Ep 212: Poke My Snake So I Know It’s Real
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How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about...

Why do you smell it and then all of a sudden your butthole goes and that like really pops open. And I feel like Spock said it was it's two in the pink, two in the stink and then one in the sink. Because if you grip it, you rip it. Here we go. Start your engines. Ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing.

All right. All right. Bye.

And cut it. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to TII Nation. This is important. That song got. That was brought to you by Goodyear. Oh, and that one came on. That's a jam. That's a jam. The reason Blake played this is Ders tried to heat on me a little bit before. No. This is the way. No. Let's tell the whole context. Yeah, I'm about to. When I put my head on, my hair went this way. Got a little bang showing. So I have bangs.

And I got a little swoosh. What Adam calls famously swooshy bangs. I have my swoosh swooshes bangs. And Anna, our producer said, you look so young with your bangs. And then Durr sang. What, you want me to play it again? Just go to the exact part that I sang, please. Yeah, go to the exact part that Durr sang. There's no possible way I could ever do it. Otherwise it fucks it up for him. It fucks it up for me. There's no way I can hit it. Close.

We can't keep playing it. They will take the episode down if I keep doing it, but go ahead. That's good. That's good press. That's good press for Wild Bad Boys. They've done it once. They've done it once. They've done it once. Hey, Blake, we won the best comedy podcast on the iHeartRadio podcast awards. They've done it once. They took a recent one down because I was playing too much of Durz's mom's favorite

Bajia? Bajia. Yeah, Bajia's people got us. Oh, is that real? They took that episode down? Oh, yeah. She got legal. She got legally. Yeah, Bajia's people, they came for our neck, dude. Dude, is that real, Bam? Yeah. They took our episode down. It's no longer available. Yes, 207-BAJIA-BAM.

Bajia took it down. Wow. I mean, what else is she up to? Well, that's the kind of hot content that we provide. You have to listen to it right when it drops because we're doing such illegal shit. Yeah. Even if we drop it many days after the podcast drops. You have to subscribe. You have to. And so, Adam, how did you interpret me singing the song from when you were younger?

Let's go. Yes. I thought you were trying to do a blink 182 song and like the like swooshy when Tom DeLonge had the swooshy bangs. That's what I thought you were trying to get me. And I called you out and I'm like, that's not what you're trying to do. That lits doesn't fall under that same genre. And I think you think it does. OK, I was ready to take you to fucking task. Can I tell you something?

I don't know. I'm just singing songs that I think are part of an era. Gotcha, bitch! Can I publicly apologize to you and then later in private I'll give you a private apology? Oh, okay. Very nice. I would love that. I am so sorry, dude. I am so sorry. And TII Nation, please mark this because I'll never fucking do it again. Okay?

I'll never apologize to Dersh ever again publicly. Privately? Yeah. All the time. I think I interpreted that wrong. A lot of private apologies. We love apologies. I can't remember. I think this song is in the movie, but I watched recently Can't Hardly Wait again. Good movie. That movie is an actual banger. Okay. Yeah!

Yes, sir. That's high praise. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. That is Jennifer Love Hewitt at peak Jennifer Love Hewitt, right? It is.

Peak Jennifer Love Hewitt. Give me a hell yeah. Doing an acting style that can only be described as bad. You know what you're doing. Oh my God. Sexual. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's good or bad. It doesn't matter. It's a weird like perverted. Yeah. Doughy eyed. God. Just so sexy. She was top tier for me when I was a kid. Yeah. She was a game changer. She was top, top.

Top tier. Yeah. And what a name to go with the whole vibe. Oh, what a great name. You had to say it all. Hewitt? When I heard that she was dating Jamie Kennedy. Oh my God. Great name. That's when I was like, oh. Wait, what?

Like, you have a shot. Being a comedy person, you have a shot. You can be with an ultimate babe. Hence, Chloe. I think Chloe kind of looks like... As long as you have an ex-experience. I kind of think Chloe looks a little bit like Jennifer Love Hewitt in a sort of different prism. If you're looking at her through a different prism. Okay. Okay, so... A different light. When you want to move on from that, I'm ready to move on from that.

Yeah, I kind of want to dig deeper, but I don't want to get you in trouble. Not quite sure. Yeah. Well, no, big, big, big, big eyes. Dark hair. Dark hair can give you the doughy-eyed look. Okay. Yeah. Right. But, like, just a different prism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a different prism. Yeah, I see that. Yeah.

I see what you're saying. And shout out to Jamie Kennedy for inspiring you and many others. A generation. Yeah. And probably countless others. It is wild when really, really ugly comedians pull babes. And it's cool. And it's really good. What? Why? So you relate me and my wife and Jamie Kennedy dating Jennifer Love Hewitt? No, no, no. This is not what we're doing here, Blake. No, no, no. I'm just like...

Jamie Kennedy was not an ugly guy. He just wasn't. I didn't say that. I didn't say Adam was. I didn't say Jamie Kennedy was. I just think it's cool. I just had a whole other thought. It's another prism that my mind is going through. Oh, okay. So you're saying that Jamie Kennedy is like a Skeet Ulrich. Is that his name? Skeet Ulrich? Yeah, yeah. And they're kind of like just dumpy looking doofy like comedian guys who are like,

Yeah. And then they pull these super big. Hang on. What prism are you looking? It's a different prism than the one you looked at me and Jamie. It's actually, it's like a completely different. Yeah. We're in another whole freaking timeline over here, dude. Don't. Okay. Well, let me just circle back here. Sure. Okay. I'd love to. Okay. Say it.

This movie has like joke after joke after joke. It's got like seven stories happening. Juggling. It is super, super funny. Okay. I highly recommend a rewatch. How would you say? A happy Gilmore? A revisit? A review? What do we call it? Pupusai!

I don't know. It was a long time ago. Last week's a long time ago. It was a long time ago. We feel that. That's true. That's true. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I was just talking with Isaac, my favorite manager that we currently have. He's so good. And how is he after... Somebody help me! After Kyle allegedly annihilated him last week? Yeah. I don't know. Because Kyle, and correct me if I'm wrong, he keeps shouting that he's going to rim Isaac. Yeah. Yeah.

if he doesn't do what he tells him to, he's going to start rimming him. I don't know if you're wrong or not. I don't know if you're wrong or not. I'm not going to correct you. Right. Yeah. I'm not going to correct you. It's just what I heard. Cause I don't know if you're wrong or not. Yeah. On the UTA job board site. Uh, I think people were saying, you know, that's weird. Yeah. Well, I think so. Sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.

No, I think Adam was going. I thought you were going about like 10. What was it? Yeah, I thought you were going. Was I going? I interrupted you and I'm sorry. I'll give you an apology later. But I just wanted to, you were going about talking to Isaac yourself. Oh, yes, that's correct. Yeah. And then I kind of, you, and then you, you went. I'm so sorry. Then you went. Hold up. You went to it and I forgot where I was going.

I did went. I did went and I'm so sorry. Yeah, shoot. What were we talking about? I'm like George went. Yeah, absolutely. But what did you go? I'm pissed now. What did you approach Isaac as?

to discuss before I went. You went and I forgot where I was going. Now we just gotta move on. Now I remember where I was going. I want there to be more great

teen comedies. There were so many when we were kids. And is that because teens don't love going to the movies anymore? Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Donkey! Is that why? Because we as our generation, our generation, loved going to the movies. So there was more movies for us, about us. I love it! And

and then now the younger generation, like, do you have to have, like, they have to be TikTok related or what is the deal, Bam? I mean, yes. Like, this is, this is what is super fucking crazy and weird that like, let's, let's get charged. Let's get charged. If, if,

If you make a movie about kids now, the phone, it's got to be woven in in a way that maybe isn't cinematic. Maybe it is, but it's such a part of their lives. And even other movies. I'm like, if I'm watching a movie and people are just walking, if you're walking down the street and people are just walking, I'm like, no, no, no. They all need to be on their phones. Everyone in every movie at all times should be on their phone unless they're just talking to somebody for a moment. That's why I did this seminal

that is Jexy. Wake up! Prophecy. Yeah. Absolutely. And where is that available? Where can people go to watch Jexy? I want to say Netflix. I believe it was, or maybe it was on Netflix. It made it to number two on Netflix. I love that. Purple side!

And it wasn't a Netflix movie, so that's a big whammy. Yeah, that's huge. You know, I don't know. I didn't keep up on the whereabouts of where we can find Jexy, but that is what that movie is all about. Ahead of its time? Yeah, I think so. It's probably worth a revisit, a rewatch. It's probably very telling. However we say it. Yeah, it fucking sucks because, well, now there's like every plot problem that was in the 90s of like, we gotta find...

We can't find our friends. They're over here. Now you have to explain why none of you have phones. Yeah. Or like. Yes. It has to be like. Put your phones in here. They blew up the phones. The phone went in the pool. Fuck it. Yeah. Now phones can go in pools. Yeah. Now they're like. They're waterproof. Well, you just text them. Yeah. Find my friend function. Yeah. Yeah.

And like, do the kids like, I don't know, like the kids not, there was so much mystery and look, let's, let's just be old people for a second here. But like you would just go out and try and find people. Excuse me? Heck in my day. Or like you'd hear people were somewhere and then you would go somewhere. Right.

And now you kind of know everything. And like, I don't know. Well, Blake didn't have many friends, so he doesn't know what this is about. Apparently. Apparently. Right. Blake knew where they were. They're in the basement. I know. Yeah, I knew right where my friends were. They were at John Paul's house and they never left. And that's where we congregated and we didn't go anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. He knew where his two friends were. They were in the basement. Right. And that's where they still are. Yeah. I wasn't really beginning to make a friend.

I'm saying we're not really kissing. We're practicing kissing. Dude, it doesn't count, bro. We're just wrestling down here, mom. It sounds like you're fucking. No. It sounds like. Where's my baby oil? It sounds like my cheek's getting clapped.

No, no, no, no. That's like Brennan Stimpy when they shake their butt cheeks. Yeah, that's the razor's edge. That's a used to have to. I mean, there would be like we would hit up even when we got cars because I was one of the only people I knew with a cell phone. There was like maybe three or four other guys that had cell phones when I had a cell phone, a sophomore year of high school. When you get your car. OK.

Okie dokie. Talking Nokia, little Nokia. If the four other guys with the cell phone aren't hitting you back or aren't in the social groups that you're trying to hang out with that night, you literally had to drive past the Taco Bell Burger King parking lot.

Yeah, a little scope. You had to go past the grocery store where we would just kick it in the parking lot. And that's because it was lit? You guys hung out in the parking lot because it had floodlights or whatever? Yeah, so we would just sit in the middle of the parking lot. How was that lighting? It was definitely lit. Oh, yeah! Pretty good. It was lit. It was lit. Please tell me.

Do you remember early on texting people? In the 90s. Dude, that first text. Because texting people is the preferred way of communicating, but I don't really remember texting as much as I do now. Was it because you had to hit the button three times to find the... Yes. Yeah, it was just harder. What was it called? It was the T9. The T9. Yeah, there you go. T9. Where if it was C on the... I think...

number two, you had to hit three times to get the C. And there was no predictive... Wait, wasn't T9 the predictive thing? I thought T9 was like the upgrade where you did not have to do the one, two, three to get C on the two. And T9, you could just type it and it would know. That's a question for the producers. I think it isn't. Hey producers, wake up!

I'm pissed now. Durs is right. Durs is right.

Ders is right. Oh, Ders is right? Blake, hit him. You want some points? Yes, points! Give this man his points. No, that's not a points. That's not a points. I told you, dude! There you go. Yeah. There you go. Ders likes that one. Rowdy Gaines. Thank you. Shout out to Rowdy Gaines. But still, yes, you wouldn't want to text until you had a full, like, BlackBerry keyboard. Yeah, that's when shit really started to snap. Which happened way after. Way after. Way after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way after. Yeah, that shit was...

It was slow and steady. But yeah, movies for teens, I guess I'm just like, they wouldn't think it would be feel real unless it was like everyone's on their phone constantly. Yeah. And I don't know how cinematic that is. Someone's going to make it. Well, no, that's probably right.

And so you almost need to make, if it's about teens, not necessarily for teens, but about teens. It's euphoria. And it's about fucking each other and doing drugs. Fucking the quarterback's dad. Yeah. Give me that role. That's a meaty role I'd like to dive into. I mean, that's cool. And I do enjoy that. But I don't think we would do...

Euphoria justice. It wouldn't be as sexy. It'd be funnier. Yeah. No, euphoria. I'm sorry to say I never have seen an episode of euphoria. Where is it set? Is it in Los Angeles? I saw the pilot. So did that. The guy fucks a quarterback. See, I've seen every episode and I'm waiting. I heard it's great, but I like Sam Livingston's other work, the idols.

You're more of an idol guy. I love the idol, dude. But do they ever explain? Because I've seen the cast and crew of Euphoria, and they're pretty hot.

hot youngsters, right? Yeah, the crew. How's the boom operator? It's a hot crew. Yeah, if you went to that high school, you were like, yeah, we've got some super babes. No babes. There's not a Sidney Sweeney at my high school. The focus puller does it with her titties? No. Yeah. Spit on that thing. Wait, what? What are we talking about? He just said the cast and crew is sexy. I'm like, the crew? Like, what?

The gaff tape has those electrical tape X's over the nipples? What are we talking here? No, man. It's like if I'm going to have a sexy set in front of camera, I want a sexy set behind camera as well, dude. And everyone listening, Blake's saying if. This is a demand he has on any production he's on. Isaac. God damn it, Isaac. Yeah, I want everybody to kind of really be bringing the thunder. I want a hot set.

When I say hot set, I mean... Steady hogging. Yeah. Yeah. I want big, big old freaking swinging things. Right. You want ladies in those saran-wrapped yoga pants? Yeah.

Right.

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Not to change the subject, but here it comes. I want to because I've been fucking up. So I'm still on my circle kick. I'm still on it. He's running circles. I'm still on it. And you guys might want to ask me what pod I'm rocking with today. I'm I'm I'm rocking. We might want to. We might not. Oh, good for you. They up my meds and I'm currently on a

a lot of muscle relaxers. Wait. So words are kind of flopping out. Okay, good. Really? Okay. Squeeze lemonade, dude. It's pink lemonade. And is this just flavor or is this also vitamins, electrolytes? Like what's in this one? This one's just a flavor pod. I don't think we're getting much electrolytes in this one. I just had a kiwi watermelon that was electrolytes. So don't worry. I don't give a fuck.

It also, just in that moment, does seem like your meds are hitting. You were like... When did you take your last muscle relaxer? That was about an hour and a half ago. And it takes about an hour and some change to really, really start hitting. Here we go. Where does it hit you? In my ability to focus and say words and enunciate words. Okay, cool. And hold in BMs.

Hold it. Adam's like, you got to go change a diaper. Does it relax? Relax my sphincter? Yeah. Do you find that you take a shit when you do it? Or is it kind of a, what is it? A stool suppressant? No. Well, literally today is the first day that they've upped my meds for this. So this is brand new territory for me. Let's go.

It's going to suck. I've yet to do it while I'm working. So I had today also. I didn't do it. Well, and I'm excited to see what tomorrow holds on the set of the Righteous Gemstones. Yeah, that's going to be fun. My bro's going to get an Emmy off of these freaking pills, dude. I can't wait. Kelvin's just going to be real fucking slack job. Dude, did you see what? Or they're going to have to write that Kelvin's now super into pills and shit.

Yeah. Right. Bringing a whole new level. That'd be kind of fun. Yeah, that's cool. I like that. But what are the pills that the gay guys do to relax their buttholes, Ders? You know this. It's not a pill. I don't need much at all. I don't need much. For me, it's a visual thing that really does it for me. Yeah, poppers. Poppers. I like Anna and Beck are both...

writing poppers. Is this the quickest they've ever answered? Yeah, wait, guys, what? Yes, we will ask a question and they're on their phones. They're Gen Z on their phones. How did you even? No, I don't think poppers are pills. Don't you just smell it? Hang on a second. Hey, Becca and Anna, please respond. What are poppers? Do you smell it?

Wait, wait, let's do not come. You don't know how pop out of everything we've out of everything we've ever asked. Why did you guys just answer that so quickly? Well, because they know, and they're still writing, they're just, they're writing a whole freaking essay right now. It's bizarre. There's also a special K which they like the special K that's a cat tranquilizer, which I've actually done special K before. Um,

That's life. I was at Merrimack Woods when I first moved to California. It was these girls I was trying to impress. And we go over to these guys' apartment. And I put Special K on the weed and we smoked it. I don't know if I remember correctly. You thought it was some cornflakes. Yeah. Hello! Get that. Dude. Give him points for that. Yes, points! You got it.

sucked, dude. I'm like, this absolutely sucks. I couldn't talk to these girls. The whole time I'm going, I'm not going to be able to make it back to my apartment, which is five apartments away. I'm going to die here. Can I tell you something? They didn't want you there and they were like, the only way to neutralize them is give them special K on the Wii. Wii? No.

Then you can't move and they fucking escape. Neutralize him, dude. Sorry about it. Sorry, brother. We've got to take down this big cat with a tranq gun right here. This horny tranq cat.

He won't leave. Can we get into the science of what, like, poppers are used because it opens up your asshole a little bit, right? Yours, not mine. Not mine. There's no way. Yeah, you don't have to be scared to say butthole or asshole. Well, I don't want to say something offense. I don't know what poppers are directly used for, but I thought it was like. No, that's what they're directly used for. That's what they're directly used for. So it's like a muscle relaxant. You smell it, or like, why do you smell it? And then all of a sudden your butthole goes pop.

And that like really pops. So yeah. What is the purpose of a popper? I do like how Blake really cares. I'm like, we can move on. No, it's interesting. No, it's very interesting. Like, is it? It's not that interesting to me. This is interesting. That shit's important. Blake. I don't think I currently can read. Please read this whole thing. Oh yeah. Blake reading is always fun. Blake, you got the mic. Poppers is a slang term referring to recreational drugs belonging to the population.

Alkyl nitrate family of chemical compounds. When fumes from these substances are inhaled, they act as potent vasodilators. Yep. Vasilidators? Producing vacilidators? Yes.

Producing mild euphoria, warmth, and dizziness. Most effects have a rapid onset and are short-acting. Where's the butthole stuff? Oh, I'll have a widespread raker using it. The drug is the same thing. I like that this is what the one that Anna finds the one that's very clinical and by the books, and then Isaac immediately finds the little snippet that says, the drug can cause euphoric effects and act as a sex enhancer by relaxing the anal muscles.

Fuck it. I'm going to come. Do you want your asshole relaxed? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. I don't know. Don't you want it to grip it so it's tight? Grip it and rip it? No, because if you grip it, you rip it. Yeah, exactly. Hey, and Adam, we all know that's on your business card. You live by that. Let's go. And you have business cards. I do have business cards. I like Adam going from school to school. Yeah.

As a motivational speaker, just remember, it happened to me. If you grip it, you rip it. So pop on. Pop on. So you want a looser butthole? Yeah, I think you want a nice loose butthole. Loose butthole. So it doesn't hurt you as badly, right?

I would assume. Yeah. But who's it for? For everybody, man. What do you mean? I think it's for the guy who's getting the ass pounding or the woman. Yeah. To relax the butthole so your asshole doesn't hurt his back. Relax. Loose butthole. I would assume. Sure. I would assume.

Allegedly. I would assume. You know what happens when you assume. That's what happens when you take this thing. Your ass zooms. You make a loose butthole out of you and me. I'm going to have to get more circle, dude. You think you can fit that circle in after a few poppers?

Yeah, I think he's really muscle relaxed right now. I've been doing the bit of, do you think I could fit this up my... What's that? On set of The Righteous Gemstones? Okay. You saved that for season four or five? Well, damn, dog. It's science. They don't love it as much as we love it. Yeah, well, I think it's a different time, you know? Yeah. Maybe they don't want to know that information. Yeah, maybe. That's possible. You have to take it as the truth. So I have a crazy story. So I was...

Okay. Coming back from the gym right before doing this podcast. Believe it. Not that crazy. And I park at my normal spot and I'm sitting and I'm talking on the phone and I look into the bush and I see the fucking largest snake I've ever seen in my goddamn life.

This snake is like four or five feet and thick, like this thick. And he's wrapped up into the tree. And I can just see his belly. And you're in your car. I'm in my car. Yeah. Shut the fuck up! And I get out and he's like fucking laying there. Terrifying, dude. And I'm looking around for a stick to get it. Wait, wait, wait. Is it looking at you? Leave it alone. What the hell? What the hell? So you're in your car and you see this snake in the tree. Yeah. Yeah.

And you get out of your car and get a stick? Yeah. What are you doing? Hold up. I was going to poke it. I was going to poke the snake. Why? Yeah. To poke the snake. What do you mean? When you see a snake, you got to poke it with a stick.

That's one of the main rules. That's one of the main rules. Go ahead. Yes, absolutely. And I think if you... Well, maybe that's Florida. But if you kill snakes, you get money for it. So maybe... Go ahead. So you got out of your car instead of driving away at a high speed. Well, it's at my house. So I was in the driveway. And I'm looking into the bush...

Oh, this was at your house. I thought, sorry, I thought you were at the gym. Okay, you pulled up to the crib. No, no, no, no. Sorry, yeah, I just got back from the gym. I'm at the spot that I always park it in and I look directly ahead and there's a fucking snake running

Weaved up in this tree. And the fact that my eagle eyes... With a bow-sized kind of bump in it. Yeah. It was wild, dude. And then I'm like freaking out. I sent Isaac a photo. Because I was talking with Isaac. As I always do. I love you, Isaac. Unlike Kyle. How's he doing, by the way, after...

I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. And I come in the house. I'm like kind of wigging. I'm wigging out. And our nanny's here. And also she's also my assistant, Michelle. She's here at the house. I'm like, we got to get a stick. We got to go poke this snake. And she goes, oh, are you scared? And I'm like, Michelle, this snake is.

is like a record level snake for Charleston. It's a huge snake. It's a wildly huge snake. This is a fucking boa constrictor in the bush. It's a huge snake. No, sir, I don't like it. And she's like, sure, okay, let me see it. Then she comes out. She...

She's like looking at it. She's like, oh my God, it's fucking huge. I'm like, I know. And I'm like wigging out looking for this snake. Fully wigged. I would have called the police. And he has it. If you grab the snake. Oh. What the hell? No. You're a monster. It was fake. It was fake, dude. What? So she gets up closer and she's like, she's looking at it. And I'm behind her and I'm going like, I'm being a little bit of a bitch. Snake's kind of wigging. Now I'm like, what?

And I go, I go, I go, don't get too close. I'm like, don't get too close. And she's like, Adam, it's fake. And I'm like, what?

It was fucking, it was just the belly and it was wrapped up so perfectly in the tree. It's an inflatable, for people that didn't smush the subscribe button on YouTube. And you got to smush it. You got to smush that freaking subscribe button. If you didn't smush the, you're not getting to see it, but it is a plastic. It's deflated a little bit now because I've been

fuck it with it, but... What have you been doing? You been snaking poppers? Poppers. Let's see how far this goes. It was perfectly snaked up in there, in the tree. And who did this? Someone's, like, punking me. Yeah, is that a prank? And I know who it is. I know who it is. Okay. John Goodman. The kids that are staying next door, they're actively, like, punking me, dude. Real cute. Say,

I know they are. I know they are, dude. Are you chummy with them or are you mean to them? No, I'm pretty chummed. I'm pretty chummed up. You know what I think, Adam? Maybe you got to go Python to Python. Go over there and fucking show them. If you're listening, you missed out. If you're subscribed and you smushed the subscribe button, I'm talking about arms. I'm a dude. What sucks is...

For how scared I got, the only way to get them back was like their parents would have to come talk to me. You know what I mean? It'd be like, you can't scare... Put a bear trap in their yard. You can't scare my children that badly. What if you do like a kind of like a fake home invasion or something? Yeah. Kind of like...

hostage situation sort of thing. Hostage. Or like I come in, I kind of mess up the house and then there's a burglar. So now the kids are always scared that there's like a burglar. Do a little Manson helter skelter. Rearrange. I feel like that'll go well in this era of people just shooting on the property. Yeah, I think that might.

Really go well here in South Carolina? Yeah. Is it open carry? We got one. Yeah, I would assume. Open carry, yeah. Yeah, that's close carry. All kinds of carries. Yeah. Carrie Fisher. Whatever you can carry. Carrie Bradshaw. Water trash. Carrie Strode. From the backside, the front side looks less real, but the backside, if that's just...

10 feet away from you. Yeah, I could see that. Like, snaked up into a tree. Yeah. It was fucking terrible. Will you put it closer to the... Because it... It looks faker the closer you get to it. I think I would have the same reaction. It looks very fake. Yes. Once you are holding it. I mean, but he's in a foreign land. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it has a rattler. It...

Oh yeah, it does. It's a little rattler. But it was kind of dark. Adam, I'm sure it got your juices flowing though. I bet you were amped. I was so amped, dude. I was so amped, dude.

Knowing you, you got... It's cool that you called your nanny to take care of it. No, I wanted to stick because I was going to poke it and see if it moved, dude. Because I was like, maybe it's dead, you know? Oh, you thought it was a corpse. But it was deep in the tree. It wasn't like right up front. So you really had to like get down there and look and you didn't want to climb into this tree in case it was alive. No. Because

Because then it would jump. So that was a big moment for me, dude. So now I think I have to like find out what dog they have. Kidnap it. Yeah. Go online. Pay someone a lot of money to make a perfect replica of their dog's head.

cut that dog's head off, put some ground beef around it or something. Adam, I was just going to say all of this. Go ahead. And then set it on their steps and wait for them to come out. Something that would shake them to the core because that's the only way to get back to them. But I think...

that that might be... I think it might be one step too far. If you get the dog and you just take the leash off the dog and then you get like 40 pounds of ground beef and...

and then shave some of the dog and put some of the hair in it and then just put that on the like porch with the collar on it and do we Blake and Blake's a good love you guys he kind of is a good gauge of like what's too far do we think that's too far Blake yeah I

Yeah, I mean, if it's believable looking. Yeah, I think, and it seems like you've thought about it quite a bit, and I don't know if my opinion is going to stop you. You know what, Adam? You know what would really get him, dude? No, it just, dude, it literally just happened right before the podcast, so I haven't had a lot of time to think about it.

But you have the perfect most sinister thing ever where you're going to pretend to decapitate. Well, that's the one that just comes easy. Like, how could I scare these children to their core? Dude, Adam, this is what you do. You take some of those poppers. Yeah, I should ask my most sinister friend, Anders Holm. Yeah, this is going to be bad. You take some of those poppers. Oh, God. And then you just feed that snake up your own asshole.

And then you just go over to their house and you say, hey. But what they don't know is that the snake is up your asshole. Wee-oo!

You've been way owed. So you fucking got them, dude. You've been way owed. No, you say, no, you turn around. You don't even bring up the snake. It's in your asshole, though. Just have a little bit popping out. Just have a little bit coming out of your asshole. And you know your dick's wagging. Turn around and spread your cheeks and say, did you drop something? Did you drop something?

I was going to say maybe you could say, like, I shit on your prank or something, and then you pull it out. No, but I like, did you drop something? Oh, no. Dude, that'd be way too easy. That'd be way too obvious. Yeah, that's too easy. No, you say, did you drop something? And then you kind of spread your shit. I think you dropped something. I actually think that's better than my absolute insane idea. Yeah.

You don't want to do the obvious. That's way less insane than fake killing the dog. Either way, they're not going to mess with you anymore. Wasn't actually going to kill the dog. I'm sure. Isaac sent us a little pic. If you smushed the subscribe button. Yeah, look at that. Looks fairly real. And that's me climbing up in the tree to get it. Is this in the chat? No, it's on my watch.

Yeah, that's fairly real. The color of the snake is pretty good. It looks bad on the Zoom cam, but when it's amongst the...

The leaves and the tree, it looks kind of real. Yeah, it did. It did. They actually got me. And you could tell that there was some thought into it because they weaved it up perfectly. And so it wasn't like smushed by the branches. They like perfectly placed it there. Was there more than one? I only yanked out the one. There might be another one in there. Wait, there's a real one. I'm looking. There's actually a real snake in there. What? What?

Dude, you gotta get these guys back. Is there snakes even in your area? Were you told about snakes? There are snakes here. There's... What do they call those? Durr's probably knows every snake imaginable. Copperheads. Copperheads. It's science. Copperheads. Those are bad. Durr's probably knows every snake imaginable. Dude, Durr's... I don't know. I feel like you just know poisonous things. Let's...

Let's dive into that real quick. I don't know. Well, you know dogs. We were just assuming you know snakes. We thought you know all animals. You know dogs really well. That's true. And snakes are the dogs of the reptile world. Very much so. That's absolutely true. Durs, you're kind of in a territory where you get gnarly ass like...

in Australia, like the spiders and all that shit. So here's, what's cool about Australia. All the spiders should have sang that one at the beginning of the episode. There's spiders, snakes, spiders, and snakes. All the spiders. They have giant spiders. They definitely have poisonous snakes, but here's, here's the misnomer. Okay. Which I know we like to say a lot. Uh,

Word of the day. There's no predators here. Except for you. Yeah, except for Underzone. Except for you. We sent you to the prison colony. And dude, there's so many playgrounds near me. There's no like bears or like jaguars or like that kind of stuff. So like... Right. If you're out for a trail run, you might see something like a snake. But there's nothing that's going to like chase you. Hmm.

or like kill you. You might scare something and get bit or whatever, but there's no like apex predators night on land. - Interesting. I didn't think about that. - Ocean?

I don't know, man. A lot of sharks. A lot of sharks. Tons of sharks. Everyone's so casual about the sharks. It's kind of disturbing. They're like, yeah, sharks. And you might... People get bit. And I'm like, somebody help me! Dude, that's why Australians are the best. They're the best. Becca in the comments, those spiders look so predatory to me. So, Becca, this is the problem with your generation. It's not about how you feel. Oh, wow. It's about facts, okay? I'm not going to let you slander these spiders that have...

Welcome to me, to their country, with open arms. I like when you get super, like, Gen X or older millennial. You just turn into Robert De Niro. Yeah, you're from New Jersey or some shit. Well, New Jersey, as we know, is the first colony. Yeah. And so... That is true. That is true. Is it? Yeah.

Right.

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I feel like the most deadly things in Australia are the birds. I feel like you get attacked by birds a lot out there. So you should watch out for it. What do you mean you feel that way? Again, it's a feeling based. Yeah, this is, I forgot. He's Gen Z. Yeah. I think there's a lot of gnarly birds. You're giving me a Gen Z feels. And what makes you feel that way? Like the kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Like, and then like,

attack kookaburra attack i was just talking about blake can you give us just five minutes off yeah absolutely any context at all as to what the fuck you're singing right now what did you you've never heard kookaburra the kookaburra song okay it's not about a bird that attacks but you guys didn't sing kookaburra back in freaking uh

Elementary school? In the Midwest? No. No. We're from the Midwest. So in the Midwest, you know what they do? Crows. They teach you facts. Sparrows. Okay. So out there in California, they'll teach you all these little songs because they know you're too fucking dumb. Land of fruits and nuts. The weird ghosts. Too stupid to learn the facts. You've never heard. Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Mary, Mary, king of the bushes, he. He.

I don't even know what a gum tree is. They say laugh, kookaburra, laugh. We have oak trees. We've got. So you guys didn't learn about other countries in your songs? You didn't go on a musical journey? I can't believe you guys have never heard freaking kookaburra.

This one I need Kyle. Yeah. Was this like a summer camp song? No, it was a school song. It was just a song you fucking sing. Somebody help me! We would just sing Lean on Me a lot. Well, that one's hard too. Was that Governor Joe Brown or whatever the guy's name was when we were kids? No. Judge Joe Brown for sure. No!

No, I mean, was that when Kamala was the attorney general and she's like mandating all these dumb ass songs in schools? What the hell, dude? Polly charge, dude. Adam, you've got the mic. The floor is yours. I love you guys. Dude, Polly charge, dude. Go off, King. Oh,

Do not come. Dude, I know all the facts. And the fact that... Dude, I will say, I don't know much about... Okay, here we go. He lit up... Kamala Harris. Cougar Bears. Or Cougar Bears. But the fact that she dated...

Montel Williams? Yes. Oh, really? Legend. That is legendary. Are we going to get him stumping for her? Is that what they call it? Stumping? What does that mean? Yeah, dust him off. Like, where is he? Where is Montel Williams? Montel Williams was my dad's favorite person for like

10 years. I vouch. I vouch. So Montel Williams, I feel like a lot of younger people don't even know who the fuck Montel Williams is. Oh, God. The fact that she dated. Oh, this is how you do it? Is that? No. No, no, no. That's Montel Jordan. Jordan, which also would have been pretty tight. Pretty cool. Yeah. But then I would have known that she was really down if she was kicking him. Oh, yeah. Six foot seven. Montel is like Williams. Montel Jordan. Well, he had a.

He had the daytime talk show Montel. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's how I knew him. He had this talk show. Was it just Montel? It wasn't the Montel Williams show. I thought it was the Montel Williams show. And I think maybe there were two different, like he was syndicated on one and then maybe had his own show later. That was just Montel. There was a whole Montel universe because he's such a freaking legend, mate. Legend, dude. And he was a very cool guy. Uh,

You just wanted to be with him. You wanted to hang out with him. Ex-military, right? Oh, yes. I think so. Yes. Marine Corps, Naval Academy. Apparently, he dated...

you know, the Democratic nominee for the president of the United States. Yeah. So... Guess what? Good for him. She just got my vote. Yeah. Who she used to date. That's her elegy. I know that they were trying to be like, oh, look at this skank dating Montel Williams. And I'm like, yeah, but Montel Williams...

rocks. It's not like she... Yeah. Perfect. And Adam Lee, he dated... They said Skank, huh? Yeah. Oh, they're saying that online. Yeah. Absolutely. On his feed...

My algorithm's disgusting, dude. His algorithm is... My algorithm's nasty, dude. They're saying all kinds of... I'm pissed now! Can we talk about my... Again, we're late to the game, and I've been kind of out of the country, but my favorite thing is watching everybody post their thank yous to Joe Biden. I'm like, can we just chill? They're like, thank you for your service. I'm like...

He's not a he's not dead. Well, we don't know. Thanks for not dropping out a year ago so we could run up in this game a little more prepared. Like, what are we talking about? Okay. Yeah. And also, this is not going to see your post. He's not going to see your post. He's not going to give you a retweet girl that you went to high school with. She's not going to see your post. But even the famous people, I'm like, you're not in the mix, especially the famous people. I'm like, no one gives a shit. And I have some names.

Thank you. That I want to blast. But, I mean, they're good people. They're just... It's so dumb to post... Bullying! And I see people... Everyone's posting their photos. And full disclosure, Adam, you worked with him. I did. I did. Yeah, you should have done one. Yeah. Dude...

last one right now. And you don't need to, you don't feel any need to be like, he's my guy. We've hung out for six hours together and... We did hang out. Me and Isaac went to the White House. He almost introduced me to Barack, which would have been fucking sick. Damn.

That's what you want. That's what I wanted. That was the... You can have it. Just take it. Just take this laptop. And I'm like, this laptop. I don't need it. I don't want to carry it. This won't be worth anything. Just throw it away. They're like, hey, there's my son's laptop.

Here, hang on to that. Here, hang on to my son's laptop. Oh, my God. By the way, the more I talk about these things, I don't know what's on the... I don't know what the laptop is. I just keep hearing about the laptop, and I'm like, his dick pics were on here? Or like, what was on the... I see the headline, I just don't read. He's smoking crack on the laptop. But the laptop is like a deal breaker for some people. I'm like...

Sure, man. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, I guess. But you know that Montel Williams, the presidential nominee for the Democratic ticket presidential nominee, fucked Montel Williams. And that's who...

Gets my vote, dude. Montel Williams? Absolutely. Do not come. Absolutely. Do not come. He was great. Try not to. She's a legend. Montel. Yeah. You know what? I see Montel on infomercials now. I see him doing infomercials now sometimes. Super jacked. Still got it. I feel like Kamala's probably a little bit like he's the one that got away.

And she needs him now. She needs him now. What if her first... What if she becomes president in her first order of... What did you say about Furby? What if she reinstates Furby's? What if her first order of business is to...

Put him in the freaking cabinet, bro. Oh, right. Dude, he's like secretary. General. Secretary. He should be the general. D of defense. You don't give him like a huge job. Like he's secretary of like transportation or something where you're like, ah, yeah. Yeah, I guess they kind of do stuff, but mostly people under them do the stuff and then they just sort of go, yeah, we need roads. But think about a bald, sensible, jacked,

Yeah. Where's his best fit? Yeah. Is it? I mean, you know, I don't want to waste him on transportation. I'll give him the I'll give him the vice. Yeah. Well, see, here's another thing. We don't know enough about the government to even know what would be the best fit. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Vice would be clutch because you're a figurehead. You're not really doing that much. And I feel like.

He would run it. I love you guys. How many videos there are of Kamala doing little dances with a group of kids and stuff? Have you seen the mashups? Oh, yeah. There's mashups on the internet now. I've heard just like... She can move, dude. Doing this little one-two step. Sure. She can move. I do like Donald Trump's dance too, though. Trump's...

Trump's arm dance is unreal. It's pretty fire. That almost swung me. Whoever wins is going to be a hell of a dancer. We know that. America wins there. Speaking of which, I wonder if by now if

If, you know, breakdancing is in the Olympics, I wonder if we have a gold medalist yet. I don't know how deep we are in the Olympics right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. Well, I can tell you this. Yeah, the Olympics, yeah, we're recording this a week ahead, a little over a week ahead. So we're almost two weeks ahead. Swimming just happened. So the Olympics start this Friday. Yes, breakdancing is in the Olympics.

Literally. Yeah, I know. It's freaking sick as hell, dude. We knew what you meant. It's freaking sick as hell. I don't even know what that would mean figuratively. Figuratively.

Dude, breakdancing is in the Olympics figuratively. It's figuratively. Yeah! Okay, my bad. You're so dumb. I can't wait to see that. And then the last thing, the hot, polycharged topic that we haven't brought up is the fact that Trump was shot in the fucking ear, dude. The ear, man. Oh, God, yeah. Not okay. Not okay. Not okay. Not okay. I'll tell you what is okay.

Here we go. Trump's plastic surgeons or whoever put his ear together so quickly, his ear is already looking great. It's back? Oh, it's back, baby. I haven't seen it. Oh, his ear's back, baby. It looks better than ever. I feel like he'd be the kind of guy who'd be like, leave it dangling. No, no. Like it's his calling card. No, because no, Trump, he likes to look good. And you could tell by the way his fit body.

Bod. Does he? And his hair and his tan. Huh. No, well, he likes to look good in the way he thinks looks good, you know? Right, right, right. He thinks his orange tan is good looking, so he does it.

He thinks his comb over, he's more embarrassed to be bald than he is to have this crazy comb over, so he does it. It is a cotton candy situation. I think he would say, I've got to take care of this ear situation right now. Did he get one pointed a little bit like a werewolf? Yeah, he's a super, he went Spock mode. He's a Trekkie.

That's what he's running on. Yeah, if he just starts doing this a lot. He's like, honestly, I'm a change man. We got to live long and prosper, y'all. That's what it's all about. Oh, wow. That would actually be sick. That would be sick. Is the thumb in or is it out? Ninja Turtle Hand. I don't know.

I think it is. I haven't watched a lot of Star Trek. Thumbs out. It's easier to do when your thumb's in, I feel. Yeah, I feel. Look at that dopey trend. With the Spock hand. Yeah. You know what? I think the thumb is out because there is the... You could do the...

emoji of it. Okay. Right? That it is one. It's official. It seems right. And I feel like Spock said it's two in the pink, two in the stink, and then one in the sink. Yeah. And then one you just... Yeah, one, like the third person, because you're having a threesome, they just suck on it. That's what Spock said. Dick Long and Schlonger.

Yeah, that shit is fire, bro. Dig long and slugger. Dig long and slugger. Yep. How about points, dude? Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I can out. I can out.

Can I have them? Yes. Okay. Thank you. It kind of just spoke to me, man. It just came out. Came pouring out, dude. Thank you. Came pouring out. That's one way. We got to get that sponsor. We do. We need a popper sponsor. And just, guys, listening, we got a potential sponsor that makes you jizz more. So more to come on that, hopefully. Oh, unintended. We're really excited. Do we even care? Should we just start talking about them now?

Yeah, let's talk about it. So we have to approve all these sponsors, and we don't really care. As you've heard, we don't really give a shit. These guys are going to get a free beer. If it's a sponsor, yeah, we'll fucking say yes. We say yes to everything. Every once in a while when something comes along. We do really love some stuff. We love Philadelphia cream cheese. That's obvious.

We fucking love it. Fucking love the cream cheese. I tell you what I love is Zo Energy. Natural green energy. Zo Energy is delicious. Circle. Circle isn't a sponsor. They should be for how much I goddamn love it. Hey, Circle...

Will you send me one, guys? Come on. We love BetterHelp. We love Coors. We love Coors. We really love Coors. They sent me a big box of Circle because I've been hyping it up. I'll take a small box of Circle. Popo Sack!

Well, we'll get you some Circle, I feel. Thank you, baby. But do we know the name of the company? What is it called? We don't. The Load? Oh, yeah, here. Anna posted it. It's called Thumb Out. So it's VB Health, and it's called the Load Boost. Mm-hmm.

So this will help your orgasm intensity, semen volume, and taste. Yeah. Somebody help me! They also have a pill called Soaky Wet. So that's a probiotic for total vaginal health and increased wetness.

You're a monster. I mean, how what do you think if you go over to a girl's house? Let's say we're all young men. We're single. We go over to a girl's house and we're, you know, you're in her bathroom and just on the counter. You're not snooping around, but just on the counter there, there's a pill bottle that says soaking wet. So you take a look.

And it says for vaginal wetness and how it's going to be soaked. You need another four inches. You immediately take three yourself. Yeah. Oh, you get soaked up yourself then? Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Just to see what happens. I wonder what that would do to a man. You just start salivating or you get diarrhea? I don't know. Yeah, no, maybe your dickhead just starts dripping. Secreting. Oh, sure. Secreting. Do you get diarrhea too?

Yeah. So maybe not. Maybe you wouldn't do that. Yeah. Maybe I would. The cause of diarrhea. What do they call it? Snail trail. So that being said, uh, we absolutely want them to be a sponsor. Please. We're looking forward to this. The fact that they came to us, they thought of us. We feel great about it. Came to us. Get it. Came to us. Yeah. Came to us. Yes. Points. We love it. And please, please, um,

decide to sponsor the podcast. We would love it. We definitely should do a before and after. Oh, yeah. We're going to definitely do some really cool stuff for YouTube. So smash that subscribe button. We got to test the products. I had a bug on YouTube.

What I can tell you is that he's excited. He's chunking right now. He might have lost his internet. And I don't want to speak for him, but yeah, Adam has kind of complained about having smaller loads and like he's really...

Because he likes to shoot into his own mouth. Yeah, he's kind of been talking about how he notices a little bitter, kind of slightly spicy. And here's the thing about Adam. Sensitive guy. He's been beating himself up about it. Beating himself off. But beating himself up

about it and really just not too pumped about the taste, the flavor. Yeah, he's been going through it. His viscousness. Yeah, every day off pod, he kind of talks to us about it and it's really nice. And we're like, dude, cheer up. It's fine. It's fine. It'll get better. It gets better. It'll get better. It does get better as soon as you get on that VB health tip. Yes. Okay, let's go.

And I don't want to even like take the podcast into like a downer zone, but he's been dealing with this for a while. Just kind of weak loads, stinky, stinky, stinky, weak, weak loads. And so this if we get this sponsor, it's me a real boost to not only his loads and their flavor. Yeah. But just to who Adam is, how he walks into a room. Yeah. And hey, hey, he's back.

So hopefully, you know, I'm not speaking out of school when I speak for Adam about how it'll change his life for the better. What? What happened? Dude, my internet keeps going out. No, it's okay. We got you. I think we should probably wrap it up. We kind of just... Yeah, any take-backs, Blazer? Any take-backs? You guys had something up your sleeves. I know it. I know it, dude. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We wouldn't do that. Don't even have sleeves. Hey, fair enough. And I trust you guys with my lives, and you would never put words in my mouth or do anything distasteful when it came to me because, you know, I hold myself to such high regard. Distasteful. Distasteful is the perfect word to describe what we were going over. That would be a smack in the face to me and my family if you did anything like that. All right. Any take backs, apologies? Apologies? Apologies?

Any apologies or epic slams? A smack in the face to the lineage, mate. I feel pretty good. I want to apologize to you guys for the way you guys were brought up. The fact that you don't know the fucking kookaburra song. You, you guys are uneducated in the world. Uh,

Hey, TII Nation, slide into Blake's DMs and let him know. Every time you say that, they really do. And it's a real outpouring. Let him know whether or not you know what the fuck that song is. And I guarantee you're going to get some...

California kids that know about your dumb little song, but the rest of America and the world, because we know that TIN Nation is no longer just a nation. We're all over the place. We're international, baby. Ders is in Australia as we speak.

Where the kookaburra is from, it is local to Australia. I was busy watching Can't Hardly Wait. Great soundtrack. Highly recommend it. A good revisit. Excellent. Well, maybe go outside, look in a bush and find a kookaburra. Take a walkabout. And you know what?

i want to take back uh you know those people who sent messages to biden you know um i don't think i went in hard enough on how dumb they are and uh what they thought uh it meant to anyone but um thank you god super dumb yeah super super super super super super dumb yeah um

Yeah, you're a fucking idiot. What else? No, I think I stand by everything that was said. Once again, I would like to apologize for my friend Kyle on Kyle's behalf to Isaac for what he said the last couple weeks, I think. Yeah, right. He's been really keen on it. And I'm sorry to Isaac from my friend Kyle, the alleged baby eater. Allegedly! Allegedly, he's done a lot of really nasty things, but apparently he's directing...

See ya. Happy Madison. Happy Gilmore too. Happy Gilmore. Which is great. I always say happy Madison. Happy Gilmore too. We're very excited for him. We are stoked on that. He's going to do great. He's going to do a great job. Going to do great. For somebody who calls himself the Lord of the Rim, you couldn't ask for more. Water trash. That's right. You know, someone who between gritted teeth shouts at our manager and says, you bow to the Lord of the Rim. It's huge. This is a huge step for him. He's going to do a great job. He's going to knock it out of the park. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Well, that's another episode of This is Important. Look at this, dude. The sun is setting on the East Coast and the sun is rising there in Australia, man. We're international, baby. It's already tomorrow. It's tomorrow. Don't take this episode down.

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