Ep 192: You’re Listening to the Official Award Winning 2024 Best Comedy Podcast
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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. In a world where TikTok didn't exist yet, las películas no tenían color, the comedy of a genio mexicano crossed borders y conquistó the heart of America. Sonoro y Our Hearts, my cultural podcast network present Nace una leyenda. Chespirito. No faltaban con mi hasta.

How did a Mexican writer become a symbol of global television? Listen to Nacional Leyenda, Chespirito, en la aplicación iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you stream podcasts. Hey guys, guess what? Huge news! This is important, it's going back on the road. On Friday, April 19th, that's right, 420th. Ahem.

myself, Blake, and Anders are hitting the Hard Rock Casino Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City to bring TII Nation another live show. Is it the last one ever? I don't know. Possibly. Tickets are available now at hardrockhotelatlanticcity.com or you can go to the link in our bio on our at pot important Instagram page. Get your tickets now because they're going to sell out. Come party with us in Atlantic City.

Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important. Well, how much porn are you watching while driving? That's crazy because you guys think we're American. We're not. We're not at all. No, I can't eat a salad without croutons. Fuck that. Buckle up.

Skinnamarinky dinky dink, skinnamarinky doo. You are now listening to the 2024 Best Comedy Podcast. Do you have like an applause break? Do you have an applause break you can hit? Yeah, I have to do it. Oh, wow. We did it. We did it. We did it. iHeartRadio. What?

Best comedy podcast of the whole damn year. And what's cool to lord it over, you might think there's other podcasts that are funnier, but the people have spoken are the people of high heart that we actually work for. So it could be an inside job, but hey, they didn't tell us that it is or not. Sorry. So sorry. Winning. That's not our fault.

comedy podcast. So yeah, we're the champion. If you have a podcast, you think you're funny or you're wrong. Yeah, we're on top. We finally did. For this year. Yeah, for this year. Yeah, for this year. We have to defend our crown. It starts today. Yeah. Wow. It starts today. Wow. Okay. This will be really funny. Should we start with jokes? No, no, no, no. Serious stories. I got a good one. That's not my finger. That's not my belly button either. Okay.

And then you're going to have a lot more of that. This is the 2024 funniest podcast ever.

I think it's fair to say we're living up to a lot of good stuff coming out of this can. What was that? That's not my finger. That's not my belly button either. Okay. I like that, dude. Classic schoolyard babysitter dirty joke from the 80s. Guys, I would love to dust off a little.

a little buzz ball action maybe we buzz off in honor of uh in honor in honor either way Adam you

You got a nose hair? You guys see my eyes twitching? Yeah, what's going on? You need a buzz ball rubbed out on you. Yeah, come on. Here we go. It might be the fact that I'm not drinking enough ZOA energy. Yeah, you might need to get in there. I need to have one or two more ZOAs. Here we go, baby. No, dude. My eyes started twitching last night. I mean, I think it's part of my overall problem. Put the buzz ball away, Blake. Go ahead. But it won't stop, and it's driving me nuts.

Finish him. Okay, here we go. That's kind of cool, though. Remember, like, Can't Stop, Won't Stop? I'm buzzing off. It's for me. It's not for you guys. Okay, you're just going to... We're going to be over here talking about... About Durst couldn't be at the award show. Speaking of eyeballs. Speaking of balls. I got my eyeball, one of them, in January. I just suddenly, one of my eyes was blurry again, as if I was a young boy. Okay.

and had to get my eye lasered again yeah so what is it called that you what you do what is it called lasik lasik it's called is that trademarked i'm sure it's a little rtm is there is there like bootleg lasik or can you get some another process or is it or is it lasik only come over i'll give you bootleg lace okay i'll show you my laser this dude just has a flashlight um i just took a rope to the eye well there's different things i got something called like a

PDK or something where they like put a lens over it to heal it for a week. Okay. Which kind of sucks. So you then had to like lay around for a week with a with like a cool cyborg eyeball or like what was going on? It was an eye patch? Yeah. It's science. That's exactly what I was going to say Adam. No like literally it's like a contact lens over the area that they lasered to help it heal faster. But you got to sleep with like this like

eye patch thing, like a plastic piece taped to your face so you don't like mush your eyeball into something deformed and fuck it all up. Oh my God. But that's kind of tight. So you, that you kind of probably use that in the bedroom. Like, yeah, you're the pirate. Yes. Let me get that booty. That kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's funny. I like that. Adam, again, I was just going to say it. So yeah, that's yes. Yes. Obviously. So does that hurt, Jersey? Does that hurt to do? No. Yeah, does it hurt? What's the process? I can imagine some people don't enjoy it. For me, it sends me to my happy place. Okay. You're a sick fuck.

There is something like they ask if you want like, I don't know. What's one of those like Zoloft? I think they give you like a Zoloft if you want it to chill the fuck out. And I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. Let's get in there. And they give you drops on your eyeball that like numb your eyeball. Then they get those like clockwork orange eye things that like keep them open. They put drops in and then they just pull the laser over and go. Yeah.

Whoa, dude. While you focus on like a dot. And then you just, you smell your eyeball burning off. Oh my God. Have you ever had your teeth drilled at the dentist? Okay. So you know that smell? Mm-hmm. Way worse. Way different than that. It's the same. Oh. It's the same. Okay. I didn't thought, yeah, I didn't think you're going that way with it. Yeah. I think it's burning flesh, bone, human organic tissue. Yeah.

But yeah, the first time it was happening to me while it was going on, I go, am I smelling my eye burning? And they're like, no, that's the laser. I'm like, the laser smells? Oh, no. The doctor's making a... He got a sticky laser. No, he's microwaving lunch next door. It's his break. He's about to smash a Hot Pocket. Leftover nuggets. Yeah, no, he's eating salmon. Uh,

It was a smoked salmon. It's blackened. Yeah, it's a mesquite salmon that he's microwaving. It's so good. Mesquite salmon. It smells like skeet, bro. He has a mesquite salmon. Well, it does sound a little human. It takes 10 minutes to do this surgery and then you're like out. You're super light sensitive for a couple days. Could you drive home?

No, I Ubered. It was brutal. The guy keeps trying to talk to you. You have an eyepatch on. He won't stop talking about your eyepatch.

I put headphones in and went to podcast land. Oh, that's cool, dude. You know, nothing as funny as this podcast, but... Well, nothing is. Well, nothing is. I mean, I wish there was, but it's proven. I know. I'm like, is this the top of the mountain? Jesus Christ. I sort of listen back to some of our podcasts. I'm like, this was the funniest podcast of all of this past year, but apparently it is. Well, we're not busy. What I was going to say, because I wasn't there to kind of...

to share this guys was that we do it without guests okay yeah that's true guess a lot of people they have to bring on ringers not us we do this every week yeah we got rid of the dead weight we kick people off we don't bring them on yeah now that i think about it i don't care how funny he might be it was kind of weird it was really just half the group except in the award we didn't even mention you guys and the audience didn't seem to care they did not mind even a little bit

Yeah, they were pretty hyped on who was there to represent. We did not know. That was the fun part is we had no idea. Yeah, not at all. What's funny is I think other people that I talked to, they were like, yeah, I'm winning this award. I'm like, oh, shit. That means we're not winning.

And we're just presenting. They said we're winning our award? What's now named the TII Comedy Award? Yeah. No, no, no. A different award. Yeah, all the Smart List Bros were talking mad shit backstage. They were not there. They were not there. No, they were not on that.

No, no, no. Another person. I don't want to mention their names, but they said that they had won and they did win. And they said before. And so I was like, there's no way that we won then because they told the winners to get them here. But we're so needy and we just want a free plane ticket to go to Austin and be put up in a hotel. We're so easy. We're such an easy get that we were just there. We just came without...

I wonder if we said no, if then they would have said you won, or if we said no, they would have actually just given it to Smartless. Yeah, probably. I think that was more a participation award for us. Yeah, that was sick. The fact that we made the trip. But we did have a good time. I love spending time in Austin. I love Austin, dude. Yeah, we had a good time. I just... Did anybody...

Did anybody... What the fuck do you want? And by the way, by all means, you guys do not have to answer any questions. Okay, thank you. All right, thank you. God, don't pressure us into talking. This is only a podcast. Did anybody who won... Was anyone who won not there for anything? Yeah, the Kelsey brothers. The Kelsey bros. They won the best podcast of the year, and they were not there. Best overall? Best overall. Which, by the way, I think...

probably right right the most like relevant i think they should have won like most like relevant if that's a word wow yeah i mean is anybody more more relevant than travis kelsey powers combined yeah travis and then his brother like retiring and apparently giving like the greatest speech humans have ever yeah yeah and everyone was crying i'm like yeah yeah for sure give it to them and for sure they're not coming like he taped his ankles for the speech i'm like

Yeah. I mean, you could do that. You could thank the guy or you can tape your ankles. Yeah. You know, that being said, I will bare knuckle fight him over this right now. Any day. Our septic speech fucking sucked, dude. We were like...

It's terrible. Yeah. No, we suck. Yeah. We were just like Barney Kelsey. Just like the third guy. We were like, yeah, it was the last award. We were already like six Tito's vodka. Tito's deep already, already feeling good. And then just got up there. I think we had the crowd chant podcast for like two minutes. Yeah.

Before you got up there? No, we got up there and just started chanting podcast, podcast. I know. Now I wish we would have got him to chant more stuff. I thought you guys were saying Todd Glass. And I was like, I guess he's there. If he doesn't have a pod, he should start one because he is a funny comedian. Todd Glass is very funny. Very funny. Pod glass. That's pretty good. And this is why we currently are holding the hardware while it's being mailed to us.

the hardware for best comedy podcast. It's quips like that from Ders. Cause I don't know if Blake and I are bringing that the, the short little one-liners. I would like to, uh, I'm not going to call it flowers, but I'll call it. Thanks. No, I would like to give thanks to Anders or an early. Thanks. I don't take thanks. I take,

Thanks. Yeah. I know you take thanks. Yeah. Thank you for your. Yeah. I know you take some thanks. Yeah. Because Ders says thanks like thanks. But thank you for always coming with those short little one liners and sneaking them in. And while we have some verbal diarrhea is you will you'll punch it up on the fly. And we appreciate that. There's a diary. That's all I have. Hit the hit the we are the champions again, dude. Yeah.

Yeah, we used to let them know. Well, that means I'm going to have to rewind it, and I'm not sure I'm going to hit it right. Yes, I will. It feels good. I'm not going to lie. Being a winner feels good.

Here's my question. Yes. Do they nominate? Not that the Kelsey brothers didn't have a massive podcast and aren't super relevant, but like you give them podcast of the year just praying that they decide to show up, right? Yeah. Because that's huge. I think you try to maybe lure them a little bit or like maybe Taylor Swift shows up just in solidarity. Well, yeah. But if they show up, you've upgraded your entire...

lifestyle as iHeartRadio. Right? Yep. Oh, yeah. And they did not. Did you guys think that's why they nominated us and gave us this? Well, they were hoping we would show up, but two of the members could give a fuck and did not show up. Two of the members actually care about the podcast, so they showed up. I think if I flew, my eyeball might have exploded. They talked about how I have to maintain my eyes pressure

And I was like, what happens if I don't? And they're like, it's not good. I was like, I pressure. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that's safe to not fly. I would. Although pretty funny. Pretty funny. If you're, if you're, I exploded like on the stage as we're accepting, like the pressures, the pressure is coming back. Right. It's a bit. I just want to think. I is your eyes hanging out. I just want to think. I. My. I.

That's the only time that Bobby Althoff girl shows any emotion. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who? That girl who's always like super sad, who like does like Drake interviews. And she got it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was there.

She was there. We presented her an award. I heard she's super loud and obnoxious. No. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Bouncing off the walls. I wish that were the case. Like super nice, but like just, you know, a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Just won't shut up. It's crazy. But very nice. Very nice. Right. Was she doing the persona? I think it's just her. Oh, yeah. I think that's her. Like she was she's just like off to the side and just being like, oh, no.

We gave her her award and her... But that's not her. You're saying that's her, but like...

It's a bit. I don't know. It's a shtick. I don't know. Maybe. What do you mean? The thing she says as she's interviewing Drake or whoever, like she's rude. She's overtly rude to people in real life. I think she's leaning into that. But I think that's from what I saw of just the three hours we were sitting right next to her at this award show. She never broke that. You know, she was never like cool and bubbly and like talking to people and interacting with anyone. She sat with her.

and just sat with him quietly. And then when we gave her the award, it was funny. She prayed. She was praying a lot. She prayed a lot. Oh, okay. Yeah, a lot of prayer. No, when we gave her the award, she just comes up and goes, thanks. Yeah.

And then walks away. And I was like, that's pretty good. Yeah. It's like, I like it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's cool. Not us. We were like, Blake was doing the catwalk, spinning around. I was like eating the trophy. I was like...

Yeah, they were hyped. That's pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. Did you guys have like, you revealed your true accents? You're like, and it's crazy because you guys think we're American. We're not. We're not. We're not actually. The fact that you guys respond to the message is insane to me. It's insane, mate. We've been

pulling the wool over your eyes for so many years. It's crazy, mate. There's so much wool. We dive into these... It's the wool. We dive into these stupid American characters and you just gobble it up and we gotta say... You gobble it up, you little piggies. Oink, oink. You American piggies, baby. Yeah. Ah!

We're just Austin Powers. We're just Austin Powers. I'm sorry about all the wool. Honestly, we would have done that. One more Tito's. Well, Durs, I wish...

You know, I wish we would have had any amount of heads up because they just said we won and we're like, and then us chugging vodka sodas on the way up to the stage. Right. I'm drunk now. We didn't have much going on to that stage. Other people were pretty well-spoken and we were like, oh, this guy hosts a podcast. He can really pull the speech out of his ass. Right. Not us. Not us. And did...

Did fucking Levi, Zach Levi? Zach, oh yeah. Was he the MC or just presenting you? He just presented us. Love that dude. Yeah, he's a super nice guy. I talked with him a little bit beforehand. He was like really cool. And he was so nice. You know how like you might not have to deal with him. I know you guys have met him before, but this is my first time meeting him and

Durst probably doesn't have to deal with this, but sometimes when I... Because he's tall. He's like tall, tall. He's like 6'5 or something. Right. It is hard to kiss him. Wait, what are you asking? What's that? And he did... Give me a hell yeah! He like put his legs like this so he was closer to my level. Oh yeah, he did the splits. And I was like, thank you for your service. Yeah, yeah. You guys Jean-Claude it by Shazam? Yeah, bro. He hit the splits. He time-clopped his ass. Jean-Claude it by Shazam!

He fucking time copped your ass. I got John Clauded by Shazam. Damn, dog. And not flowers, but thanks. I'm not a big fan of the wide legs and then this, the arms crossed with the legs super wide talking to you. Well, it's weird when it's not for a purpose.

But it was for a purpose. He was talking to me and I can't... It wasn't on camera. It was side stage, like backstage. And...

He came down to my level and I was like, man, I really appreciate that because we wouldn't have had a conversation. He's too far away. Yeah. He's talking to the Paul Shears in the room. The Shea Shea. Paul Shear. Taller than you think. Taller than you think. Yeah. It's like DeAndre Jordan. Like, I know DeAndre Jordan pretty well. He's a super nice guy. We like each other every time I've seen him like out and about.

When we try to have a conversation, it dies on the fucking vine every time. Yeah. He's like alarmingly large. Cause what is he? Six, six 11. Yeah. It's probably damn near seven. Borderline seven. It's a lot. It's a lot. He should take a knee. He should just say that's on.

Absolutely. Just drop a knee when you're speaking to me. What's up, Adam? Come here. He should sit you in his lap. Come talk to him. Or put your hand out and let me climb on. Yeah. Right. And raise me to your level. Yeah. Jack and the Beanstalk style. Thumbelina. Yeah. Yeah. Get on up here. Because the worst is you're like, you're trying to, you know, you're cracking jokes and you say something that you think is kind of funny. And then he's just like. Yeah. And next thing you know, you've been talking into his dick for the last five minutes. Yeah.

Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Here it is. I did not know you grew a beard. Hello. Here it is. You got the whole James Harden look here, huh? I don't know why none of this is landing. Is this thing on? Yeah, bud. I don't know. I thought that was the mic. Sorry, bud. Sorry, bud. Talking the tail end of this thing. Adam, can you? I've got to go play. I have to get off the bench now. All right.

Damn. We quit. Yeah. Well. Wait, so he was sitting down in this scenario? Jesus, I am short. Fuck, man. I don't know what just happened. I don't either. Well, I'm glad that he brought it down to your level. Very considerate of him. Very considerate. Super nice guy. He's a very kind man. Very kind. Yeah.

Have it all.

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Wilmer Valderrama? Yes, he roped you up. Yo mama. Yo mama roped me up, dude. What does that mean, he roped you up? This is more Blake youth speaking. Blake talk. Yeah, he's talking youth talk. But I'm starting to... Spending this extra time with just Blake in...

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. For the win, let's go! Uh-huh.

It was a movie, dog. And it was for sure. It was a movie. For sure was a movie. Dude, it was a movie. You have to admit it. What movie was it? Fletch 2. Fantasia. It was like Friday the 13th. Which one? Yeah, Wilmer Valderrama...

really nice guy. I don't know if I've ever talked with him, but I was talking with Isaac. Uh, I don't like it when you have me show your tits, but, um, I was talking with Isaac cause he came over and was like, what's up, man? Wow. Good to see you. And then we just started talking. He's like, heard you had a baby. And then we started talking about, or maybe I brought up that I just had a baby. I don't, I'm not sure, but we just started talking. And then we talked for like 30 minutes and, uh,

It was like we were best friends. And I'm like, we for sure met before. And I go to Isaac. I go, here we go. Tables have turned. We had to have been at some award show, much like this one.

where I'm 36 vodka sodas deep. And I don't remember getting radical. I don't remember talking to him. Yeah. What makes you say that because you hit it off so well, he was so familiar with Adam. He really roped him up. He came over and roped me up like right away. Can I tell you, can I tell you something? I think based on everything I've ever heard about him,

Is that this is his superpower. Is that he's one of the nicest, good guys to talk to in like his era of Hollywood. Oh, okay. Hmm.

Well, maybe. But the way he roped me up. I know, but there's some people. He roped me. We work in a business, I guess everybody does, where personalities go a long way. For sure. That's why I'm stuck with you, asshole. And if you're the nicest person,

everybody fucking loves you. And I think he's just, I think he's one of those people. It's like me. It's him. He didn't talk to me. I feel like we need a little more of that because we're, we're all me, him and Winkler. I don't know if you're in on that. I don't know if you're quite there. Yeah. Ask around. Okay. Okay. I said, ask around. I bet we're going to get some definitive nose. Yeah. I feel like we are just in, when we go to those events,

we don't do a lot of approaching people out of nowhere and roping and to speak like Blake roping them up. We don't rope many people. We're busy with our zins in the corner for sure. We're busy in our little corner doing our own little thing. Yeah. For the winning. For the winning. For the zen. You know, stretching for our big walk up to the stage. I almost pulled something. And Wilmer, Wilmer is a NCIS guy now.

He's a CSI guy. Yeah, I think he's on CSI Miami. Is that? Yeah, probably. I think a producer could tell us, but I want to say CSI. I love that for him where he's like, no more jokes. Yeah, just murder mystery. Well, I think he got what happened was under his NCIS. NCIS somewhere or just NCIS somewhere.

Oh, where? He went to the original. Just that. Yeah. NCIS. Wow. Okay. NCIS. TCBY. It's a bagel. I think he, you know, took off his 70s garb and quit doing like the crazy accent on the 70s show. And everyone was like, whoa, he's too hot to be funny. Oh.

I think that's what happened. One of those. I think that's what happened. They were like, wait a second. Now that the garb is off. Yeah. The garb was taken off. I'm not laughing. That's kind of the era Ders is living in right now. Yeah. Ders might be too getting too hot, too.

too hot for comedy, dude. You're a hunk. Yeah, I feel like you're hunking out a little. A regular Garbamel. Yeah. You can find me with Papa Smurf. Yeah, I think, I don't know what's funny. I don't think anything's funny anymore. Not to me, at least. Oh, really? You haven't laughed in a while. No, I just haven't seen old people fall for a very long time. Yeah, they need to bring back the bad grandpas of the world. Yeah.

Well, you weren't with us in Austin. You would have had a good time. It was like a movie. It was for the win. Yeah, it was hilarious. Let's go. It was like a movie or it was a movie? Adam, Blake, do you know what the... I think it was. I think I misspoke. It was. It wasn't like a movie. It was a movie, Adam. By the way, that's how a bunch of Gen Z's are kicking it last night was a movie. Dude, it was like a movie and all of them stop and go...

Are you a narc? Yeah. And their swishy hair goes. What? What? Did you just say it was like a movie?

Okay. That's weird. Okay. I'll see you guys in the slack. Tyson Blaze. Tyson Blaze. Get this fucking loser out of here. Let's go. Wait, did you just say Tyson? Can we talk Tyson versus homeboy? Oh, yeah. Tyson versus Jake Paul. Yeah, that got announced. Dude, I know people are like mixed feelings about it because he's old.

And it's like, you know, he's he's he's out of it. He's very old. Yeah, I know. What is he? Fifty six. Fifty seven. Is that how old? Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. I thought he was 56. He's 57. Yeah. In sports years, every year counts. Yeah, that's true. My body hurts just thinking about that. Fifty seven. Can you imagine fighting a 57 year old man? That seems kind of reckless. Yeah, I always that's what I imagine. That's why I imagine fighting.

Would you fight Mike Tyson? Yeah. That shit's important. I would not. That's who I imagine fighting, a 57-year-old. Is he going to lose? Yeah, I do think... No, what it's going to be, because it's not a real boxing match, right? It's an exhibition, so... What is the difference for me? I don't understand. I think it's a real boxing match is...

the council or whatever. They have to agree to put the fight on. You see it. I don't know much about boxing. This one's just going to be on a barge in the middle of fucking... Yeah, but this is... They call it an exhibition, so it's not going towards any record. Sure, but they're fighting, right? Yeah, they're fighting. I just don't know if... I think Tyson's got the power still. I just don't know...

If it's legit, like, are they going 15 rounds? Like, I don't know if he's got that kind of stamina. I think it's 12, right? Well, yeah. Well, maybe they'll add a couple. Is boxing not 15? Is it 12? Okay. Yeah, they might add a few. It's an exhibition. They could go 25 rounds. I used to go 15. That's all. That's crazy, bro. You were background in that Kid Rock music video as a boxer. You went 15 rounds. I said, don't roll until I'm in my 15th round. And they were like,

Okay. I don't know what that means. We're going to go to lunch. The cameras are on. You do what you got to do, man. Just make sure that shirt's off. As long as I make it to the 15th, I'm good, baby.

I think it will be maybe kind of a good fight. I mean, I don't know. I'm for sure not going to pay for it. But if I go into a bar. It's on Netflix. It's free, bro. Yeah. Oh, I'm watching it. Hell yeah. This is the first one I'm going to watch of Paul, bro. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. That's kind of sick. I'm going to watch it. I mean, those guys are as much as like people hate on them. They're geniuses. Like they're marketing geniuses.

The fact that they've been able to pull off, they're just kind of YouTube dudes, and then he segued into being like... You say that like that's a bad thing. Well, no, I mean, they were just guys making silly, dumb videos, and then they now run an empire. It's fucking wild. But now should he just start fighting like...

like really old people, like freaking just dusting off like Evander Holyfield and just fighting. Is Muhammad Ali passed away? This is Mike Tyson. Yeah, it's like I got George Foreman. He's like 86. It's like big George Foreman up next. Used to be pretty big. He's hunched over now. But I guess what I'm saying is like, even if you...

Even if in 10 years, some young dude who's not a professional runner is like, I'm going to race Usain Bolt. Everyone's going to go, when he's...

When he's 57, though, like. Yeah, Usain. You don't think at 57, if Usain Bolt. Hell no. No way. That dude's knees are going to be blown the fuck out, dude. Are you kidding me? If he stays in decent shape, Usain Bolt, the fastest human ever, kind of by far. That's ever existed. I feel like knees go out so quick compared to like Mike Tyson's big ass grandpa arms. Well, he's going to have the power, but how is he going to.

How is he going to connect? He's going to be too slow. I mean, he would, by the way, destroy all of us. Mike Tyson. Yeah, he would put us in a grave. Mike Tyson would for sure beat the shit out of all of us. Because we're not boxers. I'm never going to make it to the 15th round. Michael, stop it. Stop it, Michael. We're supposed to go 15. No, this is what happens when they bring us to Touch Glass. I'm like, I'll see you in the 15th. And he's like, what the fuck?

So he's all psyched out by now, right? And then I die instantly. And then I get punched once and fall into the third row. I killed him by accident. But no, you would have to be at least a runner, right?

yeah yeah that's what i'm saying but like homeboy j is this jake paul jake paul was like a wrestler who's like i'm gonna become a boxer right so he's he's become a boxer so what i'm saying is like some guy who's like played football in high school and like that was it was pretty good didn't go to college or whatever who we're saying like rob wriggle uh-huh no no i'm saying like i'm saying like a young person who becomes famous and like

Does physical shit on like speed. Yeah. What is his name? I don't know. Something speed. We're so old. I'm like KSI speeds.

Paul Bras. I don't know. Yeah, well, I'm definitely tuning in to Speed Races against Michael Johnson. I show speed. It's I show speed, right? Yeah, but is he fast or is he... That's just his fun name. He is. I think he is fast. I think he is. I think he is actually fast. Okay, well, then yes. He's kids. So, like, if I show speed doesn't challenge Usain Bolt to a run, like, come on. We're the promoters. We get a cut and we bring this to I show speed.

And get him out of that weird fucking basement of, I'm sure, his mansion that he's in. And say, hey, go race. Hey, iShowSpeed, you ever heard of iHeartRadio? Let's make it happen. Come on. Shut the fuck up. Come hither. Yeah, best comedy podcast. I don't know if he'll need us. He'll be like, that's a good idea. See your way out. It's not 2024. It's of the past year. It's not because we're only the best podcast of the last three months. Yeah. Yeah.

No. I don't believe it. That's what it says on the show. Ever since Kyle left the pod, they're like, here's a more. This is true. Maybe. Yeah, see? You do have a good point. Thank you. We trim the fat. Trim the fat. The best podcast of these two months. Trim the beard. I don't know. I'm watching. I mean, dude.

It's going to be fucking great. That is cool that it's Netflix's first ever live sporting event, right? That's kind of cool. How the hell is that even going to work? He could have fought anybody. He could have fought fucking Oscar De La Hoya, other legends of the era, but fighting Mike Tyson is like

a scenario that for the last 30 years people have said, would you ever fight Mike Tyson for a million dollars? Yeah. For a million dollars, would you fight Mike Tyson? And he, and Jake Paul's like, no, but I will for 300 million. That's what he's projecting. The fight's going to make really right.

yeah but well how's that gonna work out if it's netflix netflix paid for it and he is the promoter and he got a deal through netflix he's also getting the house and the merch and everything oh i'm buying that shirt oh you mean like the there the seats there the venue yeah yeah the venue of the stadium or wherever he's fighting it's probably gonna be at sofa or something fucking insane that would be cool and did you say he's getting a cut of the merch also

I love it. Yeah, I think it's his merch. I heard for every hot dog...

Absolutely. No, he actually gets 100% of hot dog sales. It's crazy. Of hot dogs. Well, it's actually, I thought it was that. It's actually the buns. Oh, shit. The meat, yeah, the meat as a whole, because there's like unions and stuff. Oh, sure, sure, sure. The buns. But if you want a bun, you got to go through the Paul Bros. Okay. Yeah. They call themselves Paul Bunions. Okay. And.

I would like to thank Ders for that. Thank you so much. Yeah, man. And that is why we are the best podcast of the last two months. I got to change my battery. What the? Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it, Blake. What do you want me to hit? The fucking wheel of champions. Sorry, I've got to rewind it real quick. Yeah.

Yo, honestly, I don't think I've ever won anything until that moment. How did it feel for you? How did it feel for you? It felt insane, man. It felt great. Pretty good. Pretty good feeling. Yeah. We had to quickly chug a Tito soda and hit that stage. Yeah, it was great. Are you sponsored by Tito's? I feel like you've mentioned that specific detail.

A lot. Well, it's Texas. No. Come on, you gotta have Tito's. No, I'm not. I wish I was, dude. I love Tito's. I wish your middle name was Tito. That would actually be kind of sick. Adam Tito's Divine. I just named someone. Bo Tito?

That'd be sick. Botito. That sounds like it's Dorito. That sounds like a fucking nice drink. That sounds like a local name. Yeah, I'd get a good old Botito. A little Botito. Get over here. A little Botito. What would be in a Botito? I'm fascinated. I want to know. What would go into a Botito? Titty milk. Titty milk. It's a bagel. Well, it changes as he ages, but right now it's pretty titty.

Titty milk heavy. Okay, so it's like Kahlua. Yeah. So would you put actual titty milk in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, are you a bartender that you're like have a little titty milk reserve? Dude, we have so much titty milk around this house right now. We have a freezer frozen of titty milk. Froyo? Yeah, we could do slushies of titty milk. We could do whatever you want them.

here you've got titty daiquiris dude we could do some titty decks absolutely we could yes you guys are you guys are freezing your shit over there storing up just in case no not their shit their titty milk yeah our titty milk oh okay okay same thing to me yeah wait are you guys freezing your shit you have to no we're not freezing our shit you don't have to freeze the shit but the titty milk you do you do yeah thank god because it's funniest podcast not the grossest in case uh

I mean, I don't know why, but really, I have no idea why we're doing it, but we have so much.

I'm like cooking meat just to make room. I'm like, we have to eat six steaks tonight, honey. Oh, okay. I thought you were about to say you're cooking it in the milk, kind of like a Ruth Chris, like how they sizzle it in butter. I haven't tried that. You got to remember, when Blake says things, cooking meat can mean all sorts of things to a person of his age and ilk. Dude, tonight is going to be kind of sort of like a movie, dude. Woo!

I'm cooking meat tonight. Let's just say I'm cooking meat. That sounds similar to a movie. It's a little bit like a movie, dude. Let me just tell you, there's so much titty milk in my fridge, I'm cooking meat tonight. Damn, boy, get it. That's all I'm saying. Damn, boy, make some freezers, baby. Go ahead and open up Urban Dictionary to find out exactly what I just said. F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F

Right.

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Very fun podcast. I feel like we caught up with each other quite a bit. Is there any takebacks? Is there any takebacks? Any apologies? Do you guys want to do epic slams? What about epic announcements? Because I know that we're about to... Oh my god. Adam is so angry at himself. Use that energy. Idiot!

Let's go. Yeah, dude. We are going to be in Atlantic City the night before everyone's favorite Hilah Day. Yeah, baby. Happy Hilah Day. Which is? Which is 420. We will be in Atlantic City at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel on April 19th. So good, everybody. It's going to be the three of us without the dead weight, Kyle. Yeah. Ooh.

And we're going to bring it, dude. And I'm so excited. I'm excited to do a live show, the three of us. It'll be a fun new element. We're back! Yeah. Yeah, baby. No break dancing, unfortunately. We're back!

Well, who knows? Maybe I'm feeling a little better and I do a little shimmy, a little shake. Okay. Possible. And then he died. Dude, honestly, one night in Atlantic City, anything goes, baby. We're going to burn that city to the ground. I don't even know what to expect from Atlantic City. What does anything goes in Atlantic City? Look for a guy who doesn't gamble. Yeah.

Well, it's a lot of prostitution. It's a lot of prostitution. Oh, sure. I forgot you're pimping again. Congratulations. Well, I will be. It's mostly just drinking at the beer garden that you know they're going to want us to drink out. Yeah, it will be a lot of that.

I might pull a slot. We'll see. So you don't gamble at all? Do you not like it? No, I'm not opposed to it. I'll play a few hands. I just don't like to really sit and wait it out. You know what I mean? I'm a little impatient. There's a lot of prostitutes walking around. I don't like to sit and wait it out. I kind of get that. No, I want to make my money bada bing, bada boom. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I did forget about it. I did get it. I'm all in or I'm all out. You know what I mean, brother? I don't know if I do. Yeah, I like to play some blackjack, dude. I think that'd be fun. Maybe we host a blackjack night or something after the show. That'd be kind of fun. You guys just lose all your money. Have you guys ever shot craps? I never did it. I do, dude. And I'm so bad. I never know what's happening. I'm not good at it.

Oh. Yeah, when I throw it, it always bounces out of the tub. Can we talk about your wrist action? Yeah. Maybe that's why. Well, isn't that how you're supposed to, like, you throw it kind of... Well, like that, like you throw him. This dude looks like he's saying goodbye. Oh, wait. No, I'm done here. No, you're saying, like,

Bitch, I'm done with you. I'm done with the french fries. Get them out of my face. Thank you. Oh, this is to a server? This is to a server? He's the Burger King. This is to a server who's maybe a little underpaid and you're disrespecting them? Fuck you. You know what? Dude, it's a movie. It's not real. It's a movie. I spent too much time with this guy in Austin, dude. I'm seeing the real Blake Anderson. Yeah, you saw the way I told those servers to get out. Ta-ta. Ta-ta.

Tata. No, but really. Hey, I'm not playing craps. Take those fries. Tata. Every time I've ever thrown craps, it bounces out. Do they call it a tub? Is it a tub? I don't know. A crap tub? I would call it a table for sure. Okay. Well, the table, the table tub, the dice fly out and people get really mad. Yeah. They don't like it when you do that. They shoot you a look. Yeah. They're like,

It is fun, though. I never really know what's happening. There's like the line and there's a ton of numbers. Yeah, I've never played, but I want to. Well, come out to Atlantic City and teach us how to play. Maybe we do that in Atlantic City. Oh, that would be fun. I guarantee you we could just get a table there and they could teach us how to play and we could lose...

A lot of money, and that would be fun. Yeah. All the money we make. All the money we make. Knocking Grandma! Dude, it's one night. Anything goes, baby. Or anything goes, and we win real big, dude. We win, like, scary huge. Ooh! In Atlantic City, they're like, they put us up in, like, this super suite, because, you know, they're going to give us a suite. But together, right? Yeah, I hope so. Sweet!

Dude, I want to get one of those hangover sweets. Just us for one night. Mr. Divine, you're in the largest room with your friends. That'd be so fun. Yeah, I can't wait to wake up next to my boys. That's going to be fun. But you know what's crazy? We're just at the age that anything goes just means we're going to have seven drinks. Yeah.

We might have like pizza really late at night. Yeah, we might like order nachos and ask for extra chicken on it or something. We're like, yeah, the Hugo boss is open 24 hours. I bought this suit. I mean, I'd be tired. That'd be huge flex, dude. Dude, let's all FaceTime your newborn, dude. That'd be hilarious.

That would be fun. Yeah. I mean, I find myself looking at photos of him when I'm just like in a red light. Train? On the train stop? On the train stop. When I'm just driving with no hands. When I'm at like the train? No, I find myself like in traffic just kind of looking at photos. And then I'm like, oh, what if I were to die looking at a photo of him? He'd be so bummed at me. Oh, that would suck. Yeah, he'd be so bummed. Yeah, they just have to pry. They just cut your...

hand off at the wrist and give it to him and they're like, look at what he was looking at. I actually developed an app where if you're driving and looking at porn or something, if you're in an accident, the gyroscope knows and it instantly flips to a picture of your child.

Dude, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. So when you're getting pulled from the wreckage, they're like, how'd he crash? Was he looking at some titties? That's brilliant. No, it wasn't. His child. His youngest child. Isn't there a thing where your Apple Watch or your phone will notify police or something if it feels like you're getting in an accident? Yes. So then it will notify your phone to switch the...

It can work. That's what I said. No, but it could really be a real thing. It could really work. Yeah, I know. Well, how much porn are you watching while driving? Uh,

Yeah, all right. Okay. Every red light. I'm trying to get that checks out. I got to go run to Mother Erin. That's why dad's always want to go take a drive. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, I got it. What do we need? Dad's are always like, I'm going to go take a drive. Yeah, no, I can't eat a salad without croutons. Fuck that. Yeah, I'll be at the store. I guess, though, like, even if you're in like a Instagram discoveries, just wormhole of like,

Bikinis. Breastfeeding. Yeah, you're like, oh, well... Oh, God! Look at that kid. Look at these kids. They're beautiful. Oh, my God. At least he died looking at what he loved. By the way, you're dying and you're listening to them talk about it like... Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah, man. Oh, just...

And maybe next week we can name that app. Oh, I can't wait. Any take backs, any apologies in the Epic Slams? I stand by everything we said today. I thought it was a real fun episode. I had a great time. Caught up with my boys. I do want to give a little shout out to the podcasts. I guess you could say we beat. That would be Smart List. That would be Smart List produced by my friend Bennett Barbico. Sorry, pal. Yep, we beat them. Yes, points!

Who else did we beat? I forget. I honestly... Nicole Byer we beat. Nicole Byer, we beat her. Sure. She's funny. Not the funniest. Not funniest, yeah. According to iHeart. No, she's up there. That's not even us. Who else? And also, I'd like to thank all the podcasts that we beat that, like,

weren't even nominated? So many. So many, dude. So many. Two Bears, One Cave, Bert, Tom's podcast. Sorry. Not even nominated. A little embarrassing for you. Maybe because it's not an iHeart podcast, but so. Doesn't matter. No, there's a bunch of podcasts that weren't iHeart podcasts. I guess they're not going to have a little best comedy trophy on the fireplace that's probably much larger than mine. Yeah.

Sorry. Sorry. You're not going to hold the hardware like we will in four to six weeks when they finally send it to us. I can't wait. I cannot wait. I can't wait. Four to six weeks. It's going to be a while. We'll see. We'll see. You had to go to the event to get one. Yeah, so they're only sending two. Whoopsies. I mean, I have a poster of our movie. It's still on the floor. So these things, they come and I don't have to do it. They stack up.

They stack up. Well, I guess this was another episode. Well, I want to give a very special shout out to Atlantic City. Can't wait to see you, baby. This is true. He's already got a glass of Tito's there. This glass of Tito's is for you. And feel free to...

Come hot, wet, and ready to the show. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I like that. Come hot, wet, and ready. Last chance for takebacks. Woo! Last chance for takebacks. No takebacks. That was another episode of... This is important. Place out. We are the champions. Place out. Place out.

Wait. Wait. Play us out. Wait. Wait. Yeah. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. woo. woo. woo. woo.

Hey guys, huge news. This is important is back on the road on Friday, April 19th. That's right. 420 Eve, my fellow stoners. I don't smoke.

Adam Blake and myself Anders are hitting the hard rock city hotel and casino in Atlantic city to bring T I I nation to another live show. Tickets are available now at hard rock hotel, Atlantic city.com. Or you can go to the link in our bio on our app pod, important Instagram page,

You are so dumb if you don't get your tickets right now because they will sell out. Hot, hot, hot. Yes points. Come party with us in Atlantic City. Hear that? Pumpkin. That's fall calling. And the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks. From that first sweater to late autumn weather. It's all a fall in just one sip. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

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