Esai Morales | Club Random
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Not sound like a douchebag who's trying to be smart. No, you're a douchebag who is smart. Thank you. My normal intimate conversation with an old friend. Oh my God. I need my naps. I just rushed from my studio. I'm so sorry. I'm usually the late one.

And so now I got my prayers in. I got my prayers. We don't even usually do Friday taping, but I just wanted to see you so bad. It's brilliant. You look the same. Oh, thank you, dude. A little grayer, but hey.

We wear it well, right? No, you really aged well. I mean, it's amazing when you get up into these ages. Can you just say that on the air? We are on the air. I'm kidding. No, we're not. Here we are. I was teasing you. But really, I mean, when you get into like over 50, people age very differently. Really. I mean, some people look 112. And some people look amazing. Like as good as you can look. I don't know. You must eat well. But you always were very...

health conscious. And that's the thing. In my 30s, I did a photo shoot and I wasn't as conscious as I should have been. And it didn't go well. And I looked bloated. I looked like I was in my 50s. And I was like, okay,

This is not bode well for a career, you know, unless you're going to play that guy for the rest of your life. That doesn't sound like you. So I got into it. No, I got serious about, like, raw foods, you know, like health. There's something called the natural hygiene diet, which is like, you know, things meant for the human being and less processed. But when I used to hang around with you a lot, we were both bachelors. Of course, you grew up. I did not. Believe me, I wouldn't go that far, but okay. Yeah.

I'm still working on it. Oh, good. But, you know, we were out, and when you're out, you drink. You think? But we were young. Our body could handle it. Oh, absolutely. And we did. It's not my friend now, but I did agree. I did say, you know, because it's you, I will do tequila with you. Oh, great. Tequila. I just had some. Yeah. Here. I'm going to catch up with you. You should. You should. You have a great year. Thank you.

Saw your movie, the biggest movie ever, I guess, full time. Action film in the world. The biggest action film in the world. The biggest. Well, isn't the Mission Impossible franchise the biggest? Probably. Can't be. I mean, I can't imagine if you added them all together, anything ever made more money than that.

And you're a great bad guy, Isai. I got to say, for somebody who I know is not a bad guy. Don't ruin my bad reputation. Is this thing on? Yes, totally. I found you very convincing as an evil prick who was going to destroy the world. And that's quite a feather in your cap because Rocky does not work without Mr. T.

You have to have the, you know, you can't... You have to have the mountain to climb, right? Well, you have to have the adversary who is equal to the hero. Formidable enough. I mean, the original version of that is, of course, Paradise Lost. God has to fight the devil. I mean, as an atheist, I always said,

If he's God and he's all-powerful, I don't see why this is an issue. I don't see why it's... Can't he just eliminate the devil? I mean, plainly, he's not all-powerful then. I don't think it's that. It's so funny because we've been talking for years. But isn't that the truth? But yes and no, because you have to think about...

The duality of nature, yin and yang, you know, it takes one to define the other oftentimes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but from a purely religion standpoint, many religions believe in the devil. Yes. Some sort of devil. Yes. The adversary. But God is always all-powerful. But, you know, explain that to me, how God can be all-powerful and still not be able to bring this guy down in the 14th round. Yeah.

I think that the game isn't over, number one. The game isn't over? Yeah, it isn't over. Oh, I see. Things are still playing. I'm a person of faith, but I believe so much that it doesn't offend me when people don't. As a matter of fact, I respect an honest atheist a lot more than a full of it. So you think there is a devil? I think that there is...

I don't know if it's a person, but I think that there's malevolence. But it might be James Corden. No, I'm kidding. That's so funny. I met him. He's a very sweet guy, you know. But the devil, then again, doesn't act, you know, like the devil all the time, right? I mean, that's the key. Well, that's the key about the devil. And, you know, I'm kidding about James. I mean, we had a little thing, but I don't have any animosity. But he would never be the devil. The devil's hot.

The devil... I mean, you could be the devil. The devil's like you. Because the devil has to be, like, super, like, baller. I mean, he's like Shaft. The angel of light, if you think about it. He's the bad dick that all the chicks want, you know? But why? Because he has to... Because that's how... That's where his power comes from. He's a seducer. He can't be a seducer. I think the key is power, what you just said. I think nowadays...

Financial security is a big thing, you know, and it's still security. Always. That's the modern version of creating a nest. Yeah. Creating a safe. Yeah. But then men want to feel safe to do what, though? To then stop worrying about the other guy. Men want to be safe to be vulnerable, too.

And that's where it gets tricky because oftentimes— Is it safe to be vulnerable? Yeah, I think. I think some. Not all. I don't know what that means. Well, because think about it. You know, you don't want to come home to somebody else you've got to fight with and argue and, like, have power play. Oh, no. You don't. You want to come home to be nurtured. Right. To be kind of like what they call us oftentimes. We're little boys to them.

Right? I mean, no matter what it is, you can be as manly as you want. Right. But they view us as a little boy, especially if you're vulnerable at all. Well, if they do, and that is a very prevalent thing—

Absolutely. If you look at the way men are portrayed, certainly in American culture. Post Homer Simpson, dude. Post love and marriage, you know, post 90s, men are dorks, basically. Dorks, exactly. They are the fourth child if she has three kids. But I think that's not by accident.

That's by design. And I don't think it's not by accident. First of all, it gets laughs. Yeah. You know, it's a tired joke, but it's still, it's a tired joke, but on the sitcom, it's always head up his ass dad. And it's part of the pandering to look. I mean, everything has a reaction for too long. We were horrible to women. There's going to be a reaction. And part of that reaction was let's all pretend women are perfect and

men are completely awful, we're always toxic. That pendulum swing. Exactly. The pendulum never stops in the middle. So it's part of that. Yes. I used to do a whole bit about like daytime shows were always what I called making women nod. Like you have to be saying something on Oprah or one of those shows where women are going, yes. You know who was the master of that, who I miss, but got canceled?

Phil Donahue. Phil could make women nod. Phil Donahue was the sensitive guy. Absolutely. But he always had a sense of fairness, and that came to bite him back in the butt. Another guy who could not play the devil because he's not sexy. I mean, it's nice, I'm sure, women like that when a guy makes them nod, but that's not making them come.

Making them nod and making them come are two very different things. In fact, if you're nodding when you're coming, that guy is not doing it right. I don't know how to react now because I got a 14-year-old daughter now. Everything is like, oh, God. Is she going to watch this? Issa, you're making me feel so old. You were the guy I was out drinking at the clubs with, and now you have a 14-year-old? A 14-year-old taller than me and growing up. How long have you been married? I'm not.

That's what I love about you, Esai. Yeah. Perfect answer. You're not. I mean, no, no. Why would you be? You're the devil. Fuck that. Here's the thing. I don't think you have to go through the traditional route to take care of your family and to be dedicated to them and to make sure that the two most important, you know, or the most important women in your life. Are you unmarried to the same person? No.

Again, this is something we need a whole other podcast to cover. Okay, then let's just leave that vague. But I am... Good. Let's all be vague. I want to be vague, too. No, let's do this way. No, you know what? Don't throw down because I don't want to throw down. Let's just say we're both happy. But we want to be interesting. We're two unmarried devils. That's it. That's all we are. I just know that I don't need...

religious figure or a state to sanctify my union. That's funny when you say that because when people say to me, as they have over the years, why didn't you ever get married? It's like a disease. I got the this is us fucking fungal infection and I'm a crazy zombie. Why didn't you ever get married? I always say, why would I invite the federal and state government into my love life?

My love life? The thing that is more mercurial than anything in our existence? I'm going to try to quantify that and governmentify that? I don't think so. It's bad business to... And one thing, by the way, for whoever is the main earner, it just...

Bad business. And the most unromantic thing to do is to ask somebody, by the way, in case we don't do this, would you sign this piece of paper? And they look at you like, you piece of sh... You know what I mean? Like, really? Anytime you're asking a woman to sign a piece of paper, you're not making them nod or come. Nothing is... They may not come back. They may not come, exactly. It's just not a good... But here's the thing. Nothing...

will stop me from learning or loving. And my motto in life is learn to love and love to learn. Do you know? You made that up? Kind of. It sounds like it had to be on somebody. It's pretty basic. No, but it. Sounds like it had to be on some t-shirt at Venice Boulevard. No, but somebody told me once, what advice to give to kids, you know, or people, you know, and I'm thinking, what's the most basic thing? Learn to love and love to learn.

And I think that's the problem we have today. I've been telling kids the wrong advice. I'm always telling them, stay out of school and get into drugs. Is that wrong? You know what? If you think about medicinal mushrooms, it is amazing.

that it heals the brain and it actually helps repair and regrow brain neural pathways that we didn't have before. So mushrooms and certain psychedelic drugs, I think, are illegal because they grow consciousness. But it's how you use them. It's like fire. Fire could burn or it could heal. It could warm. It could cook. Water could drown you or it could save your life. So

I believe in the nuance of things. I do. I'm a big advocate of weed, but I don't smoke anymore because I... I mean, and you're a big medical researcher. Of the things I remember about you from when we saw each other a lot, one, fun guy to be out with. Two...

Fun basketball we've played here. And I'm not a baller like you. You're a baller. You're a real baller, but I'm a hustler is what I am. Great passer. Thank you. I learned that in the clubs. The third thing was you are interested in science and medicine. I mean, I remember when you were very, very, very like almost Lenny Bruce level obsessed with,

with AIDS and that they, I mean, I remember you giving me a book, which I still have. Oh my God. A number of copies of it. It was a thin book, but it was like, everything you know about AIDS is wrong. Yes. I think it was called. I mean, this was something that you were very, and I don't know where you are with that now. I helped fund it. No, no. But like with AIDS, are we still, at the time, and this is going back 20 years, right? This book, wouldn't you say? Yeah.

More? Early 90s, late 80s, yeah. Not, okay. Early 90s. I think by the time I was, I don't think I got to know you until I, well, Politically Incorrect went on in 93. Is that how we met? Yeah, I did it like two or three years ago. Okay. So, all right. Well, mid-90s, Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God. But you know what? We're still alive, and you look great. Come on. Well, I didn't get AIDS, so that was helpful. Makes two of us. But you were very skeptical of what they were saying about AIDS. Are they still telling us the not truth about AIDS? Of course. Really? Well, they're still using the same paradigm. You see, I made friends with a guy. I was stupid enough to try to make a documentary about this because I was young, and I thought I'd tell the world.

Last thing I realize is that it's not very smart to invest money and time into something that goes against what the consensus is supposed to swallow. When you piss off the people who think they have the answers, whether it's on the left or the right, I mean—

Look, I say it a million times, but I think the right is more dangerous, but the left is more obnoxious. I mean, they're- Listen, they've switched places to me a couple of times. They do many- They've switched places. Exactly. It's like the exorcist. I mean, look at RFK. He's with the Trump administration now. Yeah. And like- But I love him. I love him. I was going to say, I bet you you're his biggest fan.

And I'm a fan, but not near where you got, where like you and Woody Harrelson are, because like, I just can't go there with all the places I think he goes to. But on the general, his idea that we're sick basically because of the toxins in the atmosphere and what we eat and what we breathe and all this stuff, and also pharmaceuticals and also drugs.

You know, the pills. The real cartels, right? Yeah, the things that they give kids. I mean, so many kids. No wonder they're drug addicts of some sort later in life because you started, you made them a drug addict when they were eight years old. How about when they're born, we put sugar in everything they eat. Yes.

We feed them in Halloween. It's like sugar, sugar, sugar, man. No, I always give a kid Pepsi. A baby, I'm talking about. I think you should give babies. You breastfeed Pepsi, right? No, seriously. We live in an upside-down world.

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I mean, whatever they get keeps them alive. This is a rough thing. I swore to myself I would not go headfirst into the canceling thing. You know, it's Friday the 13th. I stupidly agreed to this date. We've been trying to do this for how long? But you don't really believe that matters, Friday the 13th? I don't, but I consider it.

You see, I don't... Well, you're the devil. Of course you're going to like Friday the 3rd. I don't believe everything, but I will consider everything. So in the analogy of you as the devil, like just the fact that you haven't killed Tom Cruise in the first two times you had... Don't give it away.

Hey, guys, don't give it away. Oh, right. Like they're wondering who won at the end of Mission Impossible. Spoiler alert, Tom's a hero. He's the last great movie star. The last great movie. First thing on the set, I said, I don't know anyone who's done what you've done. That's true. Have stayed in the top five, if not like 10, whatever.

At 62. No, but for 40 years or four decades. Yes. I have to respect his accomplishments. And the movies are generally very entertaining without mass appeal, without insulting my intelligence like some movies do. It's like, I get it. You know, this is just for the popcorn crowd. No, I mean, I met him once very briefly, and I just had to tell him, I said, night and day.

One of my favorite movies of all time. And it was not one of his hits by his level. By his level, probably made $200 million or something. Oh, is that all? But him and Cameron Diaz, it's just like such a delightful, fun caper movie. It's, you know, I think... Vanilla Sky, remember that? Vanilla Sky, I never understood what the fuck was going on in that one. But it was still a fun ride.

When she takes that car. You know what? You know I identified with that so much. I take it very personally when the movie makes me feel like a fucking idiot. Okay, I'm like, okay, I get it. I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but you have to do this to me. Don't take it personally. The other one, that dude who did Oppenheimer, did the DiCaprio movie, I'm sorry.

Who did... Oh, right, right, right. You know what I'm talking about. Yes, yes, the most popular, like the big name now. Oh, my God, this is so bad for me. Well, I smoked a lot of pot, so I'm... Oh, my God. What's his name? Yes. Did Batman... Yes. This is like...

He's the biggest, like one of the biggest directors today. People watching this are like, oh, wow. This is like the two stoners. Dude, the dude's name. Anyway, I know it when I'm sober. He's one of the big directors. And he did that one. It was a one-word title with Leonardo DiCaprio. I didn't know what was going on in that one. And then he did another one a couple of years ago that like everything moved backward in time. And I thought that was bullshit.

Interstellar. Interstellar. No, no, no. No, that's something different. There's the other one where the world kind of comes up with DiCaprio. That was another one, yeah. That's the one I'm talking about. Yeah, that's called... Didn't understand that one. That's a big name. And I know people who did understand it. And I'm more than happy to say there are people in the world who are, you know, brighter than me. I don't even know if I want to be them. Does that make them happier? I think in a lot of ways that makes them sadder. I think if you can understand that movie...

Yeah, you're probably not that. Chris Nolan. Chris Nolan. Yeah, amazing director. Christopher Nolan, great director. Tasteful, tasteful. One of those British, like, you know. Except when he goes off the reservation and does something that makes me feel like a fucking idiot. Inception? Is that the one you mean? Inception. Yeah.

You see... It's all coming back to it. If you relax and chill out a minute, it'll come back to you. It'll all go away. Just when I thought I forgot. Anyway, sorry. I got to get... I go into my owl. Well... I did a little movie with Alec Baldwin. Oh. And Terrence Howard, who I love, who you've...

You know, I'm sure. I had him here. Yeah, I love him. I love him. Him and I, I'd like, anyway, love Terrence Howard. He's got some interesting out there. Oh, yeah. But you know what? You two would get along. We do. But Alec Baldwin and I had an al-off, or a Pacino-off, where we were both talking like, who are, if there was half a man, if I was. That's great. You know? That is really a good one. Say hello to my little friend.

That is a really good Al Pacino impression. Listen, Al's the reason, like when I saw him in Dog Day Afternoon in like the 70s, I was like 12, 13 years old. I saw that thousand yard stare. And I've said this in interviews, you know, they go, why did, what made you become an actor? What made you become an actor? Good question. The point that I decided this is what I wanted to do for a living was looking at his thousand yard stare in Dog Day Afternoon.

After like he's in too deep and it's like, what am I going to do now? What am I going to do? And you just, you see this, like this, this could cost me my life. I'm in a bank. I'm robbing this. And I just felt so much with just a look, a glare, a glance, like he was looking through me.

And I was like, I elbowed my buddy. And the plot of that one, if I recall. I said, that's what I'm going to do. I said, that's what I'm going to do. If I was half the man I was. And he was like, sorry, guys. This tequila is some good tequila. I always feel like that's Al's great thing. It's like he makes ham look good. Oh, dude. Nobody better. Put some cheese on it. But he means it. The thing about Al is he freaking means it.

He's all in. Right. And that's what you got to be as an actor. No, that's true. You can't phone it in. Fuck off. No, I love him. I mean, if he'd only ever did Michael Corleone.

But it's funny, you know, like Michael Corleone, he did, you know, of course it's the roles you get, but he did become sometimes, yes, like your impression, a little over the top and we loved it. But Michael Corleone, that performance is the exact opposite. It is so right in here. Oh, it's so there. I mean, he is so chilling. Measured. Measured and just like corny.

Quiet and cold. Quiet and cold. Quiet and cold. He understood right from the beginning. That's what makes this character. This character does not have to yell. I think he yells one time at his wife. Yeah. It wasn't the bad guy. Come on. Who else? Come on. Who pushes our buttons, right? Come on. Says a lot. You're right. Yeah. Barzini, I can handle that. But Kay, you are driving me to the moon. Alice.

But, like, you know, when he is threatening Carlo, you know, Carlo, don't lie to me. Don't lie to me, yeah. It insults my intelligence, and that makes me very angry. Now, who approached you? Was it Barzini?

Who's the other guy? That I know like my name, but I'm stoned. But still, man, look at you. Look at you. Casting directors, take note. Take note. It's so right in here, and that's what makes it chilling. And that Al's performance the whole time, I mean, he just...

He just keeps it right. But then he did Bobby Deerfield, which was really underplayed, and it didn't really... You know what I mean? All of us actors try to go against... Now, these are movies that... I mean, I know that name, and I don't know if I ever saw it. Was he a race car driver or something? Yeah, I think so. I didn't see it, but I just knew that he did it. But Dog Day Afternoon is iconic. I just want to say to the kids who don't... Well, what? You have to watch Dog Day Afternoon. Dog Day Afternoon. He is... School. Go to school. Here's what's very...

Everybody in that movie was ridiculously bad. Here's where it's really way ahead of its time. He was robbing a bank to get money for a sex change operation. A sex change operation. Chris Sarandon, who was just amazing. And the way he closed his thing. It's like, stop, please, please. I mean, it was amazing. That's good.

Yeah, but like... Ned Beatty. That was not... Ned Beatty. Oh, I don't remember. No, no, Durning. Charles Durning. Sorry. I used to confuse him. The police officer. Ned Beatty's in Deliverance. Oh. Ned Beatty's the one who's about to get fucked in the ass by the hillbillies. Nobody ever forgot that scene, though. No. And the guy, the hillbilly goes, he ain't gotten a hair in his mouth. He's got purty lips.

It's chilled us for 50 years. Clockwork Orange. Adolescent who saw that. That movie and a few others just were my whole childhood. Like, how could you not? Midnight Cowboy. Oh, Midnight Cowboy. You know? John Voight. Everybody's talking at me. Oh. One of the greatest. Soundtrack. Nilsson, Harry Nilsson. I mean, I feel like...

70s movies earns their reputation. People often say that was the golden age. Now there's the old school golden age, but it's almost hard to compare them because I watch old movies a lot and you have to watch them with a knowledge that things have changed so much that some of this is just going to look ridiculous.

And you just have to go with it. People just were super, super different, certainly about issues like race and sex. So you're just going to have to understand that. But also, like, the purity level. I mean, what... And also what passes as realism, they did not make any attempt. And they did not think you needed to. Taxi driver. I've missed the Times Square. Well, if you shot a guy in 1945...

You didn't see any sort of realistic death. It was like, okay, the audience, we get it. It was noir. We knew what was going on. Style. The gun went off and he went down. Hitchcock, you don't see blood ever. You don't have to. And then it became Tarantino and you saw lots of blood. Right. So when you're watching one from the old days like that, you just, you've got to put yourself in...

which is not that hard to do. Not that hard to do. You fucking idiots who need a disclaimer before the movie. Before you watch this movie, we'd like to yell at you for not being as good as people should have been. It may trigger you. It has real emotion. Right. I feel bad for kids today who are so hooked on the little, like, the device screen. You know? What did your 14-year-old do with it? Well, I mean...

I don't want to get too personal, but I regret giving her a phone. You know, it's just like, it's such a man. It's so hard to avoid. And then they look at you on it all day. I go, yeah, but I'm paying for your bills with this too. I'm not just like, you know, like let's, let's compare algorithms.

It's a science. I'm into, like, truth, science. Oh, I know. I want to know what's really going on. And it gets me in trouble, by the way. But if you didn't give your 14-year-old a phone, wouldn't she be— A pariah, some weird— And also hating you for not giving her what every other parent gave their kids. That's part of it. You don't raise your kids in isolation. You raise them in a society. What is it? It takes a village, I believe. Yes.

It takes a village, and a village can also fuck you up. There you go. Because the village has decided that the kids have phones, which makes you the bad guy. Yes. Yes. You have no idea how hard it is for me to, like, I came from, like, you know, getting beaten up.

Really? Seriously. Beaten where? Like all over your body. Why? By who? By your loving parents. Oh, by your parents? Yeah. Your parents beat you? Oh, my God. It meant they loved you.

Really? You got to understand this. In old school culture, they would point to the kids who could stay out all night and do whatever they want, talk back to their parents and go, that kid's going to end up in jail on drugs or, you know, like, you know, a loser. And they were right most of the time. If you don't have some sort of boundary that they can push up against and go, okay, okay, this ain't okay. What did they beat you for? All kinds of things. I got backhanded. But for a reason. Usually.

It's disrespect or doing stupid things, which I'm still prone to. We all do stupid things. No, I don't. What stupid thing do you do? Oh, you want me to say it here? Yeah. But don't tell anybody. I mean, I've never read one bad word about you. Put it this way. Never one bad word. And thank God, but there are people who don't like me. I became friends. I tried to do a documentary.

On AIDS. I'm going to go back on the AIDS thing. And I became friends with a guy who won the Nobel Prize for inventing PCR, Dr. Cary Mullis, who's a bona fide genius. And he did not buy any of Fauci's stuff. He was just not having it. He would challenge him to debates and stuff and just, you know, wouldn't accept it. Now I don't want to talk bad about anyone. You know, I'm that guy. I'm like, you know, I like being the bad guy in the movies. I do everything I can to like make up for that in real life.

I like my demons to work for me, not through me. And it's taken a lot. It's another good t-shirt. But it's taken a lot. It's a never-ending battle. I see. I get it. When you think you've conquered it, they let you know, no, not so fast. So...

So I met him and he told me brilliant things that years later I was like, oh my God, oh my God. Things about the ozone layer and environmentalism and things that I used to go and do PSAs about because as a dutiful liberal actor, you know, you read your script and yeah, you don't want the world to end. And you find out that the world was going to end in the 60s, it was going to end in the 70s, it was going to end in the 80s. It doesn't mean it won't.

Yeah, but we're not going to end it. The planet is going to be here. We may end ourselves. Oh, you know, George Carlin used to say that, and I thought it was stupid then. No. I don't care about the planet being here. I care about me being able to live on the planet. Let me give you an idea. I went on the beach in Puerto Rico where I was locked up, thank goodness, in a condo on a beach. And a dear friend of mine was able to let me, you know, I rented it as my place instead of a hotel. And there was a beach, and at night I would sneak in.

And swim. I was going crazy. I was going crazy being locked up. And I knew that I needed. And then when I heard the call, how's he going to get out on a plane to London? I was like, I have to swim. I got to get in shape. They asked me if I could be physical. And yeah, I can be physical. But, you know, so I would swim for hours at night.

Off the coast of Puerto Rico. Seems scary. Dude, I'm going to tell you. Oh, I would never do that. In the ocean at night? In the ocean at night. And let me tell you something. Oh, my God. Faith. Yeah, God. I applied a lot of faith.

Let me tell you one of the scariest things that ever happened to me by myself. And then eventually I made friends with somebody and we'd both like watch out for the cops and then go in. And I had a beard at the time, you know, white beard. And like when the cops would, I put my face in the water so they wouldn't see because they'd flash the lights. I feel like the ocean at night is a black monster. Let me tell you. There's a million ways to kill me. And after that, again, it was the desperation of being locked up.

that I said, I have to swim. And what I learned- Gotta swim. Gotta swim. But let me tell you something. What I learned about nature, just two weeks after being locked down, that people weren't in the ocean on the beach all day with their suntan lotions and the boats with the oil, the fish came back. A lot of fish were back.

And even the plankton that glue in the, you know, we had phosphorescent bays. But when I would move it, I would see tiny little bits of that coming back. And then I realized, guess what comes back when fish come back? Predators. And one night, I felt something huge bump up against my leg. And I shit you not, I was like...

I made it back. I hightailed it back. Or was it a shark? I don't know. That's more terrifying. I don't know. It could have been a manatee. Why do you think it didn't bite you? Because not everything is hungry. Sometimes they're just feeling. But the point is— Sometimes you're just horny. You said he bumped up against you. You know what I mean? We've all heard that excuse. And I was in good shape. No, but the point is that I was like, I could get eaten at night, and not in the good way, and never be found. And no one would know.

And you did this, why? Because I knew I was being lied to because I had to rebel against the system. I had to say my big F you and you're not going to stop me from being in salt water, swimming for, at times, I mean, I never swam so much in my life and I would tread water and I'd go really deep because as long as you can tread water and not panic, you catch your breath. And I would just pray God.

Angels, the universe, whoever it is out there. Because I'm religious, but I'm not religious. You know what I mean? And people go, oh, I'm spiritual as a fad. But I just know something, somebody out there, in here, all around loves me enough that has not allowed me to destroy myself. But what do you say to the person who, like, gets eaten? Why didn't God love him? Yeah.

You know what I mean? What about all the people who have the shitty outcome? Oh, very good point. You know, I used to say that about the Trump assassination when people would say, Bill, don't you think that's staged? I'm like, you moron. Of course it's not staged. But I wondered about that too, though. Oddly enough, you know why? Because you went down and then you come back and it's all... Yeah, but okay, a bullet did go. And somebody died there. Right, that's my point. It couldn't have been staged if...

And, you know, people say, God saved Trump. Where was the God for the other guy? You know, like... And here's what I will tell you about that. I do believe...

Life is eternal. This is just a phase. What happens to us here is like a gestation period. You're alive before you're born, but you're not technically born. Let's get into abortion. No, I'm saying you're alive. You're evolving. People think, are you into creation or evolution? I'm like, I don't think they're mutually exclusive.

Really? Yeah. I do. We evolve as people. Don't you? Well, creationism says the world is 6,000 years old. That's literal, yeah. Well, that's creationism. Yeah, but I believe we were, again, our holy books are ill-preserved records of God-knowing men. But, you know, this is what George Bush used to say when he was president. What? Like, well, he was trying to, it was a big issue. Should we teach creationism in school? And he would say, teach evolution and creationism. Teach them both. And I would say...

No, stupidity is not another form of knowledge. It's just a different thing on its own, and you shouldn't teach both. You're allowed to believe whatever you want. I may be believing. I disagree with that. I think you should teach both, and eventually, one doesn't have to. We as human beings are extremely contradictory.

Oh, well, of course. Okay? So for me, political parties, like, I'm too old for parties now. I love when you said, I didn't leave the Democratic Party. The party left me. I didn't say that. Yeah, you did. I heard you say that. No, no, no. I didn't. What did you say? I heard you say that, Bill. What you're doing, which is not wrong, is you're conflating what people have said in the past about leaving parties with,

But I recall you saying that. Wait, I know me better than you know me. I don't know. I'm just going to tell you. You're putting a title on an actual quote on something that somewhat accurately expresses my point of view. I understand why you said it. But I never said that because I never was a Democrat to begin with.

I always like caucus with the Democrats and I generally vote for them. I think always vote for them, but I always look at it and like, no, I'm going to actually make up my mind. They just always are less scary and insane than the Republicans.

But I wait for the day when it evens out. We're approaching that because they have gotten crazier, and that's a lot of what you're referencing. But I never said I left the party because I wasn't there to begin with. Well, you said something similar. Very similar. I'm telling you, you have the general feeling right. But not that exact quote and not that exact feeling because it's more than party. It's more like left and right. Yeah. The language changes. And I'm sorry, but woke got to be an eye roll.

It wasn't originally, but it got to be an eye roll for every crazy, way too far left, non-commonsensical bullshit. My favorite term was woke supremacist.

I love that because— You made that up? No, I saw that and I thought, this is brilliant. Somebody's a woke supremacist pretending to be all—what's the word? Tolerant. And they're the most intolerant sometimes. They really are. And they want to cancel people at the drop of a hat. I'm like, that's somebody's living. Like, relax, you know? The point I was trying to make was why I've always identified with the Democratic Party and I still identify as a liberal at heart.

You know, at heart. I voted for her. You know what my definition of liberal is? It's someone who wants to change the status quo for the better. You liberate yourself from... You know what I always say to the super... And conservative is someone who wants to conserve what works, what's good, and I think we need to do both. You know what I always say to the super woke? Tell me. We voted for the same person. You're just why she lost. Ooh.

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Knife?

You're saying I put the knife in? No, but it's truth. I love to put the knife in. No, but you do. I don't apologize for it. I'm a huge fan. And then I said something on your show many years ago, and then I never got invited again. And I realized maybe I crossed a little line. No, that's not why. No, because remember I— No, no, no. It's because the show changed. We don't have celebrities. When I first did the show, we were— Is that all I am to you?

That's like an insult. You're right. You know, you're right. Because you probably, and I will say to you, and I'm sorry, we should have had you more. Because you are one of the few celebrities who can, like, very, very credibly, you

talk like a non-celebrity, and I mean that. I'm sorry to celebrities. They're lovely people, but thinking ain't their big thing usually, and you are a true thinker. We have a line. So you're right, but the reason is because we overcompensated. When we came off Politically Incorrect, which was all show business... I love the concept. I know, but it was silly. It was a silly show. Well, that's who I became. Okay. I was Politically Incorrect. When I did Real...

moved to HBO. Now I'm doing a different show and I'm trying to stake out a different territory. And at first we still kind of were, first of all, we had three panelists, then we moved to two. And with three, like one of them would be like, oh, we need face name value.

And then it was like the audience at some point got it through to my thick skull. No, we just want a good conversation. And celebrities are usually fucking idiots. So we overcompensated and got rid of even some of the ones who are good. Yeah.

But that was just an overcompensation. So that's really what happened. That's very kind of you to say. No, no, but we will do it in the future. You know what's hard to do? Because you're right. It's hard to say something you really believe in that not everybody knows and not sound like a douchebag who's trying to be smart. You know, like I did hear another. No, you're a douchebag who is smart. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, you're so kind. I love you. It's so good to see you. And you're a good baller, dude. You're still playing basketball like you do. Broke my finger doing it. No. No.

Rebound, rebounding. Oh my God. Yeah. Mallet? You got that mallet finger? Mallet finger, yeah. That's what I mean. You know your medicine. Listen. Yeah. I have a little secret I won't tell everybody, but you see this right here? It ripped trying to play basketball, going for the ball. Somebody's thigh went. Right. And it never fixed. So my guitar playing never kind of got to the level it could have gotten to. But now I'm obsessed with tennis. You play the guitar too. Wow. I'm obsessed with tennis.

Tennis. Still a heartthrob. I bet you you're still wettening panties out there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know, that's sexist. Some people say, why just panties? I remember once I was out

This must be the 90s. And I saw you, and I was with a girl who was Puerto Rican. Oh. Do you remember this? And I introduced you. We just saw each other. We were often at the same parties and bullshit because we were bullshit out in the town type of guys. We were having fun. We were having fun at the time when you do that. And you were like, and I thought, oh, shit. No. Super hot, handsome. He's going to try to steal my girl. And he did not.

You know, it's like you were very respectful. You were like, you made the connection that, oh, I'm Puerto Rican and it's great that we're both Puerto Rican. But you weren't like, hey, you're Puerto Rican too. Why don't you fuck me instead? No, you know what it is? I'm an empath. I feel for people. No, but I've had guys try to do that. None of them succeeded, but I've had them try and they were never friends again.

And I just remember that. I'm not a saint. I unfortunately have, you know, the only real problems I've had in my life, unfortunately, have been due to my inability to say, to be saintly when it comes to passion.

And, you know, sometimes you pick the wrong people to trust or to open up with or to take a chance with. And then you do hear stories about yourself. That's not what happened. But, okay, I let it get to a point.

Where that could be said. And that's what I realized as I get older. Like, maybe don't do that. You know, maybe don't trust so much. I love humanity. My whole thing is I love people a little too much sometimes. And, you know. All people? Yeah.

Almost. I'm sorry. Listen, I play bad people. Do you know what it takes to play bad people credibly? You have to put yourself in other shoes. You have to understand the asshole, the villain, the evil, the murderer, the cartel guy, the, you know...

I look at people and go, how could you do this to another human being? No, you are very convincing. But I have to figure out a way to go, okay, if A was to B is B is to C, then A is C and all bets are off. Well, I think there are some people who really don't have, as I would say, a bad bone in their body. But most people do. And the people who can't even access that one bad bone, they're not actors.

Because actors, they've got some bad bones. I mean, I'm not saying they're bad people, but like in general, their living is deception. Yes and no. Because I tell people, I know a lot of really good con artists and liars who think, well, I can lie. I can fool. I can lie to you and take your money. And they think they can be actors. And I'm like, dude, you don't get it.

Just because you can be a piece of shit as a human being doesn't mean you can respond truthfully under imaginary circumstances. That's what people respond to. They have to vibe some sort of truth. Here's my thing about acting. I believe like 80% of acting is like anybody could do it. Like children do it. Fucking wrestlers do it. You'd be surprised. I coached some friends. Wait, wait, wait. I did it. I mean, I'm telling you children...

You did good right there earlier when you were doing Pacino Michael Corleone. It's not like that. That's like, you know, soap operas and like, you know, fucking detective work on CBS. He's a little kid. Okay, anyone can do that. But on the top 20%, which is where I put you, yes, that you need a professional for. There are, you know, the real important roles like the bad guy,

whatever, those kind of roles, they... I'll say this about show business. It's full of bullshit, but the people who cast...

know what they're doing. They generally pick the right people to be the cream of the crop movie stars and stuff. I really... I'm glad the casting directors are getting now their attention from the Academy, by the way. You go through the ages and I don't like... I look at old movies and I think, you know what? There wasn't somebody better than Jimmy Stewart and Henry Fonda. And I look at now and I'm like, Timothee Chalamet? I don't know him from Adam, but

Yeah, I get it why he's, like, he's very good at his job. And that's what they're doing. There are many great actors out there. You know, people ask me, who's your favorite? There's too many to choose from right now. And they're really good. I just don't know that the material in the studios are backing things that are about human beings anymore. This is a subject I'm sure you have opinions about that I do because it's in my name, ESAI.

I don't think AI can reproduce. That was deep. Well, think about it. I don't think AI can reproduce Midnight Cowboy. I'm all over AI. You know? We have to be careful. I'm very obsessed that the robots are taking over. I really am. And we're like, we have to make a choice. We're not even fighting. We're not fighting smartly. We're not fighting at all. We're helping. We're helping. And it's already too late.

But, you know, it's okay. I gave an award at the Time Magazine AI 100, you know, Time Magazine's 100 AI edition in Dubai. What's the AI edition? Well, it was about AI. 100 most influential AI creatures? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Time Magazine had a thing in Dubai, an incredible event. About the people who make AI? Yeah, the people who are in. It's the new, it's the final frontier to some cases.

The frontier is here. And I came up with a line that I had, they put him in there. Because, you know, as the guy who's AI-powered in Mission Impossible, right? If people haven't seen it, I mean, the bad guy, it used to be that the bad guy in a movie like that was an entity that some bad guy controlled, which in a way is you are that bad guy. But it's almost like the villain is the entity itself. No, the villain, according to most reviewers, that didn't even mention me.

Really? Yeah, I was a little like, okay. Well, Tom Cruise can't fight the entity in a helicopter. He has to fight you. Well, you know, but, but, you know, uh, some people were very kind and some, uh, you know, I don't normally like base a lot of feelings on, you know, one other opinion, but I was like, oh, wow. Okay.

Okay, maybe someone's not wanting to acknowledge whatever, but I'm extra sensitive, extra sentient. You and I are very much... Authentic intelligence. Very similar in this way, I think, is that we both think not wrongly that the press just couldn't, doesn't quite get us.

and is not especially supportive. And whatever we have achieved, which has been great for both of us, is in spite of them, not because they helped. And some people, they help a lot, and that's okay. You can't have everything in life. I am not bitter about it. Like, you can't check every single box. And I'd rather have the boxes I check and understand that that's one of the sacrifices. If you're going to, like, actually speak

and speak your mind. You know, there are going to be a lot of influential people who want to hate you, ignore you, or whatever. And that's okay. It's a dog-eat-dog. Minimize your impact. Yeah, it's a dog-eat-dog role. I have a saying I say in tennis that I'm obsessed with.

That don't get bitter, get better. And it's a simple one-letter thing. It's just like... Christ, you should open a T-shirt store. Full of these Maxims. But it's true. I also have my R&D theory when I talk to people who want advice.

R&D, research and development? That's one way to look at it. Isn't that what R&D is? Yes, but it's also the difference between, I think, success and failure. You either let the things in your life that chip away at you, that hurt you, that attack you, that, you know, your failures either...

Refine you or define you. Right. It's one little difference. Not a good one. No, but I'm serious. If you sit there and accept that you're a loser and that you're terrible, you're literally, they say that there's neuro-linguistic, you know, you're wiring your brain to accept that. Either refine you or define you. Take your choice, man. Or refinance you. At a good interest rate, I'm all in. Sure.

Anyway. You're right. This is so club random. Oh, there's no gender. There's no agenda here. No, but I love it. And no gender. That's how fucking free we are. I'm a person who speaks. I'm just a human. I don't want you to see me as a male. I always think. How do you define? Anyway. If I ever had memoirs, if I was ever organized enough.

To write memoirs, I would call it, but I digress.

That's a great title. Isn't it? That's a great title. Because I do, I do. You know... It's hard for me to stay on one subject. I mean, this show is apropos of nothing. I never... Is this the Seinfeld of podcasts? Is that what you're saying? What's the show about? First of all, that was also never true. Not about anything. It's about them. Well, it also was about the most...

amazingly hard to believe coincidences and confluence of events. That's what made it funny. Like, you know, the jacket that you saw on the first scene somehow came back in the last scene to put some comedy ironic spin on a situation. But it was supposed to be a show about nothing, right? They said that, but, you know, they get everything wrong. It could not have been less about nothing. Then what was it about?

It was about being funny. That was always Larry. Isn't all the shows, aren't they, comedies all supposed to be funny? No, I remember doing sitcoms, and I thought it was a good lesson, but I did my first one in 1984. It was called Sarah. I played the office creep, Marty, and Gina Davis was Sarah. She was a lawyer. We were all lawyers in San Francisco. What a sweet, what an incredible person. I mean, Gina Davis. Oh, I loved.

We got along so great. She just seems like such a magnanimous human. You know, again, going back to AI, they'll never replace the soul, or at least, you know, there's something about a soul that is...

No, but... Undefinable. That that's the only thing that we have. To get back to that story about AI. So I see her. I see great artists. They pour their soul out into their work. Actors who don't do that don't tend to resonate with audiences in my... No, of course not. I know pop stars. I don't want to mention one, but very, very mega pop star that did all these movies and I could never buy her ever and desperate to be taken seriously. And it was just like...

I don't know anything about who you, you know, I don't know. I don't feel your pain. I don't feel anything. And I feel like you're faking it, you know? And it's just like, you know, we've got to say, he's right. All those years we hung out,

I didn't realize it. You're a lot deeper than I am. I mean, I'm not even saying that facetiously or regrettably. I'm sorry. I'm happy with it. My daughter says... No, it's just true. No, my daughter goes... It's okay. My daughter's like, bruh, it's not that deep. And I'm like, oh, God. It's deep.

Is that the kind of conversations you have with your kid? No, I love my kid, but it's hard to get a 14-year-old to talk about anything like... Is she super woke? I mean, they mostly are. No, no, no. No? Really? No, she is an independent thinker. She's really cool. Really? She's just quiet about her deepest feelings. And maybe she just...

Maybe she has a blessed life. What do you do for like father-daughter time? Like what's a thing that... We like to go play video games at like, you know, those... Arcades? The arcade. Really? I love that. You go to an arcade and play video and you like it too? I love it. It brings me back to childhood, you know? There was a time where she was terrified of...

Of zombies. So we couldn't go past the zombie thing. And I was like, come on, honey, come on. You can do this. It's not real. And, you know, at one point I just had to stop or else borders on abuse. You're traumatizing a child. Don't make her do that. But, you know, sometimes you got to like say, hey, hey.

Do this. And once you get past it, you'll realize your fears are unfounded. But I gave up on it, and she's okay now. Age 14. Have they outgrown video games at that moment? No. So still video games at 14. I'm just asking. I'm not judging. Dude, video games today aren't the same. There's like Switch. I've never played a video game. I didn't know what they were, where they were this time. I was obsessed with Asteroids and like the 80s ones. I never played Pac-Man. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I mean, when I was in college, that's what they had, Pac-Man. But I gave it up. And I was not interested in that. For me, video games is...

It's kind of an analogy to life where you try to get good at something and you just try to improve. But it's a drug. You know why? Because you get dopamine every time you get to a certain level. Gamers. I mean, that's such a big subculture. Gamers. Huge. There are some very successful people. It's so ironic. They're gamers, but they have no game. And this is why they're gamers. See, it's like circular. They have game with other gamers.

Yeah, but they're not getting laid. Or maybe like the big ones are. I know they have like tournaments where people watch people playing games. It's crazy. That's, I mean, and then they expect- When I was young, I never knew that you could have TV shows about people talking about the sport. Like ESPN, all these shows that talk about, and then there was a show that talked about the shows that talked about it. It's not a sport. It's not a sport.

It can't be a sport if you're sitting down. It's a mental sport, I think. I mean, I will barely allow golf. You think chess isn't? That's a sport. But chess. Chess is not a sport. It's different. It is. It's a different category. I've had sweat playing chess. It's mental. Sometimes you burn more calories with your mind. But you're a chess player. I was. I wouldn't compare myself to people that are really good now, but man. But you played chess. I mean, I don't even know how to play chess.

Really? Yeah, what? No, it's just one of those things. You seem so like... Look, for a comedian, you are a more intellectual... But it's okay. Believe me, there's a ton of movies I haven't seen where people are like, really? You haven't seen that? Yeah.

No, I mean... We can't do everything, right? You can't do everything, and why would I do that one? I mean... Chess is amazing because it makes you think steps ahead. It's strategy. But I do crossword puzzles. There you go. I'm obsessed with them. Oh, you are? I love them. You know when I knew I made it, right?

When you were in the Crossword Puzzle. You were always in there because they needed the letters. Three vowels and a consonant. E-S-A-I. And not only that. I always said, I could Leno about that. He's in it. I said, Jay, it's not because they love you. Four letter names. They need the letters. Not only that, but I thought I made it. Then I brought myself down. Because you're in the New York Times Crossword Puzzle.

I go, yeah. I go, but aren't they supposed to be hard? You've really made it when you're in the TV Guide one, like everybody knows your name. But New York Times, it's supposed to be more obscure. M-A-H-E-R, they also use fairly frequently. Every time they do it, I've cut it out. I probably have a folder with like 20 of them. But I love exercises for the mind, and that forces you to think.

and things like that are probably why you're a bright person. Look, none of us here is a bona fide genius, but compared to other folks out there, we give them a run for their money. We're not the stupidest of the bunch, you know? You're not. I mean, show business in general, I'm sorry, I can't in good conscience sit here and tell you that show people are generally stupid.

You know, I'm sorry. Their forte is something different. It's charisma. It's good looks. Riz? What my daughter calls Riz now? It's talent. Talent is different than intelligence. How do you define talent? Talent is raw. And it's, you know, Elvis has it. And Tom Cruise has it. And it's like... Meat is raw. How do you define talent besides raw? I know it when I see it. That's raw talent. It's like pornography. I know it when I see it. Oh, my gosh. No, it's talent. Talent.

It's, you know, you can sing, you can act, you can dance, you can, I don't know. It's skill. I mean, we both have, yes, we both have it too. But like,

There are certain levels of it that are just preternatural, like Elvis Presley, but lots of people like that. But there are people who say he copied his style off of that guy Otis something. Oh, copied. Everybody copies everybody. Have you seen that incredible artist before? It sounded just like him. If you were to bite the style— Everybody in show business steals from who they like—

I know. Okay. The Beatles were some of the greatest, but they were the Beatles. They were the greatest thieves in history. Yeah. Everybody's a thief.

We can't feel bad about that. Very few things are original. No. And I would like to say right now that we are standing on land that rightfully belongs to the proud Chumash people. Yeah. I feel terrible about it. But who did they conquer it from, too? And I will be giving it back on Monday. No, exactly. Who did they conquer it from? Exactly. It's hard, right? I'm never sure about it. I know that 80% of what I think is probably true, 20% of what I pretty much think I'm sure about will change. So...

Walk carefully. That's why I think we should all as human beings learn to debate with each other in a civilized way. And with perspective, one of the stupidest things about wokeness is the absolute abject ignorance about history and putting things into perspective. And so they only see...

the bad side of America, which is not to be denied and not to be not taught, of course. But they only see that, and they don't realize that because they don't care about history. They don't think it even happened if they weren't alive for it. But if you go back, everybody in history was terrible, horrible, racist, genocidal people.

Native Americans had slaves. Of course. Black people had slaves. Black people gathered the slaves. For others to... To sell them to the slaves, right? I mean, white people were slaves. I say it many times. Humans are not good people. Humans are not good people. Humans are good people, but they have been awful too. We can't just call humans awful all the time or else we wouldn't have society. No, not all the time. Not all the time. How did we get here? Humans are not awful all the time, but if I had to bet,

Like on a random situation, it's like, will this human, if it comes down to like eat or be eaten, eat? Yes, they would. Humans are, you know. Creatures survive. They survive, exactly. Can I tell you this much? And you can't blame them for it. Before I went to the middle.

I'm a violent, I'm a radical middle. How dare you? I used to get crap from conservatives because I would post things like the massacres of the Taino Indians, of, you know, the Black Wall Street, horrible things that happened to people of color. The Tulsa massacre? The Tulsa, yeah, dude. You know, Rosewood, all kinds of things. Horrible things. Our history is horrible. And they would say, why are you race baiting?

And I'm like, I'm not race baiting. This was not good. You know, and I'm just saying, I just don't want us to forget so that we don't repeat. I'm not trying to make white people feel bad. I'm trying to say, hey, this happened. Why did this happen? And can we make sure we never let it happen again? And then when I say anything that's not

The left narrative, they're like, what is wrong with you? Are you one of those, what are you, a right winger? It's so infuriating. Here's what, you know, I used to not like certain people on Fox News, and then I grew to understand them. So I still kind of, it's hard to take some, just hard, just because of the tone. I don't watch any cable news. Jake Tapper, I like Jake. But, you know, I grew to respect Tucker Carlson a lot more.

Really? Yeah, yeah. And he was one of those people that I couldn't take, especially when he debated Jon Stewart and he got creamed. I can't take him now. There were some things that he says that I get it. Here's my point. I get my conservative friends and I get my liberal friends. And I don't like it when my conservatives paint all liberals as libtards.

And my liberal friends paint all conservatives as fascists. It's just not the case. That's not the case. But Tucker Carlson is a douchebag, and I can prove it. Because they have his texts during the 2020 election thing when he was saying privately, you know, this is the one they were sued about. Fox News paid something like $787 million to

To the Dominion voting people, I think. I've heard things about that that will make you think twice about that. So yes, I know where you're going with that. But, you know, what I don't like is when the news tells me something before it's figured out. When everybody says that. I don't think that's a disputable thing. Fox News definitely did pay over $700 million to settle a lawsuit because they were saying that the election...

wasn't kosher. And the text that we have from Tucker Carlson tell us he knows it too, but he was saying it on the air. There is, I'll give a lot of people a lot of rope, but that is a level I can't go to. Why don't you have him on this show and ask him about that? I would. I would love to see that. He would never do it because he knows he would be asked about that. Maybe not. He also went to Russia and pretended that Russia

Moscow is some place where you or I would like to live. I went there in 1988. I went there in 1988. No bueno. And as a person of color, Latino, who has lived under the shadow of our community constantly, you know, with babies crying and gunshots and guitars playing all the time in the background. Stop it! I'm like sick of this, right?

I am sensitive to cultures being like, oh, well. And so you'd be surprised that Russia may not be the gulag anymore that it was once considered. That's all. That's all I have to say. Well, I couldn't disagree more. You know, I find your view of Russians, that's very charitable. And I'm sorry if I'm more of a cynic on that. I just don't think you should paint anyone with a broad brush. I think you really ought to. You owe it to yourself to be a little more...

I mean, as a friend, buddy. I'm not just a guest. I like you. I've always liked you. We all, whether we want to admit it or not, we make generalizations about people

about basically where they are culturally from. And we can't admit it publicly, but you know you have them too. Listen, when I was a young actor, I actually was going to give myself an Arabic name because in the late 70s, early... Listen. Anthony Quinn was Mexican. He played Arab. He was Mexican and Irish. And he played Greek so well. Greek, yes. That the Greek people... I use him as an example. Yes, you're right. The Greek... Anywhere he went...

Greek people started breaking plates. He was Mexican. Dude, I am so proud of that man and my relationship with the Mexican-American. I'm a very proud Puerto Rican, but one of my biggest prides is that the Mexican-American community acknowledges me as their owner. At least I'm an honorary Chicano. Absolutely. Honorary Chicano. And that's because I don't take their culture for granted. If you walked into a Mexican neighborhood or restaurant, it must be like the Beatles in 64. Dude, I saw a...

like a grown gangster almost cry with the socks and the shorts and the Raiders t-shirt. He says, you're not Mexican? And it was like, it was cognitive dissonance, bro. And I was like, I'm sorry. What?

Why is there beef between Puerto Ricans and Mexicans? All that there isn't. You know, there's beef between any culture that is next to, you know, like there's the Mexicans that have 60% of all Latino, you know, and then the Puerto Ricans that have like a lot of success for a tiny little island. We're like the Israel of the Caribbean. We have a special relationship with the United States. Just not as special as Israel, but it's special. Do you think it should be the 51st state?

That's a really tough one because I have friends on all three sides and I see all three sides. What are the three? Three sides is be a state and contribute federal taxes and get federal funds. Be independent. We're big boys now, which we were supposed to be. Right. And make our own deals. Grow up in our own – right? Or –

State like we are, a commonwealth, which is kind of like a welfare state in a sense because we live off the largesse, but we don't pay federal income tax. Right. We, you know, I live there now too. It's a very, you know, I'm spending as much time as I can. I'm trying to open a school for underprivileged. Really? Yeah. We were having talk, you know, people like myself who didn't have money to go to class. I went to performing arts high school. That's big.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I wasn't supposed to announce it yet, but the point is I'm trying to do something to help other people who may have passion for the arts, you know, give their talent because it's not easy. I'm telling you, you're deeper than me. But I feel like I'm feeding them to a world that AI is going to make us all obsolete. Great. It's like my daughter. She wants to be a writer. I was like, oh my God. In the time of AI, we're like, you know, they, they,

They can copy everything, but now she wants to be a psychiatrist. But can they? That's safe. Psychiatrists, we're always going to have screwed up people. AI, like right now, June of 2025, AI can't do what I do. Not yet. That's what they say. That's my question. It's like, could it even? Because...

You certainly can type in, you know, do this as Bill Maher would do it. I know we'll write a scene, you know, or something. Bill Maher-ish. Yeah. I mean, somebody I know is desperate for me to, like, voice a big cartoon movie like The Bad Guy. Or digitize yourself. I've been told to digitize myself just to copyright your own image before other people steal it.

When you're gone, when you're dead, you need to leave that to... Oh, you don't have... No. Never mind. Is this thing on? I don't know. Kids, I don't believe I'll be... Anything will be here after I die. Your pets will have your estate. You still have all those dogs? But we...

put it into chat GPT, like, what would Bill Maher, as a cartoon villain, you know, and I made some suggestions, and it came out with this character, Smug. Oh, I was thinking Smarmy Assassin. And I'm not really Smug, but I get why they, and like, it had the cartoon version of me, and it was like, it was a little scary how close it got to something that was actually kind of funny. It had my catchphrase,

It was just, this thing is a genie let out of the bottle. But to what point will robots replace you? Because how does that benefit them? I was asking this on the panel tonight. There was a guy on, he was talking about a future that may be jobless. And I was talking to a very good friend of mine who said,

You know, why are you so afraid of the robots and AI eliminating all the jobs? Because AI is quickly eliminating all the jobs. I mean... Not all, but yes. Well, very close. I mean, first the blue-collar jobs went. Now coding. No, they do all that. Driverless cars. It's going to be all truck drivers. And I said, okay, you know, I get it. Why would you want a drudgery kind of job? Great if we liberate ourselves from that. But...

What do people do? And how do they get money? How do they buy food if there are no jobs, if AI is doing all the jobs? Maybe that's why they say that we're being called as a population. Called? Yeah. Meaning? Meaning they're trying to lower the population slowly but surely. Who is?

The people who want to stay left running the robots, because they don't want the rest of us, believe me. I mean, come on. For decades now, there's been like a silent war. I see young kids now. War against who? Just the human condition.

That's so vague. What does that mean? Malthusian, right? Malthus? Of course. The guy who said... 1798. That's right. He said there were too many people in the world. Do you know that that caused... Well, he said population expands exponentially. So he did the chart going up, and he was right. Like, you know, for the first...

I don't know, 10,000 years of humans after the agricultural revolution, we were still at like, you know, I don't know, 100 million or something. And then quickly got to 8 billion. And then in the last century, it went all the way up to 8. And of course, the more people make, the more rabbits fucking make more bunnies. And so now we're at 8 million. I don't under 8 billion. John Lennon said something. To you?

in my dreams. In a video, he said, the world is run by insane people for insane purposes. Another one of your impressions for your act. No, he's a scouse. Mate, he's a scouse lad. That's pretty good. But I'm saying, he said something that I tend to agree with. If you just didn't like most people,

You would tend to want to promote the notion that there are too many people in order to make people not care about the wanton deaths. Well, there's too many people. And I'll tell you why. Because they were saying that same thing in Plato's age. There were too many people on the planet way back then. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I found that out. I was like, whoa. There was only like 10 people. No. That's funny. But their world was circumspect, right? Well, yeah.

You know what? Athens was a direct democracy. So they hadn't figured out, well, we could have representatives. Listen. So, yes, in a world where your democracy is direct, where everybody votes and they put a pebble, a white or a black pebble, in a pot, and that's how you count the votes, I could see them saying, yeah, we got too many people counting the votes. When I'm on the 405, I think there's too many people. Well, there definitely are. Do you know what I mean? When you're in traffic, it seems like too many people. I believe there are too many people. But if everybody in the world...

Had a certain amount of space between them. We could all fit in a certain part of Texas. Yeah, but it's not about how many people. It's about resources. No, again, I'm going to tell you, this is something that I think we've been miseducated on because the whole scarcity notion,

is maybe another one of those things that we'll find out later. Maybe you will. That is being pushed. We're already running out of water in places. We were supposed to be running out of oil a long time ago. Water. Even more basic than oil. Where's water going? What do you mean? Where does it go? Water? Well, it goes a lot of it in California to irrigate crops, which we shouldn't. And then where does it go? It's like carbon. And then...

Well, there's a finite amount because it falls from the sky. And where does it go? It goes to the ocean where it evaporates again. We're in this closed loop. It's not like we're losing water. It's never coming back. But enough of it. But more people. Are you saying there's an infinite amount of people that water on Earth could supplant? Not infinite amount, but it's a lot less. Like Elon Musk, you know, like him or hate him.

has been talking about population collapse. Yes, I don't get that. I do. Look at Japan. I'm on the other side of that. There are places now... Too many people. ...that people are dying more than they're recreating. And now kids are scared. Young men and women are not getting together like they used to be. You know what? That's true. Can we do a shot? I will bless the shot. A shot. I will bless the shot. My shot days are over, but I'll pour another one. Pour me half a shot. Okay. Half a shot because I'm going to show off now.

Well, when he didn't show up. Because I'm not a Jew. What is that? I'm Jewish. You're not Jewish. I respect. You can't. Says who? You're not Jewish. Well, you probably learned that for a part. See, you could play a Jew. I did in 1989. Who? I played a Polish-Jewish-Argentine pimp. Hello. Wow. Zico Borenstein in a movie that never made it to the United States.

Hey, you know the actor Isaac? Oscar Isaac. Brilliant, brilliant guy. Oscar Isaac. I should have named myself Isai Isaac or something, right? You know what? I always thought he was Jewish because the name sounds so Jewish to me. He's part, I think, Guatemalan or something. No, I saw him on Saturday Night Live. He hosted. I'm a big fan. He's great. He's a great actor. I love him. I love him.

And, you know, working your side of the street, nice guy, nice looking guy, tan. And he's like... And I was surprised to learn in his monologue, he said, my real name is... Oscar Isaac Hernandez or something. Yes, like he had two names, two Hispanic names. He's a real Latino. And then he said, you know, of course, they made me... I'm like...

made you let me tell you something fuck up nobody made you listen it helps oh stop it listen my middle name is manuel if i came out as manny morales do you think maybe back in that how many many actors back in the day you sound like a jewish garment worker mania epstein it's just not like i mean jewish actors changed their name because it didn't sound like no he was hispanic

Anyway, he was... John Wayne was marrying whatever, you know? I thought he was Jewish. And when he said on this monologue that he was Hispanic, the audience burst into applause as if to say, thank God you're not white. He's been saved. Anything's better than that. We found out he's Hispanic. That's awesome. I'm really proud of a lot of...

Actors now that are Latino that are being accepted, embraced. I mean, Pedro Pascal is like on fire. You know, everything he does is amazing. Benicio del Toro has a movie coming out right now. It's not an impediment in show business. It really isn't. Yes and no. Now I'm going to like... It was when you started. Let me give you a little something. It was when you started a little bit. Raul Julia, man, one of my biggest heroes. John Leguizamo. Leguizamo. Yeah.

Let me just say that, oh, there was something, but the tequila just knocked, derailed my train of thought. I did that all the time. We're putting together a highlight reel of me just saying, what are we talking about? I now remember. Thank you for saying that. Oh, jeez.

It's not like they're writing great stuff. It's few and far in between. The characters. Whatever. The industry choosers of material. For some reason, I'm still a bad guy more than not. And I think I could play good guy, but I think I'm considered boring if I'm a good guy. I don't know. You could play anything. I mean, I saw you in the Anne Rand movie.

which, you know, if people don't know Anne Rand, kids, you should really, like, Google this one, Anne, A-Y-N, Rand. And she was this woman in the 50s, wrote a couple of very long novels. Classics. And I guess some books of philosophy. Anyway, she's very influential. You should Google her because she kind of, depending on your view of it,

promulgated this view that society was being held back by the losers and that just the winner type people, and look, there are winners and losers, should just be a little more ruthless people.

in how they take control. And so that's what the Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged are really about. Is that what you thought it was about? I kind of thought it was her response to communism, the excesses of communism. Well, communism is, and that's why it has resonance, and did, because communism is even worse in the other direction.

evening things out. And she's saying life is for the, society is for the exceptional and we shouldn't apologize for it. Right. And communism is the exact opposite. Everybody's equal. But Jordan Peterson says the equality of outcome as opposed to... Yes, yes. No. Communism is the worst. When I was younger, I always felt sympathy for communists and socialists because I thought, okay, if I had to pick an ism, right, socialism and capitalism, where am I going to pick?

Capitalism is about capital. Socialism is about people, I thought. Social, right? I thought, okay, capital can't love you. People can. And I figured, okay, I'm on the side of socialism. And then as I get older, you know, and opinions change and things, you know, life happens, I realized that if you try to be fair too much, you can become unfair.

And if you take away people's incentive to strive, then nobody wants to do good. Because if you're going to work harder than me and I'm going to get paid the same as you,

Then you're not going to work as hard because after a while, you're going to feel like an idiot. And that's what I'm saying. And then I thought to myself, I said, okay, capitalism, communism, you know, it's still cronyism. No matter where you go, whether it's Cuba or Russia, China, if you're part of the CCP or if you're part of the ruling party, you got it good. But it's worse.

I agree, but I'm saying- It is always cronyism, but there are levels to it. And one reason why America was America and the greatest is because we kept cronyism to shoe level.

Whereas it was just all what communism was. Can I tell you something? I used to be terrified of the communists, the Chinese. I didn't want the social credit score. I still don't. I'm still terrified of the Chinese. And there are people in our society, oligarchs, that want us to follow that because they want to be on top of a world. No. And they like the Chinese model because they keep their people kind of in control. But at the same time— Kind of in control. Listen, listen, listen, listen.

There's more people... They keep their people very much in control. Yet... No substitutions. Yet, hang on. Guess what I'm finding out, okay, that blew my mind. When they buy a house, they don't have to pay property taxes till they lose it. It's theirs. When they... They have less people in prison per capita than we do. We have more people in prison than China has. It's like...

We are in prison, too. That's true. With our own, like, let's not get it twisted. Let's always keep some sort of mental thing to realize that we're in our own prisons with materialism, with drugs. Trust me. With pleasure, you know? Like, come on. We don't take care of our own. No. We don't. Okay. But.

We have veterans on the street, and then we have people that break our laws that are getting taken care of. That makes conservatives angry. You don't want to live in China. I'm not saying I want to live in China, but I can't tell you how many friends that love living in Shanghai. For some reason, it is more modern, it is more popular. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Unless you want to speak freely.

then you will run afoul of the state unless you want to speak freely. And that's why I agree with you 100%. If you're one of those people who are like, you know what, I don't even follow politics. I just want business to be good. You're good. You wouldn't like it. That's not who you are. I agree with you. You wouldn't want to live in China. But I also don't want to live in a world that kids itself as to how free it is. My biggest complaint with America— And I don't want to live in a world that kids itself that there aren't actual, serious, important differences. Right.

There's a reason why we like it here. But how many of us have traveled the world at the same time, I have to say? I don't want our greatest export to be the illusion of freedom. Because you're free unless you threaten the pharmaceutical interest, unless you threaten the bankers, unless you threaten the military-industrial complex. Look what they did to Kennedy. Tell me a conspiracy theory you don't believe.

Oh, my God. You know which ones? Okay. The whole concept of conspiracy theory to me is brilliant because it's the way a certain agency and others have of hiding the truth in garbage. So they come up with a lot of garbage so that the truth looks indistinguishable. There is that, but there also is sometimes just real garbage, right? They create a lot of it. But even stuff they haven't created. Sometimes garbage is garbage. Absolutely. Okay, good.

I don't know everything either. Maybe there was... Maybe whatever happened there had a reason for it. Maybe the people who want to call the earth have a reason for it. That...

I'm not aware. What about the moon landing? That's another thing. I'm just... Oh, no. I'm telling you. It's not the moon. I'm telling you. We lost the moon. I'm telling you. Have you seen the videos that come back of that stuff that looked like really bad sci-fi? Tell me why today when we have on our cell phones...

The same computing power that people had in a building at IBM, right, in the 60s. And we go, why haven't we been back? Well, we lost the technology. Do you buy that, honestly? No. Nobody says that. They said that. NASA said that. Nobody says that. Okay. Nobody says that. What they say is we lost the will. No. And we did. No, they actually did. Video. I'll show it to you later. They did not. They did not.

Well, whoever said that was just on drugs. Why did we lose the will? We didn't. Why did we lose the will? Well, first of all, because I'll tell you why. We went to the moon like, I don't know, 10 times or something, maybe five. I don't know. But we went the first time. You know, it was like anything in show business. First one was great. First.

First one got a lot of hits. And then, you know, the second one was like, okay, well, we've seen this before. It's awesome. I mean, it's amazing. We congratulate you on your technological prowess here in 1970. But you just basically did the same thing. You flew a rocket up to the moon. You landed and then you got back safely to Earth. You realized the real estate wasn't good. There wasn't pools. There's nothing. So it was either like, where does this series go next?

And George Bush used to talk about, we're going to go to Mars and, you know, we're going to – and because if we started from the moon, it would be easier because we're already without gravity, you know. So we're just flying right into space. Some gravity, not as much. Not much. Not as much as Earth. So –

Okay, that would be next. I'm not for that, by the way, but that would be next if there was something. But, like, the series just ended because we couldn't get to Mars. We didn't have that technology. And we also just, what the fuck? Why do we keep going back to the moon? Okay, we got to rock. We know. It's just this fucking...

barren thing that was a piece of the earth four billion years ago and flew off. And, okay. Do you know what bothered me as a child? And then I'll tell you another concept. When you see the rocket ship... Santa Claus? This all goes back to Santa Claus. I was like, how do you get down that chimney and not get dirty? Why did they tell me about Santa Claus? What is going on? No, but Santa Claus is real. Anyway. Oh, shit. You haven't heard? So anyway, the point is,

As a kid, I never... No, this is just as a child. Okay, we're going to have to wrap this up. Okay, I never knew why the rocket would take off. There's the moon. And it would always go away. And we'd never see it. Like, we could see the moon, and we'd never see it. Like, nobody saw it from a periscope, like their own telescope actually landing. Never had anything of that. And if you look at the module...

A telescope would not see something that... Dude, this telescope sees things now going... Your iPhone. No, no, no. You blow up your iPhone. A telescope in 1969 could not see something as small as our spaceship. Is that the last time we went to the moon, 69? Around that, no. We went in the early 70s. I'm just saying, there are things that fly... I'm just saying that's not a good... There was a time, if you ask Native Americans, there was a time before the moon. There was a school of thought.

Again, I don't necessarily believe everything. I consider everything. There's a school of thought that says the moon was not always there. It's not... I know, again. Well, it wasn't. It wasn't always there. No, but it's not part of the earth. It's not like a piece that just broke off and then became perfectly round. That's exactly what it is. It's...

You know, not to... We've got to hang out a little more. Make this a history lesson, but according to the Big Bang theory... Native Americans knew the time before the moon. No. The universe, the Big Bang, is 14 billion years ago, approximately. Then matter cooled for 200 million years. And then...

the stars started to form. Earth was formed about 4 billion years ago, so about 10 billion years after the Big Bang. And the moon was probably a piece of it or something. You know, it's just... It's all just fucking rocks out there. But how do you know this? We don't know this. Ah, okay. No, no, no. Therein lies the rub. I respect you. Of course,

Of course. I don't know anything either, but you can admit that. We can agree on that. Certainly not the Big Bang thing, because that is theoretical astrophysics. You're right. I am absolutely trusting that Neil deGrasse Tyson knows better than the priest I had when I was a child. Okay. It's not perfect either. No, and it could be wrong, and scientific theories are proved wrong in that one. But they seem to think differently.

Why the Earth, the universe would have started that way seems inconceivable, but whatever. They seem to think they have stuff that they know, and I know how they basically look at— What caused the Big Bang? Well, exactly. That question can never be answered. And they don't try—astrophysicists don't try to answer that question. That's not their job. What is their job?

Their job is to decipher as well as they can what happened to create the universe and what the universe is now. That's the question. What happened to create the universe? What caused it? Again, they're not interested in that. That's not their thing. That's convenient. And none of us can know. No, no. They're not saying that they're responsible for that. And they're not. No one could be. We don't know. If the Big Bang was 14 billion years ago, why start things off that way and why...

Why then? And what happened before? And those questions you will never answer. Exactly. And my answer to that is, I don't care. I just want to live a good life. I say the exact same thing. Right? I don't care. I don't care because I'll never know. He's saying there's a lot that we don't know. And so I just wish that we were all gentle to each other as human beings. And we only have so much on this planet. It's the ants in the jar analogy. Yeah.

You know, they say red army ants and black ants get together, they're in a jar, there's no problem. When somebody shakes the jar, they kill each other. Really? Yeah, our jar is being shaken so much. By who?

I don't know. Maybe the people who want to see us fight each other instead of them. Maybe it's us. Maybe we need to look in the mirror. Maybe we're all just humans and it's our nature to be this way. How about this? I mean, I don't know. Some of it is we're being manipulated and some of it is just us. Let me tell you about the Taino Indians when Columbus came in. The Taino Indians and the Arawaks. I've heard of them. Arawaks, I've heard of them. Yeah, well, Taino are the ones that were specific to our island and I think some of the Dominican Republic as well.

Columbus wrote about them. He goes, these are beautiful people. They're of copper skin. They're very healthy. Did Columbus get to Puerto Rico? Oh, yeah. That was his second trip. Really? Where did he stay? At the Hyatt, I think. No, at the Convento. Sorry. Hyatt was after. Anyway, he said, these are beautiful people. They share everything they have. They don't have like they don't, you know, they're very peaceful. They're loving. They're just with 50 men, we can make them do whatever we want.

And I'm thinking a different mindset took over. I think human beings can be loving. They can. And we're generally good people. But we're farmed by people who don't believe in themselves, much less us. So that's my thing. We're farmed. We're just animals. Our countries are like farms. It's like the mob. Hey, you control this territory, I control that territory. We're just animals. And when you introduce the element of fear, all bets are off.

Can we agree on that? Yes. I mean, if we were crashed on a plane, just you and I in the Andes, one of us would eat the other. I'm just saying. Yeah, but I'm of the thought that we would take our time and look to avoid that. Of course, first.

I'm not saying on day two I'd eat you. Of course I wouldn't eat you on day two. Of course we'd... Stop being the killer white male. We'd try to fucking find a better solution. They said, oh, we both, you know, I... All right. It's great to see you. I hope this is the beginning of many times in the future since we missed too many years. I've had some really wonderful times. Yeah, yeah. This is the ultimate man cave, by the way. Okay.

No? No, no, it is. Okay. I want to see you back here. I'm so glad we did this. I was terrified I was going to cancel myself. I hope I haven't. You know what? I think you've got to lean into that shit. A little bit, but, you know. Because, like, what are they going to do? You have to have X amount of money to make it. Yeah.

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