Ep 74: Cosmic Finger Bang
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A legendary finger bank. Actually, do you know where the place is to get mushrooms? It's the child's glory hole. What the fuck? Buckle up. Oh my goodness. Blake, have you started every episode with that? Does every episode have that at the beginning? I wouldn't say it's every episode, but...

It's a lot, a lot, a lot of episodes. If you were here, you'd know, bitch. I kick off a lot that way. I'm curious. I mean, I'm asking even the ones I was a part of. Like, is that a thing that you do, everyone? Do you remember? No. Simon Rex just tweeted that Let's Go is to guys what Woo is to girls. You know how, like, you'd go, Woo!

What is that? When you go out to a restaurant or bar or something, there's a lot of drunk girls there. You just hear like, woo! Like, yes, bitch! Woo!

I got to say, I'm guilty of that, too. Wolf howling, a little bit of wooing. Yeah. I feel like your let's-goes are more prevalent than your... Blake rides them waves, though. He'll hit a let's-go wave. Whatever's on that hot shit is what Blake's going to be doing. Did you guys see the national championship game the other night after the Georgia won? The QB was just like, let's go.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! I can't escape it, guys. I know. Well, what it is is... I love it. Love it. Yeah, it's dumb people. Really, really dumb people who... Idiots. Fucking morons. Yeah.

Okay, who are you to judge? It is a placeholder for a real true thought. Fucking idiot bitches. No, I think it's just people that don't have anything else to say. Right. It's when you have no words yourself and you just, this is the thing people say and I know and they'll know that I know and I know that they know. It's an exclamation, dude. You can't always think of what's going to come out of it. It's a knee jerk. You're not thinking about what you're going to say. Yes, I'm saying it's a knee jerk, but it's a new age thing.

booyah like I'm more of a booyah guy yeah boom shakalaka haven't we covered this we've covered this whole thing right tons yeah I'm a boom shakalaka guy we come back to it a lot because Adam truly is infuriated by the let's go away it's every four episodes let's stop let's go man it's never gonna stop

No. It's never going to stop. You just have to ride the wave, and right now the wave is huge. It's cresting, bro. So it's not going anywhere. Once a wave has that much energy, dog, it keeps going. Let's go. Let's go. I'm pissed now. Adam, can I saddle you with something, Adam? Please saddle me. Come up with something better. Strap me in your leathers. Yeah. Yeah, like let's get going. Yeah. No, too many words. No, no, no. First of all, it's for Adam to do. Oh.

And that was bad. I know. That was the point of it. Adam, I think if you seriously put your nose to the grindstone, as I know you do. That means doing cocaine, right? Come up with something that's better. I'm a grindstoner. What could you do? What's your version? Hi. Oh, yeah!

That's cool. Yeah. What about Yes, Mommy? That's pretty good. Yes, Mommy's good. Yes, Mommy. The new Let's Go is kids are saying sheesh a lot now, right? Yes, sir. Sheesh. Sheesh. As a Let's Go? I think Young Thug might have started that one. Sheesh. Sheesh. Sheesh.

Okay, so you just win the national championship. The reporter comes rushing up to you. Hey, what do you have to say? You just won the national championship. And you go, yes, mommy. I wish. Okie dokie. Dude, that's way better than let's go. That's like a Baba Booey. People are like, wait, what is going on right now? Yes, mommy. We got to get our own Baba Booey, right? Like how people shout that at golf outings to be like, I'm a Howard Stern fan or whatever.

We have it. It's Popo's Owl. Popo's Owl. No, Kevin Federline has Popo's Owl. Yeah. We are children of Kayfab. What about Sko? I know that. How about Sko? Can't you just shorten it and go Sko? Yeah, there we go. Sko's good. Kyle has it. But that is Let's Go. Let's Go. Well, Sko is better. Yeah, but that's... But Sko is... But that's... We've shortened it. Sko's a better... Sko! Sko!

Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, but you can't tell. You can't tell the difference. People are just saying, yes, mommy, let's go. I think if you shorten skull like we already did that and it was good. But I think if you did that now, it would it would it would happen. I think you get that going. I think so. I wish like your boobs were huge. Golf outings where someone hits it. Your boobs are huge. You know what I did today?

No? Is I went golfing with Michelle Wee. Your boobs are huge. You went golfing with Michelle Wee today?

Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah, this morning. Yeah. Wait, how? More? I need more. What is it? You don't golf. You don't know Michelle Wee. How does this happen? Oh, I don't. I don't, Blake. You haven't seen me in these streets. Say more words. I don't know who that is. I'm sorry. I don't know. Michelle Wee is a very famous, probably one of the most famous female golfers. Right. She was a 16-year-old phenom a while back. Is she from Concord? Am I tripping? Dude. Am I tripping? No.

You are trippin'. She is from the Bay Area. Oh, where's she from? I don't know. I can't remember exactly. I'll look her up. How do you spell her name? She's from Walnut Creek. Okay? Just get over it. Is she? Not conquered. Is she really? Everyone's from Walnut Creek. No.

It was just, she's doing a thing. It was like a sponsored thing for her YouTube channel or whatever. And I just went and played golf with her. And it was really fun. Paid friends. Paid friends. How many holes? It wasn't, we went to a golf course and she helped me with my swing. So you just were at a driving range? Yeah. No, it was at the course. So how many holes did you play?

- We didn't play any holes. It was like an hour of her like teaching me how to swing and we were on the golf course and just crushing some balls.

What were your takeaways? What are you good at? What's going down? Free clubs. Turns out I have a pretty decent swing. Okay. But it was the more she's like, let me just see what you do naturally. And I did. I hit like three balls. Shirt went off for sure. Happy Gilmore. How quick was your shirt off? They were pretty good. The shirt stayed on because I was also wearing a vest. Disappointed. Yeah.

I know. Admittedly, I was just pointing at myself. But then the more I was taught, the worse I was. Because you started thinking about all the mechanics. It's because you're no longer just flowing with it. You're thinking about everything. I'm no longer being the freak athlete that I am.

That I am. Well, you don't like to be told what to do. You like to kind of just feel it out yourself and then – I'm a vibe guy. Yeah, you don't like being told how to feel. You don't like being told how you do or anything. Yeah, well said. Well, I think that's the thing with golf though is like you really have to break down your swing and build it back up again. You have so many bad habits.

I'm about to do that. I got a driver from some homies from my 40th, because they're like, you're old now, let's play some golf. I got to hit the driving range and just undo, because I got a slice that could cut up a watermelon. There we go. I didn't even give you a gift, Erz. I'm sorry. I should give you a gift. Almost a year ago. Yeah, but what do you want? What do you want?

I'll give you one for your 41st. We'll see you in 41st. It's going to be a post-pandemic blowout. Yeah! Don't get COVID. I get it, dude. I've had it twice. It's actually, I personally, I loved it. It's actually sick as fuck. I can't smell cheeseburgers anymore, but... You know what is hella fun and changed the game, and I wish they would find this for other sports...

Frickin' motherfrickin' Topgolf, dude. Have you guys ever done that? Oh, dude, there's a new one. Oh, yeah. It's off the fuckin' hook. For people who don't know, it's like a driving range, but they have targets so you can basically play like a Nintendo game in real life. You're just like competing against your friends. It completely flipped the game. And there's potato skins on call. Should we go do that? Yes, sir. Let's go do that together. They're building one down near Manhattan Beach, I think.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I didn't know if LA had a, had one. It's hard. I looked into, uh, doing one. Uh,

Me and McBride were like, there has to be one of these in Charleston because we went and shot in Myrtle Beach and we all went to a Topgolf place and just had a fucking blast as one does. And Danny was like, dude, we should get a Topgolf place in Charleston. If we get like five or ten of us to invest, it won't even be that much, I don't think. And then we looked into the actual like nuts and bolts of getting it started. It's 80 acres that you have to own. Holy.

Holy shit. That's a lot of sausage. Did you hit it, 80 acres? That's...

Lots of property. Yeah, that's what they do. That's what the franchise asks you to buy or have in order to start a Topgolf. Well, think of how much land just golf courses require. It's fucking crazy. I think like George Carlin has a bit about like just how much land it takes up and if he turned it into like housing. Go ahead and do the bet. Yeah. Tell us the bet. Dude, it sounds so funny when you break it down. Let's go.

Yes, mommy. Yes, mommy. That's a lot of land. A lot of land, okay? Well, you know...

Topgolf is cool, but there are times when little changes to the game can backfire. I will take a hard stance. I freaking hate cosmic bowling. Do you remember when that shit took over? Like the glow-in-the-dark bowling? That's how I met my wife. That's how you met your wife? Was during a cosmic bowling? It's the worst thing to happen to bowling alleys. It's terrible. Explain yourself. Go ahead. Why it sucks? Yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead. Because it's not fucking bowling. It's like all these lights, all these distractions, all this bullshit, all this black light. Exactly. Are you? Oh, wait, I think we figured it out. You're scared. It's too dark. No, the game is fine how it is. It doesn't need these elements. You think real aliens are going to show up, don't you? I'm not scared. I'm not scared of nothing. I'm not scared of aliens. Kyle, it's not really cosmic. It's just dark and black lights. There's no aliens. I'm not as scared.

Oh, mommy. So you think it takes away the pureness of bowling? I think it's great for parties and stuff, I guess, but it sucks. That's what it's for. That's what it's for. No, fuck that. If you're under six. Well, it's not. You notice they're not doing cosmic bowling tournaments. It's just for high school lock-ins and shit. Oh, I know Adam was all about some lock-ins. Oh, dude, I was trying to stay locked. These girls are locked in here with me? Yeah.

I was trying to stay locked in. No one can leave. I feel good. And then it's just me hacky-sacking in the corner, hoping that that impresses one of them. Look at these giant bowling shoes. Still over here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm locked in. 602, 603. I'm into the tiny, sweaty one, aggressively hacky-sacking in the corner. Slamming pitchers of Coke. Hey, I'll be right here. You want a bowl? Unlimited Coca-Cola.

I might have a Sprite later. Yeah. When I call my mom to pick me up in the morning, I go, oh, mommy. So I'm sorry. Real quick. So you're like a bowling purist and you just think Cosmo. But what if you're like if you're in high school or like younger? What's wrong with Cosmo? It's the same exact thing as Topgolf. Right. Because, you know, like real golfers.

Don't fuck with Topgolf. I bet you real golfers do, but they don't go there weekly like they would to a driving range or a golf course, but they'll go. That's precisely it. Yeah, go off, Blake. Sure. I also think most bowlers also, if there's a fucking party or something and their kids want to go bowling, they're going to go to Topgolf with their kids. They're not just like, fuck this. It's not real. Yeah, I get it. Yes, mommy. No, wrong. Wrong.

It's different when you don't moan it. Yes, mommy. Wait, Blake. So what, Blake, what is your... No, go. Go. Top golf... Top golf, if you're a golfer and you go there, it's the same as going to a driving range. It's no different in any way. If you go cosmic golf bowling... Wait, wait, wait, wait. No. Top golf is completely different, and here's why. Yes, it is. A, there's music playing quite loud. B, there's alcohol being served right...

right behind you. You don't have to engage. Okay, there's music, okay? There's potato skins that you have to engage with. Well, yeah. Okay, you're not skipping those potato skins. You're a stupid dumbass. Yeah, that's a big deal.

The Hummets. And there's like the little thing, the games. You can play a game or whatever. Honestly, though, it's also at night. You hardly ever play golf at night. You can go to Topgolf at night. You can go to driving ranges at night. They're open very late. Okay, fair. The golf range in Koreatown is open until midnight, I believe, or later. And it's fucking sick. The Koreatown Golf...

the sickest. But are you saying, Blake, that... Blake, Blake, Blake, are you saying that because when you have a party and when you have a skill that is bowling and you want to show it off at, say, a party or something for some chicks or some just anybody...

When you go to a cosmic bowling, the lighting and stuff can really fuck you up and you can get like under 100. How good are you? Yeah. What do you mean? If you're holding like a 175 average or something? You think I couldn't swim under some black lights player? True. I would actually love to. I don't know. Can you? Can you?

That's a cool idea. I think that would actually fuck you up just as much as bowling because you're looking at lines on the ground and stuff like that. I think if you had all the ripples... Oh, I didn't think about that. You didn't? Because you should have.

Weird, wild stuff. You should have. Yeah, before you like... You should have, dude, before you said that shit. Dude, I'll tell you what you'll be looking at. The bottom of my feet, swim slam. All right. Okay. Dude, I would swim in a neon swimming pool. That would be fun as hell. Black light swim pool. I think it's safe to say that...

Kyle is in the minority here that cosmic bowling sucks. No, Blake agrees. Blake agrees. Yeah, he's not. I am absolutely 100% even further down the road. Hold on. Actually, I want to know why Adam drew that conclusion off of listening to what was going on.

Were you listening? Were you listening? He wasn't. No, he wasn't. He was pizza pizza. No, I think you guys are in the minority. Blake is a walking. He is walking cosmic bowling. The fact that he doesn't like it is just through years of indoctrination with your friend group that you guys like it sucks. It sucks. And then he starts to believe that it sucks. Well,

When this guy is cosmic bowling personified. Look at this fucking guy. That's kind of a cool take. You would think that about me, but I'm a bowling purist. I grew up around a bowling alley. Blake, there's a 100% chance that I would beat you in bowling. Absolutely not. It's going down. It's going down. I doubt it. I doubt you would, Adam. I've watched you bowl before, Adam. Yeah, Adam, you're weak. You guarantee it. I guarantee I would beat you in bowling. He's got the mental edge already.

No. Adam, you don't even have a ball. Have you ever owned a ball? That's a great question, actually. Have you ever owned a ball? No. I can't golf, but I just golfed with Michelle Wee, dude. Just because Michelle Wee was gassing you up on a YouTube video doesn't mean you were smacking the ball. You were paid, bro.

You were paid. Fuck it. What is your high score? Because I'll write mine down. I think it's a 201. Okay. It's not great. 201. I think you've got about a 220 before. I think I've seen you get 220. I got a 240. Maybe I might have got a 220. Okay. But bowling is not about just a high score. You have to have a high average. Let's go. All right. Let's go. Okay. Mommy. Adam hates it because it's like looking in the mirror. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go bowling.

Let's go bowling. No, like literally let's go. We have to do this. I would love to. Let's do a podcast live from a bowling alley. Okay. Okay. I would love to.

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That is so much different. So much different. And I freaking slayed a Slayer song on Guitar Hero, but that doesn't count. I still can't play a lick. Don't sell yourself short. That's cool. I bet you could do something cool. I just had a memory about all of us.

Kyle, were you there when we bowled Chris Hardwick? Hardwick? Oh, yeah. All four of us bowled against one Chris Hardwick, and we got murked, dude. Yeah, he beat us. He was sick. That guy, he scored some points. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. Yes, points! Wow. There it is. Adam, have you ever owned your own bowling ball?

Or shoes. Or shoes. No, there was a summer... Yes, I stole several pairs that then were my shoes. Wow. That's icky. Frowned upon in the community. No, it was in, I think, 7th grade or 8th grade. Me and my buddy, Danny Hendricks, we went bowling every day. It was a dollar a game at Cougar Lens in Omaha, Nebraska. Shout out. And we went...

And I got good. I did get good. I haven't been in a long time, so I don't know how often you're bowling. Maybe your skills are a little sharper than mine. He's starting to backtrack. But I think I remember Kyle being good. Yeah, I'm very good. I don't remember you having any discernible talent when it comes to bowling. Wow.

That's wild, bro. This is big. I don't remember that. I remember Kyle being good. I don't remember Blake being good at bowling. Wow. Blake would plug in. Blake can plug in. I've seen him plug in. Better than you. Thank you, Kyle. I remember Kyle doing the where you cradle it with your hand and you spin it thing. Yeah. Yes, I have a wicked spin. I do not use the thumb. Kyle has a crazy style. I just use the two middle fingers in the ball. I don't even have a thumb drilled in the hole because I'm just palming it.

Oh, my God. I thought you didn't even use your fingers at all. I thought you just had it. No, because you want to rip up like a fucking buzzsaw. You know what I mean? You want to rip it up. Get that hook on it. Oh, yes, mommy. Big check hands. I got a horrible throw. I throw it backwards. Are you lefty? Yeah. How heavy was your ball? I bowled with a 12 pounder, I think. It was not that heavy. Yeah.

It's very light. But it's because of the effort that I had to get that spin. You have to exert a lot of effort and energy. Well, see, I don't think I've gone for years. I used to go. I haven't gone for years, donkey. Gone for years, donkey. What'd your ass say?

I haven't gone for years. I bet now I would roll with like a 30 pound ball, dude. You can't. You can't. It's like 16 is the top, I think. 16 is the max, bro. Yeah. Do you lift? I don't know, dude. I would go with like a six pounder probably. Did I do that? Well,

What's the lightest? The lightest you can go? Yeah, you can go six pounds. I feel like nowadays I roll with like a 35-pound ball. I go CCH pounder. Hey, okay. Adam. No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. So we were just talking about how you pivot the sport to like cooler things, but honestly, like super heavy bowling, I'm kind of in on, dude. Oh, my God. Oh, that is a good idea. Like strongman bowling. Strongman bowling.

- Strong man bowling. - That's a good idea. - Dude, I would love to dislocate a shoulder by trying to roll a 50 pound bowling ball down. - Yes. - What would that do to the pins? And the pins are heavier too. - Dude, it just disintegrates them if you hit them with enough force. - And Blake, how do you feel about smaller and smaller golf balls? Is that cool? Is that fun?

That's kind of cool. I don't know. Well, hey, dude, that which reminds me, remember in Canada, they have five pin bowling. Canada. Canada. Oh, dude, I got addicted to that shit. Playing five pin. When we were making Game Over Man, I was constantly going to the five pin bowling alley. Adam, where were you? I didn't do that. When they were shooting in the gym. I don't know. It's five pins on like strings and you bowl a ball that you can palm. Yeah. And it's it's fucking weird, but it's kind of fun.

You throw it hard. It's almost like a pitch. It's almost like you're a softball pitch. Shout out to Burnaby. Shout out to freaking Burnaby, dude. That shit was so sick. You couldn't find a regular American bowling alley up there. Wow, that is very strange. So is five pin more of an insult to the true game than cosmic bowling, even though you're playing? No.

That's the weird thing. I'd rather play five-pin bowling. You're still lining up on the boards. It's the lights and the darkness. There's still lights. I don't like the dark. Is it scary to you? The problem with cosmic bowling... Do you like going to night games for football or baseball? Guys, listen. On the lanes, there are those arrows.

and each one of the each one of the planks that tells you if you know how to bowl that there's there are coding like if you miss this far right you move a couple boards and you're always trying to hit those arrows you're trying to be consistent so when the fucking what's it called disco ball is throwing lights all over the fucking lane it's

incredibly distracting, very hard to pull off your average. I'm living in a nightmare. But it's distracting for everybody though, right? So doesn't that level the playing field? Sure. But you're not there competing during Cosmic Bull and you're fucking around. Shut up, bitch. You're fucking doing shrooms. Yeah, exactly. You could be speaking to like... Yeah, exactly. You're having fun at a thing that's not that fun for most people. Fuck.

Well, it's very fun, though. It's very fun if you like it. It's very fun if you think it's very fun. I just said it's not that fun for most people. So on the last podcast, we talked about how easy it would be to get meth at a truck stop. We did? I can't remember. How easy would it be to get mushrooms at a cosmic bowl? At a cosmic bowl.

Oh, so easy. Very. Absolutely. I would even say it might be easier to get meth at a bowling alley than at a truck stop. Actually, do you know where the place is to get mushrooms? Where? It's where they tell you how heavy the ball is, the weigh station at the bowling alley.

the pro shop are you talking about the pro shop you talking about the pro shop bro what do you want to know about the pro shop is having a laugh he's pulling a yes mommy because they do weigh your ball at the pro shop okay they're weighing something they gotta wait for they gotta scale for that's where they drill your ball if you could also get your name engraved in the ball and you can get them to say whatever you want that's the fun part about owning a ball here's a dark secret uh

It's not the same. I guess it's not the same. I went to, I feel to me, roller rinks are,

are similar vibes as bowling alley. Yes, yes, I agree. But it just skews younger. As cosmic bowling. Yeah. No. As bowling alleys in general. Well, they have dance. Roller rinks have dancing and disco balls and stuff. They have the same carpets. They play the same music. Yeah, it sort of smells the same. Oh, you know what it is? They play the hokey pokey? The snack shack serves the same stuff. You know what it is? It's because you're renting shoes.

Yeah, maybe that's it. Because in both places, shoes are being rented, so there's tons of fucking shoes off smell. And there's wood floors. So at ours in Omaha, Nebraska, we had Skateland, and then they had this crazy huge Playdazium, right? Yeah, mama. Now, what is that? Step that up. With like a...

You know, like at McDonald's where they have the ball pit. Like a discovery zone? Exactly. Like a discovery zone. DZ. Shout out. And that was the first time I ever finger banged a human woman. Oh. Dude. Yeah. That was the spot. Yeah. In the Playdazium. Damn, son. Where'd you find this? It was her idea. She was like, let's climb up in the Playdazium. And I'm like, oh, this is crazy. Finger bang.

A human woman? A human woman. Do you want to step out the adjective human? Is that just, why did you, was there a, okay. Whether or not. Sometimes the smell of that ball pedal gets you revved up. Shout out to the jungle in Concord. Yeah. And then I remembered, I don't even know if there was an insertion. I think it was just like I just kind of patted the outside. You just braided her pubes? Oh.

Oh, my gosh. I just didn't know what I was doing. I was just flipping and flapping. The grim details of your first time finger banging a woman, it's hard. It's hard to find the right place. Dude, no idea. Didn't even know that there was an inside. Neither of you know. No, it was so hard. Intellectually, I must have known that.

But in the moment, my heart was racing way too hard. So nervous. Yeah, just so nervous. Well, mine was in a tube of a Playtasium. Where was yours, Blakey?

Back of a car. Yeah. Parked car. What kind of car? Yeah. Dude. So wait, you guys climbed in the back? There was not a lot of climbing in the back for me. It was a lot of front seats. Yeah, I think there was like, I was at a house party and then like the place where we could go to be alone was the car. Sure. Hey, you want to go see my car? This is the way. Was that your move? Kick all the Taco Bell out of the way. Right. Fourth meal. Did you go like, hey, uh...

I got this sweet backseat of my car, or it was just sort of implied. It wasn't my car. I couldn't drive. Kyle probably drove me to the party. Oh, it was my car? So it was the backseat of Kyle's car. My hero. Which car, bro? It wasn't Kyle's car either. No, what car? What car did you do this in, huh? I think it was her car. Which one of my cars did you do this in, huh? Okay, you dirty dog. Beep, beep. It might have been your car. Was it the 89 Honda Accord? The 86 Pulsar? No.

All right, we got a car. We got a Playdadium. Kyle? I plead the fifth on this one. I think I know. What? Yeah, you know where it is. No, because mine's in the car, too. It's the same. I'm still going to send it. It was in the back of the van. It was in the back of the fucking van. Well, don't plead the fifth. We don't need to know the girl's name. By the way, I plead the fifth. It was a van.

Okay? Yeah, I know. Wait, wait, wait. No, I think Kyle also... What? This might not have been your first, but didn't you have a really legendary one on a ski lift? Bro, ski lift. You're a hero. That's legendary. My man, dude. Legendary. I'm still going to send it. Blake is like my fucking historian, dude.

My hero. A legendary finger bang is the funniest thing. Also like the worst, like then you're going back in a glove. Yeah, it's so cold. No, I feel like, no, you're totally right. Absolutely. Because it was like, you're alone and you can fucking like, you're alone the whole way up.

there and you can get some done yeah but also like it's a weird spot for like your wrist it's uncomfortable for her it's cold for sure oh yeah right can you imagine if i would have just fell like reaching around like amazing the funniest way to be paralyzed yes mommy

Yes, mommy. Let's go. Or you're just dangling by it. Kyle, oh my God. How did this happen? You can't walk any longer. How did this happen? Well, well. Yes, mommy. Still going to send it. My man. Dude, the ski lift. Jersey, what you got? I'll tell you real quick, but if you did fall and then you just had to kind of clinch to dangle from.

yeah not good oh man yikes uh this was an in a basement um this girl who didn't go to our school's basement nice she had a sauna in her basement oh wait so this was that's that's even cooler wait a minute a girl that did not go to your school right yeah that's fucking so gangster dude had like a big house so we're like let's roll over to this rich girl's house damn she had a sauna in the basement wow went in the sauna

Hot, hot, hot, hot. Didn't even know such wealth existed. It was off. The sauna was off. That's tight, bro. It's a room temp sauna. That could have got dangerous as well. It feels like all of our finger-banging situations were kind of a final destination. Yeah, definitely for somebody.

So that's it. All right. Cool. Let's awkwardly go back to the group of people. We got interrupted multiple times in the Playdation. It'd be like literal children are coming in. Or like the dads in the knee pads. We're not kids. We were like, I don't know, must have been 14 or 15. So we weren't like true children. I mean, we were children, but we weren't like little nine-year-olds. Like kids were just like swinging in, being like, this tube's closed.

Get out of here. Some kid shit in the ball pit. Have I told you? I've had the exact same experience, Adam. What? I feel like we have talked about this. Mine was like a high school ironic lock-in where everybody was on certain teams that involved water.

Okay. Okay. Swimming expedition. Okay. Well, wait. What are we hiding here? It was wild. Wild times. So what is it? What is it about the Discovery Zone kind of thing? That's it. Never let your kids go to the ball pit in McDonald's. It's fucked up. Well, it's like your first... It's your first freedom. You're like out of the site. You're hidden. Yes. It's the first time that you could be like... Remember when your mom would let you like...

in the McDonald's Playdaysium and you climb up there and you're like, I'm all alone right now. You just sit in the tube? I'm just in the tube. Or like Chuck E. Cheese behind the fucking thing. You'll suck anyone's... What are you saying? I'm like, I'll suck anything in here. I don't know. Yes, mommy! Wait, so the DZ or the McDonald's Playdaysium, I guess we're calling it, is like the OG truck stop? Yeah.

You just go in there and you kind of like wait. And someone comes in and you're like, okay, let's do this. Yeah. It's the child's glory hole. Yeah, it's a childhood truck stop. A childhood. That's our version of the truck stop. Let's go. Mommy.

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Dude, why don't they make an adult-like ball pit? I guess they do. It's like foam parties. No, they have these things. I saw this up in Toronto. They're called bars. I saw them up in Toronto. They have these bars slash workout slash big trampoline Velcro suit jump on the wall. It's like you run around and you get like...

Like sweaty. That sounds so dangerous. And you're hanging out with friends and you're also drunk. Ripping and the tear. You give a bunch of adults alcohol and then trampolines. Yeah. Absolutely not. I mean, I agree, but it is something that is out there. It's essentially, it's the bachelor party, Blake. It is those giant pool bars that,

For my bachelor party, we went to Lake of the Ozarks and they had these big pool bars that we just all went in. The fact that we didn't get COVID. Don't get COVID. And it makes me go, yes, mommy. That was wild. Insane. It was incredible. I'm so proud of us. I thought I was walking into it. I always hold my breath around.

Everybody. I was convinced. Yeah. I was convinced. Ders was purple. I went underwater, which is a big no-no. It's me, Ders. Oh, dude. I was drinking the water. Are you kidding me? Oh.

Oh, God. I was gargling with it. What's the cause of diarrhea? I was on the motherfucking jet ski. But no, that was a, you know that there's some like just drunk idiots just finger banging and jerking each other off just underneath the water. And there's no bubbles. And you're not in a tube. You're not alone. No, but at that point, you don't care. Well, that's weird because it's not even hidden. You can see down the water. You can see through water, you know? Yeah, true. Well, not that water. Not that water. Not that water.

Not that one. Those places were cool, but they were pretty gross as far as bars go, right? Oh, yeah. They're very fun, but also kind of just too much, right? Oh, no. I mean, do you guys fuck with pools in Las Vegas? I think that's filthy as well. Yeah, it's all very gross. Those standing pools are...

But that being said, I'll still send it. You got to go in. I'll still get ended. Yeah, I mean, come on. But that's how you get a staph infection. I thought I have a staph infection. I think I was attacked by a spider in my sleep or something. My foot is like swollen up and you see like a mark. COVID toes, dude. Dude, it's COVID toes. I don't think it's COVID toes, Blake. Oh.

What's COVID toes? I don't think so. Dude, that's a real thing, dude. It's not a real thing. What is it? Double check it. COVID toes, like evidently like a small portion of people are having Aaron Rodgers. This might be misinformation. I don't believe anything that this guy says. Allegedly. You can't, you're not trustworthy with that hat and outfit on. You know what I mean? I'll say it. I'm the cosmic bowling of news. Yes.

You are. I heard there was a small amount of cases where people's toes get red and swell up, and it might be from COVID. Okay. Well, I just had COVID. Look at Adam's face. Adam's face got kind of like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Good luck. Good luck. No, there is a bite mark on it. It looks like I was nibbed by something. Spider felt like a damn cougar. When's the last time you guys watched Arachnophobia? So good. Call your boy John Goodman. Have him come over. Johnny Goods. Johnny Goodman. Remember how good he was in that movie? Oh, yes. That's a fantastic film. He had sick music whenever he would enter. He'd be like...

He had a great lighting. He's great. He has such gravitas. Yeah. Yes. New season's Righteous Gemstones. It is out now, the first two episodes. I get in a fist fight with John Goodman this season. Oh, boy. Spoilers. Yeah, it's a real battle royale. Yeah, we have some real touching scenes. That's so cool. Everybody watch Righteous Gemstones. That's on HBO Max, correct?

Correct. That is correct. Which is the best app, right? HBO and HBO Max, yes. Love that app.

I do think it is the best, yeah. You know, Ders, I did tap in with Girls 5 Ever. Very funny. All right. I'm glad you liked it. It's so funny. I enjoyed it quite a bit. It's worth a chuckle. Super duper funny. Yeah, it's worth some chucks. It's got some chucks in it, brother. It's got some chucks. It's got a few gigs. Chucks and gigs. He he's in a house. Bro. I'm so freaking looted. It definitely has some he he's in a house. Put it on me. Yes, mommy. Let's go.

I saw John Goodman one time in the Palisades buying some bread at the grocery store, and that was fucking cool, dude. Yeah, he lives out there. He's got a residence. Yeah, back when I lived out there. His main place is in New Orleans, and when I was shooting When We First Met...

romantic comedy I did for Netflix, he walked past. And we were like, I walked out. I heard John Goodman was outside. And so I was like, oh, man, I want to go see him. But that's before I knew him. And we had not signed on for Righteous Gemstones. He knew you. Yes, exactly. And he goes, oh, what are you guys shooting here? And they told him. And then he's like, oh, who's this star? And he goes, Adam Devine. And he goes, huh, never heard of him.

and then walked away. And who had to tell you that? A fellow actor or like a PA was like, oh, it doesn't matter. That's how PAs talk. Or were you standing right there? You were standing right there. No, it was like a PA that I had become friendly with. So they thought it was funny to throw that in my face. And it was. Yeah, that's hilarious. That's a burn, burn, burn, burn. Fucking epic slam, dude. I love them. Real quick.

watching Hitchcock the other night and you brought up bread. I just want to bring this up. This movie I was watching was from like 1935. Who wasn't watching that the other night? And they go back to the dude's apartment afterwards and she's like, you got any food? He's like, how's his herring? And she goes, yeah, okay, great. So he throws a full herring onto the skillet for after bar food. That's a fish? Times have changed. And then he pulls out and he's like, you want some bread? Wait.

Hang on. He goes, want some bread? She goes, yeah, sure. He pulls out a loaf of bread that's not sliced. Like a full, like it looks like Wonder Bread. And then starts slicing slices. And I'm like, well, when did sliced bread come out? Because the saying, like, best thing since sliced bread. Wasn't that the whole thing about Betty White is that she was older than sliced bread? Yep. Wow.

So it's after her birthday. Crazy to me that it took that long to just have someone be like, what if we cut it and then put it in the bag? I mean, but there's so many things all the time that are like that. I know. It makes you go like, what sweet ass investment do we or invention do we get on? Heavy bowling. Cosmic bowling.

Wait, wait, wait. Power bowling. Crypto bowling. Bowling in the metaverse, but cosmically. What if you just walk that back? Yes, mommy! Don't go forward. You just walk that back. Okay, let's walk it back. Okay. How far back in time? Because I feel like I might buy...

unsliced bread so that I can choose how thick my slice is going to be. You know what I mean? I feel like that might... I don't know if you can find it. Well, see, now you have that privilege. Goodbye. No, that might be refreshing. Now you have that privilege. That might be refreshing.

Just bake your own bread. He's like, I'll make Texas toast. Thin cut. So you're buying bread just to cut it? I can see Kyle being the type of guy that went through his baking his own bread phase. Yeah, no, which is dope. Did you ever go through a baking of your own bread phase? Oh, yeah, we baked it. It's the coolest. Yeah, we did it. Yeah, that's dope. But buying Wonder Bread that's unsliced

I don't know what you're getting at there. You just want to cut the bread? I thought it was clear. Can you find sandwich bread anywhere? Can you buy sandwich bread unsliced? Yes. Guys, what are you talking about? You can buy baguettes and loaves of bread that aren't... No, no, but specifically that kind of sandwich white bread or wheat. Yeah, the spongy

This is what I'm saying. I feel like this is... You revert, and then it becomes cool again. Because you can buy loaves of rye, but it's that circle joint. I'm talking about the square with the little... The square nook. Mushroom top kind of. Yeah. Well, I was thinking about this. Imagine for, say... Imagine...

Imagine if you will. Imagine all the sandwiches. Imagine you wake up on a Saturday and you're like, well, I'd like to make some French toast. Okay. And you're like, I'm very hungry. Hey, guys. Shh.

imagine i'm very hungry and i look at a slice of bread that's pre-sliced from the store from some machine somewhere did it for me and i say you know what i'm hungrier i'm hungrier than that i'm hungry not personal a machine did it oh yeah so maybe what i want is a thicker slice of french toast oh well cool get the loaf of bread where you can cut your own bread and you can go as thick as you want this is a winning idea have you ever had french toast that

That's just the toast? Lay off me. I'm starving. I'm sorry? Don't you always buy sliced? Don't you always buy? Yeah, you can buy thicker. You can buy like Texas toast that's thicker. You can buy Texas toast and also you can just buy loaves. Okay, fine. Another example. I've never made French toast out of a regular loaf of bread. Okay, humble brag. You've never made French toast out of a regular loaf of bread in your entire, what, you always have French toast? Right.

Brioche? You always have brioche bread? I never make French toast out of nowhere. You plan to do it. I didn't even know French toast was a thing that you can just make at home. Until he golfed with Michelle Wee.

You're planning. You're always planning your French toast, Anders. Always. Enough where you can go get your brioche bread. Yeah. What the? Yeah, well, how often, Kyle, how often are you making French toast? I didn't even know you could make that at home. I thought that was like a restaurant specific. This is a thing. French toast. Are you a chef? Like a Denny's thing? I thought that was a Denny's type thing. It is a Denny's type thing, but French toast is also the type of thing that's supposed to, you're supposed to, it's supposed to sweep you up in the moment.

So you're supposed to get an idea for French toast. Absolutely not. No. Instant pancakes are bisquick. Oh, love me some bisquick. It's the same concept, Blake. No, French toast is like four steps. Bisquick pancakes are two. Shake it, pour it. But you guys don't enjoy cooking at all, right? You don't enjoy cooking. You don't like that part of the kitchen. Excuse me. No, do you cook?

I'm seriously wondering. I make pancakes. I grill. I make pancakes. You're not cooking. And you're making the easiest pancakes on planet Earth. And Durz is planning his French toast mission. Okay. So you guys are not just going into the kitchen and looking at what you have and saying like... What the fuck do you make, bitch? I love Kyle's. The guy who's like, I'm just going to see what ingredients I have and what I can make with them. My house... We make dinner every night, bro. Like, my wife is the cook, but...

but like we're talking about us we're talking about man recipes we're talking about daddy's home that's why i'm so surprised about this french toast thing don't say your wife is the cook your wife cooks mostly most she cooks the most she does she is the cook out of the two of us she is she teaches me she teaches me but you're talking about a dad meal french toast is a motherfucking dad meal absolutely so what the fuck no lucky charms is a dad meal

Bro, no. That is too. Wienersnitchel. Domino's, motherfucker, is a dad's meal. Little Caesars. I mean, yes, I'm not going to discount these. These are good dad meals, but French toast. You know what I mean? French toast. No, I can make French toast, but... Can you? I don't even... I didn't even know that's something that's real, dude.

Yes, it's very easy. What's the process? You scramble the egg, you add the cinnamon, you dunk the bread in it. Yeah, that's what you do. You soak the bread in the egg. The bread in the egg and then you throw it on the griddle. Yes, it's so easy and it's the bomb. It's not as easy as... You gotta own a griddle. So this is like rich people shit. No wonder why my family never made it. You can do it in a pan. You can do it...

You can do it in a fucking skillet, bro. That's beautiful. Goddamn. This sounds so difficult. Are there any takebacks, apologies, giveaways, epic slams? Yeah. Bro, slam. I would love to give a... Slam on all of you.

A slam on your whole family. I put a slam on all of you. I cast a slam on you. A slam on you. I cast a slam upon you. Yes, mommy. A slam on you. Wait, wait, wait. I would love to give it. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. I was just going to say, real quick, real quick want to know. Hold on. I just real quick want to know. Pancakes, waffles, or French toast?

Okay, that's not cool. I mean, waffles. Waffles. Now we're just, now we're, that's an entire other podcast, Jersey. Yeah. We're wrapping it up. Can we do it? I go waffles, but then blueberry pancakes immediately following that. Ugh, keep the fruit out my breakfast. No. Fruit and pancakes rocks. I'm going pancake. I'm going pancake. Banana. I want it on the side. Then I'm going French toast. But like a nice crispy waffle, like a little crisp. Nice.

That's what I like. Pancakes are king. Weirdly, as good as French toast is, it's too decadent. It's a lot. It's too much. It's a lot. It's too much. Well, you're not putting eggs on the side. If you make the mistake of scrambling eggs with French toast, you're sure getting too much eggs. Yeah. Dummy. What are you, day one? You bulls-o? You're getting too much eggs. Just to be clear again, pancakes...

Waffles or French toast. We weren't talking about other things that you eat a lot. Yeah, I guess I wouldn't like waffles if I also had to chug a gallon of orange juice. So it's pancakes and sandwiches. Yeah, wait. Waffles and cereal and then eggs and French toast. Country fried steak with some bacon. Where do you guys stand on this? Yes, mommy.

Real quick, I want to give a special shout out to Clayton Valley Bowl, the bowling alley that raised me. I bet they do cosmic bowling. They do do cosmic bowling. I don't fuck with that, but thank you so much for making me the bowler I am today. Shout out to Niles Lanes in Skokie, Illinois, I believe is how it's called. Okay, all right. Niles Lanes. I'd like to bowl there one day. I guess it's in Niles. Big shout out to Kool.

Cougar Lanes in Omaha, Nebraska. Big shout out to Cougar Lanes. I think I have bowled there. I think I've bowled there. Yeah, I think I've taken you bowling at Cougar Lanes. And we might have played some Cruisin' USA as well. Oh, yeah, we did. Oh, yeah, we did. Oh, yeah, we did, dude. Give me a hell yeah! I fucked with that game. That's definitely not a take back. If you got first place at Cougar Lanes Bowl at the Cruisin' USA, you gotta go again. That's so sick. And that's another episode of...

This is important. This is important. This was... Fuck. This was important. God damn.

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