Ep 41: Father’s Day Ep, Poop Inspecting & First Ever Guest
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There's a raccoon coming out of my penis. Why is this making my butthole itch? I punched my mother. I pissed firecrackers. Yeah, blaze away. And here we go. All right. We're back. We're back, guys. Man. How are you guys? Friendship. Boom. Hit us with it, Blake. Friendship. Friendship. Yeah. I'm your friend. Yeah.

So much love. Hell yeah. On your soundboard. So much love. I love the love, Blake. Real trap shit. That one's cool. You ever hit that shit when you're not on the pod, when you're just like late night drunk thinking about us? Oh, yeah. Out of all of the possible buttons to hit when you're alone in your room late at night thinking about us, what is the button that you hit the most often, Blake? Hit us with it. Oh, wow.

Our friendship is so hardcore. I'm constantly just sitting in my room, just playing the soundboard, thinking about you guys. Right. You're like playing the soundboard. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Hey, Kyle, can we get your joke one more time? Oh, the soundboard. That's what Blake calls his dick.

Okay, hey. Yes, points! Why'd you bail on the joke and then you doubled back for it? What happened there? You got nervous? I like it. No, I think there's a lag going on and it came out and then Durs caught it and then we came back and now I hit it and now here we are.

Okay. Steady lagging. Yeah, I don't know if there was a lag as much as we just kind of talked over each other. And then I think that was the case. That's par for the course, right? Yeah. Do you guys think it was a nightmare for people who were like professional writers before they came to Workaholics and then they came into our writers room? I'm living in a nightmare. And they realize like, oh, louder is what wins and gets in...

On the show? Oh, yeah. Louder equals funny? Yeah, I would say, yeah. It was a little bit of a lion's den of a little shouty. Yeah? Oh, yeah. It was a ball of energy. It was a mosh pit of comedy for sure. Right. It was an atom bomb of energy. That's right. Is that what you call yourself? And the chewing the ice on the microphone. I love it.

And I want to thank you for doing that, Blake. You guys don't chew ice? ASMR. You're not supposed to. Why? Go eat tinfoil. Why don't you? Get the sparks going? Well, tinfoil if you got feelings, but what's the matter with ice? I think they said if you chew ice, you're sexually frustrated. I always heard that. Hey, that makes sense. Yeah, so I'm going to be... What cool doctor. Is this like the Ozarks doctor? Did you go see him? No, I...

You remember when they'd say, like, if you wear green, you're horny? No, that was green M&Ms. What? What? I thought it was just green. If you ate green M&Ms, they made you horny. It's science. What? It was like the green dye in it? Why does green make you horny? Green, the color, makes you horny? The green, the M&Ms, are actually filled with testosterone. Oh, hello. Aphrodisiacs. I just remember that back in the day.

If you wore green the color, like, you were like code that you were horny. You were a horny dog. Yeah, yeah. Know what I mean? Well, I got green eyes, so watch out now. Ooh, ah, ah.

There is like things to colors like green makes you horny. If you see orange, supposedly that color makes you hungry. Is it orange? I always heard. What's the science? Is that why McDonald's is yellow and red? I think it's yellow because McDonald's. It's science. Yeah, because subliminally it makes you very, very hungry.

So if you wear green, it doesn't mean that you're necessarily horny because you're not looking at yourself all day. You're trying to get everyone around you horny. So what's up with that shirt, Blake? Yeah, what are you trying to do to me? Yeah. That green shirt, you come on the podcast trying to get us all horn-dogged up. Oh, well, you didn't know? Come on, man. Hello. Hulk has...

Hulu has live sports. Okay. Hulu has live sports, everybody. This is in my contract. That's cool. And you're getting paid for that? Yes. Since I'm on set for Woke on Hulu, I'm being paid to wear the Hulu has live sports jersey everywhere I go in Atlanta. Are you in Atlanta? Are you on set right now? I'm not. I have to wear it off set. That's the contract. Oh, wow. This is a really intense contract that Isaac made you sign. Whoopsie. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Are you there in the A-T to the L? Oh, I am. I'm in the... Peace up! A-Town down! I'm all the way in it, baby. I'm all the way in it. I'm just looking for Usher everywhere I go. Yo, how green is it? I was just there like a month ago and I was like...

it's so green here. There's like leaves and stuff. There are. There are tons of leaves. It's a, it's a lush, lush place. I was kind of surprised by that. Just LA can get a little brown. LA can get a little dried out. Yes, it does. Well, it's a desert. And then you go somewhere else and it's like humid and lush and you're like, holy shit. Yeah, it gets a little crusty. It gets a little dusty. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of didn't think about this, but LA,

Atlanta is sort of a magical place. I didn't even, I forgot until I was driving on the freeway and I saw this big installation that looked like a torch and I'm like, oh shit, they had like one of the sickest Olympics here. It was like, remember that shit? Where that dude found the bomb in the thing and then they made a movie about him? Oh shit, yeah, Clint Eastwood made that, yeah. Lots of storylines. That's right, he did. Was Michael Johnson the world record 100 meter and 200 meter? Was that Atlanta, right? Was that the gold shoes? Remember? He had gold shoes.

Shoes. I'm all about Usain Bolt and that was amazing. But before that, the Michael Johnson shit?

Dude. Yeah. The man. Do people still fuck with the Olympics in the same way that they did back in the day? Like, I feel like when we were kids, I was like, give me some Dominique Mucciano. Yeah, for sure. I was like all about them little gymnastics girls because they were like our age. They were like 14 years old or however old. And you're like, oh, man, that's I need a girl that can do a speedball.

triple axel or something or some gymnastic term. I mean, maybe that's where you like your body type fantasy came from. The CrossFit was just those little jacked gymnastic girls. I for sure think that that's right because when I see that, that, uh, Simone Biles girl, I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to get them arms, you know? Yeah. I think that is. Did you just call her Simone Biles? Simone.

You lose. Simon. Simon. Simon. What is her name? Her name's not Simon. What is it? Simone. Simone. Simone. Like a regular human name. Like people are named? Not a cyborg. Simon. I've never heard the name Simone. You've never heard the name Simone? Simone? No. What do you mean? You've never heard the names? What about Raven Simone? Who else is named Simone? Raven Simone. I'm trying to think of an...

Yeah, what about motherfucking Raven? Well, that's her last name. Yeah, but that's still a name. But that's still a name. Hold up, though. Hold up. Who is named Simone? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I know, but we've heard the name. I've heard the name. Nina Simone. Yeah, Nina Simone. That's her last name.

That's also a last name. Right. It's also a last name. Simone. Who's got the first name? Simon. Wait, Simone. Yeah, Simone. There's got to be someone. You didn't go to school with a Simone? I think it's this girl. It's Simone Biles. We're striking out. I just broke it down. She is the first human being in existence to have this as a first name.

And she's breaking all kinds of records. Let's give her roses. Give her flowers. That's what we're doing. We're constantly giving roses. Hey, I'm going to go ahead and give Simone her flowers. Congratulations, Simone. Huge fan. Huge fan. We should start a new give of the flowers. I'm not so much a fan of her actual talent of being like the best gymnast of all time. I'm just a fan of them arms, girl. Sure. That's where I would like to give her her flowers. Period. End of praise.

Done. She looks jacked in tank tops. Was she the one that recently, I don't know what they, like the, I don't know if it was Olympic trials or whatever, but on her little like unitard, she, it was like bejeweled and there was like a goat in the middle. Like she is the goat. It was such a fuck.

fucking cool flex. I think that was US National Gymnastics Championships were just the other day. Wow, that's huge. That's awesome. Was that her? Was that Simone? That was Simone. I don't know. Simone. Simone. Yeah, she just won. It wasn't at the like the most and I'm definitely butchering this but it was like seven championships.

Right. She's the first to win seven, maybe consecutive, maybe bottom line period. Yeah. So she's like the greatest of all time. And then I saw like a, a little gift that was saying, um,

that SportsCenter posted about the Logan Paul Floyd Mayweather fight 15 times and posted zero about her breaking that record. Yeah. Can we talk about this? Sure. This fucking boxing match. Yeah. What is going on? Well, let's get Simone. Well, let's all fight each other for hundreds of millions of dollars. I'll beat the shit out of you guys or actually might lose. That's the whole thing. It's just a publicity thing. Here's what it is, though. Here's what it is. What? What? What?

I gotta get racial. I gotta get racial on this. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what we need. Get racial for us, Durs. Okay. This is important. Obviously, we're all familiar with the great white hope, right? No. Okay. Right? Yeah, not really. What do you mean? Boxing has been taken over by black people and Hispanics by and large. And there's every once in a while some white dude that every other white person can be like,

Oh my God. I got to watch this fight. What if he takes out this black guy on behalf of all of us? And basically what I see in this fight is that like this dude isn't even a professional. Yes, he could whoop the shit out of me for sure. He's a big dude. I would love to see it. I'd love to see and I'd love to throw your name in the ring. I would love to get paid to get punched by that dude or his brother or his cousin, whatever, whatever pays any YouTuber or TikToker. I'm willing to fight for money.

Finish him. This is an amateur. So everyone's like, oh my God, this regular Joe who's been working out like a motherfucker.

The guy's huge. He's about to beat this dude. He's big. He's about to beat the greatest boxer of all time and put white people on the map. I'm not here for it at all. And Terz, let me give you the exact counterpoint. No, not at all. We are not watching these fights to glorify a white guy. We're watching it to see him get his ass beat. The only reason I am paying money or watching these fights is because I want to see a Paul brother get touched. That's you. That's you. I guarantee you. No, everybody wants to see him get beat up. Mm-mm.

I think these exhibition matches are so stupid because I was rooting for neither of them. I was like, it would be great to see Logan Paul get his ass kicked because he's making a mockery out of boxing and the whole sport in general. It does suck. Yeah, it's dumb. Also, Floyd Mayweather, I'm like, yeah, this guy's such a fucking idiot. Why is he giving this guy a platform to box?

I hope he gets his ass kicked too. I was hoping it was a double knockout. I think he thought he could serve him. It's because he's a draw. He can draw people. I wanted a double knockout. And they hit each other at the exact same time. And they both die on impact. Explode into butterflies. Okay. I thought their heads were going to explode like watermelons. I mean, it's basically...

Like professional boss roads beat boxing. Kyle, we're losing you. You are chunking like a motherfucker, Kyle. You've never chunked harder, my man. Kyle coming to us live from the Unabomber shack. Where's my guy? This poor guy. And he's out. And he's gone. Bye. Where's my guy? Bye, bitch. Goodbye. Goodbye. He's gone. I do want to hear what he has to say. But, like, it is crazy. It's crazy. And, like, fight like a dude in your weight class. Like, get...

Get in there. Yes. Work your way up. Like Mickey Rourke never was like, I'm going to promote myself to go fight. He fought like nobody's at his level. This guy is not trying to be a boxer. He's just trying to collect checks. I know. I get it. I get it. And he's doing such a great job of just collecting checks. And that's what Floyd Mayweather said too. There's a... For all the white people. He was...

But he said, like, I'm the best at legal bank robbing. That was his quote. Sure. He goes, I'm the best at legal bank robbing. But it's not even bank robbing. He's robbing people. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Sure. He's not getting my money, but he's getting people's money. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, no, people are paying for it. People wanted to see it. Crazy. They're very smart. Admittedly, I kind of wanted to see it, but I wasn't going to spend 50 bucks. I was like, I should, if I knew how to steal things off the internet, if I wasn't just such a fucking idiot who didn't know how to do anything on the internet. You've

I would have stolen the hell out of that. Yeah, I'm super dumb on the internet. And in real life. You're a stupid. I want him to fight his brother. Oh, that would be sick. I want the brothers to fight. A brother fight? Yeah, but then if one of them loses, then the gig's up.

You know what I mean? They got to keep. What? If one of them loses, then it goes. The heat only goes until they lose. No, they rematch. They don't fucking. What? They just keep fighting each other. No, because nobody's ever going to want to watch these guys fight again once they get beat up. Because it's white on white? Is that what you're saying? Oh, come on. Hey, Durz, you said it.

You said it. We're all thinking it. You said it. But what you're saying doesn't make sense because if he loses, you're saying if he loses any of these fights, he gets to go, well, I just fought a real boxer. So, of course, I lost. So we get to keep fighting. I don't get it.

Yeah. And if he fights his brother and his brother and one of them kicks the other brother's ass, then the other brother doesn't get the shine. Right. Then he doesn't get to... But they get the rematch. Nobody wants to watch that. The fights aren't even good. But then they're canceling each other out. You don't want to see... Because at that point, you're just like...

Yeah, I hope they both have heart attacks in the ring and die. You know, you have no one to root for. Okay. That's where you want the simultaneous knockout. Yeah. Battle to the death. I kid. I kid. Kyle, are you back? Kyle, are you back? I'm back. Can you hear me? We can hear you. Yeah. What were you going to say? I was going to say we're caught at a crossroads between celebrity death match and professional boxing.

It's like, we should just go full on into Celebrity Deathmatch. Yeah, let's bring that back. Yeah. Yes, someone did mention that the other day when I was watching. They're like, it's getting very close to where we could actually get some kind of Celebrity Deathmatch going. That would be so sick. Yeah.

Who would you want to see? But these are people you want to see die because it is to the death? Well, maybe not to the death now. Yeah, I mean, it would be a bonus if the people fighting I actually wanted to be dead. But just if you're putting your life on the line out there, a battle to the death, that's going to be probably worth a watch, right? It's going to be a pretty intense viewing. Hell yeah, it is. That's what you like? An intense viewing? Yes, I'm all about the tension. I love it.

I like a really good tension. Is that what intents is long for? Tension? Yeah, intention. Well, that's a whole other word. He's a smart guy. Smart guy. Really, really smart.

I'm like scared to talk because I'm pretty sure I'm chunking hard. That's good. It's good to be scared to talk on a podcast. Yeah, no, I'm like, I feel like I'm about like, you know, five seconds behind you guys. I apologize. Yeah, and what about the actual internet? You always are. Oh, fucking zing. Wait, he's going to get it in three, two, one. I get you guys at the right time, but I put it out there different. I'm sorry. Guys, this is fun. Burn notice, Kyle. Got him. Uh-oh.

See, it's impossible. Served you a burn notice, dog. Yo, do you guys want to hear some crazy shit? Yeah. Wait, hold on. We got some breaking news here. Please. I was just in Yosemite for...

Almost a week with my family and stuff. Get them. Hell yeah, bro. Nice. And first of all, Yosemite's dope. Go check it out. It's the best. It's way dope. El Cap. There's like some sequoia trees that you could drive through. That's really the only national park I've ever been to. It's fucking stunning. Gorgeous. It's crazy. But so we're up there and my little one is like...

there's a worm in my poo poo. And we're like, huh? Oh my God. Emma goes to check the dookie and sure enough, there's a little worm going. Oh fuck. And then we're like, well, he's got pinworm. So we have to like all take this medicine. And then the next day, my big dog is like, dad, there's a snake in my D. It was a worm in my poo poo too. Yeah. There's a raccoon coming out of my penis.

He was like, I had a worm too. So we're all like boiling our clothes and like changing the sheets and like emailing everyone at the schools and stuff. Wait, wait, wait. So what does that mean? Worms in your poop. What does that mean? So like if you're a little kid and you're like sucking your thumb all the time, like I guess there's like in germs, like somehow there's like eggs that can get like left on

like on your fingernails and stuff like that. And then you suck on your thumb and then it goes into your body and then worms grow in your digestive tract.

- Yummy! - They eat your food, right? And then like every once in a while you shit one out. And like, I'm just checking my dookie every day. Different than dookie trends. But it is gnarly. - That's cool. So how do you check your dookie? Do you fish it out of the toilet and like take a fork and kind of smash it up? - I mash it in my hands, I squeeze. - Yeah, do you kind of get one of those like garlic peelers and kind of run it through that? - Yeah, how do you check exactly? - Yo, the Play-Doh style?

Yeah, do you get your kids Play-Dohs? These are all good ideas. I should look into it. You squish it out and make it look like dreads coming out of the little toys? You dookie and then you just kind of get up all weird and you turn around and you eyeball it and you're like looking for any movement. And then when you're like, okay, it's not there. Why is this making my butthole itch?

I mean, I can't, I'm waiting for it, but I already took the medicine. How big was this thing, man? How big was the worm? Like, um, a half inch long. Well, that's so, I mean, that's pretty big. Sorry. I said a half a schlong. So it was pretty big. Oh man. 10 inches. So your kids, uh,

At least six inches. They got some big old wambos down there. I know they do. They sure do. Huge cocks. They got my exact same. So do the worms get transferred through clothing to other people in the house? Why do you have to boil everything? They can't.

Oh my God. Because like the eggs, there's like eggs on your butthole. Like you got to wash your shit. It's crazy. Weird, wild stuff. It's cool that your children are investigating their shit intensely enough that they saw the worm. Yeah. How do you see the first one? And was it like a lot of worms? No, it was one. So he was three and a half. He's three and a half or whatever. Almost a little more. But he just came out and was like, Mom, there's a worm in my poopoo. And you're like, what? What?

First of all, why are you looking like what? Second of all, like he must have felt a little squirm or something like that or heard it screaming from the toilet bowl. Help! Emma didn't believe him because you're just like, all right, but then kids usually... Yeah, you think he's doing some fun make-believes.

Right. We're all about the worm bits in our house too, which is like extra confusing. There's a dragon in my poo-poo. Right. I pissed firecrackers. Right. But then she checked it out and was like, sure enough. And then Arnie, we were like, is he trying to like be part of it? Because it got a lot of attention, right? Right. Right. Right. And we were like, is he like...

I have worms in my poo-poo too. Right. You're like, you have no worms in your poo-poo. I'm cool too. You didn't see it. It was like twice as big. Yeah. There's an earthworm in his dookie. It's like, wait, that doesn't add up. Did you dig that up from the backyard? Yeah. Why are there roly polies in your poo? There's just like, you guys went fishing. There's like minnows in there. Dad, check out my turd. The,

Did you guys call the big worms bloodsuckers back in the day? What, leeches? Oh, like the big earthworms? Yeah, for sure. Big earthworms. We always called them bloodsuckers. No, I've heard them called nightcrawlers. Yeah, nightcrawlers. Why are they nightcrawlers? Because they come out at night? Because they come out at night, yeah. Mm-hmm.

That was the most fun thing as a kid when we would be camping, going fishing the next morning. And dad was like, you got to go find those earthworms, those night crawlers, so we can fish the next morning. And then it's just you're hunting. You're covered in mud. And you feel like you're doing actual work. Right. Getting them worms. Right. Early bird gets the worm, man. That's where the saying comes from. So worms are cool. So the moral of the story is my kids are cool because worms are cool. Yeah. Did they feel sick? Thank you.

- Thank you, God. - Did they feel sick? - No, you don't even know. They're just parasites. They live in you. They eat your food.

And I guess like if you don't check your dookie, it just takes like three months to cycle out. So you guys have all probably had them for sure. This is the meatworm. Do you? And I'm always investigating my dookie. So that's weird that I haven't seen it. With the garlic thing. I always take it out, smash it up with a fork. That's why I kind of, that was sort of my, what I do with it. Yeah. Every time I take a shit. Right. I shit on a plate and then I kind of shake it off into the toilet. Yeah. I just eat it. And you guys know that about me. You siphon it through a little thing like you're searching for gold. Right.

That's how we met. Well, these are, yeah, I'm feeling like maybe we have a little yolk on our face because Carl was talking about Kyle. Yes, it's me. I don't have the rape van with me. He was talking about the red meat worms last pod. Right. And now all of a sudden, your kids have the worms. Is the new saying instead of yolk on your face, you got a little worm in your butt? Yeah, I got a little worm in your poo, buddy. Guys, I got a little worm in my butt because yesterday, I think we

Well, I'll say I never had worms as a child. I have not dealt with that. But in my life, something I had to deal with was lice. Did you guys ever get down with lice?

Yes, sir. Nope, never had a party with them lice. You ever get down with them lice? Dude, I had a big party with them lice. I remember one time when I had lice like my mom. But you guys were dirty kids, right? Yeah, you had to comb the lice out of your hair. You guys were dirty kids? Fucking thing sucks! You had to comb the lice out of your hair. You remember that shit? Adam, you? Me neither, nope.

Okay, well, my mother ran a daycare and there was this one kid, allegedly Elijah, who always had lice. Oh, sure. Always had lice. Every week he would come back with lice. It's like, what the fuck are they doing over there and bringing this kid over here with lice every single time he came over? But yeah, you would have to use this special... That's sad. Yeah. It was kind of sad. I feel bad for him. I'm sure he's doing very well. Yeah. But...

you would have to use this special shampoo and then these combs that are super super like like the the the bristles are super close together so that fine tooth yeah very extremely fine too how do you get lice are you and i'm not this is not shots fired against you and kyle but are you like a dirty kid are you like what what how do you get it bro it's the right place right time if you're not maintaining your hair

the lice are like, yeah. And, but then if you're playing near, they literally jump from head to head. Yeah. I remember a kid in my class, like we all would hang up our coats and like a row in elementary school or whatever. And then I remember there's no big deal. Yeah. I went to a pretty cool elementary school where we hung up our coats. And, uh,

And one kid got lice and then it was like a full thing. My mom had to like wash my coat because I guess they leapfrog from coat to coat. Right. Yeah. They leap lice. So that's how you get it. I mean, you don't necessarily have to be the dirty kid at school. Yeah, but that dirty kid brings it.

Right. But I remember Kyle, one of the funny things that Kyle had told me, because I was getting this lice and then Kyle started to get the lice probably because we were just freaking hanging out all the time. Yeah, dude. But Kyle, when you were getting your hairbrushed, remember you came back and you're like, dude, my mom was like brushing my hair and it hurt so bad I hit her. Yeah, I punched my mother. I'm sorry, mom.

- I did, I punched my mother. She was combing through my hair and it was just-- - You punched her or you like pushed her away? - Oh no, I punched her. - Well how old were you when you were assaulting your mother?

32, home for Thanksgiving. Because you were a big kid, so you punching your mom probably- With those big tech hands? No, I was probably, I mean, I was like eight or nine, and we played slug bug all the time, so it was like punching was kind of like what we did, right? With your mom? Yeah, for sure. Is your mom the bug? My mom was like, yeah, you can punch me in the shoulder, but you have to be careful. Don't try and hurt. But-

The one time I tried to hurt him. Why was dad hitting you? We're playing a game. It's called Punch Bugs. Slug buggy. Oh, yeah. Slug bug. Did you ever go to school and they're like, they have to talk with your mom because you're like covered in bruises? Did your mom slug you back? My mom did hit me back.

Yeah. Was she also hitting an eight-year-old boy? Yes, she was. Yes. It was like a mutual kind of thing that we would do. She was tough, and I was 10 or 11 or something like that. But when she was combing through- It's mutual. When she was combing through my hair, I hit her way too hard. You like this?

It was very wrong. Where? Where did you hit her? Like the shoulder? On the shoulder. But you know how you can hit like the muscle and then you can also hit the bone and like the bone kind of hurts a little more. I hit her on the bone and it's like, I'm sorry, mama. But I didn't really know, you know, it was a reaction. I'm sorry, mama. Where's my mom? I got no mom in my headphones. I'm sorry, mama. Where the fuck

you dude that's intense yeah i love how she's like grooming you getting lice out of your hair as like a favor as like a yeah it wasn't like a it wasn't like it was like out of nowhere like she pulled your hair or something this was like she was doing something very kind for it yes and i took it yes you're right care of you and it just like a knee-jerk reaction to be like mom oh are we playing the game no it's one of those things where it's like it's funny and

Until it's not. No, I get that, though. Sometimes when you're in pain, it's like a... It's science. It's like the dudes who jump out at people at Halloween and then just get socked in the mouth. Yeah, get their ass kicked. It's funny until your mom calls us and asks if we will take this pod down. I mean, she had reconstructive surgery. She's fine. It's a game. Yeah, she had to get a nose job. You got a new nose out of it.

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Sometimes I feel like when those guys jump out at Halloween and guys just beat the shit out of that person. On Anders' birthday. On Anders' birthday. I wonder if, like for sure, because I get like punching someone. Right. But then when they just like, they get so mad that they're scared that they have to just continue to beat the shit out of that person. Right. I understand like the initial reaction of, because I told you guys about the time I assaulted a woman. Right.

Me and Chloe were at a... I'll kiss now! So we're two out of four here. Go for it. Continue. I think I might have told this story, but we were at, like, Not Scary Farm. Yeah. No, we were at Haunted Horror Nights for Universal.

And we're walking through one of those mazes. It was like really dark and there's just like, it's kind of strobe lights. Right. And she jumped out in front of me. And she was selling a choro. I just got pissed. Yeah. She was working at the...

the popcorn stand. No, and she jumps out and I just sucked. I just did, I did like a rabbit punch and a punch her in the face. And then I like went to console her after I realized like, oh, I just hit a person because I was scared and I just punched him. And then I went like, I'm so sorry. And went like this and then just cupped her titty. Oh my God. Yeah. Where is this going? And then?

No, I go I go I'm so sorry and then just like went out to reach her to be like I'm so sorry and I didn't know as a girl, you know, she's wearing a costume She was like and then I feel this and then I'm like god, I'm sorry and Chloe's like what the fuck Adam This was recent. Yeah, he held her underwater by the vagina So you you hit her and then you sexually assaulted? Yes, I did Chloe run

Christ. Hey, this is important. This is all allegedly. You're right. That's crazy. And to that scary clown, Adam, he'll be apologizing at the end of the pod. I did not mean to. He didn't mean to elbow you in the face and then squeeze both your titties. Honk. And I said honk. It was a little rabbit punch, and then I just had to give a honky honk.

It was an accident, you know? Yeah, accidents happen.

Guys, I'm in Texas right now, and as you can tell. Houston? We're in Houston. We have a problem. And my dad is here, if you guys would like to say a quick hello. Oh, heck yeah. Is this our first guest on the podcast? This is our first guest. Whoa, first guest. I love it. Here, I'll let him talk for just a few minutes, because I'm a whore for this hot pub. Right.

And I got to get back to it. But he does want to know why you guys haven't reached out about his cancer diagnosis. Okay, here you go. Oh, okay. Okay. What do you want, a hug and a kiss? Jeez.

Hey, buddy. The love is right here. It's beaming. Dennis D. What up? What up? Dude, legendary dad on the pod. First guest ever. I would like it no other way. How are you, my man? I'm good. I'm good. Killing cancer one cell at a time. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Fighting that good fight? Shit, yeah. I mean, we heard you're still ripping bongs and all that, and we're in good spirits. Oh, hell yeah. That's...

I, the kids didn't believe me when I talked to the doctors and the Ozarks and they said, yeah, blaze away. And, uh,

And then we come here and so the best doctors in the world say, shit, you got to smoke it. Chemo sobby. And they're still wanting another opinion. No, that's the only opinion that matters. Hell yeah. That's right. That's right. Yeah, buddy. They said just don't make that your first question. Yeah. How's Houston treating you? Are they doing you right and all that? Houston's good.

Went to saw some baseball, saw a little basketball. - That's right. - So yeah, everything's good. - Right on. - So what's the deal? You're doing chemo, do you get to like have local grub or are you on a certain diet that they got you on for this?

No, in fact, they told me to eat everything, so I did. I gained 15 freaking pounds. Now we're talking. Really? I'm going to be the only fat cancer survivor. Yeah, buddy. That's the secret. That's how you beat it, dude. That's right. Put those pounds on. Yeah, feed that cancer. Feed that cancer. Yeah, dude. Gosh, we're fucking rooting for you, brother. Well, thanks, man. Yeah, I really feel like it's an excuse for...

For, yeah, dad to get his... I'm not even convinced he has cancer. Right. Deploy, for sure. Because he keeps just... Like, he'll have, like, eight helpings of something, and he's like, the doctor said! And now he's got...

Man boobies. Yeah, he's got some serious squeezability there. Hey, welcome to the party. They feel good. Yeah, buddy. When you go downstairs quickly and they shake. Oh, yeah. I love that feeling. Heck yeah. Is Adam getting you any voiceover work with this new smoky tone you've got? No, no. You sound cool as fuck. Talk to his agents. Yeah, I'm going to have to. You know what I mean? Can you give a commercial for Quiznos or something real quick? Yeah.

Dennis is the one who did the noise at the end of every Workaholics episode. That was his voice.

Oh, yeah. That's right. This is the voice. Is it him or is it Adam doing an impression? No, we pulled Dennis back into the room and he did it into the microphone a couple times. Yeah. It was me. It was me. Hell yeah, it is. Well, actually, he brought up a good point. Now that it's out there for all the lawyers, I still haven't got my check. Oh, dang.

Yeah, we got you. My check is still missing. Talk to your son. Yeah, Adam. Adam always says it's a family discount. Adam, what's going on here? Get your dad paid. For sure, for sure. So are you getting to spend quality time with the kids and everything? And is Penny out there with you and everybody? You got a good crew around you? Yeah, everybody's here, so that's nice. We're all just hanging out.

Doing our thing. Smoking weed. Smoking weed. Just blazing. Every day. Smoking! Dennis, the Houston We Have a Problem shirt is an all-timer. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I loved it. I don't think the doctors found it very humorous.

No? Yeah, those guys got no humor. Yeah. They got to be serious. But when you meet it, you got to like cross that out. We have no problem. Yeah. Or we have a problem. We've ran out of weed. Yeah. Problem solved. Yeah. Problem solved. Yeah. Exactly. I like the idea of you like testing their sense of humor by doing like pranks on them and stuff. And they're like, sir, if you could just, this is really serious stuff, Dennis. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing funny about cancer.

This is cancer, my man. You pull your arm up your sleeve and you're like, my arm fell off last night. And you're like, wait, what? I'm fucking with you. Is this one of the side effects? Right. Yeah. But I do, man, I honestly, like, you know, I've had a lot of, like, experience with cancer in my family. And I do believe that half the battle is just keeping, like, that positive attitude and, like, really just, you know.

being able to find those moments to laugh and just be around family and just really, you know, it's half the battle for sure. So it's good to see you here and smiling and everything, man. You're looking great. Good to see you guys. Good to see you. Keep that smile. And we're going to have to come hang out. Yeah, we're going to have to come kick it in the Ozarks. Well, that's for sure. That's going down. Yeah, brother.

Hell yeah. That's really happening. That'll be a good time. We'll see if we can smash jet skis and destroy boats. Okay. Hell yeah. That's what we're all about. I want to go tubing like a nine-year-old. Hell yeah. That can be painful. That would be fun. Toss me. I'm hearing you. All right. Well, I better let you guys get back to podcasting because that shit's important.

Yeah, man. Thank you, Dennis. Yeah. Super stoked to have you as the first and only guest on This Is Important. That's right. There you go. Much love, Dennis. Much love, dude. All right. Love you, Dennis. Love you, bro. All right. We'll see you guys. Love you, bud. Later. Later. Bye. The man, the myth. Wow.

The legend. Riveting hot content. Hey, man, it was just good to see him. You're right. I keep getting all of my news through you. I never actually went to the source to reach out to Dennis D, man. Right. He was playing it cool. He was a little salty for a minute, but... Damn. Yeah.

You guys have never seen him without a goatee or, you know. Nude. Yeah. That was the first time. Yeah, he's a nude dude. He looks like a turtle. I'm a turtle. How's that not on the soundboard? Am I not turtley enough? I'm a turtle. I like turtles. I like turtles. Well, no, from the fucking, what's it called, movie?

Pistachio Disguise. Dana Carvey movie? Master of Disguise. Oh, yeah. Am I not turtley enough? Yeah, I got to get that. Yes, you're right. That will be here. Man, that show, that movie actually sucked. I love him. He's the funniest, but that was the worst movie. Was it?

It is crazy how funny he is. And no one seemed to write him something that great. Oh, yeah. It's really, really bad, dude. Yeah. What were his other movies? Clean Slate. Good concept. Movie kind of forgettable. He was like a detective who every morning he forgot everything. Check it out. Yeah.

Seems great. Yeah. Seems like a decent. That could work. Yeah. Maybe if like Joaquin did that, it'd be a slam dunk. Yeah, for sure. Joaquin's going to knock that one out of the park. Because you didn't believe that he didn't remember stuff. You were like, this guy remembers stuff I can tell. I think it was more like there was like a love story and like, I don't know. I just never see like Dana Carvey as a romantic lead. He's not sexual. Yeah. And there's just tons of weird sex scenes in the movie.

in the movie. I don't know. She's like banging constantly. We've already talked about Ace Ventura how Jim Carrey was definitely like and as silly as this guy is he fucks like a champ. Like he really rails this woman while animals watch. It's a disgusting habit. He gets a blowjob in the first 10 minutes of the movie and they're like yeah okay. I don't know

- I know. - Would he though? He's kind of a buffoon. Yeah, I know, but he can fucking lay pipe though. - But he for sure throws it down. - It's funny, get it? 'Cause he wouldn't be able to, so it's funny. - People sure are friendly around here. - Crazy. - I know, there's weird jokes about, "Oh, he's just getting laid constantly." So cool. - Yeah, like it's that funny. And I'm 10 years old just going, "Yeah, this is how people behave."

That's how it works. Nice. That's how I have to act. I got to check the writing credits. I have a feeling he may have been in the writer's room. Saddlebags! Well, that's why I did Ace Ventura impressions for five years in a row after that movie came out. It really did infest. I was like, girls like guys that act like this. Somebody stop me. Who can? Will you go to the dance with me? All righty then. Is that a yes?

Your number's still 911. A buddy of mine had to go to rehab because he's... Oh, yeah, this is great. The parents sent him to rehab because he wouldn't stop doing Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey impressions. Like that was the addiction? That's all he talked like for two years straight. Yeah, that they sent him to rehab to like stop the cycle. That would be such a cool Strange Addictions episode.

Yeah, he was addicted. It was my buddy Kevin Hart. I'll shut him out. Wine Mouth. God, that's great. And I feel for him because it worked its way into you on like an old school level or like Anchorman. It's science. And if you're 10 and you're just running around quoting that movie, like a glove. Like a glove. Yeah, I really wanted to get the kind of pants he wore. He wore like those red and black striped pants. I'm like, I've

gotta dress just like Ace Ventura because this dude is getting babes. I think I had gerbos that looked like that. Some striped gerbos. Well, that was because it was pre-internet and pre-memes and gifs and all that shit. So that was...

the social currency of the time like knowing the quotes and and if you said it style kicker if you said it people are gonna laugh like you didn't need your own joke they're little footballs it's it's very much like how kids today will just rehash a meme and be like that's funny right other

other kids laugh and they're like, I'm killing it. Yes, Satan. Everybody's just acting like King batch. Hey, do your kids, uh, like, and subscribe. Do they say like, and subscribe like walking around? Like after they say, Oh dude, that's funny. They just as a little thing go. Yeah. Like a buddy of mine always posts like with his little nieces and nephews and they're always, they always will like say a thing and at the end of it be like, like, and subscribe. Okay.

As if it's on YouTube. And you're just like, oh, those kids are watching way too much YouTube. Yeah, that should be a sign that maybe they get off the iPad for just a little bit. Do you guys have like an iPad? I love that this episode's kind of just become like a parenting tutorial. Well, Father's Day is coming up. It's a dad theme for sure. Yeah, it's a dad theme. Right. I mean, we had one of the most legendary dads on the pod.

True. Dennis D, baby. I put him up there. And could you guys tell that his voice is fucked up or does it? It sounds a little fucked up, right? Yeah. I was saying you need to get him some voiceover work. Yeah. He does sound cool as hell. I tried to get a commercial out of him real quick and he didn't. Yeah. First, I'm like, why is Dennis using his sexy voice on us? Are you trying to fuck us? And I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dennis was trying to fuck you guys with that sexy voice. As far as the divines go, if he punches you and squeezes your titty, then you know he's trying to fuck you.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean, partner? Yeah, lucky you guys didn't scare that man. Us divines, we get horny when we get scared. Honk.

Thank you God! Thank you God! So I actually went on an adventure last night. For my first time ever, I went to a drag show. Have you guys ever been to a drag show before? I think so. Yeah, I have one time. I did like a drag in Atlanta. I might have been the same place. It was a drag breakfast place. Okay. It was like a drag brunch place.

And we win eight eggs rancheros and watched these drag queens put on a show. Peace up. A-town down. Atlanta's cool like that, man. Atlanta's cool like that. Real Traps.

I went to one back in the day, this dude who was in Second City with me and Adam. I think he was in my class before I jumped over to your class. He did drag and I went to his show and it was awesome. It was intense. Oh, dude, it was very cool. I had a great time. What was the theme?

Was there one? There wasn't a theme. It's usually like, you know, lots of Britney Spears lip syncing. The theme is that they are men dressed up as women. That's the thing. Oh, well, there was a drag king as well. Yeah, but there's other, there's theme ones though. Yeah. There's like the famous Golden Girls where they just reenact episodes here in LA. Right, right, right.

A Mexican restaurant in the basin? This one was a little like, kind of like underground and like seemed like, you know, it was kind of like this was the first time the dude had hosted it, but he'd been doing it for like...

10 years, but I could see where it could get very big. I mean, it was big. It was grand for how small it was, but I could see where it could go off like Vegas style. I bet those drag shows are insane. And everybody is having so much fun. This is what I'm getting from you talking about this. You want to do drag. When we do the live show, we do, this is important. The guys do drag and we all come out dressed as women, uh, and put on a fun show. Yeah.

Yes, sir. Well, this was the thing. I'm like, I go in there, right? I go down the stairs. And while I'm walking down the stairs, four guys ask me like, hey, will you take our picture in the stairwell? And I'm like, yeah, for sure, for sure. Of course. I take the picture. I'm handing the phone back. And the guy's like, wait, are you Blake from Workaholics? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am. I'm actually here. I'm filming something here in Atlanta. And he's like, right.

Yeah, yeah, I could tell because you have makeup on your face. And I'm like, no, no, I don't have any makeup on. He's like, oh, yeah, you do have makeup on. You're covered in makeup and glitter and you're wearing lipstick, though.

Yeah, and I'm like, no, I'm not wearing any makeup. We actually haven't started filming yet. And he's like, oh, okay, so you're here alone. I'm like, no, my cast is right over there. He's like, hey, don't worry about it, dude. I'll keep it on the DL. I'm like, you don't have to keep it on the DL. Yeah, I feel like this is his running bit with everybody he runs into who he assumes or knows from the internet is straight. And it's just like,

Okay, you're gay. I got your secret right here. It's all good. It was so weird. So I go over to the other cast members awoke. I'm like, this dude just told me that I'm wearing makeup. What's going on? And they're like, dude, you look fucking insane. The whole place is like lit with black lights. And...

I guess the moisturizer I use has SPF in it. Right. And it was picking up with the black light. Right. So my face looked like it was glowing, like I was wearing glowing white face or like I was like one of the neon gang members from Batman Forever, if you get that reference. It was like I looked in- I got you.

I looked absolutely... Or like a background actor from Belly. Exactly. I thought you were saying one of these guys got a little too close and you rubbed your face against his butt cheek or something and you got some butt cheek makeup on your face or something. That's where I thought it was going. Those are my favorite pictures. We're at a club, like a black dude will have been dancing with a white girl with crazy makeup on her face and when he comes away, it's on his neck. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

He's like, oops. Dude, but Lamorne took a video of me. You guys have to see it because I look so crazy. I was so lucky that it wasn't just like a club club and it was like drag night because people go all out and like they show up in wild ass shit. Like they'll just have fucking just slaps.

some leather. So people just thought like, oh, look at him. He just decided to put on some fun white face and that's not racist because he is white. He can do that. Right. Didn't do anything else but did that. Weird that he did that. And he wore that fun wig. They're like, he's here on the

DL. He's here on the DL, but he completely like makeup did himself out. I wonder if he's getting on stage. I'd be tight. I think it's a nice little shout out though for everyone out there who uses moisturizer like Blake does that. Uh, steer clear from, from black lights. Cause, uh, apparently you'll glow. Oh,

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You use moisturizer on your face? Do you have a routine or no? Yeah, well, I mean, as a Californian, you gotta put on some SPF, dude. We get hit by that sun, you're gonna get, like, skin cancer on your face. Nah, I'm just getting these cool spots around my eyes from my fucking goggles at swim practice.

Perfect. I'm getting a sunspot. I got a sunspot right there, man. That's like some old people shit. I did not think I was going to... And I'm pretty good about wearing sunscreen because I go in the sun a lot. Let's go get them lasered off together, Adam. Is that how you do it? Do you get it? Do you get laser? I think you can, yeah. Is that...

Oh, okay. If it's that easy, then hell yeah, I'll get all zapped. I'll never wear sunscreen again and just get it zapped every time. Is that okay? It's science. Is that safe? I would say maybe get them looked at. I don't know. I just don't think any kind of spots on your body are necessarily... Dude, just give me an exactor. I'll take care of you, man. Yeah, let's just dig in there. I don't know. That doesn't...

Well, we're here in Houston. I could just go with my pops and get it checked out at MD Anderson. Shout out MD Anderson Hospital. Blake, any relation there? I got to look into that. That would be really cool if I came from really smart doctors. I'm going to say no. Nobody in my family is a smart doctor. Yeah. Because I feel like I would have got some of the trickle down knowledge and I'm a pretty dumb guy. No, Blake. No.

No, I am. Even though when I... All right. Well, now that you doubled down on it. Yeah. All right. The way I know I'm a dumb person is because if I meet someone dumber than me, and it's very rare that it happens, it really sticks out in my mind. I'm like, whoa, you must be dumb as fuck. Right, right, right, right. That actually happened when I got here in Atlanta. The person who was kind of working the front desk of this place was... Wow. Blow them up.

Dude, you're going to be, Blake, you're going to be staying in this hotel for like two months, buddy. What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah, this guy's for sure listening. I don't give a fuck! So the person that worked there was super smart, but this other guy that was there randomly, go ahead. Yeah, this guy's listening. He's like, I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan of Blake. I'm going to listen to his podcast. I literally know what room you're in. I know. He's going to fucking put pinworms in your fucking toilet.

Well, I'm just saying, dude, as a front desk concierge, there are just a few things you got to know. I literally asked, like, where is, what floor is the garage on? Or how do I get to the parking garage? And they're like, I don't know, dude. I think maybe second floor. And I'm like,

But it could be three or four or two and I'm like, right. Okay. Okay. You work here, right? Huh? Yeah. And then I checked and it was and then I came back down like immediately after and I'm like, hey, you were right. And they're like, what? I'm like, second floor, the garage. He has no idea who you are. Okay. Right. Yeah. I was like, oh my God. This guy's talking at me. I'm right about what?

You're right. That is weird because, I mean, we're all definitely dumb in our own ways. I wouldn't say we're dumb people. Like, in the grand scheme of life, I wouldn't say any of us are actually dumb people. But we're definitely dumb in our own specific certain ways. Yeah. Do you think we're smart with our powers combined, the four of us? Okay. Do you think we're smarter? Like, our smart powers combined are smarter than our dumb powers combined are dumb? Yeah.

Like, are we collectively stupider than we are smart? Yes. Or do you guys even understand what I'm saying? I do. I don't get it. No, I think. Goodbye. I think the reason that we work together as a group so well is that we're all the deficiencies. What we're good at outweighs our deficiencies. And you're smart at the thing I'm dumb at. And I'm smart at the thing that you guys are dumb at.

And vice versa. Well said. Like, I'll be like, guys, what time is it? You'll tell me. And yeah, we're able to. Well said. Yeah, we're able to tell time. That's the only leg up I have on dirt. With the four of us combined, we can tell you the time, the month, and the day of the week. But it takes a lot of work. Yeah, I don't know. No, I would say...

I think the magic of us is how collectively stupid we are. That's why I love us, guys. Come on. Yeah. No. Well, for sure, that is a reason. But the reason that we work together and that we've been able to actually have a career and have careers together as a unit is that we're... As managers and agents. Yeah. We have people pushing us to start podcasts. Yes. True. True. True.

And we're really sexy. And yeah, I will say that we're so sexy. That is true. Washboard abs. Hot, hot, hot, hot. We've gotten so sexy. With age, too? With age, yeah. We've stayed young looking, guys. I know we talk about this, but I'm going to just circle back to this. Well, we kept our hair. Skin looks great. We're getting a couple spots. But hey, we're pushing 40. Do I make you horny, baby? We're getting a few spots. Hey, we're going to laser those bitches off.

I'm surprised. Blake, I am surprised that you don't have sunspots or are way more wrinkly because you used to sit in the sun all day long and that was your goal is to see how dark you would get.

Yeah, that's right. We would have the tan off, and I would never wear any sort of sunscreen. There wasn't much of a tan off. It was the rest of us would go about our lives. You guys had jobs. Yeah, you would actively sit by the pool, which the rest of us weren't doing. And you would sit there all day long being like, the tan off has begun. And we're like, we're not really doing it. Hey, boys, you're looking a little dumb.

There's a lot of custody out there, man. You better get by that pool. Tan off. The tan off is happening. Meanwhile, we didn't sign up for this tan off at all. We're like, yeah, I guess. Sure. Oh, yeah? You're going to go out on a lunch date with a girl? That's cool. Tan off, though. You're going to watch a movie indoors in the summer, and that's not good for the tan off, though. I'll be here by myself getting tanned. Oh, yeah. Adam, what? You booked a movie?

A show? You're in a commercial? I'll be tan-offing. Sorry. I'll be here reading another X-Men book. Sorry, Adam. I'm too busy tanning. I'll be right here tanning, okay? I'll be with these squirrels and birds tanning. I never really had freckles or anything, and it was like the last two summers of...

being in Orange County by the beach and just being in the sun all the time, all of a sudden my skin was like, oh, you done fucked up, boy. You done fucked up. Fuck it! You're gonna have freckles all over. You're gonna have a weird sunspot. We're making you look all old as hell. Yeah, man. Chloe's like being passive aggressive. She's like giving me like

$200 face lotions and being like, I don't know, just to keep your skin healthy. Here you go. Put this on your face at night. And I'm like, why? Do you think I look old? No. No, I don't. She's been putting it on when you're sleeping, though. I don't. I don't think so. She's like...

I was told not to wear reflective sunglasses because the sun hits the like mirrored part and then it just blasts onto your skin like tenfold or something. It just doubles down. Well, I wonder if that's what it is because it's right under where like a sunglass would kick it. Maybe it's shooting down. Because I was wearing mirrored goggles swimming outdoors and it was just like, because you have to for backstroke. Everyone out there knows this and it was just destroying my cheeks. Everyone knows. Yeah.

Come on. Common knowledge. Hey, don't act like you don't know. Darius, I got a pool at the house I'm renting in Charleston because I'm there normally shooting the righteous gemstones. Give me a hell yeah! And I have a pool at this house, which I've never...

I haven't had a pool in a long time since I lived with Blake where he would sit out by the pool and get, uh, and do his tanning. Uh, and you wouldn't watch him. I won. You would not just be looking out the window at him. I didn't take, we didn't take enough advantage of that lap pool. We had a lap pool at the workaholics house where we lived and there was a, an awesome lap pool back there. And I like the first year we lived there, I went in and probably five or six times. And then the next year, two times. And then the years after that, I never went in that pool.

Like ever. It became your garbage. Well, one, it was disgusting. There was truly just like snakes and frogs and reptiles living inside of it. Right. But this pool is very nice. I'm going to get one of those. I'm going to get one of those leashes. Do you fuck with them leashes? The like swim leashes? I have a leash. I have a leash. And it's okay. It's weird. What I got, because my pool, it's probably only like, I mean, not only. It's great. It's like 40 feet long probably. Oh my God. Only? I know. I know. I know.

But like as far as like a swimmer who was looking for a legit workout, you want at least 25 yards. 50 meters would be great. So I bought this drag suit, which is like a – But you can't have that in your backyard, right? 50 meters? That would be insane. No, no, no. That would be crazy. But some people have 25 yards, which is like legit. Okay. But like I bought this drag suit that has these pockets on it that like kind of like parachute –

out right and so you swim super slow so it takes me more strokes to get across but then i just also started swimming again at the rose bowl and uh it's just way better okay yeah but i get so you're saying i shouldn't and because those leashes are kind of expensive i was like all in i'm like i'm gonna spend like 500 bucks on like all this shit what

Yeah, I got some links. $500? Yeah, I got some links and it's like 500 bucks for all the shit. No, no, no, no, no. Send me what you're talking about because I want to see what you're talking about. No! For like $100 tops where you have a belt and like a bungee cord that you tie to something. Oh, you know, Dane Cook, he...

Wait, this is, I like this. It's strapping. Well, no, because Dane Cook hit me up when I was cycling all the time. And I still am. But he was hitting me up at the beginning of quarantine when I was like talking about my bike and living a real cycle lifestyle. Is it real? He was like, yo, dude, I'm into cycling too. If you're ever in Hollywood, we should go riding together. I'm like, okay. Never was, never did. Yeah.

And then like a few months after that, he goes, hey, I'm off that cycling shit. I found my new shit is swimming. And he's like, if you have a pool, it's a hell of a workout. You should get a leash and go swimming. I'm like, I don't have a pool. But now I have a pool and I hit him up. I'm like, hey, what's up with those swim leashes? And then he sent me all the shit that he has. And it's like $500. I know Dane's just rich as fuck. Yeah. Right. But he got swindled.

Here's I guess what I could recommend to you is doing like interval shit where like you push off and you go all out for like 20 seconds and then go back to the wall, rest for a minute and do that like a bunch of times. But as far as like casually swimming in place on a leash, it really to me sucks.

But if you want to like, if you want to swim all out and see how far you can kind of pull the stretch cord, that's kind of fun. But yeah, swimming in place casually for like 10 minutes or whatever, you feel insane. Like imagine, imagine being like tied to a tree with a belt on and you're, and you're running in place casually.

You know, it's like weird. That sounds terrible. Right. So you're saying, but like, I guess a thing that would be like a stationary bike is pretty legit, but you're saying swimming in the water is swimming, swimming and actually going across a pool is great. So if you have a big enough pool, it's great. But I had the thing that blew the water at you. Right. And that was okay.

It was all right. Okay. Yeah. So it was like swimming in a river. Hey, and now we know. You just kind of swim in place because it's blowing water at you. Which I do all the time. So on this podcast, we really covered everything. We covered our, you know...

how our skin is aging, worms and poops. My dad got on here. You guys got to see Big Dennis D. The hairless hero. And now we talked about our fitness routines in the pool, guys. We did it all on this. Guys, Olympic trials, I think it starts tomorrow. Oh my God. In Omaha, Adam, I always wanted to go to Omaha for trials and fucking see your old stomping grounds. Thank you, God.

One day, we'll get there. Thank you, God. We'll get there. One day. And when do they do that Olympic trials next time? Is that three years from now they do it again? Yeah. And what's cool about that one? It'll be in four years. And I'm going to qualify. You are? I'm going to be there as a swimmer. That'd be so tight. There we go. Would you be the oldest swimmer to qualify? I don't know. Dara Torres was 41, I think, when she swam the 53. Her name's at the ready. Yeah.

If y'all don't know Dara Torres, get out. Anthony Irvin was mid-30s when he... You know where our knowledge stops? It stops with Simone. Yeah. My favorite swimmer is Simone. Simone!

Any take backs, apologies, epic slams. I'd like to epic slam Kyle, who's not on the pod today. What the? He really just dropped out. You know what it was? He had poor internet, and then instead of trying to get back on, he goes, fuck it.

I can't blame him. Fuck it! And he's just out. And it makes sense. I did miss him, too. I really missed him. I bet he had a ton of really fun stories about salads and other things. I thought you were going to say, I bet he had lice. I bet he had lice. He had to go check his hair. He was itchy and he was like, actually, wait a minute. Mom! He did go out with a good one, though. He's like, I punched my mom. And off.

Like, wow. All right. Well, punched his mom. Yeah. Can I do an apology? Let me do an apology to everyone who I privately, not publicly, but privately thought were gross, disgusting families when their kids got pinworm. Now I know I'm part of a gross, disgusting family. Yeah, absolutely. As soon as my kids are free of worms.

Back to judging other families. Good. The cause of diarrhea. Good for you, man. I'm glad. Growing as a person. And I'm judging. Admittedly, I am judging you and Emma and just how you're raising those children to get worms right now. Or not raising them. I don't know where they are. Not raising them. Yeah, those children are wolves. Human wolves out in the wilderness just obviously eating garbage and getting worms. The little one does howl a lot at what he calls coyotes. He's like, I'm a coyote.

Little dookie inspector. That's how that boy got worms. Wild man. And then I have a spray bottle and I just spray him in the face.

Yeah, they don't like that. I'd like to give a big shout out to Dennis D., who's just sitting over there looking at Instagram right now, for getting on the podcast. First guest. Yeah, first guest ever. First and last. Yeah, we're done with that. Unless Denzel Washington does want to get on the pod, like we keep hearing that he does. Yeah, I feel like that would be fun to talk to him. He'd probably have some knowledge. Anybody with a Den in their name?

That's on the pod. Okay. Denzel, Dennis Devine, any woman named Denise. Denise is a strong name. Not a lot of Denise's anymore. I feel like there's not a lot. It's no Simone, but I'm with you. It's no Simone. Yeah. We need some Denise's. Denise's. Do you think there's a baby named Denise?

like anywhere born this year i feel like that name like tiffany yeah i think i think that name kind of came and went right i feel like if we do the uh this is important uh drag show live uh which i think it'd be fun i think it's a good pitch uh i'll bring my dad out as denise and full heels full uh six inch heels the whole thing that's funny he's shaking his head hell yeah he's no way have you guys dressed as a woman before have you guys ever dressed as a woman

I did for Halloween one time, yeah. Yeah, I think I did for Halloween in high school or something. I did it for TK's pilot. You guys remember that? That's right. You looked terrifying. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you were a scary looking broad. I got to post some pics. Yeah, you got to post those pics. Because I bet some guys out there want to get pics.

No, a buddy of mine. Listen to this. A buddy of mine's brother, racist. So a buddy of mine's brother, full-blown racist guy. Huge whatever the fuck that boxer's name is. Okie dokie. Huge Jake Paul fan. And so he just had an affair with a black girl. And how they found out was they sent –

He sent the black girl photos, and the kid was looking at the iPad, and all of a sudden the photos came up on the iPad and took it to the mom. Those photos are him in full-on cross-dressing. He was like a full-on drag. How crazy is that? And that's why he's racist? He's sending this out to a black girl? No, he was racist just as a person, and then he was dating a...

black girl. So then he was like, see, I'm not racist. And we're all like, yeah, but you were pretty racist though. How crazy is that? There's like, that's just goes to show like how many weird layers and there are people and how many, anytime like someone is,

that it leans too hard one direction. You're like, oh, something else is behind that. When you hate something so much that you're... There's something else happening there. Yeah, you hate yourself. You hate yourself. That being said, I don't... I want to clear this up. I don't hate Kyle. I'm pissed now! You want to fuck Kyle? I don't hate, hate, hate, hate him, but like, you know...

You want to be him. I want to be inside him. You want to fuck Kyle? Let me take that back. I don't want to be inside Kyle. Only because I might get dick lice. Oh, shit. You didn't pull that one out at all. No, I got a lot of ATL sleepers, but I'm going to be here for a while. Do you want to do that one one more time for me? Yeah, sure. Do 20-year-olds know that song?

The Ying Yang Twins? Whisper song? I would hope so. Yeah, that one. Yeah, I would think so because when they were like 10 years old, that was like the naughty song. That was like, oh boy, dang, that song. That's naughty. I shouldn't hear that. That song's from like 2001.

Right? No, it's not. No, it was, it was two. That's from college. It was 2000. Uh, we were talking about that. Wait till you see what year this is from. 2006. That's my guess. That's 2006, right? I think I would say it's before 2003. I don't know. Whisper song. And then I will apologize if I'm wrong. All right, let's, we're looking at it. Okay. Hold tight. Everybody. I feel like I was in college. So these kids would be like one or two. Kyle would have known. The year was 2005.

Wow. Okay. Well done. But so. Ders. So Ders. But they wouldn't have been 10. Yeah, but. I apologize, but they wouldn't have been 10. That's all I wanted to hear. All I wanted to hear was an apology. They would have been four years old. So my point is, it's not a song that they were like running around to in junior high. And I wonder if they know it. So kids out there, slide in the DMs whether or not you know

the whispers slide in the DMs we want to hear all our listeners like and subscribe our podcast it's like subscribe really helpful yeah has anyone out there subscribe slide in our DMs let us know if you've subscribed or liked the podcast this is important and it was I should get more voiceover gigs yes sir this is important bye bitch

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