Losing My Grandpa, Getting a 'Mommy Makeover' & Getting My First Period in 5 Years
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Attending a funeral about someone that's an identical twin, it's extremely weird. Griffin ran up to his brother at the funeral and said, Yeah.

It was literally like a light bulb moment. I'm just sitting there. I'm like, I don't have an answer. I don't know why I'm sad. I haven't felt like this in a long time. And then it dawned on me. First period in nearly five years. When it comes to mommy makeovers, maybe plastic surgery is worth it. So you're not sitting there at the pool thinking about your belly, but then maybe it's not okay to fix the exterior. You just got to fix the interior. Welcome back to unplanned. I'm Matt and I'm Abby. And we're so happy you're here.

Guys, we have not done a solo episode in a couple weeks. It's been weird. It's been really weird. More than a couple weeks. It's been like a month. Had some really unfortunate circumstances, obviously. Yeah, I kind of dipped out of the podcast for a couple weeks. Our family went through a loss. We lost my papa. Yeah. And...

I haven't cried about it in like honestly a couple weeks. But I think it's just saying it with like all the attention. Yeah. I do feel peace that it was like his time. So basically let's just tell a story of what happened. So other people that are going through grief just know that you're not alone and that it might look like, you know, we're only showing happy, cool things. But there are sometimes some like deeper things going on. Yeah.

That time, private. So what happened was we randomly got a call on a Sunday, actually right before you were about to interview Clayton for that episode. It was like an hour before. It was like literally right before he was about to show up at our house. And we got the horrible news that your grandpa had gone to the hospital. And obviously things weren't looking good.

I didn't know this at the time, but he'd gotten septic at this point. And we, yeah, we didn't know that. And we had just found out that he had cancer two months before. So it was, it happened really fast. I think that they were thinking it was cancer for a little bit longer than that, but it wasn't like official for, I honestly, I think it was like November, um,

And Christmas was great that we got to see him. We got to see them two times in December. Yeah. Because we were there for Blake's graduation, my brother's graduation. They made it there and we celebrated Christmas with them. And honestly, I'm so thankful that we had that time together because honestly, like... It was cool that you got to meet his great grandkids. Yeah, like multiple times. You got to see them a lot. Yeah.

Wow, it's kind of just like now hitting me that we're talking about him in the past. Yeah. Anyway, I feel like I'm telling this really bad. No, you're not. You're just sharing your story and you're doing... No, you're good. Yeah, so we found out a couple months, a little bit over, more than a couple months ago about his cancer diagnosis. And I found out on Christmas Day that it was palliative care that they were going to be giving him, which basically means, from what I understand, that...

He was never going to be cancer-free. And so they were going to make his quality of life comfortable for the remainder of his life. So it wasn't a total, total shock. I think that the speed with which everything happened was shocking. Yeah. And shocking for everyone. I'm sure even his medical care team, too. So we were staying in close touch. I've been close with my grandfather my entire life. Should I even talk about how...

My relationship with Papa was like, I don't know how much you want to focus on this. It was really sweet because we had, your relationship was really close with your Papa. Yeah. And you would spend every Saturday night at his house. No, I'm sorry. Every Friday night, right? Every Friday night. Well, we were there Friday night to Saturday morning, Sunday lunches, Wednesday evenings we get dinner and like, we just like,

They lived five minutes away from us. They were at every single dance recital, play or musical I was in, sports when I did that, all my brother's sports, every school event, every choir concert. They were there. We honestly were like...

They were like our friends too. And that's why they've like shaped me so much who I am as a person today. I think a lot of people that are like close to me in my life, I don't know if it's reflected on the internet as much, but like I'm kind of like an old soul in a way. You guys, Abby gets her quirky, silly side from her grandpa and her grandma. And that's why she is such a silly, fun person.

unique person because she spent so much time with her grandparents and they rubbed off on her and that fun, just happy joy that they have is a part of Abby because of all the time that she spent with her grandparents. Literally like some of her closest friends here in Arizona call me John and that's because of my papa indirectly because he always said, that's who shot John. Yeah. Comment down below if you've heard that phrase before because anyone my age I've ever said that phrase to, they're like, well,

What in the world did you just say? I don't think anybody knows what that is other than your grandparents. It was so normal to me growing up. If someone said something that I think they made up, it would be like, well, that's some who shot John. Yeah. And so I say those things. They just shaped who I am as a person. My humor, my...

interests even like everything your grandma would read so abby's grandma would read to her all the time and abby would just sit and read book after book with her grandma and now abby's a bookworm like she's always reading a book and yeah literally everything about abby is influenced because of them yeah so many things and um

Yeah, we were just incredibly close. I mean, even when I moved away to go to college and beyond, like, calling very frequently. And I think the coolest thing is that we actually FaceTimed him two days before his passing. Two days. And, um, like, that evening. Yeah. Honestly, it was, like, less than 48 hours before he was gone after that. But, um...

And... Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. I was going to say what was weird is something came over me. I don't know what it was. I think it was just knowing that your grandpa had been to the hospital recently. And so I was like... I was just realizing, okay, we're not going to have forever with him. And realistically...

A couple of years from now, he probably won't be here anymore. And so I was like, he needs to spend time with his grandkids. And so we're, I FaceTimed him, which like I usually wouldn't do. You would always be the ones, the ones to initiate the FaceTime. But I FaceTimed your grandpa and literally just had the phone on Griffin and Augie and

for probably like an hour. Like he just watched them play. I was playing with Griffin and Augie and kind of chatting with him, but basically just having him there with us, like in the room playing. We went out to the pool and Griffin likes to throw our basketball into the water. And then I would take our pool net and, you know, get it out of the pool. And then Griffin would throw it back in again and he would laugh every single time. And then your grandpa was laughing with Griffin every time he threw the ball in. And so it was just so cool seeing your grandpa

be there in that moment. And something told me was like, I was like, okay, I need to keep this going. And I kept the phone call going so long that your grandpa hung up on me because he was like, okay, it was so good talking. Let's chat again sometime. Yeah. And I just wanted him to really feel like he was there with his great grandkids. Yeah. And I'm so glad that he had that moment. And it's like,

I hate that I'm so weepy right now because I really do feel peace with like the timing of everything. Like obviously you never want anyone that you care so much about to be gone. Yeah. But I also did not want him to suffer. And ever since I knew that the care was going to look like that, I feel peace that he's not suffering anymore. Yeah.

And that he really didn't. Like, he really lived life up to the last moments. He was still traveling. And he was still... Obviously, life looked different. He had a little puppy. Now my grandma has this dog that I'm not sure she intended on, like, raising by herself, basically. But I kind of threw that detail in there. I'm so scattered right now. But...

As weepy as I am, I think there's something about the cameras that just like brings my emotion out for whatever reason. But of course, I'm going to miss him a lot. And I'm just going to say I was always the favorite. Yeah.

I think I was. I heard him whisper that to you. I heard him say that to you. We had a really special relationship. One time you guys got lost on purpose grabbing coffee in Phoenix. Right before we filmed the podcast episode. Actually, can you link that podcast? Yes, we'll link the podcast down below. We had Abby's grandparents on the podcast.

And it was really special 'cause we got to share their life story and it's almost like a memory that, or like a vault, you know, like a time capsule, that's the word I'm looking for.

for, you know, 20 years from now when Griffin is 21, I can be like, Hey Griffin, this is your great grandpa that you used to call Papa. And you probably don't remember him that much anymore, but this is, this is who he was and this is the life he lived. And he had polio when he was a kid and, uh, he loved your, he loved your mama so much. And I think it'll be really cool to,

For our kids to actually know them. Because I have so many people. Like my mom. My dad's mom died like 10 years before I was born. I have no idea what she looks like. I have no idea what her voice sounded like. I don't know her story. But our kids will get to know their great grandpa. And that's really special. That honestly means so much to me.

Like that we have that now and like even our YouTube videos we made with him. Yeah. There's a couple too. They all – Just like so stupid. They all seem so silly and they are so silly and that's what's great because that's who he was and that's how our relationship was and like –

While they're entertainment for you guys, like they're also very, very meaningful to me, especially now that story that you talked about. Basically... Getting lost with getting coffee. Yeah. Yeah. So right before we filmed that, my papa loved chai tea lattes with skim milk, which we would always get literally every single day. And so before we filmed that podcast, I bribed him. I was like, papa, we'll get chai tea lattes with skim milk before we film. And so...

we went on this big journey and Matt's like calling me. He's like, um, this is all set up. Like, when are you guys getting back? It's been like an hour and a half. And we went and we were just like having such a good conversation in the car. We kind of just got lost and we were cracking up and it was just a really sweet memory. And he would always bring it back up to me because it was just like a really fun thing that we did and a good memory. Um,

It was sweet. It was sweet too. Cause at the funeral, people were coming up to me, all your relatives that didn't really know how to use their iPhone that well. And they're like, how do I find that? Is that, is it called a podcast? How do I find that podcast with Terry where he talks about polio? Cause I had no idea. Like your grandpa, he was really open with us about his polio. And like,

like going through that as a kid but that's not just something that you just you know you just chat about all the time right and so um all of your like a lot of your family members were just wanting to like listen to that episode and and there are quite a few at the funeral that had come up to us were like hey i listened to that episode or watched the episode and um like thank you thank you for doing that because i like feel like i know terry so much more now

Yeah, and what's really cool is that the March of Dimes literally is a foundation that saved his life then. And then at the funeral, grandma had a March of Dimes fundraiser going on. So that's really cool. Just so you guys know what March of Dimes is, it's a charity, which I'll be honest, I forget what their current mission is, but I know that basically they help save Abby's grandpa's life because he had polio when he was a kid. The polio vaccine was out, but he grew up in a really small town where they didn't quite have the vaccine yet.

And so he never got it. And then he got polio and he came pretty close to not making it. But the March of Dimes helped pay for his medical care. They paid for everything. Yeah. And so it's crazy because it just kind of dawned on me while we were making this episode. We didn't really intend to go into all these details, but I feel like we should do a fundraiser for March of Dimes. Yeah, that'd be really cool. And so if you guys...

Yeah. If I don't know, whatever it is, if it's a dollar or five dollars, whatever you guys can can donate, that'd be really cool. And Abby's grandpa's honor to do a fundraiser for them. And we'll donate to that would mean a lot. Yeah. Something else about the funeral is that. So like Matt said, Griffin always called him Papa. Like even Griffin, his great grandson had a really good, cute relationship with him.

Even though he was so young. But something else interesting that I think we talked about on that podcast, if you go back and visit it, is that my papa was an identical twin. And so his identical twin was attending the funeral. And it's like a really sweet thing, but also a really sad thing. This episode of the Unplanned Podcast is brought to you by Huggies Little Movers. And boy, do we have some little movers.

little movers in this house. I just ordered some more little movers the other day because we ran out of the little movers. Yeah, I know. And now it's a little confusing because we have the Huggies little movers that are in the Lion King print and size four and size five. Yeah. For those of you guys that don't know, we used to buy the cheapo diapers and we started getting blowouts galore and it got so annoying.

having to like clean clothes i was just like out there honestly we tag teamed we both would clean the poop out of the kids onesies and it got it got pretty annoying my my sheriff yeah we both did our share of poop cleaning you know with the stains because it's that yellow kind that just doesn't it doesn't go away you said cheapo diapers but the thing about huggies and movers that's great is that they're also affordable yeah so it's like you can get affordable diapers but that are

amazing quality. Yeah, you just want to look for quality in a diaper and that's why we do like the Huggies Little Movers. Yes, because Huggies knows that babies come in all shapes and sizes and their little tushies do too. And so what's great is that their best fitting diaper, it like curves and stretches to fit their little moving diapers.

moving bodies and moms and dads know that there's nothing worse than an ill-fitting diaper so that's why we are thankful to Huggies and what's really cool is that they actually have 12 hour protection against leaks which is an absolute game changer especially when your baby starts giving you longer stretches in the night we also have the Huggies overnights for our toddler who who needs a

A little bit of extra leak guard protection in the nighttime. Yeah. I got so distracted. You look really pretty in your outfit. So thank you, honey. Point that out. So get your baby's butt into Huggies. Best fitting diaper. Huggies. Little movers. We got you, baby. We got you, baby. Now back to the episode. Griffin ran up to his brother at the funeral and said, Papa. Yeah. I love it and hate it at the same time. You know.

And he was at your grandma's house playing with the golf cart. Your grandpa liked to golf.

And so he was playing with this mini, like miniature golf cart. Yeah, Griffin was. And he kept going, Papa, Papa, Papa. And I'm like, why? Like, how does he know that he liked golf? And I guess your grandma had told him or told our son Griffin that that little golf cart toy was Papa's last time we were at their house. And so he just kept saying that over and over again, which was, you know, it was sweet that he was saying that, but also,

really sad because obviously he's a one-year-old like he he doesn't understand that he's not here anymore and he's not gonna really remember him which is a bummer and we were going through a picture book the other day and uh he he still knows who his papa is yeah we have a book with pictures of people that are family and then every morning he like wants to point open that book and point to everyone and say their names in our family and he still points him and says papa

One more quick thing about attending a funeral about someone that's an identical twin. It's, it's, yeah, it's weird. It's extremely weird. It's extremely weird. It feels like they're still alive. You're like, wait a second. They sound the same. They look exactly the same. They have the same mannerisms. Like I was like, you are literally him, but he's not here. And so it's just like, so it's like, why was it oddly comforting for me? It was comforting. In a weird way.

Was it just his voice or his seeing him? Yeah, like it's comforting that someone exists that is just like him. I don't know why. Stop crying because I'm actually like okay, guys. Like I took a break and it was really great. Like Matt took over so many things and I just like didn't do anything for a long time except for be with my family. And it was really, really good. And I feel so much peace and closure with everything. Yeah.

I actually also got to speak at his funeral, which was something that I was, like, dreading because it is such, like, it's deeply meaningful to me that I got to honor him in that way. But also, it's so, anyone that's spoken at a funeral knows that, like, while it is, like,

such like a important thing to you it's also like a dreadful thing because you're having to talk about the most painful thing going on in your life in the most painful setting possible I was so I was nervous because I was like okay I'm gonna have to get up and I thought I thought for sure you weren't gonna be able to finish because it was I mean it's very emotional it's very very hard to do that when you love someone so much and to

speak at the funeral. And so I thought for sure I was gonna have to get up and finish your speech for you. But you finish it. I was very impressed. I don't know how you did that. I don't know how you got through that. Well, first of all, you know what I was doing. Here's my steps to not crying to speaking at a funeral. One, don't go in until you absolutely have to. Like I stayed outside of the room and just like chatted about

things the whole time. Secondly, I did not really let you touch me or comfort me during the service because I knew that was going to make me like...

feel like I could break if some if you were like being strong for me so I just needed to be strong for myself and so I couldn't have any comfort even though you probably wanted to put your arm around me I was playing with your hair and I did have my arm around you I kept but I like did not lean into or anything like I was like do not yeah and then I was holding water in my mouth and just like drinking water and swallowing it every single time I felt like tears were welling up in me I was doing pretty good until I freaking played amazing grace and then it just

It cracked me just a little bit. And then once there's a tiny crack, it can just, and that's what happened. But I got through it. What is your thing? You mentioned something to me. I think you said that you don't like open caskets at funerals. Why is that? I mean, it's just a personal thing. Like, I don't, I want to remember him. Yeah. How I remember him. I totally get that. Because he didn't really do a good job. Like, I didn't just stare at him sleeping his whole life. Yeah.

He did fall asleep in his recliner quite a bit, but... I'll tell you what, though. It's so weird because it's like you feel like they're going to just sit up. You know what I'm saying? Like, it doesn't feel... It really does feel like they're asleep. But for me... And at some level, it creeps me out. Is that bad to say? No, that's not bad to say. Like, I think it's an older generation thing to want an open casket, honestly. I don't... I want you to just cremate me. Oh, my gosh.

I will say, though, I actually do. This is getting off topic. I do want to be cremated because I feel like it's cheaper and I don't want people dishing out money for my death. Like, what? If I'm dead, it's like, why spend all this money on me? Like, go donate it to a charity. Please don't talk about you dying now, okay? Not the time. I would rather that money be donated to a charity. But anyway, I know it sounds weird, but I do like the open casket because it gives me closure, as weird as that is. I was surprised you cried as much as you did. Yeah, I didn't really... I don't know. I, um...

It was really sad. It was really, really sad. I think what really got me was just seeing your grandma and her sister. They were high school sweethearts, Matt. They were married for six years. It's heartbreaking. It's like the movie Up. Like, I bawled like a baby watching the movie Up when you see that, like... Yeah. That couple going from being young lovers to literally...

the end and it's just like the most heartbreaking thing to think about that happening and and I just the amount of empathy I felt for your grandma and for her sister just like broke me so yeah also makes me realize that like whatever thing we get hung up on is really not that important you know because like

I don't want to make this so sad, but like, I'm sure my grandma wouldn't do anything at this point to be 25 year old Vicky and Terry. Yeah. They wouldn't want to waste it on some stupid bickering, you know? Yeah. Not that we've been bickering or anything, but like that happens, you know? And it just really puts your marriage in perspective to see, you know, the end of a marriage in a way like that. And so. Oh, it's horrible. Um,

I mean, I don't think it's... I don't think you can justify not loving someone because of the pain of losing someone. No. Because then what is life? Like, if you never love anybody or never, yeah, put yourself out there and, I don't know, have a relationship with someone, that's going to be a really, really depressing life. And so you have to love someone. You have to love people. You have to have friends and community. But at the same time, when you lose that one day, it's extremely hard. So it's just...

I don't know. It definitely put things into perspective for sure. It did. It did. And I honestly feel very happy with how the funeral and everything went. Yeah. And we're bringing grandma out here. By the time this podcast is up, she'll have been here for a trip to just kind of keep her busy and see the kiddos. And we're going to treat her a little bit because she's going to have her first birthday alone. I do want to say...

As awkward as it may be, when you see a widow or someone that lost their spouse, don't be afraid to tell them that you're so sorry. Don't be afraid to tell them that you're thinking about them and that you feel for them. Because I think it can be uncomfortable. Like maybe it's just easier to not talk about it and it makes you feel less uncomfortable and less stressed that you're not going to say something bad.

you know, that might hurt them for whatever reason, but just know that by letting them know that you have empathy for them, it's going to go a long way. And yeah, grandma said that I know it meant a lot because I, I regret not doing that for your other grandma when she lost her husband, um, three years ago. And then just, I just never, I just never said anything. Cause it, there was never, it never seemed like there was a perfect time to say something. And, um,

So I just didn't. I just never did.

Even to this day, I've never said I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know that after three years, I know she's, while that loss was devastating for her, I know that she has recovered. And I know that she's doing, I don't want to speak to what your grandma, yeah. But I just know that time does heal people. But I regret not saying something to her. I mean, not fully. There'll always be a whole. Yeah, yeah. But we'll have time to talk about grandpa to her because she's moving out here in a week.

You're right. We're getting our whole family out here. And let me just say this. If you go through a loss, please surround yourself with family or friends or someone to work through it. Don't go through it alone. Just seeing you go through this with your family was so much better for you than when we were in Hawaii with...

Not a lot of friends and no support, no family. Yeah. So like that boss. I mean, it was a totally different experience. Totally different. And having kids too. I was going to talk about that. It really lightened the mood. It lightened the mood of the visitation, of the funeral. It was still so sad. But like having little kids that are just like laughing and playing just kind of gives you hope. It's like, yes, this is horrible. And yes, death sucks so freaking bad. But...

the fact that we have these like new little kids that are also our kids and they're freaking adorable it just makes everything so much easier I guess right like I got a phone call that he had actually passed which was so crazy shocking because that whole day we were trying to get back

trying to get back at the airport, like begging. Oh my gosh. I was begging. I was crying to the gay agents being like, get us on this plane. They're like, there's literally no empty seats. Yeah. What exactly happened? Because you left and then you came halfway through. We didn't have flights because there wasn't really any good ones, but there was, or there was a couple of good ones, but they were sold out. And so I was like, I'm going to just go and

Yeah. You went to the airport without a flight booked. We were on standby for like three flights. Okay. And so you have to have some type of booking to get through security. And so we were on standby for like three and I was literally like, is it inappropriate to walk up to people and ask for their seat? Like Christmas vacation style where she's like, I have this money for your kid's college. Like I'll pay. Like, was it like that? Were you offering to pay people for their tickets or what did you do? Well, I didn't do that, but I should.

I was wondering if I should have done that. Or not Christmas vacation. I'm thinking of Home Alone. You know when the mom in Home Alone is desperate to get back to her son. That's what I felt like. Should I have done that? Should I have like literally asked people? I mean, you could have. It's kind of a big deal to change. In retrospect, as sad as it sounds. It wouldn't have done anything. Yeah, your dad and your brother didn't make it back in time.

and they left way before you did. Yeah, so basically I was like trying, and then there was like no more flights until later that evening, so we're like, we might as well just go home, and like I had the baby, so I was like, give him a good nap, and like make sure I'm packed okay, because I just had thrown stuff in a bag. It was just so chaotic, but as I'm getting that call that he had passed in between trips to the airport, like I'm getting the worst news of my life, and Griffin just wants to play trucks with me, and he's just like, mama, mama, and like,

I can see where that someone that hasn't gone through that could see that as like how annoying. Like you're going through something so hard. You have to just like white boogers from a kid's nose and play trucks. But it was so comforting to me that like I could tend to his needs. I could fix those because my needs were like so big. I don't know.

They're a wonderful distraction. They're so... I love spending time with them. For everyone, too. Yeah. At the visitation, every one of your relatives was coming up and wanting to see the kids and play with them. And I think for your grandma, too, just to hold our baby. Yeah. And just like... Holding a baby is therapeutic. It's very... It just fills you with hope forever. Kids are just such a joy. Yeah. Like, truly such a joy. Like, specifically our kids. Specifically our kids. So, happy...

Having them there really was amazing. And it made grieving a totally different experience for me than from before I was a mom. Thank you to Curology for sponsoring this episode of our podcast. My skin used to be pretty bad. I had so many breakouts going. I had pimples galore on my face. And luckily for me, one of my friends in college told me about Curology because I was lost and I wanted to find an affordable way to treat my acne. I filled out the quiz online and

I ended up getting a formula specific for me and my skin's needs. They use three very specific ingredients that are able to treat and fight acne and help you honestly feel more confident. At least that's what it did for me. I started feeling so much more confident when my acne cleared up and I'm super thankful for Curology because they were a huge, huge part of that for me in my early 20s. Curology actually gives you

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a personalized formula based on your skin's unique needs and they're shipped directly to your door every two months for a limited time you can get your first curology skincare box for just five dollars when you go to curology.com slash unplanned go to curology.com slash unplanned for this free offer that's curology c-u-r-o-l-o-g-y dot com slash unplanned trial is 30 days applied only to your first box subject to consultation new subscribers only back to the episode i

love what we do because I got to just completely jump off the train. Yeah. I didn't do anything for a long time and I'm really thankful for that and I just got to be with my kids, be with my family and I'm really thankful to you for filling in all those large gaps for me at that time and also like doing what you could to be there for me and cover me. Of course. That's a really cool thing about marriage that you don't have to go through these things alone but also even if you have a close friend or family like

You're not alone and you're grieving because a lot of people, unfortunately, everyone goes through loss in some capacity and it sucks. Yeah, I was so thankful that...

You were able to go back home immediately. Yeah. And then I came the next day with our son. That was actually... Flying with Griffin was really fun. We had such a fun time. We were just chilling. Flying with Augie was really, really fun. Oh, really? He just slept the whole time. Okay. Well, Griffin and I got to play together. I got to...

read my Kindle eventually. Like we were playing and I was trying to avoid doing screen time, but then I was like, okay, this kid needs to miss Rachel. So we turn on miss Rachel and he's watching miss Rachel eating his, um, his pretzels. And then I was reading my book. It was great. Yeah. Good times. Speaking of kids, our kids have gotten to be so much fun, so much fun, especially our oldest. I have like, I can fully understand what he's saying now.

We just had three days together. Abby was traveling and she was gone with August. And so Griffin and I had like three full one-on-one days together and it was amazing. And now he could be like, and I know what it means. I'm like, oh, you want to go to the park and drink some juice? And it's just, it's so cool.

the relationship we have. And I never understood how people could just like understand whatever their kid was trying to say. But like now I get it. We just- They're literally my favorite people. You and the boys are my favorite people in the entire world. And I love them so much. And- And I'm so proud of them for literally every, the smallest thing. It's just, it's gotten to be like really, really fun. And so I don't know. I, I love it. So you're saying you want another? I'm not, no comment. I'm just saying being a dad is like really fun. And-

If you're in the thick of the newborn stage and you hate your life, just know that it gets so much better. Some people love the newborn stage, Matt. Controversial opinion, newborn stage, not my thing. Yeah, I honestly totally agree. It is so hard on you as an individual, on your marriage, on everything. I feel like it's okay. When you're in the midst of a workout and you're really exhausted and you're

you're like this is this sucks like this workout sucks but you know that you're gonna feel so good afterwards because you get the hit of dopamine and it's like worth it's worth the pain to make it to the end okay i feel like that's the newborn today truly where it's like this is hard but you go through it because it's worth it in the end but do you not think it would be different if you didn't have other things to do like say it was just us and a baby and that was all our both of our shared responsibility all we had to do was take care of ourselves and our baby i

I feel like it wouldn't have been as hard. Yeah. Uh,

I think it's other things in life that make that stage a little bit harder. Yeah, I will say, I think the times you get the most frustrated with your kids are when you are trying to multitask. You're trying to like get something done that you need to get done. They require 100% attention. And then they're pulling you away from it, especially as someone with ADHD. If I don't like fully lock in and get to be fully focused on something and I'm getting distracted by like this thing over here, then I literally end up, I can go hours without getting anything done. Wait, have you officially been diagnosed with ADHD?

I have not been officially diagnosed, but I'm so close. I'm so, so close to getting diagnosed. I'm so excited. What's going to happen then? I got stabbed with a needle today in my arm because they were checking my blood levels for my physical. And then they're going to be able to tell me if I have ADHD. Because of your blood? No, I think that... Okay, so I had...

literally three doctors women's i did not know i was gonna take three doctors i think it's because it's been over diagnosed they make people that and then i haven't been to the doctor in a really long time because they're just like i haven't had anything come up so i'm like i'm good i don't need to go to the doctor but that's not how it works yeah so i have a doctor appointment later this week and then i think if they decide i have adhd then i'll get medicated oh so you're gonna take medicine now i think i'm gonna talk about also i don't know i don't care yeah i'm open to it um

yeah, I just, I get so easily distracted and I feel like I need to be more open with people that I do have ADHD. Cause I think sometimes like people will be talking about one subject and I'll completely change the subject. And I don't mean to be rude or unkind or like inconsiderate of them. It's just my brain does weird crap where you mentioned one word and that word makes me think of something else, which then makes you think of something else. And then pretty soon we're talking about like

you know eating tacos and then I'm like hey what do you guys think about the Revolutionary War and it's like wait can I tell you something yeah what's up even during this episode I could tell you were thinking about something else than what I was saying and that's why I stopped that one time wait really yeah I'm so sorry I did not mean it like that at all I know you don't that's why

I don't say anything because I know you don't mean it. I don't mean it at all. Maybe there's resources. My mom, when I was a kid, spouses, my mom would hold my hand and she'd be like, Hey Matthew, I need you to go do these three things. And I think she deep down knew that I had ADHD, but she just didn't want to medicate me, which is cool. I respect that. I actually don't. I want to try to avoid taking medication because,

um i'm also assuming that i have it i'm like 99.9 i think you're a textbook case i'm pretty sure i think there's a lot wrong with me i actually think there's other stuff too that i need to get diagnosed truly i do which i can open maybe i'll open up about one day but uh what do you think you have i don't know i'll talk to you about it off podcast but okay sorry um that's been so but it's been so good though like as an adult to understand myself more

has been so freeing because I'm like, that's why I do that weird thing because I'm this way. Like I am ADHD or I'm this and like just understanding myself more has helped me. Because it's your brain, right? Yeah. Yeah. It helps me like navigate life better. And that way I don't do things that I hate. Like, look, when you're navigating life, there's no way around doing hard things, period.

Some stuff that you do is going to be hard and then there's a benefit to it in the end. But the stuff that's hard that has no benefit to it, why the frick would you do it? Like what? Like for instance, this is really weird, but like when it was just me and Griffin, I don't know what it was. I thought, hey, we could go, you know, get like dinner together like you did that one time when I was gone on a trip. Yeah, Griffin and I went to Noodles and Kauai three times. But for whatever reason, I just knew that if I took him out to dinner...

I don't know what it was, but I just felt like I was going to get so much social anxiety. And I don't know why. Yeah, because there was a time that I took him to Cava. It was just like a dad and son date kind of. And I don't know why, but I just like... Really? That's why you door dashed? I get really in my head and I get anxiety a lot in social settings. I don't know why. Yeah.

But I was like, you know what? I'm just going to be intentional with him and go to the park and play and go on a walk and, you know, do all these other things. And then I door dashed Kava rather than going there and eating it because I knew I was like, this is going to be less fun for me. I'm going to get social anxiety, which I like to push myself to do uncomfortable things because I know it makes me stronger. So sometimes like

even if something's gonna make me really uncomfortable, I'm like, I need to toughen myself up. So I'm going to make myself do it. Just because it is uncomfortable. Yeah, but I've learned, I've learned like when it's the right time to do that and when it's the wrong time. And that was one of those times where I'm like, I don't need to make myself uncomfortable right now. I can just fully enjoy this time with my son. And that's what it's about. It was about spending time with my kid and I didn't need to overcome some sort of mental obstacle. I could just, you know, create the space I needed for myself to be fully intentional with Griffin. And that's what I did.

That's sweet. Yeah. You're a really good dad. Thank you so much. I think you're a really good mom. They love you. You know, it's funny, Abby. I mentioned this right before we started recording, but I truly think part of this, I think it's two things. One, I think we've gotten out of the newborn stage with both of our kids. And so in those times, I feel like life almost felt like survival. And so I couldn't really focus on myself or understand what my needs were. It was all about survival.

taking care of you and Griffin and Augie. And now that I'm out of that, I'm like, okay, who is Matt Howard? Like who, who am I? You did go through an identity crisis. Right. Um, and so I've just been discovering that. And I think part of that too, is my prefrontal cortex is fully developed now. Can we talk about that? Um,

I love science. I love using facts and, like, looking to, yeah, just, like, research to learn about myself and how our world works and how people work. Okay. But, yeah.

I'm a fully developed human now. And I truly believe... I beg to differ. I'm just kidding. But I truly believe that's been a part of why I'm learning more about myself and I'm learning more of what I like and what I don't like. I'm not going to put myself in situations... So you're saying now you're going to get stuck in your ways? No, but look, I want to be a selfless person. I want to do good in the world. I'm passionate about making the world a better place. I hope that we can create a better world

then we found it when we go one day. I truly want that for our country and our world because I just care about humanity as a whole. And so this is getting really deep, but... Yeah, I got really deep for a second there. But like... I'm sorry. But that aside, because I want to do selfless things, which don't serve me in any way, right? Like...

I want to donate to March of Dimes. Why do I want to donate to March of Dimes? Because I love their mission and I love what they did for your grandpa. Does giving my money away to them do anything for me? Not really. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself. Like maybe I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm a good person because I donated. Great. But truly though, I think it just...

I want to live in a world where people can be generous and I want to live in a world where people can like support one another and love one another. And so I want to be that. Like if that's what I want to see our world be, I want to embody that. What does this have to do with your prefrontal cortex again? Don't know. I kind of got off track a little bit there. I think that's all good stuff. I guess what I was trying to say is

And while I want to do stuff that makes the world, like while I know what's going to serve me and what's not going to serve me, it's like, oh, I'm not going to just like go to, I'm not gonna put myself in a situation where I'm gonna get a lot of anxiety because I know it's not going to benefit me. It doesn't mean you're selfish. Yeah, I'm still going to do good and I still want to do good stuff, even if it doesn't benefit me because I just care about our world. That was kind of like a really long way of saying that.

Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Sorry about that, guys. Sometimes you just get so deep and I love you for it. A little too deep. I don't know how to expand on it. Sorry. Can we like talk about something fun? Yeah. I'm tired of crying. Sorry about that. I haven't cried about that in like two weeks. So it's like, what the heck? Dude, we should talk about this. You just got your period back for the first time. Oh, speaking of crying. Speaking of crying.

understand it wasn't like actually a period how much did you bleed like was there a lot of blood no like i didn't even need did you see any blood just when i went potty that's it yeah it was so extremely you didn't even need like a like anything no feminine hygiene products at all no hygiene really then how is that considered a period well i'll tell you why there was all the pms symptoms and cramps and a tiny bit of blood

It was funny because when you were experiencing all of that, I'm like, I was racking my brain because as a guy, my go-to is like, how can I fix the problem? I need to know. How have you not learned that sometimes there's not a solution? And I reminded myself that. I was like, wait, Matt. I was like, Matt, stop trying to fix it.

literally just talk to her and get to know how she feels. You did that. You did amazing. I was asking you questions about how you felt and how it was making you feel. Yeah. And eventually what you realized from your feelings. You made me realize it. I did. You walked me to it. Okay. Here's how it happened. I helped lead you to the answer. Here's how it happened. Let's go. I didn't, let's do a high five. We went to Canes. We actually walked to Canes.

And the 8Ks. And as I'm walking back, I'm like, I don't know. I already had like a little bit of a crazy dinner, like chicken fingers and fries and soda. But I just need more. Like I need chocolate. And you got the big meal. I got the huge meal. You got the Kaniyak combo, I think, which has six chicken tenders. I did eat two of them. Yeah, I –

ate my meal but I just needed it wasn't about like hunger it was about a craving like a crazy craving I was like I absolutely need chocolate and so we were we got a bag of peanut M&M's I ate the whole thing how many times have you ever seen me just sit there eating chocolate not very many I mean I

I'm not like a healthy eater. Like I'll eat dessert every night, but when do I just sit there and eat straight chocolate? Like basically never. And so that was weird, but you know, not enough to like raise major alarm bells. This episode is sponsored by one of our all time...

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hug. Exactly. Basically all night long. Yeah, it's like a warm hug. They feel so snug in there. I always say snug is a bug in a rug. And my mother one time didn't...

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in the ovary or whatever it is. And I'm like trying to keep the conversation going and not let on that I'm about to double over in pain. And so I'm just like, man, what's going on? And then I finally told you, I was like, man, I keep having these crazy cramps. I don't know what's going on. Several hours later, we put the kids to bed and I'm like, Matt,

I don't know what it is, but I am just so sad. There's literally no reason for me to be sad right now. Like, I am just so overwhelmingly sad. And you're like, that's when you were like, well, do you want to just talk about how you feel? Yeah. I'm just sitting there. I'm like, I don't have an answer. I don't know why I'm sad. I don't know. I haven't felt like this in a long time. And then it dawned on me. It was literally like a light bulb moment. First period in nearly five years. Can you believe that?

Five years. You had one. You had one because you got your IUD out right before we started trying for kids. And I had one cycle. And then we had Griffin. That is truly crazy. I know. I don't miss it. And I don't even really count this one because it's not like a normal one would be. But I had all the PMS and that was enough for me to be like, I don't want any part of this anymore. It's funny. Your smartwatch knew that you were on your period too. Yeah. It kept saying, remember to track your symptoms. And I had never put in my

anything on my phone or on my watch that I was getting my cycle. I kind of love that I have data now on my wrist to tell me about like what my body's doing because last night I couldn't sleep and I'm, I was like, I wonder how much sleep I got and sure enough, I got five hours. My sleep score was 43%. So it's kind of cool that your watch is like, yeah, you're PMSing. It was,

It was so crazy. It was like a light bulb moment. Were you bummed when you got it then? I didn't really care. Okay. I mean, it's just, it's a thing. It wasn't a big deal. It's just a kind of a cool thing to, I think I was actually relieved. I was happy I got it because I was like, why am I feeling this way? And I couldn't, and then it's just like,

I feel like so many women understand that feeling of being like why was I doing these things for the past three days and they're like oh there is actually a reason I'm not crazy and it's like we're always shocked by it yeah but then we have an answer it's amazing can we talk about New York City that was freaking the big apple that was freaking awesome dude that trip it was magical okay it was magical and I was so in love with you you looked beautiful in your dress I

what it was i miss you wearing dresses i just realized that i just had an epiphany because as a pregnant woman you haven't been wearing dresses because you were pregnant and breastfeeding and it's hard to wear a dress and like whip your boob out to breastfeed your kid okay how about when i stop breastfeeding i buy dresses again i love it when you wear dresses because guess what matt i've been pregnant for two years and i don't have any clothes from before then you know what's funny i feel like we both

love it when the when like our partner is more in tune with their like their sexuality their masculinity yeah I like it when you're more masculine and you like when I'm more feminine and like oh I just love when you embrace when you embrace your femininity it's so sexy I love being feminine it's not because you want me to be it's because I

actually love being a woman and that's how i feel about being a man like i i've been hitting the gym so much more recently and i feel more masculine than ever i feel like a protector yes and i feel strong and it's just like i don't know it's like almost like an animalistic it's weird i'm like why do i love pumping this iron so much but it's just i'm like i'm a man and i've got my woman and i've got to protect my lady you know yeah yeah yeah me and griffin do that we say yeah

Anyway. Yeah. You know what else has made me more feminine? What? Reading a romance book. Yeah. It's kind of got me a little... What's your hot take on that? Because I know some women are like, that is just too... I don't like those books. They have too much sex. I will say, I actually don't like the saucy stuff as much. You don't like the sex books? Not really. Okay. Why not? But just for the reading value, I'm like, this isn't like...

I appreciate a book because of a good story. And usually, like, just a sex scene in a book doesn't feel like it's a part of the story. It just feels like it's there for sex appeal. Can I be honest? I love a good rom-com. That's why I want to watch a rom-com tonight. Matt, you don't love a good rom-com. Where is this coming from? I do. I actually realized this. No, you're wrong. I love it. No, you're wrong. Because it ends up getting me late. No, it doesn't. It's great for the whole family. Dude, you...

You, like, I don't know. It does something for both of us. Like, we just get the chemistry just freaking ignites. When is the last time we've watched one? I don't know. This is us? I just can think back to when we watched The Notebook with my parents and they were both sobbing. And we're both watching it. Like, neither one of us cried. I don't know why. But my parents were bawling their eyes out. I think it's because I fell asleep. Watching The Notebook, you did fall asleep. That's what it was. Otherwise, I would have been sobbing. And I'm like, okay, I missed my opportunity. Like, Abby's asleep and so...

I don't know what to do. But no. With your parents? What do you mean? I just... I remember them crying during that movie. Anyway, I love a good rom-com. Oh, you missed your opportunity to cry? No. Just other stuff. Because we didn't have the chemistry because you fell asleep. So the chemistry wasn't there because you were literally... When is the last time you've watched a rom-com? Where is this coming from? Are you talking about when we watched This Is Us? Maybe. We never watch shows or movies. We're not one of those couples. What's the movie... We've been reading our Kindles like crazy. We end up like...

like doing it after watching a movie i i feel like there was some steamy scene and then we were like wait we can make our own steamy scene okay getting back on track um we don't watch shows we read kindles and i've been reading uh it's been so good we've both been reading books together in bed yeah i've been lapping you with books though i will say yeah how's your book going my book is is great i read hunger games and now i'm reading my uh catching fire

And I did actually went and saw the Hunger Games movie, The Fire of Song and Ice or whatever it's called. Songbird something. The Songbird something. It's the Origins movie. Birds and Songbirds? Yeah.

No. We completely botched all of that. I know that for a fact. But the movie just got me back into wanting to read the books. And you, we already talked about this. We almost walked out of the movie. It's disturbing to me, kids killing kids. It is really disturbing with kids killing kids. Kids having to kill kids. What I've realized, Abby, is kids are so, like seeing our one-year-old, he is so smart. He's so intelligent. As a 12-year-old, I was reading these books. I'm reading books now as a 25-year-old man. But do you think that's okay? That I read when I was 12. I think it is. I think when I was 12, I was fully comprehending what was going on.

it wasn't it's not as dark i think the movie that we saw was a lot darker than that books themselves truly see i don't know though because i some of the most scared i got as a kid i would get really scared for movies but some books really scared me yeah that actually i'm glad you brought that up because i would like to read the book it i think that'd be really we can read it together i've been kind of wanting to read that one i think you'd get too scared i don't know if you should i'm tough

I read Stephen King already. That's right. You read that, Summers. Billy Summers. Yeah, I'm going to read The Green Mile too. I think he wrote that one. Yeah. You really do like books. Here's my book that I've read. Actually, this will become a reading podcast. Can I talk about this on this podcast? Yeah, go for it. Okay, I started reading The Advertiser.

guitar series because everyone's been talking about it and I'm very late to it. It's a court of thorns and roses. It's a fantasy book and you know what? Up until 92% of the book because I have a Kindle so I know the exact percentage I'm on. I was like, I don't know about this. It's a very, it's very outside my normal wheelhouse of genres that I enjoy reading. It's very fantasy. It's kind of strange. Then from 92% to 100% it changed. I was like, I love this series and I'm probably going to read every single one. The story, the plot is so...

You have to read. I told you Matt's going to read it too now. Yep. Did your ADHD just do something? A little bit. Yeah. I got sidetracked. I kind of zoned out there for a second. It's okay. It's okay. And we've already talked about it. So you didn't need to tune into that. Give me Nux. I love my ADHD husband. I'm cracking up, dude. It looks like you. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. My self-tanner is pretty bad. Your self-tanner did not go well on your hand. It did not go well. It did not go well.

It's because I'm kind of careless with application. Next book I read, do you care anymore about my books? You just tell me. Go for it. I've been reading Magnolia Parks, which is a viral TikTok romance series. Hold up. Talk to me about that. There was a romance book that you read that you said was so explicit, you could literally open up to any page. And it was like... It wasn't romance. It was actually a thriller. It was like, then he licked me. Like, it got really...

crazy that's Colleen Hoover everyone knows everyone listening to this knows about Colleen Hoover so hold up though because you've told me that you'll like run into some like sweet like you know very yeah mild mannered gal why is it always the shy sweet ones that

The sexiest books. You know what it is? I think they probably don't open up enough so then they are able to express that side of themselves by reading a book. I like that for them. Because I am someone who's not very emotional and so for me, I can experience emotions through music. Oh, you need very high emotional music. Yes. So that's why I love, you're like, Matt, why are you listening to so many sad songs? You know what? That's probably true. I feel like it's the single girlies that like love her the most. Yep. Because it's like that is fulfilling something. Yes. Right.

It's whatever. It's like the opposite to track sort of thing, you know? Yeah. Because you're emotional. I'm not as much on the outside. That's why you don't even kill. Yeah. And so, I don't know. That's why I listen to a lot. I listen to very highly emotional music because it kind of helps me experience those emotions. Okay, then tell me why I need to read about murder. Are you trying to kill me? Maybe. Maybe.

Why are you trying to do that? What's your agenda here? No, it's never the wife killing the husband. I think maybe I'm trying to protect myself. I will say I am with you on that. Because I read The House Across the Lake. That one's so good. It's stimulating to read a crazy story like that where people are getting murdered. Everyone should read The House Across the Lake. I will say the one thing, the reason why it's not like a five-

out of five for me is because it was paranormal i am like that that kind of weirded me out i like to have very deep intellectual conversations with people because it's it's it's stimulating for my brain i i'm not very good at small talk i feel like i could be better i like to jump into like legit i don't talk about this on the podcast i'm trying to like you know keep it you know tame but like i'll jump into like religion and politics with people like pretty quick

Because I love to have those conversations. I love different perspectives. I love it. Yeah, but you know what? It is a little off-putting if you just meet somebody. And sometimes I'm around you. I'm actually always around you. And you always do that. And I'm like, oh, here we go. But I love different perspectives. And I love to challenge everything that I believe. I love to always think, what if I'm wrong? What if my...

on a certain issue is completely off. And I like to think about that. So for me, that's why I skipped the small talk and go right into the deep combos. To me, I like to small talk. I like deep conversations also. I feel like you've helped me get better at small talk. Really? I feel like I wasn't very good at it and I feel like I have, even though I'm still not the best. I think the thing is, you can definitely get deep with people, but you need to ease into it a little better.

Yeah. Sometimes it's just a little dramatic and then I'm like, oh. You're right. I think it's just a comfort thing. Like let's go through the small, get to the medium, then we can go deep. But my superpower though is because I like to get deep with people really fast –

That does make for interesting interviews on the podcast, which, by the way, I used to do before I was even a podcaster. I literally would just literally interview everyone that we met, literally people sitting next to me on an airplane. I'd get their whole life story because I just want to know. I just I genuinely wanted to know to do that more. Actually, I talked a lot to a lady. It's because of kids. They make you talk with the people around you more. And I actually really like that.

This lady I was talking to on the plane. Dogs do that too. If you have a kid or a dog, you just naturally talk to more people because it gives you something to talk about.

I think we need to get a dog. Let's talk about that off podcast. Here's why. Thank you to Factor for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. As parents, I feel like we can never get time to ourselves to like cook, clean, do things that we just need to do. Also, why would we want to? We just want to be with our kids. And that's why we love Factor because they have meals ready to go. They're fresh, never frozen, sent right to your doorstep. And they taste amazing. I personally love the sun-dried tomato chicken as well as their wellness shots. Oh my gosh, they're insane. Oh my gosh, people have been- The lemon-

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factormeals.com slash unplanned 50 and use code unplanned 50 to get 50% off. That's code unplanned 50 at factormeals.com slash unplanned 50 to get 50% off. Back to the episode. Here's why. It's because when I was with my grandma like being left with a puppy because they got the dog before they even knew about my papa's diagnosis. They were on a wait list for this puppy and then they got the puppy and then he passed like less than a month later and

And then it made me wonder, like, would I take this dog off my grandma's hands? Because he was never meant to be her dog. It was supposed to be his dog. And so I was like, Matt, what do you think about this? And he, like, never had a definitive answer. That's okay because my grandma, it turns out she wants to keep the dog for now at least. But if things don't go well, I'm like, would I? Because she doesn't, like, she hasn't come around to him yet. I truly just don't want to burden your parents because I know that

We travel so much that I think they would end up watching the dog. Yeah. A lot. That's so true. And so. Yeah. Like you can take your kids on a plane but you can't take a dog. It's a lot harder to travel with dogs surprisingly. Yeah. And also maybe this is just me because I'm a kid mom. Yeah.

When dogs inconvenience me. Oh, see, now I'm going to get hate from the dog people. I already did this before. Why? What did you say? Because I said dogs aren't people. Oh, well, they're not people. I know, but that made people offended that are like love dogs. Well, they're not people. I mean, like. I like dogs. I value human life over dog life. Some people don't. That is. I have a problem with that.

Humans are more valuable than dogs. I know. I know. I know. But just saying. When a dog inconveniences me, it really is a little bit – I'm like, oh, dang. But when it's a human, I'm like – like a child, I'm like, oh, dang.

That, okay, that's something else that I've learned, Abby, as a 25 year old with a fully developed brain. I don't have to please everybody. And it's been so, I, I, I used to, you did, you got, you kind of taught me, you kind of led me toward the path or toward, toward the destination because I always wanted to be everyone's friend. I wanted everyone to like me. I never wanted to make anybody upset.

There's nothing wrong with that. And I still am that way to an extent, but I've also recognized like I want to cut to the chase. Like if I'm meeting somebody new, I want to quickly understand if I think we're going to vibe. Because if we're not going to vibe, I'm not going to waste their time or my time trying to like make a fake friendship happen. I want to quickly figure out if we're going to be a good fit as friends. And if we're not, cool. Like we can still respect each other and be kind to one another. I tell you that all the time.

I would hang out with people and then I'd be like, I don't really think that we're going to be close friends. And you'd be like, what's wrong with them? I'm like, literally nothing's wrong with them. It finally clicked for me, Abby. Really? Because you got there so much. You got there like five years ago. Yeah. You've been there for a while. Here's the thing that Matt and I had a conversation about that I will let you guys in on. Because we actually talk when we're not on camera quite a bit. Yeah, we do. Actually, most of the time. We do, yeah. Yeah.

this was like a conversation we've had a lot but like a long starting a long time ago yeah where i was like matt i think the difference between you and me is that i go about my day deciding if i like the people i encounter yep and you go about your day wondering if the people you encounter like you i'm a people pleaser through but the problem with that is that that's out of your hands is if the other people like you yep what's in your hands is if you like them or not and that

And that, here's the thing. You can, I say like, but I don't know if I necessarily mean that word. It's like, oh, I think that we're a good match to be friends. There are certain people that are just not going to be a good match and there's nothing wrong with that person. There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to get you to understand. And I think part of it, Abby, is like,

I for whatever reason there's certain social cues that I don't pick up on and you've helped me like identify those social cues and there's just like certain I think that's why I would get so much anxiety in high school and I would literally I couldn't fall asleep at night because there's so much pressure in my chest I hate that you had that of fear and like not feeling like I fit in and not feeling like I found my people and so and I think part of that is just because like there's certain social things like I did not understand sarcasm at all

before knowing your family. Yeah. I didn't at all. And,

Remember in high school there were times that people would be a sarcastic and I think I took it I took it very personally and I got mad and then I think it made people weirded out by me like why is he? Why is he? We're just joking around and then it made me an easy target It made me easy to pick on and I think like I've just real I've just like learned so much and I've observed Like how how people interact socially and I understand it more. Yeah, I understand sarcasm now I used to not and

I thought I did, but I didn't at all. And I think sarcasm is great. I love sarcasm. I think it's so funny. I love to be sarcastic with comments on... Dude, I'm so proud of this comment I made. You know Zayn? You know Zayn who we had on our podcast? Zayn Hajazi? He just like...

pictures of himself like his body transformation he like went through this you know big transformation and he looks jack he looks so good and I made it like a sarcastic comment I just said I'm keeping my wife off Instagram for the next couple of days and it was the most like comment on his picture really yeah which was like I was like I think that was it was sarcastic I was joking you know it wasn't actually real well I know yeah I

understand if that was sarcasm. I did it. I did it. I was proud of that comment. That was great. Thank you. Okay. We're going to high five now. Yeah. High five. Well, I'm proud of you and that is quite the character arc you've had there. I don't know. I've also realized there's people that I thought were cool that like I wanted to be friends with, but they really didn't give me the time of day. And I've realized now I've like, I've, I've come to this realization of, I don't want to be their friend. Like if they don't want to, if they don't give me the time of day, I'm

I'm not going to give them the time of day. Like if, you know, I just, if someone's not being a good friend to you and is like, especially someone that just is full of themselves or is like kind of a narcissist, like why would you want to surround yourself with that? Why would you want to be more like that? Because whoever you surround yourself with is who you end up becoming. And so I want to surround myself with very good, genuine people who have values that I align with. I feel like I've gotten so lucky. I've had like all my friends are so good. Yeah.

And you, I think you got there quicker than I did. I just, my people pleasing kept me from getting there. Well, Matt, I'm really happy that...

You're turning a leaf. I think that is cool. It's cool when you find people that you truly vibe with. This has just always been my personality though because I would always tell my best friend growing up. We've always talked about this because we're still friends to this day since the fourth grade. I actually just went and visited her this past weekend. But I would always tell her in like fourth, fifth, and sixth grade, like when I was really young, I'd be like, we're so weird. And like,

like i meant it in a like as a compliment like i loved that we were weird like did funny things and she would kind of get offended a little bit and she'd always clarify and she always correct me and be like but we're in a cool way right and so she always say weird in a cool way and so then i'd be like we're weird in a cool way just to her to make her happy but it's just funny showing that like difference in personality there i like thought it was so cool to be weird i don't know why

It's just like I like standing out and being different. I was listening to this video today. It's one of those – like I don't know. Someone basically getting into philosophy. It was on Instagram. It was on YouTube. It was very – it was stimulating for me and I loved listening to it. But anyway, basically talking about how people have all these like preconceived ideas of what they think they want and what they – how people – how they think people view the world. And it was essentially talking about how –

what people really value deep down is personal fulfillment in their life. People, most people actually, most people don't value fame and actually most people don't value money deep down. Most people value some sort of personal fulfillment, but

In our heads, though, we think everyone around us wants fame, wants money, wants power. And they were talking about in this video that that's actually not the case. And I thought that was so good that they were sharing that because I kind of bought the lie. Like, I kind of bought the lie that, oh, maybe the more money I make, the happier I'll be. Or maybe the more followers I get, the happier I'll be. And it's a bunch of BS. Yeah. And...

I think that you're truly happy when you find balance in your life or you're going to be the happiest. You're never going to be perfectly happy. We're not perfect people. This is not a perfect world. But I think you're going to be happiest when you find that balance between like work and play and being creative and, you know, spending time with your kids, your spouse. Like when you find a balanced life, whatever that is for you, that's when you find that balance.

That happiness. Exactly. I love that. And I realized my life, that's another thing, my life before was out of balance. And I feel like I'm finding my balance now. Wow. And it's been so much better. I love this version of you. Thank you. Matt, you know what? I've loved you before you even had a prefrontal

cortex you did yeah i loved you when you were just a little baby i loved you before you had one too because when we were dating you didn't have that you know girls get it earlier you do i think women develop theirs at 23 men it's 25 on average and that's like that's an average age because think about puberty people go through puberty around like 12 before 23 or right at 23

Probably before. You were probably an early riser and I was a late bloomer for sure. Early riser? Early riser, right? Is that what it is? Early bird. You got your prefrontal cortex before I did. Early to maturity? Yeah, you probably got it at like 22, 21. Okay.

I've loved you since before you had a prefrontal cortex, babe. That is very sweet. And I have noticed you've changed a lot. You have? Yeah. In a good way? Yes. It's been a good thing? Your prefrontal cortex is doing a lot for you. Thank you so much. And there's something specific that you're like, I like this new version of Matt.

Just feel like you have your feet on the ground. Was there a certain event that made you realize that? No, I've honestly always thought like you really are just like a very good and grounded individual, even though sometimes I'm like when you're talking, you're like, this is not coming across the way that it's not going to be perceived the way that he means it. Sometimes I say things and I'm like, I don't I feel like I totally did not communicate what I was trying to say right there. But you're also a very good communicator. Sometimes I'm not.

Sometimes I say stupid stuff that I'm like, ah, that did not come out the right way. No, I think everyone does that. Yeah. I do that too. All the time. You're way better with your words than I am. No, I'm not. You're way, oh my gosh, you're so much better. Can we talk about how my face looks different? Your face does look different. It's crazy how pregnancy does that. Yeah. Some people when they're pregnant, they get to keep their face. I feel like everyone's face gets really puffy when they're pregnant. Mine got so puffy.

It's crazy, actually. Like, when I look back at pictures, I'm like, oh, wow. You can tell that I'm pregnant even if my belly's not in the picture. Yeah, you can just tell. I feel like I'm still going down. I feel like your face has gone back to what it looked like before pregnancy. Do you feel like you're back? Do you feel like you're full self again? Well, this is where I was going to talk about the mommy makeover.

Oh, okay. Talk about your mommy makeover. What did you want to say about mommy makeovers? The thing is that I'm never going to feel like myself. You know what it is? You know what my take on it is? What? I think people just want to... People don't like people having something that they can't have. And I think mommy makeovers, because it's not cheap, people that can't afford them are probably jealous. And I think that's why people have harsh opinions on them. Truly, I think that's what it is. I don't have a harsh opinion.

My opinion is I'm really glad that they're available for people that want them and are able to get them. But then there's me that is having an internal battle because like I, first of all, I feel great. I'm starting to feel so good postpartum. I'm six months out, almost seven months. I'm feeling amazing. I feel like I can start to do things I want to do again. The one thing that is a little frustrating is that I can lose the weight, but I'm

There's always going to be extra skin on my belly. Can I just hype you up? You look incredible. Thank you. You literally look so good. I cannot believe that you have birthed two children and you look the way that you look.

Well, I mean, I appreciate that, but you can tell the people it's very clear looking at me like my bare stomach. I've had a baby. I've had two babies. I mean, not really, honey. You look, you look so good. Matt. And look, obviously, you know, there's stuff that goes, there's genetics that go into this. I do think you have good genetics, but you work very hard and you go, you work out five days a week.

And I've attended your workout before. It is not easy. I left with very sore legs. I could not walk for the next couple of days. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. There's where I'm coming from right there, right? Like I can work so hard, but there are things that is out of my power. Yeah. The extra skin on my belly is out of my power. And some people don't know that. I have wrinkly belly skin and it just kind of gathers at my belly button. Yeah.

like a like you know to an angel and a devil on my shoulder yeah and the devil's like that's not fair like you work so hard you should be able to have like a belly like you had before but then the angels like oh you're talking about the women i remember you showed me these videos of people like years ago you'd be like matt look at this woman and she'd have like legit abs and then she'd pull her belly yeah you could pull out like six inches like from having a baby and then my angels like

Oh my gosh, like, this is just what motherhood looks like for you. Like, you, that is where you got to hold and grow your babies. And watch me cry right now because, and like, you're forever changed because of that. Like, that experience changed, it's like left a stamp on you and you should be proud of that. So like, I have this angel and this devil on my shoulder. I just think every mom- When it comes to mommy makeovers. I think every mom needs to make a decision for themselves. It needs to, if rather they-

do that or they don't it needs to be fully their decision and fully because and it doesn't and i don't think we need to demonize anybody i'm not doing that everyone should do what they want to do with that do if you want to if you have the means and you have the want to change your body after having a baby do that i think that's awesome i think the danger that you run into with

these like plastic surgeries and stuff is like if you are constantly getting slippery slope if you're constantly getting work done then i feel like it shows that there's some sort of insecurity inside that you like need to go to therapy for that's why i didn't want to get my teeth or you need to work through because i was like am i now going to want to change so many things about myself but you know what every single day i look in the mirror and i love my teeth i'm obsessed with them way more than my natural teeth and i'm just like i want to smile more and i want to just like it's like i don't it's like i don't even have to

don't even have to wear makeup because i have teeth that i love i'm really happy that you love your teeth because you asked me so many times matt what should i do matt what should i do and i wouldn't get yours for those of you that don't know and i wouldn't give you an answer because i was like you never answered me because i was like i this is not my decision to make you do whatever you think's best yeah but my thing is now eventually what you ended up saying was what was holding you back you were like well i want it but i'm worried about what people think well

Well, I also worried about myself too because I had put in the same category as plastic surgery and I'm not anti-plastic surgery for other people. There's a part of me that's anti-plastic surgery for myself. Now don't clip this if you see me in five years with new boobies or something. Abby's like in five years, I got those Botox done and her face is like, what's the face you do? Your Botox face is so funny. But then here's my thing. This summer, am I going to wear a bikini? Yeah.

because you're gonna look freaking good in that bikini i'm gonna be natural and you know what there's gonna be a weird belly button because i got extra skin and i had a double hernia and you're gonna rock it and i'm just gonna put it out there i'm gonna think about it a little bit beautiful but sometimes i'm like maybe plastic surgery is worth it so you're not sitting there at the pool thinking about your belly when you can think about your family but then maybe it's not okay to fix the exterior you just gotta fix the interior i don't

angel and a devil. Well, that's going to have to cut it off for today, guys. Thank you so much for listening to our show. We really appreciate you just kind of sitting on the couch with us. Until next time. See ya. Bye.