Ep 170: Live From Austin: The Guys Kept Austin Weird
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... My whole goal of the tour is to kiss my best friends in every city. I did PCP tonight. I thought I could lift this whole truck up. His dick looks like E.T.'s finger and it lights up. Yeah, that's great. Turn a circle jerk into a networking event. ♪

Here we go. Start your engines. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Blake, get him. Get him. It's a buzzer beater. Time to buzz off, baby. It's a buzzer beater. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Buzz off. I just want to party. Oh, sick. Oh, my God. I just want to party. My God, Austin. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

You know, I know it's pretty exciting for you guys to see us throwing buzz balls out to you. Very scary for us. Why are you so scared? Because tonight I'm seeing a lot of like, yeah, here. And then as soon as it comes to them, they're like, yeah. So like, I don't want to hurt nobody. And I threw one up there. I saw that. Are you good? Give me a hell yeah. You good? Yeah.

I feel like they're good up there. I feel like they're just enjoying the buzz. Is Texas not a baseball school? Are they more of a football school? I'm still going to send it. Football's been doing pretty damn well. But football, you've got to catch too, don't you? Not all the players. You've got to catch when you play football, though. Not all the players, Kyle. A lot, though, right? Some players are not allowed to catch the ball. I just learned. Right, yes. But they're more of a swim school, and we all know that. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-sack!

Is that true? It really is a swim school. Almost to each and every student it feels that way, I imagine. Do people even know that they're swimming here? Is it a thing? I hope so. They have so many Olympians always. Oh, really? Name six. It's a fast pool. Name six? Name six. Fast pool. In history? In history. Oof. Six is a lot. Name three. Brendan Hanson, Aaron Pearsall, um...

Joseph Schooling. Part of them. Who else? Somebody shout more. Nate Dusing. Not Michael Phelps. He went to Michigan. These are all really impressive. Neil Walker. Right, guys? Remember at NCAAs when he won the Hunter back and set the record with a broken hand?

Wow, really? Remember that shit, guys? I like that some people do. That's amazing. Yeah, you guys didn't know that? No, I'm actually blown away. But as much as this knowledge is incredible, I'm impressed, it could very easily be completely made up and none of us would know. Right.

I don't think Durs works like that. You actually knew four people from here. Four swimmers, huh? That's impressive. Didn't I say more than that? Oh, I thought you said four. Wait, you said Forrest Whitaker? I know that's not a swimmer. No, he actually had sick underwaters. He would just throw on the nose plug and you'd be like...

We actually just went swimming. I haven't been swimming in so long. We did the Waco Surf. Yes, we did. Oh, we did. Yeah, shout out to Waco. Is that what it's called, Waco Surf? Waco. Waco. That was fucking sick, dude. They invite us out there. They have like the wave pool. And dude, we were all so natural out there. Did you call it a wave pool? I mean, it is a pool that makes waves, but it's so much more. You call it a man-made wave pool.

It's not a wave pool. Why are we shitting on me for what I call it? It's a wave pool. You're right. That's just, I don't know. I don't know if I, no, I don't think so. No. What would you call it? Wavy waters. Fair enough. I would call it a surf lagoon. I'm going to go. There has been no points awarded yet. But we know what a wave pool is. That's where when you're 10 years old, you go in there to be like, oops. It was the best.

Oops. That was you? You were a creep when you were 10? No, I said that's what people do. Wait, you go and wave pool and you sexually harass people? I said that people do this. Not a lifeguard. You have to watch out for that. Right.

Wait, what's the difference between... Should we have this conversation? Between harass and assaulting? I can't think of a better time or place. Between harass and assaulting? I think harassment is just being like when you see a fine booty and you're like, damn, I want to eat that fine booty. Yes, but it's also... Whoa. But it's in the break room of your work. Actually, Blake, that can be anywhere. Right. It doesn't have to be just in the workplace. You can harass anybody on the street. It turns out nowadays you can't say you want to eat a girl's ass...

any location. And that's just the society we live in, folks. We're good or bad. Get with it. Is the assaulting version of that like you actually go up and start -- Then you try to eat the booty. Just like through the pants or whatever? Yeah, you get a little fork and knife out. Get on your knees. Put your napkin in your bib. That's aggravated assault.

There's levels to it. That might be attempted murder at that point. If you're actually stabbing the person's ass with a knife. The knife is mostly for show. It's definitely assault with a deadly weapon. I didn't say what kind of knife.

You didn't say what? It's a plastic knife. It's still, I think a plastic knife could be deadly in some scenarios. Adam carries around the ass I'm thinking of. It broke right in half as soon as it touched it. If you break plastic. Because his ass was so blooded out. So maybe it made the knife even pointier when it broke. I don't know. Maybe it's more deadly at that point. Yeah, you don't. Yeah, it's real. Hold up.

We got here a day early, dude, and we had a great night. We went to, what was the name of that restaurant? Jeffries? Jeffries. Yeah, that place fucking rocks. If you haven't been there, go there. Yeah, we were hella fancy. Yeah, it was hella fancy. I mean, I didn't know you could make deviled eggs any better than regular deviled eggs. Those were so good. It was so fancy. Me and Kyle had a game where...

he had to finish two glasses of water to the bottom without them coming to refill it. Right, because they're so good at filling your water. And I was only drinking water. He kept taking a sip, and then they'd be like...

Yeah. Could it go? But I couldn't like chug it. I had to be like... You weren't allowed to. You had to drink it regularly. This is how wild we got last night. And I fucking... He filled it up the first time when it was like down here. I was like, Ders, check it out. Next drink. Bro came in. He came right in. Fucked up your whole world. Do we think that guy was just great at his job? Or did he like mouth... Time puddle.

Yeah. He'd like look at you and go, no. Well, but then after that, I got it down two times. I got it to the ice two times. So he was slacking. We caught him slacking. I won. Whoopsie. Tight butthole. Is that sexual harassment? Just saying tight butthole nowadays? It is.

I think it, yeah, I think it is. Our show would not get made in today's climate. Yeah. It's probably always been sexual harassment if you say that to somebody. It's just now we're kind of aware of it. Dude, did I get harassed? Every day of my life.

No, it means something different. It's like how Blake always says gay and then it's like, I don't mean it like that. I mean it differently. Yeah, Blake is always saying gay and retarded and all kinds of really offensive things. Oh boy, oh boy. Now this is slander. I mean it differently. This is some fucking slander, bro. Yeah, Blake is always saying stuff like that. What the hell? Yeah, and he's always like, I don't know, ISIS has a point. Right, right.

You're always like... Blake is always saying shit like that. You're always like, I wish ISIS was gay. And it's retarded that they're not. Yeah, Blake is always saying pretty offensive stuff like that. I was just like, that's a weird thing to get tattooed on your back. Hey, dude, why do you have that tattooed on your butt? The only way to prove it is by showing the audience your ass. LAUGHTER

Okay, okay, wait. Time out. There's only one way to prove it. Now we're talking. Time out because now all you motherfuckers are sexually harassing me. Oh, that's right. You wish. Nah, you wish. And I know Texas law and I will sue your ass. Okay. Okay? I don't think there is laws here. I think this has the most laws, doesn't it? Doesn't Texas have a bunch of laws? Yeah.

There's no laws. You can do whatever until somebody ropes you and then you're done. How come they told me I couldn't fucking smoke weed on the streets then? What's up with that? Because, Kyle... I was going to say the G word, but I won't even do it for the joke, okay? You like to use it with vicious anger behind it. I don't like this bit, guys.

And then we went after we freaking house some food at Jeffrey's we Then we went to my favorite bar that I've been to I was the last like three times I've been to Austin the only place I ever go to is white horse. Yeah And every time I just get roped into dancing with some girl in a cowboy hat that pokes me in the face It's just like I'm gonna show you the two-step

Right. And... And watch this shit, Kyle. What do you need me to do? I don't know how to do the two-step, bro. Here we go. Here we go. I'll see you. I'll follow you. Okay. Hey, just relax, okay? You're too tense with the two-step. I don't know what the fuck is going on. So the two-step, you got to be loose and casual and just move these hips. Okay. Okay.

Hey, you want to play us something? What the fuck? Yeah, I'll play you guys something. Yeah, play us a little something. Yeah. One, two, two step, three, four, a two step. Bring it back now. That's actually nice. You got it there towards the end. Yeah, well...

Thanks. I'm very, very 1,000% positive that's the first time somebody's two-stepped Stone Cold Steve Austin's entrance music. Steve Cold Austin, baby. That sentence took me four days to say. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with you. Well, we drank a lot last night is what it was. Yeah, no, we've been going pretty hard in Texas. Yeah, we did. It's the only way we know. It's the cowboy way, isn't it? Right.

By the way, we don't go hard. We go pretty hard. Yeah, I mean, I feel we're getting old, so now going hard is just doing two shots. Oh, man. For me, I don't even drink, so going hard is... You don't even drink. For us, it's doing like two to three shots and 15 Lone Stars. For me, it's going to bed by 10 and waking up and getting a massage.

Pretty hard. Kyle, for you, going hard is literally challenging the waiter to fill your water before you finish it. Dude, I fucking won, though. He won. I won. I won. Hey, man. Congrats. Anybody care about that? Do people care about that? Because I do. Hey, Kyle, and guess what you get for that? Yes, points. Get some points. Thank God.

You get some points. Sick. You get some points. And then after the white horse, after you were two-stepping. Yeah, so I two-stepped a lot. Thanks for teaching me that, by the way. That was helpful. Yeah, my body physically hurt all day, and I had to stretch for like half the day. And then we went to, what was the name of that bar? Yellow Jackets. Yellow Jackets. Yeah. And I love that place because the bartenders were awesome.

Mad cool, dude. We come in and they're like, we close in 10 minutes. And we're like, okay. And then they're like, closing time comes and they're like, do you guys want a bunch of shots? We're big fans. And I was like, oh, fuck yeah. I thought you guys hated us, but you actually love us. And then you guys stayed at the bar mad late. Yeah, I think we ended up leaving around like 3 a.m. Pretty hard! Hey, that's

And you know what? And I'm going to say this publicly. I'm proud of my group of friends. We don't do cocaine. So that's a big feat. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Adam's like, I will, but... Yeah, if someone has some, I'll do it. But, you know, I don't actively do cocaine. Yeah, come on. Staying out till 3 a.m. off the strength of frozen margaritas is pretty fucking good. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's like, I feel like that's the perfect time to go to bed too, like to start toning it down, because you don't see the sun come up, you're not weird on the next day, you still feel like you can get some Zs. Yeah. And we surfed all damn day. Like professional surfers. We shredded. It was so funny, dude, because it's like, they invited us to go to the Waco Surf, and we were so pumped to get there. Thank you, by the way. And then there was like a bunch of people who paid to be there.

And they're all so fucking hot. So hot, so shredded, so good. We weren't ready for that. Every fucking dude was just like the coolest looking motherfucker. They're all like, what's up? Like, you guys getting after it? I'm like, I don't really know what that means, but yeah, we're trying. Like perfect, like sun-kissed skin. Oh my god. The hair was like... Perfectly tussled. Ugh. Ugh.

And the bodies, Adam. The fucking bods. Dude. 69, dudes! My God, dude. And then after we flopped in the water for an hour, dude, it's the perfect wave, right? The whole thing is it gives you the perfect wave to get up. My fat ass couldn't even... I was like... I was like fighting the water the entire time. I was like... And then at one point, I got on my knees like this. I go...

And then afterwards, everyone's just so supportive because they're just cool as shit. They're like, you actually fucking ripped, bro. You did, bro. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. And then I'm like, oh, maybe I did kind of rip.

And then they got out there and they were playing like fucking cool ass music. And it was just big ass, like the waves were four times the size. Did you hear music? There was no music. When I looked at these men, music played in my head. Adam's like, remember when like everything slowed down and it was like slow motion and you're like... Yeah, weirdly the clouds parted and sun shined on their abs. Oh, okay.

As they shredded through the water. Your dick just cut out of your wetsuit. Can I ask you a question? No. Okay. Moving on. I'd rather you didn't. I would like to hear it. What type of guy would you be into if you had to choose a type of guy? Woo!

What do you mean? Like, obviously, obviously, you're, like, hyper-attracted to California surfer bros. Adam wants the saltwater kisses. No, no, no, it's not about... Saltwater kisses, dude. I don't want saltwater kisses, dude. Yeah, you do, man. You're the one that's wildly homophobic of our crew. We've established that. I love it. But I'm also... I'm not into guys sexually, but I look at them and go, oh, I wish...

I wish I wasn't 45% body fat right now. You're more appreciative. You're not horny. I'm not horny for them. I wish I was a classic hot boy. Is that the question? This is like we're in a room together. Forget that thousands of people are watching this conversation. I'm asking if you had to pick a genre of...

What'd you say that specific bachelor party said well hung black guys well? Guys with huge fucking cocks Want me to make believe you know I feel like I would be a size queen probably Yeah

Size king. I wasn't. Sorry. I guess maybe I didn't frame. Did you mean like personality type? I kind of just made. No. Because I just want to argue that that is a personality type. If you have a dick more than eight inches, that's your personality. Right.

Because you're always measuring things opposite your dick. You're like, what is this, 8 1⁄2 by 11? Yeah. That's 8 1⁄2. That's about the size of my dick. That's 8 1⁄2 on that side. I know that. Yeah. Yeah, that's about right. Hey, man, could you... That's the 11 side. Could you hand me your 8 1⁄2-inch microphone real quick? Hey, Blake.

This isn't eight and a half inches, buddy. I've never seen that measurement of length in my life. It's more. The microphone's nine inches, okay? Okay. So, I mean, you hit me with these hard-hitting questions, dude. Well, I was just thinking while we were in the white horse, like, cowboys are pretty fucking hot, dude. Right. And is that where the real cowboys go? Yay or nay? Yay.

Nah. Okay, that's some points. That's some freaking points. So you cowboys. Okay. The whole crowd's like, I don't like this guy no more. Well, first we establish you're like

Into ISIS, super homophobic. Yeah, let's leave him alone. You're into cowboys? That's so weird because I'm into boy cows. Boy cows? Yes, boys! And boy cows are just like... Overweight, thick with it. Well, dude, I'm sitting right here. Don't get sexually attracted to me, dude.

And Kyle's just super into goth dudes. I was gonna say mechanics, but a goth mechanic is tight, you know? Right. Wee-ooh! Dude, that is the perfect answer for Kyle.

He's like, I don't know. It's covered in grease. It does something to me. Yeah, just knowing how an engine works. You know what I mean? We're going to twist the right knobs and poke the right stuff. They know what's under the hood. Actually, now I want to change my answer. Wait, let me just... Because I think I'm stumbling into something that the first goth person was probably a mechanic who just got oil right under his eyes and was like...

This works. I have to go out like this.

Go ahead. Holy shit. Mind blown, baby. Go ahead. I just want to say, now that I think about it, because now I'm thinking about what their occupation is. That's what I thought you meant. What are they into? Well, firemen. Firemen are pretty hot. Well, yeah. Classically, firemen are hot. They got calendars and shit. They're heroes. Which, by the way, I'm so bummed that we never came out, because we talked about it.

all the time in the Workaholics writers room that we got to come out with like us on a calendar. We could. We could do it. I thought you just said that we never came out. And I'm like, we're doing it. We could do that. It would be what? It would be three pictures of each of us. Because that's 12. 12 months. I'm doing math up here. Kyle, do a check, ladies and gentlemen. Live math.

Wow. That was crazy that you were able to pull that together that quickly, dog. You know what I mean? I still got it. Fucking proud of you, dog. I'm a dumbass. I feel like firefighters are bad boys that cleaned up their act. Oh.

Okay. Because for sure they're like into fire, so maybe they're a little arsonist. I mean, they're wild. They're willing to run into burning buildings. Yeah. And so they probably used to do stuff like that before, but now they do it for good. Okay. I like that. If we took pictures, what would your spread be? Oh, my spread is that. Like if we had...

If we had to take it, I don't think we have overlapping birthday months, so we could all do our own birthday months. I feel like mine would be me not catching a wave at Waco Surf. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd get January, so it'd be something by the fire and like a fur coat or something like that. Are we calling months now? Well, I'm saying it's my birthday, so I think we can all do our birthday months. Okay. I don't think we have overlapping birthday months. Okay, so I'm just fucking a bunch of leprechauns? Oh, you're saying Patty's Day theme? Well, Blake, you don't have to fuck them. Yeah, what are you... Yeah, this is a sexy posed photo. This is not... Yeah, you don't have to fuck everything...

I mean, in this, but in this calendar, you can, if you want to, we can discuss that, but like...

I do like the idea that we all do our own photo shoot and we bring it together. It's just fucking a leprechaun. It's just fucking a witch for October. Fucking an old pumpkin. Meanwhile, I just have a head coming out of a turkey. I have a Stars and Stripes top hat. What the fuck are you doing? Kyle, that's really creative. And then we get to march. Oh my god! Do you do this? Yeah.

You have two leprechauns butt-fucking you. Whose hand is that? This might be our gayest episode yet.

As it should be. RuPaul one time said that we had the gayest show on television. That is true. That is true. That's wild. That was tight. That's amazing. I feel like we did talk about when I was a young boy and she came out on Beauty and the Beach or MTV Beach Club Spring Break.

And she performed work. Yeah. And I didn't know what I was like, that's the tallest woman I've ever seen. Yeah. And her hair's blonde and she's black and I'm hard. Yeah, you were rock hard. It all makes sense. She's been around for a long time. It's science. It is science. It's biology. It's biology.

Right.

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So we've been coming to Austin for a long time.

We came to South by Southwest before Workaholics had even come out. Yes. That's right. And Workaholics was coming out in a few months or whatever, but we're there to do promo, but no one knows us. Did we play it at Emo's or whatever? Did we air it? We did. We had these sneak peeks that we were doing.

There was sneak peeks and there was like posters on the, on like 6th street or whatever of your guys' faces. So we had to take those posters down and be like, see? Yeah, we were just standing by the posters all night long. Right here, huh?

Yeah, I think we... Didn't we show it at like a vice party and everybody came and watched it and did not like it and then immediately afterwards, Tyler, the creator, performed and everybody's like, this is why we were here! That's right, that's right. I totally remember that. But they made him sit through our episode. You couldn't hear the show at all. That's why they didn't like it, that's why. Well, yeah, it was not the... I remember being very frustrated that it was not the venue. Remember we were...

It was like TV on the radio was performing and we were going to introduce them. We're stoked, right? And so it's like a big crowd, TV on the radio is about to perform. And then they come up to us and they're like, actually, you're not going to introduce them because the Teletubbies are here. No, it's not the Teletubbies. It wasn't the Teletubbies. I thought it was Black Thought. Who was it? I thought it was Black Thought or Questlove or somebody. No, you...

What, guys? No, the fucking... What are they called? It's Yo Gabba Gabba, you fucking weirdos. Right, thank you. Yo Gabba Gabba. I'm not way off. So we got pumped for Yo Gabba Gabba. Did he produce that? Am I crazy? I still have no fucking clue who Yo Gabba Gabba is. What? No idea. You know what, Kyle? You're off the project. Am I supposed to? I mean, I remember what they looked like from when we introduced them and nobody fucking cared. Goodbye. Goodbye.

We went on stage and we're like, what's up? We're the Workaholics. It was just like 5,000 people. I think one guy in the back was just like, fuck you! That was our buddy Teddy. It was a lot of that. Get off the fucking stage. We've been here for three seconds. We just got here. We're soaking it in. We're literally just announcing the band. And then we were Workaholics. We got no cheer and we're like, and we're introducing Yo Gabba Gabba and all of a sudden it was just

That's right. We introduced Yo Gabba Gabba to introduce the band. Yes. And Yo Gabba Gabba came out like... And people were like... I want to fuck you. Yo Gabba Gabba! It actually made me go like, fuck, should we make a children's show? Right. Do they talk?

No, Yoko Abagamita. So who spoke for them? I think it was Black Thought. I don't think it's Black Thought. I think it was... Biz Marquis, he said? It was Biz Marquis? No, I think it was just an actor. He wore like the big black glasses. Don't look at me, dude. I have no fucking clue who these people are. I have no idea. This guy was there. We had... And then another... I think it was another South by Southwest. It was after the show had come out. And we threw out this big ass house party on... Yeah, this was sick. Where was that? Yeah, we came back and shit was real different. I know.

Was anybody at the Workaholics house party?

Fuck yes. Thank you for sticking with us after all these years. Thank you. This was like a 12-hour event. We got there in the morning and it just was like... And we just drank all fucking day. It was the best. I remember drinking for, I think, 12 hours and then around hour 10 realizing... It was super fucking hot that day. Sweating like crazy. I realized I hadn't gone to the bathroom yet. Right. You're pissing through your pores. I was just sweating the beer. Wow!

I remember we had 10,000 people on the guest list, but you could only 500 people fit inside of the party. So it was one person in, one person out. So there's just like a line a mile long. So we felt bad, right? So I was like...

We got to go entertain these people. So I went and hopped on the back of some guy's motorcycle and then cracked two beers. And like, as he was driving, of course, I'm like holding onto him like this. That's cool. Like such a little bit. That's actually tight. And then drinking the beers like, okay, no, that's not, that's not a little bit. That's cool. The,

cop grabbed me and was like, I don't want to arrest you, but that's not legal here. See? There's a lot of laws here. By the way, if you're ever in a line outside of a thing we're doing and Adam comes out to be nice and glad hand, he's just looking for free weed. Oh, what's up, man? You want a picture? Somebody smells like reefer over here. What's up with that? Okay.

What's up with that? I'm still going to send it. What's up with that? That shit was cool. We had so many bands play at that house. Yeah, we had the Cool Kids. We had Trash Talk. We had Freddie Gibbs. I think Waves played. I think the portal opened up and the Wizards performed. They did. I remember that. That's right. They did. That's wild when that portal opens up and those Wizards come out. It's a wild time.

Fingers crossed it happens tonight. We're not sure if it will, but... Yeah. It's up to those wizards. Yeah, it's not up to us. It's up to them. Oh, and then my dad came, right? My dad was on a fishing trip, dude. Wait, do not come. He was on a fishing trip with his buddy Scotty, and my dad calls me. He's like, Hey, you in Austin? And I'm like, Yeah, we're doing that thing I told you about. And he goes...

"We're gonna roll through." And I'm like, "Awesome." He pulls up in his truck towing his bass boat. Yeah, yeah, it was great. And they were so sunburnt that, like, their faces were peeling off. It was not even, like, funny. It was, like-- Worrisome. Scary. It was concerning. Yeah. And then he's like, "It'll be fine."

And then he proceeded to drink with us all night. And at one point, I see, because I came, I introduced him from the stage. And I'm like, that's my dad right there. So suddenly he's like famous. And my dad would make a horrible famous person. Because immediately he was just grinding on 22-year-old girls. Yep, that's me. Come on over here. Yep, that's me. Yeah, he's like...

Yep, that's me. And then I was like filming him and he's like, yeah, baby, rock star living. And then he recognizes that I'm filming him and he goes, I have the video. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. And he's like, you can't show your mother. And then my mom called me the next day. The first thing she says is she goes, I heard your dad was grinding on 22 year old girls.

That shit's important. And then she was like, that's cool because we're swingers. You might not be mine. That's how I found out. No, they're not. Wait, so your dad told your mom before you sent the video? The classic move where you out yourself first. Look, Adam's going to send you. I wasn't going to rat my dad out. But he didn't know. He wasn't sure. He got ahead of it. That's also one of my favorite moments of all time is

were on the way home in a van with your dad, blasting Pink Floyd, "Teachers, leave those kids alone," whatever. And you know how they sing and they go, "Teachers!" But your dad kept coming in early and being like, "Teachers! No! Teachers! No!"

Ah, son of a bitch. Teachers, leave those kids alone. Dude, it was great. Yeah, baby. That's a great fucking moment. And then listing the drugs he may or may not have done. Yeah. And you were like, whoa, what the fuck? Dad was like, I did PCP tonight. Yeah. I thought I could lift this whole truck up. I still got the foily right here. You want a little bit of it? Yeah.

And then they were gone in the morning, like super early? We couldn't find his friend. Remember, his friend went missing. My dad's 60-year-old friend Scotty just went missing, and then we found him at 4 a.m. sleeping in his truck like this.

And we were calling him... He was bodied. Remember, we were calling him Scotty the Body, and so after we found him, we're like, we found the body. We found the body! What would have been so cool if the whole time we were like, dude, look at Scotty, Scotty the Body, and then that morning...

He was dead. Yeah. It would have been a different kind of like, oh, shit, we found him. I don't know if so cool is the right phrase. Yeah, that would have been way different. You would have been like, oh, fuck, we found the body. Yeah, this story would have ended a little different. We'd be like, and now a moment of silence for Scott. He was so sunburned, though, you wouldn't know he was dead for like several days. But why did he fall asleep in fucking corpse pose? Dude, you know why? You know why? Because he was ready to drive, dude. He was in the car ready to take off in the morning. He was in the driver's seat.

And that's what, 'cause I called them the next day 'cause they were gone before we woke up. And then they were like, just such an old man thing, they're like, "Yeah, I wanted to hit the road before traffic." Right, right.

What? Meanwhile, you're like, you're still drunk. You're driving to Omaha, Nebraska from Austin, Texas. Yeah, dude. You have 12 hours ahead of you. Oh, dude, I'm telling you, by 8 a.m., Austin to Omaha is a parking lot. We're lucky we got out of there before 7.30, especially during South By when everybody's on the go.

Scotty the body? We found the body. We found the body. Thank God we found the body. Isaac, I went through this pretty freaking quick. Can I get a fucking beer out here, brother? Isaac Horn. Isaac, I need an MF in beer, dude. He's coming. He's just... Will you just bring a whole round, please? A whole round. Hey, give it up for Isaac.

Ooh. Ooh. Thank you, brother. Should he show his nips or what's the deal? Come on, man. Come on. Tonight is the night where sexual harassment doesn't count. Yeah. Show us those pink translucent nips. What did he say? He wants to eat my butthole? What? Yeah. That's exactly what I heard.

I like how he's like, no, I'm going to shout it again, honey. I'm going to enunciate this time. And she's like, I wish you wouldn't. I wish you wouldn't. And he's like, you're going to like this. Just why don't you go home and don't go into my closet where I keep my manifesto. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Ah, fuck. He said, show us your buzz balls. I heard you, bud. I can interpret blackout drunk. I'm really good. You can speak blackout? Ice, ice. I'm fluent in blackout. That was me last night when I was like, earlier in the night, I'm like, absolutely no shots. And then we took like three shots. And at the end, they were like, do you guys want shots? And I was like, absolutely. Teachers! I'll take eight shots for me and my friends. Yes, please.

Yes, please, I'll take a shot. Yes, please. Yes, please. Seven years or not.

He said seven Jaeger shots and he said please. I'm blackout drunk but I'm very polite. The most polite blackout drunk. You are. You're a super happy dude when you get wasted. I'd say all of us are pretty happy but Blake and Dallas kept kissing on me. Oh boy. Kiss on the bussy? He made a speech about what a good guy I am and he was hanging on to me and he was like

See, you guys are sweet. That's sweet. I also did that in San Jose. Do I do that in every city? Oh, I think I was thinking San Jose. Here comes your San Jose kiss. Oh, have you gotten your Austin kiss yet? Not yet. Yeah, my whole goal of the tour is to kiss my best friends in every city. And you ask the gay question. It's all making sense. Get over here.

So you guys don't fight each other when you get blackout drunk anymore? What's up with that? No, the only person that would fight is you, Kyle. It doesn't happen when I'm not drinking? That's why we are still degenerate alcoholics and you had to stop. Yeah, wow. That was all me. You would always wake up and you're like, why are my knuckles bloody?

And you're like, I got to drywall the hallway again. Well, good for you guys. I'm glad you can do it. That's cool. Cheers to you. Yeah. I'll drink to that. Hell yeah, dude. I can drink to that, playboy. Are you going to drink to that? What do you drink? Like, just like water or fucking what? I drink water, bro. Cheers. Ew. You're asking about me. This is a classic. This is a go-go. This is a Red Bull vodka mixed with soda water. Right.

I'm still going to have a heart attack, but I got to cut it a little bit with the soda water, you know? Right, right, right, right, right. Classic go-go. So you're a Red Bull guy over just Monster? Come on, dude. Monster Energy fucking rocks. What happened to Monster? Why don't you do Monster and what else is in there? Vodka? Is that what you said? Yeah, why don't you do Monster and Vodka? What are you drinking over there? Coffee, dude.

Well, I mean, any energy drink will do, but there's sugar-free Red Bulls here, so that's what I fucking pound. Wait, is that a boss move? Like, how come no one goes up to the bartender and says, let me get a vodka monster? Almost all bars do not carry that. But I'll be honest, haven't you always been pissed when you're like, I'll take a Red Bull vodka, and they're like, we've got Rockstar. Oh.

Oh, that's rare. I do want to smack someone when that happens. Well, only if the bartender's wearing like a very flat bill baseball cap. Oh, yeah. That's the only time that happens. When you have Monster? When they have Monster and Rockstar. The flatter the ball cap, the more likely they're having Rockstar energy. Totally. You check out the bartender and you go, not even going to ask.

Dude, the worst is like now we stay, I mean, we're bougie assholes. We stay at like nice ass hotels and you're like, I'll take a Red Bull vodka and they're like, we don't have energy drinks. Oh yeah, it's a fucking, it's tough to get a shot of Jaeger at some of these places. They're like, we have a Celsius, sir. I hate it when people are judgmental about my Jaeger intake. I'm like, yo, can I get a shot of Jaeger? And they're like, this isn't good.

college, man. Well, dude, that was last night when we got Jaeger at Whitehorse. They were like, Jaeger? I had to say it like three times. I was like, Jaegermeister. And he's like,

Sorry, it sounded like you said Jaeger. I'm like, well, I might have been saying it like, Jaeger! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Adam Devine is here. He's shouting anger at everybody. Anger! Anger! Anger!

eight shots, ender! Oh, man. By the way, shout out to the bouncer who was like 6,000 feet tall and for some reason still had the feeling that he needed to push and touch everyone that he walked past. I'm like, we're all moving. I step aside and he reaches to be like, move it, fuckface! Well, I think for you, you know how other big guys have to check other big guys? A little bit, yeah, I guess. Yeah.

Your boobs are huge. I think probably he just saw a fellow big guy and was like, I gotta, before this guy gets out of control, I gotta let him know I can shove him. I'm also a big guy. A stronger, bigger guy. They just let me run about. They're like, look at this little fella. Right. He went...

And I got in his hand, and then he put me on the stage, and he's like, sing something for the people. And I was like, please don't stop the music. I've done that at like six shows, dude. It's so fun. Please don't stop the music.

I like the idea of you taking... Sorry, I was about to... Because every time... Adam has to stand up. Yeah, I think that's what Kyle was going for. Teachers!

-That's true. - ♪ Please don't stop the music ♪ -All right, la-- Yeah, okay. -Hand goes out. -Yeah, Adam's gonna be like... just shooting side-eye like, "Don't do it." -Yeah. -I won't do it again. -Off-mic? -I won't do it again. I'm getting lactic acid in my legs. I won't do it again. - ♪ Please don't stop the music ♪ -Oh, fuck. I feel like I've been skiing all morning. Please stop. -That's the last one. -Please stop. - ♪ Popo Sal! ♪ -Oh, that's like Simon Says. -What if he-- -I was ready.

I like that it brings people so much joy, the "please don't stop the music." That is cool. Rihanna. It's a fun mixed bag of people that know Pitch Perfect and people that... But then there's specific Workaholic fans that detest it. That are like, "I'll meet them out and about in the world," and the guy will be like, "Holy shit, bro, keep it sleazy, tight butthole." And then the girl will be like, "How was Fat Amy?"

And he'll be like, shut the fuck up, Diane. I'm talking about sleazy. We're keeping it sleazy. Talking about tight buttholes with him. Loose butthole. Loose butthole. That is cool that you got it all covered. That's amazing. Wait, how many people liked Pitch Perfect? Yeah! Okay. And now whose buttholes are tight? Yeah!

And you notice a more guttural noise from the buttholes. Yeah, and how many people saw me as a judge on Is It Cake? I saw that shit. Damn. I saw that shit, Blake. I watched that shit when I was in Hawaii. It was sick. Thanks, bro. Oh, my God. That's like my biggest credit. Jesus. No, you're in that episode of Entourage. That is true. That was very...

That was very early, and all I had to do was ask for a condom, and I couldn't get the fucking lines right, and Jeremy Piven was fucking pissed. You don't want to be on that guy's bad side. What did he do? He had a line, didn't he? In Entourage, they cared about the words a lot. You had to say your lines right.

And what a beautifully written show that was, where Trouble's like, what fucking chicks we banging tonight, Vince? Right. Hold on. Nope, that's not right. It's actually babes. You said chicks. We'll take it again. We'll take it again. Right, right. Yeah. So I have to say, like, yo, dude, is it cool if I, like, rip a condom from you or something? And they're like, actually. It probably wasn't that, but go ahead. No, it definitely, I definitely said rip because I was like, nobody says. Was it, dude, the condom ripped. Yeah.

Yeah, that is confusing. You ripped a condom? They're like, uh...

Well, you don't want a torn condom. You want a condom that is fully... Yeah, that's a really weird... It wasn't even that word they got hung up on. They were like, not a condom. It's that condom from you or something. And then, like, I just... It wasn't clicking in my brain. And I just remember Jeremy Piven, he's in the car during the scene. He's just going, come on, Blake. I mean, yeah. Yeah.

I was... He probably had a fucking dinner reservation. I was like... I was really scared of him.

At least he knew your name. Well, dude, he was Ari Gold, dude. That guy was intimidating. Yeah, he was probably in character. Deep in character. He was probably in character. But I eventually got the line, and I didn't get cut out of that episode. So that's pretty fucking cool. That's good. That's good. Because you do get cut out of stuff. Yeah. It happens. I have been cut out of a lot of things. A lot of commercials. McDonald's commercial. Got cut out of a McDonald's commercial. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't remember this one. God, I'm moving back to Concord. I wish I had a piano right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like one of the... So I got a McDonald's commercial and it... That's a restaurant chain. Yes, yes. They sell hamburgers and nuggets. It's kind of like Whataburger. Yeah. Sort of in the same vein. Okay. But I remember that it shot really early. I had to be on set like at 5 a.m. And...

He doesn't do good like that. And a lot of times when you're shooting a commercial, it was like a big campaign, so they were knocking out like six commercials in one day or something, so there was a lot of waiting. And I don't think I was on set until noon or whatever, and I was super tired, falling asleep, so I'm like...

I'll try coffee for the first time. Oh, shit. What do you mean for the first time? Did you burp? No. Fuck. It's just coming out of us. Maybe it just seeped out of me. That's possible. No, it was me. It was me. I farted. You farted? Oh, my God.

No, I didn't. Okay. Sorry. I had never had hot coffee before in my life. Just cold. I'm like, I have to stay up. So is the end of the story you shit your pants and they cut you out of McDonald's? Literally, they're like, all right, Blake, it's your time to go on set. And right when they said that, it just went. And I was like, oh, fuck. It was like one of those coffee shits where you're like, you have to catch it. Right. Right. Right.

I was like, ah. Nice catch. I was like, can I use the restroom? And they're like, no. Wish you didn't have to. Yeah, like, no. You had 11 hours to take a shit. You could have been using the restroom for literally six hours. I was like, I have to. I'm going to make sharks. So I went, I fucking shit my brains out. And when I got to set, the director was just like,

Here's this guy holding the chute. And I think for that reason, and not my performance because my performance was very good. What was your performance? It's a McDonald's commercial. Aren't you just holding a cheeseburger going like... No, it's like, oh shit, I won the Monopoly game. You said shit? Well, I...

You can't just keep changing the scripts at these jobs, bro. People write this stuff for a reason. Buddy, you're cut out. You're cut out. Oh, shit. I won the Monopoly thing. Oh, fucking shit, dog. I just ripped this Monopoly thing and I won this shit. This is Mick crazy. Yo, I just took 12 hours. Actually, you're just supposed to hand her $5 and take the bag and say thank you, but...

You added a Monopoly element. Actually, we haven't done the Monopoly in ten years. You said tickets lazy. It's weird that that's what you remember about McDonald's. Blake brought his own old-ass box as a prop. He's like, oh, fucking shit. Yeah, Blake comes out of the trailer dressed as Ronald, and they're like...

That's not the commercial at all. You're fucking terrifying, dude. And why is there shit pouring out of your left pant leg? It's landing in your fucking huge red shoe. What's going on? Diarrhea.

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I've told this story on the pod of me getting kicked out of, or cut out of the Domino's commercial. Because my ass was too big. Not necessarily good, but just too big.

They didn't say it was good big. They were just like, his ass looks huge in those pants. Right. We don't want our dominoes associated with that fat ass. That's harassment. I think you have a lawsuit. That's fucking harassment, bro. Yeah. But then they're going to put like iSpice in their latest dominoes commercial and you're going to be like, irate. Great ass! Dude, we were talking backstage about how much we love iSpice. We...

Usually backstage we're in separate quarters. We never see each other. And then right before a show we're like, fine. Yeah, and I texted the guys, the fellas, and I'm like, hey, you guys want to get together and just talk about iSpice? I wasn't there when we talked about this because I actually just saw a video of iSpice and I was like,

Who the fuck is this? This cartoon character. She's the best performer of all time. Doesn't she just have a red Ronald McDonald wig and check her ass? This is it, though. I was saying, like, before I Spice... And it's great! And we like that? Everyone had to dance before. Your Janet Jackson's, your Madonna's, your Britney Spears's. She just kind of

shakes and it's better than all of them somehow is it like because it's like right like the most confident thing you can do on stage the most confident thing yeah stage yeah no it's because she has huge tits and a big ass yeah okay or she's gotta go to the bathroom does she do music yeah she's a rapper but when she raps who the fuck this person is when she raps she just puts like a hand here and just does this and you're like

I love it. Best ever. Goat. The goat. I call her Ice Goat. And that's how you know I'm young and cool. Hey, son. I don't know who that is. She's like the Brendan Hansen of rap. That's the swimmer I named an hour ago. Oh, dope. Well done. Well, can you play an Ice Bice song? What would I know?

There's probably no way that even if I play it, you're going to know what it is, Adam. You only know Blink-182. She's not on the new Blink album. Well, I like great music. Adam's like, wait, is she on the new Blink album? Is she Tom DeLonge?

Or nah. Okay, I'll play an I-Spice song and we'll see if-- And then we'll do the dance. Okay, this is catchy. So she's basically wiping her ass back to front. Yeah.

And we're all in agreement that that's dope? Well, she's standing and wiping her ass, so she might be a three-points dancer. She's a maven. Hey, Kyle, guess what? You get points for that, bud. Oh, cool. Excellent. Yeah, she is publicly wiping her ass. It's just like...

Back to front wiping her ass. And that is actually what the term ice spice means. Right. Because it starts off nice and cool and then it gets a little warm. It's getting hot! It's getting hot! A little spicy. Yeah, and I actually... That made no sense. That's actually what I did on the set of the McDonald's commercial. And that's probably why I got cut out of it. You're like, can I rip a condom?

Adam Spice! And Jeremy Piven was like, Blake! Come on, Blake. Come on, Blake. What up? I won the Monopoly game. Wait. Hearing you guys say, come on, Blake, made me realize how good your impression was when you said,

When you said it, because it did sound like Piven. Really? Can we get it one more time? Oh, I lost it immediately. Get back into it. You can do this. You're an actor. I just... Go back to the time. Go to the moment. I get it, and this is why you're cut out of things. Can we get a spotlight? You lose your confidence, but I know you have it. Yeah, let's get the spotlight and all the other lights down. Take us down, please. Take us down. Okay. Roll in. Jeremy? Wait, should I roll? Should I roll? You're on set. Okay.

You're hitting your mark. Rolling. Sound speeds. On a bell. I'm going to come. Nope. You did it too quick. Okay. Rolling. Are we rolling? No, I think the bat... Oh, hold on. Here we go. Are we rolling? I got two minutes of tape. You better fucking hit this, Blake Anderson. Rolling. Sound speeds. We're going into grace. And

I just came my pants. You did it too soon. You got to wait for action, buddy. Rolling. Sound speeds and... Still rolling. Action. Come on, Blake. Nope. Let's take it again. Yeah, try it one more time. And... Action. Is it cool if I rip a condom from you? Wait, are you doing pivot? You're not doing your line. You're supposed to be doing Jeremy present. I thought you were going to be pivoting. Do you need somebody to feed the camera, the line off camera? And... Here we go.

Hey, can I rip a condom from you? It's cake. It's cake. It's cake. What? It's cake.

And you're cut out the scene. No! Not again! Come on, Blake. You're cut out the scene. One minute of tape left. So what did you think was going to happen? I thought he was going to be doing the come on, Blake line. Well, that's what we had established, that he was going to be Jeremy Piven and say, do the come on, Blake, as well as he did it the first time. Because it was a great impression. I'm sorry, guys. And then...

Then he kind of froze. He got really sweaty. He got really sweaty as soon as the spotlight came on him. And then we were doing our pivins, and come on, Blake. Heard the news today. Oh, God. Yes. Got cut out of the commercial. The McDonald's commercial. It's in the dirt. Oh, God.

It hurts so bad. Disappointed! Sorry, guys. If I had a piano right now, I would rip it for you. That would have been sick, dude. I wish we could wheel out a piano every now and then. It would be cool to have a piano on stage. Just to hit that. Right. Yeah, maybe.

Have you ever been cut out of anything? I've ever been cut out? No, just fired off entire projects. Yeah. No, wait, I was cut out of a Paul Thomas Anderson movie called Inherent Vice. You can see my body. Oh, that's right. You just can't see my face, which is a choice, and I respect it.

Because people would be like, oh, dude, we'll just take the body. Thanks. We're watching this movie that's very serious. Is that the Durs? I'm totally taken out of this Joaquin Phoenix vehicle now. Dude, I got hired to act one time. Yeah. And I got cut out of it.

What was that? Well, you're my favorite actor, so this doesn't make any sense for me. It makes no sense. It made no sense. I played an ambulance driver on the series finale of... What the fuck was it? CSI. CSI. It was CSI, I remember. Yeah, CSI.

And I guess I sucked. I don't know what's up. I shaved my entire face for the fucking role. Well, that's why. That's why. They asked me to. I did what they asked. Oh, really? Yeah, I was being a good actor and listening to the director and the producers and all that. And then they were like... Wait, so did they go, oh, you shaved?

Why do you think that has anything to do with it? I'm just saying I did that. No, he shaved and they went, oh, you have three chins? Sorry, bro, I had to burn you. Can we get him into hair and makeup and get a beard back on him? Right. Do you remember when I did your friend's student film? And this is like the first thing I did. I was like 18 years old or 19. Oh, yeah. And you were like...

It was your friend's student film at LA Film School, and your friend was casting the role of hottest man in the world. Yes. And he's such a good roommate and friend that he goes, I got just the guy. Yep. And then my pudgy ass shows up to work. And I remember the director being like,

This is the guy? Oh, yeah. But we were like, it was so booty, dude. We were on like the corner of a parking garage and it was supposed to be a fancy restaurant too. Yeah.

Wait, it was a garage dressed as a restaurant? I was the fucking production designer on that, so I was like hanging streamers and things. They're like, yo, Kyle, so here's the deal. We need a really hot guy, and we need a fancy restaurant. And you're like, I've got Adam and a garage. Yeah, this is what I can give you tomorrow. Cool brain. I just remember him being like, so he's the hottest guy in the world.

Okay. Welcome to Hollywood. I had a similar thing. I always forget this actually happened, but I was in a kid rock music video. Oh, yeah. Hot, hot, hot, hot. You're like a boxer, aren't you? Yeah, so my buddy who's handsome and fucking sliced was like, hey, they're looking for somebody super handsome. And I'm like, all right, I'll keep my eyes open.

He's like, no, bro. I'm talking to you. And then I get the spotlight. And he's like, a few years from now, PTA is going to look at that body specifically and be like, I got to have it. Let's fill a frame with it. And so we get there. I'm like, I'm just doing push-ups all night. But we get there the next day and they go, okay, shirt's off. We're going to oil you up. And I was just like, and like I take the shirt off and you definitely see people go, yeah, we'll oil them up. Oil them up.

Do whatever you can. I remember being excited that you were in that video. Yeah. And then watching the video and they like blurred you out. Well, it's like he's... It was like a directorial choice. Again, I respect these. I'm in the guild myself, so I respect their choices. You were like just a blurry figure in the background. You were just like moving... Almost a shadow. You were like moving flesh, just sort of... Yeah. They ended up rotoscoping the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah.

It's because Durza's tits were so big they had to blur them. Right. So... I can't remember. Your boobs are huge. The video was, like, three stories. Like, it was, like, the dream whatever, dream day for each of the people. It's like Kid Rock had his, somebody else had theirs, and then, like, the, like, heavyset black drummer lady, this was her fantasy to see, like...

Two young white dudes killing each other in a pit. And I think I did overhear her say, nobody on set has bigger tits than me. Get them out of here. Your boobs are huge. I do think I heard that. That's an American badass right there. I do think I heard that. Those things jiggle. Should we do some Hot Topics? Let's do it, baby. Austin, Hot Topics.

I love it. So, Joey Fat One. Okay. Is it Fat One or Fatone? It's Fatone. Let's keep it real. I think I've said Fat One for so long that now I just say Fat One. To be fair, it is spelled that way. It's like how we used to always misspell manana. Manana? Manana?

Like tomorrow. You guys would say, "Sue ma-nyam-ya." And we would say, "Ma-nyam-lo." Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just as being idiots. I've caught myself being like, "All right, see you ma-nyam-lo." Ma-nyam-lo. It's not right. Sorry, bro. So Joey Fat One, 46 years old. He gets candid. By the way, pretty young. I thought they were older. Yeah, that scared me. He gets candid about his hair plugs and fat removal procedure. And he says, "Men get stuff done too."

It's science. I mean, yeah. Keep it a secret, bro.

I agree with you. I think we should be ashamed. Yeah, put the shame back in that. As a society, I feel like we need to have more shame. Especially men. Men should bottle everything up. I don't know what could happen. Keep it bottled. I don't know what could happen. Men should show no emotion if you cry your week. You're a bitch. You should have it bottled up and nothing bad will ever happen from that. Drink it all the way.

This isn't like a dig or a burn on Joey, but like you'd think he would have had like his one jacked phase, right? I feel like everyone's having their jacked phase and either they stay in it or like they fall back, but like... We all can't be Wisconsin swimmers. My dad's here. Appreciate that, dad. I'm kidding. My dad would never support me that way. No, that's the same guy from before and he's like...

I'm gonna redeem myself, honey. Right. And he's like, Diane, shut the fuck up. I'm gonna say something. I wish you wouldn't. I wish you wouldn't. I got it. I figured it out. I'm gonna write something down so I don't fuck it up this time.

So, hair plugs. We all can't be Wisconsin swimmers. Honey, you hold it while I'm saying it. I'm going to go to the bathroom and practice it. I'll be back in 15 minutes. He was gone this whole time. Yeah. Hopefully they don't cut me out. He's been in the bathroom by the merch booth. We all can't be Wisconsin swimmers. Nope. Yeah, but bro, I got to give him credit. He was better than Blake on the set of Entourage. No. Bro.

Hey, buddy. Hey, you know what? Can we give him points for that? You got some points, bud. Yeah, some points. The floodgates are open. Hey, I would never cut you out of my movie, buddy. There we go.

Yeah, so I guess he's had like a ton of shit done. He had his fat removed from his chin and stomach. We all can't be Wisconsin Swimmers! He's also gotten hair plugs. Hair plugs? Dude, by the way, if I ever went bald, I'm getting, I'm going to ask Blake if I can plug his hair into my head. Oh, a hair transplant from Blake? Yeah. Dude, that's cool. So I hope I only like lose the crown. So just up here, it's just like. That would be unreal.

Whoa. If you could get different kinds of hair in your head. I think you can. Like different colors and kinds and twists and turns. Yeah, you just go to all your homies. You're like, I'm very interested in this concept. Kyle said colors, kinds, twists and turns. Like people's hair is a Dr. Seuss book? What the fuck are you talking about? That's what I want my head to be. Dr. Seuss does hair, bro. By the way, it would be tight if you could go to your black friend and be like, yo,

Can I get some of your hair? And just you have like a sick ass fucking black hairdo? That'd be tight. So whenever you go like to like a 7-Eleven and the guy's like putting some cigarettes away and you're like, hey, can you help me? He turns around and he just goes... I would just look exactly like Kid from Kid and Play? Yeah. Just staring like, ow.

But you also got some hair from Andrew Santino, so it's like shock red. This would be fucking cool, dude. It's Adam Spice. I know you don't know who Adam Spice is, but she has a very orange afro, so look that up. That's sick. I'm into this. Dude, she's cool. You've got to look her up. By the way, Joey Fatone...

He only told us like half of the stuff he got done for sure, right? Yeah, he's like, just the hair plugs and I had some fat removed and you're like... There's no way. And also I had like a third nipple that I took off and half implants and...

It just keeps going. Did you ever see the guys that got bicep implants and they just look fucking insane, dude? Yeah. Dude, it's gross when someone gets bicep implants. That's like weird. What is in there? What is that? It's a breast implant. They put a breast implant in your bicep? Oh, I thought it was just like breakfast burritos or something. I was joking. It is that. I was just being silly. Well, you know what, Joey Fatone?

I guess good for you, but I think as a society we should hold things in more. So hit me with the blade. Yeah, uh-huh.

Now, this is a fancy Dior. Is that how you pronounce it? Christian Dior. Dior releases skincare line for babies. Oh, shit. Which includes $230 scented water and $115 moisturizer. And this is why people hate rich people. Like, fuck off. Yeah, you don't need to do that. But who do you hate? Do you hate the people who make the product or the people who buy the product?

The people who buy the product is... So then this is fine. Make it. That's great. What they're doing as a business is fine. That is true. I think it's kind of funny. You know how people will only buy whatever the most expensive thing is, like rich assholes? I guess it's more expensive if it's better, if it's more expensive. Yes, and safer. We should come out with a $1,000...

fucking buzz ball. You got this. Would you say butthole? Buzz ball. Either way, sounds on brand. Dude, I would actually, I'd drink one before I died for sure. A thousand dollar buzz ball? Yeah, like right before I fucking croak, I'm like, crack me open one of those thousand dollar buzz balls. Is it like aged? Vintage.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't understand. It's basically like, you know, Goldschlager where it had like the gold flakes. Can I break some news to you? What? You could drink that now. Oh, shit. Yeah. What, the buzz ball? Yeah, $1,000 buzz ball. Yeah, you could drink that. You don't have to wait till you're dead. Yeah, you're good. Fuck it. Tonight's the night.

Okay. Well, we don't have one. Hit me with it. Yes, sir. So a Delta flight attendant. Did you burp again? I did that time. We just had barbecue. It's like Red Bull burps, right? So it just kind of like hangs. But if that's the same smell that you smelled before, then definitely before you when you said you didn't burp, you did. Yes. Well, it slips out. You know, sometimes you don't even know you're doing it.

So do you know that you did it? I knew right now, I knew, but the first time I did not know. Okay, but we've now concluded that it was, in fact, you. I believe it is me. Good job. All right, cool. Hey, to truly wrap it up, can you stop? Oh, it just came out. Fucking thing sucks!

Hit me with it, Blake. Oh, shit, I already did, man. I'm looking at porno right now. Call him, ma'am. So a Delta flight attendant threatens to have Grammy-nominated gospel vocalist Bobby Storm, cool name, escorted from plane after she refuses to stop singing to passengers. Wait, what? This woman... She couldn't stop singing, dude, so they're like, you have to leave the plane.

Whoa. That's a gift. And she's like...

I'm never gonna stop singing cause the Lord Yeah. Fuck. I guess like other singers you'd be like well fuck off you're being an asshole quit singing but like she's like God is telling me to. Right. You can't argue with that. When the spirit said sing you gotta sing and shout baby that's it. How annoyed would Durs be if that woman was sitting right behind him and instead of like a crying baby or a dog or something it's just this woman being like

Hallelujah. Yeah, I don't know. It depends. I got to hear the voice. Yeah, I bet it's beautiful. Well, if she's Grammy nominated, it had to be good. I don't know, man. The Grammys are rigged. Oh, are they rigged now that Dua Lipa fucking lost? Yeah, man. What the fuck?

The fact that Dua Lipa didn't win Best Song is travesty. It's a travesty. It's a travesty. But it could also be tragic. It's Lake Travis. Yeah, Lake Travis. Him with a Blake. Oh, zip lines. They got zip lines there. Hold on, I got to close out all my porno tabs. So a Disney guest allegedly... Okay. Allegedly. Allegedly. I'm looking for it. Jesus Christ. Allegedly. Okay.

Allegedly poop while waiting in line for rides. I get that. Was it the first time drinking coffee? Hot coffee. It's the hot coffee part. Wait, so... Yeah, so evidently two Disneyland custodial team workers known as cast members wrote about it in a 2015 book, Cleaning the Kingdom, Insider Tales of Keeping Walt's Dream Spotless. What?

What are we doing now in society? Guys talk about their hair plugs and custodial workers write books, dude. Why do they think they have to shit in... But do we blame the people writing the books or buying the books? But also, why do they have to shit in line? You could just have somebody hold your space, right? Can't you still do that or no? Kyle, dude, no, I...

I empathize with this person. I get it, man. Okay, please elaborate. Tell me why they don't... If you get a bad cup of Joe, you gotta shit. You gotta shit. I almost shit my... I shit my pants at South by Southwest. We've told the story on... Oh, at the Converse, Papa. Sometimes you gotta shit your pants. I remember that. What the frickin' WF? I told you to go and show your nipples, buddy.

I do kind of want to hear it. You shit yourself at the club? It was just like we were drinking beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, right? So you know what happens to the body. And it was like a weird setup. You know how everything's kind of like pop-ups?

And so I went to the bathroom that had no sink and no garbage can and had my underwear just like, fuck. And so I put them back on and went to another bathroom that someone told me had the garbage can, took them back off, did a whole thing, and then put them at the bottom, covered it up. And then had a great time in Austin.

And all I got to say. And I like how ashamed you were in that moment. You're like hiding the underwear. You're like, no one can ever know about this. And then 10 years later, you're just telling thousands of people that you. Hey, man. Well, the fact of the matter is we can't all be Wisconsin Swimmers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Go to ZOAenergy.com. That's Z-O-A-Energy.com. So you guys had some hot, hot cues. We got some sweet, sweet A's. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Questions. Hot, hot, hot. Laura wants to know. You've got questions. Sorry. I don't know what that is. Laura wants to know, what's the weirdest shit you've ever seen at a Hollywood party? A Hollywood party? The weirdest shit? The weirdest. Oh, dude. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I saw one time I saw this fucking wild dude jump off a fucking roof and break his back on a fucking beer pong table. I saw that same thing. It was fucking insane, dude. That was a Halloween party? You said Halloween? No, Hollywood. Oh, I thought they said Halloween. It was crazy, dude. Odd Future was there. Trash Talk was there. Can we do Halloween? Hollywood party?

We're not really invited to a lot of Hollywood parties. I did see, God I can't remember his name, Tom Hanks eat a baby. I saw at a Hollywood party Kathy Bates blowing Henry Winkler. I just saw that one time. Yeah, that's just Hollywood though. Yeah, that's weird. That's just Hollywood.

What cool stuff you see, Blake? Oh, dude, at a Hollywood party, I saw Guy Pearce. I was there during the filming of Colin Farrell's sex tape. The joke structure was one time at a Hollywood party. Fuck off, man. What are you going to do? Cut me out of the fucking podcast? Yeah, good, buddy.

So Abraham, a.k.a. AB, he wants to know, is there any truth to the Ders? And if so, we'll find out tonight in Austin. We'll find out. Yeah, to a degree. Yeah, I feel Ders gets to a level and suddenly you're like, uh-oh.

Yeah. The Durs is steering the ship tonight. Yeah. I mean, the first time you guys met, you guys like fist fought each other in my living room. That's true. That's true. And you were in probably full Durs form that night, right? If I was in full piss my bed form, you were in full Durs form. I, well, just to defend myself a little bit, I think I was being kind of normal, maybe not fully normal. Uh, but.

But you definitely just had come inside from fighting Adam and had never met me. And I was going through your DVDs looking for my Jamie Foxx I Might Need Security DVD. Yeah. Because I was going to leave.

And then you were like, why are you taking our DVDs? You cannot take those. Those are Adam's friends' DVDs. He kept being like, that DVD belongs to Adam's friend. And I'm like, I think I'm that friend we just met. But we're at least acquaintances, if not comedic muses at this moment. Comedic muses. I'm writing for him.

And then I let you walk out the door and I did piss the futon that night. I'm pissed now! That's when the Kyle comes out. I feel like the Ders is more the Kyle. Oh, maybe there was. Thanks, man. Stephanie Meinhardt would like to know, she says there is... Wait, hang on.

She says there is a talent scout in the audience. Uh-oh. And it may or may not be me. Okay. Give me your best dance moves. Please don't stop the music. That was it? Austin Osborne wants to know, did Blake pay each one of you $100 from the Grammy bet that Dua Lipa's song would win Song of the Year? It didn't win.

He bet each of us $100. That's right. That Dua Lipa would win Best Song of the Year. And it didn't win, and you did not pay us, Blake. Yeah, I never received my cash. Yeah, well, I think if you listen back to that episode, you guys were acting real silly. What? Wow.

Somebody rope this motherfucker. Wait, what? We were acting silly? Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the name? Who wrote that? Austin Osborne. Austin Osborne. Fuck you, dog. What are you doing, bro? Oh, shit. Hey, it seems like it's just $300. I feel like you could just peel a few bills off for your homies. You lost a bet. Maybe you pay up. Pay your homies. Okay, tomorrow...

What? I'm going to look into that. All right, cool. You got to go to a cash machine, bro. Good looking out, dog. Yeah, thanks, Austin. So Natty Light wants to know, now is that your birth name? If you could all invite anyone into a circle jerk. What the fuck? This is our fault. We did this to ourselves. Who would it be? Right.

Wait, how many people are in this? Oh, it's just... Are we naming the crew or are we naming the... Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's like we're in a circle jerk. Are we watching like wild things or like we're just jerking off looking at each other? Like what? Abraham Lincoln. I'm going to plead the fifth. I would just say...

The whole fire team, fire, fireman team. Oh yeah. They're known as fireman team. That doesn't seem real. Definitely going to be a mechanic shop. It's going to take place. I think you would have to go someone like kind of funny, right?

Like D.L. Hughley? Oh, man. Just so you're having a good time. I can't believe I'm here because of that thing from Austin, dude. He's like, I can't believe I have to be in this circle jerk with you guys. Like Bernie Max there? Oh, sorry. R.I.P. Right. Is it...

I said that. You're not jerking. So that was my Burner Mac. I feel like I'd make it like a business move. It'd be like Steven Spielberg. Oh. You know, and I would be like soft pitching him like, yeah, so it's not necessarily time travel per se, but there are dimensions. Okay. And uh,

Or something to that effect. Yeah, that's great. Turn a circle jerk into a networking event. And his dick looks like E.T.'s finger and it lights up. And we touch him. Elliot. Yes, close! Woo!

Please suck it. E.T. Bone Home. Okay? You want that? Yes, please! I think it's a shirt. You said turn a circle jerk into a networking thing, but that is what circle jerks are. Come on. Right. No, I'm sorry. Yeah. If you don't get out of the circle jerk with everybody's number and business card, did you even circle jerk at that point? Yeah, that's true. Okay, we're done. Can you hand me your business card? Here's mine. Here's my card.

Oh, shit. You're a manager at Ike's Sandwiches? Cool. Wow. I'm going to come over there. I'm going to come over there. Oh, shit. Schlotzky's. A lot of sandwich makers here. That's weird. Oh, wait. You drive for FedEx. I thought you were a CEO of some sort of FedEx, but no. Okay. All right. Nice package. Big Daddy Pap would like to know. That's a good name. What is the angriest you've been at each other on set?

And what caused it? Pull it back! What is it? The angriest we've been at each other on set. And what caused it? I don't think there was ever anger. You know, we might get a little annoyed by each other or whatever, but... Yeah, but have we ever been angry? I mean...

No, dude. It almost seems like we're hiding a story. This wasn't angry. And this was kind of funny because it was a bummer of a day for Adam. And I was directing an episode. Wait, are we going to cry? Yeah, I don't think so. And you had a scene with like a monologue and it was you and just Wayman. And I think you were like yelling at Wayman. It was like a page long thing.

But you had just found out that you were going to be out of town for the entire Clippers season. Oh, yeah. And you had just bought season tickets two weeks before. R.I.P. R.I.P. my Clippers season tickets. Well, why didn't you cry about it? You couldn't get through the scene, like the monologue or whatever, and you were getting really angry at yourself. And then you went off, and I'm like, it's all good, dude. And you're like, I just fucking found out I can't go to any Clippers games. And I was like...

Well, focus up. I'm so sorry. But you got this. Let's get back in there. Come on. Come on. You guys never really got mad at me, but Jeremy Piven got fucking pissed at you. There it is. Different environment. Bigger swinging dicks over it on our eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that stuck with me. Yeah, yeah. Apparently.

Kyle would just walk away and come back with bloody knuckles and be like, let's do another take. Yeah, I thought that was good. I thought that was good. Resolving my issues. No, Kyle doesn't get angry. When you do something wrong or bad that he doesn't like, he just goes, ha ha ha, that was great, that was great. What if we did something totally different? Yeah. Ha ha, that was good. What if Adam's not in this scene?

So this person did not put their name down because they're ashamed of the question, but it says, we had the Cleveland Steamer and the Chorglumbus. Yes. What is Austin's sex name? Oh, Austin's sex name. It's Austin Powers. Okay. That's just a movie character. That's a start. It's a start. There's no bad answers after that one. Okay, I'm really pissed right now, dude.

I feel like Austin's already like a sexy dude name. Right. Right. What about Austin Powers? Oh, that's good. Yes, points. What about the Austin Plower? Okay, we're getting closer. It's like you're doing the wheelbarrow. It's the Austin Plower. Yes, points. Yes.

Getting closer. We're getting closer. Okay, that's a fucking pitch. What up? I'm feeling like it's something... Hey, and hear me out. Something to do with, like, hook them horns. So it's like... Oh, horn hornies? I think it's going to help us to use sex us. Like, Austin sex us. That's pretty good. But not Austin. Something dirtier. Okay. So what if it's like...

The butt fuckers of Austin. Sex us. Oh, that's good. Sex us. Austin sex us? Yeah, and we found it. Yes, points! Wait, what was it? What did we find? Don't worry about it. Listen back to this episode. Live television, ladies and germs. And this person, Kyle Dillon, wants to know, can Blake not write in cursive? What's the deal? With his autograph. Judging from the posters. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And also...

Can you? Can I write in cursive? I wish we had one of those old fucking projectors that I could just go through it. I cannot say 100% I could get through the entire alphabet, uppercase and lowercase. I promise you none of us can do an uppercase G. No, I guarantee I could do an uppercase G. Because it goes like here and then back. It like swoops.

Doesn't it like go around? No. And then it kind of loops down here. Dude, I had a teacher in like... Oh, the G starts here. And then it goes... Do you see that? I had a teacher in like fourth grade go... My handwriting was so bad, he was like, you don't even need to learn it.

You got the past. He was like, it's all going to be on computers anyways. Truthfully, he was like, it's fine. He just gave you a sponge he found and was like... Go play with this in the corner. He's a futurist. And then it was just me in the corner. He's like, hey...

Every morning, Adam would just walk... You'd walk into class and he'd just give you a bunch of koosh balls. Yeah. Here. Here, go play in the corner. If you shut up for the whole period at the end of class, I'll let you juggle koosh balls for the class. And then I go...

By the way, have you guys ever heard on Entertainment Tonight, some comedian will be interviewed and be like, I had a teacher named Mr. Jenkins who, if I was quiet and well-behaved, he would give me two minutes at the end of class to perform. And I'm like, I'm always like...

So, I'm sorry, the rest of the class has to watch somebody's, like, whack-ass comedy routine at the end of class? Yeah. I guess so. What the fuck is that? Well, that teacher was trying to fuck that hot A-lister. Okay, okay. I never thought about it that way. You've got an interesting way of seeing things. Thank you. So, my boy, Rocco Juan Carlos Ramirez...

Okay, I see hello. I see Carlos looks like he's got a lot of it Rocco one Carlos Ramirez in honor of keeping Austin weird Isaac we're gonna need you out here, buddy Yeah, just come on. Hey, come on in your pockets

Okay? Look at this guy with his hands in his pockets looking all fucking cool. Isaac, don't be extra cool. And this isn't sexual harassment. - Harassment. - Even though... Harassment? I had a vice principal that called it "harassment." - Okay. - Yeah. - This isn't harassment. - Harassment board. Isaac, can you just take off your fucking shirt already? It's a question we're not asking. We're not asking. It was the question.

I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. Dude, Garrett fucking Austin sex us. Finish him. Come on, dude. Let's do the Austin plower. And honestly, dude.

Isaac just ruined the show. Yeah. A little bit. Isaac, we love you. That sucks. Hold your ground, brother. Mallory from H-Town. Okay. There she is. Can we get a live performance of I'm Kind of a Nasty Dude? Oh, shit. The beat is like...

I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. Oh, titties. Oh, titties. Oh, titties.

- Tits, tits, tits. - Here's the deal, I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. - Here's the deal, I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like it when a girl sucks on my tits. - I'm so for people.

Yeah, I mean, fucking, I'll take it. Thank God they did it, because Isaac ruined the show just a few seconds ago. Yeah, we had to save the show with that. For people who don't know the song, that is the lyrics. We didn't forget them. It's just us saying that over and over. I actually think we did a pretty good job. That's the first time we've ever done that live since we made the fucking thing. You did a really good job, guys.

Hey, and I'm not trying to my own horn. I kept the beat going while Adam burped right into my face again Any take backs apologies epic slam any apologies, okay, I will like to apologize for saying that Blake hates gay people Okay, he actually loved the skate people

And to sort of follow along with that, I feel like I kind of freaked out Texas when I said I think cowboys are hot. Yeah. I'm a fireman guy, okay? Cowboys are, y'all are cool, dude. What's the thing where he's like, I'm a cowboy, he's a cowboy.

I think that's a really deep cut Jack in a Box commercial. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were singing like, I'm a cowboy, baby. No, no, no. I know it. Just because I've been in a Kid Rock video doesn't mean... I actually even think it might be like a Deion Sanders like EA Sports...

We can't talk about this. Yeah. Yeah. It's a commercial. Take back some apologies? No. No. I got one apology. I'm going to apologize for later tonight when I do this a lot at the bar. Yeah. And like real people in. Okay. Okay. And it's just going to be to each of us and we're going to be like. Yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah. That's.

That's okay. I like that. Worst case scenario, it's just me in the corner doing it. And the bouncer's like, well, get the fuck out of here. You're tall. You're tall. I know we got some epic giveaways right here. Oh, we do have epic giveaways. Okay, that's pretty pretty. And we got to warm up the arm because we went surfing yesterday and my shoulders are fucked. So let's just get this ready. I feel like I'm going to try and go way out there. Are you guys lost in those things? Four shirts. All right.

Hey, just married. We're ending our honeymoon. Oh, that's cool. Way to go, guys. I'm just going to huck this out that way. You guys ready? Let's go over here. Let's go over here. You ready? And who got it? Oh, he got it. Nice grab. Good grab, playboy. Thank you so much, Austin. This has been a blast. We fucking love you guys. Congratulations. They were just married.

Yeah, give it up for the Honeymooners. Thank you to all the Wizards. We see you out there. Hey. Austin, you kept it weird. Look at the Wizards. And this is another episode of This is Important. Thank you. Goodbye.

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