The Pleasure Is Ours: "Don't Quit Your Day Job"
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And you gotta say it all sexy. The pleasure is ours, feed. So, you know, check it out. Hope you dig it. The pleasure is ours is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom brand. Feel your best. Get yours on. What's the show called? The pleasure is ours. I think I know how we're kicking it off. Oh, oh, oh. You already know. Oh, oh, oh. The pleasure is ours.

The pleasure is ours. We got a new podcast. This is our second. We love casting. Look at us go. The community demanded more, and we're giving it to them. We partnered with Trojan, and we're hosting season two of The Pleasure is Ours. And I know I'm excited. And the pleasure is ours.

Oh, yeah. We're going to roll this one down all the way to the serial number, huh? I know. I'm excited with Blake all being nude in this little Zoom frame, I see. Yeah, you guys have your shirts off. Yes, I think one rule about doing The Pleasure is Ours is I'm going to do it topless.

Take the bottoms off. I want to see some nits. Take the bottoms off. Let's make it interesting. Come on. Durs, feel free to release the twins. We were talking about your bush. It is pretty serious right now, you were saying? Yes, yes. I haven't trimmed in a while. It's been a minute. Oh, I actually, for the Righteous Gemstones, just last week, I had to shave bare. I shaved my pubes. I think that was the first time I've ever done that in my life. Besides like an accidental... Straight razor? You left the nut hair, right? Like a razor.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm completely... I even shaved my butthole hair just because. Just because I was like, I'm down there. Just because you're a standard, brother? Yeah, you're close, so you might as well complete the task. I was like, they're shooting from behind, and I think they might see some nutsack or something. I don't know, man. I guess that's...

Weirdly, what happened was in Game Over Man, I was like butt naked. And now they're like, all right, he'll show his butthole and absolutely everything. You do it once, you'll do it again. Yeah, you give a mouse a cookie. You know what I mean? Give the mouse the nookie, baby. The pleasure is ours. Do it all for the nookie. The pleasure is ours.

So the topic of this episode is don't quit your day job. Yes, this old saying. We all know this old saying. And what a better topic to kick it off with the workaholics. Come on. Yeah, come on now. After seven seasons, we did quit our day job.

We did. And look at your day job now. They're having you shave your butthole. So don't... And don't quit your day job is basically saying, like, don't pursue your dreams, right? Your dream, yeah. It's a bullshit. It's like what your shitty uncle says to you. I remember... I mean, my uncles aren't like that shitty, but I remember when I first moved to Hollywood and I was like, I'm going to be an actor. I'm going to be a comedian. And...

You know, it's such an insane thing to say to anyone outside of like L.A. where like they know people in the entertainment industry. It just seems insane. So everyone in my life said this to me. And they're like, OK, don't quit your day job. And I'm like, I don't have. Well, it's also the nicest way to tell someone you think they suck at something.

Oh, yeah, right. It's a burn. It's definitely a burn. I don't know if it's a true piece of advice. I think it's always been a burn. Where it's like you hear somebody singing and then you're like, hey, don't quit your day job. Exactly. It's a slam. Yeah, it's a slam. Since this is The Pleasure Is Ours, I kind of looped it back to like, I don't know if you've ever met someone who's like super down on maybe thinking about joining in porno and being a porno actor. I don't know. Have you guys met anyone who's thinking about being super down into porno? No.

Super down. Like, have you ever had a friend who was like truly considering joining the sexual revolution and becoming a porn star? I had a friend that you guys know who will go. Well, I can say his name is Bernie Lomax because it's not his real name. I know him. I know that man. But so he for a true moment was going to start producing porno films.

Well, so what? Did you have to talk your boy down from the edge? Well, here's what's crazy. I remember him telling his mom in front of all of us. And she was smart. She was like, okay. She didn't say, don't quit your day job. She said, go for it. And he was like,

No. Yeah. Like it kind of, it made him go, I'm backing off. This isn't fun anymore. Mom's actually supporting me. She's supposed to be yelling at me, right? Well, here's my headshot. So if we were true to the saying of don't quit your day job, would you have like asked to maybe see like some kind of audition tape and then been like, yo, bro, you just don't have the goods to do it. Like maybe, maybe.

maybe don't quit your day job? I don't think he wanted to be in the movies. I think he just wanted to produce them because he was like, it's funny, but it's also porno and there's a ton of money in that. Well, sure. Is there a ton of money in porno? Yeah. If you hit a vein, bro, if you hit a main vein, you're getting paid. I think we're all hitting the main vein, dog. I know, right? Trojan man. Trojan man. Yeah, there's definitely money in porno. What? Yeah.

Yeah, there is money. I bet somebody's making money. I just don't know if our boy Bernie Lomax is going to make a fortune off this endeavor. To me, I'm like, don't quit your day job. That's what I would say to him. He didn't have...

And that would be a burn. And that would be a burn. And that'd be a burn. You'd be burning. Burning, burning. To me, when I was... Because all these topics kind of have to relate back to sex or dating or something like that, right? This is sponsored by Trump. That's all we all got here, right? Yeah. But don't quit your... Imagine you have sex with someone and then they look in your eyes after your... Or like during having sex or maybe right after you climax and they lock into you and say...

don't quit your day job. It's just like, are you in a porno? Are you saying as a porno? No, just like, he's just saying if you're just having sex with somebody and somebody burned you, like right after you made your like cum sound. But that's a weird one to say. No, it's not. It's not if like you're really the guy who's going like, yeah, how does that feel? How does that

fuel to you i agree it's only weird are you that guy that guy i mean if you're asking for positive reinforcement and then that's what she she offers you right now you need to know but it can't just happen oh right you have to okay so that the whole thing is like you want to pursue your dream job usually right it's like you're not you don't want to be a singer you want to be a singer who's paid right so that's why it's don't quit your day job so if you're on a porno set it's your first day

And then you're like, how'd I do? And she goes, don't quit your day job. Ouch. Burn. Well, I don't know. Like, do any of you guys feel like you have some kind of all-star move that would make you a viable commodity for the porn industry? That is a very, very revealing question. Yeah.

Yeah, I've got plenty of sort of trademark moves. I feel like I would have to be in some kind of a very weird niche market. Like...

Like Ron Jeremy, like some Hedgehog style. People that are into like hair suits or something. Yeah, like funny, like, you know, like shouldn't be in porno kind of a guy. I like that. I like that. Small dick. I'm a real good soaker. Yeah, really small dick. I mean, I don't know if it's my Steve, but I just, I've got a good feeling I gave a great hand job, dude. I feel like I would excel.

I thought you were asking us what our moves were. That's my move, dude. It's my move on myself. I know I have a good hand job. You're 100% certain? Are you guys saying you have a good hand job? Or you can jack off well? Those are two separate things. I don't know. Not if you come around from behind the guy.

Yeah, man. I'm just saying if I had to go into the porn industry and I had to bet on myself and be the best at something, I think I'd be like a killer handjob assassin. I bet you'd be. I've seen you...

Play video games. Crack pepper? I've seen you with a pepper grinder. Holy cow. Say when and just say when. And that's my whole thing. My whole catchphrase is say when. And there's t-shirts and my mom has one that she wears to the gym. Oh, my.

She's so proud of me. This dude's the pepper cracker. Say win. Hey, your son's the say win guy. Should we produce a spinoff Workaholics TV show, but it is a porno? Absolutely. And the characters keep finding themselves in hardcore pornographic situations? Or should we not quit our day job?

Don't quit your day job. I'm in, man. I just would like my character to be replaced with a female that has a mustache so you could get into really cool scenarios. Progressive. Yeah. Okay. A female that has a real mustache? It could be just glued on or whatever, but I just think it would add a really funny dynamic to our already hilarious relationship. Yeah. I don't disagree. Okay.

The pleasure is ours. So obviously this podcast is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom. And specifically this episode, we're talking ultra fit. Yeah, for all the different kinds of dicks out there. There's a lot. Turns out there's lots of different shapes and sizes of dicks. You know, some are long and skinny, some are short and fat. And Trojan has our backs. They do. Thanks.

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a lot. I think that's going to be a big hit for them. Right. Well, what about sensitive tip feel? You know, it's designed to focus intensity and stimulation at the tip. That's pretty good. Yeah. They also have comfort feel, which is designed with like a slight taper for smooth, sensual pleasure. I think that, uh, that will work for your dick. I've seen your dick before. And,

And I feel you're going to want it. You're going to want some wiggle room at the top. Did you say it tapers outward? Did you say it tapers outward? With a slight taper for smooth, sensual pleasure. Yeah. You guessed it. That's mine. And Blake, you used to drive a Jeep with a big American Eagle on the front of it, right? So what's wrong with you? I feel like you guys are really burying the headline because my favorite one is the Freedom Fuel.

I knew it. Yeah, yeah. It's actually designed with less restriction for uninhibited sensation, which you know I'm all about. I like to just let the freedom flag fly.

And the flag is my dick with a condom on it. As always, Trojan is triple tested and trusted for over 100 years. I know they're my favorite condom. Wow. I love them. By far the best. I've been a Trojan man for many years. Dude, I've had so many, so many awesome experiences. Nice. Ultra fit, bare feel, sensitive tip feel, comfort feel, and freedom feel. Feel your best. Get yours on.

I feel like I threw my info out about being, you know, the best I'm at is giving handjobs. Do you guys want to go on record for what you think you're the best at? Are we talking about like the best at like what...

I don't, cause I've never given a hand job or a blow job or anything, but, uh, are we talking about just gay stuff? Like what we think we would be? No, this is, this is like in a world where you have to have a porno move. Blake said his was hand jobs. Um, mine is, uh, dropping him from the top rope. Thank you. Yeah. Right now. I feel like I'll swing in. I'll swing in. Yeah. The boner. Oh, what did you ever busted your boner?

I've ever broke my boner. No, I never. I mean, yeah. Well, yes, I have. I've had to stop and that really hurt. But no, I never had to go to the hospital and get it.

cast or whatever you've bent it out of shape or whatever i've been like we gotta pause yeah for absolutely wait what do you mean you bent it like he folded it in half the wrong way trying to get it on yeah yeah but it's like somebody's like it was like dislocated or what's up have you ever had it where like your finger like the knuckle kind of pops out and then you just gotta like kind of pop the knuckle back in yeah dick located that's what i was imagining okay i like that

And Ders, what's yours? What would you, if you had to have a secret move? Man. Oh, you know what it'd be? It'd be nipple play. The pleasure is ours. You know those, you'll watch something and you're like, this is like a lot of time on the nipples here.

move on who is doing this there's no way it feels that good there's no way you gotta tap in bro nips rock nips rock they're fine nips are fine I think some people have super the way Kyle's looking at me he has super super duper sensitive nipples which is weird because I've grabbed them for like 20 years

I'm always grabbing your titties. But you're not trying to make me feel good when you do that. But evidently, on accident, now I'm good. Now on accident, evidently I'm making you juice your jeans. If you put a little bit more effort in it, something might happen.

his last words. And then he died. Durr, since you're claiming nipple play as your special move, is that like, do you like turn people out? Like, is it like, I will make you, I will make you love nipple play? And nothing else. I'm fully clothed.

I'm dressed like a scientist. Yes. You're doing research. Right. I'm doing research on the areola. Does the nipple play include like toys? Do you use props? Is there feathers? It's got to. I think it's got to. Like syrups. Right. I mean, you know, and I'm sure as like the years go on, there's like piercings, magnets, how do they work kind of thing.

What are the magnets about? Hold up. What's the magnets about, Mr. Dr. Nipple? Because if they have the piercing, you hold the magnet above it and you can make the boob kind of follow it. You don't connect them. Don't connect them. Just have it kind of raise up. Sure, sure, sure.

Wow, he's doing all kinds of weird experiments over there. All right. Okay. So we got the circus performer over here that's dropping in from the top rope. We got Blake, who is just giving hand jobs, evidently. He's just crushing hand jobs. He's cracking pepper. Yeah, he's cracking pepper. Is that enough?

Is that enough? He's dressed like a waiter. He's got a fancy smock on. And Carl is just like a very... You said it was like...

Very kinky. What did you say? It's probably like mostly shadows. I don't know what it is. I don't really know what it is. It's mostly shadows. I play in what you don't see. I'm the kind of like, I'll give you a butt cheek in the light and then go back in. It's a very arthouse film. When she says, is it in yet? Or what's those pornos where you just see the face? You know what I mean? You don't see anything else. It's all reactions. I feel like I would crush that.

You're like a fill-in-the-blank guy. Let your imagination. I do enjoy suspending disbelief. You're like a cool 90s Cinemax movie. His porno name is fill-in-the-blanks. And I think if anyone saw us as professional porn stars with these cool new nicknames, they might say, don't quit your day job. Don't quit your day job.

Yeah, don't quit your day job. I mean, have you guys ever had anyone say that to you? Because I've had someone legit say that to me before. And I'm sorry. I take it back. No.

You blew me away. Look at your great success. I remember when I was 19 years old and I, you guys remember we were friends at this point, uh, minus stirs cause we hadn't met him yet. But, uh, I was 19 and I was working at that camera store in orange County and I was selling tripods. Didn't know anything about tripods. All I knew is they had three legs. Uh, and, uh, uh,

I got fired. Basically, I got fired because I drank too much water. And then they got... Because I was always leaving my area to go get more water. And then the guy was like, hey, I'm firing you. And I'm like, okay, all right. And then his brothers...

his daughter on what grounds on water actually you drink too much water not on land and then the his daughters who helped him run the business were like don't fire at him he's a good kid he just drinks too much water he stays very hydrated and so he calls me up and he's like hey i'm uh

I'm not going to fire you. I just need you to stay at your station more and sell more tripods. And then I go, I'm sorry. I think it was a good thing that you let me go because I have to concentrate on my comedy. I told him that at like 19 and he was like, Oh God, don't quit your day job. And he said that to me. And I remember thinking,

I was just fired from my day job. You fucking idiot. You just fired me from my day job. Yeah. What the hell? I can't quit it now. Yeah. Yeah. I remember it being like, I remember being like, I didn't catch it until after the fact. I'm like, yeah, well, I know I, but I got to give comedy a shot. And then I hung up and then I'm like telling our, our friend Austin about that. And, and then I was like, I said, don't quit your day job. And then I was like,

But he just fired me. And we laughed. We were pretty stoned, but we laughed. I think we find this fucking guy. Yes. And we have Blake fucking jack him off while I work the nipples. Bro.

And then you fly in from the top rope. I'll swing in. And just when he thinks it's over, Kyle creeps in from the shadows. Don't quit your day job. And you go, don't quit your day job. Don't quit your day job, buddy. Hey, hey, don't quit. How about you don't quit your day job? Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I should have said. That's always fun when someone says something to you and then your retort is the exact same thing that they said. But you don't quit your day job. No, you don't quit your day job. Yeah, my job's fine. You don't quit yours. It's cool when it works, too. When the person's like, oh, you want me to quit? And you're like, wow, it worked. Yeah, right, right. Have you guys ever been fired?

Yeah, I got fired from Lacoste on Rodeo Drive. That was pretty epic. I just went. It was like the holiday season. I went home for a week instead of the three days I told him I'd be gone. Sorry about it. Yeah, fucking where's the wiggle room? Sorry. Oh, that's it. Don't quit your day job. Get fired from it. Get fired from your day job. Get fired from it.

Get like, so yeah, that's pretty good. And that is actually good advice. So do we, what's a better phrase than don't quit your day job? Because I mean, that is, it is a slam. Don't do porno. Well, yeah, I would say that. When someone starts singing, just go, hey, don't do porno.

What if it's like don't quit your day job, but you can film porno at night in your room on like an OnlyFans or something as a side hustle? That's better. Yeah, a little long. Yeah. Yeah, that seems... Right. Don't quit your day job, but... I don't know if that one has legs. Yeah, try a side hustle first. How about don't quit your dream job? Okay. Oh, no. How about that? Would that be a...

Would that be nice for the kids who are getting trophies for just participating these days? Well, I mean, it's not a horrible... Like, don't quit your day job because some people...

Like should not quit their day job. Like if they are going after something and they like, if you're, Oh, you want to be a pro baseball player and you're giving it your all, but like you can't throw a baseball and you're like, I'm giving it all to my dream. I I'm going to quit my day job and learn to throw this baseball. And the guy's 37. You're like, buddy, you're not,

You're not going to be a pro baseball player. Don't quit your day job. That's good advice. I think that also kind of ties in with the way I spun it. You can have your day job and then at night throw the ball against the wall a little bit. You can have your day job and eat it too. Some sort of play on that. There we go. You can have your day job and eat it too. You can have a day job and have a side hustle to get you some money to possibly eat it. You can have a day job...

And eat your side hustle. I like that. I like a mashup of two, of two sayings. Yeah. You're going to have your day job and eat it too. And eat it too. Yeah. Yeah. Did we just change the world? Oh my God. Hey, it was our pleasure. It was our pleasure. Our pleasure. Our pleasure. Have we talked about how to end these episodes yet? I think we just did it.

This episode was brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom brand. You can get any of Trojan's products that were featured in this episode like Bare Skin Raw, Ultra Fit, Ultra Thin, and Delay Spray online or at any major retailer. Do your best. Get yours on.