Remembering Tina Turner & Special Guest Gavin Crawford
47:23 Share

Hello from summertime in Alberta. Hello. It's Jan Arden. Yeah. I'm here with Sarah Burke and this is the Jan Arden podcast and show. The smoke has lifted for now. We had a good couple of days of rain and I can see the mountains today and mother nature put out with the help of some very brave fricking firefighting experts, put out like 26 fires today.

There's still 20 burning out of control. There's still 10,000 people that are displaced and have had to evacuate. Things are looking better, but by God, depending on how the wind blows,

It's nuts. Like within an hour, the smoke rolls in and it's dumbfounding. It really is so end of days. Anyway, on to bigger and better things. I want to get an update on what's happening with the wedding. It's getting closer. And has there been any more drama with your sister or the bridesmaids? I love how we're opening with this today. No, I was a week ahead of myself. So

It's next, next weekend. So we have one more show between now and then. I really wasn't planning discussing this today, but I'll have you know my sister and I, she's been very kind to me this week because I am going through a breakup. You are? I am. So she's been really great like reaching out, which, you know, the week of her wedding, she's got a million things. You just went to Nashville. It's true. You just had like the...

summertime fun trip to Nashville and eating stuff and seeing music. What happened, Sarah? Are you not putting out? I'm kidding. No, what's happening? I'm very sorry. No, no, it's okay. I'm actually in good spirits, but I feel sad for the loss of the relationship, of course, because this is a person I've been friends with for a really long time. Yeah. I'm hoping that we can get back to that.

But, you know, I've been struggling with the amount of time that it takes to be in a long distance relationship. He lives two hours away.

And it's not that it's that long. You've probably been in longer, long distance relationships. All my relationships have been long distance. Yeah. It's really hard. It's hard. I enjoyed the independence, but just the amount of time like going back and forth. And I was thinking about the summer and the cottage and all these things. And I just realized like, I don't see the future. I don't see it. And as happy as I've been in the moment, and he's been very supportive. And like, believe me when I say we've had a solid relationship. I'm

I know in my heart, I don't see the future. So I can't, I can't drag someone through that. I can't bring someone to my sister's wedding, knowing that I'm feeling that way. I had to make the call. It was kind of itching inside me. And we did have a really great trip in Nashville and I feel terrible. So, but maybe that was the trip in Nashville going, this isn't sustainable. And this is all that we really have to look forward to is these two, three day getaways when we are sleeping in the same bed and nobody has to rush home or,

I'm really sorry. That's it is. It's so hard. Summertime breakups or springtime breakups. Summer isn't actually till the 20th of June. So I guess we're still in spring.

But you know, it's a grown up decision, right? I felt like it was selfish to stay in the relationship because it was like status quo. Nothing was wrong. We didn't have a big blowout. It was just a feeling inside that was itching at me. So my sister though, isn't that funny how she stepped up in this time, even though we've had like, you know, kind of an awkward few months. It's really nice. When it comes down to it,

Your family is your family. And sisters, as complicated as they must be, I don't have one. I have two brothers. But anyone that I know that has sisters, it's the most complex, up and down, love-hate, revenge-repair, triumph-and-tragedy kind of relationship. That's true.

But when it comes right down to it, there she is. She's standing by you and go, I got you. No matter what happens, you're heartbroken and you can lean into me. Yeah. Even though I've got a wedding coming up. Gosh, when you first said the word breakup, I thought, oh no, it's her sister. Like I didn't go to you because I haven't really heard any disparaging remarks or complications with your relationship. It's been pretty smooth sailing. Well, anyway. I want your opinion on one thing. Okay. So-

So going back to my sister's wedding, so I've decided to remember the boundary that I'm going to do my own hair and makeup before and then meet up with everyone after. So if I show up with my hair and makeup done and she sees me and knows that I'm not capable of doing such nice makeup and such nice hair, will she know that I hired someone separately and will she be offended or is that okay? Yeah.

So you're thinking of hiring someone to do your hair and makeup. But it won't be her person. Yeah. Absolutely do it. It doesn't matter. And you know what? Don't concentrate on the minutia. She's going to be far too busy thinking about her. This is her day. She might look at you for like a hot second and go, wow, that's really good makeup. I bet you she didn't do it. And then she's going to move on because she's going to have... Yeah, yeah. Her girlfriends are going to be there. There's going to be lots of nerves and...

Yeah, get your damn hair and makeup done. Her maid of honor sent a message asking us to upload photos from the bachelorette weekend because she's making a scrapbook of things. And I was like, the only photo I have, I'm wearing my Toronto Maple Leafs jersey against her wishes. Remember, she asked me to change into my evening attire, which was supposed to be, we're all wearing black, bride was wearing white. So I'm like, I'm just going to bow out of this one. You rebel you.

You absolute rebel. Okay, enough about me. I'm in the hot seat here. What's going on with you over there? You just had Cynthia Loyst over for a little hangout. Cynthia was here. She was here for four nights. We always have a great time. We have lots of laughs. We just buy a bunch of fun drinks from like the grocery store, like new virgin mojitos or just kooky nutty drinks. And we have that and we buy a copious amount of chips and

just like treat things. But we also like have veggie platters and Cynthia made a really amazing curry. I made the coconut rice. We sat outside, we went to, she loves a store here called Vespucci. Shout out to Vespucci. It's consignment. I love it because it's the antithesis of fast fashion. It is gently used clothing or very well loved clothing that's been cleaned and hung on the racks. It's designer stuff. And it's, you know, perfect. Yeah.

these clothes should really last another 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Not being part of sort of that gap mentality where it's so easy to get caught up in three t-shirts for $15.99. Right, right. But then you think at what human cost is this? And I don't know enough about it to certainly comment at this point, but Bespucci is in Calgary. It's also in Toronto.

And, uh, it's sort of a spell the way it sounds V E S P U C C I. The girls are great. There's always a lineup for the dressing rooms. I bought two black t-shirts, a black shirt. Everything's black. I love it. I'm not kidding. I don't know how it happened. Tiffany Pratt. If you're listening to this, you'd be so disappointed with me. Is that your stylist? Um,

No, she's the queen of color. Tiffany Pratt has been on Project Bakeover. She's an extremely talented interior designer. She is a director. She's a writer. She's an artist. She is the most filled with joy, lovely person. Look her up on the internet and follow her on Instagram because it's filled with pure joy. But anyway, yeah, she was here and then she left and then there was a huge void in my life.

That's always the worst when the friends leave, hey? Yeah. Well, I'm just going to share this with you guys because I did Cynthia and Josie's podcast a while ago, and it was about rumors. That was sort of the theme was about rumors. And the rumor was one of them, Cynthia had various people coming up to her. This is years ago. Okay. So everyone keep that in mind.

And the rumor was, are you seeing Jan? Is Jan your girlfriend? She heard that rumor. I'm like, what? And I was just like, you know, really taken aback. And I'm like, well, hubba hubba, like not such a bad girlfriend to have if you're asking me. So fast forward. Anyway, we talked about that on Unmentionables, their podcast, a little shout out to Unmentionables. So we're sitting out having tea on my side deck and we're watching the river going by. And she goes, did I ever tell you that Jason...

Ask me. That's her husband. Yeah. Jason or her partner. I don't know if they're legally married, but they've been together for over 20 years. He said, if you're sleeping with Jan, I don't want to, I don't want to know about it. Ah,

spit my tea out across my dog's head. I'm like, you're just telling me this now. And I love Jason. Like I have a low grade crush on Jason. He's very handsome. He's my size. He's not, he's not like a huge muscle building guys, like really fit. He's beautiful. And,

And he's artistic. Anyway, so I'm thinking of all the millions of times that I've been sitting at their house having sushi or having dinner and where they're having tea afterwards or they're having a glass of wine. And we're just having these great conversations. And this whole time over all these years, now I'm thinking to myself, if you're sleeping with Jan, I don't want to hear about it.

Oh my God. That's so funny. So Cynthia Loyst, oh my God, we laughed. She laughed her head off. She goes, no, he was really like, it was way back in the day. It was like, it was before...

I'm like, before what? I've only known you for like 10 years. Anyway. So funny. You know, speaking of podcasts, your tour manager, Chris, he recently put me in touch with some of your pals, Tommy Smythe and Debbie Travis, and their podcast, which I've been working on with them, launches on Monday. So maybe we can give a little shout out to Tommy for that. Tommy and Debbie Travis, two amazing artists, two people that have...

Between the two of them, they could start a vineyard, milk a cow, design a hair salon, make spaghetti, design shoes. I mean, between the two of them, they really are multi-skilled. Those two should be a team in Amazing Race, right? I like that. Their podcast, this is the name they settled on. Trust me, I'm a decorator.

It's just kind of fun and cheeky. And we have a great guest on today. Gavin Crawford is going to be joining us. And I'm going to tell you all about him when he gets here. I'll probably do his introduction right in front of him to make him blush because he's done a lot of things. He's incredibly funny and touching and smart. He's a writer. He's everything. So imagine my shock and everyone's shock to see the immediacy of every news outlet on the planet within seconds of the passing of Tina Turner.

The iconic rhythm and blues, rock and roll hall of famer passed away from a long illness. Her family is saying she's 83 years old. She was 83 years old.

And it's so weird because you just think of those people as, you know, people like Tina as so timeless. Maybe like an hour ago, we just heard this news before hopping on the recording. And when did you discover Tina Turner? Tell me. My phone was just going bing, bing, bing, bing. I know that she has been sick for a while and I just watched her, an amazing documentary on Tina. I watched it at Christmas time actually when I was in Dorset. I watched that too. Yeah. Just unbelievable. Yeah.

Obviously, her early years with Ike Turner are very well documented. The abuse and just what she endured being with him and how she not only survived that, but obviously went on quite late in life, like in her late 30s and 40s when the Tina Turner wig went on her head.

And she came out with that album that just flipped the world upside down. Private Dancer. Yeah, Private Dancer. I mean, I remember hearing What's Love Got To Do With It just on pop radio here in Calgary, just driving down the road. And I was this white kid from the prairies. I really didn't know a lot about Tina Turner. And when she hit mainstream radio here in the prairies,

you know, that what's love got to do with it. I just, what I just, my hair stood up on, on my arms. And, and of course I ran out and got the album from the Calgary co-op. And I think, you know, it was every dime that I had scraped together to get this album, but I just played it over and over and over again. And, um, I just remember her jeans. I thought, Oh, I wish I had jeans like that and a little waist with a belt and that white shirt and

And just the rebranding of Tina Turner from this R&B star to, you know, someone who went on to change the face of women in rock and roll and the amount of respect that she had. It's amazing. Brian Adams, another guy that's had an amazing career, when he did that duet, It's Only Love, with Tina Turner,

I was just like, God, that's a Canadian guy singing, you know, It's Only Love with Tina frickin' Turner. Anyway, and then, of course, Mad Max came along, and the song Simply the Best came along, and there was just, there's so many Thunderdome, the stuff that she's left behind. I'm just rambling right now, but I'm really, it's always a bummer when somebody goes. I sent you a screenshot of this. This is one thing that, like, completely blows me away. She was the oldest woman at the time,

to land a number one single at the age of 44. Like, you know how hard that is at any age. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like when she got new management and when the wig went on,

And those little jean jackets that she had. And it was just like, it's never too late to reimagine yourself and to rise from, you know, the ashes. I think everywhere she went, even in the beginning of her career, obviously with Ike, he, he knew he, she was his ticket, you know? And,

They were trying to write music for Little Richard. And then she comes along and they're like, this is our Little Richard. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And a life well lived. I love that she went to Switzerland. I'm sure she was able to live there with very...

fanfare, literally. Just like a peaceful life. And just be, yeah, just be herself. I almost got a chance to see her Broadway show. Okay. Tina. And I remember her doing a bit of press about that and the young woman that portrayed Tina. There was pictures with her

standing next to her at the debut of this show. It was a number of years ago, but I wonder if that will get a big push again and we'll be able to see more of that. And you know, another thing that like really stands out about her career, especially from the documentary, you know, how long she actually wanted to leave Ike and do her own thing and the courage it finally took, like that process took her a really long time. And when she covered the CCR tune, which tune am I thinking of, remind me,

Proud Mary? She was talking about how even with the content of the song from CCR, how she was going over what was going on in her head.

Because of Ike and the relationship. And she felt sort of caged in that same way as per what CCR was singing about. And there's a lot of courage there, especially when you feel like someone else is responsible for your fame. So that was 1971. For anyone who's been in an abusive relationship or for anyone looking to reinvent yourself, look no further than the inspiration of Tina's story.

Speaking of, I don't know if you saw this, so I sent you a link to our little playlist we've been working on. Yes, our summer playlist. Jan's Summer Jams. We're working on something with the iHeartRadio team, so stay tuned because we're going to let you guys suggest songs for it too. And in the meantime, send us a DM, send us a voice note, we'll add to the list. Funny, I put a bunch of Tina Turner on there last night. Did you notice that? I did. I did.

I, uh, I'm, I'm really loving the, let me just tell you a few songs on our summer jams. Uh, Brandy, of course, which I was singing last week, heart of glass, iconic Blondie song, physical, Olivia Newton, John, hopelessly devoted to you. Anything from Greece, summer breeze, seals and crofts.

Big in Japan. You had the Tom Waits version down, but I was thinking Elphaville. The Elphaville Big in Japan. Like I'm going, did Tom Waits do? What the hell did he do? This is what's hilarious about the generations between us. Like I'm sitting there. I'm like, I feel like it's weird that Jan wants to put a Tom Waits song on here, but okay. Yeah.

Yeah, it's funny. Alphaville. When you're big in Japan. I'll get that updated for us. But you know what surprised me that you said to put on the list? Not in a bad way, but in a like, yes, you did. You're like, Blue Oyster Cult, Don't Fear the Reaper. Well, yeah. Blue Oyster Cult is, who knows what that song's about? I have...

I have literally no idea what that song is about. The fear of death. I'm not sure. But anyway, our list is getting so fun. Like right now I can just click onto this and I'm just jamming out in my house for sure. It's absolutely priceless. Jan Summer Jam. So yes, please send us your requests for the list and we'll keep adding to it. And as soon as we've got you a link for the iHeartRadio app to listen to the list, we'll put it out.

Yeah, that'd be great. Moving on, this is one of those shows that's going to have a million topics because there's, at any one point in the world, there's a lot going on. Bring it on. Presently, the Alberta election is happening. So early voting just started yesterday. I voted, went in and cast my vote.

There was no lineup. It was very peaceful and very quiet. I don't know what I expected. You were pre-voting, weren't you? I was pre-voting. I'm pre-voting. They have, and shout out to all the volunteers, the people that are at the polling stations and doing all that stuff. It's pretty impressive, the hundreds and hundreds of people that are needed to make these votes fair. And I

I have not missed a day voting since I was 18 years old. I got my little voter card in the mail today that I just checked before I came upstairs here because we have a Toronto by election coming up. You know, the whole John Tory thing. So, yeah. I guess we're allowed to talk about politics on iHeartRadio, aren't we? Just in our own way. In our own way.

I mean, I have my very huge opinions about things and I'm very vocal on Twitter. We love that. And yeah, I'm still driving by the signs, the NDP signs that have been adorned with penises and swastikas and, you know, things like that that are just so... Childish. I think I mentioned something about it on Twitter and I had this guy write me back. He goes, uh...

Their own party did that to their own signs. Lady, wake up. I'm like, oh my God. Have you been in your grandmother's basement for so long that you've just lost touch completely with reality? I don't worry about...

any backlash from these conversations because I know those people don't even listen to this podcast. So really. Yeah, there's people laughing along with us for sure. I think the point here though, is if Jan Arden, who has a very busy schedule and is always on the road, has time to figure out how to vote, then anyone can. Yeah. That's what I think. And it's important. My ballot took a couple of times to go through.

Because you just put a little black, you fill in the little tiny circle. They give you a Sharpie and you just touch that circle. And then it goes into this machine and it scans it and then it sucks the ballot in. And then it's really quite interesting. But the first two times I was rejected.

He's like, you might have to go do it again. And I'm like, I don't know if that's... I thought it was an X. It's a dot. The X has gone the way of the rotary phone. When you walk in there, I got to ask, are they like, oh my God, it's Jan Arden? A little bit. I think they're just looking at me like, oh cool, she's voting. I went with my friend Nadine's husband, Dave.

And he told me that he was just going to cancel me out. So we know what that means. I said to him, I said, I'll give you 20 bucks to lean my way.

And there was a few laughs and I'm like, I probably shouldn't be talking like that. He goes 32. I said, I don't have 32. I have a $20 bill. He goes, no, it's not going to happen. So anyway, yeah, go and vote, vote, vote, vote, be heard. That's what democracy is all about. You're listening to the Jan Arden podcast and show. We're going to be right back with our very special guest, Gavin Crawford and his new podcast. Let's not be kidding. We're going to tell you all about that when we come back.

We are so excited to welcome another new sponsor, our friends at Cove Soda. Have I pestered Cove enough to come and join us here at the Jan Arden podcast? I love them so much. They are Canadian, first of all. They are a natural, certified organic, zero sugar soda, which includes, get this, one big

Cove Soda

while putting a gut-friendly, guilt-free drink in your body. Cove Soda is available in 12 delicious flavors all over North America. So for our American friends, you can find it. They've got this fruity lineup that's fantastic. I drink those all the time. They've got the classic lineup if you like

A cola or a cream soda, root beer, yes indeedy. And they've got their limited edition summer flavor, which will take you right back to the second grade. You gotta try the ice pop one. Head to janardenpod.com to find out where the closest place to you is where you can go and buy Cove. Go right now!

Look who it is. It took us a lot of wrangling to get him here, may I say. You know, he's one of Canada's A-list stars. And we went to so many great lengths to track this man down and to find a moment to speak to him. Gavin Crawford, you're my friend because we started right out of the gate with just some heavy stuff. That's what we did. We just thought, let's do the heaviest stuff possible. Let's talk about Alzheimer's.

You probably know Gavin from The Sour has 22 Minutes, Because News on CBC Radio, or the Comedy Panel Show, however you want to perceive that. It's many things. I love that show. I listen to it all the time, and I've actually sent Gavin little notes. I've snuck into his DMs to say, I really effing love your show. Recently, he has launched a podcast, a brilliant podcast that is

going to help a lot of people. It's going to make you feel better about any issues you're going through with memory loss, Alzheimer's, dementia, that whole shit show that goes on with the people that we love. And it's called Let's Not Be Kidding. And it's on CBC Listen or everywhere you get your podcasts. Welcome, Gavin. I mean, I could go on and on and on about stuff. So where did this all start? Let's not be kidding. I mean, did you just sit down and go, oh, this is the most unfunny thing in the world and I'm going to do a podcast about it?

I mean, yeah, in a little bit of a way. I mean, you know, when you have entertainer brain, you're, you know, it's the worst thing that can happen in one way, but also you're, you know, you're just going through this sort of shit storm and then like,

you know, trying to pick out the corn out of your teeth. So you're trying to find like anything that keeps you going. And you and I, I mean, you were a sort of a big part of it and a large inspiration for me for doing the podcast. Cause we had been texting back and forth and you had been pretty public about what was going on with your mom and your parents, you know? So, uh, you know, and I was fortunate enough to know you enough to be able to slide into your DMS and be like, ah,

This is seeming really bad. I'm not sure how to navigate this, you know, and, you know, you could just text back funny things like it's a shit burger. It's a beyond shit burger and make me feel better about it.

And so I just kind of sort of started compiling like the little sort of weird and bizarre things. And I was like, I want to tell someone about this, but how do you tell people this? Because I found even in my own family, like I have four siblings, but we didn't really talk about it. We sort of dealt with what was going on. We didn't really like,

trade stories about what was going on. I don't know if it was like too close or whatever. And then I think the main impetus was I had started to forget like what my mom was like when she was like my cool mom, because I was so focused on this new lady and

And it was making me mad. And so I was like, I have to put this somewhere. And then CBC kind of approached me and was like, do you have any ideas for a podcast? And I was like, I love talking about musicals. They were like, they're like, no. But then I had written down this story about just the time that

My mom had just decided that Kyle, my husband, had invented the Christmas tree. When did it start? I don't know, because I think we missed it for like the first four years. I think it started four years before we realized it was on. From when we were aware to the end was probably about 10 years. But she had a stem cell transplant before that. So any forgetfulness, my mom's tricky. She'd just be like, oh, chemo brain, you know. She had a backup plan. She had a trick to be...

And, oh, God, she was tricky. Like, she came to Because News, like, well into when she sometimes didn't know who I was anymore. And I prepped the producers and everyone. I'm like, hey, my mom's coming. She might not know who you are. Like, you know, this is going on. It's fine.

She walks right up to my producer, Liz, like, it's great to see you again. Like no specifics, but like not one single person. Everyone was like, are you insane? Your mom seems fine. I'm going to start using that at parties. So good to see you. Yeah. Person that I don't know your name of. Did you do something with your hair? Yeah.

I've been doing that for years. I'm like, didn't we have so much fun? So Gavin just touched on anger, you know, because that's something I don't understand. I've never gone through this with a family member or anything. How did you guys both navigate the anger? I mean, badly at first, probably a little bit too jokely for me because the thing that made me the most angry is like there's a period where they repeat. My mother repeated the same thing every four minutes, like literally every four minutes for the whole thing.

day because she did not like quiet. So every time there was a lull in the conversation, she would be like, do you know the Birch Girls?

And then you're it's off to the races again. And I would just be like, didn't they join the army or something? Go fight in Croatia. And, you know, she'd be like, no, tell me the real story that I had heard a thousand times. But it did start to get like very, very frustrating. You learn tricks and you learn not to be the police. You learn not to correct. Yeah. My dad was the worst. Like she would be like, oh, like, I don't know if you know my son, Gavin. My dad was like, Jesus, Donna, that is Gavin.

He's sitting right there. You've got five kids.

And I'm like, dad, ixnay on the yelling yay. She doesn't know. And then my mom, very typical my mom fashion, would just roll her eyes and be like, ha, I have five kids with this body? Well. I wonder why there's so much shame around memory loss. It seems to be the biggest obstacle in fighting this disease. People hide it. And the people that are getting it are so ashamed and so embarrassed of not remembering it.

The goddamn address to send Christmas cards or a person's name or where they park their car, like when it starts. It's a weird thing, though. But like, if you don't remember things, then you don't remember that you don't remember things. So every time you don't remember an address for the first time, it's just a blip because to you, it hasn't happened yet.

14 times that day. It's like edge of tomorrow. Yeah. It's like happening for the first time. And you're like, what a weird thing. Like, why would I suddenly forget Pam's number? I've known Pam's number for my whole life. And you know, your kids are there being like, mom, you haven't known Pam's number since 1985. Yeah.

I don't know. I think it's frustrating and I think it's, and I guess it also just must be terrifying. Yeah. You got to laugh. I mean, if you're not laughing, you really seriously are crying because it's, it's like you said, who is this lady? Where's the other lady that, you know, looked after me when I was growing up. That's still my biggest thing is I, I miss my mom, but I'm not too sure her to miss. She's been,

dad for four years. And I can't get my mind around the actual mom because I remember the lady. Yeah. Well, they loom very large. Yeah, they do. You know what I mean? When you're a kid, your mom kind of cares for you a little bit or you call for some advice or to chat or whatever, but you're not constantly worried about them. But the new people, you're constantly worried about. I think for me, that was one of the reasons why

And what I'm really actually liking about having the podcast out in the world is other than like getting nice messages from people being like, this is really helpful or thanks. It's a chance for me to kind of be like, oh, yeah, there was a whole other lady that I don't want to get lost in here. And I like being able to present to the world like this cool mom that I actually really quite liked. What was she like, Gavin?

How was your mom to grow up with? What kind of a person was she? She was very, very funny. Like very dry, kind of Bea Arthur sort of sense of, she was like had Bea Arthur's caustic level with Betty White's kind of pretend innocence a little bit like,

So she would always like make dirty jokes and then pretend that she didn't understand the dirty jokes that she was making. You know, like we were at a restaurant and she said to Kyle once like, oh, you might like the rollover fruit slam. And we're like, mother. And she's like, what? It's got strawberries. We're like, you know what you're saying. You absolutely know what you're saying. I mean, I was a flowery, singy kid in Southern Alberta, like who had to go to judo and scouts and Mormon on top of that.

You know, so to have a mom that was always like, you don't need to be anything other than who you are was like, she was cool. She was independent. We went to New York and she when I was 16 and she let me run around all the city by myself. I went down to Soho and took an acting class, like audited an adult acting class. And my mom just went shopping, was like, OK, get a cab. See you at the hotel.

And we had never been anywhere like that, but she just trusted that I would be fine. I mean, 70s parents, like it was a very, it was a lot, a very different era. I know they're worried about the lug nuts on the handle of the kid carrier. You know, it's just like, I remember sitting in the steering wheel, sitting in the steering wheel as like a two-year-old with my dad driving and like rocking back and forth as the steering wheel turned to the right and to the left and

But we used to think seatbelts were the bane of our existence. Yeah, I was a human airbag, really, is what I was. The kid will die before anything happens to me. I'm sure that was on my father's mind. Is there a through line when you were talking to these guests about their loved ones that were suffering from this catastrophic change in people that they love? Was there a commonality with each person that you're like,

this is what they're experiencing, whether it's the fear or the anxiety, the frustration, correcting people all the time, or just literally throwing your hands up in the air because there's no one to help you. Yeah. I mean, I think that's a very common thing was like everyone's kind of at a loss because no matter how much sort of resources are out there, there's not enough help. Another thing is like everybody without fail, everyone I talked to is like, you know,

Do you think about if and when this will happen to you? Everybody who's gone through it sort of wears that little kind of like wondery badge of like, how will I deal with this?

Jan, you mentioned this a few weeks ago. You were like, you know, as someone whose parents have gone through this, like, of course, it's in the back of my mind at all times. I'm not scared about getting it. I worry about my friends. Yeah, I'm going to have a few months of like, where's my keys, Pam? What's Pam's address? And then I'll be fucking off to the races. I don't know where I'm going to be, but my friends are going to be like trying to shave my goatee off and keep me in underpants and figure out how to hook my brassiere and stuff like that.

That doesn't bother me. But in the back of my mind, mom started at 72 when she just sort of said really weird things. And there was just a little switch that went off.

And so I'm 61. I figure, well, maybe I got 11 years of normalcy. So yeah, I do think of that. Do you think of that, Gavin? Yeah, I do. Because I wonder whether or not I should write something down, like to be like, you know, here's the point where you can iceberg me, you know, if I can't walk and I can't eat and...

I'm just kind of sitting there looking at the window. Maybe that's okay. And I mean, the thing is, even at the end, it's so hard to tell because, you know, God, she loved a Timbie Timbit. A birthday cake Timbit was like the best thing in the whole world. So I'm like,

On one hand, you're like, most of the time she kind of looks a little scared and is a zombie looking out the window for the last little while. But then, you know, throw a Justin Timbib in her hand and she's, you know, like a very excited four-year-old. And you're like, well, I mean. I don't want to freak anybody out in Canada, but my mom and dad also loved a Timbit. I'm not making any correlation.

But I'm telling you, my dad, who really couldn't string a sentence together, would say ice cap. So I don't know. He liked an ice cap and my mom liked Timbits. And I think she just liked that you could eat 14 of them and still feel like, well, it's probably just one whole donut. So I have a question about the title of your podcast. Let's not be kidding. Where did that come from?

Um, that's just kind of my mom's catch all phrase that she used to say to kind of let you know that she knew she didn't really like to talk too much smack about things. She was like, my mom's kind of waspy that way. So she would just like, you know, if she would come and see a play, then I'd be like, you know, how did you like the play? And she would be like, well, I thought you were good. But you know, let's not be kidding. And then she would just leave it at that. Or, you know, she'd be like, what do you think of so it's a new boyfriend? She'd be like, well, I mean, you know,

He definitely seems handsome, but let's not be kidding. That's so great. She was just letting you know that she was seeing the full picture of what was going on. What's your takeaway from your experience with your mom? And was it a strain on your siblings? That's the first part of my question, because it was for me. I just seemed very contentious and

Nobody really knew what the responsibilities were. And the second part of my question is, what did you learn or what are you still learning? Maybe is the question. The answer to the first question is definitively yes. It's a super strain, partly because everybody's kind of accepting it and not accepting it to their own degree.

I have three sisters and a brother, all with wildly different personalities. I kind of tried to alter my relationship with my mom when I knew this was going through and just kind of like don't lay any problems at her feet. Whereas

Some of my siblings would be sort of treating it as if it was normal mom. And then that really seemed to exacerbate things. Like, stop telling mom your problems. Like, tell me them or something else. Like, I'll listen. It was definitely a bit contentious. Yeah. There's five of us and my mom got to the point where she would confuse one of us with the other one and say,

My siblings didn't like that very much. You know? Yeah. She gave away, she gave all of my sister's cutlery to the Salvation Army one day while my sister was at work. Oh God. She went through the drawers and boxed all of her cutlery up. Well, who's going to need this? Yeah. And everything. She came home and there wasn't a fork in the house. It was very funny. I gave it to the Sally Ann. Why is it just sitting in the drawer going to waste? I don't know.

I don't know what have I learned really. Maybe as far as the depth of your compassion and understanding and patience and all those things. I mean, I'm sure you are a changed person from the experience. It's scary as hell. I've learned that Kyle is much more patient than I am. That's what I've learned. Yay, Kyle! I've also learned that I have an incredible ability to disassociate.

Good one. Helpful. I can put myself in show must go on mode very easily and be like, I'm going to cry about this later. I still haven't really cried about it. I think I've learned how to cry properly. Instead of bottling it up, I now know to just put on like the saddest Andrew Lloyd Webber song or like who sings that Melissa? What Manchester that don't cry out loud. Don't cry.

My trick is that when I feel like crying, I just like, I start crying and then I start to sing like one of those kind of songs and like cry through it so hard that it starts making me laugh because it's so absurd to be like, don't cry out loud. And like when you try and power through and still sing, but just let the crying come, it starts to become so funny and then you feel a lot better. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a very fine line. Someone left the cake out in the rain is quite good too. Yeah, exactly. Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can take it. Because by the time you get there, you're like, no, no, no. It's the same muscles. So I just exercise both of them at the same time. And then I'm just like, I turn one into the other and it makes me feel a lot better. I mean, what else have I learned is it's not your fault that you can't do it. Yes.

A fricking man. It's not your fault. It's nothing you did. And you're doing the best you can, even when you're fucking it up. Everyone feels like if I could just, if I had a little more money, I could find a better care place. I could, if I just had this, I could, I'd be able to be there all the time. I wouldn't have to put them in this horrible place.

you know, Miss Peregrine's home for wayward ladies. It's not because you feel like a Roald Dahl villain, no matter what you do. Like you feel like you're just dropping them off at a place and there's just a Miss Trenchpole in the background being like, we take good care of your mother.

You're like waiting. As soon as you drive around the corner, they come back. All right, pushups, ladies. Let's go. I always imagine what mom did. She was only in the memory center for eight months. And she always said, well, dad bought this building. Look how the cities come up around us. I could see her getting a little lemon square and a small juice off of the

utility tray and she'd say something horrifically out of personality for her. She'd call the guy giving her the tea, the bastard. You bastard. And she'd eat her square and I'd be looking back at her like going, what did you say? And he'd be going, don't worry about it. Your mom's great. Don't worry. That bastard. I'm like, who is this? It was so crazy. Once we were at Thanksgiving and my mother who just...

Like always loved kids. All kids was the kindest person ever.

We're there and it was like my brother's kids and my sister's kids and they're running, you know, it's family Thanksgiving. And my mom finally at one point just looked over it and she was like, who the hell's kids are these? Like, for God's sakes, don't they have a mother? I just, I don't even know what to say. Listen, if you're going through this right now, you got to listen to Gavin's podcast. Let's not be kidding. It's on CBC. You can find it. It's also on all the other streamers. So if you're a person that's Spotify person or a iHeart or whatever that you're going to find it, let's not be kidding.

Let's not be kidding. And there's seven of them. Now, do you plan on doing any more? Because it's an endless topic and there's a billion people out there that would love to share their story. So is it, you're just going to, are you just going to leave us at seven? What, what, what the hell's going on? That story kind of wrapped up, but I guess there is ongoing stories. I hadn't really thought about it. There is definitely, I think let's not be kidding could be pretty much anything. I mean,

Maybe once my uterus drops, we can shift into that. Just bladder leakage or there's a million things we can go into the health care. Anyway, it's a brilliant series, Gavin. There's definitely things we can find to get about that we shouldn't. Find a way to laugh. But you are a really extraordinary interviewer, for one thing. I love doing it with you.

If you're just joining us, not doing it with Gavin, speaking with Gavin. It's also fun. It's a brilliant series and it's a really important thing to be talking about. You have to laugh, but it's so hard and it's so sad.

that it really takes your breath away sometimes. I know lying in my bed sometimes at night, I was just like, holy shit, I just, how do I unwind this? Or how do we go back? And there's no going back. But thanks for tackling something, especially for men. I think it's really, there's a point here that you're doing this. It's not

you know, this women's group from Balzac, it's Gavin Crawford and you have a profile and you have this star power and it's a very vulnerable place to put yourself in. So thanks for that. It is hard for people to talk about. And you're right. It is knowing just from my dad, it's, I think very hard maybe for men to talk about men. Men are weird anyways, but

Men are weird.

I couldn't watch any fictional things about it. Like I couldn't watch the father or away from her, any of those things. I was like, no, this is, I can't, it's not for me. It just leans into the sadness too much or the drama, but real people talking about their real experiences. I could actually hear, and that would actually help in a way that like watching a fictional. So I think that's why I sort of decided to be like, try to go like a little bit more real about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Figure out what the next part of let's not be kidding is going to be. Cause I'm, I'm all over it. Thank you from my little heart. It was very comforting to talk to somebody about this stuff. Everything you say on it is amazing and funny. And we're very grateful to have had you. Okay. Everybody, Gavin Crawford, you know where to find them. Listen to the podcast. We're going to have all the links and we'll have some pictures. We'll put up some really nice photos of Gavin that you can print off and we'll

frame and have in your bedroom. Thank you, Gavin, for being on the Jen Arden podcast and show. Thank you for having me. It was great being had. Isn't that what they say? Isn't that one of the...

Are you going out to vote now or did you already vote? I voted. I voted for the NDP. I don't give a shit if that's not fashionable to say. I voted for Rachel Notley and her team. It's very exciting to have an election in Alberta where you actually could go to bed not knowing the outcome. I know. It's probably the first time in 50 years. Because it was always like, and the winner is, we knew who was going to be, Peter Lougheed. Oh God, he got all the votes but three and they were people...

that were living in Canmore at the time and didn't know what they couldn't read. Even the weird NDP anomaly year wasn't that exciting because you kind of saw like the writing was on the wall and everyone knew that was going that way. But this time it's like you're I'm literally on pins and needles. I'm like, I don't know what's going to happen. My favorite thing is, though, whatever happens, my dad has to vote for a woman. Ooh. This time probably ever.

That is a true point. And that probably is history making right then and there is that we've got women. So we are inching forward, ladies and gentlemen, we're inching forward, but

But boy, could two more different women be at the helm of their respective parties? And I guess at the end of the day, folks, just voting, voting, it's a democracy. And believe it or not, whoever wins, I'm not going to whine about it. I'm not going to go off on it. I'm going to try and participate in my society, in my community.

And I live here. I haven't moved. I haven't left. Alberta's strong. Alberta's wonderful. I like it. Alberta's strong. Our guest today, of course, the indelible Gavin Crawford. He was so great on this hour. He has 22 minutes, but he's fantastic on Let's Not Be Kidding. We will see you guys next time, Sarah. We look forward to wedding updates.

We're sorry for what you're going through right now. I am. And thanks for sharing that with us. And yeah, breakups suck. It doesn't matter what happens. And now you can just breathe and do some stuff for Sarah Burke. That's what I need. Do some stuff for you. Maybe that'll free you up for you and I to go and have like a fun lunch when I get into town. Yeah.

Or a ball game or just something. Dad's waiting on your response. Dad is waiting. Okay. Jan Arden Podcast and Show, thanks to our listeners once again. Thanks for subscribing. Hit that button and you won't have to search for us week after week. And give us a little review. We wouldn't mind four stars, four and a half stars, five stars. It helps people find us. It really does. We will see you next week. Toodly-doo.

This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.