JB Smoove: Tilt Game
01:07:14 Share

Art in your home can instantly transform your space and bring you joy. Saatchi Art makes it easy for you to discover and buy one-of-a-kind art that you'll love. Whether you're looking to complement your home decor, fill a blank space on your walls, or start an art collection, you can find the perfect piece for your specific style and budget at Saatchi Art. Go to SaatchiArt.com today to bring the beauty of art into your home. Plus, listeners get 15% off their first order of original art with code ROB.

That's 15% off at SaatchiArt.com. S-A-A-T-C-H-I-Art.com. Ever wish your favorite TV show had twice as many episodes? Everyone knows that feeling. And so does Discover. Everyone wants more of their favorites. That's why Discover doubles another favorite thing. Cash back.

That's right. Discover automatically doubles the cash back earned on your credit card at the end of your first year with Cash Back Match. Now that's a real crowd pleaser. Everyone knows how it ends. Double the cash back. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Hey, it's Rob. How are you, man? Rob, what's going down, man? J.B.! Ah!

All righty, today, what, by the way, welcome. First of all, thank you for joining me. If you're on your treadmill, on your walk, smoking pot in your car, whatever the hell you're doing, or you're listening to this, I'm just glad you're here. It's literally with me. Literally, it's me, Rob Lowe. J.B. Smoove, this is going to be fun. Now, if you're one of the language Nazis...

And I have no bone to pick with you. I think the amount of swear words should be kept to a dull roar. I'm just warning you. It's a plethora. It's coming. So this is like, you know, the chicken exits on the roller coasters. This is your time to get on the language chicken exit. So there, there's my disclaimer. And by the way, lawyers didn't even make me say it. I just said it in my own volition because I care about you. I care about your ethos. Anyway, we're going to have a lot of fun. J.B. Smooth coming up now.

Thanks for coming on our humble little pod. How long have you been doing your latest endeavor? We are at the top. Well, it's our third week in, man. Look at us, man. Three weeks in, man. We are having a blast. And your podcast is every day. We are daily, baby. We are daily. We shoot five at a time. But you know, it's 15 minutes. It's a 15-minute episode. So we just...

Jump in there, man, and we knock it out. We knock out five in a row. Takes us about between all the jibber-jabbering and playing around, and we're two hours behind.

Two hours tops. And it's topical, right? You get to talk about whatever's going on. You can talk about whatever you want, obviously. I go in, Rob. I go in and what we do is I just take these positive affirmations and I go in. I dive. I submerge myself. It's like I'm putting on imaginary scuba gear.

You know, the tank on my back and everything. And I'll tell you the truth, I put the tank on my back, but I'm allowing the listeners to breathe. You know, I let them breathe. I give them breath. See? Now, what's your favorite affirmation you've come across? You know what?

My favorite ones that I've come across now, I have one that I've come across. Or that you've talked about. I mean, like, because I kind of have my little affirmations I like. I got a top five, probably. Man, it's a, oh, man, I got a lot of them, but I like to use my own. Like, I get inspired by my own affirmations. I make my own damn up. I got one I use all the time. I say, set the bar and then do pull-ups on that bitch. See? Set the bar and then you grab the bar and then you do pull-ups on that mother. You know? It's like, that's, see, that's,

People understand that. See, and that's what I do on May I Elaborate is I dive in, Rob. I dive in and allow people to listen to me over elaborate, hallucinate, and all that good stuff. And masturbate. I'm just sorry. It was right there. You know it was coming. I wouldn't doubt it, Rob. I wouldn't doubt it. My voice is very soothing. You know, it's soothing. It's kind of like, Rob—

You ever bake a cake? I eat a lot of cake. I'm not sure I bake it very well. I'm not sure I bake a triple-layer cake, a nice triple-layer cake, or a wedding cake. You ever have a wedding cake and you see those five, six, seven tears cakes? Imagine putting frosting on that bitch. See, I dig into the can of frosting, and I use a regular frosting just to coat it a little bit.

Then I get the bag, you know, the bag full of Frostman. You know, the squeezy thing on top of it. The squeezy thing. Then that's when I get busy and do my real work. You know what I mean? See, my affirmation now coming to my mind, listening to you, is take your squeezy,

Frosting bag. Oh, man. Directly into your mouth. Oh, man. See? Oh, daily. Freaking daily. And then get a big one, a big ass one. And you lay on a weight bench and you get a spotter who spots you because that big ass bag of freaking frosting is heavy as shit. And you put that, you put it on your chest just to see how heavy it is. And then your spotter lifts it up. Matter of fact, now that I'm talking about a spotter, that is exactly what I am.

You are laying on the weight bench of life.

See, Rob, you are laying on a weight. Are you yelling one more? Come on. One more. You got it. Oh, of course I am. And sometimes I push down on that bitch. Sometimes I push down while you're pushing up. Oh, I know you're trying to. I want you to work harder than that. I put my index finger on the middle of that bar and I push down just a little bit to give your ass a little more resistance because that's what the hell you're doing right now. See, I always hated those fuckers at the gym. The one finger on the bar pushing down. Pushing down because they want you to work harder because they see you ain't trying hard enough.

You got, what, 35 pounds on that bitch? The bar itself is what? The bar is 20 by itself. You sitting there lifting 55 pounds and huffing and puffing, you know, you ain't working hard enough towards your goal. So I take my index finger. Sometimes I sit on that bitch. How about that? Sometimes I sit on it while you push me up. That'd be a bridge too far for me. I'll sit on it and cross my leg over, my right over my left leg and relax, relax.

and relax and do some shit that you can't do. Smoke a cigar, eat some fatty snacks, you know, just to show you where you are as a person and you can't do this no more. So I show you an example of a person abusing his diet and his lungs

by eating some snacks, maybe some Cheetos and shit like that. We must be separated at birth because you said cigar. Yes. I got one right here. See? Little part of your series D. And then you said snacks. I was wondering where you were going to land with that. You landed on Cheetos as you should.

Man, you know what I like? Pop-Tarts. I like a good ass Pop-Tarts. And, okay, but let's, let's, let's, okay. But it's, it's the strawberry, I'm assuming. Oh, come on, man. Come on now. You just said it yourself. We are joined at the hip. We are, we are tended souls. Why would it be anything other than, why would it be anything other than strawberry?

Straight up strawberry. Now, I will say this much. I'm not into the hard-ass frosted topping, though. I like mine plain. Ooh, really old school. I like the plain ones, man. I want to see mine toasted when I put it in the toaster.

I'm going to toast it up. Now, do you like the crispy all the way on the edges or do you just kind of like it just sort of isn't flimsy in your hand? I want to break that bitch like drywall. You feel me? I want that shit to break like a piece of fucking drywall. Like a frisbee. We'll be able to throw it like a frisbee across the room. Hell yeah, you can throw it like a frisbee. Shit. I use it. Sometimes I put my...

my Pop-Tart in the toaster and let it get real hard and I use that shit for a coaster when I'm entertaining people, they'll sit there and say, what the fuck is a toaster, a coaster made out of a Pop-Tart doing on the table? You're like, it's edible. It's edible. It's a twofer. You drink your drink and you take a bite of that drywall, that hard-ass damn Pop-Tart. See? I killed two birds with one stone, which is another, another affirmation. Killing two birds with one stone. Now, let me ask you a question, though. What is the difference between an affirmation and a cliché?

See, affirmation motivates you and it inspires you. A cliche is some shit you throw out the side of your mouth. Now, you wouldn't say a cliche out the front of your mouth. So you say that shit out the side of your mouth, like almost doing a smirk. Like you smirk your lip. Like you've had a smirk. And you throw a cliche out there. A cliche does not inspire people. A cliche is fake. It's faux. That shit ain't real. It's just some shit that people say. It's something people say. No.

what you overhear cliches at a dinner party you'll just overhear a cliche and you'll turn your head like and you turn your turn around say and you say who said that bullshit you know i mean do you know what cliche drives me crazy right now this is this drives me fucking berserk which one

R.I.P. Ooh. Drives me crazy. Yeah, man. I mean, I get it in the cowboy days when you came across the prairie and you had a, you know, grandpa fucking kicked the bucket on your way to California and you just dumped him and you dug a thing and you didn't have any wood and you made a cross for him and you just, R.I.P. God, I get that. But today, we've got social media, all these things and the best you can come up with is R.I.P.? Somebody who mattered to you? You're like, R.I.P.?

No. Give somebody a proper eulogy. What the hell is going on? Full ass eulogy. I know. I get it. Now, people use SIP also, sleep in peace. They use that too. I haven't heard that one. I saw one. Somebody put over it. They put over it. That's what the fuck they put. I said, God damn. Over it? What the fuck does that mean?

Are they over it or the person who lived with them is over it? I don't know. It confused me a little bit. You know what I'm saying? Who says over it? Who the fuck? Does the person who died say that shit? Or the person who died was wit says I'm over it. That's cold. That's fucking cold. Over it? Who says over it? Come on, Rob. Who does that? I'm now aware that that is great because that is...

That at least gets my attention. But sometimes people are over it. You know what I'm saying? They're tired as well. Not that they, you know, they just see they're at rest. When you're at rest, you're over it. You're over it. You know what I'm saying? You're at rest. You're at peace. You're at peace. Whenever that day comes for me, I want to be so over it.

I want to be over it. You've done it all. Once you do it all, you know what the people have too? There's another thing that's big. It's celebration of life. Oh, which I find to be amazing. I love celebration. Celebrations of life. I love that. You're celebrating your life and the people you touched and the people you inspired. Now, let me ask you this. Would you ever stage a fake funeral for yourself? Shit.

So you could be in the, like the other room. Nah, I wouldn't. Other room, like listening to people saying great things about you that they would never say to your face. Nah, but I would celebrate. I'll fucking celebrate. You know what I would do? Here's what the fuck I would do. I would have a skating party.

Ice or roller? Rollers. Come on, Rob. Come on, man. You know. I'm just checking. If we turn the spirits, you know damn well I was roller skating. I know. I know. But the way you said it, it was so smooth. Four wheels on each foot. I know. I did ease it on you. I eased that shit on you. Yeah. You didn't see that coming. And I'm going to put my coffin also on roller skates. See? Yeah. See, that way, everybody's having a good-ass time, you know? Get some roller skaters. How about it? Are you going to give me one of those like, like, like, um,

gnarly Russian 1930s coffin where they had a glass window over your face. You can do one of those? Fuck yeah, I would do that shit. It's like Stalin's coffin. I would go, I would overdo it. I want a horse-drawn carriage, all that shit. Feel me? All of it. And then I want a little, just a person walking behind it picking up the poop because, you know, these horses shit while they're walking. Yeah. You know?

It kind of ruins the vibe. I know, but you got to get that shit up, man. You don't want people to remember the smell and the shit on the floor. And you don't. It's celebrating you. The horse-drawn carriage, Lincoln or JFK, those horses were not pooping. You know what? They clearly give a diuretic the day before they're going to do that shit. They're going to hold it. They're going to hold it. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be really nice if horses shit birthday cake. Now, that would be— Or Pop-Tarts. Oh, Pop-Tarts. Oh, shit, man. Or bags of peanuts. Now, that shit right there, people love bags of peanuts. Hot, hot. And it comes out hot because it's inside the horse's body. Hot bags of peanuts. Inside the horse's body. It's a billion degrees inside a horse's body. People don't know that. You think it's not? Shit, man. What? What?

People don't know that kind of stuff. See, I like that we are giving information, but at the same time, we're giving clarity to things, you know, which is what I fancy. And that's what you do on your show. That's what you do every day. Let me tell you something, Rob. I do that in life. You know, I'm the dude that if I see you in a market,

squeezing cantaloupes. You know what I mean? I will let people know that the density of a cantaloupe is like a skull. So what I would do is I would squeeze the fuck out of your head. I'd grab your head and squeeze your head like a fucking cantaloupe. And then I would squeeze the cantaloupe and say, this is the perfect one right here.

See? So you compare. You test and compare. Fuck yeah. You compare. You know, my grandpa, who was a farmer from many, many generations, his thing with the cantaloupe was you pick it up and you smell the sort of round circle part. Mm-hmm.

And if there's a fragrance there, it's good to go. If there's no fragrance there, you don't get it. It had nothing to do with feel or skull shit. He wasn't doing any skull stuff, but he was sniffing that little thing. There's a science to it. There's a science to all this. Honeydews too. Now, honeydews. Let me ask you this. Honeydew, do you put salt on it?

You know what? I'm going to tell you something. I'm not a big honeydew guy. Yeah, everybody's like, what? I never thought of that. Yeah, it's a thing. I'm not a big honeydew guy, you know? I'm not a big honeydew guy. But I do like the possibility of the infusion. They're doing infusions now with different fruit and merging them together. Have you tried those cherries, the yellow ones with the little hint of red?

Yeah, somebody was just talking. Wait, but it's a particular flavor. It's called cotton candy? Cotton candy. Yeah, it's the cotton candy one. Everybody loves these things. See, somehow they have found a way to take fucking cotton candy from a carnival and have the cotton candy have sex with the normal cherry.

And they fucked around and had a mixed baby called Cotton Candy Cherries. See how life is? See? Can I ask you, is it literally where you get...

It tastes like, see, I'm so stupid. I'm like thinking there's actually going to be cotton candy in this cherry, but it just tastes like it. How did they do? I don't understand. How did they do it? I'll tell you exactly how they do it. They get a sleazy ass hotel room. They lay cotton on the bed and they lay a pound or a pound and a half of cherries on the bed, turn the lights off and they close the fucking door and let them have sex.

How do you think it happens? How do you think babies are born? Shit. In a sleazy motel, clearly. Fuck yeah. You know, you got a certain amount of time in that motherfucker too. You can't be there all goddamn night. Three or four hours. Tops. Take a shower, get the fuck out of there. That's why they're so hard to get, these cotton cans. Because apparently there's a season for them. You can't just go out and get them. See, it's a season for babies too. It takes nine months to have a baby. That's seasonal. Babies are seasonal. Hey, just thank God that fucking ain't seasonal. Thank God.

Hold that thought. We'll be right back. All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

By the way, I need to just tell you how much I love you on Curb. You're so funny on it. I live for that show. I live for it. I love it. I love everything about it. And how...

So just walk me through quickly a scene. I know that it's a lot of it's improv, but it's a skeleton like Laker. Larry will be like, OK, so this is what in my imagination. Larry goes, OK, so in this scene, you know, I come in and you give me this piece of information and it's wrong. So you've got to give me the wrong information. And that's that. And then you just guys tee off. Is that how it goes? It does. But.

See, how I do it is this. You know, of course we get an outline, eight, nine page outline of the actual show, but

See, unless he needs something very specific, like he wants to, you know, knit together a or join together an episode or he wants to have a certain word used, you know, I'll use that, you know, in context. But I create my own storyline, which is what you want to do when you're improvising. Yep. You know, and the rest of that shit, you just kind of create your own storyline. So here's my rule of thumb. My rule of thumb is this.

thing that I try to do is I try to give him something new he didn't know about the Leon character. Because I'm trying to create branches, Rob. I'm trying to create these fucking branches. You know, because my character doesn't have origin. I'm trying to create branches that I can go back to callbacks. I need callbacks. See, I'm a big callback guy. You know what? Pop-Tart. There's

There's one. See? And I also throw shit in your face. I like to throw things in your face because I feel like, you know, if I say something and lo and behold, you go the opposite and I got to bring it up again, I'm going to have to define it even more for you because evidently you didn't get the shit I fucking said earlier two shows ago. So I like to call back stuff. But also here's the one thing I think that determines comedy.

I'll sit there and I'll say, hmm, in this scene, Larry has given me something. Now, I got to decide whether I want to be on Larry's side or I want to go against him. No, it doesn't matter to me, but I got to listen to what's happening in the scene. And then I can decide whether what Larry has brought forth to me is some bullshit and I need to address it.

Do I need to address it on his side? It's usually bullshit. I'm just saying. Yeah. It's pretty clear with Larry David on that show, nine times out of ten, bullshit, right? Some bullshit coming. But I got to decide whether I want to have his back or I want to go against him on this one. Mm-hmm. Because I like to get the mileage. I want the mileage out of this situation, which is fun to go against him because I like a good argument with Larry, a nice-ass argument. Do you know when you're doing your thing in a scene... I mean, look, Larry's...

acting and playing, doing all that. But he's also the auteur of the show. Do you, can you like tell when he's like, fuck yeah, that was great. Or I'm not like this direction when, when you're actually playing the scenes, do you get a sense of whether he's happy or not? Yep. He, he, he has a smirk on, on his face. That's, that's undeniable. He just has this unique smirk. You know what, you know, man to man, you know, you know,

Larry has a very bright

And when he's pleased and he smiles and his head starts to nod a little bit and he's trying to over explain himself and trying to get out of some shit. And you know, you got him on his heels. It's the most genuine shit ever. Larry has a genuine smile. It's golden. And when you see it, you're like, man, I got his ass. Oh, good. That's his tell. That's his tell. And you gotta realize, I'm from the stand-up world. So for me, it's like I'm...

It's like you got an audience in the palm of your hands. You know it. You're on fucking stage. You're fucking murdering these people. You can't say shit wrong. You got them on their fucking heels. They're laughing at your premises. You haven't even told them a joke yet because they got you. It's kind of like our connection right now. You know what I mean? Yeah. You get an audience on their heels. Oh, man. It's undeniable. You know the first five minutes of that show, I'm about to murder these motherfuckers.

I'm going to make them release their bowels, your fucking bladder, all that shit. I'm going to reverse it. I'm going to have them pissing out their ass. All that cake and pop tarts up in there, it's coming out. Hey, I'm going to reverse it. I'm going to reverse their organs. I'm going to reverse their fucking organs, Rob. You hear me? Yeah, I do. I'm going to have you pissing out your asshole. I'm telling you, when you get a crowd like that, you get them on their heels like that,

You feel it in your guts, in your body. You get a tingle up your back. You say, shit, if they're laughing at this, wait till I really get going. Oh, it's like the pace car. But you have different acts. No one stand-up for you is the same. It's not like you don't really – I've seen – there are great stand-ups. I've seen a bunch of them where it's the same thing every time.

And you don't work that way. I don't work that way, man, because I feel I perform for the audience that's in front of me. I don't I hate being robotic. Being robotic is the work. See, it's robotic. It's horrible on stage and horrible in the fucking bed. Oh, shit. Nothing worse than a fucking robot in bed. Wait a minute. Sex robots are a big thing right now, bro. It's like a big business. I think you got it all wrong. No, no. I'm talking about being you being a fucking robot. Well, that wouldn't be good. You you're the robot.

You know what I'm saying? And that's twofold if you a fucking robot in bed and you fucking a robot too in bed. See? That's counterproductive. Yeah, two robots in bed is one robot too many in bed. That's one robot too fucking many.

See, it might get interesting if you throw a regular person in there and have a three-way, one normal person and two fucking robots. See? Meep, burp, meep, burp, burp. You're spending too much time with her. Meep, burp, burp. I'm jealous now. See? Burp, my regret. This decision, burp, burp. The ecstasy is wearing off. Burp, burp, burp. And the fucking robot short circuit and shit. You know? Start sparking and shit. You know? Gotta be careful with fucking robots anyway. But, see, I hate being robotic on stage. I love...

to perform for the moment because that means this audience in front of you is going to get something that the next audience is not going to get. Okay, wait, I want to do a deep dive on this. So if, then how do you know, you have to have some idea of what you, you have obviously a framework, you say branches, right?

And then you get out and you kind of tiptoe out on one branch and you crush it. And you're like, oh, good. Okay, now I know where I'm going. Right? Yeah, you have your bullets in your holster. Yeah. But you don't rely on the fucking bullets. Right. You know, you fuck around and show up to a knife fight. Right? You can fight with a knife for a little while. Shit. You know, until you start losing with that fucking knife. Then you pull your fucking gun out and use the bullets in your holster. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I got the bullets in the holster, but you don't got to use them right away.

Because you know what? When you walk on stage as a comedian, if they love you and you can improvise and have fun and you talk about the moment, you talk about shit that you see, talk about their city, talk about the fucking club, the theater, the stage, the green room fucked up, the hotel or whatever.

You talk about that for five, six minutes. Sometimes I just go on stage and say real stuff. One time I was in a club one night, and I'm going to tell you something. Sometimes you're rushing to get dressed, and sometimes people in hotels play tricks and shit, dirty-ass tricks on you. So one time I'm in this hotel, Rob, it's just terrible. So I'm getting dressed, and somebody who worked at the hotel switched the fucking labels on the lotion and the fucking shower gel. Uh-oh.

So I'm getting fucking dressed and I get ashy. Rob, I get fucking ashy. I could write a fucking novel on my fucking leg in ash. I'm fucking, I could scratch numbers on my arm. You see? And I'm getting dressed for the show and I start rushing and shit. Then I grabbed a fucking so-called lotion that was fucking shower gel. And I rub the shit on my fucking body, thinking I'm good and I'm moisturized. I run out of the club. I run out of the hotel to the club.

Let's get on stage and start fucking sweating and bubbles all over the fucking place, man. Bubbles on my fucking face and shit. Oh, no. Fuck did this stupid shit. Fuck it. But that was a fucking...

Crowd was fucking hollering. They thought it was the funniest shit ever, Rob. Some shit you can't plan, Rob. Yes. Happy accidents, they call them. Bubbles being produced by the sweat on your fucking forehead is the funny, and when you rub it, it's making more lather. Rob, the funniest shit you ever seen in your life. And you must have crushed. And by the way, that's a joke. Crowd going crazy. They're fucking going crazy. Ah!

Funny, funny shit, funny shit. Can't repeat that shit. Now, I can't just fucking put lotion, keep putting fucking, it happened once. I can't do it again, Rob. That's it. That crowd got it. I can't just every day keep putting fucking sour gel on my body just for the laugh. And that joke can't be stolen either. Can't do it. Can't fucking, I did a show one night, Rob, and I was wearing these cowboy boots.

And before I was in a different price bracket, I was buying cheap-ass cowboy boots. And I was on stage, and I was stomping around and shit, having a good time, jumping around. And the fucking heel broke off of the cowboy boot while I was on stage, Rob. The whole fucking heel came off. The heel. That's gold when that happens. You're like, oh, yes. I said, fuck, my heel came off. Picked the heel up and showed the audience. They fucking lost it.

This is like the first 15 minutes of my show. I got another whole hour to go. Did you hobble around or did you take the other boot off? I proceeded, Rob, to use my skills and every joke was built around the fucking heel and the fucking boot. Couldn't go wrong. Couldn't go wrong. And you can't repeat that shit. I don't have enough money to keep breaking fucking cowboy boots every goddamn show.

No, can't do that. Can't afford that, Rob. You can't afford that. But genuine moment and you can't do it again. And I'm happy with that. I'm happy with not repeating that shit because I'm not a fucking robot. I'm performing for the moment. I enjoy people. I enjoy spontaneous laughter, which you can't repeat again.

And nothing better than you see somebody years later and say, hey, man, I was at that show when you fucking made bubbles on stage and shit. I was I was at that show and you lathered up on stage and shit with your sweat. You see, can't repeat that shit. That's theirs. That's for you, people. That's you. Put that in your pocket. Take that shit home with you.

So you work so intuitively and spontaneously. You also – by the way, I'm a little obsessed with your show you were on for a while called The Millers because it's got two people who I think are fucking fantastic in it, Will Arnett, who I adore. Oh, man, one of the best. And Margo Martindale, who I've never met. And what I love about The Millers and what I love about Margo Martindale is what I love about acting. Yeah.

So she's on the Millers, right? It's a right down the middle CBS sitcom. We all know what that is. We know when we see it. We know when we feel it. We know what it is. Yes, indeed. And it gets canceled. Her next job is the Americans. Yes. And she plays this Russian turncoat battleaxe.

And wins every award in sight for it and deserves it. Yes, indeed. And it just goes to show you it's like people want to categorize people all the time. And it's like there's no bigger category than a CBS sitcom actor. Like we all kind of know what that is. And it's bullshit. Margo Martindale is a – I mean it's – she goes from that to the greatest drama in the world and crushes on both. And I just –

I love that. I always point that out to people. Yeah, it goes to that whole analogy of comedy is drama. Right. And you can turn a switch. Because if you really think about it, you can do a funny line dramatically. And depending on how you say it, half the shit we said so far, Rob, can be said dramatically. Right.

take the whole piss not the asshole thing, right? If you said that shit in a movie with gangsters and the gangsters said, I'll make you piss out your asshole, you would say, holy shit. He's about to fuck this dude up. See? But we say it in jest. We're loud. We think that shit is funny. See? People think, see, it's just a matter of where you put it at. There is no rhyme, there is no order of

of how an actor prepares for his character, the director determines how the delivery of it is, Rob. That is the thing that allows an actor to have depth, has the scene, has depth. It's all about the delivery. Now, my character on Curb, I don't fucking smile. I don't laugh at Larry. I give it to him straight to the fucking throat.

Yeah. It's a scene that's funny because it's a comedy. But I could take all that shit he says, you know, I could do that whole get in that ass, Larry, scene, the legendary get in that ass scene. And I did that in a movie, a drama. Woo! Yeah, you could do that in like a training day.

Type movie? I could have been in Training Day. You could have been. You should have been. Shut me in the ass. Oh, I love that movie. Do you have a Denzel? Do you do a Denzel? I don't do a Denzel. I'm a big fan, though. Denzel's from my hometown, also, Mount Vernon, New York. That's, oh, so that whole boy, you must know him for the Boys and Girls Club stuff, right? Yeah, man. Because he's big in that, too, right? I'm a Boys and Girls Club alum, you know, and worked with Denzel plenty of times on

on programs and galas and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, Denzel's amazing, man. He does so much for the Boys and Girls Club and we appreciate it so much, man. And, you know, we just pass the baton around, you know? Pass it around and we get things done, man. It's very important.

To give back to your neighborhood and your local Boys and Girls Club. So it's North Carolina, right? No, that's Mount Vernon, New York. Mount Vernon, New York. I was born in North Carolina. Oh, that's right, right. I'm still a country boy at heart. Still love pickup trucks and stuff like that. Cowboy boots. Now, you got to walk me through getting your lung crushed by Ray Allen. By the way, that's the greatest...

What? I would be so proud of that. Oh, man. So you're playing basketball with who all's on the team? Yeah, I'm in a celebrity game, Rob. You know, I've played before in a celebrity game. My second time playing in a celebrity game. And, you know, I haven't played in a celebrity game in years. The first time I did it was in Orlando. And this time, you know, I did it in Charlotte, North Carolina. But yeah, man, it was a great game, man. We were winning games.

We were doing cool. Who's your team? I need to know who the celebrities are. Oh, man. Oh, man. You got me thinking now. I don't fucking remember everybody. I know. Well. Shit. My last celebrity game was me and Keanu Reeves were the guys. Oh, my gosh. He might have played against me. I think John Wick dropped like 20 on me. I got to look up. You can Google it. It's out there. There's a very fun picture. I've got Kurt Rambis glasses on. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Rob, that's hilarious. Oh, you pulled the Kurt Rambis out. I have the actual glasses he wore. Woo! Woo! Woo! Let me see here. This is before I had LASIK. Oh, man. You know, I bet it was. But did you embody the character? Yeah, of Kurt Rambis, the guy who couldn't shoot. Yeah, it was perfect for it. Oh, running up court, the hair. White guy can't shoot. I mean, what could be better? Oh, man. But mean, a little mean, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Like not afraid to body people up. Oh my gosh. Oh, that's it. That's my game. See, I went into this game. You know what? I always fancy myself a true New Yorker. And, you know, I love, I always love playing defense. Yes. I love getting under someone's skin. You know what I mean? You know, I don't play dirty, but if, if, if, if some, if some, if a moment arises and your body's in a certain position and my knee is,

mistakenly, purposely hits your nuts. Let's just say you just, you fucked up. Your body hit my knee. I put it on your body hitting my, your nuts hitting my knee, not my knee hitting your nuts. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's old school. But you would never think I did it on purpose. See, because I got long ass legs, long ass pointy knees.

and elbows and shit like that. You got this Bill Cartwright pointy elbows. Oh, man. I love playing with the big man, too. Oh, I like to play defense down low. I'm not the biggest guy. I'm not the tallest guy and not the heaviest guy. But I got technique. I know how to get around a big man. I know when a big man gets the ball...

The only way a big man can get you is he has to get that ball here. If that ball don't fucking go up, I got your ass. Once that ball hits your hands, I'll knock that ball out your fucking hands. You know, no big man, you're not going to put that ball up. No. Zero. I hope you say that to him. I do. I say that during the game. And that's another thing. While you're playing, oh, I'm in your head. I'm dancing around in your head like a fucking leprechaun. You hear me? I'm just dancing around in your brain. You can't think. You

You can't think. I'm not going to allow you to. I'm going to embarrass you. I know your parents are in the audience. Give me your leprechaun. Your wife is in the audience. You can't just throw that out there like you say, I'm a leprechaun and not give me some of the leprechauns. Dancing. Dancing like one. My verbal is straight all over you. I'm talking about your wife in the audience is watching you right now.

Show up. Show up, playboy. You know, don't get embarrassed by me. You're 40 pounds heavier than me. Don't get embarrassed up in here. You know, I get all in the head, man. Are you saying this to Ray Allen? No wonder you crushed your lung. No, no. I was talking. Now, Rob, I was talking major shit to Ray Allen. This is a Hall of Famer. Yeah. I was at the game where he dropped 60 on the Lakers. You got to talk that shit, man. See, I'm always competitive.

I'm competitive to a point where I got to show you that in another life, if I do projections, if I had done projections, and I do projections all the time, I compare myself to legendary people, whether it's comedy, whether it's fatherhood, whether it's husband, whatever it is, you compare yourself to what you are doing and what you are capable of doing versus other people's career.

And I told, I'll use projections, you know, Rob, I'm 55, right? I'll be 56 this December. So I compare projections, you know, uh, uh,

I compare myself to the great Jerry Rice or the great Ray Allen. I compare myself because I go by projections, meaning we are kind of in the same range as far as age, which means that if I do projections, when I graduated out of college and when I graduated out of high school, had I not fucked around in the gym, in the weight gym, absolutely

I would have been projected as a major contributor to the NBA or the NFL had I dedicated my real time to it. I really thought I was going to be a wide receiver and play football. I really thought. And when I did my projections, I would have graduated a year behind or a year ahead of the great Al Toon, who was one of my favorite receivers on the New York Jets. Oh, yeah. So I would have my projections and also with Jerry Rice, who's also around the same time.

See? Stud. See? And I projected myself being a great wide receiver and possibly being anchored on the other side of that field, lined up with one of those great wide receivers. Let me ask you something. Would you rather have not ended up in the NFL or ended up in the hell of the NFL, which would be wide receiver for the Jets? I would have given... Look, let me tell you something. I would have given everything, anything...

to be on the other side of that field with the great Altoom. Because see, I know I'm going to do what I do. Even right now, as a 55-year-old man, I still feel like I got this shit.

If they ever put out a 55-year-old league, Rob, I'm there. I run perfect routes. I'm still fast. I still got it. I'm fucking elusive. So do those guys. Jerry Rice still has it. I'm sure they still have it. I was at the Super Bowl. I'm sure they still have it. That San Francisco Super Bowl where he came out in his suit and ran down the field? Yeah, man. He still got it. And that's why I feel I still got it. I feel as though...

You know, not that I missed the opportunity to become a great wide receiver. I just feel like something else took its place. And being competitive crosses all levels of your life. You know what I mean? But you also inspire in your competitiveness. And that's why, you know, even while I was playing in the celebrity game and Ray Allen was lighting our asses up, you know, we had J. Will on our squad. J. Will was killing them, killing them.

And they were going back and forth. These two great legendary basketball players were going at it. But we were ahead by 12 points, Rob Lowe.

12 points. We had this game locked up. Maybe a minute, something left. Maybe two minutes left in the game. We got this game wrapped up. And then Ray Allen proceeded to light our ass up. He proceeded to light our ass up. Bam. Whop. Three. Whop. Three. Whop. You know, next thing, that 12-point lead, Rob, is down to maybe five points. I said, shit. You guys fucking around out there. I'm on the bench.

Now, Rob, I'm going to tell you, I'm not a big-time scorer, but I did have, I told everyone before the game started, I said, I'm going to have some of my rebounds, but I'm guaranteeing at least five blocks because that's my game plan. I love the block. I love blocks. That's my thing. Also known as fouling.

No, no. I like to block. I like to catch that ball in the air and mush that shit in your face or throw that shit in the stand somewhere. When you do it, do you do the Dikembe Mutombo, no, no, no, no, with the finger back? Sometimes I pay homage to my man. I just saw him on a flight last week. I just saw him trying to put his bag in the overhead. And guess what I did? I knocked that shit on the floor. I said, no, no, no.

That's so great. Yeah, fuck that. Yeah, yeah. You get that shit right back to you. Right back to your ass, big man. See? And we'll be right back after this.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. Larry, you know what the thing about Larry always blows my mind? He's tall. He's tall. Lanky. Lanky man. That's what my wife told me when I said I would love to be on Curb Your Enthusiasm one day.

She said, you're going to be on that show one day. You know, my wife, Shia, she said, you're going to be on that show one day because you're lanky. Larry's lanky. And, you know, you guys will look great together walking down the street talking shit. And, you know, who knew that the universe would say, you know what? This has got to happen. This has got to happen. And lo and behold, we are together talking shit to each other. Do you golf with him?

You know what? I have golf. We had a rap kind of a few years ago. We had like a little golf thing up in the end of point. And you know what? Our team, we beat Larry's team. We won the whole thing. Wow. And Larry was salty as fuck. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, Larry loves his golf. Oh, he loves his golf. Salty, salty. Oh, man. I got on stage talking shit about it.

apologize. You know, have you ever apologized, but it's like you're apologizing to them, but you're also digging in their ass at the same time? Oh, man. No, just giving them props. You guys showed up today. You guys, you know, you guys had a lot of great shots, you know. How many of you guys even showed up today? Because I know it was bleak.

Halfway through this course, it was bleak. And you guys, and it must be, it must have been terrible knowing that you were going to lose and there was nothing you could fucking do about it because there's not enough holes on that goddamn golf course to catch up. But you know what, man? You guys showed up. You know, it's a beautiful...

It was a beautiful day today. Oh, man. He doesn't like that. He's serious about his golf. Big time. Oh, he's dead ass. He's dead serious about that shit. And he practices his swings in between scenes. I do too. That's my new thing. And it's made a huge difference, by the way. So, you know, some guys who want to be musicians, they air guitar. They air guitar, air drumming. Larry air swings the golf club. Yep.

He just air swings. Remember Carson used to do it. Remember when we'll be right back and he would do that. But I never knew if that was a golf, because Carson didn't play golf. He played tennis like a madman. And yet that tossed commercial he always did, I think is a golf swing. I believe it was. And I believe, you know, because, you know, golf is, it's one of those sports, man, that's kind of universal. But it's also, golf is also, think about this, it is a sport.

the technique of playing golf is something you can live by also. 100%. Because life, what is life?

Life is being able to do something repeatedly and not even have to look at it again. If you can master your golf swing, your life, I say life swing, meaning you can do shit without even looking at it. At some point when you play golf, you want to get to the point where you put that ball down there and you put that ball on that tee, you line it up,

And that's the last time you've seen that fucking ball. Yeah, you forget about it. You don't think about it no more. You think you're dead in the golf swing. You just, you so used to hitting that shit straight. And when that ball goes straight and you don't got to even look at it and you know where the ball went at, you swing and you immediately turn around and put that fucking club back in that damn bag, throw that bag on your shoulder and you start walking and that fucking ball ain't even hit the green yet.

That's life. That's what you want to get to in your life. See? My favorite thing in golf is when you hit a long shot under the green and they hand you the putter and you're still like 180 yards from the green. You're walking up with the putter. The long walk with the little stick is one of the best feelings in the world. Best feeling in the world, man. And that's how life the fuck should be. It should be like a golf swing.

You should know where that shit landed every fucking time. And effortless. Effortless, man. That's where you want to get to. You want to get comfortable. That's where the fuck you want to be at in everything you do. Job, relationships, all that shit. You want to master your golf swing. Put that bitch and make that ball land where the fuck you want to land it at. On your Pop-Tart coaster. Fuck yeah. I'll put that ball on the top. Pop-Tart. Put it on the top. Turn it like a Frisbee. Oh.

Let me ask you something. And I mean this in all seriousness. Will the New York Knicks ever be good? Man, look. Let me tell you something right now, man. You want to watch out. Right now, this team is balling, baby. This team is balling. Let me tell you something. We got roles. What you got to think about is this. Pieces. Motivating. You know, you know.

Sometimes when you're the man before you become the man, this shit is crazy because you don't realize what you're bringing to a team. And that same thing goes with TV. It's the same thing that goes with movies. You show up, you're supposed to inspire. You're supposed to group. You're supposed to unite. You're supposed to motivate this team. You're supposed to do all the things that he is doing right now. This team has stepped up. And here's the thing. Sometimes it's good for people to underestimate you.

Sometimes it's good when you show the fuck up in the playoffs and they overlook your ass. That's true. And they think it's the old Knicks. They think you ain't shit. Now you show up.

And guess what? Surprise their ass. You got them on their goddamn heels because they thought somebody else was going to show up. That's true. They thought somebody else was going to show up. I can't argue with that. I just can't argue with it. I just, if I had a nickel for every year, this is the next year. I know, but this is, I'm telling you, this is going to be, this is, no, no, you don't understand. This is the, I mean, come on. No, I'm not saying, no, look, I'm not saying that we're going to go all the way. What I'm saying is this. We show up,

Playoffs mean this. When you're playing those single games through the season, that's a one-off.

You win or lose, keep it moving. When you play a series, guess what you get? Another shot at that shit. Another shot to figure out what the fuck you did wrong. Another shot to figure out what the fuck you did right. See? It all works somehow. Oh man, you can change things up. You know what? I'm going to change this lineup. I'm going to do this. I'm going to give them this up front. I'm going to put my man on the bench right here. I'm going to put an insert low speed. I'm going to put the big man in. You got situation. Now you're playing situational.

That's what that's it. That's all it is, man. And you're also, I'm assuming, a Yankees fan. Damn right. I'm a Yankee. Good. I'm a Yankee. I'm a suffering jet. I'm a Yankee. I'm a fucking Nick, baby. And you know what? My Brooklyn place is, man, what I could walk to the Barkley, but I've never been to the Barkley yet. You know why? Why? I'm a fucking Nick fan. I love it.

Oh, man. I love it. You know what? I walk by that motherfucker. Yeah, walk by it. Don't go in it. I walk by that bitch four or five times. Do you ever pee on it? Do you ever like, man, I'm pissed. No, no, no. Don't disrespect. Now, some of my good friends play for Brooklyn. And I live in the neighborhood, so I'm not disrespecting the Nets. I'm just telling you that I'm a Knicks fan. And this is a Knicks city. It's a Knicks city, man. I can't stop that.

Knicks games are fun. I'd say the Knicks game, going to the garden, it's pretty spectacular. It really is. And going in that weird room with the Leroy Neiman paintings that are hanging on everywhere, right? Yeah, man. Come on, man. So good. Historic, baby. Historic. Come on. You can't. Win or lose, it is a Knick town. When the Knicks win, when the Knicks lose, it's still going to be on the back page of the paper. That's right. That's what it is.

It is what it is. We, we, on the show that I'm on 9-1-1 Lone Star, the very, very, very first scene we ever did takes place in New York. I play a New York firefighter who moves to Texas, but I'm in New York for the very first scene and I'm rescuing a window washer who is dangling by his feet 70 stories over Times Square. And we're really shooting it. This guy literally is stuntman 70 stories over. It's make, made my,

queasy looking at him and he goes, help me, help me. We got you. Don't worry about it. Let me ask you something. Yeah. Yankees are Mets fan. He goes, I'm a Mets fan. I go, we'll be with you in a minute. But like, like the Mets fans are totally second-class citizens in New York. You know what, man? Overall, overall, I am a New York fan overall, but my preference is going to be Yankee baby. Is this something about that team? I want Yankees Dodgers this in the worst way. I want that.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. Who doesn't want that? Man, I did a Zoom. I was on a Zoom with a buddy of mine. Had all these legends on this Zoom, man. He said, peek in, man. I'm going to have a bunch of legends. Man, you're going to love it. I'm going to have Reggie. I got a bunch of people. You know, I got a... Who do you have? Mike Tyson. I got all these guys, man. It's going to be amazing. Tune in, man. I tune in. When I tell you...

Everybody was on this freaking Zoom. I'm sitting here like, what? All my heroes, every sports hero you can imagine is there. Emmitt Smith and freaking all these great people. Why? What was it for? It's just getting people together, man. And they're telling their stories. They're telling their stories. And I'm sitting there like, what?

This is incredible. Reggie Jackson. Reggie was there. I said, Reggie, I don't think you understand, man. I'm a New Yorker. I know you understand because you are the man. Man. And let me tell you something, man. Those days of watching you play, man, was absolutely. His self-description is the greatest self-description. He's the straw that stirs the drink. Yeah, man. Remember that? Yes, man. What a great phrase. I'm the straw that stirs the drink. Woof.

Man, he was, man. I mean, it was just amazing. I mean, everybody had a story, man. Everybody. And I told Mike Tyson was on. I told Mike Tyson, man, I remember this club in New York called the Red Parrot. I don't know if you've ever been to the Red Parrot, but it was one of the hottest clubs in New York City. And Mike Tyson was the new champ, 19 years old.

He was 19 when he was first champion? I think he was 19 years old. Wow. I forgot. Yeah, you're right, but it just seems so nuts. This dude walks in the club, man. It was Mike Tyson, Arsenio Hall, and Eddie Murphy. These three guys walk in the club together. Yep. And I'm sitting there like, oh my God. I was their token white friend, those guys. Oh!

Hey, ain't nothing wrong with that, though. No, it was good. I loved it. You kidding me? Those bros in that time? Fuck. It's crazy. Ladies' heads turned, man. Come on. Yep. Spilling drinks on themselves. Those were my guys. That was such an era. I mean, that was a squad. People always talk about the Brat Pack, but they don't really realize that that was

was also going on on the sort of the down low. On the down, yeah, come on, man. And it was different back then, man. It was different, you know, not that, not that, you know, it's not great shine right now and things are happening right now, but man, it was a different appreciation for all that it is, you know, back then, you know, because I realized there wasn't any social media. It wasn't any of this stuff, man. You had to literally be in the moment and enjoy that moment and tell the story,

And tell the story, not show the story on video that you got on your phone. Well, that's the problem. People miss the story because they're recording it. You miss. Here's the thing. What I realized is when if I, and I had to remind myself when I took my family on a safari and you want to take pictures of everything. You saw the amazing animals and the stuff in it. And what I realized though, if I take a picture of it, I'll have the picture of it, but I won't have the memory of it. No. And because I don't think you can.

Well, I know for me, if I record it or take a picture of it, I don't remember it. So you have to choose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, you got to choose, man. And I just, you know, someone asked me would I ever change trade, you know, a timeline. You know, a timeline means, that means would I trade my timeline that I was brought up, you know, in the business,

the timeline that someone has now. And I always say, I will always say no. I wouldn't trade my era for anything. For anything. Oh, the things we've seen. I'll do you one better. If you had to pick an era to come back and have, to be young and have fun in, pick one.

Pick a decade, any decade that has ever existed in human history. You know who I want to go to? And I'll tell you, it has to be the 80s. It has to be. Mine is not. Really? See, I'm a man of style. I love to dress. I love to wear suits. I love old cars. I would have loved to have grown up in the heyday of Harlem. Oh, man, nightclubs everywhere. Is that the 30s?

That's probably the 40s. I say the 40s, 50s would be great because I say the 40s because, you know, they had, man, the suits. Did you see the movie Cotton Club? Yeah. Hell yeah. Yes. Yes.

Yes, man. And that's why I say that is, to me, one of the most amazing eras to have grown up in. You go to those clubs, man. They got the door, man. You got the speakeasies. You got all this great stuff going on. You got the cars. You got the ladies.

Man, everybody loves to look good. They come out looking sharp, going out to the nightclubs, man, smoking cigarettes inside. And, oh, man, oh, just class all the way around, man. And that's my era, man. That's why I love watching, even like watching the movie The Great Gatsby. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Shit, man. Let me tell you something. I just love style. So how do you feel about where... Like if you look at... It's funny. I was watching one of my old favorite movies, Hollywood Shuffle, Robert Townsend movie. You must know that movie, right? How funny. I was just on the phone with Robert. That's so funny, man. Just on the phone with Robert, man. He is going to be... No way. He's going to be working on a project with me and just...

It's so funny. I just know how the world works, man. And see, this is what I talk about all the time, Rob. You talk people up. You talk them up. See? Mm-hmm.

And sometimes your flowers come from different angles. Your flowers, while you're here, come from different angles. You don't know where they're coming from. And I'm telling you, literally, before I got on your interview, I just hung up with Robert. That is insane. I love him. That's the appreciation that your energy brings to people, man. Your energy transcends everything.

Time and space, man. And you just got to let it go. Let your energy marinate and let it just spread. I'll tell you one more thing that's weird. So yesterday I'm on the set and I was talking about movies that I love and that it popped into my head, Hollywood Shuffle, right? Yeah. And I couldn't even really almost remember the name of it. It's been so long. Walked to my trailer and it was on.

It was on TV in my trailer. Yo. And now I tell you the story and you just got off the phone with them. What is this? Something's up. No, it is what it is. It is what it's supposed to be, man. Which is why we just talked about this. See, that's our natural memory and our natural reaction to someone who brightens our fucking smile. Can't get that shit always in this fast paced world we live in right now. No one appreciates shit.

See, we have a genuine connection to a fucking movie that we loved. And we talked about someone we loved. And we talked about their work. And lo and behold, we both had a moment where we can connect on that same person in the same timeline. It's amazing. Amazing. Like, as a man of style like you, how do you feel about where style has gone now?

And this sort of street wear thing. Like everybody's, do you know what I'm saying? I'm not into it, man. I'm telling you something. Look, I could wear a suit every fucking day. I'm telling you, I could wear a suit every day. I really could wear one every single day and be happy because I just know what it does. I even recommend when I talk to high school students, I recommend to young men, I say all the time, wear a suit at least twice a week to school.

all the fucking fixings, the pocket square, fucking tie, impeccable tie. Woo! Get it made for you. Get that shit made for you where your body, it fits your body. That top button, you hit that top button and it's like bow. It's like fucking whoop!

With that little top button, like turning a nipple on a titty. You know what I'm saying? Just put that top button right there and let it go, baby. And watch how your professors, your teachers talk to you. Watch how the ladies talk to you when you wear that suit every two days a week going to high school.

You're preparing yourself for your next, for your journey, for your next chapter in your life. Woo! Man, you lay down and when people talk about you years from now, they'll say, man, I remember you used to wear a suit to school twice a week. They remember shit like that. Then everybody else starts doing it because everybody wants that attention. They're going to notice the attention and respect you get. Now everybody want to fucking do it. I want people to start wearing suits on airplanes.

Man, you know what? When I travel, I look fucking good when I travel. I don't fuck around. Yeah. When I travel, I look good. I don't play, man. I like to look nice. Wait, you mean you don't wear cargo shorts and flip-flops? Fuck no, man. I would never wear flip-flops on a fucking plane. A plane is filthy. Filthy. Well, we know that now. That's the one good thing about the pandemic is we finally got the memo. Planes are cesspools. No, no, no. Let me tell you something right now.

The last few times I've flown and I see someone get the fuck up and walk their ass to the bathroom barefoot, walk into the bathroom barefoot, walk out the bathroom barefoot. I've seen this shit twice. No. I said, what the fuck is going on? Why would anyone walk around a plane barefoot and walk into the bathroom barefoot? I couldn't believe it, man. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't grasp what the fuck they were thinking about. Walking in,

A bathroom barefoot. You're not home getting out your own shower. You're on a fucking plane with all these dirty ass shoes. You get up out of your first class and you're in first class. First class means you first class and you're sitting in first class. Have some fucking class about yourself. How dare you? That's a good one. That sounds like a podcast morning truism. Yeah.

If you're in first class, be first class. Yeah. I would tell you something, though. I would. Oh, my gosh, man. Going back to the heyday and dressing and style. Hats. Oh, man. Oh, man. Fedoras and shit. Nothing like it. A fedora. Nothing like it, man. Nothing like it. I'm sorry. Hats scare me. Really? Yeah, they scare me. I feel like I can't pull them off. You just need. No, what you need. We need to go hat shopping one day.

We need to go hat shopping. I can do cowboy. I know I can do cowboy hat. Of course. Know why? Because you have a square chin. You know what I mean? You got the cheekbones, got the hot cheekbones, and you got the rock chin. You got that fucking rock ass chin. Of course, you can fucking wear a cowboy hat. A cowboy hat is perfect for your facial structure. See, I got a long face. I got a long ass face. You know, but

When I put on a fedora, my tilt game is what- Ooh, the tilt game. Oh, the tilt game is what embodies that hat. That's so true. And you got to decide. I say it all the time. Whether you're wearing that hat or that fucking hat wearing you.

You got to decide. It is. Boy, that's so true. That hat wearing you. You put that shit on. That hat wearing you. Okay? Boy, that's so true. And when I go all out style, right now I got my little goatee. When I go all out style, I cut my mustache, I cut it down to a stache. A little pointy fucking stache.

When I do that pointy stache and under this hair, it's a fucking big ass fucking dimple. Like a coochie. If I squeeze it together, I can go to the gynecologist. I mean, my chin, the hole in my chin is deep. This shit is deep when I squeeze my chin together.

You know? Yeah, I can make a butt out of my chin too. I'll go right to the gynecologist. My shit is nice. You know, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. And my shave, I shave my skin real nice and I do facials and shit like that. You know, exfoliate. Ooh, wee. And I put that little French stache on and a suit and a tie and a fucking hat tilted.

Little cigar in my hand. Kiss my ass, Rob. Everybody kiss my ass. Hey, I say, catch me if you can. I love it. That is, I'm going to leave with, I'm going to end with that image.

You with the hat. You're wearing the hat. It's not wearing you. With a jaunty angle of the hat. I think jaunty is the best description of the type of angle you want on your hat. Tilt game. Work on your tilt game. Work your tilt, your jaunty tilt. Catch me if you can. And just kiss my tail feathers as I go up to the Cotton Club in the day. Oh, man. Oh, I like where you went with that one. I like that. I dig that. I dig that. I dig that. See, I know what's mine. Woo!

Tilt Game might be the title of this podcast episode. I don't know, man. I like Tilt Game. We got a lot of good titles in this game. Devin, my producer Devin's going to have a plethora of choices here. So many good ones. Dude, thank you, man. This is great. You're the best. I was so excited to talk to you and this was so much fun. I really appreciate it. Hey, man. You know what I always say? If you can do two things at one time, which is enjoy...

Enjoy yourself, man. Reconnect. But at the same time, inspire people. That's what you got to do, man. You got to find a way to do all those things at one time so it all makes sense. I love it. I love it. That's a great one to end on. Thanks, brother. I so appreciate you. And hopefully our paths will cross one of these days. I never used the word hopefully, and I never used the word try. I don't try. I fucking do.

So I'm going to say, we're going to do our due and link up and make some shit happen, brother. I love that. I'm stealing that. I use that shit. I fucking get that shit. I dropkick that shit out of my vocabulary. I don't use the word try. I'm going to do it. I'll fucking do everything. I do it. Win or lose, I'm going to fucking do it, though. Woo! So good. Yeah, man. You good. No, you good, Rob. Shit, fuck that. Ha ha ha.

Fuck everybody else. You good. You good. You good, good, good, good. You good, Robster. All right. Go get your day, baby. Have fun. This is great. So appreciate it. It's great. I appreciate it, man. We'll do it again sometime, bro. Yep, for sure. Soon. All right. Good luck on your show. Hey, thank you, man. Yes, indeed. We're going to make it happen. Yep, for sure. All right. Thanks, man. Later, man. How great is he? That was so fun. And, you know, again, you guys know Rob.

It's great when I talk to friends and people that I have a history with. But there's something so great about talking to somebody that I don't know, but I want to know. And I think we're going to hit it off, but you never really know. And listen, simpatico. You know, we like the same Pop-Tart. I knew I loved them. All right. It is time for the Lowdown Line. Hello. You've reached literally in our Lowdown Line.

where you can get the lowdown on all things about me, Rob Lowe. 323-570-4551. So have at it. Here's the beep.

Hello, this is Susan from San Antonio, Texas. I have enjoyed every episode, and a friend of mine gifted me, last Christmas, an April 1972 issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. And I am sure you know Burt Reynolds was...

The centerfold was the first centerfold for the magazine. So my question to you, Rob Lowe, is if given the opportunity, would you pose for a centerfold acting for a friend? Thank you. Love your podcast. Hey, Susan, you're telling me you have an original Cosmo with Burt Reynolds centerfold in it? I would give a lot of money for that.

That's a big deal. I'm not kidding. That's a, that is an iconic piece of show business you have in your hot little hands. So don't lose it. It's a big deal. Um, and kudos to your friend who gave that to you. Um, I would absolutely do particularly, I would absolutely do a centerfold, particularly if it were a parody of the Reynolds one, I believe there's a bearskin rug involved or a tiger skin rug and a fire behind him. Um,

And, you know, when I was younger and like an ingenue and a pinup, I would have chafed at, I'm not going to allow myself to be objectified in such a way. I'm more than my body. I'm 57 years old now. Fuck it. You know what I mean? It's like, I will throw down. Use it or lose it. You know what I'm saying? So if the opportunity comes my way, I'm down to clown.

Thank you, guys. Thanks for coming. I love you. I appreciate you spreading the word on the show. I'm hearing more and more from people on the street that they're enjoying it, and that really means a lot to me. And it's a function of you guys out there talking and spreading the word. So keep it up, and I'll see you next week on Literally With Me. You have been listening to Literally With Rob Lowe. Produced and engineered by me, Devin Tory Bryant.

Executive produced by Rob Lowe for Lowe Profile. Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blairt. Talent producer, Jennifer Sampras. Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts. And remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I'll never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply.

The best Labor Day mattress deals are happening now at Ashley. Save up to $700 on Tempur-Pedic adjustable mattress sets, up to $900 on select sterns and foster adjustable mattress sets, or save $1,000 on select Sealy mattresses. Plus, for a limited time, you can enjoy free, no-hassle delivery and assembly on select in-store mattress purchases. With the best mattress brands under one roof, we've got you and your sleeve covered. Shop more Labor Day mattress deals in-store and online

Only at Ashley.