Ep 45: Kyle And Ders And Adam And Blake’s Trillion Dollar Movie
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She's got to get to the cabin before there's 25 nut busts. Ballet bros have the hugest cocks, man. He's jerking off and right as he busts, he catches a salmon. My dog Koda is also known as Cum Soda. Let's go! Wake up!

Yeah, baby. Wake up. That's good. What is up? What's good? Adam, let's talk about your resonance right now. Adam, you got a little grog to your voice. Yeah, just woke up super early. That was a big drinking weekend for me. It's the 4th of July weekend. Hell yeah, baby. Partied hard. Hello.

Same story, different Monday. You know what I mean? Yeah. Same story, different Monday. And then it kind of carried on for a few days. Had the mutual buddy, Scotty Landis, visiting. Sure. Friend of the pod. Friend of the pod. Writer from Workaholics. Friend of Workaholics. That's right. He also wrote the very spooky horror movie, Ma, with Octavia Spencer. But yeah, he was in town and then had a super early call.

This morning for the Righteous Gemstone. So I was up at 5 in the a.m. And it is almost 11 in the p.m. right now. So, you know, it's quite the banger. You're burning the midnight. Yes. I do have a question, though. Oh, shit. Right out the gate. Uh-oh. Okay. I just... Blake, how many times have you jerked off? Oh, come on, brother. He's coming out hot. Come on, brother. No, that was last week. Yeah. Now, I...

I just ate some baked beans that I got at Home Team, which is a barbecue place that I took Blake to the other weekend. Yeah, home of the Game Changer. Home of the Game Changer. Delicious barbecue. But it's been about almost two weeks at this point.

I think tomorrow will be the two-week mark that I got these baked beans. Do you think they've gone bad? Because immediately, like 30 minutes after I ate it, the guts have been speaking to me. Or do you think that's just the amount of beers I drank this past weekend has finally caught up to me? Oh.

Also, beans fuck you up from the inside, right? Yeah. The magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you eat, the more you do. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. Classic phrase. But they're good for you, right? They're good for you. Yeah. Farting. Farting. Farting is good for you. Farting is good. Farting is good. I feel like it might be a little bit of column A and column B. You're eating old food. Oh, I thought you were talking about the vice president for a second.

I thought you were like Colum A, and I'm like, that's not even her name, dude. We're talking beans. Yeah, that's a weird way to have it. That would be so weird if you just started to get politically charged right out the gate. I feel like it's a Colum A. Colum A and her sister, Colum B? Colum Bean.

Call them beans. So we think it's fine. You guys would eat baked beans that have been about two weeks. I don't think I would. I don't think I would. Yeah. Okay. I'm not a big leftovers guy. If it's been there two days, three days, I'm chucking it.

What? Oh, really? I let stuff grow. I will eat around fungi. I almost died eating leftover pizza in Washington, D.C. with you guys. So after that, I'm... That is true. And that was only a day, too. I can't stop eating. Yeah. That was probably only eight hours, honestly, because it was like we were up all night.

Or like we got it late-ish and then woke up in the morning, had a slice before we hit the road. And then I was... So wait, so you think the food turned into poison in eight hours? Is that what I'm hearing? Like within eight hours, the food turned into poison. I was the only person to eat it the next day and almost died. Jesus, that's frightening. Yeah, but that was probably like, what's the shit you can get from spinach? E. coli? Yeah.

Yeah, I think you got the E. I think you got the big E. You got a case of the E, dog. That's if you eat the wet spinach. If you eat the spinach that looks like it's soaked, that's when you get the E. The soapy spinach? Yeah, the stuff that looks like it's covered in soap. Little bubbles. Oh, is that what it is? Those little scrubber bubbles. Did you guys ever, like, on your mom's clean-up shit at the crib...

Those little soap bubbles with the bristles. Yeah, hell yeah. I wanted toys of that. Why doesn't that company make toys and then brand people super young and then you've got them for life? Because I think they're kind of sex toys.

Those are like little massagers. Yeah, you just... The brushes? I need way more information. Yeah, my mom actually had a lot of them growing up. The brushes? Yeah. Yeah, she had them all over. For sex? So wait, you think the bristles are for boys or girls? Or what? A little of both. Or butts? Are they for boys, girls, or butts? Yeah, all genitals respond to bristles. Yeah, all right. In my family...

Okay, wow. I feel like they're rough bristles, but hey, you're a rough guy. Yeah, they're tough. They're meant for soap scum. They're meant to scrape off mildew and soap scum. You are what you claim. Yeah, and I call my penis and testicle scum. I call my genitals scum. Soap and scum? Soaps cum. I must clean the scum off. It's the scum shot.

Scrape the scum. That is what scumbag is, right? Scumbag's a condom. Scum is a euphemism for cum. You're teaching us a lot on this podcast about ejaculation, Durs. Yeah. Hey, that's what I'm here for. We didn't know Pearl Jam was about...

you know, EJAC. Allegedly. And he taught us that. I also think that Ders has this cool skill where he can just take any road back to, to come bill. Yeah. Well, that's cool. It all loops back to come with Jersey. Six degrees to come slick roads, slippery slide. Speaking of come, Hey, speaking of come, I have some, not again. I have something. I did it.

What'd you do? I did it. What'd you do? I did it. Did you snip? I made the appointment. I made the appointment. You snipped. I made the appointment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To snip. Yeah. That doesn't stop you from ejecting, does it? No, no. The loads still come, from what I've told. But, yeah. So, you still have all the fun of the toy, but none of the dangers. Well put. Yes. So, no more live ammunition. It's all blanks. Hmm.

Well, when I do it, I haven't done it yet. I made the appointment. I walked in. That's cool. Yeah. Can we walk through the science of it? It's science. What is the technical term for it? It's called a vasectomy. Vasectomy. That is definitely a German scientist who discovered that. Right. Vasectomy. Because they cut the vas deferens.

Someone did it. They're like, that's sick to me. And they're like, well, we got to do it. That's cool. So they cut it off and then they tie it? Well, there's two of them in the sack and they cut both of them. And then I guess they cauterize it or something? I got to look into that. I don't know. Yeah, I think that's to get a blowtorch in there and just fucking torch you.

I might be confusing like girls get their tubes tied and boys get their dick snipped. Yes, correct. I don't know if there's any literal tying happening. I think that's kind of like a cute, fun thing to say, right? It's like a crimp. Why can't we say, I don't want to get snipped. Yeah, I would rather get crimped. Maybe we can start that. Crimping? I'm getting my nutsack crimped. They just make the tube zigzaggy?

I'm going to go ahead and get my nuts crimped. I'm getting my nuts crimped this weekend. I'm getting crimped. Kind of like it's 80s day in high school. We're just crimping our nuts. We should crimp our pubes and just like change the world. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Let's...

For sure start crimping a lot of our hair on our body. And like finger wave your pubes? Yes, sir. I feel like people were like, we shave to like show that we've got, we're cleanly, we're all cleaned up, we take care of our bodies. But if you style that shit? Yeah, that's hot. Here's the science of the vasectomy if you guys want it. Oh, sir, I don't like it. A vasectomy works by stopping sperm getting into a man's semen. Hmm.

The fluid that he ejaculates. We all knew that. Thank you. We know what that is. Well, then you just squeeze your dick really hard, no? That is true. That's one of the techniques. Back it up? Yeah, there's ways. The tubes that carry sperm from a man's testicles to the penis are cut, blocked, or sealed with heat.

Oh, they are cauterized. Corduroyd. You have to wear corduroys. Right. This means that when a man ejaculates, the semen has no sperm in it and a woman's egg cannot be fertilized. So that's the whole point. That just flooded me with memories. I actually think I did have that knowledge somewhere in my brain for sure.

Crazy, dude. Somewhere in there. Wow, you got fucking flooded. Wow, I learned a thing once. No, I'm actually hella smart. You just have to knock the knowledge loose, and then I'm like, yeah, yeah, I knew that. Right, right. I knew that. Can't explain it exactly, but yeah, I knew that for sure. Yeah, say it to me, and I will confirm that it's true. I'll repeat it back to you. Yeah. Okay, so Blake, did you know this? That you can reverse it.

And it's like 99% reversible. I did not know that. Wow. It can still wrangle its way. Like shit still goes on. I had a buddy who I swam with who got it and then he was like, didn't work. Well, it depends on how quickly you're blasting afterwards. You have to clear the chamber. You have to shoot like...

you know, like 25 times to clear it. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You got to clear it. God damn it, honey. I mean, you're clearing it. Exactly. Do you want another kid? Then let me watch this. It's been a year. So are you going to take a big weekend? Are you going to take the Oculus off to your cabin? A romantic weekend. Really treat yourself. Yeah. Really treat yourself and just clear the tubes. Yeah. Unload the banana clip. Oh my God. Feels like something I could throw on the calendar. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like she doesn't want to be around you on a weekend that you're truly trying to jerk off 20 times. That's a lot. 25. It's a job. 25. Yeah, you're going to work. Right. You're going to work. Honestly. Guys, I hate to say it, but I think we have a movie idea. I think we slipped and fell into a movie idea. Clear the chambers. That's disgusting. Don't say it like that.

Okay, you're taking the road back to Comptown, but come on now. I'm saying four best friends all get snipped and they go to a house. Kyle is starring in this movie. Oh, Kyle is the lead. I'm a part of the ensemble, bro. Yeah, get used to it. Get used to it. Dude, I am used to it.

Okay. I was just, I was wondering, wait, I want to hear this huge comedy. No, I'm already rewriting it. One friend gets snipped. One friend gets snipped. Kyle, the star of the movie and his three best friends go with him to like a house in the desert to,

to do his last 25 ejaculations and they want to make each one special. Yeah. Wait, you guys are going to be there for me? I'm just going to take this. Why are they? Well, they want to make each ejac a special event for him. Yeah, it's a it's like, you know, he's like coming to terms with like he can never create life again. So we're like, let's treat each ejaculation like a birth of a child.

Can I flip this a little bit? Absolutely. And make it more of a female driven comedy. Okay. I'm pissed now. And that's hot right now. Those cells. So a woman gets pregnant with her husband and they're so happy. And he's like, you know what, honey?

She's like, I'm just done with kids. We can't do this anymore. It's too much. She hates kids. Maybe she hates kids. She's had it up to here with them. She wants to move on from having more kids. And he's like, totally get it. You know what? She hates the two that she has. Let's get snipped, right? So he gets snipped and he goes, honey, I'm going to go away for this weekend. I got 25 shots. I got to bang out. You don't want to be around for that. No. He leaves. Mm-hmm.

She

a miscarriage the next day. Oh my God. And now she's got to get to this. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot comedy's dead. Wait, how are you kidding? This is not funny. Yeah, wait a minute. This isn't funny. This is sad. I don't know how you get past that scene. Hey, he's setting it up. Let's give him. I haven't said the, I haven't said the punchline yet. Okay. She's got to get to the cabin before there's 25 nut bus. Oh,

Because once he passes the nut bus, and so like you're intercutting from her, like, you know, the car will break down. She'll run into her. So there's truly a ticking cock. Yes, points! A jacking cock. Yeah, okay. I love that. And maybe the place he went is there's no cell phone.

Exactly. There's just porno tapes. It's the cabin. It's the cabin. Yeah, you could come up to the cabin. It was his creepy old grandpa who just went there to die and just has a wall of dusty old porno tapes. Right. And you're intercutting. So you're just jerking off to like Christie Canyons or whatever. Whatever.

Whatever old porno. Betty Page or something. That's great. Is Grandpa here or is Grandpa dying in the movie? Yeah, we could throw that in the deleted scenes. Yeah, maybe in the coda, the very, very end of the movie after the credits is we walk back and find him still jerking off in the woods. He goes on a walk. He thought he was dead the whole time. Yeah, we think he's dead and he's still... And what is the coda?

I think that, isn't that like after the little scene after their credits roll? Oh. It's not like the secret scene. It's like, I think it's the last, last bum, you know, like the last note. Okay. Like that's what, is that, is the Led Zeppelin album coded their last album?

So that was a cum-related album. Oh my god. No, wait. We're not talking about cum anymore. Wait, what? God, dude. Yeah, hold on. I'm so sorry. Blake jerks off on one plane when he was 19 years old. It blew my fuck

in mind. He jerks off on one time on a plane when he was in his late teens and suddenly he just has jizz on the brain. His brain has come. I'm sorry, no, it crossed with because Kyle's dog's name is Koda and it's come to Soda. Oh, that's right. It wasn't totally out of the blue, okay? I was like, wait, where are you getting...

okay. I know. I was like, wait, what the fuck just happened to my brain? Cause my dog Koda is also known as cum soda, but I feel so bad for everybody listening. Who's like, I, I gotta stop. I can't follow it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not that, but it's not that. Yes.

Back to what, Durst, you just pitched a really good movie because you could have this whole, like this lady and her best friend are on a buddy. And the best friend is pregnant, like super pregnant, ready to pop. She's not supposed to go. And then you just keep cutting the husband having just like the weirdest jerk off scenes, like 25 scenes. Right, and then you're back to the action. And then you're back to the heartfelt story and then you cut to the dumb dude just like...

Bro, this is the strangest. Well, it can also, like your original pitch, I want to save some of that because there was some meat on those bones. Some gist of those balls, so to speak. Sure. Well, yeah. Some of those scenes should be pretty beautiful. Yes.

Well, because he's dealing with it. He's really finding himself out there, and he's really enjoying it. He's underneath a waterfall. Outdoor Jack Sessions, for sure. He's jerking off, and right as he busts, he catches a salmon. It falls from up above. It jumps up for the nut, and then he grabs it with his bare hands. And he grabs it, yeah, just with his bare hands, by the lip. It's flipping around, and then it cuts to him eating it. Perfect. Yes, exactly. And guess what? He doesn't have any Lowry's. What's he going to use to season it? Ooh.

Now that's nasty. I don't know. What is he going to use? Hey, I don't know. He needs something salty. I don't know. I don't know what he's going to use. Let's let the audience decide. Adam, what would be salty to your knowledge? I don't know. Something that's salty and kind of buttery tasting. I'm not sure. I don't know. Is that the description? Alloy? Is that what it's called? Yeah, it tastes exactly like from all the loads that I've swallowed. Swallowed. Not tasty. Oh, my God.

Salty and buttery. Salty and buttery. Right. And is a valid replacement for Lowry's. Oh. Or like an Old Bay. Or like an Old Bay. I don't know what Old Bay is. Is that like a seasoning? Yeah, it's another seasoning. Cool. Tight. Yeah, well, I think we got some. I was picturing like wild horses running by the guy when he's just stroking it. Yes. Maybe.

Maybe he gets maybe one stops and sees him doing it and just looks like he's going to charge him and then just bows down. You know, horses get like across the right one. Oh, yeah. Neil. Yeah. One up in front of the other and then just bows down like it's some sort of magical moment between the two of them. And then for the rest of the movie, he just rides that butt naked horseback. Uh huh.

Oh, and he does a hands-free eject? Yeah, and he's writing it bareback. That's also kind of a sexual term. There's a lot here, guys. Yeah, there's so much here. It's a great movie. I would love to spend some moments on this, some of that, and then also roll through like 12 of them hella quick. Oh, yeah. He does it on the way up. He bangs one out. Because there's 25. We have to get through 25. There's 25. It's a lot. Yeah, you're going to want to move it along. Every single cutaway should be a new genre for sure. It's genre-bending.

And guess what? It's a ticking cock. Right. But that cock has to tick 25 times. And that's a lot of ticking. Yes, points! And what's cool is that by the end, when he gets up to like the 15s, the late teens, like... When the audience is glued to their seats in the screen. Right. It's tough. He can't just go back-to-back pops. What about the dark nut of the soul? Dark nut of the soul. Blake, hit it. Yes, points! Yes!

Yes, points! You give it to yourself. There you go, baby. Yes, points! You earned it. Thank you. Cool. And then, you know, we can show something earlier that force can shadows what happens later. Hell yeah!

I didn't know it was going to be back to back. I'm just saying, if we can find something in the right vein... Yes, points! And I don't want to rip off any old movie like Shaft or... Yes, points!

Go Ders! Any more? Go Ders! Wow, he's got to take a sip of beer after that run, my boy. He had to cool down. He's got to wet that whistle. But the soundtrack could be amazing. You could get like Urethra Franklin. Oh! Yes, putz! Hell yeah, dude. Woo! Woo!

Hi.

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I had one other thing that I just thought of, though, if that's cool. It's still on the topic. Go for it. Yes. All right. No, I just was like tripping because when he said I could reverse it, I was like, why didn't I get one of these when I was fucking 18 years old? Right.

Right, right, right. I feel like we should have this conversation. Well, also, it's because you also should be scared of STDs. Right, right. Not just getting people pregnant. You know what I mean? Right. But at the same time, is anybody doing this? Like young? I'm sure some psychopath is doing it for sure. Psycho? This is like, it's a kind of a genius thought. Yeah, but it's borderline. Yeah, but also you should be...

wary of other STDs. It makes you want to wear condoms with people. I get that, but you always put the IUD and the woman has to wear it, take the pill, all that shit. This is something for the dude to step up and just be like, I'm clean. I think it's because it's a surgery. But let me give you another example. So say you do it at 18 and then you kind of undo it at 30. You know how if you don't use a sink for a long-ass time and you come back to a house and it's like...

and it doesn't work great, what if you untie your shit and then your shit is just like for a couple years? I mean, maybe save some of your cum and then tie it up. Great point. You know what I mean? Frozen cum for sure. Frozen cum. Every 18-year-old man's household should just have an ice cube tray of frozen cum just in case. You never know. Dude, Todd, where's that ice cube tray? We're back.

Hey, you ran out. I got some White Claws on ice if you want one, dude. That's not ice. Are these the White Claws? This tastes exactly like Lowry's, dude. What the fuck? Oh, man. This got that Old Bay taste. These White Claw ice cubes taste like Lowry's. What's going on? It's like a cream soda mix with Lowry's. What the fuck is this flavor? Don't get me wrong. It's good, dude. But like, what is it? Don't get me wrong. It's...

Hella good. It's really good. Oh my god. It is so good, dude. I'm just saying, what is this flavor? I've got some energy. I threw some Kahlua up on it, man, bro. Fucking sick, man, bro. What is that flavor? This is the best white Russian I've ever had. It's a little salty. It's a little sweet. It's kind of like an oyster in a way.

I just want to slurp it down. I like it! If you're not going to hit the soundboard, I'm going to do it. Do I make you horny, baby? Oh, no. Did I freeze again? No, you're good. No, you're good. You're good, bro. Oh, God. There was one moment when you guys were pitching the horseback thing or whatever. I went off into a section completely without you guys. I was just talking to myself. Scary. I bounced back. Did you see a cat cross your path twice? No.

Yeah, I was on some Matrix shit. That's a glitch in the Matrix. Oh, by the way, when you guys were giving me shit about Men in Black, and you guys were like, the cat's collar. It's a pug. It's a pug, you fools. And you guys were all like, you don't even know the movie? I would say dog's collar, dude. Oops.

You guys know. You guys kept saying cat's collar. We did. We did. Whatever. It was a collar. That's the most important part. Hey, is that it was small? You know what? It was the animal's collar. He's got a good point. Yeah, I know. Egg on your face a little bit. Yeah. Also...

early compliment for going and watching that movie when we said you should. Absolutely. That was huge. He didn't go watch it. He just got comments. I didn't. No. No. People on the internet. Oh, dude. The internet stays undefeated. Cheating. Take back.

Eating. Um, PodImportant on Instagram, our Instagram handle, we now have 69.6 thousand followers, guys. Smash that like button. Subscribe. That shit's important. And I think, uh, we cut it off. We don't allow any more followers.

Right. Okay. Right? We have the perfect amount, the funniest number. I think we just stick there and don't get any bigger. I think that's a great idea. Top it off. Yeah. Top it off at 69. If you're in the club, you're in. If you're out, sorry. Bye. You're going to miss a lot of good drops. Sure. Sorry, bye.

So let's go private. Sure. Can we turn the account private, please? Or maybe get bigger, get to like $669,000 or something. That'd be the next month. I think we can just do celebratory like, oh, we've got to $69,000. We make a big deal of it. When we get to $420,000, huge deal. Also another huge deal, yeah. That'd be a really huge deal. Hey, cheers to that. That's going to be a super fun podcast. We just get mad stunned during it. That's awesome. The 420 cast is going to go off.

man 420 is the best so Kyle are we yeah what up two weeks out from this

I'm doing it in August. I'm almost like a month out, actually. I had to schedule it a month out because I'm going to be out of town for two weeks. Yeah, I got to get one of those on deck. I know. Yeah, dude. Yeah. You got to make it a special day, though. Like, I got friends who did it and then, like, their wives, like, took them out for drinks because you're, like, on some kind of drug. So it just takes a couple drinks to get severely loaded and kind of celebrate with your lady. Just one kind of drug? I don't know what it is. Thank you.

God. It's some pain pills. They give you some pain pills. I already got my script. I don't know if I'm going to do them. We'll see. Okay. Yeah. And you're not going to wait. Whoa, let's just, yeah. You're just going to rough it. Yeah. Well,

Well, dude, it is where you sit all the time. It will be mad uncomfortable. It's not like just a leg that you could keep extended. Yeah, I know. I probably will take a pain pill. I just always say this going into surgeries. I'm like, I don't really want to do the pain pills because I'm the kind of guy that fucking goes into it and I love them, but I don't want to do it. Dude, you can't do the pain pill and we have to record this. Yeah, that would be kind of cool. That's fine. We have to. It's going to be like...

The episode where you get your throat slit and you're like, ah, ah. That's what I picture. Well, he's not going to do the pain pill, but he's going to smoke like 3,000 joints to his face. That's how I do it. Okay. That's how I do it. That'll be, you're just going to numb yourself with drugs. Sure. I still want to tune in.

Still good TV. Yeah, I want to see like, you know when they do the up close, like the medicals, like the camera that goes down into your body and you can see like the holes and like the wet weirdness where you're like, this is the subway inside your body. I want to see that shit, dude. Inner space. Dude, they said I have to get a jockstrap. So I have to order a jockstrap and bring it because I have to put my nuts in a jockstrap for three days afterwards. I'm supposed to lay down for two days.

Why? Because they don't want them flapping around in those... What kind of underwear do you rock? Sacks. Like, sacks? Well, I wear sacks, so I almost asked the guy, like, yo, can I... Do sacks work? Because they have a pouch. You told him you're a sacks man? They do. That's their thing. They have a sack. It might be the best post-vasectomy undies. That puts a lot of...

up front. I don't know if you guys have that crazy bulge when you wear those, like up front, nut and dick. Yeah, mine was crazy. Yeah, mine was out of this world. It was like people were kind of looking. I'm like, whatever. Yeah, me too. Yeah, mine was so insane. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. My bulge is so crazy. I can't wear Saks underwear because it makes my dick look too big is my problem with that. Right. That's why. It makes pants uncomfortable. Yeah. They're already tight enough. That being said, wonderful design work. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I like them. A lot of fun patterns. I like them. At least I have a bulge when I wear them. Yeah, that's true. That's true. It is an enhancer. It's an enhancer. Thank you, God.

But it for sure does look like whatever ballet dancer dudes rock. Thank you, God. What are those called? I don't know, but that really makes sense. A dance belt. I think it is called a dance belt. A dance belt. Yeah. We wear those when we get naked on, like when you're acting and shit and you're running around and you rock a dance belt. Ballet bros have the hugest cocks, man. It is crazy. Anywho.

Wait, is that real? Is that like a real thing that you've noticed? Or are you just thinking about the seat in Top Secret? A little bit of that. I'm thinking like Jean-Claude Van Damme was a ballet dancer. He's packing a full on lap hog. Who was the famous dude of the 80s? And how do you know this? Thank you, Adam. Have you seen like sex videos with him or what? Of Jean-Claude Van Damme?

Yeah. I just feel like in his movies, he highlights his dick area by doing the splits, and I just freeze frame it, and I just kind of zoom in a little bit with my eyes. All right. That's what I thought. Okay, good. Professional lighting, mind you. Sure, okay. Please don't take away from John Claude Van Damme. Kyle, during Game Over Man, why didn't we use any professional lights? What the fuck? There were no lights.

I'm pissed now. It didn't seem like there was any professional lights accenting. It was like normal, just regular lights for like your face and stuff. There was no special cock light. Yeah. Well, I was trying to make it really grounded and realistic, you know. It wasn't like a big splashy 80s, 90s, Blake's favorite decade. Splash. Sort of movie. Much more grounded. So you didn't want to do that. Much more grounded, you know.

Very grounded. You went very grounded with the cock lighting. Like super, almost indie grounded, like very flat lighting. How sick would it have been if we opened it up and revealed it and it was just lit perfectly, like glistening. That would be great, yeah. There's like a light underneath it. It's got its own spot. Woo-hoo!

Let me do the sequel. Game Overboard, here we come. We're getting campy. I would like to do a true Game Over camp. Like Naked Gun with you guys. Like a Zucker movie. Just where it's one million jokes. We try to pack as many dumb, silly bits as we can into a movie.

Because admittedly, those movies are still so fucking funny. Let's call the WANs and make it happen. Yeah, they've really been running that the last 20 years. The amount of work they put just even in background jokes was just unreal. How an ambulance would drive off and get connected to some fucking streamers and hit a bike. It hits this. And Frank Drebin's in the foreground and he just doesn't even notice it. It's the best.

It's good TV. One of my favorite versions of those movies is Top Secret with Val Kilmer. Anybody? Yes. When the chick is on the motorcycle and she's riding and her hair's like flapping like in the wind and then when she gets there, the hair is stuck going back and she turns.

And whenever my wife pulls her hair out of the fucking hair tie for the day, it goes straight vertically back. And I'm like, have you ever seen this? She's like, can you stop bothering me about dumb movies from 1988? Top secret. Yeah, it's been about 20 years of you mentioning that to me. I'm just trying. Shut up! Shut up!

I'm just trying to feed our children and keep them alive. Why don't you go podcast all night with your friends? Just shut your big mouth. Go talk for another four hours about cum, all right? Yeah, no, that's great. Why don't you put some cum on the table? Great. I'll be over here putting food. Put more cum on the table. I have to deprogram our children after they listen to your podcast. No, no, they'll be proud. They'll be very proud. That's going to live forever, right? Yeah.

For as long as, yeah. That's bizarre. Admittedly, Chloe's been getting some DMs of people being like... They talk about you a lot. Yeah, yeah. People just sliding in her DMs. She was talking about the wedding on her Instagram or something, and people were like, are you excited for everyone to be wearing kilts and sombreros? Right. And she's like, Adam, what the fuck are you doing? Fuck it!

Hey, and evidently you guys are selling NFTs of your collective cock. And I'm like, oh yeah, it is a great idea. You know what though? If she's questioning you like that, dude, maybe you should start questioning something else. Yeah. Is she the one? I don't know. All she's doing is asking what's going on. She's not, she's just like, what's going on in the most loving way. Are you sure you want to do this? And I'm like, come put food on our table, babe. She's like, what are you even saying?

Okay, fine. We're not getting married. Fine. Okay. Fine. If you won't let me and my friends sell our collective cock on the internet. Goodbye. Fuck it. Fuck it. That's it. Fuck it. It's a wrap. Goodbye. I mean, I see where she's coming from.

But fuck it! Yeah. When you really walk it back, I would be sad after I left. Oh, yeah. For a little bit. I'd probably walk away and be like, you know, that was a mistake. I probably should have... Relatively quick. Yeah, but then, dude, you'd be like, but I didn't snip it yet, so, like, you know. So I still gotta send it. So you still wanna put a ring on it? So you still wanna put a ring on it? You still wanna put a ring here? It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.

classic mr shikidance i told you yes satan god damn a yes satan oh my goodness grace how is jim carrey doing i do feel like every time he does make an appearance the red carpet one kind of that's like its own isolated incident that one but like when he comes to like the emmys and gets up there i do feel like everybody fucking laser focuses because they know it's about to be

so funny and it always is. He crushes so goddamn hard on every talk show, on every late night appearance, on every red carpet. He's just so goddamn good. Yeah. How is that? Because I don't know. He's just been a master for so long. I mean, Adam, you know about this. Like at a certain point as a standup, when people know you're going to be funny and

All you got to do sometimes is just walk out there and give a look and people are already like, yes, I know what that look means. They're ready to laugh for sure. He's built that with everybody for 20 whatever years and now he could just go out there and go...

A little hot up here. Yeah. And people lose their shit. Yeah, that's wild. But then also, he's not just phoning it in like that. No, he's not. Everything he does is really funny. Yes. But we're ready. Like, I think I saw something. I think it was like on Kimmel a few years ago and he's promoting something. And he was just like, you know what, Kimmel?

I'm better telling stories when I'm on the move. Can I just be on the move? Oh, he was on the treadmill? Yeah, and then a treadmill rolls out and he gets on this... And then just dead sprints while telling this story to Kimmel. And it was so fucking funny. Legend. Just such a dumb idea that for sure they're like, yeah, we can get a treadmill here. Yeah, he's the best, man. The best. And he changed this podcast forever. He really did.

Really, really did. All right, he did. He was one of the first buttons. Favorite Jim Carrey movie.

Oh, are you asking? Favorite Jim Carrey movie, go. I mean, if you can handle it. This is like my mom's Facebook post. Favorite Jim Carrey movie, go. I know you don't like this, but he's got some of those serious ones, Anders. Are we able to have the two or are we able to just kind of... Hey, man, you can pick your shit. I'll go first. I'll go first and give people time. I'll give people time here. Okay, sure. I will say I love Ace Ventura. I love Dumb and Dumber, but for me...

As a movie? As a movie, dog? Okay, here we go. I know what's coming. Cable Guy. This is the way. Cable Guy. Oh, yeah. Cable Guy is so good. The watchability of Cable Guy, I can watch it a million times. Yeah, man. Yeah, that movie rocked. You know it was going to be Chris Farley before? Yeah. Evidently. Really? And then he died. Yeah, he died while they were casting. He was cast, I guess. And then he died during that, and they were like, eh.

Wow. Would have been a different movie for sure. Totally. Yeah, Jim wanted to go dark, I think, right? Because he had already been kind of goofy, goofy, goofy. And he was like, let's make it a little darker. And they were like, sure. And then did not land with America. People did not really love that movie. But I was like...

Was it not a success? It just tanked? It was a flop. It was compared to what his other movies had done. The Mask, Dumb and Dumber. And they paid him $20 plus million to be the lead of it. So the budget was huge. I think it ended up making a lot of money, but not initially. And those hair plugs. That was also the first time I registered as a youngster like,

that people didn't like the Jim Carrey movie. Like, it failed. Like, the news story for it was like, it didn't make enough money. And I was like, I saw it in theater. I really loved it. But even with that said, I do think it has gotten its flowers. Oh, it's gotten flowers. Hey, it's getting them now. Like, John Gabrus. What's Gabrus' podcast where he talks about movies? I mean, he's on Action Boys. It might be High and Mighty. Sure, yeah. But he was reciting the movie top to bottom. I was just like...

Yeah, so... High and mighty. High and mighty, yeah. Shout out to Gabrus, one of the funniest dudes. Yeah, baby. John Gabrus. Yeah, love you. And he was just reciting the movie. So I don't know if it's a comedian's movie or if people got around to really appreciating it, but super dope. And Ben Stiller directed it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is rad. Yeah.

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What about the movie Man on the Moon? I love that movie. No, I'm just kidding. I'm so glad you brought it up. I love that movie. That movie is not that good. I also love the movie. I rewatched it fairly recently, within the last, within, I think like during quarantine. Yeah. And I just remember it being, just because I love Andy Kaufman so much. He was one of the reasons I got a job working at the improv when I was 20 years old.

And I've read all of his books. Yeah. And I've like cornered Bob Zamuda at the bar before and just asked him a million questions. Cool. And... Is he dead? The movie kind of just was like a little bit of a... A little bit... It just was... It fizzles. It fizzles. Yeah. Fucking boring. You jump in and you're like, oh my God, he's killing it. And then the story fizzles. Yes. It's...

It's a long movie. It's made by the same director who did Cuckoo's Nest. It's kind of in that, like, it's weighty. What, Milo Foreman? Milo Foreman. Milos, yeah. I'll get you guys. You little cinephiles. You know what? I used to love that movie more than when I found out and I watched the documentary, whatever, being Andy, that they put out. That, like, kind of turned me off on the movie a little bit. That's right. That was weird. Shit, man. Well, why don't you cry about it?

Well, let's explain. Because Jim was in character the whole time, and when he was Tony Clifton, he was a total fucking dickhead to everybody on set. I know. What a dumb flex that is for actors to just be like, it's my process to go full method. And you're like, well, then you're kind of a bad actor. Agreed. Because it's a craft, right? So you should be able to prepare it.

And then when it's time to execute it, execute it. It's like if you're a boxer, you're not just fucking walking around hitting everyone all the time, like ready to fucking throw down. But I do like that he tried it, I guess, because I feel like Jim is like a soul searcher. I feel like he's a guy who's like lifting up stones to find answers. And he was like, let me just do this.

And everyone else, just bear with me as I make your life a living hell. Or do you think he had the foresight of like, I'm going to release this weird documentary in like Andy Kaufman-esque, like this is part of the process. And then later down the road, we're going to release it as like a long con almost in a way.

Well, like he had that plan. Well, they were shooting it. I mean, yeah. Yeah. They must have shot it to release it. They were shooting it and he was playing to the camera. Right. So it is not that weird considering there was a camera there and he was playing to that. Yeah. And he was playing Andy Kaufman who would have done something exactly like that. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But that's so much wasted energy. It's like... The joke is on everybody else for Kaufman. Like, Kaufman is like, if I'm laughing, fine. I don't care if anybody else gets it, which is a whole interesting thing unto itself. Yeah. Into itself. Into itself. Unto, into, unto. Come to itself. Come to itself. Points, points. Yes, points. Yes, points. Yes, points.

Durst sounds exactly like it now. Yes, points! I think my favorite is just the classic Dumb and Dumber. I mean, when I first saw that movie, I didn't know who Jeff Daniels was. Right, right. Never saw Arachnophobia? That's a great film. I mean, I might have, but I... Not enough to log him. Yeah, it didn't lock in on me. Like, by the time I was watching those Jim Carrey movies...

I think Ace Ventura came out when I was in like fourth grade. It was just like that's, he was the only guy for me. I was like, he is my biggest movie star in my world and anything he does is gold. And by the time he got to Dumb and Dumber, I'm like, he's a mastermind.

mint him put him on Mount Rushmore this guy's a fucking god yeah if he had just done those two movies and I'm not saying that any movie past that has like tarnished him at all I'm just saying if he had just done those two movies he's James Dean like he yeah like he'd be perfect not that he's not perfect and if he like died in a cool way he should have done heroin and died yeah if he exploded somehow

I wish he died. I wish he died right after that. Or even if he retired, I'm saying like if he had just done those two movies, he still would be just a comedy god, even though he did more movies after that that I do think solidify him as a comedy god. Oh, yeah. Even what you were just touching on, like shout out to freaking Jeff Daniels. Like he didn't play the straight guy next to him. He played like an equalizer.

funny guy to Jim Carrey. Yes, very, very funny in that movie. Like still found a way to be equally as funny as Jim Carrey. That's pretty crazy. That's really hard. That's really hard. Definitely shout out. Like you got a really great dumb guy, the funniest dumb guy, and now how do you find dumber? How do you do that? That's tough. You laugh like this.

Do you think Jeff Daniels went into that movie like, fuck, I just saw Ace Ventura. I don't know if the mask came out before this, but if he was like, I'm going ham. Or if he was just like, do my thing. I bet it was a little, because he considers himself like an actor, actor. So he was in character the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe. Probably. You know, so I wonder how much, like, a lot of times those guys, like, don't like the improv because they feel like it takes away from the craft of acting. So I wonder how he was on set because I'm assuming Jim...

just a tornado of energy Robin Williams style. Do you want to hear the most annoying noise in the world? Like that had to have been improvised. I think I heard that it was. I think he was very much just like I knew the character. I stuck in the character and then I just held on for dear life. He had the because I think he had a chipped tooth as a kid so he and then he had it fixed and then he had it removed. Chip Douglas. Chip Douglas. He had the chip removed

Removed again to look dumber. Right? Right. Not that you look dumb with a chipped tooth, but like you don't look smart. Right. It's like a wonky eye. You're not looking smart. Yeah. It's like, just fix it.

it. I did. Which is cool. I fucking love that. We gotta get you out of them teeth, man. We gotta get you in a roll, dude. Let's do this. That'd be so tight if Dirty's plays like a guy like this, like a dumbo. For those of you at home, my front upper four teeth are fake. Those are caps and underneath them is crazy fangs. Yeah, he's got a nice Joe Biden grill. It was a great purchase. Made of toilet porcelain. You look great.

Oh. Is that right? Yeah, they're porcelain. Wow. These are Toto. That's some high fancy crap right there. Some chompers. American Standard. Sloan. Since you guys covered a lot of great Jim Carrey movies, I guess I'll just highlight one scene from Ace Ventura 2 when nature calls. Cop out. Cop out. Coming out of the rhino?

The rhino scene. Oh, yeah, dude. Well, that's the first scene, though. You got to dig a little deeper. That is the very first scene. It's not the first scene. It's in the middle. No. The first scene is cliffhanger, bro. It's cliffhanger with a raccoon. Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hey, guys, egg on my face. Hey, nice pull, Kyle. Yeah. Holy shit. It's epic, dude. You're a stupid dumbass. I was so fucking excited to watch that movie in the theater, and then I think I said Bumblebee Tuna for like two weeks.

25 years afterwards. Allegedly. Bumblebee tuna. The best. Yeah, but that rhino scene, like whoever came up with that set piece or if it was just the whole movie was written around that. Right. Oh my God.

See, guys, I mean, we can write Ace Ventura. We can just write a full-on, absolutely insane, two billion jokes coming out of rhinoceros assholes. Doesn't he pick up a guy who looks like the Monopoly man and shakes his jaw? Yeah, he's passed out and he's like, do not pass out. You know that was improvised and that dude was like, okay, fine. Okay.

He says, do not pass cow. Do not fight 200. Right, right, right, right. He's like moving his mouth. Nerdy meat.

When nature calls. So yeah, Jim Carrey, here's your flowers, man. Bro. Yeah, welcome. You just got a lot of flowers. Yo, here's some more flowers. Tommy Davidson in that movie. Remember when he's doing the one-on-one fight against the local tribe or whatever and the giant dude comes out? Queen Tiaxu, the white devil. And he turns around and drops the backpack and Tommy Davidson is in the backpack and they let him lose? Doesn't he throw like a spear into his leg and he's just like,

And then he does the other leg and he's like, ah! Fuck, so good. You can't give him enough roses. Honestly, like the first time I saw Ace Ventura 2 when nature calls, I didn't like it enough. So I watched it every day on VHS until I loved it. And now it's burning.

into my brain. You like programmed yourself as like a discipline? Yes. Jim Carrey was such a hero to you that you had to beat this into your brain. Yes, I refused to just say it was a bad movie and I watched it so many times that now I'm like, that's my one. Right, but really it is just the rhino scene. It's the rhino scene. Guano! I mean, guano is... Yeah, that movie has a lot. That movie has a lot, doesn't it? That's bat poop.

Is it? He just kind of like flops it out of his mouth, right? I feel like we've covered a lot so far in this podcast, guys. We covered... Is it over? Come. Did you just use the fart mic? You got to let people know. I didn't even know. You farted? Yeah, he farted. Hey, Todd, if we could just ISO that on the mix, that'd be great. Yeah, and Todd, let's ISO that on the mix and then bring it back right now.

Just so everyone can really... It sounded like this. No, it didn't. And let's ISO it again to compare. Okay. Okay, see, it didn't really sound like that. All right, see, it did not sound like that. Okay, now run that right by my audio clip as well and put them back to back.

And then now can you, yeah, can you play the one from the last episode, please? Well, that one, I wasn't doing an impression of that one. Now, I want to just do a side-by-side. I just want to do a side-by-side, if that's possible. All right. Okay, thank you, Todd. Thank you so much. Thank you, Todd. Thank you, Todd. Thank you, Todd. Thank you, God. That's pretty good. Will you do that one more time? Thank you, God. Todd!

You got it. I think we did it. You got it, baby. Really good stuff, guys. Really freaking good stuff. Yeah. Any take backs? Any apologies? Kyle? Yeah, hey. What's up? Was number 23 one of your top choices? No, I never watched that. I never saw that movie.

is it good i bet it's fine you know i bet it's a decent watch yeah i think it's okay it's irons yeah kyle you should watch it because i could see i'm glad you didn't watch it when that movie came out because i could see you getting like really into like counting numbers and stuff numerology right oh yeah just being like seeing numbers everywhere like the fact that you knew that word numerology yeah i'm into it

Tells me you're already in over your head. I would love to see a shot-for-shot remake with Kyle as Jim Carrey in that movie. Got a lot of filming to do. Like how Vince Vaughn did Psycho? If I'm in front of the camera...

if I, if you guys are pulling me out there, somebody is going to have to be watching monitors. Who's doing it? I'm busy. I hope Adam and Blake are busy too. This is your thing. I'm living in a nightmare. Wait, so I'm directing and starring in these things? No, you can find a director. I want to just, I want to see it for the first time in,

my living room I want you to direct it I really I really like movies that you direct so I would love to see you direct this and I know you can do it I know you can direct and are we in take backs are we in take backs right now yes we are let's go there yeah let's go there any take backs apologies come on we gotta be on set tomorrow let's just wrap it up

Wrapping it up. That's right. We're in the land of... I'm going to apologize to my wife for cracking this next sparkling soda here. What are they called? Sparkling sodas? Sparkling... Seltzer. Hard seltzers. White Claw? You got that Lowry's flavor, baby? I crushed a can...

Hi, boy. No apologies. Five milligrams. I had a little whiskey, and I ain't apologizing for that. I'd like to give a little compliment to Liquid Death. Love the name. Love the product. Perfect. I love it. Also drink a little Liquid Death. Absolutely love it. Yeah, I drink so much Liquid Death, which is water, guys. It's water. It's canned water. Murder your thirst. It murders your thirst. It's the best. It does murder your thirst. It's the best. We love it. It's the best. It's the best. It really is. It's the best.

Well, I'll give a shout out if we're talking comedy, giving shout outs, man. I watched the first episode of I think you should leave on Netflix and I haven't watched any other episodes except the first one. But goddamn, if I wasn't crying watching it, it's very, very funny. I gotta watch. Yeah, please. And who's the star of it? It's Tim, right?

Robinson? Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson. Oh, bro. Super funny. That guy kills me. Yeah. In their show. That first episode is... It's very good. And I think we can pass this along. This is kind of a Flowers moment, but what we had heard... I know he had a short kind of stint on SNL, but what we had heard from people who are friends with people on the inside behind the scenes is that...

He was the king of pitching shit that would just like blast the room. Like he would lay everybody out on like pitch day or script reading day. I don't know if it made it. It didn't make it on air because it was too weird. And SNL kind of has it's doing its thing. They have to listen to podcasts, write it down and then make that sketch. Yes. They have to take weird ideas from podcasts. True. Right. He apparently was like the king of killing it.

in the room. I believe that for him. That's flowers, right? That's flowers. Also, hey, while we're here. Those are good ass flowers. While we're here with him. No, not a lot of people know this, but I saw a couple clips of him fucking shredding on a skateboard recently on Instagram. Atiba shot it. Yeah. Atiba fucking broke. Yeah, he's not. They were shredding. I was so pumped. It's dope, man. Hey, while we're here, you know, Detroiters, Sam Richardson is in like, I turn on my TV. He's got two

Oh, yeah.

And then a producer that was at dinner with him as he was telling the story was like, oh, you got to see this Adam Devine sketch. Like he said this on Kimmel and he was talking about theme addict, a sketch we did when we were 20 what the fuck ever before workaholics. And then like some other guy at the dinner who was an action star was like, I got to give you tips.

And he started giving him tips. And then before he says, and this is the most important tip, the producer was like, here's that video of Adam singing theme songs. And then he never got the tip. And I was like, how am I watching? I never watched Kimmel. And I'm like, how am I watching it now tonight? And he's talking about a sketch we did when we were- That's God, Anders. That's God. That's God pointing. Yeah, God brought you. That is God. Look at A, look at him. Yeah.

So now you believe. Look at him. He's carrying you. I said it last week, and I'll say it again. He's carrying you right now, buddy. Only one set of footprints. Hey, if I got another white client, he might have to carry me. Okay, no take backs. All right. Yeah! No take. And guys, that was another episode of...

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Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.