Dana White | Club Random with Bill Maher
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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Hey, Club Random fans. Guess what I did? I wrote a damn book. It's called What This Comedian Said Will Shock You, and it's available for pre-order now where you get your books or at simonandschuster.com. What did you think you were going to be when you were a kid? Exactly what I'm doing now. When you were a kid? When I was a kid. I've literally... Come on. Yeah. Club Random.

After the fight, the doctor might say, he's cleared, he's good. And we're like, yeah, no. Send him to the hospital anyway. We spend so much money on medical. Good to meet you. Good to meet you too. We actually met at an HBO party one time, many years ago. I deny it. I deny it. And whenever I did that night, I had a friend, my friend Jimmy, he had a card made, a little card he had for me. He said, I'm going to do it.

Jim Vallee would like to apologize for his behavior on the night of, and then you would just fill in the date. No, you were great. We talked for a few minutes. That was before the UFC blew up or any of that shit. What year was it? I've been a fan for a long time. Thank you. Watched the show since way back when. Oh, I appreciate it. So what year was that that we met? Fuck, it had to be like 2007. 2007? Yeah. Yeah.

So where were you then? The thing was, you had already owned it, but... That was when I first started making money. We started cranking. So the Ultimate Fighter aired in 05, and by 07, we were... I want to say by 09...

We did the deal with Abu Dhabi. We sold Abu Dhabi 10% of the company in, like, 2009. I mean, I have to say, whether people like you or don't like you, and, you know, people do both as they do with me. 100%. Absolutely. But, like, I'm happy to like everybody. You know, I'm trying to get past politics. I don't even care. I don't judge anybody by their politics, man. That's...

That's why we live here. That's what this country is all about. Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say I don't judge them, but because politics is an extension sometimes of morality. So I do have to judge. But you know what? I also judge my own self, my own side. I don't think I have a monopoly on everything or any side does. And anyway, we don't have to get what I was going to judge. It's

It just, you know, I don't judge people. You know, this is America. You can be and do whatever you want to do. Right. I don't like douchebags. That's who I don't like. Exactly. Exactly. No, I know. I think we have that in common. And I have to admit, there's just...

I always thought there was a lot on the right, and now there's just so many on the left, too. And their level, their type of obnoxiousness is the kind that just makes you want to, like, I don't know, beat the shit out of somebody in an octagon, you know? But I was just going to say, like, the thing you did, I mean, whether people like you or hate you, you took something and made it huge, you know, like, on a level. It kind of reminds me of Hefner, because, like,

It's both things they seem obvious looking back, like pictures of naked chicks. You know what? This could catch on. I bet you I could get someone to. Yeah, I could see. But no, but you did it. Nobody else did it. It always made sense to me. Fighting works everywhere, man. Literally, if a fight broke out in your front yard right now, we'd both run out there and watch it. That's so true. We are primal in that way. Well, I guess men. You think women, too? Women love the U.S.

Women love the UFC. Well, I mean, we say women. Women are different. I mean, you know, women, you know, who Gina Carano has the same taste as Ellen? I don't think so. Yeah, but when you talk about women,

you know, this thing is broken into pop culture now. I mean, when you have the big fight, right? Oh, total pop culture, yeah. The right fight in the right place at the right time, and now because of streaming, the world is watching. The world is literally watching. UFC 300 we just had this weekend, and you name it, man. I mean, from world leaders to celebs to sports stars to my real estate agent, the woman down, a woman. Hey.

Down in Southern California, you know, everybody hitting me up about the fight. Dana, I was a kid when Ali and Frazier fought. Yep. And, you know, I was a kid. We got Life Magazine. That's true. Life Magazine. And Frank Sinatra.

You know this? Did the photographer? Yeah, he did the photographer for the fight. Yeah, of course. I mean, just think about that. I mean, like, that's what boxing, this is Ali Frazier, of course. This is after he'd been barred from fighting for three and a half years because of Vietnam. Yep. But, and of course, I remember the scenes and the shots of every, it was every celebrity who could.

And it was in New York, all the pimps with their fur coats and their bad bitch. Well, you know, it's funny. It's that movie, American Gangster, that Denzel Washington did. The police started getting on his case because they saw him show up to the fight and he was wearing a fur and all that stuff. And that's how they started to get him. You're right.

That's really where that was taken from, right? Because that really happened. Yeah. But it was so great, the Ali fight, to see the pimps mingling with Warren Beatty and whoever were the big stars of their day. Everybody wanted to be there. I mean, again, Sinatra doing the pictures, that's pretty good. Incredible.

We as human beings, it doesn't matter what color you are, what country you come from, or what language you speak, we're all human beings and we get fighting and we like it. And it is a part of pop culture. We generally do root for the person of our race.

I mean, that's... Listen, my thing with that is... Maybe that's changed. During my generation, I would say the generation before me, I'm 54, the generation before me was probably that way, but I grew up idolizing, you know, black athletes. Huge, huge Michael Jordan fan. Yeah, yeah. Tyson. You know what I mean? We did idolize black athletes. Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, I went to a... I've only been to one boxing match. I was out here in L.A.,

And it was Sugar Shane Mosley, I think, against, I don't know, a Latino fighter. Right. And the crowd was a lot of black and Latino. And I'm pretty sure that they were- Well, that makes sense. See, I think it's more of- And I think it's been a- If you're from England-

And the fighter is black and you're white from England, you're rooting for the English fighter. And I think it's all these different countries. But in America, no, you're rooting for whoever, you know. Let me tell you what, every white guy, whoever fought Mike Tyson, nobody was rooting for the white guy. I promise you that. Everybody wanted Tyson to win the fight. Tyson was this... I'm just saying, historically, boxing has been a proxy for racial animus. Like...

I'm not sure that, you know, Max Schmeling... That's a whole other fucking ballgame. What they called the Great White Hope. Yeah. Nobody in America wanted Max Schmeling to win, white or not white. You wanted Joe Louis to win that fight. And I'm sure you're familiar with the history of Jack Johnson. Of course. I mean, that... Phenomenal story. Talk about a bad dude. Phenomenal story. To do what he was doing...

And didn't give a fuck. And paid the price. But, you know, he was like, white girls. 100%. Like, I am just, that was a dude. This whole thing about trafficking, that's where that started. Trafficking, what do you mean? When you really look at what the definition of trafficking is, if you could, they could get you for trafficking if you invite a woman to another state, you fly her out. Oh, right. And you have sex with her.

She's been trafficked. Yeah. That started with Jack Johnson. That's how that law came into place. Isn't that fascinating? You mean they made the law for him? Yes. It could be called... That law was created for him because he was bringing white women across state lines. Well, we have come a long way. We have. We really have. I agree. That's good to hear that you don't think that it's...

Yeah, I'm sure you're right.

And when we came in, I mean, I'm doing a fight in St. Louis. I'm doing fights. We do fights all over the world. And we have so many different fighters. For instance, we had a Brazilian in the main event last Saturday. Lots of people were rooting for the Brazilian over the American. I can do a fight in Arizona with a Brazilian and a Polish fighter, and the thing will sell out. Look, everyone...

even this was by the dogma of the woke, they would say, everyone is somewhat racist. If you don't think you're racist, dig deeper. Okay.

Dig deeper, Dana White. Dig. You fucking dig. I believe you. I'm with you on that one. Okay, so we're all trying to dig. They think I should dig. Some people do. Okay, I'm always trying to dig. Always have. Was raised that way. There's racist people in every group of human beings that walk the face of the earth. There are racist black people. There are racist Asians. There are racist white people. There are racist... And I can say this to you. You don't have kids. No. But I can tell you this. I say this all the time.

Nobody knows who you are better than your children. Your children, when you were just talking about the thing, dig deeper, Dana White, dig deeper. Mike, your kids at your house, I mean, you grew up in a house. You had parents. I was a kid. You see the good, the bad, and the ugly. You know exactly who your parents are and what they do. And I say this all the time. I said-

You take my kids, strap my kids up to a lie detector test and ask them who I am and what I'm about.

and let me tell you what you'd be shocked to find out that you know there isn't a racist bone in my body and that's a fact i i believe you um but i do think you're not right about maybe it's a different generation but uh i don't feel like i knew my parents i saw my parents were great because in their generation they just like like i never saw my father like say a word worse than hell or damn

Right. And sometime later in life, I was talking to somebody who had worked with him in the office. You know, he was in radio news and told me some stories about him. And of course, they said he was very funny, but told like really dirty jokes and really dirty stuff and had a sex on his son. That's where it came from. But I never saw that. That's a good point.

In front of the kids. And some of the, I think that's different these days than it was when we grew up. That is different. Oh, yes. You're correct. But I mean, that is the place I'm always trying to get to, this place of reason. I think you're the same kind of person. I'm with you 100%. Yeah, I know. I'm for common sense. You don't want to fight, right? I'm over the bullshit. I'm done with all the bullshit. You're not about fighting. Wait, who am I talking to? You're all about fighting. You're probably a fucking billionaire.

Are you a billionaire? No, I'm not a billionaire. But you've made a fucking lot of lolly on this shit, right? I've done okay. Yeah, I've done very well.

So when people in the press, do they ever write what you're worth? Because I know they don't. They try to. Me too. It's amazing. They just won't admit that they don't know how much you have. 100%. So they just make it up. They just pull it right out of your ass. Funny you say that. I saw this thing the other day. It said something on Instagram. It was like, Dana White in 2001 worth whatever. Then it goes to 93,000. It goes to what the fuck?

And it gets up to like 500 something million. They have no idea what the... Don't believe anything you fucking read. Don't believe anything you read. It's all bullshit, man. Everything out there today, it's like, I feel like the press is... The press that's dying. It's dying on the vine. John Jones got into some trouble here recently and they said that one of my fighters, probably the greatest...

fighter of all time, to be honest. - John Jones? - His name is John Jones. He's a heavyweight. - Gave him that name? No, I'm kidding. - He literally is always in trouble, always has something going on and got into trouble. NBC News, NBC News.

put out a story that he was arrested. And he was never arrested. It's just like, they don't even try anymore. - What is this vague trouble that you refer to that he keeps getting into? - A drug testing company, all of our fights are drug tests, fighters are drug tested. So the testing agents can show up at your house or wherever you are and they have to know your whereabouts.

showed up and she said that he threatened her. So then there, then NBC news said that he was arrested and he was never arrested. Now, back in the day, when you were dealing with the media, they would fact check. They would, you know, they wouldn't put out a story unless they knew it was absolutely true today. It's more about being first and being right. And, uh, and then, but, but when, you know, obscure websites are doing it or Instagram, you know, um,

Yeah. It's another story when it's the NBC News. Well, I mean, I've been on this for a while. There is no difference really anymore because a lot of the time is what the press is doing is they're reporting on things.

what's on social media as if that's a story. If three fucking morons on Twitter tweet something, it's like, the internet is upset. The internet? What are you talking about the internet? It's three guys who live in their mother's basement and they're saying something. But if NBC comments on that, then that's a story? You know, there's standards. I mean, the nightly news. Do you ever watch...

rarely can bear it anymore because you get like maybe one small block at the beginning of actual news, but it's just headlines. And then it's right to like whatever cool video we have, like the nightly news. They used to complain all the time. They only give us a half hour. We need to inform the people. We need an hour.

You don't fill up five minutes of worthy news. Then it's like shit about, it's always something that happened on a plane. Who gives a fuck? A flight out of Atlanta, so what? Are they all dead? No. Then can I hear about something that matters in the world?

There's no standards. And then by the time you get to the fourth block, it's just the one-legged skier or some bullshit story. So even if you think you're, oh, I'm one of the smart people. I watch the nightly news. You're getting just the tip of the iceberg and a lot of just bullshit. I agree. And it depends on which news you watch. One news station caters to the people that want to hear what they want to hear, and the other one caters to the other people that want to hear what they want to hear. That's also the big problem. I mean, it's not that I don't think there isn't

truth in whatever I read, it's that it's only half the story. I'm here to solve that age-old Mother's Day quandary for you.

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Terms, conditions, message, and data rates may apply. Were you Gen X? Yeah, I'm 54, yeah. That's Gen X, right. I call that the last sane generation. I agree with you. Right, they were the last kids who were like sort of free range. Were you a free range kid? 100%. Meaning you came and went. Whenever we wanted to, exactly. Single parent. Where'd you grow up? Boston. Boston and Vegas. So when I was in fifth grade,

My mom, Vegas was paying nurses more than anywhere else in the country. Your mother was a nurse? Yeah, my mom. Mine too. Oh, really? Mine was an Army nurse in World War II. Yeah, so we packed up the car and moved to Vegas. Me and my sister, my mom and our dog drove across country and moved to Vegas.

Move to Vegas? Yeah. That's like a sitcom. It really is, yeah. It was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I love that city. But I mean, you were able to like walk in the house, walk out of the house after school and just nobody like really... My mom was always at work. Oh. Yeah. And she was the nursing. Yeah, and she would pick up extra shifts and work overtime and all that stuff. So me and my sister were home alone a lot growing up. Boston, I'm guessing Catholic. Yes. Me too. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Did you love it as much as I did? Oh, my God. That's why I'm so not religious these days. Religious? Yeah. Incredible. Oh, thank you. Incredible documentary. I've watched it multiple times, too. Very, very well done. It's pretty funny, I must admit. It's very good. Thank you. I'm so glad I got to do that. And it wouldn't have happened like...

Two years later, no movie studio would have touched it. I would be thankful for Lionsgate at that moment, being very independent and doing movies like that. But that world's gone. Look at the places you went and the things you did at that time. I know. I wouldn't want to do that again. No, you would not. I mean, Jerusalem was under attack from Iran the other day. Jerusalem. I know.

It's like we're back to the Crusades. Yep. What's your point all the time? Except the part of the Christians are being played by Persians. Religion is scary and dangerous. That's exactly right. Oh, I'm so glad we agree on that. Well, you know, it doesn't take much more than a Catholic upbringing to make you really hate religion. You got that right. I could not agree with you more. Did you have nuns? No, we had nuns. I'll tell you a great story. So when we moved to Vegas, I ended up going to a school –

St. Viters, which was like K through eight. And they had the sister. We had this horrible nun who was our eighth grade teacher. She was evil, I guess that's the word I would use. She was not a good human. She just got busted for embezzling money from the school that she works at now for gambling. She needed gambling money. No, nuns are mean. I mean, nuns are married to Christ and apparently he is not putting out money.

You got that right. That is a level of anger at humanity that I think you only get from never having sex. I mean, they just seemed... And in our day, it was more, you know...

It was way more gangster. They would beat the shit out of you. Yes, they would. They could do whatever they wanted to do. Right. And you could never even question anything back then. It's a really deadly combination when you combine someone who's very unhappy in their life and very frustrated with the idea in their head that whatever they do to you is in the service of good. I'm turning you into a better little boy, Billy Marr, by...

threatening you with hell if you slump in your seat or something. I mean, they were just--

They seem to really want to scare you. They seem to think that scaring a child is what's going to help them in life. It was even scarier. It was the power that they held back then. I mean, back in those days, I mean, good luck trying to tell somebody that the nun was a lunatic or the priests or any of the good old stuff. Were you ever molested? No, no, no, no. Really? By priests? Yeah. No. No.

Well, no. So I guess you weren't-- No. So you weren't a cute kid. Yeah, exactly. No. Definitely was not molested. I mean, there are-- Are you saying you were molested? No, I wasn't. I'm saying I'm insulted that I wasn't. Oh, got it. Got it. No. But there are cultures. I mean, the Afghanistan culture or whatever part of it is we found out when we invaded and stayed there for 20 years.

There are rich men who have like 10-year-old boys. That's just a thing. Yeah. Like you can get when you're like a rich guy. So, you know, keep marching for Hamas, kids. You really got your liberal eyes on the right prize here. Now they're cheering for Iran.

Because they just fired all the missiles at Israel. So Iran is the good guys? You mean the Ayatollah? The fucking black-hearted, black-eyed, bomb-planting dude that we captured our people? And, you know, it's like I keep trying to tell the left this every week. Like, the more you do crazy shit, the more you push the people in the middle to the right.

So true. And what were your politics when you were 20? I considered myself very liberal when I was younger. See, look at that. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah, I was very liberal when I was younger. And do you think it's more that you changed or more that the country changed and the parties changed? I'd say it's a little bit of both. You know, listen, I'm for common sense.

I'm all about common sense. Let's knock all the bullshit off. At the end of the day, you know what Americans want? Americans want to have a good job that they like to go to every day. They want to make good money. They want to take care of their family. They want to raise their family. They want to have a house. It's all the simple shit. It's all the things that the American dream is supposed to provide. That's what everybody wants. And watch people fight. Yeah. Thank God. Thank God, Bill. Well, entertainment...

100%. I judge almost everything by just how much does it entertain me. It's like, I don't need art to teach me a lesson. If it does, OK. But I'm 68. I've probably learned most of them or ignored most of them. Whatever it is, entertain me. And if you entertain me and teach me something, even better. But first, entertain me. So I always tip my hat to entertain me, even when it's not something that I particularly understand.

It's like you got to give it up for success. You know, in America, that means a lot because, you know, we have a lot of shitty things about us. But the one thing we still have is anybody can reinvent themselves here. You know, anyone can decide tomorrow I'm going to be this different person and do this different thing. And I do have a shot. There's nothing really holding me back.

I couldn't agree with you more. To get to wherever, you know, and it's not likely for most people, but it is possible. I mean, that's why they're always asking, like, why don't the poor people revolt? Because they think they could be the...

the non-poor people. Yep. And they can. And they can. Damn right. There's enough anecdotal evidence. The American dream is absolutely positively real. Doesn't matter who you are, where you came from, what your education level is. If you have the right idea and you work hard enough, anything is possible. What did you think you were going to be when you were a kid? Exactly what I'm doing now. When you were a kid? When I was a kid. I've literally... Come on. Yeah. Listen, part of the reason that I, you know...

attribute my success, you know, getting to where I wanted is I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I think part of the problem... At what age are we talking about? You mean like at 10 years old, you knew that you wanted to have this empire of... 10 years old, I probably wanted to be a firefighter or something. When I was 19, I knew what I wanted to do. 19, that's still young. I knew I wanted to be a comedian when I was 10. Really?

I wanted to be Johnny Carson and Robert Klein. So what I'm saying is exactly right. The hardest thing in life is figuring out who you are and what you want to do. But this specific thing you thought? Well, I wanted to be in the fight business. The fight business. 100%. I knew I wanted to be in the fight business. And at the time, you know, you're talking 1988, probably the dumbest idea ever. But that's what I wanted to do. Got up every day, and that's all I ever focused on. The problem is with most of these young people is,

And it's unfortunate, they don't know what they want to do. Kids today, am I right? Yeah. No, I'm always... Even when we were young, though. When we were young, the hardest thing in life to figure out is, who am I and what do I want to do for the rest of my life? So these kids go to college, and if you talk to most kids and ask them what their major is, well, I'm majoring in this, but I'm thinking about switching over to this.

Because they don't know. But once you know and you zero in on it and you start working every day to achieve that, it's much easier than you think it is. Well, also the problem is that the kids, I think very often they go to these, especially at these elite colleges, they're not really taking anything or learning anything that would help them

like practically in life. I don't disagree. If you major in queer poetry of the Asian diaspora, you know, it doesn't immediately recommend itself to whatever's going to come next. Right. And I'm exaggerating, of course, but like there is just, I've read the stats on like

Our kids and how many of them take, what do they call it, the STEM fields, science, technology, engineering, mechanics, you know. Right. Which, look, I'm the first one to admit, I don't do that shit. Right. I can't do science, technology, engineering. I'm really bad at it. I definitely can't. But, like, people have to, I recognize how important it is. Like, it is the most important thing. And I'm just saying, the Chinese kids...

do a lot more of that. And we take a lot more about with, you know, film studies. I agree. And, you know. Yeah, I don't disagree. Obviously, China and India, you know, have got all the technology and smart kid shit on lock. And Americans, we just keep getting dumber and dumber. Right. And, I mean, and again, the great thing about America still, but like could, this could end soon.

I'm not saying who might be responsible for ending it, but this could end soon. We are still a beacon.

for people to come. - 100%. - And so like even if it's the Indian and the Chinese kid, the smartest ones are over there, we would brain drain them here. I mean, people from all over the world. - Yeah. - And that still goes on, but it could end. We could become toxic America where even that, and I'm sure it has ebbed to some degree already because we do not present ourselves as stable anymore.

We used to be like, even when we weren't great at everything, we were a Sheraton. We were reliable and clean, and then we're like some fucking motel with the police tape outside. I agree with you. Yeah. We just don't present as stable. And if we don't, first of all, we lose the dollar being preeminent, which the dollar is still king.

You must know this. Yep. Are you overseas a lot? 100%. That's all we do, yeah. I mean, I have a performance institute in China. I just opened one in Mexico. We're going to have one in the Middle East here pretty soon, and I have one in Las Vegas. So you're always on a jet going to – Yeah, traveling a lot. That must be – that's tough on your health. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I started taking my health serious a couple years ago. I know. I feel better than I've ever felt in my entire life. Yeah, you look very healthy. Thank you. I mean, you look like you'd be a bouncer at –

Trader Vic's. But you were not a fighter yourself, right? I did. I fought when I was younger, not MMA. You look like a guy who's been in fights.

I've been a fight fan since I was a young kid. If I was in a bar, I wouldn't want to fight you. I mean, I'll put it that way. I don't want to fight anybody, but you just look like a guy who would do well in the fight. I don't want to fight anybody anymore either, man. Fighting is gross. Yeah, I'm at this place in my life, you know, professionally and personally where...

Any type of negativity, I cut it out of my life in every way, shape, even in my business. It's like I want to be in business with people that I'm aligned with and we think alike and we want to work together and you help me and I help you and we grow our business and I'm done with all the woke bullshit and all the games and all the media fucking gotcha bullshit. Me too. I'm done. I'm definitely done with all that. Well.

Definitely done with all the workbook bullshit anyway. But when you're watching a fight, one of your fights, are you a little bit shitting in your pants? Because what if somebody gets hurt bad? Always. Always shitting in your pants. It's... Good night, everybody. That's my interview with Dana White.

Oh, like two ninnies. You know, think about this. As brutal and as tough as the sport is, right? That's a tough, brutal sport. There's never been a death or serious injury. Is that right? In 30 years of doing the UFC, on average, four to five boxers die a year. Why is that? Because we spend the money. Spend on what? On making sure that you have two healthy athletes that go in there.

Making sure the right medical attention is there and after. I mean, there'll be fights. And when you say, are you sitting there shitting your pants? I'm watching a fight.

We have the greatest medical staff, right? After the fight, the doctor might say, he's cleared, he's good. And we're like, yeah, no. Send him to the hospital anyway and do a full. We spend so much money on medical. Kind of like what football did with the protocols where the guy goes into the tent. Except the difference is that there was no secret that getting punched in the head is not good for you. It's very bad for you. Helmets don't protect you, but...

We, you know, this is a rough sport, and we made sure that we overspent on medicals from day one, making sure that everybody's healthy. All right. What do you think of this idea? At the Trump-Biden debate, they have the tent on both sides, you know, like in the football, on the sideline where they have to go into the blue tent. And when one of them, he said something really stupid about it.

I didn't even hear what you said. What did you say? Every time they say something stupid, they have to go into the tent to check their brain. Have you ever searched for anything online that you'd want to keep private?

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Hey, I'll be at the Arizona Financial Theater in Phoenix May 4th. Ooh, that's coming up. Better make plans. And my home state, New Jersey, the Borgata on May 18th. The Casino and Spa in Atlantic City, that's the place to be. And May 19th at the Palace Theater in Albany, New York. Is your vehicle stopping like it should? Does it squeal or grind when you brake? Don't miss out on summer brake deals at O'Reilly Auto Parts. O, O, O, O'Reilly!

Auto Parts. I'm always interested in, like, um...

and like when they're empire, you know, it's like I'm not an empire person. I do my show, and this is a great sideline, but the only time I spend on this is when I'm right here. You are, though. I disagree with you. You are an empire mogul guy. No. If you look at where you came from. You came from exactly. You came from Comedy Central.

You went from Comedy Central to getting one of the most powerful shows on HBO. I appreciate that. You have a million different companies, right? Hold on. Let me talk here. You start with Comedy Central.

Then you go to one of the most powerful shows on HBO with all the most powerful... ABC, six years in between. Okay, I missed that one. You missed Politically Incorrect on ABC? I fucked up, I missed that one. No, come on. It was the same show, it was on a different network. Then you go to HBO. Not only is it one of the most powerful shows on HBO and one of the most longest running shows on HBO. Finish your thought. You have some of the most powerful people, world leaders, media, actors, actresses, all this shit, which spins off into books.

Because I respect you as a serious guy. You did a documentary, the religious documentary, and then you also used that vehicle to promote your stand-up, and you go around. Don't say you didn't build an empire. It's an empire. What do you think of my OJ t-shirt? Oh, you're changing the subject. I didn't even fucking notice that. Isn't that hysterical? I ain't saying anything.

I've had this for 30 years. That's awesome. I figured this would be the last time I could wear it in honor of OJ's... I love it. I didn't even realize what it was until you just called it out. I know. You built an empire, though. Bill, you have an empire. I guess what I mean is a financial empire where you have all these... Like, your company just grew and grew and grew. You know, you're in the billion...

discussion, like many billions. And I read about your deals where I read about in the financial page of the New York Times. That's not me. That's not it. And that's why I'm happy where I am. But you have a real empire like that. I'm always curious, like how people or like Elon Musk, he's got the the Neuralink thing where people are walking, they're paralyzed or whatever that is. And then the rock

and space and then the car company. Like, how do you manage a day with so many fucking irons in the fire? That's what I'm asking. Like, you have to like, you must have to like increasingly delegate more because you can't personally be like in the minutiae of all these different companies and things you have going. The slapping and the fighting and the kicking and the, oh my gosh, it's a madhouse. Yeah. I mean, how many people work for you? What's,

How many employees do you have? Not as many as you would think. We probably have around 650 employees. Okay, well, I don't. Well, there's like fucking 40 people standing on your lawn out there right now when I just came in. Those are just the homeless. I let them graze here.

No. So two years ago, I started taking my health seriously. And it just gave me another, you know, I have. Yeah, what did you have? Something? Not, you know, I had 50. That's what I had. I was 50 fucking years old. That's not.

That's not an age where you should be... I mean, I'm 68. I know, but once you hit 50, everything starts to change. It's just... No, no, I think it doesn't if you... Well, I mean, of course, everything is slowly evolving in the wrong direction, but...

You could basically do whatever you used to do, maybe somewhat diminished, but can you still, you know, play basketball? Yes. Can you still run? Yes. I wouldn't do a marathon. Can you still make sexy time with the missus? You know, these are all the things you did when you were younger. At 50, certainly, you should be able to do all of them. Yeah.

Pretty much as well as you. I couldn't do anything as well as I could do when I was in my 30s and 40s. But when I turned 50, you know, everything started to change. And I was talking to all these doctors.

who couldn't cure anything. They couldn't fix any of my problems, you know? Well, all they wanted to do is put me on pills and, you know, I was doing these $10,000 cholesterol shots in the stomach. Yeah, we're talking the same. You know I'm always on this page with Western medicine. All this other bullshit, you know? I'm glad they exist, but they get a lot wrong. They're arrogant about thinking they have all the answers and they don't, and that's why they call it a second opinion because you need two and then the two don't match. And I'm

I'm always on this. So tell me yours. So you had just 50. So you were just like felt shitty? Yeah. And I just kept feeling shittier and shittier and shittier. How much were you drinking? I was never really a big drinker. I was. When I drank, I would drink, but I didn't drink often. I drank often. I mean, not every night, but like when I was in my 30s and 40s, I would go out a lot and like to multiple stops. Yeah.

I always say if I write a memoir, it's going to be called "Who Is in My Body?" Because I would never do that now. I couldn't. And it was like, you know, you'd go to dinner and have two drinks. And then you'd go to a bar and have-- and then another after club. And by the end of the day, you had eight drinks. If you did that twice a week, that's 16. I used to have a shot before the show every night. That's another five. So you're up to like 20, 25 drinks a week.

Now, to an alcoholic, that's a day. But it's still, that's a lot of, that's asking your liver to process a lot of shit. Yeah. I didn't drink like that. I wasn't a random drinker. I wasn't a regular drinker. Well, you missed a good time. Because I'm not going to say it wasn't fun. When I did it, I did it. But I didn't do it all the time. But, you know, when I turned 50...

I was on medicine, all these meds from the doctor. Anyway, I met this guy, Gary Brekka. Remember Casey Kasem? Of course. His daughter and I have been good friends for a long time. And she introduced me to this guy, Gary Brekka, and said, this guy will change your life. And I always looked at Carrie as like a little bit of a hippie. You know what I mean? She was what I used to consider a hippie. And my whole thing is, if what went on through COVID didn't wake you up, that, you know,

Modern medicine is full of shit. I don't know what to tell you. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out for you. Well, you know, we're there on that one, brother. Woke me up. And that's the thing. Don't get mad, too mad at people who you don't agree with on even major political things, because 10 minutes later you might find out.

that they're totally simpatico with you on the other thing. Right. And you think, how can this person who's so reasonable about this be so wrong about the other thing? It's a blind alley to go down. They just don't see it the way you do, and they never will. And it's okay. Yep. I agree with you. It's okay to let it go. Listen, we're very aligned when it comes to that. I literally don't judge anybody by their political views, but...

The medical thing, I feel sorry for people. I'm so into this Gary Brekka thing, and I'm always talking about it, and I'm so... That people actually think I'm getting paid to do this. No, I'm not. I'm actually... What I do is I go out and talk about it. I pay. I actually fucking pay Gary. He doesn't pay me. And I talk about it because I know that there's other people out there like me that are going through this shit. And when you think about the guys that are with Gary Brekka right now, you know, the most...

You know, big celebrities, powerful businessmen, people who can afford healthcare. And they're not. They're going with Gary Brekker and doing what he's doing. He's a human biologist. And the guy completely changed my life. He told me, give me 12 weeks. I'll get you off all these pills. So basically what he does is he takes your blood.

Takes your blood, does a DNA test on you, and he can come back and tell you everything that's wrong with you. And he'll tell you what was wrong with your parents, too. And that's where he blew me away. Oh, I know what was wrong with my parents. Me, too. No, I mean, it's always great to find a medical guru, somebody who you can really trust and proves to you that he can—

That he's just looking at, I mean, I met a good friend of mine, he's a good friend of mine, but my holistic doctor from 20 years ago, I think we first got together where I was a patient. And like, you know, just reorient your thinking. And then you see, oh no, you know, Western medicine does have its place for sure. I mean, I'm very grateful to Western medicine and lots of stuff, but mostly what they're good at is saving you at the very last minute.

If you're really fucked, they can Superman-like catch you as you fall out the window before you hit the pavement. And that's great. But I want something more, you know, organic and like long-term and let's stop it from happening in the first place. And they're not good at that. And they misdiagnose a lot.

And I just don't... They divide the body into lots of different specialties when, again, the whole... It's in the word, holistic medicine, is that everything in the body works together. So you can't really separate them. There's just a whole different philosophy, germ theory versus terrain theory. Stuff like this that is, I think...

what that kind of alternative medicine is preaching makes more sense to me. And I think they can prove it better.

But I'm glad that Western medicine exists to balance it. I mean, also some of their stuff is bullshit. I mean, but this guy you're talking about sounds like the kind of guy, oh, I want to know this guy. 100%. And you're right. Can you hook me up? Yeah, definitely. Absolutely. Where is he? Well, it sounds like you're good. That's why when we started having this conversation, you said, you used to do- Well, I bet you it's a lot of the same ideas. Well, you've been doing holistic for a long time. I wasn't. I was a- This is the guy that I was. I'm building a business, right? I'm young. I'm young.

And every time I felt like I was about to get sick and I'm about to go out on the road for seven days, I go see my doctor. And I'm like, I can't get sick. Right. No problem. Take these.

Fuck, and I never got sick. What were you taking? Who the fuck knows? I don't know. Oh, come on. Just give me shots and all this other shit. Oh, come on. You must know. I had no idea what I was taking. Oh, come on. No clue? Was it a B12 shot? Steroid shots, B12 shots. Steroids? For what? I don't know. Why would that? I didn't want to get sick, so this guy would make sure that I didn't get sick. Oh, that's worse than my drinking. Then I got 50. You were doing holistic already. You were already into all this stuff. I thought that was...

No, around that time. I would have laughed at you that you were doing holistic. It's ridiculous. I didn't believe in it. There are a lot of people out there like me that didn't believe in it. They believe in modern medicine. Since I met Gary Braca- I believe in modern medicine. Yeah. Not for your fucking general health, though. No, no.

No, no, exactly. For my general health, I don't ever want to talk to a doctor. If I break my arm, I want to see a doctor. That's it. If I need surgery on something, like you said, you're about to die, you got something seriously wrong with you, you need some type of surgery, I'll go see a doctor. There's some things that, you know, now that I've been into this for a couple of decades...

I forget, like, are not like common knowledge, like that antibiotics have a bad side, you know. 100%. Things like that, which I'm like. I was doing antibiotics still. Of course. And again, this is, if anyone wants to make a political thing out of this, it's silly. It's just the scientific fact. Antibiotics, am I glad they exist? Of course, because when you need them, they're a lifesaver. And people used to die of a splinter.

But I'd like to avoid them always because they have a very deleterious side effect. They kill the good bacteria also. Fungus proliferates. You know, I could go on. I don't want to bore the people with the fungus again. Don't ever get me on fungus because I will just keep talking and talking. I'm a hawk on fungus. I'm like Barry Goldwater on fungus. Like extremism, fighting fungus is no vice.

and moderation is no virtue. But that's another thing. Western medicine only now kind of catching up to fungus, whereas I think holistic medicine has been on that page for a long time. It's not always bacteria. Western medicine thinks everything is germs, and it's not. Some of it is.

But, you know, it's the theory that it's where the germs are able to proliferate. Like, if your body is not healthy, it's a swamp, and the mosquitoes can proliferate. But if your body is more holistically healthy, you can come into contact with germs, but you'll be okay. I haven't been sick in two years. I met Gary Brekker two years ago. Not a sniffle, not a cough, not a fucking... I haven't been sick in two years. How old is this guy? Gary's got to be 57, 58. Oh, okay.

A young man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy's brilliant. The guy completely changed my life. And when you talk about how do you deal with all the irons in the fire every day because I feel – so I always tell Gary – How many hours do you work a day? I get into the office every day at like 9.30 in the morning. I work out and do my shit, and I don't leave until 8, 8.30 every night.

But you're probably enjoying it, and the day goes-- I love every minute of it. Right. I love every minute of it. I love every minute. You probably have to pry yourself to go home. No. I love it. Right. I love what I do. OK, so then you go home. So you get home at what time? You drive yourself? Yeah.

I like driving too. I like driving myself. Yeah. I'll drive to work. I usually don't drive home. How long a commute do you have? 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Okay. And it's not like this. So this is Vegas. I was on your fucking street over here and the GPS and the car said one minute for like fucking 20 minutes.

And then finally, your crew had to go out and shut down traffic on one side so we could whip down the street. It was crazy, man. Oh, they did? Oh, I'm going to give them a 10-cent raise. That's awesome that they did that. That's fucking badass. We'd just be sitting down right now if they didn't do that. What random crew? Employee of the month. They killed it. Wow. We'd just be starting this podcast right now if they didn't. Wow. Well, yeah, traffic. That's LA, bro. That's it. But, okay, so then...

You work all day, make your deals, this one, this one. Your schedule must be just like very tight. Yep. Which is one reason I'm very appreciative you came here. I know you're very busy. No, it's all good. You didn't have to do it. I really appreciate it. It's an honor to sit down with you and shoot the shit. Thank you. I really appreciate it. But okay, so then you go home. What do you do when you go home?

Your wife is waiting with a martini? No. No. So right now, my wife and my daughter, my daughter is in high school. How old is your daughter? She is 17. Okay. She'll be 18 this summer. Now, do you have woke issues with every parent I know when they have a kid like that age? They're always...

bitching to me, I'm like the confessor of this, about how their woke kids are driving them up the wall with their incredible woke shit. So you raised your kids old school? Yes, 100%. My kids are, the whole family is aligned on common sense. We all have common sense.

Lots of common sense. At Thanksgiving, there's no political... Zero. There's none of that shit in my life or whatever. What about the extended family? There must be some asshole uncle who's either too right-wing or too left or nobody? No, I got a cousin who... No lesbian with purple hair in the family? No, we got none of that. No? None of that shit. My cousin... Would you like one? No, I'm good. Okay.

One of my cousins is on the liberal side. You know, but listen, I'm one of these believers. I'm on the liberal side, basically. You are, but you're not. You're more of an old school Democrat is what you are. Exactly. That's the liberal side. Yeah. Not in today's definition. Well, I mean, again. You're more of a libertarian.

I'm, I'm, I've always been partly that, um, you know, in my new book, what this comedian said will shock you, which it comes out May 21st. I think you can preorder it now. And, uh, what's your old book? Ari told me I got to get your old book. No, get the new book. The new book. Fuck the old book. There's no old books. Just this one fucking book in the world. And this is it. Ari's telling me your old book is incredible. Um,

This is incredible-er, whatever book that is. Anyway, there's a thing here. I never did it on the show. I just put it in the book about Damar Hamlin. You remember that story? No. Damar Hamlin. It was a big story. I think you probably should not remember the name. He was the...

the Buffalo football player. Oh, of course. Okay. So, you know, as you remember, it was the most important game of the regular season. It's the last game of the year. And it was the Bills and the Bengals who were both playoff bound. They had to play this game, right? Yep. And like on the first play, it's a kickoff. Tamar Hamlin goes to the ground. It was crazy. It was crazy. We were watching the game. Right. And, you know, it was obviously not a normal injury.

So everyone was freaked out. The ambulance comes. They take him away. And for the first 15 minutes, they were of the opinion, the broadcasters, that, well, we'll do this, and then we'll play the game. No one was saying immediately, well, we can't play this game.

And then, like, the players, we see them on the sidelines. Some of them were upset and crying, and then they go to the locker room to get their head together. And by the time Knight had fallen on this event, it was just the one true opinion that this game could not have been played, because that's the way America reacts to things. Now, I'm in the opinion that they should have played the game, because I don't think it would have hurt

the person they cared about and we cared about. And by the way, he's fine, which is the good part of the story. But why cancel the game? All those fans who live for that game all year long and the people who did whatever they could to get out to the stadium and just leave with the tickets done. And they kept saying, this is such bad logic.

The important thing is DeMar. Absolutely. Of course it is. Of course it is. How does that affect playing the game? He's in the hospital. Unless the doctors are watching the game out of the corner of their eye while they're operating on him, I don't think it's going to affect anything. And yet, you know, this became Skip Bayless, like suggested, maybe we should have played the game and they wanted to cancel him.

for just entertaining an idea that like 24 hours earlier was what everybody thought was going to happen. And then we all just like fucking sheep got behind this idea that somehow it would like, I don't know, be disrespectful to the guy in the hospital. By the way, he got it because when he woke up, you know what the first thing he said was? Did we win? Yes. Did we win?

Yeah, no, it makes sense. No, because you live in baby land, DeMar, so nobody played the game. Yeah, I think what happens too, though, is a lot of the players, and I see this in fighting a lot too, a lot of the players, when you see something like that happen to somebody that you're close to, and whether you're one of his teammates or you're on the opposing team,

It's sort of a dope slap of reality of what's possible. Because when you go out and play a game that you've played since you were a kid your whole life, maybe you tore your ACL or you broke a finger or something like that. When you see a guy that you think might be dead, holy shit, it gets in the players' heads. I've seen it happen to fighters when they're in their locker rooms and a guy gets viciously knocked out.

And you're next. You're walking out the tunnel next to go back out there. Football prides itself on being the tough guy sport. No, I agree. This is the one we play rain or shine. Rain or shine. Rain, snow, sleet. Right. Mud. I mean, I remember as a kid, and they'd be playing in the mud. And I thought, this is the greatest thing in the world. Watch them slide 20 yards in the mud. And it's just, you know, smash mouth football. It's not...

for the faint of heart, and that's what we do. We're football. So I just thought, you know, and also, come on, there's no crying in football. I agree. I don't disagree with you. Listen, the last thing that I want to see is any more of the pussification of this country and the people in it. It's definitely sickening to see some of this stuff. And it's the hypocrisy also of if they really cared that much

about the safety of the players, they wouldn't have canceled the game. They'd cancel the sport because it is a, and they shouldn't. Because again, this is where I'm a libertarian. First of all, watch a football game. The players are really enjoying themselves.

They are loving it. It's true. They are making a deal, and it's a deal every adult should be free to make. I made it with drugs and liquor and lots of other stuff. I'm going to trade something in the future for having the time of my life now. That is up to you to make that decision. That should be nobody else's decision, and you see them hopping around and high-fiving. I mean, they're living their best life. You're absolutely right. You know, it's true.

I don't disagree with what we really cared about. And some people do in this country. Ultimate safety ism. If everything has to be like keeping us the most safe, cancel the sport because you are going to have. I mean, I hope tomorrow plays another 15 years and has a great career. But he's much more likely to like have what the many of the players have, which is CTE from getting hit in the head too much.

Which has fucked up a lot of guys later in life. Yep. I mean, committing suicide, just like my brain, everything is foggy. It's just never going to be right and can drive you crazy. I don't disagree with you. Yeah. And I was on that side. But they shouldn't because that's a deal you make. I used to box, spar, all that stuff. I loved every minute of it when I was young and did it. And like you said, there's dangers to doing it.

I wouldn't take back one punch. I loved it when I did it when I was young, and it got me to where I am here today. Right. You're absolutely right. I couldn't agree with you more. Yeah. You're absolutely right. Look, you can never, you want to, of course, be able to talk now, you now, to younger you. Wouldn't it be great if 54-year-old Dana was around to talk to that nudnik?

20-year-old who God knows what you were thinking and doing. I would have done it all the same. I would not. I wouldn't have changed one thing. I wouldn't have changed one thing in my life. Well, I would change everything. Really? Come on, man. You had it all together at 20? There's no way.

If you change everything, maybe you're not sitting in this chair right now having this conversation. Well, that's a good philosophical point. That's the butterfly effect idea. I see what you're saying. Well, I have this philosophy. It's like I didn't have great parents growing up, right? Right. And there's two different ways to look at life. So you'll hear these people that want to cry about their upbringing or whatever. I didn't have any role models or whatever. Yeah, you did. I had incredible role models.

My people around me showed me everything that I didn't want to be, and I saw other things that I did want to be. We all grow up with role models. It's just, how do you choose to see these role models? God damn it, I was deprived of shitty parents, and that's why I don't have an empire. That's right, you have 600 people working for you, and I got the bums on the lawn out there.

You did just fine. If you were to say that you would change anything when you were younger. Yeah, maybe we did some dumb shit that I don't remember. I wouldn't pick different parents. I wouldn't pick a different upbringing. I wouldn't pick different aunts and uncles that I had. Everybody that I grew up with and around taught me something. But I just feel like I could have just done so many better things, made better choices.

so many stops along the way. And if I could only go back and extirpate from my mind so many bad thoughts I had about how things worked and who I was, I feel I could have the same good life without so much pain that I caused myself. Like, I can give you an example. Like,

i was putting away some pictures recently and there was one that was some publicity photo taken early in my career it was 28. i'm looking at this picture i'm like this guy is really not bad looking and i realized like when i was that age and i struck out with a girl i'd always think god damn it i'm not good looking enough because i mean otherwise she loved me i have this awesome personality and i realized looking back

It's the exact opposite. I was plenty good looking enough. It was my personality that was the problem. You know? So, like, things like that. If I could just have the mind I have now, it would just be great. But what would you do different? I mean, when you talk about girls, I mean, you're not married. You don't have kids.

And that's obviously a choice. You made a choice to not get married and not have children. And listen, I got a buddy who's just like you in so many different ways. Seriously, in so many different ways, he's like you. But what I find weird about my friend is he's a good looking dude, was a great athlete his whole life, but it's almost like he's still searching for himself in a weird way. He never wanted to get married. He did have a kid.

you know, he got some girl pregnant. Right. And I don't know, it's almost like this guy who I look at and say, fuck, this guy's got everything. But he's always still sort of looking where he did that ayahuasca bullshit. And, you know, I was fucking, he did the ayahuasca thing and came back and was a total pussy when he came back from doing that. He wanted to start talking to me about his feelings and shit. And like, I was like, dude, where are you? I'm looking for my old friend. Where'd he go? Um,

I'm sympathetic to what you're saying. Although there are a few things here I have to say. Ayahuasca, I don't, I'm not going to do it, but I don't think I'm better because I'm not going to do it. I think I'm worse.

I think if I wasn't such a baby right now, or maybe if I was a little younger, or I really wanted to look under the hood, or I thought it would change things, or maybe I'm afraid it will change things, and I'm pretty happy with how things are going. 100%. I would do ayahuasca. And when people do it, I think, look, I've been a drug addict my whole life. I can't be a hypocrite and say, oh, I don't think it's a good thing to explore your mind. You know the group The Doors?

You know where that comes from, that name, The Doors? It comes from Aldous Huxley's book called The Doors of Perception. And The Doors of Perception are opened, was the book's theme, with drugs. You can find places in your mind that you never would without drugs. So it's a treat. It's a mind treat. Why did you not want to get married and not have kids?

Well, yeah, that's a kettle of worms. You know, I think it was in me, the kids thing was in me from my own childhood. I didn't like kids as a kid, and it never changed. Like, I was always into adult things. Not that I'm the biggest intellectual in the world, but adult stuff just seemed more fun. And I wasn't wrong. It is.

Now, of course, when I was 10 and playing in dirt or whatever, I'm sure I thought that was great. But, I mean, it wasn't... I wasn't very old. I mean, certainly 9 or 10, by that time, I was, like, thinking, oh, you know, James Bond and Johnny Carson are a lot cooler than Dirk over here. You know, Gary. You know, so I was always, like, into the adult stuff. And then, like, it just seemed like...

You know, Woody Allen said marriage is the death of hope. I mean, that's a little harsh, and it's certainly not applicable to everybody. I know lots of people who are very happy that they're married and would not be happy if they weren't. If they lost their spouse, they'd be lost. I'm just that other type, you know? That doesn't mean I can't connect. I love to connect. I have another buddy who's super intelligent. He's a really, really smart guy, and, you know, one of those guys who sort of...

Older than he really is. Older than his years. Exactly. And wants nothing to do with kids. So I'm always fascinated by that, what makes a guy say he doesn't want kids. It takes all types. I mean, I know guys who were players when I knew them when they were bachelors, and it didn't stop after they got married. They just wanted kids. And even though they were really kind of terrible to their wives and the fact that they were always cheating and stuff,

They were great dads. That's a type. I know that type of guy. There's a lot of guys like that, certainly out here maybe more. But they're players, they're scallow eggs, but they do take dad seriously. And the wife kind of knows maybe, but he's such a good dad. It makes up for a lot of sins, right? He's such a good dad. It's funny because I don't know. I think when I was younger, I never really thought about kids. But I didn't realize...

I never realized that I didn't have good parents until I had kids. I was like, fucking wait a minute. This is how you're supposed to feel about your kids? This is how you're supposed to, you know? It really hit me when I had my kids. And I think that really made my relationship even worse with my parents than it already was. It sounds like you have a very loving and, like, you know, effusive...

sort of demonstrative of your love kind of family thing going on, which is interesting because that strikes me usually as more ethnic. And you're, I mean, your name is white. You're white. So, but would you say that you almost have like an ethnic type family feeling? Yeah, yeah. I mean, my wife's Italian, so. Oh, there you go. Yeah. You know how that is, so. Yeah. Yeah.

The Italians, the Jews, the Mexicans. It's true. No, it's very true. Very, very tight family unit. And they also demonstrate it. Right. Sometimes by yelling and being just passionate. But at least it's out there. Yeah. My wife doesn't care about any of this shit. None of this shit. All she cares about are her kids and her family. She's always with her kids or with her mother or her sisters. And that's all she literally cares about.

Well, whatever, you know, Woody Allen made that movie. I thought it was one of his best later movies with Larry David playing the Woody Allen part called Whatever Works. Did you ever see that? No. No, you never saw Whatever Works? I've never saw the Larry David show. I've never seen... Curb Your Enthusiasm? I'm not a big TV guy. I'm not shitting you. I watch like your show and a handful of other shows and I'm not a real big TV guy. What I like about your show is that

You and I do think a lot alike on a lot of ways. We're obviously far apart on the Trump thing, but whatever's going on, I get downloaded on what's going on politically and in the world, new rules, all that shit. I can get it all in one place. And

I get the news from you, basically. It's not biased in my opinion because you have all these different people on. You're not afraid to have real hardcore conservatives on and everybody. And I like to hear, I don't want to hear CNN's fucking version or Fox's version of what's going on. I want to hear different opinions from different people. And I'll make the decision myself on what I think and don't think. You know what's interesting about the media? What you just said. You said, I don't want to hear Fox's opinion or CNN's opinion.

People, I've heard people say that a lot lately. They used to say, I don't want to hear Fox's opinion or MSNBC's opinion. Now CNN is seen by a lot of people, certainly on the right anyway, as the same as MSNBC, like just another liberal outlet. 100%. When they used to be

The middle of the road. And I think, I know they're trying to get back to that. And I think they're really making some good progress in that area. I'm on CNN now. On Saturday night, they rerun my show with all the fucks in it. No shit. Exactly what I said. I said, you're going to run real time? Brilliant.

With my fucking potty mouth, I'm seeing it. And you know what? Nobody gives a shit. It's brilliant. Like America, you always have to keep checking, like, where is America? I mean, even when I started in television, you couldn't say shit. I mean, the word shit. It's so true. Now on Comedy Central Roast, that's basic cable. Anybody can have that in any home. It's everything but cunt.

And I'm complaining about that. That's one word I actually never use. I've never used that word. I use it all the time. I use it in places it doesn't belong. I say things like, what the cunt are you talking about? Who the cunt would do that? I am looked at as one of those guys that has the horrible mouth. I don't use that one. That one's next level for me too. Fuck is probably my favorite word in English.

The English language, I love fuck. You're a big, tough, successful guy. You don't have to say anything. You know, you don't have to. That's the thing. You don't have to pick up the sword because it comes pre-advertised. So you don't have to say fuck or raise your voice or, you know. I'm sure you're a great boss. I'm sure you're staff. Well, I'm not sure of anything. I just met you. But...

I have a great relationship with my staff. Love my staff. Me too. Yep. I mean, that's... It's everything. It's not everything, but... It's everything. If you don't have... Nobody does anything by themselves. No, of course, but I mean... You have to have a great team. You have to treat everybody with respect, treat everybody well, and you have to love the people that you work with every day. Well, again, you don't have to... You do. You do. You do. You know what I can't have? I agree that I want to. I can't have...

two-faced, backstabbing, cutthroat fucking people that work for me. And not doing it to me, but not doing it to anybody within our world. Well, I feel like that goes unsaid. Yes, yes. I don't want backstabbing, cutthroat. But it's absolutely prevalent in every...

Every job everywhere in the world. Rarely when you're the boss. See, we're the boss. The backstabbing is named at us. But I see it inside my company. It's a cancer. I cut people out like fucking cancer. If you are a negative sack of shit, okay, you're fucking gone. You're out of here. I don't deal with it. I have had the great fortune of having a genius boss

executive producer. I've had a few genius executive producers, actually. But she, the one who takes care of hiring, she's just a genius at it. She just never hires an asshole. And that's a great luxury. 100%. And you're right. I mean, I've said it before. It's boring. I'll say it again. But

I'd rather have a writing room than a jet or a Rolls Royce or anything. That's like the greatest luxury is to have a room full of people who you can go into and be funny and say crazy things, and no one's going to drop a dime on you. We're all on the same team, and we all want to get to the same place, and we all want to win. And with today's, especially younger generations, right?

They're snitches and bitches. Yeah. They're easily offended, and they love to take it public. Got to go. And yeah. Got to go. They don't last in my place like that. You know what I mean? And I have this philosophy at work, the whole Trump thing and all that stuff.

I don't push any type of agenda in our office or whatever. I don't even say, hey, guys, it's fucking, you know, the primaries are coming up. Get out and vote and all this shit. Right. If you want to vote, vote. If you don't, don't give a shit. It's not your place. Exactly. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. Right. No place for that in the workplace. I agree. Care who you fucking sleep with, what you identify as.

who you pray to. What you smoke. Any of that shit. Who you vote for, who you whatever. I don't care. All I care about for the next eight hours is that you give a shit about UFC and what we got going on. Right. Other than that, live your best life, do you? Right. Let's have fucking fun doing this and let's be the best. Right.

So you have no idea of the ideological makeup of the people who work there. But I bet you... See, the thing is that it probably attracts people who have your similar politics because they know. But it's great that you wouldn't, you know, in any way be biased against someone who didn't have your politics. Right. You know. I just saw this thing yesterday where I want to say it was the CEO of Nike just came out and said, we're starting to notice that...

People not being in the office is a problem. It's slowing down creativity, productivity. Are you fucking shitting me? Really? Yeah. Let me tell you what happens when you don't have people in the office for two fucking years or longer. I was screaming about this in our meeting today that I was like, where is the book that somebody needs to write about the just the cumulative collateral damage of

from our reaction to the pandemic. Not the pandemic, the reaction to it and the overreaction, because we just found out, like, the murder rates plummeted, like, in the last six months. It was all pandemic-related. It's not whether Trump is president or Biden is president. The murder rates went up. Car crash rates went up. To say nothing of the kids who didn't learn anything for two years and all this stuff.

The health issues that arose because people didn't get tested. I could go on and on. Someone needs to do a real smart tally of all the collateral damage from how we overreacted. And then let's add it up.

I cannot agree with you more. And see if it, you know, let's have some data. Let's have this battle on a data level. Depression. Depression, yes. Suicide. 100%. So many things. And kids who are, I mean, how do you assess the psychological damage of kids who are germ paranoids from the age of two?

People who are laid off, people who lost their businesses that they spent 20, 30, 40, 50 years building. The list just goes on and on and on.

Just so I know for sure, you believe the... I mean, you don't believe that it's a hoax. I mean, you believe COVID was a real thing. Of course. People died from COVID, 100%. Yeah, of course, right. But people died from the flu, too, and people die from lots of things every day. It was worse than the flu. I mean, the flu did not kill quite like that, and it was not the same thing, and our bodies were less used to it. But...

My philosophy was if it's as bad as they say it is, we're all fucked anyway. And let me tell you what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to die hiding in my fucking house. That's for damn sure. But back in the day when you were getting all that shit pumped into you, whatever it was, and I'd be...

you should call up your doctors and find out what you were taking. He passed away. Oh. Yeah, he passed away. That's a bad sign. He was an older guy. He was an old school guy. He was an old school doctor. And, you know, no. Listen, I was at a place, and you know this. Everybody knows this. I was watching this. When you're young,

You never even think about this shit. You know what I mean? It changed so much from 30 to 50. Like you said, you learned so much more. I wish you could go back and talk to that idiot. I smoked for 20 years. Don't you think I would have liked to go back to when I was 20 and go, I know you think this is making you cool right now. 100%. But it's...

You just completely understand that one. Definitely. Definitely. While you smoked? No, I never smoked. I never smoked and I never did drugs. Really? And I drank moderately. When I drank, I would get shit-faced. But when I, you know, I didn't do it often. It's not too late.

What's that? Not too late. I promise I won't turn into one of those ayahuasca Nancy boys asking about your feelings, Dana. I don't give a fuck about your feelings. Good. Perfect. You and I can hang out a lot because I don't want to ever fucking talk about my feelings with another fucking dude.

But you don't mean that. I mean, that's too far. I mean, no, no, I'm that guy. I'm that guy. It drives my wife fucking crazy. No, I don't want to talk about my feelings and I don't want to talk about. But you may not want to. But we talked about a lot of things tonight and your feelings were injected into all of them, I'm sure, as they should be. As far as what?

I don't know. Whatever we talked about. I did. You were abused as a Catholic boy. Did I remember that wrong? You opened up to me. I was doing an interview with, oh, Jesus, I can't remember his name right now. But he starts diving into my, he starts doing the whole relationship with my parents, right? Did it, you know, how did it feel?

to know that you never had the love of your parents. - Who said that? Who's the interviewer we're talking about? - Like everybody else that grew up, and a family had and all this shit. And he's like, "How does that make you feel?" I said, "Jesus Christ, you sound like my fucking wife. "What the fuck are you talking about? "I'm doing an interview with you about the business "and you wanna ask me about my..." 'Cause my wife would always say,

Do you want to talk about your parents? No, I don't fucking talk. I'm good. I'm in a good place. I'm one of those fucking old school guys. When you talk about men's mental health and that men have to carry this burden. Yeah, that's what we fucking do. Guess what? Somebody's got to get up. I have a family. I have children. I got to get up every day and go to fucking work. And I have to do what I have to do.

And no, I don't give a shit about my feelings. I'm basically on the same page. Okay, good. Well, just in the sense of...

First of all, women always want more out of you than you could ever give. I mean, I don't say that in a snarky way. It's just generally the way they are. They always think there's more to you that you're not quite giving. And it's like, honey, I swear to God, we're at the bottom of the barrel here. I mean, I wish there was more. I wish I was deeper. But I mean, we're at the basement. Below that is public parking, and we don't want to go down there. You're right. It's just...

And just that's always going to be their nature. And our nature is, yes, I mean, that...

certainly is changing with the recent generations who don't even really many times want to say they're of one particular gender at all. 100%. So, you know... It was Piers Morgan, by the way. Oh, Piers Morgan. I love Piers. I do too. He's a good guy. He's that right there. So then, you know, you see these guys these days on fucking social media, like, hey, you know...

You know what I'm saying? Just talking about their bad day and this happened and I'm fucking... Oh, right. Man, shut the fuck up. Oh, I know. Get up. Oh, I know. Get to fucking work and do what you got to do and be a fucking man. Be a man. I tell you. Just be a man. This to me though, just if I could speak like I think we're friends now. This is very intimate now and my feelings are involved. But like this, I must say, as a bachelor has not been... Look, I'm talking to you like no one's going to hear this.

This has not been the worst thing for me because, like, there is such a dearth of, like, men who act like men that, you know, if you're one of them who does, not in an obnoxious way, not in a toxic way, but just like a man instead of this bullshit, or if you're a guy who doesn't think that the first date should include anal and choking, you just stand out as like, oh, my God.

You know, that sort of male still exists? Yeah. So as much as I bemoan for society,

men, young men acting like such assholes. It's been great for me. Yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, I'm telling you. It's tough. It's one of the tough things for me. And I try, like I said, I try not to judge people on things, but I have a really hard time with men who don't act like fucking men. That's a big one for me. And it's not to... No, I mean... And all the shit that goes on these days and...

You know, look at the stuff that's going on with women's basketball, Ryan. It's fucking awesome that it's taken off and people are into it. I was one of the first. I got season tickets to the Aces game in Vegas and stuff like that. But at the end of the day, women want to be taken care of. Women want to be treated a certain way, whether they believe it or not. Well...

A goodly percentage of women who always felt that way still feel that way is how I would put it. I wouldn't say women in general because certainly there are lots of, there's certainly a percentage, 10% or so, who don't want to be involved with men at all. That is the great victory of whatever, the woman's movement or the revolution or liberation or whatever it was. That

was really what it was. When I was a kid, a woman literally moved from her father's house to the husband's house. There was no like, I mean, there was like sitcoms. No, that's a good point. When I was a kid, like that girl, like she's on her own in the city, on her own in the city. Yeah. Wow. We're so fucking modern. You know,

Women, the difference between my mother's day and certainly even after that, I think, to a degree and now is like, then you had to find a husband. 100%. Now women are like, if I find somebody who's great and it makes sense, yeah, I can do that. But I'm not going to do it just to do it. 100%. If I can't find somebody great, I can be on my own.

You're right. Listen, there's a woman outside the door over here somewhere, my head of PR, who is the absolute fucking best in the business, man. She's an absolute gangster. She is a massive asset. No, I'm dead serious. Massive asset to this company. I know you are.

And I have nothing but respect for her. I don't make a move without having her involved in it because she's fucking brilliant. And you're right. She is one of them. She's definitely not being taken care of by anybody. She handles her fucking business and takes care of herself. Right. But I would say most women in general, you know, want to feel safe and be taken care of, especially if you end up having a fucking baby. Like this whole shit these days, if you have a kid with somebody, right? Yeah.

If you have a kid with a woman, her life completely changes. Your life really doesn't change that much. Right. Right? Yes. You fucking... Yes. You take care of the woman that had your fucking children. Right. And you take care of your children. Right. I guess that's what I meant to say instead of... You were dead on with what you said. Yeah, this is what I meant. If you...

If a woman has your child or children, right, her life completely fucking changes. Yes. Be a man. Right. And handle your fucking business and take care of your fucking, you know, the woman that had your children and your kids. Yeah. Make them feel safe and take care of them.

Well, I think we have our answer as to why I never had a wife and children. No, we didn't. We didn't get to the bottom of that. You just said it. I got to take care of them. You fucking... You bobbed the weave, that fucking thing, like Frazier. Yeah. No, I mean... No, I mean, look, if...

If you don't think you can do that well, and I never thought I could, then that is the right thing to do, not to do it. It's not a bad thing to not be a parent. It's a bad thing to be a parent and then do the job shitty, which is what you're saying as well. But here's what I'll disagree with you on, is that I think that every young man...

whether they can do that. But then you surprise yourself when you actually, when it happens and you dig deeper and you do things you never thought you could do. You mean for with kids? Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that, you know, I'm sure you're right that if it would have made me dig deeper, so would ayahuasca. Well, listen, listen, I think if you had kids and had whatever you'd have done, you did just fine anyway. You'd have been able to take care of your family, but...

There's something deep inside of you. There's something with you. Just like my buddy. Some fucking reason why you guys don't want to get married, don't have kids, but that's a deeper dive and there's probably not enough time on this fucking podcast to get into that one. Oh, we have plenty of time. Because my friend...

That to me is a projection that guys like you put on guys like me because you cannot stand the idea. No, no. I disagree. I don't. That's not true at all. You're not seeing me sitting here going, oh, you fucked up. You don't know what you're missing having kids. I love my fucking kids more than anything. But I have a really good friend of mine too that I told you that doesn't want to have kids. He's a young guy. He's still fucking 39 years old. He could have kids.

but he doesn't want to. And I never argue the point with him. I'm like, listen, you know what you want better than I know what you want. But there's a reason deep, deep down inside with you and with him, but he's a very intellectual, smart guy like you. And I don't know. Yeah. I bet you two could have some fun fucking conversations. I got, I got to introduce you to some time. You do it, hit it off. You do it and to actually end up becoming really good friends.

I never, I never understand when people say that because like there's every chance we couldn't or might not. But I feel like I often get along with more of the, like the opposite. Right. You know, it's just more interesting when there's somebody who's like you. It's like, why do we need another me in the room? You know what I mean? It's like, we already got a me. Yeah.

What the fuck do we have to talk about? Yeah. I don't want to agree on everything. Now this guy's going to like, he's going to be bird-dogging all these women. What the fuck do I need this guy around here? Tell your friend to go fuck himself. I never liked him. Fuck.

Our podcast is over? Do you believe it went that fast? No, it didn't feel that long. Because it was fun. Yeah. So much fun. Great to meet you. I hope this is not the last time. We don't have to always do it with cameras anytime. Likewise. But I've got a new friend. All right, buddy. It's a pleasure. Thank you.