Ep 249: He’s Zyn Trouble
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Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important... I used to just look at atlases.

He'll bite me. He'll like grab my nuts. He might try to eat my asshole. Like he's a lunatic. The more people listen, the more they're like, unfollow. You guys are idiots. And I go, all right, well. Buckle up. Ow!

Yeah. Perfect. Do you love it? I love you guys. I love it. Gold changes, champagne shit, every damn thing. I want it all. Damn, Sean. Where'd you find this? What is that? What is that from? I want to say it is Warren G. I want to say it's the Warren G. I want it all. Follow up. All.

To the Regulator album. Is that right? If I'm incorrect, I'm incorrect. I don't think you're right. I think it's more like Silk the Shocker or some shit. I want it all. No, no, no, no, no, no. That doesn't sound like Warren G bars. I really think it's Warren G. It doesn't sound like a Warren G song to me. I want it all. It might be Ski Low. It might be Ski Low. Dude, I don't know how that... It's so weird when a song just will like...

It's Queen. You know what I mean? It'll just like... What will it do? Can I get some clarification? What will it do? You know how a song will just gag you? No, it'll just pour out of you and you don't even know where these lyrics are coming from. Oh. Oh.

I said, it said we were finishing up with Anna. She's telling us about all the sponsors and yada yada. And then I'm like, hey man, I want it all. Brand new cars, diamond rings, gold chains, champagne, shit, every damn thing. And you know what? In a matter of fact, it is definitely an all. What's up, Negroes and Negroes? All right.

I want it all, so I gotta wake up and ball. And thanks to y'all, I got plaques on the wall. Mac-10, so you know how to pay for it. Were you rapping Mac-10? That was a Mac-10 verse Adam was doing then, right? Well, look, it's Daz Dillinger. It's Warren G. It's Corrupt. And I do believe...

That was the voice of Mac 10. That sounded like Mac 10 to me. Okay. It's a whole West Coast family. By the way, what a way to start a song, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. And I skipped ahead, and that's not a new board drop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is not a new board drop by any chance. God, I wish it was.

I think that would be a problem. I'm not supporting it. But that is a hell of a way to introduce a song. That was a banger, dude. Yeah. And I'm glad I skipped ahead. When Twitter came out, I remember being like, can you retweet a tweet that has the N-word in it? Oh, look at you.

I think you could do whatever you want. Whether the repercussions might be. Thank you, Adam. Thank you, Adam. Of course. But should you? Yeah, okay. Should you need that? That is the question. Should you? I forgot Adam's the bad boy of race relations. You can. He's like, you do what you want, bro. Well, you can. I'm just saying it might, you know, that might blow back on you. That might not be a good thing. So I guess that's what I'm getting after. Okay.

Okay, we'll be specific. How much flack would you have gotten? Yeah, blowback after, blowback after. How much blowback would you have gotten? I don't know. I remember asking our founding father, Walt Newman, who discovered us, plucked us from obscurity. And I go, can we do this? And he's like, yeah, what? And I go, all right. Green light. And he was like, are you asking me because I'm black? And you're like, what? No. Yes. No. Blowback. Swing. Swing.

What was that for? I wonder if our black friends are annoyed when you ask them very specific questions only because they're black. I wonder if they're like...

All right. Yeah, as if they have to be the spokesperson. Like the voice of their entire race. I bet it does. It's a little annoying for them. But you know what? I love explaining white people. It's so easy. Oh, yeah. It happens to me about Czechoslovakian. I get approached about Czechoslovakian culture. It's crazy. Why? Because you are not Czechoslovakian at all? Sweetheart, I don't know.

I am. My roots are in Czechoslovakia. You know that. Is that where that fucking crow magnum jaw came from? Czechoslovakia? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, brother? Where do you think this is? What do you think this jaw is? If not Czechoslovakia. I think that is caveman. Yeah, that's right. Now that you said that, and I put it together with the chin, it all makes sense.

Now I'm saying your checklist. Chin check, baby. You better check yourself. I would argue that it is chin, but it's also just a lot of jaw. Like, it's not like you have a chin that is like a... Yeah, it's not one of these. Wait, what's the difference between chin and jaw? Jaw's all the way up.

Right? Yeah. What do you think the difference between a chin and a jaw is, Blake? Okay, so you're saying like a chin is like Jay Leno, how everything forms right at the peak. Exactly. And you're saying that I have, I go all the way up. Yeah, I think you have like, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to use technical terms,

All the way up is a great way to explain your jaw. Thank you. I'm all the way up. I'm all the way up. Yeah, I've got a Czechoslovakian jaw, not so much a chin. What kind of chin do you think I have? That's probably Irish chin right there if I got my 23 and me back. Because look, dude, look it. I'm kind of hyped. I've got like... Gross.

Gross. Zero gray in the beard. Must be nice. A little bit. I feel like when I went to Zach's birthday, Pizza's birthday, his 40th, he was like, dude, you have no- My great friend, Zachary Leonardo, he goes by, I wish I was Pizza on Instagram. Give him a follow. He's a great guy. Great guy. He is such a great guy. Number one star. I just love Zach. I just love him. But he looked at me, he's like, you don't have any gray in your beard. And then-

At his birthday, he said that. And then I went home and the next day... He was black-eyed drunk. Yes, I started to see it. I feel like he cursed me. I'm not even going to jump on that one. I feel like he put it into my skin. Yeah, I doubt it. I think you're just the right age to start to turn gray. So you didn't have one that night and the next morning you did? Yeah, he did. He gave it to me. Yeah.

Fucking disaster, my guy. Adam, what's happening in your world? Any yachts or premieres or anything? Like a basketball show or something? I did a fun thing in my neighborhood the other night. It was so sick. It was right down the street.

at that pizza place down the street, Cruisers, right? Where Zach's birthday was. What the hell? Yeah! Where Zach's birthday was. In the parking lot, they did a throwback, like, 90s, early 2000s festival that it was all, what do you call them? Puppets?

Bands that throwback bands. Yes. Cover bands? Cover bands. Yes. Or no, you know what? They call them something besides cover bands. Tribute. Tribute bands. Yes, exactly. So there was Blink one more time. And they sang all Blink-182. And then No Duh. No Duh.

Was no doubt. That's a great name. That's a great name. I know exactly what you are. Yeah. You didn't like Blink One More Time? If you said that to me, I would not associate that with Blink 182. Blink One More Time? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, but No Duh is spot on. And they were fantastic. And the bassist or guitarist maybe? I think guitarist looked exactly like Isaac. It was very fun. Thank you, God!

God! Isaac showed up. It was great. He was pounding beers like he had never drank before. Oh, my God. Getting radical. It was good to see. He was chasing some demons. And then, yeah, there was a whole other... The Emo Kids, and they came out and played a lot of, you know, early 2000s deep cuts. Just general emo music. Is Emo Kids, is that a play on Get Up Kids, or what? I don't know what it was. I think it's...

They sang a lot of like, I'm just a kid. But then they'd do a funny thing where they'd go, I'm actually 38. I'm not an anomaly. I'm just a kid. I'm 34. Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Yes, points! And so it was actually better because they didn't only have to sing Blink-182. Because the Blink-182 guys, they were good at it. They're handcuffed. But it's not Blink-182. Sure. And what is the I'm Just a Kid song? It's a simple plan. Oh, nice. It's a song. Feel free to blast that. Well, did you have a good time? That's all I want to know. I had a great time, too. The mother-in-law was

was watching the kid me and chloe gotta go out v yeah the community mother-in-law yeah the mother-in-law and uh well you only have one yeah you're well yeah yeah unless you get you know i like when i watch blake learn something in real time

I see it just kind of wash over him as he absorbs it and goes, and now I know more. Hey, shut up, man. I'm listening to this song. I'll skip ahead, okay? Dang, they didn't start that song like Warren G did. I'm just a kid. Life is a nightmare?

Come on, guys. What the hell? These suburban whites don't know how much good they got it. Everything was so hard. When in fact you look back and as a suburban white, I had it pretty fucking easy. It was pretty good. Why was I screaming that song at the top of my lungs? Well, I don't know, man. Mom, you bought me a spiral bound notebook. I need loose leaf. Mom, they're teasing me. Life isn't nice.

You applied to be the Eric Crombie fucking guy in the doorway. And they said, no, no, no, no. I knew, I knew not to go near that.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to. Abercrombie. Yeah. Oh, man. We got it. We got it. What did you call it? A crombie? Did you call it a crombie? I don't think I've ever said the word aloud. Did you ever wear? I could see Ders wearing Abercrombie. Did you ever wear Abercrombie, Blake? I did not. No, I was never. No, I don't think I did. Is it real? I think I might have had like a polo at some point. Do you want to ask me? Well, I know that.

You would have been the guy, but I think it was a little after your time. That was my pitch. Abercrombie landed full force when I was in high school and took over. Oh, yeah. But I was not a fan. And here's why. Okay. And let's unpack this. Wait, we'll be right back. Shorts were too long.

And I didn't like cargo shorts. Didn't like cargo shorts. Yeah. Naked grandma! Fought it for many, many years. I don't think I bought a pair of cargo shorts until I moved to LA maybe. I gave up. I couldn't find short shorts anywhere. I just told my son this story the other day. Wait, you wanted shorts, extra shorts. I just wanted short shorts. They were getting longer and longer. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here?

- Who cares? - So you didn't rock like Dickies? Like Dickie shorts? Like what were you? - No. - 'Cause you could definitely get shorts that didn't have cargo pockets if you like went straight like Dickies. - Yeah, but Dickies are the longest shorts possible. - But Dickies are the longest shorts available. - So you wanted short shorts, no pockets. - I wanted no cargo pockets. And then they just like ceased to exist. And then I bought cargo shorts.

Then literally six months later, fashion change, short shorts are back, and I get, God damn it, got all these cargo shorts. Son of a... Isn't it nice when fashion loops back around to what you like again? And I'm so scared because right now, like baggy pants are in. I can finally, my thighs and ass can finally fucking fit in something. Let that bitch breathe. Thighs and ass.

They could finally fit into pants and shorts again, but it's starting to tighten back up. I know that it is. It's looping back around. Already? Are you going to go full, full loose Hollywood pants, Adam? Yeah, I will. Oh God, I want to. Dude, you're going to go like, this is just like my math teachers growing up had like the big loose slacks.

Loose butthole. I want to look like D.L. Hughley or Steve Harvey. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Kings of comedy? Yeah, call me Cedric. My math teachers, it was like the kings of comedy suits. And I was just like, I'm never, that's not for me. Cedric the Adam Tainer. Dude, I would love that. I would love that, dude. And that's what is fashionable right now. I'm like, okay, let me fucking ride that. And then what's cool is we're now at the...

where you don't have to follow trends. You don't have to go one direction. Yeah, I love it. So now I can finally go, okay, I can buy 20 pairs of pants now, ride it out to the end of my life. No, dude, what are you talking... Bro, you guys are...

You're still in the public eye. You're on Jimmy Fallon. Like you need to still approach fashion. You can't just roll up in big dog t-shirts, dude. Big, wide, loose pants though. Dude, look at Adam Sandler.

The homie's been dressed like a fucking elementary school kid his entire career. Adam, that's your fashion icon, right, Adam? He stamped that. I love it. He stamped that. He's almost a fashionista off of being anti-fashion. Right. Okay. Well, then you need to really slop your game up because you're kind of riding. It's not a sloppy look. It's a fashion.

It's a tailored look, you know, but it's... Who? Me. What I'm doing. Yes, I'm not... Would you rather be, like, tailored out of fashion or, like, so out of fashion that you're back in fashion? I want to not think about fashion in the way that I know you do. Great ass! Every day, you're constantly thinking about keeping up with the Joneses. I don't want to think about that at all. I want to buy 20 pairs of pants and then die. Okay.

Bury them in all the pants. See ya. Live in these 20 pairs of pants for the rest of my life and never have to go pants shopping. Never buy another pair of pants. And then buy them in some sizes. Maybe go two sizes up from where I'm at now to have some wiggle room when you get a little. Yeah, yeah. Did your grandparents dress from their best era? Mine did, for sure. Yeah, my grandpa. I never saw my grandfather in jeans. He would go fishing in slacks. Yeah!

In the 90s, my grandparents were dressed still like it was the 70s. That was their top earning years. Their most stylish clothes. They were still rocking that. Is that the shit when they would wear the pants above their belly button? Oh, yeah. The whole nine yards. By the way, I would love that. Trench coats, derby hat. And I'm like, huh? Yes, sir. I would love that.

My grandfather wore slacks, dress shoes, and a button-up every day. Every day. Right. And you would love that. And I'm like, that's what I would love. I mean, not that. But that's not your era. I want to wear some baggy jeans. Yeah, you need Jankos. And a t-shirt. Or exactly what I'm wearing now. A t-shirt and...

and basketball trunks. Or shorts. Oops. Winning. Basketball trunks. This guy's a baller. I do want to give credit to Atiba Jefferson who's always worn big pants. He really waited it out. He never won skinny. And everyone noticed. Everyone talked about it. He doesn't know, but everyone talked about it behind his back a lot. Did Atiba ever wear skinny jeans? I don't think he ever had a skinny jean era. Never seen it. Well, you know, it's hard to skateboard in skinny jeans. But they did.

But they did. Wow, they did. Wow, did they ever. And didn't they, Blake? Didn't they. Didn't they ever. We did. We. And did you say didn't or do you say didn't? It all depends. It depends when you catch me. I say didn't. No, I think I say didn't. Yeah, you do. Didn't. Yeah, I say didn't. You say didn't? Which is fine. He says didn't. Didn't.

I don't say din-nint. I say din-nit. You are so dumb. I say din-nit. We're all so dumb. I say potato. We're not as dumb as you think. We're speaking on the fly. The more people listen, the more they're like, unfollow. You guys are idiots. I'm a dumbass. It is a little bit like, wow, how did they create a television show? How are they good at what they do when you hear them

on the fly sound so dumb. - Here is what the podcast has opened up to me and exposed myself to is that- - Yeah, go for it. I'm gonna go take a shit. - I don't speak well on the fly, but if you give me a second to think about it and gather my knowledge that I've gathered throughout my life, I can form- - Gather, gather, gather.

One word. Collected. You're a stupid dumbass. Accumulated. Gather my knowledge that I've... What's another word? Gathered. I can form pretty intelligent sentences after I've gathered everything I've learned. Gathered. No, I'm not as dumb as you...

I think this is a slippery, this is a trap. Yeah. Telling people you're not dumb. Yeah. Whatever. It's, it's way better. It's way better to lean into being dumb. And then when you can know, know another word for gather, um,

Then people are like, wow, he does know a synonym for gather. In my 50s, I'm going to buckle. I'm going to hunker down and really start learning. Gathering. Gathering. So wait, you're only what, 44 now? 43? Come on now. Almost. We're knocking on 44. It's this month. Donkey! Knocking on 44. So you have six years. What time is this? When's this drop, this episode? Wait, is that close? It's coming up. A few weeks. I'm accepting gifts. Oh my God. Oh my God.

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An extra $50 off. Lisa.com. Promo code thisis. Remember, no matter who you are, there's a Lisa just for you. Here's my thing. Do you guys feel like you're getting dumber? I feel like I'm getting dumber. You are. Differently smart. Yeah. I'll say that for you. Yeah. I think my brain is rotting. Yeah, you are brain rot.

I'm getting wiser, like, about life, but I think I'm getting dumber. Like, I just don't have room for stuff. Especially when you start parenting, you're like, your brain starts farting. When I talk to my kids, I can't do a fucking complete sentence. Yeah, I would say that is right. I got some geography questions that threw me for a motherfucking loop.

Well, dude, you thought Ohio was on the West Coast. So that's that's even that's just the United States. The fact that I fuck that up is really bad. But then I got asked, like, do other countries have states? I'm like, no, we're the only ones who have states.

And then as soon as I Google it. I don't know the answer to that. Who else has states? Mexico has 31 states. Yeah. Great. By the way, not knowing. Shut up, bitch. Ohio isn't on the East Coast is dumber than knowing states in Mexico. It's way dumber. Well, I wish I would have known it.

It's hard. It's hard. There's a lot of knowledge in this world. It's really hard to gather it all. And it's really embarrassing to be like, when you get asked something by your kid, and then you're like, let's Google it. And then they're like, you're an idiot.

You just Google everything. You don't know anything. I used to just look at Atlas. Well, I feel like I know what son says that to you. And I would be, I feel like your, your, your oldest son would really take me to task. I think, I think he could really dress you down and be like, you're an idiot. And you, and you could feel that in your soul. He used to ask me questions. And now when we like drive anywhere, it's just quiet. Cause he's like, you can't, he's like, there's nothing I can. You lose.

I'm wasting my time if I speak with you. I'm not getting anything from you. I'm light years ahead of you. I guess I'll fucking talk if I need to know about Dobie Gillis or whatever. You know... Wow. Fucking great poll. Thanks, man. I gathered it a while ago. Yeah. You know what it is? It's just quiet and then when the light turns green, he's like, you can go now. I'm like, what the fuck? Right. Holy...

And then I just like slam on the brakes real quick and check. Is there ever a point? And, and honors has boys. So it's probably different than, than Blake. But do you ever just want to like, just hit your kids? We've been over this because I was hit.

It's like the first, it's the first instinct. You're like, this is when you hit him. This is the moment. Yeah, this is when you just give him a little whack. And you're like, and you don't have the tools because you can't pull from your...

Chains and whips. No, you can't pull from like your experience as a kid hearing your parents be like da da da da da. So I'm like inventing shit. You know what I mean? I'm like that's it. When my wife sends me like the articles, I read like the headline and then like the

little one underneath that my own maybe something from that wait so what are you trying to what and the articles are like here's why we don't hit our kids or what is i wouldn't read that i wouldn't read that no it's like here's some alternate alternative uh different like parenting shit right you got some like new new age punishments yeah it doesn't parenting stuff yeah just you scroll down to the bottom paragraph where they go in summary yeah don't hit them but

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but you know, you're trying. Shut the fuck up! This is when you put it in a chat GPT and go, summarize this article for me. Yeah. I could do that probably, right? Should I hit my kid? And you hand the phone to your kid. And you go, read that, you asshole. Read that. Do that. Do that. But like instinctually, I don't have the like. Do what dad GPT said. My knee jerk reaction is to knee this little jerk.

Jerk is like, okay. Definitely physical as opposed to like, this is the moment you say that one thing that made you kind of check yourself as a kid. Yeah. Like, like when I hear people go, remember you say, Hey, Oh, do you want to be a bitch? So like stuff like that. You want to be a bitch, dude. Thank you for doing that. Yeah. And then I go too late. You are one. You are one. And I'm not going to let you up until you say, sorry.

No, but like remember when I, I,

Whenever people would be like, when your parents say, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed, isn't that the worst? I'm like, what world are you talking about? This is some real emo shit. Is it? Hell yeah. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. That was never a thing in my household. They were like, I'm angry. Fuck it! There was never a, I'm just disappointed. Yeah, I never really got that. The only time I ever... Because my parents wouldn't really get that angry.

It mostly was just like, whatever. I'm pissed now! And I really didn't get hit. I probably should have been hit a few more times than I was. But I know you have. You have, actually. I have? Yeah, you have. Don't worry about it. You hit me one time when I was snapping a... This is not real. I think I was... Yes, no, I was flicking a...

a candy necklace and flicking you with the things. And you told me if I do that again, you're going to hit me. And I did it. And you hit me

viciously hard right in my chest and I lost my breath. I do remember that. This is having older brothers. It wasn't a tit for tat. It was to a three to a ten. The amount, the pain scale. But this is having older brothers. And when you fuck with older brothers, this is how they react. And by the way, I'm never going to flick you with a candy necklace ever again. I learned...

I learned. I gave you the warning. At least after he says don't do it. At least after he says, like, don't do it. If you do it again, it's coming back to you. So really, I learned, like, I can take it up to a point with Dirt and then I have to back off. You can take it up to a point with everybody. With you, I'll just do it all day long. I'll do it all day long. Okay. All right. Wait till I snap. I'm coming back with fucking...

weapons none none blake's blake's weapons would be so funny he'd come back with just like some fucking foam nunchucks i'm gonna get you yeah i got you a pool noodle come here i'm buying a gun tomorrow fuck this oh what what are your knee jerk reactions when they're writing on the wall or like uh they're doing whatever shit in their pants throwing it at you me

Yeah. Well, you, I mean, my kid's so young, I'm not going to hit a one-year-old. Adam's not there yet. Yeah, you don't hit him. You just twist the arm skin. Go ahead. Go ahead, Blake. You hit him with a phone book. I mean, you set a bar. So if you set the bar so far that it's hitting, then the kid will walk into that. But if you make the bar, hey, you got to sit on this bench and stay there, that...

Will feel like a super effective punishment. And the bench has, like, nails? Well, the bench has... It's like a bench of nails, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Now I got it. That's genius. That's genius. I didn't understand it. As soon as you start to break the plane of, like, the mental punishment into, like, the physical punishment, it just... It changes it. God, how much...

How many times have you called betterhelp.com? Because this seems like it was straight up from a counselor. That is not a thing that you thought up your own. Someone told you that through your years and years and years of seeing someone and talking to someone. No, yeah, you learn it along the way. You learn as you go. I don't want to learn nothing.

Yeah. I want it to become all natural. You have to talk to other parents and you have to learn from them. I feel like back in the day, maybe parents didn't even talk to each other. Yeah. About parents. Yeah, we all beat their ass. You think parents didn't talk to each other at all, though? Uh...

I don't know. Interesting. I don't know. How often were parents taught? I've definitely gotten better parenting. Yeah, I feel this gentle parenting technique, I feel, is pretty bitch-made, though. I thought about this the other day, though. It doesn't have to be gentle. It doesn't have to be gentle. It has to be... Like, mental warfare is the harshest thing it can be. This is the perfect mix. You know how, like, you can have a freak in the sheets, a lady in the streets with a freak in the sheets, right? Yeah.

fucking disaster my guy when I'm thinking about my kids I'm always thinking about that phrase you want to apply the same thing to your daughters this is the way no you you want them to be that's life

Like, a bitch. Sure. But you want them to have, like... Grit. Like, a personal grit. Thank you. Exactly. Yeah, you want them to be fucking... Like, you don't want them to be aggressive, but you want them to be able to handle themselves. Yeah, you don't want to get walked over in this life. This life is hard. The only reason I'm being hard on you is because I...

The world outside is not nice. Dude, I would love to hear that conversation with your two-year-old. Life is hard. Sit on these nails. Life is hard. The only reason I'm making you sit on this bench is because life is hard and I'm preparing you. Just a kid, I know that it's not fair.

The thing about getting walked on by other people though, I don't know. The more people I meet who let that kind of stuff to slide, they're like, yeah, I got walked on. But the person who's walking on people, that's going to come back to bite them in the ass. Yeah, yeah. I believe in that. I heard somebody tell a story the other day about getting punched on the subway because they got on and were standing too close to somebody who was like, get the fuck off of me and punched them in the face. And I was like,

A, that person's obviously like crazy. A lunatic. Yeah, yeah. And hates themselves. And, you know, let's say for a better story or whatever, they're not a crazy like street person or whatever. They're just a guy who's got a short fuse who's like, you're too close to me and I'm going to punch you to tell you to back the fuck up. Yeah. I'm like...

is that person just gonna go to jail someday? Like they've got some shit they're going through. Sure. Or do I fight this person? Well, yeah. And potentially ruin my day or life or whatever. Like Con Air. The older I've gotten, the more I wouldn't fight that man. Exactly. But I would say even 10 years ago, I think I would have swung on that guy. If I suddenly get punched, unprovoked, and I,

I think I would try to fight that man. I'm pissed now. A decade ago. But now I wouldn't. You go Iowa wrestling on him? Yeah, I would take him. I'd take him down at the hips, take him down to the ground, a little ground to pound, obviously. Yeah, you got to assess that. What was that situation? It was just like one-on-one? Were you with your boys? Were you with your family? There's no boys. There's no boys. There's no family. It's one-on-one. It's one-on-one.

one and he's one on one. Who are you? And let's say he's a business guy. It doesn't seem like he's carrying a shiv or whatever. You know, he's just like a fucking regular guy. Sure. Like a Wall Street bro. And he's got the he's almost your twin. Same body type. Oh my God. Yeah. Just so it's fair. Just so it's fair. Just so it's fair. Not me because we're not Wall Street. That'd be like a fucking rocker like kind of

Same body type, Blake. You're not talking about your hair isn't your body type. Oh, my bad. My bad. There's ways to be like, oh, yeah, that guy doesn't take shit.

Right. Like he doesn't fuck around. Right. He's like a fuck around and find out type guy. But also you're like, it's a crowded subway, dude. I'm just trying to ride this train and you punch me. Like, are you crazy? Well, or do I have to fight you now? I almost. How does this person learn? And I'm really torn up. I bet you're an asshole. I don't know what's happening. Might be turning into a bitch. And I like this. I blame better help. Right. This might be better helps fall. Yeah. We just lost the message sponsor.

No, they love this shit. And maybe I'm walking this back. You almost have to fight this guy. You almost have to at least push him and say, what the fuck is your problem? It's a packed subway. No. Well, then it's a fight. Then it's a fight. He's already pushed you. So if you're going to push him. If you push him back, then it's on. Why are you even pushing him? If I'm punched, I'm now punching. I'm not getting punched and then pushing. If I'm pushed. It's a push to create separation. I'm either pushing or punching. So you don't get punched again.

What are you, a fucking push Instagram video where they show the person you beat up and they're like... It's a push to create separation. Right, sure. Okay. And then nose into the brain. Nose into brain. What do you do? Like, I don't know. You definitely don't go from punch to push. No, you go straight sweep kick. What are you talking about? You go low. You take him out at the knee. Yeah. You go low. You go low. And then you make him suck your... Yeah. You force him to lick your asshole. Yeah.

And then you fucking put your dick right. They didn't send you down there. Is this what you wanted? Next stop.

Meanwhile, it's like 5 p.m. It's absolutely packed. Yeah. I was actually kind of rooting for the guy that got punched until he made the other guy eat his asshole. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. Yeah, that got real aggressive. I'd say that's even more aggressive than getting punched in the face. You turn around and someone just goes, I love New York City. He then sweep kicked him. Blanca sweep kicked him and then put his fucking...

nuts all the way down into his mouth in one fail swoop sweeping the leg turning it was crazy underwear gets pulled down face ends up he credit he card credit card slides your ass crack with his nose goes right into the button waiting for this oh wait so that guy ate his asshole i thought the i thought you were forging i thought you were forcing him to eat your asshole his own oh

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So he punches me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I sweep the legs and when he goes down all in one move. No, not. No, no, no. I have a different. Oh, what's your move? I sweep kick him and then I grab his legs and I put them over his head and then I start licking his ass. Okay, clip that. Okay, let me. I'm trying to like picture this. Yeah.

And I say, now, now you, now you want to push me, baby? You don't want to push me anymore, do you? Right. Yeah. Because you're liking what I'm doing. You're licking what I'm doing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you told him. You got him, man. All right. Anything else in the news? You lose! But that's very much like a...

the type of thing, I think you would almost be so shocked that you would probably do nothing. I think the three of us would more than likely not do anything in that moment. Unless it's like you just snap, which I've snapped for less. But that's the thing is that do you want to be somebody who is so shocked? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I've snapped for less. So, but Adam, I feel like Adam, you, you snap for other reasons. Like how often do you snap on like a, like a,

someone is initiating a fight. That's just a different, you really have to gauge a lot of stuff at that point. But when you snap, there's no gauging. You just snap and suddenly you're ready. You're fucking flying high. Hell yeah, brother. Yeah, you didn't know that? Give me a hell yeah! I feel like part of the reason I snap was a thing that I've developed since childhood that if you act like a fucking

fucking psychopath no one wants to fight you because you're like this guy will eat my face like he's a lunatic like I don't want to fight him because he'll bite me he'll like grab my nuts he might try to eat my asshole like he's a lunatic yeah but if this guy has already punched you in the face then you can't there's no elevating past that because he's already in fight mode yeah

Let's step this out. Okay? Ready? You get on the train. The guy next to you turns, punches you in the face. Okay? We've established this. Nose. Bloody. Back the fuck up off of me. Don't stand so close. You're bloody. You have to just take off your bag. Okay. Set it down. You have a bag. Wait, what bag? Unbutton your shirt slowly. Let him watch you do this. Mm-hmm.

Wait, you gotta crack your neck? You cross your hands on your chest and then you just scratch yourself all the way across in an X. Oh, shit. I'm a dude. And then you just go crazy on him, right? And if you fail, you at least tried.

And if you win, you get to tell everybody on the train that you are the king daddy of the subway. Well, yeah, then that's a cool story. No, if you failed, you are viral as hell because there's like, look at this bro who took. Well, you know what I think you need to do is you need to have a really scary, scary tattoo or like a phrase tattooed on your chest. So then when you take off your shirt, everyone's like, what the fuck?

Like, oh shit. This is really scary. Like, what is it? Are you saying like something Shakespearean? Like, what could it possibly say? Yeah, Blake. Yeah, Blake. Shakespearean. What does it say? Something terrifying, like to be or not to be. You're saying a scary phrase. Nothing like, don't fuck with me. Like, I'm like, okay, you're a fucking dork. But if it's like some shit I have to like... Adam means like snake dragons eating gorillas. Yeah, I'm talking like...

Like Satan, some Satan tattoo. Yeah, the goat guy. Or the goat guy. I thought you said a phrase. I mean, I don't know any like Satan phrases off the top of my head.

I'm saying if it's words, because of course we could have a picture. You could have a fucking... Yeah, imagine you take it off and it's full on Yakuza tattoos and everyone's like, what the fuck is this? But I'm saying... And someone's like, seems like cultural appropriation. You're like, I'm in the middle of something. Just give me a second. We'll address that. Stop. But then they don't know how much Asian...

ancestry I have. I lived in Japan. My wife is Japanese. My children are Japanese. That's true. It's just a whole backstory you're telling to the crowd. Time out. Time out.

Yeah.

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That would warn someone not to fuck with you. That could be taken seriously. I'll eat your ass. I was going to try and think of one, and now I kind of don't. I think it would be something Shakespearean.

Okay, Blake, name something Shakespearean there. No, you know what? It would have to be something in like pig or not pig Latin. Pig Latin? I bite my thumb at you. Jesus Christ. No, it would have to be something in like Latin. Pig Latin or regular Latin? I'm a relius at tremius. I don't know. I would have to...

Okay, very cool. Very cool phrase. You want something no one can read. First of all, you want something that's easy because in the moment you want them to read it and be like, oh, what the fuck? I mean, if it says like Hell's Angels chapter, whatever, you know, you know, that's good. That's good. You're like affiliated to some gang or in some way or, you know, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Great call.

Affilius Rodriguez or whatever the fuck you just said. You take your shirt off and it says, I am a Hells Angels. Stay away. Don't fuck with me. If it just says, stay away, buddy. You just fucked with the wrong alien.

See ya. And then there's an ice agent on the train. He comes and takes you away immediately. Yeah, it's like, fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You're gone. Interesting. Yes, points. Yes, points. Of course. Of course. But just to avoid that situation.

Those words are kind of lit by like a, you have like a flying saucer up here on your chest. Sure. And the light below that says you just fucked with the wrong alien from outer space. I honestly think Kyle has this on his chest. It is what it is. Dude, I could see Kyle would lose. Kyle would just start going, he'd get punched and then he would start screaming and not fighting the guy. Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly. Kyle would like you've seen the video. The dude like headbutting the car to intimidate the dude and then he knocks himself out. Yeah, that's the best. I must have seen that. I must. Yeah, that's the best Kyle. That's Kyle. Yeah, I feel Kyle would scream and yell and the guy would probably be off put and be like, all right, I'm not gonna fight this fucking psychopath. And then Kyle would like call Isaac and quit whatever job he's working on. Right. It's done. Right.

Right. Right. He's like, I quit. I'm fucking done, dude. This guy hit me on the subway and Isaac would be like, what does that have to do with your work? Isaac would be like, did you take off your shirt and show him your tattoo? And be like, I did. He laughed at it. Yeah. Take it seriously. I screamed. I screamed and said, why dad? Yeah. See ya. I'm not allowed back in New York now.

It's a whole thing. This is what it is. Oh, God. Oh, God. But here's my question. So the final question for this whole scenario is, do you want to be a person who when you get punched in the face? Yeah. Because, Adam, you said like, you'd be so shocked. You'd be so shocked. Or do you want to be the person who goes, I just got punched. I'm in a fight now.

Who do you want to be? I don't know. I would prefer to be the guy that gets in the fight, but I think we are all in a precarious situation that if you get in a fight,

If you hit someone, like, I'm jacked as fuck, and I know my boys are too. You're ready. And if I catch someone just right, he's fucking toast, dude. I don't want to kill a man on the subway. And then you killed a man. But what if you could? Then your family sues you, and then they now live in your house, and they're fucking your wife, and they are raising your child. Yeah, court ordered. That's how it goes, dude. Honey, it's court ordered. Wait, dude.

That's how it goes, man. And I don't know if I'm willing to give up all of that. Okay. Great answer. I like that. So you're a bitch. Yeah, I guess. Because I think that's what it comes down to is a bitch just considers things, right? But I don't know what would happen. I mean, you guys know me. I do have a switch. It takes me a long time to get to that point, but then I will snap. And I'm afraid...

I'm afraid being punched in the face would be me. I guess I, the only time I was ever punched in the face was I was at a Queens of the Stone Age concert in San Diego and I was punched in the face and the guy broke my nose and

But you were young. I was young. I was 19 or 20. You didn't have your man body yet. So they took me out the back because I was bleeding everywhere. And security ushered me out the back. And now they're like kicking me out. And I'm like, what the fuck? I was like, where the fuck is this guy? This guy came out and was angry.

the scariest looking guy. He was like 6'4", fucking huge. 22 years old. A man. He was. But like had very scary like

skull and crossbone type tattoos. And that's how you met Zach. Chess said, I am a hell's angel. You better believe it. You better watch out. I'm a real hell's angel. And the Mongols as well. Two biker gangs. And them too. And nomads. I'm in that biker gang. We're getting down to his pubic hair now. You're like, what is it? I'm in all the biker gangs, bud. You better watch out. You better watch out.

MC and I hit hard and I'm like where the fuck is he where is he where can you fucking bring him to me and the guy's like okay kid alright and then they brought him out and he was like do you want him he's like oh he's right here and I'm like no I'm good I'm good I'm good but I think if you if someone is my size and I get hit by him I would like to believe I would fight a man yeah yeah

I don't know. And dear God, this is not an invitation. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Don't punch us. Don't punch us. Guys, we're old. We're philosophers. Please don't hit us. Dude, if you want to hit one of us, slide into Blake's DMs and pick a time and place. Please don't be on the cruise and hit me. Yeah.

Please don't be on the cruise and punch me. Here's the real deal. I will sue you for everything you got. I will be fucking your wife. I will have your ass in a vice. I will. Hey, we'll fuck your wives. Sorry. We will pass her around. Sorry.

We will raise your kid. That was the rules. Court ordered. And by the way, and now that we've said that, don't show up on a subway with your wife and punch me and then gesture towards your wife who's willing. Yeah, definitely don't do that because we don't want to. We don't want to. This is not what we're doing. We're not setting up some sort of scenario.

We don't want to do this. We don't want to. We don't want that. But if push comes to shove, comes to punching. Yeah, but if punch comes to I have to fuck your wife and raise your kids, I will. Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to get them in a good public school. Don't you worry about that.

I'm gonna really get it right. Please don't punch us. We're just talking. It's all jokes, guys. This is the same sort of scenario that you're like... God damn it. You know when someone says something and you want to tee off on them, but you know it would be a little inappropriate to tee off on them in that moment? It's like a boss. Maybe it's in a professional setting and someone says something or says...

Maybe kind of says a sly comment to you that's like talking down to you a little bit. And you're like in the moment. You're actually funny in this. Yeah. And you want to fucking tee off on them, but you choose not to in the moment. And then you go home and you're driving home and then you just have a fucking soliloquy. That's essentially what we're doing now. So I thought about this the other day. I think there's two types of people in this world.

And most comedians are the ones that you just talked about. There are people who don't do the thing in the moment, but they go through it over and over and over and they rehearse and they go, I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that. And then the other people are the people who do the thing in the moment,

And sometimes it works out for them and sometimes it does not. Yeah. Meaning like they boss up or they boss up and like shit hits the fan. These people are in jail. I feel like you are the person that just says shit in the moment. A lot of times. You got to walk it back. I got all sorts of walkbacks. That's why I'm in comedy because I'm like, okay, here's the scenario. This happened to me and now we're going to make it into a TV show. You know what I mean? Sure, sure, sure. I feel like other people are like,

Yeah, I think maybe somebody said some shit to me as a kid. I punched them and... Anyway. Or like, they don't think about it. They just move on. Yeah. No, I... The handful of times I've had slights...

I think about those incessantly, and I have a little list of people that I will never work with. People that I could have employed that I've chosen not to because of past slights. Transgressions? Thank you, God! Transgressions and shit that they've said, and I'm like, hey, let it be known. How about a tattoo that says, you can't handle these transgressions? Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Don't slight me, bro. Yeah, I'm trans. Wait, what? Transgression. Wait, what? Adam puts the trans in transgression. I put the trans in transgression. That's kind of cool. Yeah. If I could pivot to something that probably nobody will want to talk about. Any tape acts, any apologies, any epic slams? You know what I've been noticing lately? What's that? You know, sometimes we hang out with our pro sports buddies. We...

We pop a few zins with them. Yeah. You know about the zin wave? I'm constantly popping zins with my pro athlete buddies. We told this story, didn't we? No, but I... Didn't we tell this story? We talked about zinning. With your homie. What's his name? With Bo Allen, with Matt Chapman. I've been taking a lot of zins lately. Zinning, duh. I'm starting to feel like I have like, you know when you have like acid flashbacks? I'm getting like weird like zin tongue.

I don't know acid flashbacks. I'm starting to feel like sometimes my tongue...

It feels like there's a zen in my mouth, and it might be something. You zen trouble? Okay, any take-backs, any apologies, any epic slams? And Adam, I'm right there with you, but Blake, based on the fact that I haven't done zens, Adam, have you done zens? Well, I did the one time with Matt Chapman. With Matt Chapman, with Chappy, the goat. Professional baseball player. And so you're asking us about... Our goat, my goat. And by the way, I hated it. I've never even done...

nicotine ever. I've never had nicotine. So I was fucking on the moon. It felt like I was on drugs. Well, a buzz that turned very quickly. I was like, oh shit, I'm feeling good. This is great. I'm like, why are you... And then all of a sudden, the room started spinning. It felt like I was on a boat and it's very rocky. I felt like I was going to shit and also vomit.

And then I go upstairs and it's an after party for the, the Dr. Phil show that Blake and I were on, uh, our buddy, Adam Ray does this Dr. Phil live show. So we, we did that. And it's an after party for that. So I know everyone that's up there or like, or they know me, you know? So we have to go up and like glad hand a bunch of people like, you know, be gracious, talk to people. I,

I'm fucking spinning. I have to sit in a corner like a hermit. People are like, oh, is Adam unapproachable? He's fucking being weird. Then these girls come up and talk to me, and then I confide in them. I'm like, I'm feeling like shit. I just did a zin for the first time. And she goes, I have two zins in my mouth right now. And I'm like, ha ha.

She took two zins out of her mouth and made me feel like such a bitch. Well, I guess so. My question is to TII Nation. If any of you do pop a zin every now and then, do you ever have like zin back? Zinsanity?

Zin sanity. That catches back up with you. Sometimes my tongue feels like I have a zin. Yes, points! Yeah, I think that that's normal. When I was a kid and I was a camp counselor, we would do chewing tobacco, like the little bags. Yeah.

The dips, whatever. Not a snus, but like a true... Like a little bag. What do they call it? A dip. Some dip. But it would be in a bag, usually. Or I guess it would be a little pinch. Anyway, I remember... So you're doing this every day for two weeks. And then I remember getting home and for sure my mouth was calling me to go to a 7-Eleven and buy some Skull. Or some fucking Kodiak. Yeah, I'm feeling it back here. That's what it is. It's just...

It's just it going, you want more, right? Yeah. Come and zen me. I haven't zenned in a while, but lately the zen is calling me, baby. That's how crazy it is, bro. It's calling me. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty addictive. Is it real? Maybe I get into it. Maybe I try it again just to see if I can get addicted to something else. If you get punched in the face on the subway and then you take your backpack off or your bag, you pull a zen out, you put it in your fucking lip. Mm.

You scratch your chest across into an X. Hey, brother. I'm going to let you know. You're zin for it. You're zin for it now. That's pretty good. He's running. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. Any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams? Yes, points! Self-serve. Definitely got to be a take back in there somewhere. I feel like we dunked on Kyle a little bit. When he's not here to defend himself,

You like it more? No, I hate to do it. I hate to do it. Because we don't know what he's doing not on the pod. He's not on the pod, so we don't know. He could be eating babies. We're not sure. But I don't like to talk shit on him when he's not here. So he could be off eating babies. We're not sure. But I don't like to talk shit on him. Nice. Thanks for clearing that up. Yeah, that's really cool. I'm a good guy. I guess...

Shout out to Zen. Zen, send us some Zen. We'll do a live segment. We're called The Boys Go Zenning. Yeah, I'll do a Zen on the pod. See if I can bomb it on the pod. This is actually great. Yeah, that would be really cool to do a fully Zen'd up episode. I would love to see Ders just... Now, how does Zen affect your T? It's got a boost of testosterone. Testosterone, yeah. Is

Is that why you started? To maybe boost your testosterone? No, I have no problem with my levels. I'm actually feeling super jacked lately. Oh, all right. You got some new PRs, some new personal records. I will say I ran the other day and I envisioned us doing the Malibu Triathlon. And I'm like, if I'm the guy who's running, I won't let you guys down. I promise. I promise. Adam, is your body okay?

Betraying you? What's happening? My body's fully... My body's fully betrayed me. Can you bike yet or no? No, I'm back to barely walking again. I've... It's... My body has failed me once again. It was going really good there for a while and then it started to betray me again. You look so good, dude. Thanks, man. Every time I see you, you look good, but you're just...

Thanks, dude. I'm not drinking and I'm eating way less and that's the trick, it turns out. Who would have known? Who would have thought? So probably no triathlon in my near future. I'm hoping next year I'm back, baby. Next year's my year. Maybe we get to... We just huddle up the three of us and that's a triathlon.

That would be kind of cool. I would enter that. I got no take. Okay. Today was perfect, you guys. Well, that was another episode of... This is important. The cause of diarrhea. Either you have diarrhea or you don't. Do you get diarrhea too? I love you guys.

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