Matt Friend | Club Random with Bill Maher
01:17:00 Share

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply.

LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Yeah, this is very nerve-wracking. Let's just, does this angle work, guys? What have I gotten myself into? Sweaty like Bill after a game of basketball with Woody Harrelson. Oh, God. Here we go. Club Randall.

My first guess is a talented young comedian. You can catch him at Catch a Rising Star. Bill Maher. There he is. That's really good. Lovely to meet you. Who is that? It was Mr. Carson. Guess it failed. Oh, of course. Anyways, great stars. Thank you for having me. It's an honor to be with you. Pleasure to be had. Thrilled to be here. Yeah, no, listen, I've been hearing so many amazingly great things about you, and I hear you're blowing up.

Yeah, it's... Do you have Obamacare? Well, I mean, I'm wearing a suit. Can you get hurt if you blow up? No, you can't get hurt, but you can get a nice suit. Actually, you can. Can you? When you're young, if you suddenly become like super famous, we've seen...

Look at that guy over there with the white jumpsuit. He was dead at 42. Yeah. Anyway, maybe I'm getting ahead of your career. No, it's fantastic. Yeah, I mean, the only old references I know about Milton Berle. You know what I mean? That's the furthest back I'll go. It's so funny. Somebody put him...

Today I read the new rules that I'm going to do, you know, the many thousands I have to read to find the five really good ones. Yeah. So one of them referenced Milton Berle and I thought, who the fuck under 80? Couldn't you make it Tommy Lee? This is the size of his cock right here. Right. It was a big dick. I'd be like, can we update the

big dick reference at least, you old fucks. Yeah, I agree. My writers are getting old. But seriously, this is a gift for you, by the way. I thought you would enjoy it for you. Face masks. Yeah. So there you go. It's my gift for Bill Maher, these CVS face masks. So where were you on this subject, Matt? You know, I graduated college in the pandemic.

And I did my last semester at NYU in COVID. So 2020 was your-- 2020 was my last semester. That's so interesting. And it was a weird time. I mean, I moved home. And I did my last semester. And that's when I started uploading on TruSocial and Parler. So you were at art school? I was at NYU. NYU? Yes.

I hear they hate the Jews now. Well, some are saying that, Bill. Some are saying that. Some are saying that at NYU they hate the Jews. Look at him laughing like a dead dog right in his little chair with his slicked back hand like Gavin Newsom. Oh, wow. That's perfect. Excuse me. We're going to get into that. But that's an opinion. That's an opinion. Here's something interesting. Yeah, please. The first generation of Trump impersonators like Alec Baldwin,

It was a caricature of him. It was funny. We laughed. He's easy to make fun of. I do an impression of Alec Baldwin. But they don't sound... Wait a second. They don't really sound like Trump. Right, right. The guy on SNL and you now, that sounds exactly like him. I mean, it's like, close your eyes...

and you wouldn't know. Well, you know, it's a true thing. Well, I will... Excuse me, Bill. Stop laughing like a dog, okay? Bill Maher is a lefty lunatic. You have a case of the Trump derangement syndrome, and a lot of people are saying, he used to like me a lot more before we got a little too political for Bill. You know, that's almost exactly what he said. He tweeted about me last weekend. It's amazing how many times he accidentally watches my show. It's unbelievable. It's like almost every week. It's unbelievable. And he said almost exactly what you...

That is just, well. I do want to just also say. I see I'm going to need a box of laughing cleaner. It's an honor to be on the show, though, with such illustrious guests as Patrick Bed-David and Candace Owens. Oh. Who's your next guest next week? The armorer from Rust? Is that what's? What are you, Don Rickles now? I don't know. Come on. I'm nervous. Have you got a.

Do you do Don Rickles? From the bottom of my heart, Bill, I never liked you. No, I don't. I can't really. You don't do Don Rickles. I can't. I love him, though. Wouldn't that be a good challenge for you? It'd be huge, though. I've never seen anybody do it, and he's very distinctive. It'd be huge, huge. I do an image in coca, but I don't. Well, you're a real student of comedy. I love it. Yeah, I love the whole description. Yeah, I can see that. Whenever I match with someone on Raya, I say, is your favorite show Sid Caesar's your show of shows? Yeah.

So you must be hitting on a lot of six-year-old boys. If you're not a Sid Caesar fan, it's not going to work. Are you on Raya?

Yeah, Farmers Only, blackpeoplemeat.com. Farmers Only. Yeah. Imagine being on Raya and Farmers Only. Yeah, it's the same thing. That's hysterical. Same exact thing. But are you on Raya? I am, yeah. And what is that? Me and David Spade. I have to know. Do you and Wright know? Listen, I once had...

You know, it was Jeff Ross. We were in Hawaii. The first time he went on my Hawaiian when I used to do that Hawaiian gig over New Year's. And he was showing me his. And he was trying to, or maybe it was Saget. One of them, both of them were on it. They were not on the same. One of them definitely is no longer on it.

Yes. Morbid, but good. We're comedians. We have to do that. Very good. We have to. Yeah. We have to. Yeah. Anyway. Enjoy the masks.

So what is this? Don't I kind of look like I was an intern on Rick Caruso's campaign with the suit on? I saw him the other night. Did you? I saw him at Keebus' Oscar party. Speaking of, our mutual friend, by the way. Not kind of a friend, but yeah, I...

I called him a friend just now, but he's... What an amazing... I met my new agent at his house. Oh, you have a new agent? Yeah, I'm with UTA. My friend Jim introduced me to Kivas, and my agent was there, yeah. So you've had an agent before, though? Yeah, I have, yeah. You're just moving up the chain? I guess, yeah. Look at you. I'm getting there. Now I'm with you, so... So were you on red carpets doing...

Like, so don't you do celebrities to celebrities? I do. And no, it's been a weird thing. I don't want to get the whole story, but I was doing stand-up in college and then I started posting on TikTok, Truth Social, Parler, and Instagram throughout the pandemic. Oh yeah, I didn't ask anybody that stupid. Gotcha. No, I'm kidding. Greg, yeah, by the way, for those who don't know, by the way, I was about to do the show and then your producer was like, relax, you interview celebrities all the time. I'm like, yeah, but when I interview celebrities, it's not in their basement when a door comes up and they come in like a fucking gladiator. Like,

Like a beast is about to come through the door. Okay? I don't know. You have attack dogs outside barking at me? Oh, I would hardly call them attack dogs. Okay, fine. I'm very senior. Is this tequila? Yeah, that's tequila. Right. But I've been going on these red carpets, and I've been doing celebrities. It's a weird environment. I mean, I don't really know what... They're in a weird flow. They're at these award shows, and I'm trying to get funny moments. So you're on the red carpet, and then, like, say, you know, a big star like...

Like Georgie Jessel or something. Gloria Swanson will show up. Exactly, like, yeah. Ava Gardner walks in. All right, you're on the carpet. Barbara Stanwyck shows up. You do what? You know, sometimes I'll do the impression. Like, I saw Paul Giamatti, and I just said, Paul, it is great to be with you, my friend. It is great to see you. Oh, yes, it is great to see you, sir.

You're doing me to you. But sometimes that happens, and then sometimes it's just kind of a meeting moment. I am a real easy audience for impressions. Like SNL, that's always been my favorite thing they ever did. Yeah, I love when they do the person next to the person, if it's good. That's what I like. Like if they'll do like...

some movie that we all know and they go, and this was the auditions and then they have a whole bunch of people doing it. - Yeah, for sure. - That is a great bit. - I just love how you're holding the face masks the whole interview. - Oh yeah, I wanted to, but you got me these because you know that I was skeptical about-- - Exactly. - Oh, great. - Yeah, exactly.

So if you really were Donald Trump, you answer because I'll never probably see him. He'll probably put me in Guantanamo Bay in three years. But OK. But like I would I would if I just had to. They should call this show Club Not So Random, right? This should be called Fake Time with Bill Maher. This is fake time. He's got real time. Now he's got fake time.

It's his fake time with Bill Maher. This is where the shit guests go, right? He's got the secretary of state on the TV. He's got this dog in his basement, locked up like sleepy Joe. Go ahead. No, we had so many awesome people on this show. Patrick Bet-David. Why do you mention that one? I assume you're needling me about that. You don't like Joe Biden? You don't like this guy? First of all, I'm sure that's a good Patrick Bet-David, although I don't really remember because I only met him that one time. But how many people are going to appreciate that?

that particular impression. Patrick, but David. I mean, what's up with this Brezhnev guy? Looks like he tripped and stubbed his face. Who's that? You, 40 years ago. I'm just trying to pull out the old references, Bill. I don't know, I'm sorry. Yeah, you can't do me, can you? Nobody can. Nobody can do me. Well, I know you say that. Biatch. I know you, bitch. I know you say that, and I know this might get cut because it might make you uncomfortable. There it is. He doesn't like it. You're squinting. You say, get out of my house.

It's not bad. It's not good. It's not great. Anyways, fuck off. This is Gen Z scumbag hack. Are you Gen Z? Yeah. I'm 25. What's the cutoff? I think like 1946 or something. No, no. I think it's like 2000. I'm not sure. I think it might be 2000. Oh, you mean the earliest to be a Gen Z-er? Yes. Yes.

I don't know. I think it's like 96. Okay. I think that sounds right. I think that sounds right. Wow. So even the Gen Zers are punching 30 in the mouth. That's right. That's amazing. God. And behind them, they must just be jellyfish, like literal jellyfish. I mean, each generation gets softer and more ridiculous. I can't imagine what... I handed my little cousin a book a couple years ago. You started tapping it, expecting it to move. That's...

Sad and funny. Yeah, it was. That's right. I'm sure. I'm the last. I've tapped on things. I'm the last age that will remember going to Blockbuster. So I have the memory of going to Blockbuster as a kid, but I think past that.

Let me tell you something about Blockbuster. I lived, my first house was in a struggling neighborhood, but it was a good neighborhood. And then Blockbuster moved across the street on Sunset. Okay. And it just changed the whole, then there was hookers on the corner and also some bad stuff. Yeah, yeah. No. For those watching, the joke implies that Bill thinks hookers are great.

The joke, yes. Let's be honest, they're eating Doritos watching this on YouTube. They didn't get the joke, okay? Is that me? I was trying. I apologize. I'm sorry. Can I be brutally honest with you? I've been attempting to do you for the past five days. I'm telling you, it can't stop. It can't really be done. It can't be done. I'm just too sophisticated. You got it.

Howard Stern thought the same thing? Well, he's easier, I think, because he's got a distinctive New York accent. Well, it's a lot deeper. That's great. Let me tell you something, Bill. That's awesome. Well, let me tell you this. The way you do Howard Stern is... Wow. Right. So let's talk about this. You've talked about my wife in the past. We don't want to talk about this? Right. Okay, fine. I want to talk about your wife. Oh, you don't have one. Fuck you.

That's so perfect. Son of a bitch. Wow. Right. You're a great impressionist. Well, Alan Alda's up here from MASH, but Howard Stern is right down here. So Alan Alda, Howard Stern. You're right. They're very akin. I've heard Alan Alda done before, but I've never heard Howard Stern. Yeah, that's a fun one.

But what I say, I don't mean to get-- to blow you too much, but it is a thrill to be here. And seriously, it's a little surreal. Like, imagine if you were 25 and you got to just go into Johnny Carson's basement and drink with him.

That's right. It's fucking crazy. No, I get it. Johnny comes out through the door, he beats some woman, and then he just says, it's great. Your feelings are completely appropriate. Why are we employing Johnny Carson to beat women? I have no idea. I love the guy. He was, look, I was the biggest Johnny Carson fan, and so am, but the book that came out about him. Henry Bushkins? Correct. You read it? Yeah, fantastic. For the kids out there, boy, you really...

you've absorbed a lot from that wasn't your error, which is great because usually, you know, kids, they just have no... My next guest is Tony O.

Who's Tony O? Sinatra's valet, I think. But yeah, I mean, kids don't have any interest in history. It's amazing. I love it the way your generation, they love to use the phrase... Talk to me, my generation. Olden times. Olden times. Like, that's a thing. Like, there's now, and there's last year, and olden times. Those are three periods of history. And then they want to, like, argue with me about Gaza? No, I don't think so. Yeah. But...

So who were you mentioning that made me say that? Tony O. No, no, no. No, what we were talking about before that, it was like, oh, Johnny Carson, the book. Carson, the book, yeah, the book, yeah. He would always talk in a monologue about this guy, Bombastic Bushkin is what he called him.

And it was Henry Bushkin. And it was his lawyer. And he wrote this book, which I found to be very believable because it was not a hit job and it was not a cover-up. It had both. It just rang true to me. And one thing he said that was just amazing was at a certain point, Johnny says to him,

You know, Johnny wasn't the guy who talked a lot. As Ed said, he packed a tight suitcase. And he's talking to Bushkin, and it comes up in conversation, and he says, you know, you're my best friend. And Bushkin said he left thinking, I'm his best friend? Like, really? Right. That tells you a lot about the guy. Do you ever get to hang out with him? Like, off camera? Did you have any moments? No, but I'll tell you a great story. The last time I was on,

He was just about to leave for doing, for Jay Leno was taking over.

That's the guy who got burned in his car, right? Yeah. Hey, there are people who like kids who don't know who that is. Yeah, Jay Leno's Garage on Fire, season six. Right? I mean, they don't know who he is. Yeah. I mean, this business is brutal with that. It's crazy. But so Johnny is-- The Tonight Show starring Charli D'Amelio, 2046. Who's that? Exactly.

Oh, you just picked a man? Now I flipped it. She's like the biggest TikToker. Is he really? She, yeah. Who is she? She's like a dancer. Yeah. Dancer on TikTok. A dancer on TikTok? She has like 100 million followers. It's unbelievable. You know that Chinese app from Beijing, right? Warps the minds of our children, right?

Yeah, I have Trump Tourette's by the way. I'm sorry to the viewer. I do it. It's oh no I was gonna save you before if I ran into if I just was shooting Ozzie. What do you put in the shit? Right it looks like it doesn't it this is my micro impression you others the last thing myself It's just you saying the word Cosby you say Cosby. I don't hear it, but maybe you know, it's hard Maybe you don't hear yourself. Oh really even the cast of Koda could hear it. Okay, I

I'm sorry. I want to get you doing Trump. OK, so this is me, but this is real because I did meet him twice. OK.

And I would say to him, if we just were shooting this shit, you know, like, I don't want to start a fight. I know you're running for president. And I know you're... This is my friend Ghislaine. You're a criminal. But we're not going to talk about that. Do you remember that time? I met you in the club Moomba in New York. Do you remember that, Mr. President? Okay, well, Moomba's a great place. Sounds like the name of an African-American in the NBA. This is Moomba.

Number 17 on the Lakers, Mumba. Remember, it was on 7th Avenue downtown. It was the spot. I mean, I wasn't surprised that you were there. Well, I actually created Mumba. It was a great place. I invented Mumba. Well, Mumba's a great friend of mine. I know the guy Mumba very well. Mumba, he was in that great movie, Coming to America, which was great with Eddie Murphy, Mumba Murphy. But Mumba's a smart and tough guy, right? He's a tough guy.

No, this was a club. And then I also met you at the Playboy Mansion. Oh, that was great. It was the Midsummer Night's Dream party. Everyone was in pajamas. And you were in a suit, a power suit, your power suit. And you walked around. You did a couple of laps.

Like the shark in Jaws. Yeah, very much. And both times, you know, I have to say you were very gracious. You were very complimentary. Well, it's a shame you've changed so much, Bill. Bill says that he hasn't changed. The world has changed. Actually, Bill, you've changed.

You've changed. And I've always heard that about Donald Trump, about you, sir. Right. That the people who have met you in private situations, especially before... Let me sit on the edge like I'm taking a shit. That's right. Before you were president. Always so nice. That's true. So it's odd that you're such a hard-ass as a politician. Well, I think it's very unfair when you say that because people are saying that I'm a hard-ass, but I'm just a tough guy. I care deeply about this country.

I knew John Adams very well. He was a friend of mine, John Adams. We wrote this thing together. He's much too old. We played golf with Lincoln last week. No, no, that's much too young. Lincoln was a great friend of mine. We golfed. And the beard was my idea. That's ridiculous. Thank you. I'm sorry. That's enough of that. That's ridiculous. Yeah.

oh you do a great trump thank you so much so yeah i still want to know who these other celebrities who you're like uh approaching and doing them to them are well one guy i haven't who have you done well one guy i haven't done turn around just look the other way for a second look back oh who is that

I get it, but I don't. You really don't know who this is. I get you've got the face. Who is this? This is Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell. Oh, Mitch McConnell. Not the first. Let me just begin by stating what a thrill it is to be on the podcast with Bill Maher. That is good. Yes. Again, the kids must love it.

Mitch McConnell. Why is he because he's free? I've been saying Mitch McConnell's been the one impression I've been doing at parties to get women my age to want to have sex with me. So who's on Raya? Have you been matching with people, Matt? Yeah, I'm on the apps. And I'm just so curious about what goes on there. How often do you do it?

I just-- How does it fit into your masturbation schedules? Like, do you see a girl, and she's attractive, and she said right-- So are you the guy from Club Random? I said, yes, I am.

And then at night you masturbate to the thought of having this date with her? Is that what happens? That's exactly, you've summarized it all. I'm just asking. No, that's exactly how it goes down. Yeah, I match, masturbate, and then... And then if the masturbation goes well... We throw on real time, and that's how I finish. And what attracts you to an attractive woman? I want a woman who loves panels. Panels, you mean like panels on a show? Exactly, yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

What do I like in a woman? Is that the question? Or, hey, it's 2024. In a person, it's enough to be a woman. Asshole. I'm sorry. I mean, Jesus Christ. I think, I don't know. A sense of humor is a big one. You talked with someone on the show about, like, a bond is made when you watch a movie together, right? And you both laugh at the same jokes. You know what? That is so true. I think, like, humor is a big one. If I make a joke, a lot of old school, old humor references. Right.

Like if a girl doesn't laugh at this, I don't want to talk to her. I spent way too much time with women who didn't get the joke just because the sex. You mean like this joke? No, I know you're doing Richard Dreyfuss, right?

Certainly hope so, Bill. Yeah. Anyways, this podcast is off the wall. You saw that Richard Drexler? Oh, I did. Oh, that's so funny. It was crazy. I mean, that's... He was falling off big time. Boy, that and... Richard was falling off his chair. That and me getting punched on Pictionary... Unbelievable. ...will be the two highlights of my career, I predict. We all have busy lives these days and can't afford to waste a day stuck on the couch because of a few drinks the night before.

Z-biotics is the answer we've all been looking for. Z-biotics pre-alcohol probiotic is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking, begging the question, how much were these scientists drinking?

Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next day. Z-Biotics produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. It's designed to work like your liver, but in your gut, where you need it most.

Just remember to drink Z Biotics before drinking alcohol, drink responsibly and get a good night's sleep to feel your best the next day. I don't drink as much as I used to and one of the big reasons is that I hate to waste a day. But with Z Biotics,

You can feel much better after having even just a few drinks. Go to zbiotics.com slash random to get 15% off your first order when you use random at checkout. You can also sign up for a subscription using my code so you can stay prepared no matter the time or occasion. Zbiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, we'll refund your money. No questions asked.

Remember to head to zbiotics.com slash random and use the code random at checkout for 15% off. Thank you, ZBiotics, for sponsoring this episode.

What is liquid death? It may look like a beer or some insane energy drink, but in reality, it's a healthy beverage brand that makes mountain spring water. Have you ever seen a coworker cracking a tall boy in your morning meeting? Or maybe you've seen a bunch of kids at soccer taking a pull from what looks like a dark-themed hard lemonade?

Or you spot an Uber driver pounding one at a stoplight and you want to call the cops? Well, don't because it's not when you think it is. But why? Why would someone call a healthy beverage liquid death? Because their mission is to bring death to single-use plastic bottles with their infinitely recyclable aluminum cans.

Liquid Death donates a portion of profits to eliminating the use of plastic. If plastic pollution isn't curbed, there will be more plastic than fish in the ocean by 2050.

You can get free shipping of Liquid Death's Mountain Water Flavored Sparkling and Iced Tea 8-Packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods, or on Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash random to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash random. Once more, liquiddeath.com slash random.

Jimmy Kimmel at the Oscars. Now, first of all, I thought he did an amazing job. You've got to give it up. This guy has now, he's the right guy for that job. It was hip without, like, pissing them off. I agree. Him and Joe Coy top two. There's a degree of difficulty where you have to split that difference, and it's good he's done it a few times because that is the hardest. So I thought he did great. I am split on the mocking Trump thing.

The fact that it happened during the show, though, was... But I know what you mean. In my case, though... Only because half of America is looking at that and going, fuck you, you liberal pricks. Yes, it works in the room. But at this point, it's the Oscars. They're all wearing their pins. It's so liberal. Kimmel's hosting. They associate him with the left. But for me, I...

I love the Carson approach to comedy. Yes. And I... Right. The problem is you can't really do that anymore, I don't think. Do what? It's harder to be more down the middle in comedy. That's my... But that's my quest, to follow that star. That's what I'm doing, and it's working. But again, I've had 40 years of practice. Of course. So, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is a hard thing to do. And also, you're just, you know...

Impressions are not meant for political commentary. Well, I'm starting to do more of it. I'm doing an hour of stand-up on the road. And in that hour, I do get political. I talk about things. But it's funny because I see comments on Instagram. Some people will say, why don't you do a Beijing Biden voice? Where's your Biden voice?

And I'm like, I'm not too afraid to do a Biden. It's just that he's so boring. It's just, it's so boring. It's hard to do it vocally. Like, that's the reason I don't do it. It's like, it's not like I'm afraid to comment on him. It's just that it's like boring. And also he's hard to do. I do a lot of Democrats. He is hard to do. I do a lot of Democrats. Like? Do Bernie Sanders. Yeah, that's. I do, I do, I do, I'm working on my Newsom. Gavin Newsom? Yeah, Gavin Newsom.

Kind of like Will Arnett a little bit. Yeah, go ahead. Ron DeSantos, he's a bully. He's a fraud. He's a narcissist. It's just, he's wrong. And Bill, you know this. I just, I think, I think it's just, I don't, Joe Biden is the greatest president in the history of our country. The Biden-Kamala agenda is working for the American people.

I'm like, he's doing an Obama impression a little bit. I actually, Bill, I do Obama as well. So I have to say, it is great to be back with my fellow weed smoker, Bill Maher. How are you? And I appreciate all those millions of donations. Thank you for getting me to where I am today. Thank you so much.

My most obscure political impression is Chuck Grassley, though. Chuck Grassley, Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley. During the Kavanaugh hearings. Pushing 90, I believe. During the Kavanaugh hearings, just, Senator Leahy. Senator Leahy, we're going to be motioning to the floor. Senator Leahy. Jesus. Hang it up, bitch. My God.

I'm a good audience. You are a great audience. And that's one thing about Johnny Carson. He was a good audience. He knew how to lay you up, right? Well, that too. Of course, if you're on, why would they want you to succeed? Of course. But also, you could just tell someone is generous enough

And, of course, what did he have to lose? Just like what do I have to lose? What, are you going to take my job? Plus, also, I love to laugh. Speaking of which, congrats to Bill on his two-year extension with HBO. He'll be celebrating his 70th on the air. That's going to be something special. Yeah, I...

I think you're right. Yes, that's amazing. Yeah, it's hysterical that Trump would pull that out. Yeah, I love, yeah. Exactly. That's hysterical. Yeah. But in terms of the face-to-face interactions, it's been interesting doing it to the person. It's a

It's a little nerve-wracking, but it's been fun. What's great is coming up with any kind of format where you can take the piss out of celebrities. Absolutely. And you can do it in a way that they are in on the show. Just like Greg Gutfeld. Yeah. Why Greg? What do you mean? I'm just joking. Oh, I know, but why did you pick him? I don't know. I just, I don't know. Greg was here. Anyway, I know. I saw it. Greg was here? Yeah. I am a soldier for...

trying to get people to just talk to each other, don't hate each other for the things that too many people just, you know, won't get friendly with the idea that not everybody was raised the way you were, you know, they had different parents, different experiences. Do you feel my generation has lost sight of that? Oh yeah. I mean, it's not just your generation, but

You know, that's where most of the, again, not going to say woke, far fringe left stuff comes from. Trust me, they would not have been marching for Hamas in any other generation. It's truly astounding when you see that. Are you a Jew? I am. Me, Howard Stern, and Goldblum, the top three tallest Jews in American history. And my father. But no, it does not make sense when you see LGBT for...

And what,

Why do you think so many people who are successful, I mean, you could have easily not been a Jew. I mean, my knowledge of you could easily, I was asking a legitimate question. I don't know. I mean, you know. I believe you know my father, Mr. Cohen. I'm sorry. Bill, I apologize. I'm sorry. I had to do it. Again, no one can do me. Roger Ailes. I can't be hypnotized either.

Well, I'm hypnotized right now. Some people. So, oh, shit. Now, what were we talking about? I don't know. Something important. Yeah, I forgot. You're the one who. The Jew. Oh, the Jew. Yes, thank you. So you could easily not be a Jew. Right. Again, I said it wrong. Yes. It easily could have been the case that I didn't know you were a Jew. I didn't. Right, right. But it just, if I had to bet, you know, like. Take out my cross. Successful person in show business. Jew is not a bad bet.

What are you... And also, not a bad bet in physics. Well, my uncle is Michael Ovitz, so... Really? No. Oh. Doctors, you know, like...

The Jews just have an outsized amount of success in many important fields. Media. What do you attribute this to? The Jewish correlation? No, why are Jews so successful? By the way, I think there's a big connection between them being so successful and them being hated so much. Well, it all starts with Irving Thalberg in Hollywood. Now... Well, not all of it, but show business. I don't know. Irving Thalberg. There's a...

There's a there's a you do Dennis Miller because you have. Yeah, kind of have enough references. Yeah, maybe I got to work in my Dennis Miller. Maybe I'll do it when I form at CPAC. But I want to headline at the NRA. But I love you, Dennis. But I think there's a relentlessness to Jews, maybe.

Well, that'll happen after you've been almost exterminated. What did you say in a podcast? You said the Jews went-- when they were running Hollywood, they were suddenly being-- they went from pogroms to being sucked off by starlets.

I don't remember that, but they were. Well, it's on tape. Yeah, I mean, I'm not denying it. I'm just saying I don't remember it. But yes, all the people, Neil Gabler wrote the book. I'm just quoting. What was the book again? How the Jews Invented Hollywood. OK. All the first generation of moguls, the Louis B. Mayors, Zanoff. Zanoff, no. Zanuck, too. Zanuck. Zanuck. Lemley. Lemley, OK. Yeah.

Of course, Warner. Warner. Some of them changed their names. Also, well, I don't know. Yeah. But they all came from within a 300-mile radius of Warsaw. Right. They were Eastern European Jews.

German, Polish, Hungarian maybe, and a lot of the early filmmakers, Billy Wilder and so forth. And they were Jews who came to America, and nobody wanted a part of this new risky industry. Jews weren't allowed in a lot of other industries. It was much more like it was for blacks later on, and of course even worse then.

So, oh, yeah, I'll get into the flickers. And then they got, you know, and they found themselves, you know, by the 20s, 30s, you know, in charge of this. They ran the whole town. Yeah. And they...

fed back to America this idealized vision of what America is, is Neil Gabler's big theme. And he's right. Andy Hardy, all these movies that were, here are these Jews who sort of idealized the white picket fence Protestant lifestyle that was anything but what their past was. But of course, now they

were there and they were in the promised land and they could have a shiksa girlfriend and they did oh my god the the the level of sexual harassment in that era i don't know why i'm laughing it's yeah i mean it was just i mean there was just no laws someone called it the good old days but but mr president that's that that's not appropriate someone called it that right yeah yeah

Well, it's yeah, but that era fascinates me of Hollywood history. It's amazing that you can run for president after a jury has found you guilty of sexual assault. That is true, right? As I said on the bus with the great Billy Bush, when you're a star, you can do anything, Bill. Grab him by the pussy, lick his finger, do whatever you want. Give it a little dance, right?

But I will tell you that you got to be careful with it. And what about the ass? Do you play in the naughty place? I love to play in the ass. I love to get pink eye from Melania. That's a great thing.

I love to play in that ass, right? Bill, shut your mouth. Shut your mouth, Bill. Somebody asked me, are you an ass man or a titty man? I said, Bill, I am an ass man. I'm an ass man. Excuse me. Does the pink eye. The pink eye, right? Mine's the orange eye, right? Is that referring to the disease you get from getting bacteria in your eye? Or does that refer to the actual asshole?

Is that called the pink eye? That's not a question. Maybe you can ask my physicist, Deborah Birx, could answer that question. Deborah might have an answer for that. I guess this kid's not too bad. I'm sorry, Bill. I apologize. Was that me again? I don't, not really. Just smashed this bottle over my goddamn head. No, no, but, you know.

You got to work on it and take it back to the shop. It's just the attitude. It's just the attitude I'm trying to get. I love you, man. I don't know how to conceal it. I fucking club random. I have the comments. You know what? In Hollywood, there's an element. My agent told me.

Or my friend Jim actually told me. He said, oh, I'm about to get killed. He just pointed this out. He said, you've got to be cool in Hollywood. You've got to treat it like you're in high school dating. You want to be cool. But you know what? When I have the opportunity, I have to be honest to say how surreal it is to be here with you. If you can't be yourself in this setting with me, then you're probably not going to do it. But you're fine. You are. You know, just play.

play the reality of the scene. I always think of life as a movie. Thank you, Mr. Meisner. And like I've said this before about relationships, like somebody will want to do something, I'll be like, yeah, well, we had the great scene when we met.

Then we had this other scene, and now we're up to this part of the movie. So we already shot that scene. Let's do this new. We shot it like Baldwin. I'm sorry, that's cut. That's inappropriate. That's inappropriate. Well, you have a feud with Alec Baldwin. You do. Because he did you for all those years. You mean that lying dog? Yeah, I do, right? I actually met Alec Baldwin. Oh, yeah, do Alec Baldwin. Well, I do Alec Baldwin doing Trump. So I just go.

We've got a great show. Yeah, exactly. Boopity, boopity, boopity, boo. Right. He doesn't actually. That's what I'm saying. There was that one generation that sucked, kind of, of an actual impression. And then. Daryl Hammond would do a solid one. Interesting. I could, I've never seen that. Yeah. Daryl Hammond. I think Phil Hartman did it as well. Who used to do. Phil Hartman would do it as well.

Do who? Trump. He did it briefly, yeah. I love Phil Hartman, by the way. Well, first of all, Trump was a different Trump then. He was a different Trump. So, I mean, you're getting that nuance of...

And I love the, you know, the one that I should know his name. Who was on SNL? The current one? Yeah. James. James. Austin. We don't need to say his full name. Oh, so he's your rival. James Austin Johnson, right? But that's the only one he does. You do. But it's interesting with you because... He captures that Trump insane...

just like train of thought. He does. He's worse than me when I'm high. He does. You know, he just, just. When I, when I, you have a similar thing too, because I watched an old clip of you on Ed Sullivan. I mean, I'm kidding. I watched an old clip of you on Carson where

Because you had a little bit of a higher thing. Now it's more control, but I think when you were younger, you'd come out and be like, I mean, I don't know. I mean, the audience isn't facing me. I'm thrilled to be here. Well, you know what? Hello, hello. Bum-puddy, bum-puddy, bum. People in different eras, not just when they're young, but everybody literally talks different. Right. Like in the 30s and 40s, my old girlfriend used to just crack me up. She was a Bobby Soxer, right? No, but she was awesome.

Born in the 80s. I see. But she used to do an impression of like, she's like, why did they talk like this? And it was just like so dead on. It's hysterical. And they did talk differently. They did. The 30s and 40s. I'm going down a third street. And more specifically. Why were they talking like that? Why are we not talking like that? Should we be?

I mean, more specifically, comedy has changed in that capacity, too. Or were they just doing it for... I don't know. It's just how they talked in the movies. Maybe in real life, they didn't talk like that. I was at a bit on stage, I was like, I wonder if, like,

Baristas do that yelling voice, like, sexually. Like, they'll be like, I have a grande... I have a grande ice mocha for Bill. I have a grande fingering for Susan. I don't know, like, I'm fascinated by the voices we put on, you know? You're like, stick to the voices, monkey boy. Enough with the bits. Jesus Christ. No. The good ones are the good ones, and the, you know... You try being funny ingesting the smoke, right? That's great. That's why we brought the masks. You remind me of my friend Jimmy, my best friend. He just, like...

Like, he's not... A famous Jimmy or an irrelevant? No, no. Well, he's a very famous... Is it a Jim Carrey? No, no, no, no. We don't want to hear about him. He's a writer. He's a brilliant writer. Oh, a writer. So behind the scenes? Yeah, behind the scenes. Anyway. But he's like... He's just never afraid to...

He throws an interception and he doesn't get right back in. You've got to keep throwing, man. You've got to keep throwing. Yeah. It's like he's not deterred that his batting average is not 1,000. Nobody bats 1,000. I mean, some people bat higher, quite frankly. Yeah.

Like you when interviewing Dr. Phil. What? That was a great interview, by the way. It was? You and Dr. Phil. You made a joke to him, I think on real time, and then he was like, that's a good one, Bill, but...

Yeah. Take it back. I don't know what he said. It was great. Yeah. No, he and I actually get along really well. But also, I must say, and I love him, I really have come to like him. We spend time here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get to know people so well in just a couple hours. But he's got this show, which, and I could just tell, he's bursting at the seams to be political. And the show is political. But he is trying to maintain this idea of,

that I don't get into politics. - Dr. Oz too.

Well, you know, I'm not familiar with Dr. Rogers. Oh, I know who he is. I know he ran for Senate in Pennsylvania. I'm just not familiar. I never watched the show. Did you see when he blamed, he went on a rant about what Biden has done wrong, and he goes, the price of coup d'etat has raged. The price of coup d'etat is outrageous, and it's Joe Biden's fault. I went to Wegmans, and I bought this coup d'etat. It was insane. See, I don't know him well enough to know if that's awesome or... It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Well, I got to just keep swinging. I don't know why. I don't know why. Yes, exactly. I don't know why I never watched any of Dr. Oz because I'm so interested in that subject of medicine. But I did hear from people that he was, you know, he sold himself out to like, like,

quack stuff and you know the thing is that one man's quack is another man's real healing medicine and that's been proven over and over again something they said was not effective was something that's more effect marijuana you know ricky williams the famous football player was like you know they wouldn't let me they suspended me for smoking pot that's what helped with my anxiety

And then they put me on pharmaceuticals that are legal and they don't work and they didn't help. And can I just, so there's a lot of that. So when a guy is like called a quack, I'm always like, I don't know. I would have to see for myself. But enough. I certainly hope Dr. Larry Nassar is not included in this group of doctors. And how about Dr. Eugene Landy? You know who that is? Who is that again? Eugene Landy? He was Brian Wilson's psychiatrist. Yeah.

That's my medical team. Okay, beautiful. Dr. Conrad Murray. Okay. You know who he is, right? Conrad Murray? Sadly, I'm missing some of these references. That was Michael Jackson. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. That's my medical team. Dr. Conrad Murray, Dr. Eugene Landy, and Dr. Larry Nassar.

And Dr. Vinny Boombots. Oh, my God. They handle all of my... Jesus Christ. Yeah. You know, it's amazing being here with you because people ask me on my Instagram, my social media, they're like, how do I meet so many celebrities? They have theories on me. They'll be like, am I super connected or something? And somebody actually writes, were you on Epstein's Island? And I said, I'm 25 years old. If I was on Epstein's Island, I would have been one of the kids. That's funny. Yeah.

I swung and I got deferred. Well, I want to know more about what's going on with the things that you know that I don't know. Like the clubs, you and the clubs.

I'm in the clubs. You haven't been in the clubs. Why would you go in the clubs? Exactly. And yet so many guys-- You're going to leave your forest? So many-- so many-- Yeah, it's great. Bill, great house. No, no, great forest. Yeah, national park. I didn't even live here. I live next door. Great, another forest. Yeah.

Daylight saving time has started up again for most states. The goal? To give us more daylight from now through November. By setting our clocks forward, it may feel like there are more hours in the day. But if you're hiring, it doesn't necessarily help you find qualified candidates for your roles any sooner.

There's only one way to do that, ZipRecruiter. And right now, you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash random. Once you post your job on ZipRecruiter, they send it to 100 plus job sites so you reach more of the right people. ZipRecruiter's smart technology also quickly scans thousands of resumes to identify people whose skills and experience match your job.

Spring forward with a new hiring partner, ZipRecruiter, and find top talent sooner. See why four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash random. Once again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash random. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Research shows that one of the leading causes of couples breaking up is they get sick of that nagging question, what should we have for dinner? It's the main reason I've stayed single. But Factor is here to help with your dining table and your relationship. Factor's delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day so easy. No matter what your dietary needs, Factor's got your back. Delivering pre-prepared, chef-crafted, and dietitian-approved meals delivered right to your door.

You'll have over 35 different options a week to choose from, including keto, calorie smart, vegan, plus veggie, and more. And there's even more to enjoy with over 55 nutrition-packed add-ons that help make your weekly meal planning even more delicious.

Factors restaurant quality meals are ready to eat in two minutes and it's super flexible for your schedule. Get as much or as little as you need by choosing between six and 18 meals per week. Plus, you can pause or reschedule your deliveries at any time.

Head to factormeals.com slash random50 and use code random50 to get 50% off. That's code random50 at factormeals.com slash random50 to get 50% off.

But... Yeah, in the clubs. In the club. You know, it's been... 50 Cent. No, I mean, this is fast... In the club. For me... I ended up in sex. I ended up making love. For me, I started doing, like, stand-up in the clubs. That was in college, and I would go into... But what are the clubs like? I mean, like, I got out of the clubs...

Well, I started Politically Incorrect in '93. Did I-- yeah, so right up until then, I moved out here in '83. So I was at the Improv, which is still-- you worked the Improv? So I live in New York.

But I'm here all the time now. But when I'm here, I'll do the Comedy Store, the Improv. You do. Club in New York, I do the Stand all the time. That's kind of my home club. And you're so hot now in the industry. Both clubs let you. They don't give you that shit about if you work one, you can't work the other, do they? They're just happy to have you. I'm just kind of...

Just kind of popping in right now, yeah, to both those clubs. Did they put you right up? I kind of have... I've just been popping in, and sometimes I'm building my contacts. I guess we're... Hopefully they can just let me in whenever I want, God willing, but I hope so. Yeah, I think probably... I think now they should be, hopefully. Yeah. But anyways... I mean, there was a lot of stupid...

The clubs are... Comedy club rivalry politics. I mean, this, again, is a long... Mitzi Shore shit. Yes, but... I don't like... The whole gatekeeper thing pisses me off. I cannot stand it. And I know that's just a part of how that used to work, but now with TikTok and social media, they've removed a lot of those gatekeepers. Right, you... Like, before, to sit with you, like to sit with Bill Maher,

20 years ago, you had to go through a lot of other things. There were a lot of barriers to entry, but now you can post a video from your kitchen. Exactly. And you can sort of show, and it can reach millions of people. No, you've cut out the middleman. That's right. Which is both good and bad, because you can't complain that you didn't get your shot. Of course, absolutely. You took it right to the people. That's right. And that's, you know...

That's really good. But the clubs, we've replaced cocaine with Zyrtec. What's Zyrtec? What is Zyrtec? Ask Michael Jackson's doctor. It's an allergy medication. Was that me? I don't know. I have Tourette's with this. I can't stop. My sister called me a glorified parrot the other day, which is pretty accurate. That's funny. That should be the name of your special. I think so. Glorified parrot, right? I think so.

I'd be really fun. Yeah. Kid Rock is my sidekick. But I don't know. I'm just-- hopefully in the green room, they're laughing. I'm doing a live of a brand of event with Kid Rock. That's why I brought that up. Oh, really? I'm so excited about it. Yeah, no, that's amazing. Did you see that? I did. The picture of-- Incredible. Isn't that great? That's my dog, Chico. Incredible. Who I compared to Kid Rock. Gorgeous. Because he barks at nothing. Amazing. No, right next to the Michael Vick jersey.

The mic.

Michael Victor. Why is the Michael Victor next to Chico? For the people just listening, there is no actual Michael Victor. All right. But there is the picture. We edited it out. There is Chico on the cover of Rolling Stone. Speaking of, next week's guest, Michael Vic plays with Chico. But anyways, the clubs. Oh, yeah, the clubs. The clubs, I don't know. I mean, I don't really... It would have been fascinating to see how it was in the 80s, but... Or like, whatever, but...

It's probably a friendlier place, but it's still very competitive. It's a very competitive industry. Yeah. So I wrote a book, a novel once about my early days in standup. Yeah. You would like it.

I'm surprised you haven't read it. True story. I'll get it to you. You'll love it. I'll give you one before you leave. Okay, great. It's really fun. Can't wait to read it. It's a novelization of what my life was like in those early 80s. Can't wait to read it. In the very beginning, I think they call it an epigram. It's like wasting paper, one page with just one little line on it. Yeah. And it says... One little line just like Don likes, Junior. It says...

They loved each other because they shared a dream, but they hated each other because there wasn't enough of it to go around. And I feel like that summed up the life of the comics. Of course, we related to who else are we going to relate to? And we did love each other. There was a real brotherhood, sisterhood with the comics that I started with. We were all kind of in the same boat, but it is kind of also like the army. Some of you are going to get shot in the head. It's like the Hunger Games.

Not bad. The Hunger Games, yes. To put it in your generation's mythology. Exactly, yeah. But even more so, though, you could argue it's more competitive now. There's just so many people trying to do the same thing. I had the same complaint.

It's not a complaint. I'm just, it just, yeah, I mean like. Well, it was for me. Yeah, I mean, it's. I compared it in the book to a marathon where you can't really tell who the contenders are at the beginning of the race. Yeah. Because there was so many fucking people. Right. If I wasn't, if I didn't notice it with Richard Dreyfuss, I'm not going to notice it with you. I have my method of dealing with this. Don't.

Why is there a foot in here? Was Armie Hammer on? Anyways. Wow. I'm sorry. Oh, no, no. I can't wait for the comic. It's like a writer's room where you're throwing this stuff. You throw it out. I'm nervous, guys. I'm having a good time. That's good. Play the reality of the scene. Play the reality of the scene. Play the reality of the scene. You can never go wrong. I agree. By the way, I know you interviewed Ariana Huffington.

One of my best friends. My brother worked closely with Ariana. She just came to my show in New York. His name is Jack, and he works for Thrive. Oh, he does. He works for Thrive. I've known Ariana for a few years. She's the best. My girl, Ariana. She's the best. We go back 30 years.

That is a true loving bond. I mean, we don't see each other that much because she is in New York now. But whenever we're in the other one's city, we... Incredible. You know, you've got to have like the ultimate earth mother in your life. The earthy... And that's what she is? The ultimate earthy European woman who's loving and, you know... I mean, she's Greek. Yes. I mean, and also like the business acumen. I mean, she went from just, you know, whatever...

Greek peasant to London and Oxford and that life and then here and then politics. She went from a Euro to the Prime Minister very fast. And then the Huffington Post made her very rich and thrived, valued even more. And she did kind of, not that we didn't know that sleep was important, but she did kind of take

that subject and make it almost day-regard. I hear so many people now when asked, "What about your health?" And the, "Oh, gotta get your sleep." Yeah. And people are not afraid, I wish I could, to sleep for 12 hours. Yeah. 12 hours is a little excessive, but yeah. It's, you know what... Half the day? Tom Brady used to try to sleep 12 hours before a game because, you know, it's not right. Sleep in his red hat? What do you mean, his MAGA hat?

You know, look, I'm no Tom Brady defender. There's no greater joy in my life than knowing that two of the Super Bowls he lost were to the New York Giants. But yes, one time they cut a picture of a MAGA hat in his locker. And it was like early on. It's not worse than your Michael Vick photo. I mean, I just, not that you asked for this whole mess of vipers, but I just can't hate, I can't get behind the hate of

He's the greatest of all time. No, just like, you know, even if he did have a MAGA hat or even if he voted for Trump, shut the fuck up. You just can't do anything about it. It's just useless to, yes, I'm going to work as hard as I can to elect the other guy. But, you know, it's just, it is what it is. You can't, like, move people off, like, who they are and what they like.

are you drinking man yeah i am i have a tequila so what is your uh personal life like i'm from chicago i have a very close brother and sister yeah i had a great upbringing i mean there's the whole like there's the whole idea of like a tragic clown but i true i don't know for me i just i'm very lucky i i you sure don't seem tragic yeah it's just like a sad clown thing i mean living the life yeah i mean there's uh i like i read mel brooks's autobiography and he talks about

How he just had great parents. And I was listening to you. Like you said, your parents are going to let you figure it out after comedy. That's right. And I related to that a lot. And I'm very lucky to have been in that position. Right.

You know, because especially to have things happening, like, at a pretty quick rate. I mean, you did Carson. How old were you the first time? 26? You mean the blowing up thing? Yeah, I mean, just exactly. I know. But I mean, it's... I was 26, yeah. Yeah, so... But no, I think I have a... Right now, it's a lot of work. I mean, it's constantly...

doing things and that's kind of all I'm focused on and that's the perfect time to have a lot of work because you're young and you can you know have boundless energy yeah yeah you know I mean fuck I mean the ability to like

Work and also like party. Yeah at that age. I mean, I it's your body's almost too good I mean, I feel like it did not restrict me enough right now if you can like party all night and then like get three hours sleep especially in this Like business, it's not normal like my friend I can find it like they're not going to go talk to you for an hour and a half or whatever like there's an adrenaline to it that makes you want to go celebrate it and

You know, to keep it going. I can see how people died in the 80s from overdoses. Well, they still do. They still do, but I feel like it happened more frequently in comedy back then. In comedy? Yeah, I feel like there's a healthier culture now. Really? I think so. Like, Kevin Hart is posting workout videos, you know. Sebastian Maniscalco, very strong guy, goes on a peloton, you know.

He was there. I remember our show. Didn't know what the fuck happened. Guy started smoking a blunt.

In my face. Sounds like you could do Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider? You ever try him? Only on Fox Nation. But I, hey, CNN. I'm sorry, Bill. I apologize. But you're like, there's another flag. I got to work on a Rob Schneider. I got to figure that one out. Yeah. I got to figure that one out. Because you seem like you could do anybody you put your mind to. I try to. Rob Schneider's so funny. I try to. And yeah.

I mean, he's another one who like- Hysterical. A lot of what he says, I mean, he's been branded like the far right winger. A lot of what he says is just standard, like, this is crazy stuff. Similar to lots of stuff I talk about. Because most of us in the business, we are liberals.

So, you know, to make a joke about pregnant men, yeah, we understand that, sure, of course people can, like, be born one way and then feel the other way and transition. But that's different than saying, well, men can get pregnant now. Right. You know, like, there's a middle ground. And I feel like somebody like— They can't get pregnant? No.

Well, someone who was born a woman and then feels like she's a man can transition and then have a baby. So a man can technically have a baby. But to pretend that that's like men can have babies. In other words, he'll do jokes about stuff like that, as I will. And it's like, to a certain part of the far fringe left, that makes you a conservative. And it's like, no, that's not a conservative. That's just saying...

Let's go back to what we were doing five years ago. Yeah, I know what you mean. Kindergarteners, let's not talk to him about sex at all. I know that's crazy. But let's do spelling. That was the Ron DeSantis approach. Just don't keep all the porn out of the classrooms, you know, Bill? Who's that? That was Ron DeSantis, totally. I remember. He's irrelevant. He's like dead. But anyways. But there was something to that. Wow. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Where do you what do you play this scenario out? Yes, Donald Trump loses in November, right? Where which I think is likely. Okay, actually scenario Donald Trump loses

Where does the party go Republican Party? And what does Trump do great question? Is there another January 6th or? Does he fade away? Does he still have a grasp over the party? Does he does he become this go back to being this celebrity? Mark Burnett Apprentice II type fixture does or is he overcome with lawsuits and it's such a good question I may ask it on the show Friday because

that's really thinking about the essence of what the Republican Party is right now. I think I said it last week on the show. There's no one left to stand up to him because he has the nomination. There's no more Liz Cheney. There's no more Mitt Romney. There's no more Nikki Haley. There is literally no one to stand up to him. But...

Right, in that scenario. Then who then is like, okay, we're done with this guy. He lost twice in a row. He lost us the Senate. We love him, but we just can't. Almost like they were with Reagan, you know, at a certain point. It's like they will always love him. Missed me. A deep...

hard on for Ronald Reagan. But at a certain point, they moved on from the beliefs. I mean, Ronald Reagan looks quaint. He looks like a liberal next to some of these nuts out in the Republican Party today. It will be interesting. What will they do? No Republican is going to answer that question.

Like in the next eight months, no one's going to say, because they're all going to say he's going to win, whatever. Well, I got one on the show Friday. I'm going to ask her. Please. In the scenario he loses, I'd just be interested to see what does evolve. Will it be a Matt? Like will that base of the party, like the Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, will they? But that's the whole party. I mean, again, there's not one person. But I get it. Not one person at this point who can afford to, they will not be.

keep their job and they all want to keep their job. My question is, without him as the face of it, well, can the party shift though? I agree, he's the face of the party. So you are interested in politics? Absolutely. I was in a program at NYU. I called it the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.

You designed your own major. And I did like the role of satire in society. So I love this stuff. Yeah, I'm very much interested in politics. Sorry if I didn't make that clear, but yes. But anyways, I grapple with this question and I think about it a lot because someone will make a comment, why am I a Trump hater? If I post a video and I basically say the exact same thing that he said,

I just reenact it. They'll be like, why do you hate him so much? I'll say, no, he actually said that Bill Maher has Trump derangement syndrome. I'm just saying what he said. And then they say, you're making fun of him? I'm like, yeah, because he said it. The shit he says is so crazy, people don't understand that I'm just saying exactly what he said. It is amazing the way he is completely unrestrained from saying anything that he...

he doesn't even care that it's not based on anything he's ever read or known. It's just how he feels it should be. Yeah. So it's like, his ratings are terrible. You know, it's just how he feels it should be. He didn't look that up. Yeah.

And it's not true, but it's just that's how he feels and he says it. And that really connects with his audience because it's an emotional thing. They do not take him literally. They take him seriously. Somebody once said this. It's such a great quote. The media takes him literally but not seriously and his personality.

And that's the danger in that. - Take him seriously, but not literally. - Right. - Like he doesn't even have to be literal with it. - And it's amazing how it's still like seven years in and that's still the case.

It'll be forever. In the comedy and the things, because I want to ask you, there was a Barbara Walters Carson interview. And then Carson, she asked him, why don't you talk about politics? He said, I wouldn't want to pitch off half my audience. And then he said, there's a real danger. You're a comedian. When you feel like you're important, he said, you don't want to feel too important. And then, I don't know, because I've been grappling with this as a comedian coming up and

you know, like, trying to emulate you, you know? And I think about, like, what is that approach? Because, like, you look at, like, the Fallon moment where he ruffled the hair, and then they fucked him. And it seemed too playful. And then there's, like, the Bill Maher approach. You know, it's more commentary. I guess I'm just thinking, like, what is the... What is that line? And I think you do the best job out there right now of anyone, because you talk about everyone. That's why people love it. I think...

Very few people can do what you can do with the impressions. So show business is the most competitive business. So use the thing that only you can do. And you don't do that forever.

Even if you did it for 10 years, you'd be 35. Not trying to be Vaughn Meter again. No, but that would be, you know, you could transition. But gather an audience with the thing... Worked for Caitlin. That only you can do. Right. And also that doesn't alienate anybody. Sure. Gather a big audience...

It's happening. And it's also harder to talk to people about important social political issues when you're this young. You did it, though. Yeah, but I also felt that backlash, and it was appropriate. You came out there, though, with a suit on, on Carson. And you were immediately commenting on Bush and saying, boom, to Reagan. Yeah, I remember.

remember that great bit by the way yeah I was thinking Kamala does that to Joe Biden I got boo in the way I got in trouble once they is that right they cut to cut two minutes out of it oh my God and I was I was a very low moment in my life I thought I was like with the Carson producers yes Freddy de Cordova I did Reagan jokes about the assassination oh my God and Freddy de Cordova was like his best friend he directed bedtime for Bonzo

So I got chewed out after the show. I'm certain the only person who could have saved my ass at that moment was Johnny Carson. He's the only one who could have said, no, we should have him back. He made a mistake. He's young. It's incredible. Don't have a conniption fit, Fred. Imagine he's the president and he was making a joke. He's a young comic. We should have him back. It's incredible.

Yeah. Well, the first time you went, you were not waved over, right? He gave you a signal, right? No, no, no. He didn't have you sit with him? No, that's a good question. It definitely wasn't the first time. But isn't that amazing, like, the time we're in? It's the truth, like, that I can sit here with you. Who is the equivalent of that for me? That's not why they get waved over. You know why they get waved over? Because they ran late, and they don't have time.

to introduce the third guest at all. The third guest gets bumped completely. Are you serious? Totally serious. So all the mythology goes out the window? No, I mean, but I think that's a lot of why you get waved over. If the show ran late and we don't have time for Pete Barbuti because it's a five-minute segment, he's got to play the flute and then talk and his publicist will be mad if we don't have him on the couch. So we'll reschedule Pete Barbuti for another night and we'll bring over the fucking monkey for...

for two minutes that say, you know, welcome to show business. Everybody loves that story. That is funny stuff. You know, everyone can relate to that. What would go through your mind? Like, before that first, were you shitting yourself?

Before the first Carson appearance? Well, yeah, you know, you're standing behind the curtain and the band at 1940. I always felt like I was about to ship off to Pearl Harbor. And then somebody should have been saying to me, hey. A day which will live and infirmate. So you arrive there on Sunday the 7th, you say. Well, sleep late. I'm sure there'll be nothing going on on the island that day. That's always how I was.

thinking of it in my mind. Oh, my God. But, yes, because you know that if you're... We've got a nice order in from P.F. Chang's. I'm sorry. It's China. Wrong country, right? I didn't say it, by the way. Donald said it, so thank you. You can't cancel that, right?

Boy, you get his nuance, the way he trails off. I mean, you really... I do. You really, really got that. And that will serve you well because, I mean, obviously, he's never going away. We'll see. Unfortunately, you'll be able to do this impression until you're 50 because, you know... We'll see. Oh, I mean, you know, he's kind of amazing the way he... I bet, yeah. It's the same age as Biden, but...

betrays that decrepitude so much less than Biden does. Biden has to fight just to, you know, be considered not a corpse. And Trump, you know, just puts on the wig and the makeup like Kiss, and it's always 1978. It's pretty astounding when you see a video of Biden like 10 years ago. He was on Seth Meyers.

But it is a little, it's a different thing. Somebody asked me the other day, or I answered it on stage. I was like, I don't do a Biden impression because how am I supposed to do an impression of someone who whenever he's responding to major political questions does it while eating children's desserts? And I'm like, Biden was answering a reporter the other day. They go, President Biden, when will there be a ceasefire? And he's eating a dripping scoop of ice cream and it's melting onto his hand and he just takes a lick of the ice cream before he even eats it. He just goes, by Monday.

And I'm like, what other political figure has been eating dessert while answering major questions? Like Bill Clinton before the sex scandal, eating a Popsicle. Like, I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Maybe I did have sexual relations. I don't know. It's a weird thing how he does that. Good bit? I feel like I'm watching a VHS tape of something from, you know, Evening at the Improv from 93. Okay.

Bill Clinton, yeah. That one I think you can retire. I think Monica Lewinsky was... First of all, again... This is great. I come to club around them. It's just the lesson of what impressions I can retire. Don't... But don't your... The kids your age, don't they like...

say to you, like, why are you talking about? Like, who are these people? Well, I can change it. I mean, I'll do Timothee Chalamet and Rami Malek. Timothee Chalamet. Do that. I'll do Austin Butler. Do that. I just talked to him. Austin Butler? Yeah, at an Oscar party. Hey, I want to say, Bill, it's so great to be with you right now on the program. I'm such a deep, deep fan of all the work you do. And if I can dream.

Yeah, he was Elvis. Yeah, I met him on the Globes carpet, and he was very nice. Sweet guy. Very nice. I did him to him. Okay, so do Timothy Chalamet. I've got to hear this. It's such a deep honor to be with you on the show. It's a great thing for all you've done, sport or culture. You're so crazy. Yeah. Rami Malek, I do. He always looks like he's holding in my deepest sexual fantasy. Rami Malek.

That's really good. Hey, Bill, you sexy little devil. I just want to suck that little butt in your hand there. Oh, yeah, it's creepy. Jim Carrey used to do impressions just with his face. The best. He would do James Dean. Henry Fonda. I mean, to make your face. The Elvis was amazing. Face? No, he would just do this post-nuclear Elvis. Andy Kaufman's Elvis was pretty astounding. Yeah, yeah.

I never understood any other of Andy Kaufman. Did you ever know him, really? No. You didn't know him, do you? I think he died in 1980. He's still alive. That was my second year in comedy. Man, we've lost a lot of great ones lately. I mean, the comedy, my generation is Gilbert and Belzer and Richard Lewis and Shandling. Thank God I got my cameo from Gilbert.

What? Got a cameo from Gilbert Gottfried. What do you mean? My parents got it for me from my college graduation. They bought a cameo from Gilbert Gottfried. What's a cameo? Cameo, you know, the app where celebrities are like, happy birthday. You're kidding. Yeah, I have one. Gilbert did that? Yeah, I have one. It's like, happy graduation day, like something crazy. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. You know why he did it? Because he didn't just sign a two-year extension with HBO. Well...

Speaking of that, I've got to go back to work. By the way, before you go, are you active on Instagram, on Snapchat? No, I wouldn't say active. Present, and I try to keep up a little, but it's not native to me. It's not...

Easy for me, but yes, I want to. I always want to do more because I know it's where the future, it's where the present is. The reason I ask is because you asked about the clubs and I just always imagine before we go what a young Bill Maher would be doing right now. Like in 2024 or 25, you're coming up. Because I'm on Instagram and I'm on Snapchat. Oh, bad.

Of course. It's crazy. Like Snapchat, that's like how I make most of my money. I mean, I assume. It's on that platform. Look, I'm a big believer that you are a product of regeneration. I'm always getting down on the far fringe left, not the woke.

for presentism, which is thinking that people 500 years ago really should have known better, which is so fucking stupid. George Washington had slaves. Yeah, so would you if you lived back then, you stupid ass. Imagine the guy at the first circumcision.

I got a thing in Bethlehem. Was that an old bit of my... I'm sorry. I'm just... Okay. I did my homework. I'm sorry, guys. I can't wait for these comments to suck up, piece of shit. So the point I'm making is that, like, what would I have been like if I was 25 now? I think I would have been a product of my generation. In other words, I would have been native to...

-social media. - I think you would've been-- And therefore, I think I would've done well. I've often asked myself the question, if I had, like, texting during high school, I was painfully shy with girls, would that have been way better? I could've, like, texted them and that-- that certainly was good for a shy person. Yeah, no, it's a-- it's a crazy thing, like, the ability to monetize on your phone.

That's how I support myself. Yeah, I was thinking about selling my ass. I was just trying to get a date. Getting a date too, but all of it. No, all of it. I assume I would have been just like you because that was when I was born. And then it would have been a question of asking ourselves, well, did the skills I've shown I have translate to that? I think they do in general. Totally, they would have. Because...

texting yeah you're writing and i'm a writer basically yeah i think like nickels and may would have done sketches on tick tock right absolutely same thing yeah and probably better ones probably good luck with the blowing up thank you um i can't tell you how much i enjoyed this you

gave me the kind of thing that is unique, not unique, but the most pressured thing for someone who has a lot. You're right, I have a nice place to live. I'm new to your deal and I'm loving it. What you can't buy is gut laughing. So I appreciate all those gut laughs. - Club.

It was a great show. And Bill Maher is a dog. Good night, everybody. Thank you very much. That's kind of terrible. Hardy Fiber Cement Siding handles conditions that can cause damage to vinyl. From fire to hail, Hardy Siding stands tall through it all. Helping trade professionals look their best when they recommend Hardy Siding and Trim. See the proof at jameshardy.com.