Celebrating Lower Numbers and Dads
44:57 Share

Hello, everyone. It's Jan Arden, and this is the Jan Arden Podcast. Hi. I've just been working on some stuff, and here we are. I don't know if it's week, whatever it is, but that doesn't even matter. I'm here with Caitlin Green, Adam Karsh, coming to you live and in person from our respective homes. Listen, where are we at with this COVID stuff? There's a lot of things opening up.

Depending on what part of the country you're in, you're going to be at very different stages of your opening up. Depending on what side of the fence you're on, you're going to be either really excited about the opening up things or you're going to be folded arms in front of your chest and not happy about it at all. So, Caitlin, where are you at with this? I am really excited. Yeah. Because... I can hear it in your voice.

I'm thrilled because it's a nice weather combination too. And we've been, you know, doing the right thing and waiting patiently. And here in the GTA, as of right now, and this could change next week, we're still one of the three remaining regions in Ontario that is in stage one. So that means that our, you know, hair salons, you know, nail places, our patios aren't available to us quite yet, but all of our surrounding areas are. So, you know, like,

Hamilton and Durham and London, Ontario, all these places, they all have patios and you see people posting on social media, getting haircuts. I have a friend who went to a cottage last weekend and he said they sat outside on a patio, even though it was kind of cold in Muskoka. And they said someone else was so nice. Somebody else poured them a glass of wine. Somebody else brought them out a pizza. They sat outside and they said, it's just that little, that thing we took for granted for our whole life. And it felt so good. So

I'm really excited to be able to do those things again. And Ontario has had five days in a row of numbers dropping. I mean, many days in a row now where we're casing, our cases are below 200 for the whole province of Ontario. And it's looking good. So I feel good about it. This is the math that always gets thrown at me is, you know, there's 10 million of us here.

And there's only like 200 cases. It's not a big deal. You know, everyone should just go back to life. And then you're like, well, the reason that we're dealing with numbers like that is because of the absolute actions taken by our community leaders to stop it from being misused.

millions of people. And we all saw those graphs early on where you saw two people turning into four people turning into say, you know, all that stuff. So it is hard when we have people that are so we're still polarized. Adam, how are you feeling about stuff opening up?

I think it's good that things are opening up slow and steady. I'm still cautious in many ways. I'm not just leaping back into restaurants and movie theaters and shopping malls and things like that. I'm not saying never, of course, but I'm still cautious. I'm also...

feeling a little more confident about ordering takeout food. Like two months ago, I was not there yet. And even in the last week or so, we ordered pizza to the home. Oh my God, it was so good. It was so good. I think I had 10 squares and I made myself sick because it was so good. But I mean, I'm not as cautious about certain things as I was two or three months ago.

Well, we're coming into interesting times. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday. We're coming into allergy season for a lot of people. I know, it's terrible. So, you know, and here lies the problem. Because our heightened paranoia

you know, being around people that are coughing or sneezing or blowing their nose, any, anything like that. Like we're all going, get away from me. So how I'm always thinking to myself, how the heck are we going to kind of get ourselves into this mindset where it's people that just have allergies. Yeah. They're just, they're, they're, they have a dry cough. They're on the transit. Yeah.

they're sending out all these charts here in Alberta, you know, the difference between COVID-19 and allergies and what, you know, you can, how you can be helpful to the people around you without being afraid and offensive and stuff like that. But I don't know. It's going to be hard for people. I don't have any allergies and I'm knocking on wood right now.

But yeah, what do you do? I have allergies. Not as bad as my husband this year. Whatever type of pollen is popping off, because nature, at least here in Ontario, is loving the pandemic. Our trees just exploded. The bumblebees are like tripled in size. And so he has...

really bad allergies this year. And I was on the phone with a girlfriend yesterday and we were talking about just this exact thing. What is going to happen when you see people who have allergies or who get a regular seasonal cold? And she said that when she said she was like out and she's wearing a mask. So that's, we know that that's a great way to stop the spread of any sort of saliva. But so she said when she sneezes, she goes...

allergies and says it she's like I feel like I need to mark it okay that was epic yeah she says I thought it was she's very funny and I but I thought this is practical and hilarious because she said I don't know how else to tell you know my family members when I see them that this isn't a cold that I don't have corona it is just I whatever tree is in my backyard is jamming itself right up my nose

Oh, for sure. I mean, I am... I'm happy about the openings. Alberta's a little bit ahead of Ontario. We're in stage three. We do have nail salons. They said movie theaters. Listen, I don't even know. What the hell movies is everyone going to watch? There's no movies out there. And the ones that... I know that on iTunes, there was quite a few releases that I think went to direct to iTunes for people to watch at home. But I'm going for... Today is epic for me. I am going to...

get my nails done and my toes done. So I'm doing a mani-pedi. I'm not nervous at all. My friend Robin has her salon in her basement of her house. Really cute. Like it's nice and bright down there. Super clean. I've been going to her for 20 years.

I think she's doing four clients a day. She would normally probably be doing 10. So she's taking a half an hour between each client to completely sanitize, wipe down, change paper,

I got an email from her to any clients coming in. She gave us the rundown. You'll come in the top of the stairs. There's a hand sanitizer right there. Please sanitize your hands very well. There's a pair of slippers waiting for you at the top of the stairs that are only yours. They're like these disposable slippers. Please put those on, leave your shoes at the top of the stairs. And there's also a new mask in like a Ziploc bag. So I'm reading it and I'm like, wow, wow.

this is really awesome. She goes, just, there's no one here. There's no one else in here. You don't have to worry. Make your way down. I'll be downstairs. Um, and you're more than welcome to make yourself a tea. I've got a kettle, you know, whatever. And she says, that's it. She goes, I'll be in my full paraphernalia and we'll have a nice time. She wasn't very excited that you're here. So, um,

I feel really good about it. I'm super excited. I'll let you guys know next week. I mean, you should see my toes and my nails. I'm thinking, what is that clicking sound? It's my frigging nails making their way across the floor. You're like a dog, right? You know how you can hear dogs when they run through the house getting all excited to go to their food? That's so funny. I cannot wait to go get my nails done. I am...

I've been doing a pretty good job at home on my own. But yeah, no, it'll be a real thrill to get back in there. And, you know, they were learning so much more about the virus as time passes. And I listened to a podcast that's put up by the New York Times called The Daily. And they had a guy whose whole life has just been like studying, like,

studying this. This is like everything he focuses on now. He does science and medicine research for the times. That's sort of his gig. And he was talking about how, what we really know now is that it's going to be problematic for us when we have to go back inside. So he talked about ventilation as being one of the biggest concerns, not surfaces. You know, there was a point in, you know, April where I was washing groceries that came into the house. I'm like Lysol wiping the box. Yeah. I'm still doing it to be honest. I'm still doing that. I'm wiping it. And I,

I think like out of an abundance of caution, if people still want to do that, I think that's totally fine. But it's more that like nobody he's talking about, like in a closed space, like public transit or on an elevator or in a stairwell passing somebody that this little, this cloud of vapor just lives around you and it lives around your mouth at all times. And if you are outdoors, it just gets blown around. So you don't have to worry about it. If you have fans blowing, it blows around and you don't have to worry about it.

But if you're talking and you're in an elevator, if you're talking and you're in an office or across from somebody at a table at a meeting, whatever, those are these really high-risk areas that you're going to see boost back up in the wintertime as the weather changes and we're all back inside. So I, for one, am like, listen, I am going to make hail the sun shines here because we have a few –

months of break in Canada where we can go outside and we can sit on a patio and we can sit in a park. I feel like that is now we know that one of the safest places to be is outdoors. Everybody should just be outside, do some things, eat some pizza, see your friends and family, like enjoy it while you can.

Well, how many times have we been at social gatherings, whether it's a party or a business thing or in a restaurant or meeting somebody for this time and they spit on you when they're talking and you're like, do I wipe the spit away or do I just stand here uncomfortably while I feel the spit at the corner of my nose because I don't want to embarrass them. So I'm just going to keep smiling, keep talking.

But they know they've done it. I know they've done it. And I just, I wonder what are those moments going to be like going forward? Or will we ever be standing that close to each other again? I think we will. Ideally, nobody will have that situation happen to them before there's a treatment or a vaccine, ideally. I can only imagine, because I already found this gross. For some reason, this triggered something in me. But birthday cakes. Blowing them out.

little kids are never careful with anything. That's the joy of being a child. And, but you watch a little kid blow out a birthday cake and then the adults cut it up and start serving it. I'm like, forget it. They have their whole meal just got blown all over that cake. So I think, I think, I think cupcakes are the safest way to go. Yes. You know, for kids parties now, any of those mixes or any, any moms that are bakers, I think if the little guy has his own individual candle or,

That's the way to go forward. I mean, we've talked about this on that show before of sharing platters in restaurants. I had a friend that took a flight a couple of weeks ago.

And forgive me if I have mentioned this, but he said it was glorious. And he said that they got little individual trays in business class and a bottle of water. There was no kind of bar service. But, you know, we're getting there. Things that we really didn't think we'd even do, like getting on a plane or going to a restaurant. I kind of rejoice driving by patios. There's like four patios and a giant area or sorry, four lounges.

picnic tables with two people at each table, but everyone looks so happy. The servers have masks on. They're coming out with their trays. I don't think I'd be leery about picking up a glass. I think if you pick it up from the bottom and drink around the top, I don't... I have no desire yet to go to a restaurant, but I...

We are making improvements. So listen, we got a lot to talk about this show. Father's Day, of course, but you're listening to the Jen Arden podcast and we will be right. Yeah, lots of changes. Caitlin on the break just said the April Caitlin is a lot different from the June Caitlin. And I think we all feel that way. I can't even fathom the amount of trepidation that I felt in the beginning of March when

We first, you know, kind of shut the doors and painted a red X above our... It felt very biblical that, you know, the locusts were coming through town and you needed to get out of its way and literally lock your windows. I mean, it felt very...

very much like that. But I think now we're seeing, you know, and understanding the science a bit more. I think they have more answers to hundreds of questions that we had going into this. And yeah, it's for me, it's, it's, there's a lot of joy seeing people getting out. Sometimes it's not always the perfect scenarios. Like I'm seeing younger people kind of shoulder to shoulder, you know,

you know, sometimes on the streets with their drinks and, and it's, it's a little daunting, but I under, I also understand that them being 25 and me being in my fifties, it's a really different, you know, it's a, it's just a completely different vibe for both of us. And then of course you're dealing with our seniors that are so marginalized and so at risk, but it's good to see the numbers going down. And, um,

We'll get there. We're doing things now that we just thought, are we ever going to do that again? It's true. Here we are.

And I think, you know, people are going to there's, you know, everyone is wondering if there's a chance that we'll go back into a more stricter lockdown in the fall, in the winter when we're dealing with our regular flu season. What's happening in China, Caitlin? What's happening? Yeah. So this whole situation that's just popped up in Beijing, like China has had has had almost no numbers, no new cases for a long time. And what's happened is now they have their biggest spike in new cases since, I believe, January or February.

in China and it's localized to the city of Beijing and it's all around a wholesale food market. But, you know, it's the biggest, the biggest wholesale food market in Beijing. So, you know, like it's no St. Lawrence market here in Toronto. It employs 10,000 people, let alone people who frequent it. So this is a huge market. It's now being linked to a cluster of cases. I believe, you know, the day before yesterday, the cases were around, you know, 150 and,

they were at none, they had nothing. And so to see these cases spike, they've reintroduced lockdown measures. So that's kind of, that's one of those settings that I will now for a long time remain really leery of, which is like large, large gatherings. Well, large, large, large food outlets that have food in the open. I don't, you know, and for a myriad reasons,

It's not a great idea. I mean, I never felt like it was a great idea 10 years ago. I mean, I'm so hygiene person, but I think when you're looking at meat and like even fish on ice or things like that, I really believe that has to be rethought and reimagined.

you know, individually packaged and all of these things because these markets seem to constantly be at the center of these outbreaks. You know, it's not just happening on a park bench somewhere. It's happening where there's a gathering of people and food in the open and particularly proteins.

So what is it? What are we going to do? And the thing of it is, you know, even in China, we're seeing, okay, okay, okay. We've got the numbers down. Let's open the market again. So is this just going to be something that just goes around and around and around?

It really seems like until you have a treatment or a vaccine in place, you are not, there is no possible way to restart large gatherings. I mean, you know, big busy malls. I don't think that sounds like a great idea, especially anything indoors, like sporting events, concerts, you know, events of probably greater than 50 people or greater than 100 people. Like it's just very, very high risk.

because of everything. Trust me, it breaks my heart. I mean, that's my livelihood. It's my livelihood. And it's the way I make my way through the world.

So anyway, it's heartbreaking. It's tough to imagine being able to do that safely. And when you hear about it, I certainly appreciate that people are just going to have to try to see if they can safely reopen something. And if it doesn't work out, you do have to be physically and emotionally prepared to go back into some sort of an increased lockdown measure because it's still a possibility. And then you got places like Florida and Texas where they've, I guess, just decided that

putting your head in the sand at a busy beach apparently is the way to deal with the COVID crisis because they've just decided it's not the thing there. And I believe they just surpassed 3000 new cases on one day this past week. And you just, my heart goes out to all the people who are there trying to be safe, but they, they can't because they live in a society that, that is very comfortable taking risks. Well, it's very polarized, um,

there as well and as it is in parts of europe i i've talked about my friend nigel who lives in london um you know it's obviously a lot more serious there their numbers are higher they are dealing with 70 million plus people on an island about a quarter of the size of alberta so the concentration of people there's not you know

It's been very painful for me to watch his emotional journey through all of this, you know, up and down. Today, however, Boris Johnson and his team have decided that people can go and visit relatives and have, you know, what they're calling these pods. It's different in every country, of course, but he was on his way driving to see his mom who he hasn't seen since the beginning of March. And I could just feel the shakiness in his voice. You know, this is my 49-year-old friend.

And I could just hear that trepidation, like, I can't believe I'm going to see my mom. She's 84 years old. So I'm happy for him. And they're going to just plant themselves there on the South Coast and do walks and things like that. So I'm really happy for him. But there's people that are driving out there from London that have no permission, that have no relatives out there, that are out there looking for fish and chips. And he said it's just making it so difficult to track and...

keep these numbers down because you are dealing, like you said, in Texas, you're dealing with two very different groups of people that are approaching this. Like I can't believe the mask thing in the States and what a bone of contention it has been for people to simply put a cloth over their faces. It just feels like they say their rights are being infringed on. Like I am so sick of hearing about people's rights being

I mean that in a... I'm not saying, yeah, we should have rights, but when you're saying, yeah, protecting my life and the life of others is against the Constitution, I'll bet you these people have effing never read the Constitution and have no effing idea what their Constitution even says or means. So...

And if they did, they would know that the majority of instances where they're complaining about this, they're on private frigging property. Like they're in a Costco. I'm like, you're not in public. You're not on publicly owned land. You're on private property. I highly doubt, like I was saying, that any of these people are at all familiar with the Constitution or what it means publicly.

or anything of the sort. And of course, Caitlin, you were referring to people being on private property. And like, if you're going to go into Costco, wear your mask. This is what's required of you. Anyway, lots to talk about. Father's Day is coming up. And we're going to find out about our dads. I want to know about Adam's dad. I want to know about Caitlin's dad. And yeah, we'll be right back. You're listening to the Jan Arden Podcast.

We are so excited to welcome another new sponsor, our friends at Cove Soda. Have I pestered Cove enough to come and join us here at the Jan Arden podcast? I love them so much. They are Canadian, first of all. They are a natural, certified organic, zero sugar soda, which includes, get this, one big

Probiotics. I kind of sounded like Dr. Evil there, didn't I? But seriously, you can get 80% of your daily vitamin C in just one can. Cove Soda is on a mission to promote gut health for all, and you still get to have a delicious treat while

while putting a gut-friendly, guilt-free drink in your body. Cove Soda is available in 12 delicious flavors all over North America. So for our American friends, you can find it. They've got this fruity lineup that's fantastic. I drink those all the time. They've got the classic lineup if you like

A cola or a cream soda, root beer, yes indeedy. And they've got their limited edition summer flavor, which will take you right back to the second grade. You gotta try the ice pop one. Head to janardenpod.com to find out where the closest place to you is where you can go and buy Cove. Go right now. This is the Jan Arden podcast that you're listening to coming to you live

On your airwaves, on your favorite podcast streaming, whatever it is. Yeah, we've been covering a lot of stuff today, but of course, this is Father's Day weekend. And there's a big...

big, I think, divide between Father's Day and Mother's Day. I think Father's Day is the lesser of the two special days that we hold for our parents, our parental units. You know, the mothers get, you know, if you take your mom to a restaurant, they get a rose when they come in usually. And there's a lot of, you know,

pomp and circumstance surrounding that. And dad's not so much. It's not like they give your dad a pair of cufflinks when he comes in to the restaurant and, oh, thank you, sir, and pull out his chair. So why do you think that is? I mean, we hold our mothers in such high esteem. And I think some people obviously will say, oh my God, my dad was definitely my parent. I was way closer to him. But the majority of people in my generation relied very heavily on their mom. My dad

was not that involved in my upbringing. I know that's changing now. Young dads seem to be completely involved, much better caregivers, more involved in household duties, more involved in picking kids up. But it's generational. If you're talking about kids that had, you know, the dads in the 50s, 60s and 70s, you are talking night and day.

Yeah, and I think that's why there is such a difference because, you know, it's just been two very, very different roles that are only very recently starting to come closer together in terms of parenting duties and emotional labor and taking care of the kids. Yeah.

And that was, you know, also because it was a byproduct of the fact that for the longest time society was structured so that it was like women stayed home and took care of the kids in their house and they didn't make a lot of money. So that was what made more sense at the time. And so they were like, okay, well, I'm going to stay home and my husband's going to be out in the world earning the bucks and I'm the parent.

And he's the earner. And then that was kind of the structure. And that's been changed so quickly when you look at the history of like humans, really. So now dads do a lot more. I remember being in Sweden and my husband and I were sitting at a communal dining table. We were at a hotel on this little island called Gotland. And we were seated next to a husband and wife. They ran a farming company and they were talking about parenting and they were asking us all about parenting, the amount of

time off that men get in Canada and also daycare. And the Swedish men at the table were shocked.

at the fact that my husband said, you know, he would probably only take a few weeks off if he had a kid. And they said, no, no, we take pat leave. We take paternity leave. How are you ever to know your children? Like, how are you ever to get to know your children and know their lives if you go back to work and the first, you know, year of your kid's life is spent just with the mom? So the Swedish dads were like, I can't believe you're only taking two weeks off. Yeah.

So, but, but I mean, it would be unheard of. I can't imagine my dad,

Saying I'm gonna take a month off to help raise, you know this kid. I mean, I rarely saw my dad any Conversations I had with him were very contentious But I mean I can't say that I didn't learn a lot from him because I did but Father's Day It was always awkward, you know myself and my two brothers always got him a pocketbook or some lottery tickets or you know a tin of tobacco and

And it was, I don't know. It just, there was always a big deal surrounding mom because she had done so much and been so much to all of us. And my dad was sadly on the perimeter. But I have friends that are like, no, that was my relationship with my mom. She was on the perimeter and my dad was everything. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. There's no real, like, obviously there's no one rule for every family and every situation, but I think for the longest time, that was kind of the stereotype that was reinforced based on just the way the working world and the at-home world worked for men and women for so long. And now it's just been nice to see that it's changing because it did a disservice to men too. And I think that's what

was really pointed out by these guys in Sweden who they didn't feel that it was this task or this chore to stay at home with their kids. In recent years, it seemed as though they had expressed that their society really shifted and supported men staying home with their kids so they could get to know their own kids. Like that's a gift for parents really. And I know that's not the case for everybody. You look at people who live in the US, I have friends who live in the US and the moms are right back to work very, very quickly. Same with my family members who live in Bermuda. They take a couple of weeks off and then the moms are even back.

at work. I am, I am, I'm in awe when I see families out, uh,

of how the dad is interacting and, you know, picking up the kid that falls down who's crying and who's carting around the diaper bag. He's got the stuff, like especially when I'm traveling and I see the dad with the baby Bjorn, you know, strapped to him and the mom is on her phone, you know, drinking her Starbucks and he's, you know, getting the bottle out and dealing with the stuff. And I marveled.

marvel when I look at it because it's so foreign to me and you know I find myself you know at my age finally coming to terms with what my dad who he was and to forgive him and to move forward somehow because I just I felt like am I going to penalize him his whole life because he couldn't be the person that I thought he should have been like that's on me not on him

And I don't, I don't want to feel wounded about it anymore. Like I, I really don't. And cause you know, you, you always learn through life or at least I have that you can't change. You can't really change other people that much. You can just change how you respond to them and how you feel about them. So it's just really about like change, changing your view and your approach because for yourself so that you can be happy. What was your dad like Caitlin?

He was, we're very, very similar. We have a very, very close relationship. He's very much alive. Sorry.

Yeah, he is. He's alive. He's doing great. He's a very active guy. He works out a lot. He's very physically fit. So physical fitness is a big priority for him. He was away a lot when I was a little kid, though. I'd say early, early years. He traveled a lot for work. He was in sales, and that was just a byproduct of his job. Not as much as other dads I knew growing up.

but he was still gone a bit. And so I think that was hard. That was hard for sure on both of my parents. It's hard on any family to have one parent coming and going because of work. But again, like you said, that was the time that he grew up in. Like if he wanted to take, he said to his bosses back in the day in the old sales world of, you know, oh, I just had a kid. I want to take off. If he said, I want to take off two weeks, they would have laughed him out of the boardroom.

You know, like it was that kind of an attitude. Oh yeah, sure, buddy. You're going to go take two weeks off. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, why don't you just go give birth to the kid then? Like, you know, like it was just work, right? It was this work culture. And he is, he works very, very hard. He pulled lots of long hours, notorious for not even taking his vacation, never took a sick day. You know, this was the kind of, he was a real, like a real work focused guy. Yeah. But great sense of humor. He grew up in Prince Edward Island. He's from a really big family.

And yeah, it's just, and you're an only child. So that's always interesting to me too. He comes from all these kids and you're, you're flying solo with your mom from a small family.

Her family was even bigger than his. She was a family of 10. Oh my gosh. So they must have learned the hard way. They're just like, there's no way in hell that we are going to have nine siblings. Yeah. Well, I think it's like, it is basically an ad for them. They, you know, they grew up in these huge families and then had one kid, but unfortunately they did both have some, some issues with illness when they were probably in the years where you would normally have had kids.

So after me, they were like, let's kind of call it a day. Uh, the doctors were like, maybe don't, maybe don't go through this again. Um, so they always said it was quality, not quantity, which was, you know, which was a nice way to, a nice way to tell me that I wasn't going to have any play, play friends, play siblings, but whatever. Did your dad play a big role, Adam, like in your life? Yeah. Um, um,

He's still alive, right? My dad's still alive. I'm always close with him. He was a good dad and a good role model. Are you just saying that because he's listening? Is that what's happening right now? No, I mean that we're very close and I respect him a lot. And he always set a good example and he taught me good lessons. And no, I really am looking forward to spending time with him this weekend.

But did your dad ever show you how to change the oil in your car and change a tire in the dark? No less. He taught me how to like paint like little models and stuff like that or. Oh, I love that. That kind of thing.

Well, I mean, Father's Day, what are the gifts these days? I mean, we got like 40 seconds. What are the big Father's Day gifts? What are people giving to their dads at Father's Day? It's not flowers. It's not chocolate. It's what is it? It seems like tools. It's not tools in terms of I shouldn't say that toys. It seems like toys. So, you know, electronics. Yeah.

Like Bluetooth headphones so that you can drown out the outside world. Or if your parents are really into like, you know, if you're into fitness, maybe an Apple watch or a Fitbit or something that monitors your steps. My dad, he likes beer, he likes fitness and he likes cookies. So maybe some like chocolate chip cookies. Craig's Cookies is a great cookie delivery place in Toronto. If you want to send your dad some cookies and beer. We always got my dad a bottle of rum.

Like, if that doesn't sum up, I mean, this was the 70s for sure, the 80s. Like, you're wrong. Anyway, we're coming back. Don't go away. You're listening to the Jan Arden Podcast. ♪

I'm Jan Arden. I'm with Caitlin Green and Adam Karsh. We're talking about Fathers and Father's Day. And as always, we always get blabbing on the breaks. We should just roll right through them. But that's not how radio and that's not how podcasting works. But I was just saying that it's not unfortunately, but I am so much like my dad. And it's a bit of a conflict for me because...

I never wanted to be like him, but I am like him. I'm very much like him. And I'm a little bit like my mom, but I'm mostly like my dad. So there you have it. Isn't that funny? And you know, you, you talk so much about your mom and you guys had such a close relationship. And I read a recent statistic. We talked about this on the morning show. I work on that. There was a number, the number 37, when you are 37 is the age you start turning into your father specifically. Yeah.

And we discussed it on the show. We took some callers and we had a few people share with us the moments that they realized that they were turning into their dad. And one guy said it was right. He said it was right around 37. And he said he ran outside to the front lawn of his house and yelled at a car as it drove by too quickly to slow down because there are kids playing in the yard. And he said, I finished saying slow down and stopped. And he was like, Oh my God, I've turned into my father. Yeah. Well,

I mean, we all do it. You start getting older. I've long said that we don't even start becoming people till we hit 40 because there's a real sense of that. You start realizing kind of who you are, what you'll tolerate, what you'll take on and what you won't. And maybe that's when you finally belong to yourself. But we always would equate those kinds of qualities with our parents. Like,

Yeah, my dad was ferocious. He yelled at every kid that came in the yard. He yelled at every car. You know, if we planted the potatoes too deep, they're never going to grow properly. I mean, that was my swearing. I think we can get away with that. I don't have to beep anything. You know, I just was like, I never want to be like you. I was scared of him.

But he was the hardest working guy ever met in my life. He was one of the most extraordinary, talented people I ever met in my life. There was nothing, and I mean nothing, he could not fix or do

We've talked about this before on other shows, that men back in the day could do everything. They did electrical. They did plumbing. They could build a shed in the garden. They could make you a pair of bloody shoes if you needed them. You know, my dad, any motor, any repair on the car, like I would drive my car to my dad, you know, in my 20s and 30s and in my 40s. And he would lift up the hood and say, Oh, it's right here in the back. Yeah.

What's a territory? And I would drive away, it would be fixed. But as far as if I was alone in a room with my dad, I could not speak to him. I didn't know what questions to ask him. There was some kind of disconnect. I don't know how it happened, but I really tried to make up for it in the last five or six years of his life. He knew that I loved him. He knew that I admired him and respected him to a certain degree. And he certainly tried to make it up.

In his own way, he tried to make it up. But yeah, I don't know if dads do all that stuff now. Do they? My dad didn't. Adam's shaking his head like I couldn't. I am not handy in any way, shape, or form. I once changed a dimmer on a light switch and electrocuted myself four different times while I was trying to install it. So your dad didn't teach you? He's handier than I am.

I mean, he's, but I, I mean, I don't think he's like putting up drywall handy, but he's handier than, than I am. My older brother can do anything. He's another guy. I can pick up a phone or I can open the Jiffy app and good for you that I can do.

Yeah, that was kind of always, I felt like my dad's take, like he did stuff. He would do stuff around the house. He was great about, you know, cleaning for sure. Organizing for sure. But his take was always like his time was spent in the office. So he was like, I'm working, I'm here to like, you know, be successful, make money. And then I, I support the economy by having that trickle down to all the, all the trades I hire. Cause I can't fix anything. I never saw my dad without a black fingernail.

Really? Yeah. I never saw him without a gash on his hand. His hands. I remember when he was dying, I picked up one of his hands and he was, he was gone. I mean, he was unconscious and he was on morphine. And, but I looked at it and I'm just like, Oh my God, like all these tiny little scars. And he had a fricking half moon black thumbnail. And I'm like, how did you manage to do that?

But it was just him. He was so hard on himself. And I think that was that trickle-down kind of emotional stuff that does happen sometimes. But as I get older, my memories are getting fonder. I'm picking out the shiny parts, and I'm letting all the other stuff go. So I want to say that to our listeners too, especially going into this weekend with our fathers.

Some of us have had great ones. Some have had not great ones. Some of us haven't had fathers at all. So to all of you guys listening, you know, try and find those little shiny bits that are there. And, and even if you don't have them, you know, I guess it's time for us to work on letting things go and not,

not hanging on to stuff. It's like, why do we want to pull this stuff up a mountain? I don't know. Yeah. It's, it's tough. I always see that happening around you, of course, mother's day and father's day. And, and frankly, Christmas too, for a lot of people, if they have complicated family histories or one that's particularly painful for them, these are the days that can be hard to get through. And, you know, you just don't even want to look at Instagram because you're probably just scrolling through a bunch of people, you know,

parading their perfect family photos. You're like, this isn't me. This wasn't, but I will say that of course, number one, there's a certain aspect of that that's performative. So I would encourage everyone to realize that not all of that is accurate.

people do it for the gram. And then on top of which, you know, you can like time will kind of soften some of the hard edges on a lot of memories, which probably is what some, some people experience. Yeah. And, and not everything, not everyone's going to have the same, the same kind of experience. Like,

I always end up talking about this around Mother's Day and Father's Day with a lot of my friends because they're parents too now. And maybe they have a different appreciation for what their parents went through or experienced through the relationship they now have with their own children. Or maybe they're like, damn it, I am more angry at them than ever. But it's complicated. Family stuff is so complicated. Yeah, and there is no atypical family.

So I think what we look at too, as we're growing up and there, we will always do comparisons. This is what human beings do. We look to our left, we look to our right, what's going on. You know, their families are doing well. His mom's nicer. Well, her mom makes such good lunches.

And while his dad takes him to the thing, like as children, we're constantly doing that. Well, her mom's going to let her go. And I don't know why you won't let me go. We're always digging for those things. And your parents were like, I don't care what Mrs. Parker does. You're not going to the Shriner circuit by yourself. Yeah.

So we all have memories of that. But I just, you know, there's no, for all of you guys out there, there's no average family. Like families, we could do a podcast every week on the...

intricacies of how we are raised. Like, I don't care who you are. Like, Caitlin, you're an only child. Adam, you have siblings, right? I have one sister who's a few years younger than me. Okay. But I bet you her, even having two kids in a family, I bet you her experience with your mom and dad are completely different from yours. I agree. My two brothers, like, whenever we get together, it's just like, were you guys raised by the same people as me? Yeah.

So my assistant Nadine has nine kids in her family. She's like, we all had completely different relationships with our parents. Like there was no common thing. Oh, dad didn't do that with me. Did he do that with you? Like they just couldn't believe how polarizing and how different they were. So,

Yeah, there's, there is no one picture of this. There are so many, so many dynamics. And like you said, so many shared memories that you process completely differently. I just think that as much as anyone can just try to give yourself and your family members, a lot of emotional space, as much emotional space and like a long leash as you can, because family stuff is so emotional for people. And what do you mean by that? Caitlin? Well, cutting them some slack.

Cutting yourself some slack in terms of feeling emotional or that you should feel this way or you should have this perfect family image or to just move past things if you find it difficult. And there's a certain level of pretending I think that can happen for a lot of people.

around these momentous days and specifically with social media. We've talked about it on our morning show a lot that it's hard for people. They'll text into us and say, when we're doing a break, when we're doing a break about this and they'll say, Oh, I dread it. I dread it every year. Maybe they've lost a loved one or they have a complicated issue with that. And they say, scrolling through Instagram on this day is so hard for me. And I just always, I always feel for them and think,

yeah, there's some deep emotion stuff going on around these around family issues for people. So give yourself lots of emotional room to just... Well, there's a lot of young people parenting themselves. And there's no two ways about it. They are four, five, six years old. And these are kids that are pulling up a chair to the counter to get the peanut butter out and to make themselves a sandwich like

I think, you know, the word gratitude comes to mind again and again and again and again. And as we get older, I think we have to realize too, when we're dealing with people in our lives, our friends or people that we work with, you have to understand their histories, what made them the people that they are. We don't understand all of it. So take that one second before you launch into judging other people or making assumptions like,

I used to love, my mom used to always say, assume, ask you me. Yeah. I'm like, okay, I don't know what the... And I was like, okay, okay.

Ask you me assumptions, right? You know, the spelling of assume, but it is true. Like I love getting to know people and getting to know about their family histories. I'm always blown away by parenting and how they were parented and what their parents, you know, allowed them to do or didn't allow them to do. Or I, I don't feel so alone in it. Cause I realized now how, how different it is for everyone.

Yeah. And you don't, and you certainly don't have to feel like you are going to inevitably at the age of 37, turn into your parent if you don't want to do that. And if you, you know, you don't, you're not, you're not destined to fall in the exact same ways and behaviors of your parents, but it is interesting to hear about other people's family history because it'll pop up in little ways. I mean, no matter how much therapy you go through, you'll probably notice here and there. Oh yeah, I am yelling at kids to stay off my lawn. And that is a bit like my dad.

Well, speaking of yelling at everybody, we're going to go now because that's the end of our podcast. Thanks for joining us. I hope you guys have a good Father's Day. If your father's not here or whatever the case may be, like Caitlin said, be gentle on yourself. And we're all in the same boat. Until next time, be safe. Wear a mask when you're supposed to. I look forward to hugging each and every one of our listeners.

very, very soon. I'm going to do that. We'll just line you all up and I'm going to lick you all in the neck. Thanks for listening. This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.