Ep 99: We Got 99 Episodes, But A ShutUpBitch Ain’t One
01:07:28 Share

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at hellmans.com. Hellman's Plant-Based Mayo Spread and Dressing. Same great taste, plant-based.

Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you could find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. You know it's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones? And the answer is yeah, they do. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America.

Laugh all you want, but I'm going to be surfing the web, FaceTiming my mom in the middle of the woods on Boost Mobile's new 5G network. Not laughing at all. The Boost Mobile network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. Damn, son.

The Big Game or Big Mods? First Date or First Big Brake Kit? Binge That New Show or Binge Install Videos? When you're a real car lover, the choice is obvious. eBay Motors has the parts you need for the ride you love. Brake kits, bumpers, roof racks, and engines.

And with eBay Guaranteed Fit, your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back. Plus, at these prices, you're burning rubber, not cash. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important...

We were living in that diarrhea. I believe she pulled that out of your aura. I want some of what Carl's on. If you could just take a seat and listen as I give you the plan. Let's go. Just make it clap. Oh my God, what an intro. What an intro. What is that, a scary movie?

I just saw the video of Guns N' Roses, and they were really butchering their own songs, RIP to them. They're still alive. Yeah, they're still performing. They're all dead to me after that performance. Wow. I honestly didn't know it was them until you mentioned it, and then I just went back right now. Blake mentioned, oh, you saw that video? And I was like, I thought that was a bad cover band.

I honestly did. No, it's them. And then I looked and I'm like, oh, that's Axl Rose looking like he's shrink-wrapped. Waxl Rose. Yeah. More like Waxl. Waxl. I think I saw him. He's like running around the stage in like a tank top, getting winded, like having some trouble. He's for dirt. Yes, points! Yeah, dude. Well, how old are they now? They have to be. Axl, no. They have to be like...

60? I mean, right? Probably. Damn close. There's no way to tell. They probably are. But they hydrate. Have you guys ever had that moment where you found out someone you grew up watching was only like a few years older than you? Like Kobe Bryant. When Kobe died and they were like, he was 44 or whatever it was. I was like, I was like,

What? Oh, yeah. He's been world famous since he was 18. Yeah. Even though I felt like he was old. Yeah, that is weird. That's like when you meet, meeting like, like McBride was that way for me. I always thought he was like a decade older than us. Good night. How old is McBride? Two years younger than Adam. He's younger than you? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Whoa.

He's aging horribly. I'll say it. Yeah, the guy looks like trash. Oh, my God. No, I think he's like 44 or something. Okay. It's not bad. Not that. Like five, six years older than us. Still kind of bad for his age, though. And like half a year older than Durs. Get him. Oh, yeah. I got him. I got him. Get him. Nothing but. He's honestly one of my comedy heroes, so I feel like I have to do this. I feel like I have to do this. Old is cool now. Old is so much. Wait.

Whoa. You got a chopped and screwed way-o? Blake, please explain. How'd you get that chopped and screwed? Well, if you guys recall, remember the soundboard was down last two episodes. I don't. I don't recall. But Todd and I, we went and we tinkered and

We upgraded the board and pretty much all that means is that I can kind of slow down some of our drops. So you can actually manually chop and screw any of the drops that you have. Let's find out. Is it real, Pam? Wow. I mean, we got our title for the episode. So have you fucked around with it? What's your favorite one? No, I'm fucking around right now.

Oh, that was pizza. Learning on the job. He's doing it live. Wait, was that fast? Was that fast? Pizza, pizza.

Oh, that's funny. I like that one a lot. Well, admittedly, I feel like that's the knock. A lot of times people are like, the board, it's taking up a lot of real estate. And I love the board. And I'm not a lot of people. I'm pro-board all the way. I'm not. I'm not one of these people. I'm just saying people are saying that. What are they saying? They're saying it's taking up a lot of real estate. Now you're able to quicken up the... So you can still get it in, but...

Who are these people? Just a lot of people. What about this? I like that. And I want to hear that real bam slow. I want to hear fast ones slow and slow ones fast. And then I'll come.

The fast is not as funny. The slow is where it's at. Yeah, I disagree. Well, the fast, fast ones are really good. I'm saying I want to hear fast ones slowed down and ones that are already slow. What's a really fast one? Blake, you're the border, man. You're supposed to know all this stuff. Shut up!

Shut up, bitch. Pizza pizza's fast. And Terrence is saying he wants to hear that slow. But I think faster pizza pizza that's already fast is even better. Well, a slow pizza pizza would just be a guy saying pizza pizza. That's what's interesting. It's like when you hear the chipmunks slow down. It's just guys singing. Pizza pizza. Dude, have you heard the chipmunks at regular speed? Yes. The songs are off the chain. They're like the coolest versions of songs. Really?

Oh, yeah. No, that's what I was going to say. Slow down is just like guys talking. Yeah, it's just like Christmas, Christmas, Christmas time. I thought it was slower than that. No, well, they're playing music. Have you heard it? No, the music, the instruments are slower. So it kind of sounds like old, like 80s Cure when they were hella goth. But then the bros sound just normal because the voice is sped up. All right. It's freaking sick. All right. Stop it.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Sneak it in. That's the best one. Sneak it in on us. Blake loves it. Oh, I knew I was going to love this. Oh, man. Sneaking it in on us. Great. That's when we're all really piling on you and you got to get one out real quick. Shut up, bitch. Fuck.

Oh my god. I can't believe it. I'm pissed now. What does we're back sound like? We're back. Wait, hold on. Let me get this fast. So now you're interested in slow fast. What sucks is I don't know if I can ever put him back to normal. Oh.

Oh, yeah. That does suck. Which one did you want? We're back. We're back fast. We're back. Okay, first I have to play it normal. We're back. We're back. Okay. Yep.

Familiar with it? We know it. We love it. We're familiar. It's a long dog. Here, we'll... And we are. We'll double it up. We're back! Oh, sorry. Ten minutes later. Ten minutes later. This is good radio. We're back! That's great. Yeah, that sounds fun. Life of the party. We're back!

You want to do more or what's up? I want to hear, is that real? Is that real, Bam?

I feel like we're becoming the Guns N' Roses nowadays of ourselves. This is kind of like Grateful Dead. We're just jam banding up here. No, we're Guns N' Roses. We don't have a John Mayer with us, though. We need somebody to keep us tight. I feel like I'm Slash, not hitting the right notes, just a little drunk. Is it real? Is it real?

Okay, hold on. Let's see. And Blake is Axel up there. Blake's Axel for sure. Just really fucking everything up. Hold on. Wait, this might be faster. Sorry. I'm still getting used to it. Oh, I knew it. I knew it. We can go slower. Good call.

I mean, that's how you start the mixtape. Or if you're a producer, that's your hit right there. Do the one before that. I feel like that is a noise that will open a horror film. Right. Where you're locked in a basement somewhere, and then through a floorboard, you see a woman up there, and you just hear her going, Is it real?

Right. The movie starts at the end and then it resets and says like two weeks earlier. Right. And you're left wondering like, what is she talking about? And then I'm just a kid on a college campus. And you're like, oh, is it weird that this almost 40 year old man is on a college camp? Is that the bit? Yeah, but he's got a backpack. Is this Van Wilder? The horror? That's so weird. I grew up watching that guy and he's like, I guess this would be a horror movie.

This guy's still in college. Yeah. Never. This old Axl Rose looking piece of shit. Okay. Here's the pitch. Axl Rose goes back to college. It's Van Wilder. Welcome to the jungle. It's Van Wilder.

It's called Welcome to the Jungle, and he's trying to fit in, and he's trying to get his major in... Physics. Political science. Oh, poli-sci. He's a poli-sci major. Yeah, he's running for the Green Party. Yeah, dude. Oh, nice, dude. Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's funny.

I like that. Oh, wait. This is a stoner flick? Yeah, dude. Yeah. We're producing it. What do you think? Yeah, we're producing it. What do you mean, man? Well, I'm in now. I just wasn't clear until then. I'm stoked. There's always a THC tinge when we're behind it. We're back. Smoke weed every day. There's got to be a THC college pun. Somebody give me a THC college pun. Is that like a... Oh, God. Oh.

You know, I got a bachelor's of science, a THC, PhD. You know what I'm saying? Kyle, do you have your bachelor's degree? Yeah. Me? Yeah, Kyle, what do you have? Do you have a bachelor's degree? Are we talking degrees right now? I've got three degrees.

Sweetheart, I have five degrees. I don't, dude. I don't have a bachelor's. No. You have nothing? You have nothing to your name? I got a high school diploma. That's tight. Yeah, I also am in possession of a high school diploma. HS? Yeah, crushed that shit. Crushed that. Remember when they put us on the...

what hall of fame i know i blaked out on what it's called a hall of fame at our college blake and uh yes absolutely i didn't even graduate from the college i know okay well that's what was cool so like occ orange coast community college they called us up and they're like yo will blake and adam do like a speech for what what class was it the commencement ceremony yeah what year was it 20 was it

2018, I think? Yeah, and they're like, you guys want to do the commencement speech? And we're like, hell freaking yeah, dude, that'd be sick. But I remember when we were backstage, I was kind of dropping it like, yo, Adam, you never even graduated.

And like the dean was like, oh, really? He was down. Don't talk about that. Let's just not mention that. We've already printed the plaque. It's already on the wall. Wait, so they didn't give you like an honorary degree or anything like that? Well, they have to give me a doctorate now, bitch. I'll air this laundry. I thought normally when you do that, you get like a... Don't be Dr. Giggles.

Yeah. Honorary PhD doctor, dude. I remember, I remember we ran into our teacher and not, we didn't run into him. He like gave a speech about us. Uh, uh, Mr. Alex Golson, our drama teacher. He was the man. Um,

He was pretty proud of us, but then also kind of disappointed in the way our careers have gone. They're like, pretty dirty. A lot of really raunchy stuff. That's the story of our lives. That's with every adult. Sometimes I just shake my head, but they are successful, and the kids seem to like it. That's my dad. You know, Seinfeld never has to swear. Yeah.

He's funny. He's hyper talented, dad. And I need to fucking say tight butthole. Yeah, he's too talented. We have to mention buttholes. I have to not only say tight butthole, like we all did, but I have to show it. And it's real. It laughs. I have to spread my butt cheeks out. It's what the kids want.

I love the idea of like your teacher kind of like speaking to you guys when you're younger saying like, so this is what you're going to want to do. This is how you're going to impress people, like trying to teach you what to do. And then you're just like, you know what? I actually get paid for spreading my butt cheeks now. So we're good.

Yeah, people laugh at that. It's on Netflix. You can find it. Do you think... I was thinking of this. Since we're known for buttholes and kind of bringing buttholes into the... Lexicon? Into the back of the lexicon, people really... We started talking about buttholes a lot. I feel like people then were more comfortable talking about buttholes, eating buttholes. For sure. For sure. Yes, we're good at that. If we had an OnlyFans and we showed our buttholes or...

farted in a jar, would we make a lot of money? Because people do. Farting in the jar? I think I could make a lot of money farting in the jar for sure. Well, yours would stick around. Yeah, you've got a lot in the chamber. Yeah, I think I have a lot to give in that department. Yeah, your stink would last.

A lot to sell. I have a lot to sell. I have quantities. I can ship that shit. Quantity. Now, is that what people want your farts? That's the question. I don't know. Yeah. What's the demand? I mean, I have a supply. We know you have a lot in the chamber ready to go. Yes. The supply is there. The demand is there. I absolutely have no supply chain problems. I guarantee you the demand is there. You think? Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bet you could sell 100. And by the way, this is a good way to recycle. You use a jar of jelly. You use a jar of jelly. I'm only putting them in smuckers jars, bro. Smuckers. Sure. Whatever it is. Fart in that jar. Throw it up on whatever. And then I guarantee you could sell 100. I guarantee you could sell 100. What? You think I could sell 100 farts? Yeah. Free shipping for sure.

Too long. Too long, Blake. That was quite long. We were living in that diarrhea. Yeah. Sorry. Swimming in it. Okay. Well, here for the live show that we're going to do. In Alaska. For the 100th episode next week. Yeah. We're doing it live. 100 episodes next week, everybody. Get your tickets now. That's right. Next week, we're doing a huge show. Times Square. See you there. Pickleball.

By the way, this one is 99. Yeah, we're not doing a live show next week. But we should have. I am. We didn't. But when we finally do a live show, we should sell farts and jars. Okay, you got it, dude. Live fart. We got a lot of ideas. Are these big jars? Are these Gerber size? Are these big Jif family? I'd say the smaller the better.

Really pack it in. I would like to recycle them, wash out garbage. And autographed. And then people would just have that on their shelf. It's like some people have shoes they've never worn or wine that they're just never going to drink because they're just waiting for that thing. People are going to be like, I haven't opened it yet. I'm waiting. Yeah.

It's aging. I feel like a lot of times when people do stuff like this, when actors and celebrities do these little kind of prank things, they take the money and they give it to an awesome charity. And what I propose is we take it and we all buy either hot air balloons or jet skis. Yeah, I just want to put it in my bank account. Because I feel... Your go-to. Yeah, well, both of those things I really want in my life.

Yeah. Did I tell you I went to like a healer? I go to this healer lady who like she's not a chiropractor, but but she's not a massage therapist. She like physically hurts me. She is. And it's an assault. You roll thing. And what's that?

roll on the floor laughing. Yeah. Is she hilarious? No. Is it the only power of laughter? I think Rolfing is like, where they like stretch your body out. I don't know. I'm just quoting my brother who knows all that stuff. I don't know. I don't know what the hell she does, but it works. It's like, I have an injured neck and she really helps it. And then she's also kind of a hippie person, but she's never, I'm not really that hippie as shows. So she's never really leaned into that with me. But last time I went to her a few weeks ago, uh,

She goes at the end of it, she's like, can I talk to you? Yeah, give him one. Just about your aura. And I'm like, yeah, for sure. Thank you. And she's like, for sure. And she goes, what do hot air balloons mean to you? Hmm.

Oh, she caught it? Oh, she has YouTube? I love hot air balloons. Yeah. Adam, don't. Come on, man. Yeah. You know you've said hot air balloons at least 20 times a month for the entire time I've known you? Yeah. It's out there. Yeah, but that's a weird thing to pull. I mean, I don't think she's smart. She goes, I'm not going to go Omaha. I don't think she's going digging through the...

the crate. No, I believe that she pulled that out of your aura. I believe that. I mean, have you ever had your aura scanned? I've never had an aura scanned. Where you can be in the photograph. I don't know if I buy it, but she mentioned hot air balloons. I'm like, say what, girl? Kyle, are you talking about the photo of the aura? Yeah, where you get the colors, the color rings around you, and you look kind of like...

Like heat. You're like a heat. It's almost like heat, but it's aura. I did that once and the camera blood started coming out of the camera. What the fuck? Oh, shit, dude. Your aura is dangerous. Straight danger. Dangerous. Yeah, those photos are...

Hokey. That's what I'll say. Okay. Because people are like, oh, look, the blue means there's someone from your past there. Well, it's like any of that shit. It's like you read the tarot cards. You do all that. If you're searching for a connection, you will find it. Okay. Right? I've never done any of that stuff. And when she just pulled out of the fucking thin blue for YouTube. You started believing? For sure. Yeah. And when shit's getting pulled out the thin blue, you know it's real. Fine.

Well, I mean, hot air balloons, it was very specific. I fucking love hot air balloons, as you guys know. Well, you do, but you don't. You've never been on one, right? No, I have. I've been on one time. And Conan O'Brien called me when I was on it. It was the coolest day of my life. And you tell me she doesn't listen. She's not a Coco? Team Coco? She's Team Coco?

I don't think she's Team Coco. What happened? Tell me more, Adam. Tell me more. Tell me more. R.I.P. No more shut up, bitch. What happened after this? Yeah, well, I don't know why you're telling me shut up, bitch. I'm like trying to tell a cool story about my life, dude. And I kind of hurt my feelings. Well, I'm saying no more shut up, bitch, right now. I'm saying no more shut up, bitch. I'm interested. I've hurt my feelings. What happened after? What happened? So you were like, she said, she said, she said, Adam, what does hot air balloons mean to you?

And then what did you say? Yeah, and I told her how much I loved hot air balloons and that the only time I've been on a hot air balloon, it was magical. And Conan O'Brien called me when I was in the sky and invited me to perform on the MTV Movie Awards with him. And then we landed in someone's backyard and they ran out, gave us champagne, and then they were like, hey, would you like to, as they're folding this up,

race go-karts and I go, excuse me? That sounds like exactly what I would like to do. These rich people had a go-kart track.

Okay. If this doesn't seem more up my alley. Then my question now is with this healer, what did she do with that information? Nothing. It was just like, oh, I think you need to. She goes, I think you need to release. You're a very tense person. You hold a lot of your energy and your shoulders in your back. You need to release. I would recommend going on a. This is not tracking. I would recommend going on another hot air balloon ride. The hot air in this story is not only in a balloon, pal. What the?

this girl's all over the place. What is she? Why is she all over the place? Now she's like rubbing your shoulders. What's happening here? No, she, she is a massage there. She's not, but she doesn't, it's like kind of chiropractic. She like hurts you. She's like, yeah, no, I know what you're talking about with my neck. She'll like, she'll like mess with my feet and my neck will feel better. What about your back? It's fucking bizarre. It's all connected. It's all connected, baby. Your pussy? It's all connected. What about your pussy? She did not touch my pussy. Your crack? What about your pussy? Yeah.

She did fist my asshole, but... Okay. She's like, you got a lot of tension. Whoa, yeah. Let me work this out. She saw Game Over Man, knew she had to get in there. So she thought that... So she was looking at your aura. I just want to collect all this. She's looking at your aura.

And she says, I'm going to go. What do hot air balloons mean to you? And you say, I got a call from Conan O'Brien on a hot air balloon. Talk, tell me more. And then she said, you're tense. Like you're tense. You need to go on another hot air balloon. She goes, I think it's a very special thing for you and you need to go on another hot air balloon. And now I'm like actively trying to figure out how to go on a hot air balloon. And she handed you a pamphlet. She's like, and I have this company. And I also run a class. Yeah.

It's just a boilerplate question. I'm sorry. You landed in someone's backyard on purpose or by accident. You can't choose where you land in a hot air balloon. Excuse me? Yes, you can. What the fuck are you talking about? That's so chaotic. What do you mean? No, you don't. You don't. What? The wind takes you. You can kind of guide it a little bit, but you're not. There's no wind. Is it dice roll?

Yes. Wow. I didn't know that. You look for a big open space. So a lot of times it does. I swear to God. You know what though? This tracks for Adam. I didn't know that. What if it's the middle of the ocean? Adam is just a, you know what? Tonight I'm landing where I land. Well, you don't go towards the, well, you can only go when it's blowing inward, when

When the wind is blowing the other direction. Inward. Inland. What? Right. That's crazy, dude. Yeah, dude. It is crazy. So we can take this a whole other level because now you're saying you don't know where you land. That's when you're your most...

That's when your stress is gone, when you're not thinking about where you're going to land, when you're just letting the wind take you. I want some of what Carl's on. You know what I'm saying, though? That's what you can take out of that is like, look at that shit, bro. Yeah, maybe. Wow. Hey, maybe that is it. See, this is why I like to air it out with my boys. Really can chop and screw it up for me. You really got to the bottom.

And it could be like a, it could be a coping mechanism. I can take it as a coping mechanism because sometimes I try to control where I land. I try to go where I want to go and I'm like, I'm going to go there and then shit does not happen. And what happens? I get angry. You know what I mean? I get mad. If I'm not looking for where I'm supposed to go and I just fucking land, dude.

I just fucking land. Well, yeah, but she didn't mention hot air balloons for you. You might have a different thing. I can still take this as a parable. Maybe, Kyle, you're like a kite. I'm still allowed to take this as a parable. I've spent a lot of time with her, and she... So I kind of see auras now a little bit, and I'm not seeing hot air balloons for you. Kyle, you're like a diaper floating in a canal. Yeah, Kyle. Exactly. That's fine. But that has walls. Walls. That doesn't really work.

That doesn't really work, actually. Yeah, that's actually like a pretty clear ending. A canal is not the wide open blue. What is it called? The thin blue? The thin blue. The big thin blue? The great thin blue? What was it? Pull it out of the thin blue.

That's what she said instead of thin air. Yeah, she pulled it out of the thin blue. That's crazy. Such an idiot. I'm into that, though. We'll make merch out of it, I guess, right? Hey, we love that. Well, our fans will. I hope so. Right, that's true. Our fans will before we can because that's America. They're more organized. They are.

Right.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? Maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day. When your schedule is packed like mine with kids' activities, big work projects, and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it.

it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. I know for me, therapy has been great for learning good coping skills and how to better communicate with my wife. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself every day. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be easy, flexible, and

and fit to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash thisistoday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash thisis.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Not only did Zinn create the first-ever nicotine pouch, we're still America's number one choice for smoke-free, spit-free nicotine satisfaction. It could be because Zinn is made with only six simple ingredients, including naturally derived nicotine salt.

Or maybe it's because Zyn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day trial. For anyone worried Zyn won't cut it like traditional tobacco, just ask one of the millions of people who have achieved lasting change. You have lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zyn. Find your Zyn online or in a store near you at Zyn.com slash find. That's Z-Y-N dot com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

veggies or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it. Make a creamy pasta alfredo or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go

wrong and yes you could find a ton of recipes on the philadelphia website visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home

Speaking of farting, I just want to circle back. Copy that. Zip it, please. I was working yesterday up in Van. Get on. We were outside and there was a cluster of like old guys, like probably 60s, playing like military general guys, right? And they're super serious with their like aviators on. Wait, this is on set? Yes, on set. Okay, okay.

on set like fully filming there's like six of them and then like five of us in the scene and like they're kind of just standing in the background looking serious and stuff and they're like and cut okay we're gonna move the cameras around uh you guys can head inside and this 60 year old dude just goes all right just ripped a fart everybody turns around like what

It was that loud? Were you outside? We were outside. Oh, well then that's fine. That's dope. I know it's fine, but I was like, this dude's wild. That's wild. Hell yeah, that's the guy you want to kick it with. Yeah, that guy's fun. I talked to McCrafty. You did? Was he cool? He wasn't.

I feel like when you get old, sometimes you just don't have control over it at that point. It's just kind of seeper. But it was good timing. We're outside. It's fine. But I'm like, it was so loud. You're saying he farted out of the thin blue. He farted into the thin blue. Sure. Uh-huh. I'm following. I'm following.

I was just like, this dude, you know... Did this dude just did this? Didn't give a fuck. I was like, did this? He didn't give a fuck. And I was like...

Wow. Well, and he was an extra, essentially? Yeah, background actor. Actor, yeah. Was he just... Wow! Was it loud? It had to have been loud. You're outside. Film sets are not quiet. It had to be... Or was it during room tone? We were on an airport. We were at an airport with planes coming and going, and it was like...

He probably just didn't know it was going to be a loud doggy. Oh, yeah. That one squeaked out. He was thinking it was going to be a quiet toot it and boot it, and it was a real squeak-a-leak. Wow, dude. That just reminded me. I remember one time when we were shooting Workaholics.

I did fart during Room Tone once, and it was a crowning achievement on set. Yeah, but that's great. That's got a point to it. That's really funny. Yeah, that was a real joke. Yeah, it was a real like... Room Tone is at the very end of the day, though usually the sound department will get Room Tone. Yes. And everyone has to be super quiet.

So they can record one minute of just what the room sounds like. That's right. And then they can lay that down later. And everyone has to be super quiet. And if you make a noise, you ruin it for everybody. And everybody has to wait around another whole minute. But if you fart during it, then it's funny. Yeah. You're legendary forever. Then you're a king. I'm hoping somebody has got that. Yeah. Got that on wax.

Hey, can we circle back to farts real quick? I would love to circle back. I thought that we did. Go ahead. Just in terms of, I want to circle back to the canning process that you were talking about with the Gerber. I think if I were to do this, I would choose a larger jar because then somebody could take a whiff and close it back up and save it for later. I think if you're using a Gerber, I think once you open that thing, the fart's gone.

I think you probably want to use like a quart, like at least a quart-sized jar. Seriously? Uh-huh. Then it's in there with a bunch of other air. Yeah. I kind of think – I don't know. I'm just putting it out there. Yeah. I think we sell multiple sizes. Maybe the smaller are a little cheaper. Genius. Okay. No, the smaller ones are more expensive because it's potent. Oh.

Yeah, those are the real nasty dogs. Yeah, I think that's debatable. But yeah, we have to have some price tiers built in. Go ride a hot air balloon, all right? He knows what he's talking about. For the college kids, you know? The little ones are like taking a shot. Yeah.

And then the big ones, you know, that's like... It's like buzz balls. I want mine to be in a buzz ball, an old buzz ball container. Yeah, that's a good idea. Dude, a crossover with buzz ball where it's our farts and things. Yeah, fart balls. Farts.

Fartballs. Buzzballs, get at us. No, honestly, though, Buzzball, I do want to work with you. I don't know if Fartball is the idea. Are they still making Buzzballs? Oh, yeah, dude. Check any liquor store you go to. Sometimes they're hidden, but they're...

You got to like blow the dust off them. Nobody's been drinking them since like 2010. You got to kind of shine them on your shirt like an apple before you open them. Yeah. It's like an old potion. I love buzz balls. And now they make big buzz balls, like huge ones. Oh, big balls. Well, that's kind of ruining. Big balls? What was cool about it is it was just a little ball. You just kind of chuck. A shot. Yeah.

Yeah. Those pre-made shots, like the, what were the ones in like the cans? They're a little bigger than that. Nah, I mean, you could take them down. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of, like the brass monkeys or the club or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, those ones were pre, is that what the buzz balls are? Are the buzz balls like? Pretty much, yeah. They're like, they're like the pre-game. Like you hit those and then, and then you get the party started. Dude, do you remember the brass monkey ones? Of course, dude. Oh my God.

There were pre-made Brass Monkeys? Yes. But I don't think it was... So fucking good. The Brass Monkey is kind of hazy what a Brass Monkey is, right? Because I heard a Brass Monkey was like you go... No. Brass Monkey is a 40 that you drink down to the label. To the label. And you pour orange juice in it. And that's a Brass Monkey. It's not fuzzy. It's exactly that. Right. Well, I think that the club Brass Monkey was not that. I think it was something else. Like a shot with whiskey or something.

I don't know. So a totally different drink. Yes. This is a vodka soda made with gin and juice. Tequila. Let me see. Brass monkey cocktail. Okay.

Okay, let's look it up. Yes, it has orange juice, vodka, ice, and dark rum. That's what they're calling a Brass Monkey as far as a cocktail goes. But I always thought a Brass Monkey was you drink the 40 down to the label and then you fill it up. I think Ders taught me that. Adam Yelch taught me. Yeah, this is a Beastie Boys song. They have the method in the song, don't they? They tell you the directions. And then you finish the cup. It's like...

There's something. Durs, you know it? Durs? Is that your name? Durs? Durs. Durs. I don't know the lyrics. I'm going to look it up. Brass Monkey lyrics. I think they do kind of like paint the picture. I'm going to hit a Google search. Brass Monkey. I love when you get a good track that gives you directions. It could be a dance. It could be a drink. If the song is telling you how to do something, I'm in all the way. Oh, Funky Cole Medina? Yeah. Yo, Durs.

In Funky Cole Medina where he gave it to the dog and it was humping his leg. Has there been a song that is like a dance? Yeah. To the left, to the left, to the left. Now walk in and down. Now walk it out. Like Tootsie Roll? Oh, what about Superman? That's not the butterfly. Well, Superman was like 15 years ago now. What's the most recent one? I think it's that one. Oh, there's hella recent ones.

What is that one? To the left, to the left. I mean, Macarena is a damn. Well, I know, Blake, but I keep saying what is the most recent? Is it Gangnam Style one? What's that? I'm telling you. To the left, to the left. Sure, dude. The electric slide. If you just want to list stuff...

And if you just tuned in now, Blake knows what the Macarena is. Gangnam Style. I'm telling you, it's that one that goes... Gangnam Style. What is that one? Gangnam Style. Yeah, that's the one they always play in New Orleans. I was just in New Orleans this past weekend, and I heard that like 25 times. That's an old song. But I don't think that's the newest... That's an old wedding song. Dude, that's the newest one. Who has the newest dance craze? Gangnam Style. Gangnam Style. He doesn't tell you how to gang them. He doesn't say...

It's a style, though. That's the Cupid Shuffle is what our producers are saying. Yes, that's right. Cupid Shuffle. Kyle, did you just say Gangnam Style is the newest one? Yeah. Correct. I've said that like nine times. I just wanted you guys to know. No, we heard it, but that's not it. Blake, you have to play 15 seconds of Gangnam Style just to bring us in that headspace. Hold on. Let me get to this one first. Cupid, Cupid.

Yeah, this is old, dude. This is old? Yes. Oh, listen to that man's voice. That is not a young man singing. I know this is old. We're playing into white weddings now. Dude, that goes off, though. That is a banger. Yeah, no, that one's pretty recent. That's at least in the...

2010s, right? That's in the 2000s, for sure. Yeah, 12 years ago. Yeah, a decade ago. Goddamn. You old fuck. Goddamn. No, there has to be... It's some TikTok. It's for sure some TikTok that little girls do dances to, and also guys with swishy hair do dances to. Yeah, like guys who are... Yeah, like Nordic boys who you don't know they're Nordic, but as soon as they open their mouths, you do know they are.

Man, Blake is coming on fire. Who started that hair thing? The Noah kid? The Noah Instagram kid?

I don't know. I feel like it was Justin Bieber did it 15 years ago and then it just looped right back around and all the kids are... No, it's different though because it's super short on the sides and it's long in the front. That kid like Noah Centurion or some shit. I don't know his name. That name is hard as hell. Noah Centro, right? Is that what it is? I like listening to you guys guess. I don't know. He used to work out at the gym that I would work out in in Hollywood and he is...

Oh, so sexy. Oh, my God. You fell for him? Okay, fair enough. And how was the hair? Is he the guy who kicked it off? Yeah. I don't know. He does have that hair. Right? I think he might be the guy. He might be. Yeah, maybe it's him. Hey, good job, Noah. Shout out. Come on the pod. Shout out, Noah. Be the second guest. Hey, guy we don't know. Second guest? I don't know. 100th episode, nor...

Noah Centurion, get in here. If his name is Centurion, he should be for the 100th because that's got to be some play on 100. You know what I mean? Centurion. Very good. Noah Centurion. I got to fuck with Centurions as kids, those toys. What? Which one was that? Was this in the early 60s? When was this, George? Yeah. This is right after Shrinky Dinks and...

You play a lousy game of kick the can. Ders used to play jacks. You guys ever play jacks? Hey, I'll take all your money.

Listen to me. Centurions were dope. They were bigger than a He-Man, right? But they were just dudes. And they had holes all over their body you could snap in. Exoskeleton. One dude was land. One dude was sea. One dude was air. Captain Planet? I don't remember this. It was also a cartoon. I wanted to reboot that because they all look like dads. The guy had a hard mustache. The sea dude? His mustache was thick as

fuck, dude, I'm talking a real cookie duster. I like that you wanted to reboot it, but you didn't even know the name of it, Blake. In order to get the rights of something, you at least have to know what it's called. No, Ders wasn't pronouncing it correctly. That was honestly such a trippy thing to hear. No, what is it? Oh my God, I spent like years trying to get the rights. I jumped through legal hoops. Yes, I've been trying to buy the rights for years, but I couldn't think of the name of the thing.

So I just stopped thinking about it. I got this lower back tattoo of them. I got the tattoos of the holes on my body where you would snap the things in. It does sound fucking cool. They were dope. One was blue, green, orange. It is really cool. Yes, and the bad guy is super cool. His arm is a claw and his teeth are all fucked up. It was sick. He had a patch. Every cartoon. Yeah, that's kind of every 90s cartoon.

these guys oh yeah these guys specter gadget yo you know who i was thinking about the other day if you want to talk some 90s shit who blake rhetorical bro because i used to love gi joe that show was off the fucking hook but you know who was so sick remember destro with the silver head dude yeah yeah why don't we talk about destro anymore because i don't know what that is see what the hell or wait are you thinking of no destro had the silver dome but

Cobra Commander had the silver face. Dude, just play the Cupid shuffle again. No, play Gangnam Style. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Wait, who were you saying, Durs? I was just going to say Peter D. Coach had the fucking... He has the best Cobra Commander impression that nobody asked for. I think I've heard this. It's so loud. I believe I've heard this. What was the loudest thing you've ever heard? What would that be? Oh, he goes into it. I feel like he sounded like that.

It's bigger than a foot! And you're like, how are you not destroying your throat? But Dee can do that shit. Here, I would love TII Nation, if you could just edit my impression of Cobra over some Cobra footage. Oh, yes, TII Jones, you're in trouble now!

Good, Blake. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. I'm going to get Peter D to send me some impressions. We're going to post it. I want to let people know who Peter D is because they do know who he is. He's on the Wizards album. Yeah. Yes. He's like a hobgoblin. He's a hobgoblin. That's right.

He's in the train. He's in the workaholic pilot. Oh, yeah. He's coach. He's like the gym teacher who's like, get out of here when we ask the kid for the pee. Oh, that's true. And he's also in Crossbows and Mustaches. He's the police commissioner who's like, I need your guns and your badges. You're off the force. Yeah. He's a legend. He's a legend. His fucking Cobra Commander is on point. It's unnecessary. It's

So intense. But Blake's was also really good, and I really want him to keep going. Okay, Destro, if you could just take a seat and listen as I give you the plan to defeat the G.I. Joe's. That doesn't sound like it. Oh, I like how you rolled right in there, though. So the writing was really bad on the show. Well, that wasn't a writing. He wasn't submitting pages. Yeah. Oh. You're talking about Blake's improbabilities, right? Yeah. Yeah.

The most basic. He's not reading a script. Guys, I got a lot going on here. I got a lot going on here. I'm looking up Gangnam Style. I'm speeding up soundboard stuff. My audio recording said that I guess I had some parental thing on where I hit time limits. I was in a fucking twister over here. You were going through it. But you still committed to saying the most basic line that he could possibly say. We have to destroy. Use the

Thanks to destroy the G.I. Joe's. By the way, all you need to say is Cobra Retreat. That's all you need to say. Cobra Retreat. Thank you, Ders.

So this wasn't a dance? Am I tripping? This wasn't a dance? Yes, this was a fucking dance, dude. Yeah, it was this. That's all we can get. It was this, right? Yeah, you would like double, you would like give a double-handed blowjob. Double-handed blowjob? They were lateral. Dude, I want a double-handed blowjob so bad. I don't think they were vertical. I think they were lateral. Yeah, they do that. They do that too. They do that in the videos. Okay. Wait, but... Oh, yeah, you're right. I can't for reasons I won't go into.

I can't. For reasons I won't go into, I can't get that. Bully. Okay. Self slam. All right. Double handed. Impossible. G.I. Joe the movie. Okay. Can we talk about G.I. Joe the movie? I would love to. Maybe the greatest opening sequence in film history. Okay. I can't recall the...

Never seen it. Not a fan. Yeah, move over, good fellas. Mysterious assassin. Yeah, better. Mysterious assassin infiltrates the fortress, sneaks out, and then Cobra falls from the sky. The fucking balloons are falling. It's sick. And then G.I. Joe comes out of nowhere and saves the day. I'm falling from the sky!

And I believe you dudes who are into wrestling will appreciate this. Okay. Kyle's leaning in. When Sergeant Slaughter crossed over into G.I. Joe. Yes. That was a game changer. Actually, Sergeant Slaughter...

Somehow I got Sergeant Slaughter's G.I. Joe because my dad said that he met him on a golf course. You probably went to a toy store. No, dude. You couldn't get Sergeant Slaughter. They didn't sell Sergeant Slaughter in stores. What do you mean? No, they did not. I had a Sergeant Slaughter. The one with the tank top that said USA in red, white, and blue? This is for sure your dad, your family, you guys were going through a divorce. He was looking for a way. Stop, Adam. Divorce. He was looking for a way to sort of...

mend the fence and be like, I got you. Stop, dude. You can't buy this. Dude, my dad listens to the pod. I met him on a golf course. He met Sergeant Slaughter on a golf course. He handed me. I'm friends with him. I definitely believe your dad met Sergeant Slaughter on a golf course. Thank you, Kyle. 100% I believe that. Hey, sure. The only thing I'm questioning, the only thing I'm questioning is that you couldn't get it in stores. I want that to be true. Yeah, well, that's true. I guarantee that's true. I'm not buying

Guarantee that's true. Stop it. Okay. It's not real. I would put money on that. It's not real. How hard do you think it was to get to Sergeant Slaughter in the 90s? I'm sure he was on golf courses in Southern California. Yeah, I don't doubt the story. Hey, sure. Okay. You can buy it. I have it.

had it. Here's where the story I believe, yes, this is where the story gets weird, is your dad meets Sergeant Slaughter on a golf course and he goes, shut up, put your clubs away, come to the trunk of my car, I have an action figure to give to you to give to your son. That was pretty quick. There was probably some nine holes of golf in there. Adam, you got the story wrong. Here's Sergeant Slaughter to win your son back. To win your son back. I know what a little...

Leave him alone. Leave him alone. I know what I'll help. Sorry, this is an open wound from 27 years ago. Nobody wants Blake to cry. Dude, my dad listens. He constantly says that he wishes he could call in because we misquote him. You guys are fucking with my dad right now, and I'm going to tell you right now, my father knows Sergeant Slaughter. We love Tim. My father. My father.

I'm telling you, this Sergeant Slaughter toy was not... I think you had this. What was so special about this Sergeant Slaughter toy? Listen to him. You had to collect. I'm about to. Will you shut up, Kyle? Shut up, bitches. Say divorce one more time. Stop saying it. Do I say divorce? Adam says divorce. How do I say divorce? You say divorce. Adam, you know you say it weird. Let's move on. You can't see the trees through the divorce.

Here we go. So here's the thing about G.I. Joe's is I think that every pack – Kyle, shut up. Don't laugh so hard. I'm trying to listen to Blake. Blake, I know what you're going to say. I think that every pack on the back had this little square that you would cut out. And then once you got like I want to say 20 or 50 or I don't fucking know. Or want leather? You would send that in to Hasbro or whatever –

whoever was making G.I. Joe, and they would send you Sergeant Slaughter, but it wasn't available in Toys R Us. You had to go through that process. Then that's how I got it.

Because I had him and then when they had Refrigerator Perry. Yes. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, I believe, was a G.I. Joe guy. I don't recall that, but he might have. There was definitely a dude who had basketball grenades. You guys had some deep cuts. I didn't really go down the G.I. Joe. Neither did I. Because they were too small. I agree. I already had He-Man and I'm like, well, they're giant. But I had Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes was fucking tight.

I wasn't allowed. Why not, Kyle? You'd shove them up your ass. I was not allowed to. Yeah, you were trying to stick them down your dick hole, and your mom's like, no. Well, they were the only ones that would give me a double-handed blow. Never mind. You can't talk about that.

No, because they had guns, dude. Guns? Because they were guns. Yeah, I wasn't allowed toys with guns. Like, I wasn't, you know, I was in a pretty strict... And that's so weird because out of the four of us, you would definitely be the person to shoot them. You sleep with a handgun.

I mean, the what? What did you say? To be the mass shooter of the four of us. Me? Yeah, out of the four of us. Oh, come on. That's so weird because you're the only one of us who sleeps with a handgun under his pillow. Oh, come on, man.

Well, yeah. I mean, you should just play with toys. Don't limit anything. Yeah. Anything. I'm going to give my kids heroin and be like, I'm not limiting anything. Just let it ride. Yeah. Check it out. Try it. I'm banking that you won't like it. Maybe you like it. Maybe you don't. Pizza, pizza.

Yeah, let them pick. That's smart. Hey, but what was up with Sgt. Slaughter in G.I. Joe's and WWF? I know. That's why it was fucking cool. What the fuck was that? What was going on there? That's a great question. What came first? That's what I'm wondering. G.I. Joe. I think G.I. Joe. It was G.I. Joe? Well, G.I. Joe, the toys definitely did. They were like Barbie dolls at first. Actually, you know what? Sgt. Slaughter might have been born around the same time. What?

And grew up to be Mr. Slaughter. Little David Slaughter. Teddy Slaughter. Yeah, Teddy Slaughter. Little Davey Slaughter. My father, Ryan Slaughter, is a good man. Sarge Ryan?

Is Ryan a dad to you? What other stories did Tim tell you growing up? You want to call him up? You want to call him up? What other celebrities that gave your dad a gift to give to you? What other celebrities?

celebrity. Dude, I even got a gift. I even got a gift from your dad. I wish there was a list. I wish you were like, well, yeah, he actually met Clyde Drexler and Clyde Drexler gave him. He did have a homie who knew Jason Kidd, the basketball player. So that was kind of like a pack of cigarettes that Jason Kidd smokes. I think I might have got his little what were those toys where they didn't move? They were just like

They were just little stands. Oh, like starter something or whatever? Yeah, those starter toys. I think I got a Jason Kidd one of that. Oh, you're talking about Elite? Not Elite. And that's from your dad's connection with Jason Kidd. This is cool. Your dad was super plugged in. Starting lineup. Are you kidding me? Starting lineup. I remember even your...

Your dad hooked me up with a tech deck, like one of those mini tech decks. That's right. That was signed by Ronnie Kreger. Yes, he worked for Vans. Yes. I wish I knew Tim when I was in my youth. My dad would just bring home like a Pizza Hut basketball. That was like the big gift he would give me. Well, that's huge, by the way. Those basketballs were super dope.

and you had to eat a lot of pizza to get them, so they were worth it. I don't think you had to buy a large and then spend an extra $9 or whatever the basketball cost. I thought you had to eat like 20 pizzas. No, not at all. Is that what your parents told you? You buy breadsticks, and then if you spend an extra $9. Your parents were like, Mom, I want the basketball. They're like, you have to eat 20 pizzas to get that. Get in the car.

Guaranteed. Guaranteed that's what happens. They're like, no, we're not going to get there. Get in the car. Don't play with guns. I know you want to. We see those often. So strict, bro. So strict. You want to play with guns, don't you? Yeah, we know you want to play with guns. We know you do. Wouldn't it be so fun to have a gun in your hand? I just want to play with toys. You want a football? Pray for one. You know what's really fun? What? A gun.

Do you think that? Do you think that to be true? Oh, boy. No, I just want to play with toys. Like, it's really, that's it. Just the toys that my friends are playing with, Mom. That's it. Okay, well, then eat 20 pizzas. Did she say eat 20 pizzas or kill 20 people? Your choice. Pizza, pizza. That took a dark turn. Hated it. Oh, boy.

Yeah.

Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Not only did Zinn create the first-ever nicotine pouch, we're still America's number one choice for smoke-free, spit-free nicotine satisfaction. It could be because Zinn is made with only six simple ingredients, including naturally derived nicotine salt.

Or maybe it's because Zyn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day trial. For anyone worried Zyn won't cut it like traditional tobacco, just ask one of the millions of people who have achieved lasting change. You have lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zyn. Find your Zyn online or in a store near you at Zyn.com slash find. That's Z-Y-N dot com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese. It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. Yeah, it truly makes everything creamier. And of course, it can be used in so much more than our classic bagel and cream cheese. You can use it in a variety of recipes, occasions, and even as a perfect snack. For example, you can dip vegetables

or crackers in it to snack on. Enhance your guacamole with it. Make a creamy pasta alfredo or even buffalo chicken dip. The recipes are endless. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it, baby. Mac and cheese, ramen, frosting, tzatziki. Now you can make it so much creamier. With so many unique recipes, how could you go wrong?

And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home.

You know, it's not a joke anymore. Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell burner phones? Yes. The answer is yes. But now they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile is a major freaking player right up there with Verizon and T-Mobile. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America now, and they're not

I repeat, they are not a joke anymore, guys. Seriously. Okay, laugh all you want, but Boost Mobile's offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month forever. Yeah.

Laugh all the way to the bank, guys. Boost Mobile Network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Who was your guy's friend who had all the toys? All everything? Oh.

The one that you were like, I want to go fucking play at their house. They got all the Transformers that turn into the bigger dude. That dude, man. Blake. Yeah, Blake. Blake had it. He still has all the toys. Blake, you had everything. Have you seen your house? I did. You had everything. Before you painted the walls all white. Blake was like...

six like what eight years old and you had a display case for all of your collectible memorabilia toys yeah you had all like the chevron cars remember that shit you had all the i'm sorry wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

What the fuck are we talking about? Okay, jurors, be gentle. Chevron cars. Okay, do you remember? All right, we're going to dive into more toy talk, baby. We're doing some toy talking. Okay, remember Chevron? They had those commercials where it was like kind of claymation. It was like cars with eyes, and they'd be like...

Kind of like talking about their day. Like, oh, sometimes like the bird takes a shit on me. You got to stop. Yes. You remember this? I guess. You don't remember. I guess so. Kind of. But you collected that. Remember the Chevron car who wants that toy? No, I don't. You know what? That might have been a West Coast. No.

It was like OG Pixar cars, dude. This is probably where, no, this is probably where cars got their idea. We were Amoco people in the Midwest. This is definitely where they got their idea. Okay, well, Chevron released these car toys and they were a ton of them. They got like super collectible. People really liked them. They were sick. You could get like all different kinds of cars and I collected them. You were a big collector. I'm still in. Yeah.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, dude. These sound like the worst toys. No. I never opened them. I didn't even play with them. I just put them in the display case. I'm talking about those racetracks where you had the car gun thing where they would go upside down like zero G. Yeah, Hot Wheels. Or who had Crossfire. Remember the ones that had the gun? The ones that had the gun. Yeah. Those were sick. I had that too. I had that too. They were called like zero Gs or whatever.

Alright, it would go up the wall and down. What was your weirdest collection? Like, what did you guys collect? The gas station cars. No, I would collect Pez and got, like, really deep into Pez and had, like, a lot of Pez shit. Had Pez t-shirts. It got to a point where it was, like, a little strange where my parents were a little bit like, is he gonna, like, not be into girls because he's gonna try to fuck his Pez or something? Because he...

Is he shoving him up his ass? Did you? Did you, though? Is he shoving him? Like, real talk wouldn't fit. So Kyle couldn't have G.I. Joe's because he shoved him up his ass. Adam couldn't have Pez because he shoved him up his ass. No, he shoved his dick inside of the Pez. Wouldn't fit. Wouldn't fit. Couldn't fit. Couldn't fit. I collected Chinese Sharpay, like, stuff. Like, pictures or...

The dog pictures? Yeah. I had like a motion detector statue that when you walked by it would bark at you. What else?

Chinese Sharpies are those wrinkly dogs. That seems way weirder. What stores are you going to? Hallmark card stores? Where are you going to get Sharpie stuff? That's infinitely weirder than Blake collecting these. I'm not saying it's not weird, but Blake was talking about Chevron cars like they were a cool toy. And I was like,

Thinking about like laser tag or like transformers out the asshole kind of thing. Like I brought that up. Yeah, that was my bad. So those Chevron cars are sick as hell. I stand by them. Yeah, they were dope. You had everything set up perfectly. I bet they were cool, Blake. And I bet your presentation was truly incredible. Perfectly. It was gorgeous. Your house was like, wonderful. I loved going there.

You had all the CDs, too. There's a lot of cards, like birthday cards that had Sharpies on them that I'd be like, oh, shit. I'm going to buy that. You would buy birthday cards and not use them? And I'd cut the back off and then just put it up on my pinup board. Wait, did you ever have a Sharpie as a dog? Haven't I told you guys this story? No, you've never had a dog in your life. No, I've had a dog. What happened? You did? What?

Wait, what happened to this dog, Ders? The dog? Wait. Have you guys seen the good son? Oh, my God. Yeah, wait. What happened to this dog, Ders? Hold on, hold on, hold on. You've seen the good son, right? Wait, hold on, hold on. Ders also has guns. I guarantee Ders is the gun guy, too. Yeah, you know, I was saying, Kyle. Well, here's the difference between who's going to be the mass shooter between the four of us. Kyle might just snap and start shooting a...

a couple people and then realize what he's done. He's murdered two people and he's like, oh, what did I do? Then turn the gun on himself. Durs would have a full plan. He would be like 60 people. It'd be a true mass casualty. Kyle would just slip up. Like my Norwegian namesake who killed like 130 people or something. What happened to the dog? What happened to the dog? It would have been fine. But like, yes, trapping farts in jars, guys, right? Yeah.

No, Frederica lived to 17 or 18 maybe. Frederico? Frederica. We had a dog named Freddy. Was a female Frederica? A little dachshund, smooth coat, black and tan, Frederica. I've never known this. You have never talked about Frederica ever to any of us. I've never heard this name before. I know everything about you. I've never heard about this. Freddy died when I was probably eight.

Oh, why don't you cry? This was like a dog that my parents got when they were like dating. Hey, Ders. Huh? Ders, what did you do to this dog? What happened? The dog...

The dog died. You want to hear? Here's how the dog died. It was 18. Yeah, we would like to know. It went out in the backyard in the summer, and then my dad just found it laying in the grass dead. What? Yeah. Oh, my God. You don't even know what happened? What the hell? Like, heat stroke. Like, it was just hot. It was an 18-year-old dog, bro. Oh, that is so sad. R.I.P. for Brinko. I had something very similar happen. I had two box turtles. But we're talking about me right now.

It was so hot and it's just so sad. Anytime you go out and discover your pet just dead, it's terrible. Wait, you recently found a dead pet? You found Freddy? No, it was when we were living together, Adam. Remember we had those tortoises? Adam, what did you do to the tortoises? You don't remember them? No, I remember Austin having tortoises. Where did we have tortoises? At the cocaine fuck palace at the house.

I called it that the first time it came over and it just stuck. I'm pretty sure it's still in my phone. I got the number. Yeah, I really don't remember us having turtles. Well, they were your turtles, right? Because I wasn't feeding these turtles. Where did you keep these turtles at? They were like in the fountain that didn't work. Oh, shit. There was a fountain in the backyard that was not operational and I filled it with sand and then I put two tortoises in there. That is right. Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. But then one day I think it rained. So I moved them to a cooler and I think they might've sizzled in the cooler or something. I don't know. It was so sad, dude. It fucking sucks. I love how you guys are like, what'd you do? And you're sizzling turtles. Dude, I was so sad. It fucking sucked, man. Tortoise story. RIP Frederica. RIP those turtles. Anyway, here's the story. Yes, thank you. And this is our buddy Bill Krebs' favorite story of my life. Break it off. Oh,

Oh, so he knows. Freddie died. And I was like, I think I've told you. You guys don't listen to me. You've never told us. Freddie died. My parents were like, hey, if you... And I was like, we got to get another dog. Like, what?

we gotta get another dog. I love dogs. And you were like, nah, I'm good. No, I said that to my parents. Okay, okay. Shut up, bitch. And my parents were like, well, why don't you research what the best dog would be for the family? And I was like, I'm on it. So I bought like these dog books and I'm all about the Chinese Shar Pei. I'm like, it's the perfect size. Uh,

It doesn't need to be walked too much. And those are like the really wrinkly. Exactly. Like nude, nude looking dudes. Yeah. Not super fun to pet. They have short hair. The sharp hair means sand skin because they're actually very rough to the touch. Yes. No,

I love this. They're 17 to 19 inches at the withers. They're about 45 to 65 pounds on the margin. Remember when I said dog? You could be in a dog show, Durs, I'm telling you, but keep going. With purple tongues with the chow chow.

But they have a lot of eye problems and hip dysplasia. But so I go, shiny Sharpies. That's what we got to get. And I start putting up these pictures. I'm like, we get this color coat, whatever. They have blue ones. They were actually on the brink of extinction. There were only about maybe a dozen or so shiny Sharpies on the planet.

And that's when, I believe in 1980 or 81 or 82, the Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog gave away, offered two Chinese syrup Sharpies, his and hers, for $2,000. And the PR...

hurricane around that actually brought Sharpay's back in a brink of destruction. Damn, luggage talk. Taking a backseat. Thank you, Neiman Marcus. Sharpay. The Sharpay car. Okay, there's what happened to the dog. I go, I want Chinese Sharpay's. And Christmas is coming around the corner. This is the way. And I open up and I'm like,

I'm like, we're getting a fucking, we're getting a Sharpay. It's about to happen. Yeah, hell yeah. You've waited out. And I open a card with a Chinese Sharpay on it. And I don't know what the card said exactly, but it was something to the effect of like, this is the closest you're going to get to getting a Chinese Sharpay. Wow. What?

Not like mean, but like phrased like, we're not going to do it, but here's a card with one. Wait, so why did they make you do all this research if they weren't planning on getting another dog? Fucking get them out of the kitchen. Get them away from them, man. It was probably annoying as hell. Yeah, I was in the kitchen too much. Yeah, a little know-it-all, man. I think...

I'm going to say that I think that's fucked up, dude. I'm sorry, Durz. That had to fucking hurt you until now, bro. That has to still be an open wound. That's like a divorce. And it hits you out of the clear blue.

This is how dumb I was. When I took French and they were like, you know how you take a language class and you pick a name from that culture, right? Yes. And you go by that shit, which I would love to hear everyone's. So I was Jean-Claude, right? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yes, of course. But then...

Jean-Claude has like a hyphen between and so does Sharpay. And one day I was like, I'm changing my name to Sharpay. And she was like, that's not French. And I was like, I was like, I'm not doing this unless you call me Sharpay. They then fail me. She was like, okay. So then like this teacher was like, this teacher would be like, Sharpay? And I'd be like, whatever the fuck it was. But I had a grown woman calling me Sharpay.

Hey, man, that counts for something. Yes, points!

Where is she at? Shout out, Miss Lesage. I'm pretty sure I made your life miserable. Okay, so now, though, now, you're a grown man. Farting in a jar. You're a father. Yeah. Are you going to do this? Can't. No, I can't, dude. Can't get a dog. Wife's allergic. Oh, Ryan, the allergies. She's got allergies, but she never had them. This is the conspiracy theory. You guys ready for it? She just got them. When she was in Africa, she got malaria. It's cold.

And after she had malaria, allergic to animals. It's science. So what is the conspiracy? Somebody injected malaria in her. Somebody who was against Anders injected malaria in her. Getting malaria fucked with her immune system so much that it triggered something to change forever. But where's the conspiracy? Or she realized that if...

Yeah, if she got malaria, she wouldn't have to have a dog. She could use that. She could lord that over you. Oh, you think she would stand up my parents? No, yeah, your parents called her. Your parents called her and said, if you let him get a Sharpay, you realize he wins, and we're not going to let Anders win. We won't allow him to win. We said in a card a long time ago that this is the closest he would get to the damn thing. This is the closest. And we underlined ever.

This is the closest you will ever get to owning a Sharpix. And it was signed in a bloody paw print. Oh, man. So I know too much about dogs. You don't want to sit next to me when the dog shows on. Hey, you don't want to battle me. No, I've always loved your dog knowledge. I do love. You said withers, right? You said something about the withers. What is that?

You're grabbing your hips. The withers are the shoulders. Measure a dog's height from the shoulders. Do we have withers? Bill Withers, RIP. Yes, we did. We did have a withers. Any take backs, apologies, epic slams, flowers, giveaways? I'll give my flowers to Freddie.

We miss you every day. You were a good little dog. Smooth coat, dachshund. Blind as a bat. Would just walk off the back porch constantly. So my dad had to put up little bumpers. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Not bumper bumper. Poor guy. 17. We're on a podcast with bumper. Dude, while we're giving it up to our pets, I got to shout out Tiana, bro. Tiana's up there in All Dogs Go to Heaven. And what was Tiana? You think Tiana's kicking it with Frederica? Tiana and Frederica are totally kicking it,

They're cruising right now. Meanwhile, Gripster's in hell. Gripster is trapped in Nirvana, dude. He's not allowed to move. No, Gripster's dead, dude. R.I.P. Gripstar. Gripster died. He went blind. He was blind in the last fucking night. They go blind. Did you think you would outlive Gripster? Yeah. Oh, maybe not at a certain time in my life. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a great question. When you got Gripster, were you like, you're going to keep me alive? When I got Gripster, I was probably 24. I thought I was going to be dead at 28, dude. I really did. You wanted to be dead at 28. Did you really? He wanted to be. It's not like we were like how rappers who grew up in the hood are always like, I never thought I'd make it to 28 or whatever because all their friends are getting murdered. None of our friends are really getting murdered.

murdered. Well, he wanted to do it in the rock and roll way, like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. He wanted to choke on a turkey sandwich. Yeah, I was actively trying to choke on a footlong.

Is that how Janis Joplin died? No, Mama Kaz. When you released the Wizards album, you hit send and then you tried to choke on a turkey bone. Nailed it. Nailed it. Veggie delight. Whoops.

Well, I'd like to give a shout out to Sydney, my black lab growing up. Wow, she was just a great dog. She just laid around. If you have black labs, you know they're just the best. They're just so full of love. Yeah, they're great. Webbed toes for swimming. Go ahead. She also had a lot of tumors. Very turmeric. I remember that. Very turmeric. Turmeric. Turmeric.

Tumor heavy. Beautiful dog. Tumor heavy. A lot of tumors. And she had like a twin sister named Ginger also had tumors. They were very tumeric dogs. Yeah. Tumeric. The tumor twins. Tumeric latte. I'd like to give flowers to my mother's dog, Sadie. Always a total spaz. Lived to be, I think, 15. I want to say 15, 16. Can't say spaz.

Say it. Really? That's what she was. You can't say spaz anymore? No, you didn't hear about this? No, what's this? No, why spaz? Why spaz? Beyonce just took it off a song. Because in England, it's like really bad. Well, cunt is really bad here, but they're still saying it all over there every goddamn day. That's true. He's got a point. It's not just that England. It's just that some people, even people all over the world, have spastic things that are wrong with them. Or not wrong. Different...

Differently abled. And spaz is like making fun of spastic people. Okay, well the dog's dead and Sadie's fine with it. I knew this dog should be totally cool with it. I don't know. And she passed away and my mom

My mom's friend made like art of Sadie in heaven. No. Like a painting? My mom hung – yeah, a painting that you could see. It's like a – like glass that are in churches, you know? It's like stained glass. Yes, yes, yes. And so it's hanging up in a window. Church glass. It's – the sun –

trying to do it. And it seems insane that my mom has this hanging up there. But, you know, she loved the dog. So we're letting her do it. Shout out to Sadie. What kind of dog? I don't know. I think it was a mutt. Oh, yeah, the bitch. I think I met that dog. Did I meet that dog? I bet you I could tell you exactly. If I see one picture of it, give me one picture. Pekingese, hyperactive. I know what it is.

Did I meet that dog? He was cute. I believe you have. Would I have met her? Yes. Him? Yeah. Yes. Hey, shout out to all the dogs out there. You know, you've loved them. You've lost them, but they're always there for you. Shout out to Nate Dog. Shout out to Nate Dog. R.I.P. What a legend, man. All the dogs. All dogs go to heaven, though. And tune in next week. 100 episodes, baby. Oh, my gosh. Who would have thought?

We might have something planned. We might not. Live at the Bellagio Fountain, ladies and gentlemen. This one was 99. Wait, what's that song? From Toto.

If you didn't pull Prince, I thought you were going to pull Prince. Way to set that one up, Blakey. That's what I wanted to do. There we go. That's it. That's pretty good. That one I like. Oh, you got them all. 99. Yeah. I have Prince, but I don't know where it went. I was trying to figure out the pun on that 99 podcast, but I don't know. You know what I mean? I couldn't get anywhere. But shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch. It ain't one. Yeah.

99th podcast, but a shut up bitch ain't one. Oh yeah, the bitch ain't one. That's their title. And that's another episode of 99 Podcasts, but a shut up bitch ain't one. Important. It is important.

So I have some big news for vegans and vegetarians everywhere. It's Hellman's plant-based mayo spread and dressing. Made for people with a plant-based diet or anyone really who wants to enjoy the great taste of Hellman's real without the eggs. Hellman's plant-based is perfect for sandwiches, salads, veggie burgers, or any of your family favorites.

To celebrate, Hellman's is sharing some easy, delicious plant-based recipes at Hellmans.com. Hellman's Plant-Based Mayo Spread and Dressing. Same great taste, plant-based. Starbucks Iced Apple Crisp Oat Milk Shaken Espresso. Made with blonde espresso, creamy oat milk, and spiced apple flavors. It's an icy crisp sip you can enjoy all autumn long. Order ahead on the Starbucks app.

That's F.

This ad is sponsored by Facet. Facet Wealth Incorporated is an SEC-registered investment advisor. This is not an offer to buy or sell securities, nor is it investment, legal, or tax advice.

If you're a smoker or dipper looking to make a change, you really only need one reason to do it. But with Zinn Nicotine Pouches, you can find many. Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch. It's made with only six simple ingredients. Plus, Zinn is the only nicotine pouch with a 10-day hassle-free trial. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zinn. Find yours in online or in a store near you at zinn.com slash find.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.