Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello everyone, it's Jan Arden here. This is the Jan Arden Show and Podcast. Caitlin Green joins us from Toronto. Adam Karsh joins us from Toronto. I'm in Springbank, Alberta.
Um, lots going on today. Lots to talk about Caitlin right out of the bag. Let's talk about the Grammys. They just happened, uh, this past Sunday. Lots of snubs, lots of overlooked people. Um, I watched for a while and, and I don't want to sound like the bitter old, you know, woman has been, who's not relevant anymore. Um, but I'm going to say it right out of the box. A lot of the people I didn't know, but that's my bad. I'm not 20.
So what are your thoughts on it? There was a lot going on. Justin Bieber, excuse me, had a lot of nods. Yeah. And, you know, his night, I hope it turned out the way he wanted it to. He was empty-handed, so far as I know, I think. No. Yeah, I believe he was completely snubbed. I think so. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Peaches didn't get it. His legions of fans will correct me if I'm wrong. But I think he was empty handed. I really liked his performance with Daniel Caesar and Gideon, which was kind of cool. He did a very long, unexpected piano intro, which some people didn't love on social. But I thought it was good. He always sounds good. Like, you know, he's like his music. Don't like whatever. He's very talented. Yeah.
And it was cool to hear him. The thing though that I loved was his big giant suit on the red carpet.
I really laughed at your comment, Caitlin, because I'm always very curious to see what your in-time responses are. So Justin came down the red carpet with his very beautiful wife who was in a very fitted, lovely gown. Justin had on what I can only liken as he was wearing Magic Johnson's suit, basically. So it was huge. It would have been probably a men's 56 something. And the sleeves just were hanging down.
And then he had a toucan and some really cool kind of half aviator glasses. But there was a lot of really strange looks. Not that I'm a fashion expert at all, but...
Anything goes. Yeah, the Grammys are different. It's like always to me, it's a bit of a red carpet flop. It's so hit and miss. I think that, you know, A, like not every musician has a crazy talented stylist. It's funny though, he and Hailey share the same stylist who actually makes the hats that he was wearing. Her name is Carla Welch. If you like that pink hat, you can buy it online. It's really not even that expensive.
But yeah, the shoes he was wearing were like Balenciaga. And everyone was like, look at his Herman Munster shoes. I was like, those are very expensive Herman Munster shoes. But does something being expensive make it, you know, great? No, it's just funny.
It's like, I think people look at it and was, I don't know. Like if the, I didn't love the look of the suit. I thought it was comedically too big. I know that oversized is very in fashion, but this one was like a bit ridiculous. And next to Haley's outfit, I didn't think it looked great together. And then the hilarious thing was she started getting all these pregnancy questions because somebody thought that she looked pregnant. I was like, she, it is incapable of her to look pregnant in a dress, a silk dress with the body fat percentage of a swimmer. I don't know where anyone is getting this.
And then she commented on it and said, I'm not pregnant.
leave me alone. And I was like, good, can we just keep with the leave me alone on this? It's like a crummy thing to speculate on. It's super triggering for women and it's just dumb. So I just left. I thought that was good of her to at least say that because she doesn't usually comment on much. She seems like a sweetheart. I don't know why we even have to say this. Don't ask a woman if she's pregnant. Don't ask a woman if she's expecting even if she's seven months pregnant. Don't ask her if, just don't say it because you just do not know what the scenario is.
No, it's super personal. And you're about to get answers that you might not be ready for and you're going to feel like a jerk, which you kind of are. So anyway, so yeah, I thought that that was funny. He was good. I love Chris Stapleton. He was to me... Chris Stapleton? Yeah. That's the one thing that I did see.
such a raw talent, country blues, the kind of music that you want to drink a cold beer, have your feet up on a wraparound porch and look at the fireflies going by and listen to that man's voice. If you have not heard of Chris Stapleton or if you're curious about him, please go to one of your streamers today and sit down, have a cup of something and listen to this man. He's
He saved it for me. I think he was, I think he stood out above anything. I mean, like I said, I didn't watch the whole thing, but I did see the clips. Like I'm one of those people. I go through the clips the next day. I was going through speeches. I was going through some of the choreography numbers. Chris Stapleton made me stop in my tracks and I watched the whole thing. And a real pleasure on social was watching a bunch of people who were unfamiliar with him, see him for the first time on the Grammys and then react and
And I thought that was great. He was, I think he was social media's almost, it seemed like he was their fan favorite of the night on, on Twitter. He was great. Talent is talent. Yeah, talent is talent. It rises, it rises above all the noise. And I'll tell you right now, this is my prediction. A lot of the people that you saw going down that red carpet, you're not going to see three years from now. I think when you're dealing with, I've read a statistic like yesterday that
Actually, it wasn't yesterday. It was at the Ed Sheeran thing, which we're going to talk about. And Ed mentioned that there is up to like 40, 50, sometimes 60,000 songs a day released on streamers. So, you know, a lot of these people that have this runaway hit that becomes the summer favorite or the, you know, the Macarena of the day, let's call it, that we all kind of get sick of. And then what?
Yeah, and you don't really hear from them again. And it's, I mean, this year was one of the few years too, I think, where Best New Artist will actually have some longevity because it went to Olivia Rodrigo. Yeah. She seems surprised. She did seem surprised. She's, she reminds me a little bit of Taylor Swift, just like that songwriting talent for writing really catchy stuff and memorable lyrics. Mm-hmm.
And she was presented, her award was presented to her by Dua Lipa and Megan Thee Stallion. And they both have, they were previous winners of the Best New Artist Grammy Award. And sometimes they get that wrong. And I was like, oh no, these are three women on stage together who I think are actually going to be around in the industry for a while. So they did get that part right. I think comments that my friends were kind of making is that they missed the heavy hitter part.
kind of legacy icon artists in a show like this. I mean, I just remember watching the Grammys. And of course that was back, you know, the nineties, maybe eighties, even Bonnie Raitt and Billy Joel and Elton John and just big singer songwriters, people that are still around today, whether it was Tina Turner, but we didn't see any of those kinds of faces. We didn't, we didn't see any of that. It was a very young Grammy awards show.
Yeah, I mean, in terms of performances, for sure. Bonnie Rae did, I liked her on stage with Joni Mitchell. I thought that was cool. That was cool. I think a lot of people were touched to see Joni Mitchell after all of her struggles, health struggles. So that was nice. But yeah, it is young. The red carpet baffles me. I don't know who anyone is. There's like people all just like giving each other tongue baths and then I have to Google who they are and they're like, oh, they have like 20 million followers on TikTok and then I feel ancient. I know.
But it was good. I thought, especially following the snafu at the Oscars with Chris Rock and Will Smith, I was just kind of here for a chill break.
vibe at the Grammys. Yeah, it was like, okay, can we just... We have a lot of serious stuff that warrants attention and time in the real world right now that when you come to entertainment and then you have it become problematic and tense again, that was just such an annoying part of the Oscars to me. And so I was happy that it didn't happen at the Grammys. And I thought Trevor Noah did a really good job hosting. Do you think award shows are coming to the end of their road? What's their...
what's the timeline on these things? I feel like people are feeling like, wow, we're so sick of the self-important, egomaniac, celebrating things
vapid behavior. And I mean, I'm just throwing that out there. That is the criticism. That was how I felt after the whole thing that happened at the Oscars. I was like, can we just toilet flush this whole thing? That's what I'm kind of referring to and celebrating things that matter. Or are we just a vacuous culture that we just want fluff? We just, we want the stars of the day.
I just, I wonder what the future of award shows are. And for a while there, it seemed like they were making up award shows just for a reason to gather celebrities, have a red carpet. The red carpet often usurps the awards themselves. I think people are tuning in for those shows and sometimes the ratings are higher. By the time the awards come, people are like, I've seen my favorite person. I know what they're wearing. I don't give a crap who wins.
Yeah. I find that I like all, like kind of like all of it. Like I, I like the real stories. I like regular news stories. I like the intense stuff and I want to stay informed on important things, but every once in a while I need a break. And that's why I do like the award shows. That's why I like entertainment. That's why I like even reality TV. That's why I like music.
So I'll keep the big three. Like I only really, well, I mean, Golden Globes, we'll see how the Hollywood foreign press deals with all their criticisms. But previously it was like Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys, Grammys. And then there were all these other ones and I would sort of know enough about them, but I didn't care, but I would keep it to those ones every year. And I hope they can keep them fun. They just became so unnecessarily heavy, which is just like not,
what I'm coming to the award shows for. I think not that you can't talk about important issues ever, especially if your movies deal with them or your television show deals with it. I just like, why is everyone like bumming the viewer out right now? I mean, there's, yeah, there's no, there's no doubt their stock goes up.
Yeah. Like I just, I'm like, it's, I don't know. John Oliver is another guy who I love and he just, he handles difficult topics with humor. And I think that that's a nice way to balance things out. And that's why the hosts are always so important to get some funny hosts, keep it moving. Don't let it drag on for so long. They are really long. I mean, when you factor in the red carpet, they, they drag.
Well, all I know is it's that you really do have people that go on to sell hundreds of thousands. Their streaming goes up, their sales go up. Uh, even the, the, um, Oscars this past couple of weeks, uh, Chris Rock, uh, his sales of his comedy tour went up by 260% or something loony like that. Um, and
But they are talking about, I did read something about Netflix pulling some Will Smith projects. Now, are you nodding, Adam? You guys are nodding. Tell me a little bit about that as we just go to the next break here. I just know that some things were paused. So a variety of projects he was working on were paused. And everyone has to remember that's not necessarily going to stay that way. But you have to think...
is he insurable right now is he insurable on a production level because if something happens on set and everyone's like well you guys knew full well based on his behavior seeming really unhinged and that he's prone to these outbursts and maybe assault whatever and you still had him on set you have to think about like the legal liability for all these studios so absolutely it's a big deal it is so if he's not insurable he won't work right now but it's not to say forever
You cannot worry about someone being unpredictable. It's as simple as that. You're listening to the Jen Arden podcast. I'm here with Caitlin and Adam. Lots to talk about today. Bachelorette parties, bachelor parties. Do we need them? Should we be doing them? We'll be right back. Jen Arden here, Jen Arden podcast and show Caitlin and Adam and the age old question about bachelorette parties and bachelor parties. And are they like, are they something people should be continuing to doing? Like, is it, is it,
ethical or moral to have a stripper show up for a bunch of girls in a house that you're doing Tupperware and crudités and having a glass of rosé and then a guy ding-dong, literally, hits the doorbell, comes in and does a little routine for the blushing bride-to-be. Mm-hmm.
I think if I may give my experience, please do. I was among the one of the first of my friends to get married. So as bachelor parties started, they were insane. I mean, you name it. I can't even talk about it, but it happened. And it's funny because as more of my friends got married and we got older, the last time I went to a bachelor party, it was like eight guys in a cottage,
chilling, drinking beer. We had a campfire and it was very low key. And that was perfect. I would go to that party. I would go to that party. It was great. Yeah, I sure as hell don't want to see a stripper coming into somebody's house or in a bar or...
I just, I'm uncomfortable with the whole premise. Not only does it objectify the person that's being paid to come and do those jobs, it's bothersome to me. I know that they're in control of their pocketbook and they're getting that money and they're doing it, I would like to think, willingly unless they're giving 90% of it to an agency. Like, I don't know.
But that's never been my deal. The at-home performances to me I regard as sketchy. At a big establishment, I think it's fine usually. I mean, I know sketchy stuff can still go on there too. It just depends on where you are. But the big ones, there are huge ones in Vegas that it's like Cirque du Soleil, but people are topless. Yeah.
So I'm like, there's some skilled acrobatics going on. There's like a club vibe. They have a great menu. So there's parts of it where I'm like, okay, so this is like a little bit more... A great menu. You know that. I mean, they sometimes do. So I mean, there is like a culture around it. So yeah, some establishments better than others. And you're going to see some really impressive acrobatics. And yeah.
Yeah. But a couple of people showing up to your house with like a bouncer and a boombox. I think that almost anything can and does happen with those particular invited individuals. What did you do? What did you do? What did Kyle do? I went to Montreal with a group of girlfriends and we did go to a strip club and it was a cool magic mic show and I highly recommend it. It was great. Okay.
But again, like you're like watching a stage show and then you leave and you have like bottle service and it's a whole thing. My husband went to Collingwood for his bachelor party with a group of friends and they had a big, they like rented like a big huge party house. It had a huge pool, pool house. They were playing like lawn sports, going swimming. Then they went into like Blue Mountain Village, went to clubs. They had a bus that took them there. The bus had a stripper pole in it, but there was no, there were no women. So it was like the guys were like probably dancing on it.
It's just the pole. I mean, you can tell what they were. It was a multi-purpose vehicle. Let me ask you this. Some people are calling it outright cheating. What do you say to that? I mean, unless you have... Unless a wiener mistakenly grazes your behind. Yeah. Whoops. Like, I don't know.
It doesn't bug me. I don't know. It doesn't put a bee in my bonnet that much, to be honest with you. I don't really think about it that much. I mean, again, look at it. If you have someone come to your house and you cheat with the paid help, then yeah, you are cheating. That's cheating. If it's a funny show and there's some nudity, I don't really care about it.
To be honest. It's not my favorite way to spend time. I think, Adam, your point is well made. The older you get, the less it happens, for sure. Because people are just like,
We didn't want any part of that. I mean, but to be just what you were saying, as debaucherous as my stag was, it was totally above board. Like nothing happened. Absolutely. It was clean. You know? Like what did David Foster do when he got married the fifth time? I was going to say, which time? What did he do? Maybe it was different from the first time. Okay. I'll ask you this. Is cheating, is it cheating when you're, okay, you're a single person. You're me. Try and step into my shoes for a second. Okay.
Okay. And you're, you're dating two people at once. You have not said to the person we are exclusive. Um, but is it, is it like if you're going out with this person and you know, you're making out and then on the Wednesday night you're going out with that person and you're doing it and making out, are you just like a woman of the world? What good is it at cheating? That's a dating question, I guess.
People are very divided. People are very divided on this, I'll tell you. Yeah. It sparks some debate. What do you think, Adam? I mean, like, are you a couple weeks in and are you casual? And if you haven't given any labels, I mean, if you're six months in and you're seeing multiple people, maybe. But I mean, if you're just starting out and it's really casual and you haven't defined terms, I mean, I don't know if that's really cheating. Some people would say six months in is just getting going. Yeah. Some people, like, I don't know. It's so different for everybody. Yeah.
Especially if in that six months you've gone on a date twice a week. And that would be a lot. So, you know, do the math. That's eight times a month.
It feels like it's relative to your level of intimacy. I mean, how many sleepovers are you having? And have you met a bunch of people in their life? And have they met a bunch of people in your life? And do you have like... I'm sure there's a Seinfeld clip for this, but it's like, do you have a confirmed plan every weekend? If those things are happening...
yeah, you might want to have a conversation about being exclusive. You're going to have to have that tough conversation at some point, even if you don't want to. That's like, are we exclusively dating? If we're not, and then we haven't had that conversation, then you're free to do whatever the heck you want. What would you think, Jan? You're single. If you were dating someone and they were, you found out they're dating someone else. I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like it at all. And I think I would be out. That's just me. I don't,
I just don't, that's not my deal. Here's an interesting stat for you. 37% of people in their twenties and thirties, so almost 40, let's round it up, think it's definitely cheating.
But only 18%, let's round it up to 20, of people over 65 think that. So maybe it's an age thing, which I would think it would be the other way around. I would think that the younger people, because that's not cheating. It's free. It's easy. They snap their gum. They take a hit of their vape and everything's fine. I'm painting a lovely picture. And the older people who are having a creamier gray and sitting reading Outlander,
are thinking, I don't care who he bonks. I really don't. Because I don't want anything steady. And quite frankly, my bladder can't take it. Yeah. It's also like it's the older you get, I think you have more perspective on things and you look back on stuff. Isn't that interesting?
Yeah, it gets you all worked up when you're younger and now you're like, man, I don't really care. Like, I didn't bring it up. I didn't want to talk about it or get into it. So maybe it's half on me and now we should talk about it and see what we think. Well, then we talk about, you know, long-term care where it's the biggest, you know, the most sexually transmitted diseases in the country is right there, folks. So as you get older, things really shift. I think you become easy breezy. Yeah, you just don't have enough space in your brain to care about things. Yeah.
Okay, how many minutes we got left in this segment, Adam? You have two minutes. Okay, we got two. This is enough to start on this question. Okay. Are you guys friends with exes? And I know we've touched on this because we are in season one, episode 1007, but like exes, are you friendly with them? Paulina Portzikova was talking about, she was that beautiful model. And...
She went out with Aaron Sorkin, who was a very, very famous Hollywood, very successful writer, probably a very complicated fellow. But they're great friends. But she's not great friends with her other exes.
Yeah, I'm only friends with one. So I only have one and that's pretty much that's it. And then everybody else, no, just didn't. And it wasn't like a conscious decision. I wasn't like, I hate this person. I'm never talking to them again. We just like, I was like, nah. Are you friends? Are you friendly or friends? You're friends. No, friends. Yeah, totally friends. And Kyle is aware of that. Mm-hmm. Yep.
Yeah. Okay. It takes a little getting used to probably, but it's like, I don't know, it felt more normal than not. It felt like it was a more normal experience to stay friends in some way than to be like, oh, we're never talking again. So there was a friendship there? Yeah, for sure. Who was talking? Oh, Shawn Mendes talked about this recently and I thought he made a good point. He was saying that the hardest part of his breakup with Camila Cabello was losing the friendship because he's like, this was, you know, romance aside, this was the person you called and asked for advice and you
told them when things happened in your life and you cared about them. So you want to be able to check in and when you can't do that, it's a bit sad. Well, he shouldn't have gotten nude with her then. He should have thought that through. Adam? Oh, I was going to say. Well, you got 40 seconds. Right. Friends, not really friends, but good terms, sure. I don't have, there's no like bad blood or anything with any of my exes and I really don't have that many exes. Oh, I've got terrible friends.
like crash and burn things. About half and half, I'd say. And I think I've had, you know, I'm just going to throw this out here. One, two, three. I've probably had eight serious relationships in my life. Yeah. Half of them, I'm okay. I could certainly go down the street and run into somebody, but the other, quite volatile. Probably I should get some counseling and close a door and open a window, as they say.
But yeah, anyway, you're listening to the Jan Arden podcast. What was me? We'll be right back. We are so excited to welcome another new sponsor, our friends at Cove Soda. Have I pestered Cove enough to come and join us here at the Jan Arden podcast? I love them so much. They are Canadian. First of all, they are a natural certified organic zero sugar soda, which includes get this one big,
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Boy, did we ever talk about great stuff on that break. None of which you will ever hear. It does bode well, though, as we were saying, if you do have a good relationship with your exes, it says a lot about the person you spent time with, that it was meaningful and that you were able to solve problems and not...
hold grudges. And so I know I still have a lot of personal work to do on my side of the fence because I'm going, well, there's two people in this relationship and why can't I pick up a phone and go, look, you know what? I'd really just like to have peace and wish you well. And I'm just not quite there. And then I have the other ones that I am friendly with.
And like, not let's go to the movies or anything like that, but certainly a yearly conversation of how are you? How are your kids? How's your, how's that going? And how old are they now? And, you know, those, all that time that goes by that you're like, oh my God, you've got a 14 year old and an eight year old.
Yeah, it really depends on the person, obviously, and sort of how things all went down. And then where you are in your life afterwards, like if you're fully resolved on everything and you're like, this is no mystery, like we are not romantically interested in each other. We're not in love. We're not staying together. Like this is just easy. I don't think it's a problem. So like those things, I feel like once it's that cut and dry, it's like,
I don't know. I don't have an issue with, I don't really have an issue with staying friends. Then there are just people who are weirdos and you can't stay friends with them anyways. You don't even have to have dated them. I'm like, I can think back on like people where I'm like, oh, I just was friends with you and now I don't want to be friends with you anymore because you're weird. So those things happen too. It doesn't have to just be dating or not. A weird thing happened though to me, speaking of weird,
Because I'm on Instagram a lot and I had posted something and I received a bunch of DMs about this thing that I had posted. And one person who was messaging me said something they referenced like the area that I grew up in in Toronto. And they were from there too.
And I hadn't even looked and I'd had other exchanges with this person. It was like there's so many DMs. So I was like, I hadn't even seen who it was. The blue dots, the blue dots. I was like, I don't know who this is. I'm just writing like, lol, double tap, moving on. And I realized it was my high school ex-boyfriend's mom. I didn't even know. I looked at the name and I was like, this is weird. It's very difficult. It's getting smaller because...
You can look up anybody that you dated, whether it's the fourth grade or two months ago. You can see what they're doing. Most people have socials. Very few people that I know don't have any socials at all. In fact, I really can't name one sitting here in front of you right now. I can't name any of my friends that either don't do Instagram or TikTok or Twitter or something. They have something. It's always...
You can always find somebody you're looking for. So it's increasingly hard to break up. Back in the day, you broke up. You never saw them unless you ran into them at the wool call. Right. And, you know, then you kind of tried to hide among the man's pants to just get, you know, you didn't want to see them. You didn't want to talk to them. And now you click a button. You see new pictures. Oh, my God, they look great or they look terrible. You want them to look bad. Right.
I think you do want them to look better. You want yours to at least look good. But I do think it's, I would think it was weird actually if an ex that you had not stayed friends with randomly reached out on social. Like if you get like a random DM from someone who you haven't talked to in years who wants to catch up and stuff, that I wouldn't, like that I have no time for it.
I think the only person who I stayed in touch with, we just stayed in, we like didn't speak for a period of months just because it was like, let's have a cooling off period. And then we got back in touch and it was more just like platonic. How's your family? What's going on? And so that felt a little more natural. But yeah, I feel like I was weirded out even to see that this was like someone I dated his mom.
And I was like, I don't ever want to hear from you. Well, obviously she's followed your career. She's followed your career and kind of kept an eye on out for you and probably really liked you. You're a very likable person. So I don't think that's the case, which is what tell me, tell me what your thought is. I just was like, I wasn't great and I wasn't like the best in high school. So I feel like we didn't have the best time. So I was like, Hmm,
I don't know. This was probably like a very up and down thing. But she took the time to send you a message. Yeah, for sure. For sure. You know, things change and like you get older. But it's like that's the thing, Jan, like you're a public figure and on a much teeny tiny minuscular scale. I mean, I work in local radio. So there's a chance that someone just listens and I'm like, I don't know. But it's such a small world and it's a really small city. Like as big as Toronto is, it's actually quite small. You end up running into the same people. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah.
Yeah. It, it, when you realize how small your circle is, um, things get out there very quickly, bad news and good news travels fast. Um, I don't know, you know, when I think about relationships, I, I, I have to say it's not easy to reconcile the mistakes that I've made
going through my life, not as a young person or certainly at the point that I'm at now. And believe me, I ask myself all the time, why am I single? Why do I have no interest in putting myself out there? People are like, I wish she would just shut up about that. She says that every show. But I do. I lie in bed sometimes and I'm thinking, why are you making these kinds of decisions for yourself? And what is it? Is it my sobriety? Is it
Is it my age? Is it menopause? Is it, what is it? Like, I'm just at this place where do I, am I going to spend the rest of my life on my own? Is that a choice I'm making? Then I'm thinking, well, I'm relatively young. It's not like life is over. I've got, no, I've got things to do. I'll tell you right now, I'm going to go out and put these flowers in a pot and see what, but I, it's so funny. You just, you start,
really overthinking it, maybe? Maybe. I don't know. I don't think it's overthinking. I think you're just thinking about it because it's like, it's your life. What else are you going to think about? So, I don't know. I feel like though, when I look back, when you're younger, dating is just more a part of your regular life. It's like your peer group is doing it. Casual dating is just, it's a chunk of your life that exists.
And then the older you get, the more that that changes really. And if I honestly look back, I'm like, until I was together with my now husband, I wasn't really in love with anyone I dated ever. I might have accidentally said that, but I wasn't.
So I'm like, I just don't, it's like, if you know, if you're not like, I guess think about it, you reach a certain age and you're like, well, okay, I'm not going to fall in love with lots of people in life. Probably. That's a pretty rare, nice thing. It just doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. It is a rare thing. It's a rare thing. It's all the stars have to align the biology, the, the intellect. I think, I think your spiritual beliefs weigh into things. I mean, you do want to find somebody, um,
You want to find somebody that you can do, live your life. How can I put this? Someone to be alone together with. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I mean. And I mean that in the best possible way that you have that intimacy that you could do anything with that person in the other corner of the room. You don't have to scurry off and do what you're doing alone. That person to be standing right there with you, honey, I got a pee in the tree. You might want to turn away, but, but just that feeling of absolute, I've got your back. And yeah,
I have definitely experienced that. I've definitely experienced that. Like I've experienced it and like several times, but you're right. It is rare. That falling in love is rare. And when you break up with people and then, you know, you're single for a while, the need for that connection comes from other places, whether it's from your career or from friendships or from family, whatever that looks like your pets.
And then as you fill that in, because you're a more well-rounded person when you get older, the relationship just becomes less and less of this all-consuming thing. So I can see it. But who knows? You never know when you're going to meet someone. No, you don't. And I'm absolutely open to that. Think of all those sexually active retirement home people. This is what I have to look forward to. I think when I hit 81, holy moly, I'm going to be buying condoms by the boatload. No, I'm kidding. Quick question before we go to break.
If you guys were just single, just this is hype, completely hypothetical. Would you be leery of dating in this atmosphere, in this geography?
Like if you were just had to hit the road tomorrow, I'm going to go dating. Would it be scary? Yes. I don't think I'd like it. It's a weird time. It's a weird, weird time. Okay. So I'm not the only one that feels that. No, it's weird. I'm glad. Like with the apps and the blah, blah, blah. I don't even get it. And I couldn't do it. Okay. Thank you. Because if you guys would have went, oh, I think it would be super fun. And then I was just going to say goodbye and.
I think it's terrifying. It is. People can look you up. I like feeling, you know, you like feeling wanted, especially in the early stages of a relationship. That's a big deal. And now with everyone being able to pick somebody else with a swipe, I'm like, I don't know. Like, is this even making me feel special? Because that's what I like. I wouldn't even know how to do it. Like, I wouldn't even know how to go about it. Well, I know for sure that I don't have like a look.
People are like, oh, do you like dark hair, light hair? I'm like, I don't know. I've never even thought about that. So I think when the apps, and I've never even been on one except for Raya for like a hot 10 seconds. But when you're flipping through and looking at someone's photograph, my friends who have been on these apps say, oh, my God, Jan, they never look like their pictures. Very rarely. No.
No. My, you know, just very rarely look like their picture. So you're basing it on, is it one image that you get to go by? So you pick one image and flip it. I want to hear about you on Raya coming up after the break. Okay. We'll be right back. So Jan Arden podcast here, here with Caitlin, Adam, my friend, Danny kind. And I went out for dinner. She took me to a great little place on queen street. It was some little,
vegetarian place that was really lovely. And I know now looking back, she had an agenda. She's like, I want you to sign up for Raya. She had signed up for it. She was waiting to be accepted. Danny kind is on working moms. She's on Winona herb. She's done films. She's been, she's a very successful actor anyway. So she was waiting to hear back whether she was going to be accepted at Raya because it is basically public people, uh,
I'll go so far as to say celebrity people, I guess. And you have to have a certain amount of followers. You have to have a social media presence. You have to have the blue check marks. You have to have all this stuff in order to even apply at Raya, R-A-Y-A. Um,
So she, the filling out of the form was arduous. And I'm going to tell you right now, I was so reluctant. It took us an hour to do it. And it is a very detailed questionnaire. Anyway, fast forward, I'd forgotten about it. It was four, five, six months. I'm going to say you've been accepted at Raya and we've got some matches. I was just, my heart just pounded.
I was like, I don't want to do this. I want to do this. And I'd, I'd been very vague about age and I've been very vague about, you know, I put men and women. I was, I just sort of put it out there. I tried to be, Danny's like, be honest about your answers. You know, you don't drink, you're blah, blah, blah. You're vegan. La la. You want to put all this stuff out. You don't want to, you know, have someone invite you out for a steak and a bottle of Cabernet. It's just not, you want to sort of
So I'll tell you right now, and this is the God is to God truth. They sent me six people. We have matches for you that we think you would like. You're not even going to believe what I'm about to tell you right now. Leslie Feist. No Feist. Yeah. I don't know if I should be saying this, but Leslie already knows this. Cause I told her. Okay. Chelsea Handler. Okay. Drew Barrymore. Really? Yeah. I'm not kidding you. Um,
The guy that played the sheriff from Stranger Things. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's lost a lot of weight now and he's, I think he's in a really happy relationship. Yeah, I think so too. I think he found somebody. A Spanish, a very young 30-something-year-old Spanish businessman that lived mostly like in...
between Madrid and New York, I'm thinking, well, obviously there's no circle of how far away do you want this person to be? Like 4,800 miles? And then there was one other person. I immediately deleted the app. Oh, wow. Because you were just like, this isn't for me. It scared me so much that I just thought, oh my God, am I showing up on their list? Like, what have I done?
And I told Danny, I said, I'm just off of here. And that it, to me, it seemed so outlandish, so completely loony tunes. Maybe people have success on there, but my little quiet country life here, I'm like, if those are the people after me filling out an hour of this application of how my life is, and these are the names, then you, your algorithm has more issues than Vogue magazine. Yeah.
Well, I wonder now if David Harbour, who plays the sheriff on Stranger Things, met Lily Allen, who he's currently married to, the singer. I wonder if they met on Raya. I'll put money on it. Oh my gosh. That would be a great little inside scoop for Demois if it was true, but...
Well, I mean, it seems hard. Like, I have friends who are on dating apps and it does genuinely seem hard. They don't always love the matches that they have. And it's a lot of time and sometimes money that you put into that dating experience because you have to go out a lot, which is expensive. And for women, I think many times... Out a lot in Madrid, which is really expensive. It's a very expensive flight. So...
And, you know, and then you're like trying to look nice every time I get a new outfit, get your hair done, makeup, whatever. It's just it's a lot of time and energy. I think I would run out of I think I would run out of fuel for it. My poor friends who are single, though, sometimes I'll scroll through their app selection, like what they have to choose from. And it's bleak.
Like it's rough stuff at times out there. You're better off just joining. Like I have a girlfriend who's single and you know, she previously was a member at a tennis club and like, I think that's the best place you're going to probably meet someone. They say the library. Oh really? Yeah. I read the library is a great place to go.
Maybe I'm actually not supposed to talk. I think you just talk very quietly, which is maybe why it's appealing. Hi. What are you reading? Oh my gosh, I see you just picked up the new Martha Stewart. No, it's very intimate right away. Baking. What do you like to bake? What are you baking now? Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. And then do they ask you? So on the, on, they ask you like what you're looking for, I assume on Raya kind of, but do they ask you like detailed questions on your type? Yes. Okay. You know, I feel it was an hour. We laughed a lot, but I did not do stupid answers. Like Danny kind held me to task. Mm-hmm.
I didn't, I didn't put, I didn't lie and I didn't put down things. I just didn't, you know, how many relationships have you had, you know, serious relationships, blah, blah, blah. I mean, it was a lot of stuff. Um, I don't remember there being a lot of like sexually descriptive. I don't think there was anything like that. I, the only ones that was just like, you open to age or what, you know, what, what sex are you looking for? Blah, blah, blah. Um,
It wasn't, yeah, it wasn't anything like that. It was very professional. And I don't know how they make their money. I don't know who pays what. Oh, yeah, because I was just going to say you didn't have to pay to join. Well, no, but there was a thing on the quick moment that I looked at the app that asked you to buy...
um, these certain passes that enabled you to speak to people and you could get like bundles of five or 10. Sorry if I'm giving up all your secrets, Raya, but that I just looked at it. You could get something for like a couple hundred bucks. And then, so I think if you've got all these members that are buying these passes that enable you to, um,
chats or something. I think that's kind of, I'm completely getting it wrong. Raya will never sponsor our show. Can we get Drew Barrymore on the show? They should do like a matchmaking. Matchmake Jan with Drew Barrymore, please. I like Drew Barrymore. I love her. I was so
gobsmacked at the choices and not that these are unattractive, unsuccessful people, quite the contrary. But I just thought I am at the other end of the pool. I'm sorry. This isn't even near, this isn't even close to what
I would envision for myself in a gajillion years. And like I said, they're successful and beautiful and talented people. Yeah. But you were like, this isn't what's going to, this isn't going to be what connects me with someone else. I mean, I think you do notice that I noticed you like it flattens everything, you know, and you're just supposed to be judged based on, you know, a,
small handful of photos. Like you said, everyone picks the best ones or sometimes they don't, which is even more baffling to me. Like sometimes they're just like God awful photos up there, like not good lighting. They're just wearing a track suit. I'm like, why'd you even put this up?
And then it's like those few basic questions and everyone tries to write the same thing and hold a dog in your photo. And it's just, I mean, I think there's a homogenization of the dating experience that happens on these apps. Naturally, I think they do try to do, they make an effort to try to have one app stand out from the other, but it's unavoidable. And it's just not the same as having a real life interaction with someone. You just, you don't know chemistry until you're sitting down with somebody and you're picking up on their whole vibe. Yeah.
I always like the surprise attraction when you've met them three or four or five times and something clicks in the pit of your stomach. And you're like, do I like this person? It's a wonderful kind of exploration of exactly that, the chemistry between a person, you know, finding, getting to know their personality a little bit. I mean, we could talk about this all day, but I do, I'm not a,
I'm not jaded. I'm not an unbeliever, disbeliever. I'm not. What's the word? Nonbeliever. She's smart. She's so smart. You're not a cynic. I don't think you're cynical.
But, yeah, it's interesting. I wanted to get to an Ed Sheeran song. We'll have to wait for another time because Ed Sheeran got sued. But, you know, we had a little clip and everything. But we got talking about dating. Thanks for listening. Subscribe. Hit subscribe. We'll just pop up in your inbox and you won't even have to go looking for us. You can write to us at Jan Arden Pod on Twitter and just let us know your thoughts.
And we just really appreciate you listening. So go send us, give us some love, give us some stars and send us a review. We love you. For Caitlin Green, Adam Karsh, I'm Jen Arden. This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.