Martin Short: No One Follows The Frog
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There are many, many pictures behind you that are piquing my interest. It's a wall of Marty. No, that's not true. There are people up there. There's Phil Hartman. There's Eugene Levy. Mr. Ed Grimley. Ever hear of him? No. Yes, I've heard of him. You and your characters. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. Today, we're in for a treat. We are with the great Martin Short, who is without a doubt

The most wickedly mean, funny man in the planet. And you know what? He gets away with it with that look. You know, he comes at you with that look. He's got that shaggy, like mini David Cassidy hairdo going and, you know, the crazy eyes and like his energy is that of like a sweet little kid. And he's just mean and really funny. And one of the great characters.

creators of comedy characters that we've maybe ever had. And I'm really psyched to see what's going on with Martin Short. So here we go. How are you holding up? I'm...

It's like the shining at my house, but better weather. That's really what it's like. You know, it's like there's a lot. I have a lot of room, a lot of rooms. People can get lost in them. You know, we can ride our wheels. We are immensely rich. But the other thing is that I always thought to myself, I'm going to bed and I just kind of go, am I going to bed again? Didn't I just go to bed?

Isn't it unbelievable? You just win the new meaning to new meaning to the Peggy Lee song. Is that all there is? That's that's what happened. That's the song that plays in your head when you're an alcoholic and you win an Academy Award. That is that's that's he had everything to live for. He just won an Academy Award. But booze took him down. Hey, are you drinking more? I am.

This is going to give us a shock to you, sir, but I haven't had a drink in going on. It'll be 30 years in a week. I understand that. But that wasn't my question. Yeah, I understand. What are you up at Lake Muskoka? No, I am in Pacific Palisades. Would you rather be at Lake Muskoka? Well, first of all, I'm not on Lake Muskoka. I'm on Lake Rosso in the Muskoka Lakes.

Is that by me saying it was Lake Muskoka and you being on Lake Rosso? Is that like me saying how city of industry? And you're like, no, no, I live in fucking Bel Air. You idiot. Is that the same kind of vibe? It's like saying, oh, you're a Canadian. So what's Halifax like? What?

You know, there's no it's it's it's not based on a big education, but it doesn't matter. I remember as a kid, I used to be very excited because I only watched American television when Buffalo, which was how we watched television. I was in Hamilton, Ontario, would mention Canada. I felt like a ride. And I remember it was the Olympics and I was watching them on NBC. And they said, and this skier is from the city of Ottawa.

No, they didn't. Yes, they did. And I felt excited and yet defeated. Oh, the Ottawa. Well, look, I spent a lot of time trying to do it like a deep dive on the difference between Americans and Canadians because I've spent so much time up in Canada working. And I love Canada, but I'm always realized I think what I come away with is like,

We feel like we should all be exactly alike because we look, sound alike, and we're neighbors, but it's a different country. It's a very different country, and I always assumed, again, as someone who grew up 55, 60 miles from the border, from Buffalo, and only watched American television, I used to think that, oh, we're exactly like Americans. And then, you know, I moved to the States and all that, but then the first time I worked in London...

England, I had to be there for a couple of months, and I realized that I felt more like I was in my Canadian growing up city, Hamilton, than Los Angeles. For sure. That makes perfect sense. It's a different, it's just a different thing. Are you familiar with the Halifax Explosion? Is this a band? Oh, Martin Short. They're coming to take that little ribbon off your... It's called the Order of Canada. It's called Knighthood Ass. Okay. Okay.

Well, I'm just saying there should be a law like you can't get the order of Canada if you don't know about the Halifax explosion. Here's all I care about. How many times have you been on David Geffen's boat? It's all I care. It's all I'm interested in. Well, many, many times. Many, many times. Yes.

I fear that if I was ever on David's boat, and I don't think there's an invitation forthcoming particularly. Not in a million billion years. Not in a million billion. Nope. And, but I would be like. Just based on that one film whose name escapes me, but. There's a lot of them. Yeah, no, it's not. Yeah, no, it's not going to happen. Not going to happen. I mean, big deal. It's not going to happen, but I'll tell you what's not going to happen. Hmm.

It's not gonna happen. And, and I, I, he wouldn't be like spearfishing with me off the back of the boat. Right. That's not happening. You might be surprised. Really? Yes. Cause my, my fantasy of it is it's like Bruce is over there. He's got the six string. He's working on one of the dour non-hit songs. I learned that phrase the other day when it was a review of the

of the concert for Charity in New Jersey that they all did. They said Springsteen sang another one of his dour non-hits. It made me laugh. Yeah. For a guy with a bunch of dour non-hits, he's done pretty well. Look, he's my guy. I know he is. But I picture him like he's in the corner. You're doing your thing. And like who else? Like it's a thing, that boat. It's really...

It's like being invited to one of your Christmas parties. Right. Well, you know what it is. First of all, it's his boat. So you can't. I don't feel free talking about his world and his boat and his guests. I do. It's a private thing. We invite him on. I'm sure he'll do this because he is a podcast nut. I feel that way. Yeah, he's he's one of my I mean, he's his he's one of my favorite. Let me talk. Let me ask you about your life with Oprah. She's here right now.

I know. Put her on. Now, you are very close with Oprah. Are you not? I am close with Oprah. I'm probably more close with her with Ellen. She's also my neighbor. Have you ever said, OK, have you ever said to Ellen or Oprah? I don't need a big like how come I just need eight million dollars. Please give it to me. They could they could and wouldn't miss it.

They're both so rich. I know. I know. And I've said to Ellen, just give me a house because she's got 7,000 houses. But you have a house. You have a massive house. I know, but I'd like to scale down like anybody. My kids are out of the house. I'll take one of Ellen's chic, pied-à-terre houses.

Yeah, I'd love to see your scale down. I'm telling you. I'm ready to... Listen, but this house is my only extravagance. This house is my only extravagance. It truly is. Well, those teeth weren't cheap. Well, but that's a write-off. Yeah, I understand. Smile for me, smile for me. It's literally the cost of doing business. Smile for me. Oh, wow. Amazing. Amazing.

You could get snow blindness from that smile. It's like looking into the sun, as they say at Parks and Recreation. It really is. Now, here's what else I need to ask you about. I want to hear more about the... You have your face on a postage stamp now, too. I do. That's really...

That's amazing. Did you pose for it? Do you send them a picture or do they just go online and Google Martin Short? No, no, no. They wanted it to do with characters. So they did ask for kind of suggestions of different characters that I had done. And that's the poster set. And then a very youthful, optimistic, boyish picture. Oh, I like that. It's the looking up and away is...

is what sells it. Up, up, and away. Up, up, and away. What character did they put on the stamp, or was it various ones? I believe it was various ones. I believe it was Jiminy Glick, Jackie Rogers, Ed Grimley. There might have been more. Jiminy made it. I mean, I don't mean made it, because I love Jiminy Glick, but that's... You were on. You've been interviewed by Jiminy many times. Jiminy Glick is my favorite. Jiminy interviewed me in a sauna, I do believe. That's right. We always ended each show of Primetime Glick in a steam room.

As you should. Yes. Jiminy is one of my favorite concoctions, but how much of Jiminy was our former mutual manager, Bernie Brillstein? Oh, not, no, there was no Bernie in Jiminy. Because Bernie was more like, you know, hey kid, two things. One, hello, and two, I can't remember. My favorite Bernie quote was, never trust anyone whose last name ends in a vowel.

And I said, well, mine does. He goes, no, it doesn't count. It's silent. He once told me a long story about how he'd been burglarized in 72 or something that, you know, he and his wife woke up and there were four guys around the bed with guns. And they kept saying, show me the hand. And I said to Bernie, the hand, what do you mean? You know, the hand, the hand that women have in their closet, you know, the hand with the rings on it.

I said, who has that? Go upstairs. Nancy has one. Trust me. He assumed that every every every wife had a hand with rings on them. Show me the hand. Yeah. I don't think those guys that show me the hand. And then at one point and then the end of that story was that the guys took jewelry and then they said to Bernie.

And if you've never seen Bernie Brostein, I advise you to Google him because this will all fit in. He was just a larger than life person. But anyway, he said, I was naked in bed. And the guy said, now, don't leave for 20 minutes. So he didn't have a watch on. So I counted that 20 times 60.

And at the end of that, I got up and I said, hey, fellas, are you gone? And my wife screamed, why are you calling them fellas? And I said, what am I supposed to call? Hey, murderers, are you gone? Hey, fellas. Fellas. Bernie was our manager and Bernie was the, you know, managed everybody, everybody from SNL from the day. And I mean, he's one of the great. You spoke at the eulogy, the famous. I mean, I was I was the emcee of the eulogy. And I remember I had a lot of jokes there.

I opened by saying, a man who loved everyone, a man who cared about everyone, a man who only wanted his enemy's success. Isn't it a shame we're not memorializing a man like that today? But I remember I had a lot of jokes, and Bill Maher followed me, and Bill said, Bill,

Jesus, that's backstage with Marty. He's like eight pages. I got three jokes. I feel like he started writing when Bernie got his first cough in 98. Bernie's memorial service was legendary in Hollywood. It was at UCLA at like one of the big theaters there and everybody in the world. Royce Hall. Royce Hall. Royce Hall. And Lorne Michaels and Brad Gray kind of produced it, if you remember, and

I remember us all being backstage and talking about who was the order of who was going to speak first. And at one point there was going to be the surviving members of the Muppets who Bernie represented. Kermit the Frog was going to sing Rainbow Connection, which ended up- Frank Oz was there as Miss Piggy. Frank Oz, yeah. And I just remember Lorne saying, all I know is no one follows the frog. Yeah.

I have a chapter in my book called No One Follows the Frog. It's one of the great things. It's pretty good. It's true. You can't follow the frog. No. The frog killed that night. The... La-dee-dee-dee. Grown men were sobbing. I mean, like, there's something about that song and Kermit singing it. Forget it. It's like... And also, I don't know if you explained it, but Bernie represented Jim... Henson. Henson. Yes. And hence, that was the...

The connection for that young frow. But that was at Royce Hall. And that was one of my opening jokes. I said, you know, the last thing Bernie had said to me was, kid, you're going to play Royce Hall if it kills me. Hold that thought. We'll be right back.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel.

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. I know what I've always wanted to ask you about. Yes. In the, and I'm drawing a blank on the title because it's the great Christopher Guest movie, that you play the agent, the famous. Oh, the big picture. The big picture. Okay. Yeah. Who is,

Boy, someone's done a lot of research. No, not a lot of research. It's always been one of my favorite movies, The Big Picture. If you haven't seen it, it's amazing. But you in it, my good friend, are fucking beyond belief. And I'm convinced that you were doing my agent at the time, Michael Black. You know, many people thought that, and that was not remotely true. Not remotely? Not remotely? No. I never even ever in my life met Michael Black.

And, no, it wasn't. It was a last-minute decision. In fact, even the hair was made up, like, in the morning. They sprayed it, and we curled it. It was my hair. And Christopher later and I...

So there was a lot of, you know, there was a very funny script and we were playing around with it. But as far as the character and the look and the thing, it was just kind of, you know, Chris is a great improviser. So as a director, a great improvisational director and suggesting things. And we were that was we only shot two days in that film. But I remember the second day I had these welts because we had so many lifts on. Yeah, but we couldn't hide it. We couldn't hide it.

Normally, when you do lifts like that, you hide it with a wig. Yes. How did it go? When I did behind the camera, we just I had a lot of hair, so it just pushed it up. So I well, it's a second. But Chris and I later thought that we missed a great joke, that we should have had the first scene. He should have had just big bag. And then the next time you see him, the bags out there with no explanations.

It's such a good... So you did the... Behind the Candelabra, I did... And maybe I was inspired by your performance because you never know where ideas come from. But the pulling... Oh, that was fabulous. That was a great look. I love that whole... I thought it was a brilliant, brilliant, brilliant movie. It's good, right? You were phenomenal in it. Oh, thanks. Very good. Because what I realized is when you pull your forehead up, it pulls your eyebrows up

But then if you close your eyebrows while your eye, close your eyelids while your eyebrows are up, it's unnatural. Can't be done in nature. Do that at home. I know you're on your treadmill right now listening to this. You're driving. You just pull over. Look in the mirror. Are you guys? Are you tough guys? Yeah, are you tough guys? Because I know when a whole bunch of dudes get together, alpha males, they talk cosmetic surgery. Well, I know I do.

It served me. You do serve me just fine. You know what I'm saying? Um, I need to talk a little bit about three amigos. Um, the Lillian Gish joke is one of my favorite jokes in the history. You don't think that was an appropriate thing to have seen the little children who couldn't speak English about it. It was actually Dorothy Gish. That's right. Of course it's, it's even better because it's Dorothy Gish.

It's the lesser known gifts, gifts, sister. It's, it's just fucking, it's beyond belief. I heard, um, I asked again, Lauren comes up a lot in these conversations, probably because I have, I have people on who I admire and love. And, and a lot of you guys come from SNL, but, um, I was like, I love that movie. I particularly love the first half of three amigos because, um,

Oh, yes. Well, of course you do, because by the second half, the director thought he was auditioning for the fucking Milagro Beanfield War. I haven't heard that. Yeah. Don't you just know he said it? I mean, of course he did. That movie is it. I also my other favorite thing about that movie is the tree that sings only public domain songs. Of course. We're no fools.

Do you know that Sam Kennison was in that movie? Cut out. What? Really? And so was Fran Drescher. You're kidding. What did they play? What were they in? Sam play. We were strung up, captured. I can't even remember anymore who captured us. Uh, but then there's this lunatic who comes across running from a cross of river did the knife. That was Sam on a stretch. And, um, Fran played, I believe, um,

the wife of the studio head who fired us. Oh, is that Lovitz? Is Lovitz involved in this somehow? No, but he wasn't her husband. I can't even, I really can't remember because they never even made a cut. Yeah. We just shot them. And I have not seen that film since we made it because you, as you know, you go to so many test screenings and you're still kind of exhausted and burned up by it. And, and I certainly never told my kids about,

That I'd made it because you don't want to keep coming home and seeing what your nine-year-old, you know, is watching the same thing 800 times. But one time my son Oliver came from a friend's house. He was about 10. He said, hey, Dad, did you know you made a Western? I said, yes, I did. Yeah, I sure did. It's so genius. And is that what started the big Steve Martin thing?

Well, Steve wrote that. Steve, the writers in that film were Lauren, Steve, and Randy Newman. Jesus. Bunch of idiots. God, those guys. What do they know? Losers. But Steve, you know, when you make a movie, as you know...

You could be in Yugoslavia for three months with people and you get intimately, you know everybody and you know who's sleeping with everybody. You know everything about everything. Who is Steve Martin sleeping with? Chevy. And you know everything about everybody and then you never see those people again for 30 years. But sometimes you make a conscientious thought to say, you know what, I'm not going to lose that person for my life. And I think Steve and I did that.

And we continue to do our little shows today. I know, and I want to talk about that because I've also been inspired by that. I want to trade stories from the road with you. Can I just check messages? Yeah, sure. I once was invited to walk with Steve Martin on one of the long walks. You mean just go for a walk? Yes, just go for a walk with Lorne.

And Steve Martin. And I thought, I've arrived. This is it. I am officially in, in Hollywood. I am going to sit at the feet of the icons of comedy on this walk. This is going to be revolutionary. And we walked to Steve's house in the flats of Beverly Hills. And Steve came out. And the two great men began to walk. And I walked slightly behind them, listening avidly.

Block goes by. Nobody says anything. Another block goes by. Nobody says anything. Finally, Lauren goes, those are nice socks. She's like, yeah, I got them at Barney's. Brown? I think they're more of a tan. Exactly. Another block. Nothing. That's what it was. That's what I got out of it.

See, is that all there is? Peggy Lee, is that all there is? You know what? You know what? And I don't want to be negative here. They didn't want to talk around me. Is that what you're going to say? Yeah, I think because I heard about that walk. And Steve said, I only learned one thing today. You don't talk around civilians. Right.

Uh, there's no one meaner than the lovely Martin short. And I do. Thank you so much. It's it. Thank you. This is the fucking absolute best. Have you ever been heckled by an audience member? Not often. I mean, sometimes, um, sometimes, uh, when we do a piece where I'm a puppet, a Jiminy Glick puppet and Steve is the marionette and we would show pictures of different political people. Mm hmm.

And especially around election time, right or left, you'd be heckled. But the people are being heckled. I've never really been heckled. I usually get in an attack mode. I hate hecklers. They're selfish. They're drunk. Right. And they're saying, we're going to interrupt every 4,000 people's enjoyment for our own thought. Right. It's bad. Yeah. There was a very funny story that Billy Crystal tells where...

He was doing Trump jokes. And a woman stood up and started screaming at him, saying, he is your president. He is your president. Show respect. And he said, you know, you're absolutely right. And I've heard our president and I've heard him deal with hecklers. So I will deal the same way. He said to security, get her out. And she was taken out. I think that's kind of damn genius. That's really, that's... Billy's funny.

I've heard that. But no, I've never really had. I never did stand up clubs. I was never in the clubs. Right. You know, I was in Second City and I was in improv groups. And then by the time I was doing concerts, it was like, you know, bigger people. Right. More distance. And so I wasn't in that thing where you just, you know.

Jay Leno and Seinfeld and all those guys have a million stories of dealing with drunken hecklers. But when you've done so much Broadway, when you're doing people with the rappers crinkling, falling asleep, cell phones going off, how do you deal with that? You know, I do have this thing. I am constantly aware of how much the tickets cost, how much the babysitter costs, the dinner. And so, like, I don't

break up one time Bernadette Peters and I were at the Marquee Theater doing Goodbye Girl and there was a party a separate party this on the floor above us and so in this big dramatic scene where now that made me laugh and it was during a preview and I started laughing and Bernadette started laughing and Neil Simon came back and he was a little pissed out he said you know

And they've never seen this show before, and they'll never see it again. So it's nice for them to get an authentic version of what the show is. Ooh. Yes, sir. Ooh. Yes, Mr. Simon, sir. But he was absolutely right. Simon says, dunked on. Neil Simon. Neil Simon. When are you and Steve going on the... Well, who knows when anybody's going back on the road? Well, I don't know. I mean, we were booked...

In April, May, June, July, August, September. And I don't know. Certainly, it seems like it's going to work when there's a vaccine. Yeah, and also, I mean, for drama, people sitting six rows apart, perfectly fine. But for comedy, that's a disaster. Yeah. And then what about the actors six feet apart on stage? I don't know. I think it's all going to be unraveled and...

I just want to see you. I want to see you in a surgical mask. Do the show. I think that's titillating on a certain level to me.

Yeah, yeah. I think I tend to mug. So I think if I could have a mask that was very tight that would mug with my face. You don't mug, Marty. I don't know who's told you that. You're not a mugger. You know what? Who was it told me? Oh, my priest during confession. Let's be father, pride, and sin. You're telling me I saw your last movie. Ah!

Thank you, Father. How do you get two stars on the Canadian Walk of Fame? And how is the Canadian Walk of Fame any different than the Hollywood Walk of Fame? It's good other than it's in Canada, obviously. Well, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, as you know, you pay. But the Canadian Walk of Fame is pure honor. I got one for four.

being martin yeah yeah and the other one for um uh sctv ooh so that was i'm part of that i see no it's true the canadians that again we're back to like the canadians like they take um fairness very seriously how dare they yeah well you know it's a social democratic country i mean the things that are fascinating to me uh you know i'm an american for 20 years born canadian

And also a citizen of the UK. But through my father... You're like hedging your bets everywhere. I really am. How many passports are on you at any given time? Four. Also Irish. So the things that torment many aspects of the United States are things that, you know, like socialized medicine we've had since 1961.

So there is no Second Amendment. So there isn't there. People have guns, but you can't just take them to church for the hell of it. So there are different, you know, and also there's only 34 million people in a landmass that's bigger than the landmass of the mainland of the United States. Why have I never seen you water skiing? Yeah.

I mean, I just I don't understand you like you're the one of the mayors. You're one of the cultural icons of the Lakelands. And I've never seen you on the back of a ski and a teak. I know. And you're not going to either, because I don't want it doesn't that kind of accomplishment means nothing to me. I have a competitive nature, but it's not what in sports you may be stunned to hear this.

But it's more in other aspects. But you are, like, I bet, a big jock, correct? I do like my... Yes. Yes, I am. I'm just going to say it. Yes. Yes, you are. Just admit it. Just admit it. Finally. Be honest to the people. Because I've heard your podcast, and it's filled with lies. And that's... Yeah, you are a jock, and you should be proud of it. Proud of it.

But no, I don't, I don't want to sky. I mean, I used to want to ski, but I'm old now. Remember I've been ravaged by you. You are the most youthful spry. You have the spirit of a preschooler. Yes. Yeah. Well, that's called dementia. It is. Um,

What was the meanest thing Jiminy Glick ever said? Do you have one joke as Jiminy that was so mean? You're like, wow, I don't know. Jiminy Glick was mean. You're nice, mean, but Jiminy, mean. Now, Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall once said, you've created a character who's as mean as you really are. I don't know. I mean, it was interesting, you know,

It was done a little more like a movie than you'd think. Well, you would know because you did it twice. But it was done in the sense of, you know, you do a pass with someone and you take a little break and you'd say to, let's say it's Alec Baldwin. Like when I was doing Alec Baldwin, we took a break and then I said, Alec, what else should I ask? He said, ask me about women. Just ask me about different women. And I'd say, OK, that's it.

So you've been with many women. Oh, yeah. Senator Feinstein. Oh, listen, when you have a senator knocking at your door at two in the morning wanting in, what are you going to do, let her not come in? So he was hilarious. And then after that 14 minutes or 15 minutes of raw footage, we cut it down to a scintillating five and a half. So there was never a time where you really thought you were going to offend someone. I mean, I remember once with Edie Falco. She was answering something, and I went, shh.

Just because I asked you a question doesn't mean I need an answer. And she was kind of startled. And I think that in her life, there's nothing more than someone shushing you. I once said to Mel Brooks, aren't you a big B for the Nazis? And he said, I don't know. They're rude. But I said to Spielberg, why don't you go to do the big one? The one that connects with the people.

And then we had one of the few things we planned in one of those interviews where I told Stephen, at one point, when I asked you a question about how do you see filmmaking, your filmmaking kind of ramble on and look off. And as he did that, I slid out of the chair and the camera followed me over to craft service, right? Ate about five donuts and filled my candy and slithered back.

As he's still looking off, going on about his career, and then got in the chair and said, wonderful, that's in Stevensville, covered in candy. Just, I mean, did you ever think you'd have that life when you were a kid? Did you ever go, this is where it's going to lead, to that kind of just deliciousness? Well, no, because I think that, you know, again, growing up in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, and yes, watching television shows,

And in the United States, it seemed like I was watching television on the planet Neptune. There were products that I was dying to taste that we couldn't. Wait, you make it sound like you're behind the Iron Curtain. Well, I'm saying this is the early 60s. So, like, please don't squeeze the Charmin. You didn't have Charmin. You didn't have Charmin. You didn't have toilet paper. One of the first things, we didn't. We had newspaper. One of the first things I ever did was when I came to the United States, went to a

A store. It really is soft. And then, you know, the cashier said, please leave me alone. And the toilet paper's over there. And then I remember Bosco. There was Bosco. I like Bosco. Bosco was a chocolate drink you couldn't get in Canada. So as far as becoming, I mean, I used to have a fantasy television show in my attic. And when I was 14, I was on NBC every week.

other Tuesday at 8. That was your schedule? Well, I was... My fear was if I did a show every once a week instead of once every two weeks, it would get in the way of my imaginary film career. But it was all in my head because it was nothing realistic. And then I took a year off university and got into the show Godspelling with a lot of great people. And in that group of us, Paul Schaefer was the first one to go to New York.

He was now been asked by Stephen Schwartz, who wrote Godspell, to be a piano player for the Magic Show. And I remember Gilda Radner, who we were dating then, and I phoned her. We phoned him. And Gilda said, Paul, what are New York actors like? And Paul said, well, I don't know. Maybe because you're my friends. I think you guys are just as talented. And when we hung up, we went home.

He's so sweet. Because we didn't believe it. That's the best Gilda. God bless her. What an amazing. Yeah. How great was her? How great was her? How great is your lack of English? It's frightening. And we'll be right back after this.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. There's a couple of things I want to ask you about here. And look at all of this. Look at what, look at all of this prep. Look, I just want you to be impressed with. Yeah, but here's the difference. Here's the difference. Here's the difference. Yes, please. It's like you and the president. Yes. You can have, you know, lots of prep, but if you don't read it,

You don't read it well. And let's face it. No, you haven't read it. Let's face it. You said, wait a second. I thought it was Victoria Jackson. No, no, it's Marty Short. Oh, okay. Well, I'll still go. I'm fine. I'll be fine. It's called walking through something. All right. I need to know this. All right. Yes, sir.

I have a thing like, remember the old days of Vanity Fair in the back page? They used to have the Proust questionnaire. What's your greatest extravagance? What's your favorite journey? All that stuff. I was always bored. I thought it was lame, stupid. And so I have my version of it called the lowdown. Okay. So here's my question to you. And it's on the level of Proust. I think the level of intelligence of these questions is on par for that. I think you'll be up to it. It might be Proust. Proust.

Like I said, Proust, Proust. I'm going to look that up. Yeah. You think it is? How do you pronounce Van Gogh? Van Gogh. I knew it. I fucking knew it. Because there's only two types of people in the world. Van Gogh. Which would you rather see? Yeah. A UFO, a ghost, or Bigfoot? And if you did, would you report it to anybody? Would you say anything? Well, that's a fascinating question.

For me, all I know you have... I guess what would terrify me the least, you know, and I think I'd be frightened of Bigfoot. Yeah. Mainly because of the breath.

And a ghost, I mean, if it was Casper, great. If it's, you know, it's satanic, I'm not so happy. No. And a UFO, you mean like a saucer that flies low and flies up? I think that would be great. I keep coming back to this Lake Russell, but there's probably Bigfoots and flying saucers all the fuck up through that area of the deserted place.

Canadian areas. No? You've never seen anything weird like that? The Northern Lights. Have you seen the Northern Lights? Yeah. Wow.

But, you know, you have to understand that Lake Rosso, my cottage, cottage. He says cottage. It's massive. I've seen it. Is, I would say, we are three hours north of Toronto. So you're not exactly in the Arctic. No. But that's like a typical American, the Ottawa, the, are you near Vancouver if you're in Montreal? Is that a question? Do you like French Canadians? Yes.

Yes, I do. French Canadians. They have an accent that is a little bit like a harsher version of the French. They say poisson. They mange le poisson. Oui. Eat the fish. No, it's a fascinating, it's a bilingual country. That's the way we grew up. Would you have voted for, not that you could have, they almost like literally voted themselves out of the country like 15 years ago.

So that would have been dumb. It only lost like 100,000 votes or something really close, I believe. Well, what happened there a little bit was, you know, I don't think the cities were voting that way, but maybe rural areas were. And then someone did the math on what it would cost the new country of Quebec and how it would be. Pribitive. You know, about 100 years it would take to get back into swing. It's a lot of maple syrup. So now when they do that kind of plebiscite, it's completely...

God bless Canada kind of a problem. Do you remember the worst review you've ever gotten? That's a long pause. This is the longest pause somebody's given me. Well, you know, I'm not a big review reader. I think that actors should be very, very delicate with their own egos and esteem and figuring, you know, we're just filaments here. So I don't think it's good to go to your way to read mean things.

I know that when I've been doing Broadway shows and we're heading toward New York, you have to read all those reviews. You have to read them because you're

You know, you can still change and improve. And Neil Simon used to do his shows in Chicago first, and he would actually get the review from the Chicago Sun-Times reporter and then go out and have lunch with him the next day and really pick his brain. So he treated it as like this is all part of the process of developing a new show. But I think that I tend to not aggressively look for reviews.

So I don't know which would be. This is what I know. I know that some people like me just in general comedically and some people hate me. But I know that the people who find me boring and hate me, I would be bored to death having dinner with. For sure.

Yeah. 100. I only like I only want to dine with the people that love me as long as they pay. I say the same thing. I keep it very simple. I like anyone who likes me. Absolutely correct. I think that makes great sense. Right. I'm not kidding. It's why would why why bark up the wrong tree? But not only that, there's a very good chance if your esteem is as it should be.

There's a very good chance the people who don't like you, once you invested in them and tried to figure out why they didn't like you and spent more time with them, you'd find them dull and boring and wouldn't like them. You're very good about that. You always... You have your group of people and you are like at peace with your vibe. I get. That's what I've always gotten off of you. I think that's true. I think I am at peace with my vibe. I...

You know, I think it's an awful, awful scenario if you really don't like who you are because we were born and we die alone and this is us. And you can try to improve. I'd like to be the best version and the wisest version of myself the day I die. But.

I think that to like seek out why people don't like me and why don't you like me? I'm telling you, it's just it's not healthy. For sure, it's not. And I also think that just in terms of comparing, you know, one's work against peers.

And what have you is another folly, I think. I think we're all here for different reasons and one person's failure. But everyone's unique. I mean, don't you think after 30 years of doing what you do and you really look at your career objectively, including books and things, that...

No one else has had your career. No one's had this kind of career. So you are a unique entity in show business. That's to be admired. And I feel the same with you. It's the same. There's no other Martin Short. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know what I mean? And at the end of the day, that is really what one should aspire to as opposed to taking off boxes of

arbitrary accomplishments, I guess, is what I'm getting at, right? Yeah, I mean, I do think that some people... I have never, for example, been in show business to try to win over the admiration of strangers. That was not so important to me. It was really fun. I did it in university, but I was in pre-meds, and then I went to social work. You're never thinking that you could really...

have a life and financially support yourself, having as much fun as I did doing plays and Shakespeare when I was in university. And then when you find out that you can do that, there's no greater, you know, lottery win in the world. Yeah, when I started, I'm from Ohio and I started as a kid. I don't even think I had a clear understanding that I would be famous if I were successful. Like fame didn't enter into it at all. Money certainly didn't.

And then when you, it was like someday somebody said, hey, by the way, if you get, if this happens, you're going to have that too. I was like, oh, great. But I would have done it regardless. But that's also because I have no other talent in the real world at all. I mean, I. Oh, you're quite, yeah, according to you, you're quite the jock. Well, yeah, I guess I could, I could have got my knees blown out playing high school. It's like, it's, I just, it's, it's amazing to me that we got to do what we wanted.

what we do. It's shocking that we were able to pull it off, particularly coming from where we come from. Although you were very blessed to be, to come out of that time and place in Canada where so many funny, smart people were there, I think, right? Well, I think what was, I was lucky because, you know, I started, the first year I was, quote unquote, in show business was when I was 22. And in that group, it was 1972 in Toronto. And

were Gilda and Andrea Martin and Victor Garb and Eugene Levy and Paul Schaefer and Danny Aykroyd and John Candy. But we were just happy to not be in school. We were happy to just be getting, you know, some money and we could drink and laugh and have fun.

flirt and that was the that was the unbelievable energy of it but there was this group of people that were bursting to find an outlet that would define them in an era where it wasn't didn't really exist and then Lauren started SNL and Andrew Alexander started SCTV and suddenly

there was a vehicle for such a person. You look at someone like the genius of John Belushi, but had there not been SNL, he wouldn't have been in the movies because he wouldn't have had that stepping stone. He might have been done a pilot that didn't get picked up. Might've been the third lead on a Roseanne show. Yep. Just kind of saying, are you going to finish that? You know, that line. And that would have been it too. That's just his only line. So, um,

So it is endurance and it is talent, but it is luck. Did you, there's a funny famous sketch I think was in your era on SCTV of, this is the weirdest pitch, but this is what it is. It's Christopher Cross' Run Like the Wind. Do you know this? Yeah. It's the recording of that song and someone is playing Michael McDonald. Yeah.

Yes, that's Rick Moranis. It's the most brilliant thing I have ever seen. It was the era where Michael McDonald was seen to be on every recording. Yes, every recording. So you just saw him running from one recording studio, putting in his background vocal, getting there, driving, and going to another recording. If you haven't seen it, it's so amazing. That was the kind of that, I must admit, creatively, and it made it easier.

that SCTV, because we didn't have an audience and because, you know, the most intimidating things you're going to be where the SCTV read throughs because they're like everyone was so brilliant. And if your piece was approved, as it had to be approved by the group, no one was saying, oh, like, you know, at SNL that you could have a piece that you really thought was going to kill an address. It doesn't get anything. And then it's gone. SCTV, there was no one saying, oh,

It was just on. It made it. And so the oddest ideas like that could not only get filmed, get aired, but be remembered 40 years later. 40 years later. I keep thinking I would love to have been at the table read discussion with like, what are you thinking? Well, I'm thinking it's

Christopher Cross is recording Run Like the Wind. And I'm going to play Michael McDonald and I'm going to do my piece and then I'm going to leave. But then I forget that there's more to sing in the song. So I have to come back into the studio and I'm just going to do that five times. That's that's what it is. People are great. Do it. Shoot it. And it's fucking amazing. Yeah. Well, I remember it always is because you'd come up with a piece that like I would do Jackie Rogers Jr., who was now Bino.

singer. Stop, stop. Time out. Why albino singer? Where's that come from? It makes me laugh. Well, it was because

I'll tell you why. I wrote a piece called Jackie Rogers Sr., Old Mother Nature, She Loves Me. And the premise was that Jackie Rogers Sr., who was this cheeseball lounge singer, had filmed a special nine years before and been killed doing it. It was called Old Mother Nature, She Loves Me.

And at one point he's singing to a squirrel, pardon me miss, but I never done this with a real life squirrel. But you see in the corner a lurking cougar and the cougar then attacked me and killed me. And they were now releasing this special nine years later. And I needed a son to come into the circle wipe saying, I miss my dad. I hope you will. Thursdays at nine.

And that was Jackie Rogers Jr. And I'd seen a picture of Mickey Rooney Jr. And he seemed really pale. So I made Jackie albino, but I never thought I'd do him again. And then I'd get 17 notes from the cast. And, you know, let's say 14 weren't applicable or I didn't agree. But there was always those other three that were just made it so much better. And I think, damn it, I'm not an auteur.

Because a good note, as you know, doesn't go away. No. And it doesn't matter where it comes from. No. But you were allowed to do those kind of insane ideas and without anyone saying, well, it seemed funny, but the audience didn't like it, so therefore you can't do it anymore. How did you know then what the audience did or didn't like? Would you be out on the streets and you'd hear...

anecdotally no no no i mean look this the sctv was on at 12 30 on friday nights till two in the morning prime time prime viewing time everybody's watching yeah exactly and so it really was about people just you just kind of went with if the room if the smartest people in comedy who were in that room were laughing then you felt confident um who do you think is the who's the funniest person you know

No, I don't know. I know too many. Too many. I mean, really, I know I've known the funniest people from John Candy to Steve Martin to Billy Crystal to Dennis Miller, our mutual friend, to so many people. Christopher Guest. Christopher Guest once said to me, I was making a film, Captain Ron. He said, Martin, what is this film about? I said, well...

I, knowing he'd hate the movie, just by nature of it. I said, well, I play a man with two children who inherits a boat. He said, I didn't say spoil it for me. I mean, you can't you can't make it up. Who's your first friend in Hollywood? First friend.

First friend in Hollywood. Like first famous friend. Or first friend. Doesn't have to be famous. Well, you know, because a lot of my friends, you know, I knew from back east and then we came here. But I guess, you know, Steve maybe. Maybe Steve. Because that was the first time I was living in L.A. Doing that film. And Chevy. But, you know, I remember being amazed to meet Jamie D. Curtis. Because she was going out with Christopher.

Um, when we were doing SNL and, and ridiculously beautiful and ridiculous, I walked in and so sweet and funny and loose and you kind of, and she was the hello, the daughter of Tony and Janet Lee. I mean, come on, nothing happened. Yeah. Um, this, I have one last really, truly important question. Yes. Is there a song lyric that you one day went, wait, wait, what? That's what the fuck they're saying. Like,

I'm kind of obsessed with song lyrics that people fuck up and that they don't know. I had somebody talking about the Van Morrison song, Brown Eyed Girl. They thought the lyric was going down on an old man for a transistor radio. I'm like, you know, I don't think I think that's what it is. Is that it is what it is. Do you have your version of that? No, I've not. No, no. What a bad last question.

I know. See, this is why I have you on the show. Of all the last questions, well, I mean, I didn't want to have to say that, but why should all of us just think it? You don't like that was the last question? Fine. Fine. You were awesome. I love you. You know I do, and I love having you on this. I mean, Dorothy Gish couldn't have been a better guest if I had her. If I had her rotting cadaver, she couldn't have been as entertaining as you.

Thank you, little one. Be safe. And don't get COVID by. I know. See, he's right. Talking about the St. Elmo's fire. Hopefully I have professionals around me protecting me from myself. Yeah, you are the Trump of podcasting. Maybe it is. We'll see. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. We don't know. We'll see. I'm going to use that answer for everything because it just inoculates you against any responsibility for anything.

Yeah, that's good. And also, you always know when the big lie is coming, when the story starts with, and someone said, sir, I am a steel worker, but your wisdom makes me cry each morning. You know, it started off as, sir, a big, big old lie is coming. With sir, that's the tell? Yeah. Because he's so desperate to be called sir by anybody. That's interesting. Sir. Yeah.

Sir, sir, you saved our country. First of all, they never called you, sir. And you haven't saved the country. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. When this is all over, let's let's catch up. All right. I would love that. I would love that. You're awesome. Bye, Robin. Bye, Martin. Thank you. You know, I feel having just spoken to Mr. Short, as I always do after I've spoken to Mr. Short.

Just taken with the fact that he's so funny, but also I'm just deeply wounded by his comedy because no one is immune. If you're there with him, you're going to get the charm and the brains and the twinkly eyes, and you're going to walk away and then die from your stab wounds before the EMS people can help you. That's sort of what it is when you're dealing with Martin Short. And today was no different. Anyway, I hope you liked it, and I'll see you on the next podcast of Literally with me, Rob Lowe.

You have been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe. Produced and engineered by me, Devin Tory-Bryant.

Executive produced by Rob Lowe for Lowe Profile. Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blairt. Talent producer, Jennifer Sampras. Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts. And remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

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