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Hi, everybody. It's Rob Lowe, your host here. I'm really excited about this new episode, new idea. This is a Greatest Hits package. I've always been a big fan of Greatest Hits. All my albums, because I'm an old man, I used to buy albums, were Greatest Hits. And now I have my own. And I could not be more excited to have the Greatest Hits of Literally. You will hear

from some of the best and brightest we've had and funniest. We'll have Conan O'Brien. We'll have Gwyneth Paltrow. We'll have Mike Myers. We'll have David Spade. We'll have a little Demi Moore in there. Michael Strahan, Tiffany Haddish, Catherine O'Hara, Michael J. Fox, and on and on and on. This truly is the greatest hits. And maybe you've

to all of them, but this is a great way for you to get the best of all of them. And if you haven't listened to all of them, then you're going to get all the highlights. So they're coming up. I know you're going to enjoy them as much as we've enjoyed putting them together. You just, you literally can't make this stuff up. And here we go.

You saw Liz Taylor stick an onion in her face so that she could cry? I did. All right, tell me that. So my brother Chadlow, who is a wonderful actor and current television director, was doing a movie called There Must Be a Pony that I believe was written by, hang on, Joan Didion, my favorite author's husband, Gregory Dunn.

And it was Robert Wagner. Robert Wagner, for those of you- RJ. RJ, we call him. RJ. Or number two in Austin Powers world. And so RJ and Liz are playing husband and wife, and Chad Lowe is the young son. And I come to visit on the set, and it's a scene where-

RJ comes in and has to tell Liz Taylor that there's been a terrible plane crash and one of her family members is dead. So I'm watching the rehearsal and Liz is like, what if I made a salad? It's in the kitchen. Great. So she's making a salad. But what she's very cagely done is that allows her to have a giant raw onion right in front of herself. Yeah.

And that's genius. RJ comes in and says, this is, I have something terrible to tell you is terrible plane crash. And there've been no survivors. And she literally turns around and she's now put the onion in a, like a, a, a paper towel of some sort. And she puts the paper towel to her face. Like, like she turns around and it's just waterworks. And I was like, fantastic.

Yeah, I was like, wow, that's great. That's great method method. That's the way to do it. She's got two fucking Oscars. The hell does she care? You know what I love is when you said that she used an onion to cry. I was for a minute thinking that she had sliced an onion and had it on a rope and a pulley. And RJ comes in to give her the bad news. And you suddenly hear a little squeak.

of rope going across pulley. And then you see a half an onion come just barely into frame. The towel, the towel, of course, much better, much better. I like your Rube Goldbergian version of like, it's a special effect. You've turned it into a whole special effect. Yeah. Like on the call sheet, it'd be like next day,

rain machines, smoke machines, Liz's onion apparatus. Liz's onion apparatus. And there'd be a guy, a union guy who was an onion wrangler and he would be off camera and you would actually have to say the onion, cue the onion. And then onion just slowly coming into frame just barely. So if you're careful, you can see it. Gwyneth Paltrow. How long have I known you?

I met you. I want to hear your side of it before I give you my side. Okay. So I met Cheryl before I met you. I met Cheryl when I was. My wife, Cheryl. I met the Mrs. Lowe when I was 15 or 16. She was a makeup artist at the time doing a certain Blythe Danner's makeup. The best. My mother. I have my own Blythe thing, which we also need to get to in here.

So she was doing my mom's makeup on this TV movie, and I went down to visit. Was it in Florida? It was in Florida. And I was...

I met Cheryl and I was like immediately obsessed with her. First of all, she was dating Keanu Reeves, who was my celebrity crush. And she was so cool. And she knew that I was sneaking cigarettes and she would come smoke with me behind the trailer. And she taught me how to give a blow job and, you know, all the classic Cheryl stuff. Um,

And I just worshipped her. I thought she was literally the coolest chick of all time. And she was so awesome to me. And I was a high school kid. Like, the fact that she's loved me that much before I was anyone or anything, you know? Same with you. Yeah, yeah. So then...

It didn't work out with her and Keanu. I don't know if you're aware. I am aware. Okay. So sadly for me. I am aware that I did best him in one regard. Okay.

Well, at least one regard. At least one. At least one. He's pretty awesome, though. Yes. He's pretty. He's done okay for himself, that kid. He's and he's still a celebrity crush. Let's face it. Like, yeah, right. 50 something. He's gorgeous. Killing it. I'm obsessed with this girlfriend. Anyway, he has great taste in women. Yeah, he does. Amazing taste in women. Anyway, so then Cheryl started dating an actor named Rob Lowe, which was very exciting because

Because, you know, Rob Lowe in the 90s was a dangerous and scintillating proposition. So... Even if I'm purely domesticated and in the aughts, whatever we're in now. Right. Now you're domesticated. Back then, it was another story. Yes, it was. Oh, wasn't it, though? Do you miss those days of just flinging your D all over town? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Mike Myers. How many dinners have we had, Rob? How many dinners have we had? Honest to God. I must have had dinner with you. I'm not even kidding you. 3,000 times. I think. I think 3,000 times.

And the last time we had dinner, and it's been way too long, but you're right in the thick of family raising. I've been there. I know what that's like. Yeah. Yeah. That's all it is. And by the way, it's the best investment you'll ever make. But it's been so long. But do you remember what happened the last time we had dinner? Who came up to the table? I do. No. Are you teeing me up for an impression? No.

Well, you're going to do the impression. Who was it? Paul McCartney. Oh, no way. Okay. It was me, Ewan Dorn, and Dana. And it was the Wayne's World 25th anniversary. We all went to dinner after the big screening. And Paul came up to the table.

and said the following, Oh, I can't do a Paul McCartney. Oh, Oh, Wayne's world. Oh, that's a classic. Great bad. Oh, Wayne's world. Yeah. That's great though. Oh, did I tell you that? I, I, I sat next to Paul McCartney during a screening of Wayne's world too. No, uh, I was so nervous. This is in London. And, uh, he was really chatty. You know what I mean?

And I was so nervous because I'd only seen it a couple times in front of an audience. And you just hope the movie has a good show because it's all different for different houses. He's like, well, that's great, Mike. Did you write that? And I was like, yeah. I couldn't stop talking. He goes, that's a funny bit.

do you how do you write hard work i do it a lot yeah you know and my head i was thinking why couldn't i sit next to the quiet one i had to sit next to the cute one but he was just unbelievable that i was like myers have you no sense it's paul fucking mccartney and you're sitting next to him this is what happens when you're so so ensconced in your work you lose all sense of

You know, where I'm being short with Paul McCartney, like, and doing that sort of like hand pointy look, the screens over there. Take it down. Take it down, Paul McCartney. Trying to watch the movie. Put a lot of work into it. Did you shush him? Did you ever get resorted? Yeah. Shh, shh, shh. Say it back. Hey, World Heritage Site. Shh. David Spade. If you could see a UFO, a ghost. Wow. Or Bigfoot. I'm really playing along, aren't I? I'm not rolling my eyes at these questions.

I would say- That's why I don't have my own real talk show. I believe in UFOs. Yeah, for sure. Have you seen one? No. I think as much as I believe they're real, I don't think I can handle it. And I think that's what the government thinks. I think they're right. Do you know who has the most gnarly UFO story? Robin Roseanne. Is that Mike's wife? Mike Meyer's ex-wife. Oh, really? Oh, crazy. Crazy.

But you believe it, right? Oh, no, no. It's a famous story. It's in New Jersey where like hundreds of people saw it. It came up her street. Everybody's out on the street. Every neighbor, every friend watching. Whoa, whoa, whoa, come over. Yeah. But I believe because Phoenix had it when I was there. I didn't see it. And the Phoenix Lights are a big one. Were you living there when the Phoenix Lights happened? I wasn't there. I was on the road doing a gig. That's a big, big, big thing. It's a mile wide fucking spaceship that sat there for 45 minutes.

And people are like, I don't know. And then the governor said it was a joke. And then five years later when he wasn't, he said it was 100% real. I couldn't say it. They wouldn't let me. I was like, but there's enough. I'm just saying, I don't know physically if I could compute it and deal with it. I'd be so fucking scared to death. And I think that's why they're inching us information about it. Like you see the Navy thing where they see it and then- Oh yeah, they're leaking it out. And they're leaking it to go, guys, it's like say-

I'll tell you a story. You're like, fuck no. When I was a kid, Rob, everyone can tune out. My dad said, this reminds me of UFOs. My dad said, do you guys want to play Monster? I was four. My brothers were six and eight. And we go, what's that? He goes, I pretend I'm a monster. And I wrestle around and just grab you guys. Davey, I know you're the youngest. Do you get the game? I said, yes. I go, it's called Monster. It's only a fake name. I'm not a monster. I'm going to fake grab you and tackle you. And I'll make noises like a monster.

And I go, but you're my dad. He goes over it a hundred times. He goes, here we go for the fake game. I'm a monster. I go, holy fuck, there's a monster. I ran into the kitchen, grabbed my knife and said, mom, I'll save you. She looks away. I run and I dive and stab him in the leg. And this reminds me of why they're not telling us my UFOs. Cause we're like, we can handle it. And we're fine with it. And then there's a UFO and we fucking freak out. Did you stab me? Stabbed him in the leg and his Bermuda shorts, blood everywhere.

How did you not understand the rules? The rules are pretty easy to follow. I thought I understood, Rob, and I'm telling you, I thought I got it. And when he went in, he's a great actor. I don't know. And my brother's like, what the fuck is this guy doing? I go, it's called Thank You. I saved you from the monster.

And then I go, wait, he's turning back into dad because he's screaming at me and hitting me. Dad, I know and love. So you think we'll all be like that? No, we're ready. We're totally good. Yes, I think it's too overwhelming. The odds are 100% that we'd be alone in the universe. I still, my roommate when I was- Can I get a little more alien? Eat my moop. Ah, so good. Take me to your codeine cough syrup. I don't know, I can't spare that. So-

To me more. You know, there was a real push from the executives for there to be a love scene between Tom and I and a few good men. And just the subject matter and the whole tone, it was never there, you know, on Broadway. No. And it just wasn't right. What made it interesting is that it wasn't there. But that particular time period, and so there was...

An interview that Aaron gave, which I didn't know until I saw this later, where when he was being pushed to make a love scene and the executives said, if there's not going to be a love scene, then what's Demi Moore doing in it? Like, essentially, why is there a woman in it? What's the point? What's my value? Which was so unimportant.

I don't know, kind of indicative of the time period, you know, but I just am so grateful that he's, he and Rob both stuck to the truth, keeping it, you know, authentic to what it should have been, which made it more interesting, you know, the, the relationship. That's one of those stories that, you know, is true from a studio executive perspective.

At that era, some dude said that. Definitely. Definitely. It was like not at that. Yeah, you're right. There was no reach for that. There's no reach. Here's what was interesting. When I did West Wing, we would talk about A Few Good Men because it's an iconic thing. The movie is iconic. But people forgot how iconic the play was.

Before the movie, the movie has taken up so much space in people's imagination. Justifiably, it's you and Tom, giant stars and a huge Rob Ryan. Jack. I mean, come on. Come on. And what was what was it like to be there for Jack throwing down like that?

You know what? First of all, you know, when we look at actors that you... One, we just look up to and where you're being shown the right way to do something. So in the big courtroom scene that was Jack's big day, they shot everything the other direction first. So it was like on the courtroom when he took the stand and...

By the way, for those of you who do, listen, courtroom scenes for actors and dinner table scenes are horrible because you have to shoot everybody. So think of how many people are in a courtroom. So literally before Jack gets on camera, he's done it 60, 70 times. So many times. So, and, you know, doing all the different actors, coverage and, um...

And he literally gave like 110 the entire fucking day. No way. I mean, I'm telling you, I kept thinking, wow, he's going to lose his voice. So what's there on camera was literally the end of the day. And I'm sure that Rob may have given him the option and maybe he wanted it that way because it was such a big...

But that was like one of those things where you just like looking at someone that you really look up to or you're just you just know like that's somebody who's like showing you the right way to be. They're showing up for the other actors generously, no matter who they are or where they're at. And it was I just like had such appreciation for watching him that day and every day was easy.

Okay, I'm gonna leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel.

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. Welcome back to our greatest hits of literally. I told you they were hits. Told you. I mean, these people are the best and they've had very interesting things to say. And there's more right ahead.

Alec Baldwin. This is a good little story. So my wife, Cheryl, was one of the top makeup artists in Hollywood and specialized, I would like to say, in handsome men. And one of her clients was Al Pacino.

And Mr. Alec Baldwin went on on Glenn Gary. She was on that movie and she had other really good actors, me, Kiefer Sutherland. And I took her off the market.

Yeah. So then she started a jewelry company, Cheryl Lowe Designs, and she's crushing it. And she's great. I remember vividly the other thing I remember about many of our times together. I was came to visit for two days on Glengarry. You guys are shooting in Queens. And it was it happened to be the two days you worked. And I got to watch you do always be closing. I was funny. My favorite story was your wife was in the room. I don't know if she remembers this. I doubt she does.

But I'm in the room and it's me and Spacey and somebody else and your wife was there. And we're reading an article in the paper about a show, some kind of a play. And Kevin was saying how, oh, yeah, I'd like to go see that show. And that sounds like a really smart or clever show. It was something I don't remember the details. And Arkin walked in and we've been doing the scene. You know, we had rehearsed in the summer that we went to shoot the scene and it was not good.

a lot of fun. It wasn't Abbott and Costello meets Frankenstein out there every day. It was really very tense. And Arkin comes walking into the makeup room and I said, you know, this play, I said, this sounds exactly like the kind of piece you would do. I mean, like the kind of play you would do when you were, you know, doing a lot of theater. And he literally snapped and he literally erupted and he literally, and he said this very kind of haiku like phrase. He literally said, he went, my God out there.

In here. And then he walked out. He said, my God, out there, in here. And he stormed out.

And we all looked at each other like, wow. Like, obviously, he was, like, carrying with him all the malice of doing the scene where I said horrible things to them. And when I did the off-camera for them, I said things that were ten times worse. And then eventually there's a knock at my door. I guess it was Steiner or one of them where they had real dressing rooms. You know, you weren't in a trailer outside. And they knocked on the door. And I opened the door, and it's him. And he said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

He said, you're so awful out there. You're so awful. My God, you're so fucking horrible. It's hard. And I was like, I get it. I'm so sorry, God. Like he really freaked out. And your wife was like sitting there like, you know, like cleaning some brushes going. Keegan Michael Key. I love all your impersonations are so there's something about

that I just... I don't know. It's like seeing a dolphin in nature or hearing a baby's laugh. It just releases a pheromone. Isn't that funny? I can do the former...

And I can't do the latter. What does that say about me? But I thought that it was fun when I was on Mad TV. I always I worked really hard at trying to find for me doing impersonations is very much usually it's trying to find an amalgam of two voices.

or finding whatever that neat vocal habit is. Yes, yes. Oh, you know what? Before I tell you that, I want to tell you something else. I'm not sure if this is true. I heard this secondhand. So Danny Glover, I can do a Danny Glover impression. And this is a story about, well, I'm going to, here's my, so my Danny Glover story is, I know Morgan Freeman was making a show recently talking about his films. And so Danny was like, Danny was going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You brothers are funny. You brothers are funny.

So Morgan Freeman told a story on the show that he was doing that when Danny Glover had seen Shawshank Redemption and had come to him to tell him how much he enjoyed Shawshank Redemption. And he walks up to Morgan and he goes, I got to tell you, man, I just thought that movie last week. You were so good in the Shrimp Shrimp production. Yeah.

I'm sorry, the strip-trap? You're telling me I'm in the strip-trap reduction? You was all good in the strip-trap reduction. The strip-trap reduction. It's okay. The strip-trap reduction. I was not aware that I did two movies last year. Oh my God, that's the... Strip-trap reduction. This is Danny Glover.

That's a kid review.

The fact that he can get that... Wait, wait, wait. You got a tattoo? A tattoo like Popeye? Like Popeye? Like Popeye? You got a tattoo like Popeye? He says Popeye 74 times in three seconds to the little boy because he's trying to see if someone has a tattoo like Martin Riggs' tattoo. Wait, wait, wait. You got a tattoo? Popeye? Like Popeye? Like Popeye? Like Popeye? Like Popeye?

Tiffany Haddish. The last time we talked, I learned something that I didn't realize. Me too, by the way. I thought you was Hispanic. All I mean is I thought you was Hispanic because they had drug your ass on TV and stuff because you was drinking and whatnot. So I figured they don't do that to white guys. So you must be Hispanic, right? So you done made somebody mad. I don't know who you pissed off, but you pissed somebody off. And then we had that conversation. I was like, oh, dang.

You what? Well, see, here's I'm glad you brought this up because I want to I want to I want to do a deeper dive into this. Right. So because my so when my big fear was that you thought it was John Stamos, like that was keeping me up at night. And by the way, who is also not Hispanic. He's he's apparently Greek. I know that from the Greek yogurt commercials. I just don't think you were John Stamos.

All right. So then I started thinking. I thought you was a blue eyed Mexican. That's what I thought you was, bro. Dude. There's a lot of them from Mexico City. I've done bar mitzvahs for them. Can I tell you, you have just given me a title. I wasn't going to write a third book, but you've given me a title that blue eyed Mexican is definitely going to be the title of my I'm writing a third book now.

That's what I thought. So it wasn't based on somebody else you thought it was like Freddie Prinze Jr. or somebody? Hell no. I know you Rob Lowe. I know who Rob Lowe is. See, I didn't. I remember them talking about you drinking and all this stuff and partying. You're making this up now. I'm not making this up. I brought this review to take.

You have Googled me since we spoke. That's all that's happened. No, I have not. No, I have not. But you used to run with Robert Downey Jr., right? We were in high school together. And then we did run up and down the Sunset Strip. Right. And I thought he was Mexican as well. Wait, this is unbelievable. Venice High School.

No, Santa Monica High School. But you're right. The same. No, no, you're right. You know what? You are right. That is true. Yes. OK, but wait a second. Are you insinuating in our sensitive cultural times that only blue eyed Mexicans get fucked up? No, that is not what I'm insinuating. I'm insinuating that the media will expose any type of minority to.

That is popular. That is doing some sort of drugs or alcohol or whatever. And are not capable of what they consider to be a risk for their income or their empire that they're building. And they will drag your ass in order to get rid of you. Well, then how am I the only idiot white person that got dragged? I don't know. I think you fucked somebody's bitch. I don't know.

No, you fucked the wrong one, bro. Because they dragged you for it. Michael Strahan. Let me ask you this. If you were back in your day at your height and you were on an unblocked blitz and the running back was George Stephanopoulos, how far would you hit him into the next universe? Oh, oh.

I don't know if I would want to hit him and drive him, like knock him back. I think with George, I would do what, you know, you hit him and you lift him. And then when you land, you put all your weight on him. Pile drive him. Yeah, you pile drive him so he feels his bones kind of all together. Your weight. And then you stand up and you say, oh, I didn't mean to do that. Are you okay, George? You know. How...

It's so much fun. Rob, I tell you, it's so much fun. When you see a guy standing there and he doesn't see you coming and you are full speed and you're like, oh, I like it like that. I like it like that. Oh, it's going to get. Oh, it's so much fun. And we can hear the art because you don't hear anything when you're on the field. When you get up, when you get down there, like line up.

80,000 people screaming, but it's silent. Only thing you hear, you hit a quarterback. You can hear the guy across from you breathing. You can hear guys talking. You're talking. You hear your linebacker. Only thing you hear is within like 20 feet.

But the second you hit somebody like that, all of a sudden it's like they cranked the cranked his sound up on your headphones and like the loudest they could do it. It's the best feeling in the world. Oh, my God. It's the best. Do you remember your your what's your greatest hit? My greatest hit was probably Gus Farad. Oh, Gus Farad. Yeah. Redskins. It actually was on a two point conversion.

It would suck because I got a sack, but it doesn't count on a two-point conversion. But I had set up this move all day long, this inside move, man. And it was perfection. And Gus is just standing there. He doesn't see me. And when I tried to, I mean, I want to be, okay, people, I used to be violent in a sense, controlled violence, and not anymore. I'm very docile now, but

At that moment in my life, young and crazy, I was trying to take his spine and make it come out of the front of his chest. Like, I just wanted to run through him that hard.

And when I tell you, I think I almost accomplished it. I almost accomplished it. It was the hardest hit to the point where you hit somebody like that. You're like, oh, I know that hurt. Oh, it was fantastic. Fantastic. Did he get up? No, he didn't get up. He was there for a bit. He was down for a bit. He was there for a bit. He was down for a bit.

Nikki Glaser. My drinking really took place in L.A. and then I brought it back to St. Louis when I moved back home with my parents. And then I was here just drinking a lot. And then I moved to New York and and I realized I was just like, I got to quit this shit. So then I just started smoking pot and doing that. And then so I just switched from one to the next. I never was a pot person. Never. Yeah. Never. Good for you. I couldn't. It creeped me out. First of all, I got so paranoid.

Yes. But I guess now there's all these different permutations where they've probably figured out a version of it that has none of the paranoia associated with it. No, honestly, Rob, that's not true. It's only gotten worse. It's like weed only makes you more of all the things that it used to make you because it's so strong now. So I don't recommend it to you if you got paranoid back in the day because the only reason I don't get paranoid is because I've smoked through that. There's like a weird thing when you smoke enough pot

Yeah. And your, your producers are laughing because they're both pot or at least one of the, one of the bottoms of pothead for sure. They're high now. What are you talking about? But there's a thing that start, like when you first start smoking pot, everyone feels that way of like, everyone's looking at me, I'm having a panic attack. And then you just start smoking enough that you start feeling that way when you're not high. And then, and then it becomes just something you need to get by. But like, I never thought I'd be like a pothead.

By the way, you don't strike me like, you don't have substitute teacher energy and you don't have pothead energy. I can be a pothead at times, especially during a time where I'm not working a lot. And I can function pretty highly on it, no pun intended. And so I just enjoy, I like smoking pot before I go for a run because the whole time I feel like someone's chasing me. So it makes me go faster. So that's fun.

I like that. That's good. It's really good. When I was coming up, Coke was a sign of success. Yeah. It was absolutely what successful people did. Forgive me for not knowing. Did you have a Coke problem? Did you have to go to like rehab and stuff? I went to rehab, but it was for alcohol. Oh, really? Okay. But then did you switch to Coke? Like what's your, what's. Well, here's what was amazing and what I learned was I went because I wanted to stop doing Coke.

And then halfway through the rehab, they go, well, you're an alcoholic. I'm like, no, I'm not. My problem isn't that. My problem's Coke's the issue of my life. Right. Like, how many times have you done Coke without drinking first? Ugh.

I was like, well, maybe. And so what I realized was that I had to go to the initial source of the mood-altering substance, which for me was alcohol. And I loved rehab. I fucking loved it. Like, what was it like? Oh, I learned so much there. And how long were you there for? Three.

30 days, the full time. Yeah. I mean, now I think now you have to understand this is I'll be 30 years sober in two weeks. Oh, my God. Congrats. It was a long time ago. Yeah. Thanks. And I had that great sense of relief of like, oh, my God, it's over. Oh, my God, it's over. Thank God it's over. Yes. And and that like.

It sounds weird, but like, I don't have to do it anymore. Yeah. As if. Freedom. Someone was making me, which of course nobody was. That's really an interesting perspective. The, I don't have to do it anymore. And like freedom from it, as opposed to I'm missing out on this thing. It's like, yes, I'm done. That kind of elation. Yes. And yeah, that's, that's really interesting. And that's great that you found that. Jimbaloo sheet.

Did I tell you I met him? Did I ever tell you the story about meeting John? No, no. Ever? No. I can't believe I never did this. Yeah, so Kermit the Frog is hosting The Tonight Show. And afterwards, I go backstage and everybody's there and I look across the room and there's John.

And, you know, I grew up on Saturday Night Live. It's like, I mean, you know, it's... It's still hot right then, the 77. Oh, this is it. That was the peak. The peak. It's Blues Brothers. It's the peak for John. Yeah. And I'm probably 12. Yeah, right. Yeah.

And I'm looking at him and looking at him, and I was always really ballsy. And John gave off a vibe like, don't fuck with me vibe. Yeah, there's a great quote about him. It says, you know, he always shows you his asshole first. And if you can take the smell, he'll turn around. Oh, my God. So he really put off his air like, don't fuck with me. And if you can handle his attitude, he'd turn around, and he was like the warmest, nicest guy.

Connective person who... Well, he's showing everybody his asshole. Right, right. And I was always a really ballsy kid with a lot of chutzpah. Oh, so he liked that. And so I walked across the room. But first of all, he was staring at me. He was definitely clocking me the whole bit. Right. I don't know, but like, with like, not like a welcome, but just like a clocking me. So I walk over to him as he's staring at me. Right. And I put up my hand.

And I say, Mr. Belushi, I'm a big fan of yours and I want to be an actor someday. And he looked at me. He looked me up and down. It seemed like it took for fucking ever. And then he put his hands on my shoulders and said, stay out of the clubs. Stay out of the clubs? And walked away. That was your advice? That was my advice. Stay out of the clubs. If only I had listened. Yeah, right. Bill Murray gave me advice one time. He said,

And he saw me. I was just staring at him, you know, like, wow, you know, you're a star. And, you know, one day I want to be an actor. You know, I didn't say any of that, but it read in my eyes because he stared back at me and he said, don't be in a hurry. Wow. I said, what? He goes, don't be in a hurry. Learn all your character work right now. Do all the work you can right now, because when you become Jim Belushi, you'll have to deliver Jim Belushi each time. Okay. And he goes, another thing.

You know us at Second City, you know, we get paid nothing and you're lean and hungry. But when you go to L.A. and Hollywood, they have this thing called craft service. Stay away from the craft service. And I said, like you just said, I wish I would have listened to it. Free food, he said, Jimmy, free food all the time. Be careful. I, uh.

I live next to, like, near Don Johnson. Oh, yeah. He's cool. I like Don. Don's the fucking... Oh, yeah. He's Don Johnson. Come on. Yeah, and he's cool, too. He's just a cool dude. So we were watching some... It might have been, like, I want to say it was, like, the NFC Championship game or whatever, and we had, you know, nachos and, you know, football food. And I offered him a plate of nachos. I'll never forget. It's, like, the story you just told. And he looked at the nachos, and he looked at me. He said, no, no, man. You can't eat that. It's character actor food. Ha ha ha!

Character actor. It's ruined every piece of good. That's ruining my lunch coming up, that's for sure. And we'll be right back after this.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. And we're back with the greatest hits of our biggest stars and most interesting people saying the craziest shit that they've ever said on this show. And we begin again. Dana Carvey. This is an example of something that means nothing to the universe, but just made me happy. That was Johnny getting pulled over for drunk driving.

in the 1970s, and it's all about where he was drinking and the name of the cocktail. Amazing. Sorry, officer, I didn't know I was swerving. I had two slippery monkeys at the hook and crook.

So that's just too funny. Just anyway, he could have actually had a drink at Alan Hale's lobster barrel. Alan Hale from Gilligan's Island. Dude, did you not know that this might have been before your time in L.A.? I remember being a kid when I moved to L.A.,

And, you know, Gilligan's Island, we all grew up on. And I was going down La Cienega Boulevard, probably on one of my first auditions riding the back of a bus. And I looked over and there was this restaurant and it's Alan Hale's Lobster Barrel.

And it was there for years in the 70s. Yeah, it just sounds hearty, like a lot of lobster. Because you think of barrels, you think of giant kegs. It's huge barrels of lobsters. I was always really into the 70s. Listen, you brought it up. You sent me on this tangent, so I blame you. If the listener doesn't like it, it's not me. I know it's my podcast. I put my name on it, but this is all Dana Carvey's fault.

Yeah, if you don't want to go down the wormhole of celebrity 1970s Los Angeles restaurants, that's on you. But do you want to go to Carol O'Connor's The Ginger Man? That was one. That was a restaurant? Yes. Or a bakery?

No, the irony was there was no gingerbread at Carol O'Connor's Ginger Man. And it was in Beverly Hills. It was right in the heart of it. Alan Hale's Lobster Barrel at least was like on La Cienega. Wow, the worst investment you could make. No wonder O'Connor kept doing Archie Bunker. Well, my grandfather was in the restaurant business for 50 years and had a, it's now a historical landmark in Sydney, Ohio called The Spot. And it's just a burger joint.

But he famously missed out on his buddy Dave Thomas's idea to do a restaurant chain called Wendy's. My grandpa missed the boat on Wendy's and we never let him forget it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But this is my favorite, though. Wow. He was going to make up for it with his next big idea, which was a restaurant chain of Phyllis Diller's Chili. Right. Because, you know, when you think of Phyllis Diller. Yeah. You think of her chili. Chili.

That's like Mickey Rooney had a lot of those. Mickey Rooney's macaroni, Mickey Rooney, you know, Mickey Rooney was always trying to come up with names to franchise stuff. You worked with Mickey? Oh, yeah. The single craziest person I ever worked with. Oh, come on. First job. Well, 38 revolver, fully loaded. This script is caca. Come on. Yeah, yeah.

He said when he walked around New York, it's 1981. They're not going to get me. I'm ready. Well, Mickey, I don't even know how to start. He was. I am obsessed with with Mickey Roney. I mean, well, the guy's the biggest you people can't today cannot even imagine what a ginormous star he was for so many years. And when I worked with him, he's probably 62 years.

And he talked about that, how big he was in the show business constantly. And it wasn't even a joke all the time. I was the number one star in the world. Hear me? Bang. The world. Which I did on Saturday Night Live once. So you're telling me that all that great Mickey Rooney stuff you did was not you riffing. He actually said it to you. Oh, yeah. Judy Garland never owned a car. Ha ha ha!

Just non sequiturs. You'd hear him down the hallway. How long has Robert Redford been in the business? 10 years? I've been in the business 61 years. You know, one of those guys where it's like six months less than what he was born. I called the head of Warner Brothers. These are all quotes. In 1955, I said, this is Mickey Rooney. I need a job. He hung up on me.

And then he would just look off. But he had a thing. I don't know. This is R-rated, right? But he had an idea for a show where every character's name was a swear word. And he would act it out. Hello, Mrs. Funk. How are you, Mr. Shit? And he went off for hours. Here's our kid, son of a bitch. And the fuckface is going to go over shit. It was just on and on. Hysterical. Hysterical.

Catherine O'Hara, you won the Emmy this year. What was that? What was that like? Tell me, because I've never won one. What? What? What? Well, you should have. I don't know. I don't know. Surely you've been nominated. I have been. I'm a perennial bridesmaid. What was it like? How were you? Did you think you were going to win?

No, I honestly didn't. And I felt like I was getting set up because, you know, my agent kept sending me things, you know, pieces that said I was going to win. And I thought, no, I've seen this. I won't name names, but I've seen this happen to too many people where they're set up, you know. And I kept thinking it for your consideration, the movie. So, no, by Tom...

it was going to be announced, I convinced myself, no, I wasn't going to. And I wanted the show to win. I thought that would be so great for Eugene and Daniel. I really did want the show to win, but I did not, honest to God, didn't expect it. And was so happy to be with everyone. You know, I think Daniel talked Eugene into having something. And so it was going to be a barbecue in Eugene's backyard. Then there was the whole COVID thing. And then they had, I think, 50 people invited.

two days before and and they moved it to where we were castle oma in toronto um it's kind of an event place it's old castle um yeah so we we got all dressed up and when i got there i thought oh this looks like we think we're gonna win this is almost too pretty and too fancy and too lovely and we had this lovely dinner party and they had two producers in a big screen and you could see the other nominees and and then they said um uh okay and we all got tested of course

we're safe to be with each other, but we wore masks. And they said, but if you win, you're going to go up to a microphone. Oh, come on. That looks like we think we're going to win. Can we just stay in our seats if we win? And I'm not thinking we're going to. They said, well, everyone else is going to go to the microphone. Okay. So then I look like I can't walk. Okay. So I have to go if I, if I do, but I won't. It's okay. And they say, okay, we're about to start. And your category is the first one up. Just because it makes you feel kind of sickly, but yeah,

But then Jimmy Kimmel and Jennifer Hassen did that ridiculous bit with the fire burning up the car. And not for a second was I think, oh, hurry, get to it. I was just laughing, you know, silly bit. She kept she was so good with the extinguisher. Yeah. Yeah. I better go at it again. Yeah, this looks bad. And then he read my name and I have that card now. Jimmy Kimmel sent it to me. So great. Half burned away. But my name is still in there.

Yeah, and then, sorry, I've gone on way too long. And then Eugene won, and then Daniel won for writing, and then it got to Annie, and she's sitting beside me. And I said, it was about to announce her category. I said, now you have to win. Sorry, you actually have to win now. That's right. Now, yeah, now you have to. And she said, who do I apologize to first? So sad. It was insane. It was insane, and it just...

You know, we got nine in a row. It's amazing. And that's unusual for a category to be lumped. But they don't usually lump all the, you know, one category together, do they? No. No. So it really became un-Canadian and greedy after a while for us. And so we got through the nine awards, all the comedy, and then they...

Then they cut off our feed. And then we're all just kind of stunned, screaming, looking at each other. And Noah Reed, who plays Patrick on the show, said, you realize no other show has won anything yet. I was like, oh, this is wrong. This is too much. It's just too much.

The hilarious Eric Andre. I always say to people who want to begin to produce and create their content is that what you have to realize is the people that you're going to go and try to get money from are looking for a reason to say no. They're never looking for a reason to say yes. Yeah. Ever. Yeah. It's safer for them to say no, because if they say yes and give you a bunch of money and then you fuck it up or it gets fucked up,

Then it's their ass that gets fired executives get fired all the fucking time. So it's on them If something gets fucked up, so it's like safer for them to say no job security was so you got to give them like an undeniable In any not just pitching shows, but when you're auditioning, you know what I mean? You can't the casting you have to make the casting director has to say yes, and the producers have to say yes and

You know, everybody has to say yes until you get the job. You just have to be... It's a pain in the fucking ass. Don't do it. Look at me. I'm looking into my camera. Don't do this to yourself. Go to med school. Become a Jungian psychiatrist. I...

Boys, are you listening? I tried this. One of my sons listened. He went to law school and passed the bar as a law degree. And the other son went to Stanford and then decided, coming out with straight A's, that he wanted to be in this fucking business. So I'm batting 500. One listened and one didn't. Get over here. I write for the show he's currently on. He's like, fuck you, dad. I can't.

He does have a job writing for Ryan Murphy, and then Ryan put him on my show, figuring my actual son would be able to write proper dialogue for that. So he's got the job. He's giving you the middle finger. I would say this. I would say this. The advice is never try to be in show business.

The best advice I got was from a songwriter, like this old school songwriter in Nashville, Tennessee, who said, quit if you can.

Meaning if there's a burning in your soul where you just cannot quit and you have to do it rather whether you succeed or fail, then go for it. But quit if you can, I thought was an interesting way to articulate. I'm also like take my advice with a grain of salt. Who the fuck am I? But yeah, quit if you can. I'm a curator of of of.

of great quotes and inspirational things. I've never, that's amazing. I'm stealing that. I'm so stealing that. Yeah. When my son wants to get into acting, my daughter wants to be an actress. I want to be an, I might quit if you can. Yeah. Stealing it. Yeah. Steal it. It's not mine. Take it. It's public domain. Go forth. Quit if you can. Yeah.

Joe Coy, do you have a Tesla that you named? I've been preaching Tesla forever. Okay. And I've had all of them. And I had the Tesla X. I was the first one here in LA. I will say that on record. You don't have to verify it, but I will say it. I want to know how you know or think you were the first one in LA to have a Tesla. Every agent in the world has a Tesla. I was the first one. Oh.

I ordered it way before anyone else, but they said that that was coming out. Every TV development person in the world. It's my story, bro. The salesman said I was the first. I believe him. So to give you a discount.

No, no. He charged me for the price, man. I bought everything too. I remember I bought the Ludacris speed before it was even available. I'm just that guy. Anyways, long story short, I gave the Tesla X to my ex-wife. So the X went to the X. So she's the happiest woman alive right now and she's driving around right now with it. So just wanted to tell you that. I gave my X to my ex. Wow.

I love that. I mean, well, what are you driving now? What's your whip these days? I got the Porsche. I got the Panamera. I love it. Yeah, I love it. Fully loaded. Yes. I got me one of those babies sitting in my garage. What do you have? I have the... You have everything. I have the Turbo Carrera, the big beast. Nice. You know, it's fast as heck. I love it.

Yeah, well, it's race one day. Can we street race? I'm down, man. That's what I would love to street race with you. Let's go. I don't even care about anything. I mean, either Lord, I don't care. What about a ticket? I don't care. It's clear. Everybody's listened to this podcast so far. They know I care about nothing. So it would be at all.

Nothing at all. Just street racing. We get somebody cool to like drop the shirt or whatever the hell they do. Yes. Yes.

Well, Natalie Wood, that movie where she did that. Do they still do that today when they street race? Is somebody out there dropping the... It's not a street race unless someone drops something. I love that. That's just how it is. Yeah. Can we get that as a Netflix special, you and me, street racing? I think there's something there. You and I, Rob, walk into a room and we pitch this whole thing about street racing. Yes. All right. We're going to be fast. Yeah. And we're going to be furious at each other. And we're going to be furious at each other. We're going to be mad at each other.

Fast and mad. I love it. I love it. Just livid with each other. Just furious. If we don't walk in to Netflix with something, Rob, then this relationship sucks. This whole time has been for nothing. This conversation alone has already developed four potential, at least three seasons on Netflix. At least. I agree. And then we go to the Philippines and we do like a whole street race thing there. I'm done. I'm done.

Michael J. Fox. By the way, before I forget, I want to just tell you, there's that moment in the book where you run into a guy in a shop. I think you're buying something, and he says, I just want to thank you because you've helped me get through some tough times. I have post-traumatic stress as a serviceman. It's a very thrown-away, simple little snapshot of the day in your life, and I'm sure it happens to you all the time, but I'm going to do my own version of it. So my son, Matthew...

And when he was growing up, really, really, really, really struggled with anxiety big time. And one of the and one of the things I said is that, hey, my friend Michael Fox has a great quote about if you imagine the worst thing that can happen and then it does happen, then you've lived it twice.

And, and so that made a big difference from him for him. And he's here, you know, coveting with me. And I just saw him before I came down here. I said, I was interviewing you. And he said, Hey, remind him how much that means to me. And I use it all the time. So thank you. Thank you, dear sir. I mean, you, you really, I know you heard all the time, but you really do touch a lot of people's lives for sure.

Oh, it's beautiful. That's great. I'm happy about that. I sometimes wonder, that's again, that's what I was referring to. It was lying on the floor waiting for the ambulance to come with my arm in an impossible angle. I was...

I was thinking, just thinking like all the times I've said that, those sort of things to people. And could I back it up now in this situation? Could I back it up? And I had a hard time backing it up. I had a hard time rising to it. So I return to it now, but it means a lot to me that it resonates with people because otherwise you're just a gas bag. Yeah.

Well, but even this is might be my favorite book of yours because of what you're talking about right now is like just because you can't live up to what you want to live up to 100 percent of the time doesn't negate it. And I think that's really important is like I know you're a perfectionist. I know that about you. And so the notion that you could have down days probably didn't seem right.

It didn't seem like it fit for you. That's what I'm hearing you say. But that's the other gift is like nobody's perfect every day. There's nobody who's an optimist every day of their lives. No, it can't be. You've got to find a way to deal with being an optimist and a realist at the same time.

being someone that can accept. I mean, we know a lot about acceptance. Acceptance is everything. If you can accept the situation, you can understand it. It doesn't mean you can't endeavor to change it. It doesn't mean you have to validate it or think it's great, but it is what it is. It's the truth.

And so the diagnosis of the spine with the arm, the more I accepted it and understood it and said, that's it. It takes up this much space in my life. How much spaces are left around that to work in? And what it came down to me, for me, was the experience I kept having that brought me out of this kind of fugue state I was in were about gratitude.

Everything kept coming back to gratitude. If I could find gratitude in something, then my optimism was sustainable. Gratitude, little bits of gratitude will feed your sense of optimism, your sense of being okay. Where did you find gratitude? Where were the places that you were able to find it in those really gnarly times? Well, unfortunately, my father-in-law passed away, and he was a great mentor of mine and a great guy. Yeah.

He lived gratitude every day of his life. And he would always say, I go to him with some problem and he'd listen to me and he had this hat and this big wave of silver hair. And he was not a heavyset guy, but a big guy and a great guy. He had his red sweater and his fishing cap. And he would say to me, whatever I said to him, I talked to him and I'd say, you know, like about Tracy, like she had a bum deal. She had this guy missing health. She had the sickness part and I had...

And he would say to me, he'd listen to me and say, you know what, kiddo? It gets better. And he'd say that every day. And when he passed away, we sat vigil around his bed. The whole family, I looked around, my son, a lot of sadness, but no despair. Just gratitude that we had him. And we knew he was grateful that he had us. And that gratitude was just like, I just kept thinking about it. I kept thinking, with gratitude,

optimism is sustainable. If you're grateful, if you can find something in it, whatever it is to be grateful for, whether it's a reaction of someone to some misery you had, but someone reacted to it in a beautiful way. Say, well, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for this original thing happened, but I'm grateful for the reaction it inspired in others or the reaction it inspired in me. So it's, gratitude is everywhere if you look for it.

Well, gratitude and acceptance is like you say, and again, not to belabor it, but if you can be filled with gratitude and acceptance with the physical challenges that just were piling up for you, then…

than most people, it should be a really easy thing to do. By the way, maybe the greatest thing ever in the book is your love of golf and people asking you what your handicap is and you saying, ah, isn't it obvious? That might be. My other favorite thing is when they say, be still over the ball. I can't be still over my suit. Be still over the ball.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. And I want to thank all of the guests that we've had in our first season. It's meant a lot to me to have the support of my peers. And it's even more important to me to have the support of you.

who've been listening and downloading and commenting and reviewing. This is a brand new area for me, as you know, podcasting, and I'm just overwhelmed at the support. And people will come up to me in the street and talk to me about the guests and what we've been talking about and how excited they are. It means a ton to me. So thank you. It's been an interesting year.

Let's just say that for everybody. But I hope that my little podcast has been a breath of fresh air and a place that you can go and have fun and forget the craziness of the world and just be entertained. And that's what we're here to do. That's what we're going to continue to do. And next season on Literally is going to be even better than this one. And thank you for being such a big part of it.

You have been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe, produced by Deventory Bryant and Delena Turman, engineered by me, Deventory Bryant, executive produced by Rob Lowe for Lowe Profile, Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blair, talent producer Jennifer Sampas.

Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I'll never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

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