Best of 2019 Pt.3
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I'm a little blackbird looking for a bluebird. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. What? Yeah. Thank you to the Jig Boss.

Is that a play on anything? I don't know. I like it, though. I mean, it's evocative. Oh, it's evocative, all right. By the way, you didn't say it. I said the Jake boss, and you just sat there. Yeah. What am I supposed to do? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2019 Part 3. Listen, I want to apologize to the Jake boss. I feel like I'm giving him a hard time all over the place. You're giving him or her. Or her. The boss could be a woman. Or her.

This is not Jake. This is Jake's boss. The Jake boss. The Jake boss. Yeah. Jake's only boss. The only Jake? Do you think it's Jake from Jake and the Fat Man? Do you think it's the Fat Man is Jake's boss? Do you think it's Jake from Less Than Jake? Of course. Was that the same Jake? It's got to be, right? It's got to be. There's only so many Jakes. Jake from the Fat Man is Less Than Jake? Yes. Wait a minute. So his name is Jake and his nickname is Less Than.

Jake, quote, less than, unquote, Fat Man friend. So he's like – I mean, in a way, he's more than the Fat Man because he gets his own name. It's just called the Fat Man. The Fat Man. Although the Fat Man, there's more of him because he's fat. Do you think that it originally was Jake and the Batman and they couldn't get the rights? 100%. 100%. I think it was. I think that they – and I think a lot of the dialogue in the script was still, hey –

Hey, fat man. You and Robin should... We have to get out of this cave. Into my car. And then into someone's dreams. The scarecrow. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. We should all get together and sing that.

Now I feel like you're mocking my idea from before. I like your idea from before. Thank you. I like you from before. I like you right now. And in the future, let history be the judge. No, I like you in the future. Okay, okay, okay. But who knows for how long? Future's a long time, my friend. That's right. And it is not written at this point. Although some would say that everything has occurred already. For some men, truly nothing is written. Lawrence of Arabia.

The Immortal Bard. That's right. Welcome to the show. My name is Scott Aukerman, and I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. My name is Paul F. Tompkins. I'm the guest of Comedy Bang Bang. That is right. And together we are... The Incredible Duo. Is that what it was? Yes, and the Dynamic something. The Dynamic Buds. No, please, please not the Dynamic Buds. The Dynamic Buds of May. Okay.

I wouldn't mind that, the dynamic buds of May. That would be okay. That's my third choice out of three. Oh, all right. By the way, still December, December 30th. Can you believe it? Can you believe we are just about to ring in 2020? Did you ever think you would live to see the day, 2020? I hope I wouldn't. When I was a kid, I was like, oh God, I hope I'm dead by 2020. Yeah, me too. I remember being eight years old in like 2020. I hope I'm dead. No, I used to...

First of all, the year 2000 seemed like an eternity. Yes. When I was young, I was like, I'll be this age. I'll be three years old. When we die, it will be those weird people that have the previous centuries. Knowledge. Knowledge.

We contain everything that anyone learned in the previous century. It will die with us. But like when you were a kid, if you would see a tombstone that the beginning day was in 1800. In 1800, you'd be like, what an ancient fuck. What a piece of shit. I would spit on it. I wish this person was alive so I could kill them. But we're going to be those people. We're going to be those people. Whoa.

these people going to be? Who are these people? December 30th. What is this month? Why 12 months? Why can't you have a girlfriend who's 18? December 30th. This is part three. Every year at this time of year, we look, I'm going to admit it.

We don't want to be recording episodes at the end of the year because no one's around. You're admitting it. So instead, let's put out best ofs. There we go. That was the original inspiration. Was that the original inspiration? Yeah. Well, I mean, I believe in the first year that we did a best of...

It was, we would bank it because normally we did the show live on the radio. So the first year of the show, we did it Bill O'Reilly style. We fucked it and did it live. And it was impossible to get anyone into the studio in the winter months. So we would record these after the previous week's episodes or something and would put these out. I think also people didn't want to go there. Yeah. What? What?

To that studio. Oh, to that studio. Oh, was it a pain to go to? I mean, it was a pain for me. It wasn't convenient. It's on Wilshire, which is not really where it's... Then you would have to go up. You'd get to the floor. You'd get to where the radio station was. And then you'd have to check in. And then they'd make you wait for a long time. And someone would come down and get you.

And then bring you up, and then you'd have to wait in a different room, and then you'd finally be brought in. It was just a big pain in the ass. Yes, it was. Like all radio. Yes. But now we're in these wonderful studios, and it's wonderful to be here. And I probably could get people, but it's become such an incredible tradition here to be listening to— What if they called us the Incredible Tradition? Oh. These two guys are just such an incredible tradition. Scott Ackerman and Paul F. Tompkins, the Incredible Tradition. Yeah.

But it grew from one episode of A Best Of to- That was the acorn. And that one was like an hour and 15 minutes and then has grown into these four episodes, which all are over two hours long. The diseased oak. And people always said like, more, more, more. How do you like it? How do you like it? The real Gloria Gaynor's. So-

That's what we've done. We've stretched these out, and Paul and I taped these in a row, and we're at the halfway point at this point, and no end in sight for us. Yeah, I can't imagine it's ever going to be over.

But this is number three and three of four. And what we're doing on this episode is we are going to be hearing the, and these are all episodes that have been voted on by the listeners. By the way, we put out a poll after Thanksgiving, after Thanksgiving. Oh God. I'm just remembering Thanksgiving. All those native Americans. Oh God. They made friends. Um,

It's such a beautiful holiday. We made friends. Is that really what happened though? Doubtful. Very doubtful. Very doubtful. I think that's what a story that was invented is sort of like the throwing shoes at the leprechauns. You know what I do? I throw shade at the leprechauns. Stupid leprechauns. That's the tea. Um,

Why was I... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone votes on these and they vote for their top 10 favorite episodes and then the results come in and we have... And then Paul hits the mic with a big glass bottle. This is me trying to suddenly ask for another bottle of water to the booth. And this year we've been counting down the top 15 episodes of Comedy Bang Bang and on this episode we will be...

hearing clips from the number eight, the number seven, the number six, and the number five episodes. It's exciting. So we're getting up there. Do you remember the movie Anaconda? No, I didn't want none. With John, because it didn't have buns? Yeah. There were so many buns in the movie. So many buns. J-Lo was in it. Face down. It's right there. Face down in her coffin. There's, of course, John Voight was in the film. Of course. A recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom? Freedom or Honor or something like that. Some bullshit. Yeah.

And at one point he says, he's like the sort of river guide or whatever to show these people that want to see the Anaconda, the Anaconda. Right. And I can't remember what's happening before in the scene. Maybe people are arguing. But at one point, John Voight says in his, this accent that he's doing for the movie. Yeah, he does some sort of South American accent. Something like that. Yeah. He goes, danger. It's a sighting.

And that is a non-musical earworm that is in my head. Yes, at all times. I think about it. It pops into my head a lot. Yeah. When people say something is exciting or when people say something is dangerous. Right. Danger. It's exciting. Danger. You know what I think of? It's exciting. You know what I think of? I think of very similarly, I think of the time that I went to Disneyland with some work friends. And this was when I was working with Rachel Quaintance, whom you know. Mm-hmm.

uh has been on the never not funny podcast a bit and was on the comedy bang bang tv show i was a waiter with her and uh uh was this chin chin this was a chin chin and a bunch of the waiters uh all like we loved this is one of those waiter jobs where we all liked hanging out with each other and we hang out with each other off hours and so we all went to disneyland together and um rachel and i found ourselves upon the jungle cruise and the uh

tour guide. If you've never been on the jungle cruise, it's basically a, uh, uh, preordained route through the jungle, uh,

But the tour guide can say whatever they want. It's the only place in Disney where irony is allowed to exist. Yes. So you – and my brother worked on it for a while. And so you got a script, but you were encouraged to riff and be funny on it. Occasionally you would go too far. My brother told me the story of a coworker who said once he was like, over there is a toucan, and we all know that three toucans make a six-pack. And that was –

a beer reference was determined. That was too far. Yes, that was too far. So the Disney corporation either took him out of the jungle cruise or said, you can't say that anymore or something like that. It's either they fired him or they said, don't say that. I'm not sure. The two extremes. Or they killed him. I'm not sure. But, um, this particular, uh, tour guide on the jungle cruise that day had a vocal tick, which, um,

I think maybe knowingly was doing it or it was a lot like when I would go, uh, I, I, for some weird reason, I saw Moby, the singer sing three times in one year because he was always doing festivals. Yeah. And so immediately when every song would end, he'd say, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I was like, I don't know whether this is a,

that his brain is telling him he has to do the minute a song is over or whether this is an ironic like him saying. Here's what I want to ask. Did the thank you, thank you, thank you occur before people were responding to the end of the song? It was literally the song would end and over the, like you would normally wait until the applause died down a little bit. It was just like, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And he did every song. And so this was a lot like this. But the tour guide on the Jungle Cruise would point out something and say, look over there. There's a hippo. Oh, no. The hippo is attacking us. He'd go, very exciting, very dangerous. Very exciting, very dangerous. Over here is a – Why? We both have one. Yeah. It's weird. Around the words danger and exciting. But I think about it all the time. It's just like –

Over here is a totem pole, and this is where the natives gather human heads and put them on a pole. Very exciting, very dangerous. I think about it all the time, and I say it, too. Very exciting, very dangerous. Wow. Anytime you point something out. All right. I feel less alone in the world. So do I. Yeah. All right. I'd like to be buried next to each other face down. That's why they call us the Dynamic Buds of May. All right.

So on this episode, we're going to be talking about these wonderful episodes. And if you've never heard Comedy Bang Bang, I know I describe this every part of the best ofs, but for a lot of people, even the third part of four parts is the first time they've ever heard the show. Comedy Bang Bang is a show where I am the host, I'm the host Scott Aukerman. I'm not named Comedy Bang Bang. I got confused for a second. I'm the host, Scott, and I have entertainers on.

comedians, actors, musicians. I'm the guest, Paul. I'm one of the entertainers. And I talk to these people for a bit and they are themselves and then I have comedians on who are playing characters. They're playing fake people or they're playing, doing impressions of real people and, uh,

we never really break the reality of it. We never say that, hey, you know, we don't end every episode by saying, I'm John Gabrus and I'm playing intern Gino or anything like that. Yeah, people don't like do a curtain call like at the end of The Bad Seed. Exactly. So we do it, we do it here on The Best Ofs where we talk about the process a little bit. We don't normally, this is not a typical episode of Comedy Bang Bang. It's atypical. Yes, and in fact,

Paul is not on every episode of Comedy Bang Bang. No, it's weird. If this is your first time listening, you'll be very confused if you listen to a different episode and say, where's Paul? Who are all these weirdos? Exactly. Another thing we do on the show is we play the snowman game where the snowman turns around. The snowman's going to be looking at us. He's going to be looking at somebody. He sings his song. So the snowman's singing. Now he's turning. Is he going to look at me? No. He's looking in the corner to no one. Now he's turning around again. Andy!

Oh, he got you. It's close, but I think it's close enough. You got it. Okay, so I've been looked at. That is perfect. Now he's right on. He's right on me. Bang on. Right down the barrel. Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me. Oh! Still right over Paul's shoulder. Fuck. That was great. Maybe next episode. It was, wasn't it? The next episode. Hold up. That was great. What I just did. What?

So these clips that we're going to hear and from these episodes, by the way, it is an improvisational show. We don't know what's going to happen on it. Every episode, basically, the comedians come in and say, hey, I'm going to be playing this person. Yes. And we don't pre-discuss what we're going to talk about. We just find it in the moment. Yes. So the clips that you're going to hear are from the favorite episodes of the fans of this year, and they will have a lot of different people on them. The only through line is myself. Yes.

So that's a good description of the show, yes? I guess, yeah. Do you take Umbridge? I don't take Umbridge. I take Exception. Which Exception do you take? I take this one. Okay. Did not talk about me enough.

For me. Oh, okay. Well. I think all of it needs me for context. Oh, okay. Well, if you're listening to Paul F. Tompkins. Hello. He's a comedian, a stand-up comedian, although would you call yourself a former stand-up comedian at this point? No, hey. When's the last time you did stand-up? It's been a while. How long? Yeah, I don't know.

Yars? Yars. Yars, you have not done stand-up? It's been a few years, yeah. Wow. Do you think that if you started doing it again, if you got back up on stage, that you would still be good at it? I mean, I hope so. I hope so. Do you think you ever will do it again? Yeah, I think so. You think you will? Yeah, yeah. When?

Now? No, later. Later? Later, for sure. And Paul, you were one of the best, and you haven't done it in years. One of the best. What is this guy that you're doing? I don't know. I don't like it. I want you to stop it right now. It's the real me. This is the real you? It's the real me. Oh, no. Thank you for putting on a character all these years. I've known you. Because I don't like him.

He's easier to do than the real me. The real you is a chore. Yeah, that's the same for my radio voice. It's a bit of a struggle. Struggle. Struggle. Tom Brokaw. Well, Paul is a comedian who has been on this show since the early years. And what's the first time you did the show as yourself? I can't recall.

You called in from, you were living in New York doing Best Week Ever. Yes, I believe. And you would call in a few times. I called in a few times, I believe. The first time I was myself. One time I was the ghost of Michael Jackson who had just died. Right. That was episode five or six or something like that. And one time I was iced tea, I believe. Yes. And those, the.

You started doing characters sort of on this show, is that right? Yeah, that's true. Just because... Because I've been doing them on Best Week Ever. Right. But that was for that show. And then when you started this show...

You invited me to do it and you said you could do whatever you want. You could be yourself. You could be a character. And that was – that put the idea in my head that I could do – maybe I could do a character. And you started doing characters and were an immediate success at it. Immediate success. And in fact have been a staple of these Best Of episodes throughout the years. Wouldn't it be strange if I invited you on here to co-host the Best Ofs with me and then none of your episodes ended up being on? Well, I mean that's what I think about every year.

Is that a knot in your stomach as you approach? Not a knot in my stomach. I mean, come on. But a lump in your throat. But much like when I knew the day would come when I would be stopped at the door of the UCB theater. Yes. It happens to us all. Yeah. I didn't know who I was. And I was like, oh, it's going to happen eventually. And then it did. Yeah. And it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Thankfully, there was somebody else there that was like, no, no, he's okay. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

But I still now... Much like how Kulop stopped Sean Clements. That story is amazing. And you know what? She was right. She was 100% right! But yeah, much like that, there will come a day, you think, where none of your episodes make it into the top 10? Well, that is not this experience this year, because already up to this point in episodes one and two, we have heard...

three of your episodes. Not bad. Not bad at all. Perhaps you'll have some more. Still hanging in there. Hey, in the top eight. We'll see. We definitely will see. You're in my top eight. Remember MySpace? MySpace. You're in my top five. Chris Rock. Damn. Chris Rock. Get a movie called Top Five. I forgot about that along with everybody else. Yep. Every single person in the world, including the participants. They're in.

Jerry Seinfeld. The aforementioned Seinfeld. What was that movie? He was a famous comedian. Yeah, but he wasn't himself. He was a famous comedian who was a alcoholic, I believe. And he had that classic scene in a movie, a recovering alcoholic, where he went into a liquor store and-

was tempted by all the liquor. Sure. It looks beautiful. I mean, there are nice bottles. Liquor stores, I like liquor stores. I like to look at the bottles. I turn my own house into a liquor store. That's strange. I don't drink. I just love the bottles. But you do like to sell liquor. Yes, I do. To minors. Come on by, kids. Hey, kids. It looks like a house on the outside, but it is a liquor store on the inside. It's a party on the inside. And I will sell you booze.

That'll be a great racket. So Paul has been on the show and we've been doing these best ofs every year together for at least eight years or nine or maybe... 10 or 11 or 12. Maybe we've been doing this since the dawn of time.

Certainly feels like that when we tape all of these best of episodes back to back. But this is on this episode, we're going to be hearing clips from number eight, number seven, number six and number five. And let's just get right to it. Let's get to your what you've chosen as your number eight. Number eight. All right. Number eight. I need to know. Yeah. What's this one about?

What's it about or what number is it? Normally I say the number first. That's part of what it's about. Episode number. This is episode number 600. So close to the curious clump. Very close. But it's not summer because it was May 6th. Yes. Summer's just around the corner at that time. Right around the corner. And so this is obviously one of the big hundos. Of course it is. 600. You have a little tradition, don't you?

Certainly do. And let me talk about this very briefly. Okay. So this year was the 10th anniversary of Comedy Bang Bang. Mm-hmm.

And also, it was coinciding with the 600th episode. Yes. And here's the process of what exactly happened. Okay, I'll tell you first what happened, and then I'll tell you why it happened. You can tell me in whatever order you want. I don't care. Okay, so episode 599 turned out to be our 10th anniversary episode.

And for that episode, we put out a 10, exactly 10 hours on the dot to the second episode. Weird. And weird. Why weird? No reason. Well, here was my thought process behind it was I wanted to get

I wanted to honor all of the people from the past, the old past, the early days, the middle years, and the recent years. I wanted them all to be on one episode, and I didn't want to do just another. When we do these end-of-the-year holiday episodes and when we've done the anniversary episodes, I put out a call basically to everyone's favorite guests and everybody.

But they have to be all in the same room together at the same time, and they have to be at a certain time. And usually what happens is a great number of people are available then, which is always good, but then a great number of people are not available. And this – for the 10th anniversary, I just really wanted to have people on that just don't have schedules that can accommodate –

you know, being there at a time when I can do it. You know what I mean? At a certain time. So I wanted to have on the Seth Morris's who recently had a baby and doesn't have a lot of time doing Bob Duca. I don't know he had a baby. Oh my God. Really? This is wild. I'm finding out on the podcast.

Wait, are you the father of the baby? You are really playing up here. I mean, can you imagine? I always knew Seth was very fertile. Where were you nine months ago? Sick. I was sick. That's why nobody saw me.

But everyone's schedules, I mean, you know, especially as the show moves on throughout, you know, now a decade, the people who were there earlier in the years of it, they have schedules now that just can't accommodate it and each other's schedules. So when I started trying to put it together, I said, okay, maybe I'll do a couple of recording sessions with these people. And, yeah.

I put out a big email blast to people and everyone wanted to do it, but everyone had totally different times that they were available. And so I said, okay, well, what if I did everyone separately and stitch it together? And my initial concept was everyone was going to do five minutes and it was going to be like a two hour episode. And then the minutes I...

That people got here, everyone started doing basically 25 minutes to a half an hour. Five minutes is nothing. It flies by. Exactly. So at a certain point I was talking to Taron Killam, who plays one of the Calvins triplets, and I was telling him like, oh man, I think this episode is going to be really long.

And he said, well, why not make it 10 hours because it's the 10th anniversary? And I did the math and I looked at all the people who were going to be a part of it. I said, yeah, I think that would actually work out perfectly. I had to edit it down a little bit to get it. And, you know, the engineers, by the way, that was quite a feat of engineering for everyone to do it. Like the Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah, exactly. It was the Golden Gate Bridge of podcasting.

But we got it down. Magneto destroyed it. We got it down to 10 hours exactly. And it was a lot of fun. I did not want to make that episode eligible for the best ofs because I view it sort of as a best of. It is a retrospective episode to me. It's like much in the storytelling of the West Wing. It's an aberration. Yes. And it's a, I mean, it is a best of, although everyone is doing new stuff, they're doing favorite characters. And I just didn't think it was,

fair to even put it into the polls to be voted upon. So that is why you couldn't vote on that episode. But then episode 600 originally was going to be the 10th anniversary episode and I was lining it all up and I had done enough bonus episodes to where it was going to be. But then I was reminded of the fact that on the hundreds, usually I have Jason Manzoukas and Andy Daly on them. It just worked out that way. I think on episode 200,

where the two of them happened to do it. And then we have tried to return to that tradition throughout the hundreds on 300, 400. And so for 600, I was like, oh yeah, but Andy and Jason, we've done one on the 600s. So I decided to split those two episodes into two things. So we did 599 was the 10th anniversary episode and 600 was the Jason Manzoukas and Andy Daly episode. Now,

After I decided that and 599 came out, I realized that 10 hours is exactly 600 seconds. And that would have been awesome to do number 600 and have it be 600 seconds exactly. That would have been really good, but I didn't realize it until after it came out. So are you taping me right now, by the way? What? No. Your phone is pointing at me. Either you're reading email or taping me. I don't like either. I was just looking at my phone. I like it.

You like your phone? Yeah, it wasn't on or anything. I was just like... You like your phone. I like it. It wasn't on? You were just looking at the shape? Okay. Yeah, it's pleasing. See? Yeah, you're showing... Because you turned it off already. What? I didn't do anything. I hate this guy. Stop it. Terrible co-host energy.

You don't think that Shifty is a good co-host? I don't like it. Why do you think John Gaber says Gino is a good co-host energy? Because he's jumping in a lot. Oh, sure. This guy is terrible. Huh? No, bad. Anyway, so, but the good news is, is we did do a 600th episode with Jason and Andy. Was everything else the bad news?

Well, no, the bad news to me is it would have been really cool to have episode 600 be 600 seconds long. Yeah, it would have been pretty cool. Or no, 600 minutes. 600 seconds would be... 525,600 seconds. Yeah, 600 minutes is 10 hours. That would have been awesome. So that was, in retrospect...

I wish I had been clever enough to do that, but it would have meant that this episode would not have been recorded because we recorded this specifically to be episode 600. This is an episode called Patrick McMahon Returns, a story about Johnny McGorry. So the Dink Dink Man, aka the TikTok Man, Jason Manzoukas, he is also co-host energy. He has good co-host energy. Yeah.

He and Andy came on and Andy decided to do a character that he hasn't done in a long time, as I recall, the Irish storyteller Patrick McMahon. Patrick McMahon, I think, was...

Maybe on in the first hundred episodes, but hadn't been on for a while. He had his own. He had his own. Andy has his own podcast, the Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project. And Patrick McMahon has an episode that you and I were both on. It was a live episode. It was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. And I did not realize I could not do an Irish accent until I started it. And you said the word morch? Instead of march. Morch.

And then I saw that Broadway show this summer and I was like listening to their accent going, oh, that's how you do it. And I figured like I could have. Oh, what show was that? It was all about. Collection agency. All the collection agency. No, the. The gumbo. The cobbler. What was it? It was.

It was the something, right? It was the something. It wasn't the farewell. It was... Okay, I'm looking it up right now. The Clippers! Ha ha ha ha ha!

The Ferryman. The Ferryman. Don't pay him. Don't confuse it with the Irishman. No. This is the Ferryman. This is the Ferryman. He's the man who drives the ferry. Yeah. Anyway, so I was like, I wish I'd seen the Ferryman before I did that episode, but if this was years apart, how could I have? There's no way. There's no way. What a stupid use of time travel.

In any case, this is Andy Daly, who we previously heard on as Dalton Wilcox earlier in our countdown. And...

This is him. He hasn't been on the show in a long time. And this is just a fun episode where it's just Jason, Andy and I having a good time. And let's hear it. This is your episode number eight. Number eight. As you know, I'm an Irish storyteller. I tell old stories for the old country. Old stories. Old stories. You don't write stories, new stories. Yes, of course. But I tell old stories and I tell new stories and I tell new stories about the old times. Classics.

Irish mythology. You ever do a previously on during one of your stories and it's just the old story? Previously on? No, I've never done a previously on Patrick McMahon's stories. And then it would be a story I had told before. Is it like you're telling the oral history of your people? Oh, sometimes it does feel like that, doesn't it? Yes. But it's really sort of the old classic Irish mythology stories of we people and creatures and whatnot.

Oh, wait, wait. Can I ask you a question about these stories? Yes, yes. But I've got a beef as well. Can I just say I've got a real beef. You want to start off with a beef? I do want to start off with a beef. Oh, yeah. Because I specifically told the booker, okay? Sure. Because I'm here, I'm promoting a show. I'm promoting a tour of my own storytelling. Oh, you're touring around? I'm touring around. Theater tour? Yes. Well, it's mostly pubs and street corners. And I specifically told the booker, I said, please don't mention my brother Seamus. It's true. It's true.

But my brother Seamus is a very famous. I cannot tell you what a fan I am of Seamus. He's great. I apologize from all the information we got with your booker. That was highlighted and circled. It was. Yes, it was. I remember my father introducing me to him when he was on PBS. He had a special on PBS. I remember that. That was a very famous. And that was back when nothing was on TV. There was nothing. And so we were just like, anything that's on TV is great to watch. And he was so funny. Well, he wasn't that funny.

though. Interesting. It's interesting you say it. It wasn't that funny. So funny and then so heartbreaking too. I don't know. No, the heart never broke. Your heart never broke listening to Seamus. A lot of punchlines, a lot of tears. No, that's not true. I don't think anyone ever cried or laughed. I don't remember crying or laughter with Seamus. I remember my mouth, the corners of it going up and then the corners going down and just fluctuating going up, down, up, down, up, down. I remember that was the first time I saw my father cry. Yeah. Was watching Seamus McMahon. It could have been allergy season and he might have had something. You know, he might have had something in his eyes. Yeah, burp.

Perhaps, I guess. Yeah. We cry for all sorts of different reasons. It might have nothing to do with Seamus' work, which is, you know, it's all right. It's all right. It's hard to account for his popularity. I remember my dad, again, it's just that my dad was such a- These are treasured memories. Such an introduction to this world for me. But your dad, you've talked about him. He's a stoic guy who doesn't crack a lot. So stoic, like Greek, you know, New England, you know, like all,

All this kind of stoicism. Greece and New England. Yeah, but these kind of things would really kind of punctuate his stoic demeanor. I remember he gave me Seamus McMahon's The Record, Stories About My Brother. Oh, that's a classic. And that was like, I remember he won a Grammy for that. Right. That was like a gold record. Such a heartbreaking life that he had to put up with all those things. Well, now that I'm thinking about it.

That must have been about... I didn't know the people in this country were familiar with the record Stories of My Brother. Stories of My Brother was like a huge... I really had no idea that people knew about it. I might not have come to America if I had known what Stories of My Brother by Seamus...

Yeah, I mean, some of those stories about the things that you were up to when you were younger. Oh, and then the live record, More Stories of My Brother. Oh, yeah, right. And then the third in the trilogy of, hey, we're not going to be live anymore, but here are some more stories about my brother. Because you wanted it, More Stories of My Brother. And that was a big argument because he felt strongly that if the previous album had been live and this one's not, you've got to say so in the title. And it was a real argument. Well, you've got to set the table. But I think he was wrong. You've got to set expectations. I think people would have just accepted it.

People would have just accepted us. Some of those stories he told about you, that's... You have to understand that Seamus is a liar and Seamus is an asshole. And he's just the sort of person who would say whatever he wants to say without even thinking of the repercussions or without even thinking that for the rest of his brother's life, people are going to be coming up to him and saying...

And did you really, did you really try to cut off your own foot? Crap like that. That's the weirdest, now that's ringing a bell. Why would you try to cut off your own foot? Because I was so inspired by the film My Left Foot. Yeah, but he,

both of his feet. He had both. It's just that he used his, oh my God. It's making me laugh so hard remembering it. Were you inspired by it in just the title? You didn't actually see it? I had not gone to see it. I'd seen the poster and I'd seen just the reviews of it and the people were excited about it. Of course, you see Daniel Day-Lewis win the Oscar for that. Well, that's the thing. When you hear a title like My Left Foot, you think, this is a guy who got his right foot cut off. That's what you assume.

All he's got is his left foot. So I, yes, of course. Well, yes. So that one is, that one happens to be true. How did you try to cut it off? Did you, I mean, I would imagine you'd have to strap your leg to it, maybe with a guillotine or something. I mean, I can't even imagine. No, no. Doesn't he get a foot guillotine? Well, I tried a lot of different ways and that was one of them. But the first one was just, you know, I did what you would do. I went down to the train. Sure. I went straight across the train track. Yeah. I just put my foot across the train track. Right. Yeah. What happened?

with that one. Well, they saw me from far enough away. Oh, they just stopped? And I had, I drank a whole lot of whiskeys because I didn't want to feel it. Oh, yeah. And the next thing I know, I've got a train conductor kicking me in the head saying, get your fucking foot off the train.

So you never cut off your foot or maybe you did. I'm not looking down there. No, because at the end of the story, you know, Seamus says he doesn't cut off the foot because when Seamus walks in and sees that he's in there, he yells at him, slaps him around. Oh, that's such a funny, but he tells it so funny. I don't think it's very funny. So many stories end with you getting slapped around and it makes me laugh so hard. A lot of them do. Your brother's like the Three Stooges. He's just funny when he's slapping you around. It made me understand what

physical comedy is. Yeah, truly. And without seeing it too because we're listening to these stories. He's just describing it. But the way he describes slapping you and just the way you're crying and you're sort of begging and you're like... Well, none of that is true. At one point you're like, hey, I'll perform oral sex on you if you stop. No, you say...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you cry so hard that you shit your pants? The funny thing is that it's actually, it all happens the other way around. It all happens the other way around. Wait, you shit your pants first? No, no, it's him that's begging me. Then backwards? He shits your pants? No, he doesn't. He's never once shit my pants. And I don't know if he claims to on any of his albums. There is that one record. I shit my brother's pants. And by the way, I've invited the audience back.

That's the name of the... The name of the record is I Shit My Brother's Pants and by the way, I've invited the audience back. I mean, that one was not very popular. I've not heard that one. Maybe that was only in the States. It's a 45. It's a short one. Well, he's never shit my pants but he shit his own pants again and again and begs me to stop slapping him around. That's what happens.

I slap him or that's right. I slap him. Why? Why would you slap your brother? Because he's an asshole and he's telling stories. Well, that's not a good story. The funny story is like, look how dumb my brother is. And then I slap him around and he shits his pants. He begs me to perform fellatio on me. And I say, it's too gross. You shit your pants. I never did that. The story where you go to the bar, you get absolutely drunk and you buy a new Vespa. But when you show it to him, it's a sheep.

You bought a sheep and are riding it around thinking it's a Vespa. And you're riding around thinking you're going as fast as a Vespa. It's so crazy. And you keep just saying all these Italian catchphrases because you think it's a Vespa. None of that happened. I bought a sheep one night at a bar. Who?

whose name was Vespa, and I did ride him home. And he made up the rest. He went wild with all the rest. That's not too much to make up, and it's a very similar story you told. And I did sell the car. The only difference is the cognizance of the sheep. I traded my car for the sheep because I thought I was going to be riding the sheep to work.

Oh, what kind of car was that? The car that I had was, it was one of them tiny little Tremonts. Oh, okay, yeah. Well, that's kind of a lateral move then. To a sheep. Well, that's amazing that you are here these 10 years later. 10 years later. Touring. Nine years since the last time we've seen you. Continuing to try and do the thing that your brother is the best

Well, but I'm better than him. Right. Let's say that. Let's just get that out. I don't remember every detail of episode 74, but I don't recall you necessarily blowing us away. Well, here's the thing. You talk about what a storyteller you are, but I seem to remember mostly just limericks.

Well, I'm from Limerick, Ireland. Oh, so you're a Limerick man. No, I'm not a Limerick fan. No, I don't do Limericks. The town is called Limerick, but I'm a storyteller. And I do remember that being a confusion last time. Because everyone books you expecting to hear wonderfully funny Limericks. A lot of the time. So when you're from Limerick, Ireland, that's your Limerick. Of course. But I recall that being a problem. I wouldn't meet someone from Limerick, Ireland and say, tell me a story. No.

I would ask that of somebody from Storyville, Ireland. You must know certain limericks. I don't know that there's a place in Ireland called Storyville. Well, where all the Irish stories come from. By that logic, you'd never get a story. You must know some limericks that you can bust out in situations like this where people have booked you assuming that you know limericks and then you want to get paid for the gig, right? Really, your pride... I haven't got any limericks. Your pride is... You have so much pride that you refuse to learn limericks even though it means you will not get paid for the gig. That's right, I refuse. Isn't that a rejection of your home place? Yeah.

Of Limerick, Ireland. To reject a Limerick is to reject your hometown. Aren't you proud of your heritage? Do you have no pride and honor? I have enormous pride in Limerick, Ireland. I love Limerick, Ireland. And it's not like people walk around telling Limericks all the time. Seamus McMahon has that three record set of Limericks. Oh, yeah. He does a lot of Limericks. Yeah, Seamus does a lot of Limericks. It's a high Limericks, smarty smart, low Limericks.

limericks which is all the dirty ones right and then that whole third record was limericks alright fuck it limericks about my brother I can do limericks I can do limericks I can do limericks what was the one limerick he said about Patrick oh the one about like oh yeah he had a limerick about me

It was a real good one? Well, he had a whole set. You remember? Yeah. Yeah. It was all about your bum. It was, oh, shit. Sun, fun, bum, I think was the rhyme. Yeah, it's an imperfect rhyme scheme, definitely. But it was funny. But it was funny, and humor trumps everything. Yeah.

Wow. So you do know limericks, you're saying? Well, sure. Sure. I can do a fucking limerick. Anybody can. Anyone can do limericks, right? You're going to be stupid to try. Anybody can do it. Sure. Sure. There once was an asshole named Seamus. And everyone loved him because he was famous. That's true.

But he was... I would say he's famous because everyone loved him. Oh. He's... You know what I mean? He's probably one of the most famous people. His work was so great that people loved him, which made him famous. But anyway, go ahead. But he was really a prick and he was really a dick.

And so thought our mother who named us. Wow. Pretty good. That's almost as good as like a Seamus one. Yeah. I mean, so it really is very convenient that prick and dick. Yes. Very similar words that mean the same thing. You know what I mean? But it happens to be both of those things. There are certain redundancies within that lyric. Well, look, a prick and a dick. Yeah.

Means the same thing in its one meaning of a penis. Well. It also means the same thing in its other meaning of, you know, a jerk. Or. Is that weird? Or to prick something as well, you know. I guess you can't dick something. You can. I dicked my finger. You can dick something. You can dick. It's not exact. So, yeah, that's where it falls apart. You can dick someone. All right, Jason. Hey-o. So, anyway. Just ladies, if you're single, reach out to me at scottockerman at twitter.com. Please do not. Please do not.

I do have these ladies and I never pass them on to you, so. Is that right? Yeah. Which starts here. Oh, really? This is the start of the tour. It starts here in Los Angeles. Well, certainly the, oh, okay, yeah, I was going to say, not this podcast. Well, this is the start of the tour. This is the podcast. Do you want, would you like to tell a story? I mean, is that? Well, I remember the last time I was here, there was a bit of a confusion, perhaps a cultural problem, that I tell stories about a character named Johnny McGorry.

And last time you guys were like, well, that sounds like it's a story about you. But these are not stories about me. These are stories about Johnny McGorry. These are a fictional character who's very popular in Ireland. Johnny McGorry. Is there somebody you know? Fictional character. No, he's just a fictional character. Got it. A fictional character named Johnny McGorry. It's a lot like Jack from fables. There's a lot of fables that have the name Jack. It's a common thing. So in Ireland...

A lot of storytellers talk about Johnny McGorry? Right, yeah, that's right. They do. It is right? You don't sound convinced. Well, it's really my thing. Oh, okay. It's my thing. So Johnny McGorry is a character that is your creation, like a Harry Potter is J.K. Rowling. I can't say I

invented him. It's quite common for an Irish story to begin to tell you a story about Johnny McGorry. It is. Okay, great. Right. But it's really my thing more than anybody else at this point. I've really taken it on. I'm only saying this. I only want clarification because I've never heard Seamus tell a Johnny McGorry story. No, he mainly talks about my dumb brother Patrick. Right.

my shit for brains brother Patrick with shit leaking out of his nose from his brain down into his mouth. Which is not true. That's a good example. I think he refers to him mostly as the weed dumb cunt. Yeah, which, you know, I think... Which is like two of those... By the way, think about that. The weed dumb cunt. Three insults in a row without redundancy. Yeah. That's impressive. You're little, you're stupid.

And frankly, you're that other thing which encompasses so much of the rest. Well, he's a prick and a dick. See, those are kind of the same. Yeah. All right. So Patrick, calm down. Sit down, please. You don't need to stand. Fine, fine. All right, just sit down. Fine. Now, Patrick, you're going to tell us a story, and this is about Johnny McGorry, the aforementioned Johnny McGorry. Johnny McGorry. Not about you. Classic story from Ireland and Irish mythology. Shall we begin it?

Is that how you start normally? Asking people if you should? Scott, he's in the middle of a story. What are you doing? Oh, sorry. This is part of it. Yeah! I'll tell you a story about Johnny McGorry. Well, once upon a time there was a fella named Johnny McGorry and he was a fabulous storyteller and everybody said so. And everyone agreed and everyone loved him. And he had a brother, Johnny McGorry did, who was a real pain in the ass. He was a real jerk. He was. He was. He was wee and a dumb and a cunt.

And nobody liked his brother. And so one day, Johnny, to do a favour for the world...

hit his brother over the head with a lamp and dragged him into the basement and tied him up and told him, from now on, you're writing stories for me to tell. And from that day forward, Johnny McGorry's brother was writing stories for Johnny to tell. And then Johnny planned a big tour of America to tell those stories and become super famous. And then he ran into a leprechaun and got his pot of gold. That's the end.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay. How do you think of that story? Classic story of Irish mythology. There's so little about it that has to do with being Irish. Yeah. It seems very specific to... So much of it is just familial anger.

What do you mean? Maybe that has something to do with being Irish? It's all about the wee leprechaun in the pot of gold. That was just the last sentence. That seemed like a ding-a-dong. Johnny Magori always wants to get his hands on a pot of gold from a leprechaun. Okay, see, that was not set up in the beginning of the story. You think you would start with that. Usually you start with what the heroes want. Yes, if it's going to be a quest for a pot of gold, we have to know that that's the quest. This was about abduction and familial jealousy. Yeah.

You know what's just occurring to me now? What's that? We haven't heard anything from Seamus McMahon since he tried to do that solo sale across the world. Oh, yeah. That was interesting. I assumed he was lost at sea. Well, I was reading his Wikipedia page earlier and...

I know there's some sort of question. There's a subheading that says, presumed dead? Yes. With a question mark and citation needed. Right, I didn't know you'd know about that. Yes, yes, he's gone missing. That's too bad. And do you remember the day that he went missing? Yeah.

A little while ago, a couple of months or something. Do you talk about that in your show? Do you tell stories about it? No, no, no. All the stories in my show, with the exception of those two that I wrote a little while ago, are brand new ones. These are brand new stories. New and exciting stories. Recently written. Do you remember what you were doing the day that he disappeared? The day that he... The news must have come to you and just hit you like a thunderbolt.

Oh, yes. It hit me like a terrible thunderbolt. What were you up to that day? I was, I was, uh, that day I was just sort of working on the basement. I was doing some work in the basement. What's going on in your basement? Oh, that's interesting because Seamus was, I mean, not Seamus, sorry, because in your story, uh, uh, uh,

Johnny McGorry's brother was locked up in a basement. Oh, that's an interesting parallel. But what's happening in your basement? I'm just saying that the day that I heard that Seamus was gone, I was just working on, cause you know, we've got a basement door and the hinges are on the inside. And so I was only just working on the door and sort of, uh, soldering the hinges closed.

Soldering them clothes. So you were in the basement trying to solder the hinges closed while you were in it? So they couldn't be opened? Well, I don't know. From within? Don't leap to any conclusions. I'm just telling you what I was doing that day. I was just working in the basement. And you just got a call? Yes, got a call that Seamus had been missing and was gone and didn't turn up when he was expected. Is he married? I don't remember. Are you kidding? Of course he was married.

I mean... His wife was in People Magazine's, like, sexiest woman of the year or something like that. Sure, and they shared the title of sexiest couple. Yeah, and she was, like... So I didn't know whether they still were married. She was, like, that huge philanthropist. She was on the verge of curing the Ebola outbreak. Oh, yeah. She got so close to that. I know. What happened? What happened?

Disappeared. Disappeared. Disappeared. So all these people are dead from Ebola because... Presumed dead. And she disappeared too. That was the other weird part. Yeah. Right, right. Well, yeah. Yeah, I mean, some people say that she went looking for him and almost found him. Yeah.

Almost found him. Wow. That's what a lot of people say. But who knows? A lot of people are saying she almost found him. She almost found him. But nobody knows for sure. Can you imagine the stories that he wrote before he disappeared? How great would those stories have been? I get what's going on. I get what's going on. Patrick. What? Do you mind if we talk for a second? The two of you are going to have a talk. We're just going to have a little chat. Well, I'll review my new stories. My brand new stories. Some of which I haven't even read. Well, of course, I read them. I wrote them. How did we not get this? This is a Gallagher 2 scenario. Who?

This is a Gallagher 2 scenario. Gallagher's brother who sometimes performs as Gallagher? Seamus doesn't want to perform anymore. He's too big. Seamus is too famous. How about Seamus too famous? So he is writing new stories. Seamus too famous? Yeah, and he's letting his brother go out and tell those stories, and that's how we're getting...

new Seamus McMaster. And he's taken himself out of the public eye. He just basically said that he asked his brother to write new stories and that's what he's doing on the road. Okay. So I think it's, I think it's, This is so nice of him. This is exciting. Wow. Okay. Patrick, we would love to hear another, Really? We would love to hear another Patrick McMahon story. But of course, I don't know, Johnny McGorry. One of the classic Johnny McGorry stories written by Patrick McMahon. Sure. And Seamus. Yeah, no, what, excuse me?

What'd you say? I'm

The stories are all by me. These are all by you. Of course they are. Written by. Written by. Written by Miss Ellen. Written by. Wonderful magazine and even wonderful to hear it here from you. Right, right. All right. You ready for a new one? We have another story, yes. This is a brand new exciting one. I've never told this one before. Great. Very exciting. I'm sure it will come out seamlessly as if it was perfectly written. You bet it will. Well, you know, these are sort of written and then memorized and then told in the traditional format. I can't wait. All right.

I'll tell you a story about Johnny McGorry, and this is how it starts. There was a fella named Johnny McGorry who was a real wee dumb cunt, always shitting in his pants and making a complete ass of himself. He was a total asshole and an embarrassment, and it was great fun to slap him around.

Anybody who could get within arm's length of him would give him a fair slap. And anyone around to see it would laugh and laugh and laugh. He's just got one of those faces that it's an absolute pleasure to punch or slap. And if you ever get him and yourself at the top of a flight of stairs, do yourself a favor and knock him down. He'll tumble ass over tea kettle and it'll be a laugh for everyone involved. And then...

he'll get down on his knees and he'll beg you to do it again because he loves loves loves the attention what a pathetic wee dumb cunt he is well anyway one day Johnny McCorry got it in his head that he was gonna lock his brother in his basement this f***ing idiot of a guy knocked

...knocked his brother over the head with a salt lamp... ...and dragged him into... ...his fucking basement... ...and tied him up... ...but his brother was a lot smarter than he was, you see... ...and so his brother managed to get... ...halfway out the basement door... ...before Johnny had to run down there and grab him... ...and solder the basement door closed... ...what a fucking idiot... ...watching him there with a soldering iron... ...with his pants full of shit... ...his pants are literally always full of shit... ...this fucking jackass...

And then something happened that was really crazy because the doorbell rang and Johnny McGorry's brother could hear his beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, brilliant wife upstairs saying, Seamus has gone missing and I know you did it, you fucking ass. And then he heard the sound of slaps and he knew it was his wonderful wife slapping the hell out of Johnny McGorry. But then there was the sound of struggle.

And sure enough, down comes the wife into the basement. Johnny McGorry tied her up too. And so now they were both down there for a while. And you might have thought they'd be sad or scared, but all they could do day and night was laugh about what a wee dumb fucking cunt Johnny McGorry was. And what a stupid fucking plan he'd made.

And then finally Seamus decided that he was going to write a story for Johnny McGorry. And so he wrote him a fucking story for him to tell in his little fucking tour of America. And then he did something very exciting. He remembered something Johnny wouldn't have known, which is down in this basement there was some explosives from the Times of the Troubles.

And so he says to Johnny, can I wear your jacket? Cause it's cold down here. And Johnny gave him his jacket and he sewed the explosives into the lining of the jacket. And he set a timer for them to explode at 1159 AM on May the 6th. Oh boy. And...

Then he bade farewell to his dear, stupid fucking Conteva brother for him to go on his wonderful tour of America. The end. Okay, okay, okay. Wait a minute, wait a minute. That story that I wrote, oh, wait a minute. Hold on. There's a little postscript here. Oh. And as these stories always seem to end for some fucking reason, he saw a Kelpie.

Number eight. No. No. Good stuff. It is good stuff, though. You know what? Here's what's funny. Yeah. Is that I think we say the phrase good stuff, and a lot of times we're not thinking, we're not saying it consciously. This was good stuff. It's very exciting, very dangerous. Danger. It's exciting. All right. Let's take a break. All right. When we come back, we're going to be hearing from number seven. Nope.

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years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy Bang Bang. Hello, Comedy Bang Bang. We're counting them down. Hi, Comedy Bang Bang. How are you? Hi, Comedy Bang Bang. I love you. I love you, Comedy Bang Bang. Welcome back. We are on the Best of 2019 Part 3 of 4, and we have cracked the top 10, and we are in the early stages of the top 10, though. Oh, boy. And this is...

You want to just get to it? I feel like we're in the early stages of the top ten. But certainly the midway of the countdown, but the early stages of the top ten. There's nothing we can do. We are definitely in the first seven tenths. Yes, I'm afraid to report we're in the early stages of the top ten.

Let's get to it. Let's get to, this is what you voted on. You, the listeners. Let's get to. You. Your number seven. Number seven. Okay. Number seven. Lucky number here in America. Certainly. People love it. I mean. Love it. If you hit it on the craps table, sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's terrible. Sometimes people are like, yay.

Sometimes people are like, boo. Yeah, yeah. Has anyone ever done that at a craps table? I have. Boo! To the dice? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or to the roller, I guess. If I see snake eyes come up. Oh, those snake eyes. I don't like snakes because they remind me of Satan. Anaconda. Dangerous sighting. But snakes, of course, represent the great deceiver. Yeah. Satan. He speaks with a serpent's tongue. He speaks with a serpent's tongue. Parcel tongue.

That's where you can speak to a snake? That's Harry Potter. Right. Where snakes speak in parcel tongue and certain wizards know how to speak it. Right, right, right. Including the boy who lived himself, Harry! Harry Potter! Harry Potter!

So he can talk to snakes. Snakes, snakes, snakes, snakes. Yes, he can talk to snakes. Snakes, snakes, snakes. What is that? I don't know. That sounded like what you were doing. No, I didn't mean to. I was having trouble talking. Talking, talking, talking, talking. No, I'm in a cave. Nitro burning funny cars. Nitro burning funny cars. They were telling us about the fuel. Who cares? Yeah. Well, I guess, well, the Fast and Furious movies do because they're always like, punch the nitrous.

But is that the same as nitro? Probably. I don't know. Nitrous oxide? Laughing gas? All right. You know who would know? Siri. Siri, is nitro the same as nitrous? Here's what I found. Siri, what do funny cars burn? What's the difference between nitrogen? Here's what I found. What's the difference between nitrogen and nitrous oxide is what Siri found. And...

They say that, oh, there's a, it doesn't like, if you're going to look up something, just put the answer right at the top. Don't write a whole article about it. Yeah. Well, some people say, yes. The anecdotal bullshit. I can't even tell you anyway. The middle ages, people have been fearful of toadstools. Get your own Siri. If you want to know the answers to this, you don't look to us for these kinds of things. Scott, get your own Siri. This is my Siri. Unlike you, my Siri. The,

Don't be using my Siri. Don't go using my Siri. Siri, I want it in my Siri. All right, this is number seven. Did we say number seven? Your number seven? Okay, great. Here we go. This is episode 584, Paul. Oh, so far away from the Curious Club. From January. Ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao. January 28th. 8th, 8th, 8th, 8th. A mere 11 months ago. Wow. Wow.

Very early on in our, not only our calendar year, but our Comedy Bang Bang eligibility year. And this is an episode called Weirdamoney Alamoney Tony. I think I know which one this is.

Yeah, I think you do. I think based on that title, it sounds, I think I've pieced it together. We, of course, heard from Alimony Tony in the Live in Chicago episode. Maybe for too long. It's a long segment with Alimony Tony on the show. Oh, we did, but in the clip. No, I know. We didn't hear that clip. I'm just remembering it in my brain.

And this was the inception of the character. And this is with John Hodgman, our good friend John Hodgman. And this is with yourself, Paul F. Tompkins, as the aforementioned Alimony Tony. Will Hines is also in this episode, but he is not introduced yet in this clip.

And do you want to take us through the process of coming up with the character Alimony Tony? Yes, Green. I think what happened was I was going to be, I think on that episode I might have been. You had planned on being someone. Maybe J.W. Stillwater? That's not ringing. For some reason it popped in my head you were Michael Jackson. That's definitely not true. It's definitely not true. But I don't remember who it was, but you came in and said, hey, I'm going to be this person. It was an established character that I've done many times. You've done many times.

And you'll hear it in the clip. This is the earliest clip, meaning this clip is the earliest in the show we are pulling a clip from. Usually we pull these clips from about the 20 minute in. We're real deep in there. This is literally the first moments of the show is where this whole saga begins. And then you were reading that week's catchphrase and the person who submitted the catchphrase listed as their name, Alimony Tony. Right. And that just tickled me. Yeah.

You love that name. It just got... We all laugh. You'll hear it in the clip, but we all laugh. That being a nickname is hilarious to me. Yes. And so you just jumped in as this guy. Yes. First, I did a voice in San Jose. It was like Cake Boss. Yes. And you'll hear it. Yeah. And then...

I was sort of saying like, okay, I know you need to go because I assumed that you wanted to segue into the character. I was going to do that. But you just decided to do Alimony Tony the entire time. I was just really enjoying it. And came up with a great backstory for him. And so we're going to hear a clip of that and hear all of that. And you'll hear all of the wheels turning and Paul's...

Brain and sky. Wheels keep on turning. And so let's hear it. This is your number seven weird-a-money alimony Tony. Number seven. Magneto only sips mojitos incognito. I think he might have a drinking problem. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to alimony Tony for that catchphrase submission. You know alimony Tony, always out there.

Paying his ex-wives what they're owed. He loves it, too. Paying and proud of it. You know what? I'm going to make this my nickname. I love doing it so much. I love doing court orders so much. My court-ordered obligations. Oh, somebody mentioned my name! It's me, Alimony!

Oh, thank you so much for the catchphrase. I love playing alimony. How many ex-wives do you have, Alimony Tony? As many as I can get. How many is that? It's seven. Seven? I got seven ex-wives. Why do you? They're all beautiful. I'm sorry it didn't work out. It's my problem. Maybe I got arrested development. I need to grow up. What I hear about people like you. I love playing alimony.

You sound a lot like my other friend, Buddy. What's his name? Velastro? How should I know? He's your friend. Are you sure I don't sound different enough to hang around? I don't sound different enough to hang around? I don't think you sound different enough to hang around. Let me clear my throat.

And that's me, Alamode Toto. Oh, hey! There you are. I love Peg Alamode. There is something going around that changes voices that way. I always wonder about someone like you who's a serial marrier. Why do you marry so many women? I mean, maybe you have issues that preclude you, you know, necessitating getting married. You know, I used to think that I got married for love because I just have so much love in my heart. But now I realize...

I love paying alimony. Sure. That's what it is. It's the best. That's why they call me Alimony Tony. How much in alimony are you paying per month now? And then per annum? Let's see. Per month, I'm going to say it's somewhere in the neighborhood of $12,000. $12,000? Split up among the seven X, Ys. No, each. Oh, my gosh. So we're talking $84,000?

I am providing alimony so they may live with the man out of which they become accustomed. Oh, my God. You're paying like almost a million dollars a year in alimony then. Oh, shit. I never did the math. How much money do you make every year? What have I done? Are you independently wealthy? I'm independently wealthy. Oh, I see. Okay. How much money do you have in the bank? My mother invented gaseous paper. Oh, I've heard of liquid paper, but gaseous paper. What's that? Okay, liquid paper is something that...

Mike Nesmith's mom invented, yeah. From the monkeys? That's right, yeah. What a fun bit of trivia. No, I invented, my mother invented gaseous paper, which NASA uses in the space program. Oh, I see. Did you also invent something akin to, did you invent VH1? Like Mike Nesmith invented MTV? I invented VH2. Oh, okay. Yes. Certainly less popular. Well, it's been very nice meeting you. Well, okay. I might be back later. Okay.

Who knows? Will you be back to pick us up later? The Simpsons. What's this? Excuse me, who...

Who are you? It's me, Alamone Tony. Okay, you were in shadow there. I was doing my warm-ups. Oh, okay. Why are you warming up? Well, because I'm going to be a guest on your show. Oh, you are? Yes. Alamone Tony? You're going to be a guest on the show? That's correct. Okay, he... Isn't there another guest schedule? I didn't see anyone out there. I didn't see anyone out there in the lobby. We have the odds and ends men coming up, but...

You know him from the catchphrase at the top of today's show. Please welcome Alimony Tony. Hello, everyone. Scott, thank you very much for using my catchphrase. It's my pleasure when it's that good. It's difficult not to use. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. What do you do? Are you, other than you're independently wealthy, you're the son of, in the gaseous paper. I'm the heir to the gaseous paper fortune. Do you do anything yourself other than write catchphrases or? I'm a bit of anything.

A weird owl. I don't know quite what that means. You write parody songs? Yes, I'd write parody songs. Okay. Are you – you're certainly not as successful. Here's one. Here's one. Because I was listening to your guest, Mr. Hodgman, talking about himself.

Uh, he's, uh, he's a liar of empire. He's an old town crier. That's from the, it's like, I'm a joker. I'm a toker. I'm a Steve Milliman song. The joker. Right. Right. Some people call him Maurice. Who? The joker. Yeah. Some people call the joker Maurice. Yeah.

Why do they do that? That is canon in the Batman universe. I love Tony. Does anyone ever call you Weird Alimony Tony? I wish they would. But no one does. I wish they would call me Weird-a-money Alimony Tony. Weird-a-money Alimony. Well, I will Weird-a-money Alimony Tony. Oh, I like the sound of that. I like to sit on a marquee. May I ask a question, Alimony Tony? Of course you may. I've been married for a certain number of years that I already forget. It's almost 20. It's been a while. It's been a while. In my secret family, I...

I am the son of the secret family. I'm not the husband in the secret family. Right. So it's been a while since I've been on the market. How does an independently wealthy novelty song writer without a particular audience find a future wife?

Well, you've got to put yourself out there. Okay. And a lot of times I find that I take the advice of a movie I once saw, and I meet women in the supermarket. Which movie was that? I believe it was Barry Levinson's Tin Man. Oh, Tin Man. And what I will do is I'll go up and down the aisles looking lonely and sad.

That's very attractive to women. Yes. Someone who's lonely and sad. Well, to a certain type of woman. That's true. A certain vulnerable type. There's someone out there for everyone, and I found seven of those. You're hoping for the full dozen. Yes, from your lips to God's ears. And then if you get five more, you'll be paying...

$60,000 more a month or so? Unless I can restructure this alimony deal. Right. Okay. Because now we're talking, this is going to cause a debt. So were you to liquidate all of your assets, how much money do you think that we're talking in cash? U.S. dollars? Probably north of a trillion dollars. A trillion dollars? So no wonder giving away a million dollars a year. Who cares? Will you marry me? Yes.

And then divorce me and give me alimony? Can I preside over the ceremony? Because I feel like you are my really good friend at this point. Scott, marriage is very serious. It's not a joke. That's right, it is. Can I interview you about your love first? You can kiss me on my forehead, but not the other place. Okay. I wish that I could, John, but I have to marry for love. I have to marry for love, even though I know I will eventually get divorced. What are you looking for in a partner? Oh, I like a lady with brown hair. Okay.

I thought you said you were marrying for love. You're just into it for the brown hair? I love brown hair. Wait a minute, Scott. That's just one criterion. Thank you. He's just beginning a list. Would you like to hear the criterion collection? Of course. Criterion? It's not all going to necessarily be superficial. Why is it the criterion collection called criterion? Criteria, exactly. Ridiculous. Anyway, brown hair number one with a bullet. I like a lady with a bullet. Been way down below. Man, a steep drop off to number two is such a humor.

When you say a sense of humor, everyone has a sense of humor, but it's their own particular sense of humor. Do you mean one like yours? Yes, exactly. Where I say things and they laugh at it, we both agree. That's funny. Someone who loves...

Popular songs reworked with new words. Okay. So far you've mentioned someone's physical attributes and two things that they like about you. What am I? I love my curvy wife guy? Come on. I just said brown hair. That's not that big a deal. What's number four? Her being curvy?

I don't mind it. I don't mind a little – a gal with a little meat on her bones. Okay. I don't mind a gal who has, you know, very thick bones. Thick bones and then not a lot of meat or – One or the other. Either very thin bones with a ton of meat or very stringy meat with super thick bones. Okay.

You just like a certain shape. However it gets there doesn't matter to you. Exactly. Well, because I buy them – I bought my wife's clothing. Okay. And – That's very nice of you. I keep a closet because there's nothing like it when you bring a lady home. Right. And you say, I've got a whole closet of clothing for you. Try it on, honey. Try it on. Well, she has to fit the clothes because when we get divorced, I keep the clothes in the house. Right.

Is that in the prenup? Do you ever sign a prenup? I always sign a prenup. Okay. Always sign a prenup. And part of this prenup is I'm going to give you- I'm definitely going to give you money. $12,000 a month? Oh, yes. The prenup is very brief. It simply states, should we get divorced, you will get $12,000 a month.

And I got to keep those clothes. I got to keep those clothes. Got to keep those clothes. Is it worded like that? I got to keep those clothes? It's an asterisk. There's a lot of legal mumbo jumbo at the bottom. I got to keep those clothes. Has the wardrobe evolved and been added to since wife one? I know. What year was the first? It's updated as the fashions change. So you throw some out.

Well, I can't bear to do that. It expands. I treat them like the American flag and I burn them once they are no longer fit for service. I have a ceremony where I burn them. I play a bugle. Yeah. And I burn them on top of the oven. So you play the bugle as well. So you are a musician. I play one song in the bugle that is taps. Oh, beautiful song. It's a beautiful song. Have you ever written funny lyrics for taps? Of course I have. Let's hear some.

Burning clothes. Burning clothes. There it goes. All the clothes. Smoke in my nose. I'm divorced.

And now I'm forced to burning clothes, burning clothes, burning clothes. So you know this song. Yes. A big fan. I didn't know where that came from. I saw it on YouTube. Well, that explains the one view.

Well, two. I watched it. Just to make sure there were no mistakes. I don't know how I came across it, what led me there. I got down into a YouTube hole. Were you searching song parodies? I may have been. You just typed the words song parodies into YouTube? And then you looked at every single listing and got down to mine. I did not look up the word weirdomony, though. So I didn't get to it there. I'd like people to look up the word weirdomony. Weirdomony alimony Tony. Weirdomony alimony Tony. That's me.

So you, when was your first wife? What year? When was your first wife? When did you get married to your first wife? You know what I mean. 1998. Whoa, so you, so it's been 20 years. We had a very brief marriage. It only lasted a year. Then I think she married someone else. She did. Who is this? What was her name? Her name was Catherine. Catherine? Wait, what? Yeah. Huh? What's that? Nothing. It's just that that happens to be my wife's name. Oh. When did you get married?

September 25th, 1999. Oh, that's very interesting. And she has brown hair. Can I ask you a question, John? Does she have big bones with a little bit of meat or does she have tiny bones with a lot of meat? This is how all women can be described, one or the other.

It's strange. I don't think about women that way. So you couldn't even hazard a guess publicly. I have not seen a cross section of her body. Okay. What was your wife's maiden name, if I may ask? And did she change it to Hodgman? No and no. Okay.

I may not ask the former. That's right. And she did not change it to Hodgman? Correct. Okay. So you could try guessing again. You're a good guesser. I've ruled out one. Hodgman. Hodgman. Okay. Is it Hodgewoman? How did you do that? Now, this is strange. Oh, my goodness. Because I was married to a woman named Catherine Hodgewoman. Catherine Hodgewoman was your previous first wife. This is too much of a coincidence.

I'm speechless. As am I, although I'm talking. All of a sudden, I realize that my wife gets $12,000 a month. Of just walking around money? I have no knowledge of. She hasn't shared it with you? Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. I'm remembering now all those checks coming back to me, unopened, returned to sender. Address unknown? She wanted nothing to do with me after we got divorced. Well, I love my wife very much, but that was dumb. Your curvy wife? I want that money.

I'm sorry, John, the die is cast. Catherine said no. She doesn't want the money. Hang on. I'm going to text her. Okay, sure. Do you mind if I send her a picture of you? I don't mind at all. I love having my picture taken. Oh, wow. You're really posing. You're hitting all those angles. Damn. That's what it's about. It's about tiny micro adjustments. That's the key to getting your picture taken and getting it over with. Dear Kath, were you married to this man by any chance?

Also, we need eggs. She probably would only know me as Tony. I didn't say your name. Wait, she wouldn't know you by picture, by sight? He sent a picture. She would only know Tony? She would only know Tony. Did you disguise your face? Yeah, we got married in the dark.

And we lived in the dark for a year. Is it one of those like dark restaurants? Yes, exactly. I thought that's the way to live. The greatest first blind date. Exactly. That was our first date. Almost literally blind. That was our first date in 1998. We went to one of those completely dark restaurants. Right. And you said, let's keep this going. We had such a wonderful time. I said, why should we tamper with this? I never want to find out if your hair is brown or not.

If this is true for all your wives, really, the color of the hair really is immaterial. No, that was just the one. I don't do the same thing. I don't live with all these women in the dark. Oh, no, of course not. You don't do the same thing among your seven wives. You just make them wear the same clothes. Each of my relationships is unique. John, have you gotten a text back?

No, because I put my phone on airplane mode because I respect the studio. Oh, okay. We're never going to get an answer. Put my phone on airplane mode. Do-da, do-da. There's another. That was your other one that I went to. Oh, you saw that one too? Oh, yeah. I'm the second view. Number seven. Ah, yes. Good shit. That voice is a voice that I love doing, and it's based on Mario Perillo. Who's that? He's this guy. I don't know if he's still with us.

But I used to see these commercials when I was a kid. Would it surprise you that I brought them here? What? There's something called Club Perillo, which were these prepackaged tours that you would take, I guess, in Italy. And the guy's name was Mario Perillo. Hi, I'm Mario Perillo for Perillo Tours. And-

And he would narrate the commercial and everything you would get. And I just loved his – I've been imitating him since I was a kid and never used it for a character before. And it just sort of happened for Alimony Tony. Wonderful. Wonderful. And that's a really funny character. And as heard before, you brought him back in Chicago. And hopefully we'll bring him back again because he has a great backstory. You haven't said that.

Haven't seen the last of Alimony Tony. Who have we seen the last of? Oh, boy. Ice-T. Ice-T? Yeah, for sure. Why do you – other than the person in real life passes away, why do you retire a character? If they are real people, it has become less interesting for me to do them just because they – because there are real people and there is some –

There's still, to me, some relation to fact. Yes. If that makes sense. You're constrained by the limits of what the public knows about them already. To a certain degree. I mean, my approach to those characters is always to, like, make up a crazy thing about them and make that the thrust of it. But also, it becomes a little boring after a while. Right. You know, it's like having to –

Come up with a new bit, a new game for this same character over and over again. Although I will say on tour you trotted out some of the old favorites of the people who are real people, Cake Boss and Werner Herzog. Yes, because I hadn't done them in quite a long time. Yeah, you hadn't done them in a long time and they were great. And you found new wrinkles and much like I do every morning looking in the mirror. Yeah.

Scott, now you look the same as you did last year. Thank you, but not the year previous. Hope you wouldn't dig too deep. Really aged. Take the compliment. 365 days. Well, anyway, a weird-a-money-al-a-money Tony, a great new character. All right, let's go to a break. GMC.

When we come back, we're going to hear number six. We're so close to the top. So close I can taste it in my mouth. All right. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. For 25 years, nothing has tasted better after a hard day's work than a Mike's Hard Lemonade. It's because since day one, Mike's has been making lemonade the hard way. We use three kinds of lemons, all handpicked from family farms.

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No, I've stayed here the whole time. You have. There was one year where you did leave. Do you remember that?

Where you said, I didn't think this was going to take so long. I got to go and just left. And so we reconvened another day. Yes. And it was like right at the break in the middle of maybe our third out of four episodes. And we talked about it on the thing, but it was just like after a break, just days elapsed and we came back. And that's when we decided to start allotting an entire day for these? Yeah.

This, by the way, this is a long day for me because I have this, which is still happening. It certainly is. Then I have an improv show tonight. Right. Something after that? And then I have a...

I have a dinner reservation at 9.45 p.m. Whoa. Where are you going to dinner? I don't want to say. By the time people hear – oh, because it's somewhere you go all the time and you don't want people to lose? No, no. We're going to the Tam O'Shanter. Oh, okay. Which there's six of us and that's a very popular restaurant at this time of year. Yes. Because they really do it up for Christmas and this was the only reservation we could get for this time frame. Interesting because I – by the time people hear it, I will have been to the Tam O'Shanter the –

following night. It's very true as well. It's also true. Oh, you are going to be there. Oh, okay. I think I'm going to be there. I hope you are. Yeah. Um, but I will, I go to this restaurant a lot during the Christmas season and this will be, tonight will be my third trip. In the Christmas season? Yes. Okay. Then tomorrow, fourth. Fourth? Then. Do you hope to go again? Oh, tonight? Yeah. Um,

I will go again. I'm going to go again when Janie's family is in town. Janie's got a family in town. Very exciting. Very dangerous. Well, that's fun. The holidays are fun and they are almost over because, I mean, today is December 30th, obviously, and tomorrow is New Year's Eve. And then by the time we reconvene for our top four, it will be the day after New Year's Day, January 2nd. What are you doing New Year's Eve?

I will be in an undisclosed location in a bunker. Oh, shit. They are squirreling me away to protect me. They're going to make you into a squirrel? They are. And you know that Kulop and I can't travel together in case something were to happen. Yeah, exactly. We need to call each other in case of emergency. Hey, can you get down here? I'm a squirrel. I got a flat in Brazil. But yeah, I'll be somewhere. Don't worry about me.

I'm not going to Tokyo this year. I'll tell you about it after the fact. Not got Tokyo. Not got to, but I will be there currently when this episode comes out, so I do not want to tell anyone. I'll be there in spirit. Yes, I hope that you will die and haunt me. Do you want me to haunt you, though? Out of anyone to haunt me? Would it be worse if it were a friend? Like, what if I... Well, I mean, I guess...

If it's a... Like, what's a friendly haunting? Where it's just like, you make weird things happen. You're not trying to scare the person. I wonder if the haunting...

would be executed differently. If it were executed exactly the same, but it were by a friend, would it be easier to take or would it be worse? You're like, Hey, you're a friend of mine. Why are you doing this? I mean, you don't know what the, what the, what it is that the, the haunt is trying to communicate. Is all haunting trying to communicate something or is it just like, look, I'm stuck around here. And if I'm stuck here, I'm going to frighten the shit out of you. I think some hauntings are like, Hey, this is my space. I'm trapped here. My house, my rules. And

And my rules are, I moosh it around. I make weird noises. I sit on the end of your bed. Ah, man. Do you hope you're a ghost or do you just want to go straight to heaven? No, I don't want to be a fucking ghost. At least you'd still be here. It sounds horrible. Scaring people? It's kind of fun when you do it like on Halloween in a haunted maze. I don't know. If I were a ghost, I'd want to be a haunting ghost. If I were a ghost. This is a parody of the Beyonce song, If I Were a Boy.

I would want to be like a hunting of Hill House ghosts, like that guy that has the big long cane and floats around looking for his hat. He looks cool. He's a cool guy. And you get to wear a hat. Yeah. That'd be fun. He was a cool guy. He was a very cool guy. I liked him. I liked him. I mean, I liked him, liked him. You had a crush on him? Scott! I can't believe

Would you tell him? Yes, of course. I'm too scared to do it myself. I don't want to say anything, but I think he has a crush on you, too. Oh, what? Yeah. Ask him if he wants to go around with me. Go around? That's what we said when I was young. Do you want to go around with me? Not go steady. It was weird. Nah, I got steady. Nah, I got steady. Nah, I got steady.

You know that New York Times article that we were looking up on tour about like the certain things? Oh, yeah. It would pinpoint where you lived by asking you 12 questions, I believe, of various regional sayings. And it was amazing. They said that I was from Santa Ana, which is the town over from where I lived. It was crazy. And every person who took it. But what if they did not include going around in there? Yeah.

And that may have been. Wait, did they? Was that in there? No, that going around was not. That may have only been specific to that particular like year at my, only my school. And maybe it could have been because someone misheard going steady or something.

Yeah. In some places I know it was like go with each other. They would just say that. But there's a word – we may have talked about this before, but the word John is a Philadelphia slang term. Yes, right. That evolved after I left there. So you never said it? No. I did not grow up with that word. What does it mean again? It means like thing. It means like a situation. Yeah, it's like an all-purpose kind of word that is used –

It's used liberally, but always specifically. There's definitely times where you would not say it. Okay. My mother uses deal. It's sort of in that way. Yeah, it's kind of like that. Yeah. So that deal. Yeah. So bring me the deal over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like that. Bring me the Juwan over there. Yeah. Was that your- Juwan? No. Juwan? No.

Hey, John. John, will you go around with me? Will you go around with me, John? I want to give you a kiss on your big smackers. I want to give you a smooch. So you never said it. So when you hear younger Philadelphians, they say it. They say it. It's written in print a lot. Really? And how's it spelled? J-A-W-N. John. People use it in advertising and stuff like that. Interesting. The first John is on us.

The first John was on us? First John is on us. Okay. Like it's a deal. The first John is on us. Interesting. Are you trying to do an accent? I don't do the Philadelphia. The first John is on us. Really? No. What is the Philadelphia accent? The first John is on us. The first John is on us. No. No. You don't have it. No.

Come down to get some chicken pizza, crab fries. I do. And if you do, the first John is on us. First John is on us. Better. Better. I do like hearing it when on like newscasters or –

When I hear it creep in to people, I always laugh and I look up where are they from. And I think Neera Tanden, she's like a commentator on. Yeah. And so I heard her say, you know, once and I was like, where's she from? And I looked it up and that was exactly where she was from. Who did you just have on the show? It was from Philly. From Ferns. Philly from Ferns.

The documentary. Oh, Rekha? Yeah, Rekha Shankar. I didn't realize she was from Philly. You know, you knew. Yeah, there's a couple of words where it creeps in with her. The you knews. Those are hard. Those are hard. Those are hard. Hard. Those are hard. I would love to have this be a Stitcher Premium show. You just teaching me how to do a Philly accent. And by the end of the 10 minute episode, I'm perfectly fluent in it. Yeah.

All right. Have we... All right. Have we... Where are we? Number six? We are.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm here too. Okay. And we've taken the break. This is the part of the episodes, by the way, where we get lost in it and don't know if we've taken a break. We're just about to do it, right? We've eaten lunch. I'm lightheaded, though, for some reason. Yeah. All right. Let's get to it. This is your number six. Number six. Okay, number six. Uh...

We're still lost in what we're doing. We're lost in the sauce and you're the boss. All right. This is another relatively recent one. This is episode 622. This is an episode and this is from October 7th. So this is just outside of the Curious Club. Yep, it certainly is. And this is an episode entitled Pillow Coffin, Rudy North Returns. Oh, dear.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Have you heard this episode? Probably. Probably not, I would say. This is with Jason Manzoukas, Sean Diston, Lily Sullivan, and Tim Baltz. Mm-hmm. Okay, so...

There's a couple of – we heard from Tim Baltz earlier in the countdown. We heard his Righteous Gemstones episode where he was playing Randy Snuts. Yes. And we're going to hear a little bit of him as well. But since we haven't talked about them yet, let's talk about Sean Diston and Lily Sullivan, shall we? Let's do. First of all, Sean Diston, really funny dude. I believe I first had him on the show. Lauren Lapkus texted me and said, hey, you got to have Sean Diston on.

He just did her show, which was with special guests. Yes. Lauren Lapkus. And I think he did a genie on that one or something like that. He did. He played Ski-Lo. He played Ski-Lo.

Oh, we played a genie on Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. Yes. The show was about wishes. Right, right, right, right. And Lauren played Frank Dorito, who had said, get us book of world records for making the most wishes. Right, right, right. So anyway, Sean came on and I thought he was really funny. But then pretty early on, he started doing this character Rudy North, Rudimentary North.

And then proclaimed himself to be a fan favorite. Yes. And kept talking about how he was a fan favorite. And it came true.

Yeah, he really made it happen. He secreted that shit. He made it happen. He did. He made it come true. He's always really funny on the show. And Rudy North, I think his first episode was on one of our previous best ofs in a previous year where he – essentially what he is is he's a dirtbag guy who – and when Sean first brought him in to do, his – the main thrust of his character was that he would –

take over people's jobs by punching them in the throat and just taking over their jobs. And that was enough. And that was enough. Twill do. Twill do. Twill serve. But then at the end of the episode, he casually threw out that he was immortal. Yeah. But didn't have time to go into it. And it was just right as we were ending the episode. Yeah. It was a boring story. And then since then, we've been unraveling his backstory. Yeah.

But he still always says he doesn't have time to go into it. So earlier on episode 600, I believe that he died and went to hell and took over Satan's job maybe. Yeah. And every time he also was on the show, he would –

do his own previously on comedy bang bang and he would then recap what what he had been up to um so this is episode 622 the first thing that we're gonna hear by the way I'm not even talking about what gave the the episode its title the pillow coffin that was an argument that Jason and I got into uh

which eventually the fans all wrote to me and said that I was right and I was correct on the right side of the argument, and I appreciate that, everyone. And Jason essentially lost the argument in the court of public opinion, and so I appreciate that. It was a strange moment.

That I was surprised went on as long as it did. I knew what you were saying. Yeah, you knew what I was saying. Yeah, absolutely. And I agree with you, by the way. Yeah, and he took weird offense at it and wouldn't let it go. And thankfully, the fans are all on my side and have castigated him. And he shall be cast out of this show and never be on again. If I offend thee, fuck you.

But in any case, I'm not even going to play any of that clip because I want to play clips from these three great performers. And then Lily Sullivan is someone we should also talk about. She started doing the show relatively recently within, I believe, the last eligibility year was her first episode.

And she is a great improviser from Chicago. Yeah. And we got to know her and she started doing the episodes. And she's another person that I really enjoy doing the show with. Lily's so funny and I was so glad to hear her on the show so much over this past year. Very solid, always is reliable, confident.

Dependable, on time. But I mean like brings it, you know what I mean? Like there's not, there aren't episodes where it's like. Message received, Scott. You're in so many of these. Yeah, but I don't always bring it and I know that that's what you mean. We went on tour together. I know. And everyone loved it. I know. You're always like, I hope he brings it. I tell you that right before every show. You better fucking bring it. You introduced me that way. And he better bring it this time. I hope he brings it.

But Lily's great, and I would like to see more of her come 2020 and more of her in next year's Best Ofs as well. So we're going to hear, first of all, Rudy North coming back from the dead, and then we're going to hear Lily Sullivan, who is playing a journalist, Virginia Patricia, and then we're also going to hear Tim Baltz, who debuted a character that he just returned to on our podcast,

two weeks ago on the holiday episode, Darren Matejczyk, who runs the National Bobblehead and Hall of Fame Museum. So three different clips, three different people. Let's hear it now. This is your number six. Number six. Our next guest takes, well, this needs to be set up a little bit. It needs a little bit of explaining, if that's possible. Previously on Comedy Bang Bang. I am a dirtbag. You're my best friend. I love you. For the last three years.

I mean, yes, I'm immortal. You were also a magical being. That's not important, Scott! I was walking down the street. Just the other day? I was walking down the street just the other day. I've got a new job. Scott, I'm the devil now. The devil himself? This is the last time I can appear on the podcast. What? No, you're one of our favorite guests.

With every second I'm outside of hell, my power grows weaker, Scott. And it was evidence of an enemy who's been hunting me down since, well, the very beginning of time. Now that I'm in hell, well, there's room for this enemy to run free, Scott. This enemy...

is my daughter. Hi. Hi, hello. My name's Judy. Oh, hello, Judy. Judy North. She may come in the form of another comedic character. You will never know, Scott. Rudy, don't go. Owner of a donut shop. I know the fans are going to be so sad. I think they will be. I mean, you're one of our favorites. Goodbye, Scott. Goodbye, Rudy. Goodbye.

It's been a long time. I should have left you. Without a dope pizza system. Of course not. The force is calling to you. There's no way that in some convoluted turn of events I might appear again in the future. I got big nuts and if you're going to criticize anything, you got to criticize my nuts. Hello, Scott.

Rudy. Rudy North. I'm returned, Scott. I'm here. I'm back. You've earned. He's back. That was dramatic. That was huge. Hello, Jason. Hello, Scott. Good to see you, Rudy. First of all, you've got to know I'm coming in, well...

Not as piping hot as usual. Usually you're fresh out of the oven. You are... I'm coming in a little less hot than usual, Scott. Yeah, you seem a little somber. I mean, that was a contemplative theme. It was contemplative for sure. I definitely am coming in hot, but just not as hot as normal. Not as hot. I mean, I would not want to touch you with a bare hand. Yeah, I'm still sweating a little bit. Right. How you doing, Scott? I'm great, Rudy. Jason, how are you? You know, Rudy, I'm terrific. I just want to say, I loved you on Legion. Thank you.

Thank you so much. I appreciate that, Rudy. It was incredible. It was great. Thank you so much. I got to catch up with that. He's like a wolf or something. Anyways, I'm glad to be back, Scott. Yeah, I mean, as everyone who'd listened to that previously on could tell. I had a quick question about the previous one. Yes. Was there an episode recently where a TIE fighter was on the show? And someone talking about the Force? Because I distinctly heard a TIE fighter pass by. Yeah. Well, of course. Yeah.

I do want to say I'm back from hell. I'm no longer the devil, Scott. You're no longer the devil. Okay. Rudy North has been on the show for a few years at this point. Yes, a few years. And of course, I quickly became a fan favorite. Self-proclaimed. Yes, of course. Self-proclaimed, but of course, self-fulfilling prophecy. Look, I just wanted to chop it up with my friends, and I don't really want to talk about the long journey it took for me to get back here. What are you chopping up? Yeah. Chopping up a salad, like a Cobb salad? You know, I'm not...

I'm not a big salad guy. Same. Now that's canon. That, of course, is canon. I'm big on the couscous and sort of ancient grains. Ooh, gotta love those quinoa. I love a quinoa. What's good for the couscous is good for the gander gander. Did Shakespeare say that? I think he might have. I think he might have. What I want to know, okay, let's not talk about your very complicated backstory. Yeah, because I think that's going to be a sticker premium show or something. Yeah, this may be a...

From what I heard. Just unpacking the rudimentary North. Yeah. From what I heard, the last six months, getting from hell to earth is a epic story that I think is about six episodes of a Stitcher preview. A Homeric odyssey. Oh, wow. They're calling it a podcast opera. So you're angling for a Stitcher preview on payday. No, I'm not angling for it.

anything. You know, this is smart though because if the fans demand it, like, Earwolf will have to give it to you. It's just on these shows, we don't have time to talk about it. We don't have time to get into these things. But if we do want to get into it, no, no, we don't want to. Let's talk about what you want to talk about. What's going on? Well, I'm looking for a new job, Scott. You're looking for a new job. Okay. And

And it's a lot harder than it used to be, Scott. Yeah, so your last job, of course, was being Satan in hell. I was being Satan, and of course. But it's not really something that translates to an application. No, because look, I have a lot of experience, but then they ask, how you got the job? And I'm like, magical powers. Is that bad?

part of the application. It is. How'd you get the job? It's like, what, job experience, date, beginning, date, ending. How'd you get it? How'd you get this job? I would also assume that looking at your resume would be like a really eclectic group of people. Oh, yeah. One of them being Santa. You worked at a donut shop. It'd be lift driver, target employee, donut shop owner. Yeah. Santa Claus, the devil.

Christmas tree salesman? They're going to ask me why I'm such a journeyman, Scott, and I don't have an answer for them. Yeah, I understand. So what field of work are you looking to get into? Well, Scott, the other day I was walking down the street, of course. It was the other day, of course. It was the other day. I was walking down the street and...

I walked past KCRW. Okay. That is a local to California, Los Angeles radio station. A public radio station. A public radio station. And because it was public, I thought, they can't stop me from coming in here. It's like a library. It's like a library.

Guess what? Your taxpayer dollars built that whole thing. Exactly. As far as I'm concerned, and this I think is the truth for anybody in the world, in this country rather, not the world, you can go into any public radio station and they have to put you on there. Yeah, they have to give you a drive time DJ. You have to be, because that's what NPR is all about, drive time DJs.

I mean, we talk about the open door policy here, but I mean, there, yeah, anyone can. So right now I'm the sidekick for a zoo crew, a morning zoo crew radio station. On KCRW. Nick Harcourt and everyone. No, they switched it up. Jason Bentley. They switched it up. Jason Bentley and Rudy North. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And then I come in, I'm like, what's up, motherfuckers? Oh, God.

How you doing, Virginia? How are you doing? How are you, Virginia? I'm so good. Thanks again. What were you saying was funny? So it's funny that you say that you guys were in town doing theater because, well, I'm retired. I've been retired for... You're a journalist.

Yes. Is that right? You're a retired journalist? I'm an informal journalist. Informal journalist. Oh, a citizen journalist, they sometimes say these days. Exactly. So I go to different theater throughout the Evanston area. Different theatrical events at various theaters? Yeah, productions. Recently I saw a fourth grade rendition of Oliver. Oliver, based upon the Dickensian Oliver Twist saga.

Can I ask, Scott, were you ever in a production of Oliver? I was not, although I've seen many a Bill Sykes tread upon the boards in my day, but I've never actually essayed any of those roles. Yeah. Yeah. I truly this this specific show that I saw, I had a lot of opinions about. So I typically write about the productions afterwards and I send them into the local newspaper. Are they published? Yes.

Sometimes they are, yeah. The Evanston Journal as an editorial. As editorial, not as reviews. So not in the arts section. No, as editorial. Are you a lot of opinions contained within your? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got a lot to say. You are on the masthead. It's not a letter to the editor.

No, it's editorial. Great. It's editorial. And so, you know, for example, in this case, I like to go to the talkback after the play. And then I take my- Which most fourth grade shows have. Yeah. So I said, this one, I said to him, I said- When I saw Angels in America, I was like, where's the talkback? Yeah. I know I've spent six hours here, but I want the talkback. I said, bring Tony Kushner out here. I got a lot to say. Yeah. Yeah.

So I said at this one, I said, I got up and I said, so you guys... Were you alone, by the way? Did you know anyone in the play? Why did you go to this? Not a soul. Not a soul. Not a soul contained therein. And I stood up. I stood up. I said, first of all, the theater's freezing. I don't understand how you expect us to watch this. I'm frozen to the bone. Mm-hmm.

And secondly, I think- What was the temperature? Could you get a good- 69. I mean, that's pretty good for a theater. That's a hilarious temperature. It's the funniest shit I ever heard. I mean, that's like- That sounds like some free- Guys, I know you want a high five right now, but it's not that kind of show. I'm going to reach over. All right, here we go. All right, let's just get out of that. Yeah.

All right, all right. Okay, we got it. All right, good. My lips were blue. My lips were frozen. You blew with your lips in the 69. Okay, I don't know what you're trying to get at here. Let me ask, this was the first thing you said? This was the first thing I said. Was it the first thing anyone said? Were you the first to rise to your feet? Absolutely. Can I ask a question? Were you the only person at the talk bank?

There were some people cleaning up. Okay. Oh. Were they talking back? Was this a formal talkback? Or were you just talking back to the people who were cleaning up and kind of breaking the stage down? Some of the actors came out to meet their family afterwards. You know, some people, exactly. They were around, and everyone's talking about the show, giving each other compliments. I said, hold on a second, because I got a couple other things to say. I said, first of all, real basic approach to doing Oliver.

We could have done something fun, set it in the 70s. Now you said we could have. We could have done something fun. But you have no involvement in this production. No, no. My son went to the rival school when he was coming up. Oh, okay. Coming up where? Do you mean when he was growing up? When he was coming up. And so I said,

This has nothing to do with that, but this is absolutely, you know, you guys could have had something fun here. What would a 70s production of Oliver be like? Everyone with like afros and wearing platform. So I'm thinking exactly. The orphans, let's put that in the 70s, right? Let's do disco with that. Just the orphans. Platform shoes, tiny little boys in bell-bottom pants. Sure. That's not a stretch. That's...

the audience would be on board for that. Sure. So your review is a full suggestion on what genre to change the play to. Your review, forgive me, sounds a lot more like notes. Yeah, it's kind of like you want to be the director. Well, they published it, and guess what? Everyone was up in arms with me. That's irresponsible of the newspapers. There were lots of letters responding to mine. You got to talk to some of the people down at the newspaper, because.

Well, she wants them to be. She's not going to talk to them. She wants them to be published. I know, but if you're getting in trouble, man, that just, wow, man. Yeah, I don't know. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Have you ever thought about coming out of retirement to maybe direct some of these plays?

Oh, God. Well, I'm a very busy woman at home. What did you retire as? Was that your job directing plays? What was your career? I was the CEO of one of those companies that makes the pillows that has sayings on them. Sayings on them? One of those pillows that has sayings. One of the companies. One of those companies that has pillows. You were the CEO of a company. You'd rather not mention. You'd just say it's one of those.

And so, you know, pillows like live, love, die. Live, love, die. Are those three different pillows? That's a grim message. Those inspirational pillows that you put on. Is that one pillow or three different pillows? Live, love on the front, die on the back. So if you die in your sleep, they just turn the pillow around. That's fucked up. Smaller feet keep you closer to the stove. Things like that. Oh, I don't know that. How does that work? Are you right?

Were you writing these when you were working there? Were you writing these? Okay. And I was hiring the people who wrote them, mostly family members. Was this your company? Were you the CEO of your own company? Yes. Well, it started as my father's company, but I'm a self-made woman and I inherited it.

Oh. Oh, well, those two things. Was it a pillow company when your father had it? It was. It was. But it was more like the pillows that you guys were talking about, long pillows. Oh, so you shortened the pillows and added sayings to them? Exactly. So you went from a sleep pillow to a decorative pillow company. That was your innovation for your family's business. Exactly. And how is the business now? When you say you're retired. Is it thriving?

Well, we're good online. You are. You're good online. So it still exists online. But brick and mortar no longer. Yes. Did you have brick and mortar pillow stores? Is that a thing? We did. Oh, that seems like ill-advised. What was it called? Pillows and More or something like that? It was called Don't Forget That Pillow. Don't Forget That Pillow. Well, that's good advice. Because most people forget the pillow. Yeah, when you're shopping for something.

It can be easy to forget the pillow. When it has a saying. Right. Yes. You never forget the saying on a pillow like that. Right. Did any say never forget and have like a picture of the Twin Towers? Sure. Falling. We did have one with the Twin Towers, but it didn't say anything. Oh. Okay. Cool. Smart.

I like that. Was it one of those pillows that you could run your hand up and down? It would change the image. And so in one image, the towers are standing. And in the other, they have crumbled to the ground. You know, they didn't make that technology until recently. But I would hire you. Anything about controlled demolitions? Oh, what about Building 7? Do you have any Building 7 pillows? Oh, God, I wish. Can Jet Fuel melt steel beams? I wish. These are all fantastic ideas. Little feet keep you closer to the stove. 9-11 was an inside job.

No, nothing. Nothing like that. Nothing like that. So Darren, it's so nice to meet you. You're an historian. An historian and an entrepreneur. Oh, wow. Oh, great. Okay. We have a lot of entrepreneurs on the show, not as many historians. And are the two related? Did your entrepreneurial spirit come out of your historian kind of background?

It did. It did. The passion that I wanted to pursue and my hobby grew into my entrepreneurship. I am the silent co-founder of the National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Oh, wow. The National Bobblehead.

Bobblehead Museum, is that what you said? And Hall of Fame, yeah. And Hall of Fame. Hall of Fame for bobbleheads? Yeah, Hall of Fame. Well, that's fun because it gets sports people in it. And you know what? Oh, so the inductees into the Hall of Fame are the Hall of Famers of the sports themselves. It's not like...

Are you inducting bobbleheads? We're inducting bobbleheads, not people. Okay, this is why we ask. But funny thing, funny you should mention, bobbleheads are usually of people. Sure. And sometimes animals. But are you, is the Hall of Fame, I'm so sorry to clarify this. That's all right. Is the bobblehead the Hall of Fame? Did you say a fox? A fox? Okay, I just wanted to make sure. Fox and a bear. Is the bobblehead Hall of Fame...

the Hall of Famer sports figures that have bobbleheads. So like, for example, Pete Rose... Or are they just good bobbleheads? Pete Rose is ineligible to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame because of gambling. But he could be such a good bobblehead that he goes... Yeah, that's what I'm asking. Could his bobblehead be in the Bobblehead Hall of Fame? Yeah, not to further confuse things, but it can. Ha ha ha!

Great. What about that fox? Did he get into the Hall of Fame? Yeah, the really good fox did. The good one did. How many foxes are in there? Two. Two. Okay, but the really good one was... Yeah, there are two really good ones that are in there. Also, Pete Rose bobblehead is in there. Hank Aaron bobblehead is in there. Ted Cruz bobblehead is in there. Ted Cruz bobblehead.

What makes that bobblehead so Hall of Fame worthy? What makes a Hall of Fame bobblehead? Pretty much someone saying, hey, I'm mailing you my bobblehead. Will you put it in your Hall of Fame? But then let me ask you this, because you also run the bobblehead museum. Yeah. So...

Are those ones you pick up yourself? I don't want to further confuse things, but the Bobblehead Museum and Hall of Fame are one and the same. Oh, okay. Every Bobblehead that resides within. The same collection in the museum is, in fact, in the Hall of Fame. Is there a Venn diagram where there are parts that are in the museum and Hall of Fame, but not...

Do you know what I mean? That's a great point. They are almost a concentric circle. Oh, geez. So now you mentioned three co-founders and you said you're a silent co-founder. Describe the corporate structure. Because you're talking so much about it right now. Right, yeah. Well, because I love it. It's my passion. It's my hobby. It's my job. But you're not being silent about it. When does the silent part start? Meaning when you started the business, you were a mysterious figure who... I was the money man. Got it.

Got it. So somebody else was the idea person. Yes. Okay, so this was not your idea. You just provided the capital. That's right. So you saw the opportunity, but you didn't necessarily have the passion. No, I had the passion. Oh, great. I had the money, and I had two friends that had a bigger bobblehead collection than I had. Oh, how big was yours when you started? Mine was about...

1,000 bobbleheads. 1,000. That's pretty great. They had 1,200 bobbleheads and 1,500 bobbleheads respectively. Oh, wow. I see 2,700 bobbleheads. And then it's grown. We opened our museum and Hall of Fame earlier this year in February. Oh, you did? And we have almost 7,000 bobbleheads. Wow. I can give you a specific figure. You can't. No, I can. You can. It's almost 7,000, but specifically it's 6,969. Whoa. Whoa.

I love it. 69, 69. I love that. High fives all around. So, uh, uh, where did you get all these? Do people send them, you said, or you're buying them or? Well, I usually would get three weeks of vacation per year and I would just drive around the country buying up bobbleheads with my disposable income. And what did you do for a year? Uh,

Well, because of this, I'm a historian, but I was an actuary in real life. Oh, I see. An actuary. You were in the insurance game and you have a lot of disposable income from that. Were you on a bonus structure where the more policies you signed, you got more money? Or I'm trying to see, like, were you purely on salary?

Can you break down? How do you have so much money? I can answer that. Do you have any tax forms? Any liens on any of your properties? Anything like that? Nope, nothing like that. How is your finances structured? Was it a bonus at the end of the year? Are you salaried? Is it an hourly or weekly wage? Was it an expected bonus?

bonus where everyone was like, oh no, we didn't get our bonuses. I don't know how I'm going to. Not to further confuse things, but everything you guys mentioned. Oh, okay, great. That's what it was. And an actuary, like in being an actuary, are you like in the business of. Risk assessment. Risk assessment for, you know, people's mortality or for, was it specific to industry? Or for museums that, you know, might be set on fire or.

bobbleheads that break? Anything that has any risk associated and money associated with, an actuary comes in, crunches the numbers, and then it's party time. Can I ask you about the numbers? And then after the numbers are crunched, then it's party. And then you party. Can I ask you, what's the most expensive bobblehead? Uh,

Are there any rare valuable ones here? Uh, yeah. In our museum. Yes. There are some, there are extremely. Or any museum. I'll take any museum. Most museums have expensive stuff in them, Scott. Sure. Uh, but I guess bobblehead museums. Let's limit it to those. Well, uh, you know, really technically there's only one, which is the museum and hall of fame. And yeah, we have some very expensive bobbleheads. What's your favorite bobblehead? My favorite bobblehead? Yeah. Uh,

probably Rabin Yount of the Milwaukee Brewers. Oh, okay. Born and raised in Milwaukee. Harvey's Wildbangers, Brew Crew for life. Wow. Okay, so you were born and raised in Milwaukee. Yep. And that's wonderful.

Was this given out at one of the games? Where do they give this out? That was unfortunate. I tried to pick up the slack. Scott had a meltdown. Rudy jumped in there, but Scott like froze. I got stage fright all of a sudden. It's like I've been gone for six months and I don't even know who Scott is anymore. Scott, you look like, where am I? You just like woke up. Aware of my surroundings and what was happening. Where am I? How long has this been going on?

All right, let me count. I'm guessing that's rudimentary. 11 years of this?

But that is wonderful. It is wonderful. Thanks, yeah. How much is admission to the bobblehead? Right now it's $6 for admission. But you're planning to change or you have changed recently? Yeah, we have changed recently. It used to be $4. Now it's up to $6. But we've added a lot of things. Like you can drink. There's a full bar inside the- Oh, neat. Open bar or do you charge per cocktail? Yeah.

That's a great question. Is that a good one? Now, I know I'm wearing a shirt that says, ask me anything. I'm a dumbass. But it's not an open bar, Scott. I'm just saying. That's unfortunate. That'd be a great deal. Six dollars to get in and three drinks. More businesses should do that.

Number six. And there we have it. Three different clips. Three different people. You can't say that that's not what happened. Truth in advertising, although I will say there were five people in those clips. But there are three different people. True, but that means three. If there's five people, there's definitely three people. Yeah, definitely. Five people is equal to three people. Yeah. You just plus two it.

Look, it's simple to get from three to five. You start with three, then you plus two it. Now you got five. We should do Schoolhouse Rock.

No songs. Just condescension. It's easy. It's easy, dummy. You have three. Then you plus two it. There's five. Three's a magic number. Get it now. Do you remember I wanted to sing that song for Threedom? Oh, yeah. Why? I don't remember. I don't remember any episode of Threedom. I said if we ever do a live show, we should sing this song at the end. And then, yeah, we all forgot about it. Yeah, I don't even remember it now, and you just told me. The response I got back was...

Yeah, okay. So I felt like maybe I should forget this idea. And we did. Although it still would be fun. And what would we do? We would just sing it? No. We'd also make homemade ice cream on the stage. Oh, that sounds great. Yeah. For the audience or just for us? Just for us. And we eat in front of them. How dickish would that be? They watch the whole process and then they watch us eat it.

This is good. And there's enough for everyone. We make a ton of it. We make a ton of it. We just do not let them have any. And we throw it out into a garbage can right in front of them. Right into a garbage can. Right into a garbage can. I'd like to throw this ice cream right into a garbage can in front of you. That's how mad you make me. Is this from a marriage story? Yeah, I think it is. Like, I'd throw this good ice cream into a garbage can right in front of you.

All right, let's go to a break. When we come back, we will have, oh my gosh, we're cracking the top five, as Chris Rock said. Did he say that? He says it in the movie. We're cracking the top five. I want to get drunk so bad I'm ready to crack the top five. All right, we'll be right back after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back with Paul F. Tompkins, who is currently on his phone. I am on my phone, but I am always listening. What are you checking on your phone?

My glucose levels. How are they? They're off the charts. In a good way? Yeah. They're amazing levels. People are talking about my glucose levels. Did you say you followed up with glucose levels? No, my lovely wife texted me. What would she text to a man like you? She was checking in with me to see how my day was going. That's very nice. She's very nice. I don't like to do stuff like that. When I leave the house, radio silence. And do you expect that to cool up as well? Oh, of course. Like, don't contact me. Forget you know me.

Forget it. You can wait for eight hours. No, I – earlier in my youth in relationships, I think when you're feeling insecure in a relationship – and I'm not saying that's what you are doing right now with your texts. I'm just saying that earlier what I was doing was the constant need to –

check in and assess how your relationship is going. I think when you're unsteady in a relationship, it's like, hey, how are you doing? But you're really saying. This is the province of the young, of course. Yes, of course. But nowadays, it's like, look, we got our own thing going on. Yeah, man. You know? Well, my women are still very much like young lovers. Ah, that's so cute. We're adorable. I would love to see you make love. Ah! Sex. Sex. I have tapes. You do? Yeah. Yeah.

Tapes. Multiple tapes of us having sex. Really? Every single time you've done it? Every single time. Wow. And we watch the previous sex before the next sex. Wow. Previously on sex. Yeah. We watch it. We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good. This is good. Okay. And then we try different things. We add, subtract, whatever. Yeah.

And they're like displayed in our living room. I'm surprised no one ever remarks on them. I've never taken them down. Why? You should. I should. I should have a gander. We'll lend them out to you. I mean, it's good enough for the goose. Yeah, absolutely. Do you have a VCR? Oh, no. It's only a VCR? Gotta get one. Gotta get them. Gotta get one VCR. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's how I laugh.

That's your laugh. Yeah. That's how you laugh all the time. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. All right. Do you know how I laugh? I'd love to hear it. Like say a funny thing. Oh, shit. That's pretty funny, but funnier than that. Oh, shit balls? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like a receipt came out of your mouth. Yeah. And it just says ha ha ha. And then it showed to you, you read it, and you realize I laughed. Wow. Ha ha ha.

Well, speaking of receipts, I got the receipt, meaning the poll results. Oh, shit. And we have to get to it. Let's get to what you voted on for your episode number five. Number five. All right. Number five is alive.

Johnny Five. Johnny Five. The robot who fell in love. Speaking of robots and receipts coming out of the mouth, did he ever have a receipt coming out of his mouth? Probably. I've never seen that movie. Neither have I. They made a couple, right? Short circuit movies? One and two. Short circuit two. Short circuit? Circuited.

Circuited. Circuit. Short circuited. I'd like to see those movies. Oh, I'd like to see those movies. I wouldn't kick those movies out of bed for being a lawyer. It's a callback to eight hours ago when we first started this. I know, I know.

All right. This is number five. This is episode 583 from January 21st. So far away from the Curious Club. Another January, but a week earlier than Weird-a-Money-Ala-Money Tony. Hmm. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. And this is an episode entitled Batman 9-9. Batman 9-9. Batman 9-9.

Do you remember this episode? No. You maybe would have listened to it. This is an episode with our good friend Chelsea Peretti. Sure. Who people know from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which is, I believe, why it was titled Batman Nine-Nine, because I think she and I were talking about her disinterest in the topic of Batman, a topic which has come up quite frequently on these Best Ofs.

But probably the title should have been more specific than that, but it didn't hurt its ranking because it is at number five. Certainly not. We also have John Gemberling, who comes up a little later in the episode, but will not be represented in this clip. But John is a very funny guy. And primarily, I believe, this was voted into. Whoa. Jesus H. Christ. You are, Scott? Yeah.

That's rude behavior from a rude boy. I'm sorry, but that was a water burp. Okay, it was not based on anything else other than I just had a sip of water. He has a water burp. He has a vodka burp. He has a whiskey burp. He has a lager burp. So primarily, I think this episode was voted into the top five due to the performance of a man named Drew Tarver. Mm-hmm.

That's, normally when I pause, you jump in and say, oh yeah, he's good or something. You have no opinion on Drew? I love Drew, you know that. I do know that. It's just, we're not speaking right now. I know, you and I are speaking, we're doing these best ofs. I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at someone you can't see. And I'm telling this person, we cannot speak right now. What? What are we doing here?

What are we doing? Wait, what are we doing? What are we doing? I'm not looped in on this bit. No, Drew Dolce, he's the best. He's the best, of course. He came back and returned to the show with a character that had been on, I believe, last year's Best Ofs, the 80s new wave singer Martin Sheffield Lickley. That's right. And he is a new wave singer, sort of a...

contemporary of Martin Frye of ABC, certainly uses ABC's backing tracks. It certainly does. Or perhaps the Human League, Phil Oakley, who did the title song of Electric Dreams, another movie about a robot. Title song of Electric Dreams. Song of Electric Dreams. Title song of Electric Dreams. That's Dreams. So, yeah.

Drew is really funny, and he sings these great songs written by a couple of guys. We'll talk about that in a second. But why don't we just hear the actual clip, and let's get to it. This is your number five. Number five. All right, we need to get to our next guest. He is a singer, and he's been on the show before. He was on the show last year, and we learned a lot about him. He primarily works within the –

80s new wave genre. He was very popular back then. Please welcome to the show, back to the show, Martin Sheffield-Lickley. Hello. Hello, my darling lovelies. Hello. How are we doing? I'm good. It's very nice to see you. This is Chelsea Peretti. Hello, Chelsea. Oh, hi. How are you? I'm good, thank you. I'm cool. That's great.

That's good. My homage. Martin, let me remind our listeners and Chelsea here, who was not here when we recorded last and probably has not listened to the episode, although I listen every weekday. You do. I know you're a big fan. Every weekday.

You are a singer. That's correct. You had a band? Yes, 2 plus 2 equals love. 2 plus 2 equals love. Is the name of my band, but you'll have to forgive me. I'm a bit of a sourpuss today. Me too. A long story. Yeah, right.

You were... But I've had creative differences with my band. Oh, I see. Two plus two equals love. All right, well, the last time that we heard from you, you were still in the band Two Plus Two Equals Love. That's right. And we caught up with you because you had had several singles where you talked about various tragedies. Yes.

Yes, I lost my wife. I lost my son. I lost my postman. I lost, I knew, I know one person in every cemetery in the world. Well, no, in America and the UK. Oh, okay. Were you close with your postman? Oh my God, yes. I mean, I see him all the time. Martin would forge just these white hot relationships. Yes, we were very will they, won't they? And he would deliver my mail. Hmm.

There was a question whether he would deliver your mail or not? Well, we were where they won't be. I mean, it's right there in the whole rhyme. He always would. Neither hail, nor rain, nor sleep, nor snow. He always would. But not since the shutdown. Oh, that's true. That's true. That's true. But yes, I have split with them, and I am a solo artist now. You're a solo artist? What?

artist. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, I taught myself how to use a drum machine and a synthesizer, and now I am making the music that I really want to make. So your band members were primarily in charge of the drum machine and the synthesizer? Yes.

And you were in charge of vocals? Yes, absolutely, yes. That's how you split up the jobs. Yeah, me, drumming machine, and synthesizer. So now you're doing all of them. Now I'm doing all of them. I'm done with that Top 40 horse shit. Oh, okay. That I'm known for. I had never heard any of your songs before you did the last episode. So I don't know that they were in the Top 40, but they were aspiring to be in the Top 40. They were. They were Top 40-esque songs.

That's interesting. But they, you know, my new music is music that I've always wanted to write. So there's a change of pace. Exactly, yes. Now, I remember Garth Brooks, Chelsea, I don't know if you're a Brooks head. Oh, major. Remember when he...

got that alter ego, Chris, what was his name? Chris Gaines, remember? And he just, he wanted to do more like personal music, not in the country genre. I would imagine that. Very, very similar what I'm doing. I mean, I haven't changed up my look much, but my songs are, now they're raw. How would you describe your look? I mean, I. I look like a cold tan bird. Right. With no feathers. Right. Yeah.

So something very cold, but has just gone on a trip. Yes, just because you know I just went on a trip because I'm tan. That's our one piece of evidence. Exactly. But I took a trip away from my bandmates, but my new music is Roar.

And it's me burying my soul. You mean roar like you're saying raw? I think it's his English. Yeah, it's his song. Not roar because Katy Perry did that. No, no, no, no. It's raw. It's his English accent. He's from the southern part of English. Yes. Oh, Brighamton? Well, I'm actually from Wilkinshire, Dirtshire, Flatgroundshire. Oh.

I ran through that field. Yeah, it's crazy, right? I wouldn't say beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's urban. It's a field, yet somehow urban. There's a lot of trash in it. Yeah, but it is rural. But it feels urban, yes. But I wrote...

My new song, this is me bearing my... And this is more personal music for you, even though your previous songs seemed very personal about your son being dead. Yes, no, this is very personal. This is more personal than those. Way more personal. How old was your son when he died?

He was eight years old. Oh, my God. It was a big tragedy. He wanted to write a Tears in Heaven type song. Right, I was going to say. But his son didn't fall out the window. Big shoes to fill. No, my son died of emphysema, so it was a different song than Tears in Heaven. Are you a smoker? I'm not. No, you've never seen that video. There's that little video, that little kid smoking ciggies. Yeah. The little YouTube video. My son watched that and started smoking cigs. Oh, God. And you've never seen that video, so you're... I won't watch it.

Well, how could you now? Yeah, no, it's killed so many people. But this new song is me baring my soul. You've said that several times and I'm excited to hear it. Can I ask you one question? Yes. Did you bring some of these songs? I did. I have them here. Okay, well, why don't we hear some of them? This is Martin Shuffles Lickley. This is me baring my soul. Here we go. Hit it.

working out at the love gym where the muscle you train is your heart. Instead of punching bags, they have kissing bags and the personal trainer is your wife.

The Love Gym charges a membership, but instead of cash, you pay with a hug. Love Gym don't got a swimming pool. Instead, they got a kissing room. A kissing room is a room where you kiss. Don't understand? I explained it clearly. The Love Gym don't have any towels. You wipe your sweat with little chocolates. There are no tremors and there are no weights. All it has is a kissing room. The Love Gym is not a very good gym. If you want to work out, go to a normal gym. Normal gym. The Love Gym.

A belly total fitness, but for love instead. Thank you. Oh, I'm like crying. Thank you. So personal. Thank you. Remember, you can't trust anyone.

That's the message of that song. That was the theme of that? Maybe I didn't get it from that. Yeah, I have to read. Can you sing again? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, of course. Wow, amazing. Yes. And also, it reminded me of some of Beyonce's music where you're really tripping over the words so quickly and there's no way I could karaoke that because it's no clear rhythm. Yeah, and also the words would turn pink so quickly. I wouldn't know exactly. Yeah, you'd be racing and rushing. Well, the key to good music is to sing.

music is to take the biggest inhale of your life and then speed through it. So what was that song based on? You mentioned it was personal, but it seemed to be about some sort of a Bally's gym. A gym with chocolates. Okay. And no television room. Well, it was obvious that was me. I've been dealing with tragedy. You're dealing with stuff. It was a metaphor. You mentioned the trainer is your wife, but wasn't your wife dead? Well, she was, but it's a metaphor. Oh, okay. Got it. That's actually...

The wife is a metaphor. The gym is real? Yeah, it's all a metaphor. Everything is a metaphor. Everything is a metaphor. The gym, the wife, yeah, all the fixings. But it was devastating. You know, my former bandmates, they continue to tour as two plus two equals love. That doesn't seem right. I mean, it seems like, you know. I know, it's awful.

and they have a new lead singer. Who's this? Farthington Cheshire Davies. Oh, no. I know. We got to get him on the show. That daft boozer. But he's so hot and his Instagram is amazing. Chelsea. What? No. He has an Instagram?

Yeah. What's on it? Um, lots of like shirtless selfies. What's on it? What's on it, Chelsea? Lots of like shirtless selfies and he does peace signs. Oh my gosh. Well, I've already written a song about him. I'll have to add that into it. You've written a song about, what's his name again? Farthington Cheshire Davies. You've written a song about him. Yes. This next song about it is about what it's like to get stabbed in the back. Hit it.

By the bug of love, it laid an egg inside my heart. I went to the doctor to see him. He said my stomach was full of love eggs. The doctor prescribed me 100 kisses. After that, he said the eggs would hatch. So he kissed my stomach 200 times, and then the eggs did their hatching dance. Now my stomach is full of bugs, and my heart is full of love.

This is an accurate metaphor for how all people fall in love. Love eggs, love eggs coursing through my veins. Love eggs, love eggs, they're eating up my brain. Love eggs, love eggs, they're hatching in my gut. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, this doctor needs to be...

It needs to be looked at, definitely. Well, the love eggs represent Farthington Cheshire Davies. Got it. And the love bugs represent when those eggs hatch. And what does the doctor represent?

He stumped him. You got a look of terror on your face. You know, I hadn't really thought of that. The lyric just kind of came out. I'm trying to figure out where you would put in the Instagram stories lyrics. Yeah, well, we'll have to do some type of... Yeah, maybe you could edit a little bit. Update on his shirtless selfie, Farthington. He's a pretty good looking guy. Charismatic, too. All his Insta stories are so funny. Yeah.

God damn it. He's funny. Yeah, man. What does he do? His Insta stories are so fucking funny, dude. Is it just like him going around his day or do they feel like he's thought about them? No, he's just going around his day.

I don't know what would be worse for you. That seemed to crush you. So they're just off the cuff hilarious. Totally improv, just playing around in his house. Hey, he'll sit on his bed and tell a story. Then it'll be like outside and it's just very light, easy. That daft boozer. What does that mean? You've repeated that.

You know? Daft, I know, is crazy or stupid, and Boozer is someone who drinks a lot? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

You sound like you're trying to convince yourself. I'm trying to think of something else that sounds kind of like that. You know he got an endorsement, like an alcohol sponsorship. Whoa, that daft loser. Not Parrot Bay. Yeah, it is Parrot Bay. Shit, Farthington. Were you up for that? I've been going after Parrot Bay for years. I love Parrot Bay. What is Parrot Bay? Is that a rum? Yeah, it tastes like sun lotion.

Ew. How do you know? I love it. But he's not even the worst member of my band. Oh, the person who took your place is not the worst member of your band. No, the snake Sebastian Darlington Winterton. Oh, no. What did he play? The drum machine or the synthesizer? Synthesizer. Yeah, I recently walked in on him having intercourse with my new wife Francesca in our marital bed. Oh, no. Is this why the band broke up?

Yes. Oh my gosh, your wife. Yes. Your wife in your marital bed. Marital bed. Is that a separate bed you have? Yes, from when we got married. And then you switched beds day two of the marriage? Yes. Yeah, and it was the honeymoon bed. It was a honeymoon bed for about six months. Yeah.

That's cool. A lot of beds in your house. A lot of ritual. Yeah. Well, this sounds like a terrible guy. Surely you haven't written a song about him, have you? I have. What? This next song is about what it's like to be betrayed by the same... The same what? Ha ha ha!

It's about being betrayed at the same time by the best man at your wedding and the woman who told you, I do. I made a reservation at the restaurant of love where they only have tables for two. Instead of taking my order, the waiter gave me a kiss. Instead of food, I ate pervert.

perfume. The Love Restaurant failed its recent health inspection because the kitchen is infested with rats. I'm not talking love rats. These are regular rats and they're biting all the customers and staff. They got food poisoning at the Love Restaurant. Pretty sure it was caused by the rats.

I posted a one-heart review on yelp.com slash love. Then the business owner contacted me privately. He said, why'd you give my restaurant a one-heart review? I said, because it was full of rats. He said, this is a small business and this review could ruin me. He cried over the phone and said he was trying his best. Thank you.

It never gets to a chorus, does it? Oh, man. You get a lot of story in there. That one is all new words. What? It's all new the whole way through. New words? Yeah, that was my inspiration. New words the whole way through. Don't repeat a thing. Oh, I see. So words we've heard of, but just... Yes, not new words to the language. So if you ever said the in that, you never said it again. Let me look.

No. Okay. Wow. You can go back and check it off. They're all new. So most of that was a metaphor, but you say the rats are real? Yes. The restaurant represents my failed marriage and the rats, like I said, those are just regular rats. Those are regular rats. Yes. So there were rats in your failed marriage? Yes.

Yes. What percent of what you do is a problem? Is that what led to you breaking up? Well, yeah, you take inspiration from everywhere. You know, you pull from all over. Chelsea, what percent of what you sing about is a metaphor versus concrete and real? Well, it comes and goes. That song there was One Afternoon.

Oh, okay. So that was all real. Yes. And the owner of the restaurant was your wife contacting you saying that she's a small business? I was writing a song and I was doing some Yelp reviewing. Okay. And it kind of bled into each other. Well, that's cool. That's cool. Because that's like making real life. Yeah. Yeah. But that song is about my best friend having sex with my wife. That's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's been awful, you know? My mind has been going to some really morbid places. I can tell, yeah. Yeah, and last night I actually had some thoughts of suicide. No, not suicide. Oh my God, do you need to call some emergency? You say it so cute, I can't tell whether this is a serious... Well, I was about to commit suicide by taking a bubble bath with my synthesizer.

Oh, that's a terrible... I mean, if it were plugged in, yeah. Is it battery operated? It is. Big batteries, though. Car batteries. A couple of car batteries. Car batteries, which would electrocute you? They would have done me in for sure. Okay, yeah. But at the last second, I decided, no, no. Instead, I need to channel my depression into a song. Into your art. That's great. Yes. So this last song is called Existence is Emptiness. Depression. Depression.

Sadness. Madness. Aboard the train of love, we're going full steam ahead. Choo-choo! The caboose is full of broken hearts and the conductor is a kiss.

Train of love, full of broken hearts. I must steer us straight to the train station of love. There are train tickets and newspapers there, but I'm always to hold them. It's the train. It's the train. The train of love. I pull the levers, so many levers. The train of love. I'm shoveling coal. It's shaped like hearts on the train of love.

Choo, choo, choo. Thank you. Wow. That one, I actually, that was the best one. And I'd love to hear it sung by a different singer just to see like. Someone like the new singer in your band. What they could do with some of those notes. No, no, no. It also, if I might say, is the most reminiscent of your previous work. No, that's a brand new song that I wrote on the way here. And it's completely original. It seemed like you used the same ABC sample that you did in your previous appearances. Well, I don't know.

No, I don't know. I don't know. I think we were all pulling from each other. We'll never know. We'll never know. Number five. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, baby. Now that's what I call comedy volume two. Volume two. Oh, wait, we've already gotten into volume two. Incredible.

So funny. So good. And one thing about those songs and... Being funny. Being funny. Is that they are. Is that they are, but they don't just will themselves into existence. They actually are... Those songs, the lyrics are written by a couple of comedy writers. Two guys...

Hiding behind the scenes. Hiding. Not wanting any kind of a spotlight. Cowards. And I am going to have to drag them into the spotlight because I wanted to talk to these guys because, you know, because we don't break the reality of

characters' existences a lot. You can't be the R. You know, they deserve a little more credit than sometimes during, in the middle of an episode we are allowed to give them, but that's what we do on The Best Of, so we wanted to have the guys who have written these songs as well as some of your other favorites.

on the show. So let's talk to them now. Let's welcome Brad Evans and Nick Ciarelli. Hi, guys. Hey, what's happening? Hi, guys. Hi. I also welcome you. Thanks for having us. You guys talk simultaneously, and that's your whole shtick. Is that right? Yeah, that's our duo. We're a comedy duo, and we have to talk at the same time. Same time.

You saw the Sklar brothers and you're like, what if we just sped up the whole process? Thanks for being on the show, guys. I wanted to talk to you. Like I said, you know, I believe last year –

These songs, the Martin Sheffield Lickley songs were voted on to be in the best ofs. I can't remember where they placed. But... And also the McDonald's Cups guy, the Donny Gary. Donny Gary, yeah. Donny Gary, you also do, which were a previous... In a previous best of, and also were on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show, Drew appeared as Donny Gary and did the McDonald's Cups guy. And...

He's mentioned it on the show, but I wanted to really just talk to you guys about it and said that you guys have written it. And you also are the writers of some other songs who may or may not be in the countdown. We don't know. The Memphis Kansas Breed. I mean, they haven't been so far, so they're probably not in there. Yeah. They didn't make the cut. Surprising, but... It's competitive. So how...

Describe how you wrote these songs, how you got to know Drew, how you came to write these things. How did this come about? Yeah, we've been on a sketch team with Drew. We've been doing sketch shows together at UCB and around LA for like five or six years. Where are you from? I'm from Orange County. Where? I grew up in Aliso Viejo. Oh.

Oh, if you took a New York Times 12-question survey, would I be able to ascertain where you're from? Do you know which one I'm talking about? No, no, no. We talked about it mere moments ago. Well, also he just told you where he's from. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, it would probably come up Santa Ana.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, probably. And where are you from? Pennsylvania and Connecticut. Really? And how did you get to know each other? Through UCB. Through the comedy scene. Yeah, we just submitted to write on a sketch team and they threw us together. Okay. Was that Nephew? Yeah, it was a team called Nephew.

And so you were on this team with Drew and you were writing stuff for him or? Yeah, yeah. He was an actor and we wrote stuff for him. And then we all have a show together called Atlantic City where we write stuff for him and mostly for ourselves these days. But yeah, Carl Tartt does the show. It's a bunch of us.

Mm hmm. We're all friends. All friends. Yeah. What a gripping tale. Yeah. We became friends and we glad to have you guys on the show. Yeah. Yeah. Martin Sheffield. Luckily, we were just watching a video of this guy, Martin Frye. Martin Frye from ABC. Yeah. It was a real loose performance of the look of love. And I saw him once at I believe the club is no longer there, but it's on sunset. It was Billboard maybe or something.

And I saw ABC and he was wearing a tuxedo jacket. And then for the encore, he sang The Look of Love. He went off stage while the band still played, came back out wearing a gold lame tuxedo jacket. Oh, my God. Wow. Did a costume change. It was wonderful. That's great. I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, we were just watching him and making fun of him. Me and Nick were around our apartment. Yeah, we were tearing him apart. Yeah, absolutely. Savagely cutting into this musician who was popular before we were born. And so, you know, a lot of times, you know, and this happened to me certainly during my career, you know, when you're a writer for stuff, you –

You know, you're the person who came up with the idea, but the performer gets a lot of the credit. You know, so I just really wanted to highlight the hard work that you guys have put in doing. Anytime I would talk to Drew, I would be like, hey, can you bring some new songs in? And he'd go, yep. Limitronic.

those guys on the phone and you guys mouthful of chewing tobacco spittoon at the ready yeah but you guys were very nice to oblige and write new songs for them and you know I mean obviously these songs sort of you know

are popularized on this show, but I wanted to, to, to let everyone know that you're the guys who do it. And, uh, and thank you in person for, for doing this. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah. Thanks so much. Thanks for having Drew and folks get to do the songs on here. Yeah. And you guys, um, recently you were in, is it, is it safe to say that you were in the news? Yeah. Is that,

It's very dangerous to say. The real news, and I'm not talking like entertainment news. You guys were in the news news. Yeah, we accidentally wound up in national news a couple days ago. And this was because of it. Why don't you just tell everyone? Yeah, we host this show, Atlantic City in L.A. I heard about that. Yeah, we just mentioned it. From earlier in the show. You can listen back.

I referenced it again in case someone has like one of those things where they forget stuff. Well, you need to hear something three times in advertising before it's solidified in someone's brain. So tell everyone about the show that you guys do. Yeah, there's one more plug on the way. Link to the East Comedy Show, me and Nick, Drew, Carl, a bunch of people. But yeah, at the show, we wanted to make fun of the Mayor Pete dance. We thought the Mayor Pete dance was bad. Pete Buttigieg. Pete Buttigieg. Had a...

His campaign workers tried to put out a real dance or something? Yeah, to the song. Oh, they did. They did. They put it out. They put it out in a big way. It's the song High Hopes by Panic! at the Disco. But we were just like, oh, it would be fun if we just...

said like mayor Michael Bloomberg had his own dance so we made our own dance so you filmed a dance at the UCB theater is that right yeah the UCB theater we just came out of our show we don't usually like film our audience we were just like guys bad news we have to film you guys you all have to learn a dance we're gonna teach you and some of them were excited some of them were sad and sad yeah

They weren't thrilled. Yeah, and then we taught them this dumb dance to the song Moves Like Jagger from several years ago. Who did the choreography for this dance? Me and Nick did. You came up with all the moves? Yeah, we've never choreographied anything before, but we gave it a shot. You don't even know what to call it. Your use of that word bolsters your case. Incredibly new to the scene. Yeah.

So you did this moves like Bloomberg dance and then put it out as if the campaign was putting it out. And this became shared around the internet. People thought it was serious and people thought that the Bloomberg campaign had put it out.

Yeah, a bunch of people thought it was real. We weren't trying to trade people that much. We didn't make fake Twitter accounts. Yeah, you just put it out as a funny thing that you thought people would find funny, and instead people took it seriously. People took it seriously. To be fair, we did edit our Twitter bios to be like, we're campaign interns for Bloomberg, and we put these pictures of us as like...

teens in like suits. But if you were to scroll through your feed, you would see. Yeah, you scroll two inches down. It's like, come to my comedy show tonight. It's at the venue that the video was posted at the same time as. But normally people just see a video and they just share the video and that's it and go, look at this stupid video. And so people, it got shared so much and derided so much that the Bloomberg campaign had to put out a statement saying that you did not work there.

Yeah, the next morning, yeah, a bunch of people shared it. Sebastian Gorka shared it and a bunch of – But he was also just like, this is not a parody. Yeah, he shared it saying it was real, which was cool. Yeah, he stood behind it and was saying like, this is real, not a parody. This is real. Everyone should look at this. All these Nazis were looking at it. So then the Bloomberg campaign said, these guys don't work there, to which you responded –

is this how you tell me I'm getting fired? And then kept it going for a little while longer. Yeah, we kept it going for a few days longer, just like they had fired Nick over Twitter. And then I quit my job. Nick was an unpaid intern. I worked for them for minimum wage and I quit my job in solidarity with him. And then just, I mean, as of press time, as we're recording it, was it today or was it the day before? Like they finally came out and said, comedians did this.

Yeah, we finally admitted it. Admitted it, yeah. You admitted it and that became... I think the news broke it pretty quick. One of the other acts on our show confirmed to BuzzFeed that it was filmed at our show and that comedians did it. What act was this? It was Ziwe Fumuda. I don't know. Yeah, she's here from New York. Yeah.

She cracked under the pressure. I know. Everyone's hounding the acts at our show to tell us. Was this a comedy show? Yeah. So you guys put out videos and stuff. I've seen the restaurant review video. And where can you guys be found on Twitter?

I'm at Bradford Evans. I'm at Nick Cirelli. And really funny guys. And, you know, make sure to follow them. And what are you guys up to? Anything you want to plug? I know, from what I understand, you have a show.

It's called Atlantic City. It's usually interesting. I mentioned it before. It's called Atlantic City. Yeah, we show Atlantic City. We do it in L.A. at the UCB Theater on the second Thursday of every month. We're doing it at San Francisco Sketch Fest on January 23rd. Great. And you also, they're on your Twitters. I know there is a compilation of all your videos as well that people can look at. Yeah, yeah. If you go to our Twitters, there's a thread of all our videos. It's our pinned tweets. All right.

Well, guys, I really want to thank you for coming on. And again, if you like the Martin Sheffield Lickley or the Donny Gary or the Memphis Kansas Breeze, you guys are a big part of that. So thanks so much for being a big part of the show this year. Yeah, we appreciate it. Thank you. All right. And now you must go. Bye. Get the fuck out. Your time is done. Retreat into the shadows. Back, back.

Well, speaking of the shadows and time being done, our time is done. To be Shadow Stevens. To be Shadow Stevens. Father of, by the way, an actress in 21 Jump Street.

Amber Stevens. I don't know if you know that. I can't. I've seen that movie and I can't picture her. She also was in a Gerard Carmichael show. She played his wife or girlfriend. I can't remember. I never saw that show. Okay. I've run out of credits for her. Well, but. Does she have to be in one of your movies for you to see her in something? She wasn't in Jack Frost. What if she was in Jack Frost? She would have been a child, right? She would have been like four years old. Probably. Or Jack Frost. Was she also in? Oh, okay.

Who's in, it makes me realize that I only, oh yeah, Amber Stephenson. I met her. You've met her? I met her. We played, we did a charity event together. Oh, which charity? Satan? It was for the Church of Satan. No, all kidding aside, it was for the Westboro Baptist Church. Okay, all right. I know you're kidding about that, but what was it actually? We like to have fun, but it was for the Westboro. Okay.

I can't remember what the organization was, but Josh Molina organized it. I hosted a night of celebrities playing the game Celebrity. And she was one of the celebrities. And I messed up her name when I introduced her. What did you call it? And she never said anything about it. Oh, how nice. I don't remember, but I think I called her Amber West some other last name. Okay. Amber West, North by Northwest. Okay.

Yeah, I think I called her Amber West, the Wild West, like when Deadwood was set. The Magnificent Eight. And then I realized like, oh no, that's not her last name. Well, she was Amber Stevens West and now is Amber Dawn West. Is that right? Yeah.

No, no, no. Her stage name is Amber Stevens West. Okay. Because she got married to a guy named Stevens or something. Or maybe a guy named... Or no, no, no. Shadow Stevens is his father. I was going to say. Who's this West? That's the guy. She married... Adam West? She married Adam West. Right before he died. Right before he died. And then he died and then she married a cowboy from the Old West. Anyway, you met her. I've referenced her. Let's call the whole thing off. This is good podcasting.

All right. We have to get out of here, but we're going to be back on Thursday. And look, I know that every time we do these best ofs, part one is the most listened to. For some reason, you would think part four would be because those are the best episodes. Maybe part one represents the least listened to episodes. So people are catching up. Maybe, but I feel like they're just exhausted by the end of part one. Or it's a lot of first timers who were like, uh-uh. Not going to do it.

But coming up on Thursday, we have the top four episodes of Comedy Bang Bang for 2019. And that is, I mean, that's incredible. It's very exciting. These are voted on by you. So, and look, maybe some of you have some idea of what they are, but you will never guess what order they're in unless you do. That's right. So you better tune in. And you better guess. And if you do, you better be right. Scott, I have a question for you.

I can't tell you. I'll tell you off, Mike.

But that's happening tomorrow. Have a happy new year, everyone. Be safe. Have a happy new year. I want everyone to hear these top four. I want everyone to hear these top four. Episodes. Episodes. How terrible would it be if you weren't safe? If you weren't safe. And you never got to hear. And you never got to hear. Hopefully you've seen Star Wars. Hopefully you've seen Star Wars. And you saw Avengers Endgame. And you saw Avengers Endgame. The conclusions of both of those sagas. The conclusions of both of those sagas. But you gotta hear the top four episodes. But you gotta hear the top four episodes.

All right, we'll see you on Thursday. Thanks. Bye. Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy. Live and uncensored, catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues, and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen. You can listen to Jeff Lewis live at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of ad-free music, sports,

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