Best of 2014 Pt 4
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Beer before liquor, time is a flat circle. Liquor before beer, time is a flat circle. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Alan P. Williams for that catchphrase. A bit of true detective inspired mirth. Coupled with the old rhymes about how to not get hung over. What is it? Beer before liquor, never sicker? Liquor before beer. You're in the clear. Okay. Beer before liquor.

Never sicker. Oh, that's what I did the other night. Right. You started with beer? I had two beers and then I switched over to vodka. And guess what? Not good. Never mix, never worry is another one. Yeah, that's good advice. But you know what? I was kind of like, I'm not feeling it with this beer. Beer is, by the way, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. I'm Scott Aukerman. This is Paul F. Tompkins. I am. Welcome to the best of 2014 part four. Happy New Year.

Sure. A new hope. Happy New Year, by the way, Paul. Happy New Year to you, dear. Do you have any resolutions? Or do you have any revolutions? I would say you want one. My resolution is to join the revolution. And bring and restore them to their rightful place as Prince's backing band once more. So you've got to gather together Wendy, Lisa, Dr. Z. That's right. The whole gang. And the rest. Ha ha ha.

Wendy, Lisa, and Dr. Z in Scrubs. Why wasn't Dr. Z in the TV show Scrubs? If I could ask Zach Braff one question, it would be that. If I could ask Zach Braff one question, I'd ask him why Dr. Z never appeared in Scrubs. He's the most famous guy in Scrubs of all time. Are you forgetting Hawkeye Pierce?

Yeah, why wasn't Hawkeye part of that as well? They should have gotten everyone who's ever appeared on screen in Scrubs to make a cameo in Scrubs. You have to think that the writers brought that up at least once. Can't we get every single person who's been on screen in Scrubs from the disorderlies? That's right. But Bill Lawrence shut it down. To the young doctors in love. Hey, now you're talking my language. Jerry Marshall. Oh, goodbye. Oh, he's gone. Wow.

He just wanted to say that we were talking his language. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you have to think that they talked about it. You have to think that. So what are, so, uh, happy new year and all that shit. Do you have any resolutions? Uh,

You know, I was talking about this on a podcast which will be out in a couple of days, I believe. I'll be on Toadio. Voldemort's podcast? You can't say the name? I was just about to say the name. The lame. It's totally lame. Is it totally lame? It is totally lame. They're winding down. They're almost done. I'm on one of the final eps, and that'll be out later this week, I believe. Did you get to meet their baby?

I've never met their baby. Their baby's very adorable. Yeah. Teddy is her name. She has gigantic cheeks. Oh. What did you... My... What could you possibly have thought I was going to say? I don't know, but it seemed atypical of you. What? Yeah. I was taken quite a bit aback.

And what I believed you were about to say. I like the idea that it's atypical of me when I didn't say it. So, so far, I'm still on brand. You are on brand, which is why I was so surprised. You were so surprised at a thing you thought I was going to say. Yeah, I don't know why you would go into that kind of thing. Well, luckily I didn't.

Hey, guys. Hope you're listening. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. No, but I was talking about Res- Resolution. Res Aslan. Res Aslan. He's a great writer. I was talking about Aslan. Yeah, from Narnia. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, I would like to be more present in my off hours. You know, I tend to work a lot. And when I'm not working, I tend to like to have time to myself. Yet the time I am not working, I should be spending with my loved ones. Yes, it's true. So I would like to be more present during those times. Do you know who else worked too much? Who's that?

Jesus, the carpenter? Yep. And look what happened. A lot of houses out there. Spent his time doing all that carpentry. Yep.

Then when he finally... He built a community center. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he finally takes some time to himself to go out and just like give speeches. Yep. And they fucking nailed him to a tree. So what kind of lesson can we learn? Were you there when they crucified my Lord? Lord, Lord. Were you there when they crucified my Lord? Lord.

Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble. I don't know this one. You know a surprising amount of it. Well, it has a very similar melody to some other songs. I was able to do harmony for a bit. What is that? It sounds like another song.

And we'll all come out to meet them when they're – Should we come around the mountain? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Look, any – You know what? You're right. Any coming around the mountain song I can nail. And did those feet in ancient times walk upon England's pastures green? Is that a Catholic song? Which one? Were You There When They Crucified? I would say it's probably a Christian song. Because I grew up in a Christian church and I don't believe I ever heard it.

I think it's what they classify as an old Negro spiritual. I could be wrong. But we did sing it in my church from time to time. Really? Yeah. And how did you feel? What is the question it's asking? I felt moved by the Holy Spirit. It's asking people, hey –

None of us were there. Were you there when they crucified Jesus Christ? None of us were. Yeah. That seems like a pointless exercise. I think it's an investigation. It's like a CSI kind of thing? They're trying to find out. Shonk, shonk. Look, I got a lot of work to do, Mr. Hey, look at this guy carrying boxes back and forth from a truck. Were you there when they crucified my Lord? Look, maybe I was. I don't know. A lot of people got crucified that day. If you don't mind, my break is coming. Okay.

Shout out to John Mulaney. That's right. God bless him. God bless him. Hopefully he'll be on the show in 2015. Was he on in 2014? I don't believe he was. He was a bit of a busy person. Really? He was a bit of a busy

Bit of a busy bee, but I would like to get him back in 2015. Which, speaking of 2015, we are going through the countdown of 2014. That's right. We're looking back. A fond look back as a new year begins. A fond farewell to the previous year. What are you writing on your checks, by the way? Your checks mix. We're sponsored by checks mix. On my checks mix, I'm writing, hands off, this is Paul's checks mix. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Still in 2015? Yeah, right on the food. Paul and I, this is episode number four of us counting down the top 15 episodes of Comedy Bang Bang for 2014. Yeah. Now, we've been through a lot of different episodes and emotions. Oh, yes. We've been through rage. Denial. Anger. Acceptance. Bargaining. Oh, yeah.

That's my favorite. Tell you what. Tell you what. Okay. If you don't kill me, how's this sound? You bring my mom back from the dead.

We've been going through a lot of episodes, and this has been a lot of fun. We've done 15, then we went to 14, and then 13, smash cut to 12. If I'm not much mistaken, we continue to 11. Fade to 10, and leisurely stroll over to 9. Flashback to 8. Flash forward to 7. And then number 6 with a bullet.

Number five is alive. Number four on the floor. Number three, don't tell me. Don't tell me because we haven't done it yet. We're about to do it as a matter of fact. This is how we do it. Science!

And we are going to do episodes three, two, and one on this episode. Three, two, one. Blast off. It's the season for the reason. Were you there when they crucified Jesus? Oh, if only three, two, one contact. The crucifixion of Jesus every week and the science behind it. Science! They crucified me with science? Yes.

Can you imagine the scientists behind crucifixion? You know, if we put nails in this guy's hands. Were there people that considered themselves scientists, like that used that title? I don't know. Like in ancient Judea? Yeah. In Bible times? At what point was the term scientist coined? When was science itself coined? When did that turn? During the Renaissance, perhaps? Oh, the Renaissance. I fancy myself a bit of a Renaissance man. I don't know if I've ever told you that. No. You've seen that movie.

Renaissance man? Danny DeVito. Which one? Danny DeVito. Is that Renaissance man? Yeah. Oh, okay. No, I'm thinking Bicentennial man. He like joins the army or something. All right. Paul should. Paul should. Paul should. A new contraction. Oh, I'm so glad we came up with one. Paul should. Oh.

P-A-U-L-S-H apostrophe D. That's right. We were talking about new contractions with the both on an episode a couple weeks ago. That's right. And I realized something. I realized that there is one. Never is kind of a contraction, isn't it? For not ever. And however is also for how and ever. How and ever? Yes, how and ever. Have you ever heard Bob Odenkirk talking about Jeremy Irons?

Yes. Yes, I have. And he has that tape of him saying, how and ever. You don't think that's Jeremy Irons being a bit fun? I don't think he was in the mood to be fun in that particular story. Do you think it was in that story he was aware that he was not being fun at all and then he's like, this will lighten the mood a little bit. I think I should probably lighten things up a little bit. But never is not ever. But they've taken the apostrophe out of it. What's ever? Never.

Not meaning. Is that a contraction else and ever else and ever another new contraction else and ever. What's the short else and ever contraction?

It's. He's. It's. It's. The shortest contraction? I believe that's the shortest one. I mean, there isn't. I don't believe that there is a two-letter contraction. What about I's? Like, I's going down to the store. That is still three letters, I believe. I apostrophe S-E. Oh, I thought it was just I apostrophe S. Oh, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I am. I apostrophe I am. I'm eating dog food. At that point, why bother? I'm. Yeah. Just say I am. Yeah. Is it just for song lyrics? Yeah.

so that they can fit the meter? I think even with I am, you can do it. I am there with you.

We're about to get into the details. We really were. But we're not scientists. We're not. Science!

All right, Paul. Paul should move on to the next clip. Let's do it. Let's do another Grepisode. Oh, I love these. These are all – by the way, these top 15, I think they all fall into the category of Grepisode. Grepisodes. They certainly do. Did we get to the one that you were talking about yet, by the way? No, we haven't. Oh, maybe in this top three or maybe it missed the countdown entirely. Maybe it did. Why don't we kick off our countdown? Why don't we do it? Why don't we do it?

We should just do contractions for everything. Yeah. Anything that starts with one of the seven. Who, what, where, why, when, and how. Who, what, where, why, when. The reporter questions. Six. Six. I thought there were seven. No, those are deadly sins. We have six senses and six reporter questions. That's right. And eight crazy nights.

All right, let's get into it. This is, on your countdown, this is number three. Number three. Number three. Number three. It is this.

Is one that I believe is close to your heart, Paul. This is episode 289, The Exorcism of Cake Boss. I'm thrilled that it charted so high. Yes, it did. That was a fun episode. That was a very fun episode. Let me give you a little bit of details magazine. Let me give you a little details magazine. Okay, please do.

First of all, I thought Details Magazine went out of circulation many years ago and it never did. Many moons ago, we were walking down by the steward's path. The sewers path? Yeah. Or the steward's path. The steward of the sewers. Ah, boy. Who was that guy? That used to be a very important position in Elizabethan England. Yep. And now just Killer Croc does it. Yeah. That's where Batman can always find him. That's right. Attending to the sewers. Yep.

The exorcism of Cake Boss. Our old friend Cake Boss revisits Comedy Bang Bang. He's not feeling so well. Well, a couple of things happened previous to this episode. Previously on Comedy Bang Bang.

Two things happen, and one needs to be set up because we don't go into it in the clip. Me hitting you, you hitting the ground. Yes. You hit me, I hit the ground. That's right. And then I got up and said, let's record this fucking show. That's right. No, something happened. Two things happened in the week that we recorded this. Number one. Number one. Number one for number three. Okay.

Number one was the Star Wars – the keepers of Star Wars. That's right. Whomever they may be. Yeah. The people who decide – I guess the politicians of the Star Wars universe. Right. The mayor of Star Wars came out and – with a press conference where he said that –

Anything that was not one of the six Star Wars movies was no longer canonical. Canonical. Canonical. Everyone laughed at him. Then he said, what, what? Then somebody said, it's canonical. Canonical.

So we, in these Cake Boss episodes, have talked quite a bit about the Star Wars books wherein Chewbacca died. That's right. Because at one point, Cake Boss – because using his gift to communicate with the dead. Cake Boss, Buddy Valastro –

On previous episodes, go back through the recess. We're going way back. We're going way back. But in one of his first episodes in the first year, I believe, he talked about how he had been bitten by a cake bug and had gained the power of second sight. Yes. And then he was bitten by a cake scarab. That's right. And he was able to communicate with the dead. Now, those dead people...

Could be either real-life dead people. I guess that's a contradiction, but people in the real world who had died. Actual people. And I don't mean the real-world TV series. I mean people in our years. But should any of them die, he would also be able to be. We all know that, RIP. Some of them have. But also fictional people.

If they died in the actual work of fiction, or if we could presume that they are dead because they could not have lived that long. Huckleberry Finn is the classic example. How could Huckleberry Finn still be alive?

So in this appearance, and this is maybe four years ago, four and a half maybe, Cake Boss communicates with Chewbacca because Chewbacca in one of the, at the time, canonical books of the Star Wars universe passed away. He was hit by a car. Yeah.

I believe Timothy Zahn was the author. I can't recall. You're up on me. In one of those books that was supposedly set in the canonical Star Wars universe, one of the sequels to A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi, Chewbacca passed away. So Cake Boss had quite a bit of a conversation. Now –

Flash forward four years later, the mayor of Star Wars comes out and says, those books are no longer canonical. Hubbub, hubbub, flashbulbs, flashbulbs. People started sending us this fact as in, what is Cake Boss going to say about this? We were, both Scott and myself received many, many tweets from people. Yes. Yes. I am lucky enough now to be tweeted anytime anything happens about the bands U2, Phish, uh,

Cake – the person Cake Boss, Andrew Lloyd Webber, anyone who has appeared on the show, I receive several tweets about anything that happens in the news regarding these people. Absolutely. I have a similar condition. So this happened at the same week –

So the artist, German artist – no, he's not German. He's – He's Swiss. He's Swiss. Swiss artist H.R. Giger passed away. Now our good friend Matt Gourley who is one of the minds behind the Super Ego podcast of which you are now a member. That's right. Also the host of I Was There Too on the Wolf Pop Network. He's a very funny guy.

He had only been on the show a few times at that point, and I believe only when you were there. I don't think I had ever had him on the show myself. I wouldn't allow it otherwise. But I said, let's get these guys together because Matt does an impression of H.R. Giger, and that was one of his most beloved characters. And so I had the idea of what if –

Cake Boss... Cake Boss? ...were to communicate with H.R. Giger from the dead, and we could say goodbye to it. Now, H.R. Giger had not been on the show before, but for some reason, Matt agreed to have his goodbye on this podcast. Yeah, yeah. Now...

We spent quite a bit of time talking about the non-canonical nature of Chewbacca. Yes. And the clip we're about to hear, the more we talked about the non-canonical nature of Chewbacca, the more Cake Boss got very distressed. You're saying that very methodically, by the way.

He got distressed and he started to feel ill. Yes. And we're going to drop in with him now. This is episode number three on your countdown. This is the exorcism of Cake Boss. Number three. You still feel poorly. Before we went to break, you started feeling like the non-canonical nature of Chewbacca's status. You're saying that. It makes me feel...

I don't know. I feel like I've never felt like this before. It's very strange. You think it's because you just received this news about... I feel like it's got to have something to do with it. Okay. Well, is there anything I can do for you? Can I... No. You know what? I'm going to...

I'm going to send a text to a friend of mine. Okay. This is a just in case kind of thing, okay? Okay. I think I'm going to be all right, but – Someone's going to come pick you up? Is that what you're saying? In a matter of speaking, yeah. Oh, okay. Don't you worry about it. It's none of your business. Oh, all right. Well, send your text. In the meantime, I just want to welcome everyone back to the – What's the address here? Okay. And send –

Great. Okay. So in any case, I just want to say, hey, everyone, welcome to the show. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the show. Welcome back to it or welcome to it if you started this podcast in the middle. Welcome to you. Welcome to you. Are you okay? I'm not good. I feel like I need to do something here for you. Maybe you could shut up. All right. That would help. Yeah, I feel... You ever get that feeling where it's like you...

Like your limbs are not your own? Like they belong to somebody else? Like you're a doll and someone took off your arms and legs and attached different doll parts on you or something? Boy, that's very specific. So you're a doll. Sure. But you're self-aware. Sure. You're sentient. And so somebody has— Much like your R2-D2 cake. Boom. That was a disaster. Yeah.

So you're a doll. Somebody plucks off your arms, your legs. They put other doll arms and legs on you. Sure. And then you as the doll, you're like, oh, this feels weird. Sure. I mean, and sometimes it's a good thing. Like you get like Hulk Hogan doll arms on you. And you can lift, you know.

You're in a better weight class. Yeah, you have the proportionate doll strength to a Hulk Hogan doll. Yes, of course. So sometimes it's a good thing, but most of the time you're a mutant doll that has just different odd parts on it. Yeah, I guess I feel like that mutant doll. Yeah, do you? I'm so sorry. Yeah, thank you. I accept your apology. So...

Right now you're gesticulating wildly. Yeah, I don't know what that's all about. Why are you doing that? I'm not trying to do it. Why are you waving at me? I'm not trying to wave at you. It's like somebody else is trying to say hello to you. What do you mean? Why are you waving at me right now? I don't want to be back. What? Hello? Hello. Who's... Buddy, what are you... Nobody. Nobody? I'm not your pal. Nobody. Nobody?

How did I get here? My name is H.R. Giger. H.R. Giger? The recently deceased artist? Yes, the proudly deceased. I don't want to be... I'm a narco sculptor. Yes, you're a narco... You're the author of the narco... Necronomicon. Necronomicon. Yes, and I am not meant for this world.

I had gone on. I think that's the way I would have wanted it. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. This is insane because you're in Buddy Valastro's body currently. Oh, am I? Yes. And yet your voice, you sound exactly like H.R. Giger. That is who I am, channeling, no doubt brought back to right some wrongs.

Finished business. Okay, so let me explain who you are. Yes. If you don't know who H.R. Giger is, you're an artist, a narco artist. Narco sculptor. Narco sculptor. What does that mean? I sculpt the dead. Okay. And if they're not dead, they are when I'm done with them. Okay. Yeah. So you are, most famously, you created the alien in the movie series Alien and Aliens. The xenomorph, of course. Yes. Yes.

And you passed away last week, didn't you? Yes, I just did. And I go to heavens. There's women there. Make me suffering, the women. There are no segregates, so I go down to hell. Okay. And I say to Mr. Devil, you're the devil.

Can I work for you? And he says, let me see your work. I show him my paintings, Necronomicon one through four, one of a lady just getting fucked in half with something that looks like a vacuum hose. Okay, great. And he says, that'll do, pig. And then I'm hired, okay? Okay. And then I guess here I am. I was so happy. Did the devil have to check with his boss? Yes. He went back and...

I died in Georgia. You had to kick it upstairs? Yeah. I died in Georgia. Bad deal. Long story. Okay. Gosh. Yeah. I didn't know you died in Georgia. I knew you were Swiss. Just a crazy vacation. Last minute sort of Thelma and Louise thing. But that's...

That's how it went down. So now I think I have to figure out my quest before I can go home. Okay. So wait a minute. You are working for Hell currently? Hell Incorporated. Okay. Yeah. It's a big business down there now. Okay. So when you say you have to finish unfinished business before you go home, where is home? Hell. Hell.

Okay, so you want to go to hell. Absolutely. I've been hired as the art director for hell because it was like still Dante type stuff down there. It was looking a little dated. I think. And so I put a new spin on it. Everybody seems much happier or...

opposite of happy, but the same correlation. Sure. Yeah, it's successful, no doubt. Yeah, successful in your work. So what unfinished business do you have before you go return to hell? I don't know. I'm trying to figure out probably something to do with my wife, Carmen Maria Schiffelgeiger. My wife. Your what? Wife. What? Please don't joke because...

Laughter is the enemy of creativity. Oh, that's right. If people don't know your aesthetic, it's very dark. Yes. Your favorite color? There's no color. The absence of color. The absence of color. Black, varicose, bruise, cloud, whatever. You're in Buddy Valastro's body currently, the cake boss. Oh, he's not saying cake boss. Interesting. Cake boss. Oh, yeah.

Wait, did Buddy just retain his sentience just to say cake bus? He is a bit like a whale or a sea mammal where every so once in a while he has to come up for a cake bus air. So you're a very dark artist. You passed away in Georgia and I hear it was the result of complications due to like some sort of Chewbacca style car crash. Was that what it was? Yes, that's exactly right.

And it is honorable in both Wookiee species and narco sculptors to be hit by a car. Do you regret doing the designs? Well, I have you here, by the way, if I could ask you a few questions. By all means. First, I want to say just two things. Yes. Great to be here. Okay. Thank you. And also, wouldn't it be great if our rib cages were a second articulating mandible jaw that we could vanquish our foes with? Fantastic.

I love your ideas. This is what your art is all about. But do you regret making the...

designs for the Alien series and not Star Wars? Oh, well. I think Chewbacca would be so much more interesting if you had designed it. Yeah, all that fur gets in the way. I think better to have someone with a bisected rib tube and lots of darkness. Exoskeletons are the new endoskeletons. Of course, yeah. Darth Vader is maybe the closest to what you do. He's a pussy.

So, yeah. Yeah. Wow. How would you do Darth Vader differently? Well, no samurai-looking armor, because mine would be biomechanical, come natural. If he needs to buy it, who among us cannot be Darth Vader? This chosen few with an exoskeleton, those are the men we put on our shoulders of giants. You're on my mind like a song on the radio.

Al Stewart. Great artist. You're an Al Stewart fan. Who isn't? Why do you think that you're possessing the body of Buddy Valastro, the cake boss? I think the way it's explained to me by the devil. He didn't say cake boss again. Interesting. God.

Cake Boss. Women's. Is that it has to be a yin-yang matter anti-matter where Cake Boss brings joy into the life of many people. My goal is to take it away. And if I were to, say, go into Morrissey or Hieronymus Bosch, the universe would implode. Cake.

Cake Boss. Implode. So the theory then is that Cake Boss is the happiest person who brings the most joy to people in the world. Cake Boss. It is no theory. It is a proven fact. His cakes are just amazing and the smiles and the faces that light up when one sees them, except for the cubs. Yeah. Yeah.

They make me happy, which in turn makes me sad. Very good. Which then that makes me happy. And it is a negative feedback loop. You know, I started doing paintings because for therapy, for I had night terrors. And this is true. And so then I did paintings of my night terrors, which gave me greater night terrors, which gave me greater paintings. And that's how I became all powerful. Why did you keep your paintings right above your bed?

I read that you put them on the ceiling as well so you could stare at them right before you went to bed. That's true. I painted them there on the wall. I didn't even hang them there. Sort of like a Michelangelo kind of alfresco thing? Yeah, it was the agony and there was no ecstasy because I would not have it. Now listen. Oh, okay. Yes, master. I also made my own bed.

out of the ossified skin leather of a lesser race. - Oh my, well I guess you have to lie in it. - Yeah. - If you made your own bed. - You do. Listen, we don't have to talk about that.

Mike, so this is so interesting to me because I had expected to do a show with Buddy Valastro. Who? The kick bus. Wow, you preempted me a little bit. I did and he did. Oh, okay. I expected to do the entire show with him, but now I have H.R. Giger, with whom I've never spoken. I've always wanted to. I've been a big fan of your work ever since I was nine years old and the Alien movie came out. Xenomorph.

Xenomorph, yeah, of course. Facehugger. Facehugger, of course. Did you see Prometheus? Yeah, that was shit.

I mean, I worked on it and all, but I do not sanction it. Too many questions. Yeah. Not enough answers. It's like you're supposed to answer questions, not answer a couple and then raise a whole bunch more. See, girlfriend? Because I am an artist and I should be like all about questions. But even that was bullshit because I don't think they have the answers themselves. Yeah. And who are those Statue of Liberty looking motherfuckers? Yeah, exactly. Do you see Grown Ups 2? Oh, I own it.

I did the production design. You did on Grown Ups 2. Yeah. You did just the whole general feeling about it. I production designed. You did perception about it. Yeah. I production designed its general reception. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And I think it's my finest work. Yeah, I really do. It's so good. Oh, God.

So my goodness, well, the world lost a great artist. Who? You. Oh, yeah. Oh, geez, I got frightened. Why? Who's your favorite artist? The painter of life? Norman Rockwell. Oh. And yes, Thomas Kinkade. He's dead too. He is. And I've got to have a great time with him. Is he down in hell? Oh, dear. Yeah.

He's running shit down there. Really? Let me tell you. He was a drinker, to be sure. And so we've thrown back some fire mead. Are you drunk? I mean, a buddy's drunk. Does that make you drunk? Yeah. I'm 50% drunk right now. Oh, my gosh. Wow. I don't normally drink because it brings out the angels in me and I don't like... Not the demons. Do you see how I'm an opposite guy? Yeah. No, I understand your game. That's part of my deal. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So, you're a great artist. The world lost you. It's such a shame we just recently lost you, but it's such a pleasure to talk to you. I really want to take the most of this opportunity because we've never spoken before. We've never had you on the show. So, I just want to sit down and really bring out your actor's pain in you and just, you know, I mean. Who's that? Who's knocking on the door? Hello, sir.

Oh, I already don't like you. Yes, hello there. Hello, sir. Are you Scott Oxerman? Well, I'm... Did he...

Yeah, I'm Scott Aukerman. I received a text on my mobile phone first. It said, come down to this place and talk to Scott Aukerman. I thought that he was just pronouncing it that way. He actually, he typed it that way? Are you talking about my friend, Mr. Valastro? Yes, your friend who's right next to you. Cake, boy. Oh, what? Buddy, are you in there? No, buddy, buddy.

But he's gone from this place. Oh, it's happened. He was worried that this would happen someday. Worried what would happen? Well, let me tell you who I am. My name is the Reverend Robert Persimony, and I am an exorcist. Wait, like the movie The Exorcist? What's that? A famous film series. Like grown-ups? A lot like grown-ups. You know my work.

Wait a minute. Now, you're... You look like my friend, but I feel as if you're being taken over by a strange spirit. Is that true? Buddy Velastro is dead. You will not find him here. Who are you? Speak to me, demon. I am...

H.R. Gigerborn Hans Rudolf Giger, but my spiritual moniker is Hey Really Giger. Wait, are you the Sid and Marty Croft puppet guy?

No, not HR puff and stuff. Oh, I'm sorry. I could see why you make that mistake. Oh, well, you understand. Here's the scores, of course. Two famous HRs, huh? Yeah. How many more are there, do you think? Just human resources. Yep, that's it. That's it. Well, that's done and dusted. That's number one with a bullet. You know, so far, this is not so bad.

this exorcism. - Well, I haven't even started yet. When I'm gonna exorcise you, you'll know it. - Don't threaten me. - I wanna get to lay the land here. I've done over 40 exorcisms in my career. - Over 40? How many? - Yes, that's right. 41. And all of them went off pretty much without a hitch. Very few resulted in-- - You ever see that movie Hitch, by the way, HR? - Oh, sure. Will Smith is one of our great treasures. - And also one of the stars of Grown Ups, Kevin James. - Yeah.

Frequent collaborator. And grown-ups, too. Oh, there's a second one? There is. Oh, I can't wait to see that. How did you know it was a film series without knowing who it was? I just assumed that there would be. I was waiting for it to come out. I was a consultant on Mal Blart. Paul Blart. Oh, listen, I didn't write it. Okay? Are you saying, were you under the impression that his occupation was Mal Blart? So it was Paul Blart, Mal Blart. Yes. Yes.

Originally conceived, and it would have been something. Help wanted, Maulblart. Goddamn studios again.

Now look here, you're not going to distract me, you demon. I want to find out all about you. What was your name, by the way, sir? Reverend Robert Parsimony. Robert Parsimony. Welcome to the show. Oh, well, thank you very much. We've never spoken before. My name is Scott Aukerman. Scott Aukerman. Aukerman. Aukerman. But you know how Buddy speaks. Yes, I do. I assumed that he, that was just his dialect. He's from New Jersey. Certainly. So he has a curious dialect. Where are you from? Oh, I'm from the Middle West. Okay.

And how did you guys get to know each other? Well, I moved my parish. I have a parish out here. Parish the thought. I'm a bi-coastal man of the cloth, and I have a parish here and a parish in New Jersey, and then I also have a parish in Iowa. I'm still here. Yes. Now, what has caused you, Demon, to take over the form of my friend? I.

They have had to do unfinished business on the earthly realm. What is this business, spirit? Speak to it. Something to do with women's affore- I am afeard of them. They make me have a qualm. My heart turns into a squall.

Now, how do you expect taking over my friend's body, who's a married man, by the way? So don't go off and try to have sex with any other women. I really should be getting home to New Jersey. Wait a minute. No. I forbid you to take my friend's body back to New Jersey. You will remain here, and then I will cast you out, and I will condemn you to a lake of fire.

Is there any way to make sure that he doesn't leave the room? Maybe a circle of some sort? Let me just get the door. Oh, okay. Yeah, just lock it. There we go. I'm a little confused. Why did Buddy think this was going to happen? How did he know what was happening to him? Well, he knew when he was cursed.

by Satan himself with these supernatural powers that are against God, by the way. Make no mistake, they're against God. The only person who can see the future is God, and he's not telling anybody. He's keeping it to himself. So wait, the devil went down to Georgia? Is that the future?

Yes, that's correct. Since God is narrating that song. Yes. It's set in the future. Eventually when God dies and the devil has a new boss. Right. Okay. So he knew that he was cursed by Satan, and so he thought he would be taken. Well, he doesn't see it that way. I certainly see it that way. His powers are unearthly and unnatural and the un-cola. And I feel that there's a cola nut, crisp and clean, no caffeine.

Never had it and never will. He feels that these powers are also a gift, but I feel that they're nothing but a curse, curse from hell itself. So he thinks his powers are a gift, and yet he thought that he would have his body taken over by his spirit? He thought there was a possibility if things ever became non-canonical in any way. He's very concerned with canon. Oh, wow.

Okay, now we're getting to it. So he sent that text to you, and you're here to protect him. He said, let me read his text here. Reverend, I'm feeling queasy. Q-U-E-E-C-Y. You were able to interpret that as queasy, though. Come to ear, Wolge. He was typing very fast. No, I think that's just his dialect coming through his thumbs. I'm on a podcast.

How did he spell that? P-O-D-C-A-S-H-T. Great. Contact there, Scott Oxerman. A-U-X-E-R-M-I-N. Okay. See, a lot of people spell that as O-X-E-R-M-I-N.

So that's the official canonical spelling of it. How do you spell it? I never knew. I just had heard it pronounced. But anytime people talk about it on Twitter, that's the canonical. What is your name? How do you spell it? A-U-K-E-R-M-A-N. Well, where's the X? That's the point, yeah.

In any case, so he asked you to come to protect him. He knew. Shut up, son. He knew that there would be a time when this might happen and he might need my exorcist services. Well, this is exciting. Are we going to see – am I going to see and then the listeners going to hear a live exorcism on this show? You will see it.

The listeners will hear it if you keep recording. I will also hear it, I would imagine. You will hear it as well as see it. The listener will not see. They will only hear. I would imagine I would also feel the vibrations of the sound and any kind of loud noises and stuff. Should we get into all the senses? Sure, why not? You will smell whatever is occurring in the room at the time. Is it going to smell bad? No. Or poorly?

That was a close one. Okay. Guys, let's get to this exciting exorcism because I've been hearing about this for what seems like a half hour. Are those clanking chains? No. Those are your keys. I thought it was some sort of like Jacob Marley fettered situation. Oh, just get my keys out of the way. Why would I have clanking chains for an exorcism? I don't know. All right, here we go. Do you need any assistance from me? Yes, I'd like you to shut up. Oh, well. Spirit!

You are trespassing upon this soul. I abjure thee. Vacate this vessel and banish ye back to hell from whence ye came. By the power of God, the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost, all his saints and apostles, the ground team out there, people on the streets, of course, Rob, Janie, what's that guy's name? Oh, I always forget his name. Victor. Victor.

Everybody in the whole organization, I banished you to hell. The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you. Come on, get out there. Be a sport. Get out of there. You play them to my ultimate pleasure.

Which is? Getting me back to hell. I don't want to be here. It's a type of hell as it is. And I gladly go back. All I needed was permission from an official. Well, have a nice trip and see you next fall of man. Okay. Before I go, let's be friends and shake hands. Oh, sure. Okay. Come with me. Oh, no.

No, I'm going to... What is happening? See you later, Scott Oxerman. The Reverend was... You... You...

Oh, Scott Oxlade. Buddy, are you back? What do you mean, am I back? What happened? Exactly what you thought was happening. Your body was taken over by a spirit. Then I got possessed. You got possessed, but... Oh, I knew it was going to happen someday. Thankfully, you texted your friend. You were a lot like Texter. Oh, yeah. Ooh, Texter. I love that show. Yeah. Um...

You were possessed, but your friend came by. The Reverend Persimony? The Reverend Persimony came in. Where is he? I thought he was going to come in. He exercised the demon, but then it was the strangest thing. He was sucked into your mouth. What? He was sucked into your mouth and went down to hell with H.R. Giger. Oh, you shaked the hell out of my belly? H.R. Hooger? Is that just something that you're saying with your dialect that I don't understand? No, I don't know who you're talking about. I thought H.R. Hooger was something that you were trying to say.

It's a long story. Anyway, I'm glad you're back. Yeah, okay. You know what? I'm not that curious about it. You know, the listeners heard it. Just go back and listen to the show. Ugh. Ugh. Like I would ever do that. Number three. There we go. There we go indeed. There we go. Fun ep.

That was a lot of fun. That was a masterpiece app, in my opinion, due to the work of you and Matt. From front to back, I thought that was a lot of fun. We only played about 20 minutes of that, but it's about an hour and 20 long, and there's

A lot of great stuff before and after that. It's a very fun app. Multiple characters. Mm-hmm. And for me, it was the debut of the Reverend Robert Parsimony on this program. Another new character that you did. Another new character, yeah. And he has not been back since. No.

No, I thought he – no, he turned up again on the Super Ego episode. Oh, right, right, right. Tight Ends and Loose Beginnings, something like that? Yes, that's right. That's right. We did an episode after that, Tight Ends and Loose Beginnings, with the rest of the Super Ego crew, and Reverend Parsimony returned. That's right. And I hope he returns in 2015. He's a fascinating guy. Well, we'll see. Knock wood three times on the ceiling if you want. Reverend Robert Parsimony to return.

All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we'll have number two. We're really getting up there. Oh, I can't believe this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Yeah, we're back. Get used to it. Guess who's back? Back again. Comedy Bang Bang. Is that your favorite song? Would you say that Eminem song? Yeah, absolutely I would.

Why do you ask? I know you're a lover of Eminem. What a weird question. It is definitely my favorite song. You're a huge fan of... You know what? I could take or leave all the rest of his work, but that is my favorite song of all time. Oh, my God. Yeah. Guess who's back? Back again. Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Your old... Oh, your old enemy, Eminem, from back at the MTV... I was going to talk about him.

Oh, boy. It's fun when you squirm. Thank you. 12 Guests of Christmas. That was a fun episode on Doug Loves Movies. Doug Loves Movies, the recent. Do you listen to it? Yeah. Yeah. People try to make me squirm. Weird, wild stuff. This is wild. I still can't do cars. God damn it. My goodness. This is wild.

That was, of course, Johnny Carson's review of the new Reese Witherspoon movie. Did that continue? Did your Carson impression continue on the latest season of Comedy Bang Bang, the TV show? Because you were telling me that you were doing it – people were –

People are like getting you to do it like they couldn't get enough of it. Like they seem to enjoy it every time. Gosh, I don't remember that. But I guess – well, the director – there's a couple things that – director Ben Berman who by the way moved on from the show. He does – he has about 10 episodes left to go. He constantly wanted me to do Woody Allen first of all. So he would constantly say, hey, do a Woody Allen take. And then he would always use those in the cut. And you know what? They're funny. Yeah.

But I don't remember the Johnny Carson stuff. Maybe that was season two and I've long forgotten it because of how many I've done since then. Maybe so. Maybe so. But that is weird. He's fun to do, although I think – was Dana Carvey maybe the first one to really do – I mean I know Rich Little –

Did it, but was, does Dana- Dana Carvey took it to the stratosphere. He kind of does the one that we all do. Yeah. Yeah, he does. Weird, wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff. Yeah, absolutely. I love Dana Carvey. I would love to work with him. We've tried to get him on the TV show several times. Dana, if you're listening- He won't come from Marin County? No, he- Well, he moved here, didn't he? I believe so. It's just the timing has not worked out yet. Right. He has wanted to do it, apparently, but I would love to meet him. Can I ask you this? Yeah. What the fuck else is he doing?

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? I am fucking furious right now. Hey, Paul. You listen to me, Dana Carvey. Get down off your fucking high horse. He has a family. I'll punch you in your broken heart. Shoot, what is this engagement to do?

Paul, come on. This guy's rich as creases and he's still going out there on the road. Still can't get enough money. Weird character assessment. I don't like this guy. It's terrible. David Carvey's a national treasure. He is, of course he is. Come on this podcast too, Dana. I don't mean to presume to call you Dana. Mr. Carvey, I would call you.

you. How long do you think he's had that same haircut? Really long time, right? Really long time, really long time, really long time, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time to have the same haircut. Did we go to a break or have we, yeah, we've come back from it. Are we dead? Hey, speaking of which, let's get to, on your countdown, this is number two. Number two.

All right, this is number two. This is episode 274. This is an episode entitled, Oh, Golly. Oh, boy. Wow, wow. Wowie, wow, wow. Wowie, wow, wow. Yeah. Yes. Wowie, woo, wow, whoa, whoa.

This is, oh golly, this is a very special episode. This is a very special episode. Let me give you a little bit of background regarding this. Jason Mantucas, whom you will hear on this episode, he is, you've heard him on the countdown previous to this. He was doing gutter balls, Eric gutter balls. That's right. Now it can be told.

And he's a great friend, great friend of the show, and we have a lot of fun when we do the episodes. And we got into a bit of a rhythm with him where he wanted to do it with Andy Daly a lot. And we did quite a few episodes together, including one of my favorites of all time, number 200, which was with Chip Gardner, honorary mayor of Hollywood. Yes.

who wanted to become the mayor of Hollywood. And we just naturally through us talking, Jason and I,

pushed Andy into this convoluted mythology of where Chip – You really did. You really did push him into it. He did not expect to do that, but we came up with a storyline where Jason and I were child actors on a television show called Zap that Chip Gardner hosted. And the – I believe 33 other – or 31 other children. There were 33 of us.

All banded together to form a Voltron-like vessel for Satan to return. Okay, that sounds complicated. But it's a really fun episode and one that we just kind of lucked into.

After that, we tried to... Jason always likes forcing Andy into situations in which he is uncomfortable and unprepared to... This is called, in the trade, this is called pimping. This is where you...

In improv, you really verbally push someone into a corner and make them go down – because you have to yes and. You make them go down a road. You make them go down a road which they are unprepared to go down and you don't know whether they'll be able to get out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of – since episode 200, we did another one with Andy where Jason said to me before the episode was recorded, hey –

At a certain point, let's force Andy to be himself. Let's make him drop character and ask – because if you haven't heard the show before, every time Andy is on the show, I was pimping him to commit suicide with every one of his characters. Because a lot of his characters do have suicidal tendencies. It became a running joke where one of the first ones he ever did on the show was suicidal and then the next one that he did –

We somehow got into suicide as well. So it became a running joke where every single one of my – every single time Andy was on, I would casually bring up suicide and Andy would admit – Andy in this character would admit that he was suicidal. Yeah. So in this episode that I'm talking about, Jason said, hey, let's try to get Andy to break character and ask why every single one of his characters is suicidal. But he said this – Andy was not here for this part of the conversation. Andy was not there for this part of the conversation. It was a surprise to Andy. Yeah.

So when did Jason ask you this? Like before Andy got there? Before Andy got there. It was actually a couple weeks before. He said, hey, let's do another. A couple weeks before. He said, let's do another one with Andy and pull this surprise on him. And if you listen to that episode, which I forget what number it was or who was the guest, but just look for Jason and Andy. In that one, Andy turned it around and had all of his characters come in and all do a cavalcade of suicides. They all jumped out the window. Jumped out the window.

So that was a lot of fun. So we were going to do another episode, and this was episode 274, and this was just going to be a regular episode. And let me give you a little bit of background of what happened before this clip. In this episode, Andy is playing Gil, a ventriloquist, and Gali, his ventriloquist dummy. And that was all Andy came in with.

And he said, hey, I just am going to play this ventriloquist and his ventriloquist dummy and the dummy is going to be a little bit weird and you're going to find out he's weird. We said, OK, great. We –

We talk to him for a bit. His catchphrase is, oh, golly. Oh, golly. Oh, golly. And we find out that golly is actually just a cardboard box. He's not a ventriloquist dummy. He's a cardboard box and that Gil is basically a schizophrenic.

who hears Satan's voice and he's saying it himself, but he's basically saying – he's listening to Satan communicate to him and he's saying through the guise of this ventriloquist dummy what Satan is saying to him.

He supposedly met Gali on a boat in international waters during a murder club as well. Of course. Those are things that you need to know before this clip. Yeah. Now, we did not know we were going to get into this, but sometimes when Jason and Andy and I get together, it becomes this weird thing. So this was episode 274. This is number two on your countdown, and you will hear exactly what happens when...

With the rest of this episode, this is Oh Golly, number two.

So now Gil and Golly is our, by the way, we're here with Jason Manzoukas, and Gil and Golly is our special guest here on the show today and are our special guests. That's right. A ventriloquist act from the streets of Los Angeles. Literally from the streets of Los Angeles. And you've always wanted to be in show, or you always have been in show business? I've always been in show business. Ever since the day of that murder club? Yeah, that's right. Ever since I ended up back on shore, me and Golly, and I said goodbye to him because he was a fish.

I said, goodbye, thou golly. I wonder if you'll ever return to me in another form. You said that. I did. So you had some awareness of it. Well, no, I didn't expect it. I just wondered.

Just wondered, will you ever return to me in another form? Is there anything that you've ever wondered that has come true? Like, I wonder if the people in this murder club are going to make it out of here alive? I did wonder about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering, me personally, I'm wondering if you're wondering is actually you're taking the pains to make these kind of things happen. What do you mean by that? You're blinking a lot. Yeah. You're blinking like an amount of times that I'm finding unnerving. I've always been a blinker. Right?

I mean, the amount of, like, blinking and licking your lips you're doing is kind of freaking me out. Oh, uh-huh. Well, who knows what that's about? Okay. You know. Yeah. And yet you've done nothing to address your runny nose. Yeah, I mean, the blinking, you're obviously taking care of the dryness of your eyes. There's no point. There's no point dealing with a runny nose. It just keeps running, doesn't it? Oh, God.

I wonder, now I wonder, okay. I've got a pocket full of worms. What? Okay. Is this a setup for a joke? Does Golly do the rest of this? Golly, I've got a pocket full of worms. Yes, you have. Oh, golly. Okay, so you really do just have a pocket full of worms, don't you? Yep.

I'm fascinated by it. Now I'm looking, and there is a pocket that is writhing. Yeah. Not all of them are alive, but some of them are. Some of them are, yeah. A good 75%. I don't know about that. I'm wondering about this murder club. You know, because first of all— Oh, and we were going to let Gil do some of his act, too. Yeah, we will. Can't wait. It seems like too much of a coincidence that the unwitting dupe

who was invited to be murdered out there in international waters would also

rise up and kill everyone else? I mean, it just seems almost as if... Oh, wait, I'm a little confused. Oh, no, no. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. Well, I didn't kill everyone. No, no, no. Yeah, that's what I didn't think Gil did. Golly. I mean, your friend Golly, though, took care of everyone. No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. I didn't meet Golly until after that. Golly was a fish. Isn't that right? I was on the boat, Gil. Wait a minute. What are you talking about?

I was in the murder club, Gil. Stop it. This is remarkable what I'm learning here. Scott's right. So you were part of the murder club? No, absolutely not. And what are you talking about, golly? Oh, golly. I put the murder club together. It was a deal with the ship captain. Let's snooker some people out here.

kill him. Oh, golly. So this was not a murder club as much as it was you bringing a bunch of people out on a boat. Golly, sorry. The only two members were me and the captain and he died too. Oh, golly. So just as a, let me just say, at the beginning, golly and the captain brought how many people aboard the ship to be murdered?

Well, personally, I don't remember how many people were on there with me. I thought that I was duped into it. Wasn't I, golly? Yeah, you were duped into it. Oh, God, how many people were out there? How many other people? I'm very confused right now. Yeah, you should be. There was 33 people out there on that boat. 33 people. Is that because that's the year that Jesus Christ was murdered? That's right.

It was all part of a plan to bring Satan back. Whoa. Bring Satan back? This is all news to me, gentlemen. Holy cow. So this was some sort of satanic ritual? What's going on? Yeah, we were going to conjure Satan out in the water. Oh, remarkable. Jason, do you remember something? There was some sort of satanic ritual that you and I were involved in. Is that right?

I don't think so. I mean, we were on that kids show together. We were on that kids show together, but I don't remember any of the details about that anymore. It's like I forget the details of being on that kids show almost like every six months. But we did interview someone. I will say this. We did. We were interviewing someone together, side by side. Gil, I have a question for you. All right, all right. I'm happy to answer this. This has been a very illuminating day. I think I know what you're talking about. Gil, do you remember the ship captain's name?

By any chance. Well, how would I remember the ship guy? You're right. I barely even met him. His name was Chip Gardner. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. Wait, Chip Gardner. Oh, my God. Chip Gardner. That's ringing a bell for me. Of course it is. We interviewed him. Wait, you and me side by side? You and me, we were sitting across from each other in the other studio, actually. Oh, I thought we were side, but why do I think we were side by side? No, no, side by side.

Sorry. Chip Gardner is the guy. He was run over by a Jeep. But,

He wanted to be the mayor of Hollywood? It's ringing. It's very foggy. But I am now wondering if he wasn't this ship's captain because he also was a devout Satanist. Oh, that's ringing. And I believe might have been a side-by-side. I can't help you with any of this. That's why I'm thinking of side-by-side. I am just bewildered. The plan was to slaughter 33 people by cutting out their hearts.

and then to kill Captain Chip Gardner so that Satan could take over his soul! And it worked beautifully! My goodness. Wait, so you killed... It worked. You killed Chip Gardner? Golly, what are you telling me here? So you're saying at a certain point on this boat... Oh, golly. It is 34 dead bodies and you...

All I remember is jumping overboard at the urging of a fish. Because it seems to me like for this plan to be put into action, the final step is to kill Chip Gardner. But we've seen Chip Gardner. I don't think he's dead. It does sound that way. So it seems to me like maybe the plan didn't work. Unless Chip Gardner is Satan on Earth and we just didn't get that. Oh, okay. We're finally figuring it out! What?

That's precisely what happened on that boat. Wait, then who are you? Well, that's Golly. Yeah, Golly, who are you? You know all the answers, Golly, so why don't you just explain who you yourself are? I'm just a cardboard box. Oh, okay. All right. I guess that does make sense. That tracks. All right. Hey, Gil. Hmm? Are you at all nervous that Golly's here?

I'm very afraid of Gali. What are you afraid of? Gali is the source of all evil in the world. What? Gali is. Is he higher than Satan? What are you talking about, Gil? Oh, Gali. Gil, what are you talking about? I know you didn't give me ears, but I don't need them to hear.

Oh, my gosh. Golly. Oh, golly. Gil, what if we put the box outside? Would that make you more comfortable? Yeah, maybe we can just put Golly outside. Is that okay? You're going to do it, Jason? Okay. Don't put me outside. What are you doing? I don't want to go outside. I'm just going to put that. Golly, get out. Golly, no.

Wow, okay. My goodness. How do you feel now? Well, I do feel a little bit better. Yes, I have reason to believe that Golly is Satan's commander. I'm the glass of water now. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That was freaky. Just drink the glass of water. Drink it. Really quickly. Okay, good. Golly's gone. Oh, wait, no. Now Golly's inside of you. I didn't even think about that.

It may take him a little while to assume another form, but he will soon enough. So anything we want to say without him here, we'd better get to. Okay. How did you leave things with Chip Gardner? Well, how did we leave it with Chip Gardner? I don't really remember, to be honest with you. No, well, we were interviewing him. Side by side, yeah. We realized, okay, we realized that- You and I were side by side, weren't we?

Yes, we were side-by-side interviewing him in the other studio. That's what I remember. I honestly don't remember a lot of it, but I remember... You guys were side-by-sides? No, we're not side-by-sides. Oh. No, no, no. What does that even mean? All I remember is... Oh, I mean two sets of genitalia next to each other. Oh.

oh, no, we're not that. No, no. Then why am I thinking side by side? Because now that I remember, I'm picturing it, we were across from each other. Okay, we were across from each other, but I think you're just remembering the phrase side by side. I don't know. You're focused more on that, and I think what you're forgetting is that we had been on

Chip Gardner's TV show. Oh, wait, that TV show that you and I were on with Mira Kids? Yeah, wait, okay, hang on. Scott? The Zoom-like show? Scott, Scott, Scott, hang on, hang on. What, what, what? Do you, oh, oh my God. What's wrong? Do you remember when we were on that show, we went out on Chip Gardner's boat?

Wait, the Chip Gardner, the guy who was in charge of that show? The Chip Gardner who was in charge of that show. He had a boat? I don't remember this. He was a high priest of Satan. I mean, what we're led to believe now is that he was in cahoots with Gil here. If golly chose you to go out on a boat with Chip Gardner, I'm worried. Wait, you, me, and the other 31 cast members? Exactly. That's exactly it. We were on a boat. I don't remember anything.

I just have a seasick feeling. Scott, I have a horrible feeling. I think I know. Oh. Oh, God. I feel like I'm about to throw up from the seasickness right now. Scott, I think that we might be dead. What? Dead? Scott, I think that maybe, perhaps. Let me just put this out there. Maybe, perhaps, we went on that boat and

slash Gil and Chip Gardner murdered us in an effort to bring about Satan's reign on earth and then that has come to pass and we now just exist on earth with a Satan ruling. I mean, look outside. It's the middle of the day and it is pitch black. You're finally figuring it out. Okay, this is freaking me out, man. Freaking me out. You guys, I'm dead. I am Satan's high

Hi, Commander! And you guys are dead! And you are in another world between heaven and hell because there is a great battle commencing between good and evil! What? It is not determined yet where the dead will go! To heaven or to hell? Wait, it's almost as if heaven and hell are closed? Heaven and hell are currently temporarily closed! Temporarily? While the battle determines where!

The souls of the departed will go from here forward. Well, who is... Okay, okay, okay, okay. So I understand now. I'm starting to piece it together. Yes! Okay, so you've got... And bizarrely, Scott, we are connected to a lot of these people. Well, we're a chain in this... We're a link in the chain. I think so. I think it is our souls allowed for Satan to arrive on Earth in the form of Chip Gardner, Cactus Tony... Where does Don DeMillo fit into all this, is what I wonder. Yeah, where does Don DeMillo fit? Don DeMillo is my supreme commander! What?!

What? No! Holy cow! Wait, you're Satan's supreme commander. And Don DeMello is your supreme commander? Yes! Oh, this is rich! He is the administer of all evil for all creation throughout unknown universes in perpetuity! Is that why he can't commit suicide? I guess so. Oh, okay.

I feel like, oh my God. Okay, so there's Cactus Tony, there's John D'Amelio. The forces of evil are amassing. Scott, what we need are heroes. We need heroes. We need heroes. We need people. We need strong, strapping, strong strapping people. People who like, who like exercise their bodies to the point where their muscles are pure and good. Like trainers? Like trainers. We need trainers. We need,

You know who else we need? We need some, like a man to ride off of the range. What, like a horseman? Like a horseman. A horseman who's been out in the leathery skin, out in the sun. Oh, but I'd also have to have a wonderful way with words. Where would you find someone? Where would we? Where would we?

Like a horseman of the apocalypse, almost. Perhaps. Apparently, it is the apocalypse. We need a horse. We need... We can't let golly win this war for our souls. There is no point in what you're talking about. We're talking about putting together a personal trainer and a hero of the West to take on the forces of evil. Maybe a singer. Maybe. Maybe a singer or a wannabe singer. Somebody who's... Obsessed with 50s doo-wop music.

music who is and it has such a positive point of view on the world uh-huh this sounds like a difficult team to defeat

to defeat, but I have a secret weapon. Wait, what? Do you have a secret weapon, Golly? At the very least, Golly, you're being held back by your physical form at this point. Yes, that is correct. I have outlasted the usefulness of this body. What does that mean? Wait, Gil, that doesn't sound good. Gil, why are you standing up? The time has come. Wait, what is happening? The time has come for the evil dragon supreme. What?

Get away from that! Oh my god!

Okay, okay, listeners, what just happened was Gil slash Golly jumped out the window, okay, which we have never seen before. We've never seen anything like that, as far as I can remember. I can't remember ever seeing somebody jump out the Earwolf Studios window. I've never seen that before. I don't think I'll ever see it again. But, interestingly, interestingly, Gil's body split into nothing. Yeah, it's just like it went into dust. And a winged demon...

Flew off into the darkness because even though it is 2 o'clock in the afternoon, it is pitch black. With like red skies. Yes. It looks like lava is dripping from the sky. And he grew like leathery skin rings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like jutted out of his body with like sharp spikes in the end. And then, I don't know if you caught this, Scott. I may have. But he said as he was flying off into the distance. Uh-huh.

Hail Don DeMillo. Hail Don DeMillo. He said, Hail Don DeMillo. I did miss that. I didn't, but I didn't know if the mics caught it, so I wanted to say it. Thank you so much. And I'll be honest with you, that filled me. That made my blood run cold. Oh, my gosh. Because the idea that somewhere out there Don DeMillo is running...

We need to amass a team of heroes. We need to amass a team because this is bad for... A battle is coming for the souls of humanity. It's being waged right now. Look at these skies. I know. This is terrible. This is terrible. Wait, do you hear that outside? I hear like a clangy clangy outside. Yep. I hear the sound of someone walking or the sound of keys on a wood table. Yeah, I'm not sure what, but it sounds like spurs. Oh, command. Command.

Did I just call the booking agent? Or what happened? Gentlemen, it's me, Dalton Wilcox, poet laureate of the West. Thank God! That's right. I want you to know that my book, You Must Buy Your Wife, At Least As Much Jewelry As You Buy Your Horse, and other poems and observations, humorous and otherwise, from A Life on the Range, is now available for the Kindle.

Okay. All right. But secondarily... Dalton. Dalton, yeah. Secondarily, it sounds as though the time has come for the great battle between good and evil. What? I mean, it's clearly... The time is nigh. The evil triumvirate of Don DeMello and Satan in the form of Chip Gardner. So you know all this. Golly. Oh, yes.

Bill Carter and I have known about this for a long time. You have? Because we were going to catch you up on everything. No need. You've been fighting vampires this whole time, almost like demons on earth. So is that why you're so experienced at this? That's right. Bill and I have been training.

He's been training you? He's not a physical trainer. Holy shit. Whoa. Holy shit. He's been training stars for the battle to come between good and evil. Wait, but what can we do? How can we help? How can we help?

What can two dead people do to help you? This space that you are in right now is a conduit, a meeting place for the forces of good and the forces of evil. And if we, you can convene here in this place, all the forces of good, we can put our army together and rise up. Let me ask you this. We've got you. Yeah. We've got Bill Carter. The Trainers of the Stars. We probably have Hot Dog.

Do we have hot dog? I hope hot dog's part of this battle. I don't... Is hot dog... I mean, does hot dog have value? I'm not entirely sure what an ass that hot dog would be. Well, doesn't he have such a beautiful singing voice that the demons of hell would cry at the very... Ooh, I know who we need. What's that? We need that guy who's a comedian for kids' parties. Which one is that? I'm not remembering him.

A comedian for kids parties? He has a comedy act, but it's completely inappropriate for children's parties. I don't really remember. Is it elderly gentlemen? Oh, I don't recall. Oh my God. Okay, forget it. Forget it. Not him. Not him. I really thought everybody was going to get on board for that one. Nope.

I don't remember him. Okay. Let me tell you this. Let me solemnly swear to you. Yeah. Jason and I will band these people together and we will fight this battle alongside of you. We know no limits. We are here. I will die again.

For this to come. I will be the Agent Coulson to your Avengers. I will happily lay down my life. I do not fear death as I have already died once. And from this moment on, we shall wage this war with you. What do you say?

I'll get to work on a poem. Oh, maybe that's not necessary. But we will wage this war. We need a battle cry. Yes. You must buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse. And other poems and observations. Humorize from a life of the race.

It's available on the Kindle. Our battle cry cannot be a promotional plug for your book. Why not? Especially on the Kindle? I'll say it. These are the end times. It's also available on the Nook. Wait. Somebody's at the door. Oh, my God. Is it good or is it evil? Who is that? Oh, my God. It's... To be continued. Number two.

To be continued. In TBC. We have never done that before on the show. Yeah, I remember how strange that was when I was listening to it. Yes, we basically got into a position where we knew we were at the end of the show. We didn't know how to end it. And so we had something very dramatic end and then we all screamed and then we looked at each other and said, I think that's it. Maybe this is a cliffhanger.

And we didn't quite know how to end that particular episode. So that was episode 274. And, you know, that was the end. And people expected on episode 275...

That we were then going to do the second part. Right. We did not do that. That's not how it works. Because we did not know what to do. Yeah. So that was number two on the countdown. That was a great tour de force of Andy Daly, of course. Was it in this episode or was it in the sequel to this episode where he kept saying he didn't want O'Golly to be the name of the episode? That's the sequel. The sequel. Oh, because O'Golly, you devil. You definitely get it.

So, yeah, there is a sequel to that episode, but we don't need to talk about that. No. When we come back. Because no one liked it, obviously. No one liked it. When we come back, we'll have number one on the countdown after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Oh, yeah. We're at that. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I'm an anthropomorphic pitcher.

Not a picture. A picture. Why wouldn't he shatter when he tried to break through the brick wall? One would think that the wall would be stronger than this picture. Is it that his arms, he's leading with his arms, and his arms are so powerful. Maybe his arms are made of diamond. Got arms like a diamond. Got arms like a diamond. And you know, diamonds can cut brick. They are the sharpest thing known to man. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. I hate Kool-Aid. Pfft.

Let's talk about him for a little bit more. We're back here. It's that magic moment. Magic moment. When we're at number one in the countdown. Terrible. Now we're singing just to do it. Yeah, we are. I don't know, but I enjoy singing. I enjoy singing too, Scott. You know, Jimmy Pardo and I have talked about an all singing episode of Never Not Funny.

We have never done it before. What would that be? I think it would be an hour of us just like... Are they Chicago songs? Yeah, probably. And that one Manny Patinkin song that he sings? Which one is that? Coffee and a cardboard cup? Coffee and a cardboard cup. Coffee. I think she said coffee. I know she said coffee. Wait, wait. And a cardboard cup. Hurry up. What is that?

Are you doing a little Saul from Homeland? No, he does that in that song in the recorded version. Why? He goes back and forth from all these different characters. And one of them is a monster. One of them I believe is a New York gentleman who's probably a fry cook at this place. And when he's going, Con!

That is a woman, I believe, a waitress who works at the place. Oh, I see. So he's going back and forth from these two voices because that's what people wanted out of a Mandy Patinkin song at the time was him, much like in Follies, if you've heard his buddy's blues from Follies. Sure I have. I guess she really loves me. She says. Shalliver. Shalliver. Shalliver twist. Shalliver.

Do you like Oliver Twist, but you think that he's not shallow enough? That's the plot of Shallower Twist? Shallower Twist. More gruel, kind sir. And what about a little bit of Gucci? Oh my God. I am so glad. I am glad for the listening audience that they couldn't see the gesture that you made when you said a little Gucci. A little Gucci. Hey, a little Gucci. A little night Gucci.

Well, this is it, man. This is it. Before the break, we heard number two. We heard Oh Golly, which was a cliffhanger. And you know what? That's the end of that. Until that goes. You'll have to go investigate the resolution of that. And you should. On some other episode of this podcast because we have to get to number one on our countdown. Number one. That's right. Number one. What do you think this might be? Well, the best episode. Hold up.

Are you saying there's a surprise upset and the worst episode has been voted number one? I'm doing my Nate Dogg RIP impression from the next episode is that famous song. Wait a minute. I don't know what you're talking about. You know that Eminem song really well, but you don't know the next episode? No. My favorite song...

Hold up. Yeah. Yeah, Sue's back. Back again. I can listen to that forever and ever and ever. I lose interest after that. You really ought to get into more gangster rap, especially the West Coast variety if you like that so much. Me.

Bebo. Baldroid. Oh, Baldroid. A worthy successor to Lobot, the only other bald person in the Star Wars universe. What about Mace Windu? Oh, that's true. Yeah. And I guess, was Grandma Tarkin, was he bald? Grandma Tarkin had a wig. She had the gray wig with a knitting needle stuck in there. I guess C-3PO is bald. For that matter, R2-D2 is.

As well as Baldroid. All right, let's get to number one. Everyone's wondering, what could it be? What could it be? I know, I am. Well, guess what? It's episode 300, Oh Golly, You Devil. The conclusion of the cliffhanger. So you don't have to investigate what the cliffhanger might be. This is it right now. You got me. You got me, because I didn't know. I had no prior knowledge what any of the episodes were. And you never will.

So even if I listen to these best of episodes. You will never. In your dumb brain, you will never put the pieces together. Dumb brain. Dumbrin. Dumbrin. Another star. Baldroid and Dumbrin. They're a new C3PO and R2-D2. Dumbrin. I say. I say Dumbrin. Wait, so that's Baldroid? The one that we saw in the trailer has the English accent? That's right. It's a new twist. Where's my toupee?

Baldroid just looks like a person. If Baldroid doesn't talk like that now in the new Star Wars, I'm going to be really disappointed. Do you think now, do you think that Baldroid, he's a beat boop robot, right? I imagine he would be. Yeah. Oh, if he's not called Baldroid, he just doesn't talk like that. JJ, you have made a mistake. Come on, JJ Abrams.

My improv mate. That's right. Your old scene partner. That's right. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Ben Schwartz had me on his show Snowpants where he has non-improvisers improvise with improvisers. We talk about it a lot on the Solo Bolo and it was me and J.J. Abrams. And guess who was great at improv? J.J. Abrams. Great at everything.

That – B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-

Supercut of Amy Poehler's raps, I believe. And he does – what other ones does he do? Oh, he did the – yes, the one you were about to talk about. He has done on numerous occasions –

He has taken audio of us doing the Star Wars Cantina theme and put that over video. Of Star Wars. Yes. And I have – and various other things. Right. And I have on my YouTube channel, Paul F. Tompkins, go to my YouTube channel. I have a playlist that's called The Cantina and it's every one that he has done. Oh, I got to see that. I didn't know you had a YouTube channel. So you can watch them all, yeah. I got to get one of those. Well, I look forward to your text on how much you enjoy it.

I'll text him. He's the one who made it. You're just the server. I collected them all into a playlist. Don't I get credit for that? Baldroid, I got a roadie. What if he sounds like that? Hey, I'm Baldroid. I'm Baldroid over here. Do you think there will be anything weirdly cute like Jar Jar in these Star Wars things?

I can't imagine there would be. They have to be going really far on the other. There will be some comedy, though. I think it will be. They'll go far the other way and something that's just disgusting, like a thing you don't want to look at. Just a thing that's like got pustules and weeping sores and constantly mucus is coming out of it. Or like Jabba the Hutt's mom will be there and like with her open legs. Mabba. And Jabba will be coming out of a wide vagina. We'll see his birth even though it's in the future.

Well, it'll be video. Yeah, they're going to gather around, look at a video of Shabba, Han and Chewbacca. Yeah, you got to see this. Hey, Chewie, get over here. Do you think that the actors will reprise their performances from the original Star Wars movies? Because they've changed their personalities a lot. Yeah. Carrie Fisher is now sort of a little more sardonic than she was back then. That's right. And Han...

is more of a grump. Yeah. Now, but I guess he was grumpy in the Star Wars movies. Yeah, but he was young. He was young enough that it didn't seem grumpy. It seemed like he seemed like a cool dude. Is that what it is? Han Solo's performance hasn't changed. He's just aged to where now he just looks like a grumpy old man. Yeah, that's exactly right. Well, I look forward to that 45 minute scene where they watch a job. Yep.

It's pretty easy as labors go. Yep. That's not so bad. Not so bad. Do you think it was natural? No, I think it was a C-section. Oh. You have to. You know those huts? They're a lot like Boston Terriers. They cannot be born without a C-section. Is that true? That is true, my friend. Why can't Boston Terriers be born natural? Something to do with their...

The proportions of their body. It's an unfortunate part of the Boston Terrier, which makes- It's not that they're like biting on the way out? No. Oh, God. But they're puppies. They're like little tiny puppies. No, it's something to do with the way the mother, the construction of their body, I believe. Now, to be fair, I'm talking from a position of ignorance on this. I own a Boston Terrier. Oh, well then let me say stuff. Here's what I heard it was, is that a gypsy cursed Boston Terriers-

thinner. Directly to the uterus. Thinner, thinner. But no, that's one of the unfortunate things and why you shouldn't try to get a bred Boston Terrier because it's kind of inhumane to keep making them. As far as I know, this is what I've heard and if I'm wrong, correct me and I will. By the way, speaking of corrections...

From episode one earlier. Are you opening the Department of the Corrections office? I am. Corrections Department office. Kansas in Mountain Time. I looked it up. Remember when we sang, of course. I do remember. That wonderful song, Look It Up, Scotty. Look it up, Scotty. Look it up. Look it up, Scotty. Look it up. The best part was you, as you were typing. Singing and clapping. You were stopping to clap. Yes.

Well, you gave me the encouragement I needed to look it up. That's right. And the very first thing said Kansas in mountain time. And I assumed that meant all of Kansas was in mountain time. Apparently what I had looked up was the fact that only four counties in Kansas are in mountain time. Otherwise they're central timers. Otherwise they're central. That is odd, isn't it? That is wild. It's very odd. Weird, wild stuff.

Why bother, I wonder. Yeah. And I wonder if the people in these counties just say, can we just please be intentional? All of our neighbors. Hey. What? All of our neighbors get their TV earlier than us. Can we please just be about time? Please. Please. Please. It's very bizarre. How bizarre, how bizarre as OMC wants. How bizarre. Okay.

Got engineer Cody Sam on that one. Ah, he loved it. It's a rare occurrence when the engineers laugh at the show. Usually they stare with hatred at us. That's true. Shaking their fists, which is very distracting. It's a little distracting. All right, let's get to number one on the countdown. Fine, I don't fucking care, Scott. Oh golly, you devil. This is the climactic conclusion to the Oh Golly saga. Now, when we left off, there was a knock on the door.

Who was behind that knock? We won't hear it in this clip, but it was Chip Gardner, candidate for honorary mayor of Hollywood. We talked about him before. That's right. Now, he admitted that he was Satan incarnate. He admitted that. He offered that, as a matter of fact. Yes. We did not need to torture him. No. He conceded. To get that information. Yes, I am. He gave it up willingly. Yeah.

He told us – he told Jason and I that we have been dead and we're dead ever since we were on that Zap show as children. That's right. In 1981, we died and hell was closed. And everyone who had died since 1981 resided within a twilight nether region. That included Kurt Cobain and everyone else who had died since 1981. All right. That's what you need to know. Tom DeLuise. What's that? Tom DeLuise. Tom DeLuise. I thought you said Tom DeLuise. Yeah, him too. Yeah.

One has to assume that Dom's father was Tom. Yes. And that he wanted to name him after himself, but the doctor misheard. That's right. And wrote down Dom. Classic story. Once a name is written down on a birth certificate, it cannot be changed. It cannot be changed. Finale. So we, then Dalton Wilcox, who we heard in the last one. Cowboy, the poet laureate of the West. Of the West. He wrote a poem to commemorate the battle. He recited it. Then in came Hot Dog.

Who is a erstwhile singer who wanted to join Sha Na Na. That's right. And a skier in the 60s. Did you greet him when he walked through the door? I did. I said, what's up, hot dog, right there in that very clip. Bill Carter, trainer to the starseekingstars.com came in. Very old man with big muscles. Cactus Tony came in, who is a- Shadowy, mysterious figure. Yeah, kind of- Sort of an A.D. camp of Don DeMello. Yes, and he wears all snakeskin. That's right.

Gali was there, the puppet. He came back. Cardboard box puppet. And then Byron Denniston –

The Royal Watcher. The Royal Watcher from a previous episode who – I believe Bob Odenkirk was on that episode who wanted to – he was not a royal watcher in the sense of he followed the exploits of the royal family. He literally was perched in a tree across the street from Buckingham Palace with binoculars trying to see when the baby, when the royal baby would be born so he could steal it and name it Beetle Bailey after one of his favorite comic strips.

He came and he brought the royal baby. All right. Now, at some point...

They were going to slit the baby's throat and pour the blood upon a magical stone. It's a funny show. From which Excalibur was pulled. Yep. And they were going to bring back the end times. Now, Jason and I- Bring back the end times. Yes. From the future. Oh, I see. Back from the- Do go on. Yes. They were going to pull them from the future into the present. That's right. That's right.

They were residing in the future. They were going to... Pull them back. Pull them back. Towards us, here in the present. Yes. Because without a little help, they would always just stay there in the future. You've done due diligence. Pray continue. So when we pick this back up, all of these people are here. And this was...

We're going to hear this until the end of the conclusion of this saga. Several of these characters are in the forces of good. Several of these characters are in the forces of evil. And there's going to be a final battle, which we will hear right now. This is, yes. May I say, if you are a new listener. Mm-hmm.

You're about to hear the end of this episode. Yes. Yes. Well, not the end end. Yeah. Okay. But still, you might want to just go back and listen to the whole thing. Listen to the whole thing. But we're going to hear it now. This is the climactic conclusion to the O'Golly saga. This is episode 300. O'Golly, you devil. You're number one. Number one.

Well, I have to say, Dalton, it's now looking like the forces of evil are gaining momentum here. Let's take a look at the telly board. Who's on what side? Well, you have Dalton Wilcox. I count for three.

Because I got... Oh, boy. Because that's how strong and powerful I am. You've got to count me three times. You've got to say Dalton Wilcox, Dalton Wilcox, Dalton Wilcox into a mirror, and then you can summon me any time. But Chip, you count for three because you're Chip, you're Gretchen, and the Lizard. Oh, and Satan. That's four. Count for four. You're outnumbered at this point, Dalton, because you don't... Dalton, you don't even have any AKAs. You're not even in the Wu-Tang Clan. Yeah. Yeah.

That's okay. I'm just pointing it out. I think you need more people. I mean, I think... Who's showing up right now? Who is it? Would you mind opening the door? I'm going to open the door. I don't know if this is for good or evil. The minute the person talks, though, we'll know exactly who it is. Okay. Hey, open it. Patrick McMahon? Hello, gentlemen. How are you? Patrick? It's great to be here. Hello. How are you, Patrick? How are you doing? It's been so long. Our favorite limerick writer. That's right, are you?

Oh!

By the ancient order of the Hiberians. I heard about that. Yeah, you were there with a really interesting Irish guy. That's right. Who was so incredibly uniquely Irish and authentic. Oh, that's right. Well, absolutely. The president of the ancient order of the Hiberians bestowed upon me the great honor of

Irish Person of the Year. And that's a Catholic order. It's an organization of the Catholic Church. And so I feel that I'm honor bound to be on the side of good. On the side of good. Yes, absolutely. So, Patrick, Dalton here recited his epic poem about the forces of good and evil. Well, I haven't prepared a limerick if that's where you're going. That is where I'm going. But since you're so amazing at it, I think... No, I've never claimed to be any good at dead limerick. I'm an Irish storyteller. And then limericks are a sideline at best. And...

I really don't do them all that often. I haven't prepared one or anything like that. Now, here is Patrick McMahon's limerick about the battle between good and evil. Oh, I can't wait for this. I have to say, I haven't prepared one. Oh, boy, this is going to be good. I have to remind myself of the structure of it. Is this part of it? No, this is not part of it because I haven't got one. I really just came here to fight. Oh, well, you know the structure there. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, right. Well, that's the rhythm of one, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

I guess it's time to come up with a letter. I might have done this ahead of time. Alright, I might have known it was going to come up. A great battle is being waged. In the twilight nether realm is where it's staged. Is that part of it? Evil might win. Which would be a great sin. I tell you what, I really like that Greek yogurt by Phage. Is that what it is? Is that how it's pronounced?

Is it a fidget? It's not, but that's all right. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That was a rallying cry. Yeah. I'll take another crackhead a little later. I'm going to have a snack. Oh, you're going to eat a snack? Is that your purpose? That really made me hungry. It legitimately made me hungry. Yeah.

You expel a lot of energy. Okay, wow. Patrick McMahon, this is so... Now the forces of good are starting to take a real turn. Yeah, the scales have been tipped a little bit. What have we got on our side now? Okay, you've got your Dalton Wilcox times three. That's right, that's right, that's right. You have hot dog over here. Here I am, man. What are you eating, hot dog? I'm eating a hot dog, man. Bill Carter. Also eating a hot dog. Yeah, what are you eating? I'm having a Luna Bar.

Oh, those are for women, Bill. Those are for women. That's what they tell you. Yeah, no, no, no. Those have like estrogen in them. That's right. You should not eat those, Bill. The estrogen attacks the testosterone, and the testosterone builds itself up to do a battle with the estrogen in your system. I got 10 times the testosterone than any other guy. So you're challenging the testosterone to make it fight harder. It always, yeah, it's always making it fight. You always want your testosterone active.

All I eat is Luna bars. Now, I'm on a 100% Luna bar diet. On many levels, very unhealthy. I haven't had a bowel movement in nine months. We have Cactus Tony, of course. We have Cactus Tony, who moved from the forces of evil to the forces of good. And listen, I might go back. There's no telling. I might go back to the forces of evil. Cactus Tony, you're a lady in the tramping that hot dog with hot dog over here. You're at the other end of it. We're all having a snack. I think that limerick made all of us hungry. It's like everybody shares a mic and everybody shares a hot dog. Everybody share!

Oh, God. I am the microphone. Oh, golly. I am so here. You devil. We have Golly. Again, please do not make that the name of the episode. I will not. We have Chip Gardner, a.k.a. the Lizard, a.k.a. Gretchen, a.k.a. Satan. On the side of evil. We have Golly. We have Byron Denniston. Here I am with Beetle Bailey, the royal baby. And a baby Bjorn. Did we ever figure out where that stone was?

Oh, yes. It's on the way. It's on the way. Someone's bringing it now. Oh, someone's bringing it. Okay, I'll answer that. The fuck I got to bring this fucking rock all the way from goddamn England? Jesus Christ. Is it? This is... Go ahead. You know who I am. Ben? No, come on. Danny Mahoney. Life at a Party Incorporated now. You can recognize him because his many coats. Yeah, that's right. From

I'm wearing a couple of different coats. This one right here is the heaviest coat commercially available. Anyway, if you want a heavier coat than this, you've got to have it made special. It's a chainmail coat. It is. It's interwoven with metal in a coat. I haven't seen you since you did commentary on our season one DVD. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I did do that. How did that turn out? It turned out great. People enjoyed it. Oh, good. All you ended up doing was retelling the story of the batteries, which you were telling there on the episode.

Well, listen, is that not what you're supposed to do on commentaries? You're commentary on what's happening. We never got to anything new. You just retold all those details. This is the situation. I got a boom box, okay? Now, when I show up to work a party, I bring the boom box. I've had this boom box going on. I mean, I've had it since the 80s. It's a good boom box. It's a Panasonic. We've heard this many times. It's a high-quality boom box. It's got cassettes. You can't buy these now. It's got cassettes and DVDs. DVDs?

Or whatever they called it. Fucking... CDs. Huh? CDs. CDs. Compact discs, Danny. Sure. You can literally, if you want to, you can't go cassette to CD, but you can go CD to cassette on this thing. I don't know what the difference would be. Huh? In terms of mixing? You could take a CD and record it onto a cassette on this machine. Likewise, ditto on a radio. You could tape record things that are on the radio. But it runs on D batteries. Yes, we know. How many batteries is it?

This thing takes eight batteries at one time. It runs on eight batteries. He's got a bag full of batteries. Yeah, no, no. I'm aware. I got a gym bag full of G batteries. Once or twice, I have accidentally put the old battery back. Not even accidentally. Not thinkingly. Because I'm in the middle of a thing. I'm like, you know, I'm in the middle of a party and my boom box goes dead. And everybody's looking at me like, what the fuck?

fuck is going on? What's wrong with this guy? You don't want to leave batteries on the floor in the middle of the party. What are you playing on that boombox? I'm playing, you know, C&C Music Factory. Got it. I'm playing Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. Bare Naked Ladies? Bare Naked Ladies? You can't dance to that. No. Anyhow, so a couple times I emptied the dead D batteries into the gym bag. Yeah, we know this story quite well. 1632 batteries in there that are dead.

Mixed in with like 150 live batteries. You put one bad battery in a bunch of eight, you got it dead. And you can't figure out which one it is. There's no way from looking at it whether it's dead or not. What about a battery tester?

A what? See, this would solve all of your problems. A battery tester? We've never talked about this. A battery tester. How does it work? You put it up against the thing, and if it's got a charge, it'll tell you. The thing? Are you making this up? No, it's called a battery tester. There's literally a battery tester. How about this? I'm going to go one step further. All right. Get rid of the boom box. Get rid of the batteries. Buy all new ones. And get something like an iPhone with a Bluetooth speaker that has a rechargeable battery. Fuck that. Fuck that.

Fuck that. Okay, Danny. I'm not going to do that. This aggressive attitude. Hey, what about your iPhone? Let's have some lattes. You know, all this bullshit. This is the kind of attitude that I feel like tells me you are on the forces of evil.

Look, I was told to pick up a giant rock from England and bring it here. I got paid three times when I get paid for a party to do this. I said, fine. I thought that sack contained your boom box, but that actually contains the giant rock. This is, from what I'm told, is the rock that the Excalibur was pulled out of. Okay. And I'll tell you, they gave me a- That's obviously a rock sack. Oh, okay. I-

Not a boombox sack. Ba-ba-boombox sack. I hope to God this fucking rock doesn't take batteries because I did not even bring, neither did I bring my boombox or my zumbag. I mean, in a sense it takes batteries. The blood of Beetle Bailey here is its battery. Yes, I am ready to shed the blood of this royal baby. Oh, boy. Into the stern of Excalibur. Oh, Byron. Oh, Byron.

Which will open the gates to hell. Byron, you're not a licensed medical practitioner at all. I would think that the only person who could really open up a vein would be some sort of... Who's this at the door? Some sort of medical... Nurse Andy Callahan! Hello! How's everybody doing? Now, who are you? I'm Nurse Andy with an R.

Oh, yeah, you were on with Gillian Jacobs. I don't know. But, yeah. And I'm a nurse, and I work in a long-term care unit. Oh, yes, of course. I take care of senior citizens. And, you know, a lot of these people have dementia, and they're not doing very well. I mean, these are folks who are not going to get out of the hospital. You know what I'm saying? I mean, this is the last stop for these guys. Oh, of course. You're here to draw the blood of Beetle Bailey, I assume.

Huh? No. Oh, no? No, no, no, no, no. I don't want that blood drawn. What are you doing here? I'm here for the forces of good, you guys. Fake out. Oh, my goodness, no. Nurse Andy Callahan, forces of good. I'm actually here. Thank you, Dalton. You did a wonderful job so far. I'm here to lead the forces of good. I'm going to lead the forces now. And I'm going to be in charge. I don't know about this. I'm going to organize you guys. And we're going to get into a single file line. Oh.

Because I have a lot of experience organizationally with planning out the shifts. I mean, listen, the nurse's shifts are complicated, you know what I'm saying? Because there has to be a transition between when one shift ends and the other one. You've got to pass off information about what happened on the list. Waiters everywhere. It's a little more complicated. It has to be more of an overlap so the person leaving can have

update the person who's coming out. Yeah, it's a lot like waiters, hey, I'm working on this table. It's a little different than when, to be honest with you. I feel like this is very administrative, Nurse Andy Callahan. There's going to be a lot. Listen, in this battle between good and evil, 90% of it is going to be administrative. And the paperwork? And there's a lot of paperwork. I guess you do. You got to book all the different people into all the different fights. Plus, I'm God. So that's part of it. It's part of why I want to lead the forces of good, because I'm God. Wait. What? What? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're God? Yeah, I'm God. Nurse Andy Callahan, arguably the most annoying character? How do you figure? We haven't heard from you for... Yeah, I know. You barely register. Oh, yeah, yeah. People never talk about you. Oh, is that right? No, people never talk about you. They really don't? Oh, that's funny. You weren't part of the pilots, I don't think? Like, none of it. The pilots? Yeah, none of it. Nothing. I don't know.

Yeah, no, I've been over there in the long-term care unit of this hospital just watching old people get sick and die and having a lot of laughs. Oh, just like God. Oh, wow. Just really enjoying, you know, just laughing and laughing. He is God. This makes sense. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you've been here on Earth this whole time since the gates of heaven. Since 81? Yeah, since 81? Yeah, yeah.

I've been here, and I'm aware of what happened there where nobody who dies can go to heaven or hell and just dwell in it. And I said, I don't want to get involved. You know, I mean, let's let it sort itself out. But here we are now, and the battle is being joined. So why not? I figured, you know, I'll come down here. I'll see if I can help out Joel. Oh, thank you. So annoying. Thank you. I was going to say thank God, but thank Andy. Yeah, that's right. Oh, my gosh. I guess that's it. Andy is God.

That's what we're finding out. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Wow. Well, I guess all that needs to happen is we need to prick the blood of young Beetle Bailey and pour it into this. Wait a minute, but I feel you can't do that. Why not? I'm ready to prick the blood. Well, I mean, your Supreme Commander isn't here.

The Supreme, Supreme Commander. Yeah, is he dropping by? The Supreme Commander? Yeah. No one of us can pretend to know what he's going to do. He comes and goes as he chooses. Are you waiting for him to...

You know, order. To give the go-ahead? Yes. That it's time? Yeah. Yes, but... Oh, fuck! What? I just watched Danny Mahoney and Ben Alterman become one character. Oh my god! Holy shit! Oh my god, the forces of evil are all combining! They're like a Megatron! They are all melting together! Oh my god, Byron Dennison just melted into the Danny Mahoney-Ben Alterman beast! Ugh...

Everything is... How is this happening? There's a... All the forces of evil have joined into a giant. They turned into one singular person. John DiMello, theatrical director. Good morning, gentlemen. Oh, this is chilling. Now there is only one...

I'm Satan's supreme commander, supreme commander. I am the embodiment of all evil in the known and unknown universe throughout perpetuity, since the dawn of time, and forever for all time. Whoa. Don, I should have known that about you. You've been a disgusting human being the entire 300 episodes. So do you separate your essence into these minions and these people on Earth? Do you divide your body? Is it like a horcrux?

Oh, is it like a what? A horcrux from the Harry Potter books. A horcrux? Yeah. This is something that appears in these Harry Potter books? Now that you mention it that way. A horcrux? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, I know a lot about the crux of a hor. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

But yes, I am capable of dividing myself into any number of people to carry out my wishes here on Earth. Wow. To confuse people. That's been largely what I've been up to. Just confusing people. Just confusing people. So that... Cactus Tony is so mad right now that Don DeMillo's in the room. You son of a bitch. You set me up for that rottweiler thing. The police was here and I had no choice but to jump out that window and I ended up getting... Oh my God, Cactus Tony, you're being absorbed into Don DeMillo's body?

Oh, no! Come to me. Oh, my God! Come on, let's do it! Oh, no!

He wanted to be on the forces of good, but he's actually just another essence of Don DeMello's personality. I have the power to subsume people. Now, Don, do you have any productions coming up? Oh, yeah, we should talk about that. I'm very glad that you asked me. I mean, I know everything's going to end. Things are dark. Hell's going to open up. Things are bleak, but do you have anything you want to plug? Well, you know what they say, the show must go on. Yes, this great battle between good and evil is commencing, but I'm still in previews right now for Don DeMello's production of Disney's Frozen.

Oh, boy. Yep. How's it work? Frozen, one of the most popular movies of the year, Oscar winner. For best song. Yep, for best song. How does your version of Frozen go? Well, we got some girl in there. She's a real hot lady, and she's one of those topless princesses, and she's locked in a castle.

And her parents won't let her out because she turns things into ice or some shit or whatever. So she's a hot lady who turns things to ice. Sure, okay. And, you know, she's up there and she's got a song. We gave her a song that we're hoping wins an award. Something like Let It Go? No, she's got a song that goes, I'm locked in a castle. I can't fuck anything and nothing can fuck me. Okay. And meanwhile, down in the town, there's these trolls who hear the song and they go...

We'll see about that. Oh, dear. Okay. Any snowmen that come to life or anything like that? Yeah, there's a snowman that comes to life. This is just a guy coming in whipped cream.

Oh, boy. He fucks this girl. Yeah. Okay. All right. Hmm. And it's a great show. We cover this whole stage in whipped cream during it. Oh, wow. That sounds slippery. It becomes an eternal winter, and a bunch of girls come out there, snow fairies or something, and they're licking the whipped cream off each other. It's a little vague on these details. It's really, well, we're only in previews. Now, the whipped cream, I feel like having food on stage. Now, do you still have dogs in the theater? No.

Yeah, there's Rottweilers upstairs. See, I feel like the food is going to attract those dogs. Well, not only that, but I got some real live reindeers that I trapped up in Canada. Oh, no. With bear traps. Oh, no. Their legs are all fucked up. Oh, yeah. Those are only meant for bears. They're bear traps? Yeah, they'll fuck up a reindeer leg. I was looking for reindeer traps. They don't carry them. Yeah. Over there. Black & Decker doesn't make one. Are you sponsored by Black & Decker? He has the voice of a Black & Decker sand dog. Oh, that's true.

Anyhow. Anyhow, wow. I'm glad all the forces of good are being so quiet for this because I do want people to come down to the Passage to You Fairytale Theater and check out my production of Disney's Frozen. Andy, what do you think about this? Andy Callahan, Nurse Andy Callahan. Well, I'm very glad to finally meet

The ultimate evil here, you know, because, you know, I mean, I really think things would be better if he was gone. I'm just being honest. All right. Well, the forces of good are here and you're up against Don DeMello. Oh, Don DeMello just pricked the baby. The baby is bleeding. That's right. The baby, a drip of blood is dripping down the baby's leg. Who's getting horny?

If the blood enters the hole that is in the rock, it will open the gates of hell. Quick, Patrick McMahon, recite a limerick to join, to rally the troops. It's time for your limerick, Patrick McMahon! The only thing that can stop this drop of blood dropping into the Excalibur hole of the stone is the power

That can combine all the forces of good into one here we go once again. I've not had time to work on it all right You're the best at taking a break. That's why you're here. That's why I'm here my god The forces of evil are one this battle ain't gonna be fun But we've got to prevail

Use stamps.com to help with your mail. Oh, boy. They're going to be thrilled. They're going to be thrilled. What was the first line? Fun. Thank you so much. 2,000 pounds. A limerick is more powerful than a gun. Ah!

Like a gun robber. Right. Dalton, how does that make you feel? This poem, the limerick I just heard, I feel like I'm being subsumed. Whoa. All of the forces of good are combining. It's Andy Callahan. August Lynch. Hot dog. Get out of here, hot dog. Yeah, we're not. Screw you. You shouldn't have been here anyway. You must be.

They're all combining into Nurse Andy Callahan. Well, here I am, and all the other guys are a part of me now, and that's how it works. And so I am God now, and I've combined all the good parts of me. And so, listen, I'll tell you what's going to happen right now. You can't stop it. Are you going to wrestle? I'm grabbing the stone out of the window!

Oh my God. Nurse Andy Callahan. We're in the new Earwolf Studios where there is no window. Yep. All of a sudden, Victor the Giant reached through. Burst his head through the wall, created a window. Meanwhile, we're on the fourth floor up here and Nurse Andy Callahan jumped out. Jumped out. Jumped onto the back of the giant. Oh.

Oh, jumped onto the back of the giant. Did not... Yeah, we thought that Nurse Andy Callahan was committing suicide. He just jumped onto the back of the giant. And they flew away. The giant turned into a griffin and they flew away. Oh my gosh. So you have a shapeshifter too. They do, yeah. They do, they do. Sorry, Don, you're the only one left. It's just me here stuck with a bleeding baby.

He grabbed the rock and he flew away with it before the blood could drip down into it. I should have known that the creation of a window by a giant was going to be the thing that destroyed me. I mean, this has been a long time coming, this battle. Yep.

All I needed to do was get one drop of blood here in the hole. You really took your time with it. At any point, you let Patrick get through the whole limerick, and he labored over it. I know. You could have at any point just shoved the blood in the hole. Well, like everyone else out there, I wanted to hear the limerick. That is the power of a limerick. And that's why he's the best. Number one.

All righty. Truly insane. Very insane. I believe, by the way, a lot of sharp-eared listeners were trying to— Vulcans? Yeah.

And Nosferatus. Nosferatus, why don't you come to your senses? You've been out riding fences for so very long now. You gotta... It sounds now like the text you gave or something. Let's go.

Gotta let somebody love. What if somebody loved Nosferatu? That could have changed everything. Exactly. Exactly. Isn't that all vampires, Nosferatus want anyway? Just a little bit of blood. Just a girlfriend. And a girlfriend. Will you be my girlfriend? And give me a little bit of your blood on the side. How about this? How about every 30 days? Every 30 days. You sucked me into that.

I got carried along in time. Of blood. Blued. Okay, so I believe Sharp-Eared listeners were trying to bring up the fact that we should have gone in our improv down a certain route that Jason, I believe, was trying to steer us into, which was Dalton Wilcox, cowboy poet laureate of the Old West, who has a wooden penis.

Trying to stick that penis into the hole in the magical rock to block the blood from going into it. I see. That's what Jason was trying to lead us to. Neither Andy nor I picked up on it. And when I listen to it back, I say, of course, of course that's the way it should have ended. But your green-blooded listeners...

They knew. They knew. They're smarter than I. They're screaming at their tablets, their smartphones, and their laptops. iPads, iPods. I don't know any more. But, you know, Andy was trying to juggle all these balls, all these characters. That was a tour de force from him, I believe. It was indeed. I believe he does 12 characters at the same time. Now, let me ask you this. Shut up. How much of that...

Did you plan in advance? Okay. Because, um, as, as I think most people who listen to the show know, really nothing is planned out. Nothing is planned. Nothing. Tomorrow is not promised. That's the unofficial motto of comedy. Bang, bang. Yes. You can leave it all out there on the podcast because you may not get another chance. That's right. Uh,

There will be people – if they're bringing like a character or something, they may give you some beats like here's what this guy is talking about. So that – Sometimes you do that especially on the TV show. We'll lay out five beats sometimes. That's the most any –

Anyone, anything, anyone, any who, anywhere, anyhow. Because for me, I think – and I would imagine for most people who do that, a similar thing is that –

It feels like you have a solid jumping off point. If you come in with an idea of here's what this guy is, here's what he wants to talk about. Exactly. Then it can go anywhere. And that's – we found that out I believe on the last tour that we did together. I think the – was it the very first night at Largo? I think you were doing – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cake Boss. Cake Boss and you didn't have anything to talk about. I did have something to talk about but I didn't tell you. Oh.

And I thought, well, we'll just get to it. I'll get it in there. And I never could figure out how to lead into it or something. Is that? Yeah. But it was more like I never got to it. We were just doing what we do. And then there was a signal to Andy Daly, who was also on that show. Who was supposed to come out. Just come in after 10 minutes.

Well, in 10 minutes, I never got to the thing that I wanted to talk about. And so he just came on and I was like, oh, well, now I see the mistake that I've made. But it is interesting. I've thought about that especially for the TV show because every once in a while that happens with the TV show. Someone will come on and say, oh, well, I don't have a thing to talk about, but here's my behavior. Yeah. And that doesn't work as well as someone who has behavior but has something they want to talk about. There's something about the momentum of that that –

can lead us forward into a thing. Does that make sense? It does. And on the TV show, you don't have as much time as we have here on this to just goof around. It's like, this has to be, because somebody has to edit it. It has to be a good five or six minute chunk. And so there needs to be some momentum. Okay. So. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's stop talking. Let's stop.

Enough of how the bread is made. No, but we – no, I'm going to get into how the bread is made. Please, more of it. I'm going to answer your question. I've had more of it, Mr. Hockerman. More bread. How about a little Gucci? Oh, you did it again. We have not talked about the process behind this other than with ourselves, Jason, Andy, and I. But yes, that first episode, the O'Golly –

we thought it was just going to be a normal episode. And then we just started pushing it into these mythological –

Well, also, Andy has a few things that he talks about a lot, which are international waters. He likes to make references to these other characters that he's done. The Dailyverse. The Dailyverse. They all share a continuity. The Androoniverse. Androoniverse, yes. So he makes little references to Chip Gardner or Side by Sides or Cactus Tony or someone who works at the Arclight. He'll make these little references, and Jason and I –

cannot help but pick up on them. And then in that first episode, oh golly, it got very convoluted, not really convoluted to us, but we didn't know what to do with it. So we just ended it and said, okay, we'll do it as a cliffhanger. Then people, and we assumed that people would know we would do it at some point down the line because we don't have a million years to sit around doing these podcasts like you and I do. That's right. Somehow. Yeah.

So then it came out and people really loved that episode and said, oh boy, the resolution to this cliffhanger is coming next week. I can't wait for episode 275. I think even I assumed it would be the following week. I don't know why we thought that it would be okay to just –

Not follow up on it and do it down the line, but we thought that people would get it. It did not come the following week, and the anticipation for it started building and building and building. And then at a certain point, Jason and I said, let's just do this for episode 300. Let's make it episode 300. And we kind of put it out there on – or I put it out there on Twitter because Jason wasn't there. We were saving it up for episode 300. He's not a Twitter guy. So –

But the pressure was there. The pressure was there to figure out what to do with this. Now, we were hearing track 15, the buzzsaw. I don't know if you people can hear it, but... I bet I can do better than that. Pretty good. Thought that was Cake Boss for a second. Oh, the laughing buzzsaw. That's a great children's book. There it is! Whee!

So the pressure kept building up and building up and, and Jason and Andy and I would talk about it. We would say, guy, there was a lot of stress hanging over us for months regarding this. And just that underlying stress, you know how, when you're like, Oh, I got to do that thing, that errand. It kind of felt like that for us of like, Oh God, it's going to be so hard and so difficult to follow up with this, but we have to at a certain point. When I went out there to Chicago, um,

to do the AV Club Fest Jason and Andy and I talked about doing it out there live for the fans and just and you know me not announcing who was going to be out there and Jason coming out and then Andy coming out and us picking it up back there but then Andy Andy was going to do it and then his schedule got too busy so and I'm glad we didn't in a way you know Chicago would have gotten a great show but I don't know if it would have been good as good as it turned out Chicago still got a great show that's true

The band Chicago? Yeah. When you go see them on tour? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They still got a great show, man. They did get a great show. So, yeah, it involved me going back and doing a beat sheet of everything within the O'Golly episode. And I sent that email to everybody. And it was nuts. And then Andy had to go back and listen to every single one of his appearances. That's what people don't know. He went back and listened to every Comedy Bang Bang podcast he had done.

and wrote notes for every single one about who each character was and what their connection, because we couldn't remember the connections that he had made in them. He listened to every single one and sent us a document of all that. - How many episodes was that? - It was probably a good 20. - Jesus. - He listened to every single one and made all the notes.

We got all those notes. We set a date to do it, and we waited as long as we possibly could. I think we waited to the week before episode 300. We finally said, we have to do this. We looked at – Jason and Andy and I looked at each other right before it like, oh, man, we are really nervous about it. We didn't know how it was going to turn out, and we were like –

all right, well, let's try this. We can always, and we, I think we said to each other, like, if it doesn't come out well, I guess we could just try it again. And, you know, Andy, of course, really came through and did all those different characters at the same time. Jason and I just at a certain point just started having fun and just sat back and watched Andy and tried to push him into all these various things like having him recite poems and limericks. And by the way, while he's doing 20 characters,

One of his characters is saying, I'm writing this poem. He's not writing the poem. Of course. He's juggling all these characters. So then when he goes, okay, I'm ready with the poem, that's only because he thought of it in the spur of the moment right then. So a great performance. And I think that kind of puts a close to the continuity of the Daily Verse, I think. I don't know that we're going to go back to that well.

Yes. I don't think you should. Do you smell burnt toast? No, I think that – yeah, I think that it would be – you mean you're not going to attempt something similar to that? As continuity laden with those characters anymore. I think I'm looking forward to getting back to just doing regular Andy Daly episodes. Because the thing is the continuity stuff, the building universe, and I know that Jason Manzoukas is a big fan of that stuff because he enjoys –

comic books and, and, and, you know, you know, sci-fi and fantasy and stuff like that, that does build out a world, you know, world building, world building. If you, if you want to call it that of sellers of Catan, he's probably read the sellers of Catan books. And I can see, I can always hear in his episodes, you know,

especially the ones with Andy where he is like he's delighted pushing that he's delighted to push it he's delighted to make the worlds collide he is delighted to tie everything together as am I I'm a big fan of that as well yeah absolutely but I think Jason takes a particular delight in making in doing that and also at the same time making it difficult for Andy right

You have to remember things. We've done that, I believe, with other of, you know, if you listen back over the almost six years that we've been doing the show, we've done that, of course, with the Time Bobbies. We've heard that. Cake Boss certainly has a convoluted history, not all of the canonical. That's right. And so we enjoy doing that and Marissa Wampler, of course, and Tracy Reardon.

has a very convoluted chronology now and Victor and Tiny have one. And so we're- Gary Marshall and Gillian Jacobs. Of course, yeah. And we're going to hopefully continue that come the new year. So we're going to keep doing that kind of stuff. But at the same time, what with-

I've talked to the farts and procreation people. I think we're going to do – we're going to continue to do those things and also continue to do new things. I like the mixture of it if that makes sense. It does make sense. And it's really nice that so many of the top 15 that people voted on were continuations of that mythology because it tells me that they're popular and that we didn't –

Fuck it up, in other words. Yes. The fact that, oh, golly, and oh, golly, you devil were one and two tells me, oh, good, we were able to pull it out. Right. So I'm very happy. You didn't waste your own time or anyone else's. Yes. So we're going to continue doing some of that stuff, and we're going to continue. Paul, as we've talked about, you've been wonderful about adding some new characters to the series.

CB Booniverse. And we're going to continue to do that in the new year. And we have come to the end of our best ofs here. And I want to thank some people. First of all, I want to thank the staff here at Earwolf from the engineers who record the show and put it together. Hey, I'm talking to you. What do you say? Oh, thank you. No, I thanked you, motherfucker. What do you say? What do you say when someone thanks you?

You're welcome. You're welcome. Welcome. All right. There we go. Phew. That's all. I just wanted to hear Sam say you're welcome. No. I want to thank the staff over here who help out with the ads and who sell the ads and, of course, July who does all of the descriptions. July Diaz. A lot of people don't give him enough recognition, I think.

And I want to thank everyone who's been a guest on the show this year. You know, the show, I don't believe it would exist without guests. I think that's the format of it. Why don't you try that, though? Why don't you try just you talking to myself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think anyone wants to hear that. Just talking for an hour. Oh, boy. No, thank you. Once, do it once. I mean, the— And dedicate it to the people that said, please don't ever do a solo Bolo episode again.

A true solo bolo. Solo no bolo. Oh, this solo no bolo. I want to thank you, Paul. You've been on the show, I think, more than anyone has ever been. That may be true. That may be true. Didn't you have your 100th appearance? Yes, I had my 100th appearance, which... And...

And when I came here for that, the people here at Earwolf had flowers laid out and also a very nice gift for me. And I was very touched by that. That really meant a lot to me because it's –

I think it's very easy for those of us who had been doing this kind of thing for a long time before podcasts were a thing to sort of think of podcasts as something that's very easily dismissed. And you and I have had discussions about the disposable nature of these things. The ephemeral nature of podcasts. The ephemeral, I should say, yes. What with cereal now. They're finally being taken seriously. It's changing lives.

But it's something that for me has been –

Has been. Has been. Such a source of real joy. It really has. And like to listen to and to do, it's been a huge – thank you. It's been a huge part of my life and an unexpected gift after I've been doing stand-up for such a long time. Can you imagine if podcasts weren't invented in the alternate universe where they didn't exist and where we didn't start? I don't like that AU. Yeah.

But can you imagine – I mean I don't know that we would have had the interesting careers that we've had. We maybe would have had different careers. But I probably would have just continued as a film writer and maybe gotten one of my goddamn movies made. But I just would have continued mainly as a writer. You would have still been a great stand-up, I'm sure. Yeah.

But all the character stuff you probably wouldn't have gotten into. Probably not. I mean, I don't know that I would have been able to reach people the way – I wouldn't. I do know. I would not have been able to reach people the way that I have through this podcast. And I want to thank you for having me on so many times. But of course. It is truly my pleasure. It's so much fun. It's so much fun. So much fun to have you and thank you so much for being a big part of it. And I want to – And I would also like to thank the audience. Yes. I was about to do that, motherfucker. Well, I'm sorry. I thought you had –

Oh, did I? Maybe not. I don't think I did. I was going to close with the most important part. Yes. But you go ahead. Well, Scott, of course, you're always very grateful to the audience. I am. And I think you always make a point to recognize that what a great audience you do have for this podcast. It brightens my day so much to receive –

notes saying how much people really like this show. People send mail to some really touching mail. It's very gratifying to feel like you're doing something that

is making, I don't want to say making a difference because it's not that important, I guess. It's just a thing that helps. I mean, life is kind of hard and it is nice to hear from people, whether they're saying, hey, you know, I have this awful commute every day and you guys really help me out with that. Or people saying, like, I am going through a very bad time. And I've heard from a lot of people like that this year.

some people in hospital beds who have discovered the show. And it's very gratifying to know that this is helping them through a hard time. I've heard from several people who got the clap and it helped them with that. So they could turn their legs off from bed? No, not the clapper. Oh, I'm sorry. I misunderstood. No, but from the people who just enjoy – The clap. Yeah.

I enjoyed the clap. Yeah, they got the Spanish flu. You know what I'm saying? No, but from the people who just dip in occasionally, who don't have a lot of time. I'll tell you, you had the clap. Hey, baby.

To the people who listen to every single episode that comes out, even the bonus episodes, from the bottom of my heart, and I am going to speak from Paul's. I wish you would. Thank you so much for listening for another year. I keep saying, can I do another year? And then I keep doing it and it gets more and more fun. So, you know, maybe I'll stop this year. Who knows?

Oh, that took a sharp turn. No, I hope we don't because this is the most fun I have. People have said, hey, when are you going to stop doing the podcast? And it is the most fun I have in the week. So I want to continue it. And with your listenership and your support, I definitely will. And –

Who knows when 2015? 2015. The year 2015 is coming back around. Hey, call me when it's 420. We ran out of new years and we are repeating old ones. We'll see you on Monday with a brand new episode of 2015. All new episode on Monday. And Paul, any final words of your life? Yeah. I'm about to execute you. It was the best of times. The end.

All right. We'll see you on Monday. Track 19. Thanks, Mike. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com. The wolf dead.

Want to hear Earwolf Pilots before anybody else? We made a podcast feed just for you. Earwolf Presents is full of great stuff, like preview episodes for upcoming shows, peeks behind the paywall, and pilots for podcasts that haven't even been made yet. It's like getting to listen in behind the scenes here at Earwolf. Starting January 21st, Earwolf Presents will have a bunch of new pilots for you, like Edgar Montplaisir's The Wokest,

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