We're On Strike So Here Is The Best Of Episodes 16-20
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Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...

How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Let's go!

Hey, guys, let's go. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Should we go? Should we go? Should we perform? Let's go. And I'm serious when I say this. Let's go to church. Should we do wizards at a church? Let's go. I'm a wizard, bitch. You can't defeat me. I'm like, oh my God.

My folks are listening to the pod too. And me and my dad were like, we were looking at houses like the other weekend because I'm moving. And he was like, I was like, Dad, what do you think about the workshop out here? Like, because one of them's got a sick workshop. And he was like, I'll tell you what, that gets, that gets my pecker hard.

And I was like, Dad? Ew. What? What? He said, sorry, I've been listening to your podcast too much. Okay, but by the way, we've never said that on the podcast, so I think you're... That's his addition, so now we gotta start saying pecker a lot, which is fucking dope. Okie dokie. I like that. Nice. Should we start? Yeah, let's start saying pecker. That gets my pecker hard. Peckers are important. For some reason, pecker sounds...

really nasty to me. I don't know. Pecker's a weird-ass word for a ding-dong. Yeah. For a sha-wang! It's like a real decision to be thrown around Pecker. Those quads, those butt cheeks, those hammies, they were burning. They were feeling it. You had some sweat trickling down, some crevasses. Paint the picture. Yeah. I love that part. I got sweatier than I thought I would. I will say that. The butt crack was sweaty. I got wood now. Oh,

Dude, I'm fitnessinspo on Instagram. That's my new thing. Yeah, I have noticed you're leaning into that. I'm leaning into that. Yeah, I'm kind of going to be basically poor man's The Rock. Right. You're stepping into the playbook.

Yeah, I'm going to be a lot of like how to work out. I don't have a sick gym. I actually have a pretty whack-ass garage that I work out in. And that's sort of my life. So if you're sick of The Rock and his dope-ass gym and him like saying I don't got time to bleed and all kinds of cool catchphrases –

And if you're sick of that, come over to me. I have minimal catchphrases. I don't really know what I'm doing, and I'm just copying other people's workouts that I find online. Oh, I would have beat the shit out of that lady. There you go. If you said rip it up and she said come get me, come get it. She said rip this up. Rip this up. Yeah, I dare you to rip this up. Wait, so I have to fuck her?

No, you have to fight her, bro. Is that how you describe? Is that sex to you? Ripping something up? The ripping and the tearing. Damn. Ripping and the tearing. Do we have that sound bite? It's coming. That will be next week. It's on the docket. What is the ripping and the tearing from? I just like am like drawing a blank. What is that? Kyle, the ripping and the tearing is from one of the greatest internet videos. Oh, Hedonism. From Hedonism 2. Wow.

Of like the old guy in like a G-string or something. Speedo, yeah. Speedo, yeah. He's in good shape. He's in good shape. He was in pretty good shape, but he was just like – talk about how he's so excited for Hedonism 2 and then goes, the ripping and the tearing, the ripping and the tearing, and is like humping the air. Yeah, he had moves too. The best. The best.

- The best. - Gold. - I'm here for the ripping and the tearing. - There was certain hip gyrations that he was doing that you're like, oh, this guy knows what he's doing. He went into a classic figure eight, seesaw maneuvers. Can I tell you guys something that didn't get my pecker hard?

Yes, please. Yeah, sure. I would love to hear. This is the opposite of a hard pecker. I guess it would if I, you know, was a fucking murderer, dude. Because I almost murdered a man. What? Yep. I almost murdered a man. Every other week with you. Yeah, you've got a toad prob. Yeah, what's going on? No, this is not about my toad. This has nothing to do with my toad. Was I just going to...

I think I'm drunk again. Cool, man. My boy's drunk again. Oh, man. Hey, can I just say, I wish I was more drunk last week. You were drunk enough. No. No, that's the thing. I wasn't. That was only my third drink. Listen, no one's saying you didn't drink a lot. You were drunk enough. Well. No. It should have been for as much flack. Flack. As much fucking aflack I got. Yeah.

I deserve to be more drunk. I wish I was like six. I wish I was double the amount of drinks deep. That made my pecker grow or whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Pecker. That made my pecker hard. I was thinking about that. My dad definitely is the guy who said bazoombas when we were making workaholics. He's like, she's got some great bazoombas. And that's a name for a woman's breasts, correct?

Yeah, that's what he thought. It's almost more sexist to say bazoombas, I feel. I feel like it's, and I know he didn't mean it that way. No, no, he's a very innocent gentleman. Hindsight, 2020, you say bazoombas. It's almost more grotesque than saying breasts. Yeah, baby! Yes, Adam, 100%. What are you...

Breasts is a term the doctor uses. Yes. No one is like, Auga, look at that woman's breasts. No, no, no, no. Doctors say Wambly's. No, it's like, ma'am, may I check your left Wambly for a lump? Yeah. Well, I know one thing. If this is the Thanksgiving episode, I'm getting the turkey bazoombas on my plate, baby. Give them to me. Oh, dang. Turkey bazoombas. Blake, where'd you hike? Uh,

I can't really remember. Somewhere in Northern California. It was golden and beautiful. Oh, you're up north. Yes, yes. I'm in my mother's guest room right now. Terrific country up there. Yeah, it's really nice. And what is that artwork over your shoulder? What is that? It looks like some sort of a dock on maybe a lake of sorts. I love mom artwork. My mom has so many goddamn signs in her house. She's letting you know she's near a lake. It's lake life.

Eat, drink, lake. Steve, my mother is nowhere near a lake, but she represents it on the wall. Hey, I feel like if you're a mom, you got to represent either a lake life or mention that you like wine in a sign. Can we move the frame just a little to the left, your right? It's really hugging that window.

Yeah, yeah, there we go. Hey guys, I'm not a cinematographer, okay? It's a joke on cinematographer. That is. You're a spicy-tographer, that's for sure. Welcome to This is Important, where you get those jokes. I actually went recently on the Yelp reviews for the Hedonism Place, and...

Pretty good. They kind of got shitted on, dude. Oh, what? What do you mean? Really? What? It seems like a clean, like, five-star island. Yeah, it seems like a beautiful resort. No. Huh. For the people that don't know, Hedonism is like a swingers festival or something? I think it's an island. No, I think it's a resort. Swingers resort. Oh, it is a full-on resort that you could just go to at any time. There's not, like, a big event? No.

I'm sure there's many events, but... Right. Okay. Yeah, it's a Jamaican... It's like a little beach hotel where you go and they have a nude pool and a not-nude pool. Well, the thing is, the bummer about that stuff is on paper you're like, oh, that sounds really cool because in your imagination you're thinking it's like Dan Bolzarian's crew of just like... Hard bodies. Or just Dan Bolzarian. You're like... Just Dan Bolzarian, just butt naked, glistened up. Dream. Hello!

That gorilla booty? Oh, yeah. Just that high and tight. And you're thinking a bunch of Dan Bilzerians and a few random chicks. But that's not who's there. That's not who's there. No, no, no, no. It's old guys talking about ripping and tearing. It's guys that are way too... They all are too into drawing dragons and shit. And for sure also collect swords. Can you be too into drawing dragons, Adam? No.

There does come a point...

What's really wrong with that? No, nothing's wrong with that. I'm just saying it's a specific type of person that I feel like if you draw fantastical women, if you draw hot babes on dragons, you also want to go to hedonism too for the Rippin' and the Terran. It makes sense. I understand that parallel so well, dude. Yeah, that actually adds up for me a lot. For sure. Dragon energy. Right. If you have a knife...

in a leather satchel that you've fastened, that you carry around with you, that you've made their own leather satchel for your knife, and maybe you even forged your own blade, you might go to hedonism. You might go to hedonism.

Can we hear some of these Yelp reviews? I mean, not like verbatim, but like, what was the downfall? Like, just the crowd or like they shitting on the food? Yeah, what's up? Yeah, the food, all the chicken tenders. The food was shat upon. Oh, okay. That's a bummer.

Basically, I just don't think – it probably used to go off pretty hard and pretty cool. There's no doubt in my mind. In the 90s. But they haven't updated the rooms. Like people are saying – I like all your references are the – the 90s was really the peak of all existence in Blake's mind. Yeah. Anytime he talks about something being the best, he's like, dude, in the 90s? Well, I mean we're talking about hedonism. It was probably cracking off in the –

It might have been 2000. We're talking about hedonism too, right? We're talking about two. There was another hedonism that was just in some guy's pool. Is that what it was? It was his pool in New Jersey. I don't think they did much of a makeover from one to two. Like all the rooms, they kind of just put the change, the sign, like flipped it down like a calendar day. It went from one to two. So the accommodations are just dated is what you're saying? Yeah. They said there were like cigarette burns on the sheets.

Is that bad? Look, if you go to hedonism too, you gotta know what you're getting into. There's gonna be some holes in some sheets. Yeah, well, that's like a party island, you know? It's like people are just out there, they're not taking care of it because you're just getting wasted and fucking, right? I mean, that's all you're doing. Well, basically what the...

Like most Yelpers, the Yelpers who were there were people who were swingers and they were basically saying there's much better options than hedonism. Oh, there's other options? Yeah. Yeah, like hot shit. Oh, you know there's plenty of... What's that new-new? What's the new-new-new-new-new-new-new? Yeah. There's got to be other options than hedonism. For sure, there's...

layers and levels to that shit. Hedonism 3? Thank you. Hedonism 3 on the banks of Mykonos. Oh, shit. Are we hitting that trifecta? Dang, the third hedonism. That's something we should franchise. Yeah, and you know we would put a Keynes in the Hedonism 3 right as you pull up. Goes without saying. You get your chicken tenders, you get your Texas toast. Uh,

Uh-huh. And then you don't get too greasy. Well, or you do. Maybe that's what you would grease up with. Who knows? I'm trying to lick that cane sauce off some nipples. Let's go. I'm kind of a nasty dude. I like porno as much as the next guy. I just don't want to watch so much of it that then you're like, can you just shit on my chest? This is the only way I can ejaculate now. Yeah!

Like, what the hell is going on? How did that happen? How are we almost 40? 40 is the next milestone. Well, I think we just didn't die. We just kept living. And Anders is the oldest person I know, so the floor is his. Yes, true. Tell us what it's like. 39 years young. Dude, what's it like? I have one gray pube, like dead center. Really? It's just announced itself. That gets my pecker hard. If you're lucky, at this age. Jesus. Jesus.

I've been eating pasta and pizza every night because the restaurant here at the hotel is Italian. And I'm like, great. And the first two nights, I'm like, delicious. And now I'm just a walking breadstick. That's my boy. That's awesome. That's how we like you, though. We like you with a little more meat on your body. I like them when those Durr's titties are popping. Yeah, that's bomb.

Your body settles well. I do feel that Anders' weight, like my weight goes to my, I get chin fat, I get a fat head. Right. And then secondly, like I just, my donker just bottoms out. Yeah. I get a Trump bod. Thank God. But Dersi, it goes straight to his titties, dude. Yeah. How do you channel it there? Yeah. The first stop is the tit stop.

Or bazoombas, your father would say? The tit stop. The tit stop. But I like your wordplay. I thought the tit stop was really great. That's fantastic. The tit stop. Yeah, the first stop is the tit stop for Dersi. Yeah. Yeah, it's the tits, and then it's the love handles. It's just that, you know? Legs stay fine. The face can go a little... The neck.

Yeah. The old spare tire. You got the old spare tire. I do feel like it is a four-week cleanup job. Where if I'm like, you know what? If I eat well for four weeks, it looks okay. And then that just never happens. Four weeks.

Sure. Cleanup job. Yeah, four-week cleanup job. Yeah. Yeah. I could do it right now. We're following along with that. What do you mean? Well, I haven't started it. I haven't done it. But we know it's a four-week cleanup job. It's a four-week cleanup job. And we know you're going to hit it harder than anybody else because it's all about the hardest worker in the building.

I never said I was going to start it. I just said that's what it is. If I decide to do it, that's what it is. I'm not saying I'm going to do it. This is what I like to say I do, and then I don't actually do this. But I like to say that I stay six weeks either direction. From death or from absolute health? From death or a human being. Okay. Right. Like six weeks I can be like –

That seems to be what I've been doing lately. So like at six weeks, I could lose the chin fat. I could tighten up. My dunker will shrink a little bit. It'll squeeze in some regular-sized pants, and I could be in a romantic comedy. Or, hey, I'm a funny fat friend, and I'll just let it droop, get droopy. Six weeks, eating the pies, eating the cheesecakes, having the drinks. Yeah, baby. That's the life, isn't it? Yeah.

You steal the scenes. You're like the rude guy. Did he just say that? Yeah, I like that. Yeah, no, no, he didn't. Well, he's kind of fat, so it's okay.

Yeah, I'm trying to give fitness inspo to the people. Sick. Ders, what are you trying to do? You're just still being a basic-ass regular actor in TV and movies? Whack. Yeah, come on. What's your 2021 vibe? I'm a non-alcoholic. Yeah, I got nothing. Whack. Fucking diversify, man. We already have a podcast.

We're already branching out. That's it. I'm podcasting now. I'm branching out. Podcasters. You're podcasters. Yeah. I'm a recovering alcoholic. Adam is a fitness inspo guy. Guru. I'm a fitness guru who says still an alcoholic. I'm not an alcoholic. The emptiness in your laugh was pretty cool. A fitness guru is still an alcoholic. Pause. Pause.

I worked at the Hollywood Improv Comedy Club. It's a cool comedy club. And they gave me all these free glasses and I'm giving them out to everyone. And the reason that they gave them away is because there was lead in the paint and they could poison you. That's right. They could poison you. Whoopsies. Good looking out. Good looking out. I just was really hooking everyone up. And the three of us. We had shelves of that. Oh, yeah. We drank out of those glasses for months.

many years for years if you guys have been following me on the gram i am a fitness influencer always i love your shit yeah thank you and i'm influencing i'm influencing big time right now and i'm just like trying to get out there and really fucking bring it and also i noticed that i uh i've been sorry i don't mean to laugh at you it's okay and uh i've been adding to my collection of fat

On my neck and my body. Right. So I think that was post-Thanksgiving where I went a little – I went ham on the ham. Okay. And I've added to my collection of fats. Okay.

So I'm trying to take that off. But while from taking that off, I have to really double and triple down on my caffeine in order to get the energy to go out there and truly bring it in the streets with my cycling and with my cross-fitting. Yeah.

Okay, so right now you're influencing people to get fit. Yeah, for overall fitness lifestyle. But see, the thing is, Blake, it can't just be all fitness because I follow a lot of fit people on the Instagrams.

the Jeremy Scott Fitnesses, the Ryan Fishers, those guys. Get them out. Get them out. They're beefcakes. And these guys live and breathe fitness. That's not me. Good. That's not the people that I'm influencing. I want people that are like, yeah, I like working out. I like curbing the chin fat. But I also like beers and bratwursts.

and cheeseburgers. And caffeine. Well, yeah, I thought the other day you fucking nailed it. Like, I was like, oh, this is the influencer. This is the fitness influencer that I'm following. It's the guy who's out there in the streets. Yep. Pedaling, cycling. Because he went a little hard on the burgers and the beers. Yeah, had a big weekend. I thought

that angle this is just a little thought for me I thought that angle was very good very universal and I feel like it's something you should run with bro because you're not gonna I don't run I have bad knees well you should go with but like yeah but

you know, you're not going to be those influencers that just have like a ton of fucking no body fat. You know, they're just like muscle. You're not, you're a comedy guy first and foremost. So play to your strength, play boy. Uh, maybe, or maybe they're just, uh, having a

really hot sex with other super hot people. Not sure exactly. And I'll never get there. I just don't think that my body, I, I'm not willing to not eat a cheeseburger or not have some French fries or not eat the pizzas. You gotta live. You know? I think that's exactly the type of guy that I want to follow. But I do work out every goddamn day like a fucking lunatic out there.

Yeah. In my bangerang garage where I'm out there throwing medicine balls around, whipping the battle ropes up and down, doing the pull-ups, swinging the kettlebells. That's sick. And, you know, I want to applaud anybody in this quarantine who has gotten fit, stayed fit, just...

Good for you guys staying dedicated to the craft. Yeah. It is a – I wouldn't say disappointing, but it's like when you see someone that has lost a ton of weight and you're like – and everybody's like, oh, my god. How did you do it? You're so great. But then I'm at a point that like my body won't lose a ton of weight. It's basically I can lose like 10 pounds maybe. It would be the max weight.

that I can lose. And it is frustrating when you get down to those last 10 pounds and you're like, well, I wish I could just take out these stupid fucking 10 pounds. Um, but it won't go. And it is, it is frustrating. And people send me that, um, that, uh, workaholics gif of me when I'm like gripping my fat and I'm going stupid fat. I hate myself. I hate myself in my body as I'm like smiling through. And I'm like, oh, that's a, there's a reason we, we wrote that show.

Do you want to unpack that? Like where your body dysmorphia spawns from? Yeah, let's go deep. I don't think I'm that...

Morphed. I think I'm the right amount of... Dismorphed. Yeah, I don't think... I think I'm the right amount of chubby, you know? I think you're perfect. Thank you, Blake. Well, I don't even think you're chubby. Yeah, I think you're not fat at all, actually. Fitness! Yeah, I think you're right in the wheelhouse of a very physically fit human. Yeah. God damn it, guys.

And this is why we cut Ders loose. Get the negativity out of here. Yeah, let's get down to real shit, man. And the three of us will ground and pound some compliments out on each other. This is why we lived together and he did not live with us. This is what it was like.

At night. Yep, that's right. The positivity triangle. Yes. Right. We're all about building. Yeah, building. And you know what? The house was weaker when we added that fourth corner. I agree. Yeah. I agree. The triangle is the strongest. Structural shape. Structural shape. Yes. Yes. It goes back to the ancient Egyptians, I believe. It does. Pyramids. It is. They knew what they were doing. Yes.

Right.

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Why don't we just have, like, Kyle's dad come into the booth and be like, that gets my pecker hard. Oh, he said it hell of, like, dude, he said it, like, hell of soft, like he wasn't supposed to be saying it. So it was a really great read. I don't like this interaction with your dad. It's getting weirder and weirder with the details. No, it was cool. My dad's just not the guy to say that stuff, really, you know? But he said it softly, like, he's like, that gets my pecker hard. That gets my pecker hard.

He's like, it's like construction talk that he doesn't really say around the house. And then all of a sudden he's like, I'm saying like this. I'm going to say this. He's back on the site. Yeah, exactly. Well, what's cool is he didn't really say that when we were doing Workaholics, which...

Are we that much more grotesque on the podcast? Well, he's looking at the house, he says. No, he's loosened up more. You know what I mean? He's like, okay, okay. It took a decade of listening to us talk.

via different mediums to come around to releasing the hard pecker. This is a guy that back in the day used to, like, ground me for making rap albums with curse words in it. You know, he was, like, my first censor. Wait, rap albums that you made? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, that I made. And he would make... Well, they would find, like...

Blake and I had a recording studio in my garage. Yeah, you did. And Blake and I would make these cool, like, raps. Oh, that was Czechoslovakian raps, correct? Yeah, we were just, like, Czechoslovakians that were rapping. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Yeah, and we were cursing. We were just, like, yeah, mic check. We were just, like, wordplay and cursing. Would you do the listeners a favor, Kyle? I know it'd get their peckers hard.

All the salad eaters out there. Yeah, what's up? The aruguloids. Aruguloids. Peckers would get hard if you and Blake would maybe, with using your memory, we're not cutting to it. I want to hear a verse of the Checklist Fockin' rap group that you guys had.

Set it off. The hook was like, I was like deep voice. And then name and title. What's the name of the group? What's your MC name? My MC name was Gary Beats. And I was Brother Diamond. And we were in Sugar in the Raw. Yeah, Sugar in the Raw. Which is from the raw sugar. But all right, kick it off.

Here we go. Boom. Bam. God damn. Here come the Czechoslovakians. You know what I mean? That was a hook. That was hard. The stupid hook. That's a fucking Fruity Pebbles commercial rap.

Shut the fuck up! Well, look, we're not pro rappers. Like, these were joke raps, but we were like cursing. Guy, the Rugaloyds deserve better, bud. Yeah, come on, man. I'll set you up again. All the salad eaters out there. How the hell am I supposed to remember bars from 2002? Come on. You know you know them all. You know you know them all. Come on, listen. Boom, bam, hot, damn. Here come the Czechoslovakians.

Oh, and then it kept going. We pour, so we rock the mic with pots and pans. And we just crossed that line, that drawn in the sand. Okie dokie. You're poor, so you rock the mic with pots and pans? That one didn't really make sense. But don't you realize that rocking the mic with more than just your voice costs more? No, it was like the beats. We rock the mic with pots and pans in the background. Like, we don't have beats. We're just like banging on pots and pans. That's where the beat box came from.

But also the logic of that. Like, you don't rock the mic with a beat, you know? Your beat isn't rocking the mic. Hey, guys, I don't want to dissect this. I personally, Kyle, I'm a big fan, dude. I love what you're doing. I love the aruguloids. Well, we were, like, stealing beats off of Kazaa and stuff and, like, just stealing, like, lots of beats. Hey, Kyle, Kyle, in the words of your dad, Hey, son, that gets my pecker heart.

Okay, but I'm fucking with you. I don't have a memory of Adam's fully erect penis. I was fucking with you. I'll be fully candid right now. I don't think Kyle has ever seen me fully erect. But what I'm saying about this podcast, what's great about it is we're recording it around Thanksgiving time, right before Thanksgiving. Allegedly. Allegedly, where the Americans have Thanksgiving.

And my mom and dad are currently in the other room hearing me scream. Kyle sees me fully erect into a microphone. Yeah. And they're right in the other room going, okay, well, he says to be quiet. Yeah, no, I knew something was up about them. I tell ya. They were roommates for too long. Oh,

I think it's cool that you guys are all watching TV together. I feel like that's like a lost family thing that like families just sit and watch one thing together. Yeah. What sucks is my dad's like, ah, son of a bitch. God damn it. Because he doesn't like streaming. He doesn't like not just being able to flip through the channels.

Wow. He's a surfer. He's pissed every time he'd like go to grab the thing and like go to turn it. And then it would just come back to the main screen. Right. Yeah. And he's like, ah, son of a bitch. I'm pissed now. He's pissed now because he wants to watch all the, you know, the fun commercials, the knife commercials and all the fun things that we're missing out on. Adam, were you the one who says flicking channels?

Or is that Kyle? No, that's like flip off and flick off. I didn't flick off channels. Flipping. Somebody used to say flicking channels, and I was like, it's flipping. What are the shows that families watch? I mean, I watch sports with my family, but other than that, what is it, like Masked Singer or something? Yeah, it used to be like American Idol. Yeah, we watched Masked Singer, and my dad, although he's the one that turned it on, he was like, never seen this show. And I'm like, well, why are we watching it then? He goes, because it looks stupid as shit.

And I'm like, okay, well, it seems like you wouldn't have turned it on if you hadn't watched it. And then he was like, guessing who it is. He's like, really invested. I'm like, it seems like you watch it. He's like, I might've seen it a couple of times, but it's dumb as hell. This part's good. Well, listen to this. Oh, this is good. Oh, I've got to see who the Jenny McCarthy, Jenny McCarthy. Yeah, she gets it. I just got to know who the cake head is. I got to know who's the cake.

I saw Dave Attell like a year and a half ago in New York at the Comedy Cellar. And I went up right before him and had a really good set and then got off. And he comes out and I'm like, hey, Dave, Adam Devine, nice to meet you, man. He goes, we know each other, right? And I'm like, I actually used to work at the Hollywood Improv. You bought me and my friend that night. I was like, you bought me and my friend's drinks, I think.

to make us leave you alone. And he's like, I thought you got, I thought you worked at the improv. He was like, I knew, I knew you worked at a comedy club. It goes a long way. And I'm like, that's cool. It's cool that they, people can remember shit like that because people come up to me and they're like, uh, we went to eight years of school together. And I'm like, cool. Uh, uh,

We did? Yeah, we grew up together. Our moms are best friends. I babysat you for 11 years. Not ringing any bells, though. I officiated your wedding. That's just your style, though, Adam. And that's when I go, right on, boss. See you, chief. Thanks, big dog. Oh, yeah, big dog. Oh, that's right.

My dad doesn't really swear either. And I remember one Christmas, a buddy of mine was over for like a Christmas party. And my dad just goes, yeah, you can't shit a shitter. And I was like, what? He goes, you can't bullshit a shitter. And I was like, I don't know if I've ever heard you swear. It was so crazy. You started crying. Whoa!

It's that moment where it's like, all right, we're men now. We can talk like this. And it's like, I've been talking like this since. I love that it took your dad till you're damn near 40 years old to come around on you being a man. I was probably 26 at the point. But like still, 26 is your elder at that point. Yeah. Right. I don't know. My dad cussed all the time, especially if he was like putting together electronics. It was bad news. Oh. Putting together electronics.

Dude, like, setting up the TV would just be like, God damn, motherfucker! Do you guys think, uh...

Temecula, when you look at it on a map or whatever, it looks like tarantula. I do. Every time. Actually, I swear to God, I always think that. I'm always like, cool, tarantula. Never thought that. That's a sick-ass fucking city. Remember when I saw Guarantee Bank in the Bay Area, and I looked at it, and I don't know, I might not have ever seen the word guarantee written out. This was a weird moment in our friendship. Yeah, and I was like, dude, what the fuck?

name is that with Kyle and Blake and I was up there for Thanksgiving and I was like dude for the first time no I went like four years in a row but I don't know what year but I was like you were a staple I was like warranty what the fuck is a warranty

Damn. And they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I'm like, kind of wouldn't let it go. And I'm like, what a bizarre name for a bank. A Guarantee? What is that? A fucking weird fruit? Guarantee. It was funny the first time. And then they're like, wait, do you really not know what?

what that word is you had to kind of reel it back like no I'm messing with you you know how funny I can be right it is one of those moments where like damn Adam's hella funny dude he's great at wordplay like he's like always entertaining and stuff like but then he kept bringing up later and later into the night wait oh you're dumbass

Right, you're a dumbass. Okay, got it. Oh, you can't read. This is also like when Adam came to LA, he tells a story about, I mean, I'll let him tell, but I think he's going to throw up on himself. When he's driving through West Hollywood and he thinks he sees Amish people driving and he's like, you're cheating. Oh. They're Orthodox Jewish people. I swear to God, dude. It's so stupid. I can be so dumb.

But I – humble pie. I saw some Hasidic Jewish people, and they – if you don't know what Hasidic Jewish people look like, they kind of look like, if you don't know, Amish people. If you don't know what Amish people look like.

look like. But I do know what Amish people look like because I grew up in the Midwest. So you have experience with actual Amish people. I know what Amish people look like. That's wild. I've seen Kingpin. I've seen Amish people. Well, I remember in my elementary school in Iowa, there was a alleyway behind our school

You would hear clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop, and the Amish people would be taking their little wagons with horses behind their – to go, I don't know, buy coal or something. I have no idea what they were doing. That's all they did was buy coal. Yeah, I have no idea. Wood, coal, I don't know what they were doing. Some sustainable – Something. They had to buy something. Not chainsaws. That's for damn sure.

Long saws. They were probably trading. They're trading. So anyway, so I saw them and then I moved to LA and was like, see these Hasidic Jewish people and see them driving BMWs. I remember the neighborhood. I was in Highland Park and I leaned out my window and I'm like, cheater, you're supposed to be in a horse and buggy. And I was like with some girl and she was like, what?

Hey, what are you doing? If you're ever on a date with a girl, just don't yell out the window at anything. Yeah. That just seems like a red flag. Yeah. That's like an interesting move on a date. She'll see I'm a guy who can be in charge. It also seemed racist.

It seemed racist. It still is. Yeah. Hailing Amish people and saying you're cheating is not like your job. It's not nice. That's very judgmental at the very least. You know what I mean? It's incredibly judgmental. I just thought it was being funny. I thought I caught him. I thought I was like, ha ha, look at you. I caught you. Do you remember when Blake and I were at the NBA All-Star game? When I did that weird... I did that weird song and dance with Queen Latifah and...

Jamie Foxx and Kevin Hart for the NBA All-Star game in LA. And then I came out. It was so weird. It was the weirdest. It was literally me, Queen Latifah, Jamie Foxx. Who else was there? Kevin Hart and like two other ludicrous. I shared a room with ludicrous and like our green room was the same room and he was getting his haircut and he's like, anything you want to listen to Adam? Wow. And then I go, Oh, anything by word of mouth.

ready for ready for him to be like ha ha and he goes nah man and i'm like okay i don't think you're gonna have a good conversation with future either then no but i remember when me and blake were at uh the game uh that the slam dunk contest and migos had just won like the celebrity mvp and the celebrity all-star game and he had the trophy i believe quavo quavo what

It was Quavo, yeah. Migos is three people. Yeah, it's three people. That's right, Quavo. And I go, yo, so you won the trophy, huh? And he was holding it. And he's like, yeah, man. And I'm like, where are you going to keep that trophy? Bad question. I'm just trying to spark up a conversation. He's sitting right next to me. And he's like, I don't know, man. And I go, are you going to put it in your bathroom? People put trophies in their bathroom. And he's like, nah, man.

And I'm like, oh, okay. So you got a shelf or something? Like really trying to get a conversation going. And he goes, yeah, man, I got a shelf. That's cool. All right. Okay. The cool thing, maybe he didn't even have a shelf. He was like, fuck, I don't know what to do. He was probably super high, just having a good time. I also kind of think he was probably really nervous to talk to Blake and me. He was like, oh, shit. Yeah, super starstruck. He was like, it's the guy with the hair. Yeah, he was like super starstruck by us.

The guy with the hair, the short one that was just dancing with Queen Latifah. Uh-oh, nervous. It's King Latifah. King Latifah. The name of the guy who owns the company that cleans my pool is named Rich. So the other day I got a call in front of somebody and it just came up as Rich Pool Guy. Rich Pool Guy. They're like, oh, you know a rich person with a pool? It's a guy? And I was like...

His name is Rich. His company cleans my pool. Shout out to Rich. Shout out to Rich Pool Guy. Good job. Years of great service. Big shout out to Rich. Rich Pool Guy. That's a good rap name. My dad, I remember, ruined a Sega. This is where I get it from. I remember he was like, I got a Sega for Christmas. And he goes downstairs to put it together. And I'm like down there trying to help. And he's like, God fucking God damn.

And then he's like get out of here, and I'm like what I'm trying to help I'm like okay, so I'm like kind of staying at the top of because I want to play as soon as it's plugged in I'm trying to get my son to see his weakness doesn't want to see and then I just go son of a bitch and then crash and

And I go down and he had ripped it out of the wall and all the cords are like frayed and he just like snapped and like yanked on it and totally fucking thing sucks. The fucking thing sucks. Exactly. And then I

He had to buy me a new Sega. Wait a second. We didn't have money to be buying two Segas. You just plug it into a wall. Yeah, you plug it in and then plug it in and plug the controller in. You had to... Remember you needed to have those three plug-ins, which are color-coded and just put them in? Right. No idea. No idea.

I don't know. I'm like fucking seven years old or however old I was. I think maybe your dad was playing it first for a half hour and was frustrated by the game. Yeah. Go upstairs. And you're like, he's like playing Sonic and shit. Some altered beast. That was a tough one. I wish that was the case. That's definitely not the case. He's, he's video game challenge. He just could not, he just couldn't line up the red, the yellow and the white, get them into the right thing. But it,

You know, it's tough. You had to do the input, get it on the right one. And I think he had to like reach around the TV. Remember how it used to not be on the front? So he had to like climb around to the back. Right. I remember it being like a weird angle, but I don't know. I have no idea how it happened. And I get there and they're like, hey, it's the Art Radio Awards. This is like five years ago. And we have to look cool. Yes.

What? I've had three Ashlands. Yeah, I'm feeling good, guys. No, I know. You just said, I'm at the Art Heart Radio Awards. No, yeah. Yeah, you're having trouble, bud. I like it. Hey, I'm...

I'm coming for you. It's okay. I'm not having trouble. It's holiday season. I'm succeeding right now. This is the holiday season. It ain't easy. That was cool. And I'm at the, I heard radio festival and they were like, yo, you, we need this flat iron your hair. You have to look cool for this. And I was like, uh,

Yeah. Flat iron. I'm like, I guess. I don't know. And this woman convinced me to flat iron my hair. And she flat ironed it before I presented. And then so I look insane. I look different than I've ever looked in my entire life. I might as well throw on eyeliner and sing the Black Parade. You might as well. Dude, MCR. That's a great phase. I'll pay for that. It was a great phase. And I was like,

Way out of pocket. And then they were like, who do you want to introduce? And it was like between Jason Derulo and like Lord. I might be some Lord. And I was like, Lord. And then they were like, okay, you're introducing Lord. But I never saw anyone say that. I just saw it written. Heard. You never heard it. Never heard Lord. Have we covered this on the podcast? And it said Lordy.

and I said Lordy. Were you for real? Yeah. Oh, man. On stage you said that? No. Chloe caught me right beforehand, and I'm like, I'm introducing Lordy, and she's like, it's Lord. Oh, but you almost did it. So this is back to the guarantee thing. Yeah, they're telling us we have covered this. We have covered this. He's drunk. But he is drunk. This is back to the guaranty. You're just like our dumbest friend. You know what I

I'm switching stories because Lordy, that was actually at like a Viacom marketing thing. And I did say that. And it was a different band. It was a totally different band. I'm going to find out. This dude is drunk. He just left his headphones. He left the room. Actually, I think he's going to throw up. Next song for sure. You want me to play next song. So you don't think Adam needs to hear it? No, it's over. Okay.

Okay, so this is... This song always gets stuck in my fucking dome. Okay, so you're aware of this. This is a Post Malone, Circles. Okay. This song's good.

It's a good song. Sure. That's it. Yeah. That's it. That's 15 seconds. Yeah. You know, very early on in our fame, I feel like Post Malone reached out to me on Twitter and I was kind of like, yeah, I don't, I don't know. I just, but I wish I could take that. In our fame or his fame? In his fame. His fame. Right. Yeah. He reached out like, what's up? Everybody used to hit me up and say like, you look exactly like Post Malone. You look like Post Malone. So I avoided his career for the longest fucking time.

Why? You're like, oh, I guess I'm hot as fuck, dude. That's what they're saying. I just don't like being compared to anybody else. But then, like two years ago, two or three years ago, I fucking throw on some postie and I was like, this dude is fucking good, man. Kyle, I have a serious question. Is your worst fear to be...

Oh, that's a great question. I do enjoy being original. Yeah, it's kind of a reoccurring theme. Weird for weird's sake. That's not the question. I don't think that's my worst fear, but I do think you've hit a very truthful vein in my body.

When people were like, oh, you look like a fucking fat Post Malone or you look like an ugly Post Malone. I was like, you know, first of all. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're way hotter. No, no, no, no. But you said that they were saying that you look like him. And now you said they were saying you look like a fat or ugly. Yes. Yes.

Hold up. Let me protect my guy right here. Thank you. You might be fatter, but you're way more handsome than Post Malone. Post Malone... No, I think he's hot. No, Post Malone looks like he's... You know when you put pantyhose on your face to go rob a bank? Sure. That motherfucker's got some Playtex over his face. He's like,

His whole face looks like it's getting pulled back. That is actually so true. Yeah, that's a good burn. I think Kyle's got that weird, he's got that weird hot. I see him with a beard and like a ciggy in his hand and I'm like, that fucking reminds me of me, dude. I really do want to meet this guy one day. Well, what's cool is like when Kyle looks at you with that one good eye, you really melt, you know? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

If there were two, it'd be a game over situation. Yeah, if it was two, it'd be lights out. Okay, so I just, can I finish the end of my story? Because I went and got, I finished another drink. What was the story? The story was I, at the iHeartRadio, I said I was. Oh, lordy, lordy, I'm over 40. It was Bastille.

The band Bastille. Yeah, and I said, yeah, I'm about to introduce – it was like minutes before – it was in a basketball stadium. There's 20,000 people there. It's also live to millions. And I was like, yeah, I'm about to introduce Bastille. Have we covered this? And Chloe was like, no, we covered the Lordy Lordy. Dude, how do you get that wrong? How do you think it's Bastille?

Yeah, isn't that a... I was about to sound just as dumb being like, isn't that a city in France? It's a French word. He took German in high school. I got your back, dude. He didn't know. Okay, all right. I just took German. I didn't know. I didn't know. All right. And also... Is your name Blakey? If I said Basile, I'd be confident in the fact that I got that wrong in front of all those people, and that is how it is. And they had to come out to Basile and say...

And my bad. I cannot criticize because we did those like video game awards that one time we kept calling Bethesda like every other word except for Bethesda. It was like Beth. We didn't know how to pronounce Bethesda. Beth-a-da-da. Do you remember when we introduced whatever that game was and I said it's like something like Steve Spielberg and Albert Hitchcock? Yeah.

Yes, I have that on video. But I meant to do that. That was my whole M.O., was to fuck him up. You were like, Albert Hitchcock and... You slammed them. Steve King. Steve King and Albert Hitchcock. We covered Bastille as well. We covered Bastille as well. Yeah, I knew it. I knew it. We're repeating stories. Piss now! Piss now!

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Sponsored by Chumpa Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. I actually might start a spinoff podcast where I watch every episode of I Love Lucy and I just chit chat about it. That's what the people want. Yeah, thank you, Lucille Ball. Guess what? I'm not pissed now. Okay. What else did, I know that that show was like,

groundbreaking game changer super hilarious still holds up what else did she have I know she produced things but did she star in other things like did she ever cross Lucille Ball yes

Lucille Ball. I don't know if she did. I don't know if she did anything else except for that show. Like, did she cross over into movies? Or, like, did she have a podcast? Or, you know. That's actually really crazy. Yeah, if she doesn't have a podcast, was she even an entertainer? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I mean, at this point. I'm sure Desi Arnaz had a fucking radio show or something like that that she was on. Desi Arnaz was a...

a major player. He bought RKO Studios after the Orson Welles era. Right, but wasn't she the business savvy one? Yeah, but I think it was a different time and Desi was kind of the guy making the deals. The puppet? Yeah. She had her fucking fist up his butt and was like talking with his... You got some spainin' to do. There we go. Can I just say, I'm looking up some Lucille Ball right now. Yeah. She's for like, even though she looks...

Even when she's younger, she still looks like she's your grandmother just because that style and hairdo. But kind of a babe. Babe grandmother, right? Oh, yeah. She was hot. Yeah. I had a fucking crush on that. When I'd be homesick from school. Did you really? Yeah. What's up with black and white porno? Wait, you jerked off to Lucille Ball? Yeah, for sure. Ew. Really? And Patty Duke on Nick at Night, for sure. Who's Patty Duke? Yeah, what the hell? Don't make the noise, dude.

Patty Duke, the Patty Duke show. It was about twins, but it was played by one lady, Patty Duke. Okay, yeah, this woman's pretty for sure. My old time lady was Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, yeah. That was my speed. Come on.

It's also weird because my mom would get that she looks like Mary Tyler Moore kind of a lot, like when we were out and about. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, but I wasn't like jerking off like this creep. I was a child. I'm like eight years old, and I'm going, yeah, baby. And I'm going like, oh, yeah, that woman's pretty. Like my mom's pretty. I bet you'd take care of me and give me food. I bet you'd love and appreciate me the way my mom does. I love Mary Tyler Moore. Let's get out of this one.

Whoa, Patty Duke is Sean Astin's mom and you look like Sean Astin. So what is going on there, dude? I do look like Sean Astin, but I don't know who Patty Duke is. I just looked her up. She's a pretty woman, but I'm talking about Mary Duke is Sean. Wait, Adam, what Kyle's saying is that.

Patty Duke is Sean Astin's mom. You look like Sean Astin. Uh-huh. True. So do I want to fuck you? Right. And I feel like we've covered this guy. Fucking idiot. Good radio. What the fuck, man? Yeah. It's already well established that he would marry me. Oh, yeah. Catalina. Yeah. To take my boat to Catalina and fuck me on the boat.

My fiance, to this day, is Chloe Final Girls in my phone. Oh, really? Because I met her on the set of the movie The Final Girls. And now she's the final girl. Whoa. She is the final girl. Oh, I never put that together. No.

Now she's the final girl. Oh, my gosh. Take that S out, bro. Exactly. No more plural, man. You got a singular now. Oh, my God. Yo, put that in your vows. You got to. Ders, that's great. Just so everybody knows, she's Chloe Final Girl forever in my phone now. Forever. Dude.

That's unreal. I show everyone. And look, here it is. I'm going to get the projector out real quick. If we could work the IT. Oh, you plug it in and do a PowerPoint? Yeah. And then you show people as you do it live. Oh, cool. Oh, he's subtracting the S. I would love to see like trying to work the Apple TV. You're like mirror screen. Fuck, hang on a second, guys, because it is on my phone. Just let me.

Does anyone is it Bluetooth or Wi-Fi? How does it connect? He accidentally deletes the whole final girls. He's like Wait what final girl? Okay, fuck the fuck is your number gotta upgrade my phone iOS the worst is when you like know someone for years and like don't know their last name you just know them by like Specifically one of my best friends fiance now

His now fiance, it was just Zach's girlfriend. Chelsea, Zach's girlfriend in the phone. And for years, I did not know her last name. Yeah, which is...

Well, we can't say it on the show. You can't say it on the show. Of course. Allegedly field. Allegedly. The other thing that I have that's a problem, and I don't know if it's just our biz or L.A. or whatever, but a lot of my homies I just know by their Instagram handles. Oh. It's like I don't know their real names. You're such a millennial. No, I swear to God. I was at a party a few years ago, and do you know Shane West? Yes.

Shane West. Sure. Handsome actor. Yeah. Handsome actor guy. Uh, he was in like a walk to remember with, uh, Mandy Moore. My high school girlfriend made me watch it all the time. Anyways. So I like, I'm at a party at his house and I know him like fairly well. We've, I've, we've been at parties together before we've gotten drunk together. I'm like, yeah, we know each other. And he introduced me to someone. This is like years ago. And he was, he was like, Hey, I want to introduce you to someone. And I'm like, okay. And he's like, uh,

Andy, this is Eric or whoever the fuck he was introducing me to. And I'm like, what's that? He's like, yeah, Andy Bovine. Dude, so have you seen Workaholics? And I'm like, I stopped him in his tracks. I'm like, motherfucker, do you? I'm like, you think my name is Andy Bovine? And he's like, yeah. And I go, my name's Adam Devine. And he goes, oh, I thought that was your stage name. Right. On the show. My name is Sadam Devin. Right.

I'm like, you thought my stage name was Andy Bo- Have you ever heard of the last name Bovine? That's a fucking insane last name. It was a family name. I come from a long line of cattle. Unreal. I have underwear issues. I'm the type of guy, and maybe I'm the only guy who does this, I wear my underwear until the back blows out of them. You know?

Huh. I keep my underwear for upwards of 15 to 20 years. Well, you know what? Your underwear also, there's a lot of wear and tear because your whole ass and asshole is always hanging out of your pants. And then you grind on the floor as if you're a dog. Right. So...

What's up? What's that last part? He grinds on the floor as if he's a dog. How so? Can you paint that picture a little bit more? What is that? You know how dogs, when they're wiping their ass on the floor. When they have worms and shit? Yeah, that's Blake. He's always sitting somewhere where it's not a seat.

You know what I mean? Like he's always sitting somewhere that you're like, oh, that's not. All right. I guess we could sit over there in that corner. So I think your underwear gets a little extra wear and tear because of that. Me, my plump ass, it's always sitting in proper seated areas. And that's why my underwear stays there.

not blown out the back stays at my underwear i've never blown it out the back yeah i i just i i it's just like my xbox i need to evolve my underwear collection because um yeah i've kind of hit the limit with my with my stance underwear how long are you rocking these undies how long are they lasting you before they fucking blow up i honestly hold on to well so then they're probably they're fine and i like how you're like i don't even

know what to buy anymore well the ones you have lasted 15 years i would i would go back for seconds well i wear stance because we had a stance plug and i was getting a flow of stance underwear it was constant and these stance i've had like how long ago was that a while ago i think it's time also like just bought you could just buy yourself some some underwear man treat yourself

I see where he's coming from. He wants to do that taste test. I do. What was that underwear that you got? Remember when we all... When we first started to make a little bit of money and we could afford to buy frivolous things like underwear? Like not the three-pack? Yeah, like you're not just getting the...

The Hanes that you've been wearing your entire life. The eight-pack? Big old sack full of underwears. And you could get a nicer microfiber or something that would feel nice on the thighs in case you got some wet denims. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Breathable mesh underwear changed my entire outlook. But remember, you guys would rock. I kind of just... I got... I tried on Calvin Klein's. Mm-hmm. And I was like...

I'm basically Mark Wahlberg in these. This is my shit. And then I've just rocked them the entire time. And that's what I wear. You stopped there. I stopped there. But you guys like went down a road. I remember you guys were like wearing sacks where there's like a pocket for your nutsack. That's Kyle's weird ass. That's my shit. Kyle's a sax man. I'm a sax gentleman. Sax by the fire. Saxman.

I love them. Saks are my favorite. S-A-X-X. Ders was the one who kind of like walked me down the path of underwear. Yeah, I took his hand and I said, walk with me. You did. I feel like you're the one who convinced me to buy those red breathable mesh undies and they changed my entire life. And I was like, thank you, Anders, because you just like. You 1992 dadded them. You sat them down. What's the brand? Those breathables were Calvin Klein. They were. And I honestly wore them like every other day.

They're hitters. They have a lot of different styles, fabrics, lengths. For sleeping, I prefer to sleep in Ex Officio. That's a popular camping, fishing, and hunting. For sleeping? You have special sleeping undies? You put on different underwear to sleep in. Yeah. That's wild. I sleep in like boxer... Boxers. Underwear boxers. And you have it a lot. And I wear boxer briefs. So...

Hang on. And then you take those off. This is a development. When you wake up in the morning, you take off those underwear and put on new underwear? Well, you change underwear. I shower or work out. And then, yes, when I'm getting dressed, I put on new underwear for that day. For the day. Hang on. Let's pause. Let me ask you one. Do you sleep in underwear and then just get up for the day in that underwear and go about your way? Literally all the time. Oof, boy. Oh, my God.

You got to let them nuts breathe. All the time I do it. So, Ders, are you like rocking the undies from night-night to wake up? And are you rocking the same undies basically like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday? You mean do I sleep in the same underwear all week? Yeah, yeah. No. I'll wear my sleepy undies. Yeah. I'll do – What's your night-night undies? I'll do two or three days.

Uh, yeah. Okay. Okay. That makes sense to me. That's actually kind of dope. But I do boxers because like I used to sleep in like mesh shorts or whatever, but they're so fucking big that I'm just like, I want some boxers that are just breathable because I don't want to sleep in boxer briefs. Why does your nuts really, you keep saying breathable as if they're starving for oxygen. They have lungs. Yeah. Yeah.

Does your nuts get that hot? Does nuts have lungs? Yeah, I think they do. And then you get like fucking hard-ons and they're just like trying to get the fuck out. And I'm like, this is not comfortable. I used to sleep naked until I had kids. And then I was like, this is dangerous. Okie dokie.

Yeah, I slept naked until I had kids, and I was like, all right, they're coming in here. I'm going to put on some boxers. That gets my pecker hard. Oh, man. This opened up a can of worms. Kyle, are you drunk? No. I'm the only one not drunk on this fucking pod. Are you drunk? Well, you're acting like a goddamn drunk. Well, it doesn't... I don't...

She is our mom's age, and so Blake wants to fuck his mom. That's weird, dude. And it's all, we circle back, baby. What are you? That's weird, dude. How come everybody's, no, that's not what I'm saying. That's kind of your thing, and that's fine. Maybe that'll be the thing that everyone likes about this episode. It's this, because we're not beating up Kyle. Okay, well, I think they're going to like that you beat off to Nick at night, okay? Yeah, it's an Oedipus complex. Everybody here got that.

No. Oh. What does that mean? An Oedipus complex is when you want to fuck your mom and kill your father. Correct, it is. Oh, it's got to be both? Huh. It has to be both. It's not just fuck your mom. That's just kink shaming. Well, I got news. If you fuck your mom, that's going to kill your dad. Yeah, true. You do it all in one stroke. Yeah, admittedly, dad would be pretty salty on that. Yeah, that'll break his tart.

That's cool that I know that my parents listen to the podcast. This is going to be fun for them. This is going to be a fun little few minutes for them. This is going to be a fun drive to the supermarket. Mine don't. But they were the ones complaining that we pick on Kyle so much. So be careful what you ask for, you know what I mean? Yeah, see what happens when we let him loose? My God. Yeah, totally. He sets us up. Well, I didn't mean that we all had it. I was just relating it to us in like a...

But we don't. None of us have that. No, absolutely not. Nah, we don't have that. You guys ever see The Graduate? No. Not enough. Of course. I mean, I have. What's her name? Isn't that Mel Brooks' wife? Oh, I don't know her name. Stunner. This is like the golden age of Hollywood, correct? Is that what we're talking about? No. Yeah, The Graduate kind of kicked it off. No, golden age. We're talking like... Anne Bancroft.

No clue. Jesus Christ. No one remembers who this woman is. I just pretended. I don't know about you guys, but I have like a nice thick ass. And so like. You know about. Wait, you said you don't know about us? Yeah, you've seen our asses. I'm pretty sure you know about all of our butts. I got a good ass. Mine's thick. Yeah, you got a nice ass. Yeah. Well, it's not nice. It's thick. I don't know if it's nice. Yeah, it's big.

The best one of our group is Blake, for sure. Yeah! Blake's got the highest booty. Yeah, he's got the highest booty. Second, Ders. Get the fuck out of here. Second, Ders. Third is Adam. And fourth, I'll take up the rear. That is a wildly wrong statement. For sure, I have the best ass. The best ass out of all of us? That's bullshit. I don't mean to get aggressive about this, but, like, that's bullshit. I don't know.

I only, the only time I change my underwear is... Sundays. Is on the weekends. Sundays are my undies. No, is after, like, when I'm showering. Like, after a shower, I will put on fresh underwear. Okay. And then that's it. Like, I don't, like, to me, when you're going to bed, you take off your underwear and then put on your sleeping underwear. I know.

I first take off my pants. I first take off my pants. And then I get right down to the drawers, take off my underwear. And then I put on either my Ex Officios or my Patagonia underwear. Damn. I thought I was going to be the one with weird undie protocol. But it turns out almost all of us are completely psycho about our underwear. And I don't work out in underwear.

What? What? I only wear shorts with a built-in brief. Okay. I like those too. I dig that. Because like underwear, I feel like this motherfucker's blowing the back out of his shit because he might be working out in them. I don't like, they're not built for that. No, it's because I'm scooting my butt across the floor like a dog.

Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's why... I was... I mean, I was tripping, though, that, like... As I throw up. You're tripping, all right. You're dripping. I was tripping that back in, like...

junior high, high school, I believe as well, I would wear straight up like, like cotton boxers. Like, well, yeah, yeah. I've gone back to that. Really? I've, I've, I, I switched between sacks. Those are my, my, my jockeys. And then I also have boxers because I've, I can't seem to dial in whether or not I like the boxers only or the, the,

the other ones. Durs has gone to grab his Patagonia's. They got probably little, little pre, pre stains on them. Those are nice. Those are, yeah, you can, you're going to love these. Those are breathable. And these are, what do we got here? Extra large, uh, large crotch, 89% recycled nylon, 11% elastane, uh,

If you can find underwear, some Modal, you're going to be a happy guy. Okay. Okay. Modal is the fabric? Modal. Modal is the fab. All right. Now we know. I trust this man when it comes to underwear protocol. For sure, Ders has that dialed in. He's got a super, super hot to the touch dick that needs a lot of airflow. And I feel like we all could benefit from his knowledge. Thank you, Dersy. Let that bitch breathe, baby. Let it.

Under Armour makes pretty good underwear? I believe it. Nike? The Nike underwear I've bought

Not great. Okay. Well, I feel like Nike, that's some jock underwear. You could probably work out in them. To me, how many pairs of shorts with those linings in them? I think my ass is too big with the linings. I do not doubt that. Yeah. Every time I put on those shorts with those linings in, it's my thighs. There's like an indention because my thighs and ass are too large. Right. I used to... So this... I mean, this all stems from...

Back when I was swimming, we started running. I would run in a Speedo with shorts on. So your dick's not fucking going all... Why don't you just get a jockstrap? That's a good question. I was a jockstrap. Probably should have. Because those are fucking bizarre. Why not just cover your entire butt? Why just have straps? Honestly, dude.

I used to wear that when I played baseball. What the fuck is going on? Like, they're weird. It is weird. It lets the seat of your ass breathe, which I would argue is a little more important than let your nuts breathe. Let your crack breathe, brother. Fair, fair. We all know that you have your entire asshole out of your pants all day long. It needs a lot of airflow. Blake's butthole needs tons of airflow. Chalk straps are fucking...

sick. Yeah, they are. They fucking cut a V on your butt. They're sexy, brother. Get off my jock. You ride my jock. I couldn't run with a nut cup on. Like, back in the day when you were in baseball, and I would try to run with the nut cup on, I'm like, I can't do it. Like, you have, you, like, it's weird. It's

It's too weird, man. Yeah. Dude, I used to refuse to wear a jockstrap when I would play baseball because they fucking weirded me out so much. So I'd put the nut cup just in my undies, and then when I would run around the bases, it would fall down to my ankle, and I'd have to reach down and grab it and kind of scooch it back up. Holy shit, look at second base. That kid's dick just fell off.

No, the golden age of Hollywood is when Fight Club came out and the next year was The Matrix. Fuck y'all, dude. No, the golden age was in 1994 when Jim Carrey came out with Ace Ventura, Mask, and Dumb and Dumber all in the same year. That was the golden age. Okay. Get at me, Hollywood historians. How are you not hitting the soundboard? Thank you.

Remember when in Game Over Man, when we all found out that we like all wipe our ass in different ways? No, I don't. I don't remember the specific moment, but what's up, bro? Tell us about that weird dream you had. No, no, no, no, no. That's because I was it's when I was like on the toilet.

Oh, are you a stand-up wiper? I'm a stand-up wiper. I'm a stand-up bend-over wiper. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you, bro? That's so strange. You have issues. Dude, I don't know any other way. That's how I've done it my entire life. How much poo do you leave in your butt that way? Like, it's compressive. Dude, my ass is so clean. No way. But when you stand up, your cheeks, they go together. Yeah, thank you.

No, I'm peeling the cheeks apart. No, bro. Come on now. It's so inefficient. It's incredibly inefficient. My ass is too large to lean over on the toilet. I've got to stand up with a wide stance. Zero people. Zero people in the world. There's no other human. I know some dudes who used to stand up to wipe because at our high school in the locker room

It was old school, like from the 60s. Yeah. And there's no doors on the shitters. It's just like a half wall and you kind of shit from the side. So when people walk past, you're just like, what's...

Wait, but that was like to shit. Yes, it was a shit. That was like to stand up to shit? No, he would stand up to wipe. To wipe, not to shit. He would shit and then he would stand to wipe. And we were like, why are you standing and doing that? He's like, what do you mean? What do you do? I'm like, this is getting too strange. Oh my God. And now we're podcasting about it. Wait, but hold on a second. So, I mean, it's like...

You stand up. Well, after a week, because we had the same conversation on Game Over Man, and I had, I'm blanking on his name, but the camera operator. Oh, the British dude? No, the bald dude. Oh, Wilkie. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think his name is Peter. Yeah, he fucking ruled. He was like, hey, that's how I wipe.

He overheard it and he goes, I'm with you, solidarity. He's like, yeah, I also... And the reasoning behind it is because you can't reach around. You have T-Rex arms and you can't get into your butt crack or something. Is that what's going on? Can you get past the mountains that are your ass cheeks? I really have to get in there, dude. And then you're wiping it and you're pulling it back onto your cheek. It's disgusting. You guys are foul. What I do, I'm like

bent over in that stall going to town. Oh, my God. Like one hand down on the floor? Are you in like a three-point stance? Dude, it's in a football stance. But like, don't you understand the mechanics of when you sit down on a toilet, it kind of like spreads your cheeks for you. You can even like emphasize it with a nice wiggle or whatever. But when you stand up, it goes...

and closes back and then you gotta peel that apart after it's already like like if you spread peanut butter on one side of bread and just fold it in half that's what you're doing when you stand up every time you're getting peanut butter all over it the dookie the peanut butter's the dookie

Yeah, baby. Guys, I tried it. I tried it your way. I'm just saying it doesn't work for me, and I think it doesn't work for a lot of people. I think we're – hey, I'm calling to all the aruguloids out there, all them salad eaters. He's trying to take my fucking squat, bro. What's up? I'm taking your fan base, dog. You got your own fan base now.

The stand-up. Three-point stance, yeah. The stancers. We'll do a Twitter poll on the day. When this drops, we'll do a Twitter poll. Stand-up wipers and sit-down wipers. But, like, what happened when you did that, though? You said you tried it and it didn't work. What the fuck happened? I'm smearing it up the side of my ass.

He fell. Oh, my God. I fell in the toilet. See, that just makes me think, like, so Kim Kardashian has a hell of a time wiping her ass. Oh, she has an issue. Oh, she stands for sure. She's a stander. She probably has two people help her. She has assistance for that. You guys hold my butt apart while I dab my hole. All you guys.

I need all you guys to hold my butt. Come over here. I don't know what she sounds like, actually. This is a real struggle. Well, okay. So that's super strange. But do you crumple or do you fold the paper? I mean, that's a classic kind of question. Well, I'll fold. I'm not a lunatic. You got to fold. You can't crumple because you don't know how that's going to spring loose. Yeah. I'm a crumple dog. Of course.

Of course you are. You don't need to tell us. That's fine. We know. Obviously. Sometimes I do take the time to fold, and I kind of think as I get older, more towards 40, I will take more time to fold because it's a better method. Just let me lay this out there. It takes no time. It takes the same time to crumple a ball.

Yeah. Hey, you could do it while you're just sitting on the toilet. Just take that time. You don't need to do it just at the very end. You can prep the situation. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to defend crumpling. You guys are right. I'm just saying, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. You take the carnation of toilet paper and just kind of scrub around your butt or what? I don't get it. This motherfucker said carnation. See, and this is why...

I think you guys are making fun of my ass as if it's disgusting. I've got a very clean ass. It's wildly clean. I keep that thing very nice. Okie dokie.

I believe that Kyle has a disgusting ass. He crumples it up. He dabs his asshole with a crumpled up toilet paper and then calls it a day. I think I just end up using more toilet paper than I need to. I think I'm wasteful in that department. Oh, you're like double and triple pulling extra. I think my ass is just as wildly clean as yours, but it's especially from standup dude like yourself. Charming. Charming.

Yeah. Islam. I clean. What? Why do you think your ass is cleaner than mine? I don't understand that. Hey, we're not all going to take sides here. Come on. Let's just. No, no. This is just this is cool. I can do this with the bam. What's up? Take it to another fucking room.

I've been riding 100 plus miles a week. I've been doing a lot of leg work. I'm racked and stacked down here. I am a fitness influencer. I've been doing legs three times a week. My shit is rock solid right now. I would stack my ass up with... Do you think it might just be a little much, Adam? Oh, too much dude? No, we're in 2020, Anders. Oh.

There's no such thing as a little much anymore. The Kardashians are the queen bees, okay? And their asses are the fucking size of the moon. Tell me about Rob Kardashian's ass real quick. I don't know. I'm talking, my ass is a-

I used to rock a squatty potty, and that was just clutch. That was a nightmare. Oh, no. The best. I'm into the squatty potty. What's up? The higher, the better. Put me... Honestly. I don't know, man. I want my knees over my shoulders. Oh, that's hella weird to me. Thank you, Anders. I want my legs behind my neck. What?

Thank you, Andre. I want to be in a pretzel formation. Now we're talking. But it is weird you stand up to wipe, Adam. That's crazy. Yeah, I shit my legs behind my head. Why? Legs behind the head in the shower.

Just a wipe. Just a wipe. Just a wipe. You're a freak, dude. A carnation wad up? You got to fold it. What's the carnation? What was that? When you clump up toilet paper, it looks like a carnation flower to me. Yes. Oh, wow. That's very good. Yeah, I like that. Crumpled up toilet paper immediately. You're like, oh, this is beautiful. I see beauty in everything. That's great. You do, Blake. Yeah, buddy.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Did I get your pecker heart? I'm just like, damn, I already know the title of this podcast is about to be cool or whatever it is. Oh, man. Yeah. Zyria. Zyria. Pretty much, this podcast was pretty much frozen pizza. There we go. Cool as fuck. Zyria.

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Hey, Kyle, how often when you go into a meeting and someone references, because you're not very well studied when it comes to knowing... Movies? Movies. Well, that's kind of not true, but what's up? Well...

He kind of is. No, no, no. He's seen 10 movies. But go ahead. You've seen 10 movies. How often does someone like a producer or something say like, oh, a deep cut movie and you are like – because I do it sometimes. But I'm sure as a director it happens to you so much more where they're like, oh, yeah, and you remember this film from like –

1964 and you're like well that's true I mean no no you're but like a deep cut because you're not a true cinephile you're not like studying films all day every day I'm getting more so I'm more so getting there now like I just watched Citizen Kane a year ago for the first time I had never seen that before oh wow yeah

Because I wasn't interested in studying it. I was more interested in making the films. You know what I mean? And just the craft of doing it. But yeah, you're right. No, I get it. You're right. Kyle, is that your argument? That you're like, I don't watch movies. I make movies. That's what it was. Yeah, for sure. You know that doesn't work, right? Okay. Well, now he knows and he's doing it. How do you handle a line? Do you say, I didn't see that? Or do you do a classic line?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm that guy. Because that's what I do. I for sure – I lie almost – I would say 80% of the time. 20%, I'll go like, you know what? I don't know that one. But most of the time, more than most of the time, I will go like –

yeah yeah i'm like i'll do that when it comes to actors and actresses like i'll definitely be like oh right i remember him or i remember her but not when it comes to movies and plots right when it comes to movies and plots i'm just like i can't i'm not lying you know what i mean like it's not because you're watching it for shots sure in case in case they have a follow-up question and they're like so what did you think of this plot device were they and then you have to be like

Oh, yeah, I haven't seen that one in a while. Right, I can breeze past an actor and an actress and just be like, yeah, or this actor or this actress. You can kind of do that. Or someone that I know. Right, exactly. Or one of my friends. From Mortal Kombat the movie. Yeah. Yeah, might...

I find that sometimes people will be like, you know what's their name? Or like, you're friends with it. And I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they continue with it like, so yeah, I was just talking to them the other day. And you're like, yeah, I actually don't know that person at all. Right. Angelica Houston. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll be like, yeah, no. And you're just like, mm-hmm, sure. Yeah. Jelly? I probably met them at a Comic-Con when I was blackout and they remember the time I met them and I don't at all. Jelly? Well, that happens to me. I would say that...

specifically from you where people being like, yo dude, I'm Blake's homie. And, uh, and I, then I have to, well, this is in the before times when I actually would go out places and see people that I didn't know. But, uh, I would always get people to be like, yo, I'm, I'm homies with your friend, Blake, man. And then I have to like have a conversation with them for like 10 minutes and

And then I kind of put it in together like, oh, he doesn't really know Blake. He was at a bar once with him. Yeah. And for some reason, they feel like they have a connection with you that then they go like, hey, we're really good friends. The next time I see one of these guys, I have to let them know that –

Well, next time just FaceTime me and show me the person and, you know, we'll sort it out. That always works. And then you could be real harsh with this. Like, I do not know that man. I don't know him. Sorry, man. Walk away. I do not know that man. Run. I don't know this person. Get the hell out of there. I just turn and run. See ya. Bye. Bye.

I have a female, a beautiful female's ass. And what are we casting, Kyle? What are we casting? That is wildly incorrect. Yeah, wait, what are we casting? We haven't even, what is the product? Obviously it's a gay porno. Hello? No, I'm actually saying, what's the movie where, like Mel Gibson in fucking Lethal Weapon, you know what I mean? Where he stands in the fucking trailer and you got the shot of the ass.

Adam, relax. You have the gay porno on lockdown. We know that. It's all good, but Adam's just delusional about this. I'm not delusional. He's an influencer. He's influencing himself. I'm a fitness influencer. He's delusional, dude. I can't let this happen. I'm sorry, Kyle. I think your casting choices are way off base. Yeah.

They've gotten me where I am today, so I think I know what I'm doing. We've established that I'm the one that gets all the gay guys flooding my DMs wanting to see my thick every day, talking about my thick, juicy booty and how it makes their fucking mouths water. And these guys don't get that same love. So if we're talking about...

uh uh needing men to judge other men's booties i feel we should go to uh the gay the gay men fans and see what they have to say okay i don't get a lot of gay guy i get women in the in the dms but i don't get a lot of gay guys why don't we just have women judge these booties i feel like the women are gonna go to blake first i'm making this shot this shot isn't necessarily for gay dudes this shot is for women and blake's hair when it's wet probably goes all the way down to the

crack and just kind of like leaves your eyes? That is correct. It's fantastic. And I'm saying that from, I'm saying that from like an art perspective. Bumblebee tuna. Not from anything really sexual. Like an artistic perspective, Blake wins. Bumblebee tuna. I guess that's where we're not, we're shooting a hardcore gay porno. Well, that's not what I'm making. I'm saying my ass is the star.

You know how the Seinfeld reunion was on Curb Your Enthusiasm in a fun, weird way that they were like, oh, it's not going to be Seinfeld. It's going to be on Curb. The Workaholics reunion is just going to be a gay porno. And we're going to fuck each other and be like, but it's funny because it wasn't a Workaholics episode. See how creative we are? Jillian, good news. We can shoot you out in a day. Come on in, Big Eric Griffin. We got you. Jillian delivers a pizza.

yeah yeah yeah taking the higher way bigger much much much much much much bigger wider yep could squash you yeah i'm a denser man you know what's crazy it's this is you guys are gearing up and it's on the eve of thanksgiving that cannot be a coincidence

It's this time of the year. Yep. Because you guys have fist fought like two or three Thanksgivings you guys have fist fought. Yeah. Thanksgiving is when Kyle and I really, for whatever, the moon hangs low for us and we got to howl at it, baby. It's when the night is night for too long. We go at each other. Yeah. Yeah.

That's when I'm pissing in a bush next to his childhood friend. Also, I've been friends with them for years at this point and his roommate for years. And then all of a sudden he shoves me and he's like, you're pissing too close to my friend. That's the time of year it is. No, but the best part was he was puking and I was like, you're pissing too close to where my friend's trying to puke.

Oh, sure. But I was the one who started pissing first and he came up next to me and started to puke. I'm a defender. You know, I defended your DVDs. I did this stuff to Durs. It's like, I just do it. I choose these sides and I get angry at one of them. You know what I mean? Okay.

Where do you stand, Kyle, on the first 45 minutes of Blow? The greatest movie of all time. The greatest first 45 minutes of all time. Well, now, that's me as probably... So, Durr's also asked as a movie watcher. Like, Blow is really fun for me to watch. I love watching that. Yeah, man. Because I get fucking juiced. It's like the rise to the top. It's very fun. And Pee Wee Herman's crushing. Yeah.

Dude, Paul Reumann slays in that movie. I used to watch that movie every night before going to bed like a psychopath. Yeah, you loved that. I loved it. I would watch it as I'm going to – well, I slept on a couch for like two years of my life. So I would just – I'd be in the living room about to go to bed and I'd just put it on and watch the first 45 minutes as I'm falling asleep and then turn it off.

because then it gets kind of sad and you're like, oh, his life's depressing. But the first 45, when he's just like a kingpin weed dealer. So you don't like the latter half of that movie? No, I like the latter half too, but I'm like, I'm not trying to go to bed being like,

oh, this poor guy lost everything. I'm just trying to go to bed and be like... Drugs rule. I'm going to have nice dreams. Yeah, just saying drugs rule. That's a major cautionary tale. You should probably spend the next 10 years of your life just watching the second half. Funny how life changes. No, I've seen it and I get it. The thing is, deal weed, not cocaine. Hello. Smoke weed every day. The best part of the whole movie is...

penelope cruz in the windsuit at the end oh damn yeah i miss her god penelope cruz she looks fucking cool what happened to her she was sick she's still doing it she was in zoolander too come on hell yeah yeah what happened to her he has cocaine in the trunk he's got cocaine in the trunk and then bust his ass oh man i was so mad at her but you know who killed it like in the same vein with sharon stone and casino

where it's just like yeah it's like the the woman in the relationship who's basically like sticking her neck out on the line for the guy and she's like fuck this this is insane we have a family to raise and just throws it all that's kind of that's kind of a cool role is like the the cocaine queen like in most of those cocaine movies the wife of the king or like the actual i'm in charge yeah it's like michelle pfeiffer right in uh

And Scarface and Penelope Cruz. Well, you know how they're like turning every movie – Hollywood's turning every movie on its head and like making the women be the leads now? And I want to be – The man candy? I want to be the cocaine queen. I want to be like the – just the – I want to play like the coked up wild man husband who is – she's making all the money and you're like, I can't control this hot piece of ass.

That's what my wife is saying. My wife is going like, I can't control this hot piece of ass. I'm only keeping around because of his thick, juicy ass. Look at that ass. And then gratuitous ass shots at me like walking around the pool. You're always in a speedo. You're like, honey, come here. She's like, she just buries her face in your ass. Like guys always like crumble to their knees and just put their face right in her crotch. Like, baby, I'm so sorry.

I just want to go home. Yeah, exactly. Those are the roles I'm trying to get right now. That's why I'm working on my fitness, trying to be a fitness inspo. Oh, so it all comes back. So the fitness inspo is on the way to becoming more man candy for the gender swap. Okay.

Yeah, well, it's 2020 now, and this is my year of health that I'm getting my body and mind in great shape. So when 2021 hits and that man candy roll is up for grabs, it'll be me and all the hot boys, me, the Hemsworths,

All the Chris's. Michael B. And I'm right there in the running. I've been doing it for a few years. The water is warm. Come on in. Okay. All right. Yeah, Dersi's been hot, man, Candy. He's always sitting around. He's always like cutting up carrots and shit by the sink. That's his hot boy role. Hey, we're going to need some new carrots. I cut all the carrots, so... I cut them. Let's just say these carrots are getting cut.

It's like you don't even know my lifestyle. My lifestyle is fitness, Blake. It's all I do. I understand that. All day, every day. I wake up and my eyes snap open and I'm like, how do I better myself and influence those around me? That's all I'm thinking as a fitness influencer. While you're doing that, you are losing the ass that you have in your mind. I think Blake's right. You might be working it all away. You might be, you might be, it might be falling off, man.

You're chipping away at Mount Rushmore. Yeah. That is true, Derzy. You've been playing. You get roles that Blake and I do not get. The hot boy roles. The hot husband. Not too hot. He's just, he's home, isn't he? He's just home. Hot enough. Yeah, stoked you married him. Right.

Right. Yeah. What's that like, man? Well, you get both. You get stoked to marry him and then like, oh, he seems like a great guy, but he's actually a cheating bastard. I turn on everyone. And that's why ladies at the airport fucking flip me off. Do they? They're like, fuck you. Fuck you.

Your dick is a part of one of the best scenes we've ever filmed as a crew. That is true. That's one of the best scenes. Netflix. I would put that whole sequence of events. We're talking Game Over Man. Game Over Man, the movie we made for Netflix where Hotel got taken over. We were the maids. We had to save the day in a diehard type way. Taken over by terrorists. Taken over by terrorists.

And there's a scene where terrorists are coming into the hotel room that Blake, Adam, and I, our characters are in, and we have to scramble. And Adam's character comes up with an idea where...

He will pretend to be a guy who's dead in a closet from autoerotic asphyxiation. And while they're distracted looking at Adam, who was fully fucking naked in this movie, Blake and I attack, but then the terrorists turn out to be lovers. They start fucking, and the whole plan goes south. As they do. As they do. And I would say that I would put that whole sequence up against anything else on Netflix. It's better.

Without a doubt, that is the funniest scene out of any comedy that I've seen in the past five years, for sure. The funniest scene. It's truly a laugh riot by definition. But then you see my ass from the side and you're like, damn, that is something else. That is a booty. Well, you see your nuts and taint from the front.

from the best possible angle. You do see my nuts and taint. You see your whole entire dick. You see your balls. You see your grundle. And we shot it all. And you did put it out there, man. And you fucking earned that shit, player. You really did. Because when we wrote it, we didn't think that we would be shooting it in such a way that it would be so fully frontal. And then we really went for it. So gratuitous.

Yeah, I was planning on having a prosthetic dick, and when we got into pre-production and Adam finally came out and we were about to shoot, I said, Adam, look, I got him building this prosthetic dick. What do you think? And he's like, Kyle, I've made peace with the world. I'm going to show them my dick. I said, all right. I wanted to show –

the world my dick. Yeah, and I took that cue and I shot the shit out of it. I get it. I get it. You guys are appeasing me because you were just, for lack of a better term, shitting on my ass. Okay. Yeah. Siren.

You were shitting on my ass. Diarrhea with shit on top. And so you gave me compliments to my dick. And I understand that you know that I needed that because I do hang my hat on my ass. Well, don't make us feel bad about it. You should really be hanging your hat on your dick, bro. Are you saying thank you or are you saying no thank you? No, no, no. I'm not saying anything. I appreciate what you're doing. I appreciate what you're doing. I think you were pretty clear. We were shitting on your ass, so we glorified your dick. Okay.

Yeah, and I do appreciate that. But you cannot work out your dick. And as a fitness influencer who takes great pride in his gluteus maximus. You're really running with that. Is there anything, a such thing as a dickness influencer? Where like everything you post is about your dick and like treating it right and like getting it to like be its best? Should I do that? Absolutely. Yeah.

Like a dick care? Like a self-care, but only for your penis? Only about your dick. Like how to keep the skin right, how to get it bigger, how to keep it going, how to like...

You know, manscaping all that. How did you cry? Because you don't cry that often. Yeah, what did you do? How did you do that? Yeah, you are a robot. Did you use the tear sticks? Let's get real. Let's get real here. Ready? You ready to get real for the first time on the pod? Yeah. I squeezed my nuts really hard. Let's go! I want to apologize to everyone listening for this podcast. It was off the rails from the jump, but guess what?

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