The Pleasure Is Ours: Does "Slow and Steady Win the Race?"
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The pleasure is ours. I think I know how we're kicking it off. Oh, you already know. Oh, the pleasure. The pleasure is ours.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, but mostly ladies and fully grown adults, welcome to The Pleasure is Ours. It's ours. It's our pleasure. Oh my god. Brought to you by what, Blake? Who's our sponsor? Trojan, my man. Ha!

Trojan condoms. America's number one selling condom. Absolutely. Number one condom brand. You better believe it. Trusted for over 100 years. Get it right. Guys, what a ride it's been. The pleasure has been ours, and I hope it's been all the listeners as well. This has been a hot, steamy little pod.

I wonder how many people... Jerk off to the podcast? Yeah, masturbated. You knew where I was going with it. Masturbated to the podcast. Because admittedly, this is important. Obviously, we're very cool and sexy there. But we've been very sexy. Very sexual. I love the idea of the person who's masturbating to the show right now.

mid-stroke just going it's talking to me or do they go like double time oh yeah are they like i'm talking to you derrick this is my moment uh how crazy it would be if his name was derrick he's mid-stroke he stops he's like he throws his headphones across the room shout out to derrick man stroke down derrick we're fans quick question you ever beat off and do a condom oh like practice yeah yeah yeah i

I think before I had sex in a condom, I was like, I got to put one of these things on. Yeah, you got to give it a go. See if you can strap it on. And then now that it was on, I was like, well, now that it's out. Now I don't want to live without it. Can't waste it. I want it on all the time. And then I took it off and then I started blowing air into it to kind of inflate it just to see if there's any kind of holes or leaks. And guess what? Trojan? Trojan.

Never was. That's because it's been tested and it's trusted for over 100 years, buddy. You're not going to find any holes in those condoms, baby. Nope. Nope. Well, that being said, like, don't just keep it in your, you know, don't just keep it in your wallet for like 100 years. Sure. Respect the latex. The born on date on there? You have to respect it. Absolutely. But that being said, it's not coming out of the factory with any holes. If there's a hole, that's your doing. And you know what?

They've taken their time for 100 years, which is a beautiful segue to our topic of the day. Oh, sure. The saying is, slow and steady wins the race. You don't just jump into the condom game and take over with your lack of experience. There's no trust there. Yeah, exactly. Why am I putting you on my dick? Slow and steady, that's a pretty good...

I feel for the most part that does win the race. Like just being consistent, consistently doing the right things over and over. That'll breed success. Absolutely. There are a few X factors to this. What is the race? Is it a sprint? Because if it's a sprint and you're trying to slow and steady it,

I don't know if you're going to win the race. I might not win the race. Yeah, but if your mind is slow and steady, like I'm sure Usain Bolt, when he's in that sprint and he's coming out of the gate in every stride, I guarantee you in his mind everything is slowed down. Okay. Straight matrix. Did you see that video? I'm sure you guys have. It was like of the sprinter. I don't know my sprinter, so I don't know the guy's name. Okay.

It was like locked off just on his... Carson Warhol. Is this right? Yes, that's it. I mean, if anyone were to know, it's probably Ders, but it's just like locked off on this guy's... And he's a hurdler. And it's just like locked on his eyes. Yeah. And you could just tell like he's...

His face is not doing anything. He's not grimacing or smiling. When I run, it looks so painful. A lot is happening in my brain. It's just like, come on, buddy. You can do this.

And then also, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, yeah. It's a painful experience. But I feel for that track star, slow and steady for him is lightning fast. He's a runner. He's a track star. Yeah, absolutely. Because, I mean, if you were really thinking about it, it's like,

kind of fast and steady would win the race, right? That's what the saying should be. Cause if you can fast and steady, yeah. If you can be fast and steady at the same time, you're going to win every race you enter. Well, let's say, let's say it's just, if, if it's, if it's working out, okay. Okay. Uh, throwing some weights around, getting your pump on slow and steady. You're saying exercising, exercising, like physically working out, like you're, you're exercising. Uh,

slow and steady. Yeah. To me, that just means you're doing it every day. You're, you're steady with it. Uh,

You're not just going big on one day and then falling down the mountaintop for the other six days. Sure. You're not working out nine hours a day one day and then not at all the rest of the week. You're not going to show up on the first day and do like a crazy max deadlift. You're going to want to get in there. You're going to warm up a little bit. If the other guy gets in there and does it for, he's going to throw his damn back out. Exactly.

You'll be the last man standing. That's what it's all about. You want to start that first day, kind of remind your back, hey, we're going to be using you. You're going to be put to work now. Then a couple days later, you put on a little more weight. Then that Friday, give it hell. Slow and steady. Look at you go. God damn. Crank it up. I want to be in your little workout regiment. Come on over. I worked out with Blake the other day. The guy couldn't walk because I was too...

I don't know, aggressive. Maybe I wasn't slow and steady enough. I know. Well, you know, I'm more of a runner. So like this, this saying applies to me. You're more of like a, you lift with your legs. I like to use them and apply them and run laps and go long.

marathon-ish runs. You go on marathon-ish runs? It's not quite a marathon. It's Marichan-ish. I like to utilize my legs muscles for movements that propel forward-ish. I mean, I also ride a bike like 15 to 20 miles damn near every day. So it's not like I don't use my... You know what? Fuck you. You guys are going at it.

I didn't start it, dude. This guy came out saying he was fucking dusting me. I'm just saying if I would start that regimen, I'm going to get there with you, brother. But you do inspire me, brother. I believe. I absolutely believe that you would. And admittedly, whenever you do someone else's workout, they're obviously going to be a little better because they've been slow and steady with the race. But if we're talking sexually, let's talk about the bedroom.

The pleasure. Pleasure is ours. If we're talking about the pleasure. Slow and steady sometimes doesn't win the race. Is this coming from the human jackhammer? Yeah. From Adam Devine, the human jackhammer. Adam, the jackhammer divine. Yeah, this dude is Captain Blazeheart over here. Yeah.

This guy really goes at it. Well, I've been told, like, sometimes it's just you're going too long. Oh, wow. I've been told repeatedly. Go off. You're going too long.

The words too long have never been said to me. That is not in my dictionary. I don't really have an issue with premature eject. That's not my main issue. For sure. Sometimes I go too long and she's like, you know, wrap it the fuck up, buddy. Sure. So for her. So then it's like slow and steady. That's not winning the race. Yeah. She wants more of a dead sprint. And then we get there. Right.

Right, right, right. Yeah, I feel like this is more advice for a rookie because sometimes you come out and you think you just need to... But yeah, there's an art to it. It's a dance. It's a real dance. It's a tango. So a dancing tango wins the race? That could be. A little two-step. Life's a dance. A little one-tang step. It's a tango.

The Macarena wins the race, baby. That's pretty good. This is for the noobs. This isn't for the sage old vets that we are. Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like the longer you're in the game, the longer you're throwing your hat in the race, it's like, yeah, you realize you need to pace yourself. It's a young man's thing to come out and just be like, I gotta just sprint to get to the end, but

It's a marathon, baby. Also, enjoy yourself. But like I said...

If we're talking sexually. Yes. I always am, by the way. I know you are. You won't shut up about. I mean, I worked out with you like a week ago. I get it. It's all sex. Hey, Blake, how loud is Adam in the gym? He grunts. He grunts. He's way louder when he fucks. And I was his roommate and I lived a wall away. So, yeah, I know. But Adam, weren't you just bench pressing women in your room? Yeah, well, it's just a workout in there. Right. Yeah.

Yeah.

The pleasure is ours.

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I got it. I got it. Okay. But wait, but what does it do? It prolongs the pleasure and prevents premature ejac. Oh, thank God. And it can be used. What's cool about it, you hose your ding-dong down, and then you can strap on a Trojan condom, which is triple tested and trusted for over 100 years. Oh, that's huge. That's a long time. Wow.

So you use the spray with the condom so you're having safe sex. You're lasting a long time. Everybody's having fun. My gosh. So it's super safe, but then also you're not a chump. You're not just... Yeah, you're not a two-pump chump. You're not a two-pump chump. You're a pleasure machine. You're a pleasure machine. Yes, exactly. A pleasure machine. Yes, say it again because that's true. Say it one more time. Pleasure machine. Exactly. Third time's the charm. Or maybe they just read about Sting who was having tantric sex for

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's a legend in that field. Well, I mean, so I think that this must be his secret.

Right? Yeah. This has to be his secret. He must be using the delay spray. He was using some sort of essence of something from like a mountain spring or something like that. And they put that in here. Maybe. I don't know. But like, there's got to be the good stuff in here. Right, guys? There has to be. Well, he's like, no, he probably like, you know, it's staying. He's like, he's like, oh, yeah, it's probably it's mountain. I don't know if this is what he sounds like, but he's like, it's mountain spray. It helps me last longer. But really, he's just sneaking off in the bathroom.

doing a little squirt squirt with some delay spray more than likely allegedly allegedly he's doing stuff like this we don't know but we're assuming I spray it around the house it gets everybody in the mood they know that something's about to happen it gets everybody it gets everybody the dog yeah

You've been warned. It's going down. The dog gets under the couch. Uh-oh, it's about to go down. Yeah, and it's going to be a while. Delay spray. The pleasure is ours.

Well, so guys, we kind of jumped right into sex as far as the slow and steady wins the race. But what about when you're courting a woman or a man? When you're courting, a courting process. How do you play it? It's a delicate balance. Too slow and too steady, that won't win the race. Then you're going to be friend-zoneded.

And you won't, you know, you're not going to end up dating this person that you really like. I mean, you like them as a friend, but it seems like you like them as more, and she's not going to reciprocate that if you have stayed in the friend zone for too long. Yeah, because the whole thing is when you are kind of vibing with the person, you want to play it cool because if you come out too hot,

like out the gate then you're gonna come off a little desperate and then they're like what's up with this person is this a clingy person is this person doesn't have a life of their own so yeah it really is a a delicate balance isn't it isn't it isn't it yeah slow and low that is the tempo and you want to play a little cool you know yeah and also slow and steady

does win a race if you are playing it a little cool, right? Because you don't want to come out and just be like, I love you. I love you. I have my children. But have you ever tried that? I have.

Without a doubt, I have. It didn't work? No, absolutely. Hey, can I buy you a drink? I love you and want to have your children. So the least I could do is get you a scotch on the rocks. But it's kind of also about not panicking because there are times when there's maybe a lady or a guy you're interested in that they're just not ready to be in that relationship. You know what I mean? And so if you hang around, eventually...

And you stay in, you know, texting, checking in on them or whatever. Maybe eventually it will turn that corner and you will enter a relationship. We're not. Yeah. I feel 10 years of my life. I don't know if you're like made like an altar to her and you're like burning candles like I must have her. Like maybe move on. Well, yeah, definitely don't be a psychopath. But...

Hey, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Sometimes fate needs to step in as well. That's true, Blake. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. I think maybe that's what it should be. Not slow and steady wins the race. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Yeah, but you have to shoot your shot, man. Like you slow and steady does can that can be a good theory, but you have to be you have to shoot your shot. You can't just be there in the cut watching all these other guys make moves. OK, so here's the thing, though, because it's

put in this perspective of a race so if you put it in a race are we talking about like the day you die because like if you finally if you're slow and steady with this this person who you want to have a relationship and you finally get her on your deathbed is did you win the race like oh yeah man you lost the race if you got a trojan condom in your pocket that's beautiful man it's just really beautiful to me it's beautiful

But to bring it back to sexually. Bring it back, baby. Slow and steady, like I said earlier, sometimes doesn't win the race. Sometimes it has to be a little more...

Just say jackhammer. Just say jackhammer. Sometimes you got to jackhammer away. You need to be like the Slipknot drummer, two bass pedals fucking going after you. Sometimes you got to blast off to the moon. And I think that that maybe is a better phrase. So instead he does win the race sometimes. We're talking about as guys right now. Yeah, we're talking about guys. Yeah, we really need a female perspective for this. I don't know if we can speak for women, but like...

Should women go slow and steady? Does that win their race or should they jackhammer? Or do they want to blast? I feel like a lot of women would like to be blasted off to the moon. I know, but that's such a guided thing to say. Like truly has any girl brought you aside and been like, hey man, could you just blast me a little harder next time?

Be honest. Has anyone ever said that? Be honest. Has anyone ever said harder? Yeah. What do you mean? No, I'm just saying like... I mean, they're not saying cool terminology like blast off to the moon. They're not saying like dope ass shit like that, but they're not all... You know, they're not comedians. I'm not having sex with a lot of female comics saying really funny stuff. I just feel like, yeah, if we're like tying this little saying into the bedroom, this is a two-person conversation. Like, it's all about communication. So...

Communication wins the race. Like, if you're trying to get to that finish line, if you're trying to get to that finish line, like, we need to talk about what makes you get there. Communication wins the race if you're trying to blast off to the moon. Just have a good pit crew, baby. Right. Woof, woof, woof, woof.

So that pit crew, that has nothing to do with... It's a race. Blasting off... What are you talking about? That's a drill. He's drilling them, homie. Well, I was trying to say blasting off to the moon. That you would need... That's not... You're not taking a wheel off of if you're blasting. Okay. Right. True. Okay. Well... So you want to take it to the space race? You want to talk about the space race? Obviously, we're in the space race. We're trying to send your partner to...

the moon they use drills on on those things though i guess they would use drills right they have drills for sure yeah sure okay yeah so blake i take it back that that was the right noise to use you know like that's how they close the hatch right i would hope so yeah you got to bolt it shut yeah or else the door might fly off and we lost shatner oh fuck did he go yet

to space no i don't i think i don't know i actually don't know i thought he did because he was like in the i don't know you know what i don't care well the photo i saw of him our manager is in the chat saying yes he did he did go because i saw a photo of him i'm like he's looking really red he's looked red for a while shatner like shatner's looking like he's about to pop you know so i was like i was like maybe he's blasted off to the moon already do you know how old he is

If I had to guess, 676. 69. He's like, I think he's almost 90. Oh my God, dude. I think so. No way. You can't go to space when you're 90. Well, he did and he blasted off to the moon. And so guess what? Slow and steady didn't win that race. Blasting off to the moon did. He's 90. He's 90. Oh my God. Well, good for him. He's looking great for 90. He looks amazing. Well, if you told me that he just eats steak fast,

five times a day and he's 58 years old, I would be like, yeah, that's what you would look like. If I told you...

What? That Shatner ate steak five times a day. He's just a true carnivore. Yeah, and that's what he looked like. I'd be like, yeah, he's a guy that is not taking care of himself. But for 90, he's looking fantastic. Okay, but look at it this way. To bring it back to slow and steady wins the race. This is a dude who was in Star Trek, right? Like he's playing around in space. Like I'm amongst the stars. He turned 90.

90 years old and he finally actually left

and went into space. He did it for the long run. You're going to skip past like TJ Hooker and didn't he get like Emmy like as a lawyer? I know, but I'm just saying this dude was he's all in on Star Trek, right? Like he's all in, dude. Like William Shatner claims it hard. So to finally get to go to space like is pretty. That is the definition of slow and steady winning the race. But in order to do that, five states a day.

In order to do that, you had to blast off to the moon. Right. It's five steaks a day wins the race, and then you can blast off. All right. Hey, Anders, I want you to respect William Shatner. That was rude, dude. Yeah. Hey, what's crazy is...

Trojan condoms is only 10 years older than William Shatner. Damn, dude. That is crazy. Do you think he was on the... No, because he would have been 10. Did I save it? Did I save it? That was. Dang, I wonder if he was in the testing squad. Do you think... So they've been testing them for 100 years. Do you think that the product had come out? How long do you think they... Well...

I'm sure they tested it as much as they needed to before the product hit the shelves. Well, I feel like... And it's been on the shelves ever since. Because they want to test it on young viral men. Viral? Viral. What?

With viruses? They probably are testing it on infected people and seeing the transfer. On virile and viral men. Some young sexual go-hards. So probably, I wonder if William Shatner, I mean, he's been in Hollywood a very long time. Maybe he was on that first wave of...

of, hey, let's give these guys some condoms. Let's see if latex on wieners is a good move. And maybe it's possible that Billy Shatner was in that first batch. Dude, live long and prosper, dude. He got it. Let's give some flowers to Billy Shatner, a man who I thought was...

A guy who's about to die of a heart attack at 58 years old. Turns out he's 90 years old, and he's making me realize that my slow and steady winning the race of eating steak almost every day of my life might be a great way to live because I could end up being 90 and going to outer space. Absolutely, dude. Keep eating those steaks, and you're going to make it to the finish line. And I might blast off to the moon. Yeah.

So, slow and steady wins the race. If you're new to the race, if you're new to the game, that's a good way to go about it at first. But then as you become a veteran of whatever game that this race is, it's time for you to blast off to the moon. I'm obsessed with race. Yeah.

When you're about to retire, when the game you're about to retire from, it's coming and you see it, you got to be like, yo, it's time to blast beat this thing and blast off. To the moon. So you're saying at your retirement of the race, after years of being slow and steady? Put it all in and die on the field. Die on the track. And blast off to the moon. Yeah. Huh.

Well, hey, guys. The pleasure was mine. What a season. This was the last. This was the very last episode of this season of The Pleasure is Ours. And I would like to say that it was, guys. It really was. The pleasure was ours. I had a great time doing this podcast with you. Zoom handshake to my very good friend. Zoom handshake. And thank you all for listening. And please tune in to our other podcast. This is...

Important! But for now, the pleasure was ours. This episode was brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom brand. You can get any of Trojan's products that were featured in this episode, like Bare Skin Raw, Ultra Fit, Ultra Thin, and Delay Spray, online or at any major retailer. Do your best, get yours on. Hear that? Pumpkin!

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