Ep 78: Teach A Man To Fish And He Just Might Fuck One
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Dude, remember when we threw the buckets of cum on you guys? I'm pissed now. Hey, I'll be right back. I'm getting head. The greatest adventure is what lies ahead. Buckle up. Yes. The cause of diarrhea. Oh my gosh. Diarrhea. Don't be a diarrhea. Hey, let's address the elephant in the room. Oh my gosh.

It's a bagel. What's the elephant? How many episodes has it been that Carl's been with us? Are we at the over-under yet with the elephant? I think this is seven, right? No, no. This is eight, nine. This is ten, bro. Ten included. This is like episode 79 right now. No, it isn't. It might be. There's no way any of us could actually know. Here's what it is. Right now, I'm saying this is episode 79, and if it's true...

Dope. Hey, and guess who? Then in that case, guess who would have won the little bet? Me. How many has Kyle been involved with? This is 78. Yeah, and Adam, you said what? He would last seven or six? Yeah. No, I said less than seven, which was the over-under. But do you remember what I said? Because I believe in my friend, and you remember what I said? You said forever. I said he's in for the long haul. You said he's in for the long haul. Well, not forever. You said...

You said the long haul. We don't know what that is. I can't wait to hold your hair back when you're puking in the toilet and he's left you again. See ya. Oh, yeah, the bitch. Oh, my gosh. Thank you for doing that. Hey, guys, guys, guess what? Guess what? What, dude? Give it to us. My freaking birthday is around the corner. Just around the river bend. And it got me thinking about birthdays. Yes. And this is 48,000.

This is 48. No, 38, brother. Oh, okay. This is 38. I was just guessing what you look like. But you should Google it to make sure I'm not lying. Okay. Because I really have trouble with it. Yes. And you look great. But do you remember my 31st birthday? Do you guys remember this? Can you remind us? Is there a clue? The 31 Blunt Salute. Oh.

Oh my God. Hold on. Do you remember that? Hold on. I love it. Blake's like, no. Do you guys remember when we were doing Workaholics? Do you remember the 31 point we were talking about? That was great. I do remember. We were on set for Workaholics. Did we have set deck or was it us the night before? We rolled...

I got a hold of a ton of weed and it was like goons and Isaac stand in and they rolled. Let's say allegedly, allegedly employees of ours rolled blunts. Yeah. 31 of them. Well, I mean, it's California. Oh yeah. And we blew it and you walked through.

Yes. That was the best part was the staging. It was fucking step it out. Build it out because it was a fucking great birthday. My goodness. It was 31 blunt salute and basically it was 15 people standing on one side facing another 15 people on the other side. That's all he thinks about now. Like a birthday tunnel. Like a

Yeah. And I was the one. So it was 15-15-1. Everybody, we had to like light them up. Puff, puff. And we played Cypress Hill. We played fucking hits from the bomb. Dude, I was looking through those photos because Kyle's brother, baby Nooch, Adam Noochek, he just dumped a bunch of old photos on us. And there's...

photos and I'm like wait was this us rapping workaholics because I don't remember Kyle going through a tunnel it's definitely from the 31 Blunt salute Adam and I were looking at this this morning me and baby nooch were checking it out and I was like the fucking 31 Blunt everybody took hits and

blew it in the tunnel and I had to walk down the tunnel and inhale everything. Damn, that was fucking cool. You walked hella proudly like your chin was high. Yes. Dude, if Instagram was cracking, that would have gone freaking viral, dude. Yeah.

It was a hashtag. That was a hashtag. Is that how you live, Blake? It's just weird because now, yes, I see everything through the social media lens. That's all he thinks about now. When we were in Workaholics, Instagram was still kind of new. It wasn't like what everyone got everything from. Yeah, we were still using filters and stuff. Yeah. It was still like a way to make your photos look cool and retro. Yeah.

Are you talking about like hipstamatic before it got all hipstamatic? Dude, everybody was hyper just distorting their photos and everybody thought it was really cool to make everything like kind of sepia. Like burnt out. Yeah, it was fucking cool, dude.

I remember that. God, that was so sick. I remember the buildup being so big and then walking down the tunnel with everybody blowing smoke and it was like, this is actually fucking living up to the hype right now. I don't know if I'm stoned in my own head, but this is like one of the sickest things I've ever done. Did you peak at that time? Yeah, that was sick. Smoke!

I think that was a peak. That was definitely a peak. That was similar to what we would do for Super Bowl parties. Remember the night before the Super Bowl? Because we always threw... We took pride in our Super Bowl parties. Oh, we did. We always had two kegs, and then the night before, we would roll...

tons of joints and we just had like a bowl in the middle of that leather ottoman from my dad that traveled from house to house with us it was an indestructible leather ottoman and we just had a bowl with with joints yeah like just take it if you want this was um dude like adam's blow he was like it's gonna be like blow dude it was sick

Those Super Bowl parties were so insane. We got so fucked up. I hardly even remember half of the games. Bro, we used to wire TVs all over the house, like put one out in the backyard, put one in this room, and set it all up like we were a fucking bar. Yeah. This is the way. It was super dope. And I guess we just had the Super Bowl. We did. We just had that, and that was a game. Probably. Oh, really?

We might have had it weeks ago. It might have been a while. Yeah, I think so. Wow. Congratulations to the winner. You did it.

Congratulations to the Los Angeles Rams. There it is. Okay. Back to the future, too. He's got an almanac. Everybody listening and watching, we recorded this about seven years ago. Yeah, this one's an old one. Yeah, we're still in the writer's room. So we're going to make a few predictions. The Rams played the 49ers in the Super Bowl. Uh-huh.

Question mark? And Rams squeaked it out, which I'm pretty upset about. Riveting content. Is that possible, by the way? Is it possible for the Rams to play the 49ers in the Super Bowl? They've done that before, I think. I believe they have...

Super Bowl behind them. Look at Isaac so quick with the Cali Connect. He's like, no. Same division. Right. So they'll play for division title. No. That makes sense. Dude, I can't wait to see that because the Rams can't beat the Niners where the freaking, I don't know how to complete that sentence. Why do you think the Niners would beat the Rams? Because they haven't beat them in like 15 games. Right. Until this is a future episode and they just beat them. No.

This is cool. It's like past predictions of sports. Yeah, this is like an X-Men movie right now. Yeah, this is weird sports multiverse fucking prequel shit going on here. This is bizarre. If you guys are wondering where Adam is, so are we. I think he might be... His computer's going to die. I'm sorry, guys. My computer is plugged in, but it's not charging. Right. And it's going to die any second. So I don't know what to...

what to do. Hold up.

What is going on, Adam? No, let's tech it out real quick. What's going down? But the headphones, we're definitely not hearing you through your mic. Ladies and gentlemen, you're going to have a peek into the window of our tech. Let's go, Kyle. Of our relationship. Did you try to put it into a different slot, like the charger? Like, fuck around a little bit? Geek Squad. Yes, it's currently in a new slot. This is good. This is good radio. Okay, good. Did you turn it on and off again? Right. It's...

And it's not charging. That's the problem. What percentage are you on? We've done this with Ders before where we counted them down. Honestly, Adam, it's not a big deal. You just hop back on on your phone and nobody cares. It's how we could be doing it driving around town.

Every week. You think we should take this thing super mobile? It doesn't matter. Yeah. Nobody cares. It's science. I mean, it matters as much as you want it to. Come on. That's true, Blake. Good point. Well, okay. Wait, what does that fucking mean, bro? Again, he says something that means nothing. Like, yeah, we could all be walking through the mall on our cell phones doing this podcast. But you know what? There's a standard we try to live up to.

Okay? What is that? Okay. All right. What is it? Sorry we all don't have our brown hat on. We did. We hold ourselves accountable as we always have. Okay? Bitch, spell accountable. All right. All right. A-C-

It's science. Awnable. A.C. Awnable. Can we talk about your glasses? A.C. C. Awnable. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about his glasses. What the fuck is going on? Are you wearing like Kelvin Gemstone fashion glasses or what are you doing? Yeah, man. I'm here. I'm trying to rep your show, bro. Everybody watch Righteous Gemstones on HBO Max. No, don't do that. That's not what you're doing. Why are you wearing them? Yeah, why are you wearing them? For real, though. It was for an audition. They were just right here. I picked them up.

but I'm not having a goof, okay? I'm having a little fun. You look good. Oh, boy. Well, I'm going to take the angle. I'm going to take the road and the highway. You look good, boy. Love that road and the highway. I agree. I would love to wear glasses. I wish my eyes were fucked up. Wow. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Goosebumps. I wish my eyes were stabbed out by hot spikes. Pokers? Pokers. Very, very hot spikes. Hot lines? Okay. Okay.

Shut up, bitch. If that gave me an excuse to wear glasses, I would take that. Because of how good you look. Because of the highway I chose. I love the way I look in glasses. Are those your Little Richie's Fish Emporium glasses? They are. These glasses were my...

Well, they were basically, we've talked about Teddy several times on the pod, but he wore a similar glass and he gave me his old glasses. Well, he needed them for vision's sake. I love how you said that. Yes. I love how you said that. But when he upgraded his glasses, he gave me his old ones because I love them so much. But these aren't even them. These are just kind of like replicas of them that I got from Costco.

Do they have lenses? The lenses are knocked out, right? Well, I popped them out for the audition I did because the ring light was showing. Right. Very professional. And what was this cool audition did you do? I don't know if I'm allowed to say.

It's under wraps. Yeah, you can't talk about shit before it comes out. Adam wants to know because he didn't get sent it. He's like, well, what's going on? It was big, too. It was big, guys. He's going to light someone up. I'm not going to get it. Hey, man. Even though I would love to do it. I'm pissed now. That's a good feeling where you're like, hey, you took all yesterday to study that. Did it today. Not going to get it. 12 pages. 12 pages. Really? You have to have that. Damn, 12-page audition? Playboy? Damn. Yeah.

Yeah. Damn. Damn, son. That's heavy. Yeah, no. I'm pissed now. No, ever since the freaking pandemic happened, auditions have been getting longer. Has anybody noticed that? I'd be getting three scenes, four scenes. I'm like, you get one to two scenes, brother. Hey, when you print them out and they're real heavy like that. Yeah.

No, you can do three. I can't. You can do three. Come on now. You can do three scenes. Come on now. Beginning, middle, and end. Yeah, you want to see my range of emotion. I get it. In character, can I go here? Can I go there? Give me the arc. You don't need four scenes. I'm saying three scenes. I'm saying three scenes is fine. At most. No, I want two. Sure, fine. At most, fine. Two. At most, Dolby...

Surround sound. Atmos. I mean, come on. Yeah. Come on, people. Or just like watch everything Blake's done before. Or that. Guys, Hollywood, listen up. He's not auditioning anymore. All right? He's passed it. Okay? Offer only. You want him to cut the hair? He'll cut the hair. Fuck it! It's going to cost a little bit of money. Okay? All right? Is that what it is? Have we talked about that? You've got a price tag on your locks? We've talked about it, but I don't think... I mean, I've never given it an official...

answer let's do that now so everyone out there in hollywood knows what's the price tag for the hair to go okay so like it's frustrating because i watch movies like licorice pizza right where i'm like i feel like my hair shouldn't be a deterrent for casting me because it's like an era piece right so like how come like first thought of these like directors aren't like oh we're making something in the 70s

like, let's go straight to Blake. He's got the hair already. Well, Blake, their mindset is, I want a good actor and then we can grow his hair out. They work their way back that way. They don't go for some shitty-ass regular guy. Somebody who can memorize a couple pages. You don't think they go hair first? Huh. Yeah.

All right, give me everybody with hair past their chin out here. Well, okay, so, but, you know, going along with that, I think I would, it's not so much would I cut my hair for money, I think I would cut my hair for, like, if someone who I respected, like, as far as, like, directorially or... And who is that?

So if PTA asked you, you'd be like, yes, is that what you're saying? Licorice pizza boy? I would highly consider it. I would highly consider it. I think Paul Thomas Anderson, everything he does, I would be honored to be a part of. It all looks great. Who are you holding above Paul Thomas Anderson? The Coen brothers. Okay, so Coen brothers are one. Have you seen Macbeth? I should have been Macbeth. I don't know why Denzel got it. You got that Mac breath.

That's all I kept thinking is like, bro, I did it with Andy Dick. That's what McBreath is

Yes, that's right. Here's my scene work with Andy Dick. So good. Oh, that is such a great fucking episode. Would you rather be in a movie with Denzel Washington or Andy Dick? Go. That's tough. There's one person that I know I could be. I don't know. Andy's a little problematic, but I love him. He's a god. He's a god. Whoa, wait. You're more sure of being in a movie with Denzel Washington than Andy Dick. Andy Dick, you got to wrangle him in. Denzel's going to be there on the day.

Yeah, if I were to get cast in a movie with Denzel, that would be insane. I imagine he is a... I heard you cut your hair, okay. Okay. Okay. That's dedication. You got a picture from before?

Can I see what it looked like? That was some really nice hair. You had some long hair. For eight years. Wow. This is you? This is you. Okay. Okay. Eight years of what? You think you've only had that hair for eight years? Hasn't it been over a decade? I mean, yeah, it's getting up there now. He said this hair, this one hair he's had for eight years. I've had this hair. This hair I've had. This? Eight years. This hair I've had. Eight years.

It's so crazy. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, so Coen Brothers for sure. Oh, yeah. Man, I mean, if they ask that, because I think I could retire after that. If I did a Coen Brothers movie, Coen. Well, financially, I don't know. No, not financially. I feel like that's the peak of sorts. I just think they're amazing.

amazing oh yeah they're fucking fantastic and so so after you do that movie it's just like restaurants yeah then i'm a waiter dinner no it's just going to dinners and stuff telling back to where you were you go back you go back to the start of hollywood i'm going back to conquer no once you do a coen brothers movie and you cut your hair for it you're gonna get two more movies off of that right

Right? True. Right? Yeah. Dude, you know how Hollywood is. It's a role. I wish. You get on a role. I wish. You get on a role, and the next thing you know, you can't stop working. You get a role. You're on a role. You eat some rolls. And it's great that we don't have Adam here. It's that Hollywood shuffle, baby. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So wait. Okay. So there's only three directors or two. Two right now, PTA and Coen's.

If Kyle had his passion project and he's like, I want you to be my silver surfer. He's going to Teddy. I might shave my head. He's going to Teddy. I got the toy. Why would he go to you when he can go to Teddy? It's true. Well, Teddy can memorize four scenes, no problem. Yeah, and Teddy wears glasses for real. He's not just some frog. Teddy wears those real glasses. Those actually are based on Teddy's glasses. Is that even your real hair? I would actually like to play Teddy in...

That's fucking deep. Wait, wait. How are we? We're burying the headline. I fucking got jumped in casting. What? Fucking Daniel Radcliffe is playing Weird Al Yankovic in a biofilm. Yeah. I know. It's the whole fucking reason I am what I am. Yeah. And the motherfucker swooped me. This needs to be an internet campaign. It's a yell campaign. This is not a whisper campaign. This is a yell campaign. Hey, Blake, why don't you eat it? Woo!

Hey, I'll tell you right now. This wasn't an audition for Weird Al's movie. And it should have been. I didn't even get a fucking read. Yeah. All professionalism aside, do we think Daniel Radcliffe is the guy? Sure.

For Weird Al, I don't know. What did he do? He might have not done anything. I was thinking about, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I don't get it. I mean, I get it. I understand that a lot of people who watch that sketch now have the keys to green lights, especially in a fucking content. Watch what sketch? The Weird Al biopic. But he wasn't Weird Al in that. It was Aaron Paul. I know, but it's based on that. There was a sketch? The Aaron Paul sketch. That was a long time ago. It's a funny or die sketch called Weird Al.

starring Aaron Paul, where it was a dramatic take directed by Eric Appel from Workaholics. Sure. Did a couple episodes, one or two. You guys. That's my impression of him. Funny guy. And now, fucking whatever, 10 years later, over a decade, there is Roku original content greenlighting that concept for a movie, and Radcliffe is coming in. Roku? Yes. Yes. What the fuck is going on? Do you think that they're approaching this...

as like a super hyper serious thing? Or do you think it's going to be a comedy? Like, I don't know what the tone of this movie is about. It's going to be like Forrest Gump tone where there's going to be like touch and go moments where it's like, you're so fucking weird. And he's like, I'm going to be weird forever. And then he's going to be like...

Like UHF is going to be like the thing. And everyone's like, it didn't make any money. You know? And then Michael Richards is going to be saying like the N word constantly to like tee that up. That is, that is the sketch. That's what it is. This is the way I know that's the sketch. Yeah. Well then they're just going to do it, but not tongue in cheek. Probably. I don't know. Which is like kind of like doing the fresh Prince, like reboot and the drama where they're just like flipping fucking things. It's like, what are these green lights?

Is there a Fresh Prince reboot? I don't know. Yes, there's a dramatic. There's an hour-long reinterpretation of the Fresh Prince dramatic. Is it just called The Prince or something? Maybe it's called Bel-Air. I don't know. That's fucking genius, dude. See, that's how you sell it in the room. The judge's nephew. But who's greenlighting these fucking things? It's the people who laughed and are like, oh, that'd be so funny if. That's what I'm saying. Who's got the finger on the button? Has the whole world gone crazy?

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Dude, and look, I'm going to tell you guys right now, I wouldn't be who I am today without Weird Al Yankovic. Yes. I grew up on Weird Al. Yes. And the reason I believe that I have such an ear for such a variety of music is purely because I listened to Weird Al's albums, and he went on in every genre. Yes. And he opened my eyes to everything. And I love UHF.

I loved UHF. I loved Weird Al's TV show with Harvey the Wonder Hamster. Huge fan. Here's what I'm saying, though. I'm not super sold on whatever this movie's going to be. Yeah, that's tough. I know. I get it, though. I do kind of understand it because I'm happy for Al. I'm happy for Al. I think it's great. Yeah, I love Al. And I think he's a notoriously, or wait, is notoriously a bad thing? You don't know him. Please call him Albert. Call him by his full name, Albert. Albert Von Yankovic. Albert.

Yeah. He's a beloved figure in the comedy scene. He's very generous with his time. I've met him a couple times. Super, super, super nice dude. He's down for comedy. Yeah. Yes. He's a godfather of it. Yeah. Yes, he is. He's the man. He is truly an original. I mean, I know there's like Tiny Tim or whatever before him that was kind of like, I'm the weird music guy that's popular because of that. Dr. Demento. Sure.

Yeah, that's how he got his jump off. I guess like, I think, maybe I'm fudging the history, but as a softcore historian, there's like this dude named Dr. Demento. A softcore? Well. Okay, go ahead. Dr. Demento had like this radio show. Red Shoe Diaries? He had this radio show where he would play like funny music. Like, dude, who was that guy we used to listen to in your mom's van?

Oh, fucking Spike Jonze. Oh, OG Spike Jonze. Spike Jonze. He did a lot of humorous songs. So there was this wealth of humorous comedic songs that Dr. Demento would play on his station. And I think Weird Al came up through him. And then his shit was so fire when he did Another One Rides the Bus. Oh, my gosh. This bro was just slaying accordion and fucking killing it. Did you enjoy the polka? I could never... I would borrow...

those cds from friends or tapes or whatever and i couldn't get through the polka i liked the polka remakes the polka remakes of like he would do medleys almost on every album i thought they were great here's my thing when i was a kid i hated him i skipped that track not me but now as an adult i go back and i'm like that's kind of the coolest thing when he just like is burning through the top 40 on the accordion polka style that's yes that's kind of fucked

genius. That took the most guts. He's like, I'm going to get him here with eat it or fat or whatever the fuck else and then I'm going to feed him their vegetables. Oreo. Yeah, dude. Wait, is that the white stuff? Yeah. And it was about Oreos in the middle.

Do you guys remember when we did, what was it, Festival Supreme as the Wizards? Well, the Wizards were there too. Right. Yeah, the Wizards were there. I think I know what you mean. But I remember I was there. I went there to support them, and I was there backstage. And I thought I was there very early to get the sound cues ready for the Wizards before they came through the portal. Thank you for that. And the only other person that was there was Al. Yeah. And Al was sitting in the tent. Yeah.

Professional, pro Al. Yeah. Reading a fucking book. And I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, Oh, I'm performing with Heidecker. And I was like, Oh, sick. Yeah. The first one there, when it actually came on to him slaying and doing his accordion, he came, he was out there for maybe, you know, uh,

A minute and a half, two minutes he played for, but he was the first person there ready. That's how I know Al. So worried about the flowers we're giving. And I just want to say real quick, real quick, Cheech and Chong also played at that show, and they were fucking unbelievable. But just to stay with Weird Al for a second. Oh, God. Let's talk about them, though. Let's get weird. Do you remember your first Weird Al sighting in LA? Because I do feel like it is a...

Like people are like, oh, yes, because I saw him at Paquito Mas, and I was like, that's fucking Weird Al. Oh, dude. Stars, they're just like us. Weird, wild stuff. And I just want to tee you guys up because I wasn't there for this, and this is the backstory, and maybe we've told this on the podcast, but you guys saw Weird Al at the Orange County Festival or whatever. Yes, yes. And before he was coming out on- The Poodle Hat Tour. Before he came out on stage-

You guys started the chant of Let's Get Weird. Let's Get Weird. Yes. That's right. With Teddy. With Teddy. With Teddy. We've covered this. Yeah, we have covered this. Yeah, it was during the Poodle Hat Tour at Orange County Fair. Yep. And that was the moment that the Let's Get Weird movement was kind of born. Right.

And then you guys brought it to the show. And then the NHL took it. And then the NHL and then Vice. I do remember going back home to party for Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever. I'm a big Christmas guy. Yeah, you are. And seeing friends and they're like, yeah, man, let's go out. Let's get weird. And I'd go, right. And they'd go. And someone would be like, that's...

you know, that's from like his show. And they go, what are you talking about? People say that. And then I'd be like, I don't, I'm not going to, you get caught. Yeah. You get caught in the middle of like, Oh, defend it. That's like, whatever. Well, no. Yeah. Someone's like, no, that's from what that's their show. And they're like, dude, no, everyone says that. And I go, well,

Teddy. Teddy. Will Love. Will Love. Please be quiet. I think I remember the first time I met Weird Al. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I think it was backstage. What was the show that- Kumail. Kumail. Yes. We were there. We did it together, right? Yeah. And we need to get that tape.

The Meltdown comedy show. Meltdown? Meltdown was one of the sickest comic book shops in Los Angeles. And it got super, super hip because they would start to do comedy shows in the back of this comic shop. RIP to fucking Meltdown. Right. Is it gone? Yeah, dude. Well, because it was co-owned by Guillermo del Toro, correct? Correct.

Was it? Oh, really? Yeah, I think it was co-owned by him and his homie, and then there might have been like a drama of falling out or something, because it was a massive space. Huge. Huge. And you could buy like a giant Ninja Turtle, like six feet tall. Yeah, they had a Bob's Bigs Boy figures that were done by like...

A bunch of different artists. It was crazy. They had what Blake just said. Yeah. And then like a little tiny black box theater in the back where they were doing comedy and getting legit stand-up stars to be there. Oh, yeah. No, it was a movement. It wasn't co-owned by Guillermo. Who co-owned it, though? No, no. That was a falsehood.

It was a nerd comedy movement. They really stamped like nerd comedy movement. I feel like I did a podcast upstairs too, like a couple pods. They had a podcast. It was a whole HK. How the fuck did Meltdown go to the shit? And Blake, what did they have that was the prized possession that I'm so mad I never bought? Oh, I know what it is. It was like $150 and I was like, I can't buy this. I don't know what it is. I do not know what it is. It was a little stuffed Dren box.

Oh my god, yes. You love Duran, bro. From the movie Splice.

Yes. You fucking love Dren, and I love that about you. It was a little plushy Dren. It was like a little... It was so cute. Dren is the funniest movie of all time. And like... Yes. Splice. Sorry, Splice. Splice is the funniest movie of all time because it's essentially like a doctor who's trying to like create a being or like a thing. Frankenstein's monster. And it comes out, and it's actually kind of hot, and he's like, I gotta fuck it. He's just like, I can't. And then...

I know we've talked about it before, but then he fucks it and then it turns into like a super mutant. You gotta watch it. You gotta watch twice. What happens? I can't remember that third act. I just remember when he was like on top of Dredd. His wife comes in and is like, what are you doing? He's like, uh...

And then it starts to sprout wings and starts like, it's just fuck. Dude, what are those days like on set? What is Adrian Brody like? Okay, today's the day. Today's the day. I'm ready. I'm ready. That's an actor. It's the same movie as Lady in the Water almost where somebody's fucking. Is it Lady in the Water?

Or Shape of Water? Shape of Water, thank you. Shape of Water. Yeah, yeah, Guillermo. That is a Guillermo del Toro project. Wait, what was the one with Paul Giamatti, that M. Night Shyamalan movie? That's Lady in the Water. I never got through that one. Which was also kind of about fucking like a fish, right? There was a fish in a pool. It was like a pool, and you went underneath the drain, and the movie was... And then you went into another universe or something? That movie was...

Terrible. Did they overtly fuck a creature or was that like a metaphor behind the cuts? I never saw that. He just stuck his dick down the drain and was like, whoa. Just testing that. Not bad. Yeah.

Thank you. That's one of the movies where, like, you watched a whole movie, and then in the last five minutes, it pulls out to reveal that it was just Paul Giamatti with his dick stuck in the fucking jet school. Right. I blacked out. I blacked out.

That was the M. Night Shalaman twist. I had a dream. And you were there and you were there. You were a fish. Did you fuck me? Dude, you passed out with your dick stuck in the vacuum of the pool field. It's like...

I was in another dimension. You're like, dude, you kept coming. It was the pain. You passed out from the pain, but your body was still coming. Dude, that's so gross. We almost left you. It was so gross. And that is the shape of water. No, that's Lady in the Water. Nope, Lady in the Water. Lady in the Water. Oh.

lady in the water says dick in the drain that actually was kind of what the episode we did where we go into bills um his dream member it all turned out we were like jerking him off that's right yeah what the fuck was that the twist we were making him come the end of bills episode where he was having a dream where he was like in the dream he was fucking amanda serna right great awesome and

But in reality, we were jacking him off and he was like a back scratcher or something. It was kind of like fiber. Like put it on his lap and he come to his pants. Oh my God. What was the vibrator? I can't remember what we use. You must have been selling them. It was like a massager or something. That's crazy. That was the twist. You're coming. You fell asleep in your coming. This was all a dream.

Oh, my God. That is so funny. Hell of a drink. Zip it. That is so funny. Dude, remember when we threw the buckets of cum on you guys? But then I think we cut it out of the episode. We had to. But there were buckets. Yeah. Buckets that we... It didn't pass...

What's that called? Standards and practices. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, because 30 come salute. Yeah, we got bullet timed with buckets of fake semen, and it was graphic. Oh, my God. It was blast. It was like horse blast, right? Yeah, they were big. It was like a big pressurized gun that we shot you with. It's all the deleted scenes, isn't it?

Am I crazy? Yeah, I feel like I saw it. I think I saw it recently on that account. That's right. Yeah, maybe. Well, if you have the DVD and you've got the footage, upload it to Instagram. And you've got the time?

Go ahead and check it out. If you've got some time, go ahead and check it out. And the tech know-how. That's something I'm losing. I do not know how to do that. Hey, circling back to a couple of things our producers put here, it is Bel Air, Kyle. Yeah, way to go. Guillermo del Toro, he was involved somehow, though, because I remember I met the guy. Yeah, where did you pull that from? He might have had stuff there on display, I guess. I don't know.

Or like he did signings there? Maybe he had the, what was this movie with the hands, with the eyes? Yeah, that was his movie. Oh. Hands Labyrinth. Hands. Dude, Blake, do you remember going to see that movie and being like, wait, this is not what we thought it was? No.

Not really. Were we super high? Did we smoke a bunch of weed? Very, very stoned. And I think both of us thought it was going to be a lot more like labyrinth. Yeah. Like when we grew up and it was going to be more like fun. But it was, it starts with like the, with somebody getting shot point blank, right? It's because the whole movie is. It's like Nazis, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's like Cold War kind of shit. I can't remember. I just say Nazis. I couldn't even tell you what that movie was fucking about.

dude. But the whole thing is escapism from the little girl who saw trauma, who like experience is experiencing trauma at the beginning. And it was, we were very stoned and just like, Oh, I remember not liking the, I remember thinking the, the nightmares scarier than the reality.

I don't know. Yeah, I guess that's what they were balancing out. Oh, right. Yeah. The real stuff was scarier to me. I'm saying engineer the set pieces of the nightmares to be scarier than the reality. I don't know. Yeah, I know what you're saying.

Because I was like, whatever. This monster is not scary. The dude with the fucking bottle who like he busted the bottle and like cut the dude's throat open. That was gnarly. Uh-huh. Yeah. I don't remember this movie. Yeah. It was all very heavy. It was way heavier than I thought it was going to be. It was like Cronenberg style gore.

Yep. Yeah. Wait, did Guillermo del Toro do Hellboy? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because all I can think of, I'm like, what movie has the tooth fairies? Remember where they're like those little things that come and pull your teeth out of your mouth and eat your teeth? I don't remember that. I think it's from Hellboy.

He's like, oh, shit, fucking tooth fairies. That's cool. I don't remember that, but yeah. Oh, they're cool. They come and eat your teeth, I think, unless I made that up, and then we need to trademark that shit. Put that on the wraps. Yeah, we got it. Let's do it. Hellboy was good. I would cut my hair for Guillermo del Toro. Really?

Yeah, you should. Do you ever say, really? I would cut his hair. I'd be like, if you're getting me in this movie, I get to cut your hair. Oh, cool. And he'd be like, I could change your career. And I'd go, no, don't want it. What was his last movie? Did he do the Beatles thing? No, that was Peter Jackson. They're the same guy to me. They're the same guy to me. He did The Shape of Water. And then he did this new one called Nightmare Alley.

Oh, that's supposed to be rad. Yeah. That's supposed to be rad. I just got that. No, no, you misread that. You misread that. Sounds like rad. Bad. I think he's got a 10-part. He's got an episodic show coming out, too. I know they were making it up in Toronto. Is it his or is it brought to you by him? I think he did a lot of it. I think he actually did a lot of it. He didn't do the EP thing and just not show up.

The dream. That's the dream. LTD, baby. Oh, that's the dream, baby. LTD, man. Do you remember when Guillermo del Toro was going to be doing The Hobbit? Yeah, dude. I honestly think he would have fucking slayed it because- That's the most excited I've been for Lord of the Rings was just the thought of him doing- It's not Lord of the Rings. It's The Hobbit, but okay. What do you mean? It's the same world. No, you're Tolkien. No, you're Tolkien, baby.

Fair enough. I really do not. I should probably... You've been tolking too much ganja. Yeah. Yeah, tolking too much weed. Smoke weed every day. I remember there was some test where he was going to do the actual trampoline jumping and make it more physical. Like the man show? Yeah, chuggies. Ziggy-zoggy, ziggy-zoggy. Yeah, it was going to be girls jumping on trampolines. And now, girls jumping on trampolines. Bro, what the fuck? Yo.

You can find me in the Shire. Look at these hobbits. Hey, these hobbits got big old. They got these hobbits in boy shorts. This is important. I'm telling you. They just substitute the juggies for hobbits. Your boobs are huge. She got big feet, but I'm with it. She got hairy feet, but I ain't seeing that, though. Sorry, Kyle. You were saying that he was going to have hobbits on trampolines. Cool. Go ahead.

Yeah, that sounds cool, man. Your boobs are huge. It was going to be like more wire work, less CG, and it's like, I don't know. His style, I think, would have fit it pretty well. I think it would have been super dope because the Hobbit that we got, who ended up being the director for that one? That shit was... Dude, Peter Jackson. He took it back. Oh, that was so bad. I don't shit on a lot of stuff, but the Hobbit was terrible. Didn't he sing... There was like hella songs in it, right? Well, which is fine because the Hobbit has those in the book, but...

Also, The Hobbit is one book. Lord of the Rings is several books. And this motherfucker tried to make The Hobbit three movies. No, you're talking. He didn't have a choice, though. He got his back up against the wall. They're like, yo, franchise that for us, please. Yes, it's true. He's not making that choice necessarily. They were stretching that shit out because those songs were way too long. It was like, God damn. I remember. That was kind of sick, actually, when they were all like. Like balancing dishes and shit? Yeah.

We will go. They were like sloshing beer signs. It was actually tight. Yeah, that's all I remember. Yeah, that was actually super dope. Breaking plates. That's what Bilbo Baggins hates. Really? I think that's something. That might be from the cartoon. I remember being like, click. The cartoon was hard. Did you watch the cartoon as a youngster? Very impactful. I remember...

renting I don't know if I rented it or like I would just catch it and be like is this for adults like because it was a it wasn't for kids for sure well there were two there was the Lord of the Rings cartoon which was sick and then there was this ain't Lord of the Rings and then there was this ain't Lord of the Rings

Then there was The Hobbit. No, this was The Hobbit. The Hobbit is the one I had seen. The Hobbit was a little more geared towards kids. It had like, the greatest adventure is what lies ahead. Is that on the Matrix soundtrack? No. Dude, that shit is fire. Dude, I wanted to sample. I remember trying to sample that shit for the Wizards album. Oh, shit. I just wasn't good enough. I'm not a really great producer. I don't know how to do that shit. Bullshit. Yeah. Bullshit.

I don't want to hear that. No, that stuff's hard, man. I did not put in my 10,000 hours on that shit. Okie dokie.

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But the Lord of the Rings cartoon was kind of a little more adult because they did like rotoscoping, which is when they like draw over like real humans and shit. And that shit looked fucking cool. Right. Man, maybe I don't know which one I saw because I remember Gandalf. Is Gandalf in The Hobbit?

He's in both. Okay, then maybe I saw The Hobbit. He's a constant. And that style of animation, it was anime, but like... Yeah, you must have watched Lord of the Rings. Yeah, okay. Because that one was way more realistic and scary, and then The Hobbit is kind of a little more cartoony. It's more like David the Gnome. A little bit. Remember that shit? Dude. The David the Gnome theme song. I'm pulling that theme song up. Please pull it up. David the Gnome.

I'm trying to remember what channel that was on, but it was a... Nickelodeon. It was, right? Was it Nickelodeon? I remember I always skipped that shit. I did not watch David the Nose. And the voice was that cool grandpa guy. Right? Yeah. Look, we got it pulled up, but...

I mean, this is a minute song, so I don't know if we're going to be able to get all of it. Just play the very beginning. I think it goes right off the bat. So soft. I don't remember this part. It's so soft. No, this is just the intro. That wasn't the song. Here goes. Yes. Yes.

Yes, see? Pavlovian response. All right. Producers are saying, do not play the whole thing. Yeah. Dude, what a jam. Will you go to the very end? Because I feel like it... Do not play. I feel like the last 10 seconds had a real tie up. Did it? Where it was like, and that's David. Dude, he's in song. No.

He's a gnome! It had to end on a high note. He's a gnome! I knew it! I knew it! That shit goes! Oh, fuck. The gnome! Dude, I'm so... He's a gnome!

They tell this whole story and then at the very end they reveal he's a gnome. Right. He goes to school and he works too. He's got several kids. Did you know? He's a gnome. How old was...

How old was David the Gnome? What was that show about? Oh, the show or the person? What was that show about? What the fuck was it? Dude, that was on some Nickelodeon. That shit came on, and yeah, I didn't pay attention, but the song was so fucking good. Yeah. And the art style was kind of sick, too. Yeah, it was tight.

They were like little, they lived in like little huts. Yeah, and they'd like rub noses. Yes, that shit was sexual. Remember the fox? He rode a fox? Yes. Yeah, it was sexual. Yeah, it was kind of hot. It was sexual? Riding a fox is some boss shit. Okay, it's from 85. But I think they replayed it on Nickelodeon. I think Nickelodeon like,

There's no way that David... It must be a BBC show or some shit. Something. But the voice was that guy. It was... Oh, this is the voice was. The voice was the Cunningham's dad from Happy Days. Holy shit. Oh, the fucking... What's his name? I don't know, but he was very kind of friendly guy. Dan Laura. Dan Laura? Yeah.

Dude, do you guys want to know some wild ass shit? David the Gnome was originally a Spanish television series called David el Gnomo. Oh, shit. Holy moly. He's a gnomo. So they recast it with Homeboy from, what was it? Happy Days. Happy Days, Cunningham Dad. And threw it on Nick Jr. Yes.

Oh, I'm thinking of Wonder Years, Dad. No, that dude rocks, though. Yeah. Yeah, that's Dan Lora. That's his name. He was my dad. Like, that was as close to my dad as I ever saw on TV. He reminded me of my grandpa. Just someone who was always looking at you like...

Are you serious right now? Fucking stop. Great TV dad. Great TV dad. Which, I mean, I know it's been a long ways out, but it's never too late to give somebody their flowers. Bob Saget, what a great TV dad, man. R.I.P. To a fucking goat, man. Dude.

Dude. Yeah. Full house? What a run. That show was the shit. You know what? I had forgotten that he was the voice of How I Met Your Mother. He was like the telling the story guy. Oh, really? Yeah. The narrator. The telling the story guy. Yeah, that's the term. I work in the business. He had his full house paper, right? Stacked it. Luchini. Then he had his AFV.

America's, yeah. Oh, yeah. America's Most Hottest Videos paper, right? Stacked that. But then I was like, where's his recent paper from? Is it just doing stand-up? And then I remembered he was the voice of the storyteller on How I Met Your Mother. And all those shows you just named, that money stacked. It stacked high. And did you know Guillermo del Toro was a co-owner of How I Met Your Mother? Oh.

Oh, where are the producers on that? They're not trying to call you out. Well, you know, Bob Saget, that's a San Francisco legend right there. Real Bay Area legend. Is he? Did he go to the same high school as you or not? No, I think it was just the fact that Full House took place in San Francisco and it's kind of a place you can go and see the house. Yeah, dude. Full House had like Rice-A-Roni jokes. Yeah.

Yeah, and he was constantly wearing Warriors jerseys before it was fucking Steph Curry Splash Bro hours. He's wearing Giants gear. So his status is he's a legend in the Bay, that's for sure. I like to think that if we were cast on that show, it would have worked out pretty good. Oh, dude, for days.

Yeah, it would have. Yeah, for sure. I'm trying to think, like, would I be Saget? Yes. And would Adam be Uncle Jesse? Adam is Uncle Jesse. What?

Or is Blake Uncle Jesse? Or is Blake Uncle Jesse? I could be fucking Dave Coulier, man. I feel like... I know, but Blake seems like way more of a Uncle Joey, Dave Coulier type. Or is Adam that? I don't know that. I guess, you know what? I'm fucking with something sacred. No, it's okay. It's okay to live in the multi. Well, that's the thing. Because what... Well, you have to think about... You have to think about what... Or is Adam Saget? And I'm Jesse and Blake is...

I don't think you can transfer it. Because the main thing, their characteristics is like, Joey was a heck of silly comedian dude. Yes. Always gave a laugh to the kids. But Jesse was a playboy. But he was in a band. He was getting some head. Hey, I'll be right back. I'm getting head.

Yeah, he was always getting ahead. They didn't really explore that, but that bro was getting domed up in the car because he wasn't doing it at the house. You missed that episode. He wasn't doing it at the house. He was personally getting tickets at the park. It's a full house, bro. Where is Uncle Jesse getting domed up? He's in the car on the San Francisco streets, bro. Uncle Jesse has the most logged car.

car blowjobs in television history. He's in Golden Gate Park. Anna says he was getting it in the attic. That's right. They had an attic. Oh, yeah. Well, he lived in the attic. It's like, do not go in the attic. No, no. He had Comet. He had Comet waiting. He would leave Comet at the door and whenever Comet would start scratching the door, he'd be like, get your fucking clothes on. Get your clothes on. Get your clothes on. You gotta go.

Kimmy's here. Kimmy Gibbler's here. Kimmy Gibbler's like, her comedic sensibility was off the Richter scale. Where are they now? She was off. What happened to Kimmy Gibbler? And then she came back to it and slayed. I watched the reboot pilot and she was on point. Still killing it. So Kimmy Gibbler still had it? She was Gibbler.

But did she do any... So you're saying she went out the business and then came back for the bag. Yeah, because they were like, hey, do you want to make $20,000 a week or $50,000? Whatever the fuck it was. Oh, no. Just a gibble? I'm like... Just to hit him with some gibbles? It's so cool. Like, she was, like, made for that role. And that role... Bitch, dust off your jean jacket with the fringe. Let me gabble. They were like, hey, Kimmy, if you want to come back and make 20 grand an episode. And she goes...

let me just hit. She's still got that. Yeah. Oh boy. You know that when she clicked right into the zoom call. Let me think about that for a second. Yeah.

Let me gibble. All I got to do is gibble. Let me gibble. Oh, yeah. I think I'm going to be gibbling. She heard the rumblings about the reboot, and she was waiting by the phone ready to gibble.

I'm drooling. And you know, Kirk Cameron's sister, what's her name? Whatever, Cameron, Candace Cameron? Candace Cameron. You know that she was like, I got to get upstaged by this chick again. Dude, can we get

Kimmy Gibbler. She came in like Urkel. She came in like Urkel and just stole the show. Yeah, she did. Dude, Kimmy Gibbler. Shout out to all the Kimmy Gibbler stans. Did she not? She for sure shot a spinoff, right? Like they filmed a spinoff for her, right? I hope so.

I don't... Kimmy Gibbler. She shot a spinoff called Let Me Gibble. I mean, there has to be... Gibble me this. There has to be like the Gibbler seasons where she's like more prominent than others. Could you imagine being at the monitor and she's like, oh, fuck, Gibbler's a star. Oh my God. Can you imagine? The meme of the guy doing the double take with the eye blanks. Just like, um... Gibbler. Gibbler.

Who's she? Who the hell is that? The writer's like, I got an idea for a character. She's like a fun neighbor. What's her name? Kimmy Gibbler. We'll take it. What's the name again? What'd you say? No, before that. Kimmy Gibbler. Yeah, that. So good. Oh man. Can you even imagine? Cause think of all the all-star characters and for fucking Gibbler to make a splash with those twins on set. God damn. Oh yeah. God damn. You know, it's crazy. Uh,

and this is a TGIF kind of jumping over to another show, but on Family Matters, Eddie Winslow, so underrated. Oh, amazing. Eddie Winslow was the best. And I think I told you guys recently that I watched an interview with him on Vlad or whatever. Oh no, Vlad TV? So he did an interview with him where Vlad was like,

yo, what's up with fucking Urkel, the dude who played Urkel? Jaleel White. Jaleel White. Yeah. Legend. Legend. Ten years ago, he said some shit where he's like, I'm never doing that fucking show ever again. And they were like, what's up with your boy? And Eddie Winslow's real name escapes me, but this dude goes, what you got to understand about Jaleel is that he's a perfectionist. And he already did it the best he can. And for him to come back all these years later. Wow.

He's not going to do that. He left it all on set. You know what I mean? He just basically made Jaleel White sound so good and so professional as opposed to like, what are you going to do? He's hung up on this old character. He doesn't want to be seen as that's what it is. Can I do that? And I was like, oh, this dude is A, smart, and B, just elevated his dude from the show and didn't have to. Yeah.

Darius McCrary equals Eddie. So good. Imagine being Jaleel, though, and being Urkel. It would be such a hard thing to shake. Even being a Blake from Workaholics is nothing compared to being freaking Urkel. Yeah, I would say that. I would say that, too. It is nothing compared to Urkel. Urkel had so many more eyes. Way more than Blake Henderson, for sure.

Yeah, we were still eating around the TV watching that shit with our family. You know what I mean? Urkel raised me. That's why I wear the glasses. Yeah, dude. Can you do the Urkel dance? Stick out your pelvis. Doing it like Elvis. Bro, you're fucking rocked. He did the episode where he was like Stefan Urkel, like the cousin or whatever. Stefan Urkel. Yeah, that's right. And when he was talking about it, he...

started tearing up because he was like, it was more his speed. He's like, I didn't have to be like the geek. I got to kind of be myself and like put myself out there. And I was like, fuck, this is so heavy, man. You get buried in something. Well, that is the Kimmy Gibbler to the max because they came like, it was not a show about Steve Urkel, but then it became awesome.

all about Steve Urkel. Well, why don't you cry about it? And I think that it truly is such the opposite of who he is. Like, he can hoop. He balls out. He's like just not Urkel at all. So he truly was playing like a character and slayed it. Yeah.

Dude, and in like, how old was he when he was doing that? Like, what was the span? How many years? What age? What do you mean? How long? Yeah. What age? What age? What was his age span? Fuck. I mean, he must have been 12.

12 until he was like what 20 yeah that's eight years you know it's crazy nerd when you're so fucking famous that has to be the weirdest i can't remember what season it was but you know how he pulled those pants up at a certain point you kind of you saw yeah he grew up to grow he grew up yeah he had that what was the robot urkel bot he had the urkel bot okay hey yo

He had something. I assume that it's time to say your take backs. Oh, we're still riding. Or do some giveaways. Yeah, dead ringers. I got another one. You know what? I have a take back from a few weeks ago. Okay. Where you guys were like, you could become a professional in five years if you dedicated yourself. I like this. And I have two things. Not two things that I could become professional perhaps, but...

Frisbee golf. Yeah, good. I feel like if I did that every day for five years, I could be knocking on that door. I got a pretty good arm. I'm pretty good at it. And if I dedicated myself for five years, I could do it. I believe in you. And the other part of my argument is also that I'm not going to dedicate myself every day for five years to anything.

I don't do it now in real life. It's hard. Why would I do it for some trivial whatever? Because you could go pro and you could be the man at it if you were to. It's still not worth it. It's still not. Did I do that? I guess I have a take back from the same episode because I botched signing up for a tournament. Are you serious? Oh my God. Are you serious?

Yeah, so I'm looking for a new destination. But I just got to a point and I thought I had clicked.

Clicked and then I looked at it again and I hadn't clicked and then it said that the men's singles is all full on. You're a stupid idiot. God damn it, Kyle. So that's a take back. But you know what? I'll come back with a replacement. How about that? I'll replace my take back the original statement with

after the take back with a new statement about which... You lost me. I'm not a smart man. Tournament, I will be trying my hand in pickleball. This was an Orange County tournament. There's not a tournament up north where you are now?

No, no. I was going to do a Monterey tournament. Oh, that's a perfect place. That's what I was going to do first. I'm looking at Tustin, Santa Ana, Anaheim. I'm looking at coming down there, you know, fucking Newport Beach, all the way out in the desert, maybe some Palm Desert action.

I'm looking at it, but also I'm afraid I'm going to get my ass kicked. I'm afraid you won't be able to figure out how to sign up. You just had to... It was like, click here, and you were like, got it. Dude, I'm so nervous about that. I don't know where I'm going to go, stand, what? I don't know how it goes. I've never done a tournament thing. What do you mean? I'm sure it's super chill, dude. It's pickleball. Like, what...

Is somebody going to say like, sure, you're up next? Is that what they're going to say? How am I going to figure that shit out? You'll sort it out. It's like when I go to swim meets as an adult man now. It's very weird, but you're just... You do it? I've done it, yeah. I was going to sign up for one in a couple of weeks. Okay, see, so... Or like doing a run. Yeah. I need to talk to you about what this is because I'm very...

You just go and there's people there like volunteers or whatever that love to tell you what to do. They're like, are you signing up right here? Let me see your badge. Okay, so you're a purple badge. Wow. Okay, money bags. Wow. First time. Welcome. Oh, wow. You're going to love it. Everybody's really friendly. That's what I want.

I love your back. Yeah, exactly. All right. I've been here since midnight. What? Well, they need to close this place. I got here. I slept here. I slept here. Do you want a granola bar? Hey, you're not talking to that woman over there, are you? She doesn't want to work here. She's not affiliated. That is actually a crazy woman who wandered over into the park. We found her trying to fuck a drain in a pool last night. Grandson. I'll give a special shout out to...

Durz, Kyle, and myself because we did this without Adam who dropped out. Where the heck did that guy go? His computer died. Oh, what an excuse. And so did his relationship to us. Yeah. Epic slam on the man. He's on the chopping block. A slam on him. This went well. So I don't know. Maybe we're not asking him back next week. Yeah. I'm not mad at that. Yeah. It's kind of nice. Yeah, I'd do it again with y'all. Can we have you?

So you'll have us? You're going to have us? Because we'll have you. I'll be here. I'll be here, sir. As long as it keeps popping into my schedule book. I love it. I'm not letting Blake, I'm not letting you wrap it up. Okay, then you do it. No, I don't want to. I'm just not letting you do it.

What are you trying to do? He's like, yeah, okay. See ya. Okay, and ladies and gentlemen, this has been another episode of This is Portable. Let's go. Yeah.

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