Ep 42: Will You Buy The Guys Sexy Nude Calendar?
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How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important...

Tech stuff really pivs my biscuits, you know? Can you 3D print me some new testicles? He has a fucking G-Shock on. You'll probably be able to get a little second butthole put in wherever you want it. Buckle up. Yeah! Alright! Now we're cooking with gas. And here we go.

We think we're back. We're pretty sure we're back. Yeah, legitimately happy to see you guys. Listeners, you're not going to believe this, but we tried to get on, didn't work, and here we are, and it seems like it's going okay. Not for me. You guys sound like chipmunks.

Okay. And I can hear myself repeat it back to me. Oh. As if I'm in an echo chamber. Okay. Right, right. And you don't like that? I'm in an Airbnb in Houston, and I bet they have the doo-doo Wi-Fi, you know? Mm-hmm.

Okay. They're not springing for that good Wi-Fi at the Airbnb. No way. And you don't think you were slipped some kind of acid this time? You're not tripping right now? Yeah. That Texas acid? That would be so tight. Yeah, that would be cool. If you had acid? Dude. Just do some acid with my boys on the podcast. I've actually never done acid, but if I were to do it, I would want to do it.

On the podcast with you guys. With bad internet. We got to have add bad internet into that equation.

I thought you said you did like a couple episodes ago. Yeah, I did acid. I don't remember doing it. But you've done it. It was a full blackout. Well, just because you don't remember doesn't mean you didn't do it. This feels like you're pleading a case. Okay, yeah. I've done acid. I want to do acid and remember doing acid with you guys, with my friends. And guys at home, this is what we deal with. We got a guy, we have a good friend who says, I want to do this thing I've never done. And we're like, you always do this. You've done this before. Yeah, man. Yeah.

You told us. It's awkward. Yeah. Well, I did. It was an accidental acid dose. So I want to do it on purpose with you guys. If we were on acid, I would be very freaking out about the internet. And if it's not working or like so self-conscious about everything. Right, right, right. Why? Is that what it does to you? I don't know. I wonder. Or do you just let it fly? You think so? I don't know if I could open up enough to be like, yes, I'm...

I'm free on acid and nothing's going to happen to me. You know? No, I think that's what happens, dude, is you blossom. You open up and you become, you know, just a flower with your emotions. It blew my fucking mind! Yeah. There we go. Steve Jobs, you come up with like iPhones and shit like that, no?

yeah that was how it was done right didn't wasn't the iphone invented on a some kind of a drug trip probably the ipod mini he's like yo make it smaller yeah i'm thinking probably the that's what it was yeah with the little make it smaller and this week we plan on getting everything correct and kyle that's right that's what it was yeah yeah but it's mini yeah steve jobs came up with

the iPod mini and those like colorful apples back in the day that we had in like school. Right. Yeah. He's like the like teal, the clamshell joints. Yeah. And you were like, oh, these are way cool. Mom, can I get one? No, you're getting Adele. He's like, now hear me out. What if you could see into the computer and like see all the wires inside, like through an orange lens or teal? Oh my God. Wasn't that fucking Johnny Ives, the like British dude who'd get on and be like,

the iPhone 2 is better because it's rounded, mate. And you'd go, yeah, fuck. Yeah.

I will say, Ders, that you are very, very invested in like Apple Talks. You are my one friend who will log in and watch them. What would they do like TED Talks? Log in? They do the keynote. It ain't TED Talks. It was the original TED Talk. Yeah. It's when they roll out their products. And I usually, I will fast forward through like the this year our sales rocketed. I'm like, I don't care. Just drop that new new on me.

Right. Do they do it at the end? Are they like kablam? Yeah. And I know you've tuned in for four hours. iPhone 36. The famous saying from the keynotes was, and just one more thing. And then the nerves would be like, oh, oh, oh.

And there's just one more thing. They'd be like, this Apple TV is the thing we already saw on the internet for six months. He's going to say it. One more thing. We're back. With the iPhone 12.

Fuck. If we ever do the podcast live, we have to do one more thing and then debut just some more bad merch. Right. Yes, totally. I'm into that. Yeah, that would be cool. One more thing. Here's a pretty shitty hat. Here's a hat with the name of the podcast. Canapé.

Yes, absolutely. Was it this year that they skipped the number? They went from like 10 to 12 and they skipped 11? That was like the big thing that happened at the keynote this year. I think that was the previous phone. Okay. They skipped 11? Yeah, they skipped one. I was doing an Apple commercial. I think they were at 8 and then they went to X, which is 10. They just did it this year. Wait, so they skipped 9? They skipped 10. Jesus Christ. Oh shit, they skipped 9 and 11? I think they skipped 11. I know that. This year. Smart. Blake's seeing a conspiracy theory. I see him. Oh.

They skipped 9 and 11? Oh, boy. They definitely came out with iPhone X, which means 10. That's a Roman numeral. But I don't know if there was a 9, and I don't know if there was 11. Is there a 12 now?

This year, they skipped a number because I was recording and making Apple commercials and they wouldn't give me the product name until I had already shot part of the commercial. And they had to wait till the product to give it because that was the and one more thing. We're skipping a number. Oh.

So you are the person who shot the commercial and you're asking me if they skipped a number? Yes, sir. Yeah, I was checking your knowledge of the keynotes. But you don't know. You have inside information. Yeah, you read the inside info. No, I was just testing your knowledge of the keynotes. Oh, my knowledge? I don't know. What is it? Yeah, they dropped the number. I can't remember. Okay.

Sick. You don't know? Okay, yeah. But I do like watching a good keynote. Yeah, they dropped the number this year. And this is why people tune in. Yeah. That shit's important. Very nice, guys. Way to detective that. We went straight to the source, and then the source pointed to one of our friends who doesn't really know, and then came back and said, I was testing you. I just watched them while I drive for an hour.

Well, what's the one that I got? Everyone whip out your iPhones. Let's take a silent moment to just kind of go into about. Yep. I'm doing it right now. Let's see. Settings, general, about.

It should be right at the top there, right above serial number. Yeah. Data usage. What was your favorite version of the iPhone? Did you have one? First one. I kind of, to be honest, I kind of liked my Nokia back in the day. I had a really sick clear case and that should have the best ringtones. Wait, did you just say, does anyone have a favorite version of the iPhone? Mine was the Nokia back in the day.

Well, I kind of went from A to Z. My favorite cell phone of all time was the Nokia. That was my shit. Okay, cell phone. What I'm trying to say is I went into Apple products, but I wish Nokia kind of took over the world. That was my shit. Right, right. I was looking at some old emails. I was trying to find the...

Is Adam super quiet to everybody else? Yeah, he is. This freaking podcast rocks, bro. I'm having so much fun. We're off the rails. There he is. Can you guys hear me now? Yes. There you are. There's my guy. I turned it down because it echoes and then it drives me fucking nuts.

So I turned it down. Where's your snare? Can you turn down your headphones? Yeah, which knob is that, man? Is that one or two? You idiots! Camera one or camera two? One is the one I'm turning down. But then you guys...

There you go. You're going. Yeah, that turns down your mic. That turns down your mic. That turns down my mic, and I'm back now. This is 42, 41, whatever. Two, and we're getting worse. So you got to step back to jump forward. It's cool. It's science. One step forward, three steps back. Whatever. All right. And guys, this was an episode of... This was super shitty. This is important.

Hell yeah, brother. Later, guys. Blake, you wanted Nokia to take over. Let me just circle back because this is important. You wanted Nokia to take over. Look, I could go through a little Rolodex of my favorite phones. I loved my Nokia. The fucking ringtones on that shit were sick. There was one that went...

And I thought, oh, it'd be so sick if a rapper sampled that shit. I thought it was so cool. But then the Razor came out with that gold flip phone, and that kind of changed my shit. Yeah, that Razor was serious. You just reminded me of the Razor. I had a pink one, and the ringtone was Paris Hilton-ish.

her hit and it was the sickest phone i remember that phone and then i would trade you could trade the razors backs yes i remember it wasn't actually pink though it was rose gold yeah rose gold and you could flip the cases and you could actually do like a multi-case uh razor like you could do part uh you know rose gold part hot pink or you know any real shade of fuchsia

There's no problem. And then what was the one that you like flipped out the keyboard with your thumbs and motherfuckers who were nice with that one would just be like... Sidekick? Oh, that's right. Soulja Boy has a great song about that. Oh, the sidekick. My sidekick. The sidekick was what was up. Where you just kept it on your hip? Yes. The sidekick...

change the game because that had the full keyboard and you could basically just do we think that look I mean I guess I was gonna say did it age well of having just that big ass thing on your hip but if somebody was rocking that today points

Yes, points! Dude, honestly, I was just thinking of that look where you walk around with it and you're just all business, dude. That's what's up. Like, I'm not hiding anything. I'm ready to... But you look like a Geek Squad member. But that's cool. That's true. Well, I don't know because, you know, it all kind of started with rocking the pager on the hip and that was like slightly bulky, but now... Well, it started with the backpack cell phone, right? Like, that was used to have to carry around like a car phone. Well, no, it actually started with a

a megaphone from the... Well, actually, it started with Alexander Graham Bell. It started with the echo chamber. Smoke signals. With those Ricola horns. The Swiss horns. Could you imagine calling the homies to your house party just by going...

Oh, shit. I think Blake's having a party at his house. Wait, hold up. And then if you go... That means there's actually more girls than guys at the party? Right, right.

I might still do that. Yeah, you could do that on Halloween, bro. Adam, you have a house in the hills. You should do that shit. Yeah. If that's the way you announce your birthday, I'm coming to that birthday party. Well, let's be honest. No one else is going to announce it. Yeah, for sure.

You know what I dug was the first iPhone, really. Like, can we think about that, Dirds? I think that we went to go get that together, like, on the day. I think we can think about it. Like, that thing changed the fucking game. I had iPhone 2. I didn't have the first one. I got the first one. But I might have gone with you. Yeah, we went together, and then I put our sketches... I figured out how to put our sketches onto the phone.

And I could like watch what we made on the phone. And that was an absolute game changer. It was like, wait, how do you, and that was like before YouTube was an app on the phone, visual voicemail before the iPhone. And I think this is something every, everybody takes for granted. The visual voicemail aspect is,

When you had a voicemail, it just said you had X amount of voicemails. You didn't know who it was and when they called or whatever. You just had to listen to all these fucking voicemails. Visual voicemail told you who the voicemail was from? Yeah, that's right. Unfucking real. Game changer. Yep. But I think my favorite is the 5. The 5. Why? What was new on the 5? The 5 was the one with the fucking edges around. Maybe it was the 4, but it wasn't that bad at all.

That was my favorite. I hate it here. Yeah, it's the worst. Can't hear anything. The fucking worst. Perfect! I can't hear you, dude. What'd you say? Why did you like the five, sir? Flat edges.

Oh, flat edges. I remember what you're talking about. Two words, flat edges. And that's all y'all needed to hear, man. I went on a longer version of it, but then you didn't hear me. So I'm just trying to get an economy of words out there. And now you didn't hear all that. Yeah. Yeah, man. It's really cool. That powered through, bro. That was really good, though. We got the flat edges, and I know what you're talking about. Adam's just in and out. This shit is fucking sick. We're going to win a fucking iHeart Award. I cannot wait. Our fucking pod...

I have no snare in my headphones. Can you guys hear me? This is a fucking nightmare. We can hear you a little bit. Kind of. Can't see Durs. You guys are saying every word five times, and it's driving me fucking nuts. Yeah, we are kind of doing that, though. We're repeating ourselves a lot. No, no, no, no, no. It's echoey as hell. But it's a tech thing. This is garbage. Yeah, it's garbage. This is in the trash. I can't hear you guys. This is a trash heap. Do we keep this...

beginning part and then we just start over right now for the next half hour on like the old school joint and we just mush these and then we why do we think it's going to be better

If we start now. Because we're on a whole new platform right now? Let's just go to Zoom. What? What do you mean? Let's just go to Zoom. That's what I'm saying. Go to the old school thing. Oh, you mean go to Zoom? Oh, did you say go to Zoom? Oh, I didn't hear you say go to Zoom. I thought you just said start over. This is a nightmare. I can't do this. I can't hear you. I can't understand you. And we love you. We need you. Thanks. So let's just stop this one and we'll come right back. All right. All righty.

Hi.

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Yeah, man. This feels right. Hey, we're back. We're back on our Zoom shit. And we tried something new. We tried to go to a different program to record and it didn't work out. There's a reason why Zoom's our number one bitch.

Yeah. No, it's good to see you guys. Good to hear you guys. No lag, baby. We're here. We're into BOD. It's really good to see and hear you guys. I was losing my mind there for a minute. You know, tech stuff really pivs my biscuits, you know? Oh, dude. Yes. And it's so frustrating. This year has been so tech involved, and I just want to be in a room with you guys, coughing on you guys, kissing you guys. I just want to touch tips with you guys. Right. Yeah.

I want to touch tits. Touch tits. I'm excited for when we take the podcast on the road and we get out there in those mean streets and mix it up with the fans, do lots of meet and greets. With the malls. Oh, yeah. Just cover ourselves in their COVID. Oh, yeah. Definitely do a mall tour. That would be really cool if we were like a boy band and we just performed in the middle of malls. I love that.

I would say I would like to do a tour and when and if we do a tour for the podcast, we got to do a lot of musical numbers, a lot of like planned musical numbers where like 20 minutes in we're like –

What'd you say? What'd you say, bro? And then we get in a fight. Right, and just goes into it. Yeah, and then all of a sudden... That was kind of our thing, wasn't it? Yeah. Our sketches would... We'd pretend our sketch stopped because somebody got hit and then we'd just go into the song. Yeah, there has to be a lot of that. Now you're talking about acapella, right? I do most of my shits acapella, but yeah. Yeah, hello, you're talking to... What was the name of your team? Oh, the Treble Makers? Yeah, Blake, don't act like you don't know. Thank you.

Damn. Don't act like you don't know. Give me a hell yeah. Damn, son. Where'd you get those? Somebody just sent me that clip again, some internet person of, it was Dwight Howard talking about one of his favorite moments with Kobe when Kobe turned him on to Pitch Perfect and they would watch Pitch Perfect together. Yeah.

That's tight. What? Yeah, I guess Kobe Bryant's favorite movie was Pitch Perfect, which I find absolutely hilarious and awesome. Damn. Wow, man. I'm trying to kick it with Kobe's R.I.P. Yeah. R.I.P. Mamba. You're trying to kick it with Kobe's R.I.P.

Does that mean you want to die? Speaking of, I'm going to do another season of Bad Ideas, I think. So if I do another season of Bad Ideas, you know, who knows? That's tight. I ain't scared of you motherfuckers. Oh, that was like a publicity. That was like a pre-publicity thing. Like, I want to not a cry for help. I love the way your mind works, man.

Yeah, man. I want to kick it with Kobe. So Kobe used to love Pitch Perfect. I can't wait to kick it with that dude because I might be going to heaven because...

Bad Ideas is coming back on a new platform. Comes full circle, man. This season, Adam dies. And I'm thinking of going to a Wuhan wet market and eating bats. The cause of diarrhea. I think we all know you need to go to a lab if it's going to be real risky. Ugh!

Hello. I'd do that. Sure. Dude, eating a bat. Ozzy Osbourne ate a bat on stage, dude. That shit's crazy. I know. I tried to eat bat on my honeymoon. I was in the Seychelles where like some people eat bat.

- Oh my gosh. - Went to a restaurant for bat soup. They're like, this is where you go. This is where you eat it. And I went and I was like, I'll have the bat soup. And they're like, we are all out of bat for tonight. And I was like, all right, give me the chicken. - Yeah, I would totally eat bat. Like why not?

Did you say it tastes like chicken? No, I said give me the chicken. I'm sure it tastes fine. I'm sure it's okay. Yeah, people eat it. It all tastes fine. Look, I know, Adam, you're that guy. I'm not the... It's like you don't have to eat it just because you can. I don't understand. We should establish the animals we eat and then the rest of them we just leave the fuck alone. Like...

Chickens are cool. Yeah, but in that culture, they do eat bats. Right. In that culture, they are chickens. They're the chickens of the sky. So when you're there, I want to experience their culture. And part of their culture is eating bats. In some places, humans. In which case, would you guys eat human? Yeah.

Human. I don't think I would, unless it was just like a real pizza, perky butt that you just, you slice like a square out of. Oh, you just pop it. Oh, you're talking torture. I'm talking. Well, no, the person's not alive. I'm not going to eat a live person. Yeah. Okay. But what if I, what if I was like, Hey guys, I'll give you a piece of my haunch and you can cook it up and eat it. And it's a surgery and it's a planned surgery.

And I'm like, I want to lose weight. No. So I'm going to cut some of my meat off of my bones and deliver it to you guys and have a prized chef come and cook it up. Would you grub on it? I would do that to someone. I don't know if I would. I think you're actually, you know what? Because I bet your skin is mad, like sour and salty. Yeah. All right. Hello.

No. Okay. It's got taste. I'll tell you what. Kyle tastes like soy sauce. Yeah. He tastes like a human. I imagine you are, you taste like, like you're pickled a little bit. Weird, wild stuff. Was this pre-seasoned? I think,

I was going to say I wouldn't want to eat Kyle I'd like to eat someone else but the more I think about it I think you've got some tasty Sour Patch Kid haunches Kyle is the kimchi of our friends for sure no he's the pickled egg

The pickled cabbage, the pickled whatever. I'm just pickled. I think you would want to eat a piece of a fitness inspiration. What are they called? The finfluencers? You're talking about my other career, yes? Right. You would want to eat a slice of that butt right there. So Adam, would you eat a little bit of Adam? I would eat Adam's butt over your butt for sure. Just because I know that it's a leaner meat. It's a leaner meat for sure. Pearl!

These are two parallel questions. One is, would you eat in this? I guess. Okay. You're eating Adam over me. Whatever. That's what we got to. That's fine. I don't know because I think I'm like just a brick, a muscle. And I think it would be too tough. I think it'd be too tough. Yeah, that's tough meat. You need that sweet marbling that Kyle has. Thank you. But let me just say this. Let me say this.

If I'm eating anybody's butt, it'll be the best butt of the group. It'll be Blake's. Yeah, punch! That's eating out my butt. You're actually eating their butt. You're eating out mine. I'm eating it from the inside out. No! I feel like first, Adam, I'm giving you my muffin top. That's what's happening. I'm cutting that right off, and that's getting served on the platter. That's all fat. That's the delicacy. That's good stuff, bro. You don't want that, though. You do. You do want... You don't want to eat a lot of that, but if you are going to...

You eat a human being. You're going to want some fat in there. You don't want just a lean like buffalo burger style. That's what I want. So you want the filet mignon. Okay. I'm a, I'm more of a ribeye guy. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't like that. I don't like fatty. Uh, yeah, I'm not into it.

Now I'm trying to figure out what I eat because I'm a vegetarian. Kyle's got that wagyu booty. And by the way, I know you said Blake has the nicest ass in the group. Yeah, I understand. You're getting under my skin. Yada, yada. Dude, I saw this gif the other day. Don't say of your own butt. Of my own ass. Oh, God. And it was from the show. And I forget what it was, but we were in like medical class.

we're in the hospital and I'm turning around and you see it just the side of my ass dude hot hot hot hot yeah dude and it was just fucking perfect man I was like I almost sent it to you guys but then I was like I don't want to send photos of my own ass to my friends right but I'd rather talk about it later I'd rather talk about it in detail I'd rather save it for the

Guys, I'll tell you right now, if you ever want to send me nudes, I'm down. I want nudes from my fellas at all times. They make me laugh. They make me... Hey, you guys out there, you heard it. If you want to send nudes, send them to Blake's DMs. No, I'm not asking the general public. I want them only from my very close dude friends. Subliminally, he meant everyone out there. Oh, yeah.

Blake, I have... Hold on one second. Blake, I have wanted to send you some nudes in the past, but I've been afraid that after it goes to your inbox, it might skip and step somewhere else. Can we make a pact that if any of us send each other nudes for a laugh, that it just stops in the inbox and it doesn't go anywhere else? When have I ever been... Where's it going to go? No fappening? I don't want... I'm not going to fappening my homies. When have I ever leaked nudes, dude? I...

they're safe with me. I'm just establishing a pact. That's it. Okay. Well, see, with Blake, Blake's a collector. Like, if you send him... If you send me a nude, it's already gone. Right. It's leaked. It's not for me. It's for everyone. I look at it, and I'm a human Snapchat when it comes to saving things and...

digital things. Your mind is a Snapchat. It always is. Yeah, it's just, I see it and then it's gone. Then it's just in the deep recesses of my computer that I'll never be able to find. With Blake, he's going to categorize it. He'll have all the, you know, it'll be there forever. He'll tag it. Frumpy, zitty, Kyle, but...

Fissures, Hemis. That's why I have to make sure to establish this pact because I do want to send him funny pics, but I'm a little nervous about where they're going to end up. Don't be nervous. Now, hear me out, guys. Hear me out because I think this is a really, really good idea. Since we're talking sending nudes to each other, which I'm like, maybe sure, but don't we want to take really artful

artistic hardcore porno shoot uh oh my and like having only fans or something yeah yeah we do don't we don't we don't we interesting phrase of a question maybe we do an only fans maybe we have like a calendar oh maybe did i chunk did you guys hear that i'm saying you froze but maybe maybe we do

Adam, maybe we do. Yeah, maybe. I'm saying we do a, maybe we start in OnlyFans where it's just real hot content from us. And then I kind of walk that back. I think what we should do is we have like really very sexual encounters. Sex with each other? Maybe.

- I'm not saying sexual with each other. Sensual, I said sexual, what I mean is sensual photos. - Different things, very different things. - That we sell when we go on tour and they're like calendars. We do like sexy calendars. - Oh. - You know, calendars. - Okay, I love your merch booth ideas. - This is some merch. - Yes, merch! - My merch brain is just firing today, boy. - Yes, punch!

I don't know what it is. Is your merch brain firing? What other thing have we talked about? His whole promo. He's boosting. He's just like, he's boosting. Everything's a freaking opportunity with this guy. I like it. He's firing. When is it? Monday? Wednesday? Just a calendar. So just 12 photos? Or are we talking about one of those 365 where you pull one off every day?

day oh hell no i think i think that's that might be too much work and a lot of nudity but think about this think about this if if on the first day it's just a shot of your flaccid penis and then every day you peel back it's like it gradually getting harder that's gonna have to be a big calendar for me yeah oh it gets harder and then and then uh on new year's eve uh you bust yes

Yeah, New Year's Eve you bust. All right. Right. Oh, wow. So there's like actual... Yeah, that's kind of interesting. Wait, so this just isn't the erection growing? You're actually stimulating yourself? No. Well, you don't see it. This is a flip book with 365 frames. And the first frame is a flaccid wang. And then the last frame is a CS, a cum shot.

Well, we could release that and then never say, just say it's our collective dick. And what we could do is take this much photo of just a little one inch photo of each of our dicks. I actually like this idea. Goodbye. This I'm down. It's a Frankenstein version of a dick and it's just our collective dick. So we're never. Frankenweenie? You're only showing this much of your dick. Right. I would be down to put all of our dicks together in a Photoshop and

and make a bigger dick. Wait, who's the Voltron on the crew? Who's the head, bro? Hang on. Blake, hold up. I said Frank and Weenie and I didn't get a yes point? Oh, yes points. Points. I'm going to go play in traffic. Yes points.

points sorry man there we go damn you got your points bro i'm giving you flowers bro good job what do you think i'm here for i'm here for the points we're here for the damn point flowers god it's so crazy that adam you took that there because i that's exactly what i was thinking with the jizzing on the new year's i was gonna say that that's crazy great minds wow

And that's why we work so well together, Jersey. Yeah. Let's put our heads together. Literally. Literally, mate. Head-on collisions, baby. And I'm not talking crash test dummies. Yikes. Yeah, and so I think that's some really cool...

Merch or NFT. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Actually, I was thinking that like all this NFT shit I could give a fuck about. But doesn't it seem like the best place to drop like your nudes or sex tape if you are going to do that? Right. Like make it hell of exclusive. Yeah. Yeah. But what do you what do you want from your dropping your sex tape? Well, you could still see it. It can still be passed around the Internet to everyone. But only one person actually owns it.

You could still like post it wherever. But not if that person has it. Yeah. Right. Like only one person owns it if you make it super exclusive. Yeah, but you could still, it could still be everywhere on the internet. If that person puts it out there. Right. But,

But then that devalues it, right? So you're just buying it to put it out there. Because the whole thing of value is there's only one. There can only be one. Oh my God. We're so dumb. We don't know shit. So you say, come over to my house. I have the nude. I will show it to you. But you have to pay at the door to see it. To see Blake's...

blake scooch yeah i think i bet blake would get the most money for for his nude right that's what i think i think you would you would collect the most coin yeah i could get behind that if you watch kyle's nft it's like that movie the ring where like you see his butthole with like the hair and all of a sudden this girl with long hair crawls out of it and takes your soul

That would be a sick ass NFT. Bro, how did they not make a ring porno parody? This ain't the ring. Oh, bro. I guarantee you that shit exists. The cock ring, it exists. For sure. It's just the O-ring, dude. It's somebody's butthole. Kyle, were we together when we tried to...

No, it was me and Austin. And it was when I first moved to California. And me and Austin drove up to Hollywood to drive around Hollywood and see the sights. And we were driving down Santa Monica Boulevard. We were like, what should we do all day? And we're like, maybe we should just go to a movie. And we see that little theater. We stop. Something you can do anywhere. Right.

Here we are in Hollywood. Let's go to a movie theater. Well, we drove around for like two hours and just were like, we don't know what to do. Let's just go to a movie. And then we drive past and we see it's Lord of the Rings. And we're like, oh, that's weird. That movie's already out. But we love that movie. Let's just get stoned and watch Lord of the Rings. Oh, boy. And we go and it was Lord of the Cock Rings.

Oh, not what you were expecting. It was that gay theater on Santa Monica Boulevard. The Cat Theater? Which I don't know. It's called like Studs or whatever. Oh, yeah. Studs. Studs. Studs. Yeah. What if I named like 12 of those theaters? Oh, you're talking about the Cat Theater? Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Fancy Pants Theater? Yeah.

Pussycats? Grip It and Rip It Theater? Grip It and Rip It Theater. No, not that one. What else? Those movie theaters are basically gone though, right? Well, I think if Arclight closed, those probably closed as well.

Right. If AMC Theaters is hurting. Is struggling. I don't know if Studs made it through the Rona or maybe it did. Maybe it did. Yeah. Adam, you're saying because of the porno on the internet and stuff? Yeah, I was saying porno on the internet, but yeah. Yeah, but like those are places where people go to meet people. Yeah. M-E-A-T. Is that what happens? Yeah. Yeah. Meet people. Right, right. Yeah, you meet each other. Yeah. I want to meet you. Can I meet you? Real Trap.

It only works for like gay porno, right? Because chicks aren't really going to... I don't know. Yes, yes, yes. Generally. I mean, they grip it and rip it theater. Wait, there's straight porno theaters, right? Those exist. There's some wild chicks out there. There's straight porno theaters, right? Or is that just a thing of the past? I think that's what I'm saying. I think it's a thing of the past. I think for the most part, it's just gay porno, man. Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club?

Let's give hats off to them. Which, by the way, I'm trying to get us into that. Merch. They're keeping it alive. Merch, baby. Merch. Should we do our tour only at adult theaters? Sure. There we go. Yeah. Let's support the arts. That's genius. That's a really, really good idea. Needs a spot. Arts is what I call guys. They're just named Art. Arthur. Arthur.

Support the Arthurs. I feel like all those guys in those theaters are named Art. You don't hear that name often, do you? Yeah, Arthur is a hard name. I'm a fan. Arthur is sick. Hey, my name's Art. Wow. Do you paint? Well, speaking of public places with nudity, I made my way to an Atlanta strip club.

Yeah, baby. Peace up. A-Town dance. How'd it go? Magic City. Oh, you Magic City'd. Yeah, the number one.

the most amazing strip club I've been to in my life. Very different vibe, strip clubs out here. Very different. Can you go into detail? Well, don't just say, yeah, don't just say the same word multiple times. Explain. Very, very, very different vibe. Okay, now I get it. I was beat up. I was beat up. No. Yeah.

I was dancing. Very different vibe. Just wanted to say I went there. I don't want to say what happened. Okay. But I was jumped. No, it's just like actually like a true club. Like it was such a trip because, you know, we did all this COVID shit where we just sat in the house alone for a year. And this was kind of my first time back in like...

you know, a real public place indoors. And it was fucking packed, dude. Like, I don't know. All the strip clubs I've ever been to are kind of...

They're just like California strip clubs or whatever where you got that creepy dude at the end of the – or front center stage who's just like drooling on the strippers and strippers coming up to you asking you for dances. But this is like a club. It's like music. Like everybody's just there vibing. And the coolest thing about it is you can smoke weed in the club.

What? All right. I don't know if you can, but you were. You can or you just did? Oh, no. You for sure can. Unless I'm like tattletailing on some underground shit. Yeah, it's probably legal. I think you just tattled, you narc. No, no. That's legal. No. Motherfuckers are real.

Well, they are doesn't mean that you are allowed to. I'm pretty sure it's legal in Atlanta. No one, no one is saying anything. It's like everybody is just, not everybody, but there's just tables of people rolling blunts, smoking them, strippers coming up, smoking with you. It's a game changer, a total game changer. I'm sorry. I still don't see how it's different. You're like, it's like a real club. And I'm like, okay.

So what is the difference? Anders, wall to wall people. Shoulder to shoulder. It's like a packed ass club. But those crazy strip clubs in Vegas are that way.

They're like big clubs. Yeah. I feel like on like a weekend when we used to go to San Francisco, they were kind of packed. I mean, you're thinking of when we used to go during the day to like- Oh, well, yeah. True. The noon shift. True. But like when we would go at night on the weekends, it's popping, man. Strip clubs are a draw. Right. No, I get what you're saying. I understand. I've been told, specifically Magic City, I've never been, but I've been told that it's off-

And it is like a full-blown nightclub with naked women. Yeah, it's just not – there's nothing grimy about it. It's not that the ladies aren't incredibly beautiful and super stacked. Like, everybody has an excellent derriere, but like – Would you eat it? No.

I would take a bite of that, okay? Okay. Scoochin'. On a plate, cooked. Yeah. Cooked on a plate. It was just like, yeah, like the music is loud. Everybody's, it just, there's nothing like grimy about it. I don't know. I guess I'm used to like clubs being grimy. I feel like even in Vegas. Most of them are. Some of them aren't. Yeah. I feel like in Vegas, girls are always like pressuring you to go in the back to get a dance. Sure. There was none of that here. Unless maybe just the girls didn't like me.

Yeah. I'm like, check yourself. They might not be talking to you. Yeah. Were you spending any money or were you just one of the people not spending any money? He has a fucking G-Shock on. Well, that's for sure Blake's move. He goes into the, he doesn't spend a single dollar. Yeah. They probably just sensed that from you. Nobody was asking me for anything. It's like, dude, you didn't spend nothing. Yeah. It was weird. Maybe you had your scary ass white face on and they were like, I'm good.

- Just staring? - No dude, I did but I definitely asked my homies like, "Yo, am I glowing 'cause I will go home."

You looked crazy in that picture. I could not stop laughing. Yeah, that photo is absolutely nuts. The video, you posted that, right? I thought I just saw that. I think they posted that on the official Instagram for This Is Important. Follow, follow, follow. Which we're going to have some hot merch coming down the pipeline if I have my ways. Calendars. Calendars. Pornos. NFTs of our buttholes. Yeah.

Photos of our dicks photoshopped together as one dick. The Frankenweenie. And stay tuned for when we come to your city and perform at your porno theater. Now, would you guys do this? Would you release a photo of your butthole if we all took photos of our butthole and then they just took... It was just... We split the butthole into fours and it's just...

Honestly, I'm into anything where we're splitting our private parts and making one. And then people have to guess whose is what. Yeah. Like, I think that's so cool. Me too. That is art. Arthur. This is important. I'm into it, man. That shit's important. I think people would dig it.

- Take it man. - This is important. - I feel like the product will be so worth it. It'll be proud of it for my entire life. - Yo. - Wait till you see my dick. - Wait till you see our dick. - People are gonna lose it. They're gonna be like, yo, this is important, has the best drops. They did the butthole drop, did you get it? Oh, it's sold out.

Yeah, it was weird. Dude, it's our dick. Blake said it right there. It's called our dick. I will never, ever, ever show my dick to the public. I will show our dick all the time. Every day of the week. Our collective dick, our collective butthole. Should we switch it up though? So like somebody, like it's my base and then like Adam's base next time.

Kyle's head. There's like however many different versions. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. If you collect them all. If you collect them all. You gotta collect them all. I don't like that. I don't like that. You can kind of like back page of Mad Magazine it together. Like fold it. If you know how to fold right you can figure out what all of our dicks look like. Or like a Garbage Pail Kid puzzle where if you flip them all over it's the butthole. That's a really good idea. If you collect all 16 or whatever of the dicks

You flip them all over and you get the butthole. Tops, get at us. I don't want anything coming at us. Well, wait, Carl, I thought you liked this idea. No, I don't want anything tracing back to reality. If you're out, we're all out.

I like the idea of using one quarter. I don't like the idea of giving them a trail to see the real thing. What? No, it's a trail to see the quartered butthole. Oh. Yeah. Which is also a magic eye of Kyle's dick. Yeah. I mean, magic eye? I could never do them. Those are tight. Oh, my God. What if it's all four of our buttholes, and then the magic eye, if you stare into it long enough, is... You see our dick. You see our dick. Yeah. Yeah.

but then you're gonna fully see my personal dick? - No, you'll just see the magic eye outline. - Yeah, it's just a magic eye outline. - Get over it. - Okay, that's cool. As long as you're not seeing my own personal dick. - How do you build a magic eye? Because that, hey, also I feel good merch.

Bring magic eyes back. Oh my God. You want to hear something fucked up? Guys, this is crazy. This is important. Oh, fuck. Hit us with it. I've never seen a magic eye coming out. When I see them, they're going back. They're recessed. What? Shut the fuck up.

You got like a backwards brain. Bro, at least you got it. I mean, this is probably no surprise, but I can't do them. I mean, I've never been able to do them. That's the wonk. It's the wonk eye, right? That's the wonk for sure. For sure. For sure. It's got to be something with the wonk that doesn't allow me to do it. People tried to teach me how to do it when I was a kid and I would stare at it and fucking stare.

- Well, you gotta stare through it like you're looking through a window. That's the trick. - Is that your trick? - I've heard it all before. It's just not clicking. - I kind of blur my eyes a little bit and then I snap right into it. I'm actually very good at magic. - Oh, you're super good at that? - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm also really, really good. - Oh, you guys are skilled. - I wonder if we could do like kind of a game show where we put up an image and whoever calls it first wins a butthole picture.

Yeah, we could. Dude, I'm telling you. Oh, the magic eye? It's called one eye? The live shows are going to be fun, man. These live shows are going to be out of control. And this is in a porno theater? A run-down porno theater? What are they called? Magic eyes? My dick eyes. Magic guy. My dick eyes. Hello. You're the magic guys. Hello. Popo's side.

Hey, by the way, these are just things we could do. We could do this. Right. We're just killing time, you know, talking with each other. We do have to look into magic eyes, though, because that's a cool idea. We can do some cool magic eyes. That's something we could do. Yeah. Yeah, I'm into it.

Will we? Probably not. Magic Eyes need to come back. I actually very, very, very recently bought a Magic Eye book, and it's still the same exact book from when I was in elementary school. They need to update that shit. You mean it hasn't changed? Yeah. There's just like the pirate ship and Bugs Bunny and shit? The dolphins. The dolphins coming out of the water. The ripping. The tearing. Adult Magic Eye might work. Yeah. If you actually do like some fucking porno Magic Eyes. Hey, Kyle. Give me a hell yeah.

I've been saying it, man. This is my whole pitch. I know, Adam, I'm hearing you. I'm following your lead today. And I'm just, I'm like, we're on merge mode. We're on innovation mode. We're innovating over here. Fucking tech mode. Yeah. I love it. But you're just seeing the outline of something, correct? Correct.

I don't know. I've never seen one. Yeah. It's not super detailed. Weird. Wild. Well, I mean, they could get a little intricate. Like, I remember the pirate ship being like, whoa, shit, that looks kind of cool. But it is just the outline of a... It's the silhouette of something. It's just a silhouette of a pirate ship. Yeah. Right? It's not like you can see the...

dimension of a body you can't see the boards and stuff yeah you can see you can't see like the cannonballs or anything like that on this that could still be a silhouette aders is saying like is there like a tombstone and you can read what's written on the tombstone i don't know like you see details you can't see detail in this well i don't know about tombstone keep going keep going blake down the tombstone lane okay yeah so if it's a tombstone yeah but

Perhaps the tombstone is gathering moss. It's been there a while. What are you saying? I'm saying it's a... What kind of details are you looking for? Well, details is... That's an arbitrary term to use. It's just the silhouette of something, of an object, right? Well, I'm saying is there shit in the middle?

I know. You're the one who's so fucking good at Magic Eye. What do they fucking look like? I ain't never seen one. This is out of control. Mr. Magic Eye? Have you seen one? Have you seen one? Yes, I have. Of course I have. I don't think you've seen one. Prove it. Fuck you. I've seen Magic Eye. Fuck you, dude. No. Then how detailed are they, player?

Yeah. They're not that detailed. All right. Okay. Adam says they were. I thought they were a little. I mean, I haven't looked at magic eyes since I was, you know, I don't know what 13 or something whenever they're in the malls. I don't have books like Blake has a library of magic eyes at his home to prove that he can see these things. He obviously can't. And evidently he can't even remember. And he's like the dolphin. Of course. I'm like, you know, you haven't seen the dolphin, the skull. Yeah.

Right? The tombstone that's covered in moss. The tombstone covered in moss. The mossy tombstone. There's the dog, right? The dog, of course, yes. There's the children walking...

Laughing, telling stories. Jump roping, of course. The mouse on the paper airplane. I think hardcore porno magic eye is the wave of the future. And we're selling it when we go on tour. That's part of the merch table. $40 a pop. Stick around after. I agree. I think porno magic eye is actually really genius and it might be my new kink. And you know it's going to be on SNL next week. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, they're listening to this and now I can't wait. Oh, wait, what are they still like? Is it still happening? I don't know. I haven't watched SNL in forever, but I'm sure I'm yeah. Guarantee you they're

They're doing bits about cancer dabs and stuff now. And by the way, that's fine. Right? That's kind of fun. Yeah. Hey, no, I'm not angry at it. I love it. I'm stoked to have a small part on SNL. We should all put on IMDb that we're uncredited writers for SNL. Yes, points! That'd be great. There we go. There we go. Points!

I like that. Cool. Got it. Got another cred. I'm pumped on that. I love stacking up, dog. Stacking up.

Right.

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Kyle, what is on your IMDb creds? Should I pull it up and just really dig in the crates? Because that's why we do it, right? Wow. Yeah, that's why we do it for IMDb credits. If you want to check it out, check it out, doggy. Damn. You still have a very sick IMDb photo where you got a...

A big beard. Big beard. Oh, yeah, yeah. I just want to see your first credit. Okay. What is it? Crematorium. Short. Ah. Music video. Oh, I remember that music video. Yes. Hit him with that hot shit. Honestly, called it a short film. It was a music video, called it a short film so that I could get an IMDb credit. And we're cutting to that now. Yes. Oh. And we're back. How about that? Yes. That was by the Catholic Coma, Conquered...

native band one of our best friends big brothers band yeah give it up are they still catholic coming no they broke up yeah that was that was they they were the group that stayed with us for a while and then on like it was when facebook had just come out or my i think we're still on myspace back then and we're on myspace and this was like a really cool fucking wild dressing all black

goth band that's like crashing in our one bedroom front yeah or yeah there's in our living room and there's like five guys sleep on the floor it smelled thick hamburgers and anyways so he puts on um on myspace being in a band is hard work or something what was it yeah being in a band is hard but fucking a man being in a band is hard work but he misspelled but uh so it just read but fucking a man

It's hard work. It's hard work. Yeah.

But fucking a man is hard work. It's great. Fucking butt loving. And I read that on MySpace. I'm like, did you mean to write, but fucking a man? Yeah. Did this happen at our house while you were staying? And he goes, he goes, yeah. He's like, yeah. Yeah. This was while we were all kind of kicking it, watching TV at one of our houses. And Adam's just became Facebook friends with like the drummer or something. And he's like looking on his laptop and he's like, hey, did you mean to write butt?

butt fucking a man or what and the drummer's like what it was totally totally a mistake i mean but shout out to catholic comb in concord they were holding down like the goth wave for sure it was definitely honestly comb like a comb through your hair yes yeah yes yeah what is that

That's the name, man. Okay. Oh, you don't know Catholic Comb? Okay. No, I'm saying like, what is a Catholic Comb? I don't think it's a thing. I think it's... Well, I don't know. It's nothing. I think it was a play on catacombs. Catacombs. And they took it from there. Oh, can I tell you guys something? That's a reach. Okay. Is it real? No. Well, they had an air of absurdity to them too, which I kind of dug. Hot air. You know, there was a little bit of that.

Perfect. But yeah, they were a conquered band holding it down. I loved them, dude. I did a couple videos for them and wanted to do so. I loved it. You lose. You had nothing else to do. Yeah. For sure. Did I ever show you guys that I was in a kid rock music video? No.

I knew this was just Ders' way to bring up his Kid Rock music video. What do you mean? I forgot about this. This whole pod has been just one big long con for you to talk about. It's obvious. You've been moving the conversation. You've been moving

the conversation over to Kid Rock video. I did it. Yeah, it's going to air next week. I'm excited too. Congratulations, buddy. You made it. Yeah, and while you tell us the story of this, I will be seeing it if it's on your IMDb, because if

If it's not... It's for sure not. My homie Brian got cast as a bare-knuckle boxer. I remember this. I was so pumped on you. He's like, yo, my other buddy dropped out. And he was like, can you come do this? And I'm like, what is it? And he's like, we're just bare-knuckle boxing shirts off in front of the drummer from Kid Rock. And I was like, sure. Sure.

And I think I got like 250 bucks or something. It was great. But then in the video, like you can't really tell. It's like always like kind of on your back and you're like blurry and shit. And I was salty. I wanted you to be the star of that fucking video. I was like, because it ended up being Kid Rock. Yeah, I know. That sucked, dude.

Yeah, that sucked. It is a bummer when you see your homie on the product and you're like, what? They didn't use more? He's the fucking best. Like Blake's hands. Like Blake's hands. Yeah, exactly. In the Starbucks commercial. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me! It's fine, dude. I'm fine. How did they miss the face, though? Or the talking part? What happened? Hey, that's Hollywood breaks, man. I could have quit then and I didn't.

Look at me now. Because you're a cowboy, baby. I don't know what the song was. I'll find it. Was it the one where he says, I'm going to fuck you like I'll never see you again? I feel like they kept saying that. Oh, by the way, dude, listened to the podcast a few weeks ago. Meta. Yeah, no big deal. And I listened to it while I was on a bike ride. And your song that you made with Tommy Lee. Yeah, pretty bad. It's

so fucking bad they played so much of it i thought they were gonna play like 10 seconds of it i'm like there's no change there's no it was horrific i we were so drunk i i was like he's a professional musician you'd think he could put something i like i understand like you're musical but i wouldn't say you're you're not a musician or anything so if you just made that i'd be like okay good

for you, Ders. You made a thing. Where's my snare? He's a very successful musician. He should have been able to put something together that isn't total hot trash. Look, I'll say the coolest thing about it is that I shouted out Volvos over 15 years ago. That's the takeaway. Yeah, bro. Look at those Volvos. That's a great takeaway. For as long as I've known you, you have been an actual supporter of the Volvo industry.

And that is a main reason that our car in Workaholics was the Vogue because my boy puts the Vogue on blast big time. Yeah, he does. And remember, they wanted to make it like the cool 80s boxy Volvo. And we were like, no, that's cool. We want it to be like that in between, like not great, not cool at all. No style Volvo. It was, especially at the beginning of Workaholics, it was like a kind of

kind of a, it wasn't an uphill battle, but it was like hard for people to wrap their heads around that we wanted it. We wanted to look shitty. We wanted the house to actually look shitty. We wanted our clothes to be bad. We wanted our hair to look bad. We didn't want good haircuts. Um,

The whole thing. We were like, the cars should be shitty. Our clothes should be ill-fitting. And they're like, yeah, but I feel like you would tighten it up a little bit. And we're like, well, you are going to be on TV. And you're like, yeah, but our characters are garbage. Are dirt poor. Dirt poor. Yeah. And they shouldn't have nice haircuts and haircuts.

you know, clothes that fit them properly. That's why I love those later seasons of The Office where Jim just got that fucking sick Hollywood haircut. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here! Well, he did have the, like... He had, like, the...

the British version haircut that the same guy had with like the little tails come off the side. Right, right. That's a good cut. And like you're like, oh yeah, that's a bad haircut. And then he just looked hella GQ and I'm like, what's happening here? Yeah, it is weird when you get sucked up into the Hollywood of it all and you're like, I get my hair done and makeup done every day. Let's make it look good. And you just completely lose track of the core of the characters. Right. And it's like...

To be fair, I do feel bad for Mary Beth Monroe, who played Alice, whose haircut in the beginning was savagely insane. And she was like, can I please just change it? And we were like, okay, fine. But do I make you own it? Your loss. Yeah, we really fought them. And anytime they'd do Jillian's hair up nice or something, we'd be like, ah.

I wish they wouldn't do that. Yeah, Adam wouldn't come out of his trailer. Even to be on a kind of a meaner level. Remember Eric Griffin would show up to set looking good, kind of lost weight, and we're like, we need you fat, bud. We need you fat, dude. Yeah, he had cool glasses, right? There's a shot in season two where he has glasses, these really nice glasses. He's looking thin, probably exactly what he was.

to be. He made it. He did it and he's on TV and he's got it. We did one shot, one scene and we said, you got to change your glasses and go to crafty, man. Yeah. Go get something to eat. Go pile it on. There's donuts out. Yeah. Come on. It's free. I think I ate a donut every morning one season and it shows.

The titties were in full effect. Pizza, pizza. Those long johns? You do have some meaty dogs. I'm a big fan of your tots. Come and get it. What's your go-to donut? If you got to eat one donut, what are you smashing? I mean...

This is important. Oh, this is huge for me. I've got mine. I like the little, you know, the crullers or whatever. I was just going to say it's a toss up between French cruller and Long John for me. It's hella weird. They got like, it's almost like it's eggs in the middle. It's so good, dude. Eggs. What's up? I feel like I've had this cruller and I like it. Is it hot? Is it a hot donut? Is it served hot? It's eggs inside. It's like the twisted looking one that has the glaze. It's ribbed. And on the inside, it's very like croissant-y. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That one's fucking bomb, dude. I was going to say old-fashioned, or glazed old-fashioned, but now I'm like the crawler. Yo, apple fritter? Apple fritter? I'll fuck up an apple fritter. I don't do the apple fritter. I keep the apples out of my donuts. Keep the fruit out of my donuts. No, you don't like the strawberry-filled one with the gooey on the inside? Keep the fruit out of my donuts. No, no jelly. A wet fritter? You don't like jelly donuts? Get the fuck out of here. Oh, I like the jelly.

jelly, dude. No jelly. Fuck no. It's gross. Goodbye. You got jelly on your face. You're jelly. I don't mess with jellies, but I do love apple fritters. Those are so good. But that's like eating four donuts. If you're taking apple fritters to the face, you're taking a lot of food to the face. But if you're eating a donut, you're not on any kind of diet. You're not dieting. No.

That's why I go long John. Cause a long John's like two donuts. I'm like done. This is a done deal here. Yeah. That you're getting more donut. No, no, that's a, that's a, no, you can't go into anything with that state of mind. Like if you're like, Oh, I'm going to have a slice of pizza. So I might as well have two pizzas. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you can. You're talking about my entire lifestyle. That's fine. Yeah. And then I got the titties though. Yeah. So yeah.

There's nothing in moderation, Blake. Yeah, stop. Thank you, Adam. It's either turn it off or turn it on. Yeah. This is how it works. Take this self-control somewhere else. Thank you. I'm still going to send it. We're trying to go hard in the lanes that we choose. And that's what we do. You got to go big, baby. I thought you were a go-hard, man. What happened? Remember when we would get pizza late night if we kept shooting past X amount of hours? They would buy pizza for the crew.

And we would always be like, all right, I'm just going to have one piece. And you'd have 10 pieces. Oh, yeah. I'm like, if I'm going to eat pizza, I'm going to eat until I'm stuffed. Fuck it. I'm not just going to eat one because...

If I was just eating and was worried about my caloric intake, I'd eat fucking chicken and broccoli. Nope, dude, for real. I ordered a pizza the other day and I got through two and I was like, I'm going to stop at two. I got a salad and some broccoli too. And then I'm like, that was so good. Like, give me two more. And then I reached where it was like half of the pizza. And I'm like, do I leave this for the rest of my family? They weren't here yet. And then I was like, no, I fucking eat another slice. That's what I do. I love it.

That's what happens. And also, dude, your wife is mad tiny. She doesn't need the same. I tell Chloe this all the time. She doesn't need the same amount of calories that I do. I need more calories. I'm a giant, giant dude. Thank you. Exactly. Hey, but Kyle, how many pieces did your stomach eat on its own? I ate the whole thing. Sweetheart, please don't eat another piece of pizza. I need seven.

You know I need seven pieces, baby. I need it.

Half a pizza is a good, that's a good place to stop though. If you eat half, like you're good. Yeah. I think that's a good, I think that's a large, that's where I need to get to. Yeah. Whatever the largest size pizza is like big mamas and papas. Yeah. Yeah, dude. The big blocks. Pizza, pizza. That's four pieces. That's doable. If you eat three feet of pizza or less, you're doing okay. Conveyor belt style or just goes right in your mouth.

Three feet squared. That's the limit. I think this is all appropriate amounts. Have you guys ever gotten the Big Mama's and Papa's pizza? The one that's like 60 by 60 inches? I never got it myself, but I've been at like a party or something where they had it. It's like a kid's birthday party. The kids lose their minds. Oh, yeah. That motherfucker is huge. It's the size of a bunk bed. Yeah, kids could play football on it.

Fucking go long. You guys have some L.A. kids. Do they fuck with pizza in the same way that you guys fucked with pizza as children? Well, the way we're describing it, no. Yeah, they don't eat half of the large. They're going to get pizza when daddy's done, and that's not a lot of pizza. That's never.

No, because I remember being in an acting class when I was 20 years old, and we had to go to different people's houses. And I was at this woman's house, and she had children. And they were home, and the husband's like, oh, don't mind us. They're just going to be eating sushi over here. And these kids were just like, yum, sushi. And they were devouring sushi. I'm like...

If you gave me sushi as a kid, I would have broke the fucking TV, man. I would have poisoned you or hit you with a car or... I would have found a way to murder mom and dad. Wait, you would have been upset? Yeah, I would have been way upset.

Sushi? Why? As a kid? Yeah, what's up? Yeah, you don't want that shit. I mean, I guess I get it. I guess, yeah. He's a red-blooded American. Yeah. Like, that's a California kid thing. It's not a hot dog. So I'm like thinking, if I have kids in California, are they going to grow up just naturally being like, give me that sushi?

Your kids fuck up the sushi? Yeah, mine do. I feel like there is this movement of whatever, like organic or you give your kids edamame. I never saw edamame until I was fucking 25, dude. That was not a thing. For real. Dude, I never even had hummus, but that's just where I was coming from. I tried nothing as a kid. I hear you. Hey, buddy, I'm the same way. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

Me too, man. Don't feel bad, bro. Don't feel bad. I'm in Houston right now visiting my parents, and I asked my mom to pick me up some hummus because I like to dip vegetables in hummus. Put your finger in it and lick it off. I'm waiting for something else, baby. I like to dip pizza in this. My dad was like, what the fuck is this? And I'm like, hummus. And he's like, huh. Like he had never seen hummus before. That shit's important. Yeah. Huh.

Did he like it? Did he try it? I don't think he tried it. I think he was pretty grossed out by it. But is hummus like on some... Did hummus get a big boost in the last... I don't remember a life before hummus. Yeah. How did it get a boost? How did that happen? I don't know. It's a healthy dip. Yeah. Before hummus, we had ranch and that was what we were. We still got ranch, boy. I'm a ranch fan. My dad's the same way though because my folks were in town and I just grabbed Zanku for lunch one day.

And I just got my dad some chicken with some like pita and hummus and whatever. And he was like so suspect over it. He was like, how do you do this?

I'm like, oh, sir, I don't like it. Just you put it in your mouth and chew. How do I? Your mouth and chew. This is unlike chicken I've seen before. How do I? What do I do with this? What do I do? What's the rice for? That's also for eating. You do that. But didn't you say your dad never even had a burrito or am I making that up? No, no, no. He won't eat fish tacos.

What? Why? He just is like, it's not right. I've been trying to get him to eat fish tacos since I moved to LA. And he's just like, he like dodges it. I'll get tacos with a bunch of fish ones. I'll be like, and here's one of these for you. And then I'll turn around and it's like gone on somebody else's plate.

It's so weird. I'm like, just, just try it. I'll get like breaded, breaded and grilled. I'm like, you can go either way. I wonder what it is. I wonder what weird shit we are going to be like in the future. You know, cause we're going to be old dad someday. Uh,

If I have children. But yeah, we're going to be old. I wonder if there's going to be something that like the kids are eating and our kids are like, dad, you got to try this. And you're like, absolutely fucking not. No way in hell. No, it's going to be when bats actually take off and the world is eating bats and Blake hard stances it. Yeah. The bat. But like the world is way smaller than it was when my dad was coming up as a young man. Like,

It's like the global aspect like you know what everyone's eating now right and like things are getting shipped everywhere and things are getting grown everywhere So my bad idea that I think could take hold I will say that the shit that kind of freaks me out But I kind of do want to try it has you have you seen like the 3d printer food? Oh, yeah, whoa whoa talk to me, baby. What is this? Yeah, like I saw some steaks where it's like all in

Like 3D printed from like, I don't know, like organic materials or something. But it looks like steak, but it's completely synthetic. It's weird, wild stuff. Oh, wow. So is it like paper? It's edible. It's edible? Yeah, it's edible. Did you say it's paper? No, it's made of organic tissue or whatever. It's paper? Wait, you printed it. It's paper? It's science. I mean, it might be paper.

This is like using the same technology where they... This is like using the medical technology where they can rebuild organs and stuff like that. Where they can like... Where they grew the ear on that fucking mouse or whatever. Yeah, they can... With skin tissue, they can actually like make... Make my dick bigger?

So you're telling me you can beef it up? There's a chance. Frankenweenie huge. 3D print me some new testicles. Some lengths. Here's my question. Would you eat, Adam, mostly for you because you're a steak guy. You eat steak nine days a week. I do lots of steak. It's science. Would you eat a cow that was cloned? Yeah. Yeah.

Zero hesitation. Uh, I, I, my head, no, my hesitation was why would I hesitate? Well, like, why would I not? And, uh, and then I thought about it for a brief moment and nothing popped up and was like, fuck it. Scroll through your Terminator brain. Yeah, no, no. Why, why would I not? Why would I not? Yeah. Why not? Cause it's like cloned. It's like, it's not, it didn't come from, um, my, my God. Wow.

- On this pod, we trust science, okay? We're gonna put whatever the scientists tell us in our body, okay? - There we go. When you clone something, does that something start as a baby or does it just come out the exact opposite? Like how does that work? - Yes, Kyle.

It has to grow up. It does? That's fucked up. Seriously. So like people who got cash are having, they'll have like a dog die and they'll pay like 250 G's to have the same dog cloned and grown. So they just keep re-upping on the same dog. That is the sixth day. That's the sixth day. That's re-pet. Yes. So would you eat that dog, Adam? Would I eat a dog? I probably would. No, no. The cloned pet.

Well, you have to consider that eating dogs is cool. Okay. I will say it is in the movie Six Day. And for anybody who hasn't seen this Arnold movie, underrated as fuck. Check out the Six Day. Great film. And what is this character's name in that movie? Ben Gleib? Ben Gleib?

Ben Glees. Who the fuck is Ben Glees? Ben is a comedian. A very deep cut comedian. Oh, yeah. Why did that come up? Because you're obsessed with him. Yeah, you love Benjamin Glees. No, no. Is somebody saying it in the chat? No, they're saying Streisand revealed that two of her three cotton-dealer dogs were clones. Mm-hmm.

Really? That's some Barbra Streisand shit, bro. Hey, if Streisand's doing it, I'm down. She's in the Illuminati for sure. We should clone her. Oh, yeah. What if her dog's cloned her? How'd she feel? Yeah, I'm fine with... Well, isn't it... If we are able to clone these animals and then eat them, would we not be able to... Would that cut down on the...

No, no, no. Because it's the same animals. It's the same amount of animals. Oh, but could you maybe clone them so they didn't fart all the time? Because that's the issue, right? Isn't that the whole thing with global warming? Cow farts are fucking the ozone? But the methane's got to go out of somewhere.

That's gas. Gas you don't want in your body. That's why it gets expelled. That's why you dookie. Because if the dookie stays in, that's bad stuff. You become septic. So you don't think there's... In years, we won't develop science that will make it so we don't have to fart. It's science. We can somehow...

spell that gas another way? You'll probably be able to get a little second butthole put in wherever you want it, like an open second butthole that just can like... Remember those whistles from when you were a kid that go... Oh, a kazoo. Yeah, a kazoo. No, no, no, no, no. It's not a kazoo. They had like a pinwheel in them and they would go...

Sounds pretty kazoo-y. Sounds like a kazoo. It's a pinwheel whistle. It's not a kazoo. Durs is right. Hey, guys, slide in these guys' DMs. Send them pictures of the whistle with the little pinwheel on the inside that go... Preferably while it's hanging out of your butt. Bury it in the nude.

Yeah, I don't want that to happen. Look, that's where the buck stops to me. I fart, okay? You're not going to take it away from me? You're not going to change it. Well, that's what I would... The only way I would change it is if I could have multiple buttholes. Like, if I could reroute. Well, I would like to not fart. If there was a pill or something where I never farted again, I would do that. What the fuck? You guys love farting, and I hardly ever do. That's insanity. That's one of your greatest defense mechanisms, Adam.

Don't you realize if you're being attacked by an animal, the first line of defense is you fart on them. Shit yourself. No, what you're supposed to do is, and Blake, I'm quoting Blake, you're supposed to reach down their throat. That's a wildcat. You're supposed to put your arm down their throat and then rip their intestines out of their butthole. That's a wildcat. Specifically a wildcat.

And then grab their dick. But then if that doesn't work, you have to fart in their face. Right. Or you have to fart across their uvula. Well, that's the opposite because dogs wouldn't dogs. When you fart around a dog, he will dive snout first into your asshole. Dogs are different. They love it. Right. Dogs rock. Snout first. Dogs rock. That's a companion animal. Oh, okay. Beautiful man.

Now, as a comedian, though, I don't even know the comedian's perspective of ditching farts is absolutely absurd to me. Like, how much have you laughed in your life over farts? And you're just saying without a blink of an eye. Yeah, I don't want it no more.

That's some bullshit. Adam, to be honest, I've never laughed at you if it wasn't a fart. So you're willing to give that up? Yeah. It's always fart related. So you're trying to pull the rug out of your whole career and your friendship? I guess I thought you guys liked my personality and stuff, but our relationship is fart based. 100%. Oh my God. You're just realizing that. Yeah. Your entire sense of humor is hinged on your farting? Yeah.

I guess they didn't know that. And that would be my first. I would like to start the take backs and apologies. I'd like to take back saying that I'd give up farting because I didn't realize it had so much weight on our relationship and our friendship. And if it means that much to you guys, I'm going to stay farting, guys.

Thank you. Thank you, Kyle. I wish I could cue up a wet one right now. We'll fart, Mike. I need some farts. I don't have one. Kyle's the only one who's farted on the podcast, right? I believe so. I did. I did do that. That was real nice. That was a juicy one. You got one right now? You got one in the chamber? Um...

I'm sitting with a pee pretty heavy with a pee. So I don't know that I'll be able to pull it off. You can't pinch and... I'm pissed now. I'm just trying right now. I'm doing a wiggle and I don't think... I think the liquid's coming first. So I'm not going to do that to you guys. I get that. And I apologize for not peeing on the microphone. That makes sense. That's my bad. Blake, Durs, any take backs, apologies, giveaways? Yeah, I want to apologize to...

Simone Manuel, a famous swimmer who's at trials right now. She's another person named Simone. Yep, big shout out, Simone Manuel. There we go. There you go. Okie dokie. I'd love to compliment Adam on his merch ideas, dude. I like the way you're thinking. My brother is trying to get on the road, get in front of the people I am too, and I want to sell a lot of magic eyes of our cock.

and buttholes. Let's do this, baby. I'm excited. I think it's a great idea. We're getting the management on it. We got to figure this out. And I think it's... It's in the works. Yeah, we have to figure that out because it's fucking good.

California mask mandates over. Let's get amongst the people. Let's touch each other. Let's see each other live. I cannot wait. I think I'm going to be back in September, and I might be seeing a few of you guys. Lake of the Brozarks bachelor party coming up soon. And do we do the podcast from Lake of the Ozarks? Could be fun. I don't know. We have to.

Logistically, it might be difficult, but... I mean, it always is. Well, also, just like quality... No, we won't suffer. It'll be the same. All we need is one mic. All we need is one mic. Where's my snare? Hey, and by the way, here's a twofer, just an update. No worms in the poop. No worms in the poop.

Nice. Good? Nice. And then also, listening back, we talked about digestive worms two episodes in a row. I didn't realize that. Well, I said it. Yeah. We love it. I said, Kyle, we had yolk on our face. It's a thing. We love it. I wanted to say a lot more last week, but the tech was behind. Well, the floor is now yours. Yes. I will perform a late apology to you and also for all the aruguloids out there. I can't hear him. Can you guys hear him?

For the aruguloids out there, I know you missed me, and I'm back in full swing. So good to be here. Thank you very much. You're not going to say the thing that you wanted to say?

What thing? Fucking thing sucks. God damn it. What? The meat worms? The meat worms? Arugula, this is your champion. This is your champion. Yeah, this is your king. I just gave you the floor to say the thing that you were going to say and all you said was the technology was bad. I'm here now. Shit. I'm back. Yeah, well, you know, all I was going to say was that we talked about the meat worms. I mean, you already said it. I didn't have anything to add.

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