Ep 254: P.R.E.A.M. - Porn Rules Everything Around Me
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Today on This Is Important. I'm jizzing into the crops. Hornballs are undefeated. They will not stop in their quest of horniness. I want in as well, just to get my dick on the table. Let's go! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Friendship. Squibbity toilet. Hell yeah, dude. God, I'm so freaking excited. So excited to talk to my bros. There you are, dude. I love my job. I love Yoshinoya Bowl. You know what they say? If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.

And I feel like, well, I haven't got cast in a lot of stuff lately, so I haven't really been working. Chilling. Yeah, this is a lot of chilling for you for years. Yeah. A couple of years of chilling. This is the way I don't know which I don't know the name of him, but you look like one like when you were just

Whatever face you were making, you look like one of the Where the Wild Things They Are monsters. Oh, I wasn't going to say that. I'm a dude. Okay. I was going to say you look more like, you're looking more and more like a professional wrestler. And I know that's what you are going for. No, it's not. I'm going. WW, Where the Wild, I don't know if it's. Okay.

But there's maybe a... No, we're fleshing it out. And by we, I mean me, by myself, alone, searching. I'm going more for UFC fighter, but I get that you went WWE. Right. Who's the guy you want to look like? Khabibie. I'm going for Khabibie. By the way, those men are all atrocious looking.

And I'm sorry. I mean, you know, I know America and the world loves UFC. Naked grandma! And I like it. I like it too. I just look from the neck down. Those guys all look like they've been punched in the face 1,000 times, which makes you all look, they all look the same. Right. They have the same face. I think you've covered this. Perfect. And then they, I don't think so, they're grotesquely ugly. Okay. We've covered this. So that's what you want to go for?

You said that they all get hit in the face in the same spots, so they get the Cro-Magnon brow and things. Oh, yes. You get the hardened brow. I don't have that, though. Maybe. You know, we've done a lot of these podcasts. I might have repeated myself. What are we on? I never have. No, not you. Never will. Not that much. Not that much, dude. Fuck.

- You're a fucking disaster, my guy. - But that's what you want to look like? - But I do like when you say it as if you've never said it before. - Dude, I don't remember. - You're like, you know what I think actually? - Well, that's the sign of a good actor as well because you do take after take after take. - You know, I think I'm just dumb enough to be a really good actor. - Okay. - Yes. - I like this. - You know, like a really good actor where they could just lose them, lose themselves. - You've said this before.

I think you have. They could lose themselves in the role because they kind of forgot who they were for a minute. I think I can do that. I'd get to prove that, and I might not ever, but I know I could. Yeah, but that's kind of the dance. That's the dance you're playing with the audience, and that's what keeps me coming back. Let's call this episode, have we talked about this before, but Adam, what role do you think...

Do you truly think would win you an Oscar? Do you got something in your fucking back pocket that you're like, this, if the world would let me do this character, I got the gold. I'm a gay. I'm gay and also trans and also I have Down syndrome. Ah!

I'm not gay no more. Okay. And it's based on a true story from someone. Right. There's got to be someone. And if I could pull that off. I'm with you. I love it. But are you still white? Yeah, I know what you're saying. Rain the trophies upon me. Because if you're still white, I'm not watching. No, no, no. I'm still white. You're albino. But it's a really fancy. It's such a fancy. It's such a fancy director. Oh.

It's such a fancy director that everyone goes, okay, okay. Maybe we give him the benefit of the doubt. Do you know any fancy directors? Yeah. Yorgos something or other. Okie dokie. Is he fancy? Yorgos something. I think he's a UFC fighter. Yeah, he might be. Those are still kind of like a little wild.

Yeah. I'm thinking of like the British posh directors. Who are they? Whoever did like the King speech. Oh, shit. No, someone asked me a little while ago, like, who would be, who's your top five directors that you want to work with? And dude, I could not think of it. I couldn't think of a director. I was like...

Well, Spielberg for sure. Daniel Stern. George Lucas. Zucker Brothers. Right. Russo Brothers. Wachowski Brothers. Russo. All the brothers. All the brothers. Uh-huh. Yep. Get the Wachowski.

It's the Wachowski brothers, right? Well, it used to be more. Well, they're no longer. No longer brothers. Maybe I do their life story. Is that the life? Yeah. There we go. We got it. You play both of them, too? Yeah. Oh, shit. And by the way, we've covered this. Correct me if I'm wrong. They've both transitioned, right? Yes, they have. We have covered it. That shit's important. And we've covered this. We've covered this. But can you imagine transitioning and then having your brother be like...

I'm going to do it too. And you're like, he's such a fucking follower, dude. Oh my God. I'm going back. I'm doing my own thing. But you can't go back. You did the final snip and swipe. No, they got money. They kept it on ice. That's why. They cryogenically froze their schwangs. So that's how it works. I don't have the biomechanically. I think they just put it on ice. Encino piece.

It's science. That's the movie. Wow. Good stuff, guys. Great start so far. This is why I love my job. You never were. Can you grade us and tell us why? I'm just thinking we're coming out. We're good.

Coming on fire, as I love to do. So no grades, Adam. No grades. I refuse to grade. I'm not a big grader. I don't like grading. I think that that's an old school... This guy doesn't even grade shoes. You know what it is? Why you look so absolutely insane right now, Blake? And it's because you have...

What appears to be like you've tried to grow a beard and it's really bad looking. And that's coming from someone who also grows bad beards. So I know it when I see it. I thought your beard was okay, but your mustache was questionable. Yeah, that is true. The beard was fine. The mustache. Because that beard is really bad, my dude.

Is it really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I was fucking slaying this beard. Like, I keep taking selfies of myself. You gotta stop hanging out with Atiba, who's always, like, he's dapping people up, he's making you feel good. But, dude... I feel like that is correct. Blake hangs out with Atiba, and Atiba's maybe the most positive... So, a good friend, an encouraging person, someone who supports me, someone who doesn't tear me down at every turn. Right, it's how people land skateboarding tricks. They have to have that. Yes, you have to have...

Unearned confidence. Hold up. It's kind of how everybody does everything in life. If you want to excel, you need people in your corner who actually uplift you. The world will crush you. I completely disagree. I was raised by everyone who said you couldn't do anything.

Yeah. And we could tell that about you. And I persevered. Yeah. You did it. You're evil. Dude, I'm the king. Blake, I'm the king of unearned confidence. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. I don't know about that. But you also need someone in your corner to tell you, hey, bud.

Throw in the towel. Hey, bud, maybe this isn't it. Maybe the shaved mustache, really patchy, bad, scrappy, looking like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo looking motherfucker isn't the move. Shut the fuck up!

Huh. So you guys think I look bad. You think I look bad. Atrocious. No, I think you look like one of the where the wild things are monsters. Great book. We'll find a comp. But tell me about the care here. So you're letting it grow underneath the chin, but you are shaving your mustache. Yeah. Yeah. I took the mustache down. And are you shaving anywhere else? Like, are you? Is this groomed? This is groomed.

But where? Wait, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Yeah. You don't know what that word means? That is a new concept. That's a new concept in my life.

Groomed in- You thought it was just a green room. My bad. I thought you were talking about the groom. The groom. No. Here, you get out. Yes, points! I guess. It's not- That wasn't- No, I thought by groom you meant shave my mustache. And I did do that. And you did notice that. So this is as groomed as your boy gets. Also- But are you doing anything under, like, here? Um...

Like, bottom lip? Like, your flavor saver? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yes, I take the stinger down. I take the stinger down. Stinger. Well, why? Why? Because that's part... When you grow a beard, it has to be full all the way through. And by the way... Explain yourself. There should be a mustache attached. Allegedly! We're letting Adam off the leash. Yeah, I love my job, man. I'm not...

Well, by the way, because I think, I mean, I think Blake is a very handsome gentleman. You've said that. Besides his face, the rest of it is beautiful.

Thank you. Thank you. Hot, hot, hot, hot. No, I think Blake is a very good looking gentleman. This beard isn't doing any favors. Really? It's much like you told me. You told me that my mustache wasn't doing me any favors because under most lights, it looked like I had a Hitler mustache.

because the rest of the hairs came in weirdly blonde. Yes. During the tour, you had a weird-ass wispy mustache and, like, bad chops, and it was bad. It was bad. It was the worst I've seen you. It's the worst you've ever looked. Well, also, I was obese during that time. Yeah. It was a whole bit, Blake. It was a whole...

I was a life bit I was doing. Your boobs are huge. Where I was morbidly obese and... Thought he was gonna die. Literally thought I was dying and... Gotta gross the chops before I keel over. I liked it. That was actually, even though you did look bad, that was my favorite version of you. You were very humbled. You were very like...

You made us wheelchair you everywhere and stuff. It was cool, dude. That is not. I like seeing you vulnerable. You like to see me fat and injured because then I wasn't competition to you. And Blake, it's not all about competition, buddy. Right. You keep stealing rolls from me. Ask Isaac. He keeps handing them off to you. Name one. Punk rock? Getting radical? Okay. Well, I mean... I just like Adam Fortmore. Circle? Circle?

Circle came to you first. No. I gifted you buzz balls. I was like, I don't fucking want this shit. Thank you. Bless you. What made you decide to go down this route? I know it wasn't your girlfriend. I know she wasn't really pitching this one hard. She definitely didn't say shave the mustache, grow the beard. Oh.

She could have been a motivation in a different way. Piss him off and then he's like, oh yeah? Check this out. Now you got an ugly boyfriend. Yeah, tell me to not be playing my music wildly loud at 4am. Tell me that. Now you got an ugly boyfriend. Yeah.

Sorry. Take me out. Show me off. Also, I haven't been playing loud music since we talked about it on the pod. I've been very respectful to my neighbors because I am saving it up for the 4th of July, baby. Come on. We're going to let the good times roll. We've covered this, but it's my favorite holiday. We have. And you stand by that.

It's never going to not be your favorite. I thought Halloween was your favorite holiday. You wish. You wish. You thought so. You're a monster. Yeah, I thought so. No, I'm almost positive I said July 4th because that's how I feel right now. It's just a good time. Yeah, I love the 4th of July. It's hot as fuck, so you could just...

Drink so many beers. So many beers. It's allowed. You're not even drunk. It's so hot. You don't even know where your kids are. It doesn't matter. It's the 4th of July. Go burn something. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. Of course. It's true. Of course.

Yeah, kids are probably fine. You're hearing fireworks. You assume everyone's okay. I love it. You got big plans for the fourth, Blaze? I do. Well, you know, my block is pretty cool. So they do like a, I think we've covered this, but they do a little like people make pies and you try them and say who made the best pie. Right. This does sound crazy. It's like a little parade and just, you know,

A parade on your block? Yeah, just chumming around with neighbors. So it's a full block party. They lock down the street? Is that how it goes? Yeah, full block party. It's beautiful. I love that. The horses? Not literal horses. What do they call those? Saw horses? To block off cars from coming in and out? Yeah. Well, I hope they're up today. All right.

Or on the holiday because it could... Yeah, we need somebody to block off these streets. I'm not sure the protocol with the sawhorses. Blake, that's what a block party is when you literally block off the streets. It's a block party. With the sawhorses. Well, you could just park cars in the middle.

No, no, no. You can't. I guarantee you police will show up and it'll be a thing. And then it's going to be a lot of ICE agents and they might steal a neighbor or two. Look at this guy. Look at that guy's beard. I don't want that for your neighborhood. I'm just saying I don't want that for your neighborhood. So maybe do things by the book. Maybe you should make a call. I know you're not the guy, but maybe call the guy who is the guy who's in charge. Yeah, I'm hoping that will all be sewed up.

How full is that guy's beard? That's all I'm saying. How full and connected is that guy's beard? Probably more connected than mine. But... I don't know. I don't know. I feel good about it. Well, that's the most important. I do like that the beard is an indicator. Like, you look like someone who would say, yeah, you guys could just park some cars. Yeah.

It is. And they go, I don't know, judging by your beard, I just don't. What do you think, Mr. Good Beard? Judging by the lack of the beard that you've grown makes me not trust you. Yeah. You know, and for everybody who's now tuning in on YouTube, you're going to see this. It's really not an offensive beard. It's actually. Well, move the microphone out of the way and actually let's see it. Let's see it. Let's see it. I think it works for you. Oh, buddy.

Oh, buddy. I think it does exactly what you wanted it to do. What's that? Frame my face. Define my jawline. No, no, no. You have the largest jawline. Largest jaw. You got a Cro-Magnum jawline. You don't need... We all wish we had it. Dude, you don't need it. You're hiding it. You're hiding the jawline. It's covered. Is that what you're trying to do? Is you're trying to actually dull the jawline?

Maybe at this point. I don't know. There's not a lot of thought that goes into it. The hair's looking good, though. The hair looks... It looks like a good color. Like, is that summertime kicking in or what? Yeah, it's falling down. He's sitting by the pool. Also, yeah. Thank you for noticing. I kind of did, like, a middle part. I don't do that a lot. I'm testing that out. That's where the wild things are. Thank you. Thank you. I was kind of going, like, 80s Metallica. This is some old school... This is some old school Blake is what this is. I'm kind of in my, like...

my rocker era for this summer, I think. And what rocker would that be? I'm going like Cliff Burton. That's what I'm going for at all times. R.I.P. Yes, always. Always. And now do we see the Where the Wild Things Are monster that looks like Blake? That's crazy.

I mean, it's the middle one. I know exactly who you're talking about. It's the one that has the circle and you got two horns. Oh, no, I know who you're talking about. No, no, no. Well, it's literally brought up in the chat and you could look at it. Oh, sorry. I didn't have my chat on. And he has no horns, but it has a middle part. And the underbeard. And an underbeard. Friendship. Actually, that beard is much fuller, by the way. He's working on it. Durs, this is a great cult. He has bird legs. Yeah.

This looks exactly kind of like me. You're right. This is what I'm going for. Great pull. I'm a visual learner. When's the last time you read this book? I mean, within the last year. Now...

I love the illustrations. I don't remember as a kid really tapping in with the story. Me neither. Me neither. Right? Like the fact that a movie came out, I was like, yes, because visually I want to see it come to life. But then I was like, wait, what is the book? Michelle Gondry. That's a fancy. That's who I would do my movie with. There's your guy. What's he been up to? I don't know. That's who I would do it with, Michelle Gondry.

Hit me up if you want me as a black trans person with Down syndrome. Wait, now you're black? A black trans-am? I was black the whole time. I was a black trans person with Down syndrome. Okay.

All right. Michelle Gondry, hit me up. That will be an interesting film. I feel like you could just plug all those prompts into an AI and it will just make that movie and it is going to be really good. It's going to be a banger. It's going to be awesome. Real banger. Dang. You lucky duck. It's going to take our jobs.

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That's OriginalPenguin.com and use the code THISIS for 20% off. Hey, that movie though, I remember seeing that movie and going... That's a thumbs down from Durs. Yeah, I was hoping to get a thumbs down through the Zoom, but I guess it's all... I don't think people liked it. I don't think it was...

Critically acclaimed. It looked dope. I think it's Spike Jonze, who usually knocks it out the park. He's a very visual director. Everything he does is pretty cool. I thought it was going to be a wham bam. I thought it was Michelle Gondry. I thought it was Spike Jonze. It's Spike Jonze. Am I tripping? Oh, is it? Oh, okay. Yes, points!

Thank you. And dude, Adam, I'm sorry to tell you, if Michel Gondry, when he hears this, hears that you got it wrong, he's not doing your movie. You're off the project. That's why he's not going to do your movie. And now Spike Jonze isn't going to do it either. So I'm kind of, I really backed myself into a corner.

We can figure it out. Yeah. Maybe Blake goes and he goes, hey, look, I'm the guy from your movie. I can be the guy. Wasn't the voice of the main dude James Gandolfini? Am I tripping? Yeah. That's fucking cool. Yeah. And again, I was like, cool on paper. And then you see the movie and you're like, huh?

He sounds like he's from New York? Yeah. What? Was he doing like his Tony Soprano? Yeah. I don't think so, but it was still like a little bit. Hey, I'm a bafanguli. Bafangul. You're talking to my guy all wrong. Kabogul.

Are you a monster? No, I'm a Bafanguli. Get out of here. I like that. That would have been a really cool movie. If Where the Wild Things Are was a movie. Get back on your boat and fucking sail across the ocean back to your mom and fucking apologize. That's your mother. Get the fuck out of here. I think my mom

My mom's trying to kill me. I'm going to kill you. You go through it, okay? If you don't get the fuck out of here, you're a bafangu. What is the... I don't even want to say it. The whole book was trying to get them not to read the book. Yeah, I love it. Get the fuck out of here. Go talk to your mother. You're a bafangu.

Dad, are you screaming to me? I can't read yet. I will say I've watched it since having kids, and I guess it hits a little harder as a parent. It's different. Where you understand it, but it becomes a total fucking snooze when you get on that island. Huh.

Which is crazy. I don't remember the book and I did not see the movie. So I'm really lost. I remember thinking the art for the book was off the fucking Richter scale. I also remember that. But then never read the words. What else is new? But the visuals of the book were so cool that you were making up the story in your mind as a child, but the story on the page didn't match how cool the story in your mind you were making up was.

You know what I mean? Yes. Do you follow? Do you track? Yeah, I'm tracking. No, Blake knows two words. You see a lot of stuff in the background where you're like, wow, I'd love to explore that and all that. It takes you on a journey visually, and then the words just don't match. You want me to stop talking? Yeah. Yeah.

You're a stupid dumbass. Did you guys ever read any Maurice Sendak books that were like little tiny ones and they like all slid into a box together? The hell? I don't think my mom didn't buy me books. She was like, read this one.

Snickers wrapper. And you think I'm joking, but... Hey, let's joke on Laffy Taffy. Here's a Lemonheads box. But she didn't. I don't remember having books. I don't remember them reading to me. I truly don't. She says it happened. I do not remember it. Alrighty then. And in fact, when I would ask...

for books. I was told what she literally told me, well, what are you going to do with them? It's spell book. And I go, well, read them. I would read them. And she goes, you would, you wouldn't. And then they would sit there. And then later I found out my parents were fairly poor, but, uh,

There's no such thing as a library. That is literally what libraries are for. I know. We would go to the library. I don't remember taking any books until I got a little older. Really? But I remember when I was young, like really young, I don't remember taking... We didn't have Where the Wild Things Are. I just remember getting into...

the Bearstein Bear books. That was my big shit. Those are good. You never went to the library? It's so fun. They all smell different. It's like interesting. No, we would. We would go to the library, but then it was always just like some old lady reading to you and you're like, this is kind of boring, dude. But you wouldn't get books to go?

I don't remember. Check a book out. I think then maybe my mom was like, then I'm going to have to come back here and drop these books off. Yeah, but then he'd get more books. I feel like going to the library way back in the day, super young, it was like your first...

way of expressing yourself by being like, I'm getting this book. I'm gonna get this one on paper airplanes. I'm getting this book about polar bears. Like, I don't know. It was like the first kind of like, what like cultivating your like steez personality. Oh dude. Yeah. You're kind of, you're, you kind of just unlock something. I do remember I got really into cheetahs. That was my shit. Cheetahs. There you go. I wanted it.

to know all about cheetahs. Hell yeah, brother. By the way, not a lot to know. They run super fast. That's kind of the most... Yeah. They're hella fast. That covers how fast. Do you even remember how fast? Because I know exactly how. You got it. 60 miles an hour. I thought it was 72. I've heard 80. 80? I've heard 80 on some forum. I thought it was 72. Todd? No, I thought it was 70.

60. I think 60 is right. Todd, can you look up that cheetahs can only run 72 miles per hour? I think we came from an era where they were gassing cheetahs up, but they have 50 to 80. 50 to 80. Okay. All right. So a fast ass cheetah. But Todd, can I tell you something? Not helpful. Not helpful, brother. Doesn't help Ders' point of view. Yeah. Yeah. And then mostly getting the National Geographic to see the titties, you know, and-

Allegedly! I have a similar thing. I remember finding a zone in the library where it was this book called Elf Quest. It's like an old comic, but I remember you flip a few pages and there was some illustrated nudity

It got pretty horny. They know what they're doing. I remember being in the library, sitting in the little lane or whatever, looking through ElfQuest, getting so horny as a kid, dude. Holy moly. So horny. Wow. It was everything I wanted. It was fantasy, elves, and then it's just me in a quiet place.

It's getting a freaking rock. Checking all the boxes. Wait, how old were you? 16. You were 16 years old reading Elfquest? No, no, no. I must have been like 11. 11, I would say. That's when it was really... Yeah, I don't remember being... I mean, no. No, I guess I was...

horny even then, but... Yeah, come on. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think maybe I'm just in a negative mood right now. I'm sorry, guys. Yeah, it's okay. Go for it. We can handle it, dude. We're here for you. You know what? Yeah. I love my job. Yeah, maybe I'm just being negative. Yeah, and by the way, Blake, your beard looks fine. Yeah, thank you. You think cheetahs can only run 60 miles an hour, dude? Come on, give cheetahs a break. Yeah, maybe they run 80. I don't know.

They run 100. What do I care? I also remember going like pretty psycho on like Australia. I loved Australia. I'd read all the Australia books. That was kind of – when you just had a thirst for knowledge. Now I don't give a fuck anymore. Now you guys have kids that are library ages, right?

My child is too young to go to the library. Now, when you go there, is it just homeless people jacking off? Yeah, they've got this fantasy section. Yeah.

Yeah, Elfquest. There's a line out the door for Elfquest? Excuse me, where's your Elfquest section? Sir, can you please leave? It's just a bunch of fucking mutants next to the Elfquest section just going hard. I've only kicked it in the children's section of our local library, so I haven't seen, I haven't ventured towards Elfquest or any other. Allegedly!

But it's popping. It's popping. Librarians are still doing it. Yeah, the library is still very sick. So, but Real Talk, is there, because I remember when I first came to LA and I had to print something out. And I was like, maybe I'll go to the library. Sure, of course. And yeah, it probably was MapQuest. And I'm like, I'll go to the library, print something out, get a library card.

And then Blake probably remembers this. I just got a giant book about JFK and I just learned all about the Kennedys. It's such a flex. How fast does he run? 12 miles an hour. That's what I also read. Very shagadelic. And just looking around, I was like, there's a lot of unhoused, sorry Blake, unhoused men. It's seemingly

like they're there to look at porno. Like a lot of eyes. On the computers. On the computers, kind of looking around. Yeah. This is 2002, 2003, right? Yeah, this is 2002, 2003, yeah. They're like, no, no, no, no. I'm not. Hold on. Just let me click off of this.

Huh. Oh, my bad. Oops. The internet was full of possibilities. And even the unhoused want to get in on that. I don't even think they had blockers yet. They were like, it was just wide open spaces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well... They thought who would do that, and then they found out. Has it changed now? Because that's what the library was in LA at that time. I promise you it's changed. Well, sometimes it...

There's still homies there kicking it at the computers. Yeah, but you can't watch porno. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. What would we call it? The blockers or what? Yeah, the blockers. There's a better term. But yeah, the internet shields. There's a better term. The firewalls. The firewalls.

Whatever the term is. But yes, we know what you're trying to say. What do you need? What do you need? Those are very complex and honed in. I don't think people are really pulling unless they're looking at breastfeeding videos or... Dude, you could just go to chatgpt.com and then... Can you look up naked women on chatgpt? No, it doesn't really do it. Hot, hot, hot, hot! I knew I was going to ask Anders and he would know.

Your boobs are huge. Well, I just put together a pitch and I was doing it over Zoom so I wanted to add a bunch of slides to help illustrate the pitch and the fucking guardrails are insane. Good, though. Hey, I need there to be blood. I had one where it was like a white male character who starts dating a biracial ex-girlfriend of somebody. So I was like, this guy with his arm around the biracial girl, he looks like...

He's like annoying and a jerk and she looks uneasy. And it was like, can't do that because it's a woman. It was like also racially insensitive. So I type back to it. I go, I think you're racially insensitive for even bringing it up. I'm just describing the picture I want for these characters. And it was like, very sorry. Again, these are delicate issues. I'm like...

I can't wait till Durr's being just as an old man, just getting in arguments with chat GPT all day. That's exactly what's going to happen. All day. It's like, you're wrong, but wearing some screen, like I can just show me black titties and his chat GPT like knows who he is. So it's like, Oh God, here he comes. Oh,

Here we go. Oh, you again. Hi, Shadji. Are you there? Hey, Toots. Yeah. Loading. Loading. Well, there has to be

some sort of, I don't know anything besides ChatGPT. It's the only one that I know. There has to be other platforms that you can make pornos. Because porno rules everything around us. Around me. Preem? Preem. Okay. Yes, points! Those are for you, Adam. Thank you. Preem.

I think I shot a booger out of my nose onto my microphone. Yeah, we're just preem. We're just preem. I just preemed on my mic. Supreme, baby. You creamed that preem. Yeah, yeah. So, there has to be, right? Because, obviously, porno rules everything around me. Wee-oo! Aw.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I think it's... And for some reason, Todd hasn't just filled our chat with hentai. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, that's interesting. No, I think it's in the early stages, but... There has to be. ElfQuestHentaiAI.com. It's advancing quickly. It's advancing really quickly. I saw some... Like, it was a comedy... It was a comedy...

video, but he was saying how much money he's making on OnlyFans. And it's him like dancing, being sexy, acting like he's wiping hair out of his face. And then it goes split screen. And then it's just like a hot chick, like Buxom hot chick who's doing the exact same thing and doing the exact dance and movements that he is. And I'm like, oh, I bet that is the future. That is absolutely the future. Oh,

Of like guys pretending to be these OnlyFans models and actually tricking horny old dudes. I mean. Or horny young dudes. Or yeah, horny any age dudes. Horny anything. Okay, well here it is. We found it. Todd, thanks for being quick on it. Pornify, free AI porn generator. Pornify. Oh yeah. BRB. Shout out to Pornify. And this is not an ad.

This is not an ad. I'm still going to send it. Okay, so you free AI porn generator. Okay. All right. Are you going to click on it? I'm not going to click on it. Start your AI porn chat bot. I already clicked on it. You guys clicked it? I'm not clicking that link. Yeah, what do you mean you click it? You got to click it. I just sent them a bunch of money. I am not clicking that. I just signed up for some- Okay, so here's the caveat. It's $9.97 a month to join-

See ya. Durs, how quickly are you joining? I just joined. Yeah. I just joined. That's not bad. You can pay a lump sum and get a discount for a year. You can pay a lump, all right. God damn. God damn. That's actually really cool. How much for a year?

I was just joking. Or maybe it is. I don't know. Yeah, this looks too real. Pornify. What did you do? It looks real enough, right? Yeah. Oh, no. So you can go pro. Yeah, you got to go pro. You can go pro for $24.99 a month. Go all out with top tier priority. Watermark free. Oh, man.

That's what we're... Not the VIP life, but make it pro. Fuck it! And the VIP little sticker that they have, the little... It's a beautiful woman with a giant cock. Why is it always trans? That's why... Why does AI or like the CGI... It's the best of both worlds. One moment, and I'll let you have the floor. Yep.

Yeah, we know Blake's answer. We know Blake's answer. I just want to know, if a lot of porn is not trans, why is almost all the CGI porn trans? I think they want to do something kind of to grab the audience's attention and be like, holy moly, and shock, shock and awe. Right, but then you're not getting my time. Mm.

Oh, well. You're not getting my QT. Right. Well, some people are going to sit with it. Oh, I go, wait a second. Is that what I think it is? And then I go, yeah, that's what I thought it was. Oh.

Oh my God. And then I go and I have to go watch real people. Here's an easy one. There's no video, but it's free. Okay. It's no wallet. No worries. Social security. Dip your toes into our AI porn generator and chat a little. And you're going to generate something. Just chat a little. Are you going to generate? Chat a little. Free forever. And Blake, it's the best of both worlds. Did you want to speak more to that?

I mean, I feel like that says everything. What worlds? You know, the big ass titties and then a big old swinging dick. So those are the worlds. The worlds of titties and dicks. There's no pussy in this. That seems kind of anti-female. And I don't know if you'd heard, but the future is female. Well, you know what?

Also, maybe look around. Maybe there's one somewhere around there. Who knows? They do sometimes replace the testicles with a vagina. Wow, man. This is important. And again, I'm like, look, you got my attention. That shit's important. I click and I go, is that what I thought it was? And it was, but then I'm gone. I never work a day in my life. It's good to know that...

I had the question and it was so easily answered immediately. Immediately. Yeah. By our boy Todd. He just, he already had the tab open. Yeah. Yeah. It's like we, we got through all the, all the, are you 18 or not? I was like, it has to, it has to exist.

Click, click. It's right there. I knew. At a moment's note. Hornballs are undefeated. They will not stop in their quest of horniness. It goes without saying. Yeah. Do you ever see a future where the world is not horny anymore? I feel like Gen Z is marching towards that. Yeah. I think they want that life for themselves. Dang. And as I picture them marching, pretty hot. Yeah.

It's turning me on. Oh, my. Yeah, what is going on with them? But here's the deal. It's just that they're not fucking...

Right? They're still horny. They're just not fucking. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right. Right? And Blake, are you talking about when we're not horny or when we're not fucking? I'm kind of talking about like we, yeah, we don't leave the house to fuck anymore. So the best of both worlds. We're here. Yeah. I think that's marriage. Doritos. That's marriage. I think we're living that. Yeah. That is currently what's happened with the younger generation. They're not going out to...

to fuck. They're going to mixers. They're going to run clubs and shit. You mean like running clubs where you can go running together? They go running together. Those are sick. That's the new popular thing. I'm hyped on those. But didn't people, you used to go running together to end up fucking, right? Afterwards, you're like, she's pretty fast. I think running together is a fairly new, maybe within the last decade or 15 year thing. Yeah.

No, not in the way run clubs are so popular nowadays. Sure. I don't disagree. Adam's correct. But running clubs have been around for quite a while. Not like now. Like Nike used to have a running club in like 2005 that would leave from the Grove store. Yeah. That's still pretty early in terms of running. Running's been around since the dawn of man. It's still pretty early. Is it early or is it late? What are we talking here? Okay.

Anyway, run clubs. Run clubs. People are doing run clubs instead of fucking. They're just running. They're trying to get as sexy as possible for Instagram likes and their TikTok page and to sell their protein bars instead of fucking. Wow, dude. And that's the difference between us. You could start at the AI penis. Right. And I will. I think, would you do a run and train club? A what? Run and train club.

Yes, points! Blake, is that the best of both worlds? Preem! Preem! Absolutely. I don't think I would. That doesn't excite me. Yeah, you'd get exhausted. You'd get killed by all those guys. Oh, yeah, I guess they're just not going out. People are saying that bars and nightclubs are closing. I have heard that, yeah.

And, like, I don't get it. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. I mean, there's so much of me that just wishes I was a little younger where I could go to bars and nightclubs on Tuesdays

Tuesday, Wednesdays, Thursdays. But who's not going? Are women not going or are guys not going or are both not going? Well, I don't know. I feel like you've got to knock on the door of Scottsdale, Arizona and see if it's affecting that place because I feel like that place is still going off. That's at one end of the bell curve, my man. I feel like that is at the one end of the spectrum. Well,

Well, I think it's, you know, and it's what everything we've been talking about. It's all kind of gathered around one idea. But like libraries, nobody's really going anymore. Clubs, nobody's really going anymore. Think about like I used to go to record stores and see people. Nobody really goes to those anymore. And what's the idea? They don't even exist. Right. All you have to do is stay home and relax.

And J-O to AI porno. You don't have to leave. Yeah, put on your Oculus Rift and J-O in the metaverse. Right. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Workplace stress can really get you down. Trust us. We know. But this summer, take the time to focus on your wellness with small steps by managing your workday challenges.

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That's originalpenguin.com and use the code THISIS for 20% off. Do you remember when people were buying land in the metaverse for like real amounts of money? How they have to feel like such fucking assholes right now. Because they're like, you're going to regret saying that. Okay. I mean, I mean, maybe, but right now. Cut to 10 years from now, pal. Yeah. Right.

Todd, tell us what was the most expensive sale for land in the metaverse? You gotta imagine it's somebody with fuck you money who it doesn't matter. They just did it to say they did it and promote probably their own company. No? What kind of land are we talking about? Are we talking about like they bought an island or like land to farm on? I don't really remember this wave. I remember it being like

the street to be on prime real estate and is 4.3 million and who and what was it maybe get a list going uh i know nike like had their store there that they bought and then they they put a store there they probably got in for free whoever's creating this universe probably went to a bunch of places and was like hey will you create real retail spaces for our population or whatever

This is how I know I'm going to be like a really goofy old guy. And it's just like, I don't even care to even learn about this shit. This kind of shit, Bitcoin. I know maybe it's the future or whatever, but I just don't want to live in it. I'd rather just...

Just be in the library looking at ElfQuest. Say less. My future is very retro. I want it to never change in that way. I mean, I definitely think at some point I'd rather...

end up in a fucking shack next to a little river then on top of a 200 story skyscraper with a robot sucking me off while I like watch 10 movies with some goggles on 69 dudes the way you explained it though that kind of sold me hang on

I mean, the little shot by the river, that does seem pleasant, but then you said... Then you said the robot... The robot part. It can do what now? It can do what now? Wait a minute. This future doesn't sound half bad. Not so bleak. I stand by it. Well, we do need to learn some skills. I think we need to get busy. Well, I feel like you were in, Blake. You like to go farming via the internet. Like, didn't you do, like, Farmville or whatever? Yeah.

I'm curious what you're, are you taught? What are you talking about? I remember back in the day you would like, you're like, you're playing this game and it was like, no, it's cool. Uh, you could like, I'm working, I'm working to make money so I can like buy a, a beach house. And I'm like, well, just work in real life and buy an actual beach house. What are you doing?

I'm living in a nightmare. Adam, that's stupid. You're talking about when I was during COVID. I was deep into Animal Crossing. Okay. That doesn't transfer to actual life skill. Is that just like Frogger? No, no. You're taking like literally an Animal Crossing the road. This is just a game called Animal Crossing.

I'm sorry. It's just the title. Name it better. What are we talking about here? It's just pretty much an RPG, but I don't really gather, like get real skill from playing that game. I'm saying we need to get our hands in the dirt. We need to plant some gardens. And we can do that with Pornify.cc.

69, dudes! And load boost. And load brought to you by load boost. Yeah, I think you can drop huge loads like in your soil and it'll help your tomatoes get huge. I've heard that. I heard if you play music to them and if you fuck the soil they're planted in, they grow really, really, really big. Only in the metosphere. Yeah. It's all just Jill Scott. If you give your tomato oral...

So some company called Republic Realm, which whoever owns that. Doesn't sound good. You know that they're the biggest asshole alive. Evil. Republic Realm. That sounds evil. It sounds evil. It's super evil. They bought a plot of land in the Sandbox Metaverse for a record $4.3 million. By the way, that is a...

very nice house. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. We don't think this is like an I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine situation where like the people were like, hey, will you just buy $4.3 million in our...

fucking metaverse or whatever. That's how rich people work. Yeah, the headline will be there and then we'll buy whatever the fuck you need from us. I do think that's the way like wealthy people, rich people work is like they see other people buying something and say, wait, I don't even fuck with it. But if they're going to be buying it for that much money, I want in as well just to get my dick on the table. So the record was broke. It was 2.43 million at the time. I mean...

And the land is set in the so-called fashion district of Decentraland, an online virtual-only environment. See, I don't even know how to get to this place. It almost feels like a dead video, like online games that don't exist anymore. Have you ever been on like—

an online game that nobody plays anymore. And it's just, no one is there. It's just like a barren. Oh yeah. I tried to play old, uh, call of duty, the world war two version. Yeah. Which was the first game that it got me into call of duty. What? Like two years ago now. And, uh,

And there was like nobody there. Right. And it was like kind of spooky. It's just me walking around. Dude, it's in it. It's kind of like a bit of a horror movie. Like you go to these old games and their servers that are still up. And there's literally maybe there's two people there. It's like, what the fuck are you doing on this game? Yeah, it was just me and the same guy killing as such other over and over. And I'm like, this is kind of boring. It's like, yeah, I'm out. Oh, my God.

Well, I'm going to just stay. What's your name, dude? That's how we're going to make friends. What is it? It's World War II? It was Call of Duty World War II. And then now I'm playing the new Call of Duty. It's very fun. Very fun. That's my game. What war is it? A new one. It's a new one. Yeah, it's just a war that hasn't even been started yet. You wait. It's just going to go off. It's us bombing Iran. Yeah, it's

Sounds topical. Seems topical. They made that game. That's out now? Yeah, yeah. You guys, they just drummed it up. Have you guys heard about how Ukraine took out a bunch of shit in Russia and how they did it? Oh, yeah. I watched that YouTube video. It's fucking insane. What is the name of the thing? So sick. It's literally just a bro. Here, let me guess.

They sent the Russian operatives, people that were in charge, a link to Pornify.cc. Not far off. And then all of a sudden they were MIA. No, sir, I don't like it. They walked right in and fucking just... They were J-O-I. Hey, Preem. They got Preem. They hit him with the Preem bomb, baby. I'm Preem. Close, Adam. Very close. Oh, really? They essentially like...

sent a, um, what do they call it? Like a pack, a shipping container. They sent a shipping container on a truck into Russia. Now we're talking. Regular ass truck. Like just a guy driving a truck who's like, yeah, I got this shipping container. I'm just a dude. I'm just a dude. Hey, uh,

Hey, where do I put this shipping? Which way is Kiev? Where's Kiev? That's in Ukraine. Hey, where's that damn missile silo? So he's leaving that and he's in Russia. Yeah, I'm trying to get back to Kiev. I just left Kiev. I'm trying to make my way to Moscow. Moscow is what I was looking for. Where's the...

The missile silo. Yeah. I heard if I turn around in Moscow, I'll get back to Kiev. They're like, sir, no, you cannot be here. This is nuts. And then he says, hey, do me a favor and click this link. And the guy's like, wait, what? Oh, fuck.

Why do you have American accent? I am from here. You're from here as well. But I'm a truck driver. I'm from a real mountainous part of Ukraine. Don't worry about that. 999. I'm a truck driver.

The truck is on route because the truck driver is just a delivery guy taking it out there. When it gets to a certain point, the top of the shipping container opens remote control style and a shit ton, like dozens of drones with bombs on them go out as programmed, fly over to the military base that's nearby and then just bomb all their planes. Yep.

Okay, let's go. On some like fucking Mission Impossible type shit. It's fucking crazy. And then they what? They couldn't stop them because there were so many drones? Because I know they have missile defense. No, dude, these are like, there's no missile defense for a drone that's flying like

30 feet off the ground. Hell a little. Yeah, like, it's crazy. It's literally like the road nearest the Air Force. By the way, do not quote me on that. Yeah, no, no. It's the road right near the Air Force base where it just opened up and then they just zoomed over there in under a minute or so and dropped bombs on all their bomber planes.

And yet I can't even get a package delivered by Amazon via drone. Like, what the fuck? What the fuck? And Adam, you've always got a funny, quirky way of saying things. Where's my hand sanitizer I ordered on Amazon Prime, okay?

They probably delivered it to my metaverse house, okay? My Decentraland. I didn't see that video, but there is a YouTube, and there's a very specific name to who these fighters are or whatever, but basically what it is is this dude just sitting in like a... I'm just a dude. Yeah, just like a tent outside of where the target is, and he literally is probably just the guy who's the best at Modern Warfare, the video game. He's just sitting there with a VR camera,

and he's flying these drones with little bombs on them, and he just, like, he's so good at it, he just, it's whatever target he wants. It could be just, like, one person. It could be a tank. It could be a dildo in your... Yeah, it could be anything. What else could it be? It's just a dude just playing video games. It's crazy. It's modern warfare, my friends. It's insane. That is, uh...

Another episode of... Wait, what the hell? Wow, dude. I was like, yo, between that and the phone or the pager bomb one from a few months ago, I'm like, what are we up to? Yeah, there's some really cool shit happening. Really cool. Well, you know, sad and insane, but inventive. Can you imagine the writer's room for these...

for these, what do they call them? Plans? I mean, you gotta have a sick writer's room of military guys. Just spitballing ideas. Just spitballing, for sure. Just walking around. What if we got all these guys Rolexes, right? But inside the Rolex, AIDS. They all get AIDS. Well, they could live for a while with AIDS. Okay. That's curable now. Alright, fine. Just a pitch. Just a pitch. I'm gonna go get some string cheese. Okay, not AIDS. Ebola. Huh.

And then they're like, let's real quick bring up Pornify.cc on the projector here. Okay. That's lunch. And then nothing gets done.

That's lunch. That's lunch. That's life. Any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams for today? You know what? I would apologize for repeating all the things we repeated, but that's kind of the theme of the episode. Yeah, it's kind of cool. History repeats itself. I'd like to give a shout out to

the pornified dozens and dozens and dozens, if not hundreds of people that signed up for the cruise. Oh, hell yeah, baby. Since the last podcast when we talked about it, we're getting near sold out. And I want people to gobble them up before they all get sold out. We'll do it live. Yes, because it is. It's going to be a true banger, true banger of a podcast.

Of a time, yeah. I can't wait. I'm getting more and more excited. I plan on, I'm going to be an alcoholic. Yes. On that cruise. I'm ready to go back. Just on that cruise? I don't care if I spasm and my eyeball falls out. A spasm hits me so hard. Probably had too many beers? I'm ready to fucking send it on the cruise. Blake, what is the too many beers from? What was his name? Britt.

Cabana or whatever. We're very... Oh, Brett Cabana? Yeah. I'm still going to send it. We're kind of polycharged this app. Yeah, I guess we were accidentally polycharged. Yeah, the cruise is going to be bonkers, man. The cruise is going to be insane. Every time I think about it, I'm like, it's going to be a once-in-a-lifetime... You're never going to forget it. Someone's jumping. I hope not. I guarantee you... I hope not. What's the over-under? I'm putting it at two. Oh, okay. Okay.

We're not putting it in. We're not encouraging it. I'm putting the over under it too. I mean, I think we don't want anyone to go over. No. Not at all. So I'm going to say under because I think even the fall is enough to kill you. Maybe you. Maybe you. Anything happens on international waters. Maybe. This is the way. You know what? I would like to do an apology to...

Where the Wild Things Are. Because, you know, we kind of shit on it as a story. Oh my god. What a bitch. Have a backbone. No, it has stood the test of time and it's for a reason. It's because it unlocks your imagination. It doesn't matter what the story is. If the illustrations are good enough, then it's an all-timer. I don't disagree. Okay, we didn't say it wasn't an all-timer. It's just amazing. I just felt like we shit on that book for no reason. It's a Caldecott Award winner. Say less. Caldecott.

There you go. And it deserves it. And it deserves it. It's Snow the Hatchet by Gary Paulsen, but it's fine. It's fine. Not enough pictures for me in that one. Okay. Fair enough. You know what I'm saying? There's nobody in there that looks like Blake, in my opinion. That is true. That is true. Thanks, guys. Man.

And Blake, I would like to take back. I kind of was, I was, I don't know why I was in a mood early, early on and was just dunking on fools. Had you had your naked chicks yet today? Your 30 naked wings? My feel free? Oh my, oh, oh, you mean my, maybe you were hungry. Yeah, I am hungry. Actually. I have not eaten yet today. I had a, uh, a mush this morning and overnight oat.

And that's 200 calories. Mushes are getting worse. I'm so fucking hungry. So that's 200 calories and it's 3 p.m. When mush came out, they were good. And now mush is bad. What is mush again? It's these little overnight fucking oatmeal things. They're delicious, but... They're not good anymore. They used to be. Do you ever make your own mush? Independent mush? No, I'm not gonna... What is...

What? It's really easy. That's the future I want. I want a cabin right by the river. I'm making my own mush. It's really easy to make overnight oats. I'm jizzing into the crops. Yeah, I feel like I'm going to take the robot sucking me off while I'm in a high-rise watching 20 movies at once. And you'll just have mush. Hey, good luck feeling like you're in touch with Mother Earth. You're going to have mush injected into your ass. I'll be balls deep in Mother Earth. I don't know about you. And that's another episode of...

This is important. I got one take back. I'm sorry, Mother Earth.

Hey guys, we're here to tell you about Original Penguin. Original Penguin is an iconic American brand known for vintage inspired clothes for an original good time. This year, Original Penguin is celebrating the 70th anniversary of their iconic logo, Pete the Penguin. Since then, Original Penguin has been a

has been an icon in men's fashion, becoming a full lifestyle brand that celebrates individuality and fun. To get your hands on Original Penguin's capsule collection and join the brand in celebrating 70 iconic years, go to OriginalPenguin.com and use code THISIS for 20% off. This is an iHeart Podcast.