Ep 89: The IQ Dick Size Test
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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio. The show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important... Dicks have gotten larger, dude. It's all the processed meats we're eating. Your storage locker was a rat nightclub. It was going off. What's the thing you like sniff that makes your butthole open up?

I do actually think that the more intelligent you are, your IQ level, I think the smaller dick you have. Let's go. Oh my God.

Harmonizers. Harmonize. All right. Harmonize. We're back. It'd be cool to see a barbershop quartet do We're Back. If we had a four-part harmony. I'm in Charleston right now. Okay. Go off. Off to the races. Go off. And the...

On the radio this morning, their morning radio DJ goes, Good morning. No, he goes, We're back. All right. Fuck it. I mean, I think that's after commercials or something.

Yeah, all the time. He did it like four times within his little segment about how they're bad. Yeah, I mean, that's not ours. We stole it from a kid, a college kid. I know. And we all stole from this college kid. I'm not saying he stole from us. Well, no, everybody stole from poltergeist. But we're more important than that radio guy.

Everybody stole from Poltergeist, right? Poltergeist? That's true. Yes, you're right. Even though that was their back, but that was the original. Oh, then no. So in a weird way, no one stole from Poltergeist. Nobody stole from Poltergeist, actually. I guess in a weird way we didn't at all. How do you say it? Poltergeist? You guys know what it's from, right? Originally. Poltergeist. Poltergeist. Poltergeist. It's a chicken movie. Right. It's one of the chicken animation movies. Yeah, chicken movie. Okie dokie.

Chicken run. Chicken run. We're Back is originally from the Revenge of the Nerds 2 teaser. The telephone. Where the telephone's ringing and it's all creepy. They stole that. Who stole that? I think they took that from Poltergeist. Shut the fuck up! Yes, but they said We're Back. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Wow. Okay, but do you remember We're Back, the animated feature about those dinosaurs being like...

back in New York from the 90s. I think John... Didn't I send you that poster? Yeah, I think you did, actually. So yeah, I remember it. Do you guys? Thank you, guys! I don't. Is this an animated dinosaur flick? Do they wear cool clothing and stuff? Because I kind of think of that. What was it? Land Before Time?

What are we talking about? No, no, no, no. It's called We're Back. It was kind of like a- Was the clothing cool? They didn't have a rocking stegosaurus and like sunglasses and like a fucking leather jacket or something because I got that in my head. I don't think they did. All I'm asking is how was their luggage game? Okay, come on, man. We're not in person anymore. I'll just shut the Zoom down. You can't.

overused it. Crocodillion. Here was the deal with We're Back, though. The cartoon movie. Remember how there was that tier of animated movies that weren't Disney movies like Oliver and Company, Land Before Time, Fern Gully, The Last Rainforest. I like how that's a tier. Was All Dogs

A T-O to you. It's Disney, then everything else. It was. Was All Dogs Disney or what? All Dogs Go to Heaven is Disney? I don't think so. That shit's important. Yeah, I don't think All Dogs. I believe it was DMS. All Dogs ain't Disney either. No, I don't think it was. Yeah, exactly. And Brave Little Toaster. Right.

Oh, that's a great example. Second tier. But these were like indie cartoons, not at all. They were major studios. Indie comedy. But they would really bring the thunder, man. Those are great films. If you have time, check out Oliver and Company. Oh, God. If you need some thunder. Dude, they obviously, they're listening to this podcast. They have all the time in the world. Yeah.

They are listening. Turn us off. They're wasting so much time. I will say, I do have a question for people. What's up with the Brave Little Toaster? You can't find it anywhere. It's not streaming anywhere. It's problematic. They have all of these knockoff Brave Little Toaster things I never heard about that came out years later, like TV shows and

sequels and sequels and stuff. But the original Brave Little Toaster is nowhere to be found. Last I checked, I checked probably once every six months. I've never heard of this Brave Little Toaster. You've never heard of the Brave Little Toaster? You've never heard of the Brave Little Toaster? Wait, really? You know what? It's because Ders is the oldest guy that we know. He's a different generation. Right. Like, I know about Flight of the Navigator and you guys don't. Yeah, I don't know who that is. That's true. That's the cusp. It's straight off.

There's a secret a nim boy? Yes. It is cool that you are just barely older than us. You're like a year and a half older than us. Two and a half, right? Is that right? Two and a half? I think two and a half, yeah. Okay, two and a half. That's a lifetime. When you guys were sophomores, I would have been a senior. It's a toddler's lifetime. That's a toddler's lifetime. Thank you. Yes. Thank you, Kyle. Kyle, can you move that light, homie? You're fucking blinding me. Yeah, you're bugging me. No, I know. I'm doing it. I'm doing artistic shit over here. Okay, that's cool. I hate it. Sorry, I didn't know. Yeah, I didn't like it.

it. I don't like it. Yeah, it's okay. That's a critique. Okay. It is. Sure, sure. How about this, shiny boy? Can I just close out this hot, hot, hot indie animated talk real quick? Adam, I want to circle back. Okay, so the greatest non-Disney cartoon

would have to be undoubtedly the Iron Giant, correct? Am I correct? I was going to bring that up. I like the Iron Giant. I like Brave Little Toaster more. And if I'm being real, the first Land Before Time, that's some real shit. Very good. Hits. You're a jerker. Yeah, it fucking runs. The mom dies. Littlefoot. Oh, my God.

That's a sad flick. I think Iron Giant was a little scarier than the Brave Will Toaster for me. Yeah, the opening is fucking still gets me shook. But guys, who is the voice of the Iron Giant? That might be the most important part. Vin Diesel!

Vin Diesel, bro. Vin Diesel is the Iron Giant. What? Vin Diesel voices everything that matters. Are we being real? Yes. Why? How? Vin Diesel wasn't even famous. He was a voice actor before he became Vin Diesel. The Vin is short as an acronym for voices in...

no time at all yeah that was just comes up with the voices in no time at all it's crazy and then they were like maybe diesel at the end he goes that's tight well was it the iron did the iron giant didn't have many lines in that movie that's also the thing right it didn't speak it was more grunts he only says like seven what year did the iron giant come out 97 that's a

That's a great question. We're going to need the producers. Oh, we got 99 quick on the draw from our producers. Wow, that's actually later than I thought. That's way... I mean, this is why I didn't really fuck with the Iron Giant as much as... I didn't either. What? I mean, dude, I was in ninth grade. I wasn't watching...

It's not a little kid movie. It's an excellent film. That's what I said. It's scarier than the Brave Little Toaster because it's more adult. It is a film geared for children. Yes. And adults can also watch it. Yeah, because Harry Connick Jr. is the other voice, bro. Oh,

yeah baby let's go that shit's cool that's cool as a fucking cucumber right there baby miss rebecca that must have been like right when they started like having celebrities do voices because before that it was just voice actors for the most part yes yes by and large obviously robin williams snapped off and ally don right thank you yes yeah and um and tom hanks and uh

Toy Story? Toy Story. I'm going to say Toy Story after Iron Giant. I'm going to say Toy Story was just before. I think it's pre-Iron Giant. They were doing Pixar movies before Iron Giant came out? Yeah, dude. That was a throwback. That's probably why you watched it because it was more of a throwback cartoon animation style. That's why you watched it when you were in ninth grade. Homie,

I thought we're talking about your favorite decade here and you don't know shit about it. Yeah. Take it. Okay, let's go. And by the way, you're saying that's the best non-Disney. You're talking about animated. Disney and Pixnar. Because all these Pixar movies were coming out. No one jumped on them, dude. What the hell? Pixnar. I jump on myself. I eight mile it. I rabbit it. Pixar is Disney, isn't it? Now, but it wasn't before. It was Steve Jobs. Yeah.

Yes. Yes, man. Do you even work in the business? Dude, I didn't even realize that. Pixar just got bought by Disney like in the last 10 years. Yes. But I thought there were hella Disney references in Toy Story. Like what? Yeah, what are the Disney references in Toy Story? Buzz Lightyear and Woody. No, those are Pixar properties. Toy Story came out in 1995. Toy Story is 95, yeah. Toy Story is 95? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like... Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

pissed now. What is that on your face? Blake, what is that on your face right now? That's probably the largest omelet yolk you'll see all day. Holy smokes. That's a fucking yolk scramble right there. I just got bodied. All the Pixar movies were up to snuff, if not as good as Snow White. Okay, is that your bar? No, but what is the best Disney of that era before

Oh, God. Pre-Pixar. Like, old, old. Fox and the Hound. Well, I mean, old, old up until 2000, let's say. Robin Hood. Oh, okay. Well, then Aladdin, for sure. Aladdin's great. Over Beauty and the Beast? Over Robin Hood? For me, for me, I loved Aladdin. Tales of Old Time? Robin Hood is so sick. Robin Hood does not make sense. It's like, what happened? Huh?

Robin Hood is in the time when you would have voice actors doing voice actors, and there was a very famous voice actor named Pat Buttram. Pat Buttram. He has a star on Hollywood. He does. His name is Pat Buttram? Yes. His name is Pat Buttram. How do you spell that? B-U-T-T-R-A-M. Just how you say it. You don't spell it. You do it.

I wonder if they thought twice about giving him the star. Like if they were like on Coenga in Hollywood, you can go see Pat butt rams. I seen it. I wonder if they, when they were giving it to him, they were like, I

I don't know. Kids are going to vandalize this literally every day. Or they're going to fuck it. Or they're going to buff it. They're going to buff it and keep it pristine. Pat's put in so much work. We love the guy. And we told him when he got in the biz. He was two movies in. He had established himself as Mr. Buttram. But we said, Pat, I think...

I think you can still change it, bud. I think you can still change it and nobody's going to notice. I mean, you know they drilled a little hole in it so people can ram. No. Oh, wow. Yeah, you know it. I mean, we're talking Hollywood right now, dude. The place is a cesspool. We're talking the streets of Hollywood. Yeah, I'm going to bang Pat Buttram Star. Do you think it's pronounced Buttrum or something like that? I've never heard it said except by my friends. Pat Buttrum? Buttrum. That's a good question. Maybe it is Bertram.

Yeah, Pat Buttram. Buttram. But you know, I mean, middle school was the worst time of that guy's life. It's like, it's actually Buttram. And everyone's like, no, it isn't. No, it's not. Wait, have you guys heard of Lorenzo Music? No, only Llamas. What's this? No. Lorenzo's Oil. He's also a voice actor who sounds exactly like Bill Murray. And he did the voice on Ghostbusters as a cartoon. Right.

But he's done a bunch of stuff. Okay. Because we've talked about the best Bill Murray impersonation, but we won't go down that road. Did we ever say who it was? Yes, we did. We did. We talked about Mr. Evan Stone. Evan Stone. Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. But wait. Wait. And so his name is Lorenzo Music, and that's what he goes by?

I got all my old tapes and DVDs that the kids came from. By the way, Durs, I just watched Afterlife. No, this is not an animated series. Please reread. I can't see it really. Oh, it says Hustler. It says Hustler at the top. It's covered by some shit. Yeah, the sticker was covering it. Yeah, I believe I got that for Durs' birthday. The Ghostbusters gifts do not stop. By the way, Muncher's in this. It's just a different Muncher.

Monterey. Yes, points. Oh, very good. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. No, he's that guy. I watched Afterlife yesterday on the plane. It's fucking great, dude. Isn't it? Loved it. Yeah. What was it? Afterlife. Ghostbusters Afterlife. Oh, you saw it. Oh, cool. Yeah, I finally saw it. I ain't seen it. I gotta watch it.

yeah it's got a wreck from divine i think that's a wreck from every one of you guys yeah it's really fun i've never seen it blake's never seen it he won't okay boy he refuses but i love cool but i've seen munchers funko and i'm in brother well you you you got podcast the character i'm like uh the funko and and i loved him sweet podcast uh so funny adam the end

What? Don't spoil. What the fuck? Yeah. Great. Did it connect? It did. I was like, fantastic. A little, a little bumpy. So in some parts, of course there, but like heavy. Oh,

Oh, that's great. So it's good all the way to the end. Very nice. Very nice. They gave everyone their moments. It was fantastic. Did you see the secret scene at the end? Because I hadn't seen that in the theaters. We left. And then there's an after credits scene. Yes. Yes, I did. Great. They're teeing it up, baby. Yeah, man. Okay, great. They're teeing it up. Okay, Muncher. Muncher will be back. Adam's smiling like he's already in the sequel.

Yeah, man. Are you Muncher? I'm Muncher. No, I wish. That'd be so tight. The voice of Muncher? God damn. A little baby Muncher? Dude, so the reason we started late, and I apologize, guys, but I went and got my truck this morning. Already, cardinals are shitting all over my door and scratching my windows. It's already happening. But on top of it, I had to swing by my storage center where I put everything.

uh, all my shit. Nice. Maybe 25,000 rat shits on everything. Eight through eight through everything. I no longer have a Peloton bike. It ate it. Cause they ate the wires. They fucking ate all of the wires. Dude. That's the thing. That's a thing. I have to fully get new everything. They ate the tires of my bicycle.

What? I would have done that, actually, though. Yeah, true. I heard, because I had some rats come. I used to park all my cars outside before I had a garage. Nice. And rats would come up and eat the wires in the Teslas. Hey, now they're my friends. Now we're buds. Yeah.

It's science. I wish he said that. I've trained them. Five rats crawled over Kyle's shoulders. And now they're right in the other room. Come on in, guys. Water trash. Boys, bring me another kombucha. Yeah, he's kissing them. Hey, buddy. But they like the casings that they put on the wires. Right. It smells like fucking cheese, I guess, to them, you know? Cheese.

By the way, they'll chew your brake lines too, pal. Oh, that's so scary. That is so scary. Yeah, so it fucking sucks. So I was dealing with that. I thought I could just grab the shit and go. And then it was like, come on, Adam. You know you're going to have some hiccups. Hold up. So wait, they're going to cover all this shit, right? Are we naming the establishment? Yeah, is it Hurts? Oh, it's like Life Storage or some shit. Oh, you got to go Public Storage. Oh!

I mean, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. They got to cover it. They're going to cover it, right? Yeah, you have insurance on stuff like that. That's why insurance exists, right? Yeah, so we'll figure it out. Get that new Peloton, upgrade that shit. With the swingable fucking screen, bro. Shit, this dude's going to be swinging. Swing into yoga. It was the new Peloton, but... Oh, shit. Replace the dope one.

You're going from dump to dump. It was, but you know. You were already swinging. Yeah, so it just fucking sucks. So like, and we had like all the kinds of like food and shit that we were. What food were you saving? I had hella food in there. What?

Well, there was a sleeping bag rolled out. No, like rice and just different stuff. Just different shit that I had left over from when I shot the movie in Atlanta. Hold up. I love this. You have the fancy Peloton, but you're going to not re-up on the rice six months later. Well, I had all the shit. Stuff that wouldn't go bad. And I figured, well, just put it in a box, put it in the storage room.

They ate right through. The boxes weren't even there. You know what you do, though? You sprinkle the rice out so the birds eat it. Yeah, that's true. That's true because it gets bigger in their bellies. It's like a fucking alka-seltzer. You could have two birds, one stoneed it.

I feel like if I put it back, I'm going to put like 25,000 rat traps in it. That's cool. Oh my God. It's a rat massacre when I open it. I can't even imagine the smell. You open it and just vomit upon... I'm sorry to hear all this. Oh yeah. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, so I was covered in rat shit when I was texting to please push 30 minutes. I was like, I can't. Damn, you should have just zoomed in live from the phone. That's good radio, baby. I wouldn't give a care. Now that's good radio.

That's interesting radio. No, that's interesting radio. Weird, wild stuff. What other food did you have there? Twix. Like a giant wheel of cheese? Yeah, a ton of cheese. Yeah, hella Twix and like Snickers and stuff. Lowry's. A Twix. I did have Lowry's. I did. It was a lot of like spices that I put on my chicken and shit. Yeah, chicken spices. Barbecue sauce. Yo, your storage locker was a rat nightclub. It was going off. Dude.

It really was. There was that German spot. You want bike tires? We got them. If you said that no other storage facility in the area had any rat problems, I'd believe it because there was so much shit. There was so much shit. You couldn't see the stuff. It was covered in rat shit.

Was this an indoor unit or did the door open to the outside? It opened to the outside. Or was it in a forest? It opened to the outside. I should have known. I did not. It was a time capsule that Adam buried in the dirt. Just outside.

Buried it in the backyard. I buried it six months ago. Found my treasure. That fucking thing sucks. They have the indoor units where you go into a warehouse and the ceilings are wide open. I know. You can climb from one to the other. Two weeks ago, I was doing... I'm just kidding. But yes, it's very strange. Why? Well, because probably if you are climbing the wall, you can't pulley things over the wall. I could. I could.

Dude, you've seen Mission Impossible. You can at least go through people's shit. You could read files about people. You could take bricks of cash. That's true. Well, I think I'm going to do that because I want to buy a freaking Vroom Vroom, baby. I want to get a little golf cart this year. What are you going to do? I thought you were talking about a vacuum. I'm going to buy a golf cart this year instead of renting one. Okay.

Because it's like $1,000 a month to rent, and I'm here for seven months. You could buy a golf cart, essentially, for that. You could buy a pretty decent one. They're only $27,000. You could probably get it down to Ozarks for cheap, too, huh? Weren't they using golf carts down at the Ozarks at your parents' house?

Oh, yeah. Oh, and then just drive it up? That's a movie. We're not close, Kyle. The Ozarks is in the dead center of the country, and I'm currently on the East Coast. No, I was just pitching. I'm like, where is Adam going to keep his golf cart? I'm worrying about where you're going to store it. I don't want the rats to eat the tires of your new golf cart. I know. You just buy it, and then you sell it, and then you buy another one.

I'm just looking out for you, homie. You know what I mean? Kyle, honestly. Just thinking. Dude, I really, really, really, really appreciate that. You keep the rice. You resell the golf cart. Yeah, man. Have you been listening?

Right. I'm eating everything this time. Nothing's going to be stored. What are you making with all this rice, by the way? Chicken. Like, how big is this bag of rice? Aren't you making chicken? Well, it was Chloe's rice, and she likes rice. She eats rice all day long. She's constantly eating rice. Dude, I fucking love rice. One at a time. Wait, do you guys have rice cookers? No, it's like minute rice. Oh, invest. It's pretty doo-doo. Yeah, rice cookers are off the charts, but I did learn how to make rice good. The charts of...

Of taste. Kitchen of taste. Taste charts. Specifically rice taste. Okay. They're off the charts of rice taste. Yeah, because it's sticky. They make them sticky rice, and that's kind of good. There's a really – like one of the best investments I ever did was cash out on a really nice rice cooker. It's this company from Japan. Wait. Ninja. You call that an investment? Is cashing out on a rice cooker? He cashed out on it. Yeah, he cashed out on it.

That is a wild phrase. We got to do more podcasts. We need for this guy to be able to just get a rice cooker. Well, I got to talk to you guys about another thing. But first, I want to shout out Zoshi Rushi. It's like the Japanese rice cooker. It's a fucking game changer, dude. Well, how much are we talking if you have to cash out for this? What are we talking about? It's like a $500 product that cooks rice. For a rice cooker? That seems like a little bit a lot.

You've been had. It also will steam vegetables. I don't care about products, tech, all that stuff. This shit makes rice...

So good. It's insane. And what are you making with rice? This guy doesn't care about tech, but it makes the rice so good. I'm just asking. I'm just asking. What are you doing? What are you putting on the rice? Is this for like curry? Is this for just like... Yeah, broccoli. You know, you lay a little chicken on top of the rice. Everything that goes with it. That's what I thought. I immediately thought chicken. If I wanted to get into some sushi, I could do it. Name five dishes you're making with this rice cooker.

All I need is one rice and broccoli. All I need is one rice. That's it. Rice is good, though, because you can pour, you can mix it. You can put shit on there. You can put, it's just a base, bro. Teriyaki. Yeah, dog. Some beef jerky. I'm just asking. You could throw beef jerky in rice, I bet you. Dude, you could. A little sriracha. You know what I mean? Yeah, sriracha for days. A little sriracha, put an egg. You know I'm a sriracha boy. You can put an egg. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just butter, too. Butter on rice is also dope. It's fresh. Ugh. Ew.

Fucking good. Fucking yuck. You don't do that? That's white shit right there. Okay. Okay.

Right.

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Hey, guys. We here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And, of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

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The other thing I wanted to piggyback, as you guys know, I'm an overdraft boy. Oh, my God, dude. What is up? What's up, buddy? Let's do more podcasts, buddy. I would like to announce that yesterday I ran out of gas. Whoa. Fuck it. Has this ever happened to you before? First time in my life. Nice. Ran out of gas.

Huh. That's the first time. Okay. Yeah. First time in my life. Alone? Yep. By myself. Okay. That's good. As long as you weren't like with kids or anybody else. That would have been, that's why I'm here to joke about it. Wait here. Wait, I think I saw you driving the other day, Blake. I didn't even tell you. It wasn't the same day, right? I saw you driving. You were getting off the freeway. I was like, there he is in the green Jeep. Were you in the green Jeep? No, I was in the old crusty busty. Oh, word. Cause I kind of only take that to like go for jogs.

So it's really like short trips. But I was riding the red line because I'm not trying to get that fucking $10. This is how bad Blake is with money that he kept a Jeep to only use when he goes for runs. That's my golf cart, dude. Right?

Right. It kind of is your golf cart. Instead of selling it and having $20,000 so you could buy multiple rice cookers and not overdraft your... Oh, it's not worth that much. Dude, that Jeep means a lot to me. I love that Jeep. And I stripped it down. It's kind of like a little hoopty pickup truck at this point. But man... It's dope. I fully endorse what you're doing with the Jeep. Of course, you have fucking seven cars. Shut the fuck up, bitch.

Yeah, you have a junkyard at your house. Well, yeah, I'm supporting you. Fuck you. Yeah, exactly. So wait, tell the tale. Tell the story. And I'm like, wow.

I love you, Kyle. I love you. Oh, bro. Right back at you, homeboy. Well, I admit, I still have my car. We all got brand new cars, season one of Workaholics. Right. When we first could afford new cars, we all went and- When we got greenlit for writing season two. For season two, yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I got the Camaro Supersport. Mm-hmm.

Ders got a sick Volvo. Blake got a Jeep wrapped in an American flag with American bald eagle on the front. Yeah. Kyle got the Charger, right? I had the Challenger. Challenger. Yeah. The Challenger was before the Jeep Commander? No, I had the Commander, but I got that before we started shooting season one. Oh.

I went in, but that wasn't, that wasn't new. That was a pre-owned. You already started scheming and renting cameras to us for sure. Bet on yourself. Oh bro, for life. But that was a, that was a very fun day because we all showed up to work and we were like, we were like, come look at our new cars. And we spent half the day just checking each other's cars out. I remember what went down though. At,

my, my wife had gone out of town and I was like, I'm gonna go buy a fucking car. So I went about a car and I think I sent you guys a picture like, oops. And Adam was like, wait, we can buy cars. Yeah.

And then you went and bought a car. I think Blake went to go look at one but didn't find one. And then Adam just swooped in and bought one. And then Blake got one the next day. And we all rolled up. And they couldn't have been more like, oh, well, that's Adam's car. That's Blake's car. And that's Honor's car. Yeah, for sure. It very much was, obviously. Because Adam glanced over it just a little bit or breezed past it. But my Jeep truly was...

an american flag with a bald eagle oh that's right adam saw yours right yeah did you see his at the dealership adam i i can't remember that exactly did i blake no blake didn't you get that up in the bay i don't think i did i did i got it in concord yeah got out the mud oh this is what it was blake was walking out the door about to have bought another one and then saw it and the guy was like crazy right and you were like yeah let's switch i'll take that one

I said, what the hell is that? I remember you called me, Blake. Should I?

Yes. People, I think, could have thought that I would buy the American Eagle, American Bald Eagle. You get what I'm trying to say. The American flag. But they wouldn't have thought Blake bought the Marrow. Yeah. And dude, they were fucking sick whips. And Adam, you still have your Camaro. Blake still has his. I still have it. I do understand the love of that first car, the first nice car that we bought.

had our own money and we went and bought it and it wasn't like a hand-me-down or like a shitty hoopty that we... It was ours. Well, what was wild about when I... Because that American flag Jeep, it was perched outside the dealership full display. And when I went in and I switched up and I'm like, I want to buy that one, the dealership was kind of like... He's like, wait, you're serious? Well, yes. And then they're like, well, if you are serious, here's the deal. So it was like this Jeep...

Harrison Ford was the face of it, and they were driving it cross-country of the United States to raise awareness or money for veterans and all that shit. Say it with a little bit more dignity. You're like, I don't know, soldier stuff?

Wait, Harrison Ford drove your Jeep or cross country? Not my exact Jeep, but they're like the reason these are out front. And not this country and not Harrison Ford. It was Canada. It was Pat Buttram in Canada. Don't worry about it.

But basically they're like, because they recognize me. And this is when workaholics were just looney tunes. And they're like, hey, you can't buy this and just be a fucking disrespectful asshole driving a party. Wait, did they recognize you? Had we aired? Or I guess one episode had aired. Yeah, no. It had just come out. After the Trump run. Well, no, because we got greenlit to write before we aired even, right? For season two. Well, it was while we were writing season two that we did all this.

it wasn't like right right away whenever i got mine they knew because we integrated because we integrated your your montez's car the american flag car is in season two which was right inspired by blake's whip right yeah true right so basically the rundown they gave me is like look i can sell you this jeep but like don't do some fucking like weird anti-usa shit or whatever and i'm like no dude how how could you even do that

Like, put a drive with a giant thumbs down over the top of it. I don't know. But that wasn't my intention at all. Well, Blake, I think Ders is right. I don't think we were, the show had come out yet at that time. He definitely knew who I was. I mean, it is my hometown. Then he saw the, we had aired one episode after the Trump roast. He might have seen that. Yes.

Yes. That's the only way because the Trump roast was probably huge. Crazy. The Trump roast. I forgot about that. If you guys remember the night that I got my Camaro, I had a show in Orange County and I featured for, uh, Tom Segura and his, uh,

wife, Christina. Nice. Christina P. At some bar with like 40 people in the bar. And I drove down and the car in front of me hit a piece of plywood and it flew up and I drove right into it and smacked

fucked up my car day one. Right. Day one. I remember being there at that bar show and just kind of salty that my car was ruined and then I drove like an hour and a half to perform in front of 40 people and I'm like, God damn, I can't wait until the show comes out and actually I can perform in front of people. Just a super angry set. And correct me if I'm wrong, you

didn't stop to check if there was any like serious damage like no I did not stop I I just I gotta make it I don't want to piss Tom's girl off right yeah well honestly I was like I have to make this show and it was it happened like 20 minutes into the drive of like an hour and a half long drive and I'm like oh fuck it yeah that sucks picking up my wife at the airport in a new car was hilarious oh that's great she was like weird pissed first

No, she was like, I don't get it. And I'm like, this is the car I drive now. She was like, huh? But that's how it goes. Whenever she leaves town, I'll pick up a new TV. That's cool. Sneaky big purchases.

Percocets. Percocets. Sneaky Percocets. I don't want to have to run it by her. Nice, dude. You never do, dude. Was she cool about that? Yeah, she doesn't care. I feel like Chloe might be a little salty if I just go buy a car.

I feel like I will have to. There's a little bit of like, oh, you're buying a car. But at the end of the day, she's like, what am I going to do? Or like, I'm going to get a TV. She's like, well, do we need? She asks the questions that make sense, right? Yes. You don't understand. It's 120p or whatever the fuck it is, and we need it. This is the way. Yeah, you're splurging.

You got to go do it. You don't want to have the convo. Dude, when I bought the Challenger, it was off the showroom floor. Yeah. Got a showroom floor one here. Oh, my God. Yeah. That was the first brand new car I had purchased. And you know what? I remember I was contemplating it and they were like, you know, we've had another offer on this car.

And I was like, who's that? And they're like, well, Soulja Boy. And I was like, whoa. Okay. I like how you ask, I like how you ask, who's that? And they're like, his name's Jeff. He lives in Valencia. It's DeAndre? I don't know. Yeah. No, well, you know how they do it where they're like, well, somebody else came in and looked at the car. Oh.

Because we had workaholics. Let's just say he had his name across his sunglasses. Soldier Boy, tell them. And at that point, they knew workaholics. They knew that. That was later. That was like season four. So Soldier Boy, who's famously first for a lot of things, was actually second behind Kyle for buying the Challenger.

Kyle, you are the first person to beat Soulja Boy to the punch. Kyle is my Soulja Boy. He really is. It really stirred up like I was on the phone trying to make the transaction happen as soon as possible because I wanted the car after that, like really bad. By the way, they're like, this guy might not want the car. We'll call him and tell him.

I don't know, Soulja Boy wants to buy it. Who do you think Soulja Boy wants to buy it? I don't know. Harrison Ford worked on his friend. I don't know, maybe just from looking at him, I'm thinking Soulja Boy. These guys are dumb. We go into the dealership, we're like, I'm not buying shit. They're going to have to convince me. Yo, Harrison Ford and Soulja Boy. I'm in. They told me Diane Keaton owned my...

was also looking at my Camaro Supersport. Really? Yeah, fuck. I got to get it. Yeah, that seems like a dying key move. They were like, so Anders, your car was built in Sweden and I immediately just drove it through the window and out the door throwing money behind me. I got to go. Good times. Have you guys ever ran out of gas? Ever? One time. Oh, yes. One time. I did it on the way to a birthday dinner or something.

and i so i i ran out i had to like run and like go fill up like a buy a thing to fill up with gas like then like go back and then when i showed up everyone's like yo i was late and i'm all sweaty and they're like dude you smell like fucking gas and i go i fucking ran out of gas on the way here and they just fucking oh yeah i smelled me i smelled like gas all day uh uh

I did it a lot, but like high school. I did it a lot. It was probably like four or five times. But in high school, because I would put like $11 in my tank. You know, like I didn't have any money to fill my tank up. So it was a lot of like, okay, I got $7.50. I'm putting it in my tank. That should last me a little while. And then it doesn't. Yeah. I'm the same. In high school, it happened the most. There was like a big parking lot, grocery store parking lot by my house. And if I could like a few times, I just made it there.

And just parked it in the lot and then walked home and got gas. Yes, that also happened to me where I would just pull over on the side of the road and leave my car there for a few days. That's so wild. Yeah, it was kind of like, well, I got no gas. I'm going to walk or ride my bike. It happened once while we were shooting Workaholics in the Camaro.

on the side of the freeway because I like thought I had filled it up the night before and then was running late for work and was just hauling ass to work and was like and was like oh fuck me yeah by the way having never experienced it that shit would have been scary as fuck if that happened on the freeway can we zoom in on his eyes look at that he's tearing up laughing

This is the way. Yeah, I guess it could be scary. Blake does get scared. My dad, I would have had this. Speaking of scary, me and Blake were at a wedding this weekend. Very fun wedding. Blake told my parents, we're all sitting there before dinner, and Blake goes, uh,

We're talking about how long it's been since we've seen some of these people because a lot of them lived in Orange County like 18 years ago. And Blake looked at my parents and goes, yeah, Adam and Austin's apartment. That was a really scary time. And I'm like, what? And he goes, it was scary over there, dude. I was like really scared every time I went over. And I'm like, why is it scary? And he goes, you lived in that scary alleyway. And I go, no, I didn't.

I lived in an apartment building. It wasn't scary. And he goes, yeah. And you guys got really deep into drugs. He's told my parents this. I was eating dinner and I'm like, your dad's like, that's my guy. And my mom is like half cocked. And she's going, what? Adam, no. And I'm like, what does half cocked mean? Just, just drunk as shit. Just slurry and drunk. And she goes, what? No, not blackout. And,

And not quite blackout. Get in there. She's half cocked. And then I go, first of all, I never was like a huge drug guy. And I'm like, what are you talking about? We did like a ton of drugs. And he was like, dude, I don't know. Every time I went over there, you guys were doing all kinds of scary drugs. And I'm like, Blake, what are you talking about? And he goes, why? And he goes, whip it.

Yeah. And that's the drug. That was the scary drug. And by the way, I think we did whippets one time. I think I did whippets with you at that apartment. Yeah, I think so. I think it was like one time we did whippets. So Blake was losing his best childhood friend. I wasn't doing whippets every fucking day and just losing all my brain cells. It was the first time I had ever visited your guy's place and you guys were doing whippets. I also did whippets. But...

What the fuck? And then Blake is ratting on me, telling my parents at a wedding, which should... It's 20 years, man. You can't get busted. And he goes, you were... They're going to ground him. It was so scary, dude. It was so scary at Adam's apartment. It was really... Wait, are these whippets like the canisters or like through the whipped cream? No, canisters. No, with the cracker and everything. Like the ditches. So, I mean, like when people do that and you see it for the first time, it is a little bit like...

Why are all these contraptions? And then you watch somebody do it and they're just fully toast or fully gone for 30 seconds. Their brains go out of their fucking skull. Absolutely. And it wasn't a thing. And Blake had been... That was maybe the first time he went over there, but he went over there a dozen times after that.

knows that it wasn't a particularly scary apartment dude i just remember that was where the big boys play but he was just he was just on a on a good one dude that's so wild that that's your memory of adam and austin's place is their old place their first place yeah i remember we went in the first place that was directly across from kyle's apartment yeah we were right across the street and he goes you guys lived in that scary alleyway and i'm like no we didn't

It was directly across from OCC, like at Very Nice College. And right across from Kyle. I ain't scared of you motherfuckers. By the way, if your apartment's not scary in your 20s, or late teens, early 20s, you're not really doing it right. Admittedly, we partied a lot there. It was very fun. It's got to be a little scary, right?

Well, there was cockroaches everywhere. Tapestries on the wall. Yeah, I think back to my... The same apartment, and I think we had... We had gotten all of Teddy's dad's pornos, and we had put up all the pornos. It was the wild, wild west. We had lined the bedroom with just full porno mags. Noise. Oh, yeah, and

Girls loved coming over there. It wasn't a scary place for them. Dude, I lived with my girlfriend at that time, and I had pornos everywhere. Meanwhile, Blake is like, I feel at home here. This is not scary. That's a porno, man. In my college apartment, I bought four Anna Kournikova posters, and that was our living room. Right. Whitest woman of all time. Just so, well, she could put it down, though. Uh...

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Whippets were par for the course if you were 18, 19, 20, harder to get alcohol. You could go to a porno shop and get whippets. You could go to a porno shop? Yeah, that's where I would get them. Yeah, that's where we could get them. You get a box of the fucking canisters. Why? Because there was some trend amongst a sexual community. Oh, because when you jizz, you want to be doing that, right? When you come, you take the whippet hit.

And it's like, Hey, and it took us about 40 minutes, but we finally mentioned jizz. Congratulations. What are the, uh, what's the thing you like sniff that makes your butthole open up? What's up, bro? Oh, uh,

poppers. Poppers. Yeah. I feel like they was right next to the poppers. Oh, sure. Like similar poppers. Right. Those were the two things you could buy at a sex shop. That was this porno shop. You don't know poppers. I know what they are. I didn't know they were available in the grab bag at the fucking checkout. Yeah. I also, I also didn't know this. This is, this is behind the counter counter behind the counter. Yeah. You only had to be 18. You could get, I had a cracker. It was like a gold cracker that I twisted that look,

It looked like a bike peg. I like that my very normal apartment scared Blake enough that 20 years later he had to tell my parents that. But meanwhile, he's hanging out in porno shops. I like that it's a wedding and everybody's there having a good time and he's...

This was a casual wedding. Come on, it's Zach and Chels. They're like great people. They're funny. You can be yourself. It was a lot of fun, man. It was fun. But there's no reason to dip into like this dark, scary. It wasn't that scary. Come on, the divines aren't scared or nothing. Dude, the next day my mom talked to me about it. She was like, how bad was it? And I'm like, it was fine. I don't know why. Write down the apologies.

I'm like, it was a perfectly fine apartment. She goes, my mom was like, well, we wouldn't have been helping you out so much financially if we would have known that it was so bad. And that's when you grab your mom's arm and you say, yes, you will. And I go, and I go, I go, bitch.

I think it worked out for you. That's what I said to her. Now she knows. You said, give me that watch off your wrist. Yeah. I'm sorry, mama. Who's the mommy now? Well, that's what I said. Who's the mommy now? You know, I am sorry. I will apologize later. But I will say. We're getting close. You can start. Yeah.

It was really, really good to see your dad, man. He looks great. He sounds great. Your dad, man. And Dennis D. Dennis D. Healthy, healthy again. Yeah, man. Healthy D. Let's call him Healthy D. He's got a real healthy D. Healthy D and the boys. It was good. What was hilarious, though, is they did exactly what they always do. My parents, what my parents always do is they came in night one and were super

fucking drunk. That shit's important. They were just like wasted night one that the next day was the wedding that they were too hung over to have a great time at the wedding. They were having fun but you could tell there were leaving some in the tank and I'm like oh yeah this is where I get it from. This is such a divine move of like night one you burn so bright that the next night you're like I'm still gonna send it. By the way you say...

Blake, what the fuck? Like you're blowing up my spot. But at the same time, sounds like your parents. You could just be like, mom.

you barely got out of bed today for the wedding so yeah this is the way you know yeah come on man i thought i was in a safe space dude at your wedding adam like three of your family members didn't make it to the ceremony that is true that's that's that is legends mate legend but uh very very fun mvp uh very very fun wedding

Yeah, it was. Where was it? Newport, man. It's so cool. I love it out there. Congrats to the newlyweds out there in the air. Special shout out to Big Pete's. I love it. I love marriage. I love that they're married.

Welcome to the club. Welcome to the club. Here you go. It was a true throwdown. It's a tough road, but it's worth it. Every day's a test. Shout it out. It never ends. I'll tell you what. You might think you're going to get to a finish line around 10 years. You're not. It's just going to keep going. Sentence to life. It's like an onion. Always another layer on the inside. Sentence to death. More like it. No, sentence to wife.

Oh, why? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's cool. Zach works at the frog shop in Newport beach, which is like a, an old surf shop. Very cool. Very well known. Uh,

And all of the guys that worked there streaked around. So it was really cool about like 30 minutes into dancing, there was just like a ton of like surfer guys, nutsacks just flopping about. Oh, like full blown. I'm living in a nightmare. Oh, yeah, dude. Some like old dudes too. Like the owner, TK, was like balls out and he's like 65 years old or whatever. He's like a 16-year-old man. Yeah, it was really tight. He's the one who kicked off the nudity at your master party, correct?

Zach? Zach, yeah. Yeah, that might be right. I feel like Zach's starting to get real naked in his old age. Yeah. Pizza, pizza. So that's just part of the culture down there in Newport? Yeah, I think so. Well, yeah, even when we got Workaholics, he was doing the Mangina, driving by in the Jeep and stuff. Mangina's the entry level before you just start letting your dick show. It's the gateway. Yeah.

I like it. I like dicks out. You know, it's fun. It's comforting. Just get you and all your buddies together. You all just have your dicks out. Right. It is cool. You're not leaving anything. No.

No, I have always wondered how much human society would change if men just had to expose their penises. Like, I feel like so... It'd be way worse, I can tell you. It seems like the ones that are getting exposed, it's a problem. Wait, you're not saying all the time?

the time i'm saying just like we know what each other's dick sizes are we don't have to do things to make it seem like they're bigger we don't have to like you're talking about like internally as the male uh yes sex always my man we're going deep dive in the psychology of of males i feel like so much of what's wrong with society is the fact that we're trying to keep it a secret what our dicks

But once you just know, you're past that part. Just know. Once you know everyone else's? Yeah, once we all know. All of our dicks are fine. I've seen all your guys' dicks. Your dick's fine. You're fine. It's a perfectly fine dick. Yes. Let's not be scared about it. I'm in.

You guys only saw my first one. If that's where this is going, like a utopian society where nobody cares about what size your penis is. Unless your dick is like wildly small, then you can wear shorts. This is what I want. I want to be largely large and you ruin everyone's day. Actually, I take it back. You'd probably just be like a round of applause. I think I told you guys early on the podcast when I saw...

the biggest penis i've ever seen in the locker room and i was just like i wanted to be like all right give me your day-to-day wake up to sleep what's the difference how does that affect your life okay okay wait wait wait wait wait all right so you don't have to show your dick while you're alive but as soon as you die your dick size is revealed

Just so we know, like, so if, like, a murderer dies, we see what his dick looks like. The most evilest guy in the world dies. Let's see what his dick was. And is there a correlation with mean people, small dicks, big dicks? I just want to know if that means anything. Murderers are pointy. Intelligence. Intelligence. Yep. I mean, imagine if you find out that, like, he was a serial killer. He killed, like, a ton of people. He was super evil. But then also had, like...

a solid like thick not huge but like beautiful some change and like a good one pretty girthy and you're like well that's like kind of the the perfect dick right there yes but i i think we would find more often than than not that the the dicks were are are strange right yeah they they for sure strange i mean yes kyle's like so you're telling me i'm gonna murder somebody

Yeah. What's strange? What do you mean? I do actually think that the more intelligent you are, your IQ level, I think the smaller dick you have. I do believe that. That's not fair, Kyle. Kyle thinks he's a genius. Well, no, I just think that most of the people back in the day, and I'm taking this from like sculpture and history and stuff, but most of the people back in the day whose minds were willing to be like put on a pedestal who were out like, you know,

Movers and shakers. Well said. They had the small wieners. But again, name one sculpture that you're talking about. Michelangelo. Yeah, very small dick. Very small dick. No, he just had long pubes.

Okay, I like that. So be it. That's one area. This is a hypothesis. This is not God's honest truth. It's a hypothesis. Also, Michelangelo, if that was a real sculpture, which I don't think he posed butt ass naked, the guy was shredded. Talking about the turtle, right?

Isn't that David? Well, yeah, but that's not Michelangelo. It's David. It's David. It's David. It's Michelangelo. But also, wouldn't it be nice? No, it's Michelangelo's David. Wouldn't it be nice to have all this data? So David might have been an idiot. He was just a fucking... Wouldn't it be nice to have all this data? Also, I'm saying when I walk around museums, nobody got a hog.

We talked about this. I know, but that's also what the fuck does that mean? It's because dicks have gotten larger, dude. It's all the processed meats we're eating. I'm pissed now. The processed meats. All right. Processed the meats. It's all the processed meats, dude. It might be why your dick is like. Hey!

Any take backs or lookalikes or dead ringers? I'm just saying, man, there's a lot of valuable information that we're not getting because we're not showing each other our dicks. But I would love... Hey, Blake, I'm 100%. IQ test dick size. That's what you have to do. You have to do that with a sampling of about 250 men. Yeah, but IQ test is kind of like...

IQ test is like, I don't know. Maybe the question, maybe you excel in other places. Maybe your intelligence is in other places. Have you guys done an IQ test? I did one. I'm pretty good. I did one on my phone or like online. Yeah. 10 years ago or 20 years ago. I was crushing on it, dude. I was crushing. I was right up there. I'm like going to work hard. With your small ass dick. Good for you.

you bro why do you think i'm championing this why do you think i'm fucking yeah why do you think this comes out of my mind man because i'm a genius yeah fucking that's what i'm thinking because what'd you get kyle on your iq test well how big is your dick two inches it was like 130 like 138 138 something like that i'm in the 140s oh really like no i mean i'm in the 80s are you really yeah i'm in the 80s i think that's good i think high 140s you can go for mensa bro

I'm dumb as fuck, bro. Let's just say I'm in the 86, sir. Yo, I'm dumb as fuck, bro. I'm dumb as shit, bro. I'm so stupid. How big is your dick, Kyle? Let's talk about how big your dick is then. Why do you want to know? Because you keep saying how smart you are, and you keep saying you wonder if there's a correlation between small dicks and intelligence. How big is your dick exactly? I'm going to play my move on card right now. Move on.

Cut to commercial. Oh, good for you. Okay. Well, I would like to apologize to Adam. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I came so hot with some deep dark seated. I don't know what was going on. I might've been half cocked when I said it. I don't know, but I felt like,

I saw in Blake's eyes he's in one of those moods like he might try to spit on the window and dive through it. You know how when he gets drunk sometimes he gets a little dark himself? And that was happening at dinner and I'm like, what? Did he start trying to arm wrestle people? The apartment was fine. No.

We just smoked bad weed in there. When Blake starts getting physical, you know he's had a few. Come on. I'm about to wrestle your ass next time I see you. Hey, I want to apologize to our viewers and our listeners. I tried to get the story out of Blake about what happened when he ran out of gas. We kind of just never, ever got there. Dude, it was very local. I just went and got gas and put a gallon in and then went to the gas station. So you went and you bought...

And you went... You drove your other car? What street is this on? Are you on a thoroughfare? I was on the same street as my other Jeep, so I just switched out. It was very uneffeminate. Oh, so you ran out of gas literally basically in your driveway? Yes. Okay. What? Yeah, it was rough. Yeah. Real rough. So then you just got in another car...

Yeah. Okay, so next time, go ahead and bring it up. I just had never ran out of gas before, man. That's the tightest shit. Technically, I don't know if you have. I don't know if I got that. I would like to compliment Durs on bringing that story back around because I think it ended phenomenally. Okay, thank you. Hey, big props to Durs, guys. Big compliment. I guess that's another episode. Well. Do you guys have anything you want to say? No, really.

I would like to thank you guys for allowing me to be 30 minutes late. I apologize. I wanted to be right on time, but, you know, all my shit is covered in rat shit and rat piss. Welcome to my world. Shit on shit on shit. Do I, like, I had some suitcases that it was not on. No. Okay. No.

luggage do i clean the suitcases there's a way about to send you your luggage your luggage oh yeah i have multiple pieces they ate away at your lug they did they ate away at luggage talk all right is it nutritious or is this to just sharpen their teeth on like what are they doing i don't know exactly i'm gonna look i'm gonna look uh but it's it's it's no good it's real bad so kyle why do your rats three inches in shape like a football what's up

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Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.