Ep 40: This Is Forty
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Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... I won't shut up about my long-ass crank sessions. Craft service with the boner. I really want to be a vampire. Is life worth living if you can't go hard? Here we go.

All right. Okay. Hey. Guys. What's up, guys? We are very excited to start every podcast. This one's a special one, guys. This one is a special one. Explain to us why it's special, Blake. I'm not talking Judd Apatow, but this is 40.

What's up? Yeah, this is our 40th episode. This is our 40th episode, banger. Oh my damn. Feels good. We said that, and what a milestone 40 is. Oh my gosh. Ander has actually just turned 40, now he's doing his 40th podcast. This is a big deal. Oddly enough. This is our golden number. It feels good. Hey, can I say this on air?

Happy birthday, Anders. Thank you. This is 40, guys. Happy birthday. Wow. Well, I actually texted Duras like a friend. I didn't just wait for the podcast. Did you text him as a friend? I did. Kyle, when did you text me?

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I texted you the immediate day after. I will admit that I like having friends that the internet tells me when their birthdays are. Right. Because I'm pretty bad at remembering people's birthdays.

birthdays or even really knowing what day of the month it is in general. So it's really nice to have people on the internet be like, don't forget Ders is turning 40. And you're like, oh yeah, he is. Look at him go. He is my oldest friend. It's a huge milestone for your best friend. That's my best friend.

Thank you, Blake. I put reminders in my phone for birthdays. I'm like, dude, hey, happy birthday. Dude, I get weird reminders and I don't know how it happens. It's like people that I met. It's like a guy named Jerry that I met in a bar in Tallahassee. It's his birthday. Sure. And then it gives me a reminder and I'm like, I don't know who this man is.

I don't know who this is. No idea. But did you get his number? Yeah. How are you getting this? Yeah. I must've gotten his number at some point. I have no idea. He might've sent you his contact. And in the contact, there might be like birthday information now. Or like, are you friends on my, if you're friends on some sort of, sort of social platform and like,

It told you? Oh my god, we're so interconnected. Yeah, did I say platform? I mean, come on. You did. I was going to say you got his V-card. If you bumped back in the day, you passed the V-card. You're basically an Elon, dawg.

And Elan, sorry. Yeah. I will say that the people who have consistently remembered my birthday every single year with an email is none other than- Your parents. Wienerschnitzel and Nintendo. Not my parents. Oh, yeah? They forget. Why Nintendo? Are you still tending to the dough?

Absolutely. We live this Switch life. I'm on Animal Crossing every morning, weirdly, just as a kind of a day job that I don't get paid for. On the Switch? Is that what it is? Yes, yes. A lot of people play in Animal Crossing. You play? Oh, that was what I did during quarantine. That became my reality. That's where I had my New Year's. Reality.

And a lot of people like picked up some extra skills. They either like maybe they got in great shape. Maybe they learned to play the piano or the guitar. Maybe they learned to see or wrote a script. Did something to further their career. Some of us got in great shape and then also lost it and slipped and got fat again, you know? And then got fat right again. Yeah, did them both. Some of us did them both. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I decided to play video games and get good at a thing that no one needs to be good at. Are you good? But it's Animal Crossing. That's not even like a real video game, though. I understand when people play like a Call of Duty or something, and it seems like very intricate and intense, and you can play with your friends, and you're like, there's levels to this shit. Or even like a Fortnite where you're like, okay, you could be a nationally ranked Fortnite guy, and you're like...

Animal Crossing, you just are tending to a farm? A digital farm. Explain it to me. Pretend I'm a man who is... Pretend he's me. Yeah, or me. This is 40. Pretend I'm Anders Holm or Kyle Nowacek or Adam Devine who were, you know, almost 40 years old. You know, you could even pretend like you're explaining it to each of us individually. Yeah.

Obviously, we're super deep into video games, but like... This is 40. This is 40, man. Things all slow down when you're 40. Yeah, actually, I don't know. There's probably no way I could sell you guys on the game of Animal Crossing because it is just kind of...

You live on an island, you design your house, you buy clothes. - Ooh, dream. - Yeah, you chop wood to make bells. That's the form of money in that game. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, it's just kind of like a lifestyle game. It's a way to escape reality. - But Blake, your reality's pretty dope. You know what I mean? - Okay. - If you spent that time and you worked on some scripts, some TV shows, then you could legit buy a house on an island.

And an actual wardrobe. And actual buy clothes and make bells if you wanted to. You could even sell the bells, real life bells and make more money. You're in a position that you can live an Animal Crossing lifestyle in real life if you played less Animal Crossing and just more the real life game. Yeah, yeah.

This is all hidden too real for Blake right now. He's like, oh, shit. I'm sorry, mama. If I know Blake and I think that I do, everything you're saying, Adam, is just a little too much for him. Yeah. Yes, it's giving me anxiety. It's making me want to go onto my island. He's like, that just seems like a lot of stuff. Is that why you're laughing? You're giggling because you're nervous? Every time I laugh is out of nerves. It's because I fear it. You're so nervous on all of our podcasts.

I would say you're a doer, Adam. Like you're a boat guy. Okay. Oh, let's break this down. Right? You have a boat. Yeah, true. I do. Here we go. Give us some, this is 40 knowledge. You've always been 40 by the way. Yeah. This is happy 40th every year. I'm 40. So listen up. If someone gave me a boat, it would be a fucking nightmare for me. Yeah. Like you like to have stuff and you take care of the stuff and you do all this stuff. Yeah.

I'm not a stuff guy either. I don't think Blake is a stuff guy. Well, it's funny you mention that because the other thing... Have you become a stuff guy? I'm a stuff cross guy. I'm in the process of moving out of my home. So I have been packing up my stuff. And what I've realized is that...

I am a stuff guy, it just so happens that all my stuff is completely worthless to anybody except myself. Yeah. Well, you're a collection guy. He's a collector. He's a hoarder. Right, right, right. Those are not, that's not stuff. Those are things, to be clear. Okay. So if you're a hoarder, you're after things. Like, those are my things. Don't take my things.

Right, right, right. You want to have your bear. You got to have your bear. Right. I need my bear. You got to have your bear. That's a hoarder. That's Blake. Oh, your lipstick. Oh, look at that lipstick. So you're saying that stuff carries value in the society we live in and then things are basically stuff you can buy at...

goodwill and things like because that's what I have no I was kind of I was kind of just I was kind of just talking yeah he was I could tell he was just trying to say stuff if you are following it it's like things are stuff that have lost their value that's what I think he was right and by the way Adam I wasn't trying to say stuff I was trying to say something

Oh, okay. It's different. I'm so confused. Yeah. So things. Okay. Stuff things. Stuffed things. You know what I mean? All right. Well, that being said, it seemed like Animal Crossing, a little bit of a waste of time, but fun. I do things that are a waste of time. Like what? I jerk off all the time. J-O, baby. I'm always...

As he checks his mirrors there. Goodbye. The second Chloe's not around, I'm jerking off. Right. Well, you used to fuck couches, so you've come a long way. So that's kind of my waste of time that like half, I'll be halfway through a session, a real crank down. And I'm like,

Man, you could have been doing... You wasted half the day. This is six hours of your life that you wasted on this. Six hours? Buddy, what is going on? Oh, when I crank, I crank down, boy. That's a little... Poposite!

Hang on. Can we get to the bottom of this? Yeah, let's go. What's your longest single orgasm session, Ben? This is 40. Like I'm orgasming for the entire time? No, no. Whoa, that's a good question, though. We've all had the one where you're like, I already busted. I'm going to run it back. We have?

Is it real? You never run it back? You got to run it back every once in a while. Of course you run it back. I mean, maybe in earlier years, but yeah. Well, when you get to your 40s. Yeah, run it back. What I'm saying is those sessions would be longer because you're looking for a double barrel bang bang. And what I'm talking about is your longest...

single shot session. I'm a man! Yee. And this is why all the gay dudes are flocking into my DMs. Because? Because I won't shut up about my long ass crank sessions. I mean, I bet there's some girls who want to hear about that too, brother. No girls want to hear about a man. It's disgusting. Women look beautiful when they masturbate. Men are just an angry gorilla. Thumpin' somethin'. Dude, not all of them.

Yeah, men are just thumping something. They're just like... Yeah. Not all of them. Who looks good cranking down? Jared Leto, probably. Of course he does. Well, yeah, he's saying not all girls look... I was saying not all women look great. Oh, sure. Well, yeah, sometimes they get that look on their face that's like...

Right. Where like they get too aggressive and you're like... Slow it down. And by the way, I'm just saying this off of like a cam girl who's like going too crazy. Sure, sure, sure. What are you doing? Nobody's going to pay for that. That's her job, so... Yeah, she's putting in that work. And on her side, somebody will pay for that. Trust me, there's a guy out there...

I said it and I wanted it back. It's called beautiful agony.com. Yo, that was the fucking shit back in the day. Oh my God. For those of you who don't know, and you probably shouldn't, beautiful agony.com was just a camera set on a girl's face as...

she orgasmed and you would just watch her face only right like collarbone up yeah right beautiful it's beautiful right people are into the weirdest stuff man people i mean they they find the the weirdest to just crank down to the ripping and the tearing well that's just that's like cranking down to facial emotions that's what that is that's no like

like nothing else yeah that's not that weird though is that weird yeah dude just someone's face that is a little weird it's a king i understand it's abnormal yeah sure so it's it's abnormal it's a disgusting habit i'm just saying to me that's weird but uh someone else obviously to you it's not that weird it sounds awesome well yeah it's sometimes i mean yeah it's not that weird to me uh

At all. It's not that crazy. There's something for everybody. There's something for everyone. For sure. Two girls, one cup. Yeah, there's two girls, one cup. That I don't. I'm not endorsing that. Sorry, buddy. When is that going to get sent back around? I'm kind of surprised that hasn't had like a second wave. Or is it like a rite of passage for 12-year-olds everywhere?

I wonder. I bet. I mean, there's so many gross stuff out now. I feel like that's not even that elite level of gross. The cause of diarrhea. Like, what have you seen that's grosser? Yeah, then the eating of the shit and the... Beautiful agony. That's not gross. It's beautiful. You think that's gross? I thought it was beautiful. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's gorgeous. You think female orgasms are disgusting? No, I'm hung up on that agony. I hate to watch a woman orgasm. Yeah.

You're tripping. Well, yeah. I'm not going to unpack that. This is 40. Hey, here's one thing I'm wondering. What is this trend of the girls crossing their eyes? Oh, yeah. What is that? That's so weird. Is it an anime thing? I think it's an anime thing. Yeah. I would also say, yeah. I didn't like it at first. I was like, this is kind of weird, kind of cheesy. Now it's your thing? Now I'm kind of into it.

I just worry about these girls crossing their eyes so much they might get stuck. I don't know. It's going to stick that way. Haven't they ever seen the jerk? You know, you get stuck that way if you go too much. You're more worried about their eyes getting stuck that way and not the butt plug getting stuck right up there, huh? What's up? Yeah. It's times like these that I'm glad we're on video. Yeah. Funky butt loving. Funky...

Hey, this is 40, guys, and the wheels are coming off. This is 40. Remember when we said it's going to take us 40 episodes to get good at podcasting? It might take about 40 more. It might take a little more. Yeah, I think 40 more. Yeah, I don't feel there yet. I'm going to speak just for myself. I do not feel there yet. 4,400. We're still hitting some speed bumps. Speaking for myself, still pretty bad at this. Still pretty bad at this.

I like, I like when you talk Blake, I like your fun stories. Thank you, Adam. Yeah. Will you tell one right now? Yeah. Tell us a fun story. Like, can it be from the animal collective universe or I wish it wouldn't be animal collective, the band animal collective. I'm into that. Yeah. Let's go. I was thinking about my favorite band. Uh,

Well, you're moving right now. Is this your new house or is this your old cribby? This is the old crib, but you know where I'm headed and I'll be live from next week when we record This Is 41.

The Dirty Dirty. The Dirty Dirty. Very good. I am shipping out to Atlanta, and this will be my first time ever visiting the beautiful state of Georgia, so I'm pretty damn... You've never been to Atlanta? I've never been to Atlanta. I'm like so excited to go. I'm very, very, very excited to see what it's about. You gotta hit up...

Magic City Monday. That's what they say. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Gotta do it. 69, dudes. Yeah, I'm very, very excited for that. Good chicken wings, according to Lou Will. Yes, Lemon Pepper Lou. Oh. Oh.

Well, that's the other thing. Now that Atlanta Hawks have advanced to the next round, maybe I'll even get to see a little NBA playoff game while I'm out there. You got to go. Hey, if that's the case, dude, I'm in Charleston. I'll come down to Atlanta and catch COVID with you at a game. Damn it. Okay. That's what I'd like to hear, baby. I'd love it. Oh, my God. Put a couple weeks on the end of your productions.

All right. I'm fully, I'm fully back. Stop, man. They're not, they're not catching me. What's it like just running around in your thirties guys? Just crazy. Yeah. I will say I'm starting to feel a little flagrant about like, I've still rocked the mask and all that, but I, I, I don't know. I'm just like feeling good. I'm feeling good about going. There's a, there's, there's no masks in, in South Carolina anymore. You go everywhere without masks. Right.

Right on. Well, that rocks. Yeah, it's pretty great. And I mean, they're assuming you're vaccinated, and I am. But it's nice to feel like civilization is opening back up, and you're going to have things that you can go do again, and restaurants to go to, and just dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty bars to go to. Dirty, dirty. Yeah.

Dirty, dirty, dirty. Absolutely. I like going into filthy places and you're like, this is where COVID was born, but it's not catching me. I ain't scared of you motherfuckers. Dude, honestly, that sounds so nice going into a dirty bar and just fucking, I mean, the only time I went when I was sober was playing the guitar and it would be so sick to just go play the fucking guitar loud as shit in a dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty bar.

I love a good dive. Have you guys been indoors face-to-face with anybody yet? Like super close talking? Oh, yeah. And are you... Because every time I do it now, when they talk and I feel the breath come at me, I'm like...

I'm breathing it in. Here we go. Hot breath. You know, that lasted like the first night I went out. And then after that, I'm like, I don't even think about it anymore. Right. The only time I really think about it is when I'm on set and I'm wearing a mask. Right. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, we're at the tail end of this. God damn.

Goddamn global pandemic. This freaking nightmare. I wonder how long it's going to last on set. I wonder how long they're going to make us have to rock the cleanliness wear on set. Well, it for sure is... It's just...

the industry hasn't caught up to where this, the CDC guidelines are because now they're saying like, if you, but the lawyers have it. So the lawyers are like, we're not fucking around at all. It's all about ensuring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's right. So my guess is, uh, it'll be through this year. And then 2022 is the, the rains will lighten up and, and we can go about our business without having to wear a mask 12 hours a day. That'd be sick. Yeah.

That's probably a pretty good idea. They'll definitely hold it down again over flu season when it gets cold out. They'll be like, okay. I will say it is nice being an actor on these sets. Like just, I feel bad for the, you know, every other crew member who can never take the mask off.

Oh, sure. We take the mass off when we're acting and you get a little reprieve from it. It sucks, especially shooting in the South in the summer. Blake's going to deal with this. And just that humidity hits you like a wall. All of a sudden you're like, uh, I'm an actor. I have to prepare without my mask on. I'm so sorry. COVID. Right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. COVID protocol people. Uh, I must rehearse with this mask.

It's giving me lines on my face. And as an actor, I can't have that. I'm so sorry, COVID. You get the little mask zits, right, Kyle? Didn't you get those? Because I would say that being a director is the worst because at least when you're on other crew members, they can leave for a minute.

directors are always like on call and they're there all day. When I was doing shadows, I'd get rocked almost daily for not bringing my second mask to set where the actors only had one mask on. And it was like all these combinations and it's like, okay, clipped it to my hat. Couldn't take it off. What's crazy is every place has a different rule. Disney's different than who you're working for. Yeah. And it's also, it's like by state, it's by city. It's by the company that you're working for.

And so it's like it went from like two masks to one mask to an N95 to just a regular mask to maybe just the face shields, maybe the face shield and the mask. And Adam's reading this off of the internet. He knows the exact order. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So it's been all over the place. Yeah. Well, as far as I know, I think...

Atlanta's holding it down, so I will be trying to attend strip clubs and basketball games and baseball games. I hope that for you, dude. And feel free, if we can, we got to make a weekend bro down. Oh, yeah. That would be so sweet. Either here in Charleston. I got a little boat. I could take us on a tootabout. He's a boat guy. He's about stuff and things. Or I get my ass down to Hotlanta. Yeah. I want to come. I want to come too. Yeah.

He wants that beautiful agony, baby. Yeah. Fly on out, Chi guy. That would be sick. I miss my dudes, man. I know. Hey, how far is Atlanta from Charleston?

It is about a four-hour drive, I've been told. Yeah, so doable, you know. Four-hour drive? Mm-hmm. Okay, wait, what if we both drove two hours towards each other? Where would we land? Yeah, what's in the center? We're just in a wheat field or some shit. What do they even grow out here? I have no idea. Wheat? Corn? Not really corn. Peaches in Georgia, correct? Yeah, peaches maybe.

Peachfield. Oh, man, I read one of the comments in our Instagram where the dude was like, wow, I had no idea how dumb they really were. And I was like, that is the exact discussion we had before we started this podcast, This Is 40. We're like, do we want to pull the curtain back and reveal that we're actually maybe dumber than our workaholics? We're dumber.

Well, there's a reason we wrote that show. Yeah, there is a lot of take-backs that we don't get into, but we're wrong about almost everything, I think. This is 40. Well, I don't consider a take-back to the audience. I consider a take-back only to you guys. If I spread information that's not true. Of course. Emotional take-backs. Yeah, well, I feel the only thing that we're 100% right on every time is porno knowledge, and other than that, we have a hard time remembering anything. You're damn right. Yes, porno!

But we can pull a clip from 04 like it's nothing. There's a famous little upper corner Pornhub commercial loop of Lisa Ann getting a massage and then some dude just puts a thumb in her butt and she makes the greatest face in the history of porno. We'll post it. Yay!

Well, yeah, she's famously a mime. It's a comedy. I mean, she's also a great comedian. Yeah, she's super funny. Good physical comedy there. Well, probably most porn stars are probably pretty dang funny, right? I mean... Oh, yeah, you gotta have a good sense of humor. Yeah. They're walking around nude hitting craft service with a boner and shit. Craft service with a boner.

Have it all.

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You know what is another wild ass corner of the internet and porno is porn bloopers. I don't feel like we've ever dived into those. Yeah. They

They get too dark for me. Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's sad and you're like, oh, well, I don't... When the curtain's pulled back and you realize it's not all fun and games and these are human beings and some of them are sad. Yeah, but the ones that are good. Yeah. Well, the porn industry rules when it's like a business and everybody's into it when it's like bloopers of like a one-man gonzo porn and it's actually not a consensual porn. That's horrible. Blake, relax. Sorry. Ah!

Speaking of, and I haven't gotten into it yet. I just got an Oculus. Oh, dude. Hell yeah, bro. Me too. Me too. Did they send it to you?

Yes. Was it just sent to you? I bought mine. I was going to buy one. I literally was like, about a month ago, I almost pulled the trigger on it. And I'm like, I don't know. And I decided against it. Yeah, I bought mine. I spent the money. Yeah, yeah. You're a stupid dumbass. Somehow it was sent to me. But I don't know who sent it. I have no idea. There's no note. Oh, that's so cool. Hard-earned money. That's actually a bummer. You should have bought it, dude. That's a bummer.

They're really expensive. I'm not trying to rub it in. I just, I did not. I was wondering if you guys had also were given one of these because it was such a mysterious gift. I think I got to go pick mine up. Wow. You guys all got Oculus's, huh?

I'm assuming there's one waiting at our manager's office. She told me to come there tomorrow. Oh, that's right. I don't give my shit up. That's right. I wish I knew the actual company that gave it to me, but it was like a fitness thing. They're like, wear this and work out with it. But it was whoever designed this.

that app or whatever is who gave it to us. Oh, okay. Go get the paper, Adam, and shout them out. So you got to put an Oculus on and then work out with that on? Yeah, that's the whole thing. It's just like the Wii Fit. Oh, that sounds awesome. Send me one. No, Durst. I am going to tell you this now. I was very like, I don't know. It's

100 times cooler than I thought. I put it on. It was insane. It was so cool. Yes. What were you playing? You see this grid? I just went on YouTube and just watched a plane video. Okay. How long did it take to watch a porno, though?

What's over under four minutes? So the app is called Supernatural and evidently they are the ones that gave us... I haven't figured out how to look at that. Mm-hmm.

That app, I'm assuming it's cool because they're giving me Oculus Rifts and so obviously they're proud of it. You know what? They probably didn't send me one because I said on the pod that I already have one. Yeah, that must be why, Kyle. That has to be the reason. That checks out. That's cool. Good looking out. But no, dude, I just got really stoned the other night in

just climbed Mount Everest. Like, went on a little journey. Yes, climb. Dude, climb is so sick. Yeah, that one's sick. I went diving with sharks and stuff. Have you done the Beat Saber? I did Beat Saber. But what are you doing? You're sitting there. Hold on. There's a lot to unpack here. This is 40. You're saying you climbed...

Mount Everest. For that one, I didn't do much. It was kind of a, I don't think it was what Kyle's talking about. It was like a, just a video. Like a YouTube. Oh, yeah. That you're watching and you kind of go on a journey with these hikers, but you're with them. But you can look all around. So you sit and then they are kind of going up the thing and you can look around and check it out.

Yeah. Right. It's badass. And so it was like 15 minutes. Yeah, the game you're actually climbing and then you got dope vistas and shit like that. It's all about... I'm sorry, the game you're actually climbing? Well, you're moving your hands. You're moving your hands. There's no resistance. So you're not actually climbing, you're just moving your hands. No, you're using the mind, the part of your mind that is like the strategy...

But you're not actually working out in that sense. Are you holding like controller type things? And when you reach for like the blue one, it lights that up and you climb that way kind of thing. You go.

Got it, dude. Yeah. I mean, well, that's like the Beat Saber one is one where you actually have lightsabers in your hand. I have described this on the pod before, but you have like cubes, like Starburst cubes, you know, the candy coming at you in certain colors. And you gotta slice them. And you slice them in half with the direction that they tell you to slice them. Nice.

And so, yeah, it's tight. There's also a game called Creed, which is essentially the movie Creed. And you box. I want to box your ass. Dude, it's such a... I was like out of breath. And I'm a freak, dude. I'm an athletic freak. Right. So like I can for sure dominate this game if this were real life or at least not suck at it. Right. But...

Dude, I just was getting my ass kicked. I'm like, I don't understand what I'm doing wrong here. That's a hard game. But, you know, there's levels to it, much like Animal Crossing. Exactly. You just have to work hard and you can get good. You got to wake up every morning at 9 o'clock when the store is open. You got to be the first one there and the last one to leave, you know? Well, I will say what is cool about this is...

especially with the more athletic games that you do, you are getting some kind of... something out of it besides just...

Sitting on your ass. Stimulation and sitting on your ass. Like, it is a little bit of a workout. Like, after that boxing game that I played for, like, five minutes, I was, like, sweating. I'm, like, out of breath. I lost the game. I fucking just got my ass kicked by this guy in the first round. Yeah, it's a very hard game. And also, to answer your question about sweating while wearing the controller, or wearing the headset, you can get, like, sweat-resistant stuff to put on it so that it's easily cleaned. And you can also get a special...

It goes around the side like a headband, but you can get a special over-the-top kind of hard hat thing. I want to look as dumb as possible. Yeah, don't worry. So stupid. That's what... Dude, when we were doing Shadows, I feel like all the producers were stuck in offices and they were just...

basically oculusing every minute of every day and watching q takes so sick it'd be cool if we could oculus uh each other for the podcast and just all be in the same room together oh my god you can do that you can do stuff like this yes oh my god oh my god

There it is. A writer on the Gemstones, he was telling me that he last year had to stay at a hotel and he was living in this hotel throughout the whole production and he got an Oculus and he was like, well, I got to crank down. So he's like watching the porno on there, which I don't even know how you find the porno. It finds you. I can't even find Supernatural. I don't know how to find it either. It's the app that they gave us the...

The Oculus, so I should be able to easily find it. Anyways, he was on the porno. He's convinced that the maid came in and cleaned up as he was sitting there butt naked on the couch jerking off at his hotel room and gave him ice. He was like, dude, I swear to God there was no ice there.

So he has the goggles and the headphones on? He had the full-on goggles and the headphones on, just jerking off on a couch. And the maid comes in, like the turndown service, and just left the ice there for him. And I'm like, that's the funniest thing in the world. I guess they've seen it all by now, right? Yeah. Oh, man. To be a maid at a hotel, I mean, you must just see the weirdest, wildest shit. Because people don't give a fuck at hotels. So this dude had a messy-ass room.

Threw his goggles on, took out his chud. Didn't put the do not disturb thing on the door. Yeah, I obviously didn't. Right. He knew what he was doing. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he was hoping to get a little show. And it got lost, and then he fucking took the goggles off to clean up, and everything's clean. Dude, but that's the thing. That's the thing. Like, his whole fucking room is clean with new ice. The bed is made around him. He only told me about the ice, but I'm like...

I mean, I need to have a follow-up question and ask him if the bed was made, if there was a little mint on his pillow. Or did she just show up with ice and then just drop that hella quickly and then be out of there? You know what I mean? My guess is it's probably that. You don't want to stick around and watch that. Tap him on the shoulder and be like, stir your ice. As we said, men don't look...

It doesn't look natural when you see men jerking off. It looks painful. When you see a man with his legs behind his head...

- Incredibly forced. - This is 40? - Weird, wild stuff. - This is 40 indeed. - Gotta stay limber. - This is 40. - Hey, but I didn't think I would get lost in the sauce wearing those goggles, but like you really do get transported. - Oh yeah, that's a true. - I can see why dads jump into like TVs in their living room. It's crazy. - Well, the Everest thing, I don't really, I'm not really scared of heights.

You know, like I can, if you told me that I need to climb to the top of this building, I'd be like, oh, okay. And,

I do it. He would just do it. It works every time. If you guys see Adam on the streets, be like, hey, you got to climb that and he'll do it. He just parkours up the building. No, you know what I mean? I'm not going to say no because it's high. I won't be like, oh, I'm scared of heights. I just do the damn thing, you know? Absolutely. But I got that little feeling in my gut when I'm climbing.

up Everest on the Oculus and you look down and all of a sudden it's just, you're standing on the side of a cliff and you're like, I got that feeling like I have to beat off. Like I have to crank down. Wait, did you go over one of those like ladders that they set up over the like crevasse, uh,

I, yeah, I believe we did. There was a lot, there was like, it was 15 minutes long and anything over five minutes. I can't remember. Yeah. Sure. It wasn't even like, it wasn't like two hours long at all. It was like 15 minutes. I'm really piecing it together right now. I do love that. You're like, I scaled, I scaled, uh,

Everest. Everest. This is 40. You're like, it took 15 minutes. It takes 72 hours to do it or whatever. Plus hella training. Yeah. That's the thing. While you have the helmet on, it's also erasing your memories. That's just a side effect of the product, but it's really cool. Thanks, Bill Gates. Here we go, Blake. Let's walk down that. Now they are wiping your brain, right? This is what Kyle likes. 5G. 5G.

Just cause they didn't send you one. Don't fucking shit on it. Yeah, bro. No, no, no. I, I love the Oculus and I love what Blake's saying. I just wanted to pause and give a little highlight on that one. Hmm.

That's it, you know? I'm pissed now. This is 40. This is 40, baby. Well, I will say it's going to be very cool. Like ever since the beginning of it, I heard like just getting back to us going to the Atlanta Hawks game.

Yeah, we are. It would be really sick to throw on the Oculus and just be courtside, you know? Right. They do that, right? They'd offer that? Yeah, they do do that. That's so sick. I want to tap into that. Which is going to be so tight. Like, I'll do that. I mean, fuck. I mean, that's where it's going to get tricky because I'm like...

I might go to less basketball games. I go to a lot of, I'm a season ticket holder for the Clippers. I go when I'm home, I go to every home game possible. You got to like two years ago, I went to like damn near every one of them. I think only gave like three or four away. So I, I went to like 40 home games.

40. Who has to sit next to the camera though? Cause like it's got to sit next to somebody, right? The camera. Yeah. It's like right center court. If you're sitting there, you can just turn and like look at Drake's fucking new heart hairline. Oh yeah. You know, the thing to do is just watch what Drake's doing the whole time.

right don't even watch it so many people would tune in just to sit next to drake and stare at him the whole time yeah just to see what he does and do they sell those tickets what's the deal with that because i'm like yeah it's got to have like a digital price tag and a physical price tag

For sure. I think it's like a NFL ticket type situation on your table, Bill. Because I think I would do that, especially if I'm like out of town style and I could just sit here. I mean, Chloe hates watching the basketball games with me anyways. I make her do it. Last night, I'm like, we're watching the game, babe. And she's like, oh, good. And then I was like quizzing her. She doesn't care. But I'm like, what just happened? You're watching. What just happened? And she's like, okay.

That's nightmare. She's like, stop talking to me. I'm reading a book. I don't give a fuck. I'm sitting next to you.

I just want to spend time with my fiance. This is what I have to do to spend time with you. Just proximity. You don't understand the first round of the NBA playoffs. It's a big deal. If you're a basketball fan, there's basketball every night. Admittedly, it is a lot. It's crazy. It's so much. And then it slows down. And then the next round, there's way less games. It's way more. Yeah.

you can manage it. Right. But that first round, it's like, hey, sorry, honey, I do have to watch five hours of basketball every night. Right. Or like four, four days a week. And you're like, damn, is that the commitment? It's almost as much as like a jerk sesh. Almost close. What? How are your days? It's a half jerk sesh. And you're working?

are you doing this? It's almost two thirds of a jerk sesh. Yeah. I don't have NBA TV, so I'm getting fucking bent over on some of these games. I can't find them. Yeah. Dude, did they just start doing that this year? I think so. I think so. Yeah. It's so annoying. They're trying to get everybody on NBA TV. I have NBA TV, but my NBA TV is in LA. That's where the account was set up. So I'm trying to watch it here and I can't watch it. Is it an app on

Apple TV or what is it? Yeah, you can download it. Okay. But I can't watch it because it's blacked out in my area, which is so annoying. I got to get, what's the thing that it's... A VPN. A VPN. Yes. Shout out VPN. I got to score one of those. I remember that we advertised for them. They asked if I wanted one. I'm like, I don't need one. I'm fine. I don't need it. And then now I'm like, fuck.

I should have got one. I'm trying to watch my b-ball, baby. True that. You caught slipping, bro. You need to get one. I wasn't even thinking about sports games. That's really what it's for. I was thinking, oh, you can watch the Netflix. If you're in Canada, you can watch Netflix.

Netflix down here or some shit. I mean, that is how they pushed it to us. They were like, you can watch Netflix from Lithuania. And you're like, okay. I'll just stick with my regular American ass Netflix. I'm sure it's fine. Yeah. But now I understand. Yeah, you can watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire from around the world. I'll watch Mystery Movie again.

Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. It's murder mystery. Yeah, man. Murder mystery. It's called murder mystery. It's not a mystery movie. What do I call it? Mystery movie. Mystery movie? Well, I think I just gave you the title for the sequel. It was all good. Just shut your...

You're big. I haven't had lunch. I'm so hungry. We got it. We figured it out. This is 40. I'm so hungry. What are you going to eat? Let's pause on that. I don't know. I might wait for. Yeah. What is this is 40. I worked. I went and running and then I swam for an hour and

then I was going to get food and then we started too quick. Bro, your body is eating itself right now. Oh my God. You're probably losing so much weight right now. Hey, fingers crossed. You're in it. So I, I last week weighed in and I'm a beefy boy right now. I've been lifting weights all, all year. Okay. Talk to me. Thank you God.

I'm not really that fat. I'm a little fat, but not that fat right now. But I was 184 pounds. Yeah! And that's pretty light for me for the past couple years. Then I had a big weekend. Rotund. Guess how much I weigh...

I weighed yesterday. I'll guess. 192. That's what I was going to say, 192. 194.8 pounds. I gained over 10 pounds over the holiday weekend. Fuck it. It is very weird watching your weight fluctuate and actually paying attention to it every day because I'm actually actively trying to lose weight.

weight as we know. Oh, I thought you were speaking about Adam's weight. You're like watching Adam's way every day. I thought he was sending it. No, just in general, like your weight will fluctuate like so much. Like I was sitting at like a two 50, uh,

Okay. Big boy noise. He's out here, though. I really just, this is 40. I want to put it out there. 250, that's what I was at. Now I'm clocking in around two. Well, this isn't 40 for you. This is 37. What's up? This is 37 for you. Yeah, you're not 40, bro. Yeah, you're not 40. You don't age yourself up. Isn't this the 40th podcast, though? Okay, this is 40. This is 40. You're glomming on to my thing. That's what I was talking about. I'm not. No, no.

No, I'm not trying to glom onto your thing. No. It was a little glomming. It was a little glom. Let him have this. Anyways, I'm down to 243 and every day it fluctuates like six pounds. It's weird. I wish I weighed 250 so that I could lose 50 pounds and people could be like, wow. But when you are 10 pounds overweight or maybe 15 and you lose 10, everyone goes...

Hey, nobody cares. I know. It's weird. Yeah, that is. I'm jealous. I worked out with a buddy of mine all 2020 and we worked out every day and he was he had some weight to lose. Motherfucker lost like 50 pounds. I worked out every day with him and I was doing two days. I was riding the bike every day and doing the workouts with him every day. I lost like six pounds. Right. He lost weight.

like 50 pounds. It was, it was nuts. You were eating whatever you want, right? No, I eat pretty fucking good too. My issue is, is I drink a lot. Right, right, right, right. He drinks his calories. yeah. The beers is where it got me this past summer because I,

I live on the beach, you know, and beers on the beach just taste extra good. I'm still going to send it. So I was sending it, Blake. Thanks for hitting that button because I was sending it. I sent it all 2020. All right. Good job. I always will until, you know, until they crash and burn. Okay. Until this is 40.

Until this is 40. While you're here, give me flowers. Hey, give me flowers, man. This is 40. Give them flowers while they're here, Darren. I love you. No, I am trying to be more healthy, you know, because I feel like that's just how my entire family works.

and is, and you're just Operation Go-Hards. And I had one uncle that just died on the toilet, just his heart exploded. Wait, what? Yeah, my Uncle Mike, just his heart exploded on the toilet. So scary. Oh, damn. Was he trying to shit, or did he already shit? I don't know exactly, but that's how he died. Because you know when you take a real big one, and you finally get it all the way out, and then the blood rushes back into the rest of your body? It was focused down there trying to do a lot of work.

it probably, that rush of blood probably like got to the heart and just couldn't get in. And that's how your very close uncle died. This is important.

It's too much. It could be. I think it might have been the drugs and stuff he did for like 40 years. Or the hearty poop. Or, yeah. And then my other uncle, he's had a heart attack and he was a go-hard. And then my dad, now lung cancer, just because he was chain smoking cigarettes for 40 years. I'm like, oh, I do kind of treat my body like garbage. I'm a go-hard.

Uh, and that's my operation. Maybe I segue to an operation, go pretty hard, but maybe 25% less hard.

Yeah. Right. Okay. Sure. Or maybe, maybe I start chugging red wine. I think you can still live. You can, yeah, you can still live like the go hard lifestyle without actually putting your body through so much go hard abuse. And how do you do that? How do you do that? Well, you have to become extreme in other ways, bro. You just don't have him as fuck, dude. I still work out every night. There's no, that's what I'm saying. Like I'm saying I dive every weekend.

I'm here to tell you that you are a go-hard no matter what. Thank you, Kyle. All right? Like, even if you're going hard on weed or you're going hard on booze or you're going hard on fucking...

Whatever, dude. Volleyball, fucking. Or you're going hard on volleyball at the beach and you're getting teams together, bro. Four-hour J-O sesh? You're a go-hard no matter what. So protect your body and maintain the mentality of a go-hard. I like it. I don't know. It seems like you can't avoid it, so just do your thing. No, you can, though. I mean, if you look at it, can't you? I think some people can, but I think, Adam, based on what you're telling me is that

It's going to happen, man. Sorry. Whoa. It's like, is life worth living if you can't go hard in the ways you want? That's actually a great question. See, the thing is I'm planning on going hard, guys. What I'm going to do now is just like, remember how I was shitting on you just a few months back when we started the podcast?

About salads and stuff. About 40 episodes ago. Which one of us were you shitting on? Kyle. This is 40. Kyle Nwachek. Oh, yeah. Me. You. What's up? What were you saying to me? Fuck you, asshole. Just about your salads and aruguloids and shit like that. I'm starting to eat some salads, dude. Wow.

he's crying yeah he's crying why don't you cry i'm so glad we're filming this that's what happened i'm starting to eat some salads what's the verdict on the salad you want to open up a salad restaurant i don't want a restaurant in fact i'm like it made me believe in my uh in starting up a canes franchise even more okay well it's definitely more of a sure shot starting up a franchise that exists but we don't have to revisit that i do like salads now and i'm

I'm gonna implement that into my repertoire. - What kind of salad are we talking? Like a cob with the bacon and the eggs? - Steak salad, Adam? - I've been eating steak

Five days a week for four or five years. Jesus. And so I'm trying to eat less steak. I'm trying to go down to like twice a week. Wait, you eat. Did you just say you eat steak four to five days a week? He ate steak five days a week. That is bonkers. Yeah. Is that what you said? I do. I eat steak. Yeah. Sorry. Red meat. So I eat steak or burgers five days a week. Oh.

Oh, damn. Yeah, that's a lot. Without a doubt. Not even an exaggeration. I mean, we're talking to Andy Bovine here. Yeah, man, I love it. The namesake. So, you know, I'm just going to curb it by like 20%, 25%, 15%, 10%.

5%. Just get some of that Impossible Burger meat and then just substitute whatever. And don't let anybody tell you. You won't know. Exactly. That Impossible Burger meat is actually very dope. It's bomb. It's very good. It's super bomb. Oh, you don't think so? Impossible Tacos? Those are so good. Yes.

I never had that, but I've had the burgers and you can't tell. Yeah. So I'm not saying you should do it, Adam. I'm saying you should have whoever's making your burgers switch it, swap it out. Yeah. Well, who makes your burgers now? Who makes your burgers now? I make the burgers. I'm the burger boy. Okay. All right. I'm the grillmeister. So I'll have to coach up Chloe to save my life. Whoever's grocery shopping.

Just have them swap it out. Have you gotten... Yeah, exactly. Have you gotten the patties and put them on the queue? Because they're pretty dang good, man. They feel like meat. They taste like meat. They feel like it.

No, what are you talking about? They feel like you're sticking your dick. They do feel like they do. You're just playing Play-Doh. I don't know. I feel like I will eat them. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not going to like fuck my beef, Patty. I'm not asking you to fuck it. I'm not asking you to fuck. I didn't say that. And have you had a veggie dog? They feel like hot dogs. It's crazy. I'm talking about if he's cooking his own, if he's cooking his own and he needs to get him out the package.

It feels exactly like meat, dude. And I think you're going to like the way it feels. It tastes like shit. It tastes like asshole. They don't taste like shit. But it feels like meat. It's a feel thing for me.

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when i go out to get a burger sometimes if they have it on the menu i'll have impossible burger meat i won't know the difference i'll be tasting pickles and mustard anyway that's the thing though true also but like the those other burgers it's not like they're great for you there's all kinds of shit in them it's not like it's fucking awesome yeah but they don't sit in you like red meat red meat sits in you

Do you think that's why when I have a big weekend, usually when I have a big weekend, that also means like...

cheeseburgers and steak. Yeah. Okay. I had him ate an entire bear one time and then I gained 1012 pounds over a weekend. That's probably why I gained because I had a big ass burger to take out this burger at this restaurant called home team is like one of the best burgers I've ever had. Bro. Boy, I'm taking I'm taking you to it. Blake. When you come visit making the drive baby.

Hey, have you guys looked up or know what these fucking meat worms are that are in your gut that regulate? Because like Ders says, it sticks in your fucking gut for so long. Weird, wild stuff. Worms in your fucking gut. Okay. Is this one of your conspiracy theories, dog? No, no, no. This is a real thing. No, no, no. No, no, no. This is a real thing. It's just a bug.

Can I ask you this? I haven't looked them up since I stopped eating meat. Are they bad for you or are these worms that help? It's science. Are these cool worms? Cool kick it worms? They're worms that help digest the meat, I think. Just a worm. Just a worm. Just a worm.

Would have gone that way. You would have gone straight to the castle. It blew my fucking mind. They live in your intestines? Do they grow? Do they get huge? Yeah, they come in. They're in the meat. They come in and then they stay in your intestines. And then you see them in your shit, right? Are we talking about like worms worms? Like the ones we heard about when we were young? No, it's not like a tapeworm. It's like fucking meat worms.

So wait, do we have them? Yes. Or they show up when you eat something at one point and then they stay there forever and then they help you digest. They go away if you're not eating the red meat. They will go away over a certain number of years. Oh, but I want to party in there, man. Yeah. But yeah, look them up. I mean, honestly, I haven't checked them out since I stopped eating red meat, like whatever that was, like four or five years ago or something like that. But when I looked them up, I was like, I'm sorry.

What is this shit? But do you, Kyle, do you think you are healthier now than when you were eating red meat? At 250? Currently or, well, no. No. Well, that's the question because I know when I eat, it satiates me. Red meat. What does that mean? That means that I'm satisfied. I don't, I don't need, I had the need to snack.

like your word utilitarian, we're busting out new words here. I love it. Satiary. It satiates me. This is 40. We're learning. I love it. And,

And so I, then I don't feel like I snack and like do, do the bullshit. And like, I'm not eating the chippies and having the sammies and all the other things. You're still, cause you're still full from an entire steak. Yeah. Right. But I feel like some like people that don't eat red meat, they, then they just like eat potato chips and they eat all kinds of other shit. That's bad for them. But then they're like, I'm not eating the red meat one meal.

maybe the other shit that they're eating is actually more fucked up for them than the red meat. Very true. It's an easy trap to fall into. And I mean, I'm guilty of falling into that trap for sure. I mean, whatever you eat will definitely like,

you gotta eat right, but you can fill yourself up by other things if you have like a healthy portion of something. - I'm not into filling, I'm gonna feel it. - I like how you looked down when you said healthy portion. - I wanna feel it, I wanna see how that vegan Reuben feels in my hand as I squish it between my fingers. - A healthy portion, if you know how to do that. - Well yeah, the salads I was making with like the arugula and the black beans and the peppers and all those, that was a big salad. It was a big fucking bowl and I was grubbing on it. - How big are we talking?

How big are we talking? I mean, could hold a fucking bowling ball player. That's a lot. That's just a ton of food. Like, I feel like I keep hearing about portion control. And if you just eat like a little bit of everything, you're fine. So true. So true. This is 40. Yep. Dial your portions in and you'll be okay. And did I tell you guys about this last week? I went to this woman. She's a healer.

What? Yeah. People on set recommended me because I know I have this neck thing where I tweaked my neck. It's been years now, and you guys probably always see me crack it and shit. I have seen you do that. Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. And so I really tweaked it the other week, and I was like, oh, my neck, my neck. And I'm on set, and they're like, you should go to the healer. And I'm like, okay. And I'm telling Chloe about it, and I'm like, I'm going to go to the healer.

And Chloe's like, you're going to get jerked off. You're for sure getting jerked off. Right. Nice. She's like, I'm coming with. As long as she got six hours. And then I go to the healer and I come back and she was like, how was the jerk off session? And I'm like, her forearms are still burning. No, she. Six hour healer, Adam.

It's a lot of healing. I'm bringing my Oculus. What she was doing is like, I carry all my stress, you know, I'm a maniac. And so I work out all the time and I never stretch and I never do yoga or like do anything. I'd never even get massages. And so like, I'm just this brainless,

ball of stress. And she was like, my neck is fucked up. So she's like rubbing my legs and shit. And like, and like, uh, relaxing muscles, like in my armpits and down my back. And it's releasing the muscles all the way up. And by the end of it, I'm just like a moldable clay man. And I'm all like wet noodle feeling way better. Yeah. Wait, did it like release some shit in you? And you like, kind of like got naturally high. I heard like when you start to, uh,

all those muscles from stuff and like relax you can actually catch like sort of a buzz well you feel mad good I wouldn't say I was high the weed I smoked before going in there is what got me high there we go right right okay that's my

I get body work like once a month, but it's brutal. Yeah, it hurts so goddamn bad. I might pass out from the pain. This dude who works me is like this ex-football player. Now he's like a power lifter. And I am always like, hot, hot, hot, hot. We'll post the picture. But it's brutal. You can't exercise or work out the next day because he's like separated the muscles from like,

each other. He tenderizes the meat. That sounded bad. Right. He's got you walking funny. I feel you. Let's just say I walk funny when I leave that place. That guy fucks Honduras for sure. Let's just say that. Adam, you called this woman a healer. Is the guy we're talking about a healer? No, he's just a guy who does body work on athletes like myself. Yeah, I think it's like a mix of

a chiropractor, a chiropractitioner and a chiropractor and a massage therapist. And it's like the mix of those two disciplines. And I don't know. At first I was like, am I going to like,

rub crystals all over me and like smother myself in sage and shit, which I'm, I don't, yeah, I would try because who, who cares? But also I'm like not trying to spend like 250 bucks on, on rubbing sage on myself. So I was actually really pleased, uh,

that this one and I went twice I actually went this morning and I went once a week ago and she was like it'll probably last for like five or six days and then you know stretch every day and then you're gonna probably want to come back and then I waited about a little over a week and

And then sure enough, about a week and some change in, it started to hurt again. Your body just seized up. Yeah. All of a sudden my, my body seized back up, but it was cool, man. So now I'm like, Ooh, should I be into some fucking wellness dog? Bro. Hey, when you get back to LA, I'll send you to my guy. It's,

brutal yeah i'm trying to get into some wellness i'm trying to uh do some wim hof yeah you know sit in some fucking ice sitting in an ice barrel i love that as we're all talking about this we keep like kind of like adjusting like just talking about it makes my body hurt this is 40 this is 40 hey here's the real shit i mean i think you guys know about my doopy trends my arthritis

Yeah. That's right. It's getting so bad. Really? Really. Wait, what's the word again though? What's the word? It's doopy trends. Doopy trends. Look at this. See that? Oh my God. Ders has a, what is it like a vein in the middle of your hand? Yo dog, you an alien. No, it's like the tendon starts like scrunching up. Oh my God. It's like a Scandinavian arthritis. So basically, I guess I'm a Viking. Yeah.

Yeah, your hand just slowly closes. My dad had it, but he got it in his 60s. I got it when I was 35. Was that an evolutionary trait because they were always just grabbing oars or had an axe in their hand? Rowing long boats. Their hands were never open. That's what I thought too. What's going to happen through the years? So your palm is all fucked up and now it's going to like... They tell me that eventually my hand will close like this.

And then I have to like, that'd be cool. A surgery or some kind of operation to like open it up. Okay. I don't know. Or are you going to be like, remember Bob Dole? How he had like always had to grab a pen all the time. Right. Did he have dookie trends or did he like, yeah, I might run for president.

Ders running for president. I think that was a war thing for Bob Dole. No war thing. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah. Or did he have a stroke? Awesome feeling. I feel like this is another example of us being like, it was a war thing for sure. Moving on. It definitely was a war thing. And then every DM being like, you're a fucking idiot.

Yeah, maybe we'll take it back early. We don't know shit about Bob Dole except for Norm MacDonald on SNL. Bob Dole was a fraud. Who was this girl that sang Best Friends and we all got it wrong and then everyone just came after her? It was like Sweetie or something? Yeah, Sweetie, yeah. Sweetie. You're my best friend. I led us down the path that it was Megan Thee Stallion, but that was a funny little run or two about Megan Thee Comedian. Good job, guys. Yeah. Yes. You know,

In our 40s. This is 40. An early compliment. All right. Thanks. Hey. A little early? Like it. Like it. Hey, I'll take it. Not afraid. So next week, I'm going to do the podcast from Houston. We have a problem. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. So we might get a rare appearance of Dennis Devine on the pod for a hot minute. Okay. Oh, that would be very cool.

He's a legendary figure. Legend, man. How are you going to do that? Are you going to take off your headphones and have him... I'm worried about the tech. Adam hasn't thought about it.

I haven't thought about it even for one second, but I think I'm going to just let him have it for a few minutes, and then I'm going to say, yo, give that back. Wait a second, Adam. So are you going to let him talk into your microphone? How does this work? Yeah, I think I'm just going to allow him to use my gear and set up. And what? You'll be in the same room, I guess, then? I'll probably be standing right off to the side and kind of waiting for my turn, kind of hearing what he has to say. And how will you know it's your dad?

I don't know how this works. There's really no way to tell. Watch, watch. These are great questions. Watch. You'll see. Be sure and tune in to see how we figure this out.

Okay, guys, I think I found my dad. We just need to get in a room together now. How does this thing work? How does it work? Well, you'll be from Houston. I'll be from Hotlanta. It's going to be interesting. I bet the internet's going to work great everywhere. Oh, yes. It's still clear if I know the internet. I think I'll be in Yosemite. Okay. Really? Or maybe I'll be back. Oh. I don't know. There's no way to tell. I might be up that way, dude. Yo.

Yosemite. Holler at your boy. Hey, these guys can go to an NBA game. Why don't we go hike a thing? Jersey, you didn't tell us what you did for your 40th birthday. That's true. You didn't have a throwdown. No, I didn't have a throwdown either. No tro, no throw. Me and my boo, my lady took me to Malibu. The guy who massages you. Yes. Yes.

He said, let's do some body work. Work on him. Let's do some body work. Body work, body work. Emma took me to Malibu for two nights. We stayed at the Malibu Beach Inn right there on the water. I like that place. I've been there. Got some dinners and walked around in robes for a weekend. Dude, that's the most this is 40th birthday party I've ever heard of. Yeah, which sucks because in you guys saying like you texted Durs and all that, I definitely tried to FaceTime you from a bar at like 2.30.

It was 1.30. I'm laying in bed and it just goes like, and I'm like, I can't answer this because Emma would be like, can you shut up? Oh, yeah. It would have been a nightmare. Or you answer it and you're like, hello. Blake's like, what? Exactly. I knew the situation. I've been bored. You're the oldest guy I know. That's great, man. Thanks for reaching. Who else is there? Oh, shit. What's up? Nobody can see me. It's fucking dark.

They're just saying, 40, 40. It was nice though. She dragged me on a run up the coast. There you go. Malibu's great. I love Malibu. I like it. Look at us. Look at us growing up, being responsible, having 40th birthday parties just with your girl at a hotel. You know what though? Here's what I think I'm going to do. I like it. I think I've told this story on the pod, but when I was eight-

My parents were just a little busy and my birthday is May 29th and they didn't have time to throw a party and they kind of put it off to Halloween. What? Yeah. What? What? So I finally had my birthday party. I was like, guys, this is getting out of control. We have to do this. They were like, okay, how about Halloween? And I was like, sure, whatever. But that's another holiday.

But it was like a Halloween themed birthday party. No. Okay. So they didn't wait until October 31st. Yes. No, they waited for October 31st. Yeah. They waited until Halloween. Then it was a Halloween themed. And it was so cool because everyone in the neighborhood was dressed up and everyone was playing along. Yeah. Halloween is a Halloween theme. We did go trick or treating and then we just came back and did like presents and shit. But anyway. Anyway.

- What? - Presence was opening your candy? - Durr, I think you're blowing past the saddest story you've ever told. - I know, trust me, I know. No, no, no, I know. This is insane.

This is being a third. Man. So what I was thinking is that this year, because we're still kind of like people had all been vaxxed, all that yada, yada, yada. I think I'm going to throw my birthday party on all Hallows Eve. Oh, that's so cool. Oh, my gosh. That is so beautiful. Oh, that'd be great. And then it can be like if like twilight early hours, bring your kids. And then after hours, it's going to get turnt.

We're going to dress like Twilight? Yeah, you could be a vampire. That's what that means, Kyle. Team Jacob. Team Edward. Yes. I really want to be a vampire. I want to do like a haunted house. That'd be cool. Now, is there any take backs, apologies, comments?

Epic slams. What do we got? What do we got cooking for this one? Let me apologize for not getting some food in my stomach. I didn't have any energy today. I didn't bring it. I feel bad. I thought you did okay. Okay, great. Hey, this is 40, you know, and you are 40 now. I'd like to compliment you, Anders, because I feel like you need one after that story. And I'd like to compliment you tackling. What?

No, I want to compliment you in doing your birthday in October this year. I feel like you're closing a gap on the saddest story ever told. Yeah, really. Who's laughing now, right? Full circle. Exactly. You're doing it, buddy. Between crying, who's laughing now? That's right.

I'll cry with you. Yeah, and I would love to compliment Anders on This Is 40. What is my name, Leo? Anders. Anders. Anders. On This Is 40. Congratulations, and congratulations to us, the podcast, This Is 40. What a cool- This Is 40. We are 40. Congratulations, Anders.

Yeah, and I'm going to be praying for those Dookie Trends, man. I'm going to really be praying for them, brother. Fun name, too. Hey, if you've got Doopie Trends, send me pictures in my DMs of your Doopie Trends. Is it Doopie or Dookie? I thought it was Dookie. Doopie. Don't worry, guys. There's P in there. Is that fun for you, Blake? Doodoo P. Can we call him Doodoo P Trends?

You can call him anything. You can call him anything, but your friend's hand isn't going to open in a couple years, you asshole. How are you going to have your sessions? I would like to congratulate Blake on getting back to work. Hell yeah. Firing this baby back up after a long pandemic. Let's go. It's nice, man. It's good to feel like you're doing something, you know? Oh, man. It's going to feel really good to get off the Animal Crossing island and into real life. Yeah. Finally. Finally.

Let's do it. You do enough seasons that you could maybe get your own animal crossing in real life. You can cross animals where, you know. Hey, look, I'm crossing an animal.

You can only hope. You can only hope. I hope you guys go to this game because I'm Trey Young. I'm loving this dude. Ice Trey. I mean, RIP to the Knicks, but I love... RIP to his hairline. What is going on there? It's its own thing. It's its own thing. It's its own thing. It's not... Cotton candy. I would feel bad. It seems like a condition. It doesn't seem like he's just losing his hair. It seems like something else is going on. And if that's the case, I apologize to Trey Young. But right now, he's got to do something with it. I don't...

I've never seen him outside of a game, so I don't know what he styles it. It's like his skull is wearing a cape. It's like it's doing its own fucking thing back there. Yeah, it's like somebody took all of the dirty stuff under the bed that you don't sweep up and just threw it right on the top of his head. Yeah, it feels like he shaved his...

nuts I care. So this is the epic slam. This is the epic slam. It feels like you guys want to get beat up by Trey. Dude, I could beat the shit out of his like younger brother who's maybe 13 or under. Right, right. Very non-athletic. Maybe. You do forget these guys, the small guys in the NBA are still like

Fucking 6'1", cock diesel. Oh, yeah. When I met Chris Paul, and Chris Paul's like, when you see him on the court, he's tiny. He's 6'1", in real life. And you go up to him, and you're like, he's just built like a fucking house. Like, he was so fucking thick. I'm like, oh, I couldn't shove this man to the ground and beat him up. Like...

I've envisioned every basketball player like, you know, when there's like a little scuffle, you're like, Hey, Chloe. Hey, Chloe. I bet I could beat him up, Chloe. Are you watching? You have no idea how many conversations I have exactly like that. Where I'm like, dude, I could beat all of you. Do you think I could? Yes, Adam. And there's a reason why I'm marrying this girl. It's because she's like, yeah, I believe. And she does. She's a sweetheart. You're lucky you think I could beat him up. You're so lucky. You think I could beat up Shaq? Yes, sweetheart. Yes, Adam. Yes, Adam.

Of course I can. You're lucky. Like they said last night that Luka Doncic is 6'7". Yeah, he's big. And he's heavy too. Yeah, he's so big I thought he was shorter. He almost weighs as much as Kyle. He does weigh 250. He's enormous. He weighs half a Kyle. I think he does weigh 250 actually. Does he? Well, yeah. Oh my God.

man yeah well they they earn it i don't earn it you know i'm tall but you earn it dog with those chippies bro when i got i didn't say this but when i got back from toronto 263 hey well you said it now we're still recording buddy this is 40 yo kyle i love it like i love the like look this is a safe place

To a certain extent. We are in the danger zone. This is not a safe place. And I love that you knew as soon as you said 263, you knew it was coming.

Oh, I know. Well, I didn't want to do it. It was too. I didn't want to say that to you guys before I lost some weight because I couldn't handle it. It was too real. It was like I was sitting. Well, that's when you say you use the guys. I've been lifting pretty heavy and I put on some serious muscle mass. We're not looking underneath the cage. I haven't though. Yeah, I agree. I don't believe you. If you're at 263. I was. Part of me thinks...

You got to go to 300. Yeah. You got to kiss the race to three, three, get a, get a picture of it and then lose a hundred pounds by the time you turn 40. Dude, I'd be so scared to go to three straight from the horse's mouth. That is a heart attack waiting to happen.

Yeah. That's just a bail. That's just Christian Bale. You can't hang with him? We started talking about heart attacks and I was like, oh shit, my body's working too hard right now. This ain't good. Your mush? Pizza, pizza. Yeah, yeah. Just pumping blood through mush. Yeah, that's a real mountain. 265 is a... You're a mountain of a man. 263.

Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Come on, dude. Take it easy. Yeah, that's wild. Yeah, chill. Don't throw those two pounds on you. Kyle, get in the pool, man. Get back in the pool. I got to get back in the pool. That's true. Sponsored by Impossible Burgers. Yummy. That's true. All right, guys. This was another episode of... This is Important. This is Important. You heard it. And it is. This is 40. Hear that? Pumpkin.

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