Ep 163: Live From Indianapolis: It's A Foam Party
01:30:46 Share

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at hellmans.com. Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Same great taste, plant-based. I have a way to make your morning more efficient. You can get caught up on the news in about seven minutes. That is my promise to you as the host of The 7 Podcast from The Washington Post.

And in that time, I will run down seven stories, everything from the most important headlines to fascinating new information you might miss otherwise. My name's Hannah Jewell. Go follow The Seven right now, wherever you're listening, and we will get you caught up.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch. It's made with only six simple ingredients. Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find yours in online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... You better be careful or this drunk dog will fuck your chick. If we want to get this, I can definitely throw up right now.

Hey, wait, did you just airdrop me a butthole? Full disclosure, I thought I was the only one on mushrooms. Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Hey, wait, give me one. Give me one. Give me one. Hey, give me one out of that box. Yeah, just give me one. Hey, let's do it, baby. Buzz off. Was that an early take back? He just took down the buzz ball?

For the kids at home, we have about 50 people in the audience chugging buzz balls. This is going to get real sloppy towards the end. Give me a hell yeah. I'm loving this. Sweet. Indianapolis. Energy. Dude.

Dude! What is it about that song that we just played that makes you walk forwards, but then you have to walk backwards for a second? You're absolutely right. It's like... And I don't know if you noticed my walkout today, but I went hands behind the back in this maneuver. Yeah. Oh, the freaky. That's like the cool, wild, young uncle from the 80s. Yeah. Who's like, it's called Van Halen. Just pop this tape in. And he starts fucking...

It's kind of like, I don't know, it's like a chicken walk a little bit. Almost ACDC. No, Mick Jagger. Durs brought up a good point that I haven't thought of before. But when Blake is... Oh, sorry. Whoa. Take it off. What's up? You're the trash. Did you see that part? Whoa.

Puppy! When Blake, or sorry, I'm so sorry. Your boobs are huge. When Kermit, mine? When Kermit is saying, come, and then you guys have to yell come back five times? Yeah.

I wish we had one of, you know how like when there's a scary, every October when there's a scary movie, they show like the crowd footage of people being like, whoa. The trailer is like, this is how scared they were and it's like the green weird night vision. There's like this sad girlfriend who doesn't like the podcast and hates that her boyfriend listens to it and she was dragged here and she's going, come. Next to her boyfriend who is like, come, what? Her boyfriend's,

Come! Jizz on me, Blade! Very shagadelic. He's like, this is so good. I wonder if Kermit's going to actually jizz. Oh, dude. I feel like then the Henson family would come after us at that point. They would be coming. I don't fucking care. I'll take Gonzo's nose and suck... What? I thought we were all going to fuck a... What? What?

Nothing. Then it would just be like a GWAR show. GWAR. That's what I was thinking of. GWAR. Yeah. Muppet GWAR would be insane if they just... Aren't they... Isn't it? Aren't they like part Muppets anyways? Yeah, kind of. Like their big heads and shit? Yeah, they wear like big elaborate costumes, but it's a lot more blood than this show. Do they spray cum on the audience? I don't... Do they? Has anybody been to a GWAR show? No.

This dude. They do? He's like, I'm in, Gwar. Yeah, okay. He's like, yeah, fuck yeah. The fuck you talking about? Yeah. I am Gwar, bitch. I'm Michael Gwar. I mean, there's no way that they hose their audience down with cum. Well, it's fake, Adam. No, it's real. No, I know it's fake, but I mean, it's blood for sure. They don't jizz on the crowd. Why would you want blood? Because if they did, they'd be my favorite band. Do you want jizz or do you want blood on you? Well...

I'm hearing both from way too many people. Some girl was really early and I know exactly who it came from. She's like, jizz. Yeah. That wasn't even an option. It was cum or blood and you said jizz? You a freak, girl. Blake. Yes. It's the same thing. What? Yeah. No.

Jizz is the most fun word for it, though, right? I don't know, though. It's at the top for me. You could call it silly sauce. Here's our manager, Isaac, everybody. Let's go. Let's go. Oh, thanks. Isaac, Isaac, take your shirt off. Take your shirt off, dude. This crowd wants to see those pink nipples, dawg.

Disappointed! Yeah. I kind of think that splooge is also a very funny way to say cuss. No, that's funny. I said fun. They're totally different. Not that you would get that. Oh.

But I like, I think it's fun. Wait, what did you say it was? Fun or fun? Fun. Jizz is fun. Splooge is like. Fun. Fun. It's funnier than it is fun. It's not fun. Splooge? You're saying like splooge, not splooge. I say splooge. Well, you like zhuzh it up. You're putting like a European accent on it. Yeah. Where do you think it comes from? Is it a Europe thing? For sure. Splooge? Over there, it's just spunk and splooge, mate.

Spank me and splurge. I guess I haven't, I'm not as well traveled, so I wouldn't know. You gotta get out there. What was it in Berlin? Scheisse. I don't, uh... Uh, spicy sauce? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Is this spicy sauce? Is this spicy sauce much? I'm living in a nightmare. Spicy. Wow. It's good to be here, guys. Indianapolis. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. I've actually... Y'all really showed up. I've actually performed here in this exact theater one time before. Yeah. Great show. Did those people catch the show? Is that what's up? Yeah. At least 11 of them did. At least 11 of them. Good job, Adam. Shaking her head no way too hard. Chill. Chill.

I would never see you before today. There has to be three other guys on stage if I'm going to see you. Okay. All right. See you where I'm going. But it was fun. We had a day off in between shows, and I went to a Pacers game. That was sick. Okay.

And then they recognized me and they were like, yo, do you want to shoot the cannon, the t-shirt cannon out? I'm like, absolutely I do. And then I took the t-shirt cannon and just blasted someone in the face, dude. In like the third row. I did not know how powerful this thing was. And it was like, and the guy was like, fuck!

Yeah. Fuck! And then they were like, we need that back. And I was like, uh-uh. I thought it was kind of a game. And they were like, we need that back. Legally. You just hurt somebody very, very badly. It was a mascot in his head being like, give me it fucking back. Right.

Give me it back right now. You have lost all canon privileges. They took it straight to the incinerator and scrubbed all the footage of every security camera. This game did not happen. I did notice you weren't really tossing those buzz balls too hard and maybe that's why. Yeah, I'm ginger with it because I know what it feels like to injure a crowd member. Yeah, we got to be careful with that. Are those lit up buzz balls over there?

Oh, they are. Dude, this is sick. That is fucking cool, man. Are we in Coachella? What the fuck? Oh, my God. For sure, the people right behind... Everybody else likes it. The people right behind you are like, it's something. It's not great. Yeah. I mean, I liked it when I saw it in the lobby. No, not so much. They're in front of us, honey. They're like, oh, you're going to keep them on the whole show. The whole show. Cool. Yeah. No, we got our picture with you in the lobby, but you're keeping them on. Okay. Okay.

A little selfie or something. Now they mentioned it, maybe you could take them off now. Blake, I don't know. I know you don't check your DMs that often. Right. I was just taking a shit. Are you in my DMs and you know that because I've ignored you? No, because people are always going like, tell Blake this. He doesn't check his DMs. Right. Whoa, really? Buzzball, someone that works for marketing for Buzzball said that their sales are through the roof in the cities that we are going to. Yes.

Yeah! That's fucking cool. Because we won't shut the fuck up about Buzzball, and you're the only member of the four of us getting paid. Can we talk about that? Well, hang on. To be fair, though... You're getting money, bro? The figures they're talking about... Is he really? They're selling Buzzballs upwards in the dozens.

Yeah, yeah. We've tripled our sales into the dirty dozens. Hey, man. Everything counts, man. Because the only people you see usually with buzz balls are currently sleeping at a bus stop. Right. Yeah, I think it is...

It's kind of the official drink of people that sleep in their cars. Right. Whether it's sleeping off your DUI or what, I don't know. It makes drinking like a malt liquor less sad. Yeah, it's

It's fun. Because, you know, like when you drink like a night train or something, you're like, oh, this is kind of sad. We're getting very fucked up on a Tuesday. Yeah. And why do we have to drink this in an alleyway? Yeah. Why? But with buzz balls, it's fun. It's a ball.

It can't hurt us. It's a ball. It has no sharp edges. I really missed when we could mark it towards children, like Joe Camel. Shit like that was so cool. They made smoking look so fun, dude. When we grew up, smoking looked awesome. Yeah. Now it doesn't look that cool. All of our parents are getting lung cancer. They are. The commercials with the people who are like, I smoked for...

Six months. And now my husband fucks the hole in my neck. Yeah. I don't remember that exact...

What PSA? I think that was a Pornhub search. This is just a Pornhub site. Everyone was shaking their heads. This is just page like 6,042 and Ders is still like... Oh no. If you're on Pornhub, you gotta start at the back and work your way forward. What? Yeah, that's a good call. Do you? You go up, you click it to be least viewed. Not like most recent. You go, you click it so it's like least viewed and you go way to the way back. And then it's just that woman. Goodbye.

It's that woman like, my husband fucks my hole in my neck. It's just a guy. And Ders is like, perfect. It's a lady on the bed naked and a guy just trying to set up the camera. And he's like, hang on, I just don't know if it's on. Is the light on? Can you see the light? And she's like, hold on, let me go check. Honey, it's cold. Hold on. Let me see. Warm me up with some funges. I can't breathe. I put too much lube in it.

This is when I want that footage of that girl who's on a date right now. Who awkwardly had to say come. Hey, I'll go get another beer if you want one. I'll go run an errand here.

Yeah, the mascots back in the day were fun, dude. Joe Camel was tight. Who was the Budweiser? Spud McKenzie. Oh, yeah. And the frogs. Spud McKenzie rocked. He just died. Spud just died. That was my first... He was 32. That was my first stuffed animal. My dad got me a Spuds McKenzie and I was like, fuck yeah, I can't wait to drink beer.

Drink beer! There you go. What did Spud do in the commercials? Did he do anything? I can't remember. He had girls all over him. He was a fucking heartthrob. He was just a dog with sunglasses on that fucked. He was a heartthrob. Girls were like, hey, Spud. And he would just be like, a dog. It's weird if you watch him back. The 80s and 90s were fucking cool, dude. They're like, hey, you better be careful.

You better be careful or this drunk dog will fuck your chick. And as a society, we're like, yeah, okay. He knew the Swedish bikini team. Dude, that actually, speaking of the 90s. Oh, please. Let's speak of the 90s. I don't know if this is like a deep cut, but has anybody here seen the movie Blank Check? Yeah.

Of course. Dude. You mean the Disney feature film? Yeah, not a deep cut at all. Yeah, the movie that we all wish happened to us. The Tone Loke vehicle? You pandering motherfucker. Honestly. I don't know. This might be a deep cut, but have you guys seen Forrest Gump? Yeah. I don't know. Have you guys seen Avatar? I don't know. It might be a deep cut. Matrix 1? Matrix 1?

I didn't know that every child saw Blank Check. That's crazy. Mr. McIntosh, remember when the limo driver died and it broke our hearts? Dude, that was one of the first celebrities I saw was the limo driver for Blank Check was at the bar at The Grove in Los Angeles, which is like an outside mall. And there's a bar right... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

And I saw him drinking there, and I couldn't drink. I was only 19, so I couldn't go drink with him. He's like, don't tell anybody. I'll buy you a beer like I did the kid in Blake Jack. Yeah. Where is he now? I used to smuggle him booze all day on set. That's the same guy who turned off the city block in a movie, right? In Die Hard? He's also in The Burbs. The dude was a legend. Yeah, he's fantastic. I think he was from Indiana. Did we...

No one knows. Did we give him flowers? Is that how he passed away? No, I don't think so. I was just bringing it up because I recently re-watched it and there's a lot of... How did you even get a copy of it? Are you part of like a fucking Reddit thread on like rare DVDs that no one can find? Dude, it took a lot. It was like back, back, back page of Pornhub, weirdly. Yeah.

Yeah, I was like, blank check? Okay, I'll watch it. It took me... That said blank... That said black chick. Black chicks. Yes, that's different. It took me just typing in blank check. And I was able to see the whole movie. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. It was... It has a lot of stuff that is pretty weird now. Well, A, like a million dollars is... I know, that's a big one. Like, that's not... It's nothing. Right. You could not do what... He buys a castle. He buys a giant house. He bought a castle in...

a bounce house, race cars and shit. He bought a wall of TVs. That's what I was most impressed by. Yeah. Like a wall of TVs. A whole wall, man. But then there's a... Well, that's the only part that does make sense because now you can get a wall of TVs for like...

$2,000. Yeah, you could. They're Vizio. You know, they're like, we're the Walmart brand TV, but you can get a wall. I think you leave Costco and they give you a flat screen TV. Yeah. Right. They're like, did you get some bananas? Yeah, you get a TV. You get a TV now. If you bought a hot dog and a soda for $1.50, you get a free TV. You got a flat screen. Yeah, Mike, get a flat screen. Give it up for Costco. Costco fucking rocks. Yeah, okay, okay.

I just want to try pandering. Wait, what is this place? Costco? It sounds like a deep cut to me. Yeah, it sounds pretty deep cut. Try to pander. It's fun. You're talking about the relationship between the boy and the woman. Yes, there is a strange...

love story during Blank Check where the kid really loves like the... Oh, yeah. The cop or something. Do they kiss? Thank you. Do they kiss in the movie? At the very, very end of the movie, they share a smooch. Like a loving kiss in like a relationship type way? Like she's like, hey...

Hit me up when you turn 18 and then like kisses him. She says that? Yeah, I swear to God. Dude, what a fucking go hard. Dude, I remember when I was a kid watching that, I'm like, oh my God, I'm about to splooge. Kind of weird, kind of creepy. I turned my living room into a GWAR concert, God. Dude, shoot that silly sauce like GWAR.

It was just like... Yeah, and what did your two daughters, were they in the room with you? I'm talking about when I was a child. Oh, oh. This was two nights ago. Then you're good. They're like, Daddy, what are you doing? I'm beating off to the last scene of Blank Check. Get the fuck out! I'm working. I'm going to talk about this on Thursday night. It's your fault I didn't lock the door. I'm developing material.

And then some. I'm writing. It's still a really good movie, though. It's a great movie. Well, I mean, that's the crazy part is in the 80s and 90s, like, dogs could just fuck women in commercials. And adult women could, you know, kiss very young boys. What a good time for women, huh? We got to get back to the 90s, right, ladies? Yep. Hold up. Hold up.

And we all take a sip of our beverages. And we take a sip of us. We're just going through our head, okay, is our career over? They used to groom us a lot with sex and alcohol. Go ahead. Which I love being groomed in this way.

The amount of those, we talked about it before, those miles, those Marlboro miles. Oh, Marlboro miles. Yeah, for sure. I had a backpack and a duffel bag. I was all decked out in Marlboro gear. Yeah. Then my dad got lung cancer. I know, man. He beat it. Hey, worth it. Yeah, worth it. Worth it. That shit's important. Worth it.

Last time I saw him, I said, dude, worth doing it. I still got the duffel bag. But Joe Camel was the coolest. Joe Camel was also scary at a certain point. Why was he scary? I thought his nose looked fucking weird. I didn't quite understand. I don't judge people's facial features like that. Yeah, that's weird. But it was a camel that looked like a human, and my young brain didn't quite understand what was going on. It looked like a human. The camel looked like a human?

Well, the camel was wearing sunglasses, which is something a human does. Not always. Right. Not exclusively, but go ahead. In the 80s and 90s, that was no longer... I believe he's not McKenzie wore sunglasses. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. So could you not watch DuckTales? Because you're like, wait a second. But that's a cartoon. Whoa, whoa. Oh, I guess Joe Camel is a cartoon, too. Wait, you thought Joe Camel was real? I did just think that. He said that's a cartoon. What was Joe Camel? Joe Camel was real. You are so dumb. Is it real? Joe Camel feels real in my memory. I'm a dumbass.

In my memory, it feels real. That's weird. Is that your emotional truth? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Joe Camel, like, was just a Miami Vice guy with a camel's head and sunglasses.

Right. Yeah. It's not real. It's not real, but for whatever reason, it felt real to me, and I was scared to a certain point, and then I thought it was... It's real! But then you were the only one of us who smoked. Yeah, because then I turned a corner on the whole thing. Except for Blake for two weeks. And I liked the way that... I thought it was cool, and then I... Yeah, you were a real garbage person when we first were hanging out. Truth. That's true. And it was... I respected him. All my good friends were real garbage people. Yeah. Real people. Yeah.

I'm still going to send it. Remember when you started our house on fire? What? I remember having, yes, I remember not cleaning up my cigarette butts ever and putting them into a coffee cup until they would like. He had a coffee can that was filled with cigarette butts and he'd put them out in the dead cigarette butts. Why are you jerking someone off? That doesn't make sense. That's how I put cigarettes out. That's how I used to do it. He's the one.

That was also, that was like at our front entrance of our house. So if you showed up, that's what you saw. Front entrance. Go ahead. Yeah. Front entrance. There's a back entrance. There's a front entrance and the front entrance. He's trying to big time. This guy owns a front door. They're called front doors. Am I right? Yeah.

Now that's pandering. Pandering, it fucking rocks, though. And I notice only like 50 people out of the 2,000 people here agreed with you. So most people think it's a front entrance.

Well, guess what? There's an exit. There's an exit. There's an exit. Use it, bitch. And when I came home, the whole front of our house was ablaze. Yeah, there was a big fire. And then I come running in going, the house is on fire. And I was probably just like editing or... What? Huh? What's up? Really? No.

The entrance? Where? Do you remember this? Were you living there at this point? I think I was. Because the siding was all melted. We put it out, and the siding was all melted, and then we had to tell our landlord that we don't know what happened. We're like, we don't know. I mean, honestly, our neighbor has those glass sort of wind chime things. Maybe it shined through there and melted our siding. And they're like,

doubtful like a magnifying glass melting ants for sure yeah it's a magnifying glass effect and it just the whole thing just lit up just went up we got lucky because remember that house had like a ton of flies and we had a fly trap right at the front what do we call it entrant or well this is the back entrance yeah yeah I didn't just I didn't say entrant don't put don't put no one European slang on we all know it's entrant right

Just remember how full that fly trap was with flies? It was fucking gross, dude. I do remember that. That was nasty. It was probably the worst smelling thing. But that's because my dog, we thought, my dog, I never picked up my dog's shit in the backyard. Remember that? Yeah, you were a bad fucking disaster, my guy. And I apologize for that. You guys. You know, gripster up in heaven. There's people listening.

I know. And I was young and I didn't pick up the dog shit. Are we just getting this off our chest? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's finally admitting what a horrible dog owner he was. I was. I was too young to have a dog. I didn't... Pick up its shit. I didn't pick up its shit. Yeah. I thought there's a backyard. It must go into the dirt somehow and reuse in compost or something. We're fertilizing this backyard with dog shit. Yeah, I thought that's how it worked. That's true. Except for it wasn't... It was a gravel backyard. Right. Yeah.

That was the gross part. It wasn't dirt. It was literal like little pebbles back there. Well, yeah, it was hard to pick up. That's why I never did it. Dude, is anything way easier to pick up? No, not easier. To pick up shit and gravel? I did it a lot of times when you didn't do it. I believe you did it maybe once. Oh, okay. I did it one time when you didn't do it. That's literally 100% more times. Laughter

Yeah. Oh, well. Yeah. Don't get dogs when you're too young, man. You know? That's the takeaway from tonight. Good night. We're going to have a lot of life lessons tonight. That's one of them.

Right.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I know for me, therapy's been great for learning good coping skills and how to better communicate with my wife. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself every day. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be easy, flexible, and easy to use.

and fit to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash thisistoday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash thisis.

We're here for the history, not the hype. To shed light, not fan flames. We're here for the whole story, not just a headline. Here to uphold democracy, uncover the facts, and illuminate what matters. Democracy dies in darkness. That's where we come in. The Washington Post. Switch on. Subscribe today at washingtonpost.com slash iHeart.

You know what's cool is I kept my AirDrop on on my laptop and people have been AirDropping me pictures. What did they send you, dude? I wish we had a way to show these things. No, actually, I don't. I think these are all illegal. Holy shit. But what are they?

Assholes, you know. It's just assholes. Are they assholes? Wait, are you serious? And they're all mine and different. Dude, the guy that showed us his asshole in Chicago, like, keeps tweeting me. Yeah. Well, like, I'm the guy. I thought we had something, dude. No, he's like, because I think I might have called him, like, 300 pounds or something. He's like, I'm 250, bitch. How big are you? Right.

Oh, shit. You made an enemy that night. I don't know. Not 250. Yeah, not less than that. 250 is fine. Have you tweeted him back? I haven't, no. Because, I mean, he is a lot bigger than me. Tweet him now. No, that's okay. It won't be good. It probably wouldn't be that fun to watch. It would just be Adam on his phone for a little bit. Oh, here we go. Oh, wait, no. Those are just old photos. Dang, I don't know how to even pull these up.

Bye, Riz. What are you doing? Now people are airdropping me and it's getting out of control. And what's cool about this is for sure it's just, it's not going to be anything that you really want to see. It's just going to be dudes' dick pics. It's a lot of Kevin James like this. Oh, that is such a good stance, bro. Yeah, yeah.

Kevin James killed that pose. He killed it. Like, I don't know if it's the same person sending it over, or we just all have the same hive mind, but it's Kevin James like this, but he has the Limp Bizkit hat on. I love that one, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Receive. You don't have to send that one anymore. It's just on the door.

Well, dude, I'm glad that that era of music is really having a resurgence. Yeah, it is. You mean the best era? The early 2000s? Okay. Dude. Go off. Peak music. Oh, yeah. When Sum 41 was tearing up the charts. One puddle of mud.

was splishing and splashing. Music got so good they had to stop playing entire videos on MTV because it was so good. It was almost too good. Let's play 30 seconds of it, move on. That's right. They didn't play the full video. Yeah, because why would you want that? I'm excited for like young people now when they're like, because remember when our parents would be like,

you don't fuck with boss gags. And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh my God. And he's like, my dad was talking about like, tell me you're not rocking with Boston. I'm like, boss gags. I don't know. Okay, boss gags. I don't know those bands, dad. Those are kids now are like, we're like, you don't,

with lit? Get the fuck out of here. I did hear, I was reminded of another album that actually went because I went to a wedding last weekend and they were playing Paris Hilton, Stars Are Blind. Okay. Do you remember this track? Come and then the stars are crazy. Here, we can pull it up. Come and then the stars are blind.

But show me real love, baby, I'll show you mine. Yeah, really good. All right. Really good. All right. Kyle, that one was in the way back, Brian. You want to hear it? Kyle, whose ringtone was that, Kyle? That was my ringtone. Excuse me? It was my ringtone. It's not a bad song. Excuse me? What? What?

Was it yours? You're leaning in like it's yours. That was my ringtone. Hold on a minute, because we were just at this wedding, and Blake told me that it was my ringtone. Wait, don't put this on me. I was fucked up, dude. I thought I had it on the fucking black and pink razor. The difference between us is that you thought it was yours, and I know it was mine. No, no, I remember it. Because we used it in the sketch. Kyle, you smoke infinitely more weed than the zero amount of weed that Durr smokes, so...

- I had the pink and black razor that played Paris Hilton and I fucking loved every second of it. - Bitch! - It was my ringtone. - My question is, did we know each other at this time? - You lose! - Yes. - We called my phone in a sketch and I let it blow up. - That's my phone.

Play the song, Blake. Okay, yeah. Let's give people some reference. That's my phone. That's my Motorola. Because even though we... She's had enough. Don't. She's got to go. She's like, I'm out. I need you now more than ever. She's going to the bathroom to still do a picture. Stars are blind. I'm out of here. Here we go. Hit me with it. We all sung it. I'm lighting it up. It's a little laggy because of the air drops, but... I didn't realize, like... Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yo, I love you.

Okay. What'd you guys pay to be here tonight? I'm looking out across the first few rows and no one likes this. Yeah, this guy, he likes it. You like it? Yeah. He's four buzz balls deep. Well, here's what I... I like that you guys are fighting over whose dumb ass ringtone that was. But it wasn't. It was like... It's not dumb. Yeah, it wasn't. And I really...

think it was mine, but I also believe that you maybe had it, I guess. I think I know, I know that I think it was mine too, though. But what I wanted to say was, not even about that song necessarily, the rest of that album,

is fucking great. Like, you put the album on and you're like, wow, she had great producers on this show. No, Kyle, she's a natural talent. I know, she's also a DJ. I fell into a Paris Hilton mix two days ago. She's wildly talented. Let's not get it twisted. Right. She's having a moment, right? She's got a movie coming out about herself. The original influencer, I think. Or a whole miniseries about her, yeah. What is it?

Thank you. Whoa, Paris Hilton's father. It's Katherine Hyatt. Wait, isn't her dad own all of the Hilton? Hilton, yeah. Yeah, that'd be really cool if he was here. Yeah. Yeah, Blake, that would be cool. That'd be cool. The richest guy ever. That'd be cool. The richest guy on earth. What is the series about? Her. Her.

No, no, no. She has like a biopic coming out. No, we're talking about like the deep cut, like blank check, like something nobody's ever seen. No, she has like a thing about her life, how like she grew up rich and then was like in the spotlight, had a sex tape. So a riches to riches story. Yeah. The most relatable tale. Yeah. You know how hard it is when you grow up wildly rich and then...

And then your hot sex tape comes out and you become crazy famous because of it. And then you come out with the biggest banger of the early 2000s. Yes. Oh, Stars Are Blind. Stars Are Blind. And guys are talking about it 20 years later. It's a good song. It's a good song. It is. It's so good. And then you become a DJ that makes like $50 million a year just playing Ibiza. Dude. Yeah.

You gotta watch that show. I'm watching that show. You don't know how it's gonna end. Peaks and peaks and peaks and peaks. Keeps going up. That's hot.

Oh, dang. How do I not have that's hot on the fucking soundboard? I'm a failure. Well, because it's on the Howard Stern soundboard. Oh, okay. So don't be that guy, pal. You got to be careful. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, we have that. That's us. Dude, that was... We did go to a wedding, by the way. That wasn't a lie. He wasn't just making that up. I'm... Were you... I was kind of hyped because as soon as the ceremony got over, the bride was kind of like came and touched tables or what do you do? What?

Came and visited her guests? Tell us more about this wedding.

The bride comes, the guest goes. So, yeah. Full disclosure, I thought I was the only one on mushrooms, but I guess Blake was hitting the mushrooms as well. Well, that was the thing. So she's coming by, she's touching tables, and I'm like, I say, hey, how are you doing? You did great up there. Like, how are you feeling? You did great up there. You did great. It's not a performance. Two thumbs up. She's getting married. You said yes. All right. I think you'll stay together. I was like, you kissed me.

really well. That was awesome. That stage kiss, so good. I'm going to remember that kiss forever. I was like, you did great. I did say that. I didn't know that wasn't the right thing to say. Congratulations. How are you feeling? She's like, I feel great now because as soon as we were done, I took some mushrooms. I'm like, oh shit, that's how we get down now. I took meth after my wedding. Bro,

You gotta get through. You gotta have the energy to talk to all of your relatives. Adam just started belt sanding tables. I just started doing push-ups and never stopped. Dude, that was great. That was fun. Is that just like the California wedding lifestyle? Or is Indiana down with mushrooms? Is it really? Oh, okay. That's good. Okay. I'm a Midwest boy myself. And I don't remember a lot of brides. Yeah.

Being high on mushrooms immediately following the...

The wedding. But now you can do such a little bit, you know what I mean? It's nothing. So here's my question. Like micro dosing, wasn't that just called a little bite before? Yes. And you couldn't do that before? No, it was impossible. Now it sounds elevated, but even though every time I meet somebody who's like, you know, you just want to like micro dose a little bit, they're like, this is like my seventh time micro dosing. Oh, I know. Whenever I know what it's like, I just do a little bit of acid every morning.

And then a little bit mid-morning. Right. And then at lunch I do some. And I actually don't eat lunch because it messes with the acid. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, well, dude, you're just doing acid. You just took the micro and turned it into a macro, bro. Yeah, you upgraded. You upgraded. Hey, you know what? I'm going to give you the. Yes, points. First points. Woo.

Merci. And I kind of think you were a little asleep at the wheel there because we've been going for a good like 35 minutes right now. You guys haven't impressed me tonight. I'm sorry. The micro macro, the science talk gets points. Well, you know what happened is he got a little angry that we called him out on him calling Blank Check a little indie film. Yeah. A real deep cut. A rarity. An oddity. Blank Check. Okay, how many people have seen Cop and a Half?

That's more of a rarity and an oddity. Okay, see, I would think that that would be a blockbuster, but whatever. No, no, no. How many people have seen Aladdin? I definitely expected that. How many people have seen Rookie of the Year? Oh, that's the biggest one. You know, Ders is one of the leads of Rookie of the Year.

They know. They know. Is that footage out there? Have you put that footage out there? No, I haven't posted that. But it's out there somewhere. It's excellent. It's excellent footage. When Adam says I'm at one of the leads, I walk past in the background in the lunchroom. Are you carrying a lunch tray? Are you carrying one? Yeah, I pass Aaron Calhoun, who drops a fork and then picks it up.

So sick, dude. You did such a great job. Did you plan on that? Were you giving yourself your own business? What, carrying the thing? Were you like, yo, drop something so I can pick it up? No, Aaron drops it. He picks it up. But like, it was weird. All I do remember is that someone went around just brushing everybody's hair down because we were all like 11. And they were using the same brush on everybody. Just like...

It was fucking weird. But that's what I was about to say is the back of your head is fucking crazy in that movie. You got the wildest duck... Ooh, this feels good. You got the wildest duck tail in the back. Okay. Is that why?

You look like shit. Your parents didn't take care of you. But that's because they were brushing it down is what you're saying. That makes sense because truly when I see you walk in the background of the movie, it's very, very quick. But I'm like, the back of this dude's head, his hair is fucked up. And that's coming from a real fucked up back of the head. Yeah, no, the back of your head is the hottest fucking... When I see the back of my head, I'm like... I don't like this.

You'd see that no ass, dude. Where's your ass at, homie? Let me see the kitchen. Lift it up. Let me see the kitchen. If you put your hand in there... Where's that ass at, homie? Put your hand in there. Feel how fucking hot it is. I don't want to. You could cook a turkey in that bitch. I don't want to do that either. It is so hot back there. By the way, I will say... It's incredible. Like, I don't know how you do that, dude. I will say that... Just hair. No, it's hot. Put your hand there. No. Put your hand there. Feel it. I'm not going to. It's fucking...

The fact that we have pulled your ass. I'll get one of them to touch the back of my hair. Yeah, if you guys don't want to touch your friend's hair. Well, he knows. That's just another fucking Thursday night for this guy. Ted Ringer, by the way. You can't pick a guy that looks exactly like you to judge you and your hair. Yeah, that was weird. You're like, who's this guy? Yeah, or her. Honestly, can I feel the back of your neck?

Wow, okay. Honestly. Now this is just getting weird and sexual. Wait, don't let... It's not like feeling like that, dude. Oh my God. Damn. I'm hella sexy. Well, Blake, the fact that we've had the best ass on the podcast conversation many a times. I'm looking for it. You just stood up.

And there was no ass there. Right, the pants fell straight down. Well, I'm sagging. I forgot my bed. Well, let's see that whole asshole then. I will say that when we do this conversation... I'm not confident with what my underwear looks like. I don't know. We had barbecue backstage. I might have sharted right before I got on stage. When we do this on the pod, have this conversation, it is like...

a memory of an ass. You know, because we're not looking at each other's ass right there. That's not true. Our peak eras? Yeah, it's like, I think that's what happens on the podcast. It's not like, because we're not seeing each other's ass, it's through a screen. It's like, it's a memory of the best version of the ass I've seen. I'm going to go take a shit. Dude, I'll show you my ass right now. Huh? Oh, you're done? Okay. What's up? My ass. Yeah. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see the whole thing. I'm not going to take my ass off.

It's good. It's fine. It's fine. There's not a lot right here, though. I'll tell you what. I haven't been cycling, so it's not peak ass. Great ass! Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of surface area. That's for sure. It's good. It's for sure. It's good. It's better than I remember, brother. Thanks, dude. Yeah, man. Isaac, can we get more beers, please? Isaac? Whoa, this is...

This is early 90s chants. That doesn't fly anymore. This is my high school lunchroom. Every time I walked in, everyone would chant, show your ass. Great ass! Every time I walked in the lunchroom and it's Taco Tuesday and they have a mountain

- Mountain of tacos. - The principal would start the chant, "Show your ass." - No. - Show your ass. - They were saying, "Show your pass." They're like, "Where's your pass?" "You're late." "Divine." Again. - Isaac, is it possible to get another freaking beer up here? - I know, Isaac. - God damn. - God damn. - I just wanna party. - Trucks make me cool. - That's hot.

All right, Adam, you got a good butt, dude. Any Hoosiers in the building? Whoa. Oh, fuck y'all. Anybody ever go to Little 500? Whoa. Thank you, sir. Isaac, show your ass, dude. Show your ass. Show your ass. Show your ass. Great ass. Great ass. Great ass. I'm still going to send it.

Can you believe that guy is 78 years old? That's crazy. So, Little Crime 100. Yeah, what is that? Well, the way our... So, I went when I was 15 years old. Okay. And the way I was like, you ever go to Little Crime 100? And then they were like, what's that? What words are you saying? Because I'm hearing flip, flip, flop, flop, flop. I'm getting there. Our driver to the venue described it as an excuse to drink. Oh.

And I was like, I think it's way more than that. Okie dokie. That's what most things are. That's what I was saying. I'm like, that's like birth for me, dude. Oh, shit. Little 500 is a bike race at the University of Indiana, and I guess they also do it at Purdue and some other places. Isn't there a movie about it? So Breaking Away with our buddy Daniel Stern and our buddy Dennis Quaid. Anybody see Game Over Man? Hell yeah. Thank you.

And we also had on Workaholics, we had Daniel Stern, Dennis Quaid, and Paul... Walter Hauser. No, the guy who played the Italian dude's dad.

Dually, right? We've got to get the rest of the cast on. Paul Dooley was on Workaholics? No, no, no. On the pod. So Little 500, it's 500 laps on a bicycle that four people share. It's one gear. If you pedal backwards, it breaks like old school. Oh, yeah, okay. And the winner, I mean now, I'm sure they win a fucking shit ton of money and stuff, but when I was there in the

90s. They all won like Corvettes or Mustangs or something. Well, that's still way sick, dude. Yeah, it's awesome. I thought you were going to see like an 18 pack of Bush Light or some shit. So what is it? You go around 500 times? But you just get fucking hammered all week and then you watch like the cutters and the frats and the whatever groups do the relay and it's fucking intense. Has anybody raced in it? I said you of I? No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

Indiana University. Roll it back. Roll it back. Roll back to 10. I love it. IU. Okay. Oh, right. Those are different. But it was a good time and I was 15 and I was in a fraternity basement for the first time. Isn't... I mean, how magical was it the first time you were...

Underage and you were at a college party acting like you were a collegiate. Yeah Collegiate men. Yeah, I never went to real college. They had like 40 cases of natural lights. Oh, yeah I walked into the car diarrhea

It was like, I couldn't believe my eyes. Yeah. Dude, I remember one time I went to, it was a Halloween party, and my buddy, who was a year older than me, was friends with people in college. Right. So I'm a junior in high school, and we went to a Halloween party, and he's like, just act like you're in college. Meanwhile, I look like I'm 12. Yeah. And so it's me being like, I'm a college guy, studying math.

Math is your major. I'm a big math guy. The cops are like, I believe in you. Uh-huh. And, dude, so we got there so early. Like, the party, it said it started at, like, 8 or 9 or whatever time. So we got there right at that time. No one is there. And there's just kegs everywhere. So they're like, well, I guess just drink. And so I'm nervous, so I just, like, pound, like, 35 drinks. I was like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.

I was so drunk. Is that your emotional truth? That is my real truth. So it was like four drinks. Go ahead. And then I'm fucking blackout by the time it's an actual party and I'm dancing with this girl and she's like a sophomore in college. So this is a big deal. She's a real woman. Your boobs are huge. They were pretty normal size. She was dressed as a sexy maid, dude.

Which classic. By the way, I don't know any guy that has that fantasy. Like a sexy maid. The jizz girl just said, oh shit. I want you to clean up and be sexy about it. I know. And so she was sexy and I'm like dancing with her. Wait, like a French maid? Like a French maid. And she's grinding. What are the other versions? I think like regular American maids. She works at a La Quinta Inn.

It's pretty like... She's just vacuuming, but she's kind of sexy. No, this was a French maid. She had like a feather duster. It kind of looks like female coveralls. And so she was like grinding up on me and it was like pretty sexual. And then I go, wait a second. And she goes, what? And I go, and I took one step and go, and vomited so much, dude.

Dude, so much. That's a good drop. And my buddy grabs me, Austin, my buddy grabs me and he goes, what did you do? You had her, bro. And then he goes, sleep it off.

Right. Had to sleep it off immediately. I went outside. In the front, there was a couch of the front outside of this party. Yeah. By the front entrance. And I go lay down at the front entrance. And the cops come. And there's like everybody out, everybody out. And then they shine the flashlight at me. And they go, Jesus Christ. They.

They invited middle schoolers here. And they say, I thought you said he was in college. Well, he was saying he was in college. He's a math guy. He said he's a math guy. He said he's a math scientist. I thought he was telling the truth. You're good to go then. He said math. He said math. I don't know what that is, so come on in. Maybe he's in college. So after you puked, you gave up. You didn't try to shrug it off and be like, no, we're still good. Really?

There was no, there was no me. I wasn't, I wasn't making decisions. I was, I was no longer there. Yeah. You were a shell. She's like, you have a full noodle coming out of your nose. Just take care of that. And yes, I went to the spaghetti factory right before and a full on linguine just shot out of my nostril. Anyway, where were we? Um,

No, I'm fine. Just a noodle hanging out of my face. Bow tie pasta. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I don't know about you guys, but I feel this year has gone by so quickly. I became a father this year. Can you believe that, guys? And the baby that I named Bo is growing bigger every day. Let me tell you, life goes by like that.

So fast. So it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for the rest of the year. I agree. And therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next six months.

It's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma, etc. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Look, all you got to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take a moment. Visit

Visit BetterHelp.com slash this is today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash this is.

Top reasons your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities, high paying jobs in technology, advanced manufacturing, engineering, life sciences, and more. You'll soar to new heights, just like the Wright brothers, John Glenn, even Neil Armstrong. Their careers all took off in Ohio and yours can too. A job that can take you further and a place you can't wait to come home to. Have it all.

Life is happening around us. So many things to do, places to go. If you switch off, you're out of it. But if you switch on, you're part of it. Subscribe to The Washington Post today at WashingtonPost.com slash iHeart. Switch on The Washington Post. ♪♪

Do you guys remember the first time you guys went to a college party and you were underage and you had to try to sneak in? I don't... Mine was closer to like... Mine was like 19 or 20. I didn't really... Well, Kyle, that's not sneaking in. Then you're just at the party. I know. I don't think I have like a really early... Before that, it was just me and my bros drinking Mickeys in the front yard. That's kind of like what...

Fair enough. ...experience was. Yeah. So really, your whole experience was just like that scene from Superbad where they're just drinking in a basement, three dudes. No, it wasn't. No, no, no. This was like eight guys. This wasn't three. Take it easy, dude. Yeah, chill, bro. This was like...

Yeah, so it was cool. It was tight. Wasn't our first college party with our buddy Thomas and we went there and they had a straight up foam party? What happened to foam parties, dude? Dude, I said 90s. Bro, that foam party was gnarly. It was...

You couldn't see. I think what happened is it's like a health thing, right? I think that's why they stopped doing it. Because of diarrhea. Because all the whatever, everything would get transferred. All the germs. Thank you, doctor. The first parties that I went to. I slept on the roof of the dorm that night. I remember this. I slept on the roof at Loyola Marymount. Or is it called Marymount? Loyola Marymount. Is that what it's called? By the way, guys, I was with you at this party. We weren't...

I said we're like 20. Yeah. 21. And you know what? I wasn't there. I just wanted to remind you when you went because I was so jealous because I've always wanted to go to a foam party. I was.

You were? I was there, yeah. Was it sick, dude? Tell me about it. It must have been. He woke up on a fucking roof. I did. I slept on the roof. I mean, it wasn't that tight. It wasn't that cold. Were you on the roof with me? Did you sleep on the roof with me? Did you guys? No, that might have been why you quit drinking.

Kyle was always just waking up places that probably a suicide was about to happen. Take it right to the edge, man. That's a good reason to quit. He would wake up on roofs. Outside of a gun store. He woke up outside of a gun store one time. These are tells that you should probably put down the sauce. Why are these train tracks my pillow? Yeah. Oh, I'm...

God, that would be the worst. A beach? In the zoo? Like, in the gorilla exhibit? Why am I inside this alligator snail? I just thought I'd fight a lion today. I don't know. Why am I in the Indianapolis Children's Museum? Ooh, by the way, that shit with dinosaurs going in and coming out of it? That place is sick. Dude, what is up with all the fucking bomb-ass museums around here? I'm jealous as fuck, dude. Dude.

We passed like three museums that I'm trying to go to, dog. Dude. You guys got some annual memberships out there or what? Yeah, what up? Yeah. That's pretty sick. A lot of emails from them and shit? That children's museum, what the dinosaur has is like neck through the window. What the fuck? Coming in and out. Yeah, there's half of a like small dinosaur going through as well. Like the baby's like going stuck in the window or something. Dude. What else? What else? What else? Dinosaurs of all shapes and sizes. So many dinosaurs.

It was crazy. That shit is cool. Let's go there tonight as a group. I mean, how funny would it be if just 2,000 just drunk people show up at the Children's Museum? We want in! Yeah.

Kyle says there's a phone party. We got to get on the roof. So did you ever go to a party when you were a kid of some older kids or college age? Not that I want to talk about in front of people. That's our job. Just tell us. Just tell us real quick. No.

So... No, I didn't really... Everybody turn it down. This is Blake. Turn it down. Turn it down. This isn't for you guys. This is Blake sharing with us. This is just for us. We're going to try and... Can we get a spotlight on him? Is that possible? Do we have a spot? I'd rather not. Okay. Can we get the Coors Light spotlight? Can we get the Coors Light spotlight? We just...

Pretend there's a spotlight on him and everybody just... They're like, we literally don't have a spotlight here, so that's not happening. No, Blake, this is all about you. It's just you and us. Hey, thanks, brother. I appreciate you. Hey, wait, did you just airdrop me a butthole? No, I never went to college parties as a kid. I was drinking in the driveway with the eight dudes in Concord. Fair enough. Nice, dude. I was a loser. Oh, wow.

You were cute. Was? That doesn't mean anything, Kyle. I know. That's why I said it. And now the airdrops are coming in again. Is that a Bluetooth situation that you can just... No, I... Are airdrops Bluetooth? Hopefully I can look at them later because I'm... I think you have to accept them. That's why they're all... I am accepting them. You are? I am.

I'm literally saying open in photos, open in photos, open in photos. This is probably the most dangerous thing you've ever done. So later, I'm going to forget this happened a month... Yeah, and then you're going to be like...

Tell you what, your girl's going to look, hey, can I use your computer? And there's just a ton of male asshole. This one's pretty good. This one's pretty good. Remember how there was that one meme where it was the guy like sitting on the bed and he has a huge dong and he's like. Yeah. No, I forgot that one. Yo, this is a little merger of that guy with the Kevin James guy. Wow, that's cool. You know what? I do like AI. That's good.

If someone did that while they were at the show, like you just did it, fucking, you better send that out on Twitter right now. Hey, Blake, your cursor's moving on its own. Oh my God. It's deleting all your files. You're getting fished. Oh yeah. He says, this is my computer now, bitch. What's cool is they're airdropping me, but I'm airdropping them everything I have.

Yeah, that is cool. Yeah. Watch out, bro. It's okay. I know. Should we do some topical topics? Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, hold on. Here we go. You know, there's a lot happening in the world right now. There's a ton happening in the world. We want to tackle, like, the most important things. We feel like we should be speaking on it. So Jada Pickett-Smith says she and... Thank you. And if you want to know what side we're on for this Jada Pickett-Smith situation...

Here we are. Janet Pickett-Smith says she and Will Smith separated in 2016, guys. She doesn't believe it. So in an interview with anchor Hoda Kotb. Kotb, come on now. You've been on her show. No, I know Hoda. I've never said her last name. Her name is K-O-T-B? Yeah, I believe she's Egyptian. New Kids on the Block, I believe. Kotb?

How do you say it? Kotb. Okay. All right. Are you her daughter? Shut up. But did she say Kotb? Kotb. And by the way, that's probably how you say it, but it's not how it reads. You're going to say Kotb? I would have said Kotb.

So it's set to be broadcast in full in a primetime special on Friday. Pinkett Smith said she and Smith had decided in 2016 to leave to live separate lives. The detail is among the intimacies revealed in the memoir, which will be released on. So she's trying to sell it. It's so fucking weird. They're just selling shit. They're just she's just selling shit. Yeah.

Peddling her wares. Didn't that couple make enough money? I mean, he was in Bad Boys 3. 1, 2, 3, 4. Bad Boys again. He was in all the Bad Boys. Every one of them. He's the baddest of the Bad Boys. I feel like they made enough money they don't need to sell a book. He's also in all of the MIBs. That's true. Is he in the new one? He's been in a lot of movies. Is he in the new Men in Black International? He's not in the new one.

It's hard to do our podcast because we're always wrong and stupid, but our audience is really correcting us. You're on the ball, guys. I don't like it. I know. It's kind of nice when we don't know and then one of us just takes charge. I like to say you and I. I'm going to come. We were both kind of just stuck in our fantasy of what we thought the other person should be. Shrek. Shrek.

Shrek? That's every relationship ever. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get the Shrek. I want to fuck Shrek. So essentially when the slap happened with Chris Rock. Yes. Wow, dude. They had already been separated. It should be keep my ex-wife. He might have been trying to like win her back with that maneuver. He was like, if I slap him. That always works.

It worked for a minute. She was like, cool. And then everyone was like, what the fuck was that? And she was like, crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. Yeah, that's true. They didn't cut to her when it was happening, but she was like, oh, yeah, do it. I'm going to come. That's exactly what I wanted. Yeah.

We're back together again, bitch. Apparently in the same interview, she said that Tupac is her one true soulmate. That's such an easy thing to say. Despite 19 years marriage to the first person. If Tupac was still alive, he might be like, I fucking hate her. She's always trying to teach me French or some annoying thing that she's like, you should learn a new language. He's like, I don't want to. I get that. All righty then. Right?

Like, there's no, I don't know. Well, she did say her reason for never getting romantically involved with Pac is simple, at least to her. She claims they didn't have any chemistry, so he didn't want to fuck her.

Wow, dude. That's what that means. This just in. She says that they had no chemistry. Yeah, she's like, he was my soulmate, but we had no chemistry. That makes zero sense. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, don't. Don't. Pass.

Hold up. Pass on the book. I'm not going to buy that book. It's science. That being said, we're all going to read it when it comes out October 17th on Penguin or whatever. I'm going to listen to it at one and a quarter speed. Here's a hot one. Stephen King says, why it's threatened to leave him over Mambo No. 5. What? What?

Good riddance. Why? Why would she just leave him over... So Stephen King fucking loved that song, too. That's a great song. I'm... Like, lost his mind over it. You know how I lose my mind over songs? I do know how you... And I won't... I like... Because I don't know how you guys are, but, like, when a song is really good, and then it puts you in a mood, and you're like, you know what? I like being in this mood. Mm.

And so you just keep playing it all day. Don't do that to the couch. A little bit of Monica in my life. So this dude had it on repeat. So Stephen King was like, I love the sweet, sweet vibes. I have to revisit it. Dude, it's a fucking banger. It's not a banger. It's a banger. It's way better than Stars Are Born.

No, it's not. This is Lou Bega. It's a Bega. Do you know anybody who ever had this as a ringtone? That's good. That's good. I want my points. So Stephen King is just like... This starts with counting, right? One, two, three, four, five. And then the alien murders the child. Yeah.

How much of this do you want to hear? Honey, I'm busy writing. Oh, I would kill him. No. Oh, I would definitely kill my husband. This song came out the first week that I went to college at University of Wisconsin, better school. And Big Ten, go Big Ten. Go Big Ten. Badgers till I die. Um...

This song came out. You can boo, but you'll go there for Halloween, bitch. See the laughter? Because they know. This song came out and I was like, I think I've moved to the fucking country because they play music like this on the radio. And I was like, I fucked up. I'm in the middle of nowhere. And then it became the biggest song everywhere. And I was like, okay, cool. I'll see you guys at Halloween. Worldwide. I know.

Mambo No. 5. And then he said, my wife threatened to divorce me. I played that a lot. I had the dance mix. I love those extended play things. And I played both sides of it. And one of them was just a total instrumental. He played the instrumental. This guy's a psychopath. Did he say he played both sides? This sounds like a decision. So this is an old...

I'm trying to get my wife to divorce me. It sounds like he had a single. He had a tape. And also, what's so funny about it, it's just about him fucking a ton of women. Isn't that what Mambo No. 5 is like? I haven't read the... The 90s. I haven't read the lyrics, but yes, 100% that's what it's about. It's like, Jennifer, Christina, get naked. I see you. And then I played that thing until my wife just said, one more time and I'm going to fucking leave you. Right.

It's a big uh. But like, Who Let the Dogs Out is a better song, right? Goodbye. Debatable. I don't know. He most likely at the time on November 22nd, 63, his 2011 novel about a time traveler who attempts to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy. So that's what he was working on. Yeah. And he's like, I just gotta escape.

Is this the instrumental? Can you imagine? Yeah, that really gets me in the fucking... As soon as you hear those initial... I would blow his brains out. Dang, the beatboxing was kind of sick, though. Yeah.

Dude, I feel like that's some good rollerblading music. Mambo No. 5. Sure. You strap on some rollerblades and just fucking scoot around your neighborhood. Yeah. There he goes. One, two. And you just hear, one, two, three, four. And then he goes, when I write, there are a lot of things that I listen to.

A lot of techno stuff or disco stuff, but techno in particular. King is a freak, dude. I hate this guy. I mean, to be fair, didn't he used to just write on, like, cocaine and beer? So he was, like, amped up. Yeah, he was cool, dude. So King admitted listing LTV Sound System and Fatboy Slim among his favorite writing soundtrack artists. Like, he has no memory of writing Cujo or whatever because he was just on cocaine the whole time. Right. He was just...

Which is tight. What are you playing us now? Yeah, you got a fun sound bite? This is Stephen King riding Cujo. Okay, the floor is yours. Go. Shut up, honey! Shut up! I'm riding! It's about a dog! Don't come in here! You're such a bitch! He's like, wait, a bitch? A bitch is a female dog. What about an evil bitch? I got it! Dark! Dark! Dark! Dark! Dark!

Okay, you can come in now. He's done with the book. That was real time. And Cujo was written. Blake, you crushed that. You should get all the points for that. Give yourselves a point. I feel like you should get all the points for tonight. I want to give you my points. Yes, points! Show your ass! Yes, points! Yes, points! Yes, points!

Hell yeah. Also, bring in some more beers, too. What are you doing? Yeah, what the freaking WTF, dude? Yes, punch! Not only a... So those are our topics. We're also doing some hot, hot Q&As, everybody. You asked us the sweet, sweet Qs. We're getting these tight, tight A's. Look at that. Okay. So, Jenny B. Tight butthole. Is it?

She asked, out of all the episodes or scenes of Workaholics, which one was the hardest to get through because laughing so much, sorry for poor sentence structure, ate a weed gummy. Okay, Janie B. You're a stupid dumbass. You don't have to apologize for sentence structure around us, dude. You should have seen our pitches for Workaholics. They're like, oh, what? What?

Piss and shit. You must have studied math. Yeah. I remember one that wasn't particularly funny but was hard to get through, and it was funny after the fact. It still cracks me up. Okay. But do you remember when I had to... Weird introduction, but... Go ahead. Well, I was just thinking of one that was hard to get through, and I just remembered that... Remember when I ate the skunk burrito? Oh.

That shit was... They made like... It was like some kind of mayo and jelly combo. And it was really, really gross. Right. Everything about... With beans and cheese, it was not good. And I remember almost vomiting each time. But it was good for the scene. I remember the same day, they had maggots to put in the burrito. Pizza, pizza. And you guys were like... Ayo! Ayo!

maggots! You guys were like, let's put some maggots in the burrito. That'll be really funny for you to eat the maggots. And I was like, oh. And you were like, why? Just do it. It's gonna be super funny. And I was like, I'm good. Oh yeah, we were trying to get you to actually eat the maggots. And we were like, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. And to be honest, looking back, glad I didn't eat maggots. That was a good call. You guys would be like, oh, it'd be funny, be funny. And then the next day, be like,

This dude eats maggots. Yes, exactly. I would just never live that down. Didn't the animal bro pop one right there? Like he ate one. I'm sure he did. That's why he's the animal bro. And I'm on a nationwide tour with my best friends making people laugh. Boom. Boom. That being said, the animal bros are all pretty tight. They're tight. Yeah. In the weirdest way. Tight. Yeah.

The animal wranglers on TV or movies are always the weirdest people you've ever met in your life. Right. They are. And you're like, so the squirrel, we just want the squirrel to run around and they're like, they have to be on a leash. Right. And you're like, it's a squirrel though and you're like, I'll walk off. Right.

Because they're not on a leash. Because then they'll run away. And you're like, well, they're in an enclosed area. And they're like, they can fly. And you're like, they can? Yeah. You'll be like, oh, cool sweater. And they're like, actually, these are my friends. And it's ferrets all over their body. Hey, here you go. Yes, points!

I feel like I don't have one that we were laughing too much. I feel like my issue was always Blake was laughing too much. Okay, fair enough. I remember the scene when I was... When we climbed up in the tree and we were, like, looking... We were thinking, like, Alice was cheating. Yeah. And... Right. And then I end up falling and I'm hanging. Oh, no, Durs is getting a handjob. Oh, yeah, Durs is getting a handjob. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're up in the tree and I'm talking about, like...

berries are little wine balls or something. That's right. And I remember you were like, you're ruining... We're just trying to get through this and we're literally up in a tree. Well, I mean, it's a funny scene. That was a fun scene. And now it's like a TikTok thing of me crying being like, I've never seen... Yeah, I almost died.

I almost died. I've never even jet-skied off a waterfall. I feel like most of the times when I was laughing the hardest was when we could go back to the monitors to watch what Kyle was filming when he was filming Jet Set. Jet Set was always so freaking funny, dude. Just cracking my ass up. Give me my cactus. Anything he said, I was just like, this guy. So Jet Set was a guy that we just found on like

Craigslist, right? Like central casting. Central casting, yeah. He was legit. RIP legend. Wayman was from Craigslist, though. Yeah. And those guys were not ever expecting any lines or to even be featured. They were just background extras, and then we just gave them all lines, and Jet Set ran with it. Right. Yeah.

Dude, we straight up caught that guy selling t-shirts in Venice with our faces on it. Yeah. And we're like, love it. Yeah. Get your money. Do your thing. The man. He's the best.

Right.

Hey, I'm Christina Quinn, the host of Try This from The Washington Post. Each Try This audio course gets you closer to solving some of the biggest everyday challenges we face as humans. Things like how to sleep better, how to have more meaningful relationships, and how to enjoy cooking more. We're releasing new courses all the time, where you can learn to be a better functioning human without the time commitment.

Find our collection of courses by searching Try This wherever you listen to podcasts.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Not only did Zinn create the first-ever nicotine pouch, we're still America's number one choice for smoke-free, spit-free nicotine satisfaction. It could be because Zinn is made with only six simple ingredients, including naturally derived nicotine salt.

Or maybe it's because Zyn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day trial. For anyone worried Zyn won't cut it like traditional tobacco, just ask one of the millions of people who have achieved lasting change. You have lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zyn. Find your Zyn online or in a store near you at Zyn.com slash find. That's Z-Y-N dot com slash find.

So Pat Brady asked, tell us about a time you were at a high-profile party and embarrassed the shit out of yourselves.

Where do we start? I mean, yeah. The story of our lives. The most embarrassing. I mean, I like to think that Blake's pretty embarrassing at every Comic-Con party. Oh, I know which one was super embarrassing with Blake. I think it's supposed to be when I feel embarrassed. You're not supposed to be embarrassed of me. I was embarrassed for you. What the fuck is this? I was just covered in shame standing here. I have no regrets. Okay, if you don't want me to. No, go ahead. Fire off. Remember when he shit all over himself and then jizz his pants? I'm like, I forgot.

that. Dude, we were at the EW party and there was this floating banner that said like... Entertainment Weekly. Yeah. Comic Con. And there was a pool. And in that pool there was a banner that looked like you could jump through it. And all night Blake is like, I'm gonna fucking jump through that thing. And I'm like, you're not gonna fucking jump through that thing. Don't do that, man. Then cut to I'm on the other side of the party and you're like, I'm gonna go do it.

So, like, whatever. I yelled it to you. I'm going to go do it. And you fucking jumped. Yeah. And the thing was solid. And no one is in the pool. Nobody's in the pool. The pool is like a decorative thing. It's, like, lit with the sign. Yeah. It's not there for swimming at all at this point. No. And he, you went, boom. Yeah. And then just kind of went, boom.

Meanwhile, this is at like the height of like Game of Thrones. So all the Game of Thrones people are just like, that guy's a fucking loser. Like needle. Yeah.

I do remember that the Hard Rock in San Diego was nice enough to let you use their dryer to dry your clothes. Everyone who works at the Hard Rock fucking loves me. Thinks I'm cool as fuck. Yeah, I know. All the high-profile actors think I'm a psycho. Well, remember when you, like, laid your pants on fire or something? Yes, that was the same weekend, I bet you. Yeah, he couldn't stop me jumping in the pool because he's literally lighting his clothes.

It was on fire. This is true. And this might have been the same party, but... Oh, it was hot. I just told the story. Is this the same night? Yeah. Same night. I think it was the same night, and the guy from No Country for Old Men, Javier Bardem, so I see him, dude, and he's across the party, and I'm like, No Country for Old Men! No Country! And he's like, and it turns out,

Not that man. Right. A different guy named Jeffrey Dean Morgan who's in The Walking Dead. Like a totally different actor. Yeah.

Right. But I was just screaming his name, dude. It was good times. Yeah. And this might be the same... Party? Same week, different party, where we were playing beer pong against John Benjamin and some other people, and we were losing badly. And they're like, aren't you guys like the party guys? And we're like...

We're not good at stuff, though. Yeah, we're bad at stuff. And so then to distract them and beat them, Adam pulls his nuts, allegedly pulls his nuts out. And I got down and was like this. Allegedly! To distract them. It didn't work, but it felt great. Yeah. Yeah. So, Adam, have you seen a neurospecialist for your muscle spasms you've been experiencing? Yes. It's science. Okay. They just said...

You're a bitch. Okay. That's basically true. Doctor's orders. True love, which is a person's name. That's a sick name. You gotta be true love. Yeah. True love says... I'm more like real love. Go ahead. Read it. How was the experience with the Gravitron?

Oh, the Gravitron. Yeah. My brother. Is that this? Yeah. In the front yard. I remember it was hard to get the fucking Gravitron in the front yard. First place. Fit perfectly. It fit. It was just enough space to do it. My brother directed that episode. This was the episode where we think Adam is getting married. So we want to throw him a bachelor party. Right. So we're like, we want to get the Gravitron, which is a carnival ride that just spins hella fast. And we're like, we want to put it in the front yard of the house. And we literally did that.

But, Durs, you did actually puke. Yeah. Your puke is on camera. Like, it's not fake. So, what had happened was...

We were on it. We went on and off of it a bunch. And we had just all eaten a bunch of orange-flavored chicken, or was that a different episode? No. Okay, different episode. We were always eating Panda Express. It was... So whatever, we're on this thing, and we're filming, and then we cut, and then we do it again. And we'd done it, I think, four or five times. And at this point, none of us were feeling great. And I was like, if we want to get this, I can definitely throw up right now.

And they were like, "Alright, let's get on it one more time." And then we just rode it until I was like... And then let it rip. - Ravatron. - For you guys. - Yeah. - That's for art, baby. True artist. - Yeah. - I was constantly pitching, "I could jizz right now." - Yeah. - "If we wanna get this." - "If it stays windy, I'll cum." - Do not cum.

I'm wind sexual. I'll jizz if there's a nice gust. I can jizz right now. I can splooge right now. So Nate Dogg. R.I.P. R.I.P. Big Nate Dogg. He writes, Adam and Durst, do you remember the jingle to Unburnable Flag? And can you sing it? I know Adam remembers it. Hold up. I know part of it.

Unburnable flag hates follows America. Unburnable flag. Fire is particular. Fire is so scared of this particular flag. Unburnable. It's the unburnable flag.

Tan-fastic. That's that F. Yeah. I remember the Gravitron. So Chris Robinson writes, will you guys please spit some hot, hot, hot, hot, dope-ass freestyle bars for us? What the fuck? Hold up. Yep. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Since he put me on the spot, I'm putting him on the spot. Durs? Durs? Drop some hot, hot, hot, hot, dope-ass freestyle bars for us. Nucky Grandma! All right.

Oh shit, I'm rubbing my clit Ain't nobody touching on my big old tits I got two elbows on my arms When I come through the town, I'm like a swarm of bees Look at my knees, please Somebody start jingling keys Very psychedelic And so now I'm like

Maybe Jada Pinkett Smith is coming my way. Fuck it. Am I the new soulmate? As long as you don't have chemistry, it's all good. Exactly. Fucking thing sucks. What was it like to work with Nick Offerman? Oh, Nick. Yes, Blake. I was blackout. No, Nick Offerman is actually a really, really cool dude, and he's very good at woodworking. He makes really good wood. Do you own any of his wood?

No, it's pretty expensive, man. He wasn't giving me the homie discount. But Nick rocks. What is he making?

He might have made this. I don't know. So he makes furniture or he makes gnomes. Yes, no, it's furniture. Canoes? He makes a canoe. He didn't show me his canoe. I wish we got that close, but we didn't. Hey, Nick, show me your canoe. When are you going to take me out in your canoe, Nick? Honestly, two person or one? Nick was one of the first because I directed him on Parks and Rec. I'm normally like...

Hot, hot, hot. I'm normally like super like got to get to the monitors, get shit done. Got to get to the monitors, get shit done. Except I'm workaholics. Go ahead. Yeah, don't really have a ton of time. But with him, like I actually lost track of time sitting next to him because it was like just the coolest, realest dude I had met in Hollywood besides my homies. I like to work with wood. He's very cool. I met him. Hated him. Oh, yeah. Well, uh...

Just kidding. He was cool. And then it says Adam, John Goodman. I hate it. No, no. John is, I mean, he's super cool. He actually, I was the king of Mardi Gras this past year. I was the Bacchus Parade, which was super sick. And he's the one that said I should do it. I think he didn't want to do it. So he's like, maybe Adam, that drunk bitch will do anything. Yeah.

Joe Riley says, in Three and a Half Men, how many hot dogs did Adam eat? Oh, that's when your fucking slow-mo montage eating the hot dogs. So that's an episode where I say, like, hot dogs, are they as good for you as they say they are? There's like a hot dog cart guy, right? Yeah.

I have hot dogs all over the place. I have a backpack full of hot dog flavored water. It's because Adam doesn't want to make the doc. You guys are trying to make a documentary. Adam wants to do the supersized meme, but with only hot dogs. What's the one where you're dancing with the hot dogs on your face? That's the same one. There is a guy with a hot dog cart. Yes, in the episode.

Oh, yeah, that's the montage. It's outside of the massage place. All I remember is people sending me every day of me just deep-throating hot dogs. When you're like smacking your face with them and stuff. You're an icon. I kept it pretty sexy in that episode. That episode is wild. How many hot dogs? Four. Four.

Hot, hot, hot, hot. William Akers asks, can you wish me a happy birthday and say hi to my mom, Charity, please? Thank you. Hello, Charity. Hi, Charity. And no. We don't do requests. Happy birthday to you. Another birthday. Megan wants to know, Durs, do you know what makes a poodle a royal poodle?

Do I know what makes a pool a royal pool? Yeah, you're our dog expert. You're the dog guy. What, the haircut? Fuck if I know. I don't know. This is a Megan question. It should have the answer. No, there's no answer. Who wrote that? Wait, what? Fucking Megan. Megan. Let's think of a punchline. It must be right here. So you know the answer. Withhold the answer. Or you don't know? You don't know?

What is it? 24 inches normally, a royal poodle is 26 or taller. At the withers? So I'm 5'8". Yes, points. I love the withers. I'm not talking Bill. The withers is this, right? The withers is from my shoulder to the ground? That's the withers? The withers. Can it also be called the giant poodle?

Standard. Wait, sorry. I know there's a standard. Is there a giant poodle, though? Standard to 24. It's a marketing term. Hey, man. We gotta fucking hang out sometime. This is a good question. Yeah, man. So I'm 5'8". So if I was 5'10", I'd be Royal Adam.

It's science. All right. Well, we all heard something. So Holly wants us to name her child. Name her baby. Who does? Holly. What's her last name? I don't know. Holly, what's your last name? Prescinelli? No. Someone said Jizz, and that has to be true. Okay. So Holly Jizz. Holly Jizz. Pasquarelli? James? Pastor Nelly. Yeah. Pastor Nelly. Name your child. I'm going to ride with you. Is it a boy or a girl? A boy.

All right. They don't know. That doesn't matter. I say buzz.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz is a solid name. I like Buzz. Fuzz is a better middle name. Did you say Buzz or Fuzz? I said Buzz. Oh, I don't like Buzz. I like Fuzz. Buzz, Fuzz, Pastor Nelly. Well, go hang out with the fucking dog weirdos. Get the fuck out of here. We're not weirdos. But Buzz, if Buzz is a girl. Durs knows too much about dogs for not owning one, and that's weird.

It is weird. The wife is allergic, can't get them. Get a hairless one. I would. I want a Mexican hairless. I want to lotion it up. I want to lather it down. What would you name Holly's boy or girl? How about... Solid. That's not bad. That's not bad. Not bad. Pretty good. What if you just went with...

Commando. Commando. Right? Because it's like, whoa, that dude's name is Commando. And if it's a girl, it's like, whoa, her name is Commando. Yeah. Cammy. And then she could go by Cammy or Doe. Yeah. Right. Doe. Doe's a good name, too. Oh, my gosh. This is a cute name. I think Doe's good. Doe Doe. So when I get, like, really blackout drunk, my friends call me Brick. Really? Say it.

Yeah. Huh? And so, uh, so brick. Okay, brick. Because brick will go both ways. Like a little... What does brick mean? Brick means that I'm just like a fucking little tornado. Like I run into shit, I bounce off something. But bricks don't do that. Bull into China's shop. Well, you just throw a brick into something, it smashes into everything. But that's not a tornado. It ruins everything.

I don't know why they call me this, dude. It's just what they call me. So it's Brick, Buzz, Fuzz, Commando. They call me Brick because I'm basically a tornado. Brick, Buzz, Fuzz, Commando. They should call you Tornado. I just like Fuzz better. I like Fuzz or Dough. I think Dough is good. Well, your kid's going to be fucked up. Your kid's fucked up.

So Josh B. goes, why don't you all start a streaming or platform studio like the Trailer Park Boys or Broken Lizard? Lizard is spelled wrong. TII Nation got your batch. Butch Paramount Plus. Yeah. So they want us to go completely independent. So Josh, neither of those...

Neither Trailer Park Boys or Broken Lizard did what you're saying. And you can't spell worse shit, bud. Fuck it. Did they spell Lizard L-I-Z-D-E-R-D? They spelled so many things wrong. Lizard E-R-D? L-I-S-A-R-D. Oh, fuck. I never would have thought that. They might be Canadian. Yeah, might be Canadian. Lizard. Jean-Luc Lizard. What color is your favorite? Butch?

Maybe they, it was like, hey, I'm being funny. I'm not going to spell fuck. Okay. So I'm going to put an H on it. I like that. I mean, yeah, because they own the rights to it and we can't legally do that without them suing us and then taking our houses and our children. Right. And also a lot of work. It sucks. And I'm willing to chant fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus. Fuck Paramount Plus.

Yes! Yeah, dude. Thank you, guys. That feels really good when you say that. It does. It does. It's therapeutic. And again, that being said, unless they hire us for a script. Exactly. If they have jobs. Terran wants to know, I wonder if you guys are able to do impressions of each other. For example, Blake do Durs, Durs do Adam, Kyle do Blake, and then she didn't say I have to do any, so that's actually kind of tight. How does that work? Blake do Durs. That's so hard. I know. I know.

They didn't say tell us what you are. I am so hard. I feel like it's just like you live more in here than I do. I know. You're more like... No, I'm not. Like right... You are. Like here. So he flexes more or what's... I just feel like he's just like more, lives more like this. And I'm much more of like a troll person. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was going to lean forward. I'm much more of like a troll and you're kind of like a...

In D&D terms, you're a paladin. Yep, I have no idea what the fuck that means. Oh, sorry. This is all I know how to explain. The way I talk about my friends is in D&D terms. So say a sentence like theirs. I think you should name your kid Commando. That's like Napoleon Dynamite. So you're doing like... If you did like an old Indian warrior is what... You cannot own the land. You're like, you may have this land. Yeah.

Although they did not say that, actually. They were like, don't take this land. Yeah, that was not. If you want to know the name of your child, listen to the wind. That's a good Durr's. All right, so Durr's, do Adam. That's who I am. This isn't even, this is kind of an impression, but it's an impression of an instance. Okay. Volcano nachos. Change is a man.

Dude, that's just a commercial I did 15 years ago. Dude, that's just a commercial I did 15 years ago. Dude. Remember you have to do Dante. Dude. I don't know. I'm trying to think of something you say. Dude. Allegedly? Honestly? Admittedly? Like, legitimately? Literally? Allegedly. I was like, what? This is insane. You're crazy. And I said, goodbye. I said...

That's it. We're done here. Not bad. Yes, points! But I'd do it again. Probably would. Kyle? I have to do Blake? Yep. Well, Blake for most of it is just like... He is like the only reason the podcast worked is that he laughs.

None of us other, like, we don't really laugh as much as he does, and I think it fills the dead air. And then that's the next part of it. The next part of it is let's get fucking drunk. You want to see me buzz off? So, guys, any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams? Wow, dude. I'm sorry I called IU U of I. I was offended. And shout out to IUPUI. And by the way. And the DUIs you guys get on the way home.

I love the fact that I saw you finish part of your buzz ball because that's how fucking gross they are. Yeah. That an hour and a half later, he was like, oh, fuck. They're better warm. They're better warm. Yeah. Are they? It's a holiday drink. It warms the spirit. I guess I would take back the indirect shade I threw towards blank check. I didn't know it was a fucking masterpiece that everybody's seen. Yeah. I thought it was my...

Dirty Little Secret, but I guess not. It was everybody's wish fulfillment movie. That makes me feel good about the world, the fact that we've all seen Blank Check. That's important to me. Who sang that song? Dirty Little Secret. No, it wasn't them.

Who did they say, though? Because I want to know. It might have been Lubega. I think it was Tom Petty. Yeah. Thomas Petty. I remember that girl from our college. I won't say her name because she probably listens, but I was like way into her. Sarah. Somebody just yelled a name. Not far off. Yeah. Yeah.

And she did not give me the time of day. And then I took her out on like three dates and every time she'd be like the lead singer of... Who is it? All American Rejects is so sexy and I don't look anything like that guy. It sucked. I was like, him? You don't like Rudy? Did you start Sean Astin? You're not into Sean Astin at all. Are you into Tom DeLonge but fatter? Yeah.

Are you into fatter Tom DeLonge? And she's like, no, not at all. And I'm like, fuck. Okay, I don't know if this is going to work out. This might not work out. I'll give a shout out. All right. Okay, yeah. I have a nephew in the crowd. All right. He was very quiet. He was very quiet. And I don't know exactly, but I think maybe he's five months old or something like that.

Thanks for keeping a lid on it, pal. Yeah, he did great. And I would like to do an epic announcement that I haven't done on a podcast yet. My wife and I, it's weird saying that we're pregnant, but she's pregnant and I'm also there. Give it up. That's it. My man's going to be a dad. You can do it. That's what's up, bro. So now it'll be a full party. The party is on.

Yo, we are... We are... We are... We are dads. Fucking nuts. We are dads? Yeah, dude. And I feel like that was kind of the peak of the whole thing, so maybe that was another episode of... This is important! He's the man. I'll see you back here. Wow, dude.

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at Hellmans.com. Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Same great taste, plant-based. Hear that? Pumpkin. That's fall calling. And the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks. From that first sweater to late autumn weather, it's all a fall in just one sip. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

Am I doing the right thing with my finances? Am I saving enough? Can I buy a house? Am I paying too much in taxes? Will I be able to retire? Putting a financial plan together feels impossible. What if I told you there was another way? Take FACET's free financial wellness quiz to get your score and a snapshot of your current financial health. Visit FACET.com now and discover your financial wellness score today. That's F-A-C-E-T.com.

This ad is sponsored by Facet. Facet Wealth Incorporated is an SEC-registered investment advisor. This is not an offer to buy or sell securities, nor is it investment, legal, or tax advice.