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cover of episode Ep 79: All PAWGS Go To Heaven

Ep 79: All PAWGS Go To Heaven

2022/3/29
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This Is Important

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People
A
Adam
主持和编辑 STAT 的生物技术播客 “The Readout LOUD”,专注于生物技术新闻和行业分析。
B
Blake
H
Holly Frey
K
Kyle
广
广告播报员
Topics
Kyle: 在本段对话中,Kyle 分享了他在工作场所的一些不当行为,例如在工作狂办公室自慰和在厕所睡觉等。他还讨论了能量饮料5-Hour Energy的提神效果,并分享了自己饮用该饮料的经历。此外,他还讨论了各种饮料,包括红牛和LaCroix,以及自己对这些饮料气味的看法。最后,他还回忆了自己童年时期购买亚利桑那冰茶和Slim Jim的经历。 Blake: Blake 在本段对话中主要讨论了红牛饮料的气味,以及人们对这种气味的不同看法。他还描述了红牛饮料洒在柜台上后,几天后留下的气味。此外,他还讨论了派对规模,并表达了对派对规模的疑问。最后,他还建议在节目中添加声音效果,例如《冰雪奇缘》中的“Let it go”。 Adam: Adam在本段对话中主要分享了自己以前在工作场所的一些经历,包括在熟食店清洁旋转烤鸡机和在肉店清洁锯子、牛肉桶和研磨机等。他还回忆了自己在冷冻室吸食大麻的经历,以及吸食大麻后工作时的经历。此外,他还讲述了自己因为吸食大麻后工作失误而导致手指受伤的故事,以及自己不小心将带血的三明治递给顾客的故事。最后,他还回忆了自己在冷冻室吸食大麻的经历,以及使用的暗号。

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The hosts discuss their experiences with smoking weed at work and whether they ever engaged in other activities like jerking off at work, sharing personal anecdotes and humorous stories.

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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important...

Definitely jerked off at the workaholic's office. Do you guys know what pogs are? P-A-W-G. I remember sleeping at work like taking long ass bathroom breaks where you would just literally sleep on the toilet. This is gonzo porno and it's a good example of when not to cut. Let's go! Let's go!

Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. I love it. Yes, sir. Brought to you by 5-Hour Energy Drink Extra Strength. Five. Is it? I don't think it is. Is that a sponsor? You want it to be. Yeah, send me crates. Did you pound one before? Is this how you get up? Is this how you get the energy? Is this how you get up? Let's just say I had half of one.

Don't want to go too crazy. Let's go. Durs messes with those. I'm still a classic man. I like the bull, baby. I still ride the bull from time to time. He's a bull rider. He's a little matador. Mix it with a little LaCroix.

We know your go juice. He's a little rodeo clown. Your breath is bad. These you just shoot and it goes down your throat before it can coat your mouth. The Red Bull breath? Can I get that on the soundboard? Hello. Your breath is bad.

It's only bad if you hate the smell of Red Bull. If you drink Red Bull. I like it. I find it to be intriguing. And most people love Red Bull. So I would say most humans love the stink of Red Bull. No, no. Really? Most human? A Red Bull burp is like poison. I like it when it spills on the counter. Like...

You have a party, it spills on the counter, it crusts over, and you don't get to it for a few days, and then you're like, ooh, what is that smell? And you're like, uh-oh.

some Krusty Bull. Okay, I'm with you. How big is the party? How many people? Is this like a freaking get-together? Like a kickback? Or is this a rager? Is he frozen? Oh, shit. Did I do that? Wow, perfect timing. God damn it. Right out the gate? Adam, are you frozen? Adam! Or did the fucking Red Bull finally just cut off all the synapses in his brain? How big is the fucking

party, man. Come on. We gotta know. Blake, hey, for the soundboard, when people freeze, can we get a let it go or something from Frozen? Whatever running joke there was. I don't know. Okay. I like that. I don't know. I'm team Elsa, dude. I find her to be really freaking sick. He's back.

Hello. I don't know what to... I apologize for my internet. I don't know, guys. Oh, God. Are you okay? Hey, I'm fine. I don't know. I'm living in a nightmare. I just got off. I did an hour Zoom meeting right before this, and it was fine the entire time. I get on. I talk with you guys. I don't know.

So it's us. Maybe they didn't say anything to you. You know what I mean? Maybe they just kind of let it freeze. Right. They're scared of you. Maybe you were talking into the abyss and they just never called. They're just like, yeah, I think that counted as a meeting. It wasn't one that I was doing a lot of talking. I was doing a lot of listening and going, yeah.

Yeah. No, that is a good idea. Right. Less bandwidth. Less bandwidth. Now, Chunkin, you're eating your bandwidth. Have you guys seen, speaking of little drinks, have you guys seen this thing? Whoa. What the freaking hell is that? Damn, son.

Where'd you find that? I mean, I just saw it at the store. I don't really plan on drinking a lot of it. Is that concentrate? You just squirt it into your water. Explain what it is. Explain it. This is an audio media. Medium. I feel like I just explained what it was. It's an Arizona iced tea, lemon flavor, concentrate squirt. It is a concentrate. You just have a glass of water, you go...

And then you have lemonade or iced tea with lemon flavor. Fudge fudge lemonade. Okay. So you got the Arnold Palmer. That's an Arnold Palmer concentrate. I mean, you could just be like, concentrate. Bro, that's cool. When I was, I think, well, like one summer when I started doing the paper route and I had a little bit of money, every day I would buy Arizona iced tea and a fucking Slim Jim, bro. And that was how I lived. Can I ask something? Yeah.

Are Arizona iced teas, those huge cans, are they still 99 cents? Because they held on to that shit. That's a great question. With inflation, you mean? I think so. How are they the only thing that never changed? That's a great question. Because they were overcharging for years.

Because it costs a nickel to produce, so they just stuck to the 99. That can't cost anything. That's just like an outdoor pool. Somewhere in Arizona, there's just this huge above-ground pool filled with tea that they just dump buckets in and fill aluminum cans. I don't know. People like it. Just pour sugar in it. Dude, there's no way it's even from Arizona. It's just a cool title. No.

It's made outside. No, it's from Arizona. It's made in like Somar, California in like a giant vat. Woodbury, New York. It's manufactured in Woodbury. New York City? Get a rope. Dude, you don't have any of those on the C.I.M. board. New York City? What is that? Is that Pace? Pace Picante. Oh, yeah, that's right. It was like some cowboy sitting around on fire talking about salsa or something. It's time you switched brands.

Dude, you gotta get some of those. Dude, we had a lot of revelations about sounds we need to get for next week. It's gonna be... The soundboard's gonna be fire. Is it? Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Are you gonna actually go back and get them? He's gonna forget them all. Yeah. Are you taking notes? Well, I can write them down. But you're not, though. You could. It's science. Looking for the pen like this, I love it. Just kind of weird. I could...

New York City. Let me grab something. Any kind of scratch paper? I'll write them down. Dude, you got to get those. And then the A1 Bold, it gets you here. It gets you right here. What was that one? It's when they came out with A1 Bold. It was like a game changer. What was A1 Bold? It's a steak sauce, obviously. I know Adam knows. Yeah, A1 Bold. It's a steak sauce. Spicy or A1? I love A1 Bold.

I love steak sauce, brother. Bold. Underrated condiment. It was like a little spicier, but it also was just, it wasn't that. I remember my dad was way stoked on it. And then my mom, we like went through it. And my dad's like, we got to get some more of that bold, baby. Yeah. And then my mom, I saw her like change it out with like a fake brand that wasn't A1 or bold. And he never noticed. And he's like, oh yeah, that hits. Yeah.

And you're like, you have no idea. You have no idea. Yeah, the bowl hits you. You put it in the bottle? Yeah, she would pour it in the bottle. And she's like, don't tell dad. Oh, really? Bitch, that's Kirtland. That's Costco brand. I wish he knew. I wish he was like, just like...

plate slammed down like this is not it he knew like what is it that Chris Farley where they're like you've been drinking this kind of coffee and he's like excuse me excuse me son of a bitch yeah he loses his mind

Dude, what about like A1 Sauce, Arizona Iced Tea? Both those, they haven't changed their, like the aesthetic of their cans and bottles for years. Don't need to. When you got a classic. Yeah. There's something to that. You know who updated their shit and I'm not happy about it is Bullseye Barbecue Sauce. That shit's important. Yeah, what did they, they always had like, it was just the Chicago Bulls logo or what? Kind of, yeah. It was like a classic just like

I don't even remember Bullseye. I don't fuck with Bullseye, to be honest. I'm not a big barbecue sauce guy. I think it was like a Kraft. It was made by Kraft. It was a big push in the early 90s, Blake. Yes, Kraft barbecue sauce also sucked ass, though.

These are two terrible sauces. Kraft was okay. No, Kraft was like bad ketchup. Yeah, there's good people over there. Yeah, there's good people at Kraft. Yeah, there's good people on both sides. Is that what you're saying, Kyle? Yeah. On both sides of the plate? Let's go Brandon, bro.

How is that not on the board? Dude, you know what changed the game? It was Sweet Baby Ray's. That shit is everywhere now. That's a fantastic barbecue sauce. Nice and thick. Did they get bought out and then kind of pushed? When you think you discover something and then you're like, this is something. And then it's everywhere. Oh, like Kraft actually bought Sweet Baby Ray's? Probably. Nobody's going to fucking take down Kraft.

Yeah. Robert Kraft. There's a fantastic one. What about the one from up here in the Bay? Isn't, uh, what is it? Uh, Mount Diablo sauce. Kinders. Big shout out to Kinders. Even though Kinders is everywhere. Yes. I know now it's, now it's gone. It's big. It's everywhere, but it was only here for, for fucking years. I have super love for Kinders now, but you know, that used to be my rival when I used to work at Fritz's meats and conquer. So what Kinders I thought was like a little chocolate.

No, that's Kinder Eggs. But way to be on your kids' chocolates, brother. This is the barbecue sauce from the Bay. Never heard of it. Not a fan. Blake, you worked at a meat factory. That's right. It wasn't so much a factory as just a small mom-and-pop butcher shop. And it was one of the best jobs ever because...

You would get, it was also a little catering spot, so you could come away with some tri-tip and chicken. All I needed was minimum wage because I'm coming home with tri-tip, baby. Yeah, and you're in high school. Yes, sir. Okay, but did you have to like saw up a cow and shit? Because that to me would be super fun. Yeah.

No. So I was never promoted. They asked me if I wanted to be promoted up to butcher, cutting meat and being an actual butcher. But I was just cleaning crew. So I was pretty much in charge of cleaning the saws and the beef buckets and the grinders. Yeah, it was crazy. Hey, can you get that ground beef from out of that crevasse?

I worked at a service deli and that's, I mean, that was my job too. I just like cleaned up after people and it was just me climbing into a rotisserie chicken machine, that giant machine that just like twirls around, spins.

60 rotisserie chickens at a time and just me climbing inside of it at night and scrubbing it. And I'm like, I'm getting paid $7.15 for this. I'm living in a nightmare. Adam's in there like a human terrier. Yeah. They just send you in to fucking get it out of there. He's like a little bomb dog.

Totally, dude. But how much weed did you smoke in the freezer? That was the best part of the gig. Because we would go in the freezer and smoke weed and then come out. And there'd be a long-ass line for sandwiches because obviously it's lunchtime, not a great time for us to go smoke weed in the freezer. And you come out, and I'm making a sandwich for someone, and I'm too stoned. And I remember they were like, you know, they're telling me, like, no, that's not the kind of cheese. It comes with a Monterey Jack. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. And I said,

sliced my finger open, the tip of my finger. - Whoopsie. - And it was the tip of my finger and it's just like squirting. It's like a cartoon squirt of blood that's coming out. And I bleed all over this person's sandwich and I'm too stoned and I don't want them to like know that I'm bleeding. - That's disgusting. - And I obviously, there's blood everywhere.

This is gnarly. Do not tell me you served it to them. No, I just start to like wrap it up like I'm going to give it to her and the person's like, what the fuck? You can't give me that sandwich. And it goes, and then I try to act like I wasn't bleeding. I go, why? And he goes, there's blood everywhere. There's ketchup in my sandwich. And I go, is there? This ain't Kraft Bullseye, brother. Sorry about that, sir. Bon appetit.

That's so wild that you would smoke weed in the freezer because we did that too. We had a code where we say, hey man, you want to go to Russia? And that meant go into the giant freezers and you had to put these giant fur coats on to go in there because they were massive walk-in freezers. You looked like the guys from Spies Like Us. Exactly.

I like having a code word that brings up more questions. If you're doing it in front of your boss, you want to go to Russia, and the boss is like, what? They're smoking weed. It's not like take out the trash or do the dishes or stock the freezer. Is this like post 9-11? They're like, we think he's a sleeper cell. Smoke.

Yeah, they're like, wait a minute. We've got some terrorists working for us. Holy shit. We used to, because I worked at a, it was a grocery store. I worked at Pavilions. Was that when you were a scab, by the way? Because you were a scab. No, I wasn't. I thought you were a scab at Pavilions. I wasn't a scab. No, no, no. You were a picketer. My bad. I'm sorry to throw dirt on your name like that. I'm a union member, and I was out there with the signs. I got my take back.

Are you sure, Adam? Yes. And Zach and Todd, my two roommates, were scabs. They were like, how much can we get paid? And I'm like, it's like $15. They're paying these scabs like $15 an hour. It was an apartment divided. So my roommates, we rode in the same car to work.

And I would go stand outside at a picket line and then they would cross the picket line and go inside and buy groceries. That's so tight. For like double what we got paid to do the same work. You're like, I'll see you in Russia, right? Yeah. But you get it. You know. That's so. But by the way, dude, striking for like when you're in like 18, 19 years old and you're already getting paid minimum wage. So it's like it doesn't.

matter that much and you still got paid for a few weeks because you paid into the union was fucking awesome.

Because all you did was smoke weed in a parking lot. We would drink 40s in my buddy's conversion van. Nice. And then just hacky sack, play Frisbee in the parking lot and hold a sign. I'm like, this is a good gig. But all the 45-year-old moms and dads that work there are like, it's touch and go here. Dude. Well, context is everything. You're like, Catch, do you want to get in on this cipher? I mean, that's...

Hey, we're freestyle rapping over here. Do you hack? Do you want to go to Russia? Yeah, dude. That was wild. When was that? That was like Cali. It was pretty serious during like in California in when was that? Like the 2000s. It was right when I moved to L.A.,

Oh five. It was the early two thousand. It was like 2003 or four. Oh four. Yeah. It was, it was before I moved up to LA. I was still down in, I was still down in orange County. So it was 2003 and there, there was a huge strike with all the, um, uh, grocery store employees.

And I just remember, like, for me, it was just like, okay, we're going on strike. The union tells us to go on strike. I'm just holding a sign. I'm 19 years old. I don't give a shit. Like, I'm like, okay, yeah, sure. They should get paid more. I don't know. This is all above my head. And some guy just teed off on me. You're like, people will be looking at me? Yeah, totally. I'm like, there will be a crowd? Yeah.

You're showing up to war. Some guy just teed off on me and was like, he was like, fuck you, motherfucker. Like, you don't deserve, oh, you think you deserve $15 an hour to beg fucking groceries, you piece of shit? And I'm like, I don't. I don't think that. I don't know. I'm just holding a sign. I'll beat your goddamn ass, you son of a bitch. Oof. Oof. Oof.

I was like fine making that whatever $8 I was making. You know, I'm just, it's just they told me to go on strike. But people were so riled up. People get so riled, dude. That's crazy. Dude. I remember kind of not, I was like, what, 23 or something and just going shopping for groceries on my own for kind of the first time as a young man. Yeah.

they're like picketing and I'm walking past it like I don't know I just need ice cream and some fucking Eggo waffles excuse me Arizona iced tea yeah let me get a block of cheddar and some fucking Doritos I need a giant lasagna and I need some stover I need some stover first

A couple of hot pockets. And some duct tape. This bro got his ass beat for frozen pizza. But that grocery store was dope. Because it was Newport Coast, so there's all kinds of celebrities that would come in. Oh, really? For example? I remember Elizabeth Hurley was shopping there. Shagadelic. Very shagadelic, dude. Very shagadelic. I would never, ever have sex with you. Were you like, what's your favorite city in Texas? Austin. Austin.

Austin! She walked through the freezer section and then came right over to my section, nipped out. I was on the moon, dude. Nipped out, Elizabeth Hurley. Holy moly. She was like a fembot. I was like, take me to Russia! And no one understood what I was talking about. Right, right. Even you used it wrong in this instance. Right.

I used to work down in Newport as well, dude. That's right. I worked at Vans, and we had a celebrity sighting once. Dennis Rodman rolled up in his freaking... Oh, well, he's a Newport legend. Yeah. Wow.

The Elizabeth Hurley of men. Yeah. So evidently the coolest people live there. Dude, I remember I had just finished like painting the curb outside and he rolled up with his Hummer and just put his tire right on it, bro. That can't be legal. He put his tire right on it, dog. Yeah, what were you... Just messed it up. What color were you painting the curb? It was...

Vans checker. I think I was just repainting it because it was Vans, bro. It was Vans. So you skate outside and the curb will get kind of fucked. And I guess they wanted, I guess corporate probably wanted it painted because they couldn't. Yeah. Vans was fucking going big at that point. You can't have evidence of skateboarding in our parking lot. Vans is a wild ass company. They've gone like, I mean, now they've gone nuclear, but take five minutes. Go for it. I

I mean, well. Talk to us about how wild ass it is. You want to talk about Van Doren? Go after him. They have the biggest fucking collaborations out there. It's like Vans and fucking Disney and stuff. It's like, oh my God.

Thank you, God! I feel like Nike might have bigger collaborations. I said like the biggest. I didn't say specifically. I definitely hear you. But they're big. I got my take back. Let me write down that take back. No pen inside. Let's search for some scratch paper. Did you smoke weed anywhere...

At that store, Kyle, did you smoke weed at work? Oh, come on. Oh, always, dude. Yeah, in the back. Because there was actually like a little annex. You had to stock shoes up top. So you'd go up the back and stock the shoes in the back stock. And that's where you'd rip it up. In Russia.

Yeah, it wasn't as cold as Russia, but we used to call it the forest. Shubiria? Yeah, we'd say, you want to go to the forest? And be like, yeah. No, I didn't say that. I used to manage that store, so it was like...

You were the manager. That's right. How did that happen? I was the third key. There was two keys above me, but I was the third key. But like you opened up in the morning or something? Yes, sir. I opened up. I counted the dough. I counted the inventory, and I said...

We're open. Wait, you counted inventory every morning? Yeah. Yeah. Well, not every morning, but you do count it. Yeah, because I opened up at Lacoste and they were like, just be awake. Couldn't do it. This is the way.

Right.

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You had a key to the cost? Yeah, I opened up. Because they, I don't know. But probably it's because it's the worst job. The fact that they gave any of us keys. Like, because the improv, I worked at the Hollywood Improv Comedy Club. They gave me a key, too. And I'm like, when they're giving it to me, they're like, this is a big responsibility. Like, this is the key to everything. And I'm like, in my head, I'm saying thank you, and I'm going to be responsible. But in my head, I'm like, I'm going to abuse this. Open bar. Like, without a doubt. Yeah.

I'm going to abuse this. And I mean, I wasn't getting drunk. I was, I was opening at 10 AM and like answered calls. So I'm not going to get drunk during the day. And it's like a place that I want to, you know, be invited back for the rest of my life. Use as an apartment. But I would go and just make myself breakfast and lunch every day. Even days I'm not working. I would just come open the club up and then go make myself breakfast.

and then leave. Honestly, I think for all of you guys in getting the keys, you guys are opening the store. It's the job nobody wants to do. Those fucking early hours when there's no customers. What's the damage you could do besides make some eggs or whatever? That was the best, dude. Just drink the bar is what you could do.

We were so hungover coming in there. I was so hungover going in. You didn't want shit to do at that point. I was 19 or 20 years old. And who's going to Vans on a weekday in what time did you open? Like 10 a.m.? Exactly. Nobody was there. It would just be me until the next person came in. And then you're just fucking like, well, I counted the shoes. Right.

Hey, there's two of each still. Did you ever go like, what are you doing here at Vans on a weekend? Yeah. You ever call them out on that shit, man, about being at Vans on a weekend? Like, who does that? Like, who is at Vans on the weekend, Rodman? Why are you pulling up here on the weekend, Dennis? Well, Rodman was still awake. He had just got off set of double team. Yo, he ain't know what day it was at all. He was like, I'm out of here.

Yeah, that bro doesn't know what time, what day. I remember I just wished he was wearing a Rodzilla shirt. I always thought when I met Rod, he'd be wearing a Rodzilla shirt. He might have been underneath. The one that you wore all the time. Yeah, I still have it. I still have it. Got it at Bash at the Beach. God, that's a relic. I see him kind of often in Newport. Every once in a while, I'll just... It's just like seeing... And he looks like...

a six foot seven lizard. It doesn't even look like a human being. He's just like, you just like turn and all of a sudden it's just like giant lizard man. Do people call him the worm? Yeah, he was the worm. But after you see the lizard once, you're like, there's the lizard. There's the worm, bro. He just looks fucking bizarre. And it's pretty off-putting. That guy looks like a lizard or like not a worm. The lizard worm. Not a worm. More of a lizard. He's more scaly than he used to be.

He's a little scaly, man. It's weird, but they call him a worm, but it's like... I don't know. I had a job. Did you guys ever rock any Von Dutch? Wait a minute. None of us rocked Von Dutch, did they? Wait, hold on. Duris, what did you say? What did you just say? I said, I had a job, and then somebody started talking about Von Dutch. Wasn't that Von Dutch? Cool, Von Dutch. Von Dutch. Right.

Sorry, I just watched a Von Dutch documentary. Yeah. And so evidently like the guy like killed people. It's like crazy. The story is fucking insane. Oh, yeah. No, it's super sick. And I don't think any of our crew really rocked. I think they were too expensive for us at the time. In the early 2000s, we're like, oh, that's a $40 hat. Also, they were horrible. Yeah. Yeah. And they said, you know what I rocked? They're horrible. Zipper.

Remember Von Zipper sunglasses? That's fine. The sunglasses, those are fine. Yeah, dude. They had glass lenses, right? They were nice. It was a flex. Duris, tell us about your sick-ass job, dog. Oh, this job? Did you smoke weed in it, dude? I had a job. No, it was just about the opening. In college, I worked at Northwestern University in the athletic facility thing.

They had like all these racquetball courts, but one of them was designated for like kids to play pickleball while their parents worked out, right? Yeah, it's a big I'm really going to bend it back to pickleball and your dick back. No, but so I think it I had to be there at eight in the morning, but always was out the night before and I would just bike over there get there at like eight or seven fifty eight throw all the toys out of the closet into the racquetball place go shower and

in the locker room and then just roll back and find a parent like waiting there with their kid and be like hey what's up let's do this or I would just go lay down on like the play mat and sleep until like the door went bleh

And I'd sit up like, hey, good morning. I'd have a book on my chest. So tired. Just the best. And if nobody showed up, I could sleep for like another hour and a half. Oh, man. I remember sleeping at work, like taking long ass bathroom breaks where you would just literally sleep on the toilet. Just like.

Didn't even go in there to use the restroom. Would you sit backwards and, like, your arms on the back of the toilet? No, that's brilliant. Dang, I should have AC Slatered the toilet and took a quick nap. What were you doing? Your face was on the bowl? What's going on, buddy? Yeah, what are you doing?

Yeah, I'm on my knees. Do you lean against the stall? Yeah, like airplane style? Yeah, how do you do it? No, I'm falling asleep like an old security guard, just sitting with my chin in my chest. You know, one time Kyle fell asleep on a pogo stick while setting a world record.

Anything's possible. I used to sleep against the side. Weird, wild shot. Sleep against the wall when I needed naps, bro. That was tough. Dedication. Guinness Book of World Records. Look it up, everybody. Look it up out there. Your boy holds the record. Chicka, chicka, chicka down. Now, here's a question. Von Dutch? Yeah, you want to talk Von Dutch? Did we ever jerk off at work? I know we smoked weed at work, but did you ever...

Did anybody work at a church and jerk off? At a word? What's going on with Adam today? Did I glitch? Human chunking. No, you said work, but yeah, you glitched. Did you guys jerk off at work or this was a strict no jerk off, strictly smoke weed? Strictly dickly, bro. Well, I mean, I was... Well is always like, you did. Okay, great. But what's the story?

Yeah. Well, or was this strictly professional? Well... No, I don't think I ever did. I wanted to catch...

Do I make you horny? I don't think I did. I don't think I did. I think all my jerk-off stories were at TJ Maxx under my starter jacket. I'm trying to think if I did at work. At the workaholics office? Well... The workaholics office doesn't count. You had to have jerk-offs. No, I definitely jerked off at the workaholics office. The workaholics house was technically our work for a little bit. Allegedly. I jerked off at all workaholics sets. Allegedly, I definitely jerked off under my desk at the workaholics.

Well, technically you guys lived at the house. So definitely, definitely allegedly. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. Exactly. Adam couldn't come unless he had a man knocking at his door in the morning. The butler. You guys are telling me late nights. We're working late. You're in your office. No one's around. You didn't crank one down at the desk at,

At the workaholics? At the workaholics office. Yeah, probably. No, I did. Yes. I just imagined like a ghost taking the reins. You know what I mean? It would not have been. I don't think it would have been late night for me. It wouldn't have been for fun. It was early morning, if anything, for me, because I used to open up that office all the time. You used to open that office. You opened like vans. So it was. It's old habits, man. They die hard. I'm going to go to Russia. That was when I had my time. Did you used to jerk off into half cabs, dude?

And then it was just Night Owl? Yeah. It's Shoe Goo, bro. Night Owl's, he's leaving. You're just in the hallway cranking down. Whoops. You ever jack off with Night Owl? You just walk around with your cock out. It's a bagel. Will you explain Night Owl?

Night Owl? Oh, Night Owl was our night assistant, our editorial assistant. Legend. He rocked. It goes Dennis Rodman, Night Owl. That's my legend ladder. Let's also explain what a nighttime assistant for editing is. Yeah, so a nighttime assistant basically takes the cards, the memory cards from what you shot on the day and downloads them and imports them into the editing software.

Or the Avid. And they have the horrible job of doing that overnight so that the editors the next day can start to cut. Yes. And it's not like labor intensive, right? You just have to kind of be there to get it done. Yeah. It's stressful, but it's not labor intensive. Because if you lose the footage... So there's a lot of downtime. You're fucked. If you lose the footage, you're fucked. You're fucked. You are fucked. You're dead. So basically every...

Say it out. I'm thinking the same. Night assistant is just cranking down constantly, right? All night. All night. You're constantly cranking down. Oh, yeah, dude. That was one of my first jobs. I was a night assistant, and I did have keys to that place as well. And yes, yes, sir.

There's some downtime. The keys were getting stroked. Yeah. Was that when you were editing porno? Because that would lend itself to Cut to Commercial. No, I was an assistant editor at a trailer house in Santa Monica who will remain unnamed. Kyle, how did we get back to this? How did we get back to this every week? Back to porno?

Porno beating off. This is just like, these are real questions. These are real questions that guys have for each other. Hey, sorry. We can't get away from it. Sorry about it. Haunted by it. You want to peek behind the curtain, brother? Here it is. You want to peek behind the curtain? Hey, you guys want to know about Hollywood? This is what the boys talk about. A lot of downtime, baby.

I told you about the time that that came on. That exact thing came on when I was working at the, when I was teaching at a school that will remain unnamed, but I used to have to plug in. We all know. I used to have to plug into the projector. I mean, let's be honest. And I would plug in and just open it up. It's the greatest fear of teachers, right? Dude,

It fucking happened. Oh, yeah. It's like you put your laptop on, you got the projector going, you just pray to God above that you didn't leave a fucking porno tab open. Oh, God. So embarrassing. But it happens, brother. So embarrassing. And it's like, well, all right. What's next? All right. Who did that? Who did their homework?

Who did that? When you were teaching there, you were also like their age, so they would get it. I feel like it would be weirder if you were like... Yeah, Adam's right. You gotta let it ride. Watch the whole clip. Right. They get it. Yeah. Just be like, you did this. I think

it's an easier pill to swallow if you're a swallow. If you were just to go like, sorry, you know, I'm also your age. Obviously, I'm cranking down. Adam, you're taking so much time on a thing that you just sweep to the side and just move on. You're like, okay, so obviously we all saw that porno was on my computer. Let's talk about this for a while. I do 15 minutes. Okay.

Humans have urges, okay? Raise your hand if you have an urge.

No, let's talk about it. Dude, this is an editing class. We don't give a fuck. Do you guys know what pogs are? P-A-W-G. Fat ass white girl. You know what? This is a good way to learn how to edit. Porno. This is huge. The compression rate on this is what allows it to stream so well and crispy. Let's watch the scene. Look at the cuts here. Okay. This is gonzo porno, and it's a good example of when not to cut. When you're...

If you're not familiar with blacks, you're about to be. Hold it. Hold it. And actually, the editing here, watch the editing. Hold it. Insert shot. This cum shot was hours later. Insert shot. Now, this is what we call a compilation. It's just like a montage. It's mini clips cut together. It's really choppy. Yeah, porno. Wait, that's the one you got to do. It's the most bang for your buck. You lean into it. You just go, this is open on purpose. Today, we're talking about montages. This is called a compilation. Yeah.

Oh,

version of montages. And I know what you're thinking. I got caught? Nope, this is on purpose. Nope, this is on purpose and we are investigating how they cut this film. That's right. And there is the dean of the school. Hold on one second. This is secret class. Let's turn it off. Let's go back to the regular. He's going to want to see this. We've got a minute of them all dancing in bikinis and we cut to a minute of them disrobing. Now we've got another minute. A very, very kinky clip.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have gone with something a little soft core. I went wildly, wildly hardcore. Gaping buttholes. Okay. And I close that tab and there's another one. And there's another one. How many tabs? Who did the second tab?

Can anybody tell me how many lights that they're using to light this set here? Zero. That's right. No lights. This is more along the lines of the Dogma filmmakers of 1995. Which segues to Lars von Trier. Yes. Porno or art? Speaking of Dogma, this clip, this is dogfart.com. Oh, boy. Dogma 69. Wait, what was it? Dogma 69. Dogma 69.

Have fun.

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- Did I ever tell you guys about the time I was caught? I don't know, I might have told this story on the podcast, I'm not sure, but I was caught jerking off by my mom. - Okay, yeah. - And I'm in the basement and I'm a senior in high school and you enter through my garage and you go right into the basement. It's an old computer. It takes forever to like download or upload porn notes via the Sublime directory. And there were so many pop-ups.

And so there's just like a hundred pop-ups that pop up and I hear the garage door coming out and I'm trying to, is this the, yeah. Yeah. And I'm trying to click out of it quickly. Yeah. I jump on the couch. She comes in and my mom looks at the computer and she, she goes, mom was pretty chill. And she's like, Jesus, you disgust me. Sexy sibling. Yeah. You disgust me. Yes. And then I go upstairs and why did she say your boobs are huge? Because.

Would have Brittany had seen this. I did. I did tell it. I did tell it. It's a classic. It is a classic. It was like Hot Brother on Sister Action and it was two siblings fucking, which is a weird...

It's a weird pop-up. Why is that a pop-up? It really pisses me off. It doesn't piss you guys off that that's so prevalent? Are we talking about this? Can we cut to commercial? Yeah, but it's step, right? Yeah, it's step. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But still, it's like what? Allegedly! No, not still. I'm not justifying it. I'm not justifying it. No, you're allowed to.

It's a... You've been doing your steps like sister or whatever. You're like... You probably have been around them for most of your life and now you want to fuck them? That's gross, dude. Yeah, it is fucked up. Guys, let's not bury the freaking headline here. You know what started it all. What? Do you guys remember the movie Clueless?

The whole movie is about Paul Rudd being her stepbrother and Alicia Silverstone wants to bone him. No, he works at the dad's law firm. No, they're step...

together, brother and sister. Siblings. I don't think so. I don't really remember that movie. But you're forgetting the Brady Bunch. Wait, what happened in that one? That's true. We're all forgetting the Brady Bunch. Yeah. We were eased into this. Our generation was pointed this way by Hollywood. Let's go Brandon, all right? Let's go, Brandon. We got it.

They were step, but then parents got divorced in Clueless. Okay. And then they're like, can we hook up? And then they're like, now we can. Okay.

Dude, that's a weird-ass storyline. Wait, Paul Rudd's character or the other guy? Paul Rudd. She likes Paul Rudd because, oh, yeah, because remember they have like kind of like a weird little relationship where they jab at each other, and then they get like they break up, and they're like, so now can we date? Well, the thing is how many years were they together? Like if it's over three years, I think that's a nano. Yeah.

Like if it's a quick marriage. You mean if they were siblings for three years? Yeah, you're siblings for three years and you're teenagers and you kind of really don't even talk to each other. And then three years later, you're like, okay. And then they get a divorce and you're like, okay, maybe. And there were sparks there. Maybe, maybe. That's still gross. Are we sure that it was Paul Rudd that was the stepbrother? It wasn't the other guy? No, it was Paul Rudd. I'm pretty sure it was Paul Rudd as the stepbrother. Yeah, at the end of the movie. Then why did he also work for the dad's law firm on top of that?

I don't remember that detail, sir. Did he work for his dad? Is it his dad? I don't remember that. He worked for the eyebrow dude, the dad, who was like the cool eyebrow guy in like Blood Simple and all sorts of other movies. Well, in Brady Bunch, it was very, very apparent. It was clear that Marsha and Greg wanted to F, and I think they did. Well, yes, but they were playing the comedy of that hard. Clueless is kind of like this...

Like, you don't see it coming. And then at the end... You're busy rolling with your homies, right? Yes. You know, you're being swept up in this sick-ass movie. Scared of the freeway. Great. Is What's-Her-Name still Let's Go Brandon? From the Kanye... Oh, Stacey Dash? Oh, the most beautiful woman in the whole goddamn world? Stacey Dash. Oh, my God. Is she still Let's Go Brandon? What a God-ess. I think she's a Let's Go Brandon, yeah. Oh, yeah, but she is just... Living in America!

She's the best. There you go. You get swept up in it. She's the best. What is that again? What's that from? That's that very old viral clip of James Brown doing that interview. Oh, yeah. Is that when he's like, I look good. I smell good. Yeah. He's like super on something and he's about to go on tour and they're like trying to talk to him about old allegations. He's just like, I feel good. Yeah. Right.

He's the best, man. No, that's the way. Just move forward. God, just keep pushing. Did he smell good? Like, what do you think his cologne was? James Brown. Or nothing. No cologne? No, no, no, no. So much. He bathed in it. He had cologne. He had a scent. Yeah, hell yeah. Sex machine, baby. You don't think he just was like, my pheromones are on point? Because he was the ladies' man of an era. You know, I actually don't feel I'm educated enough to answer this. I don't know. Like, just generally? Yeah.

I did not graduate college. I don't understand the question. Also, guys of that generation did wear a lot of cologne. I think he had his signature scent. Axe body spray. Axe body spray. Shower in the can, baby. Yeah. That's clean. You just spray yourself with that. That's like a shower.

Hey, that's like an alarm clock. Same era. Bub rub. Remember when they would say like pits to hips or whatever? What was it? Hacks would be like, just go pits to hips. And you were like, that seems like- Yeah, pits to chesty. Pits to chesty. Pits to chesty. Adam, did you book that commercial? Oh, double pits to chesty. I-

Yes, thank you. I definitely auditioned for it. There was an Axe body commercial. I was in an Axe deodorant body spray commercial. Was that the commercial? I can't remember. Yeah, it was like a motocross thing where the dude goes off the ramp, and then while he's in air, he goes double pits to chesty. The pits to chesty, yeah. No, the one I did was in Vegas. I did a Vegas Axe deodorant body spray commercial. Mm-hmm.

But that always kind of weirded me out because I don't spray my chest with deodorant. Do you guys spray your chest with deodorant? Nobody does. They wanted you to waste it so you had to buy more. They're like, get through this can as quickly as possible. Sir, I definitely, back in the day, in high school, when I was really... In the 90s. When I was really worried about how I smelled, I definitely did pit, pit, and then hit it right on the chest with stick deodorant. What? What?

Yo, did you have like an outbreak on your chest? It's a bagel. No, I never had problems with like body. Did your shirt weirdly like clump up and stick to you in like weird ways where it's like. Not where anybody mentioned it to me. I didn't. Are you rocking gel or roll on like stick? Also, was there like a weird stain right there? You know how like when you put deodorant on like too thick and then you put a t-shirt on and then it's like.

A little wet. Yes. Oh, do you guys remember the click gel deodorant? Like the click gel? Yes. And then he just gobbed it on your shit. I did that shit because it was new and I'm like, let's go. Let's go. Was it like right guard or something?

It was across the board. It was across the board. It was just a new tech. Speed Stick, I think, fucked with that. Dude. I think Right Guard kicked it off, though, Kyle. I think you're right about that. I think you might be right with your deodorant. Yeah. I was a Right Guard dude. I definitely did that. Is that anything less is uncivilized? I don't know if that's Right Guard. That was freaking Hulk Hogan painting a picture. Oh, yeah. That commercial rocked.

Is that RiteGuard? Anything less would be uncivilized. I think that was RiteGuard. Or by Menon. Well, that's just a company that made a lot. It is RiteGuard. It's RiteGuard. Anything else would be uncivilized. Let's go. Let's go.

I was brute for a little bit in high school. Great smell. Great smell. Yeah, and then I switched it to Old Spice because I think all the homies were rocking with Old Spice. I'm like, okay, I will be a part of the gang. Yeah, we were Old Spice. I feel like Old Spice is just far and away the leader now.

It's crazy. I still wear it. But it also smells so good. My grandfather was an Old Spice guy, and then I became an Old Spice guy, and then I stuck with it. I don't know if I've ever fucked with anything else. Yeah. Wait, have you ever gone into their like break off offshoot flavors like Swagger? Oh, yeah. I don't go Swagger. I do go Sport or Pure Sport.

I want it to smell like squid. Let me say something. They got to bring this back. There was a scent called, I believe it was called Gridiron that was off the chain. Swagger, I don't love. Pure Sports, okay. No, it's all about fresh.

Fresh to death. OG to me is the one, but the gridiron was out of hand. I was about to fuck myself. What even is that smell? Women smell like actual things. It's like lilac or it's like a flower. And then we smell like sport? Well, men, we smell like ideas. Oh, yeah. What are the smells? Or gridiron? What is gridiron? Or like an island? We smell like an island? I wish I knew. Island boys. An island.

It's Old Spice. It's spices from the old world. They're spices that have been forgotten. You don't even know the scent anymore. It's Old Spice Gridiron. Yeah, it's old. You're right. It's some old spices they found that they're like, I guess. People won't even know. People are using just salt and pepper now. These are old spices. That's what I use, salt and pepper. We do all the food spices.

I mean, best commercials also for deodorant. I just pepper my kids. Best commercials, they lean into the weird commercials. Oh, but that was like a game changer. Those are like Tim and Eric commercials, aren't they? Yeah, Tim and Eric killed the... I think it was Eric Wareheim directed that? But even before those, where they would be like, Roger! It was like, bizarre. What was before that one? I'm not telling you.

You're looking here. Now you're looking here. I'm not telling you. I'm on a horse. If you don't remember, I'm not telling you. Okay. Remember that guy? That guy came to our house. Blake. What was it? The Old Spice guy on the horse. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. The like. What's his name? Manator guy. Yeah. Right? Something. My friend used to date him. Oh, no. My friend CJ used to date him and he came to one of our house parties.

Yeah. That would be cool if I just like lost my mind superstar struggle. I'm like, oh my God. I guarantee you it happens all the time. I want to say he was in it or it too. Also. Really? So he's still out here. Yeah. He's doing it, man. Were you in it too? What do you mean? He's still out here working, bitch. He was in it too. That's fucking cool. I,

I haven't kept tabs on dude. I know he's a freaking legend in the game. He was at our house party and you didn't even clock him, dude. Well, now I'm pissed. I must have been. Now you're like, oh, he's still working. Cute.

I'm not saying cute, man. I'm hyped for my boy. Yeah, he's hyped. You must have been eyeing that beer pong table just down the ledge of our house. Oh, yeah. No, bro. I was probably drinking on some jungle juice, dude. It was sick, dude. Just a barrel of like a bunch of mixed drink. It was sick.

Uh-huh. No, this is when we lived in the dinosaur house. This is post-Jungle Juice era. Okay, okay, got you. I remember when we used to fuck up Jungle Juice, and that was a very nasty... Me too, in big-ass tubs, bro. We used to do it in garbage cans. Yeah, garbage cans. I remember very clearly you dressed as a treasure troll. Oh!

I was dressed as a treasure troll. It was a Halloween party. Yeah. A stirring jungle juice with a fucking two by four. Oh, that's boss. It was. Yeah. With a two by four that we like found outside. It was gross. It was dope. That's life. It's fucking dope. I...

Only because I had been to frat houses and I had seen how they make jungle juice. And I'm like, yeah, it's just a ton of shit. We'll just do it like that. And then also our parties, there's only like 20 people there. You know what I mean? It wasn't like a frat party where there's like 200 people there to drink this. I know. It was terrible. And then, of course, you turn it into like a challenge. It's like we got to finish it. Yeah, we're like, we're finishing this. What?

Why? It was just like every type of alcohol we possibly could. Well, dude, do you remember after that shit? Teddy, friend of the show, put the fucking shit into like jars, like Tupperware, and put it in the fridge. He was fermenting it? He was saving it. Yeah.

So we took the jungle juice out of the trash can, put it in the fridge, and then that became the challenge for the next fucking year. They were in our kitchen for a year. To drink it for the next year? Yeah, I was like, who wants to go after the jungle juice? Let's do it. Some breakfast JJ. Does it go bad? I don't know. It's in the fridge. No, it's pure alcohol. I remember at that party, I mixed two Monster Energy drinks

mixed with vodka and beer bonged it. Well, uh, and, uh, my heart almost exploded. I remember immediately like upon that last gulp was like, and that was the worst idea I've ever had in my life. Goodbye. How fun was it to be around you after that?

That was my heartbeat. No, so scary. So scary. Yeah. It's like he's going to die. I'm like, oh, this is a funky beat. You just turned into human jungle music. Dude, it's terrible. Are there any takebacks, apologies, giveaways? I would like to...

Take back to ourselves, our 19, 20, 21-year-old selves for drinking that jungle juice. I feel like that was a poor decision, and we probably took – I wish there was like a little tracker. Now, this is a good app. A geo tracker? Yeah.

No, where you just like kind of put in like what you're about to do and then that shows you how much time that's going to take off your life. And you can go like, oh shit. Oh shit. This actually, drinking this jungle juice will take like a week and a half off my life. Maybe it's not worth it. Or maybe it is. Would you do anything? What? Like change his lifestyle?

My bro's still gonna send it. Or do you think it would be like now a contest where it's like, yo, that only took five years off your life? Watch this. I'm gonna take 10 years. Pussy. I'm gonna take 25. That's what I'm saying. If we could walk up to each other and flash our app and show how many lifetime burritos we've ate and then just be like, yo, dude, I'm like 20 ahead of you right now. Wait, do you have any take backs? Yeah, I do. I wrote something down, Adam. I'm sorry I called you a scab.

Yeah, thank you. I know you weren't. You were actually on the picket lines, and you are a freaking soldier for that, dude, and I respect you. Well, thank you. And if I worked there, I would have took you to Russia. It would have been sick. Dude, we would have been going to Russia, dude. Several times. Russia. We would have been living in Russia.

Russia. What is the, is it from Russia with love? Is that a Bond movie? From Russia? The James Bond movie? Yes, sir. From Russia. Trying to think of something fun to say. Like, from Russia with blondes. I don't know. Okay. I'm going to workshop that. Okay. Worth doing it. Yes. Thank you, guys. Next week, I'll work on that. Do you want to go to Russia with nugs? Yes, please. That's good.

There it is. Ow. Kyle, you got any take-backs, giveaways, apologies? Oh, dude, I do have take-back. Last week I said I did not sign up for the pickleball tournament. I got an email. I guess I did sign up for the pickleball tournament. So...

I didn't pay. I didn't pay, so I thought that I didn't sign up, but then I got an email saying we've reserved the spot for you. And so I guess they signed it. They recognized the name. They reserved it without even paying, which I want to thank Monterey Pickleball Open. The Kyle Neuwirth Show. Damn it.

Big shout out. But that's a take back from last time. Adam, you were off pod with some chunks. I was. I was chunking too hard. That sucked. Just for those of our listeners that are following along to the saga. That are really hanging on, just going like, but what about the pickleball? Where is he with that? So that's good. You're keeping them up to date. Exactly. I don't give a fuck!

And that's what makes this another episode of This is Important. We're back. Hear that? Pumpkin. That's fall calling. And the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks. From that first sweater to late autumn weather. It's all a fall in just one sip. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

That's F.

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Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.