Zach Galifianakis: Is That What You’re Calling It?
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That's 15% off at SaatchiArt.com. S-A-A-T-C-H-I-Art.com. Ever wish your favorite TV show had twice as many episodes? Everyone knows that feeling. And so does Discover. Everyone wants more of their favorites. That's why Discover doubles another favorite thing. Cash back.

That's right. Discover automatically doubles the cash back earned on your credit card at the end of your first year with Cash Back Match. Now that's a real crowd pleaser. Everyone knows how it ends. Double the cash back. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Hi, I'm Zach. Hi, Zach. It's Rob Lowe here. Hi, Rob. How are you? I'm psyched you're here. I'm psyched you're on our little...

It's very exciting. Well, thanks for having me. I'm probably going to be your most boring guest, if you don't mind. Well, you're coming out of the gate hot in that sweater. This is going to be fun because this young man, this young man is a funny, funny young man. He's beloved. Everybody loves him. All species love him.

I'm talking about, of course, the genius, truly genius, Zach Galifianakis. The fact that he has made it in Hollywood with an unpronounceable name is truly, truly something to doff my chapeau to. And I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation coming right up. It's going to be great. The internet lag makes me feel like I'm doing Larry King in the 80s. It's fucking awesome. You're on with Roanoke, Virginia. Go ahead. And it was like a huge pause.

Nobody knew what the fuck was going on. Did you ever hear that he had fans under his desk because he farted so much? No, come on. I've always heard that he had like three oscillating fans under his desk. I sat next to Larry King at a Dodger game and you would have thought I would have maybe experienced that bodily function then too, right? Maybe he had such respect for the Dodgers that he wouldn't dare do such a thing.

Well, he didn't you didn't see any fans nearby, did you? Like oscillating fans. He didn't bring him to the game, did he? He did not. He probably came to the game going, I know there'll be fans there anyway. No, no, they're baseball fans. Get it. Get it.

Get it together. Get it together, Larry. Do you see my Duke shirt on? I wore it because I know about your North Carolina heritage. And my son of all Duke University is where all the the all the that's the that's the rival school of where I went to an agriculture school.

Duke and Chapel Hill. I went to NC State, not even Chapel Hill. So I did this to incite you. Yeah, that doesn't work for me to wear a Duke. That's the wine and cheese crowd, Rob. We're the farming people. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do a deeper dive on this. So the Duke, my son graduated from Duke, but there is that rivalry. It's real. It's real. And people take it very seriously. Right.

Wow, your kid must be pretty smart. Duke is a very great school. What did he study there? I think his degree was, of all things, military history.

Go figure. But now he's a lawyer. No kidding. Wow. Yeah, so he passed the bar, went to Loyola Law School, passed, and now he's an attorney working in tech. But it's always interesting to me what kids choose to study. I mean, it's always fascinating. I mean, military history, I would love it. Yeah. But I don't know what that does in the job market. Luckily, it took care of itself.

That's a great, that's such a specific degree, military history. Wow. Yeah, there's not, I wonder what you could do with that.

Start a war? I mean, being a lawyer, yeah, of course. You start a war? Start a war. That might be the best job you can have. Yes. Go ahead, Larry. It's go ahead, Roanoke, Virginia. You're on. Hi, it's Chad from Roanoke. A first-time listener, long-time caller. Sorry, I'm farting. I was going to say to Duke, I mean, I called you Duke, but your name's Rob. Rob, the last time I went to Duke University-

Duke was playing in the national championship that night against it was, gosh, it must've been the late eighties, early nineties. And I had just hitchhiked for Myrtle beach, South Carolina. I used to hitchhike and I would carry a sign in college that says, I don't have a gun and people would pick me up all the time. And I was on my way to Raleigh, North Carolina, back to school.

And this limousine was at a gas station and I hadn't gotten a ride for a few hours. So I walk up to the limousine driver and I said, is there anybody in the back? He goes, no, I'm just driving up to Philadelphia from Miami. I go, can you give me a ride to Durham? He goes, yeah, hop in. So he takes me. He actually takes me to my apartment in Raleigh.

Comes in to have like a glass of water. My brother and friend Edwin are watching the Duke championship. They win. That guy takes us to Durham that night in his limousine. We were college students with a limousine in Durham the night of the championship. It was the only time in my life I've ever been popular. It was so fun. So fun. That must have been amazing. I mean, it's...

Going to games at Duke was my favorite thing. We got... You'd think that Coach K, the legendary Coach K, still can't pronounce his last name, by the way, would have given a lot of commencement speeches. Turns out he's only given one, and that was for my son's graduation year, which was really kind of special to have him. I remember...

Getting the tour, going on the college tours are just so fun. That's my favorite memory, one of them, of being a father. But we got to Duke and they, of course, take you to Coach K's office as part of the tour and he's not there. And they point to a spot on the floor in front of the desk and they say, do you see that right there, that area right in front of the desk? That is the most important place for

on the campus. I go, why? He goes, because every seven years, the president of Duke comes in and gets down on his knees, right, right there and begs coach K to stay. Yeah. That, yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Yeah. It's such a tradition there, basketball and, uh, in that whole area, you know, basketball is so huge. We used to be able to watch basketball in, in class and high school. They would let us watch basketball. So good. Yeah.

That's how I ended up in Hollywood. Well, yeah, we're going to get to that. I'm fascinated with all of it. So I'm a huge fan of yours. Truly, we'll get into that too. But I was looking through some of the research on you. Your mother worked at a community arts center. Walk me through that because I get started in a community arts center.

in the Midwest. Is this, is this, am I, did my staff do a good job? Tell me about this art center thing. Yeah. So my mom worked at the place called the Walker Walker center, which was part of a community college in my hometown. And, uh,

There they have this really great bluegrass festival called the Earl Watson Festival. My mom was kind of an administrator there that would bring in acts. My job was to put up posters around the small towns of Ray Charles coming to my hometown. I got to see Ray Charles in this little community center perform. So we would have these great acts come through our town.

Yeah, my mom was not really the artistic part of it. She was more kind of just the worked in the, you know, the business end of the offices there. But my dad was a performer there and he did Fiddler on the Roof and stuff like that. He never knew his lines. Never knew his lines. How did that happen? Look, my dad, I learned a lot from my dad from faking it. No, no.

I don't know how I just remember the day of the play. We would go over his lines and they just weren't there yet. And somehow he he got through it somehow. I have that. That is that is the reoccurring nightmare that I had when I was a kid. It was that I, you know, the one the classic one that I showed up for a test and looked down and realized I'd forgotten to wear clothes. Right. That's that was the classic. I had it. But now the one is it's opening night and I'm in the wings.

And I realized I've never bothered to learn the lines. And I, I, my, my whole, my whole chest just talking about it fills with anxiety. Have you ever been on a set where you didn't feel prepared? That's the thing. No, really. I mean, that's the irony of it. I, I, I'm very diligent. I was hoping you said yes. I mean, no, uh, uh,

I can't. Maybe that's why I have the the the nightmare, because it truly would be a nightmare for me. I can't imagine. Now, that said, part of acting is faking your way through it. I mean, that's that's for sure. Well, have you ever I mean, you've probably been my whole thing is or at least my excuse, if I can't.

When lines are very bad, I can't remember them. Of course not. No, for sure. 100%, that's true. And I was on a kid's movie once where I was talking to popsicle sticks instead of the animation. Yep. And I'd already worked on it for a month, and I was really struggling with my lines. And the producer walks up to me, she goes, do you want a teleprompter? Oh.

And I went, I froze and she goes, it's Travolta's as if, yes, yes. I know all about this famous case. Yeah, for sure. But I was so humiliated that, that she had offered me a, um, a teleprompter, but talking to fake Guinea pigs is just with dialogue that I couldn't understand was really, it's those times on set, uh,

I don't feel ill prepared. I just feel like, oh, I'm going to forget these lines because I can't make sense of them. Has that ever happened to you? All the time. In fact, I have a thing that the heart of the line is to remember the worse the writing is 100%.

And if the writing is really is fantastic, you remember it immediately. Yeah. Like this, the just filler at all. By the way, exposition, just the bad exposition is is killer, you know. Oh, so that was Billy. Billy was the one who came into the crime scene before we arrived here. Isn't that right? All that shit. So hard to do.

But also talking to a popsicle stick. But the prompter thing, let me tell you something. Travolta uses it. And here's what's really shocking. If you go to Broadway now, there are prompters around on stage. And it is. Yes. It's awful. It is awful. And to me, that's totally cheating.

To me. You're not allowed to do that. Some people do it. I mean, I don't want to name names, but some people do it and they hide them and they build them into the set. And then, you know, and I love Bruce Springsteen, but Bruce has just blatantly has a jumbotron on the balcony of his one-man show. But he has such a library of...

That I understand because he's 71, I think. Right. That one I understand because he has such a wide library. And I think his one-man show probably changed up a bunch. Right. But I did not know...

Maybe I can do Broadway now. See, I've opened up a whole new career for you, dude. Yeah, maybe I can finally do Broadway. Your whole performance, though, will be predicated on looking down into the sink because that's where the screen will be hidden. Or just reading a newspaper the whole time. Yeah, I love when actors have choices, physical choices that embody their character that don't make a lot of sense. On the West Wing, Martin Sheen used to think that the

The most presidential thing he could do to embody being the president would be to sign things. So inevitably, you'd be in a scene with Martin as the president, and he would want people to come up and offer him very important documents to sign because he was the president. It was a lot of work. And he would just sign things randomly. The irony being, of course –

The person who probably signs things the least in the world is the president of the United States because it carries so much heft. But I always love that kind of – the choices that actors make always make me laugh. It's very illuminating. The busy work. Yeah, the busy work. I'm fascinated with Baskets, and I'm really fascinated with – I want to be on – I would so have loved to have been on the phone call or the meeting where you tell the network that, hey, I have a great idea for my mother, Louie Anderson.

How did that go down? You know, I got to tell you, I don't think they cared. They FX or at least the people I dealt with at that network were really, really great about being hands off. And that was amazing.

I have to say, it's usually not the case in my little bit of experience with it. There's usually a lot of opinions and a lot of notes, but on Baskets, we did not. We got real lucky and had a supportive, you know, the business side of it was real supportive of that show. But the reason we chose Louis Anderson was because it was his voice, right?

I, do you know the actress Brenda Blethen? I think I'm saying her name. She's an English actress. I know. And that's who I wanted. I wanted her. Cause I think she, she's one of my favorite actresses. Yeah. She was not free to do it, or at least that's what she said. And so the voice, the voice was all, it was always about the voice. And somebody had said, what about Louie Anderson? And I said, yeah, that voice.

And then that was, that was, it was as simple as that. Amazing. There was no, oh, can he act? Do we know, should we put him in makeup and see what he looks? It was just, let's do it. And that was it. Well, A, the people at FX are really smart. You know, there's some, the best executives over there in town. And as we know, executives can be a nightmare. But that was how, how,

Were you surprised at the way it became so beloved, like in a very specific world? I mean, people just you never know. You never know what people are going to respond to. And like that is a show that just so occupied a very like there are people who would never know it. And then there are people who think it's the best show that's ever made.

Well, so I don't know how many people watch it. I would say probably not that many. I mean, you know, which is fine. I wasn't trying to throw a large net. I wanted to do something pretty specific. Yeah. But the one thing about that show I noticed, and I've never experienced this before, people would hand make things for the cast, right?

There would be these artists that would send in nightlights of the characters or sweaters they had knitted or mugs they have made. I had these beautiful clown mugs that people were just fans of the show. That to me, that connection, it was I just that's what that show. I felt more connected to an audience there than anywhere.

that I, you know, than I've ever felt. Not that that's something you really strive for, but you do, it was noticeable the love

That was that that show, those that thought it was good. I mean, look, it wasn't for everybody and it shouldn't be. But those that did like it loved it. And that was a that was a thing that I felt. I think that's part of it is when an audience I just know for my own sake, when I discover something that I feel like, oh, my God, I'm the only person in the world who probably gets this.

That you invest in it in a really, really, really different way. You know, like, you know, it becomes, you feel like you're a member of a sort of secret society in a way, even if it becomes really successful and a lot of people end up do liking it. If your first experience of it is like, I can't believe this is on TV or whatever. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I think it's the highest compliment I can give anything. Yeah, that's usually the response. Yeah.

But no, that's not my highest compliment is I can't believe that this got made to me. That is the opening gambit of something I know I'm going to love. Yeah, there was a show, a British show that I watched years ago, 20 years ago. It was a Steve Coogan show. And I don't know if it come to the States, but I was living in or working in England. And I had found the show called I'm Alan Partridge. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And I thought I had been, you know, I'd never known any Americans speak of this show. And I would find people to talk about it. It was the secret kind of not secret, but it was this kind of club of people that knew that show. It wasn't a huge known show, probably, or at least in the States, it wasn't. But I just loved it.

Just had never seen a comedy like that. Never had seen anything quite like that. So, okay. So I love doing this for, for the listeners is like turning them on to odd stuff that they may, they may not have known. So that would be a good one for you. Mine that I keep talking to people about is a very obscure, uh,

Show that I think was on Adult Swim years ago called Wonder Shows. And did you ever see Wonder Shows? And I was on Wonder Shows. And wait, what? Oh, what? Yeah. Yeah. We me and David Cross and this this folk, this guy named Will Oldham did a hee haw and other people. Heather Lawless. We did a hee haw take off on Wonder Shows. And you should look it up. It's pretty disturbing. Oh, I know.

Yeah. No, I'm so excited. I know you've made my week. I am. So the minute this is done, I am looking up. So if I just do wonder shows and hee haw, I'll probably find it right. If it's if it exists, I think it was called Horse Apples. The name of the show we did was called Horse Apples. I'm like, I'm writing. So but, you know, it's funny that you bring that show up, Rob, because I felt that way about that show.

I could not believe that that was on television. No, not that, not the stuff necessarily. I would, that I did that one time, but the other stuff where they would, some of it was so dark and just in the most jaw dropping way, you know, when it's so new, you'd haven't seen that on TV. Yeah. Those guys were quite brilliant. The guys that did that show. My favorite thing about wonder shows and was Clarence, the purple puppet. Do you remember him?

It would go up to people in Central Park and go. Did he usually do it with the kid in the trench coat? No, that was a separate thing equally as disturbing and genius. Equally as disturbing. Yes, that was disturbing. Yes. Hold that thought. We'll be right back.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. I'm out of the loop. I don't watch anything. I mean, the last movie I saw was Smokey and the Bandit.

Big Hal Needham guy. Are you big? Big Hal Needham connoisseur of his. Yes. Yes, I am. Wow. Nice reference. Hal Needham. Listen, you wind me up with a trivia like that. I'm just going to go. I on on arts and entertainment trivia. I think I'm kind of unbeatable. I think. OK, great. Can I ask you a trivia question? I ask everybody and only one person has ever gotten this right. Yes.

Now, I'm going to give you only five seconds to get it right because I can't. I can't. Okay. Okay. I'll give you 10 seconds, Rob. Ready? Yes. Who was Gerald Ford's vice president? Oh, that's a really good one. Nelson Rockefeller. Yep. God, you're the second person. Was I right? Whoa, that was eight seconds. Yeah, that's right. That's not bad. Wow. That's really good. I love trivia. I'm not good at trivia, but I love it.

Ask me one. Okay, I got one for you. This is going to be offensive to a lot of people. How, in what manner did Nelson Rockefeller die? Man, I think I would get this multiple choice, but I don't know off the top of my head. Okay, I'll give you a multiple choice. Car accident, small plane crash, heart attack while having an affair with the secretary on his desk. Which you prefaced it by this. So it's the third one.

The third one? What was the third one? I'm not laying it away. You're saying the third one? The heart attack. Okay. The affair thing, right? That's pretty much what they say. So I don't want to get letters from the- Who's A, Wikipedia? I'm just saying, I don't want letters from the Nelson Rockefeller estate. That's just, it may be an urban legend, but I've always heard it.

Don't you think like there are things like when you're little and you hear things before the Internet, like I'm a kid living in Ohio and somehow that information gets to me. How? So I I used to listen to Casey Kasem. That was my only connection to the outside world growing up in North Carolina. And he told me years ago that Prince used to write country. Here's a here's a trivia question.

What kind of music? Who did Prince write music for in the country music world? I'm guessing Dolly Parton. He wrote a song for Kenny Rogers. And I think he wrote a couple of songs for Tammy Wynette under the name Joey Coco. That's amazing. Yeah. Joey Coco.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm right about that. Oh, no, I just I just confirmed it the other day. Yes, that is. Rolling Stone had an article about it. I don't think they said anything about Tammy Wynette, but they confirmed the Kenny Rogers thing. Yep. Well, you know, I listen to Casey Kasem to this day on I think it's on Sirius. They have pretty much now a channel that all they do is play his American top 40s.

From the 70s. And if you want to go down a wormhole and just, it's amazing. I would like to give that a listen. And his intros are, the next member is a band from the city by the Great Lakes. They're a horn section and America has fallen in love with Chicago. That's pretty good Casey Kasem. Have you heard the famous Casey Kasem meltdown audio?

Oh, is he doing some voiceover stuff and he's kind of agitated and yelling and he doesn't sound very much like Casey Kasem? Yeah, it's the best. I think I've heard that really, really disappointed me. It really kind of destroyed my image of him. Here's this moment in the middle of it goes, and where are those headshots I need to sign? That's funny. I think everybody yells that from time to time if they've had a little success in show business.

That's how you know you've made it. Where are those headshots I need to sign? When you're angry about signing your headshots, you know you're jaded. Particularly if you're a guy who's famous for nobody knowing what your face looks like. That's my favorite. That's right. Casey Kasem. Yeah. His wife was an actress. She was on Cheers. Was she? Yeah. I know too much about Casey Kasem. Have you ever heard the Barry White public service announcement?

No. Oh. No. Oh. I don't know that one. I love Barry White. It's Barry White. I love Barry White. Trying to read the, it's like a public service announcement for some concert he's going to do and a benefit in Waco, Texas. You have to look this one up. People listening to me, trust me on this one. Casey Kasem's meltdown, Barry White's Waco, Texas meltdown.

And what my favorite thing is, and I agree with him 100% with writing sometimes, is he finally goes, man, they got words in here they don't even need. And boy, is that not the truth for bad writing. I quote the great Barry White. Barry White says that? Yeah. Come on. They got words in here they don't even need. It's really funny. Oh, I'll look that. That'll give me something to do today. Tell me about your time on SNL. I always like to ask everybody about...

Always been a fan of it. You know, you have the love hate relationship with it that I think everybody does. What was your you wrote for a bit, right? I only was there for a couple of weeks. I do this thing where they try they try out writers. I thought I was being hired as a performer. So when I got there, I realized, oh, I was going to be a writer, which was fine. I mean, listen, it was a it was a dream. I couldn't believe it. I think I was.

Looking for a job. And that kind of fell into my lap. And that was the host of the show that week. The two weeks I was there was Britney Spears and then John Goodman. And then Neil Young was the guest, musical guest, and then John Goodman. Yeah, that was... Listen, I'm not... I'm not... I just...

I think as a comic that seems to be, or at least in my age group, that was such a dream to even be able to go see how they did that show and to be a fly on the wall in the writer's room was, and that's kind of how I, I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never written, I was doing standup, but I had never written sketches to turn in. And it was not easy because it's,

I don't know if supportive is necessarily the word I would use there, but you're new there. I think in show business, especially as a stand-up, you get a thick skin. My things just bombed very badly. I mean, I think I could hear the air conditioner on the floor below us.

It was bad. Pitch me one. Do you remember any of them? Oh, I remember exactly what they were. Well, I remember one of them that bombed so hard, I should say, which was this. I'd written something for Britney Spears. Two things. One of them was I wanted Will Ferrell to play a security guard to her belly button.

and we were going to shrink Will Ferrell down to just hang out inside of her belly button because her belly button was always exposed then, and I thought she needed to protect it. That...

I mean, I've never seen a tumbleweed go through an office before. But that, I mean, a tumbleweed, it felt like a tumbleweed went right across the writer's room table and a cricket riding it. But it was, that was, you know, I'm not offended that no one liked it. It was probably bad. But yeah, you

you hope that your ideal get in, but you know, it's, it's, it's a, it's click issue as it was, as it should be. But I was a dream to be there. I don't have any regrets. And I ended up hosting it a few times, which was nice. Oh, that's, that's, that's a, a triumphal return for sure. I love the, the notion of you pitching, uh,

I mean, I know you don't directly pitch Lauren, but I love the idea of like, so it's Britney Spears, her belly button. We want to shrink Will into it. He's going to protect it from the public. And Lauren would go, right. And then, you know, you're fucked. I remember pitching something to Britney Spears, just the two of us. So I got a little office and she was very nice. She came in.

You know, I was nervous because I don't know what I'm doing. This poor young lady, I don't know what our age differences are, but it seems similar at the time. I probably was much older, but I go, she goes, what do you have for me? And I go, well, you're being interviewed by Entertainment Tonight. There's no jokes. And during the middle of the interview, you just start bleeding from the mouth.

And she looks at me and then she looks at the ground and then I looked at the ground and she looks back up at me. I look at her and she goes, yeah, that's funny. And that was it. But I never wrote that one out. That one I never wrote out. I just, I couldn't figure out what that would have been. But yeah, that I remember pitching one-on-one to her, which was fun. But see, if that had made it on the show, I would have loved it. And I would have thought, I can't believe this made it on TV.

And it's that thing we're talking about of like, you go, Oh, this is made. This was made just for me. Yeah. Yeah. There's, I think those sketches on Saturday night live that, that are maybe towards the end of the night or the ones that, you know, that work in the writer's room, but you know, might not work with the studio audience. You know how it works. I mean, what makes comics laugh oftentimes does not make an audience laugh. So you have to wait for,

on that a little bit. So, but, but I always find that I have more of a, I like the weirder things that they, that they pull out sometimes. I love the weird sketches they do. You know what else I love? Because the taste and comedy, you said, I read a quote for you that's, we're talking about Between Two Ferns and whether you wanted to do more of it or not was that you, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but you just said, you know, comedy tastes change fairly rapidly and what, what works now may not work then. And,

And and and then you you really you really see all that. So particularly on on on SNL, when when you look back and go, I'm not sure that was, you know, I mean, I mean, it's like it's a young people, you know, you know, it's a young man's game. As Warren would say, I agree. I agree with that, Lauren. It's not it's a young person's. I mean, I think when you're younger.

and you're trying to get into the comedy business. I lived and breathed it. I woke up thinking about it. I mean, I kind of still do. But when you're young and eager, man, it just is... For me, it was so thrilling to be in that whole world, even in the open mic world. You know, I was from a small town in North Carolina. We didn't... I mean, it was just so different growing up and to be in that world of these creative people. It just was...

So thrilling. So thrilling. But I do think it's a younger person's game to sometimes comedy, not to say that older people are not hilarious and funny and it can continue, but it seems the energy, at least the American comedy scene seems to be in locked in the twenties and thirties for people that age group. For sure. And you know, the other thing I, and even within that age group, what people think is I, it's always stunning to me what people think are funny and not funny. And you know,

Their show, you know, my friend Charlie Sheen was on to an F man and huge, huge, huge hit. And then you watch Big Bang Theory, another massive. I mean, we should all be so lucky to have such a big hit. I've never I've never cracked a smile. And the only time I did crack a smile is when have you ever seen one of those episodes where they've taken the laugh track out? Have you seen this thing on YouTube? Have you seen it?

It's amazing. No. So you've got a good little homework list for when we're done here. Oh, my God. What a great idea. It's the absolute greatest thing ever. Big Bang Theory without the laugh track. See, I've always thought they should add a laugh track to Intervention. Oh, my God. That would be amazing. Don't put that in there. That's a terrible joke.

Oh, come on now. It's a terrible joke. Did you ever see the episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which I love? I love that show. I think that show is absolutely genius. And they put a security camera in their mother's home because she'd fallen a bunch and they wanted to keep an eye on her. But when they put the camera in, her life became a sitcom and there's a laugh track suddenly in her life. It's amazing. That's great. That's good. There's a show again. Oops.

I am. I just watched because we're in the pandemic and I don't I just watched 30 Rock for the first time. Oh, I'm on a deep dive myself. It's so Tina Fey to me is the Mark Twain of her. I mean, she's I don't know if it's underrated, whatever that is. She's she's so great to me. She's.

So great. I have a, on the show I'm shooting there, I have a friend who's a, and every day at work we come in, we're on this binge of 30 Rock and we come in with a Jack Donaghy line. Every day we have to come with our favorite, and there are, it just never ends. I mean, you know, with, with her coming in and saying, wow, you're, you're in a tuxedo. It's after six lemon. I'm not a farmer. I mean, it just one.

One, I mean, and some of the jokes that they do, you just can't, you cannot believe. Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah, the humor thing and humor, yeah, humor has kind of gotten attacked and or at least put under a microscope lately. And rightfully so, I think, rightfully so. But I think the other part of that discussion is, hey, that's how some people communicate to try to make a point. Yeah. Meaning,

Just because I've said a trigger word that's not very piece... That's not the issue. The issue is I'm trying to... I've said stuff on stage that on paper probably look... Well, they are. They're terribly offensive, but...

I play a dumb guy on stage, so I feel like whatever I say is ridiculous. Yeah, that's my point. I don't know. I wish that was part of the discussion in all this. I wish there was more of an anthropological look. That's the only long word I know. That's why I always bring it up in every podcast. My wife is always like, will you stop saying anthropological?

Hey, look, it's the only thing I can get out without me stuttering. But I do wish that there was more of a social science what's going on in our world with everything. I don't hear a lot of that or the why we're in this place that we're in. Look, young men in America are told, look at beer commercials. We're idiots. We're supposed to be one way.

And I feel like that should be discussed. Why? Why? You know, a lot of men are jerks. We're marketed to. And I wish that was discussed more and more and more. I really do, because I don't think a lot of this stuff that gets men into trouble is not is necessarily innate in us. I think it's the way we're supposed to be through the American society. Yes. You know, there's also cameras everywhere.

You know, society has shifted. And look, I think every cop should be filmed. I really do. I just wonder where we're all going with all this stuff. Where are we going to end up? I'm thinking down the road a little bit. What does this all mean? Well, it's funny. Even like the company Amazon, right? Okay, you go work for Amazon as an actor or whatever. If you know the basic business practices of Amazon...

You're very creeped out by it. At least I am. Interesting. It's the data mining they're doing is, and I just wish artists or actors or whatever would just pause and go, what machine are we feeding? What are we feeding? But don't you, I've kind of made the calculation that in that, and this is going to sound awful, but like the horses out of the barn, they know everything about me.

They can listen to me. They can watch me. They know what I like. They know what I don't like. Privacy as it's always been defined is over and has been for a long time. There's no putting the genie back in the bottle. And that's

And at the end of the day, what what what is it really other than the fact that how creepy other than that? And which is creepy. Like, it's what do you do? Like, I just know how you put the genie back in the bottle. Am I just being a total idiot? I think Europe has a few protections with. So in France, I think there's a right to be forgotten.

Ooh, what's that? I love that phrase. That's a great phrase. Right? So I think Google doesn't have the power over to always have every bit of piece of you online that in France. Look, I'm talking out of turn. I should probably read up on this more. But there is a right to be forgotten law. And I think Europe has a little bit. Their privacy laws are much more strict there.

So I think there are things we can do. I mean, what can you do that doesn't require a goddamn computer or your phone in society now? And I know that's convenience, but we're going to pay for that convenience. Yes, that's very true. It comes at a price. So I just, I just, and not to, it's a boring subject to some people, but I'm pretty fascinated by it because I do wonder where

All of this ends up. What what good does it do to me? It gives a lot of power to a few people. And that really scares me. That's a problem for sure. But then again, I look back and I go, listen, if we were in the I want to I want to get the decade right. But let's say the 30s, we were in the 30s. We would be freaked out about William Randolph Hearst. He'd be our.

Mark Zuckerberg or Jeff Bezos. Like we'd be like, like, like, you know, his, William Randolph Hearst and those papers helped get us into World War I, I think, whatever it was. World War I was in the teens, obviously, but, but, you know, so I think it's,

Like anything, it's it's there are only seven stories. Is that what Joseph Conrad says? And, you know, the stories keep playing out, but it's like anything. Our world is on steroids. So it may have been that way with with with them then. But now it's just just on steroids like everything is today. Yeah, I find I find I just wish things would be quieter. I just think.

I don't know. That's why I'm not a, I used to be a night person because I was a drinker in this and I'm now a morning person because it's the only calm I feel is in the morning. I think Regina Spector has such a great line. It's something like the mornings are wiser than the nights. I've always liked that line. That's a really good one.

I mean, you know, as you get older and I have kids and all this stuff, you think about things you didn't think about before. So it's kind of a fun new way of thinking of being protective or all that or wondering about society more and more. But, you know, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I would get frustrated because I just noticed people were just talking about Brady Bunch reunion, Brady Bunch stuff, episodes of Brady Bunch. I'm like, what the?

Did everybody just get reared on television and that's all we have to talk about? I miss those days so much because now it's so heavy, right? It's everything's so heavy. It is heavier for sure. And I'm always down. I'm always down to clown with the Brady Bunch. So you don't have to, you know, drag me into that. Yeah, I got a lot of theories. We'll be right back after this.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel.

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. Hey, Rob, what age did you start acting? Out of curiosity. I started in community theater in Ohio when I was eight and always wanted to do it. Was a total idiot. Didn't have no idea what that even meant.

And then between really, really being diligent, like laser freaky, weird little kid type focused on it and some blind luck and events like my parents' divorce, which was terrible. But the divorce led to my mom moving to California and being in California put me in a place where I could – so all these kind of things had to happen along with just crazy, freaky, bizarre ambition out of a kid. Yeah.

Sort of put me where I am. Eight years old, child actor. Let me entertain you. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. That was me. Were you complaining about signing your headshots back then? Oh, I would go to school and be like, hey, I got these headshots. And the surfers were like, yeah, and just pound the shit out of me. Hey, guys, I did community theater in Ohio. Who wants to be my friend? Exactly.

That was not, it was not a great opening gambit at all. Yeah. By the way, now I think, honestly, now I think every other kid has headshots because the business wasn't like it was today. I mean, there was no MTV, there was no CW, there was no Marvel, there was no nothing. There was no Us Magazine, none of it. So the only time- He has a lot more jobs. Oh, everything's kid-centric today. Every third kid in Santa Monica High School has an agent.

Not when I started. Tell me about your ski movie. I want to know about the ski movie. Who's in the ski movie? Oh, the one that just came out 20 years ago? Yes, the one that just came out. Am I right? Did I just see this showing up on my Netflix or whatever? Because I feel like I've seen it recently. Oh, I don't know where one can see it. I don't know. I will say this. I went skiing last weekend.

And I had my mask on and I had a knit hat on. You could see this much of me. And the guy goes, last time I saw you was in a ski movie with Lee Majors. That's amazing. How did you know? Anyway,

Yeah, I did a snowboarding movie actually with Lee Majors about 20 years ago. So it's even worse than I think it is. So if it's a snowboarding movie, it's even worse than I think it is. Oh, I thought you were saying, oh, Lee Majors is in it. No, yeah, it's, no, no. It was a snowboarding movie that I think in a strange way, I know, look, I haven't seen it since it was released, but my gut is it holds up.

Oh, I'm sure it does. I don't know. I don't know why. I don't know why, but I will say this not to be name droppy, but I got cast once in a movie by Sean Penn. He directed this movie. I was in called into the wild. Oh yeah, of course. He called me and he asked me to be in it. And then I got the, and then I said, yes. And then when I worked on it, I said, I had to ask him, I said, how, why did you call me me? Like he goes, well,

My son saw that my son and I were watching the snowboarding movie you did with Lee Majors. So I got I got cast into into the wild with because of that movie. I I sometimes mentor young actors. And one of the things I always tell him is, you know what you're calling it? Is that is that. Oh, my God, that's too good.

I think we know what this is. Why don't you just say grooming? Yes. I think we just found the title for this episode. Quote, is that what you're calling it? Question mark. Oh my God. So I sometimes groom young actors. And one of the things that I tell them is that you never...

You never know what's going to come of any job, like good, bad and different. It's like usually yes is the answer. And that's exactly why you do this snowboarding movie. It is what it is, whatever. And the next thing you know, Sean Penn, one of the greats, has cast you. I had that with Richard Ayer, who ran the National Theater.

And is, you know, made of a ton of a ton of great movies. One of the great directors, like, like, you know, really an intellectual called called called me and asked me to star opposite Dame Maggie Smith in Tennessee Williams suddenly last summer for the BBC. Wow. And I did it and it was great. And I asked him what how he just called me and he said he'd see me in Wayne's world. What the hell?

So you just don't know. You never know. Yeah, you never know. You never... It's a strange business. Maybe what it really is, the stupider the movie, the more likely you are to get good work out of it. Maybe that's what we've uncovered, anthropologically. Then I should be working a lot. I should be in a lot of things.

That's that's the case. When you interviewed Barack Obama, President Obama, between two ferns today, did the Secret Service like were they were they around you in case you ask something that was they didn't want? Were they going to, like, wrestle you to the floor between the ferns? There was a small staff that came in with Obama, his what do they call I think his press secretary, who was actually the other person that got that Gerald Ford question right.

Really? President Obama didn't know the general president. Obama did not know. I always knew I was smarter than Obama. Please. I was new as smart on that guy. Uh, but his press person did. Um, but yeah, that was, I don't really remember. I was pretty nervous doing that. And I wanted to use my nervous energy because I'm, you know, I always feel like I don't belong wherever I am, especially a white house, especially interviewing a president. Um,

So he came with some pretty good comic chops. And on Between Two Ferns, we usually don't, or you never really give anybody the answers or questions. Sure. But because he was the president and also he was limited on time, I think we did share some of the questions, but he didn't know a lot of them, I don't think. And he did it, we did it twice in a row, and then it was done. I think they did it in 10 minutes.

Again, I'm not really one to ask because I was kind of out of my body a little bit there. And then he called me afterwards and called my cell phone about three days later. Oh, stop, stop, stop. Cell phone rings. This is awesome. Yeah. Do you get, please hold for the president? Or is it just, hey! I mean, how does that... So...

If I'm not, it sounds so arrogant to go, God, I don't remember. Was it Valerie? No, I'm pretty sure it was Valerie Jarrett who called me and said, hey, I have somebody once she was calling to thank me about some about that. And then she said, somebody wants to talk to you. And he gets on the phone. And I remember I was at I was at a construction site. I was at a construction site by myself.

I've told this story before, but so he calls me. I'm at this construction site. We chat and he says, I hope this I hope this betters your career. And I almost said to him, I almost said to him, I hope it does yours, too. But at that point, the sketch part of it was over. So it's nothing but respectful. You know, I didn't want to. And we hung up.

And I didn't have any way to validate to to to document that that phone call had just happened to me. So I just took a picture of the chair I was sitting next to at this. The chair I was sitting in at this construction site and I still have the photo. It's just an old chair next to a traffic cone.

That's where, that's the spot I get to talk to President Obama when he called me on the phone. But yeah, that was a real, real thrill. But also I am for, I mean, what we were trying to do is get, you know, people covered,

for the, you know, for Obamacare. And so that layered with it was just kind of a, a real honor to be a part of. Did you shoot it at the white house? Was it, did I hear you say you did it at the white house? Yes. Cause so we actually, at the end of it. So usually we have, we always have this black background, but in that one, he pushes the, there's this button in the middle. He pushes it and the black drops down and we reveal the,

We're actually in a, you know, one of the state rooms in the White House. So if you go back and look at it, yeah, it's actually the real White House. Yeah, that's a trip. And also, also, I was pretty nervous that day. And I remember being twice reprimanded by White House staff, not staff, but yeah, I guess staff. I was one time I was sitting on this old, I don't know, Thomas Jefferson's chair that had been roped off.

And I didn't realize it. And it happened twice. This security person goes, why are you still sitting on? Like, don't you see the road? I was so embarrassed. I just, you know, look, I'm, I'm from the mountains in North Carolina. We don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. That's amazing. So,

Yeah, but it was it was quite an honor. And obviously, yeah, that was that was a that was a fun time. He's funny, man. It's like it's so it's just so charming and winning when when our leaders have a sense of humor about themselves. Like I played JFK and I did so much research and there was so much great footage there.

If you kind of dig around and I watched one of his press conferences from start to finish and it was like a standup act. I mean, it was, he's unbelievably charming. So self-deprecating, like the level of self-deprecation.

is off the charts and the press is just lapping it up. And, and, and Obama had that too on the white house correspondence dinner. Have you ever been to one of those things where it's the, it's the press corps and the president gets roasted and then he gets up and then roasts everybody. He always used to crush that. I was at the one that he with Trump and I was about 10 feet away from Trump. And they say, they say, as you know,

They say that was when Trump decided to run for president. That's what that's what people look on Trump's face. Looking back at that look. So that man doesn't know what to do with humor. Right. He's so insecure. Yeah, he was. He didn't laugh at all during that.

Didn't laugh one bit. I watched him. I've watched the wrote his roast on Comedy Central, too. And it's kind of the same. It's like you go when you're on a roast. The point is, like I did, which I also did one of those. The harder you get roasted. That's the point. Like, I loved it. Like, the harder they hit me, the more fun it was. Yeah. Yeah. Humor to somebody like Trump does it to me. It's his Achilles heel. I mean, I really do think it is.

I don't think he would know what to do with being made fun of. I mean, he got made fun of a lot by the last four years. But I just think one on one, if I were ever in a room with that guy, I would just, you know, take him down with humor. Yeah, because humor is the greatest. Humor is the greatest bullshit detector. I think I want to ask you about really quickly. This is the greatest quote of yours I came up with.

That you made up? That I came up with. Yeah, I came up with it. Well, it's got to be better than any quote I've said. Zach, I want you to have said, the underlying truth is that leading people, men and women, have to be good looking in Hollywood. And that to me is weird. It's like Hitler's dream. I love it. It's great. Did you say it? Do you remember saying it? I did say that. So good. Here's my thing. I guess my point of that is,

Are we still at a point where we got to look at really beautiful people to tell us stories or can we just, yes, we are. Yes. Well, I'm as shallow as anyone with that stuff. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we like to look at pleasant people. They're more fun to look at, but I don't know. I think some of the more interesting stories come from, from those that are not,

I don't know. I don't think Hollywood needs to Hollywoodize its stories a lot of times. That's, I guess that's kind of my issue. I agree with you, but I think it's in a very specific area of Hollywood where you see it. Like I can, I can just tell you when I, when I came up, I lost and nobody's going to have a benefit for me. I understand this is not going to engender a ton of sympathy, but if I had a list of all the parts I lost because I was, they thought of the way I looked like, they go, you can't play a cop. A cop would never look like you.

So I'm on the other side of that conversation and you're on the other side of it. It's like, I feel like also in the 70s, it was the antihero were the movie stars. You had Dustin, you had De Niro, you had Richard Dreyfuss. And it goes on and on and on. And then all of a sudden, now we're living back in the era of kind of like the pop idol movie stars again, it seems like. And for sure on TV. Yeah.

For sure on TV. I like to watch this show called Station 19. Because I'm on a show about firemen. So I like to watch all the other firemen shows. And those firemen all have headshots. 100%. I know they do. You know what I mean? Right. We could use a little grit, I think, in the world. Right. I guess, yeah, the prettiness of Hollywood and it's... You know, I get it. It's human nature. I just...

In books, is that always the case? When you're protagonists in books, are they a lot of times described as chiseled or beautiful? Not really, right? That's not the onus. The books I read, they are. But the visual, I don't know. You know, look, you do interviews, Rob. You say things. You don't even know what you're talking. I don't know. People say, did you ever say this? And I'm going, yeah, I guess I did. What?

This is a polygraph. It's just a conversation. This is a polygraph. I'm holding you to it. No, it makes, by the way, is the, no, no, no, no, no. Don't misunderstand me. No, no, no, no, Zach. Don't misunderstand. I agree. 100%. I don't want to come across as like on the other side of, on the wrong side of history here. Very vis-a-vis good looking people. You're doing Lauren green. Yes. Big, big Valley.

There's an actor. No, there's an actor, right? No, no. Big Valley was your boy Lee Majors. Yeah. Lorne Green was Bonanza, I believe. Lorne Green was Bonanza. Yes. That's right. Yes. Yeah. Can you imagine? Yeah. The thing is, a blizzard is coming and the cattle need to be moved to the North 40. Lorne Michaels as Lorne Green. Oh, my God. You and I may have just stumbled onto something great. Yeah. I'll see it. Yeah. You'd better get off my land now. Yeah.

It's not bad. It's not bad. So ridiculous. Okay. Sometimes I like to do hacky questions. I'm sure there are people that think this whole thing has been hacky. I'm sure. I don't want to presuppose anything. But this is where I'm going into hacking. So tell me what you're working on now. Zero. I mean, what am I working on? I don't have any. I mean, there's a movie that's coming out.

But I don't I haven't seen it and I don't know if it really will come out when they say it will. But I don't have anything that I'm doing. I'm trying to think of some things to do. Yesterday, I cut firewood for about two hours. That's today. I have I'm going to go get some more firewood. That's what I have coming out. Great. Have you talked to Bradley Cooper lately? Yeah, not lately, but I've talked to him within the pandemic.

Was there a lot of hijinks on the set? I can only imagine. Those crazy people. Actors have nothing better to do than prank each other all day long. I hate that narrative.

prank. What is that about, by the way? I'm so glad you brought this up. If I had a nickel for every time, they're like, so on The Outsiders, were you guys just like playing jokes on each other? And it's like, did you ever surprise Martin Sheen with anything? And I was like, what the fuck? What? We're making a movie or a TV show. I know, I don't understand. I know. I mean, it's fun to make a TV show, but there's work to be done.

I mean, I'm trying to think if I ever pranked anyone. Can you imagine? Can you imagine like the law review interviewing like, you know, when she was alive, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Do you like ever like, like surprise people?

Clarence Thomas from behind or something or like what kind of hijinks do you guys get into you're like what the what Justice Alita used to be on all fours behind behind someone they push the other justices down yeah that's that's one of their great pranks we used to do yeah Alito what was his name Justice Alito yeah or Scalia maybe

There was both. There was Scalia and Aliyah. Scalia, who was actually who I was thinking of. Well, he was the funny one. He was the prankster. Everybody knows that. He was... Well, he and Ginsburg got along, right? But politically, they were so polar opposite, right? Yeah. That was the whole thing. I have an interesting story about that dude. Oh, do tell. Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy, is he good. Oh, look at. Oh, we're going to have that. We'll have this one offline. Oh, you you. We will. I would love to tell you it's not that juicy, but it's it's interesting for sure. I don't even know what my hacky interviewer would do with that except pivot to something as banal as humanly possible. God, that's a good see banal. I know that word. Thank God. This is because you Duke is close by. I mean, you did see some smart people.

I used to date a girl, a young lady from Duke. I think she's a brain surgeon now. Greek, Greek lady. But yeah, the Duke, the Duke people and where I went to school, we didn't mingle, if you know what I mean. Hatfields and McCoys. Tell me about your audition for Frasier. I don't want to blow it.

Do you remember it? Oh, man. Did I talk about that once? You must have, because I've got the info. Well, all I remember is I auditioned for Frasier once, and the feedback was I needed to take a bath. That's it. I think that was the only feedback. Yep. Which, you know, I was used to that feedback. No. I just was so embarrassed that that was...

I mean, I am a bather. I was going to say, did you? Was it true? Did you need to take a bath? I mean, full disclosure, it has been a couple of days since I bathed. But but I know I'm just not I wasn't I'm just not much of a groomer. They just they were being very judgmental in that casting office. And I just looking back, I just I mean, I've been I've been in the middle of an audition before and had female female casting directors go, hold on, stop. Are you gay?

What? What? What? Yeah, I swear to God. The first laugh I ever got at an audition in that Hollywood town was I'd been there for a while, and finally I get a laugh in an audition. The problem was it was the first drama I had ever auditioned for. They were laughing at me, and there were 17 people in the room, and I stopped and went, what are you laughing at? Oh, no.

And to see them squirm like that, I was playing a pilot where you had to go, okay, fire to the left, fire to the right or whatever, you know, that kind of thing. And, you know, in a fold up chair. And I, that was the first laugh because they were laughing at me. So yeah, the audition process is, never was for me. I was never good at it. Yeah. I, I kind of collect horrible audition stories. I think they're great. I would do a coffee table book.

about horrible auditions. I think, I think that's a great idea. Don't you think? And, and, and, and people's earliest headshots. Oh God. If you saw mine, it's a scratch and sniff. No, that's an old joke. I'm going to do that one of these days and you'll be, I'll put you on the cover. So my wife has a wall of my friend's first headshots in the house. Oh, can you please? She's not an actress, but there are some people who,

There's one that you would not believe her headshot. You wouldn't believe it. Come on. Who is it? You can tell me. I can't say. I can't say. I'm too. I'm too. Yeah, I can't say. But it's really funny. The last commercial audition I went on, you know, for commercials. I don't know. It was years and years ago. I remember I had to drive to Burbank. And I remember they were like, OK, we need you to get on all fours and eat a cracker. Sure. Yeah.

My point is I don't mind getting on all fours and eating a cracker. If I came up with the idea, the fact that somebody else is asking me, I have an issue with that and I never could do it. I was like, I, I'd rather live in my car.

Yeah. Which I was doing. You know, I mean, not that I have integrity. I'm not I'm not I'm not you have to kind of put that behind you a little bit. But that that commercial audition process is it's humiliating to, you know, a young kid. And it probably had nothing to do with even crackers or being on all fours. There is like, hey, this guy would. It was a dog. It was a dog food commercial. The cracker was representing the dog food. OK, I guess so.

Yeah. So the stuff that no one will ever know the things that we've had to endure. Hey, Rob, if you ever came on between two ferns, I just thought of a great first joke I would say about you. Hit me. You're going to you're going to love this. OK, ready. So ready. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my first guest, Mark McGrath.

That's not bad. That. Okay. Well, I'm not going to have these tips, but streaks put back in the highlights. It's the highlights. Did you get burned in your fire show? You know what? I'm on my fire show. The lighting is a little dark. And, and, and if I don't put, have these highlights in, it looks like I'm wearing a fucking helmet. Thank you. And now I'm totally, um, I'm feeling very bad about it. I'm,

It's good. It's fortuitous, though, because it is a good word. It's fortuitous because I'm supposed to be having my hair cut and colored. And I'm saying take out the McGrath to demograph it. I did a pilot with Mark McGrath years ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He became he became a correspondent for some didn't he for a minute like he was like on E as a as a host. Oh, I thought he worked for Foreign Affairs magazine.

Oh, that was it. That's what it was. By the way, I saw Sugar Ray live. Those guys fucking killed it. We'll be right back with the world's worst bragger. I don't know if that's one of your icebreakers at parties, but I would really, really not do that one anymore. That doesn't give me cred? I saw Sugar Ray live.

Zach Galifianakis, this has been great. I have to pee so badly right now. It's insane. Like I've gotten to the point where like I'm an old, I don't know what it's like when it comes on, it comes on and I'm ending this interview, not because you're not interesting or this hasn't been great, but I need an adult diaper.

Because this is, this is, it's on right now. I am fleeing the studio to pee. Rob, can I tell you that I've already peed three times during the interview? And I have to tell you, it's not as uncomfortable as you would think. No, the warmth is good for about 10 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Uh,

But I buy my underwear from Ziploc, so I'm fine. So good. This is great. Thanks for having me, Rob. I love it. Thank you for coming on, really, truly. I know we were trying to figure it out for a long time, and I'm so glad you did it. It was great. I mean, I feel like I could talk to you for a thousand years. Well, just take your microphone into the bathroom. Let's keep going. No, thanks for having me. All right, Zach, I hope our paths cross in the wilderness one day.

Rob, hey, when I see you in town, as they say, don't act like you've never talked to me. Because that's where I get really bummed out in that town. I promise you. I'll see Ed Helms. Hey, Ed. He'll stare at me. Ed, we worked together on three movies. Our wives are friends. Oh, Ed Helms is an asshole. Everybody knows that. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Everybody knows. Most unlikable person. One of the nicest men. Nicest man, that dude.

He really is. Sweet. All right, Zachy. I literally am peeing my pants. All right, guys. Goodbye. I'm going to be right back. Thank you. Bye-bye. That was a close one. In case you're wondering, I made it to the bathroom. The only thing more satisfying than that interview, which was, I hope you liked it as much as I did, was peeing after it. So good. Anyway, how funny is he? He is such a quick man. And he and I had never met.

You know, a lot of times I have friends on the show and which is which is a whole great. I love those conversations, but I also really like getting to know somebody. And I really feel like I got to know him in this talk and he did not disappoint. I hope you liked it as much as I did. There's more to come next week. Please come back. In fact, download. I hope you guys have downloaded the whole thing. I'm a Bob of literally you're not just like cherry picking your favorite episodes. Oh, I like this person. I like that person. Like watch the whole listen to the whole thing. Would you?

All of them are good. Just download. Just say, I'm doing it. Whole season. Do that, would you? All right. It is time for the lowdown line. Hello. You've reached literally in our lowdown line where you can get the lowdown on all things about me, Rob Lowe. 323-570-4551. So have at it. Here's the beep.

Hey, Rob. This is Kim Keady from Louisville, Kentucky. So today you wake up and you decide to write a screenplay set in Dayton, Ohio. Yes, that's right. What story would you tell and who would you cast? Name three people you really want to work with outside of yourself. And that's my question for today.

I've read all your books, love your podcast, and hope you have a great day. Thanks. Thank you, Kim, for calling in. And also thank you for reading the books. Always like to hear that. Well, there's two things at play here. There's what I would write about Dayton, Ohio, and who I would cast, and then who my three favorite people are. So I got to figure out, do my three favorite people... Oh, actually, I was worried about having my three favorite people be able to be in my Dayton, Ohio...

So Joaquin Phoenix.

Is I think my favorite actor at the moment. And I think he's going to play Pepin. Pepin was the neighborhood hood in Dayton, Ohio, who may or may not have been like a, you know, convict. Yeah. He was like the rough. He might've had a switchblade and he, he would, you know, steal things. And he was the guy we all kind of looked up to as a bad-ass. So maybe Joaquin Phoenix in the Pepin ding dong ditch is,

stealing, you know, you know, petty things out of the grocery store. And then eight year old Rob Lowe going, wow, I want to be like Pepin. Unfortunately, Pepin met his his untimely end when he was being chased by the police and jumped over a barbed wire fence and the barbed wire caught him in the nutsack. And he was rushed to the hospital and we never saw Pepin again. That might prevent Joaquin Phoenix from doing the role.

But that is the truth. And truth is, as you know, stranger than fiction. All right, thanks. See you next week. You have been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe. Produced and engineered by me, Devin Tory Bryant.

Executive produced by Rob Lowe for Lowe Profile. Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blairt. Talent producer, Jennifer Sampas. Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts. And remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

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