Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Well, hello everyone and welcome to the Jan Arden Podcast. Once again, it's like a traveling minstrel show. I am now in Montreal. I started off the morning in Somerville. No, geez. You know what? Slap me. This is how tired I am. Summerside. So all the people in Summerside, don't write me letters. Summerside. And we grabbed a flight this morning and now I'm in Montreal and it's pornographic.
pouring rain but we're in a really cool hotel downtown um but you're listening to the jan arden podcast i'm with caitlin green adam karsh our engineer is of course in his studio at home how are you guys we're good well speaking on behalf of adam we're good i'm okay
Toronto is sunny and beautiful. I'm sad that you're in one of my very favorite cities in the whole world, probably. I love Montreal so much. And it's raining. Yeah, it is raining. I got here, of course, and people are always asking me about being on the road and what the big priorities are. And it's always finding something good to eat, and especially on a day off. So first time in like a week, I think seven or eight days, I have a full day off other than traveling.
I went on my Happy Cow app and I looked up vegan restaurants and I found a place called the Copper something. I don't know. I'm not doing any service to the Copper Barn, Copper Craft people. And it said it was open and I got my little Google walking app out and I marched in the rain and I left the dog here in the hotel room and I marched and marched and I did everything right and got there and it was closed. Oh, my God.
And it said it was open on the app. So I just, I went into a grocery store. I bought popcorn and a Zevia. And I just was so like disappointed that I thought I can't even, I'm not even. So I think Chris and I are going to order something from Uber Eats or Skip the Dishes or one of those things. We're going to order something like around six. So right now I'm just, I had popcorn and a pop, Zevia.
Zevia. Zevia does not sponsor us, but I wish they would. And here I am. If I can recommend, especially for like a lunch or on the go thing when you're in Montreal, there's a really great well-known salad place called Mandy's. It's here now. Yeah, I know they have one on Ossington. I think it just came here. Okay. Mandy's, amazing. And you're vegan, so like your average deli stuff, not going to be for you, but you're in the land of bagels.
Yes. Oh, yeah. You know, I would have gone into everything, but you know how you have your mindset on something? It's like ordering something at a restaurant. It takes 30 minutes. It gets in front of you, and it's like the wrong thing, or they've put the dressing on the salad when you ask for it on the side. And then you're just like, I can't eat a Caesar salad with that much dressing. And they're like, can we get you something else? Can we fit you something? And I always try not to be a pain in the butt. And honest to God, I have sat through some meals where I haven't.
I haven't complained. I haven't said anything and everything went wrong, but I have an extreme amount of empathy for the servers. I think I was a server when I was in my twenties, I was terrible at it. I had people that were so mad at me and so angry and, you know, walking out on like, I was terrible. I, I'm not going to make up any stories. I was probably the worst server ever.
That Canada has ever seen. Canada's worst server? That should be a new reality show. It should be, Caitlin. Canada's worst server on a boat. Well, I think that, yeah, I'm such a travel nerd that anytime I hear of anyone, I'm in a city, this thing didn't work out, I just instantly start trying to problem solve. Are you near the old port of Montreal, like the old portion of Montreal? No, I think I'm on René-Lévesque.
Rue René-Lévesque. And that's a long road, isn't it? Am I making a fool of myself right now, everyone in Montreal? I don't think so. René-Lévesque Boulevard. I'm not kidding you. I'm on René-Lévesque Boulevard. Yeah, okay. And I won't say the name of my hotel, but the hotel is gorgeous. It is so contemporary. There's two giant television screens in here, so I have every intention of watching a movie.
Chris, my road manager, will save me. We'll do something on Uber Eats or something. He said he would deal with it. He said pick out something. We'll phone and make sure that they're open, that they're bringing food to hotels, and that'll be that. But I'll tell you what, I feel so grateful to be out here, you guys. I feel so overwhelmed with emotions and joy and happiness
happiness to be standing on a stage with musicians and lights and happy people sitting in the crowd. Like I'm just, my mind is just spinning. I'm, I just feel, I feel great. I'm following your journey and it's, it's bringing me a lot of happiness to see your pictures. Yeah. And it was nice to see you. It was really nice to see you in Europe, obviously. And we've talked about that extensively, but it's cool to get back to touring Canada, isn't it?
It really is. You know, you look out at the crowd and we're in pretty big open spaces right now. I'm doing arenas. So lots of room. There's air coming in. You have to imagine these are hockey rinks. So you can imagine the size. So, I mean, your ceiling is what, 100 feet high? And so I think people feel pretty good about sitting shoulder to shoulder. And most of the shows have been sold out. I'm going to say one quarter masks.
I think if that, but absolutely, I really encourage people, whatever their comfort level is. But it's so great to see people with like a beer and a glass of wine and sitting there. And even the first night we had a really drunk woman that kept calling
She was just throwing things at me. She wouldn't stop. She was very enthusiastic, let's put it that way. So I'm singing away, and sometimes the lights flash so that I can see the first three or four rows. So that happened. I kind of engaged with her. That was my fault.
She was having a great time. And then, oh, I'm going to say two minutes later, I looked over there and they had been taken out. So I guess they were just too disruptive. So our tour is off and running. And then night before last...
People started screaming at me. I could hear them through my in-ears. Just fake, stop the show, stop the show. And I knew it wasn't a joke. So I stopped what I was doing and I said, you know, put the house lights up. And a gentleman had fainted. He just keeled over in one of the rows and fainted. And by the time they were calling for a doctor,
He was super embarrassed. He sat up. They sort of got him back on the chair. I couldn't see where it was. But, you know, we just stopped everything. I told everyone to stay where they were seated. So, you know, we've had a little bit of drama. He was fine. He just loves you so much that he passed out. You know, that's love. And that's.
That's adoration. He literally, I took his breath away to the point where I asphyxiated him. So, but yeah, we've, we've just had, um, it's, it's been interesting. It's, it's like someone said it was worth waiting 724 days to see you. So they literally were counting how many days, uh,
since we canceled the tour. Yeah, I mean, it's a long time. I'm realizing that I'm going to see you in Toronto. Yes. I think that's going to be my first show since lockdown started. I'm trying to think. I went to a hockey game, but I think this is my first concert, which is pretty crazy. Yeah.
Well, I'm going to do my very best to make it a good one for you, Caitlin. I will not embarrass you. I won't call you out. I won't let you and Kyle come on stage and dance or, you know, think back. I'm going to get drunk and then you're going to have to escort me out and then I'll faint. Well, you know what? The more you drink, the better I sound. So just keep that in mind. Listen, we've got a few topics to get to today. Thank you for indulging me of my whining and complaining that the copper kettle crafter...
whatever it was, was closed. Right into passive responsibility versus active responsibility. Caitlin, I'm going to have you take this one. Explain to us what that is and how it's...
A marriage therapist took to TikTok. This is where the story kind of started. So yeah, I'll let you take this. She's a, yeah, I guess like a TikTok famous marriage therapist, relationship counselor. And she goes on to explain the number one thing that she sees her female clients complain about in their sessions together. And she breaks down the difference between passive responsibility and active responsibility in a marriage.
Active responsibility would be you looking around the house for things that you could do. Passive responsibility would be being available to help, but waiting for somebody to tell you what needs to be done. This is one of the top things that I hear from women as a complaint.
that their husbands are waiting for them to tell them what needs to be done. And they're really looking for a partner in life who is actively responsible for the house and for the children and not waiting for their wife to tell them what to do. Okay, so thoughts on that? I agree with it. And we talked about this on The Morning Show this week, and it was like a runaway freight train of women agreeing with this statement.
So, I think it's really cool because no one ever, I think the biggest thing we heard was that everyone was like, I never knew there was a word for this. And basically, it's interesting to see that women are all saying, you know, I'm tired of like nagging my partner. I'm tired of having to tell them what to do. And it creates this weird unhealthy dynamic. And it's not very romantic. Yeah.
I, which, which is cause you can see how that would happen. You're like, not your mom. Is that, yes, technically you're around to help me do stuff around the house or help with the kids, but it would be great if you kind of knew and just did it instead of me saying, Hey, we have to think about dinner. Hey, we need to go get groceries. Hey, like this is a mess right now. And you are always stuck in that role.
You know what? I'm just going to throw this out to the men of the world or the partners of the world, the people that are sort of on that side of the fence, vacuuming, walking dogs, doing dishes, taking out garbage, putting your stuff in the laundry hamper. This is foreplay. This is foreplay. This will get you sex. This will put you in a position. It will give you leverage in the bedroom. So if you decide to...
Be active to not, like you said, passive responsibility. If you don't have to be told to do something, my gosh, in any workplace, someone who is self-motivated and that can do things without, I mean, I'm not talking about, you know, trading $40 million worth of Twitter stocks without your boss knowing, but, you know, picking up the Hoover is
or unpacking the dishwasher without somebody having to ask you. Yeah, and we actually heard from a few male listeners who said that they noticed, you know, I have to get better at doing this because I don't act this way at work, but it is something that I need to start bringing home with me because at work, if your boss is always telling you what to do and having to nag you to do something and you're not taking any initiative, then you wouldn't get ahead. And so it was kind of an interesting brain wrap around there. Yeah.
It happens. You get settled into your dynamics. You get used to something. Oh, well, she's really good at this, so she always does it. And then it just sort of becomes this ingrained behavior. Next thing you know, you're in couples therapy, and then your therapist is talking about you on TikTok. You know, I was going to say what's so funny about this is that if you're going to TikTok for your therapy, the world has really changed in the last 20 months of where people are getting their therapy
I don't know, valuable, helpful hints for relationships. Anyhow, it was a very interesting story, but I think a lot of our listeners can relate to it. And, you know, maybe it's, you know, I don't want listeners writing us and going, you know, it's not just the guys. It's not just us. It's our wives too. So if you're in a partnership, maybe it's the other way around. I don't know. But it seems like from her experience that it's mostly men.
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And we are back. Jan Arden Podcast, Season 1, Episode 1017. No. 132. 132. Well, there you go. Not bad. Something has happened recently that I'm very proud of. I have suddenly become very fashionable, very trendy, very cool. I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
I never thought that I'd see the day. It's taken me six decades, but I am very trending right now. And that trend is, get ready for it, folks, Coastal Grandmother. What is that? Coastal Grandmother is a new trend. It's kind of like a summer fashion inspo, and there is a...
I would say like a social media celebrity commentator named Lex Nico. And she coined this. And she's not grandmother age. She's probably my age. But she said that she realized she'd watched so many Nancy Meyers and Nora Ephron movies that she started kind of embodying these lead female characters. Hey, giant feet.
Yeah. Diane Keaton in, I think it was, what is it? What's the, in everything basically in everything, but I'm forgetting the name of the, of the movie that she's in with Jack Nicholson. It's not something,
Something's got to give. No, that's not it. That might be it. They're all kind of melting into one name for me right now. You guys know exactly what movies we're talking about here. Yeah. It's, you know, the middle-aged woman, romance late in life, hasn't been kissed in six years, and is swathed in oversized sweaters and comfortable cotton cropped pants with
flat shoes that you could walk a million miles down the beach. Of course, a scarf to hide the rings around your neck and a little bit of, you know, gobbler neck and lines or whatever. But, but the big floppy sunglasses, your hair is back in a, in a, in a loose knot with, with a, you know, fray sticking out around surrounding your framing your face. Yeah. And,
a little bit of lip gloss and a comfortable bra with no underwire and probably a sweater vest with Kleenex in a pocket. And he could perhaps even have comfortable jeans with rubber boots on. This is coastal grandmother. Yeah, and it's coastal vibes. So whether that's East Coast on the ocean or it's West Coast on the ocean, you know, if you're really just into a nice curated home and cozy,
and cooking and Ina Garten videos, then you're... Ina Garten is big Coastal Grandmother. For sure. And you're right. It is something's got to give. You were right, Jen. That's the one. You were right. I was like, as good as it gets? No, that's not it. Anyways, but it's all these movies. 2003 it came out. Very good.
So everyone's calling this like coastal grandmother summer and you can see it in fashion. JLo was kind of wearing these like big linen suits and Hathaway was seen in this monochrome outfit with a big straw hat on and it looks like they're styled for a Nancy Meyers film.
So it's very popular and it's kind of very cozy. And I just think it's the most hilarious fashion trend I've seen come out in a long time because we all know these characters. And many of us, myself included, grew up watching these rom-coms. Well, I mean, I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror at some point in the day.
And I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I'm just like, oh my God, once again, I look like a 15-year-old man, boy, boy child who should have a skateboard under his arm because I've got flat tan sneakers on today. I've got khaki pants on.
I've got a ripped t-shirt and I had an oversized long white jean jacket. So when I knew we were doing the podcast today, I mean, I didn't do it on purpose, but I thought, oh my God. And I was going to throw this scarf on because it was cold in Summerside, Lehigh this morning. And then I put sunglasses on and I had a bun in my hair. And I just thought, this is perfect. But this is how I've been dressing for 20 years. Mm-hmm.
It's very comfortable. It's comfort forward because, you know, you hear about there's like Hawkgirl summer. That's one kind of summer you can have and probably a heck of a lot more revealing. But for those of us that just want to wear linen and talk about our hydrangeas and watch Ina Garten, you also have Coastal Grandmother, which is now in style. We're aggregating all of the content that's going around on TikTok, so you don't have to because my heavens, there's a lot of it.
Do you think trends are kind of going out the window? I mean, I know everyone's trying to be in fashion and things get really hot and they get hard to find. There'll be a certain something that, you know, Kate, you know, Princess Kate will wear and nobody can find this frigging red dress anywhere in the world and they're trying to copy it. And like, is it, did COVID kind of have us all turn corners on fashion?
What is fashionable? Yes, I have my own. It's a pajama pandemic. That's what it's still there. Yes, it is the sweat pants stuff. But I feel like people have really realized how little they need to go down
be in the world or especially when you're working from home. Yeah. Fashion is definitely a lot more chaotic than it was before the pandemic. It was already kind of heading in that direction because streetwear had taken over so much that so many things became crazy. Like sneaker culture just blew up.
And then when the pandemic hits, nobody wants to get dressed up anymore. But I think we're going to see a small return to it. And we already are with restaurants in New York City. This was another thing that was going around, this story circulating online this week of a couple of very trendy restaurants in New York that when you made a reservation are sending you a text and they're coming and telling you about their dress code now. So they're saying...
Yeah. And no, no skid marks on sweatpants. You got to have like a dress on. Yeah. Well, they were, you know, they don't, they don't want you to wear blue jeans. They don't want you wearing, you know, cargo shorts, sweatshirts, all that stuff. And they don't want you wearing under no circumstance are you to wear flip flops. And I was like, well, I kind of respect it.
I mean, jeans, I don't know, because jeans can look really sharp. So I think it would be up to them to decide. But I think it's this general feeling of like sluggishness. And Jan, you circled in on this when you were in Europe saying that their dressing was very different than ours. Yeah.
And it's not so focused on just sort of whatever you've got on walking around shoes. And I would like to see just a little more, and I'm not saying fancy, uncomfortable clothing, but I'm saying like a pulled together look. It would be nice to see more of a pulled together look happen for people when they do go out for a meal to a nice restaurant. If you're just going fast casual, then who cares? Wear your Lululemons. But these are nice restaurants. And I think they were getting tired of people showing up in cargo shorts and flip flops and baggy golf shirts.
and saying, like, well, this isn't really our vibe. Like, this isn't what we want. It doesn't surprise me that I think there's going to be a real pendulum swing back to,
I don't know, call it civility. I mean, the one restaurant is when they're saying, listen, we're going to remind you of what you do need to wear. And gentlemen, if you don't have a jacket, there will be a vintage Yves Saint Laurent jacket provided to you to throw on. You know, you don't have to wear a tie, but I feel like everything's going to swing the other way now. All this casual, casual, casual flip-flops. Do you know how many men I saw in the airport today doing sliders with socks? Yeah.
No. I was just going to say air travel. Again, we talked about this topic on the morning show and we had so many airline employees text into the show and say, I've worked for Air Canada or insert whatever airline here for, you know, decades. And the decline I've seen and how people present themselves when they are getting on an airplane is wild. And it's true. It is unbelievable.
They wear pajamas and bring plastic take-out containers filled with food. And it's just like, I can't handle it. It gives me travel anxiety. I have enough of it as it is.
But just when you see somebody walk on with a big pile of takeout food in a plastic bag and they're in their pajamas, I can't sit next to this person for five hours on a flight. I can't do it. It's too much for me. But are sweatpants okay? Sweatpants. No. Sorry. I'm over the sweat. No. Unless they are really, really beautifully –
I don't want to see sweatpants either. But the amount of the sliders with the socks. That I don't do. And just, you know, and then this guy was on his phone.
speaking so loudly and Chris is looking at me and he's rolling his eyes. He's like, I, you know, I just, he says that bugs me. And I said, I know. He said, does he have no spatial awareness whatsoever? Like I don't, I don't get it. And I didn't understand it either. And he just looked, I wondered if he could see himself. Maybe I'm just being an a whole person.
Cause I, I just, I just didn't like it. I didn't like what he had on. I didn't like his glasses or he was doing a guy Fieri and his glasses were behind his neck and,
hanging on his ears the mirrored kind of aviator thing yeah we know the look you know the look right you see it coming my husband was next to a woman on a flight and she was doing the thing where you talk into your phone so he was stuck everyone stuck listening to both sides of the conversation so she's just on speakerphone i was like this is just etiquette this is just manners you're listening to the jan arden podcast we have so much more to vent about don't go away
Welcome back to the Jan Arden Podcast. I'm with Caitlin Green, Atom R Engineers here as well. I'm in Montreal and everybody is in their respective homes. Listen, it's...
We've gone from talking about weddings last week, which I got so many fun comments from people talking about their destination weddings and going to them and the pros and cons and getting bridesmaids dresses and how much they were spending and how terrible the food is sometimes at weddings. We didn't really talk about that. Oh, yeah.
Wedding food. Yes, wedding food. And you're going – I remember being a kid and you had two choices. It was the chicken or the fish. It was like being on Ward Air. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. And it is sometimes like airplane food. And again, having gone through pricing it out, what they charge you for the airplane food that you get at a wedding is –
crazy making. So again, why we chose a destination wedding the way that we did, because I was just like, I'm not interested in spending this much money for a plate of food that I know my guests aren't even really going to enjoy. And then enter Italy. What is the average that people spend on a plate of food? I don't know if you had looked into that, but are people doing like $25 plates for a meal at a wedding?
Yeah, I bet you it's gone up because I don't know what the food... Holy hell. I forget because the food, everything was just rolled into like a per head cost for us. And, you know, it included an open bar and it included obviously everything else that comes along with someone attending a wedding and being in the venue, blah, blah, blah. But, you know, there are, that's why when people talk about giving wedding gifts, the idea is that you're trying to help the bride and groom cover the cost of you attending. So all of a sudden, if you're sitting here and thinking, okay, it's $125 a head.
right, for somebody to attend the wedding, then you're like, oh my gosh. And it's probably gone up. I'm probably low. I mean, I think it really varies. I think that's low. I think it's way more than that. Yeah. If you're in Toronto, it's a lot of money. These venues really gouge people. And so they see you coming because they know it's a wedding and they're really going to take advantage of it. Oh, I bet. That's why we left. I wanted to bring this up.
and to see what you guys thought of it. So I had a friend of mine that got married. She's from England. And she finally met the guy of her dreams in their 40s. He is a professional chef.
So he sort of had these really cool ideas. They had no money. They just bought a house. They have a dog. You know, they're just up to their eyeballs in expenses. But they wanted to have a lot of their friends. They wanted to have a good party. You know, when you're 45, you've got a lot of friends and pals that you want to celebrate. Now, this is pre-COVID.
So they had 200 people. This is in downtown London. I think they just rented a big empty hall. And what her husband had sort of set up was food stations. They had everything. He hired all these vendors that he had known and worked with. So they had chicken and waffles. They had hamburgers and things. They had Yorkshire puddings and roast beef. They had vegetables, all the stuff.
And what they did is you came in and you bought your tokens. You got little tickets to go around to get your drinks, your wine, everything. So people came in and literally like, I'll take 20 tickets. And it was like a fairground. The Yorkshire pudding and the roast beef were nine tickets. The chicken and waffles were three tickets. A beer was two tickets. And they made, drum roll please.
3,000 pounds. Oh, wow. So that's a, they said that they drank, their guests drank so much. They ate everything. Everything was eaten and drank. But I thought I loved that idea.
Yeah, it's one of those situations where you then, you know, you're hopefully factoring in that not everyone's necessarily going to give you the same kind of gift because they're paying to be there, basically, right? Yeah, we are. Yeah, and so if it's just this big fun food fest, then great. I mean, it really just depends on the people and the vibe and the venue and the food and, you know? Well, they basically had a food court, right?
Yeah. I just thought it was a great idea. Okay, now we've talked about being, we've been talking about weddings and being in a partnership. Well, there's also us singletons out in the world and cuffing season.
Have you heard of this before, Jan, or is this a new term for you? This is the second time that I've heard cuffing season in the last frickin' two weeks. So what I wanted to ask you, Caitlin, is was this like, has there been articles all over the place? Once again, what is it? I want you to explain it to us and...
How can I survive it? Cuffing season has been around for a while. People have been talking about this for a few years. And it's the term, I think it started with all the dating apps. And it's the term for getting into winter. Because winter is when people aren't going to go out as much. You want someone to hang out at the house with you. You want someone to be cozy with. So they say, you know, once fall starts to come around, you're like, ooh, we're coming close on cuffing season. And so all these people will get into relationships.
to literally hibernate together. Then you have uncuffing season, which is now. So all those relationships that maybe you thought might work out, they thought this could go long term, it's not going to. Your winter relationships are thawing. And now...
you are looking around and saying, I might want to get back out there. And I think a big uncuffing season is happening because it's the world as we're learning more to live alongside the pandemic and things are opening up again and people can go out more and they're traveling more and they're getting drunk at Jan Arden concerts. And so I think I'm seeing people break up. They're saying that their relationships are ending or they're maybe the one doing the breaking up and they're kind of loving it. And it is a bit,
There's something in the air, even in Toronto, Adam. I don't know if you feel the same way, but like patios are busier. People are just... Absolutely. My single friends are going out a lot more and I have some newly single friends and they have uncuffed themselves and they are having the time of their life. Well, I mean, don't you think you know if something is going to work out? Within a few months, am I being really...
naive here. I just feel like people are more savvy because of dating apps, because of this rapid fire meeting people. You know, you make, people are making decisions in 20 minutes over a coffee. He's not for me. She's not for me. You know, we won't gonna, we're not going to be doing this again. Like I'm still mind boggled when people are engaged for 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. Does that still happen? Um, but I think that like, I think,
I think now, you know, it's that balancing act between the easy access of swiping on people, which can become problematic and can make dating seem really intimidating for single people because they just feel like, you know, the grass is always greener syndrome is going to make it undesirable to be on all these apps.
But yeah, I don't know. I'm just I'm kind of getting a kick out of seeing everybody live their single life again, because in the pandemic, I think coughing season lasted a long time because no one could go out. I still can't even get over it. It sounds very S&M. It does sound very S&M. I mean, take it however you want.
Whatever blows your skirt up, as Jan likes to say. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But Jan, you always talk about how nice it is to be single. And seeing my friends and some of my friends enjoy their single life again, you know, you're like, yeah, there are some perks. Yeah? Yeah. Having the entire bed to yourself. Eating a huge amount of your favorite whatever without somebody else's hand going into your bag of Chicago Mix popcorn. You know? Yeah.
you know, going out with your friends whenever the hell you want to. Right. Without checking in with somebody, without those constant... And yeah, there's something really nice about that last phone call of the day, but I also have really great friends that I FaceTime at night or text or, you know, are you going to bed or, you know, what are you reading tonight? Like, I've got lots of those friends. You know, money. Not splitting up your cash. Like, having...
not being treat doing triage all the time or, you know, I've been in relationships. I don't know about you, but where I've made people's fricking car payments for a year and a half. Oh wow. But I wasn't married. I wasn't, you know, engaged. I'm just like, Oh my God, seriously, you're not, you don't have, I mean, this is 20 years ago, but still what a pain in the arse. Yeah. I think it becomes that you just, you realize you don't have to check in with someone and ask for their permission to do things. And you kind of get to live your life a little more freely. Yeah.
Well, I'm still advocating for singledom right now. I'm sorry that I missed cuffing season. I'm glad that I know about it and I'm going to be on the lookout. Listen, I was hoping to meet my wonderful mate at the copper kettle, the copper craft. They jammed you. Copper branch. Copper branch. I was hoping to meet, I hope there was hope, you know, somebody behind the counter. Anyway, you're listening to the Jan Arden Podcast. Yes.
And don't go away because we've got so much more to talk about today. You're not going to want to miss this. We're back. We're back. We're back. Adam? Yes? Adam, I don't care what you said. During the break, Jan Arden Podcast, by the way, welcome. Adam's like, not even gray sweatpants? No. No effing gray sweatpants. I mean it, Adam. They're clean.
No one gets points for not wearing dirty clothes. You're an adult. You don't have to care about fashion, but there are some great looking casual pants that don't have to be the drawstring, sorry, Costco version of... And don't you want your bum to look good? Yes, they're roots. I mean, they're nice sweatpants. That's around the house. Yeah.
If Roots would like to sponsor us, we will advocate for your sweatpants. I need a stylist. I want, like, just because, you know, I think there are kind of athleisure. Athleisure moved into the main space so heavily that there are... Athleisure. Athleisure. That there are options now. And usually your options are going to be, I don't have the right term for them, but you know how it's kind of like...
that swishy pant material. Yes. It's a step up. It's almost like a technical fiber and it has that nice weight to it. So, I mean, I'm sorry, but so you're not seeing the outline of people's crotch when they walk around, which is what happens to men when they wear cotton sweatpants. And it is an embarrassing look.
And so the thing with these kind of like black, heavier weight pants, they're still comfortable because if you have a long flight, I understand not wanting to be uncomfortable. You're not popping on a suit. Let's be real. But you can still look like you're not sitting on your sofa.
Caitlin, do you know what I thought you were just going to say? What? You launched into it. You can see the outline of a man's blah, blah, blah. And you said, if you have a long… I know what you're going to say. That's not what I was going to say. She headed here. If you have a long thing, then you're going to want to… Listen, Instagram… I'm going to play. Anyone that goes on Instagram a couple of times a day, like I do. Sorry, I do. I enjoy it. Yeah.
The advertising that I get on my algorithm is so that athletic leisure wear that you were talking about. They are pounding the messaging and it's mostly to men. Upgrade your sweatpants. I see five different companies a day that are selling the idea. Yes, we know you want comfort.
But these are $129. They're good for travel. They're good for everything. And you will look nice. And you can actually throw a sweater on or a jacket and change your...
whatever those flip ding-dongs are, and put on a shoe and you could go to a New York restaurant and be acceptable. This is the thing. It really comes down to just like, you know, you know when you've put some effort in and you know when you don't. And I think that there's this notion that people can't tell, and I'm here to tell everyone that they can.
And everyone knows the difference. I'm not trying to sweatpant shame people, but I feel like I've been really nice about this for a few years and we've slid too far down the rabbit hole. And now we need to find that balance again where everyone looks like an adult when they go out. Does dress for success still exist? I think so. Okay. Well, when you have an entire generation of people that have been working at home for 20 months,
uh they feel like they don't have to impress anybody i mean we saw so many faux pas the last couple of years of people not wearing their pants just having a suit jacket and their sweat their shirt on for their zoom meetings and you know some people that didn't have any pants on at all that were like nudes sitting there talking to their colleagues but i don't you know i hope it like we talked about in the last segment i hope it does swing back to a point where
people are using part of their wardrobe they haven't even looked at for so long. I'm very proud of myself. On the tour that I'm on right now,
And I thought a lot about fashion and about getting new clothes for every time I go and do something, a job. It's embarrassing. I walk into my closet and I have so many clothes. It's from photo shoots. It's things that don't fit me anymore. I'm too big for them or they're too small for me. You know, whatever. There's so many reasons to have all these clothes in your closet. My entire wardrobe, with the exception of a belt, is
a vegan belt that Chris ordered for me off of Amazon for $19. Hey, yeah.
It's everything out of my closet, guys. Oh, that's very, I guess, environmentally friendly of you in a way. Boots, skirt, jacket, everything. And, you know, it's funny that we're talking about this. As I was going through looking at things that might work, you know, to be on stage that could be bedazzled or something, I was like, oh, my God, I just do not need this stuff. I haven't seen...
I have not thought about this jacket for five years. Not two years, not one, five years. I haven't even, I'm like, I forgot I had this. I think also too, you probably bought, because you knew you were going on tour and you were buying these things for a reason back when you got them, that you invest in them a little bit. And it's not to say that they're crazy expensive as you just outlined with your Amazon belt, but they work for like everything. They're interchangeable for everything in your wardrobe. It's black stuff.
Yeah, it's black stuff. Let's be honest. It's the Toronto uniform. And people admonish me that all the time. They admonish me for, you know, why don't you wear some color? And I always just know that it does hurt my feelings a little bit. Like I'm not this person that is completely devoid of feelings. I do have them, but I get so many critiques about wearing color. And I'm just like, why do you want to do that to me? For one thing,
On stage, black actually works really great with lights. It does. It's not distracting. And it, I don't know. I won't even get into that. But sometimes I just feel like people think I have no idea.
But I get that a lot about the color thing. Yeah. You will pry black clothing out of my cold, dead hands because I do love it. But I know that I also really, when I do incorporate color into my wardrobe, I always say to myself, why don't I do more of this? But it's a lot to wrap your head around. And people do fall into a uniform. And everyone has their little uniform. And I think that's why sometimes I have to like re-evaluate and go, okay, I have fallen way too far down my own uniform rabbit hole of,
jeans, some kind of a nice jean, a pulled together white shirt, sneakers or like easy shoes like loafers or something like that. And it's just I stop having fun with it. And then every once in a while, I'll go out and buy some color and take some risks. And I always enjoy it. What did you wear to get married?
I wore a wedding dress. I wore a white, white silk gown, uh, and had some lace. It was like lace was around. Oh, there's lace detailing throughout, but it wasn't all lace and it wasn't a big puffy dress. I'll say that. Um, if you had to do it all over again, if you and Kyle had to do it all over again, would you do the same thing? Would you have done destination? Would you have done it that way? Is there anything you would have changed? Um,
I definitely would do the exact same destination. I would go to the exact same place. I would do all of that the same. I would maybe change the dress. And I thought that I was, for how much wedding dress can cost, I went very, I went low. I went affordable because I thought I'm only going to wear this for eight hours, even still. Yeah.
You only wear it for eight hours and it drives me up the wall. We talked about this again on our other show, my other show that I work on this week. And Marilyn was like, but you look so beautiful in your dress. I think, I don't, I don't think you should regret it. It was so great. The photos were so beautiful. But I just think of, I went to her wedding and she wore this really beautiful suit. It was like this white, cool suit.
And as a result, you know, it separates. And so she can wear it again. And I just wish, and my husband, obviously he had like a custom suit made. He looked fabulous in it and you can wear that again. So I do regret the outfit to an extent. Well, listen, we have covered the gamut of getting married, coughing, reusing clothes in your closet, getting rid of sweatpants,
But I feel cleansed. I feel somehow like we have tackled some big issues. We are clearly coming out of where we were at. Everybody go through your closet. Go through your damn closet and throw on. You know why people are wearing sweatpants still? They're scared to try on their jeans because they're like, these aren't going to fit me. And that's what I'm afraid of. I'm like, I looked at a pair of jeans the other day. I'm like, I don't want to do it because then I'll just be sad.
So I'm going to go with what I know is fitting me right now. Yeah. You know, the transition back to hard pants, I respectfully understand that it's difficult, but we're going to have to make it. And it's just a size. Who cares? It's just a number. Exactly. Thank you, Caitlin. You're listening to the Jen Arden Podcast. We love you. Subscribe to our channel. That way it'll pop up. Okay. Totally do.
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