The Pleasure Is Ours: "Never Judge a Book By Its Cover"
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Oh, do you already know? Oh, the pleasure. The pleasure is ours. We're back. Guys, hold on. I have to get specifically horny for these. Oh, you do? Because as you know, this is the pleasure is ours. I like that he said this is the pleasure.

Yeah. And this is a very, very, very, very, very, very special episode of The Pleasure Is Ours. Tell them why. Do we have a special guest? What? No. A very special guest. Yeah. No wonders. That's the special guest. I like it. The special guest is who's not here. Yeah. The special guest is that we don't have one of our own. No.

Yeah, we're steering the ship Ders list today. You know why? It's because he's a big, yeah, I think he's big time in us. You guys think he's big time in us? He's like a big time movie star. Oh, it's a big time move. He's in movies with Bobby De Niro. That's what his friends call him. And that's what Ders calls him now. And suddenly, suddenly he's too good to do the podcast because he has to work. Oh, he has to be in a major movie motion picture. It's a big time Hollywood act.

Oh, too good for the podcast. Well, guess what, Ders? The pleasure is ours.

Yeah. We'll pick up the slack. And in today's episode, we're going to be just breaking down the old timey saying and really configuring it into something brand fucking new. What did you just say? Configuring it. Yeah, we're going to be... Configuring. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're reconfiguring it. Beautiful. Come on, man. We don't have Ders' smart ass here to correct us. This is like the babysitter's dad, baby. Yeah.

Dishes are done. They say don't tell mom, but I'm going to tell her. We killed the babysitter. He's dead to us. So what are we dissecting today on The Pleasure Is Ours? It's the saying, you can't judge a book

By its cover. Oh. Old saying. Old as dirt. Yes. Old as dirt. That's an old ass saying. People be saying that. Like, what the fuck's a book? Yeah, that was like, as soon as they created books, they were like, don't judge that one by its cover. That's an ugly cover. Yeah. Right. It's actually a really good book, but I didn't spend the money on the cover.

I just finished the book. It's kind of coverless, but don't judge it by that. The first few books, they were going just by the strength of the words. And then some fucking genius was like, you don't have to have a great product as long as the cover is sick. Yeah.

And admittedly, that's how I buy books. If I'm at a – usually I'm at a Hudson News. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. At an airport, and I'm like, oh, I need to – maybe I buy a book. And then I kind of look at covers. Then I usually don't buy it and just buy gum. That's cool. Yeah. Usually I just buy an $11 water and some gum and just sort of stare at the covers of books. But that's sort of how –

I judge it. Absolutely. It's by the cover. Well, yeah. I mean, if you even translate past books, because I don't read. I don't read anymore. But even if you talk about a movie, I'm only looking at the cover. Well, that's the thing, guys. And the good thing, Durz's old ass isn't here, because I feel as our generation... Yep. The young... The youth... Millennials. Durz is, I believe, a boomer. I'm not sure...

big boomer energy but we're like millennials you know and we were kind of the generation that was taught to judge everything by its cover we had to judge albums we had to judge movies we had to judge books because we can't just consume all this shit we would have been just

you know, in our rooms jerking off watching movies. Well, that is what we did, but yeah. What's up? You know, you jerked off while watching movies. Hold on. Which you're talking about porno. What? You didn't. Well, I mean, no, not really. Usually I would, I, I, on my mom's gateway computer in the basement. Sure. I typed in boobs.com. Sure. Which was the first website I actually went to.

The very first one. That's going to yield results. And in about 30 minutes, I was able to look at boobs. It was a really exciting day in my life. Oh. And I don't know. I guess maybe I, not really movies, usually the show Silk Stockings that was on USA. Yes.

all night. Well, I don't know if you guys recall, we had a really great resource. Do you guys remember, what was it called? Mr. Skin, where it was like a website or it was actually a book at first, wasn't it? Like Mr. Skin's movie reviews. It was a book, a coffee table book. And it'd be like, well, basically what it was, was like a encyclopedia. Yeah. And it told you what movies at what time had nudity in them.

Exactly. So you could get your Mr. Skin. You could print out the sheet on your home computer, your mom's home printer, bring it to Blockbuster Video. Yeah, and then you get the VHS. You put it in. You fast forward to the proper time code. Thank you. And you jump in and you see some tots. And then you start ripping your joint, bro.

And then you're in your room with your own personal VCR. Mom shouldn't have gave you that. Shouldn't have gave you that. Because you're going to rent under siege and you're going to pause it when the girl comes out of the cake with the titties and you're going to start ripping your joint. Yeah.

Damn, bro. That's right. I'm trying to start that. Yeah, no, I do think that we did judge a lot of things by their covers. And then also, I feel like our generation, the coolest generation. 90s. The best. The best. We...

judged even ourselves by the by our covers like you identified like yes with the type of music that you liked you would dress like that like absolutely like i think when people look at me they're like oh my god he's back again he's obviously a backstreet he's obviously a backstreet boy yeah he's a he's in a boy band he's a clean cut guy

I think when people look at me, they're like, get that man a blanket and a hot meal. Someone just buys you a hot plate? Yeah. I mean, there was a time when judging a book by its cover, it's kind of like parental advice. Like, yeah, a person like Kyle, you're going to want your children to judge him because he does look like a molester.

He's not. We know him to be like a very friendly, nice guy. Very good guy. But you don't want your kids walking up to somebody like Kyle who looks similar to what you would. That goes for anybody with like what we call a pervert stash. Okay. Right. Exactly. How did the, how did a mustache even get like, you know, that placed on it? Because Blake, you have a pervert mustache. Yeah, you do have a pervert mustache.

I think it's more of a porn stash. Well, porn stash. I also feel like if you were a child, you also might be afraid of Blake's look as well. Blake's look is very overwhelming. Lots of hair going on. A pervert stash.

And he says things like, rip your joint. Well, yeah, I do. But I say it amongst my elder statesmen, my older colleagues. I'm not saying that around children at the playground, okay? I'm saying that with my boys. And so you're saying that that's an okay thing to say around your colleagues at work? Well...

Okay. Well, touche. Touche. Touche. Depends on the business. In our business, yes, it is okay. If we're rolling something, sound or video, you can say it. Okay. You can say it. Absolutely. You can say it. Absolutely. Okay. Well, I don't know. I feel like, yeah, now, like, these...

these later generations, not ours, not our, like the sick 90s millennials, we're kind of going counter like your look. Like you look like one thing, but then you present a totally different entity. So, so, okay. So for my look, I look like a clean cut, all American guy, but really, I'm a scumbag. Yeah, you're a, you're a heroin addict, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a bad boy.

bank robber. You're a bank robber dog. The outlaws coming to Netflix. It's got to be shot. Got to be shot. It's in the process. But like, I think we discussed this once we'd like back in our days, you know, you looked at a man or a woman with a face tattoo and you said, this person is a serial killer. Yeah. But,

at this point in our junction of society, that person could be a librarian, a babysitter, an ice cream man, you know, a police officer. The face tattoo basically just says now that you are in, at some point in your life, you were committed to art so much that you threw it on your face. Yes.

Yes. Yes. He really loved art. Yes. And hopefully, you know, what you write on your face is your mission statement. You know, like I know Post Malone has always tired or whatever, which to me is like it shows his work ethic. Yeah. To me, that was a poor choice. I feel like that one. You could go ahead and judge him by the cover on that one. Yeah, I would judge that cover. I've also heard nothing but great things about the guy. I've heard he's super nice, really good guy. Yes. But.

I mean, sometimes he's not, he can't be tired. He's not tired. Oh, I'm tired a lot. Like if you work a lot, you know, you're tired quite a bit, but you're right. Even if the, out of one, out of like a week or two, there's going to be one or two days there where you're like, I'm feeling good and chipper. Yeah. Yeah. You're good. You, you, maybe you did get enough sleep. You know, I think sometimes it's okay to judge a book by its cover. It is. I mean, it's helpful sometimes. Sometimes you're right. You don't want to, because you know, it,

Obviously, you look at Kyle and you're like, oh, that guy for sure smells. Maybe he has a blade on him. You might walk to the other side of the street or something. If he's sitting down on some cardboard, you're like, that might be his house. I don't want to get too close. I don't want to walk through his living room. He's running now. He's running. But he might...

But then actually you get to know Kyle. He's just sitting. He's taking a break. He's sitting on a curb on sidewalk. He brought his cardboard little seat out and he's just chilling on the side of the road. He got done eating some pizza and he said, you know what? The cement is cold.

I'm just going to sit on this box right here. But that could be helpful. Knowing that people judge me and think that about me can be helpful for when I'm, say, out late at night walking, and I'm like, okay, I know that I look a little scary and smelly. Right, use it to your advantage. So nobody's going to want to come up and rob me because I'll probably hit them with a lot of stink. You know what I mean? Right. It's a defense mechanism. That's absolutely true. Yeah, maybe I should...

I should grow out like a porn mustache or creepo mustache or do something, grow out my hair because I'm super. Face tats. You are. You look like a mark for sure. I walk in the streets. I'm just like with my stubby little legs, just tooting about town.

Yeah. People are like, let's jump this guy. Yeah, he deserves to have everything in his life stolen from him. But if you turned around and you had a chin strap tattoo that said, I have a gun and it's loaded, I'm not messing with you. That's a good idea. Or you just have Jesus tattooed across your forehead. I'm like, okay, this guy will kill me. No, this guy has a higher power. I don't want to mess with Jesus' number one disciple. Right.

I remember when I met Anders for the first time. I was like, this guy seems like a normal, cool, funny guy. And then you get to know him, and you're like, is he a serial killer? Yeah, I think Anders is by far the most –

He reinforces the fact that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover the most because he does. He looks like the all-American, you know, guy next door, but he is by far our most American psycho friend. He is Patrick Bateman. He even suggests to us to watch the movie and read the book so much that I was like, what are you trying to tell us? I remember when I first met Dersey, he gave me a copy of American Psycho, the book, from Brett Easton Ellis. Yeah.

gave me a copy of the book and a DVD of Jamie Foxx live from the foxhole and goes, this is who I am comedically. And I'm like, well, he knows himself.

He knows himself. You're not going to get that from judging the way he looks. All right. Yeah. You wouldn't, you wouldn't get that, that he's the biggest Jamie Foxx fan of all time and also might be a serial killer. Yeah. He's, he's, he's the Ted Bundy of our friend group. Top reasons. Your career wants you to move to Ohio. So many amazing growth opportunities.

The pleasure is ours.

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I orgasm. Yeah, he orgasms so intensely that he doesn't know how to say the word anymore. I know how to say it. That's how they say it in, like, France, dude. Yeah, where they really get down. Okay. But guess what? We're in America, baby. Well, in that case, this thing's a super jizz bomb. Yeah.

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100. Yeah, Blake got it right away. For over 100 years. Trojan is triple tested and trusted for over 100 years, baby. Bam. There are times, yeah, when you judge the book by the cover and the book sucks. Like, I mean, going back to like...

grade school, The Great Gatsby. Terrible cover. Oh, actually terrible book, right? The book sucked ass, right? Can we agree? What's the cover of The Great Gatsby, buddy? I never read that one. I feel like I like read the cliff notes on that one. Oh, it sucks. It's terrible. I hated The Great Gatsby. I loved the movie. I thought the movie was fantastic. Well, you can judge movies by their covers. You can judge movies by their covers.

You usually know because you see the actors you like and they knock it out of the park. But with books, you have to invest so much time to read a freaking book. It's going to take you up to half a year to finish a damn book. Bro, for real. At the beginning of COVID times, when we were in lockdown 2020, I was like, I'm going to read a book a week. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to sit in my backyard and just crank a book. I read three books.

Wow. Congratulations. Yeah, I'm actually pumped for you. Bro, good job, man. I'm actually pumped for you. Yeah, thank you. It was a little under my goal, but... Well, you did it. No, no, no. Let's reframe that. You did that. You did a book a week for three weeks, right? So you did it. You did it. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to reframe it a little bit. You know what I mean? Make it work. Yeah.

Since, you know, I do get like extra freaking horny for this pod because the pleasure is ours. I do. Because I am a Trojan man. You know me. We are. So to bring this...

Trojan man. This is The Pleasure is Ours. You know, if we bring this into sexual terms, don't judge a book by its cover. Isn't this kind of one of the greatest fantasies where you get a nerd dude or a nerd dudette, you take their glasses off, you get them back home, and then they're just total freak shows. You thought you were dating a computer nerd, and then you get them in the sack, and they're just...

Keep going, bud. No, the floor is yours. I like it. I like my dude. Well, yeah, you know, there's...

There's the nerd fantasy, you know? The girl, she's the nerd at school, you know? You take the glasses off, she puts the leather... I like it. I like it. I like this fantasy of yours. I guess, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm not the only one. Come on. Look at Thelma from Scooby-Doo. Do you remember her with the glasses? You mean Wilma? You mean Wilma? I thought it was Thelma. I think it's Wil... I don't know.

know i thought it was wilma wilma's from the flintstones that's uh yeah you're right you're right i'm talking velma dude it's not it's not velma it's velma oh it's velma that's a sexy ass name by the way velma and you know i thought i was the only kid with a crush on velma but then i freaking like googled like sexy velma photos oh my god dude

Oh, my God. I think it might be my number one. Turns out there are other dudes in their mid-30s that got a crush on Velma still. The Velma cosplay game. Oh, my gosh. So what would a good renaming of – because you can't judge a book. Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover. Yes. And then other times it's a bad idea. Maybe the saying should be let's stop reading books. Watch movies instead. Yeah.

Well, I think that's what it is. It's archaic. It's like, just judge a movie by the cover. Yeah, and also, there's no really covers anymore because you're not really buying DVDs the way you used to. Also, there's infinite covers. Well, Netflix changes the cover out every week, every month. They're changing the cover, so we don't even have the opportunity to judge it by a single cover. So what if it's like,

Judge the movie by its Netflix freeze frame, but if you want to see nudity, first consult Mr. Skin. Well, yeah, I feel like that doesn't roll off the tongue. I feel like that's not the best slogan because it is a little long. Yeah, true. I don't know really how to truncate that. Judge the Netflix movie by the original thumbnail.

Is that what we're talking about right now? Thumbnails. Let's get back to thumbnails. Judge the podcast by the thumbnail and the title. Okay. Okay. Don't do that. Actually, don't do that. Listen to it because it might be different. I'm kind of like maybe the same should be if you see the nerdy girl with the glasses on and you get those glasses off. She's a freak show.

Yeah. You know, you'd think like if you see like a buff guy and you're a girl or a gay person and you're like, oh, that guy probably throws it down. He's probably really good at sex. He might not be. He might be really bad. Exactly. Because you can't judge his book by his story. Maybe he's done too many steroids and his dick fell off.

Right. Sure. You know? And then he can't even have sex. Or he's too muscular and he, you know, and he breaks the bed. And now you're like. That's like many of Mice and Men. It's a good book. Good book, bad cover. Bad cover, good book. Right. Exactly. But you might, yeah, you might get one of those guys and he's treating your sexual encounter like it's a freaking WWE match. And you're just taking it to the mat hell hard, dude. You know what I mean?

But then on the other hand, you got the nerd at school with the glasses. Yeah, she takes her hair down and he whips it around. No, this isn't the girl. I'm saying what about the nerd boy with the glasses on? And then you get his little shorts off. And then all of a sudden. He's a grown man. It is very interesting. I'm thinking about grown muscle men with glasses on. And when you put the glasses on, they do look smaller muscle.

muscularly than when they take the glasses off. You're onto something, Blake. Yeah, I'm just saying like as far as perception. As far as like penile size goes, like sure, you're expecting Shaq to have a Shaq-sized cock, but sometimes, you know, there's those really skinny dudes in the pornos with the huge, huge, huge, huge long ones. Like Pete Davidson, you know? I've heard a lot of rumors about that. You know, skinny guy, really large donk.

You've heard rumors about his penis. You haven't heard any rumors about it. I've heard tons. It's big dick energy. It's big dick energy. That's it. It's the energy. So, hey, what about that? What if it's judge a book by its energy? Yeah. Something along that.

Can you judge the dick size by the big dick energy? You cannot. Yeah. Adam, you're saying that doesn't correlate. You can have big dick energy and have a tiny pecker. Yeah, for sure. I think so. I think so. Because I think I give off really big dick energy. People are like, oh, this guy probably is a fucking massive one. And then I don't. You know, you've seen Game Over, man. And it's not. Compared to mine, it's...

Oh, thank you. It appears heavier than mine. It does appear heavier than mine. Yeah, it definitely has weight to it. Yeah, it's hefty. It does have some weight to it. I don't even know if it's true. It's just the way that it sits looks like it sits heavier than mine. I actually think that would be really cool if we all got like a little, you know, one of those scales, one of those scales that you measure like ingredients out on, if we all measured our packages and see who has the heaviest weight.

See, that might be... Genitalia. Yeah, I feel like we save that for this is important because that's a very important topic. Yeah. And on the next episode, I do think... It's like what you weigh food on, right? Yeah, exactly. A food scale or a drug scale of sorts. Or a drug, yeah. And so we...

we all buy them and then we place no balls, no balls. Okay. Let's do it with two numbers, two numbers. Okay. We'll do with balls without balls. Yeah. Cause I have a feeling Kyle's balls are very heavy. You know, this guy has the heaviest nuts in the game. Yeah. This is a scale breaker. And I know I'm judging you by your cover,

but you look like a dude with super heavy balls. Well, once you have those two numbers, you can find out how much just the balls solo weighs. Okay. Yeah. With a little arithmetic, you're going to figure out the arithmetic. And again, this is something that we're supposed to be talking about with colleagues at work.

The pleasure is ours. This is our job. I love my job. That'll be fun to pitch Ders when

When he is finally done being a goddamn movie star already. Jesus. This is a big time move. He's sitting there in his robe and his fucking hotel ordering room service saying he's working. I know he's big time. He's big time in us. I'm pissed. He's a fat cat. He's being a fat cat. You know he is. So I'm excited to tell him that we all have to buy kitchen scales to measure our dicks to find. And we have to do it on the podcast.

Yes. We don't have to film it. Below frame, below frame. Below frame. Just because I don't want any skewed numbers. I want to know that you're not chubbed. Well, how are you going to prove that? Because you can't get chubbed. Because I don't think the sound of any of our voices gets each other chubbed. Well, you're judging a book by its cover. We've been talking together for 20 years.

And I'm hard as hell the whole time, baby. And that's why I'm around you guys. You guys make me so horny. There's a reason we keep coming back, okay? Oh, coming? How do you spell that, coming? Oh.

The pleasure is ours. The pleasure is ours. Yeah, I think the saying should be don't judge a book by its cover. Judge it by its penis size. Brilliant. I love that. Yeah, that sums everything up. But now we're talking judging...

Penises have covers? Books have penises, I mean? Books have penises? Yeah, what do you mean? Yeah, you cover it up with Trojan. Oh, I like that. Trojan man. I like that. Now I'm in, baby.

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