Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is actually a topic that we've touched on before, and that would be the topic of friendship, but more specifically, conflict in friendship, challenge in friendship, frustration in
in friendship, which is unfortunately inevitable because anytime you put two people together for an extended period of time, eventually frustration will form. It is inevitable, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck because the whole point of friendship is to have fun together, right?
Like that's how we choose our friends. Our friends are the people in this world that we have the most fun with. So when there's conflict, it's like, wait, what's going on? Isn't the whole point of this relationship to have fun together? Like what's going on? For the most part, that's true. But in my opinion, it's impossible for friendships to evolve together.
without a bit of conflict, friction, challenge. You know, a lot of conflict in friendship leads to a deeper friendship. Like when I reflect on friendships in my life, the friendships that lacked conflict also lacked depth. That's not to say that they weren't valuable friendships, but it
The depth of those friendships pales in comparison to friendships I've experienced that do have a bit of conflict. Overcoming a challenge with another person grows a deeper bond, I think. Actually, I think that that's a fact. I don't think that's an opinion. Like, I think that that's just true.
Like, I think there's probably science to that. Should I Google it? Maybe. I'll Google it. I was correct. Fighting... Oh, wait, I was not correct. Hold on. This is the AI overview from Google.
While fights themselves don't inherently lead to stronger bonds, resolving conflicts constructively can actually deepen relationships by fostering understanding and trust. Exactly. Exactly. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Temptations Cat Treats.
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But there are times when frustration, conflict, challenge in friendship ultimately leads to the demise of the relationship. And in my opinion, that's productive as well. It sucks. It's a bit more painful. But to me, it's equally as productive as building a deeper bond with your friend because we don't need friends in our lives that aren't right for us. That is not a good thing.
right? And it's never fun to come to the conclusion that a friendship must end, but it is ultimately productive because letting go of friends that aren't right for you allow you to make space for new friends that are going to bring even more joy to your life. So I guess all of this to say,
Challenge in friendship sucks, but it is productive and dare I say healthy? I mean, maybe not all the time, but I think it can be healthy and necessary. Anyway, let's begin. All right. Somebody said, my friend keeps copying everything about me and all the things I like. What do I do?
This is a bit tricky because I also think this is scientific and I should probably Google it and I will in a second. It's very natural for us humans to sort of copy each other. You know, like if you spend a lot of time with somebody, eventually you'll start to pick up some of their traits and
And I know that this is true because I do it. Like one of my best friends is very funny and very charismatic and, you know, will like find a word and then like say it over and over again. And it just becomes catchy almost in a way. And then I pick it up. If you were to hear my best friend talk, you'd be like, oh, they must be friends. They talk the same. They make the same kinds of jokes. They use the same words.
And it's not because I'm trying to copy my friend, but it's because for some reason I'm absorbing pieces of their personality. I don't know why I do that. I don't know why we as humans do that, but it's just natural. But it's even the same thing with my parents. Like there are so many traits of mine that reflect that.
my parents because I've spent a lot of time with them over the course of my life. And I have sort of become almost a product of them. And don't get me wrong, I have traits of my own that are unique to me, you know, outside of my friends and my family.
In fact, there's traits of mine that my friends and my family have picked up. But this is sort of an inevitable thing, right? So that's why this is a bit tricky because this is normal to an extent, right? Even when it comes to things outside of like personality traits, like hobbies or interests, right?
We talk about our hobbies and interests with the people that we love, with the people that we're close to. We invite our friends and our loved ones to do these activities with us. So naturally, you might start to develop the same hobbies, the same interests, because again, this is just what happens. It's tricky. Let me actually Google it to make sure that I'm not like just saying that this is like a biologically true thing.
and it's actually not, Google AI Overview. I just love the Google AI Overview. It's so good.
And on the bottom, there's like a little note that says generative AI is experimental, aka like this is not a reliable source. Anyway, yes, humans often unconsciously mimic and imitate each other, a phenomenon known as the chameleon effect, which can lead to a sense of connection and belonging. Okay. So a lot of mimicking and copying is unconscious. And
To be honest, I have a feeling this is not really what you're talking about because I've experienced sort of a natural copying and mimicking in relationships, but I've also experienced something a bit more invasive. So I'm assuming that that's what you're talking about because I think if you're annoyed with like the sort of more subtle, more natural things,
clearly unintentional sort of copying and mimicking, that might just be a sign that maybe you don't really like your friend. You know what I mean? And that you're just kind of annoyed with everything that they do. And so the fact that they're copying, like you're almost just like picking them apart subconsciously because you just deep down don't really like them.
And so the issue is less that they're copying you and it's more just that you're picking them apart because you don't really like them. You don't really click with them. And this is just what your brain has decided to blame the dislike on, but it might be deeper than that. When we don't like somebody very much, everything becomes negative about them. And so even something subtle and normal, like slight mimicking can just become like so annoying.
So be honest with yourself. If they're not really copying you that much, maybe you just need to take a break from them. Or maybe the friendship just isn't right because little, you know, harmless things are annoying you. But it sounds like this friend is really copying you in a way that feels intentional, in a way that almost feels invasive. This is not fun. And I also don't think it's cool. Like I don't...
you know, as people say, imitation is the highest form of flattery. It's obviously your friend deeply admires you. However, if you buy a shirt and then your friend buys a shirt and then you get a boyfriend and then your friend gets a boyfriend,
the next week and then you start, you know, using a word like you start saying awesome a lot and then your friend immediately starts saying awesome a lot and you can tell that it's forced and you can tell that they're on your coattails waiting to see your next move so that they can copy it. That is annoying. That does feel weird.
And I think the shittiest thing about it is that what's fun about friendship is that there are differences between you two, right? I like that my friends have different opinions than I do. I like that my friends have different hobbies than I do. I like that my friends, you know, listen to different music than me. I also enjoy when we have things in common, but almost more so I enjoy our differences because that's what makes friendship interesting.
interesting and exciting. That's an interesting source of conversation. That's how we're exposed to new, unique experiences that we wouldn't have experienced otherwise. Like our differences in friendship are so important because that's what makes friendship dynamic. And so if your friend is just copying everything you do, it's like, okay, well, this is boring, you know? And I've absolutely experienced this. And again, I don't think it's sinister. And so I don't want to like
talk down on your friend or even the friends I've had that maybe have copied me in this sort of way. Because I don't think it's sinister. I don't think it's evil. I don't think these friends are trying to hurt us. I think they just deeply admire us and they maybe are struggling with their own sense of personal identity and are like,
Well, you know, this person is just going to be my blueprint. And again, that's like a sweet thing. But just because it's sweet and it's complimentary doesn't mean it's not annoying, you know, because it is annoying and it's not fun to be around.
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So my piece of advice to you would probably be to distance yourself from your friend. And this is what I did when I experienced this. It's a really hard thing to bring up. And listen, I am all about communication. I'm the first one to be like, communication is almost always the answer. You know, I...
I'm a firm believer in communication, but I do think it can be tough in a situation like this where somebody is doing something that's annoying, but it's not really harmful or even wrong. Like it's tough. I think the best thing you can do for this person is to sort of cut off connection so that they're forced to grow their own identity.
And I don't know, some of you might disagree with me and say, no, you need to confront your friend and say, hey, why are you copying me? This is kind of out of control. I think that that's kind of harsh. I don't know. I have a hard time with that. There's a way that you could communicate it by being like, listen, like, I'm not attacking you. I'm not judging you. But I have noticed that, you know, you tend to sort of copy the things that I do. And it
It makes me feel weird and it makes the friendship less dynamic and less interesting. And it makes me feel like my identity is not my own and it just makes me uncomfortable. And I want you to stop. Like, that's a hard thing to ask somebody to stop doing. So my recommendation would be give the friendship a break, you know? And when your friend asks, like, what's going on at that point, you can say, listen, you know, like,
I felt like maybe we were becoming too similar and our identities were sort of melding as one. And I just kind of want to take some time to sort of maybe find myself and you can find yourself and we can find our own identities outside of each other. And then maybe later we can come back together and be friends again. Or, you know, you just say, I don't know, I just need some space, you know, which is a valid answer as well. You don't always need to give an explanation necessarily. It's nice to give an explanation, but it's not always...
Yeah, I think I really think the answer is to spend time apart because that also benefits your friend, right? Your friend is clearly having identity issues if they're copying everything that you're doing. So to cut off the supply of information to them will force them to figure out who they are. And that's good. I mean, they might also just start copying somebody else, but they might also be forced to figure out who they are. And that is a beautiful thing.
Okay, next. Somebody said, how do I deal with a friend who constantly has a victim mentality? She never takes accountability for anything. Well, I think to start, let's try to figure out why your friend is constantly the victim. You know, like what's going on in their head that makes it impossible for them to take accountability?
That makes it impossible for them to admit fault. That makes it impossible for them to sort of stand independently without, you know, needing to be sort of a victim, right? Like, why are they like this? My guess, personally, either number one, they're afraid of rejection. They are afraid of not being loved. And so as sort of like a protective mechanism,
mechanism, they never allow themselves to be wrong. They're constantly the victim there because then, you know, everyone owes them something, right? Not the other way around. They don't owe anything to anyone. They're the victim of everything in life, you know, and it's sort of a protective mechanism. Your friend also might be maybe a bit self-centered just by nature. Maybe they have some narcissistic qualities and they just for whatever reason, you
think that they're the center of the universe and that, you know, they're perfect and can do no wrong. That's not a great trait to have, but it's a trait that some of us have. And that could be why. I mean, listen, the list goes on. But I think it can be helpful to analyze your friend and ask yourself, like, why are they like this? Because that can help you, number one, grow some empathy for them or develop some empathy for them and some patience while you figure out how to manage it.
But also it can help you figure out how to address them about it. You know, like if you're sensing that maybe they're constantly playing the victim because they have attachment issues, you know, maybe they're like anxiously attached and they always think that they're going to be left and that, you know, their loved ones are going to leave them. And so as a result, they're always playing the victim so that everybody owes them something. If you're sensing that, then maybe the answer is no.
to give them sort of a safe space to make mistakes and own it and prove to your friend that you'll love them anyway. So an example of that would be like, let's say your friend says something insensitive to you, right? Like,
They say something insensitive about your makeup. They're like, wow, you're really wearing a lot of makeup today. And then you're like, that was kind of rude. And then they're like, no, it wasn't. You're rude. And you're in a bad mood. You know what I mean? They turn it back on you. They're playing the victim. Like, and you always yell at me and you always get defensive and I can't say anything around you. You know what I mean? They become the victim.
Maybe that's when you look at your friend in the eyes and calmly say, it's okay that you hurt my feelings. It's okay that that wasn't a nice thing to say. If you say sorry, I'll forgive you and we can move forward. I just am honest with you that that hurt my feelings, but I love you anyway. And I don't want to be in a fight. I just, I wanted to let you know that that hurt my feelings.
And if you say sorry and promise that you'll be more thoughtful next time, we're all good. And I love you just the same. And you're not a bad person. I know you're not a bad person. I know you don't mean to hurt my feelings. If you can sort of coddle them through taking accountability and you give them a safe space to take accountability...
You could be an incredible asset to your friend when it comes to helping them learn how to take accountability. There's a chance that they might have grown up in an environment where when they made mistakes as kids, their parents were like, you're a piece of shit and you're hopeless and there's no chance, like you're ruined and you're faulty and there's something wrong with you and you're bad. You know what I mean?
they might not have grown up in a safe space to say, you know what, I did make a mistake. They might have grown up in an environment where if they admitted to a mistake, they were berated by their family. You know, that's very common. So you might...
be the first person in their life to ever say, it's okay to make a mistake. You're no less of a person. You might be the first person to tell them it's the admirable right thing to do to admit when you make a mistake and to apologize and to say, I'm going to do better next time. That's the highest response. That is the most admirable. But you might be the first person to tell them that.
On the other hand, if they're a narcissist, or maybe they're not a narcissist, but they have narcissistic traits, which we all do to an extent. We all do in some area, right? Most of us. You know, maybe...
you go about confronting them about it with a bit of a firmer tone. Like, hey, what you said was rude. You know, hey, what you did was wrong. And then when they try to play the victim, you confront them and say, you can't play the victim all the time. You know, like, anyway, that's how I would handle it. Number one, analyze why they are the way they are to the best of your ability. And then check them on their bullshit and be like, anyway,
And it might make sense to handle it gently. It might make sense to handle it a bit more firmly depending on who you're working with. But I think bringing it up and not letting them do it and bringing it to their attention is the most valuable thing that you can do because they might fight with you on it. They might get really upset with you, but you're planting a really valuable seed in their brain. And, you know, you might be the first person to ever bring it up to them and you're making them a better person. So...
And if you try to help and no improvement happens, I think it's totally fair to cut off the friendship. Like to me, that's a deal breaker. That's really frustrating. But you know, if you want to try to help, that's my suggestion. Okay, next, somebody said, I have a friend that only seeks me out when she needs support. I feel used. Is that healthy? Why does she do that? And what do I do about it?
As much as it might feel unfair, I really highly doubt that your friend is trying to use you. I mean, there are times when people consciously use others
But I don't know, that's pretty sinister. And you have a better read on this friend than I do. I would, I would say that there's a 75% chance that this is just the way that your friend is. Like, they're not trying to use you. They're not trying to hurt you. They're not trying to take advantage of you. This is just for whatever reason, the way that your friend is.
the way that your friend feels connected to you. They feel connected to you when there's some sort of conflict. You, in their mind, are a shoulder to cry on. And outside of that, maybe you guys just don't have that much in common. Or maybe, you know, you guys have other groups of friends that you hang out with more routinely. And so, you know, you just are somebody who brings your friend a lot of comfort in challenging moments. And
that's the purpose of your friendship in her mind. I don't think she's trying to take advantage of you. I highly doubt it. It's totally possible. And only you can know that for sure or sense that for sure.
But chances are, she just perceives your friendship different than you do. Now, just because she doesn't mean any harm doesn't mean that it's a healthy friendship. Anytime the feelings aren't mutual, anytime the effort isn't mutual, anytime somebody feels like they're being neglected, that's not a healthy friendship. And listen, the
There are going to be phases in friendships and relationships when things aren't the healthiest and that's normal and that's fine. But if your entire friendship is built on this imbalance, that is not healthy. It's not necessarily toxic. It's not evil. It's not sinister, but it's not healthy. It sounds like...
you're sort of a healing person for her, right? So she comes to you and she needs support because you're a source of sort of healing for her. Now, this is actually a really beautiful thing. But if you're not getting anything out of it, if you're not feeling satisfied, again, as I said, that's not healthy. That's not fair to you. It's totally fine to be like, wait, this doesn't feel reciprocal. This doesn't feel fair.
Just because somebody doesn't mean any harm doesn't mean that what they're doing is right or fair. And so I think that there's a few ways to go about this. Once you accept that this is unfair and you allow yourself to feel frustrated, because a lot of times...
In friendship, we'll make excuses for our friends or we'll convince ourselves that we're the problem when we're not and our feelings are completely valid. So once you validate your feelings, you have, I would say, two options.
You could either make an effort with your friend, you know, try to hang out with your friend more often outside of moments when she needs support. Like, I don't know, make plans to go do pottery one day or like go to lunch, you
When like you both are totally good, don't need support, try to build a friendship outside of the routine that you both are in right now. You both are in a routine of, you know, you sort of being a therapist every time your friend needs help.
try to break that routine by making an effort to make other plans. Maybe your friend will respond really well to that and start making those plans back. You know what I mean? And then you'll build a more well-rounded friendship and you don't necessarily need to have sort of a confrontational conversation. Now that's if things go well, right? If you do try to make plans outside of moments when she needs support and she doesn't respond well to that, she doesn't
show up for that, right? You kind of have to make a decision like, okay, am I going to talk to my friend and be like, hey,
This is weird. Why do you only reach out to me when you need support? Like I've been trying to hang out and you aren't down. But then the second something's wrong, you know, you need to talk on the phone or you need to go to dinner. Like I feel a bit used by that, you know, or you just end the friendship, which might also be what needs to happen. So that's option one, right?
you personally make an effort to create the friendship that you want to have with this person by making plans. Or you could just straight up have a conversation and be like, listen, I feel a bit weird that like the only time we interact is when you need support. I kind of feel used by it. I know you probably don't mean any harm, but it really hurts my feelings. So maybe we could hang out a bit more outside of it or like
Like, I want to be a support system for you, but I also want to be friends outside of that. Like, is that something that you're down for or not? Listen, uncomfortable conversation to have. Not fun. But sometimes it makes sense to just like put it all out on the table, you know, lay it all out on the table and just have a conversation about it. And your friend might be like, oh, my God, I had no clue. I'm so sorry. And
yeah, like let's hang out more often. I just didn't know, you know, you even wanted to hang out and I just reached out to you when I really needed you because I didn't want to like get in your way. Like who knows why people act the way that they act, right? So like until you have a conversation, you won't know for sure. So maybe it makes more sense to just like lay it all out. We can't control how others treat us.
We can only control how we respond. So take initiative and figure this shit out. And, you know, the friendship might develop into something beautiful and stronger than ever, and it might also crumble. And either way, you'll be happy that you sorted this out because letting people walk all over you, whether they mean to or not, is not, it's not okay. It's not fair to you.
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It's your turn. Visit servicenow.com. Anyway, somebody said, what to do when your friend keeps doing the exact opposite of the advice that you give her? To be honest, in my opinion, the thing about advice is that you can't expect anyone to take it. You just can't. People are going to do what they got to do. They're going to make mistakes. They're going to get hurt.
They're going to run crying to you, complaining about it. And this is sort of an inevitable part of relationships between two human beings. But it's also just true of of any individual. Right. Like we can be told what to do, what's right to do.
But a lot of times it doesn't feel right until it becomes our own idea. Like we like to come up with our own ideas as human beings. We like to know things for sure, you know? And I use this metaphor a lot, but a lot of times people have to touch the stove and
to know for sure that it's hot. Until you touch the stove, you don't know what it feels like to be burned. But once somebody touches a stove and learns what a burn feels like, they're like, oh fuck, I'm never doing that again.
A lot of times we have to learn lessons for ourselves. And part of being in a relationship with people is knowing that they're making mistakes, warning them and watching them blatantly ignore us and accepting that. It's so important for humans to make mistakes. You know, I think as much as we can, we should help each other out and prevent it. But like sometimes making a mistake is crucial for people.
for growth and character development. And I don't know. So like, listen, if your friend is making mistakes that directly harm you in some way, then maybe this is just not a good match, right? But in general, I think a lot of times you have to give advice with no expectation of what they're going to do with it. You have to give advice that
from the kindness of your own heart and say, you know what, they're either going to take this advice or they're not. And I'm gonna have to be okay with that. Or I'm gonna have to figure out a way to be okay with that. Either just by accepting that they're going to make mistakes or by being like, you know what, I actually can't handle this. And I don't want to be friends with them anymore. I can't watch them make these mistakes. The other thing is, though, too, like, your advice might not be right for this person. They might need to handle things differently.
You might think that your advice is viable, that there is no other possible way of proceeding in life that could be right. You have it figured out. This is the way. But that doesn't really exist. Do you know what I mean? Your advice actually might not work for this person. And so you have to take your ego out of it as well. You don't know everything. And you don't know what's right for other people. You can give suggestions, but you don't know what's right for other people.
Only they know. And so, you know, you have to either choose to accept it or let this friend go because you can't handle it and it's bothering you. Somebody said, I really love my best friend, but oftentimes her behavior annoys me and makes me angry. I try talking to her and explaining how it makes me feel, but she gets mad and starts ignoring me. What do I do? Well, it sounds like
you do not have compatible communication styles or just your friend has communication issues in general and doesn't really have a communication style. They just don't really communicate very well at all. It kind of sounds like that. Or they're just not responding well to the way that you communicate. Either way, there's clearly a conflict here. Now, I will say it is very, very challenging to
to have conflicting communication styles in relationships. Is it something that you can get through? Absolutely. But if you don't respond well to the way your friend communicates and vice versa, if you're a communicative person and your friend is not, this is one of the hardest challenges to overcome in a friendship or relationship, in my opinion.
it's really tough. Because if you can communicate properly, you can get through anything. Not necessarily easily, but as easy as possible. You know what I mean? Like as easy as is possible. It can feel almost impossible to get through a challenge with somebody that you can't communicate with. It's almost impossible. So I think you need to have a conversation with your friend, first and foremost, being like, listen, there are things about you, about our friendship that
are frustrating to me, you know? And people do say to never, like, in an argument or in confrontation, say, like, you did this, you did that, you know? Instead, you should always say, like, in our friendship, I feel like blank because of blank, you know? But sometimes you have to be like, listen, you do this and it bothers me. So anyway, you might need to confront your friend and say, listen,
there are things about you that bother me. And if I can't communicate that with you, I don't know what we're going to do because I'm building resentment because I can't get through to you. And we need to figure this out. We need to figure out a way to be able to communicate and confront each other without...
shutting down and ignoring each other. Like we need to figure out a way to communicate or else I don't know how we're going to get through these challenges. Like we might not be compatible. And I think that this is a serious conversation you need to have with your friend. It's like, this is kind of make it or break it because it is. If you can't confront your friend and communicate with your friend about challenges, this is kind of where the train stops. You know what I mean? Like
This is the final destination of the friendship. This friendship might be ending unless you can find some fuel and fill back up the tank of the train and keep trucking along. But that fuel is communicating and getting through the challenge together. But I think until you like your friend is not going to stop.
stop ignoring you and getting mad at you until you express the severity of this communication issue in your opinion, you know, until you express to them, hey, if we can't talk about this, I don't know if we can be friends until you can express that.
it's gonna be really hard to get through to your friend. You need to be like, this is severe, I don't know how we can proceed. And if they don't respond to it well, if they can't rise to the occasion and figure out a way to communicate with you, then maybe the friendship's over.
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Can I be honest? These are not good friends. Like this is, I don't even need to dig into it. It's just like, this is an easy one. These are not good friends for you. Your friends should...
make you feel loved and supported and safe no matter what. Okay. Like even if you say something that's illogical, even if you know, you like something that the whole group doesn't like, your friends should still be able to make you feel loved and heard and supported despite your differences. Like it's totally normal for you to have different opinions than your friends. Yeah.
It's totally normal for you to love something and your friend to be like, ooh, I don't really like that. That's fine. But it becomes a problem when they're dismissing you, when they're not making you feel heard, when, you know, you feel like they hate everything that you love, like anything that you, you know, are passionate about, they just shut you down. That's not good. A healthy friendship, a healthy relationship is
There's differences. There's friction at times. There's conflict. But it doesn't even feel like conflict or challenge or friction because it's all happening within this safe sort of bubble that is your friendship, this bubble of love and support. And, you know, I don't like to use the word unconditional love.
Because sometimes we need to not be unconditional if people do things that are not good. But like, there is almost a sense of unconditional love in a really healthy friendship where it's like, we can have different opinions, we can have different interests, we can have different tastes, you know, whatever. But within this sort of safe bubble of friendship,
everything is okay. You know, you never feel dismissed. You never feel like you're not being heard in this bubble. You know, that's what healthy friendship is.
is you can have differences. You can hate things that your friends love. They can hate things that you love, but it doesn't feel so bad because your friendship is so rooted in love and in true care for the other person and truly wanting to be there for them and hear them out, you know, and make them feel heard. Your friends suck.
That's it. What do you do to answer your question? You stop being friends with these people. I'm so sorry. You can do better and you will. There are people out there who will maybe dislike a lot of the stuff that you do, but they won't make you feel like they hate it. You know what I'm saying? They won't dismiss you. They'll just disagree with you and you'll laugh about it and you'll move on or you'll debate it for an hour and then laugh about it and then move on. You know what I mean? Cut them off. Next, somebody said,
How to go about having to see my old friends every day at school after they cut me out. It's so sad and uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it's going to be sad. Like, it's normal to be sad. It's human to be sad. This is a shitty situation. It is so normal to feel bummed out about it. And it sucks to have it be rubbed in your face every day. That sucks. But unfortunately...
you can't turn that feeling off. You know, it's like any form of heartbreak. You can't turn it off. The only thing that heals heartbreak is time. And you never fully heal heartbreak. There's always going to be a scar left over.
But one day, it won't hurt anymore. You'll still be able to see it. And maybe if you bump it the wrong way, it hurts. But one day you'll wake up and it doesn't hurt anymore. The best thing you can do is be patient with yourself. Focus your energy on bettering yourself, finding new friends, you know, being social with new people. Put yourself out there. Put your energy towards putting yourself out there instead of dwelling on the past friendship.
And be patient with yourself. It's normal. It's normal to be bummed out. This situation is not fun. So go easy on yourself. Like, I think a lot of times our pain in life is so much more painful because we feel like we shouldn't be feeling it. And we feel like we should turn it off. You know what I mean? We feel almost guilty or embarrassed that we feel the way that we do.
accepting that it's normal and it's going to hurt for a while is a great way to actually alleviate some of the pain. Be patient with yourself and focus on making new friends, making new connections, and bettering yourself. You got this. And last but not least, somebody said, my bestie is not getting over her ex or her breakup and I don't know what to do to help. It's a tough situation and it's uncomfortable.
Part of being a consistent friend to somebody is going through their ups and downs with them. It's just an inevitable part of friendship. And the truth is, if you're an empathetic person, you're going to experience some of the uncomfortable feelings that they're feeling as they go through it. And it's going to be tempting to try to solve the problem. But the truth is, you can't solve...
problems for your friends. They are the only ones who can solve their problems. You can give them advice. You can give them a shoulder to cry on, but you can't solve their problems for them. There's kind of nothing you can do except for just support them.
And it does take a bit of strength, you know, being the friend of somebody who's going through a tough time, because, again, especially if you're an empathetic friend, you have to bear those challenges with your friend in a way that's really uncomfortable. But that's kind of just part of being in an intimate friendship. You know, you're going to have to feel the pain with them sometimes. Yeah.
Really, the only thing you can do is be a support system to your friend. Be a shoulder to cry on. Talk them through this breakup. Reassure them that they will find love again. You know, that's all you can do. Maybe, you know, maybe distract your friend, pull them out of their slump in a way. But for the most part, all you can do is just be a friend. That's it.
It's going to take time. Like healing from a breakup takes time and no one can expedite that process. No one. So I wish you both luck, but you got this. This is like, this is normal friend stuff. Like you got this. Like take her out, be a wing woman. Let her recount the story of the breakup 50 times to you and be patient. And that's it. That's it.
That's it for today's episode. I hope you all enjoyed it. I had the time of my life today with you. I love giving you my own professional advice. It's like a true joy in my life. So I hope that you enjoyed it as well. And if you did, hey, tune into Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. I'm here every Thursday and every Sunday, and you can watch me talk.
on Spotify and YouTube, but you can also just listen anywhere. I'm here. And anything goes is on social media. Anything goes. I'm on the internet everywhere at Emma Chamberlain. And my coffee company is also in various different places, Chamberlain Coffee or chamberlaincoffee.com or at chamberlaincoffee.com.
Maybe in a store near you, you go to Whole Foods or Sprouts or Target or anything, you might find us. Or at our cafe in Los Angeles or online at chamberlaincoffee.com. I'm drinking a little matcha latte right now and it's really delicious. And of course, it's Chamberlain Coffee matcha, duh. And yeah, and I had a cappuccino this morning. So I'm nice and caffeinated. And if you want to be caffeinated too, you know where to go. I love you all. I appreciate you all. It's always a joy to hang out with you and
Luckily for both of us, we'll be doing it again very soon. I'll talk to you then. All right. Bye. Love you.