Chris Franjola on Women in Space, Coachella, The Masters
01:30:06 Share

This episode of Juicy Scoop is brought to you by Booking.com, Booking.yeah. How excited are you that summer is around the corner? And if you're like me, you want to plan a few trips with all your favorite people. So I want to do like a sexy little weekend with Peter,

It's 25 years of marriage. I mean, every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S., I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com, Booking.yeah.

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users' phone numbers, emails, and social security numbers, delivering real-time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free when you visit aura.com slash defend.

That's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's A-U-R-A dot com slash defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details. At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Awkward.

Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Heather McDonald has got the Juicy Scoop. When you're on the road, when you're on the go, Juicy Scoop is the show to know. She talks Hollywood tales for real life. Mr. Sake and Serial Data and Serial Sisters. You'll be addicted and addicted. Real life podcast. Listen in, listen up.

Hello and welcome to Juicy Scoop. I have the number one favorite, my first show ever. This is your favorite model turned young dad, comedian, star of Cover to Cover podcast, which is such a big hit. Everybody loves him. Your favorite Chris Franjola. Thank you so much for having me back in a new studio.

I hope that your gorgeous blue eyes are showing and everyone is subscribing to the YouTube so they can see Chris. We actually look great because we're both wearing navy. I know. Is that something you picked up? We're going to get into it. I see the masters. I really didn't understand what I was getting into. Okay. And it was fabulous. Did you see my parents? Yes.

No, did they go? They used to work it. They don't anymore. They're a little older now. But they used to volunteer. And my father would hold up, quiet, please. Quiet, please. I have to say. He'd be the one who held up the sign. My mother worked a merch booth. Okay, everybody. I did not see one.

intoxicated person. However, there were alcohol served. Okay. I did not see any craziness. There was not one person being rude. They'd set out their seats and if you sat in, you could sit in someone's seat and then they would just go, hi, I'm here now. Okay. Get up and leave. Wow. Like everybody was and you couldn't have your phones. The photos that I got, here I am with two-time winner Ben Crenshaw. That is how I got to go because his delight of a wife

listens to Juicy Scoop. Oh. And became friends with my really good friends from many years ago. And they all... So then she was like... So we shared a house with them. Yeah. Lori and Danny Smith. And then, you know, they get tickets and stuff because he's, you know, there. A golf legend. And...

So we got to shop at the actual country club on the first day Wednesday, which was where they like play and the kids wear the caddy outfits, which is the cutest thing ever. It's like that's the first day Wednesday, which is not official. They practice and their kids and wives wear like caddy outfits, a.k.a. female stand up comedian outfits. Yeah. Oh, like a jumpsuit. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And, you know, some of the guys are and all the guys are good looking. Everybody has a belt. I'm happy to see this look.

Oh, you mean guys are good looking? The golfers or who? Pretty much the spectators too are pretty cute. Everybody has a belt, did you say? Yeah, everyone has a belt. Everyone is like a coordinated outfit. And then, you know, the yes ma'am from the South, I love. Yes ma'am, yes sir. Now it's in Augusta, Georgia. Everybody's polite, have a wonderful time. And so then the first day you could bring a real camera. So that's how I got some photos if you go to my Instagram. And, um,

Like a real camera, like a... A real, like a digital camera, not a phone. And then, so Ben actually took Peter into the famous locker room. Wow. And he got to like see it, which, you know, to a guy is a big thing. Yeah. And then we got to go to the shopping. So this is one of the dresses I got, which is only from the country club.

merch store, which is... And all the merch is really high-quality stuff. So, yes, you're spending a lot, and you're getting the master thing, which is like a flex, but also it's not crap. It's like quality things that you're going to wear. So, anyway...

Beyond my expectations of a good time. And then the next days that we went, Thursday and Friday, you can't have your phone at all. You leave it in the car. Yeah. And I loved it. So nice. I loved it. I'd have like a drink or two throughout the day, which is the perfect amount of buzz to sit in the sun. We had perfect weather. Now, if it was freezing or super hot, I'm sure I wouldn't have loved it as much. What do you drink?

They're called azaleas. And it's vodka lemonade and like grenadine, I think, or something else. And delicious. And then there's beers. And then everyone talks about the food being cheap because they don't change the prices. But the food was great. Like the little...

Like barbecue sandwich. It was like as good as like a Buc-ee's barbecue sandwich the best one I've ever had best Yeah, something about wrapped in the foil or something and just kept like a little warm somewhere I think it like blends into the flavor. I don't know was so good Ice cream like sandwich. Anyway, the whole thing was super fun. So then we came home and then we watched Rory win. Yeah, and that was fun. Yeah, and that's great. That's what we did and and you know, I

Now, Tiger Woods was not there, who's now dating Donald Trump Jr.'s ex-wife. Right. Mother of five. Mother of five? Yeah, five kids. All Donald Trump Jr.'s? Yes, together. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm pretty sure they have five. And then, so he was not there.

He had another ailment going on. But also he was like, I don't want to take away from the event by bringing my girlfriend there. Like we are in love and like just I want to just stay classy. Let them have their moment, which is kind of interesting because. Let who have their moment?

The other players. All the other players. Because the way it works is once you've won, you can play the tournament for the rest of your life. Okay. Now, you may not continue to win. Yeah. But they will make a spot for you. And I said, I don't know how I feel about that. I feel like at a certain point, you should go, you know what? Let me step back so there's more spots available. Right. Yeah.

But anyway, they didn't ask for opinions. I think the Oscar says if you win an Oscar, you could go back every year. You could always go back. You could always get a seat. You could always get a seat, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, so there's some older guys, but then, you know, some of them just... Like, Ben just played on the Wednesday Fun Day. Right. But some of the guys, like, were, like, in their 60s, like, still doing it. Yeah. Probably knowing they weren't going to win, but I'm like, but then you're, like, taking a spot from someone new. And then...

So one guy... But it's also about like TV ratings. Yeah. You want to see the older guys who you know. One guy was fascinated because he had a very curvy ass. Oh, is that right? Yes. Who? I don't want to bring it up. Peter looked him up. He wasn't in the finals like two days. But that ass was... Like this? No, almost like a woman's ass on a man's body. Oh, well, that...

You know, kind of shocking. Yeah. I couldn't stop staring at it. I was close. But like, are you saying that's good or bad? No, it's not my kind of thing. Yeah. But look, who am I to talk about an ass? Everyone says, I don't have an ass. How dare you not have an ass? I don't really have much of one either. However, I agree with you. I think too much of an ass is a fine line between no and too much. I mean, this is what he was born with. Clearly, he didn't get a PBL like, you know, the Kardashians. I just was like kind of fascinated by it. But-

Here's the thing. A lot of people look at her flat ass. I've had people go, Heather, just with all your money, I just don't understand why you've not gone in and gotten a BBL, a Brazilian butt lift or a butt fill or taken the fat. And I'm like, you know why I don't? Yeah. Because I don't have to look at it. I don't have to look at it.

Right. What the fuck do I care? You have to look at it. So I'm sorry for the people that are in line at Target. I'm sorry that you're looking at it. Who's ever having to look at it. And I'm like, does that make me a narcissist or does that make me a saint? Because I'm like, would I be a saint if I got a, would that be a more Christian thing to do is to fill my ass up so that people could see it and enjoy it? Because that's the thing. I, I like to spend money.

Color my hair, wear my lashes, because I look at the mirror. Yeah. I don't see what's behind me. What about when you step into, like, you try clothes on and I have that mirror that you can see behind you? I just ignore that part. I do, too. Everybody should. I think everybody does. Like, seeing anyone from the back is not great. I'm talking about anybody. It's not great. All these people that spend money on their butts, I'm like...

That must be someone who's really looking to get with a certain kind of guy that is really, really into the ass. Yeah. And that's okay. I thought it was kind of going away a little bit, the giant ass. The giant, giant ass. But a good, perky good ass is always going to be beloved. Oh, of course. Yes. It's always going to be something that you want.

But don't you think also with the Brazilian butt lift, sorry to continue on this, is eventually get to a point where you just got to, this is just not going to be, like you getting a Brazilian butt lift now would be a little ridiculous. Even if Peter died and I was out just, you know, on the apps, just, I'm like...

I'm sorry. I'm not 25. Right. And I really don't care. And I think I'm doing pretty good. Yeah. So for what's going on. So again, it didn't hurt me in the 90s getting a guy to talk to me. And I don't know that would hurt me. You always hit it well. Because also the group that I will date after if something was to happen. Right.

Are the same guys that liked me in the 90s, they're just going to be here divorced and broken in their late 50s? Right, right. I don't think they're Aspen either. And I think, yeah, you don't want like, eventually you're going to die and then, you know. I'm ready. Does that all, when they cremate you, does that all go in the cremation? Like, does the pee, whatever they put in your cheeks, does that get ash? I think the silicone...

liquid, the silicone implants. Right. If they're silicone, I think. Yeah. I think we'll, just like if you opened a casket, like if you went, you know, they would just be laying there. I don't know that they did. I wonder if they've ever done that when they've like opened up a casket and it's like a, well, a casket, I think kind of like protects the body. Yeah. But like if a body was found in the woods.

Would those two things just like be in the, in the shelf of the skeleton? So if, but those, you don't do that in your ass anymore. They realized that was a mistake. They just put in fat and they usually put in your own fat. So it doesn't move or anything. Now, if you have no fat, then they put filler in and that will eventually dissolve and possibly could move. Cause there was some people like a one or two ladies died from no putting in like cement. Right. Some of the people do the deals, you know, so don't, you don't want to do that either. Yeah.

Speaking of the weekend, okay, so it was first we know Coachella. Yeah, you were at the Masters while Coachella was going on. You chose... The total better choice. Also because, you know, I have a place in La Quinta. I'm going to go there this weekend. This weekend, it says it's going to be 80. Perfect. Oh.

This past weekend, it was extremely hot. Like 98. Every year, Coachella is like 102 degrees. I don't know why it becomes like the hottest day of the year. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It just depends. You just don't know. You could get 100 degrees or you could get like 82 and like loveliness. Yeah. So it was really, really hot. Something happened with the campers and they were stuck in it for 12 hours. But I also feel like people that are home that like aren't there.

they love to hear that something that was planned and supposed to be fun that they were never going to go to is a disaster. It's their favorite thing to report on. It's our fire. It's our fire fest. Yeah, you just are like, oh, I do that. Everyone was waiting in line for 12 hours. People are so excited to say it was a disaster. I'm like,

Fine. It's not for you. Like, you don't have to go. As someone that now, like, has a heart in Laquita, Coachella is a great thing. I don't want it to go away. Kids go. It's a young person's thing. It's like for teenagers. And even, like, influencers that went for the last, like, six years are, like, not being invited back. And they're inviting the TikTokers. It's like pass the torch and just whatever. Who cares? I watched a lot of clips. And there was a clip of a guy named Benson Boone.

who's very good. Right, who does the flips and has the abs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he sang Bohemian Rhapsody. Yes. The Freddie Mercury Queen song. And at one point, they made a big production out of Brian May, the guitarist from Queen was playing with him. And he goes, ladies and gentlemen, Brian May. And I don't think anybody in the crowd's like, who? Some old man comes up out of the stage like it's a big deal. And the crowd's like, I don't even know who that is. He's 70-something years old. Like, who?

How would they know? How would they know? Right. I mean, I do think, you know, but and then also the fact that you can like stream it now. So I'm like, I'm going this weekend. To Coachella? To my house. Oh. But I'm like,

You know, we can just stream it from our backyard and lay around in our pool and like have a margarita. But I like going to like if there's like a day party that's like an influencer thing, I like to do that. Right. But actually going to the thing, it's just like you feel it's a lot of walking and you feel like a celebrity. I saw Chalamet walking in with Kylie. Kylie, of course, 10 feet behind. Oh, really? Yeah.

At least in the clip I saw. Oh, jeez. Well, then I saw them getting cuddly and cute. But then her baby daddy, he was playing that night. Oh, wow. Travis Scott. So I thought that was kind of interesting. I'm like, I guess she still likes the music. Missy Elliott I saw performing. I thought that was pretty great. Yeah. And... It was a good performance. And the Lady Gaga looked amazing. But I have to tell you something, and I'm scared to say it. Oh, no. I don't really like Lady Gaga's songs. Oh, no.

Like, I think she's beyond talented, but whenever I like am listening, cause I listened to like regular radio where it's just a mix of music sometimes. Every time I heard it's like, you know, pop up your face and all that. I'm always like, and I, and I do change the station. Really? Really. But I think she's so talented. I know she gave a great show, but I just, when we did, when we were at the fire aid. Yeah. We left before she came on. Oh,

Okay. I mean, I still think she's great. I'm just not as into it. There are people who don't like the Beatles. It's art. Everybody has their own interpretation. Yes. So we'll see. I don't even know who's coming this weekend. But I guess they always say the second weekend is like the less exciting weekend. Isn't it the same with Green Day and Lady Gaga? No, I think it's different people. It's a whole different group of people. And then it's like the less...

exciting time to go. Yeah. Like if you're all about filming yourself and all that kind of stuff. And like the outfits, I'm like, oh my God, like they were showing like, oh, Coachella from, you know, 2014. Everyone was just wearing like more like Woodstock hippie dippy flowers in their hair and like cute. Now it's like, look at these outfits. Here's our girl. Well, she, that's crotch out. She's doing crotch out. That's Julia Fox. And it's a hundred and,

degrees and a lot of girls wore leather jackets like Alex Earl and all these people with like tiny outfits underneath just for the look and I'm like oh the sweat okay so Britney

Brittany is in Mexico or on a vacation and she brought a baby doll with her that her bodyguards carrying like a real baby for her. And baby doll, like it's a doll. Yeah. And she wrote a long thing. She's in lingerie and she's like, um, you know, every man I wore lingerie for didn't make me feel good. So now I'm going to wear it for you. And I was in these toxic relationships and this whole long thing. And I,

I'm just like, it just frustrates me. Like why she just doesn't do a level of only fans or something. Maybe she just doesn't need the money at all, but I'm just like, I don't know why. I mean, why can't she do it? But why can't she do it? Like, why can't she do it? If she says, she says, I want to do the laundry for you and not for these guys that, you know, were my husbands and stuff like, all right, she's not doing well.

Wait, but back to the doll. What was that about? Why did she have a doll? Just when she said she was pregnant. I don't think she was ever pregnant. She's talked about, I have a baby, you know. I don't know if it was one of those like dolls that look like a real baby. Yeah. I don't know. I know it's like people just don't care, but I just want...

her to find some purpose but i guess she feels like she has a purpose with the instagram that's what i have to tell myself she does she hasn't she can just be in her own house she still looks kind of okay like she's in good shape she is in good shape but then you sometimes you don't know if this is from a long time ago or two years ago yeah because that's the hotel she always stays at that i feel like all the her bottoms like whether it be shorts or panties or whatever they're they're all like one size too small and she pulls them real down low low low but

Anyway. You guys know how much I love quints. And spring is upon us. We've got into vacation mode. And I love all my quints items. I love my silk. I have these great silk dresses that roll up easy, look great, are perfect for summer and layering with some of their great cashmere sweaters. You know I love all of their stuff. And the best is quints now has premium luggage options and stylish tote bags to carry it all.

Their luggage is so great. And I just got a dark green carry-on bag and I'm feeling so chic as I go through the airport. By partnering directly with Top Factories, Quince cuts out the middleman and passes the savings on to us. So we love that. And they only work with factories that use safe, ethical, responsible manufacturing practices. So for your next trip...

treat yourself to the luxe upgrades you deserve from quince go to quince.com slash juicy for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order that's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash juicy to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash juicy this episode of juicy scoop is brought to you by booking.com booking.yeah juicy scoopers

How excited are you that summer is around the corner? And if you're like me, you want to plan a few trips with all your favorite people. So I want to do like a sexy little weekend with Peter. It's 25 years of marriage. I want to do something with my sons.

We're planning on going away with another couple. We want to make sure there's plenty of room in a vacation rental where we're not on top of each other, but we can enjoy the area. And what I love is that Booking.com, Booking.ya has everything. I mean, every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S., I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs.

I found that Booking.com has something for everyone. No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find this day that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com, Booking.yeah. Let's talk about the most exciting news in space. It's the greatest thing ever. Why? Why? Because Lauren Sanchez...

Is a helicopter pilot. She is? She is. I did not know that. Okay. And before getting with... Between kind of her not really being like doing hosting news things. Yeah. Before she left...

the agent husband for their other good friend, you know, Jeff Bezos to just remind people they were couples that hung out and then they started seeing each other. And then I think the agent found out. And so then they broke up the marriages and they stayed together, Lauren Sanchez and Jeff Bezos and,

And nobody really cares because, you know, he's on the yacht too. Now the ex-husband's like, whatever, brings his girlfriend around. Like, he doesn't care. Like, I mean, I do think if your wife's going to cheat, it should be with Jeff Bezos. Anyway, so I think he got in the space game. Whatever this spaceship is, I think this is like his thing, Jeff Bezos, like to kind of compete with like Elon's. Sure. Yeah, I think it is. And so it's like, hey, rich people can go to space.

on this ride. It's an 11 minute ride. It looks like just a ride. You go up and you come back down. You go up and you, okay. So it was 11 minutes long. And so she was like, let me put an all female like group together. But it felt very much just like influencers. Like she got Katie Perry. She got Katie Perry. I think she also got, um, who's the other really rich guy's ex-wife.

The other one. Yeah, I think she got hurt. No, I swear. No, that wasn't her? I don't think so. Okay, whatever. Nobody was an astronaut. Well, there was like scientists. Okay, a scientist. And then there was Gayle King, which I think she thought Gayle King would like rise the, kind of raise the group. But I'm like, no, Gayle King is just a talk show host like you and me. Right. We are all at the level of Good Morning America. It is not a hard job. I've said it from the start.

It's not a hard job. Less than ever, probably. Yes. I feel like those channels, it's all becoming so weird that now more people go to Joe Rogan than they would to Good Morning America. Yeah, and so I'm like, not that she's not smart, but she's not, clearly she probably asked Oprah.

And Oprah was like, I don't want to go up there because it freaks me out, but you should ask Gayle. This is what I think happened. And then I think she probably asked Kim Kardashian.

And they're like besties. And I think Kim was like, no, but I'll give you like the skims underwear to wear under the outfit. Because I don't think I think Kim has said she's not one that wants to like go to space. I have said I don't want to go to space. You have? Yes. I didn't know that. I didn't know you publicly said it. I have said it numerous times. I have no desire to go.

But now you're, but for 11 minutes, you wouldn't go up and turn around and look back. I mean, isn't that what it is? I guess if it becomes like an American airline flight to Phoenix where it's like, there hasn't been any explosions or anything. What if they had a decent merch table up there that you could buy nice dresses like you did at the Masters? I went to space and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Maybe. Yeah. So they had the really cute outfits that this designer made them. It was a very flattering outfit. And Oprah was there. She was. And Kris Jenner was there. Why was she there? Because she suddenly became best friends with Lauren Sanchez in the last couple years. Where were they? Wherever the launch is. Okay. Yes. And Oprah then was crying until she came back.

And, yeah, I mean, their friendship is really strong. And this was happening today. This all happened this morning. Wow. And they went up and came back. They went up and came back. And, you know, there was some criticism because leading up to it. Olivia Munn was critical of it. Yeah, leading up to it because it was like, you know, Katy Perry was like, we're going to put the ass into astronaut, just saying things like that. And Lauren Sanchez says, we're going to bring glam to space.

But they didn't bring their glam guys floating around. No, they did their makeup before. We're going to have eyelashes. You're astronaut wearing that. Wow. But I'm sure they're right up to the last minute, somebody running after them, doing this. But it's not like they're in space. They were just in these lay down seats. It was just like a lay down. It just looked like a ride at Disneyland. Honestly, it looked like a nice ride at Disneyland. I mean, yeah.

I hope. I don't even know if they said we had training in this. I don't know what kind of training, what to do. Open the door if there's a problem and fly out. I don't think there was any training. Why couldn't they have gotten stuck up there like those other two? That would have been great if they were stuck up there for nine months. I know. I was kind of like. I'm not saying they had to die. No, I don't want anyone to die. But it would have been fun if they were stuck up there for like nine months.

Yes. And everything went, you know, all the weeds. And then they really came back looking different. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, everything went to shit. Right. Lauren Sanchez just deflated whatever she's got going on. And then, like, when they come back, like...

Like I remember I would do this religious retreat called Kairos. A lot of people do. And you're not supposed to know what the secret is. And the secret is, well, I don't want to tell what the secret is, but who cares? Like as if some 15 year olds listening to this, whatever. One of the things, okay, I figure if you ever, a kid who's going to do Kairos, pull over and turn this off. The thing is when you come back,

Your your love, your parents are there and you speak about what how great it was. OK, but also the boys from the brother school that have done it are going to be there, too.

So now I knew this. So for three days, all the girls at my girl high school, nobody, everyone looked like shit. They let us eat. They let us smoke, which was weird. They were like, you can smoke cigarettes, but whatever. I didn't smoke. Everyone brought candy and crap and we all look awful. Well, now I knew that I knew the secret. Okay. That there could be boys waiting there at the end. Oh,

So I put on all my makeup. And they're like, why are you putting makeup on the bus from Santa Barbara or whatever? I'm like, oh, my dad said he's taking me to TGI Fridays after. And then we get there and they walk out and they're like, all the cute guys with their Letterman jackets there. It's 1988 when people cared how people looked. You just said the Masters. Everybody was wearing a belt. I swear to God. The South is...

good looking people. Yeah, but you were also at the Masters. Yes, I'm with Rich, Rich, Rich. Go a couple of blocks from there. I'm with multi-generational South, like thick. That's not exactly. Everyone had gorgeous shining hair. Everyone had like, you know, just perfect skin. Let me take you to some of the comedy clubs I play in the South and see if those people are hanging out. So anyway, the girls turned around and they're like,

bitch. Like, how do you knew? So what I'm saying is like, what if they were stuck in space? Right. And then like only Lauren or only somebody brought like a little makeup bag. Yeah. And now they're coming back and she's like, no, you're not barring my, you know, foundation. Like I only have enough for me. Yeah. And it's like, come on. Like you have to share with,

All of us. And then, you know, so then one person does come back like looking good and the rest, you know, thought it was an 11 minute ride. I mean, it's kind of a risky move. These things blow up a lot. That's what I think. I was like,

You know, like the submarine thing. Yeah. It's just another rich thing people do. I don't know what the point was, except that women went into space. But it was like for 11 minutes. And like, did you bring anything back? Did you bring back like a new version of Ozempic, something that other women would care about? Yeah. No. No.

Anyway, I'm happy they're safe. Me too. Okay, let's talk about... So Saturday Night Live, you watched White Lotus, right? I know of it. You know of it. I don't watch it. So this girl...

Amy Lou Woods. She was a big star in it. And it was a little shocking to see her come on because, but also these two girls become friends and they're both dating these older guys at the resort. Right. And in my opinion, I was like, wow, that's interesting casting. They actually both don't have good teeth. The other girl didn't either. Right. And they also were like, not like, they didn't look like yacht girls. They weren't like that hot. But I'm like,

What I liked about her is that she was very appealing. She was English. So she has like these very unique, like kind of what they'd call bunny teeth or split between your teeth. Never, never had braces. And, um, but then I was like, well, I think I see why he loved her as an actress and she's just so endearing, but also her character was so in love with this guy, this older guy. And he was probably like 25 years older than her, 20 years older. That, um,

It was sweet because they're like, okay, well, I don't think she's like a gold digger. Like, I think they actually really fell in love. However, he acted like she was an annoying mosquito the whole trip, but whatever. So they do the Saturday Night Live parody and they call it White POTUS. And it's, you know, the guy playing Trump and the two guys playing the brothers. And then like Ivanka's the sister. And they're basically playing like the one family that like Parker Posey was a part of. And oh, and then the other girl, Chloe's playing Parker Posey's character like Piper, no. And doing the voice or anything.

And then this other girl plays her and kind of plays up the teeth. Sarah Squirm, who's very funny. Yeah, and plays up the teeth and, you know, the English accent. Yeah. So off the bat, you know, it gets to Amy Liu. And she writes on stories like, I might delete this, but I'm just really hurt, like, that this is where you're going with it. Because the teeth thing, she's like, I've gotten people that have written me, like, I was going to get my teeth fixed. Now I'm not. Like, you've given me confidence. It's amazing. It's great. It's great.

So anyway, I saw it and then she did say something nice after. She's like, I'm not blaming the actress. I'm just saying like, really? And here's the thing though. If you're going to do an impression of somebody, it would have been weird if they didn't do anything with the teeth. Because every time she would say something, she'd be like, don't go to Hong Kong. Like she was always like, it wasn't just the teeth. It was always like this like shocked look like.

You know, that was her. That was her character because she was so, like, in love with this guy. So, I mean, yeah, we're still going to... If this is Saturday Night Live... If this is Saturday Night Live, I mean, one of the things I know that they did regret was when... Who was the actress that played Pat? Oh, yeah, Sweeney. Sweeney. Yeah. Julia Sweeney played...

Again, braces, not cute. Yeah. What's Clinton's daughter? Chelsea Clinton. Oh, yeah. And they had, you know, and then Chelsea. And then they realized, wait a minute. You're right. We shouldn't be doing an impression of a child. And so that was like one of the things. But I mean, you know, like. What about its fat? Well, she says she totally regrets that. She's like done like.

one woman shows about like regretting it's pat but different times very different time because she created that at the groundlings right which by the way when i talked about how the older guys should maybe give up their spot i go reminding me of the groundlings is that the groundlings theater which i talk about all the time was a lot of snl people came from there's only 30 spots yeah that you can then perform on friday and saturday night for the rest of your life until you give up your spot right but

But then every year or twice a year, there's a group that comes up from the B company, Sunday company, and they have to decide who could have the new spots. Well, every year there'd be like 18 people. There'd be one spot. And we'd be like, this bitch is on a bus. This one's on their fourth year of SNL. Like open it up. Like you really need to come back on a Saturday night and like perform for 99 people. Like what is this? Anyway, getting back. So,

What are your feelings about this whole thing? I mean, you know, honestly, my first feeling is, of course, you just have to have thicker skin, I think. I get it, you know, but we all get made fun of. You read things, I read things. I'm the little puppet and saw. Don't ever stop. We're all here. Use that as much because I'm the one who talked about it first 15 years ago. I remember. So if someone wants to now throw that out and go look at that face...

It's the same face I had. These cheeks are not filled. Look at me when I was 12. It's the same fucking face. I mean, the person who said who came up with that you look like the puppet from Saw. It was a tweet. It was a tweet while I was at...

Chelsea. And that was when we never got any hate. It was very low hate. And I was like, oh my God, I love it. It's a franchise. Billy, he's good at the tricycle. He gets to be in a lot of things. And then they'd be like...

Because it's kind of like the cheeks are big because they're my cheeks, they use it for a lot of plastic surgery. So people have said, Joan Rivers looks like Billy. And then I'm like, hey, it's me. Right. Don't give it to other people. Yeah. I mean, I have to read once a week that I'm an old prune, dried up prune, things like that. I mean, you just got to roll with the punches. Right. Right.

I don't know if you could notice, but I currently have Invisalign. I'm wearing Invisalign. Invisalign's a great thing. I'm old for Invisalign, so this girl might want to think about it. I don't know, but her teeth are kind of like her thing, right? So Drake did Invisalign. Okay. But then...

I think he kind of, it really was looking good. And then I think he kind of like stopped with it. That's what you got to do. So then when they move, you can't go back. You kind of got to start all over. Yeah. But I think he was doing a different brand. So if Invisalign would like to, or somebody else would like to come back, we would like to reinstate the Invisalign. Well, I'm a big fan. And get it going again. 16 weeks. I got to go. You're going to notice a difference. Oh, I'm already. I've been two weeks. I've already noticed a difference. You look good. I mean, you have a great smile. It's going to change my whole face. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to be like, I think I'm going to get back into modeling.

But I love that she looks unique. I'm so sick of everybody with their giant chompers. I'm so sick of everybody looking exactly the same. So I do think there's going to be a movement of casting more actresses that haven't fucked with their face and stuff. And I think then hopefully there'll be a movement of people like, you know. I already notice a lot less girls are getting boob jobs. Tiny tits are in. Or if they get them, they get them small.

Yeah. But like... Tiny tits have been... Yeah, they're insane. But like non-enhanced tits. Right. Confidence around... Even if you get boob jobs, you go for the small ones. That's what I'm saying. They call them little teardrops. Right. And...

But yeah, that's in. That's like you can wear couture. You look skinny. It's like chic. So it's like things go in and out of style. But you get those big white chompers. You can never take those off. Yeah. So you want to be careful of fixing your teeth but looking natural. But I get it. I honestly feel badly for the actress that did it because I think she's probably feeling weird.

Yeah, but that's one of those things. Like you and I have been in this game. We've done characters on shows where we've really gone hardcore. And I do feel bad about some of them. Like which ones? I mean, you did an Amy Winehouse that was great, but it was... Well, she can't get mad at me. No, I mean, that's... You die. You dodge that bullet. But you know what I mean? I remember I used to do a Gary... I don't... I think I would have had...

a lot more trouble doing it if we're social media where is it here where it is now I wasn't getting that kind of we weren't getting like that response really on Twitter or anything right after we did it and then it would be gone and then there'd be a new show the next day so it didn't like live in infamy and there weren't like reels cut of every single thing we said and did yeah

And I do get it when everybody is talking about everybody on their podcast. Reels get cut. Bits get cut. And then people really like go, oh, I can't believe they said that. I can't. Now it's like, no, good. Talk about me. Who cares? Like, you know, but I get why you get her. And that's probably the first time she saw it. And I remember they did a parody of Chelsea lately on SNL. It was funny.

I think it did bother her. Oh, really? I don't know. Yeah. I remember a lot. I have a weird memory. And I remember there was a girl being Lonnie Love. Yeah. Someone being Ross. Yeah. And then... It was just like three loud mouths. And then like, yeah, somebody else. Like nobody was doing like me or anything. Yeah. And I think it just was like, it's one of those things that are like, you know, of course they were going to make something fun of something that was...

and different than anything we've seen. Right. You know, just like they've done so many parodies in the beginning about podcasts and how lame podcasts are and everybody has one. You know, like everyone shit on it in the beginning. They do that on Saturday Night Live. They do like a podcast sketch where they talk about like bro podcast. Right, exactly. They're all shitting on it because they're probably like pissed that they're sitting there, you know, having to kiss Lorne Michaels' ass while like their other friend who didn't get SNL writing staff

from four years ago is probably doing really well on podcasting. So they want to shit on it. So it's like...

Yeah, I think... But I think I can see why... And she's going to be fine and bask in her glory. It was just the first time she had to deal with... But by doing this now... She must have heard this before in life. But I don't think she was a big enough star. And this wasn't as big of a deal. But you know what's good about this now? Now nobody's going to do her. There might have been somebody right now kind of about to do a video. They're probably taking down their videos. Yeah. And...

you know, like doing that whole thing. Like I saw a guy getting out of the, it was making me laugh. He was just a normal guy. He didn't have big teeth, but he was coming out of the pool and always being like, don't go to Hong Kong. And then you go back and don't go. And I was like, this is funny. Like, it's funny because we all watched white Lotus. It's like COVID jokes. Everybody watched white Lotus. So, but by her calling it out and stuff, now she can sit back and know that nobody's doing it.

No one's going to make fun of the teeth ever again. I mean, I know that this is an easy response to this, but you should be more concerned when they're not doing parodies. You know what I mean? Right, yeah. Just go. Just roll with it. Yeah. That means your career is going well.

Right. Which when they stop, that's when you got to start concerning yourself. True that. I mean, it's true. It's like, yeah. But it's a, you know, she hasn't had this kind of fame yet. So now she has to get used to it. Guys, you know, we are so excited because Sister Wives is returning on TLC. I mean, you know where we left off.

Christine is in love and happily married, but Janelle and Mary kind of starting to form an alliance finally because they're looking for possibly loves on their own, but also land. What is going to happen to Coyote Pass? Because the only people left together are Cody and Robin. So what are they going to do with that land? What is going to happen? Are they going to be able to make a monogamous relationship for the first time really work?

I want to see, I want to see the dynamic. We're going to get the juicy questions that we've been wondering. They're going to be answered. And you know, Christine is not going to hold back. So all of these dynamic personalities and all the juicy history behind them and going forward is coming back this Sunday on TLC at 10 p.m. So juicy scoopers get ready. I know I'm not the only person that procrastinates when it comes to seeing a doctor.

Because you tell yourself, oh, I don't know who to call. I don't even know where to begin. It'll heal on its own. It's not that big of a deal. I'm busy this week. Oh, I don't want to drive all the way over there. Where do I even begin? That is why I love ZocDoc. You guys, our health means a lot. And it's your responsibility to make sure that you're doing well. And ZocDoc makes it so easy.

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash juicy to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. ♪

How did you learn about money? Was it something that you were taught at home? Did you learn later on? For me, I was good about paying my bills on time, but I never really knew how to invest. And I think that's a common thing, unfortunately, for females. We don't find it exciting or fun or oftentimes confusing. Another thing I learned about money

And that's why I love Acorns. Today's episode of Juicy Scoop is sponsored by Acorns. April is Financial Literacy Month. That's right. They made a whole month reminding you to finally take control of your money. And the good news is you don't need 30 days. Acorns makes it so easy to start saving and investing in your future in just five minutes. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with spare money that you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change.

Sign up now and join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com slash Juicy Scoop or download the Acorns app to get started.

This was kind of interesting. I saw this clip from Oprah and she said when she was ending her Oprah show, which was such a big deal for only for her now to come back. ABC three o'clock.

Channel 7 here in Los Angeles, 3 p.m., Oprah. I remember I used to run home. I loved it. I rode my bike home because it was at 3 and we got out of school at like 2.50. So no matter what they did, one day it could be, you know, they had somebody who was like a burn victim. Yes. Next day it was Tom Cruise. I mean, it was just always great. It was just so good. I always missed the first part of it. Yeah. But I knew what was coming up. Hoarders, meth moms, whatever it was. And...

I always liked that stuff more than a star. But anyway, so now Oprah, she made such a big deal. I'm leaving the most popular, greatest show ever to have my own network. But now she's like the rest of us and she has a podcast. So she's doing her podcast and she's saying how when her final night, because I remember the goodbye to Oprah went on for like a fucking year. Yeah.

Her final thing was like people coming up to her and just singing her praises and everything. And I do remember one time she had an episode where she had like all the other people before her that no longer had talk shows from like Ricky Lake to whatever. And she was like, so what's it like when you leave the daily talk show? And everyone's like talking about, oh, it's a hard thing. And she's like, then all of a sudden Oprah's like, yeah, but I'm also going to my, having my own network. Like I was just like, why? Like you're not like going off to space. Like it's, it's like,

You're whatever. So she does her whole thing and she says, I remember she's talking to Maria Shriver, mother of Sax, who played Saxon, Patrick, who everyone's in love with now and he was very good. Strangely enough, he doesn't look like either one of them. I see a little bit in both. You do? And what was good about his acting is there'd be times where he'd kind of look dorky and lame and then there's times when he could look kind of like...

Yeah. Like a player. And so I think he is a good actor. He was good in it. But anyway, so, and he's likable. So anyway, he, she says, sitting across from Maria, and she goes, and it was all set for the final, final, final goodbye that you were supposed to come because they were like best friends from when they were both like 25-year-old writer, journalist, whatever. And she's like, and that morning the news broke that Arnold had a child with your housekeeper. Oh, wow.

And I was like, did not expect you to come. And you did. And I'm thinking, I bet she loves that you're bringing that up. Another favor I'm doing for you, Oprah, to do your show. Hey, you have any other shitty things you want to talk about that happened to me in my life? That were also good for me? Let's talk about half my family being assassinated while we're at it.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So then she's like, yeah, but you were my friend and you're always there for me. So I was going to be there for you. Oh, yeah. And I don't know. It's one of my favorite Hollywood stories. Yeah. Is Arnold having the child with the maid that now is like was on Dancing with the Stars and is really good looking. Nice guy. And, you know, it's all fine. But I'm always just like, I can't believe.

that the maid didn't realize how valuable this situation was and continued to be the maid. Right. Like, continued while she has a child who, like, the grandma has to watch. Right.

And she's watching these other kids. And she's like, well, my Arnold kid is being watched by Abuelo in Pacoima while I'm folding the monogrammed Maria Shriver towels. Right. And I know this every year. Every year I know this. Yeah. And then she even said she suspected it one year.

She said, why don't you come over for Christmas? You know, because the boys were very close in age. There's a younger one that's... But the one kid looks exactly like Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's the kid. Yeah, I know. So then he comes over now at like eight, and she hadn't seen him, you know? And Maria was like...

Is that? Merry Christmas. What? Anyway. Okay, did you hear about Mickey Rourke? Did I hear about it? It's the greatest story ever. Why didn't you tell us then? If you know all about the Mickey... So this is Mickey Rourke on Big Brother.

Celebrity Big Brother, our girl JoJo Siwa. Also one. Who really is just... I love her. I love JoJo Siwa. Do you? I do. I just think she's just so fucking happy. She's not stopping. Rolling with the punches. Doing reality shows now. Yeah, and I saw her...

do a part with him after he said the mean thing about the lesbian. Like, he's like, oh... There were two things, I think. He's like, you won't be a lesbian after a while? Like, he wants this fucking mask face? Oh, my God. He...

Here are some of the quotes. I watched a clip of him, like, he was, like, laying on a couch, and his skin was, like, falling, peeling off. Ugh, remember he was just so hot in nine and a half weeks? Yeah, it was a long time ago, but still. What's happened to him now? Who knows? Oh, okay, so he said, this is what Mickey Rourke said to cute little JoJo, who just has the cutest face I've ever seen. Like, she's just so cute. He goes, if I stay longer than four days, you won't be gay anymore.

And she says, I can guarantee I'll still be gay and I'll still be very, very happy relationship. And then the other guy, Chris Hughes, I was like, you can't be saying that. And then he also said, vote the lesbian out real quick. Yeah. So then they did talk to him, but also he was creepy to this other girl, um,

Like, the host or something. Who's this? AJ Oduda? I don't know. He was, like, grabbing her. It's an English show. Oh, they're on the British one? The British one. Oh, okay. So, anyway, he was real creepy with her, and she's like, stop, you're being flirtatious. So, all of that together, she did want to vote him out, JoJo, but it was actually the producers that's like, you need to go, and now he regrets it. But I think they probably...

Like, this is what you want on these shows. You want, like, now they're probably like, well, we should have kept them because it's fun to have them here. Like, isn't that kind of what you want to see him lying around on a couch just saying ridiculous things? Just being like an old politically incorrect creep. That's why he was cast. Yeah. With his scary fucking face. Yeah, with his scary face. It looks like his face looks like it was put together by other faces. It's a mask.

It is Titch Early, Mr. Potato Head. Yeah. Yeah. It is wild. I mean, it's, I don't know how old he is. Is he 70? He's probably like mid-60s. Man, that's rough. Yeah, he just got, he got bad work done too early on. He always said that it was never work. Like if he would have waited, there's better work now, huh? He always said that it was never work. He said it was from my boxing career. That pushed his cheekbones up? He did. He did.

I would punch so much that my cheekbones went up to my eyebrow. Yeah. And I don't know what that hair is. That hair is like not even, I don't know what it is. It's just like trying to like hang on with like a youthful. Wow.

Oh, poor guy. Whatever. You know, now he's just out of it. I guess he's taking whatever they pay on these shows. Because he was on Masked Singer. He did Masked Singer, too. Yeah, I think all these shows, you get one big fee. Yeah. Whether you get cut the first day, but then you get more if you stay. And then you get, like, a bonus if you win the whole thing. But you also have to pay Mickey Rourke probably more than you would pay some other people. But that's why they don't let you, like, there's, like, a thing where if you want to leave...

then you like lose your money. Because I think so many of them get there and they're like, you know what? I already made my whatever. I made my 50 grand. I don't need to stay and make an extra five or 10 each day I stay because it's fucking hell. Like I remember there was some like athlete that just wanted to leave. And he was like, I just, I don't care. Like, please vote me out. Like I'm losing my mind in one of these big brother things. And I was like, oh yeah. Would you rather be stuck in space? Yeah.

Or in the Big Brother house with Mickey Rourke. Yeah. I would choose the Big Brother house. Yeah. I would, too, because I can walk out onto the street. And you can, like, walk around. Yeah. Yeah. They said when those two astronauts finally came back, they had to, like, learn how to walk and stuff. Yeah, because, I mean, they have no gravity. Yeah. So it's wild. Ugh. Anyway. Eric and Lyle Menendez...

The judge grants a re-sentencing hearing. So this is like real big news. Okay. However, one of their aunts who was pushing for them, she just passed. Oh, no. But pushing for them to get out. Yeah. Yeah.

Tammy was there. That is the wife that Eric has had for a very long time. Now, Lyle had two wives. Yeah. One who was Anna, who she fell in love with him during Court TV.

And she also had like this other boyfriend I've talked about that I like made out with once that was on Jenny McCarthy show. And he said he would come home from trying to get sitcoms and auditions. And every day she'd be sitting there watching court TV. And then one day Lyle called her calls and it was like, well, you accept a call from the blah, blah, blah. And he's like, who is this? And he's like, it's Lyle McNendez. Put my girlfriend on the phone. You fucker. Like he was like,

mean and threatening him. So they break up. She falls in love. And I'm like, well, he was on TV and like, you weren't like, what do you want? Or like, that's all that matters. He's famous. Yeah. She finds out he's cheating on her meeting because you can't have conjugal visits, but writing other women coming, they get divorced. He mirrors another girl.

She now found out. All of this from within prison. Yeah. She now found out he's with this young English girl that has come to visit and everything. Yeah. But who's also in love with him is Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah. Rosie is writing him and talking to him from Ireland ever since she saw the doc. For Rosie, she doesn't need to read any legal things. She sees a doc.

That's the truth. Yeah. That is her new truth. She's done this with like a few other things. Right. And so she says, you know, I love him.

I love him. He's become a very good friend. She moved on from Tom Cruise. Remember? She loved Tom Cruise on her show. My cutie patootie or whatever. When she was not out yet? Yeah. When we were pretending she was straight there for a minute. That was her whole shtick. Yeah. She was the most. I was on this talk show with Ross. I did it for like five weeks. And it was called Hollywood Today Live. And it was myself, Garcelle Bouvet from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Ross, and this other blonde guy.

And they had this shtick going on that he was like in love with Garcelle. And every day we had to act like it was real. And it was just so like, I'm like, this is so lame. Like what? What are we doing? And he'd be like, oh. And then they'd be like, before break, they'd be like, and whoa, whoa, whoa, not so close to Garcelle, buddy, or whatever. And he'd be like, and she'd be like, I mean, it was just so dumb. I'm like, this is so, the fake sex.

of like loving your, it was so stupid. Not to go back to what I always go back to and my apologies to anyone who thinks we talk about it too much. I don't care. It was like when, in our Chelsea Lately days when we had to pretend that she gave birth to the dogs, you know. Oh yeah. I was always like, what am I doing? Like I remember having to write it and then Chunk, I was born and I was like, what the fuck am I doing with my life that I'm writing? You know.

Can we base this in some sort of reality, please? I remember one day you had a prediction that came true. Oh, I did? Yes. And you said, we are this close to having the dog talk. And it did. I remember. It did. It was that Jenny McCarthy, who at the time was very close to Chelsea. Yeah. They were like best friends.

She was like sent a video or something that she was now making love to the dog or the dog was cheating on her. Yeah, because she watched the dog for, I know. She watched the dog for a weekend and then it was like, so then it was supposed to be, now let's have the dog say like, I got fucked by Jenny McCartney. I don't know if,

What bestiality joke it was. But we were like, what? Like, this is so dumb. So dumb. So dumb. But whatever. You know, speaking of that, I just did a TikTok thing that is just as dumb. Oh, no. There's a TikTok challenge. You can take a photo of your dog and ask chat GPT what it would look like if it was a human. Oh. So we did it with Raven. My dog is extremely good looking. Yeah.

And the girl came out and she is stunning, stunning. And I was like, oh my God. And I said this, she looks like she comes from the East coast.

She has very little makeup on, naturally dark hair, blue eyes like my dog. She looks like she's like a junior at Brown, full scholarship, but she wouldn't let you know that she's on full scholarship. She's just like classy, a little aloof, you know. She knows she's good looking. She doesn't have to wear like any makeup. Dad's a doctor. Mom's a... Right. Right.

you know, English professor. She doesn't, you know, we don't know if she's going to go to law school or do something with the UN. There's been a lot of opportunities. Right. And yeah, that's what I see. So then you can do it about yourself. You can say, make me into a dog. Yes.

had to come out well what was interesting is shannon and i both were like golden retrievers both of us and you guys are and we are related so they know that we're the same breed isn't that weird because they made her son something else i feel like the whole thing's weird it is weird yeah

It is weird. Okay, so... Have you seen Horse Girl or whatever? This DJ? I think she played at Coachella. And does she wear a horse head? No, she's got like a horse face. She does the makeup, I think, where she looks... Oh, she dresses... I just thought... She's a human body horse face. It's the strangest thing. Okay, I think you're saying people think she looks like a horse and she's embracing it the way I embrace Billy from the Saw series. No, I think she makes herself like a horse face. Okay. Well, interesting. Yeah, anyway. Okay, so...

You know, they're supposed to have this. So I guess there's going to be another. Let me just read this. Okay, so there's going to be a resentencing. The judge is allowing resentencing effort for Lyle and Eric to move forward. So they, but the district attorney had opposed the resentency, arguing the brothers haven't shown full remorse or taken responsibility. But they're saying, no, they've been model inmates. And so there you go.

So they've always said, the DA is like, no, because they were killed for money. Right. You know, otherwise you would have kept the mom alive. But, you know, why did you kill the mom too? Yeah. And then it was planned and everything else. But I think most people feel like they wouldn't be a menace to society. They obviously would start a podcast. Okay. Clearly. Yeah. That would start off as, you know,

stories from prison and helping people and then people would lose interest and then they would start talking about Bravo. Speaking of that, have you listened to any of Meghan Markle's new podcast?

The new one, just the trailer. Did you listen to some? Yes. Tell me. Because I joined up. I'm on her mailing list for her company. Okay, yeah. As ever. Okay. So I get some fun stuff. Just to remind people, you guys worked together at Mirabelle. We did, yeah. We're dear friends. And when she rolled up

The silverware. The silverware. Side work we do together. Side work, yes. Did she do it more beautifully or do like an extra burlap string with it that you did not? No, nothing like that, but she did do it better than I did. She was very good. Even as a matter of fact, I think in the show she does on Netflix, she does a little of a calligraphy. No, she really does have to. I know, and that's what she used to write the specials.

And she gave me a calligraphy birthday card that I wish I still had, but I don't. Yeah, because you're like, who's this dumb waitress? I'm never going to keep in touch with this weirdo. So, okay, so tell me. Anyway, I listened to her podcast and it's just...

It's just so boring, you know? She's talking about packaging of her as-ever stuff. You know, sending out honey or whatever. And I was really concerned about the packaging. And what are porch pirates? That's what she says. Like, someone told her about porch pirates. She goes, I never heard of such a thing. Porch pirates? She's never heard of them.

I've never heard. She doesn't watch the news? That's what I said. With a million of ring camera videos? They told her not to put on the packaging, on the outside of the packaging, it's her company because porch pirates will take it. Going, well, it's Meghan Markle's. Honey, I'm taking it.

That's even more annoying. Anyway, that's what I listen to. Well, it all sold out. But then other people said, well, I mean, it takes a lot of, she had to pick a lot of raspberries in Montecito to fill up even 20 jars. Yeah, and then she gave them to like famous people. Yeah, so I'm not surprised it ran out. The question is, how many did she make? Did she make 100,000 units or did she make, you know, 300 units? Right.

I don't know. I mean, so good for her. Yeah. Good for her. Here's the thing. Meghan Markle's new $103 million business with Amy Schumer and Connie Britton. And it's something about like women's health. Oh, good. All right. Whatever. You know what? She's the breadwinner that, that, you know, balding carrot top is not doing anything. Yeah. Where's he been? He's not going to do anything. Yeah. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He can just be her husband. He can just teeter around the house.

Okay, wait. Okay, so I asked my sister Shannon what she thought about Lori Vallow, worst mother on earth, is now in Arizona. She decided to represent herself in one of the other murders, like the murder of the husband, I think. Okay, yeah. That clearly the brother shot him. Right. To remind people Lori Vallow was the one who believed in the doomsday thing, and she and her...

boyfriend or husband killed her two kids because they thought they were demons. But prior to that, she had another husband come by for custody and her brother said they got in a fight and the brother shot him. Right.

And they let the brother go. But then the brother died very weirdly, too. Okay. So she's on trial for one or both of those murders. And she decided, you know what? I don't even blame her for this. Now I don't blame her for this. Because she's doing life regardless. So you might as well have fun. Representing. Representing herself. Yeah.

And she's like, no, I'm going to represent myself. Like when she was with Keith, Keith Morrison, like she was acting so weird recently, but I'm like, yeah, obviously she's crazy. But so yeah,

I guess the clips are like crazy where she's just, you know, like acting like she's on law and order, which I don't blame her. I love it when people represent themselves. It's always off the rails. Off the rails. So I asked my sister Shannon, because people say, can you ask Shannon, who's a criminal defense attorney? Right. What do you think of representing yourself? And she said, well, it's always stupid, especially when you are unstable. Clearly, she doesn't think she is. Sometimes people are so entrenched in their story, they can't let anyone else tell it.

Also, no attorney would, as it's crazy and not a defense that would hold any water. Yeah. I agree with you. So there you go. Why not? There you go. Yeah. I think she's probably like, I could get a public defender who's not, who is, again, not going to tell my weird ass story. Or she was Mrs. She was in one of those Mrs. pageants. Yeah. She...

likes the attention. She likes to be on stage. And it gets her out of jail for like an hour, right? Doesn't she go to a courtroom? Yeah. Are you up on the Karen Reid case? I'm not. Karen Reid is the one who did that whole story. And she's in her second trial right now. Because they threw out the first. They couldn't come up with something. Traditionally, Karen Reid is the one who they said that she backed up

on her cop boyfriend and left him dead eye in the snow. She's saying he went to a house party and then, and she left because she was annoyed that he didn't come out to get her. Yeah. And she believes that something happened in the house where they killed him on purpose or now they're covering it up, the cops. Yeah.

So anyway, they couldn't decide on, it was a mistrial. So now they're doing it again. But traditionally, when they do it again, it's actually worse for the defense and better for the prosecution. Okay. Because then it's almost like they can go over like, well, let's not bring up this thing and let's push this. But then I would think the same thing would go for the defense. You get a second chance at it. I think what happened is I do think something happened with the guy.

But maybe they got in a fight and he was like, oh, fuck you. And he walked out and then he fell in the snow and died. I don't think they killed him and then threw him out in the snow. But that's one juicy crime. All right. Here's another one. The widow of Woodland Hills. Oh, right here. Not me. In our neighborhood. Not me. No, no.

This is a real juicy crime. Yeah. That I'll tell you really quickly because I covered it. I can tell it quick. All right. So there's this guy and he is straight married, but he's big in the hair industry. And at this point he is like an executive for like Wella Hair. Oh, okay.

Has two teenage daughters, and they live just south of Wells. Very close to you. Oh. Very close. You know your main street that you drive down? Yeah. Just the other side of it. Okay. Anyway, I don't want to say where Chris lives, but very nice area. Thank you. And seven years ago, he's out on his porch at like 5.30 at night. Yeah. And he gets stabbed to death. And the daughter finds him.

And so they're like, oh my God, this must be porch pirates. This must be, this must be horrible crime in the Valley. And as like a Woodland Hills resident, you're like, cause that's where I was living. I was like, oh my God, this is just like terrifying.

They see two guys in hoodies on the ring camera. The Porsche, his Porsche is gone, but they, you know, don't know what happened because only the ring cam, like from the outside, you could see, but not, or someone else, no, someone else's properties could see them. His whole thing was disabled. Okay. That day just happened to be disabled. So everyone's like, oh my God, this is terrible. Well, then they find out, um,

That she has been screwing this former porn star turned racquetball instructor. Oh, I read this story. From the West Hills 24-Hour Fitness. Wait, he was a porn star and then he went into racquetball? Yes. Oh, okay. He was like a real valley. Gay porn or straight porn? No, I think straight.

Straight porn. So he was like in his 50s. She was in her 40s. And they did it. And he got this other guy to help him. So then he went to trial and he said he's doing life. And they're like, come on.

your girlfriend was involved and he sat and did it was like so many days of testimony he always said she never knew never knew never knew but the evidence they had from like the burner phones and everything else like she's sending him like nudes like they're sending him nudes that um like at the funeral oh

And they're like, well, she's like at her mother's house. And like, it just, she was just a gross person. Anyway, she did get convicted. And she's in jail now too? She had to stay in jail this whole time. That's how much evidence they had. They didn't let her walk around. But she always said, I never knew. And once I knew, I didn't want anything to do with them. But she did get it. And I was just like, I'm always fascinated by these stories where it's like, really? The D was that good? Remember when Gypsy Rose goes, the D's on fire.

Like, really? Yeah. Now, I'm guessing it was. Yeah. You know, he's a pretty good looking guy, a mixed race, porn. Yeah, but she did. Used to be in the army. Oh, and he was a convicted pedophile, too. Oh. Or maybe not pedophile. Well, no, a pedophile because the girl was under 18. Yeah. And he already did a couple years for that. Ah, sounds like it. And it's not like he's making a lot.

teaching racquetball. Yeah. And I was like, does anyone even play racquetball anymore? I always think it's only in a movie because it's an easy way to get a conversation. With two guys. Yeah, like, oh! Can't believe your wife said that. Tell me. Yeah, because all I have to do is just have a camera here. And then they end the scene where the ball hits the guy in the head and he falls down. And he goes down, yeah. Just like the treadmill. Woo!

Yep. They go off. Always a fun... Always out of frame. Out of frame. Maybe his movie trope worked well. Always. And then falling on a heel. Always fun. Always fun. But this was not. Wow. Okay. So now this girl... I follow this girl. And her name...

Anyway, I'm not going to get into it. You don't have to show her face. Anyway, I've been following this. So I followed this girl. Okay. And then somehow I started. On Instagram. On Instagram. Okay. And she was really cute and really funny and sexy. But kind of also girls that like very, she does this little funny stuff about being like a bitchy girl. It was very good. Anyway, then I realized she had this big OnlyFans following. Okay. And then she's like, I'm so excited. I'm doing my first movie in Australia. And then we're doing a collab. They call it a collab.

That's what they call getting together and making a porn now. It's just a collab. Just working with other... A collab? Yeah, just like if you and I were going to do... This is like a collab podcast. But then it's just like a classic way of saying... When do I get to fuck you? So I'm watching and I'm like, oh, wait a minute. This girl's meeting another girl and they're like, didn't we have fun? And then they start talking about how like...

How, like, they worked with this other guy and in, you know. So this is going to be on our OnlyFans or something? I don't even know. I was just like, I mean, it's so normalized by everybody putting everything on social media. Like, get ready for me while I go to reconstructive surgery for my anal cavity after, you know. Right. Having sex with 400 men.

And they're just like, well, it makes me happy and I've got millions of dollars. And I'm just like, it's just, I can't get over it. And then I literally saw this other girl go, get ready with me while I go to go get anal reconstruction surgery because she did so many people. The butt? In the butt? I guess so. I guess. And then there's the lily girl that's like... Yeah, I've seen this one. And then...

Ugh. Why? Yeah. I don't know. I'm like, I don't. And then people are like, why does this girl keep showing up on my feed? Like, I don't want to see this. It's just so disturbing. I always feel, you know, listen, bad enough for the girl, but what about the guy who's

724 you know what I mean like I feel like that's well they normally if they're in the videos they like have their faces covered yeah they don't normally show the guys it's always weird when it's like what do they call gangbang I guess you'd call that yeah and I feel like all the guys keep their socks on they're always like walking up it's like a line and they just have socks on it's so sad I mean who the fuck who would do that

Losers. I guess, yeah. Or they're just like, oh, I get to do that. The same guy that goes to a game where it's freezing out, but because he painted half of his body green and half of his body blue, he's just going to freeze his ass off in the stadium. There's a big difference between being a sports fan and being 628 in fucking some girls.

I don't know if there is. Not if you're cold the whole time. How is that a good time? I hear you. The whole point is having the camera on you. No one can even recognize you. No one can even be like, oh, really? Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Both are embarrassing if they're your kid. So you guys can't do that at the Masters. Good thing you didn't go to Peter to never spend.

Yeah, there was no weird. There was no weird match. There was nobody wearing jerseys that said, like, worry on. Yeah, no, there wasn't. Right. No, that's also classy. Now, when you go to things like that or, you know, all the lifestyle you're leading now, do you ever go, man, look at things. This is nice. Nice life. The boys are now grown. Yes, I love it. They're gone. You and Peter are free to live your life and come and go as you please, kind of.

Really, it is great. I mean, it must be great. It really is a great reward. Do you ever stop and think, this is amazing? All the time. All the time. When I see other people that have young children, no offense. Well, no, because I say that because...

You know, we're going on the four-week cheerleading trip. All that stuff, it doesn't make me jealous. Like Gwyneth Paltrow recently said, I wish I had more kids. And people ask me that, do you ever wish you had more? I'm like, no, I don't. I wouldn't want to be dealing right now with a 15-year-old girl and have to go through the whole process of where she's going to go to college again. No, it wasn't as fun as I thought. Yeah.

While you were at the Masters, I was in Myrtle Beach and I went to a pirate show with me and my wife and my daughter. We went to a pirate, like one of those things where you eat and you watch the pirates. Oh, like kind of medieval times. Medieval times, yeah, yeah. That sounds fun. I would have liked, I loved stuff like that. Honestly, I went begrudgingly. My daughter was very excited. I got to tell you, I loved it.

I would have loved it too. It's fun. I mean, to bring chicken. Was the food good? You sit there, eat chicken, and cheer on your pirate. There were some people I think thought it was real. They were like, my pirate lost. Adults. And I was like, I think it's just a show for the children. Yeah. I don't think you really need to be cheering on your pirate. Yeah, but anyway. And then, yeah, chicken, ham, bring corn on the cob, eat it. You know, when they were doing the pirate show,

Because I didn't really realize what pirates were until the Somalia thing happened with I'm the Captain Now. And I was like, that's really what pirates were doing back then, huh? It's not that kind of pirate, though. These are old, you know, eye patch. From like Disneyland. Parrot on the shoulder. It's not, it's not, the show's not Somali pirates. Remember when I remember wearing like Umbro shorts. Yeah.

jumping on a boat, cargo boat. No. I remember the Disneyland, they changed it so many times. First it was brides being sold to the pirates. And then a fat bride chasing...

the guy. Yeah. And then there was a guy chasing a girl around. First it was a guy chasing a girl. Then they changed it to a fat bride chasing him. Yeah. And now I don't know what it is. And then there was a lot of, like, winos. And I feel like those they kept. Like, eating their toes and, like, the dog shaking. And I just was like... And then, you know...

Yeah, I mean, I loved that. They changed so many things now. But, okay, so these pirates were just living on the ship, like having a good time. Yeah, it's a lot of acrobatics and stuff. I got to tell you, thumbs up on the pirate show in Myrtle Beach. If you guys are ever in Myrtle Beach, go see it. It's a Dolly Parton production. Really?

My mother kept saying, Christopher, it's a Dolly Parton production. I was like, oh, well, in that case. And you know what? She does a quality production. I love it. Yeah. Were there like hot pretty girls in it? Mermaids, yeah, hot pretty girls. Okay, that's good. Everyone's a gymnast. Yeah. So there's a lot of gymnasts. I was a big fan. Yeah. I went to the Lion King in New York City, which I spent, I got like orchestra seats at the Lion King. And halfway through, my daughter was like, okay, let's go.

I'm like, we are not leaving. We are staying to the end of this for what I paid for these tickets. Oh, she wanted to go. She's not following the story. She's like, it's been an hour. I think we're done. And I'm like, no, we are watching to the end. I have a hard time going to theater and stuff like that because I always look and then I'm like, okay, now it's intermission. Yeah. And now it's always shorter after. Yeah. And I'm like,

I mean, I still like it. I just, I'm annoyed that I look at it so much of like, well, how much is left, you know? And it's just like, um, the mermaid thing I've told people for years, I want to swim with a mermaid thing on my body. Right. In like, but a long pool. So I can really feel like I'm like getting the workout of the fit thing.

And like Peter ordered me one and of course it was like cheap and it was just like a piece of cloth. Yeah. I need it like to almost have like the feet and stuff. Yeah. And I think I need to do that like soon. That's a bucket list thing. Okay. To get a real mermaid bottom where I feel like it helps me swim faster. Like almost like a fin. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. And I really want to do that. So if anyone knows where I can get a good one. Yeah. I don't love my stomach, so I'd have to do a one-piece. You might have something like that. Maybe if I could get a scale all the way up to the neck. Yeah.

All right. That'll be fun. I know you have to. Speaking of that, let me just quickly, I don't know if you've heard, it might be an interesting thing to talk about. Yes. TSA, we both travel a lot. Yes. And TSA today has changed. There's now 11 new items you could get on the plane that you couldn't get on before. Finally, after 25 years. After 25 years. Okay, tell me. Some things don't have to be three ounces anymore. Okay. Isn't this interesting?

But this I thought, over-the-counter medications can be more than three ounces. Nice. Prescription medications, ice packs, gel packs are medically necessary. But this one's funny. Food and drinks for infants and toddlers. Live fish. You can now get live fish as long as they're transported in water on the plane. I feel like that's an odd one. Who's transporting fish on the plane? Why? I don't know. That's one of them. Because it's like your pet? Breast milk or baby formula? Wait, I want to say something. I saw a lady on the plane.

With two dogs. Yeah. I don't know. I call BS. How can you say that you, why do you need two? If you're flying alone, so then you have two service animals? Yeah. Why would you have two?

Yeah, I never saw two. Why would they allow someone to have two? I don't know. Also, I noticed a lot of people flying now just a huge backpack, another suitcase, and a bag on top of that. What the fuck is that? I was kind of a little guilty of that. Traveling with my daughter, I was like, I feel like we have a lot of bags still carrying them on. But we made my daughter, she was like a little pack mule. We put a lot on her. We're like, just keep walking. She's like, it's heavy. We're like, just keep walking.

Anyway, we got back from the Masters. They got the notice that one of our three bags is delayed. Like they put it on the following flight by accident or something. And Peter had all this Master stuff that he bought like for his friends and stuff. And as much as I had expensive things in my bag,

I was like, please just let it not like let him. He's like, I don't care about my old clothes, but I that duffel bag better. And I was like, that duffel bag came. I was like, thank God. And then his bag came and I'm like, oh, fuck. So my bag was gone for two days, but it came. It's OK. I was at Costco last week. Every time I'm in Costco, I look at the clothes, men's clothing. And every table I look at, I'm like, this looks like Peter. Like all the tables look like Peter.

There were so many Peters that like from a distance, I'd be like waving at some guy. Like, Peter! Peter! And I was like, oh. There were Peters everywhere this weekend. Peter was a dime a dozen. I know. They all look the same. Eventually, you get to a certain age and everyone just morphs into the same person.

you know, some sort of wicking material outfit. Well, somebody, he was able to use someone's past because it was just another potato looking guy head with a hat, bad, bad lighting. Yeah.

Bad lighting photo, gray hair. I'm like, perfect. Yeah. Perfect. No one would ever know. Yeah. But wait, get back to what else besides the live fish. You can get fresh eggs. Now you can get fresh eggs on board. I know. You can bring eggs? Why would you be bringing produce? Fresh eggs. I thought the whole thing was, have you brought any produce from this place? Yeah. You shouldn't be bringing fresh. I guess you can bring a sandwich. Fresh eggs, okay. Well, I guess, okay. Anything else? That's it. And most of it's just, you know, biological specimens. Yeah.

Like, you know, if you had like a stool sample, you can get it on now. Or blood sample. I want to tell you one more quick story. Speaking of, this girl went viral this weekend telling how she's like, I got to my host family in Italy, which is you agree to watch a child help with like cooking and cleaning and you get the free room board.

She'd only been there five days and the video starts. I'm escaping my host family in the middle of night. It's 5:00 AM. Watch me as I escaped to the airport and get the fuck out of Italy. Okay. So people start watching and it's like 25 parts by the end, people were like, that was so annoying. Like, what did you expect girl? Like her thing was like, so, I mean, I just spent a lot of time with this child.

And the mom then would just leave and go to work. And I'm like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. And she goes, my job was to walk the child to school at 8.30 and pick them up at 6.30 at night. I'm like, this is the easiest thing. She's like, so then my days off are half a Friday, Saturday on Sunday. Well, Sunday they wanted to take me to Portofino. And at one point, you know, like they were walking ahead of me and I'm like,

I've been holding this kid's hand for like a really long time. Like, I am not kidding. I watched the stuff and I was like, everybody was like, and then, and then she said she was yelled at by the mom, but that other people are saying, well, the mom English is her second language. And Italians like speak loudly, whatever. But this was the epitome of like, and then she was like, I was very shocked that they didn't speak English. And they're like,

Well, the dad didn't, but the mom did. And it was just the most ungrateful, like, I'm like, this is why no one wants to hire anybody. Yeah.

But you were there for two days and you had three days off. And then they took you to Portofino and expected you to help with the kid. And then the next day you left at 5 a.m. because you were like, didn't feel safe. Yeah. And you felt overworked. Well, it's funny. We were talking about Coachella before. Yeah. And, you know, because these people had to wait in line to get into the campground or whatever. And it was hot. They all want refunds.

And I'm like, oh my, I mean, could you imagine people asking for refunds from Woodstock? You know, that was a shit show too. It was mud and... The second Woodstock was like horrific. And the first one too. You know, just a nightmare. Nobody was asking for their money back. I remember this thing where they're like, what, you know, it's like, it really was, it really is like...

look to appear like every homeless camp that we have here. - You mean the one in-- - 'Cause I'm like, you know, they have to camp, they're waiting, they're on drugs, they're eating crap food, they're dressed barely anything, they've got their vag out peeing there and dancing around. I'm like, I don't know why you had to go do this. What is this? - Like you said earlier, it's a young people's game. And we look at it from our old eyes and we're like, oh, that's awful.

But if you're 21, it's probably fun. Yeah. And of course the people that, you know, have the super duper VIP that are great, you know, like the cart drives you and all of that. But yeah, the whole thing is just, I do think about that. Like, yeah. What are you complaining about? Yeah. Like why are you, but I also just think I, you know, these girls are so scantily clad, you know, like very, that's such an old lady thing, but very, very little dress. Yeah. And,

And my niece went and I'm like, you know what? I don't even care what she wore because maybe it's just the, who I'm watching, but it doesn't seem like a lot of straight guys go to this.

It seems like it's hard for me to tell anymore. I don't know. Maybe because straight guys aren't on like TikTok saying we're going to Coachella. It's also the bands that are playing, you know. There's not a lot of straight guys. Like it felt like every photo I saw was like very like girls wearing barely anything. Yeah. And but like sexy. And then like they're gay besties. And so I was kind of like, well, you're clearly just dressing for like

Yeah. To post. Just a concert. But like if I was going to Coachella 20 years ago, I would be hell bent on like meeting a guy, making out every night. Really? Yeah. I don't think it's bad. Wasn't that the point of like going? Yeah, but those days are over. Nobody does that anymore. Hookup culture's done. I know. And also you don't have to film. I'm sad about it too. You also don't have to film Lady Gaga. Like put the phone away because you can get that content anywhere. You could take it from someone else. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, and like actually enjoy it and see if you can't meet somebody. Nobody wants to meet anybody anymore. I'm with you. I know. Nobody, it's over. Anyway, this girl's a little twat, but you know, she'll be fine. All right. Chris, everybody wants to know. You know, they love seeing you live. Oh my God. Where are you? I brought a list. It's a long one. Can I just rattle off a couple? Yes, 100%.

I need to sell some damn tickets out there. Everybody, everybody, you guys. April 25th, I'm at the Roseville Theater right up here. Roseville, California, about five hours away. Sacramento. May 3rd, Tampa. Side splitters. Fun. Back to Florida. May 4th, Dania Beach Improv. Zany's in Nashville. I love Nashville. Come on, Zany's. When is that? May 8th. May 8th.

Great. May 9th, I'm in Somerset, Kentucky at a place called the Virginia. Are you getting a rent-a-car and going from place to place by yourself? I do. I got a rent-a-car by myself. I love it. Once I'm in the rent-a-car, it's heaven. And then do you listen to your own podcast? Sometimes. I listen to yours, too. I like this one. I remember one time Brad had said that. What kind of monster listens to their own podcast? I listen to mine all the time and laugh. I love it. Me, too.

It's the only thing I've done in my career that I like. I know. I'm with you on that. I agree. I didn't love watching myself. Me neither. But I do like listening to the podcast. It probably doesn't make us monsters, but you know what? At this point, who cares? Parkway Theater in Minneapolis, May 22nd, my birthday show.

Eau Claire, Wisconsin, a place called The Plus, May 23rd. Diamond Joe Casino, Dubuque, Iowa, May 24th. And June 6th and 7th at the Comedy Vault, one of my favorite clubs in Batavia, Illinois. June 6th and 7th, Batavia, Illinois. And that's the summer. So that's a lot of May and June, and then you're taking July off. Then I take July and August, go to Montauk. Are you doing your Montauk house? I am doing Montauk. I've been offered an opportunity, possibly. Where? Where?

I don't know. The Hamptons or Montauk? Well, the Hamptons, but it's not that far. I've been to Montauk. It's not that far. For maybe getting a situation with a couple people in August. Oh, yeah. It's a good time. But you're going to be there July. We go July 4th. So that's the... And you go for a whole month? Eh, not quite. They want to do a month, but I want to try to work something out where it's just like two weeks.

Go to the crow's nest. Have you been? I've been to the crow's nest. I love it. I love the whole vibe. Me too. It's my favorite. But I don't know that I even have to rent a house because I do have a friend who has a house. But it's nice to have your own place. Yeah. But you'd be in with other people. Yeah, but that'd be okay. Yeah, that's fine. Like, I don't know. It just popped up yesterday. But I'm like, that would be a fun experience because, again, yeah, I don't have anybody at home. No, you could live your life. I don't have to do shit.

You had to deal with bullshit for the last 20 years. Now it's over. It's over. Go live your life. Maybe. Um, so cover to cover is the show. Cover to cover is my podcast. Come over and listen. Everybody loves it. Everybody does love it. And, um,

And Chris, you're just a delight. You're always so funny. And I've never heard one person say they were disappointed in your standup show that they went to go see. Hmm. Yeah. Okay. That's good. No, no, no. I feel like they always say so. So look at his date, see if he's coming to you, give him some love. And I actually have a call with my agent today.

Probably for him to tell me it's over. No. Wait, oh, you get back on the road? Well, you know, if you go back on the road. No, no, no. We're figuring out what late summer, fall will look like. But right now, I don't have anything on the books. But something to look forward to. Which is fun. You could bring fresh eggs on your next... If you go on tour again, fresh eggs. All the eggs you want. Or my own fish. You could bring your fish. As long as they're in water.

Thank you. And everybody go to HeatherMcDone.net if you have not joined my Patreon. It's so amazing and everyone loves it. Thank you. This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users' phone numbers, emails, and social security numbers, delivering real-time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For

For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit Aura.com slash defense. That's Aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's A-U-R-A dot com slash defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.