'Tis the Season
50:11 Share

Melt-offs on whistles and wimper mittens. Hi. I don't know the words to that song, but we thought that if I didn't sing the proper words that we wouldn't have to pay anyone to use them. Welcome. It's the Jan Arden Podcast and Show. Whiskers on mittens. And I'm here with Caitlin Green, Sarah Burke. We are doing all holiday, all festive, all...

candy and goblins. Nope, not goblins. That's not something that would fit into this thing. Hi guys. Hi. There might be some goblins on everyone's Christmas list this year. You never know. Why not? Why not? Do you want to hear something kind of funny that I've just, I'm staring at it right now, sitting in my living room. So this is, if this doesn't put people in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will. My friend's aunt, she has another job, but in her spare time, she makes these epic Santas, like these models of Santa. And she's,

She sells them at craft shows and the craft shows here in Ontario apparently have become prohibitively expensive to take part in. So she joins a craft show, spends like $400 of her own money to do so. Come on. Yep. To join a craft show. To join a craft show.

They might make $400 just having a booth. Highway robbery. So that's the thing. Now you have to make $400 in Santas in order to even break even. And she's just a nice woman. So my friend goes to the show. He stops in. His sisters are helping her work the booth. And they text him and say, you know, she's not selling a lot of Santas. The merch isn't moving. And he goes, okay, so I'll get down there. Gets to the sale. They've sold one Santa. And

And so he puts out an APB to all of our friends and says, hey, guys, if you want to do a good deed for Christmas and get on the nice list this year, my aunt is selling her Christmas Santas and it would be really appreciated if anyone bought one.

So we text out all of our guy friends to say, if you want to do a good deed for the season and wind up on the nice list, would you buy a Santa? It would really help my aunt out. And all of our guy friends in this group chat, which is usually dedicated to like talking about hockey or dumb jokes or drinking, they all bought a Santa. And it's the only way that his aunt broke even was by our group chat of kind of otherwise derelict friends getting together to buy these giant Christmas Santas. And now this Christmas Santa

It's nice, but there is an unsettling element to it because it's a bit of an old, like yellow bearded pair Noel style Santa. But Will is obsessed with it. My son cannot get enough of it. He points to it. He pulls at it. He wants to touch its beard. He's going to rip this thing to shreds. And it's like, it's my favorite feel good Christmas story of late. That's what it's all about as far as I'm concerned, because the one thing that I did want to talk about today is gift giving.

And doing things that are, I don't even know how to say this. Like sometimes you're buying gifts for people that I don't think you would normally buy them for, but the worry is, and you guys tell me if you've had this experience, you're in your room lying there at two o'clock in the morning and you're thinking, I know this person's going to buy me something. So tomorrow I have to make sure that I go buy something so that I have something for this person that's going to buy me something. And I'm already having that quandary.

I'm already going, I need to be preemptive. I don't want to disappoint anyone. And I just know it's going to be a problem if I don't do it. And it drives me crazy. I'm disappointed with myself. That you can't get off the hamster wheel of the gift purchasing or that you feel this way at all. Love buying gifts for people. Do not like feeling beholden. I don't like the idea of having to...

make sure that I have something to give to someone because I know they're going to get me something. And if you're standing there with nothing to give back in return, like my mom was so clever that way. And it was just because she couldn't remember everybody. And especially when you have kids and grandkids and, you know, family friends coming over. My mom bought stuff all through the year and had it downstairs where she kept the canned corn and the cans of tomatoes and the, and the pickled onions. And she would have rando things down there. Like,

bunch of picture frames that she'd buy at Winners, you know, that were $3.99. Well, it's always nice to throw a picture in there and hand that to somebody. And so I always have picture frames here.

And I have a little printer that I could literally go on my phone. And I would like getting a printed picture of something. But it is a quandary. But to be ready to not be embarrassed about not giving somebody something. You had to have experienced that in your lives. Oh, yeah. I just stacked up on gift cards. I was at Shoppers getting a card for my parents' anniversary on the weekend. And I just was like, well, I'll get three of those and three of those. And then I'm just stuck.

set for any awkward moments. Yeah. You purchase the gift cards in advance and you can also send e-gift cards. I have been such an idiot.

that I've done that in the moment where I will buy someone an e-gift card while I'm physically with them. And so they get like an email that says that they got a gift card for me while we're together. And I just think, but people like it because they're going to use it. So I think it's practical. Is there a little bit of a lack of sentiment perhaps? But it's just, it's hard to plan ahead like that. I do buy my cards in bulk. I buy

Christmas cards or birthday cards, I just have a whole whack of them sitting in a cupboard. And I also have a bunch of gift wrapping and wine bottle bags. And so that I always will have at the ready. Wine tends to be a bit of a foolproof one. Same with fancy candles. So good. Everyone likes a fancy candle. I do like a candle. Yep. I keep a stock of some fancy candles around. And I also find that they're one of those things that nobody really minds regifting. Like I don't care if it's a regift, if it's a nice candle.

So, but I mean, nice. I don't want a crappy one and I don't want like a one that smells like pie or something, but it really is just like fake pie smell. Chemicals. Yeah. I don't want a chemically one. It has to be a good quality candle and that I'll give out. So those things, yeah, have them laying around, but.

I would like a picture and I wouldn't care if somebody just printed it off that moment. I think that's kind of fun. Then there's almost a good story to it. But there are people though that, you know, go out of their way. Oh, I want to drop by because I've got something for you. So let's talk about this for a second. So I have a couple of people in my life that I don't know super well, but that it's always prefaced by people.

You know, when can I see you? Are you going to drop by? Can you drop by here? Or I'll drop by your place. We're going out that way anyway. I've got something for you. So now, I'm sorry. I'm just that type of person. I'm scrambling now and trying to find something in my house. Should I wrap up the dog? Like, what can I give? A garden gnome. You know, it's just that.

And that's where the picture frames do come in handy. I'm like, do I have a picture of us together? And, oh, I got you something too. And I do have candles here all the time that I buy. So I have a cabinet when you come in my back door that's filled with candles. So I can easily stick that in a bag. And thank God, I'm such a...

book-ophile? What is that called? Bibliophile. Bibliophile. I have a problem with books and I can't stop buying them. And I'm actually not going to live long enough now at 61. If I live till 90, I'm not going to be able to read the books I have. I know this. I know this. So I will reluctantly wrap up a book

I think, okay, I'll just rebuy this. And a book and a candle, I'm saved. Like that is my go-to. But the fact that I have to think that way, like what would you do? You tell me this. The person says, oh, pop by. I got you a little something when I was in blah, blah, blah. And it's nothing. It's just a little something for Christmas. Are you going to do nothing? You girls tell me that. Are you going to actually just let them hand you something and you're going to do fucking nothing? No. Terrible feeling.

It's a bad feeling. It's dread because you feel like you're breaking a social contract, an unspoken social contract that we're all going to have the perfect gift at the ready for each other, that we're thoughtful to the point of unrealistic expectations. So yeah, I would either do the e-gift card in the moment. Again, sentiment not there, but money. I've done that at least. Or I'm going to give them a candle that I already have or a bottle of wine that I already have. Something like that. I would feel forced to pull it together. Sarah, what would you do?

I'm the same. The wine feels foolproof. One of those gift cards I was just talking about, stick it in a card. I say though, and I've been getting more comfortable with this idea, as long as you have that card where you've written a nice little thankful note, I think that that is enough to not feel bad. Yes. Okay. Here's the next quandary. Being in a friendship relationship for like 20 years, you know this person or a family member, your mother, your aunt, someone who knows you well.

being disappointed by a gift, like getting something from someone that you know really well that is so far from your wheelhouse or anything that you would like. You literally open it up and you're like, does this person know me at all?

I've not done this because I don't give a flying rat's poo. I'm happy with everything, and I really am my mom's kid. I was never disappointed as a kid growing up. I mean, if I got a hockey stick and a frying pan, I'd be like, this is the girl. I mean, I just was that kind of a person. A hockey stick and a frying pan. But I mean, my mom got rando things. I mean, she just, I don't know what she was thinking, but when I was a teenager, you'd get...

A nail set and a makeup palette from Mary Kay that you're like, I will never use this much makeup in my life, but thank you. I raise you an electric toothbrush. I was like, really?

I remember looking at my parents being like, it is Hanukkah. How dare you buy me a toothbrush? But it was when I was younger. Okay, wait, was it a Phillips diamond, Colleen? That's fancy. I don't know. It was years ago. Like it must have been while I was, I'm going to say like 10 or 12 years old. Now I would love it. I was just going to say, okay, fine. You can't get an electric toothbrush for a child. That is just sort of like one step up from what the dentist gives you when you leave. Thank you.

But if it's a Sonicare toothbrush that I get now. We like it. I love that. That is very practical. And if someone doesn't have it, they're never going to go back. So, okay, I'm glad we've clarified. Like from a partner. I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend. The first year we were together, he got me an entire set of gifts that he would just want for himself. And he bought me a lot of gifts. But by the time I got to like the fifth gift, I was like,

This is just what you want. What were the things? They were cool. He was an objectively cool person, but it was a coffee table book. It was an illustrated book by Hunter S. Thompson that was handmade. It was hand-drawn by that famous illustrator that he partnered with, I think Ralph Steadman or something like that. So it was The Curse of Lano, a thing I've never read. Hunter S. Thompson, cool enough guy. I'm not obsessed. Were you speaking about, oh, I'd really love that illustrated book by Dinka Donko? No. No.

Nope, absolutely not. And then it was a David Bowie box set. I like Bowie. Like I do. I don't need the box set. And then he, when he gave it to me, proceeded to tell me why these gifts were of cultural importance. And I was like, no, no, this is not like, we're not at like the learning annex right now for you telling me about what's cool. I know what's cool. I just don't know that I wanted this for Christmas.

And I think that he got me something else. It was like a bunch of books that he really liked. And I was like, okay, so next year you're getting me jewelry. That's what I want. Let's not mess this up again. And I just told him. And then it was jewelry forever after when everyone was happy.

And you were going that you had got something from a partner that was, you're opening it up going, what the F, right? I hate going to Costco. I realize it's a necessary evil to save some money sometimes, but I just hate it. So my partner this time last year, like...

stocked me up on Sensodyne toothpaste. There's a dental theme here for some reason in my life. Q-tips. Maybe you have bad breath. Q-tips? What is Q-tips? I don't know. It was like all the Costco things. And I think he was trying to hit like eight days of Hanukkah, which was very sweet. But it was like, I can buy all these things myself. But thank you, sir. So that's more like what a parent would give you to put in your stocking, like a lip balm, a deodorant.

Can Hanukkah not be romantic? It could be. And you know what? There was a necklace, actually, I will say, at the end of the eight days. That was very, very nice. I was just kind of like, I live in a small condo and I don't need a Costco-sized Q-tip. If you do have a friend or an acquaintance that's like, oh, I'm going to pop by. I got a little something for you.

My advice to you is go to your candle drawer, like Caitlin said. If it's a book that you haven't busted the spine on it yet, be like my mother, Joan. Picture frames in a drawer that are cute at HomeSense or Winners. We are not sponsored by any of these people because we are sponsored by Intact Insurance because we love them.

Maybe you could get someone insurance for Christmas. I would like that gift. Anyway, if you're doing that, throw something in a bag and have something to give back to them because I'm telling you, it's a pet peeve of mine, but I digress. I love this time of year. I mean, in behind me here, there's one of my Christmas trees. This is very on trend. Two Christmas trees are a thing this year. Well, I have all of mom's decorations.

There's no possible way that I could get everything on one tree. And the little tree in my hallway is literally like a hundred buck tree, but it's all mom and gram stuff. And I just pile it on there. It makes no sense, but I like seeing it. Every time I hang them up, I'm like, oh, I wonder how many Christmases I have left to look at these stupid things.

things and this was my grandma's and not stupid, but you know what I mean? It's like my mom bought me ornaments every year. That was a thing. When I became an adult, like in my twenties with my own home, I got an ornament every year. And it was usually something very thoughtful that was, well, I found a little angel with a microphone. Isn't that cute? Yeah.

So every time I hang that up, I'm just like, oh my God, there's the angel in the microphone. And when I was on the Rocky Mountain Mountaineer, we are not sponsored by the Rocky Mountain Mountaineer, but they are fabulous. That last day of the trip, they go through with a little pamphlet and they sell stuff. Well, guess what I bought? The Christmas ball. And it was like $48. Oh my God. But Chris and I are still laughing. My road manager, Chris, who came on the trip with me, he goes, I'll never forget the selling point. And I'm like, remind me, what was it?

handcrafted, painted from the inside. He goes, what does that even mean? I'm like, somebody with very small hands and a very tiny little paintbrush painted it from the inside. He goes, how is that possible? And it's this beautiful glass ball train. It's absolutely worth $48, I will tell you. Anyway, moving on. The disappointment of not receiving a gift from someone that you got a gift for. Let's look at that for a second.

Okay. I kind of bask in those moments because it rarely happens where I'm like the good one, where I've, I have over, overdone it. So if I do it and then someone's like, oh, but I didn't get you anything. I'm like, yes, it's happening for me. I'm the one who remembered I did it. So it doesn't really bother me. That is the gift that they've given me. And I've told people that.

The gift that you've given me is that I currently feel morally superior to you. And that is what the holidays are all about. So there you go. Ladies and gentlemen, Caitlin's opinion is not supported by the podcast and show. My therapist would be like, Hey, no, but I just,

it doesn't happen for me. Like I love remembering something and I really don't do when I do remember it. I, and I buy something only if I see it and go, Oh my gosh, I need it for this person. And that's kind of why I forget. Cause I rarely ever go out shopping for gifts. It's just that something comes across my plate online and I think of a friend and so I buy it for them and that's when I give it to them. So if I actually have it, I'm mostly excited to see them really like the gift. And usually for me, there's going to be an undertone of humor and,

And so I want them to laugh when they open it. I want them to like it. I want there to be some sort of an exclamation. And so if they don't get me anything, I don't care. Their reaction and my moral superiority is the gift that I really want. I think I would be, I would be hurt. I'm not going to lie. If it was someone like quite close in my life and we're having an exchange or something and, and they didn't get me anything, like I'm trying to think back to a time when that happened and,

But like my eight-year-old heart is kind of breaking thinking about that happening. And I think with kids in particular, because I kind of watched a thing unfold a few years ago. My friend's daughter had gone to a Christmas party. And thank God one of the adults stepped up because whoever was responsible for getting this child's gift, it didn't happen. And it was...

for my friend's daughter to not get a gift because she went and got a gift with her mom and wrapped it. My heart broke for her like when, I'm not going to say the woman's name. She goes, thank God one of the

adult people there was just like on it. Oh no, here's something for you. But it was probably not an eight-year-old appropriate girl gift. And the kid probably was onto it, but it was really something that went on for like a whole week of... She's wearing pantyhose. Yeah.

It was a pair of eggs, nylons. Remember eggs? Legs. I was like, eggs? What? It was legs. It was called legs and it was in an egg in the drugstore. It was crazy pantyhose. Anyhow. Kids are a different story. Kids are a different story. I mean, there's so much pressure getting like the right gift. Even when I think about some of the baby showers. Yeah.

that I've been to over the years that are, some of them are agonizing. Let me tell you, I don't want to see another penis cake in my life or eat a cake out of a kitty litter box that looks like poos, like in kitty litter. Oh yeah. When they put the chocolate bar in the diaper and you have to guess what the chocolate bar is, honestly blow my brains out. And it's like, there've been so many times I've been to those things and I'm like, it's 3 PM. So it's not absurdly early. And I'm like, can I get a glass of wine if we're going to pick out prostitutes?

poo chocolates and they're like oh no sorry we don't have any wine I'm like you're unwell for this the pressure is insanity because you're sitting there in a chair with the bows on you thank god we don't do this at Christmas and you know you're opening okay this is from Deb and

And you, you know, you put that gift on the woman's lap and then the mother-to-be is opening this thing. And it's like, you know, everyone's the pressure of having the best gift or having the coolest thing, or it's a monogrammed table for your, okay, I've gone ahead and I've named your son for you. And we had the table monogrammed. It's Wayno. Okay.

Gift giving can be a really complicated, disappointing thing.

Yeah. There's so much joy in it too, to give people stuff. But on the other side of that coin, there's a real darkness this time of year of disappointment. And my girl that has been grooming my dogs for like 15 years, I knew her before she had any of her kids. Her kids are like six, one and five, 10 now. She's grooming the second dog. She did Middy for like 12 years, 11 years, and now she's doing Poppy. And as she's going out the door, you know, she's saying it's such a tough time of year for me.

And I had given her extra, like I gave her extra money and she goes, oh, this is so great. And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's Christmas. And thank you for driving out here. And I so appreciate it. And, but she was just saying, my kids want laptops. And she just got this look on her face and I'm like, well, she goes, yeah, they kind of expect me to.

Get them laptops. And she goes, it's just a really hard time of year. And she was just going out the door and I'm like, oh my God. Like what parents go through too to kind of explain. And she's divorced and she works so hard. She cleans houses with her mom and, you know, comes out and does the dog. Like she's just out there booking it and working her ass off. Yeah.

It just really got me thinking about how much pressure there is to give things to people. Like this time of year is tough. So I'm not, I don't want to be Debbie Downer. I know I love Christmas. I mean, I love it. I'm not religious. This is not a Jesus thing for me at all. There's not even a percentage of Jesus in Christmas for me. So you guys can be disappointed in me if you want to, but it's not who I am and it's not what I believe in.

But Christmas is whatever the entity it's become, I love. Yeah, I think it's just that the stakes are always high. And then you have some people, and I had certain people in my life that were like this, where you were emotionally held hostage by them. So if they were disappointed by a gift or disappointed by an event or disappointed by a show of affection in those ways, then, oh, the day's ruined. And so that's what I don't like. I just am like, the stakes need to be lower, especially for

adults. I'm like, you can just go buy whatever you want or need for yourself. That's the beauty of being an adult. So go and do that if you're going to be so bent out of shape, if you don't get the exact thing you want. And just, I don't know, focus on experiences or something else. I just love the fact that for a lot of people, it's a little bit of a break from work. That

That's what I end up enjoying now at this stage of life for me that I'm not getting up at four in the morning for a straight week that you get to fly and maybe see people like we go see my husband's family a lot or we'll go see friends. We spent one year in the Bahamas with two of our closest friends and it was fantastic. I like a freedom based approach to the holidays.

I want low pressure and I want everyone to just have fun and see each other as much as you can and have some good meals. And if you get a present that works great, and if you get a present, you don't like laugh at it. I mean, my mother-in-law, God lovers, the sweetest person in the world. And she goes to the trouble of getting stockings for everybody. And they're so great. And

Everyone loves stockings. It's like when a woman gets a dress with pockets and is like, ooh, pockets. I feel like that's the same excitement everyone has about stockings at Christmas. And my sister-in-law does the same thing. And they both have all these perfect little items in there. But one Christmas, my mother-in-law got me like three very hilarious Victoria's Secret thongs. And you open them in front of everybody. Yeah.

The old opening stuff in front of everything again. But so even when you're like, I'm not going to wear this, nor does it necessarily even fit me, but it's still funny. So there is that piece of it that I always just kind of laugh at. I've also seen people get gifts that they hate and their face can't lie about it. And that's funny to me too. Like I've watched someone get a robe that was the size of a banquet tablecloth and it was plaid and it was just, it was just awful. And I,

I could see how much they hated it. And I don't blame them. But then watching them kind of tap dance and like, Ooh, I guess this will be cozy maybe. And then the other person's like, yeah, put it on now. It looks great. My mother, when we got clothes, when we were kids, Caitlin, I don't know if she'd say, go put that on. See if it was something from my grandmother would be like,

Rust corduroys. So you guys offer me up. How do we avoid the pressures of gift giving? Sarah, you start. Do you say let's not do gifts this year? And then inevitably somebody always does the fucking gift when you say no gifts this year. I would almost suggest an experience you can enjoy together.

that you plan for a day that works? Making a ceramic something together, going to like do ceramics or, hey, we're going to go see this play, right? Like a lot of people like going to like Mirvish and seeing a show at the end of the year for holidays or the spa. Some ladies need a little bit of a break from life, but I will leave you with this. How do you buy for someone who you don't know?

You perceive to have everything under the moon. Okay, people say that about me all the time. We're going to talk about that when we come back. You're listening to the Jan Arden Festive Podcast and Festive Show with Caitlin Festive Green and Sarah Hanukkah Burke. Don't go away. We're going to be right here sitting by this cozy fire, drinking hot chocolate and wearing a robe that nobody really likes when you come back.

We are so excited to welcome another new sponsor, our friends at Cove Soda. Have I pestered Cove enough to come and join us here at the Jan Arden podcast? I love them so much. They are Canadian, first of all. They are a natural, certified organic, zero sugar soda, which includes, get this, one big

I kind of sounded like Dr. Evil there, didn't I? But seriously, you can get 80% of your daily vitamin C in just one can. Cove Soda is on a mission to promote gut health for all, and you still get to have a delicious treat.

while putting a gut-friendly, guilt-free drink in your body. Cove Soda is available in 12 delicious flavors all over North America. So for our American friends, you can find it. They've got this fruity lineup that's fantastic. I drink those all the time. They've got the classic lineup if you like

A cola or a cream soda, root beer, yes indeedy. And they've got their limited edition summer flavor, which will take you right back to the second grade. You gotta try the ice pop one. Head to janardenpod.com to find out where the closest place to you is where you can go and buy Cove. Go right now.

We're back with Santa, Caitlin, Sarah, the holiday edition. Before we went to break, what do you get the person who's got everything? So this is what my friends say to me. And it's not untrue. I don't need or want for anything. I really don't. And I say candles every year. Let's go back to that magical candle thing again. I love a candle. I burn them all the time. I do not save candles. I am...

burning them 24 seven. I get up in the morning and I have candles going and I always appreciate a pair of socks. So what do you get a person that's got everything? Something like that. Yeah. Candles are great. Socks are great. Underpants. Manicure.

Everyone go. I mean, if it's a woman, everyone gets a manicure. That's actually very smart. That question was inspired by my family, to be honest. So we have Hanukkah coming up on December 10th. My parents, same thing. They're like, we don't want anything. We have everything we could ever need. And then I look at like my sister and her husband. And over the last year, they had a wedding. They just moved into a new house, right? So they've had housewarmings. They've had wedding showers. They've had the wedding and all the gifts. They have everything they frigging need.

Everything under the moon. So when I was thinking about that and what to get, that's where my mind goes to maybe an experience. But of course, you have to be willing to spend some time with those people. So it depends on the people. There's someone at my door. Hold on. There's somebody at Caitlin's door. The suspense. Well, Caitlin is away. I...

Do love a gift basket filled with not expensive stuff, like literally like a chocolate bar and a Pam olive oil spray and like rando things like that. A little mug maybe with some hot chocolate mix.

That's kind of a fun idea to put together for the person that has everything. Pistachios. We were just talking about for the person who has everything, a gift basket. We were hoping that someone was knocking on your door to give you a gift basket. I honestly have had this happen to me a few times today. I'm into a little bit of a simulation theory rabbit hole these days where I honestly believe in many ways I might be living in a simulation. And here's why I actually think it's true and that my simulation overlords are paying attention.

Guess what just got dropped off to me right now as we're recording? Candles. My Christmas tree. I'm not joking. I love this so much. Well, your computer's listening. Your phone is listening. What else do we need? Well, let's say what else we need. A gift basket. A basket's good. You guys talked about nuts and there's a Persian grocery store that I just discovered on my walk home.

I get the best barbecue almonds and delicious Persian peanuts and organic dried apricots. Like I've been eating them while we're recording. They're so good. And when you go to see somebody, again, someone who has everything, everyone eats. Like get them some delicious croissants. Get them some amazing bagels. Get them some nuts. I love bringing over stuff like that. There's a really great Italian restaurant here in Toronto called Tironi. They make incredible peppers. Tironi. You have to give it a little Italian. Yeah.

Great olive oil. Great. Like these are host gifts. Really nice, really good coffee if you're friends with a coffee drinker. So that kind of stuff, it like goes a long way. Everyone's going to use it. My follow-up question is how are you guys with crafting and maybe even like putting together, you know, your own little nut. Shaking her head like not in your dreams. No.

Like, no, you wouldn't put together a little hot chocolate thing or a thing of nuts, but making it yourself, buying all the ingredients and just like wrapping them up. Oh, assembling. Sure. Yeah. I'll assemble. I just, no one wants my crafts. Like, I can't make crafts. They're terrible. You guys do those cookie gatherings? Do either of you do, you know, when six broads get together, drink wine and you each make a different kind of cookie and you go home with six dozen cookies? No, I love that idea though. Great idea. When you get together, it's like book club. Once again, alcohol is involved. What alcohol?

Well, alcohol doesn't have to be involved, but it's usually involved. And you each bring a cookie recipe. And it's usually someone's house that has either a guest suite with another oven in it, or you're just sharing the ovens, but you literally go home with six dozen different cookies.

I love this idea. Long night. Well, my friend a couple years ago, Leah Van Loon, if you're out there, it was during COVID and she popped by and we kind of did a little gift exchange on my sidewalk. Remember that? Remember that Christmas? But anyway, I loved her and her friend did these beautiful, cute, we were talking about crafts, rolled up cookie dough that's ready to literally slice into discs and throw in your oven. And the little cute card that had the instructions on

Oh my gosh. I loved that gift so much. And so yes, I don't know who brought up the food gifts, but I love getting gifted nuts, chocolates, candies, chips. Trail mix. You can make a trail mix at home, like a big batch. I'm going to do nuts and bolts. I love nuts and bolts more than life itself. Me too. I love nuts and bolts. Nuts and bolts, homemade granola. One of my uncles makes this epic homemade granola. Everyone likes it. Another one does homemade strawberry jam. I have another girlfriend who makes like a

cranberry reduction and you can put it on top of cheese or you can put it on top of bread and it just, it's delicious. So yeah, food, food's a home run all the time. Everybody likes food.

Now, your eight-year-old is not going to want jalapeno jelly. So you didn't get that tip from us. But I think they would appreciate a book of lifesavers that's real. Bring those back. A real book of lifesavers. I'm sorry I had to pull this back into the fold. The kind that you open up that's got 10 rolls in there with butterscotch, wintergreen, all the flavors. Don't give me this crap about these lame flavors.

Lifesaver books, they're terrible. And Lifesavers, you should be ashamed of yourself. Okay, moving on. I feel like we've given so many gift ideas. Like this episode is a resource. It is. I like to think of this podcast as a resource for day-to-day life. Just day-to-day life. You took on your lifestyle expert tone of voice there. And my friend Leah assures me that wonderful killer horoscope

home fair, like HomeSense for people who don't want to spend a billion dollars is at Value Village. She said, you would not believe the great Christmas decorations, the brand new bags of stuff that no one has ever opened, that somebody died and literally just gave them all to Value Village. And they're just hanging there like strings of lights that you want to wrap around your railing and your house. Go to Value Village. Like,

I go with her all the time and I am dazzled by the stuff there. And I've bought so many books from Value Village. Anyway. Two sustainability options even, just because we should talk about sustainability, right? Because everyone's buying new, new, new this time of the year. We need a parvenger of doom. Go ahead. Our friend Josie Dye, our mutual friend,

She's hosted a clothing swap around this time of the year annually. I'm not sure if she's doing it this year. I need to check in. So everyone cleans out their closets and brings their bag of clothes to the same location. And then you end up walking away with some new stuff, but then the rest gets donated to a women's shelter or an organization. I like that a lot. That's a

That's a great idea. Or a book swap. That's another thing. So, you know, a lot of people read the book once and then it stays on the shelf for 40 years. Get your hands on my books. I ain't going to no book swap. It's already bad enough that I have to gift books that I've bought for myself that I will probably never get to read. My name is Jan Arden and I am addicted to books. I am. You don't want to give them up. You have an emotional attachment to your books.

I do. And I have lent books a lot of times, but I am the, I am that person. Hey, did I, am I, did you, did I lend you my copy of ding-a-dee-dong doodle-a-doo? Yeah. Are you, are you reading it or what's happening with that? Oh, I'm still trying. Did I get that back? Cause, and I write my initials in all my books too. Oh my gosh. Oh, sorry. Go ahead and judge me. Okay. What marks the beginning of the holiday season for you guys?

Is there a specific day that you put up your Christmas decorations, a movie that you watch to get in the spirit, something special that you bake, a day that you start listening to Christmas music? What is it for you guys? End of November because right around my birthday. Happy belated birthday. Thank you. Whenever the... It was your birthday. It was yesterday.

Oh, my Jesus. I'm so sorry. Happy birthday. Hey, thanks. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy belated birthday, dear Caitlin. Happy birthday to, I'm so sorry I'm late, you.

That cameo would normally cost like, what, $50? That's pretty good. $99. See, that's the gift that you have waiting, Jan, at the ready. Anytime someone, you're like, oh, I don't have a gift for them. Just sing for them. And you're like, that's a cameo. And I charge $50 for those to go towards Animal of Elk. If I broke out in a song, that was a little piece of Could I Be Your Girl. I appreciate that. I would just be slapped.

I would like it. I'm sorry I missed your birthday. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. Don't worry about it. It's totally fine. Again, very true to form. I don't care. I screwed up. Someone else messed up that isn't me. Sarah, did you know it was her birthday yesterday? Should we tell her or should I not? You tell her, Sarah. We wished her happy birthday in our group chat, you ding dong. Okay.

But Jan's a busy Gemini. She can't be expected to track this stuff. Like there's a lot going on. Happy birthday in the group chat yesterday that I was on. Yeah, it's okay. I am going to see if my mom's room is available. She passed away, but they might have just barricaded it. I can just move in there. It's waiting for you? Yeah. Okay, bringing this back. So Caitlin, you start the holidays around your birthday, which was yesterday, November 27th.

My birthday and usually around that weekend is also the Santa Claus parade in Toronto. So that typically makes me feel like it's the holiday season a little bit. And then when we do the Christmas tree, which was just delivered to me today. So the Christmas tree will happen. The Christmas tree decorations go up. We have a nice eggnog.

We watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and enjoy a cup of our alcoholic pancake batter. And that's what we have. And that's what we do. A cup? Wait a second. You enjoy a cup of your alcoholic pancake batter? What does that mean? That's what I call eggnog. It's like alcoholic pancake batter. When you think about it, look at the consistency. That's actually kind of disgusting to think about drinking pancake batter. Hey, Sarah, how do you... It's the Hanukkah, so that must start...

Honestly, it starts when my mother starts texting in our family group chat asking when we're all available to have our Hanukkah gathering. Yeah, the holidays. It really is truly the time of year where a lot of women and men do little procedures on their faces, their breasts, their buttocks, their face.

I don't know, their pectorals, their calf implants that people are getting. Listen, I'm coming to you with my hat in my hand right now. Maybe you guys know more about this than I do. I, for the first time ever, watched four or five episodes of The Kardashians on Disney+. I don't even know what season I was watching. Chris and I were watching it. The bums.

I don't know how to talk about the bums without sounding like, have you been living under a rock, Jan? And if they tell me, there is a method to my madness here, that women are lining up to get the Kardashian bum.

You know what's funny is that now there's actually been a reversal almost because if you notice some of the Kardashians, they're shrinking. They're like itty-itty-bitty and they're reducing because they've either lost weight or maybe they're working out more. I don't know. But they're reducing the size of their curves.

let's say. They're surgically enhanced curves. What do you mean by that? Like a BBL, like a Brazilian butt lift. So that's like a procedure that's been popular for, I don't know, probably like, I mean, I want to say 10 plus years. Like it's been around for a while. And it's when you have your bum surgically enhanced either through implants or

fat depositing, like taking your fat from one spot and then putting it in your butt. It's really popular. Some people go to sketchy places and get them done and that doesn't go well. I know a girl who did that. You did? Did she go to Turkey? Was it Colombia? South America, somewhere in South America. Okay. So medical tourism is like a big thing. A lot of people go to South Korea for dental work. A lot of people go to Costa Rica for dental work.

a lot of people, a lot of men go to, they go to Turkey, Turkey for hair implants. It's a big industry for them. It's cheaper and, um, and they can stay there and roll it into a vacation. So they're like, Oh, I'm going to go to a spa in Costa Rica for two weeks. And then you come back and you have all new veneers or you have a different nose or whatever. Is it because of Christmas holidays and having, like you said, some time off from work that you can do these little procedures, have two and a half weeks for your lips to

lips to go down or your cheeks to settle or your eyelids to start blinking again, like stuff like that. I just was reading this whole thing about Linda Evangelista and I've also been living under a rock, but I was watching that supermodel documentary. That's such a good documentary. Yeah. I've only watched 15 minutes of it and I got sidetracked and blah, blah, blah, but I'm definitely going to watch it.

but it sent me down a rabbit hole. I didn't know she was from St. Catherine's, a Canadian girl, but that this cool sculpting has left her so disfigured. Yeah, because it had like reverse fat depositing.

1% of the people doing this get it. I mean, there's a risk, right? There's a risk associated with anything that you do, any medication you take, any procedure you have. And so I think the sting hurts extra for her because it's voluntary. You know, it's like, I chose to do this. It wasn't like I'm in the 1%, but I had to have this for medical reasons. So what could I have done? I think psychologically it's harder. It's more challenging because you're like, oh, vanity got me here. But predominantly that is very otherwise safe. They freeze your fat.

But in her case, it turned the fat into a hard as rock, like a lump. Like a square, like a big square. She's got them on her legs. She's got them on her sides. She's had two operations now to try and fix it. It's really ruined her life. And plus, this poor woman is fighting breast cancer right now. I really feel for her.

Yeah. I don't know anything about her. And it's so funny how we can, well, it's important that we do have apathy for people we don't know because the world only works when you care about people you don't know. Reminder to yourself, you have to care about people that fall in a parking lot. You don't know them, but are you not going to help them up because you don't, you've never met them before? Like, no. So that's how it works. So I really did, my heart really went out to her just because the pressure from being a supermodel, not just a model. I know.

but one of the world's most photographed faces. And as she was aging, going into her late 40s and her 50s now, that whole idea of I have to look a certain way, like the pressure that she put on herself, like literally breaking down in tears and

resorting to things that she thought would keep her in the game somehow. So to everyone listening to this, really health is wealth and you don't need to be anything other than what you are. It's so important to remind yourself of that. And you girls are at an age, you know, I'm 25 years ahead of you. What are you guys are 37, 38 now kind of in there? You turned 40, Caitlin. Yesterday. Yeah.

I didn't know how old you were. So 40 years old. Now the fun starts. That's what Marilyn said. She said the same thing. Marilyn Dennis said the exact same thing. She gave me a really cute birthday card and in it, it had a quote from Carl Young and it said that life really begins at 40. Everything before then is just research. And I like, I loved that because she knew that I was saying this is going to, this one's going to sting, but honestly, it seems great. Oh, now you get to become a person. Yeah.

Like you have all this experience to draw on. It really is everything leading up to going into this. And the funny thing is, is when you're 50, you're going to go, I didn't know anything at 40. And it keeps working that way. Like I thought I had it all together at 50. And when I turned 60, I'm like,

I was an idiot at 50. 50-year-old baby Jan didn't know any of this. I mean, aging is really a privilege. I understand, though, that beauty standards in the world, being what they are, especially for a famous person, someone who's photographed a lot, it would be challenging. But it is important to try to balance some of your perspective because I think...

now that a lot of these procedures are increasingly accessible and normalized and you'll know people who get them done and they look great. But it's like this vanity and sanity where you can kind of chase the dragon a little bit and then people's faces get weird. And so, you know, you have to, everything in life is about balance. Like you just, so long as you feel good about yourself and it's a balanced approach to, you know, how you look,

But how you feel and not getting those two things too intertwined, I think it's fine. Like, I don't know. I'm not against going to get some laser or Botox. Like, I don't think it's bad for you. I don't want a Brazilian butt lift. And I actually think they're very, very dangerous. I wish the Kardashians had not normalized them. Because I don't know how they're going to be able to sit down in the old folks' home, quite frankly. They're going to have to get them removed. I was so, so surprised. Because I'm not that interested in the family. Although I found them interesting.

the show Fascinating. I thought it was very well shot. I thought it really played out like a weekly sitcom. That's reality TV. It's edited very well. They're all in, so it makes it fun. It's not like they're being these reluctant, oh my God, the camera crew's here again. They're all in. They can be quite hilarious and quite funny. When you are part of the joke,

The vitriol that's been thrown at them, it really is unprecedented. So if you think you're having a bad day online, you will never face what those young women have faced on social media. It has been an onslaught. And the fact that they can

somehow keep standing and keep going forward and doing actually cool things for their communities that they're in. And how have we not mentioned that Kim Kardashian was just named the, what was it? Something of the year, male something of the year, entrepreneur of the year on something. Hold on. Oh, really? Well, I mean, because Skims has been such a huge success story for her. So she has her, it was a brand. Is a skim an undergarment?

Yeah, so it started as undergarments and now she's kind of expanded into regular clothing. But really the bread and butter was bras, underwear, because she uses shapewear so much in her day-to-day life. So she wears it underneath dresses. It just smooths things, smooths out lumps. And she always talked about it and then she designed her own brand of it. And their stuff is really quite good. Like I have two shirts. There's a nipple bra. So, and this is the thing. So the nipple bra started where there's, there's like erect nipples. But you know, this is a Jennifer Aniston trademark.

Like, that's what she did back in the day with Friends. That was part of her styling on the show Friends. If you go back and watch the old episodes, it's like you'd think that based on her, she's living in like a separately controlled climate from the rest of the cast because her nipples are always visible. But it was an intentional move on the part of the stylist to create this image of her as a sex icon. Draw attention to her breasts, then men want her, then women want to be here, and the rest is history. So...

Cam Kardashian got on this train like a little bit later, but I guess people want it because they're probably being photographed now on Instagram and stuff more than ever. If you're going to use your nipples, you make sure they're even. All I'm going to tell you is do a mirror check before you head out to a function. Just make sure one's not six inches higher than the other one. You literally have to go in, pull them up, adjust them, and make sure your nipple is in the right area. Got the tips, the information on this podcast this week.

It is unbelievable the leaps that we're taking here, girls. Episode title is Trove of Tips. Or is it Tis the Season to Nip and Tuck? I don't know. There's so many nips here. Ooh. The Jan Arden podcast does not back up what either of these women are saying right now.

Here's her lifestyle voice again. So I just found it. Kim Kardashian was named GQ Man of the Year. What? Oh, cool. Man of the Year? Yep. And she's on the cover. Yep. 2023. Well, it's press grab, right? They're like, ooh, guess what? You know what we should do? We should be edgy and make Kim the Man of the Year. They're like, okay. Because there was no Man of the Year. They couldn't find one to pick. Ooh.

Believe it or not, we're out of time. But when you have this much information crammed into a very modified hour, let's call it. Thanks for listening. You can find us where you find all your favorite podcasts. You can go on to Spotify or iHeartRadio or...

what are the other ones? iTunes, all of them. And you can just click subscribe and then we're just going to pop up and you can download us and take us in the minivan when you don't want to listen to your fan. You can listen to us while you're straightening your nipple. That's right. And

And what is the proper height? Like, do you know, should they be pointing up? Should they be pointing slightly outside? Should they be pointing down? What is the message your nipples want to say? We need to do a link to the Skims bra with the nipples. My friend's aunt's Santa's, um,

maybe some candles that Jan recommends. We've got lots of links to share. And don't forget to ask Jan if you've got a holiday gift squandry. Send us a voice note. Stop being timid. I like a squandry. I like a good squandry. Oh, and by the way, one last little nugget of information. 2023 word of the year. Drum roll. Drum roll.

Authentic. Sorry, that was so anticlimactic. Take that AI. That's what it's for. That's what it's all about. It's like it's supposed to be reflective of AI is coming for all of us in our jobs, which fair enough. You don't need a nipple bra from Kim Kardashian. All you need to do is get a normal bra and put some ice cubes in it.

They won't even let you on Air Canada because you can't get on there with sharp objects. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Let's become an open mic night here at the January podcast.

Okay. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you more than you could ever know. Send us a voice note. Send us a Jan Arden pod. We're on all the socials. What do you want us to talk about? Do you have a story? You know, Christmas, we'd love to hear your Christmas, your Hanukkah, your holiday tales of things that have gone wrong, things that have gone right, gifts you hated, gifts you've loved.

All of that stuff. We'll see you next time. Caitlin Green is always a pleasure. Say hi to that squishable, adorable baby and your other baby too. I was talking about Kyle just now. Okay. They both get squished. And Sarah Burke as always. Man, Sarah, your editing stuff this last few weeks has been epic.

Truly. We're still having problems, but Sarah makes us sound like champs. So anyway, we'll see you next time, guys. We got to go because we got stuff to do and picture frames to buy. Totally do. This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.