Ep 245: No More Flowers, AGAIN.
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. Our podcast is literally a fucking Goosebumps book, dude. If you eat enough pineapple, your cum tastes delicious. Brother, you are a lucky man, aren't you? Let's go!

Wow, dude. What up, fellas? We just did...

Get ready. Get ready, TIA Nation. Do you guys like doing them before the show or do you like doing them after? I don't like doing them maybe ever. Okay. It's not my favorite part of the day. I like talking with my boys. That's why I got into podcasting. You know, I like talking with them. Yeah, same. So you're not going to answer the question. Yeah. Yeah, I would say out of those two options,

After. Yeah. Because then you could bail. Because then you could bail and be like, fuck, I have somewhere to be. Yeah, I actually have to go. Can we throw that one to Isaac? Maybe punt that one. Yeah, maybe we should have Isaac do a couple. That'd be fun. Fucking Hyundai. I know that therapy is important. Therapy's important. H-E-L-P dot com. T-H-I-S-S. It's called Original Penguin. Penguin. Oh, no!

We were talking. So we're doing some commercials for original Penguin. As we do. As we do. Now, I say Penguin. Yeah. They say, Blake. Penguin. Penguin. Peng-wen. Peng-wen. You sound like you're speaking another language. Penguin. Penguin.

Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. And Adam, you say penguin. Penguin. I say penguin. Why would you say penguin when there isn't an I? Because that's how I was always raised to say penguin. When my mother took me to the zoo as a young boy, she said, look at that penguin. And I go, that's how it's said. Yeah, but your parents constantly said the N word around the house too, but you don't say it.

No, they did. That is not true. That's not even funny. That's not even funny. That shit's important. I'm just saying this analogy doesn't work because they were constantly saying that. That's not, that is disparaging. That's I don't like that. Ders. I do not like that, but you're right. Uh,

My dad and uncles were, but... You want to see it? No, they were saying words incorrectly a lot. But Anna and Mark, producers on the podcast, they both said penguin the way I said penguin. So,

So no. Yeah. You're a stupid dumbass. I mean, this is what's fascinating about language, you guys. Oh, I love this. And everybody gets, if you want to turn down your radios and not listen for a little bit. Yeah. There are, there are words that like don't exist or phrases that aren't the phrase that become the phrase like down the pipe or

Instead of down the pipe, it's down the pipe. And it becomes so like ubiquitous that like then it is what it is. Like people say comfortability. I don't know if that's a word. Comfortability? Yeah. Comfortability or comfortability. How do you say it? Well, Jesus Christ. Hold up. Like about a bed or a pair of shoes or like a couch. Yeah, the comfortability of – I don't know if that's a word. It's just the comfort. Is it comfortable?

Well, maybe a company made that word up. Yeah. Like they were like, there's no other way to describe these mattresses. Well, so then is Chris Mahanakwanzaka also real? What are we doing here? Companies are just making up words. Yeah. Treduckin? Farfignugan? I don't know if that's a real word. Farfignugan is definitely a German word. I don't know what Farfignugan is. Haagen-Dazs is not real. Farfignugan was a Volkswagen ad campaign in the 1980s.

God damn. God damn, you're so old, dude. God damn! I also like that you're currently dressed like you walked out of 1986. Yeah, I might have. Goodbye. Goodbye.

What do they call those? What do they call those? Like the little B-boys that come out with a little cardboard? Yeah. I'm crazy legs. Yeah, dude. Damn. Yeah, that topical reference. That would be sick. That would be sick. Shout out crazy legs. I would love to watch you break, dude. That would be tight. If I tried, I would. I'm breaking over here. I would snap. I'm breaking over here. Adam's breaking every day. Breaking the sweat. Dude, I'm breaking every day. Yes, points! Woo!

Dude, how about our podcast gets no love? I tell all these crazy stories on the podcast. It gets the press doesn't pick anything up. Zero traction. And then when I go on, I do I did this Graham Bessinger interview. OK. And I did this interview. Blake, are you familiar? Everything everything that I said became a news article.

What is Graham Bessinger? Yeah, exactly. Right. Goodbye. I mean, no shots fired against him, but I didn't know who he was until, sure. Until I, until I did the interview. And then I, I like recognized him when, when he was, when he was like, Oh, you want to do this interview? And I looked up his stuff and I'm like, Oh yeah. Is he British? He's just a guy from the Midwest. That's Graham Norton. That's the most British name I've ever heard. Graham,

Yeah, it does sound like it's like, God, I'm Bessinger. Super nice guy. Great interview. We did it. Oh, this guy's like a commentator somewhere, isn't he? No, I don't think so. He's not like a sports guy? I don't think so. I think he exclusively does these- Was he like a bachelor or something? How do I know this guy? I don't think he was a bachelor, but he just does these interviews. You've probably seen him.

It's on TV all the time. Okay. And he does, he's done everybody. I got to get to the bottom of this guy. So I did it.

Like suddenly, like all the stuff with my health, it's like news. Everywhere. Everybody's just like, oh my God, Adam Devine's dying. It became, it was like Entertainment Tonight, people fucking all, all these things are covering it. So here's my thing. Don't you think that's just his producers are like, we got a scoop we can push and like this is good clickbait? I mean. Well, do we have bad producers? Is that what we're saying? Uh-oh, shots fired? I feel like you just said that. I love

Yeah, maybe. That's possible. But then also, I was getting a lot of people that would reach out about my health stuff, which is very kind and very nice. And I've got some good leads, by the way. Really? Yeah. Finally. The guy that created A Way Out. Body Swaps. This guy named Alan, and I'm blanking on his last name. I have his book around here somewhere. Iverson. Mm-hmm.

It's like the book on how to get out of pain. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He reached out and he was like, I want to help you. Wait, wait, like out of chronic pain. Out of chronic pain, yeah. Because what happens is you... I know, I've heard of this. You get stuck in a pain cycle and your body ends up, your mind ends up going, this is how the body is. Stuck in a pain cycle? That sounds like an anthrax album. That's tight. My parents' marriage. It could be. Go ahead. What? Go ahead.

And so then it rewires your brain to teach you how to get out of the pain cycle. I don't know. I'm going to learn more. I'm going to set up a Zoom with this guy. Yeah, so pretty cool. But then the other article that – Saddle up on the pain cycle. I was like that one, I'm like, I'm fine. I just talked about it on TheoVon too, so it's not –

that big of a deal. It's out there, all my pain stuff. I talk about it on our podcast every fucking time. Theo Vaughn, was he on The Bachelor? Were you guys like approaching it very seriously on his interview? Like, whereas like Theo, you guys are probably joshing around a little bit, making jokes. No, no, no. Both, I was the same amount of Adam. You know, I'm like half serious. You didn't cry in the...

The character you've curated carefully for the public eye. I wish we watched the Graham interview and Adams is bawling. They told me I was dying. They told me I was dying. No, I didn't cry. I want you to be vulnerable. But then I told the story about how my toe fell off while masturbating. He goaded me into it. He's like, I heard your toe fell off.

When you're in a bathtub once. I'm like, how did you know this story? Any story there? Totally. And then I did. I told that story. Entertainment Weekly picked it up. Right.

People Magazine picked it up. Was he glad that he heard the story on his podcast or was he like, fuck, what have I done? My podcast is now devolved into a... No, he's the one who, he was a goatee in and out of me. He wanted the stories. Graham, Graham, you dirty dog. You bully. You bully. Grandma Ma. Grandma Ma. Yes, points.

Nucky grandma. The best in the business. So then Elizabeth Banks reaches out to me and she just sends me just the interview. Who reaches out? Elizabeth Banks. Yes. The actress and director. And she just sent me the clip of the Entertainment Weekly article that is me dressed as Kelvin Gemstone in head to toe dumbass Balenciaga. I look insane.

with my hair looking insane and it's just me looking all saucy going adam devine masturbated so hard his toe fell off and that's the headline dude yeah the fuck man dude that is a cool ass headline it was it was kind of i would i would pay good money for an orgasm like that these days just something that blasts your toe off you're fucking you jo so hard your toe falls off god damn man

Damn. Honey, get the Swiffer. I feel any, I would say 85% of any other person of everyone else would have been mortified. I'd say 85% of people would have been mortified at that. Of other person. Their entire torso, one arm, their face, not the back of their head, both legs, one dick. Frankenstein. God!

God damn. Could you imagine? I'm just thinking about my toes curling so hard. Would you be bummed if there was an Entertainment Weekly article about you, Blake, that said your toe fell off? No, all press is good press. Wasn't there one about him dying, jumping on a ping pong table? Yeah, no, that was all good. That was when I was riding high, baby. There's no such thing as bad press. Now they're like, this guy can't be insured, mate.

Fuck it. He's a wild dog. He's uninsurable. Uninsurable. I'm living in the pain realm. That's when you know you're

you're doing something right. Yes, go ahead. If you're, if you're uninsurable, like then you're like, thank you. Like a jockey. You're a people's champ. You know, if like the movie studios, they go, we can't even insure this guy. He's a liability. You know that the, you go on the streets and people are just hollering your name. Yeah. You know, they, you're a hero. They know you're going to die. So they give you all the attention, all the props. Yeah.

You're not here for a long time. They're just handing you flowers. They're just handing you flowers on the street. Oh, fuck. Okay, thank you. Speaking of flowers, do we even get into this? What? Poor. What? What do you mean, what? Val Kilmer. Oh, yeah. Fuck. What are we doing? Fuck! Fuck!

I'm like freaking out that we talked about Warwick Davis so much. This motherfucker's about to just get hit by a train. He is. We did it again. Our podcast, our podcast is literally a fucking Goosebumps book, dude. Like anytime we mentioned someone.

They fucking die, man. It's fucking weird. I can see Blake just pulling off his mask. He's R.L. Stine underneath there, just weaving this tail. Right. Dude, it's crazy. This is basically Say Cheese and Die, but with the podcast. It's unreal, dude. Was the monster ring, was that an R.L. Stine book? Monster Blood, I think it was. That was one? Yeah.

Seems real. I remember the monster ring. A kid put on a ring and became like stronger or something and then slowly turned into a monster. Oh my God. That's fucking cool, dude. They adapted it to a CBS story break cartoon. Pretty good. Oh my God. You know what I think would be a good thing?

Since we're older and, you know, you got a little coin. You got a little coin in the pocket from all those ads that we just fucking read. Yeah, Penguin. Penguin. Would be to buy all the Goosebumps books for our children. Like the whole catalog. The what books? Goosebumps. Oh, like just drop like a whole ass bookshelf on them with all the books. Yeah, just say, here's every one. Yeah, like five of them are pretty good.

Sorry, no diss. Sorry, no diss, dude. It was a time and place, but like going back, you know. Whoa, you've gone back? How do you do? What are you talking about? Of course, man. Wait. I had to know if Night of the Living Dummy held up. I had to know. Well, you know, they're four children. It's not going to hold up. Well, they can still. If you re-clifford the big red dog, it doesn't hit in the same way. Oh, dude, I do. And it still does. You'd be surprised, Adam. It still does. Just wait. Just wait.

Just wait. Dude, Marvin K. Mooney, will you please go now? It's better now that I'm older. Dude, it hits different. It hits different, bro. It hits different. Don K. Reading The Giving Tree now, you're like, when he's old, he goes and sits on the stump. Okay. Dude, what's the stone soup or whatever? What was that one? You remember stone soup? What was it? Every Wednesday night.

No one remembers stone soup. What the fuck are you talking about? Dude. Yeah. It's where the guy tricks people into serving up ingredients. He's like, I got the stone. Thank you. And it tastes delicious. We need some. If I'm bringing the stone, you got to bring the carrots. And they're like, okay. And you bring the corn. And then they're like, wow, it does taste good. But he just tricked them into giving them free ingredients. Yeah.

Dude. Oh, so this is like a book to teach your children to lie to people in order to get what they want? Yes, it's a survival instinct. You have to know these things. Just be smart. Stone soup. Stone soup. I'm sorry that, you know, I'm going to do a take back right now.

I'm sorry that I yelled at you about stone soup because apparently it is real. I guess my parents didn't read to me because I don't know stone soup at all. But it happens. The one where it's like the grandma and you know that one? Yeah, keep going. Keep going. No. No.

Say less? Shut the fuck up! Or say more? I feel like, talk about yourself. I'm going to grab this book real quick. The one about the grandma. What's her name? I know her name. It's like a really cool name. Naked Grandma! I don't know. The real banger was the one where the teacher had no control of the classroom and then the substitute showed up. Those illustrations, that teacher was frightening.

Yes. The teacher who shows up is hella scary and mean. Right, right. And then it makes the kids want their original abusive teacher back. Exactly. And I think on the last page you see like the wig in the purse. Yeah.

Oh, do they never actually tell you that they were the same person? I mean, I think that's how they do it, Blake, is they show the wig and the purse. Just in the drawings? I think so. In the illustrations? I think Miss Nelson is missing, dude. Oh, that is a fucking banger, dude. It is a banger. It is a banger. That's a really great book.

It makes me want to find Miss Nelson. God damn, she had a kooky booty. Wait, what? It's science. It's in my son's room, I think. I thought it was out in the living room. He's taking a nappy.

Snappy. I love, man, naps rock. Snappy o'clock. Love a good nap. Yeah, well, it's dope. And by the end, you're like crying. My mother gave it to him and it's about like a grandma and she's, you know, they die and shit. Naked grandma! The grandmas die. So. What? It sucks. It sucks for kids. Is this about the grandma dying? Yeah, fuck.

God, I wish I had it right now. It's just, it's a real tearjerker. It's a blue book. And there's a grandma in it. And there's a grandma in it. What?

Nucky grandma! It's new? No, it's old. It's a classic. Wait, what's the one about like the teddy bear and like the little kid is dying, but like the teddy bear is like with the kid the whole time, and then I think they have to light the bear on fire because it has the disease? I don't know. Not real, dude. Good night, good night, construction site. You don't have to make something up to like be cool around us. It's called The Velvet? The Velveteen Rabbit?

Yes. It is. And isn't that about a sick person who has a rabbit and then the rabbit gets – Honestly, Blake, you're a sick person. Goodbye. I don't know what it's about. I just remember the title and the illustrations. Dude, I think that story is like really, really tough. Is it a Hans Christian Andersen? You know, that's –

That's probably not. Yeah. But I remember the Velveteen Rabbit being extremely sad. Very sad book. Nice. Frog and Toad. You guys doing Frog and Toad? Love Frog and Toad. Love Frog and Toad. The illustrations in that? Bang.

banger unreal unreal yeah we we're still like i mean we're reading but this boy just does not he will rip the page out of the book he will chew on the side you can't read yet 13 months he doesn't say dad he doesn't say dada he doesn't say mama uh

You know, they say at 12 months, your child is... If they can't speak, that's okay. But by 13 months, he's an idiot if he can't speak. Oh, no. Come on, dude. Yeah, that's what people say. Par for the course. That's what people say. Maybe he's just not speaking to you guys. Maybe he's talking to other people, but he's like, oh, here comes dad. No, no, no, no. He's mostly just around us, so... Damn. I think we would notice. Yeah, it's a bummer, and...

If I didn't love him so much, I'd trade him in for a new one. Have you tried twisting his arm? Pinching him really hard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And saying daddy at the same time so that there's an experience. Yes. That's what your dad did to you? Yeah, that's smart. Oh, man! That's smart. I don't know if he did that, but I do have lots of just blank spaces in my past where I'm like, I don't know. Oh, man.

Oh, God. But if I see pepperoni pizza, I start vomiting. I just start sweating. I can't wear a belt. And with that, let's go to a Better Help ad. Let's cut to a Better Help ad real quick. Real quick.

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If I see an extension cord, I shit my pants. Oh, God. Wait, were you hit with an extension cord? No. Okay. These are jokes, Blake. We're doing jokes. Keep up. No, I was hit with a fraternity paddle. That's how real it got. Okay, there we go. There's my boy.

I'm still going to send it. It was only a few times, but... I got hit with one of those... You know those things that you... Wooden spoon. It's one of the worst... No, this is not wooden spoon. You've told us a wooden spoon before, so... He's holding up a fist, Adam. This is a fist? He was punched. Yeah, his mom punched him. You know those stupid toys where you hit the ball? Oh, the Hot Wheels track?

No, not a Hot Wheels track. Bro, that was it. Yeah, the paddle. Paddle ball. Paddle ball. Yeah, like little cartoons like have them all the time. Oh, with the rubber ball? Yeah. Yeah. I got the rubber ball would go up my ass. And then they pulled it back.

So you were going back and forth like this? Yeah, dude. It was crazy. It was a two-parter and it fucking hurt, dude. Wow. Because you thought you could get away. You couldn't. No, no, no. I was never hit. I can tell. You walk around like you weren't hit. Yeah, maybe it shows. Yeah. Oh, 100%. But also, that's all good. It's modern society, man.

Yeah. You feel ahead of the curve? Yeah. They probably felt bad after they made you OD on the loots. The few times that my mom would make my dad try to spank me, he would spank me, but he would pull his spanks. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's cool. Because he didn't want to hit me because he wasn't even there when I did the bad shit. So it would be like he got home from work and—

And my mom was like, you have to give him a spanking. And my dad's like, okay. So then he'd be like, oh, bend over my knee. And then would like pull the punch right before hitting me. And then I would like have to like...

Be like, ah, no, that hurt. That's so cool. He fucking WWE'd you. He's like, I'm going to clothesline you. You've always been acting. You've been acting since very young and having to convince audiences. Yes, yes. Thank you, Graham. Thank you, Graham, for digging deep. Well done, Graham Holm. Yes, sir. What? His name is Graham and your last name is Holm. Graham Holm. Yeah, nailed it. Nailed it. I don't like that. Blake, um...

Here's a question. Because me and Anders... Uh-oh. We me. We call ourselves we me. Swing the spotlight. So I got tickets. Great tickets, by the way, to Clippers game the other day. Oh, yeah. And I was like, let's see if I can get my boys, Blake and Durst, to come. Let's go. And then Blake was being real cagey about whether he wasn't responding. I was like, hey...

Any response back to this would be very helpful, Blake. Nothing, nothing. That went on for a couple hours. Meanwhile, the person who's giving me the tickets are going, hey, I need to know who you're coming with. I have to send them the tickets. I'm going, hey, I'm trying to figure it out. Trying to figure it out. He's like, is Blake going to be able to make it? I'm like, I don't know. And then you told me you're not coming, which fine. But you were being... I'm pissed now! You were being a little kidgy. You were being a little kidgy. You were being like...

Like, normally, I know you would be like, hey, dude, it's... My daughter's doing X, Y, Z or whatever. You'd give me a little reason. This time, you were like, I can't thank you. And I'm like, Kurt. And then I heard through the grapevine that you went out...

on the day before to a Hollywood party. Yeah, I did. And did you then send it at that Hollywood party and came home, played your music too loudly, and the neighbors called the police and you were arrested? Look at this little detective. Look at this little detective. Hollywood. And then maybe your wife or

Or a girlfriend came out and got in a shooting altercation with the police? Punk rock, getting radical. Or was that the basis of Weezer? Oh my god, dude. I wish it was that cool. Okay. I went to the Hacks season four premiere party. That is true. Okay.

So that's not as cool? Wow, okay. I got to see my friend Megan Stalter. Very funny. A very, very funny comedian. Everybody should check her out. But is this show funny? Hacks? Yeah, Hacks is funny. It's a good comedy for sure. It makes me ill. Yeah, I like Hacks. I like Hacks. Yeah, I actually was very responsible at that party. I drove. I drove home. Boom.

Okay. All right. And why were you responsible? Under or over four drinks? Four drinks. I had one drink. Shut the fuck up. I swear to God. You swear to God? Yes. To Lord. Well, he drove. Yes. I did. I did. I had one drink. But why? Is it because it was HBO? Is it because the Hacks people are a little more classy? No.

They're already wearing wide pants and like flowy clothes. Right. They're very fashion forward. Right. The comedy is a little higher brow than you trying to make your dick turn into an aardvark or whatever you do to be funny. I'm drunk now. Yeah. No, they weren't going to get my whole, my whole dick aardvark thing at all. Yeah. Yeah. That sucks. Cause to me, that's one of my favorite bits of yours. And,

And that's why you had one drink? No, I just didn't. It was, what day was it? Was it a Tuesday or a Wednesday? It was a Monday. It was Monday. It was a Monday. I had, you know, I have the kids. Like, I just wasn't trying to, like, turn up. Copy that. Yeah. I just wanted to say what's up to people I know who work on the show. Okay. Well, that to me is maybe the most surprising thing I've ever heard you say. So, I'm a new man. I'm a new man. I'm saving it for the cruise.

I'm a dude. The Tuesday night, what was – I mean do you not want to get into it? Is this – do you don't want to open this Pandora's box of why you couldn't? No, it's really not that entertaining. My eldest daughter was not feeling well, and it was my night to make dinner. So I just had prior – I can't wheel and deal like I used to. I got responsibilities, man. Yeah, and by the way, I really respect that. Thank you.

It just threw me for a fucking loop. It did. What I was hoping for, Adam, was him doing his fucking Dick Aardvark thing at the Clippers game. Yeah. I was intoxicated. Didn't get that. Dude, I would have loved to because I haven't been to that stadium during the game yet, and I know it's cool. I know it's cool. He likes to go to stadium. When they're empty. Yeah, it was just when there's nothing happening. No, I went for Olivia Rodrigo. Come on, man.

Go ahead. What an experience. Thank you, Netflix. See ya. Yeah. Live basketball. I was saying it feels intimate.

into it and yet it still probably houses 30 000 people i don't know how many houses yeah i think 20 000 yeah the way they got the boxes we had a box netflix box and the way they set up the boxes is that they're not up high far away they're underground and then you just kind of walk across the hallway from your box and you pop out sixth row or something like that and the seats are perfect yeah wow yeah there's i think it's like 15 rows up but it's like perfect so you're just

You could still hear the players yell at each other. I mean, the acoustics in that stadium are unreal. It feels like a fucking video game inside. That's rad. Also, the thing that fucked me up was there's no, what do we call this, the scoreboard jumbotron hanging over the court. It's like a circle that you look up and across to.

That's rad. And so that, so there's this huge opening above that I'm just like, we can't fly drones in here with advertisements. I can't get the blimp that usually flies around these places. Give it a second. Well, they were doing that. They didn't do it at this game, but when they do the t-shirt toss, sometimes they'll have the players up on that ring, like, you know, a video of them. They throw, they have the t-shirt and they throw it. And then from that moment,

part of the ring, a t-shirt shoots out towards you. Right.

So it looks like the players are throwing the t-shirts out, which is so fun, dude. That's cool. That gets me excited for the future. Speaking of t-shirts getting thrown, they're going crazy. They're clapping their hands. They're pointing to the audience. They're getting ready to toss t-shirts. I see this dude, and I tell Kyle right next to me, I go, I can't believe Kyle went and I didn't. Kyle was there, dude. Kyle was there. I was trying to get the whole gang out.

Water trash. Anyways. The guy threw me a shirt. After I just go, this guy's about to throw me a shirt. Kyle's like, whatever. And then he throws it, chucks it. I give Kyle's wife a shirt just to boss him out one more time. Whoa. In front of him? Yeah, smart. I say, excuse me, Kyle. Give it to his wife. Oh, my God. That is so disrespectful, dude. Wow. Where was I? I didn't see this. Dang. And I said, put this on right now.

I freaking see ya. I just want to party. I said, I think this will look better on you. That's what you said, yeah. And it wondered why Kyle left the pod. And then I go to Kyle and I say, I tell Kyle, I go, you're a lucky man.

It's really the nicest thing to say, but also just the most ridiculous. When people say that shit, it's wild. That was left in the 90s. Nobody says that anymore. In the 90s? You can't drop your love. I don't think anybody said that in the 90s even. You're a lucky man. Oh, they for sure. And this is my wife, Janet. She's a lucky man. You are a lucky man. I was intoxicated. Yeah, no, that's still said to me kind of often. What? Yeah.

you got to fight whoever says that. Everyone's trying to fuck your wife then, dude. No, I mean, it's usually, it's usually older guys that are just thinking they, they're complimenting, you know, I don't think it's, they're trying to fuck her. I mean, maybe. Well,

Sure. Well, they're at least sniffing around to see if you're swingers. Adam, if you were spanked, you might realize this, but you go through life thinking everybody means well instead of everyone's abusive. Like, that's my perspective. That's just my... They're for sure sniffing around to see if you guys are swingers. No doubt about it. I don't think so, dude. Oh, there's that.

There's that. I mean, there could be that, but I don't think that's what's happening. By the way, I learned this. I have this little Hawaiian shirt. It's got pineapples all over it. I really like that. I really like that. And thank you. That's a swinger shirt.

Did you know that pineapples are the international? Yeah. You do? Yeah. Upside down pineapple. What? Is the international sign that you're a... But what does that even mean? Like if you have... They will wear like necklaces with an upside down pineapple. Is it because like an upside down pineapple looks like a butthole?

Maybe. Maybe. I don't know why. Or maybe pineapple, like if you eat enough pineapple, your cum tastes delicious. Yeah, it does. It really does. Supposedly. But why upside down?

So this is like an emoji thing? How do you even send one upside down? No, you nail it to your front door. Yeah, they'll like wave flags. Like they'll have a pineapple flag. They'll wear upside down pineapples like at bars. Everybody's coming. Like necklaces. People will have tattoos. Adam knows. What are other things I do? What are other things I do? Um.

Adams, the name of Adam's boat is upside down pineapple. Well,

What? Huh? Weirdly, my parents taught me a lot of this because in Lake of the Ozarks, there's like a big swinger community and they see that shit out and about all over the place. Oh, yeah. They're just bored out of their minds. And I was like, yeah, I just did, you know, and she tells us every time we're down there and we're like, we know, mom. Yeah. What are you guys getting into down here? That shit's important. How many times a day in the Ozarks is someone saying you're a lucky man?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That still goes. But Ozarks is stuck in the night. Brother, you are a lucky man on Shantae. You are a lucky man. And isn't the Ozarks fucking cool for that very reason? That you just enter a time warp when you're there? You're like, whoa.

What happened? What happened? It's the best. Punk rock, getting radical. What is it, 2021 here? What the fuck? It's fucking tight, dude. I love the Ozarks. We gotta go back and put in some time. And I gotta wear this pineapple shirt. Come back. Hey, dude, come back. You could bring the family. My parents would love if there's just a bunch of little kids running around their compound. Is that what you want to do, Blake? Bring the family? Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't what I was originally thinking, but that's what you're going to hear. You are a very lucky father. I think we got to go. I think we got to go. I think we have to leave the shady gator. Uh, we'd love to hire your daughter at this hot chick gas station on the dock. Oh,

Oh, yeah. Remember that? I was like, what is the program here? Well, they hire like 17, 18 year old girls to walk around in bathing suits to tie up boats. And it seems inappropriate, but also they just pump gas in bikinis. It's totally inappropriate. That's a cool job. You're just like a lifeguard or something. You're like, they're just...

Adam, if you're a lifeguard, you're wearing a bathing suit because you're about to jump in and save somebody in water. If you're on a dock, you can wear jean cutoffs and a fucking tank top. You don't have to. Yeah, but they might have to dive in. That's true. For what?

If someone falls off their boat, honor, that's not their responsibility. Oh, come on. No, no. That's everyone's responsibility. Okay. That's where I'm going to stop you. See something to say something. I, I would say that it's probably creepy for visitors to be like, why are, who hired all these high school girls to just pump gas and bikinis? Yeah, no, I see. I see what you're saying, but I will say if you're local, you probably know all these girls anyway. You're like, yeah, it's Mike's daughter. She's got huge. It's just Mike's daughter. Yeah.

It's just Mike's daughter with your fucking pineapple suit on. Hey, Mike, I didn't realize that you...

He has just a giant upside down pineapple chain that he's wearing. I'm actually the principal of the high school. She's a great student. She's a good student. Super smart. But now it's our senior pumping guest. Jesus. She's got cheeks, Mike. She's got cake. She's got cake. Is she cake? Or is she human? Pineapple upside down. I love when Blake chimes in with the modern terms. Is she cake? I

I need to find out if she's cake. Hey, are you cake? Yes, points! Why are you walking towards me with a knife? I just wanted to see if you're cake or if you're human. Oh, man. I can't wait. I can't wait till I'm a super dirty old man and I can drop that because I was a judge on is it cake. What is the age to be considered a dirty old man?

I feel like we're there. Oh, we're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If to a 20-year-old, we're there. Yeah, actually. Fair enough. Fuck. Blake, you're there. What? Your scruff. The fact that your little tuft of hair is kind of popping out. Your wife beater. It's hot. You're wearing a pineapple shirt. I look like a predator. You look like a creep, dude. Now that you're calm.

calling me out i i do look fucking gross god damn it well it's okay i love how blake's coming back to the docks getting more gas pumped like we didn't we just fill you up mr anderson i'm back why is your why does your mouth smell like gasoline were you siphoning gas out of your boat to come back here sir yeah i'd love to fill you up i just took a couple whippets anybody want some galaxy gas how old are you creepy

I'm sorry. I was thinking like, you know, we're like the same age as like Chris Pratt. I don't think of him as a creepy old man, but then again, it's how you carry yourself, I suppose. Well, Chris Pratt is older. Right. And also, yes, to a 19 or 18-year-old girl, Chris Pratt is –

Is ancient. Yeah. Wow, dude. If he's dropping, your boyfriend's a very lucky guy. She's going, this creepy old guy just fucking. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This creepy old guy. But by the way, by the way, I think Chris Pratt is like a wildly famous movie star. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. So that sort of. And I'm a wildly famous cake judge. So. Right. Right.

Yeah, that's true. And Adam, isn't that, that is what you said when we were always talking about Kevin Spacey back in the day. You're like, yeah, but he is a wildly famous movie star. And we'd go, Adam, again, with the wildly famous movie star stuff, I just don't know if it holds water, pal. I don't even understand this reference. You don't know? Okay. Creepy old guys. Oh, hey, whoa.

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Should we pivot back to what got us here in the first place? What's that? Freaking Val. R.I.P. Val Kilmer, dude. Yeah. R.I.P. He rocked, dude. He rocked. Favorite Val movie. Go. That is hard. But I will tell you, the movie, it's crazy.

You guys have seen Top Secret, right? It's the best. MacGruber. MacGruber's awesome. Yeah. But I remember seeing Top Secret when I was pretty young, and it's a really zany, goofy movie in the style of like a Naked Gun or whatever. Zucker Brothers style, yeah. Yeah, and it's just freaking so dope, dude. Yeah. When the Nazis are surfing, and then the chick comes off of the sand with her titties in holes, rewind. I love it. Rewind. Rewind.

I feel Tombstone would be my favorite. Oh, Tombstone is a legendary performer. I started that last night with the boys. They were like, this is cool. Oh, it's so good. The cast is crazy. And Billy Zane is in it. Yeah. Billy Zane is in it. Dude, Zane is beautiful. No flowers. No flowers. No flowers. No flowers. Don't give the guy flowers. Billy Zane is a fucking doll in that movie. I'm like, the fuck? Remember when I did my...

when I took my I wish I still had that photo but he was like on an old flip phone my very first time ever on TV was doing that Samantha who show with Christina Applegate oh yes yeah and Billy Zane was a guest star on the show and I saw Billy Zane like and we were shooting on the Warner Brothers lot so we're like on a stage there and I go

Mr. Zane, I'm a fan. Like, this is cool to meet you. And he goes, we're going to take a photo. I did not ask for a photo. I didn't ask to take a photo. Is that why you do that now? Yeah.

Yeah, I do it just so we stop talking. I'm like, let's just get a photo. That's probably what he was trying to do. But I was just like, I'm a fan. He goes, we're taking a photo. And I'm like, oh, okay. And then we took a photo. He looked at it and he goes, that's not good enough. We're in the shadow. And I go, oh. Then we walked around looking for better light for a couple minutes until we're like crouched in a stairwell. He gets it.

And so it's us crouched in this stairwell. It's cool. Like a B-boy stance. Yeah. And then he looks at your phone. He's like, you are a very lucky phone. Like, I don't know what's going on here. Say it.

Okay, what's your favorite Billy Zane movie? Hang on, I got a Zane story. In my old neighborhood, I'm walking around. Zaniacs. Yeah, we're a couple of Zaniacs. And Billy Zane is standing in the middle of the street, not a busy street, and he's looking at this house. And he goes, hey, you live here? And I go, yeah, I live around the corner. He goes, where's the grocery store? And I'm like, it's about a mile that way. He goes, okay, that's convenient. I might be buying. And I was like, all right, Billy Zane, gonna be a neighbor. The end. Blake, what's your Zane story? So,

Somebody help me! Was this in Silver Lake? Yeah, this was 10 years ago or so. And he didn't move in? I don't know. Fuck. I'm not a fucking celeb gossiper like you, dude. All right, Jesus. I don't have a Zayn story. I've never met that. Wow, you don't have a Zayn story, dude? I will say I worshipped the movie The Phantom when I was a kid. For some reason, I loved The Phantom. Really? That was the reason he never worked again, right? Yeah, that was...

I fucking loved it, dude. Yeah. Like at 7-Eleven, they would give away free Phantom Rings and I would go there every day and get a new one. The more we talk about him, I'm like so scared. I'm like, we can't keep talking because I was just going to go. He looks amazing in this new Godfather costume.

It's like the making of The Godfather and he's playing Marlon Brando and he looks exactly like Marlon Brando. They just did that show, The Offer. I don't know if this is a Brando movie or if it's a Godfather movie, but he's dressed as Brando doing Godfather. He would make a great Brando. Oh man, he's going to do great. I watched trailers of movies I'm never going to see.

And then I watched it and I was like, I might have to fucking watch this. So The Phantom was known, was wildly regarded as a bad movie. See ya. But we know this about Blake. Blake likes Congo. These are movies that just... Congo fucking kicks ass. But then The Rotten Tomatoes. Okay. Can we guess what The Rotten Tomatoes score? It's not good, but it's infinitely better than Game Over Man. Okay. Okay. So that's our movie. Game Over Man, I think...

Was it like 18% or 11% or something not great? It's a bagel. What do we think the Phantom is? I'm going to go with 30. I was about to say 36, dude. I swear to God. That's a different number. It's not special at all. It is one away, but it's not like it's the same number. I'm going with 36%.

I'm going with 36. So you're stoked on that we both were in the ballpark of... Yeah, Game Over Man was 19%, which they got that wrong. They got that wrong. That's unwarranted. Yeah, that's unwarranted. They got that wrong. History will bend towards us. Well, you know what it is, is we killed the dog. If we wouldn't have killed the dog...

It's science. We would have gotten 100% Rotten Tomatoes. 100%. Really? Damn, that's crazy. I'm going to write a book called Kill the Dog instead of Save the Cat. 43% The Phantom. 43%. 43? Yeah. Goddamn! So Durr's got it because he was a little closer. Sure. That's not bad. $1, Bob. You know, I just... I was listening to this podcast with Adam McKay. Okay. And he was telling the story about how when they were...

test screening Anchorman for the first time, they got crazy low scores. Yeah, that's crazy. And he was like, oh my God, did we make a bad movie? And then, but the universal thing that everyone hated was they killed the dog.

And he goes, it's a comedy. Because they punted the dog. So funny. Because he punted the dog. So then they added a little thing. That's how I roll. At the very end of the movie where the dog lands and is safe. And they just tagged it on at the end. And it saved the movie. The next time they screened it, those scores skyrocketed through the roof. Yeah, Blake has pitched this. I told you the save. I told you the save. You have the little freaking pup come out in a Skintendo joy suit at the end. Going, boop, boop.

It's still alive and it goes, and it like, you know, licks Adam's face. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then a hundred percent, a hundred percent. What it got, what it got us there. A hundred percent. We'll do a recut. What are you going to do? You know, fuck the critics. Fuck the critics. On Metacritic we're an 89 though. There you go. And then Rotten Tomatoes now is, we're not.

He's lying. Rotten Tomatoes now, it's like an act of vengeance. People tank movie scores just to, like, fuck with the movies now. Game Over Man was the last movie Gene Siskel reviewed. Oh, fuck.

Is that true? Is that not real, Bam? Richard Roper has our faces tattooed on his ass from Game Over Man. It's a bagel. Allegedly. I believed you about the Siskel thing, and now I don't believe you. A.O. Scott is under my desk blowing me right now because of Game Over Man. Yeah.

You know who we ran into that I know Blake would have loved is Kent Altman, the old president of Comedy Central. We ran into him at the Clippers game. Oh, yeah. He's looking great. He's now a hotshot producer. He was the president of Comedy – and you know where he started off, I think, at New Line? He was an executive at New Line for a while. And then he –

directed Semi-Pro. That's right. That's wild. And then from directing Semi-Pro, he decided to be the head of a network at Comedy Central. That's right. And he was the man. He championed us the entire way, so it was cool to run into him. Yes. No, go ahead, Blake. Give flowers. No, when I saw the photo of you guys all together, I was...

extremely jealous and saddened that i didn't get to see kent because i love him very much he's a very good dude did you did you show the picture of your daughter and you say this is what happens when you get sick this is what i chose you over this yeah over this and then you grab the arm and you you just twist oh and there's almost no evidence um no i didn't mention it what's cool about kent is that when we sold workaholics somebody else was president

that's right then they either left or quit or were fired or whatever and we were like well fuck this this person bought the show now there's a new president it's common in hollywood when a new president takes over that they cut all the stuff that's on the shelf exactly they want to start over clean house and then this is going to be their new like regime or whatever and then if something's a super success then they got to be like actually that was the old person that greenlit that not

Well, they don't have to. A lot of them will take credit. No, they never do. They go. I go. I added a title. I gave it the name. But so he our show didn't get picked up forever because of South Park waiting to come back from Broadway. And then we when we got picked up, he call he called.

And he was like, yeah, we're going to pick it up for 10 episodes. And I was like, God, yeah, it took forever. He goes, yeah, sorry about that. I watched it as soon as I got the job and I was like, well, I'm going to pick this up, but did have to wait. So sorry about that. And I'm like, this dude took the job, saw our pilot, knew right away that he was going to pick us up, but also knew he had to. And that's why he's the president of Comedy Central. He's the man. And he always felt like

When he would come over and talk with us, it was like he was one of the guys. You know, he didn't feel like an exact and a suit that we have to like straighten up around. He would like wanted to be part of the crew. And by the way, under his under his reign, everyone listening, your favorite shows that were on Comedy Central. Yeah. The ones that he greenlit.

Oh, yeah. Key and Peele. Schumer. Broad City. Schumer. Kroll. Ben Show, for those that remember that. The Ben Show. Funny, dude. Go back and watch it. What is the Ben Show? Dude, it was just this. What was his name? Ben, I don't know.

I don't know. It's pretty funny. There was so much funny shit. Yeah, Blake, you did. I remember Blake coming into the writers and being like, Ben's show last night was pretty wild. I mean, it was like a Nathan For You type Nathan For You. Yeah, yeah. It was like kind of semi-scripted. It was very funny. I don't remember the Ben show even a little bit. Everybody go back and watch it. It's actually fucking hilarious. Yeah, I'm good. Comedy Central was a great network.

It was crushing it. It was very cool. That was the era, dude. Yeah. Ben Hoffman. And what's crazy is now it just doesn't.

even mean anything at all to anyone. It's purely the Daily Show and some South Park. But I watch Daily Show on YouTube and I only watch it when Jon Stewart hosts. But like it's bizarre. It's such a business strategy move that someone's like, you know, we get better ratings if we just play The Office reruns. And it's like

Is that what we're doing? We're just, we're settling. Yeah, that sucks. Fucking thing sucks. We're going to settle as opposed to like really take swings like FX or something like that. That like, sure, they played movie reruns forever, but then they were like, now we have money to make our own thing. The FX come up is a kind of also very crazy. But AMC did it like this isn't impossible. Well, at this point, it kind of is. Ben Hoffman, who was the director

Ben from the Ben show, which I never saw. And I don't even remember it being a thing, but he is Wheeler Walker jr. Do you know who that is?

The country guy. The country guy who sings like eating pussy and kicking ass. Oh. Yeah, he sings like R-rated funny country songs. Is this Bussin or whatever? What was the one? Bussy? The Bussy guy? No, no, no. That's just a gay guy. That's just a gay dude. Give me a hell yeah! No, he sings all kinds of hit country songs, but he's like sort of making fun of country at the same time. Tongue in cheek. Yeah.

Yeah, well, good for him. Yeah, the show is very funny if you go back and watch it. Funny guy. Well, any take-backs, any apologies, any epic slams? Hmm.

I just want to make sure that Billy Zane, if you're listening, I hope you're taking vitamins. I want you to go get a physical. I don't want anything going on. And this, for you, Billy, this is sort of a final destination situation because we accidentally put that upon you by talking about you in a loving way. So look out for, if you're walking next to it, like a railroad track, a

Watch out for any loose metal that's vibrating there. Under a palm tree. Under a palm tree, a prawn might fall from the sky and cut your head off. Pineapple. If you're hiking near a volcano, don't. I wouldn't. Not right now. Because our podcast ghost is coming for you. And Blake...

So the Phantom is your number one Zane movie? Absolutely, 100%. I love the Phantom. Adam, do you have a Zane? I have a Zane. That's why I'm asking. Okay. Let me look up Billy Zane. Have you seen Dead Calm?

No. No. That movie's off the hook, dude. Okay. Never heard of it. It's like a slow burn thriller where like this couple has a boat. They're in the middle of the ocean. The boat's all fucked up. So the guy's like, you know what? Let me go for help. And then another boat takes him for help. He's like, I'll be back in a day. You just sit here. You're dropped anchor in the middle of the ocean. And then Billy Zane shows up on another boat and it's like, hey, what's up? And she's like... Those are like...

My favorite movies. Oh, dude. With just a creeper. It unfurls. Yeah. I would like to play. That's like when you go to a meeting and like an executive asks like, what kind of role do you want to play? I always say I want to do my version of fear where they see me as like a sweet, nice boy next door. And then I'm a fucking psychopath. You can be yourself. I think it'd be so fun. You get to show the real you. The real me. You carve an upside down pineapple in your chest.

you

You're fucking me. I would say Waltz Him with Brando is my favorite. Waltz Him with Brando. That's the movie. That's got to be the movie. That's the movie. Applaud him. I mean, Titanic or something. I guess he's not. He's a great bad guy in that. Yeah, he was a good bad guy in that. And Tombstone. We started watching Tombstone. The cast of Tombstone. Oh my God. I don't know. Are people trying to make movies that good anymore? No. Where the cast is legitimately 12...

banger actors where you're just like holy fuck how are all these people in one movie like did they take pay cuts or were they just like was the cast director just like a whole other level ahead of everybody and was like this dude has never been in a thing you're my guy this guy this guy and Sam Elliott

Yeah, but also, like, you didn't know that fucking Val Kilmer was going to absolutely annihilate that role. Didn't they? The cast is unreal. Billy Bob Thornton as, like, a little chunky youngster. He's in that? Yeah. He's the dude in the beginning who Kurt Russell established himself as, like, he's causing problems. He goes over to Billy Bob and he's like, you're in my seat or whatever, slaps the shit out of him. Really? Yeah. I got to rewatch it. And then he comes back with a shotgun. It's awesome.

Yeah, that's dope. I just watch Val's scenes and I'm like, every scene is fucking memorable. You know, Wyatt Earp III is in the movie. He's in the movie. He has to be. What the hell? He plays Billy Clayburne. So that's tight. That's awesome. Yeah.

That's really fucking cool. Yeah, and then there's Billy Bob Thornton's in it. Yeah, please, thank you. Powers Booth. Powers Booth is the scariest actor of all time. That guy rocks. He's so scary. He's already dead, I believe. Billy Zayn, obviously. Jason Priestley. Kind of forgot he was in it. That's right, yes. With the little glasses. My boy, my boy from The Outlaws, Michael Rooker. That guy fucking rocks. And then, of course, Bill Paxton.

Sam Elliott, Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer. Just heavy hitters. Who's the guy from Sex and the City? Thomas Hayden Church is in it. Thomas Hayden Church is in it? Looks hella young. Who's the big... No, it's not Sex and the City. It's like my big frat Greek wedding. The boyfriend, that guy with the big face. I never saw that. Somebody help me! What is his name? That guy's in it. That's another episode of...

Um, John Corbett. Big. Yes. John Corbett. Special. No flowers to any of these actors, but great work out there. Zero flowers. Yes. Wouldn't do it. Wouldn't do it. Although Thomas Hayden church. Feel free to watch tombstone again. Let's get those numbers up, up, up, up, up. Absolutely. And, and feel free to watch game over man again, and maybe, uh, write a review. Uh,

uh, posted by, yeah. Slide in Blake's DMS and tell him which is better game over man or cornerstone Western tombstone. That's actually tough. Yeah. Yeah. We drew a lot from it. What's better tombstone, the movie tombstone, the pizzas slide in Blake's DM, let them know. And I want to, uh, apologize for kind of thinking that you were being a degenerate and not coming to the basketball game because you were hung over on a Tuesday. So, uh,

So that's my fault to Blake. And look at you. Even though you dress and you look and you act and most of the time you are degenerate. Right. Sometimes I'm proven wrong. Blake is dressed like a hotel hot tub cleaner. Yeah.

This guy looks like a guy who isn't a Coke dealer but is always trying to sell you Coke saying he knows a guy. Right. I can give them to you. He's like, I can get you some. And I would like to apologize to all my fans out there who wish that I was all hungover on a Tuesday, but I wasn't. I'm a change man. I'm responsible. Wow. See you on the cruise. Don't love it. Okay. I was going to save it for the cruise. Dry cruise.

And that was another episode of This is Important. Lots of Hollywood talk this ep.

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