a college town. You gotta be better. Come out the nipples is cumlumbus. Cumlumbus when you cum out your nipples. It's really fun to do this with you guys. I'm just thinking about when my mom texts me like, how was the show tonight? I'm like...

Well, we came up with come lumbus together. I'm so proud of you, honey. But we couldn't really button it up, Ma. She's like, oh, well, here it is. You're upside down and you're coming out of your nipples. I wish she was like, we almost got there. Could it be if you're upside down? Yeah. And you're like, Mom, thank you so much. Thank you. We actually tried to chase that for a little bit and couldn't really land the plane. Yeah, you really are kind of taking a peek into the minds of the people that created Workaholics and it all makes sense now, doesn't it? Yes!

You idiots! This was our writer's room. We would talk about Cum Lumbus or whatever dumb thing for 11 hours and then one hour we would go, fuck, the TV show. Right.

And this is a good point. We do this kind of every night. Like, we just want to thank the dates of people who watch the show with us in the pod who've never heard any of this. Yeah. Yeah. We're sorry. There's a lot of people here that were brought on a date and they're going, what the fuck is happening? Right. You...

You already went to Fogo to chow or something, and it was like, okay, this is nice. This is a nice date. And we're going to go out to a show tonight. Ooh. Ooh. At the nice theater. Oh. The beautiful chandelier. I saw Peter Pan there. That'll be lovely. Right. Yeah, this is where they played Spider-Man. Oh, yeah. And now you want to go. And then they talked about Chorg Lumbus. Yeah. That's what they did. I didn't know what Chorg meant. So I Googled it. Now I do. Chorg Lumbus.

Right.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I know for me, therapy has been great for learning good coping skills and how to better communicate with my wife. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself every day. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be easy, flexible, and

and fit to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash thisistoday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash thisis.

I bet you're smart. Yeah, and you like to hold your own in the group chat. We can help you drop even more knowledge. My name is Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Izadi. We host a daily news podcast called Post Reports. Every weekday afternoon, Post Reports takes you inside an important and interesting story with the kind of reporting that you can only get from The Washington Post. You can listen to Post Reports wherever you get your podcasts. Go find it now and hit follow.

And so, Blake, what was your favorite part of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Okay, what was cool was on the very top floor, the sixth floor, it was kind of all dedicated to Nine Inch Nails. It was all Trent Reznor shit. I thought that was pretty fucking cool. Because he's local. He is local. He's Cleveland. Oh, that's fucking cool. I didn't read any of the plaques in the museum. Yeah.

A lot of reading. You could literally go there and read if you wanted to. Yeah, no, no. This was purely just... I mostly was there sizing up rock stars. Yeah. Right. And like, I think I could take him for sure. Adam was just flexing in the reflections of all the glass cases. Like, fuck that dude, bro. Yeah. I got him. I got him. We're like, Adam, that's Dolly Parton. Yeah, you can beat her up. Yeah, I can take her.

I was like, I could have beat John Denver's ass, dude. I don't know, man. I feel like that guy's got some secret weapons. Oh, he fights hard. He probably scratches. Go ahead, Blake. Like what? Like he bites. Yeah, definitely. Okay. He's like, I don't care. I'll bite your fucking throat out, dude. Just come at me, bro. John Dentures. I feel like I would be... I haven't gotten in a lot of fights, but I feel like if it was me versus John Denver to the death...

I'm biting. You're biting back? Oh, you're biting, yeah. Especially if he's biting. You guys know, I mean, obviously out of the four of us, if we were to get in a fight, I'm probably the most likely to bite. Right?

Give me a hell yeah! Would you also go straight for the nards? Would you be kicking and biting the nards? Yeah, it'd be a lot of nard pulling. Whoa! You're giving away all your secrets. I wouldn't do this. And then you bite. We're barely through this tour and you're giving away all your fighting secrets? I'm just saying, when we get to Ben Salem and the gloves come off, I'm knocking those teeth out. That way you'll be like,

Slippery. Just all gummy. I'll be like, ooh. Yeah, Ders is like, ooh. 69, dudes! Wait.

Speaking of Nine Inch Nails. Okay, I like this. The song Closer. Do you guys remember the first time you heard that song? Cue up Closer. Is that I Want to Fuck You Like an Animal? Yeah. There was music before that song and then that song happened. It changed everything. And I was like, oh, I guess I know what is happening in the world now. People are fucking like animals. Yeah, that song was hot.

I guess I didn't know I was like covered in fur. Right. Like I was a child so I was like an animal. But I want to feel you from the inside. That's a fucking wild way to do it. You want me to hit it? Let's listen. I don't want people to just start fucking. Because at first you're like. Good beat, solid. Kind of German. And then go forward. I should pass forward? How far? Yeah.

I like she's giving notes. She's like, it's a lot of buildup. It is. Okay, now we're really kind of bucking for sure. Hit the hi-hat a little bit. Meanwhile, you're just in your mom's minivan. Okay. Okay. Well, I skipped ahead a whole minute. Yeah, it's a groove. This song is a fucking groove because you're supposed to fuck to it, dude. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

I don't like that I know how you fuck now. Well, I'm kind of a fucking lazy boy, bro. What else can I do? I'm like... It's actually very easy. It looks really good. It's actually really nice. What's really cool... Now I know why every dad in the 90s wanted these chairs. This is working for me. It's easy on the hips. Yeah, this is working for me. Also, if you look, it kind of looks like he has elephantitis of

the nuts. Three balls. I got like one, two, three nuts. Well, I was thinking one big sack in the middle, but yeah, three huge testicles. Actually, six. Look at these guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really fun to be here with you guys and do this. Mom! I cannot wait for my son to find these recordings. I'm excited for that for you.

Why does it resonate in your head so much? Just because it changed your life? Because I was like 12 or whatever and it was like, I want to fuck you like an animal. And I was like, whoa. Me? This guy wants to fuck me like an animal? This man wants to fuck me like an animal. And the music video was like... And why was your mom playing this all the time? Well, I wasn't allowed in the room, but she was really into music.

Wait, he says I wanna feel like an animal. I wanna feel you from the inside. You get me closer to God. Doesn't he say that too? Oh my God. He knew what he was doing. He was pushing buttons. Oh my God! Turns out Ohio brings out the hornballs. Oh, shit. Okay. Chorglumbus in the house. Thank you, God! I will say horniness rocks. Yeah. Right?

What do you want to say? Horniness rocks. Yeah. It's the best. Kyle's usually pretty quiet on it. Something about this chair is bringing a lot out of this guy. I will say, Kyle, this is the horniest we've seen Kyle on this tour. Man, we...

We've been on the road for three long days and Kyle got fucking horny as shit on day three. I gotta get home. He saw the Trent Reznor exhibit when he's like hanging from strings and spinning around. Yeah, or did you see some fucking shit at the Amish place where she was just like... Oh, they were churning. Churning the butter. Kyle's like, I gotta get back to my wife. Ah!

It's true. It's true. Honey, we're buying a lazy boy. Yo, we are. That's happening. Isaac, can I get a beer? I'm empty over here. Please. Please. Please. Guys, try and get him to take his shirt off. Oh, yeah. Take it off. There he is. There he is.

Isaac was pretty bummed that there wasn't like a fallout boy wing. Isaac is pretty cool. We talk a lot of shit about him, but he's like my dad. Yeah.

I mean, he is a big dumb idiot, but he's ours, you know? I had a follow-up joke for Blake about the dad that was something like, he's never around when you need him, but I just didn't say it out loud. No, you just did. You just did. No, I know, but I didn't say it when it would have really landed. Yeah. Okay. Yes, points! I'll give you points. No, I don't. I'll give you points. They had 50 years of hip-hop.

Like a whole section? That was pretty sick. That was very cool. They hooked you right up front. Yeah. They had that Biggie Smalls, like, red leather jacket that he wore. Dude, he was big in all ways. I know, I know. I didn't know. I mean, he was the only one that I was like, I wouldn't be able to fight him to the death.

Right, because I think he was bigger than what they had on display, too. Why would they do that? Well, because they had it on display, but he was buttoned up. And I'm like, Mickey couldn't button that fucking shirt. Even in the picture, it wasn't buttoned. In the picture, it wasn't buttoned. Yeah, it was fully unbuttoned in the picture. Right. They were trying to, I mean, maybe that was like the rule when they gave him the jacket. They're like, just make him look kind of lean a little bit. Yeah, you got to button it.

Okay. Yeah. George is kind of big. He's notoriously big. Yeah, yeah. But I like that they were like, ah, well, can we, not that big. Let's make him a little less big. Points? Yeah, George needs points for that. Yes, points! Naked grandma! Okay, why not? George Lumbas. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Um, Shonda is very funny. We love you, baby. Yeah, that was my favorite part, I guess. And then, Sheryl Crowe.

She had way more. Like, okay, we all know Sheryl Crow. She's got some songs. But she had like a whole wall. I'm a Crow bro. I'll say it. Yeah. Oh, dude, we all bonded over Crow more than I ever thought we would have. Yeah. Dude, I didn't know all of us had a little Crow bro in us. Yeah. Yeah.

You knew all the outfits. I was like, that's from fucking that song's video. This is from the other one. It was weird. Yeah, we should probably warn the audience that we all tested positive for COVID-19. Points! Yes, points! Points! Yes, points! Yes!

It's a pandemic, people, but it's a fun one. Yeah. You're going to feel good about it. You just want to have some fun. Yeah, just every day kind of feels like a windy road. Yeah, you just want to have a little fun before you die. I said a man next to me out of nowhere. Hey, if it makes you happy, then it can't be that bad. That's true. I love when you sing. You have such a beautiful voice. And you're strong enough to be my man. Yo, why the hell are you so sad?

I don't know. Okay. I don't know that one, but yeah. That was the other one. Cheryl Crow freaking rocks! She does. All right. She does. We got a few crow heads. But we're not standing up anymore. Crow nuts. You're fully crow nuts. Yeah, the young crow hearts. I'm a crow man.

Did that work? Cro-Magnon? Did you say what? Cro-Magnon? Yes, points! Did you say Cro-Man? Like Conan? Like Cro-Man? I'm a Cro-Man? That's what's spelled Crown. That's a Crown, by the way. What the fuck is Cro-Man? He's trying to spell Crone. Like...

I don't know, but what's crone? It's not a thing. He's just trying to make it sound like groan, right? I already gave myself points. I can't take them back. Well, you can't take them back. We're going to do take back. We have a whole section at the end where we have take backs. And you better take back crone man. Crone man. Because I gave you cromagnon and you were just like, nah. Yeah, we said crone magnum. Yeah, crow up, dude. What the fuck? Crow the fuck up. Yes, points.

Dude, I'm on a fucking roll tonight. Yes, crow fuck yourself. It was weird. It was weird. Like, remember when I just saw that hat and I'm like, that's Kid Rock's hat. Yeah. It's like buried in your brain, these things. It just like came back and I'm like, Kid Rock's red hat with the feather in the side. And I'm looking for the little thing that says that and I'm like,

Do you just know that? He's like, yeah, you just know these things. I fucking knew it, dude. The one thing that I thought was weird, did you guys see the Eminem and there was actually like plastic spaghetti there, like mom's spaghetti? Am I missing something? Was that a prop for a movie? Or it's just mom's spaghetti? Well, it's like the mom's spaghetti from the song. But there's no other lyrics that they built in the... Yeah, that is right. There wasn't like a little red Corvette.

of that? There was no fucking car there. You didn't see it. It was very small. A raspberry beret right there. I was bummed that the Prince was just like a little poster of Prince. I was like, come on now. Did they have beef with him because he played, wasn't it at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction of George Harrison as a solo artist? Where he just slayed everybody on guitar, gently weeps, and they were like,

well, he went on for 10 minutes, so fuck him. That's such a good clip, bro. You took that shit. Yeah, bro was like, I got this. I know there's 10 other great guitarists on stage, but I've got this. Fucking Tom Petty's just standing there like, what the fuck is he doing, man? Can you stop fucking playing guitar? Dude, I do love when all the rock stars get together for some big benefit. Remember Bob Dylan when it was like, we are the world or whatever, and he's just going like...

do that anymore. They don't get together for benefits. He has no idea where he is. No, because they were a mess. They were just fucking heating on each other the whole time. Like, hey, this guy fucking sucks. They did it over Zoom with Imagine during COVID-19. Oh, yeah. When Wonder Woman was like, imagine my humongous backyard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like... Imagine the yacht that I'm currently on singing this song. Imagine COVID's actually real. Yeah.

-Polichon. -Polichon. -Whoa, okay, Durrs. Go off, King. -Sometimes I just like to test the waters. See what the temperature is.

Pool reference. Love it. Yeah, were you guys a little bummed? You know where you are in the hierarchy of Hollywood when you don't get invited to the... Right. For a minute, I was kind of like, nobody called me. No one reached out. A little backup. I would have embarrassed myself.

Imagine all the people. No, dude. There's no way I could have seen you do that. How funny would it have been? Because you know, I mean like, you could see the little stinker within me. Super earnest. Super earnest. Just being so earnest. But knowing it's so fucking bullshit. Imagine there's no countries. Because some people didn't sing it. Some people did talk it. And they were just like, imagine there's no countries.

And I'm like, what? No countries. And you're just like, I guess Morgan Freeman can't sing or shit. Imagine there's no countries. Imagine there's no countries. Is that Morgan Freeman? What the fuck am I doing? You sounded just like Andy Dufresne. I'm through miles of shit. I feel like I should have that. There's no Dale Settle. Imagine.

Wow, you're really, really bad at that impression. I don't think I've ever tried it privately or publicly. You try a lot of impressions privately? Oh, yes, I do a lot. It's my whole bedroom routine. As you're brushing your teeth, you're just going through your Rolodex of celebrities you could do? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's random. Every night you pull a card, you're like, John Cusack. I've got to work on that one. I don't know. John Lovitz. Deep cut. Probably my best one. I don't know. Maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's fair. Let's see it. All right. Do the whole monologue.

Oh, from Street Fighter? Yeah. What did he say? Guys, a little respect. A little respect. This is a John Claude Van Damme. This is his process. This topical reference. He's a thespian. I can't really remember how it starts, but he says... You can stand. You can stand up for this. He says... Okay, he's just standing. He's just standing. They like it when we stand, Durge. We can stand like that. Can I roll on this? Yeah, sure. He says...

Fuck you, man. I'm about to pour my heart out here. I'm giving you my Peter Pan. Okay, so this is, Blake gets pretty riled up when he's being a thespian. He says, Troopers, I've just received new orders. The war has been canceled. Wait, what is this from? This is from Street Fighter, and don't interrupt a thespian. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We can all go home.

Meanwhile, things like peace, justice, freedom, they get packed up. But we can go home. Wow. Well, I'm not going home. I'm going to get on my boat and I'm going to go up a river and I'm going to kick that son of a bitch bison's ass so hard. Get him, John. That the next bison wannabe is going to feel it.

Now who's going home? And who's going to go with me? Wow. Blake. Thank you. I mean, I'm probably just going to go home. Yeah, probably.

Wow. And that is Orange Coast Community College Theater. Yeah. Was that your audition to get into the theater program? That was the audition I did for everything in life, even to this day when they're like, you need to prepare the script we sent you. I'm like, I'm just going to do this Jean-Claude Van Damme thing. They're like, Blake, this is a Tide commercial. Yeah. Well, you can wash yours with color or you can wash your whites with me. Right. Right.

That's pretty good. That's good. Hey, booked it. I also have a Jean-Claude Van Damme impression that's much shorter. Okay. Okay, so bear with me. I'm not going to stand up. Okay. Stand up. Because I don't need to. Stand up. Yeah, okay, Van Damme. Okay. Oh, I guess I'll... Guys, come on. Okay, ready? Yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. This is from Bloodsport. Okay. Okay, ready? Yeah. Sand has just been thrown into my eyes. Yes. Oh, wait, here, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's good. Yes. Wow. Yes. That's really good. Look at this guy. Yeah. Uh-huh. Very good. Very good. Very good. Yes. Points. Points. Yo, guys. You weren't just watching Bloodsport.

You're at a comedy show. That was pretty good, dude. That was really good. You're back here. I don't have John Claude. I can't do a John Claude. Nor can I. I would try to. My only impression is just Robert De Niro. Okay. So give me a situation that Robert De Niro would be in. He's changing the diaper of his new child. Okay. He is. He is. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. No. No.

He's not going to do it. He's not going to do it. No. He's got people that work for him. He's not going to do it. Right. Hey. Yes, points. I liked it. This would actually be a really cool reality show where there's judges judging impersonations. I think that's Saturday Night Live. Yeah. But I want to be in a chair and you turn around to reveal...

But you want to see the... It's just like a vocal thing? It's not like what Adam did with the face and the whole body and all that? That's round two. Round two, he gets to look. My Jean-Claude, I just...

I don't... Yeah, you guys would have lost to me, obviously. Well, that's true. That's fine. It is cool to see, like, that none of us would have ever made it on SNL. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No. You have to, like, work hard and... Be talented. Yeah. Wait, were we just on last week?

What's up? Weren't we just on last week? We're doing this again? This is me as an hour. I got you. Adam doesn't remember. We're doing live! I wish I would have tuned in for sure or at least watched it the next day on clips and stuff. Should we host? Should we host SNL? Ooh, a collective host.

That'd be cool. First time ever they have four dudes hosting. Yeah. Righteous Senator. Their cast is like, what the fuck? Yeah. We come as a package. We come as a package.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I don't know about you guys, but I feel this year has gone by so quickly. I became a father this year. Can you believe that, guys? Huge. And the baby that I named Bo is growing bigger every day. Let me tell you, life goes by like that, so fast. So it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for the rest of the year. I agree. And therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next decade.

six months.

It's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma, etc. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Look, all you got to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take a moment.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash this is today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash this is.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. Have a great day.

I bet you're smart. Yeah, and you like to hold your own in the group chat. We can help you drop even more knowledge. My name is Martine Powers. And I'm Elahe Izadi. We host a daily news podcast called Post Reports.

Every weekday afternoon, Post Reports takes you inside an important and interesting story with the kind of reporting that you can only get from The Washington Post. You can listen to Post Reports wherever you get your podcasts. Go find it now and hit follow. ♪

Okay, Kyle, what's your impression? Any celebrity. Go in your toolbox. Don't do Mr. T, though. What if I do Sean Connery? What are you doing? Sean Connery.

Okay, well, you have to stand. We've set a precedent. I haven't thought this through at all. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to say Indiana Jones. I'm going to come. I don't have a... I'm standing up in front of a room. I don't have a impression. That's fine. Indy was the dog's name.

All I have to say is... So here, so... What do you want me to do? Sean Connery. Yeah, Sean Connery. He's at Wario's Sandwich Spot. Okay. Okay. So he's ordering... I'm going to order something. The chicken parm. I think I sound like Lorne Michaels more than Sean Connery, or maybe even Dr. Eagle. You don't sound like him either. Who do I sound like? That's the impression I'm doing. I think you sound like...

Mr. Wilson from the Dennis the Menace movie where he's like Walter Matthau? Yeah, you sound like Walter Matthau for sure. Oh, that's one. I have that one. Look at that. And we found it. I have that one. Yeah, that's like right after he's cooking chicken in the movie and then Dennis the Menace because he's so fucked up. He dipped paint in sawdust and then it fell on the grill. Yeah. Hey, Kyle, this isn't an impression. You're just explaining what happened. And then Walter Matthau is like he gets mixed up on the chicken. Yeah.

I'm cracking up over here. I love this. Go. And then he takes the whole blob and puts it on his plate and he's like... Why is he on your knees? Are you using the table? Yeah, well, he's had it on a plate and then he's sitting down for dinner and he's like, oh, I'll put it on my napkin and on the chair. And then he fucking... What? Wait, so you haven't done an impression yet? No, no, I'm getting there. It's a really great line in the movie.

Okay. Okay. He takes the knife and he cuts it and then he takes his fork and he puts it in his mouth and he goes like a taste like paint. Yeah. I'm not done. Kyle knew what to say. I'm not done. He's done. Feels good. Feels good.

I'm not done. Fair enough. Everyone shut up. He's not done. He's not done. Shut up. You're having too much fun. Shut up. I know you want to just rise up out of those seats for this, but... It's so exciting. The full line is... Okay, hang on. Full line. He's cutting it. Well, hang on. Okay, okay, okay. Wait. Action. Okay, I'm going to go take a shit. He goes... Tastes like paint.

You already said that. And wood. Because of the sawdust. Now I give a big thank you. Thank you. Unreal. Thank you, God. Isaac, please bring me a beer. Thank you, God. Bring us beers, please. If you have a Red Bull, I'd like to stay up all night tonight. My man. And Isaac...

Get that pack of cinnamon rolls. I'm going to give them away later. Oh, boy. Yeah, we got these cinnamon rolls that just look... They're delicious, but it looks just like straight up dookie on top of cinnamon rolls. Yeah, the presentation of these cinnamon rolls, it looked like... For real, bring them. It looked like Boston baked beans.

On top of bread. It's basically diarrhea pie. Diarrhea. Damn, that sounds good in this room. It smells better than diarrhea. It definitely does. It smells fantastic. It tastes pretty good, too. Well, I'm excited to go to a house party now and tell them I got a homie who does a killer Walter Matthau. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did not know what to expect because the preamble was...

tedious. To say the least. It's a lot to set up. To get there, it's a lot. It was like, he's eating, there was paint and wood in his meal. He just had sand thrown in his eyes, and then I just did it. That was concise, pretty tight. We all liked it. I'm not trying to...

Say yours was bad, but you're trying to say mine was annoying or something? What are you trying to say? We actually didn't say annoying, and it's interesting that you said annoying because we didn't say annoying. This is the vibe I'm getting from you. Kyle, hey, you know you're my favorite actor. Thank you. He's my favorite actor by far. Yes. I don't act a lot, though. It's you. See ya.

Harrison Ford. That's tight. Blake Anderson. Danny DeVito. Anders Holm. Winnie the Pooh. Top six or whatever I just said. I think it was six. Wait, were you really a Winnie the Pooh kid? Were you super down for Winnie the Pooh? I fucking love Pooh Bear. I will say...

Because he's always getting that jar stuck on his head. The guy... I like the guy who did the voice of the little pig. Oh, yeah. He voiced like a trillion things. I like that little dude. Was that Pat Buttram? That's what I'm wondering. I think it was. I don't think so. There is a Disney voice actor, swear to God...

Named Pat Buttram. He has a star in Hollywood. He's got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. If you ever go there, it's on... It gets vandalized. It's on Coanga in Hollywood. I know exactly where that is. Every year on his birthday, me and Kyle go there and buttram each other. Say, oh, Pat.

He would have liked this. Oh, man. Middle school was horrific for that guy. And he does voices, so he's for sure annoying in middle school. No, he had to make up friends. Yeah, that's true. He's like, no one's playing with me, so maybe I'm playing with them. I'm not a butt ram, you are. Yeah.

Well, my favorite character, though, from Winnie the Pooh was motherfucking Eeyore, dude. Oh, shit. Oh, you like the snooze fest. Oh, shit. Well, I liked it because it was like... Had a booty on him. It's nice that they always invited Eeyore, even though he's a sad piece of shit and was always bringing the mood down. Yeah. But they're like, come on, Eeyore. You know you want to come. He's like, okay. I'm depressed. I guess. You know, if Eeyore just got better help... Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Yep. That's cool, though. I'm pissed now. That should be... Yes, buds! Next time we do ad reads for the podcast, we gotta implement Eeyore a little more. Right.

Are you a human Eeyore? Yeah. Was he a donkey? I think he was a rhino. No, he's not a rhino. Dumbass. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, dude. Sorry. Get the fuck out of here. Adam, I can't. I literally can't. I'm glued to the chair. I shit my pants. Okay. Sitting low. I have a whole derdutchman in my shorts.

It happened like minute 10. It was early. That's the diarrhea pie we're talking about. Early.

You asked me about Winnie the Pooh as if that threw you for a loop. Were you not a Pooh head? Pooh head? I was a Pooh head, but it was a different kind of Pooh head, dude. What does that mean? What kind of different Pooh head were you? I'm talking Cleveland Steamers, dog. Boo this man. We've already covered it.

We're in Chorglumbus, motherfucker. I just... Yeah. Yes. Come, bust. Come, lum, bust. I just remember... I don't know if you guys remember this show on... Like, if you had the Disney Channel back in the day, you were fucking a boss. Oh, shit. Rich kid. Yeah. For real. But there was this...

weird ass live action Winnie the Pooh where it was like mascots and they were like and it was like Chuck E. Cheese shit where like it was just fucking scary dude. I don't have any recollection of this homeboy. It's like Winnie the Pooh like bleh bleh bleh. It was like well didn't they just make like a horror

movie? Yes. Because now it's like public domain. After 50 years or whatever, it's public domain? After 100 years, you can do whatever you want with the characters. So Winnie the Pooh is 100 years old. How old am I? Jesus Christ. Right.

14? Yeah, I'm 14 now. This is Halloween. Winnie the Pooh. That's going to happen with a lot of IP. It's just going to become free game. Oh, damn. Like a lot of Disney shit is going to be. Hello, I'll get you. So did any of us see this Winnie the Pooh horror movie? I don't think it's out yet. I think they've just been hyping it. I don't think it's actually hit. Is it out? Be careful, Pooh, you trust. I haven't seen it, but I'd like to see it. In a world. This is just.

I got nothing. Yes, points! I was going to say the be winning, but like, nah, I bailed. What's the deal? Is it like, so it's just Winnie the Pooh fucking stabbing people and shit? Yeah, he's got this, they got this fucked up mask on him. It might be partially animated. I couldn't tell what the fuck it was. Really. I need to watch some film. Is it like Leprechaun where he's trying to get the gold back and he's trying to get the honey pot? Oh, bitch better have my honey! Honey!

Points! Way to go. Yes! Points! Way to get that in. Yes! Points! I hope that's how the screenwriter came up with the idea. Ten years ago, they watched that episode of Workaholics, and they were like, Bitch better have my honey. Whoa. He's like, wait. Wait. What did you just say? What did he say on the television? How old is Winnie the Pooh? How old is Winnie the Pooh?

He has to get his honey. And he'll kill anyone in his path. Fuck you, Christopher Robin. So now we're just going to get a bunch of horror kids shows? Is Smurfs about to kill a bunch of fucking people? Right, yeah. Probably. I'd watch that. I'd watch that too. So what was your... You looked at me cross-eyed when I said I was a poo head. Yeah, dude. What... Because you just said Winnie the Pooh again. What do you mean?

When I asked what show do you watch, you said also Winning the Pooh, but the fucked up version. Yeah, the one that no one knows. Yeah, no, I watched that to scare myself. Yeah, no. What I watched for my enjoyment, it was like G.I. Joe, American Heroes, dude. USA, brother. Nobody knows that? I'm not buying it.

You don't think I watched G.I. Joe? Test me, bro. All right. No, you're a Care Bears boy. I can tell. Oh, shit. What's the name of the sailor guy? Shipwreck. Okay. What's the name of the guy who blocks roads?

Who does what? Who blocks roads. Isn't it roadblock? Roadblock. Yeah, that's roadblock. He was sick. Everything he said, he spoke in a rhyme. In fact, I did not watch G.I. Joe. Neither did I, dude. Dude, I fucked with gummy bears. I did too. For sure. I did too. Gummy bears bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that's beyond compare. We are the gummy bears.

Let's do some top topics. Magic and mystery is part of their history. I thought we were... Keep going, keep going. Along with the secret of gummy berry juice.

Your turn. Magic and mist. We did that verse. We did that part. Because we are the Gummy Bears. Let's just hit that again. Dude, do you know how much cocaine they were doing in the studio when they wrote that? Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, well, and DuckTales. Is it DuckTales? Where he's like, they're in Duckburg, but there's a line where he's like, we're just doing like duck stuff. There's a line that's just like, that's not a sentence. I thought you were about to say.

I thought you were about to say they're like, we're blowing rails in the studio. How many kids took their piggy banks and then just tried to dive headfirst into that shit? Oh, dude, yeah, that was always like a complex physic equation. They're like, can you do that? I remember my dad being like viscerally upset at it. Really? Yeah, he'd be like, bullshit. Bullshit.

Yeah, that's a good way to break your fucking neck. Chill, Dad. I'm six. You guys, I'm circling back. I remember the line. They said, like, it's a duck blur.

It's a duck blur. They must have been exhausted and they had one line and they're like, it's a duck blur? Can we just fucking go home? Dude. Let's just go. Let's just go. Dude, last night I fucking duck blacked out. It was crazy, dude. It was a duck blur. We could use that. It was a duck blur.

Let's do some polycharged topics. These are topical topics. Topical topics. Hot topics. Hot topical topics. That should be the name for this segment. The hot topics. Drake reschedules Columbus concert for the second time here in Columbus. What the hell? That's some bullshit. Fuck that guy, right? Yeah.

Once, you might have COVID-19. We don't know. Or Crovid-19. That's what I said. Oh, sorry. I duck blacked out. Cheryl would never cancel. But twice, come on, man. You don't know how fucking awesome Chorglumbus is. He's ducking Columbus.

Hit me with that sound again, Blakey. Oh, okay, sure. You got it. Wait, is that over? Yeah, that's it. That's the end? That's it. Oh, I thought there was... Okay. It doesn't say why. It basically says he's a bitch, dude. Yeah, did we say collectively fuck Drake?

Fuck Drake. Yeah, fuck Drake. Everybody, one, two, three. Fuck Drake. Okay, that being said, you can send me tickets. Unless he wants to be our first ever guest on the podcast. Actually, super cool guy. I'm down. Also, that dude was spotted wearing an ICP jersey recently, right? Oh, wow. That's nice. Yeah, so...

I don't know about that. So he's a poser. It feels like he's a big poser. Because that guy hasn't drank Faygo a day in his life. No, no. Never had a nice cold glass of Faygo. Never had an ice cold, viscous...

Thick glass of Faygo. I have syrup. I call that a shaggy two. Nope. Okay. That's what I call it. Yes, points! Points this motherfucker. That's what I call it. Hit me with it. Sure. Jesus Christ. A sea lion escapes enclosure at Central Park Zoo due to New York flooding. So tight. Dude, that's fucking sick. Holy shit, really? It's goddamn too mongey in New York right now, too. Yeah, wow.

I mean, how sick would that be if, like, you know, you're, like, going to the little bodega to get yourself an ice-cold Faygo? Right. Uh-huh. And there's a motherfucking sea lion there? Wild. Hey! Hey, all right, buddy. Hey, bear, yeah. So, like...

What? That's it on that one? What does that have to do with the Bay Area? There's a hell of seals. Like, what happened? Did they get it? Nueva Vista? No, they did not. No staff or visitors were in danger, and the sea lion remained inside the zoo, never breaching the zoo's secondary... What? It didn't escape? It just sounds like in New York, there's a seal.

How is this goddamn news? Here, I'll read the whole thing. This is Big Zoo trying to take advantage of the flood. They're like, let's promote this. We're just trying to hype up the New York Zoo because when you're in New York, you're not going to the fucking zoo, dude. What the hell? You're not going to the zoo in New York. If you're in San Diego, you might go to the zoo. Great zoo. If you're in Omaha, Nebraska, you're going to the zoo.

Is it Henry Doily Zoo? Is that what it is? Henry Doily. I love that name. Coolest name for... Because you know he had a monocle. He did? Yeah, what? If your last name is Doily, you're a fucking eccentric dude. You started a zoo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You have an ascot. You have a monocle. You're like, right this way. He's a manic dude. You know you're just... You're a fucking Willy Wonka. Yeah. He starts every sentence with, here ye, here ye. Right.

I want a coffee. Drugs made this zoo. Why does he want a coffee? No, just, I don't know, because he's starting every sentence. Oh, yeah. So he's like, hear ye, hear ye, I'm going to take a shit now. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, I thought that would be fun for us, but obviously not. Shut the fuck up! I'll go to sleep now. Evidently, this sea lion, like, didn't even really escape. This is... That sucks. This is a bitchy story. I fucking hate that story. Hit me with it. Oh, shit. I fell asleep. I ducked out. Oh.

Here we go. Yes. So, I guess Robert Pattinson? The guy from the zoo? The sexy dude? The guy with the jaw? Team Edward! Hello! I was a Team Jacob guy. Of course you were. Of course you were. You are basically twins with that guy. You know you're just like... Every time I looked at him, I'm like, if I tried... Right. Right.

I could look kind of like him. You should get a tattoo of his face on your hand so every time you pick up a burger, you're like, no, I gotta... Better not. What was his name? Sean Astin. Well, I look identical to Sean Astin, and he's 60 years old. Yeah.

I look like him now. I'm hearing Taylor. Taylor Lautner. Remember when he did gymnastics capoeira fighting shit on SNL during his monologue? Because they were like, you're not great at talking. Maybe kicking and flipping. And then say, it's going to be a great night. We've got Chumbawamba here. Damn, how did I miss that episode? I feel like I'd be tuning in to SNL a little more if they have

He's just mad that we've never been on. Also, why the fuck was Chumbawamba not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Son of a bitch! Obviously, there's some missed opportunities. And Lit wasn't even there. They'll get up again. So Robert Pattinson, that sexy bastard, he opens up about his deep fear of humiliation despite acting successes.

Oh, sorry, bro. Oh, that's sad. Dude, I'd like to do a real quick apology to the homie. Yeah. Sorry for ripping you. I had one night, it was some, like, Oscars after party. I was not invited to the Oscars. Okay. But somehow made it into an after party. Yeah.

And it was me and Jude Law and Robert Pattinson just getting blackout drunk together. Wow. My wife said she looked over and I had both of them in headlocks. Right. And they were like, dude, I had the best night with Sean Astin last night. Fucking Goonies never say die. And you're like, yeah, I love Goonies. Dude, Samwise put me in a headlock. Yeah.

So, I mean, yeah, I have a deep fear of humiliation. And also you sort of know it's down to you. You could, I mean, I mean. Isn't that like generally a thing that we're all afraid of humiliation? Yes. I mean, I don't know. We come up here and talk about our gaping buttholes for an hour and a half. But we talk about it. It's not like my doctor comes out and is like, you sit there and shut up. And I'm going to show all your x-rays of your buttholes. And I just have to like.

Be okay with that. I don't know, I cry myself to sleep every night. Uh, what's the next one? Oh, shit, yeah, I gotta hit it. My bad. So vandals destroy priceless children's playground in North Columbus. Fucking boo to them. A decades-old playground meant for kids is now literally chopped up into pieces. Playground meant for kids is what that says.

Now this one is meant for kids. The bar that serves liquor, that's the playground for adults. Sir, step away from the swings. You have to go, sir. Well, what did this playground do to this man? Thank you. Because some of these old playgrounds

violence, dude. Oh, the like wood ones where you just get splinters through your fucking hands and stuff? Oh yeah. We had one growing up that was a rocket ship that was just metal and it was like a 30 foot fall to your death. And every year a kid died falling head first. Wait, every year and they got the thing open? Yeah, it was like a final destination thing. Like if you were on it at midnight on the 3rd of February...

There's so many things like a the city should have shut it down and be who are the parents that are like I'm telling you my boy's gonna make it get up there buddy dude Dennis Devine didn't give a fuck he was like don't be a pussy Oh, yeah, oh god. Yeah, I know Show the audience hey guys. It's delicious. Hop it open pop it open look at this open it up pop it open up. Oh

Bro, that looks so gnarly. So, like, for real, if you walked into, if you're like, I gotta go pee, walk into a stall, and you just saw that, immediately close the door and walk away. And you tell everybody what you saw. It also weighs 30 pounds. Yeah.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. Have a great day.

We're here for the history, not the hype. To shed light, not fan flames. We're here for the whole story, not just a headline. Here to uphold democracy, uncover the facts, and illuminate what matters. Democracy dies in darkness. That's where we come in. The Washington Post. Switch on. Subscribe today at WashingtonPost.com slash iHeart.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Not only did Zinn create the first-ever nicotine pouch, we're still America's number one choice for smoke-free, spit-free nicotine satisfaction. It could be because Zinn is made with only six simple ingredients, including naturally derived nicotine salt.

Or maybe it's because Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day trial. For anyone worried Zinn won't cut it like traditional tobacco, just ask one of the millions of people who have achieved lasting change. You have lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find your Zinn online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find. That's z-y-n dot com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

So we're doing a little different segment here now where you guys have some hot, hot cues and we give you some sweet, sweet A's. Oh, yeah. Let's give them the sweet A, baby. Are you ready? So Kate wants to know. Kate was a little embarrassed. She didn't write her last name. She's just like, all you need to know is Kate. All right. Fair. Just Kate. Kate wants to know, how many times a day do you wish you had a bigger dick? Okay. How many times a day do you wish that you had a bigger dick? Six.

Seven. Seven times a day. Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six, and seven. How many times a day do you wish that you had a bigger dick? One. One. How many times a day do you wish that you had a bigger dick? Be real. 69. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40.

69! 10, 16, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, and 69!

69, teens! That was so cool. I said seven, but you straight up turned into Anthony Kiedis and fucking give it away, give it away, give it away now. You did not say words in the middle there. That was... We got to give it to your grandma. I don't know why when I got to 60, 10 came out. That was fucking weird. The old 60, 10. Yeah.

You're like an elementary school kid who doesn't really know how. Like, one, two, ten. My dad has $60,000,000,000. John Hoover wants to know, Seabus or Columbusi?

Okay, what is that? Recently found out what bussy meant. Right, yes. Because we've been listening to this song by Dixon Dallas. Have you heard this track? It's a banger. It's a banger. Yeah. It's a butt pussy. Right, yes, a bussy. A bussy. Or it's just a butt that you treat like a pussy. CBUS, that feels like a pretty standard issue. Yeah.

What does it mean? What does CBUS mean? What does CBUS mean? Just... Like Columbus. Just Columbus. Yeah. It's no sexual connotation. I feel like we put a lot of sexual connotations on you guys tonight, so let's go CBUS. I feel like that, too. I don't know. I thought... Okay, Columbus-y. Fine. You want it? It's yours.

This dude's so pissed it's not Chorglumbus. It's like, this is bullshit, dude. I thought we figured this out last night at the adult playground. Get your purse, we're leaving. I guess my flag means nothing. Fuck this. Well, who was your favorite? Eric Ryan wants to know who was your... There he is. Who was your favorite guest celebrity on Workaholics?

I mean, Jack Black, right? Yeah. Oh, dude. Jack Black was great. Jackie Blackie played my...

My father and also brother, we found out at the end of the episode. Father, brother. And that was cool because we're all big fans. And we're unapologetic about that. Yeah, we are. Ben Stiller was very cool that he said yes. When he said yes, I was kind of like, really? Okay. Basically, when anyone ever said yes to us, we're like,

You do? Right. Well, remember... This is Workaholics. It's not The Office. Right. Dude, what about when Dolph showed up? Dolph Lundgren was in an episode. That was sick. That was nuts. Dude, Woody Harrelson reached out to me once and was just like, dude, I'm such a huge Workaholic fan. Whenever you want me, give me a call. I want to do an episode. I'm like, fucking okay. We reached out to him like 15 times. Yeah.

And then every script he got, he was like, not this one. I'm going to go star in huge movies. Yeah, I'm going to go do True Detective instead, though. Okay, fair. I think maybe like, this was not like a huge shocker, but Dennis Quaid. Oh, yeah. Was fucking cool. He was cool. He was so jacked. His vascularity.

I was like, I'm fucking Hampton. Didn't he want, there was no refrigerator in his trailer and maybe the refrigerator broke or something. He walked next door to Target and carried a refrigerator back on his shoulder. Like a little mini fridge, but he was just walking over with a refrigerator and I'm like,

D-Quade, baby. And of course, we had Daniel Stern, which we loved. Yes. Oh, yeah, Danny. He almost feels like he's a company player now. After doing the show, doing the movie. He was in Game Over, man. I was in Rookie of the Year with him, so it's just like we've had this connection forever. Oh, yeah, Durs was directed by Danny Stern. That's right. It's no big deal to me. You guys are probably freaking out. It's a huge deal to me. Rookie of the Year is one of the best movies of all time. Dude.

Dude, funky butt-loving, baby. So Kendra wants to know, Blake, specifically Blake, what 90s icon do you wish you could have had on Workaholics? Jean-Claude Van Damme, very simply. That would have been awesome. I would have loved to have him be my dad on the show. I don't know, just spitballing. But you've...

No. I don't know where we were, but we were standing next to him, and Blake was hovering, just waiting to get a picture or something. Yes. And I was like, dude, you have to go up to him. He's not going to come up to you. Which is weird. I could have swore he...

Might have. And he looked good. He had like the little slipper shoes on that once you get to a certain point of like action star rich, you can only wear the little slippers. Yeah. And then like a crazy suit and then just like oil spill sunglasses inside. I remember exactly. It was backstage at the Guy's Choice Awards. The golden antlers. Yes. And I was too afraid to ask him for a picture. So I made Isaac do it. And Jean-Claude was like, you can ask me. You're such a bitch, man.

He said that? No, but with his eyes, he was like, yeah. With these eyes? Yeah. I do wish you asked him to do that with you. Because sometimes you get people who are like, hey, can we do the thing from the show? And you're like, absolutely, they're very funny. And if he was just like, no, man, that's very personal for me. Frank Dukes is a real person. And I'm like, then I'm just going to do it. It's just a picture of him smiling at me. No, it's a picture of his back leaving.

You're going crazy. He's out. Those guys' choice awards were cool, though. They did get a real random selection. My mom kicked it with Dick Van Dyke all night long. Whoa. I remember that. He's such a guy con, dude. Dick Van Dyke is a guy con. Yeah. He's a total guy con. Favorite Dick Van Dyke movie, go. Mary Poppins. I mean, Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, right? I don't think he's... Do you know Dick Van Dyke? Dick Van Dyke plays two characters in Mary Poppins. It's very weird. Who does?

He does. Dick Van Dyke? Yeah, he plays two characters in Mary Poppins. He's Mary Poppins, dude. It's great makeup. Dude, he kills it. Well, he plays the chimney sweep, and then he plays the owner of the bank, which is like, what the fuck? Look at you. You're losing your mind over this, dude. You're looking at me like, Kyle, it's fine. Jean-Claude Van Damme played two people in Double Impact. It's not a big deal. Oh, yeah, but that's in the title. Wait, I don't know if I've seen a Dick Van Dyke movie. I thought it was a movie.

Well, I mean, he was a TV star mostly. He was a Dick Van Dyke show, dude. Yeah. Well, sure. And like Mary Tyler Moore, I know that. But like, that was it?

Can we do the next question? I don't give a fuck! We're not shitting on Dick Van Dyke, okay? And we're not giving him flowers. No, not at all. Because once we do that, he's dead. I actually have a weird bad feeling coming over me right now. So, Jade spent, so to know, how many times has Kyle cried in the shower? In the shower? That's not where I do it.

Most of the time when I'm taking a shower, I'm in a pretty fucking elated space in my head. So they go, when his parents dragged him out of the shower crying during the Thanksgiving fight, this guy listens to the pod. What? Did his mom or dad get his naked ass out of the shower? I don't even know what this Mandela effect is happening right now. I believe you told the story about...

Crying in the shower? Obviously. Obviously. I don't think Jade Spence would lie about this. I don't think so either, and I'm sorry I'm not able to do this. What was the question? I'll answer it anyways. Why are you such a bitch? Well... This goes back to the DNA, man. It just goes back to the DNA, right? Shut up, bitch! So you're saying that you do not cry in the shower and...

So Jade is lying. Well, I said I... No, I don't want to call him a liar. I probably... I don't know. I don't fucking... I don't know! I'm sorry to put that on you. Jade, come on, man. Give him a break. I just want to have a happy time tonight. We're in Columbus. Columbus-y. Big Chuck Hayes wants to know, from y'all's multitude of experience, why do babes always put the funny guy in the friend zone?

Wow. Buddy. Poor guy. These questions are fucking deep, dude. You guys are working some shit out. Big Chuck Hayes is in a sad space. Dude, I don't get it. I hope he's on a date right now, at least in his head, and she's like, we're such good friends. We're such just good friends. Yeah.

And this is his note, and he's like... Yeah, when he wrote it, he thought it was a good idea, but it's gone south since the show, so now he's just like, fuck, I hope they don't read my question. Yeah. He's just triple fisting beers, just... But I took you to fuck with a child. Maybe just go take a shower. There it is. There it is. Points, points. Yes. Okay, you want some points? I'll give some points. Yes, points! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Callback points.

So Sasha, a.k.a. Snake Vomit. Wow, I like that. Dude, I love that a.k.a. Also known as Snake Vomit. To who? Fun name for a young girl. Yeah, I feel like that's a name you gave yourself. No one was like, you know what? I'm going to start calling you Snake Vomit. Here's a question. You know what? Fuck you, bitch. Your name's Snake Vomit. Is Snake Vomit a euphemism for jizz? Ooh.

Come, come, come. Like your snake vomit. Oh, Sasha, you dog. Do not come. Right? I'm going to come. Sasha, you nasty girl. I do kind of wish it got super quiet when I said that. Sasha, her question is, if you had to wear women's underwear for the rest of your life, what style would you wear, Blake? I mean, I'm a Cisco guy, so thong, dude. Thong song, baby. Yeah!

Dude, and where was his wing at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I know, man. Very weird. Offended! I feel like this is very easy for me. His boy shorts. That's good. A little bit of the booty hanging out the bottom. Hot, hot, hot. I wouldn't have a little... I would be drooping.

So I got a big thick ass. So I would go full bottom, full coverage. Yeah, I was going to say granny panties. I want a lot of material there. You're a material girl? Great ass! Kyle? I like how it's like if you had to wear women's underwear. I don't think it'd be that bad. Yeah, maybe I do wear thongs. If you had to. I don't. Kyle? Yeah?

What's up? Hey, we're on a podcast right now. It's a live podcast. We're in front of a few thousand people. He said it. He added on to what you said. What did you say? I said granny panties like a fucking hundred times. I said granny panties. Oh, okay. I thought you were just saying... Nucky grandma! I mean, that's what I said. Well, I was going to say boy shorts, then Ders said it, and then you said full bottom, and so I was like, okay, granny panties. Then I'm like, I don't know any other kind of women's underwear. He's like, I'm running out of underwear right now. I don't know any other style of women's underwear. What am I missing? Like high-cut...

French thong. Edible panties. There we go. I'll wear some edibles. I'm fucking hungry. Dude, honestly, rocking edible panties would be great. You always have a snack. You always have a little road snack. Kyle's just like... Bro, I would 100% just pick him up. Kyle's just on a road trip. He's doing it again.

Is he picking scabs? Oh, it tastes like paint and wood. Yeah, baby. Yes, points! Also, if you're kicking it with you, you get snacks, you're like, I'm just a little hungry. Can you give me something? Like, sure, dude. Like, mm.

Oh, this is good. What is that? It's salty. Yeah, it's fruit by the foot. There's almost like an A1 bold flavoring to it. It tastes like Dr. Pepper 10. What are the underwear that's like a triangle on the front and then it's just like the band? Not G-string, you freak. Is it like a bikini cut? It's kind of like a full seat-ish, but it's just the band on the side.

Bikini. Bikini cut. That's a weird word to say, right? Bikini? Bikini. The edibles are kicking in. Speaking of bikini, Sheryl Crow's bikini on display. And you're like, I remember. My God. Sheryl Crow. American. Drew Crow Bros. Is it real? Ryan Lewis would like to know who would win in a fight against a small angry bear.

None of us. None of us? Yeah. I don't think any of us would win in a fight. You think you're beating a bear's ass? Dude, a small one. Well, how small? A small bear is still pretty big. No, dude. I actually saw a small bear online the other day. It wasn't that big. It looked like a dog. Yeah, let's say a bear that weighs the same as you. It's the size of a medium-sized dog, right? That's a baby bear. I think it's bigger than a medium. No, no, no.

So that's a cub. That's not a bear. Oh, technical. You caught me on a technicality, but I can beat the fuck out of a small bear. But I think a small bear would be bigger than a medium dog. It would be like at least 100 pounds. Yes. Well, motherfucker, I'm pushing 200.

That's true. I know. We got to meet, bro. I don't know. Yeah, we're trying to get... So Adam's gaining weight. Kyle says he's losing weight. He is. I think Kyle's looking great. And we're trying to get him to meet. Thanks, Adam. Your boobs are huge.

Kyle's looking really great, and I look like a melting candle. But we're going to meet. We're going to be the same weight. Yeah, I'm going to cry in the shower tonight. Yeah, I do that. Joe Hartigan. My mom dragged me out of the shower, okay? My mom did it. Joe Hartigan wants to know, fellas, lifelong WPAP here, but I got to ask. It's a baby. WPAP. Where is the sound bite from? WPAP.

That was from the Larry King interview, right? Yeah, but it's Adam. That's Adam doing the way... Yeah, because Larry King, if you haven't watched that interview of us with Larry King, it's great. It's just like him asking... Dude, we were on Larry King, and I

I don't know how we were booked on this, but it's Larry King interviewing us, and he's like, explain tight butthole. Tight butthole. Like super earnest. Like a true journalist who wants to keep up with the kids. That's Larry King having us explain tight butthole. Yeah. One more time. Loose butthole. That's Larry King saying that. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. We made it. Yeah.

That was huge. He asks, so what's Wii U? And then you go, oh, Wii U! I think it was just something that we said like a rut row, but we're like, what's a different way to say rut row? And then we said, Wii U! Wii U! Yeah.

Let me hear you say we-oh. We're so good. We-oh. Let me hear you say we-oh. We-oh. We-oh. That's a great remix. I think we can take it back. It's from that song. Yeah, yeah. We took it from that song and made it ours. Any take-backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams? Oh. What were you going to take back? You were going to take something back. I have to take back, what did I say? Kron...

Crone Man? We all remember and we were all pretty offended in the moment. But now you've given it some time it doesn't feel that bad, right? It's pretty good, right? That's still bad. Crone Ups? Crone Man? No, don't give him that one. While we're on bad jokes gone wrong, I'll take back the this is just the be winning thing that I just couldn't get out. Yeah, you couldn't stick the landing on that one. Okay.

I stand by everything I say. I rocked tonight. Yeah, you did. You crushed. You crushed. I stand by everything I say. You crushed. Finally had a good one. I'm going to just parlay that into a moment of gratitude because it's been excellent being on stage with you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys so much. I'm just so happy.

That we can do this in front of you guys and you guys kind of dig it. Yeah, yeah. I'm very grateful, very grateful. I want to say thank you for the Columbus vibes. Does anybody want 30 pounds of fucking pecan rolls? We also have another epic giveaway here. I have pickled beets. If anybody wants pickled beets. Would you like it? Would you really like it? Here you go. Please. Absolutely. Do you want it?

Okay, if you're gonna... Do you want it or not? Do you want the fucking pickled beets or not? Then take the pickled beets! My man. She's rocking a shirt, says, I'm gonna come. That's hilarious. Pickled beets? You rock. Yeah, I gave the pickled beets. He's got them. You're gonna enjoy those, right? Watch out. They're just winding up. Oh, man. Hell yeah. Ah!

It went like 10 feet. I don't know if you saw that landed right there. Oh, man. I threw my arm out. What? My arm's like tingling from that epic toss. You guys, you won't believe what I found back here. What? What'd you find? Gratitude. Thank you guys for coming out tonight. Thank you so much, Cole. I'm having a great time. Thanks for showing up. We really appreciate you guys. And now it's another episode of This is Important.

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at Hellmans.com. Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Same great taste, plant-based. Hear that? Pumpkin. That's fall calling. And the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks. From that first sweater to late autumn weather, it's all a fall in just one sip. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

Does money stress you out? Let Facet flip your financial chaos into clarity. We feel way more confident and secure in our finances. And with that comes a sense of freedom. Financial planning from Facet is here to help you improve your life today, tomorrow, and every day after that. Facet was really the place where we saw all of the tools and the people coming together. Visit facet.com, F-A-C-E-T.com to learn more. This ad is sponsored by Facet. Facet Wealth is an SEC-registered investment advisor. This is not an offer to buy or sell securities, nor is it investment, legal, or tax advice. These testimonials are from current Facet members who are not competent.

All opinions are their own and not a guarantee of a similar outcome.