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I just want to picture this. It's 530. Trump calls you. He asks you what you're wearing. The ever comedian, Bill. I like it. I need a drink. I had that asshole kid rock on. Oh, my biggest ratings ever.

It'll do well. You always do well. People like the truth, man. Yeah. I mean, not everybody sees what you're saying as the truth. Please. People like your own, even if it's your own truth, people like real. People like real. I think that is one thing people would say about us, even people who don't like us, that we're not liars. That's why I like you. Yeah, that's why I like you. You've been awfully kind to me through the years, you know, to start there, but, you know.

Of course, I don't like when you're talking shit about my boy, but that's one thing. But, you know, we have to. But at least it's the truth. So many people sugarcoat this shit. You know how Hollywood works and they're publicists and I'm in crisis mode. I'm like, just give me the phone. I'll talk to you. And people have to have the capacity to not see it the same way and then go on to the next subject.

Bingo. Not obsessed. And this is, see, I think you don't have to live with this as much as I do. I mean, that is probably my biggest beef with the left. And you know, I do not couch my criticisms of them. And that's why I have such a hard time out here, because there's such purists out here. And they will not countenance...

any diversion from the one true opinion as they see it. So I am insufficiently liberal for them. I had somebody who was very woke here one day and I said, you know, we voted for the same person. The difference is you're why she lost because that's the kind of face that

that a lot of Americans see on that sort of authoritarianism of the left, which I know is what animates you a lot. And it's not that it's not there. And the pendulum just swings too far. They get stuck. Exactly. It goes back the other way and it just doesn't have time to go like this. No. Well, then are you admitting that it's gone too far with where we are now?

No, not at all. No, I think D.C. needs a cleansing in its getting. Yeah, but not the way they're doing it. I think it's yet to be seen. I think it's too early. Well, I mean, today they had to go back on firing all the people who maintained the nuclear weapons.

All right, let's start there, right? So I don't know much about that. I don't know how much you know about it, but just a little common sense would tell me that maybe, just maybe, I don't know, I'd have to make a couple phone calls, that technology has probably changed significantly since, let's say, the 80s. If they needed 10 people to look over a bomb, they might only need two now. I don't know, but I think it's a reasonable thought. It is a reasonable thought.

It is a reasonable thought. And by the way, to back it up, what has come out of some of this is something that Democrats also have been complaining about for years, that when you say they must have updated, no, a lot of times they haven't. Oh, shit. Like, I can't, was it the FBI? They're still using a typewriter? Yeah, somebody was using, no, that's not an exaggeration. Somebody was still using something that was updated.

And you'd think, well, they're in that cave in Pennsylvania writing stuff out like for retirement or something, whatever that thing was.

Like a limestone cave in Pennsylvania or something. They're doing it. Like we can only do 10,000, you know, a month, like retirement, whatever. Like monks. And they're like down there like, it's like, who the fuck is supposed to be watching this shit? Our politicians, right? No, I mean, I've been on that page. I mean, every time I criticize them for the way they're doing it, I'm careful to make the point it needs to be done. I said at the end of last year, this country needs a colonic.

I just wouldn't choose them to do it. And I think I'm right about that because their idea of a colonic is to take a fucking jackhammer and stick it up your ass. And that's not the way I want my colonic done. I think a lot of politicians deserve that colonic, that jackhammer up the ass. I mean, just what's coming out. I don't care if it's Republicans or Democrats.

I mean, for years, it's just been like the status quo. And like all this shit's just going on and nobody thought to take a fucking peek at it with our tax dollars. No, I mean, Clinton, you remember the 90s. I know you do. Vaguely. Because I remember when the wreckage, that's when you first blew up. Clinton. Clinton.

very much, at least rhetorically, and also gave people the same thing Musk did, except back then it wasn't eight months pay. It was $25,000 if you'll fucking... I never had a huge problem with Clinton. No, I'm just saying that this is not new. And Al Gore was put in head of this department of

It was basically Doge. It was Al Gore's Doge. It was like, yes, government is wasteful and fraudulent and inefficient, and we have to do something about it. What'd they do? That's what I'm saying. No, I get it. So that's why this is politically feasible to people. That's why at least they're giving it a chance. They're saying, yeah, forever they've been saying,

that they're going to do this. And now some motherfuckers are in there who don't give a shit about who likes them or how they look, which is why people like them. I can relate. I can too. It's the great irony. I had a billboard up just last week for the new season, and the catchphrase is, he's not in it for the likes. That's good. Yeah, it is good. Because the irony... The likes and the clicks and views. Yeah, the irony that...

You know, people like you when you don't care if they like you. Well, I think it goes back to just being real. You know, it's just being real. And I think it's some, luckily somehow I figured it out and you must have too when you were, when we were both a lot younger. It's like, fuck, you know, the real, I figured it out when I was young and I was trying to fit in into the black communities I was hanging in, you know, crafting my trade and like, you know, wearing troop suits and shit.

And, you know, people just basically thought I was an idiot, which I was. And then I just started being myself at a really young age, wearing my little skateboard shit and saying, you know, I was a good DJ. And people just liked me more because I was myself.

And I learned that very young and just took that with me. To me, this is the big mistake that white people make about black people because usually the super lefties who are way more liberal in polling shows this than the average black person. Black person is way to the- You just saw that in the election. I mean, Trump got more than black vote. I was actually talking to him about it before he did the inauguration speech. I was like, sir, you know, don't forget like, you know,

It was actually kind of funny that, you know, you don't, that you got the biggest black vote in the history of conservative party, like this, that, and the other, you know, make sure you touch on that. You know, I was talking to some of my black friends about it and this, that, and the other, and he did. He touched on it and, you know, that excites me. He still does. Yeah, yeah, you don't. Yeah, he got more than any Republican since Nixon.

More than his first time. He still got creamed. Of course the population grows, so there's more voters. Yeah. But we're talking about percentages. Yeah. He did better. He still got creamed in the blackboard. Let's not pretend he didn't. But, okay, but the thing I was going to say is that the, you know—

The far lefty woke types, I don't think they really actually have any black friends probably. They don't. I see this in the fucking music business all the time. Really? These motherfucking lefties and they're like, think they're going to be this big black savior. And it's like, you're a fucking idiot. Like, you just don't fucking understand. Because I think if they actually knew black people, what they would understand is, see, they think in their social justice warrior head. They know a black musician. Yeah.

who plays in a band. They know of a black musician. Who's this, that, and the other. They don't know the streets. They don't know, you know, fucking, I'm not going to say real black people, this, that, and the other, but, you know. No, in their social justice warrior head, the most important thing they think to black people is that we're allies. I think black people, you know, I'm just extrapolating from the black people I talk to and I know,

They're a lot more cynical about it. They're like, oh, please. We don't trust any white people fully. And who can blame them? So just because you're a liberal Democrat doesn't mean we think you're...

I've never heard anyone black or white. I don't trust white people. Now, they might drive into a certain community and be like, oh, I'm fucking around here because they're going to fucking lynch my ass. You know what I mean? Shit like that, like we're driving in a nice neighborhood. No, I'm just saying they don't have this great belief that the liberals are so much better or really care more. And it's like, yeah, you know, look at cities. Like, they're run by Democrats, but they don't seem to actually help

with the problems that blacks are having in cities. You know? No. I mean, sometimes they do, and certainly they try. Their heart's in the right place. But their programs very often seem to get in the way of themselves. What I was going to say is, like, no, I think what my friends, at least, what they care most about is who keeps it real, not who's your ally. Who keeps it real? That, to me, is the currency. So even if they don't agree with you,

They respect that. And... I find that every day. People that approach me and say whatever to me, you know, if I'm out and about in public, which I always am, I find it all the time. What do they say to you? You should... Black people? Any people. But yeah, what do black people say to you? They say a lot of different things, but I mean...

You know, people that are real, people that are real, just like you're sitting here talking to me and we're going to have a good conversation. And, you know, I would dare say we've become friends is that, you know, I hope so. We have different opinions on a lot of things, but we both have our truths. And those are, you know, we keep it real with each other and we can speak about this shit and we can find some things. And I don't think you're a bad guy and I don't think you're a racist, which liberals do. They think you're a terrible racist.

Yeah, white woke liberals think I'm a racist. Yes, they do. Fuck yeah. Then to them, fuck yeah, I am. Fuck them. I'd rather just fucking horndog into them and be like, yeah. I mean, when we were in the 90s, it was the conservatives who had to stick up their ass. Now it's the other way around. Like your song, I was quoting it on the show tonight, Low Life.

I quoted the great line about, you know. I got kids I've never seen and their mom is 17. But the other one is like. My friend John Eddy wrote that. I owe everybody money. I think racist jokes are funny. Now, that's something that to a lot of people out here in Hollywood, that is over the line to even make that joke.

Which is why movies have gotten so shitty. Who's going to make Step Brothers or something again? Like everybody's dancing around, you know, as a comedian, scared to fucking say this and that. It's like, no wonder everything got so shitty. It's not funny anymore. Now, I think this is much more of a generational thing than a racial thing. I think there is a generation, not ours, the one or two, maybe two after us, Gen Z especially, that came after us.

Where sort of everything is predicated on what triggers you, what you're offended by. Yeah, we start asking children at a young age, like, how does that make you feel? Shut the fuck up. Like, how do you feel? We coddled these fucking kids, you know, like I was saying on the show, like too long and did too much. Like, you know, you don't want to be the bad parent who says, you know, go ride your bike without a helmet. Come back when you broke your fucking arm. You know, it's okay.

You know what I mean? But God forbid something happens to your kid, then you're the fucking bad parent. Right. You're the terrible one. It's like, fuck it. No, you can't actually ever enunciate this to people because they would just kick you in the teeth. But the truth is that a certain of them are going to die. That's – I mean, certain number of kids. It's amazing how we've gotten that number down. It wasn't that long ago historically. I'm talking only like 100 or maybe –

200 years ago where... That seems like a long time. In the... Of human history? It's a blink of an eye. It seems like a long time. It's a couple of generations, a few generations. But before that, you know how many children used to die like before the age of five? About half. Sure. You only had a 50-50 chance to get out of toddler world.

You know, you got kicked by a horse or, you know, your parents had 12 kids and they forgot about you or whatever the fuck it was. But, you know, kids have no idea how good they have it. But I also do wish— That's probably what our parents thought about us too, right? And they were right.

Yeah. It's amazing. They think. It's relevant every generation. Are you a boomer? No, you're not old enough to. You're Gen X. I'm 54. Gen X. I don't know what they all are. Yes. I consider myself Gen Awesome. Okay, Charlie Sheen. Get him his tiger blood. Yeah. It's running low. Bring that shit on.

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Oh, what are you? Oh, you're on drinking Coors Light? Is that a joke? Did somebody do that? No, they just, that's what was there. I'm drinking it. Oh, but you're, so you made up with them. Or actually, they made up with you. You're talking about Bud Light? Oh, it was Bud Light, yes. Keep smoking it. Keep smoking them funny cigarettes, Billy.

Yeah. All right, Bud Light. But I saw that their Super Bowl commercial was an attempt, did you see this, to undo... To actually become friends with them. See? That's how you handle it. I did. I invited them, the CEO, Brendan. There you go. And I told him, I don't want anything from you. I'm not looking for money. Everything's fine in that department. I go...

I go, let's have a—we had some mutual people, and I was like, let's have a conversation. I go, and it's not any gotcha either. Like, I'm not trying to get you there to be like, oh, fuck them, this, that, and the other. And we actually became friends through this whole ordeal. I love this story. They did offer some big dollars in potential for Nubian. I said, man, I just can't do that. I was like—and really, at the end of the day, since we're on it, it's like, basically what happened is they let—

they let a fox into the hen house you know they just weren't keeping an eye on things and i was like what do you think's gonna happen when you start the ad person well for that whole dylan mavaney thing you know it was just like it was like a blip but you know it obviously blew up and all this culture war shit and everything and it was like but what do you care if they have what i don't understand why that upset you so much um i don't know i don't know i'm fucking you know guys have

Watch football and fucking, you know, our dudes don't want to see. This is just bad business. It was that, but I did think she was adorable, I have to say. Oh, did you watch some of those videos? Like before, whatever that turned into this, like on The Price is Right, and she was fucking hysterical. There was something so innocent about her, so innocent and joyous. Him? Which you've now killed. Yeah.

Yes, she was just so happy to be there. And like this kid who like probably a year ago was studying for or not even studying for some test or something in high school. And now here she is like, you know, I'm that voice of Bud Light. I get to be on TV and you're filming me and doing my hair. And it's just like so like I can't.

I don't know why you let yourself get agitated about that, but I also get it. Because it's just spur of the fucking moment. I didn't think it through. Right. I'm just like, you know what? I keep a shit ton of beer around the house. All types of beer. Bud Light was one of them. And a million rifles. Fucking got a great MP5 machine gun. And I'm like, I'll fucking set them up. Let's have some fun. Honey, put your camera on video. I want, yeah.

They're always telling me I need to do more social media and this. I'm like, fuck, I got one for you. It is amazing how big that was, though. I mean, it was everywhere. Because it had everything. You know, it had a star. It had a point of view. It had guns. It had my MAGA hat on. Well, of course. I don't think that added anything. But the guns. Oh, it did. Because, you know, in the day and age, this was a day and age when people were

But they already knew you were... Yeah, they did. Yeah. Yeah, of course, they did. But nonetheless, still did it. Yeah. I mean, I think they knew that first picture that came out where you were sucking his dick. Shit.

What is it like to be with him? You said today that he's funny and he's, I can imagine that. Dude, it's unbelievable. Unbelievable. The more I get to know him, the more we've become friends over the last eight, 10 years, whatever. I'm confident you guys would sit down and have a good time and have a laugh. Everybody tells that to me. Everybody says you'd like him and he'd like you. I hope he does. He did. He told me one time, I told him last time I was coming to do the podcast. I said, I'm going to do Bill Maher's podcast. He's like, really? Yeah.

He's like, tell him I love him. Okay. And I'm like, yeah, right. What? I tell him I love him. I'm like, seriously. He's like, yeah, tell him I love him. Let's say it. If he would only get off the not conceding elections thing, we could be a lot closer. I mean, Bill, come on. That was, I don't know what fucking happened.

I do. Oh, I know what happened. Joe Biden won an election. That's what happened. No, there was COVID going on. There was all sorts of horseshit going on. They use that as a disguise. I don't know exactly. But he won the election. Just because you don't get caught doesn't not make it a crime. Oh, Bob.

you'll lose me when you go there because it's been adjudicated. It's like, give up on that one. There's people going to fucking jail that fucking, you know, got convicted by 12 of their fucking peers that are fucking innocent. It happens all the time. Irrelevant to this point and this discussion. But, sweetheart...

It's actually a better story this way because it's a trilogy. He wins the election. Then there has to be an act two where the hero is wandering in the wilderness before you have act three. So it's better that he lost. Joe Biden did him a favor. He's more legendary because he came back.

And there's no question to that. Okay. So you never convinced me and a lot of people that there wasn't shenanigans going on during COVID during that election, all this shit. It was a, that was a bananas time. I may not convince you of it, but it is eminently convincible to anyone who wants to like go through just really nonpartisan court rulings, Republican rulings.

Republicans saying it. Lots of them. It's just, he lost an election. You know whenever he won, was every one a hit record? Was every one a hit record? No. But...

Does every one of my jokes land? No. You lose a few. And it's just a better story, and it just would make me breathe a lot easier because I'm not sure that this crowd is ever going to give— I don't know if we'll ever see a Democrat president again because I just don't think they are of a mind that—

That can happen without it ruining the country. So they convince themselves they have to do it. They don't want to do it. They just have to do it because otherwise a Democrat – Monkey see, monkey do too. Meaning? I mean somebody starts something and like you see the talking points come out like the comms and the White House and this, that, and the other. It's like everyone gets on the same talking point. They use them a lot in the news now. Everyone's talking about this. They're saying this. They're saying the end of –

What is the big one now? It's constitutional something. Yeah. The reason why the Democrats have a hard time prosecuting this case and making Americans care as much as they should have is because there is a version, a slighter, less damaging, less...

to the Constitution version of all of it that the Democrats do. Everything is a slippery slope. Trump's a king. Yeah, they all try to act like kings to a degree. These people just take it to a different degree. And also, the Democrats do draw the line at when they lose an election, they just quit. They quit quick. I mean, Kamala Harris was in, like, you know, the Bahamas, like, on Thursday. I mean, they just, like, okay, we lost. Get out of town. See you. We'll try again next year. No big deal.

Will you pardon your son? No. Well, that's, again, you have not an untrue point. That was a horrible hypocrisy.

Again, it doesn't have anything to do with he doesn't concede elections. But let's not... Everything to do with just being fucking checked out and lying for fucking four years about fucking almost everything. Like, who's running the fucking country? Okay. It was almost... It was just bananas to sit back and watch. Like, I don't wish that on any human being, you know, to... There's something wrong there, clearly. And everyone... Wish what on... With Biden. Oh, Biden. Yeah.

No, it was a terrible...

I don't know, but I would have to think that I'm a rational enough human being that if something was that bad, I'd be like, hey, man, this is fucked up. Someone's got to step in here. What the fuck is going on? I was trying to get him to leave a long time before people were, most people were, some people were. But I can't argue that point. It just always comes down to a matter of degree and what you think is the bigger, you know,

Well, so people, once they grasp onto something, they're holding onto it. They're so scared to look at it from a different angle and let go. You know what I mean? That is their fucking everything. Their safety. It's like, no, I got in this boat. I'm going to keep paddling. It's like, well, you're going upstream. You sure you don't want to turn around? Yeah. Isn't it amazing, though, that they're almost the same age, and yet Biden –

is like Crypt Keeper kind of like... Well, that's genetics. Skeletor. Well, or how we treat ourselves. Absolutely. Whereas Trump, almost the same age, and I used to say it in my act, it was like he puts on the wig and the face paint and he's like Kiss in 1976. It's like he hasn't changed a day. Nothing is different. He's got a brand which...

It was kind of brilliant. The dude's got more energy. And energy. More go. And wants to win at every level. Wants to win at every level. But he does not present as old. You know what I mean? No. It's fucking insane, Bill. Sometimes, you know, I'll talk to him like...

Sometimes I'll call him. I told him, I said, sir, you know, you don't have to pick up my calls all the time. Like sometimes I've had a few beers. Oh, he's not doing anything. He's up calling my- Trust me. And then like, and then he'll get me back. He'll call me like 5.30 in the morning and be like, hey, you up? And I will because neither one of us sleep a lot. Right.

Really? You know, his energy level, his fight, his wanting to win. No matter what it is, like somebody with those qualities, I want fighting for me. I want him in my corner no matter what the fight is. I understand that. We're fighting for America. I want him in my corner. I wish I was in that corner. I was in a corner with a guy who could fight like him. I agree. There's nobody better. But at like getting what he wants. Did you repeat that? No, but at getting what he wants. I agree.

No, you said nobody better. Nobody better at getting what he wants. I have issues with the means, which is crucial to that point. You can't get what you want just by any means. Like, we want Greenland. We're just going to take it. No, it doesn't work that way. But let me... Well, that's what he says, and that's part of his negotiations. That's part of the genius when he goes in and he says, like...

hey, don't do this or I'll blow you fucking up. And they're like, well, you're going to do what? He's like, I'm going to blow you the fuck up. People are like, even if they believe him 5% and it keeps him from starting a war somewhere, that's the fucking guy I want. I get it. He's that good. All right. So I'm going to ask you about that in a minute. But wait. So I just want to picture this. It's 530. Trump calls you. You answer.

He asks you what you're wearing. No, okay. The ever comedian, Bill. I like it. I like a good joke. Come on. I know you do. And so do I. I mean, so many of your songs are funny. You know, fucking 50 is very funny. Certainly Low Life is a scream.

Oh, there's a billion fucking, yeah, fucking 40. The one I talked to you about last time, like the Nashville. Nashville, I know. That's very funny about the metros and the, what do you call them? We're all drinking Michelob Ultras. Yes.

And you wish they'd start some shit with you. You'd knock out their whitened teeth. So the original line that was written by a friend of mine, War Gunther, that I take these songs sometimes that people have written and I rework them. I put my thing on and I rewrite words and shit like this. No, I mean, to me, you're almost unique genius.

Almost unique. Well, other people have done it is what I'm saying. You don't even know what I'm going to say, but now I'm going to tell you. The way you can evoke the feeling of really that time in your life that is the most sort of embossed in your brain, adolescence, you're 17, your first love.

I remember waiting at the school bus. Jenny Clayton was my first crush. You know, you have so many songs that evoke that feeling, drinking from the same cup. Isn't that one of the best feelings outside of love, sex, like just that nostalgia feeling? It gets me every time. Remember my first... I had a road new song for him. It gets me every time.

Is that how you do it? Absolutely. I do, you know, I work the same way. Absolutely. If someone says something poignant or outside of the box or something that's just different, I write it down. Whether it's a title or a line or anything, I write it down. I never purposely write. I just remember things I say when I'm high. Yeah.

But that's, you know... That would be the title of your next special, Things I Say When I'm High. Well, that's going to be the title of every show and every special. Oh, it's called a podcast. It is a podcast, all right. But like Glenn Frey said, he was in this car with this guy driving on the freeway, and he said, life in the fast lane. And Glenn was like, oh, thank you for making my next $12 million for me, because...

No, of course, then you have to. Which is also saying, like, someone gave me a brick and I built the White House. There's a lot more work entailed. I was just going to say. Which, as you know, as a comedian, you write down, like, the one thing, but it sparks something in you. And then I've learned over the years to even write more and more down. Like, the dumbest shit you would think at the time, but you just write it down. Sometimes you forget about it. Right. Then you go back through your notes, through a chord you wrote, through a voice recording, through whatever it is. Yeah.

You know, you write 100 and maybe one of them hits. Yeah. I mean, that's what, speaking of the Eagles, what Don Henley said when Don Felder, I don't know if he sued them, but he definitely wanted to be the writer on Hotel California. Now, he did give...

I don't know about the guitar. Well, he gave him a tape with that sort of beginning kind of riff, and he said, yeah, it was a very intriguing idea for a song. It had no lyrics. It had no title. It had no chord changes. You know, yes, a lot of these bricks have to go in. That is kind of constituted as songwriting, though. Like, you know. Is what? In a weird way, it's a very slippery slope in songwriting. Like, you know, like in Nashville, they call it write a word, take a third.

you know what i mean it's like if you sit if a four guy sit in a room and you come in and you got a melody and like a hook or something and there's a fourth guy sitting there that just you know changes um right one line of the song he gets a third well i'm no stingy i like think you know that i think people would tell you i take care of people around me you know sometimes give more than what's due but at other times i'm like too like wait a minute let's call this what it is you know what i mean like

I came with this and this. You came with this. Let's talk about it and split up the percentages. Right. Sometimes I'll just give people fucking more, but that didn't happen until I was rich. Right. Well, you'll appreciate this story then. Maybe you heard it. Diane Warren, the great songwriter. I know Diane. You do? Oh, yeah. Okay, well, she noticed that, this was like two years ago, that a Beyonce song had 24 writers on it.

I've seen that all the time. That happens a lot. Pop music and hip hop and stuff. It's even happened in Nashville now. So she said, she commented to somebody, how can you have 24 writers on a song? And then the other types who you and I both don't have any use for said it was racist. Everything's racist. Because she was questioning. And I don't even know where the... If you say anything negative about Beyonce, you're racist. It happened to me years ago. I said, Beyonce something racist.

I said, I think she's beautiful. She's talented. Always been kind to me. I know her running. I know her father and her sister. I've known them through the years. Right. And I was like, I just don't understand how she can be this big, but she doesn't have like a Purple Rain or like a Sweet Home Alabama or an old time rock and roll like a

A song that no matter who you are, no matter what you think, this, that, and the other, it's like, fuck, that's good. This, that, and the other. I know as specific as this, that, and her fucking beehive came after me. They're like, this, that, and the other. And I was out fucking hunting. I think that, I think. Wait, Bill, you appreciate this. It's like.

Just flooding my shit, blowing all my shit up. I don't give a fuck about anything. I'm like, wrong guy to fuck with. I'm like, I'm going to think about this. Her fan club or something was called The Bayhive, The Beehive or something like that. So I just posted a can of Raid. I was like, fuck y'all. Of course you did. That's you. But I might submit that Listen, which is from Dreamgirls,

Which is, you don't know it. No. I think that's pretty mainstreamy, like this thing you're talking about. I think most people would know that. Listen. I'm talking about all people. Well, there's nothing all people know. There still is. No, there isn't. Everybody knows Don't Stop Believin'. I don't know about that. Oh, please. Yeah, they do. You think kids know Don't Stop Believin'? I'm talking about you got to put a certain generation on it at some point.

You know what I mean? I don't even know who did that. I know the song. Journey. So Journey in the Coliseum. With my nuts swinging. No dancing, no lip syncing. Do I actually have a... Right? You said Coliseum. I got an old rhyme. Isn't that what... Yes, but I got an old rhyme that I never used, like an old dirty rhyme. See, that's again... You just sparked it as like a... That evocation. And my dick's so thick, you know it ought to be bronze. Then put on display in a museum with my nuts swinging low so the host can come see them. Yeah.

That's from Don't Stop Believing? No, that's just this fucking weird rhyme I remembered from I don't know where that I've never used. But again, that evocation of that time in your life

The one about you're in the second row with your girl on your shoulders. Yeah. Like all that stuff. That was actually started. That was started written by like Morgan Wallen, Mitchell Tenpenny. Really? A couple other guys. This was before Morgan Wallen blew up. And I remember this, I got a demo of it. I can't remember what. And I just couldn't get over the voice on it. I was like, who the fuck is singing this demo? It's Morgan Wallen.

And he wrote that? He was one of the writers on that. Now, I took that song and I reworked it. Right. Put it in my thing, which I've done, you know. Right. Normally, I'm writing, you know, I would say 80% of my songs with one of my go-to friends like Uncle Cracker or John Eddy or somebody. You know, I don't do the Nashville writes where people say, let's get together at 3 p.m. and write a song. I'm like, okay.

Let's just fucking hang out, and if some shit sparks off, let's start writing it down. Right. That's my method, too. Yeah. It's going to work all right. But yeah, it was actually on that. That was them. Still something about rock and roll. Oh, I love that.

You know, that's great. You like a lot of the songs that I like. I really do. Aren't big hits. And I know them well. One of my favorite songs, not just of you, but of anything, Cold Beer, which just tells you, you can separate the art from the artist. That was written by a young man in Louisiana who sent it to me, same thing. It's funny, all the songs you like were started by someone else, Shay. His name was Shay something through a friend of mine, Steven Peterman, that played for the Lions.

knew him, it's either Mississippi or Louisiana, one or the other. But yeah, just give me a cold beer. I'm ready for my life to change. ABC Tonight, American Idol returns. Give it your all, good luck, come out with a golden ticket. Let's hear it. This is a man's world.

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Look, this is such a good illustration of the way you can separate the art and the artist. Like, I hate beer, so I don't relate to that at all. Most gay people do. I saw Bullseye. Yeah, that was pretty good. You got me a couple times. Yeah, absolutely. But cold beer, no. If it was called Lit Pot...

I would relate, but I don't relate. So I don't relate to what you're singing about. The lyrics are political. I find the first line very funny because you're lamenting. No, it's like I'd turn on the radio if they were playing songs instead of like talking politics about how everything's gone wrong. Okay, I'm like, yeah. Damn, Bill, I'm impressed. Man, I'm telling you, I've been there for a long time. We didn't talk about this last time?

We did, but I don't know. We're in Hollywood. You might just be fucking. No. Oh, no. Please. How would I? Why would I do that? What would you think I would like? Anyway. Because you live in Hollywood. But I am a music lover. I know. I'm very. I've come to know that more and more. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've had a lot of musicians here. Your girl Cheryl Crow was here. You know, I mean, not just the big one you did with it, but Collide.

That's a great duet record. Bob Seger played piano on that. But Cold Beer, okay.

I don't agree with the beer part. Wait. First of all, yeah, you say you... I find it ironic that you were lamenting that at the radio. Well, people talking politics. Yeah, Bob. We only get people to shut the fuck up about politics, huh? But then, like, you doubt global warming. And it's okay, because I don't give a shit. You're even throwing the beer cans into the fire, which seems unnecessarily...

Anti-environmental. I mean, why throw the can into the fire? Because it's fun to do bad things. Okay, there you go. And that's, okay. And that is a venal sin I can forgive. But it just shows you can like the art. And you know, I don't have to agree with it. I don't give a shit. You think I live my life by song lyrics?

You know, I mean, there's lots of lyrics I listen to. I mean, I love Jumpin' Jack Flash, but I don't drive a spike through my head or whatever he's saying in there. I never know what he's saying. I used to cover it. I can tell you what he's saying. Jumpin' Jack Flash? Like a spike? I was born in a crossfire hurricane. Which they named the investigation after. I was drowned by some in the pouring rain. Yeah. I was...

When the spy cracked through my head. Yeah, something was. You don't remember it either. This is where it's tough to argue with drugs are bad.

No, it's because... You listen to the lyrics of Tumbling Dice? Because Mick Jagger does not enunciate or he sings in his scouse Cockney accent. Because like all of us, he wanted to be a black man. I don't... I mean, I've listened to those songs and of course I could look up the lyrics in two seconds, but I'm too lazy. But some of the songs I've been listening to for 50 years and I still don't know... Another one, Honky Tonk Woman.

I don't know what's this. I met a gin-soaked bar room. I met? I met a gin-soaked barmaid down in Memphis. She tried to take me upstairs for a ride. That line I remember. Tried to take me upstairs for a ride. Lady, then she covered me in roses?

Yeah. Blew my nose and then she blew my mind. I don't. I was like. But the song is great. So who gives a shit? No, when the songs are. Incredible. We actually came up a version for this next tour of I come out of this new song, which I'm going to make people suffer through a new song, which at my level in the career, it's like, you know, like you're not waiting for God rest his soul for Tom Petty's new song.

You know what I mean? Played fucking hits. I understand that, but I'm like, when you get a good one, I'm like, all right, I'm going to make them suffer through this. And I'm not going to give them a chance to go to the bathroom or go get a drink or something. So I'm going to play it second. And that's how you get them to suffer through it. But at the end, then we do this, what I call like an Ike Turner thing.

Ike and Tina Turner version of I Know It's Only Rock and Roll, which gets me off, too. Because it's exciting for me to do this version and get into this groove. Sometimes you've got to do shit for yourself to keep yourself into it, most of the time. I mean, you're such a good singer. It's baffling to me why you, like it was all, when you were first on the scene, I felt like you were just a straight up all rapper. I didn't even know you could sing. That's what I had to do to get in.

But why? Because obviously you could always sing. Because rap metal was the big shit, right? And I'd been in the trenches for 10, 15 years at this point. Really? Not making any money. I had a kid.

you know blah blah blah it was like kind of do or die time you know i was doing it for 10 to 15 years before you were famous before yeah when i was like 14 in that era oh yeah when i was 14 you know i was going at it and then when i was 19 i was torn with ice cube and too short i had released a record on jive records on rca when i was 18 that sold like i must have sold 10 or 15 copies

which was actually funny because it was this dirty record, Too Short produced some of it and some other folks. And then Vanilla Ice came out and that kind of crushed that because I was this little dirty fucking white boy from Detroit. And I remember sitting in a record company, I'm like, you can't get any of my songs fucking anywhere. This record ain't selling. I'm fucking 18. They had the labels like, you said suck my dick in every song about four times. And I'm like,

But then it came Do or Die. Doing that record, it was like, and I actually sent in, like, when I got signed to Atlantic, some, like, kind of Rolling Stones, you know, bluesy rock feeling songs. And they were like, what the fuck are you doing? They're like, we signed you because of some of this rap metal shit you did. And I was like, I can do that shit in my sleep. They were like, then do it. And I did it. And, you know, fucking sold 14 million copies off it. Right.

I thought I was going to stay there. And I'm like, I wrote this country song I think is pretty good. It had Sheryl Crow sing on it. Picture. And they're like, you're going to fucking ruin your career. What are you doing? I'm like, I'm just doing what I think feels good, what sounds good, what I like, what I think people want to hear. I don't know. And also, people go through phases in their life. If you're an artist, that's going to be reflected in your art. So what you were interested in at 14 was,

Yeah. I don't like Love Me Do by the Beatles because they were 21. I didn't want anything to do with fucking country music when I was a kid. My parents used to listen to it. I'm like, fuck this. I'm like, I'm a fucking goddamn fucking rebel. And then hip hop came out. I'm like, oh yeah. Unfortunately, rebellion nowadays has turned into, at least sometimes I think about it, and it's half joke, half serious. It's like,

You know, you rebel. I'm like, fuck, I'm going to cut the lawn at my parents' house. I'm going to fucking listen to fucking Run DMC and fucking NWA and fucking like... But I really loved it. And now it's turned into like, I'm going to cut my dick off and put a dress on and piss my dad off. You can't tell when you don't think some of that's going on. Oh, I'm sure that is. I mean...

Look, every generation from the beginning of time, I think, has an impulse to, like, the prime directive is to piss off those assholes who brought you into the world and gave you everything. Exactly. Fuck them. Whatever they do, I'm going to do the opposite. If they drink coffee hot, I will drink it cold.

If they smoke cigarettes, I'll smoke a vape. You know, they just, if they think that people are just boys and girls, I'll show them. There's a lot of that going on. But you know, I mean, Trump says there's only two sexes. You know that it's more complicated than that, right? Well, there's very small percentages of people who are born with like... But it still exists. There are people. Very small percentage. Okay. But it's been blown way out of hand, you will admit. Look, I agree with that. Yes.

And they hate me for saying that, but absolutely some of it is social contagion. I mean, when I did a... Everything's social contagion. Well, but certainly at that age, you're so susceptible to any fucking suggestion. I compared it to entrapment in the sense that when you get caught for entrapment, it means that you wouldn't have thought of committing this crime.

The FBI had to come in and say, hey, wouldn't it be great if we blew up the Sears Tower? I mean, those assholes, am I right? I think I can get you a lot of explosives. And if you say that to people who have nothing going on, like want to blow some shit up, they might go, hey, that's a pretty good idea. Okay, that's entrapment. It's a little bit of the same if you're constantly talking to kids.

about the idea that you might not be in the right body, which is true. You might not, but to have been doing... You didn't get a choice, motherfucker. That's the body you were born in. Yes, but there are people whose mind is so oriented the other way that it does make sense for them, I think.

But not a child to decide this. Thank you. I mean, children, I mean, the idea that I would have had to deal with that idea even, I could barely deal with what I was dealing with, which was at first, I want girls so badly and I'm too shy. How is this going to fit in there? Oh, that was not what I was worried about. It was just, I want girls and I'm too shy to talk to them. That's a terrible prison to be in. I'm still like that.

That's ridiculous. What the fuck are you talking about? You're shy with girls? Well, I will show off fucking whatever I have to do to make sure that girl that I have my eye on wants to talk to me.

I'm fucking, yeah. I will not go up to a girl and say, hi, my name's Bob. How are you? You don't have to. You're famous. That's probably why you- That's probably the fucking whole reason why. Everybody, all of it. It solves- It all comes back to pussy. I wish I had some shoes made out of that shit. I mean- It don't ever get old. You can't wear it out. You know what the greatest opening line to a girl is? Thank you very much. You know? Because she said to you, hi.

Kid Rock, I love you. And your line is? I love you too. Thank you very much. Oh no, I just jump right in. I love you too. It sounds like you're single now. I am single. Oh, I didn't know that. Last time we talked, you were with somebody. Yep. Well, I'm sorry that you're here on Valentine's Day. I'm sure you won't be alone for long. Oh, it's tough, Bill. It's not tough for you. It's tough in general. It's not tough for a rich, famous...

I heard it said once I can have every girl I don't want. There's a lot of that too, yes. Just because a lot of people want you doesn't mean you find them attractive. That is true. And certainly beautiful women know that more than anybody.

Many beautiful women are alone here on Valentine's Day. I had a good one with Elon at the fight. A good relationship? No, we're just talking. I don't know him that well. We text a little bit here and there, but we're talking. I don't like to speak out of school, but I don't think this is speaking out of school. We're sitting there, and now we're just three, four hours into the UFC fight. We're hanging out, and these ring girls are walking around.

at Madison Square Garden. And I'm like, and I've been noticing this all night. I'm like, these girls are not that hot. And he's like, he gives me this stare and he's like, hot women are very scarce. And I'm like, ooh, he's kind of right. I look at him a little bit longer and I'm like, so are cool dudes with shit tons of money. We had a good laugh off that for a while. It's

Well, I think Elon probably is certainly physically hot. What's hot to you? What's hot in the mainstream? What's amazing to me is that there are so many different variations of gorgeous in the world. There's a lot. I mean, yes. Is it the majority? No. But, I mean, there's how many adult women in the world? Three billion? Yeah.

Even if it was like 10 million, that's a lot of hot chicks who are like- Spread across the world? Well, I mean, we're talking about super gorgeous, like arrestingly beautiful. And then just plain beautiful is pretty good too. There's a lot of variations on why do you think we have so much trouble

being committed people, because men, it is a constant siren call. And unless you are tied to the mast, like Odysseus, it's hard to not answer that call, especially for you. Comedians... Maybe when I was younger, it's not hard anymore. Yeah, of course. But because you're... I'm guessing your priorities have changed. Absolutely. I mean...

You don't want to be blown on the tour bus. You're at Toys R Us. It's an arrogant joke. That's a good one. What is it? That's pretty good. It's actually true. It's in your song. Yeah, it is. Nowadays, I spend more time at Toys R Us. Which is totally fucking true.

Right. Trust me. Rather than picking up a hot take, I'm more worried about what I'm going to get my granddaughter for Christmas. Right. Well, you can do both, you know. I'm sure you'll, you know. We'll go over to Houlihan's later. It's Valentine's Day. We'll get the losers. What's Houlihan's? The strip club? No, I just made it up. Some dive Irish bar I'm picturing with. Yeah. I'll walk into a dive Irish bar and every girl in there will think I'm fucking Elvis.

Yes. Was it so terrible? No complaints here. Yeah, exactly. Now, I will not say who this is, but a friend of mine who was like close, not quite my age, but in that era, and we were talking somewhat recently, and he's single, he was married, and he said, you would not believe it, I'm getting a lot of iconic pussy.

Like, girls would come up to me and say, you're iconic. I thought, wow. Wow. That is, the universe just keeps giving. Iconic pussy. And I think you could get a lot of iconic pussy. You're iconic. Now, you've got to find a girl who knows that word. Not all of them. I'm trying to figure out what it means. Iconic? You know what it means.

But I would guess that Elon needs a woman who's very smart, wouldn't you think? I mean, he's kind of a brainiac and all that, don't you think? I don't think so. Really? No. Elon? Most dumb guys like us are like, she looks really smart. She looks super smart. Yeah.

First of all, tits never... Tits are for kids. We should hang out sometime because we're probably not chasing the same pussy. We're not. Bingo. See, that's why we're friends. We just broke through. Break on through to the other side. I'm not chasing pussy at all, Bob. I'm looking for a meaningful relationship. You disgust me. You're lucky I don't hit you over the head. Clearly, you're looking for a meaningful relationship.

No, but I don't think Elon is like us at all. I think Elon Musk needs a woman who... I read once in an interview he did in some magazine, and he said, I can't really be happy or good at my work unless I'm in love. And at the time, he was with Amber Heard. That may slightly load the issue of this point I'm making, but yeah, he was. He was with Amber Heard. I forgot that. Did you know that?

I knew he banged her or something, but... No, well, they were together for a while. Then she shit on his computer. That was hilarious. God bless Johnny Depp. Yes. For standing up and fighting. Correct. For standing up and fighting. Yes. Because you know what? There's a lot of women that are misfucking treated. That's a fact. Yes. And then you got these other fucking bitches who fucking shake down fucking men.

or attempt to shake down men, scare the fuck out of them. And you're like, wait a minute. You're like, this is fucked up. I wouldn't say it was a shakedown. What I would say, it's this. Women have an idea a lot, I think, that I would call romantic justice. Now, there's a term we have, poetic justice. Poetic justice. I believe in romantic justice to a T. You don't know how I'm defining it. Yeah, I do.

You're a clever woman. You want me to explain it to you? I know exactly what you're talking about. Go ahead, tell me. Romantic justice is a woman spends the best years of her life with you, and you're having sex with this, that, and the other. You should take care of her at some level. Well, that's maybe part of it. No, my idea of romantic justice is— I didn't come close? No. Well, I'll tell you what it is. Poetic justice.

is a term we use for when justice is served, but not exactly for what the crime was. Like O.J. Simpson, okay, he didn't go to jail for killing his ex-wife. He went to jail for some other crime and people said, well, that's poetic justice. Women have kind of the same idea about if a guy hurts me

And legitimately does. I don't mean necessarily like beat you or something, although we don't know what exactly happened, but I don't think that happened. But maybe it did. We don't know. But if he hurts you in any way, even if it's just by abandoning you, leaving you, promising you and then not coming through, whatever it was.

It is well within your rights to then make up any shit you want because he's not going to get punished for what he really did, but it's okay if we punish him for this thing that I'm going to make up, and that's the poetic joke. 1,000%. That's romantic justice. 1,000%. Yes, okay. We are in agreeance over 1,000%. Well, we're in agreement. There is no such word as agreeance, and that was found out by Fred Durst when you were at the Grammys. I didn't go to no college, Bill. Yeah.

Didn't anyone call you Billy? Yeah, as a kid. Oh, yeah, everybody. My brother's Billy. My dad's Bill. My brother Billy liked to smoke funny cigarettes. So my dad Bill was a staunch Catholic and a very conservative Republican. So I didn't want to be disrespectful, but I'd rather call you Billy. Go ahead. Huh? I'm not Billy. There are people who still call me. Jerry Seinfeld still calls me Billy. Oh, is that a name? There are. You know, Paul McCartney told me it's not cool to drop names.

It was just, he's the only, like, that's the only one I can think of who does it. My sister, sometimes. Wayne Gretzky calls me Robert.

So your brother was Bill. Billy. Billy and Bobby. Two Midwestern boys, Billy and Bobby. Billy and Bob. Together you make one full redneck. Mm-hmm. Okay. And then a sister, you said? Two sisters. Two sisters. So four of you. Four of us. So you were, I didn't know you were Catholic. I was raised Catholic. I've heard you say that. I always thought you were Jewish in the early days. Yeah, because you're a racist pig, but no. Okay.

But I... I'm not a pig. Oh.

Okay. Okay, good. But, like, what did you think of Catholic, being brought up a Catholic? Fucking boring. I loved it. It's boring. Loved it. I've been going to church recently, and I found a good Baptist church by me where they got music. Like, I want to go worship your music. You know what I mean? Everything's better with a soundtrack. So that's why you're making this gossip album? This gospel album? I've been into gospel for a long time.

I love it. Some of the good songs. Tom T. Hall, Meet the Jesus. Elvis made a gospel album. A lot of people make gospel records. Yeah, of course. What was the name of it? Elvis' gospel album? Yes. He made more than one. One main one. How Great Thou Art is its title. I guarantee I got one of the songs on here from it. Yeah. I don't see. How Great Thou Art.

But doesn't it kind of limit you lyrically? Because it's always kind of about... I just wrote a song called Halfway to Jesus. Because I'm halfway to Jesus. I can feel love between us. The book of John, eternal light. No, eternal light, the book of John. Yahweh keeps us moving on because I'm half, halfway to Jesus. Lord, you know I've made mistakes.

I was lost in a sea of snakes. These days I spend my time trying to make things right. No more running blind. I finally see the light and I'm

halfway to Jesus, you still got that little motherfucker over here going like, hey, don't you want to party and hang out with bitches? You're like, hey man, go to Toys R Us, get something for your granddaughter. What would Jesus have against hanging out with bitches? I don't understand why that's a contradiction. It's not. Oh, but you said he's on your shoulder. No, I'm talking about the devil. The devil in Jesus. But what is devilish about hanging out with girls?

Well, it could be devilish depending on what terms you're hanging out with them on. Well, we're not going to be hanging out with underage girls. And we're not going to be doing anything untoward with them. We're gentlemen, right? Absolutely. I've never heard... But still, like, if you have a couple girls and you like them both, and you're in a single situation, you're an adult...

And you're very upfront, like, hey, I'm not ready for a committed relationship, this, that, and the other. I can't believe you're still working this. And you're in a position that we are. We have money. There's a celebrity component involved, this, that, and the other. Somebody's going to be hurt.

I don't want to hurt folks. I disagree. Not, not, I mean. You think if you explain it up front, everything's fine? Absolutely. Honesty solves. So that is someone else's problem? You don't have any empathy for their feelings? What, what, what? First of all,

I'm 70. There's no future in me as like a husband and father. I come pre-advertised. Fuck. I'm lucky if we make it to the next Valentine's Day. Did you feel that way when you were 50? No, but I'm not.

Oh, right. You are. Right. Looking for a little advice, Billy. Yeah, you're right. That's different for you because you are still, you still could be made into what I could not possibly be made into. I mean, I've said to girls literally word for word, if I got you pregnant tomorrow, I'd be 82 when the kid comes. First thing I did when I became single after this last relationship was fucking schnip.

Oh, really? Absolutely. How could you do that to yourself? It's fucking actually hilarious. The process of doing it. Do you want to hear about my vasectomy? I do. Absolutely. This would be good podcasting. Right? So I'm like, fuck. I'm like, this is a whole new world. I'm like, I didn't expect to be here, but I'm here. And I'm like, you know, shit's happening.

I'm like, all right, I got to get these things cut off or whatever they do. Well, they're not cutting your balls off. No, I understand that now, but I'd never really looked into it. And you still did it without looking into it? No, no, I looked into it. I did the fucking research, talked to some guys at the dentist, and everybody was funny, so like...

So like the lead up to it is kind of like the scary part, right? Like all the shit they prep you for and this, that, and the other. I'm like, hey, I need to get that thing, you know, snipped or whatever they do. So who did you talk to for this? I have a concierge doctor in Nashville. But you said you talked to some guys who already. Yeah, they said it didn't hurt. It was this, that, and the other, blah, blah, blah.

You know, I didn't know that, you know, I'm under the impression like they just cut your nuts off. Like, no, no, no. They just cut a little thing in there like this, that, and the other. So you talk to some bull? So wait, wait, I go, so finally it's day to do it. And I'm like, fuck, got to go through with it. Like in there, like, so sitting there with the fucking, do you know the worst part about it? Yes. What? What?

cutting your... No! It's another dude washing your balls, getting ready for surgery. There's a dude down there like, this is going to be a little uncomfortable now. Here's the fucked up part, Bill, that I can't believe I'm going to admit this on whatever we're on. Is that you're like sitting there and there's a dude washing your balls. Now think about this. Someone starts scratching your back and you don't know who it is.

Feels good. Right. And I'm like, fucking baseball. Who hit the most home runs in history? I'm like, if I fucking pop a boner right now, am I gay? I'm like, this is fucked up. And then like the doctors are, by the way, you know what the doctor's name was? Not making this up. Dr. Johnson. No shit. So I'm already having a good laugh in there. Now I'm at a table. He comes in like, shit. Bernie's like, what type of music you want to listen to? I'm like, I don't know.

Anything keeps you calm? Right. Motherfucker puts on Metallica. I'm like, ah, he's pretty funny. He's pretty funny. Like, all right. So we're having a little banter back and forth. You can't feel nothing. You're numbed up.

And like smoke's flying out by your nuts and shit. And you're like, what? Yeah. Like they're soldering it or doing something where they like do something. And like this send in, he's like, he's like, he's like, now they talk to you, right? You can't, you have to like ejaculate 20 times and then send in a sample. So we know all the sperms out there. I'm like 20 times. I'm like, fuck, I got shit to do tomorrow. You just ruined my whole day. They don't mean in one day. Right.

I'm joking with the doctor, Bill. Come on. This is why I'm not a comedian. I think it would be funny if you feel the person washing your bowls and you look down and it's Dylan Mulvaney. Oh, my God. But do you have to have... And then we have two straws and a Bud Light. We're like... I mean, if you did want to do a commercial that would, like, break the internet, that would be it.

Absolutely. I actually suggested that when I was talking to Bud Light. We didn't have the internet, but man, I can not forget. Man, I never will forget. Day and the moon light shined upon your hair. That's, again, you're always bringing me back to...

When I had my first love when I was 16, and, you know, the people say you never forget your first love. It's so true. And you also never forget when you get dumped by her because nothing ever hurts as much because it's the first one and you didn't see it coming and, you know, so. I'll never forget my first love. Who was that? Jenny Clayton by the school bus? My son's mother. Right. And what happened to that one? You were just too young?

I mean, a million factors, whatever. We're friends now, you know, after a lot of hardship and pain and things in between. But, you know, you get older, you get wiser. Yeah. See, this could be you and President Trump's story. I'm what? This could be you and President Trump's story. We're older, we're wiser. We've gone through a lot of things differently in politics, come to a spot where, like, I guarantee you guys could sit down and be like,

You would see what I see. They would see what I know in this man and be like, motherfucker's cool. I'm sure he would do the same. I do already. And I've given him, like, there are moments when I see why people love him so much. And I even like him a lot because. Do you feel like you ever have to double down? No. Because of your TV show? No, no, no. Because of this, that, and the other? No, no. No, sir.

That, no. I say exactly what I really think always. I am not ever... But you've got two good things working for you. You cannot bribe me. You're very smart. You're very... You stay informed.

And you have comedy on your side. Yeah, you're right. It's kind of what I do in music, which is probably why you like what I do a little bit. You're like, I can say something poignant, something maybe you don't agree with you like, but you're like, ah, it brings me back over here. I still love the song, even if I don't love the lyrics. But the lyrics are always clever. Even if I don't agree with them, I get it. And I can appreciate the artistry. And again, I don't live my life by song lyrics.

You know, I don't listen to Daydream Believer and say, oh, I could fly beneath the wings of a bluebird as she sings. That's right, the six o'clock alarm. But you're also telling me at the same time that a lot of my songs spark nostalgia and you make you feel a certain way. So there's kind of a double-edged sword there a little bit. Well, that's the best thing you can do is, you know, hit that chord in people. And, you know, that's why music will always be... There'd be nothing on earth without music.

Think about it. There's nothing that you enjoy without a soundtrack. There would definitely be things on earth without music, but they wouldn't. Believe me, if they took away my music, but it's still not ahead of food. If they just did The Voice of God and said, ladies and gentlemen, Bill Maher and you didn't have Green Day's playing,

Music, anything you can think of, there's music. Anything. Actually, Kid and Play wrote that song, Kid from Kid and Play. Green Day redid it, but yeah, it's a great song. Yeah. Was that like the... Yeah, yeah. I love Kid and Play.

Really? Oh. I used to wear my hair like Kid. I should get you two guys together, Kid and Kid Rock. I mean, he's one of my best friends. Really? Forever. What's his name, Christopher? Christopher Reed. Yeah. Oh, I would love that. I loved that when I was young. You know who the producer was? It was Herbie Lovebug. I will. Also did Salt-N-Pepa. I will arrange that. I still hang out when I see Pepper. Will you tell me next time you're in L.A.? Yeah. I remember the last time. When are you going to come see me in Nashville?

We need to come see the middle of the country, Bill, not just go do a show. You need to come to my farm in Alabama and hang out. You always kind of tease Alabama a little bit. Bad timing because after 42 years, I just got off the road. I'm not doing stand-up on the road. Oh, I bet you got a big old jet. I used to travel by that. I know you came in on yours. You know what's the difference between mine and your jet? You own yours. Mine has middle fingers on the tail.

Really? Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't... American badass with two middle fingers. Nothing to see here, folks, when we fly in. But when you're giving the finger to, like, just anybody, there's nothing to lose. I actually worried about it a little bit when I decided. I'm like, ah, fuck it, put middle fingers on. I was like, I actually...

You know, I have a conscience where I don't want to, like, offend children and shit like this. You know, I actually think about this stuff. And, like, with my shows, I'm like, if you brought your kid to the show, that's fucking up to you. Like, I'm doing my show. But when I fly into any airport, Bill, everybody's smiling. I'll bet. They're doing this. They're having a good laugh. And I'm like, fuck, I feel like I'm doing the work of God at that point because I'm putting a smile on people's faces.

The only thing I have about it is that it is so indistinct. It's like, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but Moliere once said, to honor all men is to honor none. And I feel like to give the finger to just anybody is to sort of dilute what the finger is for. It's like...

Who are you mad at specifically? Shouldn't we do that with everything? What? Shouldn't we do that with everything? I don't know. That's why I had the thing made of you as Chico there, because you're... I see my hat on the dog. I know, because you're just... I asked your boy earlier, I'm like, is that my hat from Rolling Stone? Yeah, that's you, because with the cigar, because you're Chico, barking at nothing in the driveway, just barking. Not at anything, but just...

No, I feel like Eve mellowed, actually. I barked pretty hard the last eight years in Donald Trump's president. So are we going to get a, after the gospel album, are we going to get another...

Bob Seger album? No, I have 25 songs now that I've got to put out. I've always had this idea, and I guess I'll let it out of the box now. 25? That's like a double. Because I've always wanted to do a triple album called Kid MF Rock. Like, picture a piece of vinyl opening up, right? Kid motherfucking rock. The Kid's a collection of more country Americana songs. The motherfucking is like my hardcore hip-hop shit, and the rock is like these rock tunes. And all new? Yeah, just the last few years, you know, I have...

I put these together. I just love to go to the studio and write and record, and I dare say I've gotten better over it. The last person who I can think of who put out a triple album was George Harrison. He put out a triple album? Yes. When the Beatles broke up, he fell. I love George Harrison. What? I love George Harrison.

Love Hassan Danny. Well, apparently you don't really love him that much since you don't even know about his most famous album. Didn't he write Here Comes the Sun? Yes, of course. Let me start there. That was with the Beatles. That's on Abbey Road.

But he felt when he was with it. My Guitar Gently Weeps? Yes, that's on... That Prince absolutely fucking killed. Yes, he did. Fucking, I was there sitting in the front. Yeah, that was the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And, you know, Prince had never heard of that song. They sent it to him, and they said, George Harrison's being inducted, would you do that? And, you know, he...

It wasn't like he had always lived with that song. He heard it, and he obviously responded to it. He did that amazing solo. Incredible. I do remember that. It was incredible. And I remember sitting there, and I'm all fucked up. And somebody leans over to me. And they said, Prince is having an after party. Prince is sitting right here next to me, like where you are, basically. And I'm sitting at this table. I'm like, Prince is having an after party. And he wants to know if you want to come over and maybe play or something. I guess I'm like, I'm like, whoosh.

Well, the motherfucker's sitting right there. Tell him to lean over and ask me. Well, that's... I didn't get invited. Really? But that's him.

I certainly didn't know him well, but I do remember being around him a few times. Prince was a man of very few words. I also knew some women who may have known him. I knew a couple of them women, too. Yeah. We might know some women. I think we all know some women who knew Prince. But he was a man of few words, often none. He just... Normally, I would have the same reaction you had, like...

But I told you, I was just fucked up and young and like right high to my shit, like being a little cocky, you know, piece of shit. Like, you know, I fuck is right there. Tell me, lean over and ask me.

You're like, yeah, he's not inviting you. I'm like, ah, damn, I kind of wanted to go. No, I remember when you were like that. I do feel you have mellowed a little. Absolutely. Isn't that what you do in life? Of course. That's why I'm saying, like, the kind of music you do at 14 is not going to be the kind of music you do at 34. Acts that are successful, at least have a career, learn to grow with their audience.

You know, you're not because your audience is also not the audience it was when you first were on the scene because they were probably interested in teenage things. And then they become adults and they're not. If you're still doing a lot of musicians fuck up as they got this thing from all their people around them, whatever that whatever the case may be, is it like, how do we get the younger generation into this?

I'm like, fuck the younger generation. I'm just going to roll with mine into the sunset. Right. And you will pick up some of the younger generation, but it's impossible. They're all welcome, but. Yes, they're all welcome and some will get it, but you can't pander to them because the thing they hate the most, that generation, they don't know anything like what we used to learn at school. Their mind is blank, but they're very savvy about media.

So what they really hate is when they know you're like purposely marketing to them. That's a big turnoff. What I do, I just purposely market to them. Not literally. They tell me these are why the algorithms and shit don't fucking. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, ask somebody who gives a fuck. Like I have zero fucks left in my pocket. My fuck tank's on E. Does your kid help you?

Like with stuff like that? Yes. Yeah, I bet he does. As a matter of fact, I'm trying to figure a way to give him some of his money and I'm like, because he's running like social media for cracking. Oh. He's in that crypto or whatever that world is. Okay. This and the other and kicking ass at it and like loves his job. I mean, just, I'm like, it clearly skips a generation. Yeah.

Just a great family man, great everything. My best accomplishment in my life is my son, hands down. Oh, hands down. And my granddaughter, I mean, her and my grandson are close second. I mean, but they might even overtake him. We'll see. But he's an absolute genius at that stuff. Like, I actually hit him this morning about this post of something political. I'm like, should I fuck with people and just put this out? And my son hits me back pointedly. He's like, well, that's how you get more.

He's like, he said something to the tune of, if you just try to promote something, the algorithms don't let it go out as much.

But if you put it into a thing where you repost something and then you make a comment on it while you're promoting such said thing, like that works. And I'm like, I don't fucking understand any of that shit. No, I don't either. But your son sounds like he'd be perfect for the Elon Musk geek squad. He would. I hear there's an agency where some people still have jobs. So somebody's got to get in there. The problem is Elon can't afford him. He's my son.

But he's not a nepo baby because he's not in show business. He's making his own way. No, I told him years ago, and he's talented as shit. That motherfucker can sing like The Weeknd, like Michael Jackson. Really? Yeah, but just to now that fucking like, I don't know what it was in me that like, there was no quit. Like, I was going to die on that mountain. There was no fucking fallback. Like, don't you want to get an education so you can, I'm like, nope. I'm like, I'm a thousand percent in it, and I'm going to work my dick off.

Yeah, I was kind of the same way, which gave me tremendous anxiety when I was 22, 23, 24, my first years out of college, first starting out in stand-up, because you're nowhere, and you've got nothing, and no one is saying— And they're like, you're going to stick with this? I remember once at the Christmas party, I overheard my aunt say, did you hear? Billy's trying to be a comedian.

I remember being at a Christmas party and someone trying to explain to my grandfather that I was a rapper. And he's like, oh, like Vanilla Ice? Well, he knew that. A lot of grandfathers wouldn't know who Vanilla Ice is. There was no avoiding him at that point. Yeah, I guess that's true. Well, Vanilla Ice was always successful, was he not?

He was. We're actually, I would consider ourselves friends now. But back then, when you're trying to get, when I'm like, fuck this and fuck that and suck my dick and fucking blah, blah, blah. And he's like, don't go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I'm like, and they're like, so you say you're a white rapper. It's like, you know, people didn't know enough to go like, if they went like, oh, like the Beastie Boys? You'd be like, yeah, like the Beastie Boys. They're going like, oh, like Vanilla Ice? You're like, no. Right. Right.

That's right. They were the big, yeah, they were huge. Yeah, they were fucking Led Zeppelin in my day and age. Yeah, I remember when it was controversial just the thought of a white rapper. Like, that was a thing. I think I was at the show when they, I was at all these early hip-hop shows. Just used to get the shit beat out of me. Went every time. Shit beat out of you for what?

Just for being a white guy at a rap show? Pretty much. Really? Oh, yeah. Jamatron Street Festival, the Fresh Festivals. And do you think that— I'd be a snatcher. I'd have some fake gold chain on. Check that chain. I'd look like an idiot, too, like, you know, this little white guy. I'd be like, I guess I better get a do-rag and wear it. This is cool and hip-hop, and I can spin on my head. Did that embitter you, do you think, toward black people? No. No? Not at all. Right.

I used to go to public enemy shows, you know, when they're first coming up.

And it was like this pro-militant black shit. And I'd be like, yeah. Because I love the music. Right. There you go. Just what you said earlier. Cold beer. It all comes together right. Yeah. I might not agree with the fucking message or might not understand the message. I mean, Chuck, you're still friends to this day. Absolutely. And look, when we take over Greenland, you and I, we're going to go to Greenland. We're going to bring a couple of guitars and

And we're going to write a triple album. That's just my guess. I'm down. It won't be long. Let me ask you about that. We mentioned this before. We should get Canada first. Greenland, Canada, Gaza, Panama. This new thing where we're like an empire again, we're just taking over places. You're cool and down with that? We're not taking over places. We're helping places out. He said his exact words, I will own Gaza.

You know, he said I will. Yeah, he did. But he says a lot of things. I'll give. Okay. But I mean, are we going to put some context? Are we going to put some context to that or not? On the show last week, that's exactly what I did. Okay. Do you like people who talk real? And like, do you want a filtered president who sits there and reads everything off a teleprompter? Or do you want this guy once in a while? Yeah, I get. Says things and said. I mean, there's a happy. You understand what he means. I.

There's a happy medium between, you're right, being so pre-practiced that everything is off a teleprompter and also being a living brain fart. That everything that comes out of you... He's not a living brain fart. Well, I mean, oh my God, I've been at lunch with eight women. This guy's clearly smart enough to be president of the United States fucking twice. You're right. Who's the brain fart? Well, okay. It's the liberals. Have farted fucking for years on their own brains over and over again.

And you know the definition of insanity. We don't need to explain it. This, that, and the other. Fuck. And they won't get off it. It's like, so you might as well start practicing right now, President J.D. Vance. You know what? That would be, in my view, the best outcome because—well, maybe not the best. Depends on who the Democrats run. But because the other outcome is Trump does run for a third term. Because—

They've already... I've seen this before. It's not going to happen. Bob, I've seen this before. No, you said it the first time. I watch your show religiously. Even sometimes I don't agree. I watch a lot of different things. But I really enjoy your show. God, I'm glad. And not just fucking, you know... I'm glad. So you're blowing it. But I'm like...

he's going to try and contest the election. Well, of course he did because of the COVID bullshit and all the shit that was going on. And now you're going to go down this rabbit hole again, saying like, he's going to run for a third term. He's not fucking Putin. I, I, okay.

Okay. I mean, I've heard COVID mentioned in relation to the election. I've never heard this. Like, it seems to be coalescing into this theory where, like, well, COVID, election rigged. It fucked everything up. People lost their fucking businesses. They lost it in liberal cities like L.A., Chicago, and shit. What does that have to do with a rigged election that you lost your business? No, I'm just saying it was fucking very confusing. The way to fucking get people to think a certain way is confuse the fuck out of them. Darling, listen.

I suffer. Stop with the darling. I got more shit than anybody for speaking out, again, as the liberal against the liberal point of view. I got a lot of shit. But you're not a liberal. So I took it from that side about my stance on COVID, which was much closer to your stance.

I'm guessing. I did think they overreacted hugely. And I want the right to say what vaccine I want to get without being forced to get one. And I will always be resentful that they made me get one so that, and if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to continue my life. I wouldn't have been allowed near my studio or to go on the road. I was in Nashville.

during that period to do a show. I got the vaccine because my dad had cancer at the time and I wanted to see my dad during, you know, this, this, and if I'm like, I'm like, you know, the shit I put in my body, I'm like, I can hit me. Well, the vac, you know, I hope your dad's okay. He passed on, but thank you. Well, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what a fucking guy Trump is and what a friend he is.

During my dad was in the hospice, he called me all the time to check how's your father. Just out of the blue. This guy called me four times during the inauguration just to talk. Maybe because I don't drill him with policy all the time. We've developed this friendship. I'm like, fuck this, fuck that. How's it going? I mean, I can't tell you what a tremendous...

Yeah. Fucking friend this man has been. I'm glad to hear it. Not him, but his whole family. Like, people like... I just can't tell you enough, Bill. It's not the first time I've heard stories about the humanity of Donald Trump. I know to a lot of people... He doesn't want to start any wars. They're going to hear that and they're going to be like, oh, my God. But yes, I've never heard actually anything different than...

When you meet him personally, he's a different guy. Well, after I did your show the first time years ago, you don't remember. Let me just interject one second, like politically incorrect. Yeah, yeah. I was not a big star yet. I was on my ascension. Someone talked your people into you. You didn't know me. And I went on that show, and I never forgot it. And we talked about this last time. We went and...

Had dinner, met Bill Clinton with Gregory Peck and these people. Yeah, Gregory Peck. Then I started watching years later with your new show now, and I'm like, I hate this motherfucker. Honestly, I'm like, this little ugly motherfucker, fucking beady-eyed, fucking goddamn Jew. And then I find out you're Catholic. I'm like, God damn it. I don't even know what I'm talking about. And I kept watching because it was like one of those train wrecks you can't turn off. And I'm like, the Senate is in. And I'm like,

And I'm like, man, you know what? This motherfucker's kind of like me in a lot of ways. Like, he's real. I might not agree with him. Right. Don't agree with him. But he's fucking real. And I'm like, and now look at us sitting here. I know. Talking like, would you consider me a friend at this point? I would consider you one too. Absolutely. And I know this. And imagine if this can happen between you and President Trump.

Right? When you want to set a precedent for people coming together, bringing this country together, you guys sit down and be like, I don't like you did this, this, that, but just have a conversation. Okay, but Bob, it is a little different because we're friends who don't have that kind of power. He has a lot of power about how things actually are done.

in this country. So you might be able to influence that by being a friend of his. I would love that. You don't have to go suck his dick. I won't. No, I know you won't, but I guarantee. And by the way, but you guys doing that could set a huge precedent for the world. Bring me to the, bring me to the white house with you. I'll ask him. I'll fly to Nashville. We'll go out the night. You'll get on air. Fuck one. That's my jet. I'll fly to Nashville.

We'll go out the night before and do something completely unpresidential. And then we'll fly to Washington the next day and you'll bring me to meet President Trump. And that'll be in Guantanamo Bay. We got him while he's here. President Trump doesn't care if people disagree this, that, and the other. Well, I wouldn't go that far, Bob. No, no, no. I remind him all the time. I'm like, Mr. Trump. I'm like, President Trump.

Don, don't forget. Don't forget. And Bill, you can attest to this. A little bit like that E. Jean Carroll thing. I mean, you don't think that's fucking like, okay, a civil case over something fucking $200 million and people are like, what the fuck is going on? Hey, I said on my show,

First of all, no one knows what happens in these situations. I understand that a jury found him guilty of... In New York City. I understand. Let me finish. I understand that. Even for him, it sounds weird to me.

I also knew her. She used to do, E. Jean Carroll used to do politically incorrect. I found her to be very sane, nice, rational. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who would just make this, summing that up. But I also think even for him, who has been piggish with women, there is no doubt about that. So have you. But to, wait, wait, wait, wait. I have not. Sure you have.

Not really, but okay. I've been sexist. I have said sexist things. Well, now we're at sexist. Let me keep drilling you a little bit. We'll get there. Okay. I have said sexist things. But everybody was sexist 30 years ago. Anyway, even for him, it just sounds too weird to me. I mean, like, this guy has women all over the place. Why would he, like, assault someone in a dressing room? So,

We don't know. That's the thing. You don't know. I don't know. None of you people watching who are like, oh, I can't believe it. You don't know either. Nobody fucking knows. But I did make the point, excuse me. I did make the point that Bill Clinton was credibly accused of very much the same thing.

By more than one woman, I think two. And we need a Broderick and the other one. I don't care if presidents are getting pussy. I want them to run the country. I don't either. But sexual assault is different. What he is accused of, yeah, getting pussy, Bob, is we, I think, need to agree, and I think you do agree already, is different than forcing yourself. You didn't force yourself on anybody in your life, I'm hoping.

And I didn't either. This is forcing yourself on somebody. That's what he's accused of. Clinton... 20 fucking years before the fact in a civil court? Okay, I'm saying... In New York City? How do you think he'd do in Alabama in that jury trial, Bill? I'm just saying Bill Clinton was credibly accused of the same thing. And the liberals kind of just whistled past that graveyard, you know...

That's what I hate about America right now, the team thing. Like, if it's our guy, we don't see it. I hate it too. And I hate that, like, Kamala Harris's husband was credibly accused by the same kind of Me Too standards that we had heard since 2017 in dozens of other cases by a woman who said he did this. It sounded like it absolutely could have happened. It wasn't, like, the worst thing ever.

ever that happened, but it was certainly wrong. And, you know, another woman that she talked to at the time, that was always a big thing in the Me Too stories. Well, she talked to somebody else and they corroborate the story and it was contemporaneous and okay, all that. And yet they acted like

That never happened. Like, we don't... They did it on Saturday Night Live, you know, Kamala's husband, and he was just dorky, Doug. No. And, like, I fucking hate that. Don't do that to me. Don't, like, ignore it or try to get me to not see it because it's your team. So...

You can tell him I said that and maybe he'll get the invitation. Well, the bottom line, let's say some of this stuff and all of it's true, like whatever, let's just go with that angle, like...

Did Trump bang a porn star? Stormy Daniels. Well, that did happen. Well. I think. My opinion. A lot better than banging your fat intern. Yeah. No, I mean, that's just my opinion, but I think that one did happen. I mean, if we had to vote on that alone, I'd be like, oh yeah, Trump. Yeah. I mean, look, you can't say it's admirable that a guy was doing it while his wife was home nursing their infant.

But, you know... Lord knows that's the first guy to do that. No, I... Okay, but that doesn't make it right. None of this shit's right. Yeah, but that's kind of a broad brush to pick. No, but what I'm talking about is, like, who do we want fucking running the country? Well, that's... Like, I think we can't get good leaders, and this is serious. I think we can't get good leaders...

Because everyone's going to dig through your fucking past and they're going to find some shit. None of us. Fuck it. I stand before God as my witness. I'm a sinner. No question. At one level, not that fucking bad. Right. You're not a rapist. Fuck no.

But I mean, like, this is why we can't get good leaders. You know, people that run fucking companies and know what they're fucking doing. No, that's true. People are in the fucking streets and know what they're fucking doing. No, I don't know why anybody would want to be. Right. No one wants to be subject to that. And I'm like, wait, we're trying to run the business of America. This is what first got me into Trump. I didn't know him at all. And I said it in Rolling Stone. I'm like, I don't fucking let the business guy run it. America is a business and the business of America is fucked.

Last I checked, I'm like, let him do it. Well, a government is not just a business. There is a huge difference between business and government. In fact, they're often... What's different? Government's job for... One of government's jobs is to make sure business isn't corrupt. That's not one of the... That's not the forefront of having a business?

To not be corrupt? No, businesses try to be corrupt so they can make more money. So if you go in there and tell people, hey, we're going to stop the fucking corruption and we're going to do it at every fucking level, you might get something wrong. We're going to go fucking do this? Who's done this? In our lifetime, who's done this?

But business is for profit. Government is not a- Yes, it is. It's to make America fucking profitable. Stop giving all our fucking hard-earned tax dollars away to everyone. Well, that I agree with. We waste too much money. We would agree on that. But government's first primary function, the reason why government's first in this world

became an entity is because people need protection. That's why government- Thank you. Yes.

domestically, armies, for foreign invaders. That is government's first function. Well, we spend a trillion dollars on defense, so it's not like we're... We're going to go through the fucking military next. We're going to go through the Pentagon. My boy Pete Hegseth is running it. He's my fucking neighbor in Nashville. I've known him for years. Work out. You know Pete Hegseth? Fucking very well. Really? We used to work out every fucking morning at my house. Give him this.

Just tell him to put it with the others. See, you can't fuck with a comedian. Pete did have a drinking problem for a while. Am I right? I mean, you must have seen him in the hedges. Never saw him have a drinking problem. Well, how well do you know him? I first met him at Rob O'Neill's wedding. Okay. The guy who shot Bin Laden. The guy who shot Bin Laden? Yeah, Rob O'Neill. You know who that is? He's a very good friend of mine. So he was a senior. He gave me the sledgehammer that went through Bin Laden's fucking bedroom.

Really? I gave them the lyrics for Born Free. Wait, you have the sledgehammer that they broke into Bin Laden's bedroom with? Yes. Well, I hope you have it in the safe. That's a pretty valuable. I'm actually going to probably put it somewhere eventually. I've been a little selfish with it. What about the museum? I'm going to put it in a museum or maybe my new restaurant. Museum is right next. I might put it in my new restaurant. Oh, you're opening a restaurant? We're rebranding a restaurant in Nashville that was an old Detroit establishment called Joe Muir's.

As the Detroit cowboy. And what's it going to be called? The Detroit cowboy. But I feel like I've been selfish with some of these things that I have. And I don't know if a museum's the right spot or whatever. That should be on display. It should. I mean, it's better than... I'm like, you gave me a... We played the bigger dick game. We'll walk through my house, have a few drinks. I'm like, if I write a poignant song,

Even the start of it or whatever, I'll frame those lyrics. I've done this since probably picture, since Cowboy I did it. Because I know they might bring money one day for charity, for something, whatever. Whether it's my granddaughter or for charity. And we're walking to my house years ago when I had my house in Michigan. And I'm like, you know what, dude, you should have these. Gave them to him. He's like, yeah.

I'm giving you something. I'm giving you a sledgehammer, what you've been lying to us with. I'm like, you're going to give me a piece of American history for that shitty song? I'm like, you want to play the bigger dick game? Come with me. We went out to my car barn, and I collect cars in Detroit. I walked out, and I'm like, pick out any fucking car you want. That's baller. And I got some pretty high dollar shit in there. One of the first V16s from 1930, Cabriolet fucking Cadillac. Wow.

probably 800 grand or something for GT sitting there. He's like, I got this fucking shitty ass limo from 1970s that the ride from West coast customs did an incredible job on like made it into some American bad-ass shit. It's got logos on it. It's triple black, got TVs and smoke suckers in the back where I was like, I want that limo. I'm like, don't take that fucking limo, grab something else. No, I couldn't talk him out of it. And

And it's still sitting in my garage to this day. It's his limo. But he's going to take it? I don't know. It's yet to be determined. Wow. Elvis used to give away Cadillacs, of course. I've given away a few cars, but I'm no Elvis. Although Trump calls me Elvis all the time. He does? Trump calls you Elvis? Better than Elvis. And I'm like, he's just pumping me up. He loves your dirty drawers.

Well, I mean, he is emotionally bribable. You got to admit that. He's what? Emotionally bribable. If someone likes him or says they like him, whether it's you or Putin or Satan himself. Fuck the art of the deal. The art of making people feel good, I think, is more important in life.

You know, it makes me feel good when he says that. I know it's, I know there's a level of bullshitness in there. I'm not fucking better than Elvis. I'd never believed that in a million years, but you know what I mean? That my friend says that to me. I agree. To make me feel good when I'm, when I'm recently, you know, broke up after a long relationship that's in there. I'm like, that's a fucking friend. Right. No. And I, I, and I understand exactly what you're saying about sometimes, you know,

when someone is shining you and you still don't care. Makes you feel good. Right. It's like, at least you love me enough to lie.

To lie. You know, Bill, we prefer to call it in Detroit where I grew up, bullshit. Yeah, it's bullshit. But you know what? Good bullshit is good bullshit. Bad bullshit is fucking horrible. I mean, the two times I met him before he was president a long time ago, he was exactly what other people also say about him when they meet him. Charming.

Name me one president that wasn't charming. Oh, Nixon? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not that old, Bill. I'm from Jimmy Carter on. Okay, well, you know, I don't know. You have to be charming at some level to be anybody in life. Would you consider yourself charming? Totally.

Like super charming. Mic drop, bam. Like, are you kidding? Have a nice night, kids. Podcast over. Look up charm in the dictionary and then my picture. No, I mean, look, if you, I'm the kind of- What are you, fucking Charlie Sheen? I'm the kind of charming, like, if you like it, you'll like it big time. And if you don't, then it's obnoxious. Yeah, I got this, I'm basically Hollywood's kryptonite when you break it down. And I'm like-

Yeah, I don't want to hang out with Tom Hanks. I want to hang out with Forrest Gump. You know what I mean? What? And, you know, like, you know, when I went on your show tonight, the real time, I'm like, well, like, that takes, you know, what you do. I'll give you some props. Not sucking your dick. I'm tickling your balls a little bit.

I'm like, it takes a certain, you know, thing to be able to go and read those lines and do them and interject and this and that. It's a real skill. I'm not reading lines, except at the end. Yeah, there's a teleprompter right in front of you reading lines. Okay, well. I'm talking to my, you know, the shit, this and that. I'm like, what's wrong with it? I'm saying it still takes like. But I'm not, the model, the only thing I'm reading is the very end of the show, the editorial, which a lot of it I wrote myself.

Another accolade. I'll fucking bow down to you for that. Okay. But the monologue... Because you're in a position where you could have a shit ton of writers writing this. I do. And I could not be who or where I am without them. They're brilliant. But that last piece I do, which is much more personal and about one subject, and it goes on for eight or nine minutes...

That's my baby. They write the monologue jokes. New rules. At the end of new rules. They write that too. I rewrite everything. But then you write the last bit. That's what I'm saying. That's my baby. Very good. Thank you. That's what I... They write the monologue. I just write bullet points there on the prompter to remember which joke I'm doing. That's kind of like what I'm doing with the songs I explained. Do you use a prompter when you're on stage for the song? No.

You don't? You're one of the last. No, a lot of times I've used a prompter is like when I have certain guests, like huge stadium shows where I have a ton of featured guests, you know, like big name singers. And like, we're going to do those. I'll put them on there for them. Like I can, I can make a word rhyme with anything. Like, so even if I fuck it up, I can fucking. Right. You're a rapper. Right. Exactly. Amazing.

Because I remember seeing Frank Sinatra. I took my mother to see him three years before he died, and shortly before my mother died. And it was the 90s at Radio City Musical, and he had seven large screen prompters. How old was he? He was old. Well, there you go. He still...

Songs that he hadn't been singing his whole life, he still fucked up. Like he sang Mack the Knife, which is a standard, but he... Mack the Knife was written by Bobby Darin. Bobby Darin had the hit on it. Bobby Darin's got some shit. Right. It was Bertolt Brecht. One of my favorite artists ever. Bobby Darin? Bobby Darin. Listen to songs from the Big Sur. You want to hear some rock and roll after Mack the Knife? The only one I know is...

Beyond the sea. No? Amit Erdogan used to compare me to Bobby Darin. He's like, you're my young Elvis or Bobby Darin. Yes. Really? I used to roll a ball drum turkey with him like fucking ever. I'm the last chapter. Have you read The Last Sultan? No. Is that about Amit Erdogan? Yes. It's basically the story of music. I'm the last chapter. Ball with the ball and ball drum turkey. I know he was a badass dude. I never knew why he used to compare me to Bobby Darin.

And then I got a hold of this album, Songs from the Big Sur, Bobby Darin. Fucking genius. What kind of song? Oh, he's like, Where I born, we ain't got no river flowing through my backyard. Bobby Darin's doing rock and roll, fucking blues soul music. I mean, it sounds like it was produced in Muscle Shoals, Alabama or something.

This album is fucking incredible. Just download it. Well, everyone's going to download it now that's watching this. It's fucking insane. I mean, I never would have thought that about Bobby Darin. Neither, but he even says in one of his songs, you know, he had Splish Splash, I was taking a bath, and he's like, and the cash from the splash had me feeling like a one-record flash.

So he went off and did his own thing. It was never big. This, that, and the other. But he does one of the first rap songs you've ever heard. Me and Mr. Horner sitting on a corner, not doing nothing to no one. When a squad car stops and out junk cops, you're one of them if I ever saw one. What line does he say in that song? He says, you're a draft car dodger if I saw one. Wow.

I can tell by your looks that you read too many books about wars and that's because you ain't been in one.

And he's rapping to shit like whoever was 60, late 60s. Yes. Early 60s. Late 60s, I think. I can't remember. I mean, he was not... Me and Mr. Horner... He was not... He was either dead... Didn't he die young? He died young at like 36, 35, 36. So he was either dead or not relevant. I might have my dates wrong, but I'm fucking wrong overall. I'll tell you that. But this is when I started to listen to music in 68 when I was 12. Okay. Okay.

Bobby Darin was either dead or not relevant. They might have played like, hey, let's do some golden oldies, and then that's when you heard, by the sea. Bobby Darin was the shit. Next thing you're going to tell me, Jay and the Americans weren't cool. What? See, I know this whole era that you don't know. You're Gen X.

You're Gen X. All right, you're playing with your phone. No, I'm trying to find me Mr. Horner. I could talk to you all night. You know, you're an interesting man. I got a piss. But I got a piss too, so we should probably wrap it up. Let's go swing swords and everybody have fun. All right, the tour. Let's promote the tour.

The three tours. There's the arena tour. I'm doing seven arena shows. Okay. Celebrating. Mike, what cities are we talking about? Oklahoma, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Target Center, Minnesota, Minnesota. I own a piece of these Rock the Country festivals, which we started a festival, Bill. You know what my thing was when they approached me and offered me a percentage of it? I was like,

Hey, let's do a festival of music for hardworking people who love this country. Can you believe no one's done that? Well. We were profitable our first year. And then the Rockin' Rodeo, and I'd do a comedy, American Badass Comedy Jam in Nashville during comedy week.

which all goes to charity. Well, it's not like other concerts aren't actively against hardworking people who love their country. It doesn't say on the poster, don't come, unless you're a pink Okami. I tell people all the time, don't come to our festival.

Like if you think men should be in women's sports and fucking this and that, I'm like, don't come. You're not going to have a good time. I would love to see you. I said this to you on the show tonight and I was serious. People may think I was joking. I would love to see you because I do love the music, but I'm not going to a Trump rally. And I've seen you with the flag and the thing and the Trump and like, you know, they'll fucking kill me. And I won't feel good. Why not? I watch your show every week. I know, but that's different than being in the crowd. You're sitting there motherfucking Trump every week.

And then I'm like, well, OK, he does that. But he makes some points. I can get through that. Maybe after you bring me to the White House, the audience will accept me being in the crowd. But I'm not becoming a Trumper. I'm telling you this right now.

That's okay. Why would you set that? Why would you put that boundary on yourself? I will become a Trumper if he admits he lost the 2020 election. I'm sorry. I can't give him that. Why does it have to be stipulations? Because that's important. Because that's the key to the country is the peaceful transference of power. It is non-negotiable, Bob. The peaceful transfer of power happened. Okay. He gave Joe Biden the keys. He did. Even though he contested it, he gave him the keys.

He did because the Molinari family on the West Coast guaranteed his safety. You want to talk business? Let's talk business. Let's do it. Club. I gotta pee. I gotta pee too. Is there only one bathroom down here? Yes, and you're gonna take it and I'll go somewhere else. Club, baby.