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Come on down to Terry's and get a titty twister. When your soul needs to jerk off and you got to have the chicken soup. Let me talk to you about a pretty cool guy named Jesus. Percival, grab that corpse as Lancelot cannonballs onto its stomach. Buckle up.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Ooh. My brother. Yeah, you guys were all in sync on that clap. I was a little early. Pre-clap. Let's talk about your sickness. Let's talk about your pre-clap. Oh, wait, what? Oh, what?
Let's talk about your sickness, dude. You guys want to talk about... Because we had to push the podcast a few days. Ders was sicky. He thought he had the Delta variant. Did you have the Delta variant? Did you? Were you concerned with the Delta? You want to talk sickness for a quickness? We would like to get down with it. Let's do it. Sickness and thickness. Please. I... Well, let's just give the little backstory Monday. Please, let's walk it back. This is important.
around dinner time i just felt like i got hit with a ton of bricks and was like what the fuck um and then was just cold sweats no fever but just sweating and shivering and shitting uh and nausea right yeah and i was like well i got delta i got delta i don't know how i got it haven't been out but i got it um but i
I got no COVID. Okay. Yeah, obviously, dude. But I was on my ass for three and a half days, like just fucking, I don't know, food poisoning? You got a regular ass sickness, man. I feel like every time anyone gets sick now, they're like, and it's COVID. But it's not always the case. You can get reggie sick. Yeah. Right. Diarrhea. Right. You could get regular diarrhea. Right. Plain old diarrhea. I was just hoping like TMZ would pick it up, like Anders Holm got, and then I'm back, guys. Damn. That'd be cool. And then like...
agents are calling they're like we saw you on tmz and i go oh now you're calling and then and then i die that'd be funny if you did get covid you'd call your publicist immediately right like that's the move absolutely 100 yeah absolutely and then it'd be like mtv real life i have covid right right kurt loder would be at my house yeah quick get him over here or caduce would show up at the house and go hey man wait
Wait, who was Caduce? Caduce was like the thin, handsome, like...
curly hair, light skin, maybe mixed black, white dude. I don't know his background. That's tech. Wasn't that tech? No, no, no. You're thinking tech money from real world? Yeah, real world. Absolutely. Always. Seattle, I believe. Damn. I'm talking male model Caduce. Caduce. How are we spelling Caduce? Do you know the spelling of that? It's anybody's name. We're not spelling it. If we know better, we're not spelling it. We have our people on it right now.
Well, Ders' knowledge of MTV VJs is remarkable. It's pretty deep. You're the perfect age, though, I think, because you know the older guys. Yeah, older than I. And then you also know the young guys. I feel like we're just, what, like two or three years younger than you? Five or six years. Six, 12 years younger. Ten years. Feels like ten. Feels like a decade younger. And we're always talking about this. A few years younger. Indeed.
You also had older brothers, so I feel like your knowledge of things that are older than us is way beyond us. Because sometimes you'll drop a name. Much like Caduce, I have no fucking idea who that is. No idea. But to be fair, you guys should know Caduce. Do you know Ananda Lewis? I do know Ananda Lewis. Okay. If I had to guess who Caduce is, it's Q-U-D-D-U-S. And if that's just my guess...
That's just me not reading on Wikipedia. That's how you spell Caduce? I thought it would be K-A-D-O-O-S-E. Hey, dude. Caduce. You might be a racist. Okay. You don't know how to spell Caduce, man? Wait, what? It's an awesome name. That's an awesome name. Kudos. That is an awesome name. All right. I don't feel like my spelling pointed to me being racist in any way. That was a racist spelling. That was a racist spelling. I was just sounding it out. I was doing my best.
Yeah, it's phonetics. Well, to be fair, you can't do that. You can't do that. It's racist to just go, I could probably wing it. I'm a white man who probably knows how to spell it. No, you don't. You look it up. You know, you learn it. You look it up. Right. But he was just trying. He was just trying to be phonetic. That's what trying is white shit. And I'm sick of it.
Trying is the new racist. Do better. Oh, my God. Hashtag do better, motherfucker. Just do better. Do better, but don't try. You better know. Right. Hashtag look it up, and then when you're sure of it, prove that you've looked it up. Yeah. Right. Right. Okay. And don't be a racist.
That's correct. To be fair, there was a glory day of VJs, right? Like when they were doing that. Because what I remember is getting swept up in the storm of like the next VJ. And of course, I'm talking about Jesse Camp for anybody. How good was that? I saw him at an audition for like a Pepsi commercial, like way back in the day, like 0405.
and i was starstruck i was like look at this skinny motherfucker he's getting it pepsi wants him yeah amazing was it that i think he was up against dave holmes who dave holmes knew like everything about music he was a matt pinfield type still in the biz very very still good he's a comic and all that but like he could read off the prompter perfectly and he'd be like and we're he would like send it to the next person and then jesse'd be like yeah i don't know what's going on but up
next Mo Music. And everyone loses their shit. And everyone's like, he's the guy. Dude, and I was in the Jesse Camp camp. I wanted him to win. Yeah, you were. Of course. But Dave Holmes would just be looking at his shoes like...
You gotta be fucking kidding me. I was born for this job and this off the street homeless kid has like a better story. Encyclopedia, encyclopedia knowledge of all things music. Just, he could just recall everything. And Jesse was just like, yeah, semi sonic. Did you guys feel that?
Is that the death? Is that when MTV started to die? I want to say that's when the ratings were at its peak. Like he was legit. Yeah, that was peak MTV. Because weren't the videos. That's before TRL, no? That's what I was wondering. Is it like he was just like, hey, the next one is Backstreet Boys. And after that's going to be NSYNC. Keep it locked. And didn't he have a twin brother?
I don't know. Yeah, he did. Hey, can we talk about how me and Durs look identical right now, and you and Kyle also look pretty identical. You guys both have the tie-dye matching shirts. Bro, I gotta take my hair out. Me and Durs both have messed up hair. It looked like we just woke up wearing a white t-shirt that's a little... It looks like we've both been sick. I haven't, but...
Yeah. Very, very healthy right now. But why do you look like you're outpatient? We look like shit, dude. What's up with that? Yeah. How come you guys are so bland and me and Blake are so dang colorful? What's going on? Yeah. Well, I'm at my parents' house. I'm in Lake of the Ozarks right now. You can tell by the fun. My mom has so many signs talking about wine.
Yep. No way. SNL is listening. Really? Yeah. Every inch of her home is mentioning wine or how there's love in this house or something. Snapchat memory. Are they like Bible verses undercover or is it just like... No. My mom did go through like a real Bible verse phase that lasted like three years when she was like going to like...
She'd go on Wednesdays and they'd talk about Bibles and shit, but really it was a way for her to make new friends. Just different versions of the Bible. Just different. Well, there are. There's lots of versions of it. There's tons of it. There are. Different covers, different holders, different versions online. The Blue Jeans Bible. And it was mostly just a way for her to buy new merch. So every week she'd come home with a little new angel figurine or a thing to hang on the wall. Yeah.
God merch. Merch. God merch. Dude, the God merch game is, the Jesus merch game is out of control. So good. Yeah, hell yeah. I'm sure you would know. Now she's staring at me like I care. She's right there. I don't care. There's no dirty laundry. We're washing it all. Guys, this might be a dumb question and maybe you guys can help me out. Do you guys remember Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul, the book? Oh.
Oh, yeah. Was that Christian? Yes. Was that Christian? Yeah. Yes. I just, that's up at my cabin. Okay. That was my Bible, dog. Was it?
Wait, chicken noodle soup, chicken soup for the soul. Was that what it was called? Yeah, it was chicken soup for the soul. Chicken soup for the soul, yeah. That was Christian? Dude, that shit just hit the back of my mind. I feel like they made one that was like chicken soup for the teenage soul. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel like my church was like, you got to get this, brother. Dude, it was all the souls. It was every type of soul that they could. They spun the Jesus merch game.
is unbeatable. I don't care. All other merch game looks to the Jesus merch game and like, how do we get this? Right. They say, Jesus Christ.
Because Christians buy merch. They have t-shirts. They have shit on their walls. My mom for a while had a whole room dedicated, the guest bedroom of her house. It was like all over the house. And then she got a little less Christian and she kind of fell out with that group of friends and then that moved, consolidated all the Jesus stuff kind of into the spare bedroom. So when I would come home and I'm in the spare bedroom and
And there's just Jesus shit all over. It's a tiny, it was my sister's like bedroom growing up. It was the size of like a large closet. It was like fucking small. It barely fit a twin bed. It's well documented your parents hated her. Go ahead. Thank you God. And it was just the tiniest thing. So then you're there and I'm there for a week and I'm like 19 years old, 20 years old. I'm visiting and you have to jerk off that you have to within a week if you're a teenager or if you're a 20 year old boy or an adult man. Come on I am.
Or at any age. And then there's just Jesus stuff staring at me from every angle. So I'm very well versed in the Jesus merch game. That's why you now like to sit in the middle of a circle of guys and beat off while they stare at you. You need...
What? Yeah, that's the only way I could do it. I could do it now is I have to have those Jesus paintings that for sure the eyes following you. And that's well documented. Yep. Well documented. Now that's chicken soup for the fucking jerking off soul right there, brother. Hell yeah. Chicken soup for the horny. Oh, man. You want to say that one more time for the people at home? Right.
That's chicken soup noodles for the jerk. Literally, as soon as I say things, I don't remember what I said. I hate my brain. Snapchat memory. Chicken soup for the horny soul, baby. For the jerk-off you-know-who. Oops. Winning. Chicken soup for the jerk-off soul. Like when your soul needs to jerk off and you got to have the chicken soup. Jerk chicken noodle soup. Well said. Jerk.
Jerk chicken noodle soup. There we go. Now we're workshopping it. And we can leave that. It's funny you should say that, though, because I was eating chicken noodle soup and I was thinking of, I was like, what was the book? Chicken Soup for the Soul? What was that? But it was Christian. The Lord works in so many ways in your life. He gives you so many signs and you refuse to walk the path.
He's still carrying you. He's still carrying you. He's got his thumb up my ass. Was it a collection of essays? What the fuck? I cannot remember. I definitely had the book. I did not open it. I remember it. It was like, I don't know if they were all considered Christian because there was a chicken soup for the Christian soul as well. Okay.
Okay. So that was like the hardcore Christian, but it might have been like a rebranding. Well, for sure they're just up in their merch game. They're just like, how do we spin this off as many times as possible? Right. Like the For Dummies book series? Exactly. So it was basically like where the sidewalk ends, but like with a Christian undertone or something like, was it poems? Yeah.
What? All it was was heartwarming stories. Where the sidewalk ends. Yeah, Shel Silverstein, do you know about it? I'm pretty sure I gave your daughter that book, motherfucker, so back down. Hey, you need to step back, all right? Is it real? Didn't I give that to you? I think the reason I have that in the bookshelf is because of you, yes. Yes. Todd is saying that it consisted of inspirational true stories about ordinary people's lives. Yeah.
This is what I just said. You just said that, Kyle? Yes. Oh, so it's like, was it like AA in a book or something? No, they're just heartwarming stories about good Samaritans and things that happened that can inspire goodness in people, which is why the Christian merch game adopted it because it appealed to their... No, no, no, no. It wasn't even, it was for sure the guy who started it.
was a mastermind, right? And he was like, I'm going to take my Christianity and make that scratch. Okay. I'm going to, Jesus, God wants me, this is like the cool thing that like, um, the, like the for profit sort of what the gemstones is all about and how they think, which is awesome. For sure. Okay. Go off where they're like, uh,
They think like God wants them to be super rich. So any way that they can spin off ways to make money off of Christianity, it's good for God because God wants them to be rich. And I'm like, fuck yeah. If I was really religious, that's how I would think for sure. Thank you, God. You would believe you were a prophet made for...
making money? No, I wouldn't say I was a... Well, maybe. Maybe I would. He's saying profit. He's saying profit. Oh, yeah. I'm making a profit. Yeah, you're a profit who profits. Yeah, you're saying profit, but we're talking profit. Yo, the profit part. Kyle's got bars. My guy. Yes, points!
That'd be a cool. There has to be a Christian rapper named Prophet, right? I would hope so. Yeah. And that's a missed opportunity. Yeah. He puts it all in the tithing plate, bro. He's like, I throw it all in the tithing plate. What other Christian bands were there? There was like Jars of Clay. That's old school. Who had like one. Yeah, that had like one banger. 40 Days and 40 Nights. You'd go like climb a rocky wall at your friend's like cool church that had like a rock climbing wall. I think Struck would roll up or whatever.
Yeah, there'd be like a rock wall in the parking lot and all the kids were like, yeah, no. And it would be called like the zone and you go there on Wednesdays and then at the end of the day, they'd keep you 30 minutes for the pizza. But then they'd be like, all right, but we need to talk to you about Christ. Right. If you want a slice of pepperoni. Yeah, real quick. Enjoy that pepperoni. Dap that grease off. You don't want to get them pimps. Don't worry. Pizza's going to be here. Pizza's going to be here. Just hold off on the pizza.
Let me talk to you about a pretty cool guy named Jesus. That's exactly what it was. They would lure you in with like skate ramps and stuff and you'd get all hungry and work out. It was the Ninja Turtles lair. Pizza, pizza. Or the Foot Clan lair. At the end of the day, it was the Foot Clan and Jesus is Shredder, okay? So,
Same mentality, bro. Same idea. There's the name of this podcast. Jesus with Shredder, bro. Christianity's the Foot Clan and Jesus is Shredder. Episode whatever the fuck it is. I do remember another one because we had a guy. Do you remember the band Lifehouse? And I'm falling even more in love with you.
We had a dude. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a dude at our school named Mitch, and he swore up and down he knew the band Lifehouse, and that was his claim to fame. He's like, those are my boys, dude. He's like, you know, they're like really Christian too, so it's like cool. Wait, so how were – you guys were in high school, so how were they –
They also weren't in high school. Those were grown-ass men when we were in high school. They must have come and played at his church. There's no way. This guy did not know Lifehouse. Or he knew the drummer, maybe. Why would he say it? Yeah. Yeah, he had to have some acquaintance. Yeah, his uncle might have, like...
might have played on their softball team or some shit. Right. Right. I feel like there's certain bands you can kind of know. Like you can know somebody from Lifehouse. You might know a Cold War kid. Like you just run into them. I feel like you can, you can know Lifehouse. You just run into them. You could definitely know Lifehouse. Wait, they're saying Creed is a Christian band. Is that? Oh, for sure. Hey guys, don't cry. Cause I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking maybe six feet.
And so, don't cry, fall down. Well, love. Jesus Christ. Bro, you got me. Oh my God. You got me. How did these bands get on your guys' radar? Because they weren't on my radar. MTV, man. Well, Adam's from the Midwest. I am from the Midwest. You could tell by the signage. So's Durs. I'm from...
where he's from yeah der's is right there yeah chicago's different yeah but chicago is obviously chicago's very it is satan's lair but it's satan's lair uh no it's uh it's a shredder wasn't there it's a big city it's a big so there's just more shit yes yeah you're right you guys have a cool radio yeah i know what you're saying like when i leave chicago and i'm listening to the radio
I remember I would just be like, just turning the dial like forever to be like, where's the non-country music? This is crazy. Well, I'm in the Ozarks right now, dude. And it is absolutely insane how much country is on the radio. There's like two other channels that aren't country. And then like 25 channels that are just country music. And I'm like, how are they not getting enough of it? Right. I'm in though. There's some bangers like, and this is how we roll.
What's that one? I don't know. Keep going. I got to hear a little bit more of it. I think it might be Georgia-Florida line. I'm going to pull some up. We can play 15 seconds of some of these. Yeah, let's play some country. Let's analyze this. What's cool about country, I met the Florida-Georgia line guys, and they're definitely this guy. They're definitely like...
fucking tight. And what are you doing for the people at home? Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm squinting my eyes. I'm licking my lips. They wear, like, cool, expensive hats. You know what I mean? They look like... We wouldn't know them. They would go to, like, a cool nightclub. They'd go to, like, Delilah's in Hollywood. You know what I mean? They're, like...
You know what I mean? They're just cool bros from the South. They're cool bros from the South. It's not like when we were kids and you think of country music and you think of George Strait or Garth Brooks. Sure, yeah, Thunder Roll. Let's go. Come on. Like the big cowboy hat and kind of doofy and have rhinestones and they just feel like your dad. Doofy. Doofy.
These guys call them doofy ass motherfuckers. They're like goofy doofuses. Yeah, they're doofy, dude. Know what I mean? No, man. These guys are like hip, man. Country is like cool now. Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah, because there's no more cowboys like there used to be. There ain't no cowboy. Thank you. Put the O back in country. Have you ever heard that term? Okay. Put the O back in country. What is the O? Yeah, because they called it country.
country like it got wussy it got wussified yeah oh yeah i did actually i'd never yeah i've heard that thrown around in some places how are you so country blake when did you get how did you get so country i don't know it could be maybe my iowa roots i don't know oh well my sister and her husband are super down i'm saying iowa roots you were not born there you were not raised there i was born there and raised there i am the first californian born
But everyone that roots back is from Iowa. Shout out to... Okay. I lived there until I was 10. Okay.
I once lived there. I once lived there. I want to say proudly, I once lived there until I was 10. God damn. Hey, well, that's my Midwest education, man. Well, also, sorry. My sister and her husband are super down for country. And one of my dreams was to pull up to that stagecoach festival. It's in the exact same place as Coachella, but it's fully countryed out.
Sounds like it could be hit or miss. Well, it's fully countryed out to an extent. It's all crossed over now because I feel like Snoop was playing that festival a couple years ago. Snoop will do anything. That guy, you invite him to a thing, he is there. But he probably played with Willie Nelson though, right? Yeah.
yeah he probably actually fucking hits country hella hard and great guys not to mention country is the one type of music where you drop an album you still cash the fuck out they buy your shit yeah big time yeah true for one reason walmart right period they release it in walmart people walk to walmart they don't have spotify they don't have good wi-fi okay come on it it is uh
There's no rock music anymore. There's not like a real. Thank you. MTV, BJ, Adam, let's go. Go off. Adam Devine. So now country is essentially like there are some songs that I'm like, that doesn't sound that country to me. That sounds like a rock song.
You know what I mean? Right. Well, let's be honest, guys. It all kind of changed when Nelly did the Tim McGraw song. Oh, shit. Come on now. Over and over again. I can't stop picturing you. That was a game changer. Because it's all in my head. I also feel like, guys, we're avoiding one of the largest songs of the last fucking decade. Lil Nas X. Yeah. Hold on. I got this.
Florida, Georgia one first. Yeah, that was a big one. Let's see if this shit turns up. Wait, can you guys hear that? It's an Allman Brothers guitar. I like it. Yeah, it's kind of going. Yeah. I'm going to skip. Hopefully, three more seconds. Let's see if I hit the chorus. Hit it. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dude, that's my fucking jam right there. Florida, Georgia line. Let's go. Let's go. I will say that type of music hits a note where you're like, dude, I'm fucking chilling and I'm lazing around, you know, and I feel good on a Sunday. That hits that note. It makes white people feel good. It really, really does. White people. It really does something. Yeah. It's specifically like white folks like.
They just fucking love it. I don't know. It makes my skin crawl. It makes your skin crawl? Why does it make your skin crawl? I don't understand. Because I just don't... The vibe. I don't like the vibe. It feels to me just like... It feels like chicken noodle soup washing over me. It's feel-good music where you just kind of feel good about shit. You're not thinking about anything and you're just like, yeah, I'm just going to drink a beer and sit on the dock. Yeah. It feels like floating. Mm-hmm.
These guys, I don't know about all this, guys. You guys are like, it feels like I'm being baptized again. It feels like I'm floating in the water. What else? What else? What else? It makes you feel good. I think that's right. That is why this type of music is doing so well right now. I think it's because... Yeah, it's all in like a fucking C major chord. It all is like... Okay, break it down. It all kind of sounds the same. It all is made for our ear. It's like easy progressions, simple lyrics that are talking about like...
Drinking beer? Yeah, drinking beer and floating. What about this one? Hold on. Let's see. Oh, shit. Now we're talking. Come on, Durst. This is great. This is great. This is the best.
It's just fine. Hey, who produced this? I don't know. That is a fucking timeless banger. Well, that's when I thought music was going to turn. I was like, after that happened, I was like, oh shit. Guess what? Every rapper from the South is going to pair up with a country star and that's going to be music for the next 10 years.
That's gonna be it. Like every rapper is just gonna pair up with a doofy white guy in a big cowboy hat and that can sing great. Fucking doof. Yeah, and just sing their fucking hearts out. Brad Paisley and Space Ghost Perp. Oh my god. Petey Pablo and Brad Paisley. I love that. I think there was definitely a little bit of a run with that. I'm sure David Banner's on a track with somebody. Alan Jackson.
Yeah. I fuck with like Casey Musgraves. Okay. Yeah. She's tight. Yeah. She's she does some shit that I'm like well Wowzers. What's what's that. I don't know that. Are you also just because she's like super hot. Is
Does that also do something for you? She is kind of a babe, yeah. I don't know what she looks like. Oh, look at you. She looks like something that every male would like. She's cool. She's cool to look at, dude. Yeah, and most women. I think she's just a very beautiful girl. You know what I mean? Yeah, women are beautiful. Dude, that Tim McGraw, Nelly track, I genuinely loved that when it came out and still do. I thought about it the other day. That's a great track. Would you ever turn it on?
Yeah, I would turn it on. Have you ever turned it on? I used to. 100% I've turned it on. When it first came out, I can remember driving around with Adam and turning that on multiple times. Too many times. That one tickled me. And then I'd roll it right into Creed and we'd have just an afternoon in our feels. You know we would. Bro, yeah.
Those good times, man. Roll all the windows down. Good for you guys. Crack a cold one. Sharing brotherhood in Christ. Good for you guys, man. I'm pumped for you. We did talk about God. Yes, we did. Hey, I'd get baptized in Christ on the podcast with you guys while on acid. Oh, acid baptism, dude. Oh, my God. I'm just trying to think of fun things to do on the podcast. Is that blasphemy? Because I'm kind of down. No. No, I don't think so. God created acid. God created man who then created acid. So that's all good.
Acid baptism, bro. It's science. Hey, and that's one of the things I'm talking about doing while down here at the Lake of the Ozarks. There it is right there. Look at that water. Wow, your bachelor party just got so weird. It's going to be a mass baptism on acid. Hello. Can I play Jesus? Absolutely. I don't know. You can't play him, but you can accept him in your heart. That's what I mean. Know what I mean?
Hi.
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Oh guys, mass shooting. Mass shooting here at the lake. Wait, what? Active shooter. Come on, man. Active shooter. Right now? Active shooter. Last night. Last night. We went out to dinner. We went to a very nice dinner and, uh...
I get there was like a biker rally or some shit. Like there's a strip here that has all the bars. It's called the Bagnell Dam Strip. And it has all the bars and restaurants in Lake of the Ozarks. Sorry, one more time. Yeah. Bagnell Dam Strip. So it's like a dam. Bagnell Dam Strip. Bagnell Dam. Yeah. And it's a strip. And Bagnell's a name. Sure. Checks out. And it has all the bars and restaurants and shit.
and I guess there was like a bike rally, and a bunch of bikers got in a fight, and there was just a fucking shootout. Wow. And a bunch of people got shot. I think at least one person died. It was like pretty gnarly. For a second, they thought it was...
It was like an active shooter. Like someone just came to shoot you up. But I think it ended up being like a biker fight. Wow. Okay. Hey, can't wait to get to the bros. That's what we get to look forward to. I ain't scared of you, motherfucker. Dude, it's going to be so fun.
We're already planning some stuff out. It's going to be a true throwdown. Very excited. Should we dress like bikers? Just to fit in? You know how they do themes for bachelor parties sometimes? Let's get leather vest made. What's our gang name though? Oh,
The divine... How many people? Like the divine 20? Divine angels? Or we just dress like assholes and see how quickly someone tries to start a fight with us. Like we all wear Daisy Dukes and like... Well, that's how bikers dress. Yeah. Wear shirts with like our nipples cut out or something. Oh, so... Well, that happened at my bachelor party. Yeah. So...
Watch where you're treading, okay? That's mine. I'm trying to have your level of bachelor party. I want someone to get arrested. I want there to be like an almost fight situation. People going missing. Yeah, people going missing. I want to pick someone up from the...
The drunk tank? The drunk tank, exactly. The drunk tank, the county jail. We'll get there. Yeah, we can do that. I think that can happen. Although I feel like we kind of grazed over the let's make vests thing. Right, I hear that. Divine angels with a skull in the middle. That's kind of tight. Yeah, like Adam's face, but it's a skull. That'd be sick. Winning. Ugh.
Winning, duh. Also, I'm sitting at my parents' kitchen table right now. This is a great place. We could set up all of our microphones. We can do a communal podcast. We could play Magic together. I think it'd be fun to have like...
whoever wants to tell a dumb story about me from back in the day can come and get on the mic and tell a quick dumb story. It might get real out of hand and I might have to censor some of these dumb stories. Three hour podcast. We can regulate it. I'll
Okay, that's enough. Okay, okay. Which, by the way, you say three-hour podcast, but some of these podcasts I be listening to are like four hours long. Motherfucker says, go, go, go. Some people won't shut the fuck up. Yeah. I did Whitney Cummings' podcast. I was there for like three hours. I was like, wrap it up, lady. Yeah. Cannot finish. Do they give you bathroom breaks? Does she give you a bathroom break? No, but I... Cannot finish! That piss came out thick. It was like in my...
Roby. No bathroom breaks? Really? Whitney. Yeah, honestly. Whitney, give him bathroom breaks. Whitney. Come on. Yeah, it came out hot and heavy. That stream was like, damn. The size of a quarter? For you guys at home, he just held up the diameter of a silver dollar. A huge circle. Yeah, the D-hole just opened right up and just...
It was a little fire hose. A little fire hose. When you pull it and just bust it open, just... Dude, the bar names here are hilarious. There's Big Dicks, Halfway In. There's The Glory Hole. There's all kinds of fun. These all are just gay bars. Yeah, dude. Yeah, they're not. They're just the regular bars. And I'm like, the more insane the name is, I think the more successful it is here. So I want to start a restaurant just called Cum Buckets. Yeah, the cum shop. Yeah, yeah.
Full penetration. Big cocks butt fuckers. Come on down to Terry's and get a titty twister. No, the butts are girls' butts that you're fucking. Oh, okay. Because it sounds gay. They all sound kind of gay. No, they're definitely not. No, they're not. Mung me when I'm dead.
Blake is hitting it, bro. Adam's like titty twister. Man. Blake's like munging. I don't know what mung mean. What does mung mean? Mung. Okay. Hey, let me. Look it up. Here we go. Look it up. Chad's Chorg Factory. Google it. And this is kind of fun because when did we all hear about munging for the first time? Munging was high school. I don't know munging. I don't know.
Okay, munging guys, buckle up. But this is what, and it is disturbing. It is disturbing. I don't know how I heard about this in what locker room. Yeah, this is dark. Locker room talk. What did I hear? Gosh. Hide your children. Hide your children. Hide your wives. Yeah, if you're driving your kids to work right now, you might want to pause it. Turn it down. This is important. Please. Put headphones on.
on your children hide your children because we're about to go into what I think munging might be and you guys can tell me if it's something else hit them with it it was you find a cadaver or a corpse right right freshly I think it's it must be female or it could be male yeah it's a woman but somebody oh god this is just disturbing to recount yeah I can't believe you went there and this is your favorite thing to do is that what you're saying this is the name of the bar oh
I ain't scared of you motherfuckers. But it was right on the tip of the tongue, so this is a thing that you like to do. This is always in the back of my mind running around. I said titty twister because I like to twist titties. That was kind of the first thing on my mind, but yours is munging. Yours was a fun Saturday night.
Blake's is like a cry for help. So it's got to be two people and one person... An arrestable offense, for sure. Okay, go ahead. It is. For sure. It's got to be two people and one person puts their mouth on the genitalia of the corpse and the other person...
Of the woman corpse. Woman, female corpse. Yes, jumps on the stomach of the corpse and all the guts are supposed to shoot out of the orifice into the person's mouth. That is munging and... We're back!
I do want to say it's super gross. You left out the detail that you have to leave the corpse out in the sun for like a few days or something. Yes. The detail. I love Ders is always in the weeds with this kind of thing. He needs the detail. Yes. Yes. The devil's in the details. The devil is in the details. Ders, the non-Christian, and me, the encyclopedia of serial killers. We know all the details.
We know all the details. Here's my question. Who is the kid? What is the personality type? Because you might think it'd be me or you might think it'd be Blake, but the people who come up with this stuff...
Like, we know it, which is already, like, you're perpetrating. But, like, to be the guy who's like, actually, there's a thing called munging. And everyone goes, well, what is that? Because obviously it's not fucking real. It's not real. I mean, is it not? I don't know. Hey, Blake, you're knocking on 40. No one's ever done that. Yeah, man. This is just one of those things that started. I bet someone...
has done that throughout all of time because people are so fucking gross and so weird when it comes to sex. But they didn't name it munging at that time. It might have happened in like caveman days. Maybe it happened. Yeah, it was like during Lancelot time and they're like, you should call it munging. Lancelot time.
This is a King Arthur story we're talking about. Excalibur and Mungu. Yeah, he just pulled the sword out of the stone. He's like, I know the first thing I'm going to do after I'm knighted. Percival, grab that corpse as Lancelot cannonballs onto its stomach.
Well, actually, they say that on the UrbanDictionary.com, they say that you have to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. See, this is what I'm talking about. Somebody's like, this could be funnier. Like, who are these people who are like doing this? It also says, I got to give the Urban Dictionary credit. They also say the way they lead it off is the one thing worse than genocide. That's what the definition of monging is. Sure. I disagree. That's politically charged. Okay.
Oh, sorry. Don't get charged right now. This is a charge-free zone on this podcast. At least there was a caveat here. At least there was some kind of a precursor. Like Cleveland Steamer. I'm positive someone shat across someone's chest. Oh, no. Positive? Bro, that's a thing. That's a thing. Oh, yeah. That's for sure. That's why I said positive.
positive that's why i said positive yeah thank you no but i mean that's that's happening right now that's happening in several hotel rooms across america and the world too specific too specific and several hotel rooms in atlanta in downtown so anyway room a to do it is one thing to name it the cleveland steamer who does that who names it the dirty sanchez comedian a comedian
This is all comedians? Yeah. I don't think it's a comedian. No, it's the guy. There's always that one friend. It's Caduce. It's Caduce. No, Caduce has grace and style. Thank you. That one friend in the group that like his shit is just the grossest shit. Right. It's not necessarily, they're not the funniest guy. Right. They're the grossest guy and that's what they find the funniest. That's just their sensibilities.
They think the grosser it is, the funnier it is. It's a shock comic. Sure. It's a shock comic. Yeah. It's the man cow in the morning of... It's fucking man cow, dude. And that's not what we are. We're not. We are not. We're in the subtlety, okay? Our comedy is so subtle. Yeah. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. Look...
Dude, by the way, that video that you're playing the not that guy, that's like one of my favorite. That's one of my favorite. This guy thinks he's so... Have you guys seen that one? I don't know. I have not. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, yeah. It's just like... Oh, you guys... Is this new, fam? This kid... It's fairly new. This kid is filming this dude and he's like, you're not that guy, kid. You're not that guy. Yeah. And he goes, so wait, you're that guy? And he goes...
you bet your ass I am. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I am. What's the context? What's the context? I think he's a Trumper getting hassled for like, uh, like not wearing a mask. And then like, he starts snapping back, like fucking like make me or whatever. He's like, you're not that guy. Cause on his way out, he's like, go, go, uh, vote for Biden. Yeah.
Yeah, and he, like, kicks the door and shit. It's pretty great. It is very funny. It's pretty politically charged. So it's pretty charged. Yeah, it sounds charged to us. It's so charged. Blake is charged, dude. Oops. Winning. Kyle, should we switch shirts or something or what? Well, we have to have. You can't have two blends together. You got to have a color and a blend and a color and a blend, you know? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes. Look how Iowa and Midwest I'm being right now. This is a corn company.
This is where you plant corn into the ground. Okay, Hollywood. We got it. You're still down to earth. I'm basically Ashton Kutcher, okay? Wearing my trucker hacks on Punk'd. Oh!
You're finally mesmerized by the cornfields, the most beautiful thing your home state has to offer. Yeah, I drove through it on the way here and was just like, welcome to my house. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. Oh, I had the hardest time getting here. So I don't know if you saw my tweets. I like snapped on hers. Oh, yeah. Tell us about the saga, you crybaby. What happened?
Oh, fuck. I saw that. I'm like, damn. I never use Twitter unless it's just to shit on companies that have wronged me. And I love it. Oh, wronged you. Yeah, a burn Twitter to the ground. I fucking hate the thing. But yeah, so I only use it to shit on companies. And for that, it's pretty great.
Dude, I've been traveling all day. I had to get up at like 5 o'clock in the morning, East Coast time, to go to work. Worked all day. Caught an afternoon flight. Flew to Chicago. Was delayed. Did you J-O? No, J-O. Didn't J-O. Afternoon flight. Yeah. But that car ride home. It was...
uh, through the night. Oh, been there, done that. Finally got in, got in around 11 o'clock and then got, get into Kansas city. So you got to the airport at 11 PM. Yeah. It gets to Kansas city at 11 PM. We've called, asked if the, the rental car, I was like, I'm afraid it's going to get closed down. Kansas city. It's not like that huge of an airport. Right. I'm like, got to make sure that this rental car is there. And they were like, yes, we make sure that, uh,
We check if flights are being delayed. Someone will always be there. That's company policy. Great. Okay. Get there. No one's there. No one's there. And I can't get the rental car. I'm pissed now. And so I'm just like, well, I guess I'm going to rent another car. And I go to every other rental car place. I go to budget. I go to Avis. I go to national. I go to enterprise and, and there's lines and I stand in every line and I get to the front. I'm like, I need to rent a car. And they're like, we're all sold out. So sorry.
Oh my God. So I'm stuck. Yeah. There's been a shortage recently, I guess. Yeah. So, but they're like, you should have made a reservation. I'm like, I did with Hertz. They should have been there. And so then you can have a gold membership for Hertz. Right. And with that, you could just get in a car and drive away and they just charge you. And so I go, well, okay, maybe that's what I have.
And because I just have the confirmation number, I have no real information. So I'm like, okay. And what are the keys like on the wheel or something? Did you steal a car? So dude, I tried. I got in a Jeep Grand Cherokee and just took off. And you're shaking the wheel and get to the gate. And this guy's like, can I see your information? I gave it to him. He's like, you can't take this. And I'm like, but I'm going to because I paid for a rental car and they're just not here. So charge me whatever you have to charge me for. But I'm going to take this car. And he's like,
It's a whole car. I charge you a whole car. He's like, you're not going to take it. Because that gemstone's not that righteous. You're not that guy, pal. Yeah, he's like, you're not that guy. And so anyways. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. So I ended up getting, I'm walking out, and there's like one rental car place that I didn't go to that doesn't even look like it's open. Alamo. Right. And no, it was called Payless. Fucking weak-ass Alamo. Fuck Alamo. Oh my God. Leave him alone. It was called Payless Rental.
And I go to this woman. I'm like, do you have any cars? She's like, only Chevy Equinoxes. I'm like, sure, whatever you have. Not a Chevy Equinox. What does that look like? What's wrong with an Equinox? Yeah, what is it? It's a midsize SUV, right? It's fine. It's absolutely fine. It's also the name of a gym, which is weird. I'm like, oh, my God. So anyways, I drove through the night. By the time I got home, it was almost like 3.30, 5.30.
almost four o'clock in the morning by the time I got back. And it was like a full 4 a.m. Here is 5 a.m. East coast time. So it was like a full 24 hour day that I was up and I was just fucking exhausted. So the whole time I'm just snapping at Chloe hurts. No, no,
I'm just snapping at Hertz. I'm just saying, I'm just like saying like crazy shit. I'm basically putting all my dad's cancer on Hertz and saying that they're murdering my father. Really? I know. Yeah, no, those tweets were really brutal, dude. You fucking cross. You put that. What about it? That.
You put them together? All right. Well, I was saying I'm going to visit my father and the fact that I can't go see him is on you. You lied to me and said that you were going to be there. Right. I see that. And that I'm saying his cancer is on your hands. His cancer blood is on your hands. Wow. Oh, my God. Yeah, man. And it worked. They paid for my car. So it worked. Nice. Did they make you delete the tweets? Did they hit? Is it?
Did they hit you up and say, delete the tweet? No, no, no, no, no. Tweets live forever. Tweets live forever. Adam, can I ask you a question? Oops. Winning. Let's say like you called and they go, yeah, for sure. Let's say Mike is going to be working late. He'll be here. Yeah. What is, what, and Mike clearly took off for some reason, right? Yeah. What's the one scenario where you go, all right, Mike.
I'll let you go for that reason. Like if Mike was like, Mike's dad has cancer. Yeah. What if Mike's dad had cancer? I'm thinking of a little thing more funny, but like girl of his dreams is like, Oh, sorry. Uh,
My boyfriend was a dick. I need you to pick me up. I'm by myself. Make this right. Like, what is the scenario where you're like, all right, Mike, I'll let it slide. None. There's none. Uh, no, no. Somebody would have to like be in true trouble. Like if like his girlfriend calls him up and she's like, I'm currently getting roofied and you have to save my life. Uh, then yeah. Okay. Then go save her life. Just like to go. That's very detailed. Currently getting roofied.
I don't know. So like, it would have to be something that is, that is like, yeah. How does that work? She's like, I don't know that, that to me, I would be like, oh yeah, go get your girls. How about like just rabid dogs? Okay. A rabid dog. I'm currently being roofied is like, I'm going to fall under the roofie spell in like 20 minutes. You need to be here. Yes. Oh, are we back to this? Yeah. That's the movie. I'm like, right. I'm falling asleep. Oh, please come get me. And, and then,
And then I'm like, oh, shit, go get your girl, dude. Don't let that happen. I'm living in a nightmare. Is this the movie then? It's about a guy who works at Hertz, right? Yeah. And Hertz Donut. Let's go. His boss is like, here's the deal. Adam Devine is coming into town. You have to stay here tonight until his car gets here. And then he gets a call. And he's known for sending out nasty tweets. And we can't have that as a company. No, we can't be a...
under his blade right and then he gets a call from the girl of his dreams who's like hey I was just roofied I have 45 minutes 40 minutes before I fall on his belt yeah and then like he's got to wait for you or not or I feel like you as the character in the movie playing yourself you know a heightened fun version yeah you go on the journey with him
Total maniac. And then they circle back to your dad who has cancer. Wow. The drama. Who probably, I don't know if he makes it in the movie. What the fuck? For stakes. Well, in the movie, yes, for stakes. George is talking about traumatic purposes. Yeah, he's talking for the movie. Yes, I get it. I do understand that. Thank you, George. Or something. There's got to be some kind of turn. Right. Right.
But I don't know if that's at the very end or if it's at the midpoint. Yeah, I don't know if that's a time to come, but it's close. It's close. It's kissing it. It's kissing it. I feel like a time to come is better.
I'm just going to say it. Not everything's a winner. See, you've got to walk down these paths. But you've got to pitch. You've got to pitch. Yeah, you've got to walk down these paths to see if it works. Hit me with my dad's, that shit's important. You lose. Oh, you want the Dennis D? That shit's important. That shit's important. So good. What a great drop. So grabbly. What was that, turtle? Pearl.
And I went over to the guys at Budget, and they knew me, and they were like, shit, dude, so sorry. We can't. They're all reserved. We can't give you. And I totally understand that. I'm like, yeah, don't give me someone else's car. But if there is a car there that you keep a certain amount of cars there just in case, give me one of them. But they were like, no, we can't. Did somebody offer their own car? Adam, take mine, bro. Those guys at Budget were like, dude, here, take my car. I'll come get it tomorrow. And I'm like,
If I was in Kansas City, I would have taken him up on that. I would have been like, yeah, if I'm only going to be 20 minutes away, but I'm driving three hours. Well, no, if you were in Kansas City, you would have taken a cab. Yeah, for sure. I would have just gotten a cab. But I'm with you. I'm with you. I knew what you're saying. I knew what you were saying. Did you check what it would be like if you could get an Uber all the way there?
Yeah, I did. But I was like, I don't want to. It's like a windy road. I'm like, I don't want to be in the back. You have to wear Uber is still like you have to wear masks in the car. I don't have to wear a mask in the fucking car this whole time. L.A.'s going back into it, right? Like we got to wear masks inside.
Yeah, that's what they say. I've been in LA in six months, but yeah, I think it's back. Yeah. Mask inside or masks always or something. I don't know. I don't know why they thought they could get away from it. There's a thing called Delta, but let's try
this no masks inside thing for a little bit. I'm pissed now. I read something that it's 100% of hospitalizations are people that didn't get the vaccine. 100% in LA County. Hospitalizations. 99. 99 is what I saw. But yeah, that's... We can all round up. Sure. Yeah, we can. Yeah, so I'm like...
If you choose not to get the vaccine, that's on you, dog. You deserve to die. Right. Yeah. No, you don't deserve to die, but like, like for sure, get the best care that you can. But if you choose not to get the vaccine, it's very possible that you could get sick and you would have to go to the hospital. Right. Yeah. Have fun on that ride.
Right.
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Do you guys know anybody that has gotten the vaccine and is still contracted COVID? Because I found my first acquaintance that that happened to. I thought I had it this week, and then I was like, no. I've been hearing about it. No, I don't know anybody. No, but that's the thing. When you got the vaccine, they said you can still get sick. It's just that it's not as severe of an illness. Right. You won't go to the hospital. You're knocking it back.
Yeah. But it's still like 96% or something that you can't get sick, right? Isn't that like... Well, you can carry it and pass it. And then if you have the vaccine, you're knocking it back if you get it. It's not going to be full force, fully fledged. Unless you got the Johnson & Johnson. Which one did you get, Kyle? Oh, my God. Wait, where did you... Wait, what? Are we both J&J, boys? I'm a J&J. And you got no Klotz? No Klotz? Bumba Klotz? No Klotz. Roger Klotz.
You guys got me all clotted up. I got that good shit. Yeah, but y'all had to go back two times. I'm going to go one time. That was so hard having to drive to a place twice. Oh my God. That was honestly the choice for me. It was like, how many times? One of
do the one you're like one is like 60 uh it works 60 of the time although another one's 97 of the time but i have to drive twice i didn't hear anything like that i didn't hear anything like that for the j and j 60 yeah j and j it's yeah it's j and j is like the it's just garbage dude you're gonna get covid the fuck bro get out of here
You're gonna get COVID. I think the first shot of Pfizer is equal to the one shot of Johnson & Johnson, and then the second shot ups it more. Kind of like seals the deal. For sure, the CDC is gonna make us put a disclaimer on this podcast. We're just spreading fucking garbage misinformation. I'm still gonna send it. They should know that we're essentially like you gave a bunch of microphones to kids in a nursery.
And let them repeat shit that they think their parents said. Right. You know. That's it. That's our podcast. Hey, that headline that I saw that was 100%, that was just somebody's story. That was someone's story that they posted some article that I didn't do any cross-reference, none of my own research. I saw someone's story and was like, and that's a fact, and I'm talking about it on the pod.
Right. But remember when I checked you, I checked you and I said, hey, it's 99, but guess what? Who cares? It's 100. Yeah. Might as well be a million. And I feel like we've given the disclaimer, but this is a politically charged podcast, so get ready for some opinions. Dude, that's the thing. Me and you guys, we're all hot button issue guys. We're giving a ring. We box it out politically, baby. This is basically some crossfire shit. Fucking welcome to our situation room. Move over, Wolf. I'm Tucker Carlson.
yeah you are you are yeah you are moving on you are that's tight it's crazy we do record for four hours and then we have to cut out all that super uh polychar stuff out yeah that's crazy it's just too much what is polychar polychar dude oh he's joking that's what we say we say that all the time on the stuff we cut out oh for sure yeah it's gonna be our merch
Sorry, so polychar. But you know what we do? We're obviously very polychar, but you know what we should also do? Throw in some Jesus stuff so this merch can really sell. Yeah, Jesus and polychar. I'm polychar-ed for Jesus. Is polychar or should it just be Paul-char? I like polychar. I think it's great. Yeah, it's kind of like poly-shore, but you're saying polychar.
then we eat some. Stay polycharred with one set of footprints in the sand. Thank you, Adam. Merch mind. I got the merch mind of the group. Merch merge. I like it. Durs, did you get your bike yet?
I'm just thinking when I got my vaccine, it was the day we went for a huge mountain bike. Have you got a bike yet? For Specialized? Specialized, where you at, dog? I need that bike. I think about it at least once a week where I'm like, man, I'd love to take my children for bike rides, but I guess not. I think Specialized kind of took you guys on a walk. Yeah. On a ride. They took us on a ride for sure. Yeah.
You got to get on Twitter, bro. Yeah. They took us on a ride where they were like, hey, we're going to give you a free bike. Come on this. Wear jeans. Come on this long bike ride. And hey, get the second vaccine shot. Make sure to wear jeans. Come on this long bike ride. We're going to give you a bike. And then they don't give you a bike. They fucking punked your ass. Oh, sir. I don't like it. Get to Twitter. Start fucking just slaughtering specialized on a
public forum I got a helmet and some gear they didn't wrong you in the way you guys weren't well you were a little inconvenienced you know what fuck them let's take them to task
Hertz Donut? Yeah. There we go. Nobody? Hertz Donut. No, I love it. Yes, points. I'm coming. I'm coming. I love it. I guess you can have that. I didn't love it. I feel like that would be a time when Chris Hardwick would say no points. Yes, fuck you. Yeah, that's a brutal ass thing. The Hertz Donut thing is like basically you go up to someone and you're like, hey man, you want a Hertz Donut? And they're like, yeah. And then you fucking punch them and you say Hertz Donut. You already fucked up
the joke bro you say you want a donut and then you punch them and you say what did i say hurts donut you said you want a hurts donut and then you punch them and you say no no kyle you got it right no you want a hurts donut yeah you want a hurts donut do you want a hurts no you say so poly no you want to you want a donut and they say sure and then you punch them and you say hurts donut
No, Blake. It's actually, I think the proper answer is what's a Hertz donut? I think that's what you want. What is that on your face? Is that egg on your face? Is that some yolk on your face? Yolk? Looks like yolk. Hey, I went out on a limb on that one, and you know what? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'll take the L. I'll take the L. No, no, no. That branch broke, dude, and you fell to the earth on that one. So what you hope somebody asks is you say, you want a Hertz donut? And then they say, what's a Hertz donut? And then you say, boom, Hertz donut. Ah!
Egg on your face, dude. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me! Wait, is that what you did to your mom? Oh, boy. What, when I punched her when she was combing lice? Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Bro. We're so charged. This is polycharged. My mom did let me know that I felt horrible when that happened. Like, it was a reaction, and she was like, you know, you, like, cried because you punched me. Okay, that's really beautiful. And I was like, okay, cool, good, good. So you were saying that you...
Not only are you an abuser, but you're also a bitch. Is that what you're trying to? No, no. What? No, dude. What? No, Adam. I'm saying I'm emotional. I'm saying I have feelings. It sounds like you're out of control physically and emotionally. It sounds like you're out of control. You're one of those guys that like. It's a manipulation tactic. Beats women and then comes and is like, I'm so sorry. Love me still. And they're like, and they have to take you back.
Yikes. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and send this part of the podcast to my therapist before Monday. Todd, if I can get this clip just before Monday morning, that'd be great. Hey, you're like, I think I just had a breakthrough. Adam, the one that prides himself on never going to therapy. I'm fixed. Pinpointed some shit for me. Just really dug deep. Hey, Doc, I'm fixed. I figured it out.
I'm an asshole. Fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. Finish him. Turns out I can talk to my friends. Yep. And that's what this is about, isn't it, guys? Yeah. We look inward to each other. We really do. This is our brotherhood. This is our youth group. Kyle just had an emotional monging.
Yes, I did. We just jumped on your belly. Yes, points! I learned a lot this podcast. I did not know munging, and I feel like the Mung Club that we start here at Lake of the Ozarks, maybe that's the... Mung of the Month? Yeah, Mung of the Month. Oh, Divine's Mung Angels? Oh, Divine's Mung Angels. Oh my god, they've got guts.
Yeah, we all wear... No, see, I don't want to do that because then I don't want to explain that. Like, we go out to the bars, we're all wearing these dumb... People know it, Adam. You're the only person who doesn't know it. Everybody knows it. No! No, people don't know it. You could also say that it's a mung bean. You could say, it's just we love mung beans. But also, like, mung, that's like a Vietnamese, right? Like, we don't want to confuse that either, right? Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah, maybe. And if that gets confused, guess what that is? Pretty polycharged. Yep. And we're off that. Exit stage left on that one. We're off that, I think. Polychar. And also, I would like to start off take backs and apologies. Let's go. Hurts.
I would like to say, honestly, they paid for the rental car that I did end up getting, which, by the way, this rental car, they didn't check. You know how normally they walk around and look at it to see if there's any dings and dents? She didn't do that. There's so many dings and dents on this fucking Chevy Equinox. Well, good. Get it out there on this public forum. Yeah, I'm like, I didn't do it. I haven't even driven it. I only drove it here. For two hours? Yeah, that's a big drive. Yeah, for three hours.
That's pretty good. But then for a week I'm not driving. This is what we're dealing with, guys. So there's all kinds of dings and dents. I hope I don't get charged for that. Regardless. That's life. Thank you. I would like to apologize for Hertz for going that hard at them. But if I didn't, they wouldn't have paid for my rental car. Of course not. It hurts, don't it?
it hurts which leads to my apology Kyle I'm so sorry that I tried to step in and say you were wrong I was right but most of the times Kyle is right when he says something he doesn't you know speak well that's not I will take that as a thank you I guess that's a thank you I'm gonna say thank you to you
Yeah, you will take that. Well, f*** you, Kyle! He'd like to take that as a thank you. I'd like to take that as a thank you. And we have added thank yous. Hey, guys, by the way, I wasn't done yet. You just took... I was still on... I'm not gonna sit back and listen to you trash hurts anymore, okay? No, I was done. I was off. I'm trying to apologize to you guys. I'm trying to apologize to you guys. Will you shut the f*** up and let me apologize to you guys?
Shut the fuck up! Will you please be quiet? Yeah, go ahead, bro. A few episodes ago, I said the internet told me that it was a pug collar on Men in Black, and it wasn't. Everyone was like... I got a few things being like, it was a pug collar, not a cat collar. The guys were wrong. And I was like, oh shit. And then I came at you, and you guys...
We didn't understand it. You were like, okay, I thought I remembered a cat. It was a cat. And now the internet came back at me and like the guys were right. It was a cat. Because the pug was an alien, right? The pug was something else. Yeah, evidently. So it was a cat collar and men in black were like,
He's wearing like a little amulet or something around his neck and the whole universe is in his. Adam, thank you so much. Here's the thing, Adam. Watch the movie. Just go watch Men in Black. God damn, man. Take an hour and 40 minutes out of your day and watch the best movie ever made possibly. Just the two of us. Watch it with your
It's so sick. I saw it with my dad and I loved it and he loved it too. It was awesome. That shit's important. Yeah, guys, I think I'm going to be too busy jet skiing and going fishing with my father and we're not going to sit in the basement watching Men in Black. You're not going to be tired. You're not going to be tired for an hour and 45 after doing that shit.
Come on, player. Not me. I'm going to propose an event for your bachelor party is we do take a one-hour, 40-minute break to shotgun beers and watch Men in Black together as a friendship family. Well, here's what we could do. I'm in. I will press play. I will be the one pressing play and hooking up the tech. Thank you, Kyle. I guess that'd be cool. Here's what we can do. Men in Black...
Men in Black can be on the entire bachelor party. We can just run it. I will be the one that keeps it going. On loop. So if you come in the house, you can always sit down and catch 20 minutes of it. Yeah. And then go about the rest of it. Hey, here's the thing. The whole bachelor party is Men in Black theme. We wear suits. We wear sunglasses.
We go everywhere dressed as men in black. You just take the first letter of your name and that is your name for the weekend. I am Agent B. I am Agent K. Agent A. Should we say that for the entire wedding? No, let's do the bachelor party men in black. I've been quiet on the thread. I feel like this is how I'm going to wake it up. I'm going to be like, guys. Quiet on the
I have noticed that you have not responded to anything. My dad asked me if you're coming the other day because he's really excited to smoke weed with you. And I didn't know how to respond to that. So are you coming to the bachelor party? Fuck yeah, I'm coming to the bachelor party. I'm going to be there. People are coming out. I feel like some people are like, I'm going to be an early bird on Thursday. I'm going Tuesday, motherfucker. Damn, son. Damn, son. Where'd you find this? I'm like, hey, I would love that. I'll be there.
I think I'm going to cruise out early just to have some chill, like hangout time, and then, you know, stay late to have some chill hangout time. Were you invited? Yeah, I'm on the thread. I'm on the thread, Anders. Do you know that they don't have plans? I'm pissed now! You're more than welcome to come. You guys are more than welcome to come as early as you would like. Wow. Let's make it a bachelor party week, for all I care. Well, no, I can go to Harry's Hardcocks or whatever and just be like, Oh my God!
What's up? I was just doing some writing down the street. How's it going? Let's hang. Oh my God. You know?
I want you to go a week early and just kind of be around town with them and then be like, do you want to come by? And you're like, no, no. I'm kind of doing my own thing. I'll be there Thursday. I got an Airbnb right up the street. Y'all can come over to my house if you want. Just settling in. There's a really good pizza place down the street. You're like Ernest Hemingway. You're going to start writing your novel at Marty Mung's. Oh, boy.
The Mung Dog. There is a Marty's Place. There's some bar that is like Ozarks related here. I can't wait. Of course. How'd they get the rights to that? Or is it like, you know? It's just off enough that they were able to do it, I think. Right. Like all the waitresses wear like curly blonde wigs. Yeah.
We're definitely going to it. That's right on the strip that there was an active shooter last night. Oh, awesome. We've got to go there? Yeah, we have to check that out. Hopefully there's not a biker gang that night. They're not going to mess with the men in black, trust me. No, no, no. They're not messing with Agent K and Agent A and Agent B and also Agent A. We need to somehow fabricate the prop of the flashy thingy. Just a space pen? It could just be a silver dildo. Yeah.
So we can keep flashy thingy each other. Yeah, Blake, it could be any level.
Any last takebacks? You won't remember this. Yeah, any other takebacks, apologies, or whatever? Oh, my God. Yeah, let me apologize for pushing the podcast all the way to Friday morning, and I'm still dragging ass, but thank you guys for being so flexible. Yeah, and I'll take this time to say a thank you to Durs for apologizing. Yeah, I would like to take that as a thank you. And I don't...
I don't want to apologize. I don't jump in those email chains and text chains. They get silenced so quickly on my phone. I get to thread. Hey, it's my text chain, right? It's my bachelor party. You notice I'm not really jumping in that often either just because it's a lot. Yeah, but you're kind of the, you're like the guy. You don't got to worry. This is all happening behind you. But I think, Adam, you remember when we were in Second City together and I sent out an email to everybody and I was like, don't reply all to me.
Do you remember this? Yeah. Ders is always, yeah, he's always the one. And people were like, I can't believe he did that. I went to class and got like shit from everybody. It was like, so Mr. We don't like your reply alls. And I go, I just don't want them. What's great about this is like, that's for sure. Like a thing that a 40 year old man would do after had been in the business world or whatever for a long time. And you're just like, Hey, I'm already business world. I'm too, I'm too busy. I'm too busy.
I'm too busy. I had to handle all these. Durs was like 20 years old and was like... Yeah, 23, 24. Yeah, he was like 23 years old. And he's like, look guys, I've got too much on my plate right now. Do not reply all. When you have like a... I mean, I guess I must have just gotten what? A fucking... I don't know. It was either on my laptop or on my first BlackBerry. But you're just blowing up with these like half jokes and then these like add-on half jokes like two seconds later. You're like...
Guys,
Aren't you busy doing anything else than like to each other? No, they're not. They're not. They're not. And that's how we got politically charged from the jump. Ders always keeps us charged. Thank you. I would like to thank Ders for that. Hey, you're welcome. No take backs on that. All right. And that was another episode of... Agent K signing off. This is... MQ Morton.
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