selfish and selfless
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This past weekend, I found myself in a little bit of a dilemma. Okay, let me paint the picture for you. So the week leading up to last weekend was really busy. I had a lot of work to get done. And I'll be honest, I only got about 50% of it done. So that left me on Friday evening, incredibly stressed, incredibly stressed, knowing that I'd have to work over the weekend. And that's something I try not to do because I'm

I try to maintain a level of work-life balance. And in theory, I'm my own boss and I can take time off whenever I want, which is an absolute luxury. But I do hold myself to a certain standard. And so there are times when I have to work on the weekends, whether it's because there's deadlines or because I didn't meet my own expectation. It happens. And so Friday evening, I knew, okay, this weekend...

I'm going to have to work. And that's totally fine. But it's a little bit of a bummer, but it's totally fine. But it'll make me feel good to do that. Right. Ultimately, the decision to work on the weekend was for me to make me feel good, because when I'm ahead and I'm not, you know,

constantly being chased by deadlines, I feel good. I feel happy. And so me working last weekend wasn't necessarily mandatory because it wasn't like, oh, if I don't work this weekend, I'm not going to meet certain deadlines. It was more like I want to work this weekend so I can have a comfortable buffer between my deadlines. So that's how I was feeling on Friday evening. And then I get a text from two separate loved ones. Okay. And

I'm not saying like a group chat was made and they both texted me and asked me to hang out. No, two of my loved ones separately asked me to hang out. And I deeply adore these people, okay? But I was faced with this sort of dilemma. Do I choose to be selfish and work and get stuff done and make myself feel good, but potentially neglect these loved ones and not spend quality time with them?

Or do I neglect my work and what will ultimately make me feel probably best? Because being ahead in my work life makes me feel really good. Like when I'm ahead, I'm just peaceful. And on top of that, I'm more fun to be around because I'm not stressed, you know? So do I neglect my work, potentially be in a bad mood, at least internally? You know, I try not to show that on the outside, but at least internally, you know,

but get to spend quality time with my loved ones and make them feel loved and seen and appreciated by me hanging out with them. This sort of dilemma really brought to my attention how truly challenging it is at times to choose between selfishness and selflessness. And there's absolutely no...

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You know, I feel like there's a lot of conflicting advice out there about whether to be selfish or selfless. And there's not a lot of advice on how to figure out when to do which. Like, I feel like I see advice all the time online about how you have to be selfish, prioritize yourself, you know, help yourself before you help others. That's how you reach your ultimate potential. That's how you're able to help others. You know, if you're selfish and

for the most part, then you'll naturally want to be selfless in a way, you know, like it blah, blah, blah, right? Being selfish is important and we should all be selfish. But then I also hear advice that's like, we should lead a selfless life for ultimate fulfillment and purpose, doing things for ourselves all the time.

leads us to a life of isolation. And it's like you can be successful and rich and famous and all of this because you were selfish and you worked hard on yourself. But at the end of that road, because you've been selfish, you have no one there to enjoy it with. We must be selfless in this life. And it's like, okay, which is it then? And obviously, we need to be a little bit of both. We need to be a little bit selfish and a little bit selfless. We need to have

Well, I guess we need to be 50-50. Or maybe it's not a 50-50 split. Maybe it's 30-70. I don't know. But like, we obviously need to have both. But in moments like last weekend, I was overwhelmed with this dilemma. I could not choose because both seemed equally important to me. You know, like getting ahead on work I knew would make me feel good.

But, you know, spending time with my loved ones is incredibly important to me. And I get to spend a good amount of time with my loved ones. But I have to be really intentional about making sure that it happens because everyone's busy. And, you know, quality time is kind of scarce. I don't know. It's like... So I literally...

it's ironic because it's like, I was already stressed. Like, oh my God, I have so much to do. But then this dilemma of do I go and hang out or do I stay and I work? It was so overwhelming for me that I couldn't do anything. Like I couldn't even finish my work on Friday because I was so consumed by this dilemma.

And I ultimately decided to be selfless, if you will, and go and hang out with my loved ones. And I say that hanging out with my loved ones is selfish in this context because the activities that my loved ones brought up for me to do were more like catering to their needs.

interests or, or their lives. Does that make sense? Which is by the way, totally fine. I love doing those things. I have, there's nothing like I'm not against that. I'm not like, but do you get what I'm saying though? It's like, it wasn't like, Oh, this is our favorite coffee shop. Or this is a movie that we both really wanted to see. Or this is our favorite clothing store to browse around in. Or this is, uh,

cocktail event that we were both invited to that we both are going to attend. It was like very specific things that were more so for them. And I was then just going to attend with them as like support and to just be there for morale and to hang out, which on a normal day would be not a selfless act at all. I would actually want to do that stuff. I enjoy doing that stuff with my loved ones. But it felt more like the selfless option in this scenario, because

these are not necessarily activities that I am super excited to do or that necessarily like recharge me. Does that make sense? Like there are certain activities that recharge me and those are things that I really deeply enjoy doing. And then there are activities that are maybe less recharging, but they're more of like, oh, I just, you know, I'm down to like be there because my loved ones want to do it. You know what I'm saying?

And that can actually be recharging at times, but only if I'm not stressed. I'm not behind on shit. You know what I mean? So I did ultimately end up choosing to go and spend time with my loved ones. I have absolutely no regrets at all. I ended up having a great time. I was able to manage my stress and just kind of leave it at the door, if you will. And everything turned out great.

But it was so overwhelming to choose. And I had immense guilt in the process of deciding this. Like, I feared that by going and hanging out with my loved ones, I was neglecting myself and that I was then going to suffer for that. And I've spent many years regretting

being a yes man, saying yes to everything. And I've come a long way. And so I was like, am I regressing? Like, am I going back to square one? Because I feel like I'm neglecting my own needs to go spend time with people, which I love these people. And I want, I love spending time with them, but like, this is just the wrong time. But at the same time, these people really want me to be present for these activities. And like, I, I get it. Like I would, if the roles were reversed, I would want them to be there with me, you know? So I was like,

So that's also what I felt guilty about. I was like, if the roles were reversed, I would want them to be present for me for these activities, even though it's not necessarily something that they maybe love to do or is like, do you know what I'm saying? It was really overwhelming for me. And after the fact, it just left me thinking a lot about selflessness versus selfishness

And I've been thinking about it a lot because I want to prevent the dilemma from happening again. And if I have a better understanding of like how to decide, then it won't happen again. And so that's what I thought we'd do together today. Investigate selfishness and selfishness and through that figure out potentially how to find a balance.

So let's start out by discussing selfishness, actually. Let's discuss the pros and the cons, from my personal experience, anyway.

I would say the pros of selfishness would be, number one, you're able to dedicate your time to you, in theory, leading you to max productivity in your career and self-development. I think we all want to reach our maximum potential, right? For a multitude of reasons. Number one, because it builds our self-confidence and self-esteem. Number two, because it

That's sort of our purpose on this earth is to, I don't know, be the best people we can be in every single category, right? Work as hard as we can at work.

Take as great of care of ourselves as we can physically work on ourselves emotionally as much as possible so we can be as emotionally intelligent as possible. All of these things. That's all of our goals, I think, for the most part. Right. And I really do think that in order to get there, you do have to be selfish at times.

You know, because this stuff takes a lot of time. This stuff takes some sacrifice. And it might mean not being able to help your friend move because you're working or not being able to grab coffee with your friend because you have a workout class like and you want to take care of your body, like whatever it is. Sometimes reaching your ultimate potential requires work.

selfishness. And I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Another pro would be full autonomy over your time. Your life is truly what you want it to be through selfishness at times. You know, nobody's telling you how to live your life if you have a bit of selfishness. I, for many years, was a yes man. And anytime anyone would ask me to hang out, my answer was yes.

I would cancel my own life to make time for other people's lives. And that was a huge problem because I didn't feel like I had autonomy over my life. I felt like, you know, my schedule was not up to me. It was up to whoever texted me and asked me to hang out or, you know, whatever like event invited me to go. Like I said yes to everything to the point where

It was like I would put something down on my schedule for me, like, oh, I'm going to go to this workout class or, oh, I'm going to work on editing this YouTube video. And I deep down always knew like, oh, that might not end up working out because, you know, something else might come up and I'm just going to probably have to do it. And this was miserable for me. OK, because, number one, I definitely wasn't reaching my maximum potential.

Number two, I felt out of control of my life. I was like, you know, I don't have control over my schedule. I don't have control over what I do with my time.

It felt horrible. It felt chaotic. Right. And last but not least, it sort of started to, you know, form levels of resentment and frustration towards others, which is in some ways sort of irrational because it's like, you know, people inviting me to stuff, you know, companies inviting me to events like whatever that is.

is optional. An invite is not a demand. It was up to me to say, you know what, I can't. I'm so sorry. I appreciate the invite, but I can't. But I couldn't do that because it made me uncomfortable. But unfortunately, I eventually started to build resentment towards others and

because I felt like everybody was getting in the way of me living my life, but I was getting in the way of me living my life, you know? And so moral of the story is there's a lot of beauty in having full autonomy over your schedule and time in life. And I think, you know, only through selfishness really can you achieve that. Another pro, I

I think there's sort of a sense of peace that comes with a level of selfishness. If you're selfless to a fault, you might stretch yourself too thin. You know, if you say yes to everyone, if you help everyone all the time, if you, you know, are dedicating all of your time to others and none to yourself, you're

you're going to find yourself exhausted. And, you know, as I mentioned earlier, resentful as well. There is a sense of peace that comes with

not stretching yourself too thin, you know, being a bit selfish, prioritizing your needs and balancing those with others' needs. It's ultimately a relief from people-pleasing. I used to feel stretched so thin because I was a people-pleaser. I said yes to everything people invited me to, but also I was constantly available, always responding to texts, always available. And that made me feel constantly fatigued, constantly exhausted.

And it was a bit miserable. And again, I used this word earlier, chaotic. There's peace that comes with selfishness because you choose what you do with your time. You choose what energy you let in. All of this is really kind of a beautiful thing. And the last pro for selfishness that I can think of would be

Selfishness can actually inspire selflessness, right? This is something that I think is like widely known, but I've personally experienced it as well. When I'm truly selfish with a decent portion of my time and I use it wisely to get work done and

have some peaceful time alone, exercise, cook, you know, healthy meals, like all these things. When I am selfish with my time and I use it wisely, it makes my moments where I don't have anything to do so much more inspired. Like I want to go out and I want to help people. I want to, you know, help my friend move. I want to sit with my friend who just went through a breakup for six hours and talk about what they're going through. I want to help my

my mom paint her kitchen. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I want to do selfless stuff when I've been really selfish and thoughtful with my own time. It makes it so that I have the capacity to help others because it's,

I don't feel this sort of nagging to help myself. Does that make sense? But, you know, as with all things that are positive, there are also negatives. And I think selfishness can be a really harmful thing as well. And I actually feel like that's normally how we discuss selfishness. I feel like growing up when I was a kid, everybody talked about selfishness in a negative light. And then I got older and the narrative sort of shifted and it was like, no, no, no.

we're selfish now. And that does feel like a very, you know, Gen Z sort of thing of being like, no, we're not all angels helping everyone all the time. That's unrealistic and unnecessary. And like, it's like idealistic and it's not it's not realistic, right? Reality is we do need to be selfish. And I think it's true to an extent. But again, too much of anything is usually bad.

Well, it is bad because it's too much. There can be too much of anything and that is usually bad. So that leads me to the cons of selfishness. Starting with potentially risking deeper relationships with others because it's hard to dedicate time to others when you're so focused on your own needs. Like, you know, if you're sort of...

in an era of selfishness, you know, you have a lot of stuff you want to achieve. There's a lot of work you want to do on yourself. You can get really wrapped up in that to the point where you're isolating yourself or you're only hanging out with your loved ones when it somehow benefits you. Right. And that can be damaging to relationships. Right.

And at the end of the day, other people are really important. You know, again,

It is true. I mentioned this at the beginning of the episode, but if you're really selfish with your time and you become really successful and you're the healthiest version of yourself and everything is going great, but you're alone, kind of doesn't matter. Like life is fun because of other people and all the work that you've been selfishly doing will not be as rewarding if you don't have good relationships in your life. And so I

I don't know. I mean, that's definitely a huge risk of being too selfish. Another con would be, I think if you're too selfish, life can lack purpose because when you're too focused on yourself and

weirdly, life just feels less fulfilling. I think our purpose a lot of times is helping others and making the world a better place in some way. Obviously, in order to do that, you do have to be, to an extent, selfish because you have to be, you have to work on yourself and become a good person who has the energy and the time to do that

And in order to do that, you have to be selfish with your time so that then you have some free time to then go and help others. And you have the energy because you're not, you know, you don't have that nagging feeling of like, oh, I need to be helping myself. So you can truly go and help others. So it's complicated, right? Because it's like...

In order to help others, you do to an extent need to help yourself. But if you're too selfish, then you'll find that your life completely lacks purpose because you're not involved in your community. You're not helping others. You're not fostering deeper relationships through sacrificing your time and effort towards others. You know,

It's very complicated, but being too selfish will lead to, I think, a less fulfilling life. I have found that some of my most depressing eras of my life were shockingly selfish. I think some of my most depressed phases consisted of me only thinking of myself and what I was working on. And it made me the center of the universe itself.

in a way that sort of caused me to lose perspective about the bigger picture in the world. There's something about...

being around other people, helping out other people, helping them reach their goals. That weirdly puts everything into perspective. You realize, oh, there's a bigger picture here. You know, my purpose is actually also to help others. You know, other people have goals that they're trying to reach. And I don't know, it makes your own circumstances feel less, you

extreme in a way. And there's something actually beautiful about that and peaceful about that, which leads to a more fulfilling life in a way. I don't know. I'm not explaining this very well, but I almost feel like there's a certain amount of energy that we need to dedicate to ourselves that

But the rest of our energy needs to go out into the world. And if we take that portion of our energy that we should be putting out towards the world and we're selfish with it and we put it towards ourself, it's almost like that energy that we were supposed to be putting out towards the world, when put towards ourself,

It hurts us because it's too much energy. We already have a certain amount of energy that we allot towards ourselves, that we should allot towards ourselves. And if we add any more, it becomes like too much energy, almost like our body is filled with energy, right? We put energy towards ourselves.

And it goes inside of our body. And it's almost like if we put the healthy amount of energy towards ourselves, then everything feels comfortable and good. But if we put too much energy towards ourselves, it's almost like all that energy is bubbling up inside of us, you know, moving around, shaking around, vibrating around, and it hurts. It's uncomfortable. It injures us in a way. That's how I feel about being too selfish.

being too self-centered and not helping others distributing our energy, right? I think not only does it hurt us

but it also makes our lives less fulfilling. So it's just overall messy. So that's sort of my analysis on selfishness. Let's move on to my analysis of selflessness. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Hotels.com. I love to travel and I love staying at hotels. There's nothing I love more than walking into a fresh, clean hotel room and

and just absolutely exploding in it. Okay, putting all my skincare in the bathroom, hanging all my clothes up in the closet, and really making myself feel at home. I also love going down in the morning for a buffet breakfast. But booking the right hotel can be hard work if you don't know where to look. Whether I'm traveling for work or for fun, I'm always looking for the best hacks and perks. And if you're like me, let me tell you, the easiest way to book is with Hotels.com.

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Let's discuss the pros and the cons, starting with the pros. Obviously, if you're selfless, you know, you're taking one for the team, helping your friend move, helping them paint their bathroom, whatever.

helping them organize their makeup drawer, you know, going and seeing a movie with them that you don't really want to see, but they really want to see, you're naturally going to form a deeper sense of community in this world, you know, by helping others, by being present for others, you

naturally you'll develop deeper relationships. And I think through that, you'll have a more positive view of the world. When you're constantly helping others,

and involving yourself in your community, whether that's intimately with like your loved ones and helping them out or going to the shitty movie with them or taking the time to help somebody put their groceries in their car when they're struggling, even though you know, like you want to get home and you want to get back to work on something. But, you know, this person's struggling and you do it anyway. Leading a selfless life in this way

not only is fulfilling for you because helping others just for some reason feels really good, but also other people will want to help you. And this sense of community, I think, really restores a faith in humanity, which I think is important for people now more than ever, because I think

You know, there's a lot of division. I think because of the internet, especially, there's a lot of tension and division and everyone's hating on each other and everyone's fighting and all this all the time. There's always drama, you know? And I think it's really important to reenter the real world and realize, oh wait, it's actually really beautiful out here. And we actually do have each other's backs more than we think we do, you know? I also think too that

In order to build relationships that reach maximum bond potential, you have to make sacrifices for each other. You know, you have to be selfless in the relationship. Otherwise, you won't be able to fully unlock a deep bond, right? Like, we all have those friendships where our friend only reaches out to us when they need something, right?

And when we need something, it's like, oh, I can't buy. Those types of relationships are never the deepest ones. It's the ones where both people are willing to be selfless. Those are the deepest relationships. Those are the most meaningful relationships. And so I think to have the deepest relationships possible in life, you need to be somewhat selfless in those relationships. Obviously, we can't be selfless all the time.

But there needs to be a strong element of selflessness in those relationships. I mentioned this earlier, but another pro of selflessness is a deeper sense of purpose and a strong sense of fulfillment. I think humans...

feel their best when in some way they're being selfless with the world. You know, they're doing a service to someone and it doesn't necessarily need to be huge. You know, like there's so many different ways that you can be selfless. It might be a lifestyle where you do little acts of selflessness all the time. You're really selfless in your personal relationships. But

you might have a bigger, greater cause where maybe, you know, you are involved in certain charities or, you know, maybe you started a charity. Like it's different for everyone and there's no wrong answer, right? But it all is in one way or another selfless. And so without that, it's really hard to find purpose. And people say this a lot and it sounds cliche, but it's so true. It's like,

You're not going to find fulfillment in purpose through, you know, money or fame or having a hot significant other or having a lot of friends or being invited to all the parties. That can be fun and that can feel good. I don't think it's wrong to strive for those things, but that's not where the purpose and the fulfillment come from. That truly comes from what we do for others in a way.

And so if we're not selfless in our lives, we're not going to experience, I don't think,

true fulfillment. And again, I mentioned this earlier as well, but another pro of selflessness is it sort of takes the attention off of yourself in a positive way. When we're the center of our own universe, when we're putting all of our energy towards ourselves, it's not good. It's not good for us. It turns toxic quick. So to put our energy towards others, to be selfless, is to distribute our energy in a healthy way. And it gives us perspective as well, right? We're

When all we see is ourselves, when all we think about is ourselves, you know, you don't have an accurate perspective on the world. And that's not good either. Now let's discuss the cons of selflessness, which I've experienced in a big way because for so many years I was such a people pleaser. I mean,

Oof, dark time. Not good. I don't miss it at all. Being a people pleaser absolutely sucks. And I think being too selfless in a way is being a people pleaser. You want to do everything for everyone all the time to the point where you don't care about yourself. Or it's not even that you don't care about yourself, but you're not high enough on your list of priorities to say, you know what? No, I can't hang out. You know what? No, I can't help you with this thing. And I think this is sort of a misconception that

Like, I think a lot of people assume that there's no such thing as being too selfless. You know, that's the ultimate act of good, right? To be selfless. It's like, how could that ever be bad? But I really do think it can be bad. I think there are quite a few cons. So let's get into them. You know, to start, we can neglect ourselves in a way that prevents us from reaching our full potential, which is such a shame, you know? Yeah.

We all have goals we want to reach and to not give ourselves the time to reach those goals is truly a shame. We deserve to give ourselves ample time and effort to reach our goals in our lives. And so...

to spend all of your time on others might mean to not reach your own goals. And that's not, I don't think anyone wants that. And by the way, I don't think the people in your life want that, right? For the most part, we all want each other to succeed. You know, there's a bit of jealousy floating around on this planet. Actually, there's quite a bit. But for the most part, we all want each other to succeed. And I think when we've taken selflessness too far, right?

We end up sacrificing our own goals for others and they wouldn't even want us to do that. Like if we told them like, oh, you know, I really should spend time today working on this art project I've been meaning to work on. I want to do like a gallery show one day and like, you know, I really should work on that this weekend. I'm sorry, I can't hang out. Like most people would be like, go off, like go.

don't hang out with me. Go do that. Most people don't care. They want us all to do what we got to do. So it's unnecessary and harmful in multiple ways. Another con of being too selfless is you can become a people pleaser where you just say yes to everyone and you have no spine. And you know what that leads to? Funny enough, relationships where you're not respected. And I'm not saying that

Right.

When someone says, no, you know what? I can't hang out today because I need to work on this thing. Subconsciously, when someone has said no to, they're like, oh shit, you know, they prioritize their personal lives. I respect that. When someone stands up for themselves and says, hey, you know what?

I know you're having a bad day, but, you know, I can't put up with this type of behavior, you know? I mean, that's not even necessarily being selfish, like standing up for yourself, I don't think is selfish. But arguably, the selfless thing to do when somebody's having a hard day and they're taking it out on you would be to just like take it, you know, and not make their day any more uncomfortable, right? But I don't know. I mean, I don't know if this is considered...

truly selfless to like, like just to take it, like take bad treatment, but we'll use it as an example anyway, you know, standing up for yourself and saying like, Hey, you can't talk to me like that. I know you've had a bad day, but you still can't talk to me like that. That subconsciously builds respect in the other person for you because you stood up for yourself. We don't want to be yes men. We want to have a spine. We want to be our own individuals and relationships and

have our own opinions, have our own preferences, have our own schedules, have our own priorities. And if those are dictated by others, because we just say yes to everything, then yeah, it's like, why would others respect us fully? Right? Because we're just kind of a parrot of whatever they say or do. You know what I mean? And so I think by being too selfless and

you know, you end up in relationships where there isn't really a mutual respect. There isn't really a mutual sense of effort. And there's not like a healthy balance in relationships. I mentioned this earlier, but another con of selflessness is potentially building resentment. If you're too selfless and you don't dedicate any time to being selfish, you'll end up building resentment towards your loved ones and towards the world, right? Because

you are neglected and neglect leads to negative emotions, right? So naturally, you know, if you're not being selfish enough, you're going to resent the people who are taking that time away from you in your eyes. And that leads to withering friendships and relationships. That leads to a negative perspective on the world. And none of that is good.

And last but not least, I really do think that being too selfless can lead to mental instability. Personally, I require certain things to keep myself mentally stable, right? I need time to recharge alone. I need time to do activities that are truly fun and enjoyable for me.

I need time to get my work done so that I feel ahead. I need time to exercise. Like there are things that I need to do to be mentally stable. And if I am too selfless and I neglect those things that I need, I end up mentally unstable. You know, I end up depressed, anxious, irritable because all of my time was spent catering to others and I was left in the dust and

And I don't have any time to do the stuff that recharges me. It's so important to like, I think in order to recharge, a lot of times we need to be selfish. We need to, you know, take, there's very specific things that recharge us all as individuals and only we know what those things are, you know, and we have to make sure that we participate in those recharging activities. Otherwise,

will end up unstable. And that is not a good vibe. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Hotels.com. I love to travel and I love staying at hotels. There's nothing I love more than walking into a fresh, clean hotel room and

and just absolutely exploding in it. Okay, putting all my skincare in the bathroom, hanging all my clothes up in the closet, and really making myself feel at home. I also love going down in the morning for a buffet breakfast. But booking the right hotel can be hard work if you don't know where to look. Whether I'm traveling for work or for fun, I'm always looking for the best hacks and perks. And if you're like me, let me tell you, the easiest way to book is with Hotels.com.

Members save up to 20% and earn rewards on every stay. In the money I save on the hotel, I can spend on going out to dinner, maybe doing a little bit of shopping at the hotel gift shop. You know what I mean? Like this could be you if you sign up at hotels.com. Become a member for free and save on hundreds of thousands of hotels at hotels.com. Now let's get back to the episode. This episode of Anything Goes is brought to you by ChatGPT.

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How does one find a balance? You know, I really think it comes down to long-term fulfillment, not short-term emotions, but long-term fulfillment. What decision is going to make life more fulfilling down the line? You know, what's going to create sustained fulfillment? And

in a dilemma of should I be selfish with my time right now? Should I be selfless? Ask yourself, which one of these activities is more important to participate in for my long-term fulfillment, right? I vaguely mentioned this earlier, but I am very aware of what I need to feel fulfilled. I need deep, loving relationships with mutual feelings and effort involved, right?

I need to have a strong work ethic and I need to do work that I'm proud of. I need to do things that make me feel physically good. Like exercise is really important to me. Making time to exercise. Like, you know, I do like a one hour walk every night and I like to go to yoga classes and it's like I have these things that are time consuming.

that make me feel physically good, which actually does make me feel fulfilled. But the same thing goes for, you know, eating healthy foods that don't hurt my tummy, that energize me for my exercise. Like that is very important for me. That's very fulfilling.

I need to consistently be doing creative activities and hobbies. I need to make sure in my schedule I have time to do a watercolor. I have time to sit down at my sewing machine and sew something. I have time to like use my button maker and make a little pin button or something. You know,

I have time to play my guitar. I have time to go to a fabric store. And like, you know, I have time to do these creative tasks. But also I have time to relax and rest. Relaxation and resting always.

really is crucial for me. I need time to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling because not only is that how I come up with ideas for things, work-related, problem-solving-related, whatever, but also because it feels good and it's peaceful and it leads to a fulfilling life for me. Like having those moments, without that, my life is not as fulfilling as it could be.

Having fun, you know, going out to dinner, going on a road trip with friends, doing stuff that's just simply fun is so important to me. Making memories. And last but not least, helping others as often as I can, whether it's like, OK, I'm

I'm making a podcast. I'm telling a story about something that is maybe sort of comforting to others or, you know, is sort of a healthy form of distraction for them, you know, maybe while they're driving or on a walk or whatever. Like, you know, maybe it's something like that or it's helping my community in some way, whether it's like direct or indirect, like helping a random person who like was walking in their heels and they tripped, you

and their stuff went all over the floor and I'm helping them. That is also very important to me and is important for me in having a fulfilling life. So I know what I need to lead a fulfilling life. And I think moving forward when I'm faced with these dilemmas, I'm going to choose the route that feels most neglected, you know?

So like in the case of last weekend, right, where I had to choose between working and getting ahead and feeling less stress as a result or spending quality time with my loved ones.

I ultimately decided to spend quality time with my loved ones because I dedicated a lot of time to work over the last few months. And I wouldn't say that my relationships have suffered necessarily, but, you know, I haven't spent as much time with my loved ones as maybe I could have just because I've been so busy and

and they've been so busy as well, but like I've been so busy and I've been really focused. And I think, you know, my ultimate conclusion was I have already put enough of my effort towards the work portion of my life. My relationships have not gotten nearly as much attention. I should probably choose that. And so I guess that's sort of the answer then. It's less about being selfish versus selfless and

And more about, you know, having a list of things, you know, that can fall under the category of selfless or selfish that make you ultimately fulfilled in your life.

And being aware of what those things are so that you can make educated choices on what to do with your time based on what's getting neglected, what's not. Let's go through some examples, actually. Maybe this will help further explain my point. Okay, let me think of an example. Let's say I'm choosing between going to a workout class or getting coffee with a friend. I might ask myself then, how often do I see this friend?

how much am I craving this workout class? How much do I need it? Sometimes there's nothing more that I need than just to go to a workout class and sweat and be distracted. Sometimes that's just what I need, maybe because I haven't worked out in a bit or because I'm just stressed and I want to blow off steam. And depending on what the answers to those questions are,

you know, if I hang out with that friend a lot, I see that friend multiple times a week. Okay. I think it's okay to be like, you know what? I can't do coffee this week. I have to go to this. I just, I have to go to this workout class. Like you can come with me if you want, but like, I just, I need to do this workout class. On the other hand, if you go to that workout class every day and you see your friend once every six months, yeah, you should go and see the friend. Another example, let's say someone's choosing between going on a date with their significant other or

Dedicating the weekend to a personal project. What questions should this person ask to themselves? How strong is their romantic relationship right now? Are they kind of on the rocks? Are things kind of uncomfortable or are things incredible and they are spending a lot of time together and everything's going delightfully?

How important is this personal project? Is it possible to work on the project and go on this date? You know, why does this personal project need to be worked on at the same time that the date would be happening? And depending on the answer, this person should act accordingly. This person is fictional. They do not exist. But I think if the answer is...

the relationship's on the rocks and I'd much rather just work on this project just so that I don't have to face my struggling relationship, you need to go on the date. You know what I mean? Or you need to have a conversation and break up. On the other hand, if things are going really beautifully in your relationship and amazing and you don't have any other time to work on this project, work on the project. I think your significant other will understand it.

One more example. Let's say you have a weekend off and you have nothing on the schedule. Okay. You can do anything with your time, right? You have a full weekend off and you're choosing between spending the weekend at home, watching movies, eating, relaxing, maybe sitting by the pool. If you have a pool, like that vibe or volunteering at an animal shelter. Okay.

This person should ask themselves, okay, how long has it been since I had a full weekend to just chill at home? They should also ask themselves, when was the last time I did something for my community, whether it's

casually helping somebody in public randomly or, you know, helping a friend with something or, you know, volunteering or whatever. When was the last time I helped somebody? And let's say the answer to the first question is, I had a weekend like this last weekend, actually. Okay, maybe then you should volunteer. Let's say the answer is, I haven't had a weekend like this in a year. It's

I'd feel really good if I went and helped others, you know, with my time. But at the same time, like I would just love to have a weekend to fully chill. That's okay. It's not wrong to like just chill sometimes. Fair enough. But if the answer to the question, when was the last time you volunteered or something?

helped somebody out or whatever is like, ooh, it's been, I don't even know. Okay, maybe then you could sacrifice a few hours of your weekend off to go be helpful out there in this world, you know, go volunteer. But if the answer is, I helped somebody yesterday and I volunteered two months ago, it's like, okay, then you're fine. You know what I mean? It's tough. It's tough. I have a feeling I'll experience this dilemma again, but

You know, I think through this conversation, I learned a lot. And hopefully next time I'll have less of a mental breakdown about it. Anyway, that's it for today. That's all I got. That's all she wrote.

If you enjoyed it, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. Listen anywhere. Watch on YouTube and Spotify. Anything Goes is everywhere on the internet at Anything Goes. I'm everywhere on the internet at Emma Chamberlain. And my coffee company is everywhere at Chamberlain Coffee. It's called Chamberlain Coffee. Check it out. I love you all. I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and hanging out. It's always an absolute pleasure. And

a mode of self-discovery for me as well as hopefully you. But I can't guarantee that. All I can guarantee is that it's self-discovery for me. And you know what? I'm happy with that. Yeah. All right. I love you all. And I'll talk to you in a few days. Bye.