Best of 2024 Part 2
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Oh yeah!

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She looked good. She looked fine. Boy, she really blew my mind. Boy, you really blew my mind. There she was just a- Walking down the street singing do-a-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Stripes. Remember Stripes? I do, man. When I was a kid-

You know, children in the schoolyard would see these movies because they had, I guess, very permissive parents. And you would just hear everything about Stripes. Stripes.

That's the fact, Jack. Every single thing about stripes. So when you finally got to see stripes, it was an event. You know, I would sneak over to a friend's... I wouldn't have to sneak over to the friend's house. But while at the friend's house, we would do something illicit, putting on stripes on videocassette and...

Boy, it was just such an event to see all these things that were so awfully described by children. Done pretty well. I remember a kid when I was in eighth grade talking us through Friday the 13th. Okay, so there's Friday the 12th, right? Yeah, just the day, not the movie. Okay.

By the way, Friday the 12th, not Thursday the 12th. So you've heard of Friday the 12th. Can you imagine? Hey, let's make every day of the week Friday. We won't have this problem. What problem? I don't know. That's a great way to start something off and make people feel like you're in control. Say, let's do this. We won't have this problem.

You've introduced the idea of a problem. Everyone's too scared. They're too intimidated to say what is the problem in the first place. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, best of 2024, part two. Part two. I'm going to take you to part two. And my name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And this is the part two. Excuse me. Yeah.

I was about to get to you after I tell people what the fuck they're even listening to. Now, why can't you do that first? Why can't you say who I am first? I've already been talking. And this asshole next to me. I accept it. You know him from BoJack Horseman. You know him from

Criminal Minds. That's right. Criminal Minds. Criminal Minds. Criminal Minds. What if every episode started with every character singing that? I would love that. Patrick comes out and goes, Criminal Minds. You see them individually, and at the end, they're all together. And then Mandy Patinkin comes back just for this, because it's singing. I mean, he's got the best voice. Criminal Minds. Criminal Minds. Criminal Minds.

And there are gray skies. Please welcome my co-host for these very special Best Of episodes, Paul F. Tompkins. Hello, everyone. It's great to be here. Scott, tell them why we're here. We are here counting down the top episodes of Comedy Bang Bang of 2024. Now, yes, that includes a little bit of 2023. Yeah, what is the voting period? What does this period cover?

The episode after Thanksgiving is when voting starts. Now, the reasons for this are because we tape these in advance of the best ofs coming out. And so we don't know how you felt about the last couple of weeks. Who knows? Who knows? There isn't time for us to put together clips and stuff. So the voting period is the...

that comes out after Thanksgiving of the previous year to the episode that comes out before Thanksgiving of the next year. That is very simple, and thank you. It couldn't be easier for you morons to understand. And yet...

Again, coming up with a problem that no one seems to have a problem. I have people stopping me in the supermarket saying, what's the voting period again? I have people pulling up next to me in their cars, opening my car door and dragging me out of my car. Yeah. And haranguing me. Yeah. And throwing me off the sides of buildings. Yeah. It's this easy. I have people putting dead bodies inside of snowmen.

Was that the snowman? I think so. Killer or was it, what was it called? The snowman or Mr. Snowman? I think it was called the snowman. Just the snowman. Yeah. Mr. Police, I gave you all the clues. Do you think there were any kids who went to that thing? He was like a frozen kind of thing. Like it was Olaf. What if they had made the snowman that contained the corpse look like Olaf? I do want to say that this morning I was singing Frosty the Snowman. I know it's the day after Christmas.

It's a great song. But I couldn't help it. I started singing Frosty the Snowman and our daughter, Emmy, said, no, Olaf. Oh, shit. Wow. She will accept no other snowmen. Do you think Frosty is fucking cooked? Frosty is done for. Although I do have to say Hot Frosty has kind of made him have a comeback. With older people. You know what I mean? But I'm talking about the generations below us.

Hot Frosty is, I don't know, older people who watch it. Isn't it a young person's thing? Hot Frosty? Yeah. You know it's about a lady who fucks a snowman. Yeah. So how young are we talking? Oh, no. When you say young people, okay. When you say older people, you mean above the age of 18. Yeah. I thought you meant our age. Well, and that as well. And to you as well. And to you as well. Hot Frosty to you. Hot Frosty to you and to us all. And many hamburgers to you, of course. Many Urkels.

To people of all stars and stripes. To all Urkels out there. Is anyone named Urkel out there? If you're an Urkel, we want to hear from you. But I believe that as these younger generations get older... This generation rules the nation.

I think that Frosty is going to be fucking pushed out by Olaf. He's done for. He's done so. If you're watching Frozen a billion times and Frozen 2 a trillion times. In what universe do you find any charm at all in the Frostyverse? Here's what I love. Frosty the snowman. There must have been some magic in that hat. Yeah.

That's your explanation? A hat? You're saying, well, we did put the hat on. That's the last thing that happened before he came to life. So there must have been some magic in there. You sound ridiculous. What the fuck? It's try and ask questions. Maybe ask Frosty. Yeah. Hey, how did this happen? They never do. No. They're uninteresting. No. No, because they're like, we're humans. We have human theories. Yeah. And you don't think...

I hate to say it because it's unpopular these days. You don't think God had a hand in this? Who can bestow life? God. That's true. And Elsa. Is that how Olaf came? I almost said Olga. And I'm the person who brought him up.

Is that how Olaf came to life? I think so. I do know this for sure, that Elsa did create two snow giants who appear to be sentient creatures. I was watching part of Frozen yesterday because I guess we just watch that all the time now. I guess we do.

And I love how... By the way, I watch it every time Scott watches it. Yes. He texts me and says, we're doing it again. I sext you, to be fair. Yeah, he puts the eggplant emoji. And he says, we're watching it again. I say, all right. And whenever we're watching at home, I say, Janie, I'm so sorry. She is ruining our marriage. That's fine by me. She's furious. But I love when Elsa's out there and she's like blasting people with her hands. She's doing the Marvel movie thing. Blasting people with her hands. She's finger blasting people.

Olaf. Jesus Christ. No, she's, I'm miming this. For the listener, I'm putting my hands out, like spreading my fingers. Yes, to give powers. Like I have powers. That's all Marvel movies now is like, that was the Eternals. It's just people like going like, and like shoving their hands towards someone. And then in post, they put in these like big, you know, lasers or sound waves or whatever. Do you know who did it really well? Who?

Don Cheadle? Sir Ian... Well, we'll get to Don Cheadle in just a moment. Sir Ian McKellen, when he was Magneto, and he would do the thing, but he would also manipulate his hands as if he was manipulating the thing. And it looked... He made it look...

Cool and realistic. Yeah. But now everyone just kind of like spreads their arms. Yeah. And goes, hey! Do you think they're told, and don't move your arms. Just hold them there because we got to put the thing in. I think it would be hard not to also make a noise with your mouth while you do it. Like, and they have to come over to you and go like, it's just not cool. Yeah.

Can you maybe not make that noise? The best is when somebody has mind powers and they have to put their fingers to their temple. Yeah, so their temple goes. Like, I'm doing it. Mind, mind, mind, mind, mind, mind, mind. But then when people don't do it in movies and they just kind of like casually give something a look and shit, you know, knives are flying all over the room. Yeah. That rules. Who do we have to thank for the hand thing? Is it the Force? Is it Darth Vader? The Emperor.

What? The Emperor. But we saw Darth Vader do it first. Yeah, but he was kind of casually doing it. You know what I mean? When he was choking people? Come on. The choking, but I'm talking about the full spread fingers like... Oh, the full spread fingers is the Emperor. That's the Emperor of Palpatine, of course. But I'm saying doing anything with your hands to signify I'm making this happen to you. I wonder if like David Prowse is on set and he's not planning on doing anything because he's like, no, I have telekinesis. Why would I need to move my hands?

These are mind powers. How come I can't be the voice of Darth Vader? If I'm in a suit, make me be the voice, too. I'd like to be the voice of Darth Vader. I'm Darth Vader. Hello. I'm Darth Vader. Is that how he talked? Hello. Who, David Prowse? Yeah. Probably not. Probably not. It's fun to imagine, though. Yeah. Because he was upset that he didn't get to do the voice. Yeah. But then you hear... I heard bad things about him.

About David Prowse? Yes. I was going to say, then you hear James Earl Jones's voice. But you've heard bad things about David Prowse? I already was, yeah. Okay, we'll say that. Just about some of his beliefs. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll leave that for another time.

But we love, of course, everyone involved in Star Wars. Of course we do. Yes. Everyone. Everyone who's ever been in a war in the stars, we support you. Yeah. That includes the cosmonauts. Sorry. Are you watching Skeleton Crew? Too scary. It is. What a frightening concept. What is that again? It's the new Star Wars. Oh, yeah. About teens? Yes. It's very good. Star Wars teens? I have not seen it yet. I enjoy it. But... In any case...

What the fuck were we talking about? Well, we're talking about Don Cheadle, of course. Yes. And we have to play a little... We're coming up a little later on the show. We're going to be hearing, of course, another clip from Don Cheadle in Ocean's Eleven. We listened to clips from the best episodes of Comedy Bang Bang of the year that you voted on, as well as one bonus clip of Don Cheadle in Ocean's Eleven. That's right. And of course...

Behind the scenes trivia from the film Regarding Henry. That's right. So we'll be counting all of this down. I believe we're going to crack the top 10 in comedy bang bang clips. I think we're at number three for Don Cheadle clips. We're at number three? Did we hear two in the first episode? No, meaning we were counting them down. Thank you. Four to one. Yes. Number three of Regarding Henry behind the scenes tidbits. Yep.

Now, just so people are clear, when we see the top 10, what we're talking about is the audience, the listeners voted on what they thought were the best episodes of the year, 14 in total. This is going to be... We put up just a giant... It was the biggest website I'd ever seen. I've never seen a website that big. It was giant. We had to project it onto the sides of buildings. Yeah.

It was crazy, but it was just, it included every single episode we put out within the voting period. Yeah. We're talking probably 52 or 53 episodes, I think. Something like that. Is that right? Somewhere in there, because we did bonus episodes. So somewhere around, probably somewhere around 52. And the bonus episodes, they're also eligible for consideration. Of course they are. Ellable. Hey, ellable, get over here.

Popular. Popular. But we put them all up and everyone got to vote for their 10 favorites. And so then we are playing the top vote getters, the top 14 vote getters out of all of those. Yeah. Incredible. This is what people demanded we do. If we ever didn't do it and we said, hey, we want to take a year off, you just imagine what the best episodes were this year.

But thankfully, you don't have to do that because we are the resolute stewards of this sacred task. I think if we didn't do it, something terrible, anarchy would break out. It would be the purge. No, not anarchy. You know what I'm thinking? Yeah. There should be the purge, but for sex.

Okay. Where you can do whatever you want. With consent, I mean. Then it's not the purge, baby. Oh, no. I'm talking the purge like in marital. How is it the purge if it's with consent? In marital, meaning like, hey, this one day a year. You're talking like a free day. Yes. Where it's like, yeah, I get to do whatever I want. Free day is probably, let's call it the purge. Colon. Sex. I feel like that has...

Unfortunately, a negative connotation. Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. All right. We have to... Yes. Paul? No. Are you going to say something? I took a breath. God damn it. Can I breathe?

We have to get to it. We got some great clips this episode. We have great stars who are on these episodes, and we have wonderful comedians playing characters. And we're going to hear... What more could you ask for? We're going to count down from 10 to 7 on this episode. So we're cracking the top 10. Let's just get to it. This is what you've chosen as your number 10. Number 10.

All right, number 10, Paul. Number 10. Did you call me a tentpole? I view you as the kind of movie that other lower budget movies can be made because of these huge movies. I accept. Thank you. Number 10.

Why do we use it? Why do we have a number 10? Aren't one through nine good enough? You know what's funny is that you could skip some numbers. Yeah. We don't use like... You can do increments of five. You can go one, five, 10, 15. You know what I mean? Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60. Stop it. Isn't that from Schoolhouse Rock? Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60. Stop.

There it is, or something like that. That sounds familiar. Yeah, what are the least used numbers? 73. I bet four. Yeah. When's the last time you ever said four? Yeah. If you weren't on a golf course. Yeah. I would say, rather than four, I'd say three to five days from now. It's confusing to be on a golf course and you're like, okay, so every hole has a par, and they're usually like par three to five. And who decides this?

You should be able to get this in three. Yeah. Oh, guess what? I can get it in 12. Yeah. You don't know me. Yeah. But it's confusing because everyone, the minute you complete a hole, everyone very loudly starts saying like, what did you get? Well, I got three. I got five. Yeah.

And then what you're supposed to say when a ball's coming right at people is you're supposed to say four. I wouldn't even look up because I assume that it's someone telling me their golf score. It should just be for golf. Yes. Four should just be for golf. What's wrong with look out? You know what I mean? Hey, I know straws cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm, you get all three. Here's what else is very discombobulating about golf.

They invented their own cars. No other sport has done this. No other sport. Hey, let's invent basketball cars. There's no basketball cars. There's no hockey cars. I would love to be watching a basketball game and everyone just pulls up and goes screech. And I know somebody singing Zamboni is a hockey car. No, it's not. No. It's a hockey steamroller. Come on. Steamroller's not a car.

Oh, oh, wait. So I'm going to drive my steamroller to work. Honestly, if they added if they invented cars for track and field, it would revolutionize the story. You can go so much faster. We're having fun. Well, you know what else was fun?

Was doing this episode, number 10. This was episode number 879. Dang. We're back high up in the 800s. Pretty high up. Now, this was, it was released on August 26th. Summertime. Of this year. And this is an episode called Side Duck. Side Duck. I've heard of Front Duck. Sure. Back Duck, of course. Sure, of course.

and under duck. Side duck. Side duck. Well, we'll, I believe we talk about, you'll find out why it's called side duck in these clips. Let me describe who is on this episode. Now we have our good friend, Haley Joel Osment. Hojo, you may know him as H.J., a.k.a. The Handjob Man. You may know him as that. Haley Joel Osment was...

You would know him from movies like The Sixth Sense, where he played a curious little boy who had mental problems, I think. Like twice? He does movies with numbers a lot. Yeah, Sixth Sense, blink twice. A1. Yeah, steak sauce.

But he's our old friend. He is a listener as well as a client. Shout out. Shout out. He's probably listening right now and thrilled to find out he's cracking the top 10. He will often text me.

me to talk about an episode of Comedy Bang Bang or Threedom or other show and talk about how much he's enjoying them. Yes. Which he sometimes does that with me too and it's very sweet and very much appreciated. It's very nice. So he's a regular. He was also on the Comedy Bang Bang television show playing Slow Joey. Correct. Which is where I got to know him. He was also in a production of American Buffalo on Broadway with Cedric the Entertainer and John Leguizamo. Huh.

Interesting bit of trivia. I bet I know who he played the dim-witted kid character, right? Yes. Yeah. Who's in the one with Bob coming up? You have Kieran Culkin. Bill Burr. Oh, no, that's Glenn Gary. Glenn Ross. Yes, yes, yes. You have Kieran Culkin. He plays Glenn. Odenkirk. He plays Gary. Right. And who plays Bob Ross?

It is Bob Ross. It's a hologram. I love it. Yeah. They finally got the Bob Ross hologram going. Bob Ross hologram. But they can only use stuff that he said in real life. We saw those ABBA holograms, by the way, in England when we were on tour this year. And very impressive. Very impressive. It was a fun show. That was a fun show. So we have Haley Joel Osment.

Um, we'll hear a little bit of him and then you have John Gabrus. Let me surprise you by letting you know who he's playing. He's playing intern Gino. Oh, yeah. Um, now John Gabrus is a very funny comedian from long Island who has been playing intern Gino for at least a decade now. Wow. And, uh, uh, this, uh,

It's basically just him. So, yes, Gino is back on the show. And then we have, this is our first appearance of Vic Michaelis. On the countdown. On the countdown, yes. No, we've seen Vic in real life. Oh, we've, yeah. Yeah. Vic exists and we've seen Vic. Vic is corporeal, I believe. Okay, to all these people saying that Vic doesn't exist.

You are the ones who sound crazy. Yes, not us. Because we've always said Vic exists. Yes. And we've seen Vic. Yes. So this is Vic's first appearance on The Countdown in episode 10. Yes.

And so we'll hear a little bit of Haley Joel. Then John Gabrus comes in as intern Gino. And then I'm not going to tell you exactly what you're going to hear, but Vic comes in and we'll hear it and we'll discuss it afterwards. That's fair. Is that fair? Yeah. All right, let's hear it. This is your episode number 10. Number 10. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Haley Joel Osment is here, of course. The 25th anniversary of The Sixth Sense. I know that's a lot of math.

uh some would say hey why not uh you know do the 24th anniversary because that's four times six cents but oh but everyone's celebrating uh the uh the six cents of course uh this famously within my lore is the first movie date that my wife and i went on that warms my heart scott and she was the levels sound great so whenever you're ready just uh hit the record button let's go i are

Wait, the record button wasn't... Well, did you want me to hit it? Yeah. Sorry, I'm sorry I'm late. I missed the whole first act. We're going to have to use the backup recording for the... Yeah, use the backup recording for what you did with Hajo before I got here. Yeah, we've all been wearing wires because we're involved in various FBI stings. Yeah, I'll talk to the assorted government agencies, the assorted three-letter agencies, and get all your audio. Look, I'm so sorry. I've just been caught up with some law enforcement back on Long Island. Wait, Gino, you...

I'm sorry, everyone. Gino, my intern. Have you ever met Gino before? I think we might have crossed over at some point. Yeah, I'm a big fan of yours. Oh, thank you. I'm a fan of yours, too. I love your levels. Yeah, he's my intern on the show occasionally, very occasionally.

Yeah, well, I've been trying to really wrap up this degree. If I want to get this associates and audio recording. Then maybe I can hire you for real and actually pay you. Yeah, right. Yeah, I don't know about you. Who are you fucking kidding? Brett Morris fucking sabotaged my resume last time I tried to apply for a job. Yeah. That little fucking freak. He wants it all for himself. Yeah, he wants all the Boku CBB world bucks, he says. He loves putting on those headphones just slaps.

He keeps saying Boku bucks and then you're like, yeah, I'm going to have Boku partners shipped in from Vietnam. And I'm like, dude, this is fucking weird, man. I don't know what you're talking about. What were you saying about the law you've been trying to- I got in some hot water with the law enforcement in Nassau County. Nassau County PD is on my fucking case. Why? What?

I don't know if you saw this recently, but they banned masks in Nassau County. Yeah, I saw it. And ninety five masks during a postman. I mean, it's a lot like the plot to that Watchmen HBO show where they were like, masks are illegal. And I was like, what? Yeah. OK.

It's a big buy, but suddenly it started happening. It's like... And this fucked me because I have one of the largest collections of the movie about Rocky Dennis. Yeah. Mask. Of course. The Eric Stoltz star. Yes. The Cher star. Sorry. That's right. Did she get an Oscar nom for that? I don't know.

I'm talking to a fellow Oscar. You know I'm a texter right now. Okay, good. I think Michael Caine beat her out for Cider House Rules. Oh, right. Good night, my princes of industry, you fucking weirdos. Yeah. How's that make you feel to hear those lines again? I just was transported back. Okay.

because I'm sure that's the clip they played when you went there as a little boy. Every single time. Which clip did they play of yours? Let me guess. I see dead people. Probably. But what I remember is all the being John Malkovich nominations, they just played her going, I was John Malkovich. You're like, there's a better clip from that movie than the title of the movie. Cameron Diaz. Did you get

to say the title the sixth sense in the movie like well I guess this is more like a sixth sense no no one says those words but yeah it really does you forget what movie you're watching yeah I like to be constantly reminded yeah yeah well M. Night changed that and there's he gets a titular someone gets a titular line in every episode does someone say holy shit I'm trapped this seems like a trap

Lady Raven. My next song is called Trap with Josh Hartnett. So tell me about what happened with the mask. I got arrested trying to leave. I was getting on the Long Island Railroad. I was getting on in Babylon, so I was going to go backwards through Lindenhurst, Amityville, Copaig, then we went to Massapequa Park, Massapequa. It's a little harder to do backwards. Then there's Seaford, Wontore, Belmore, Merrick, Freeport, Baldwin, Rockville Center, and then...

We got Jamaica after that. And I got caught at Belmore. Is this the Long Island drunk test, by the way, doing these backwards? Yeah. Well, no, the Long Island. There is no Long Island drunk test. Honestly, if you get pulled over, the only way you can get a ticket for DWI is if you're drunker than the cop. And it's almost impossible for that to pull off. Imagine someone who lives in Nassau County doesn't have what it takes to be the NYPD. Yeah.

Like those are who we got is our cops. Okay. My cop, one of my friends who's a cop is also my bookie. Okay. These guys don't give a fuck about the law. So tell me, so, so what happened? You, uh, I got arrested because I was wearing a mask on the Long Island railroad. Cause I, uh, I, I was wearing a Richard Nixon mask cause I was going to rob a bank. Oh, okay. So this is preemptive almost. No, well, they don't know that I guess, unless they got a precog working for them. That's right. A red ball. Oh,

Oh, Red Bull. So you were about to rob a bank as Richard Nixon. I was wearing Richard Nixon. Well, because I was going surfing with a couple of freaks. These guys, these weird guys. One guy who kind of like is my guru of sorts. And then another guy who played college football for a year before he blew his ACL out.

But this is all on the Long Island beaches. And, you know, I get caught up in the scene. And next thing I know, I'm kind of like trapped in a situation in which I need to participate in this robbery. But I get arrested before I even get there for wearing a fucking mask. The irony is not lost on me. So they take my Richard Nixon mask off. Underneath my face is painted green like the mask. What? Is that illegal?

too that turns out I was like this is not a mess this is face paint but they're like it is the mask so yeah um so in any case you were arrested you're back everything's good now how many times have you been arrested

This is the first time I was arrested for the mask shit, but I've been arrested before for public urination, public defecation, private defecation. How were you arrested for private defecation? Well, I guess they called it trespassing because it was a different person's bathroom. Oh, and then there was destruction of corporate property. Corporate property. When I defecated in a Home Depot. Oh.

In one of the toilets, but not in the men's room. It's so confusing when they're out there. Yeah, no shit. Especially when you're trying to wash your ass and the shower has no water hooked up to it. I honestly think that it must happen more often than we even know about. I feel like there was a kid, someone recently did panel and talked about doing that as a kid.

I think it was Donald Glover and Eric Andre called him out on it. I'm going to look up how many times do people shit in Home Depot toilets and see what famously in the one of the it was either in the early jackass video or the precursor. Why? Why do I know all this? Yeah.

Danger Aaron goes to shit in a Home Depot toilet, but he's worried that he's not going to be able to shit when he's under the pressure. So he takes some laxatives and then he shits himself right as they pull up to Home Depot. In the car, right? And then they're all throwing up. That one is brutal to watch. There is a Reddit thread devoted to this. Some people say...

I can't go on Reddit because when I go on Reddit, everyone's like this Gino guy fucking sucks. I know it's free that I listen to it, but I hate this guy. This says our toilet displays are six feet off the ground and angled downward. So it would be difficult to do so. I think that's I think I started putting them up on the toilets higher and higher, making it just more and more of a fucking challenge. If you ask me, please welcome to the show for the first time. Ember Chuck it. Geodude, I choose you.

Geodude, come on. Come on. Okay. Well, maybe you... Okay. We'll maybe pop out a little bit later. Hey, Scott. Hey. I'm sorry. What were you just saying? Well, I was trying to get Geodude to make an appearance, and I think he's going to take a little bit of time in the ball. That's crazy. We were talking about red balls and white balls, and you got a red and white ball here. Wait a second. Are you a pre-con? No.

I choose you thing. I think I know what this is. This is more Pokemon stuff. More? More Pokemon stuff. Yeah, well, Dash Grabham, who's on the show a lot. Oh, right. And I'm Ember Chucket. Yeah.

I know Dash for sure. You know Dash? You're another Pokemon trainer? I'm another Pokemon trainer. Scott, I sent you such a long email about this. And you said Pokemon? And I said, yeah. It was like four pages. I confess I don't read these. We had a six email back and forth. Oh, no. Okay, so you're Ember Chucket. Yeah. Okay, and you're a Pokemon trainer. Yeah. Okay.

All right, tell us about yourself. Tell me. Tell you about myself. How come Geo... You said his name was Geodude that's in the ball? Oh, it's Geodude, yeah. That's like a rock with arms, right? Yeah, it's a rock with arms. And listen, we're becoming quite close friends. And so I'm from the Kanto region and sort of... Oh, so stash. Yeah.

Wait, you know what region the other guy's from? He's been on so many times that he talks about the Kanto region all the time. What's Dash's thing again? Well, let me read you his bio. He's a 12-year-old Pokemon trainer from the Kanto region. Well, there's the first difference. I'm 11. Okay.

Oh, right. A little fresher take. Yeah, I mean, he's only been on six times. Sir, you are covered in olive oil. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I had to lube up. That was the only way they could pull me out of the subway. I was trapped in between the two rail cars. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. It's been great. And now I find that it works wonders on my skin. So I hit myself.

And now there's only that's the only thing that's extra virgin about me. But stop deflecting to him. What's your thing? Well, what's Dash's thing again? I understand if you have to go. I don't think so, but let's double check. I mean, I. Well, what's your thing? Yeah, we have the comedy bang bang book over there. He has about six pages devoted to him. I love that book. Oh, really? Thanks for reading it.

My name is Ember Chucket. Your name is Ember Chucket. Ember Chucket. Ember Chucket. I'm 11 years old. I'm from the Kanto region. I'm not going to talk about that at all. I promise. Okay. All right. So here's the thing is there's a new pilot program that Professor Oak is launching. Professor who now? Oak. Oak. Oh, okay. Oh, wait. I guess I just spelled it. Did Dash not tell you about Professor Oak? No.

Uh, no, I guess he's never mentioned Professor Oak. He was doing things like, uh, I think he captured Andy Richter and turned, you know, turned him into a Pokemon or something like that. Oh, I see. Not me. I'd never do that. Yeah. I'm more of a spokesperson. Do you want to reintroduce me as a spokesperson? Oh, yeah. Please welcome a spokesperson, Ember Chuckin. Come on, Geodude. Get out here.

Okay. I keep thinking you're saying Gino dude, and I keep getting ready to do whatever you ask me to do. Okay. Well, that would be huge actually. Cause I'm here to sort of tell you about a pilot program that professor Oak is running. Okay. So you've heard of Pokedex is right. Sure. Yes. We talked about these with dash. Okay.

Okay, well, why don't you get Dash on the phone and maybe Dash can tell you about this program then. No, no, no. He's not here. I want to hear about this program. They have a new pilot function, which is we can communicate with the Pokemon in the Pokeballs with the Pokedexes. So they can sort of tell us their thoughts and feelings. And also there's wireless connection. Oh, that's so cool. I know that Dash...

We talked about them when they're in the Pokédexes, and he says they're not sentient, but then I think we figured out they are. So this is good. We can communicate with them now. Okay, so this has been really an interesting thing. So my Geodude here is the first one that's been able to have sort of wireless access and sort of communicate back and forth with me and tell me how he's feeling. How's he feeling then? That's so cool. So it started out sort of kind of fun where I'm like, how are you doing? And Geodude would be like, good.

And that was really, really fun. And then he sort of was able to get on the internet and then sort of had a couple of questions like, hey,

who are you? And I was like, I'm Ember. And he's like, okay, but why are you? And I was like, oh. That's a heavy question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sort of like really rapidly sort of gaining existential thoughts. Am I going to die? And I sort of was like, oh, probably one day we all die. And then Geodude was like, can I die now? And I was sort of like, oh, um,

I feel maybe a little ill-equipped, but I can tell you about some of the fun features. We got free Spotify Premium accounts for all of the Pokemon. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I wasn't super interested in talking about that, though. And then it sort of got a little bit weird where Geodude was sort of like,

was 9-11 a real thing? Oh, no. Oh, shit. The algorithm is maybe fucking with you. Yeah. And I sort of had to explain, like, yes, it was a real thing and it was a tragedy. And then Geodude was sort of like, I don't think it was a real thing. Okay. So he's fallen down a YouTube rabbit hole here. Yeah. He's being radicalized inside his Pokeball? I think so. Ember, is Geodude scheduled to evolve at any point? Well, it doesn't really work like that.

It doesn't? How's it work? Oh, you're asking me. Well, I think sort of in my sense of things. I mean, we talked to Dash about a lot of this, but how's it work? What's your understanding of how it works? It's not funny you get Dash on the phone. I don't know how to reach Dash. If Dash knows everything about Pokemon, maybe Dash can sort of figure out what's happening with Geodude right now, because I'm sort of at a loss. You know what I mean? I listened to Ember's WTF episode. You don't hear her bring it up. Marc Maron asked me the same question. That's a good point. Do you mean that? Do you listen to that episode? I listened to that episode. You had a brutal childhood that hasn't ended yet. Yeah.

My mom said, you got to go be a Pokemon trainer for the family. Is that what happens in the Kanto region? Are you raised to be Pokemon trainers? Well, sort of normally you choose to go be a Pokemon trainer. And my mom sort of said, you got to get out of the house now because I got a stepdad that's moving in. Pokemon trainer, I choose that.

Yeah. How does that feel to be supplanted by your stepfather? Well, for me, I feel like it sort of gave me a world insight into what the Pokemon are dealing with. They didn't ask to be in the ball. That's a good point. Sort of as Geodude has let me know on several occasions. And Geodude said he'll come out of the ball for an appearance fee. And so I'm sort of looking for a small part-time job. Oh, okay. Well, this is the wrong place if Geodude's trying to make money. Yeah.

Well, that's, I mean, how much of an appearance fee does Gio do? Does that his name? Yeah, he keeps saying I don't get out of the ball for less than 10K, which is a little bit cheeky. Wow. Holy shit. And at 11, sort of on a work permit, I guess I can make $8 an hour in California. So...

That's good. Did we just change the laws so you could make that? I don't know, Scott. Maybe get Dash on the phone and ask him. I don't know that he knows about labor laws necessarily. He knows a lot about Pokemon. He said, unless I can figure out an appearance fee, he's going to go on that RFK cruise. Oh, no.

Oh, man. But Shazam's going to be on the crew. Scott, you were just asking me to go on that. I mean, you know, it's cheaper if we share a cabin. I know. Way off Marina. He was a big fan of Metta World Peace. He was pretty excited about getting a photo with that. He said he's going to do a Mr. Throwback with Metta World Peace. Oh, man. Another competition. Throw another one in the hopper. Peacock better have their fucking...

Checkbooks ready. Hopefully they have at least 10K for an appearance fee. Otherwise, Geodude's never getting out of that ball. So have you tried it on any of the other Pokemon? No, but I'm a little bit scared now. I have a Psyduck with me and I'm a little bit scared to give him the phone. Okay, yeah. A Psyduck? What? Psyduck. That's a duck you fuck behind your wife's back. I got a Psyduck. Okay.

Do you want to try it on the side duck? I guess. I'm a little bit bright. Because we say in our open marriage, we're ENM, so we say, Polly want a quacker? Is that? All right. Number 10. There we go. Okay, so...

Obviously, Vic was playing... Here's the behind the scenes of this episode. Yeah, fun. So, if you're new to Comedy Bang Bang, you don't know how everything kind of happens behind the scenes. So, obviously, it's a collection of real people. Haley Joel was just himself. But then comedians come in and play fake people.

And normally what happens before the show is it's not really discussed all that much of who people are going to play or what's going to happen on the show. It's basically I say, hey, who are you playing today? And they give me a name. And then I say, how would I describe them on the show? And they give me their job title, you know, and that's it. And we find it in the moment.

And so this time Vic came in and said, my name is Ember Chuckett and I'm playing a trainer. And I said, okay, sounds good. And this has happened, I believe only once before, but basically Vic said,

came on and revealed themselves to be a Pokemon trainer, which is exactly what a comedian named Zacharino did years ago. That's right. As Dash Grabham. That's right. Said, I'm going to play a trainer, and then it turned out to be a Pokemon trainer. And I'm trying to remember Ketchum. What's the name of the actual character? I don't know, but they're both, as you heard in the clip, they're both from the Kanto region. And...

And I was delighted by this to immediately say to Vic, oh, yeah, just like Dash Grabham, as you just heard. And Vic did not know that Zach had done Dash Grabham on the show before. And to hear her struggle with learning that... Ash Ketchum. Ash Ketchum. So you got Ash Ketchum turned into Dash Grabham and Ember Chucket. Yes, great. And so to hear...

To hear Vic struggle with learning this news in real time is very... At the very beginning of the bit. And I keep needling Vic about this as well. It's very funny. Now, this has only happened once before, I believe, and that was the Sully Sullenberger's brother incident.

episodes which you were involved in Paul Bergie Sullenberger Bergie Sullenberger now that Dan did it first yes appeared on Comedy Bang Bang as Bergie Sully Sullenberger's brother Bergie Sullenberger who was a bus driver who was a bus driver months later

I appeared on the show as Bergie Sullenberger, Sully Sullenberger's brother, who is a bus pilot. A very important difference. Yeah. And I had... And by the way, in real time, I was not clocking it because I didn't remember that Dan had done this. It may be...

like, scratched a little itch of like, oh, this kind of sounds familiar, but doing so many episodes of this, I tend to not remember the details. And I listened to the show, so I heard it for sure. Did not remember it at all. Did not remember doing it. I was trying to think of a way to do, how can I do...

A character that's kind of like a real life person or like inspired by a real life. Because you occasionally you do Sully on the show. Yeah. But I've been moving away from real people, real people and just inventing characters. And I thought, oh, a way in sometimes is based on somebody who's real. So it doesn't matter.

who the real person is, but it's a good jumping off point. And so that's why I, that's how I came up with Bergie Sullenberger. Completely forgetting. When we found out that you had both done it, because I think we released it not knowing, and then immediately the fans were like, Paul's just doing Dan Lippert's character. We had to schedule an emergency episode where you both came into contact with each other, and I think you were both

from different universes. That's right. That's right. Which, by the way, is maybe our first example of the crisis on Infinite Bang Bangs saga. Yeah, which is definitely happening and there's your proof. Yep.

And so anyway, this happened with Vic in real time is very, very funny. And we've spoken to Zach since then. And of course, we have to get them both in the same room together. They share the Kento region. Of course. I liked how Vic kept saying, oh, no, I know. I know Dash. Very funny. All right. So that is your episode 10. Let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to get into single digits.

Oh, man. This is so fucking exciting. Now, before we go to break, let's hear a little bit of Don Cheadle. All right. As promised, we're counting down the top four sound bites of Don Cheadle from Ocean's Eleven. Okay. Now, Don Cheadle has come back out and he has this, I think it's a magnetic thing that they need for the other heist. Probably. Yeah. And loading it up.

Did we promise sound clips of Don Cheadle or just clips of Don Cheadle? Where's Linus? I mean, we heard Don Cheadle. We did hear him. Oh, look at his donut.

All right. Great. There we go. Number three. He calls him a donut. He says Nick. That's right. This is pure English. This guy's from England. Nick, no mistake. He's a Londoner through and through. All right. Let's go to a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top 10 with your choice for number nine. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024, part two after this. Yeah.

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Comedy Bang Bang Best Of. Comedy Bang Bang Best Of. 2024. 2024. Part 2. Part 2. Two separate thoughts. Comedy Bang Bang Best Of. We've had a lot of fun, Paul. Yeah. By the way, I wanted to say, if you're listening to, if this is your first episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. What a weird thing to do.

But I guess maybe you're listening to the most recent one. If, yeah. Like you just got it. You just got it. If you're listening to the best of part two. Yeah. As your first. Start with that one. It's an odd choice. Here's what I would say. Wait a week and listen to part four, which has the top three episodes. Those are the best ones. So look, even though we are saying these are the top 14 episodes.

the first three are all you need. It's so strange to do a best of countdown and the first things you're going to hear are the worst things you're going to hear. First equals worst. Yeah.

Except when you're talking about numbers one through three. We should start with number one and hook people, and then they get progressively worse as they go. Worse. No, these are all good episodes, obviously. They're all good. Come on. And this one is no exception, Paul. Good. I'm glad. I think you're going to be very excited by this one. Good, good, good. Let's do it. Let's hear your episode number nine. Number nine.

All right, episode number nine. This is episode 886. I mean, this is high up in the 800s. This is pretty high in the 800s. This came out October 14th, 2024. And that's high up in the months. Yeah, that's the 10th month. Yeah, out of 12. And this is the ninth episode. 10th month, ninth episode. Yeah, a lot going on. Number 12? Yeah, exactly. I'm seeing it again.

Now, this is an episode called Fire Can Be Fun. Fire with an F-Y-R-E. Ah, that gives you a clue. Gives you a little bit of a clue. Let me say who's involved. We have our good friend, Christian Bruhn. Sure. Bruh-nsy. Christian Bruhn, you would know from a little show called Orphan Black. That's right.

He played one of Tatiana's husbands. Mm-hmm. I'm not that... One of her clone's husbands. Yes. Although, who's the clone and who's the real one? Who knows? Me. Oh, that's right. But one of the clones that Tatiana played, this is the husband to one of those clones, the suburban one. You also might know him from The Artful Detective as the famous character Constable Johnstable. Constable Johnstable, that's right. Who died offscreen. Yeah.

Because he asked for too much money or one plane flight. He agreed to a thing they offered him and they said, no, you failed our test. Now, this is Christian. We also have, we heard Vic on the last episode. Vic McKellis is on this episode as well. Yeah.

And a little man making his first appearance on The Countdown by the name of Paul F. Tompkins. That's right. First appearance on The Countdown. Do you think my days are over? We'll talk about this a little later. I don't like the sound of that. Now, let's do some background to this episode. Yes. Where was it born? It was born in my idea of...

to get Christian, to basically get stars back on the show. Gotta do it. Because it was very strange this year. There was just a period where it was very difficult to get guests for whatever reason. Then at the end of this year, everyone's things came out somehow and I had to turn people down because December we have best ofs and the holiday and stuff like that. I remember Antonio Banderas wanted to be on the show. Yeah. And you said, sorry.

We're all full. Yeah. Hey, call me next time you're puss in boots. Puss in boots. Puss in boots. And so, you know, I had my, you know, I returned to the well of, you know, friends of the show. Christian and Tatiana were fans of the show before they were on. And so I asked Christian and Tatiana, hey, do you want to be on the show together? Yeah.

They both agreed. And Paul, you know these two really well? Really well. So, I mean, you know them intimately about as well as any human being can get to know another human being. Yeah, I think so, yeah. We're extensions of each other at this point. So I asked you to do this, and then we also got Vic on the show, and so perfect. We're going to have a good time, right? What happens, but

Maybe 45 minutes before the show, I get a text from Tad saying something to the effect of like, hey, I have food poisoning or something like that. I forget exactly what it was. I'm not coming. Yeah. Just like that. Now, in Comedy Bang Bang, you know our policy. Cover your own shift. Exactly. That's all. That's not a lot to ask. You can not show up. Just cover your shift with another celebrity. Yes. Tad did not do this. No. No.

Just said, I'm not coming. The end. Yeah. And so it turned out to just be Christian. And we had a lot of fun on this episode, but that turned into a running game. You'll hear it. And then Paul is going to be playing...

a character called Bing Lujo. That's right. He's a mall shop owner. Mall shop owner. You'll hear us. There's not a lot of context to Bing Lujo. Do you want to say anything about him? He's a very old man. In this clip, I mean, there's not a lot of context.

Okay. Does that change what I'm supposed to say? You're just supposed to tell us who Bing Lujo is. So when you listen to the clip. That's what I was doing. All you said was he's a very old man. And then you immediately started talking. And then you took that giant pause. You mean a breath? In podcasting, that's giant. Yes, he's a very old man who runs a malt shop.

and he loves to sell people malts and shakes, and he doesn't like to sell people egg creams because he finds them disgusting. And did we not speak to him in Boston this year on the tour? I can't remember what city, but yes, we did speak to him. Seems like it was Boston. Yes. That's a character that came out of...

The College Town podcast. Oh, good. That's where I did it for the first time. So you brought him onto the College Town podcast. Yes. And then brought him to Comedy Bang Bang. That's right. So you had planned on doing Bing Lujo, and we will hear something we'll discuss afterwards. And then we have Vic playing a fire safety officer. And so let's hear these clips and then discuss it afterwards. This is your pick for episode number nine. Number nine.

They both met on the set of Orphan Black. She became the green superheroine, the She-Hulk. And I still get hate messages directed at her via the Instagram posts we've shared whenever she's on the show. She wrote me a message and said she wasn't coming right before the show, and he is here. Please welcome. Yeah! Showed up, baby. Please welcome Christian Brune. Always here, nothing to do. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Happy to be here, Scott. Hello, buddy. Good to see you. Good to see you. I noticed you didn't say stars are back.

And you usually do. Would you have said that if Tat was here? Probably. Probably. Okay. And then my follow-up question is, why aren't you saying that now that Tat isn't here? Why am I saying that she isn't here? No, no. Why aren't you saying that stars are back when it's just little old me here? Should I just say stars aren't back? Is that what you'd prefer me to say? No, I think you did it the right way. You know, honestly, you're the next best thing.

Story of my life. I'm sorry. What I meant to say was you're usually next to the best thing. I was in a band once and we had a song called Mr. Next in Line. How did that song go?

I'm your Mr. Next in line. It's like a funk song. I like just standing here waiting all the time. Girl, you got to give me some kind of sign now because I'm your Mr. Next in line. You guys give me some condo sundown. Girl, you got condo sundown.

That's a dirty sax. What is that voice you're doing, by the way? That was that was my funk funk voice. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? It's like all vowel choices. But what is it? What is it all about when you're singing funk? You got to go. Oh, God. Is that what I sound like? A little bit. It's just you're getting into it. Get that condo sundown. It's girl. You got to give me some kind of sign now because I'm your Mr. Next in line. What band was this? Franklin's fault.

That was the name of our band in college. And then what instrument or what role did you take in the band? Vox. You were on Vox. I don't know if you didn't just hear the gold that came out of my throat. I assumed that you must have been involved in the Maracas or... I was backup trumpet. Backup trumpet. I was second trumpet. We had a better trumpet player. You're like the understudy? Hey, look, I'm busy singing half the time, okay? Half the time I'm singing.

I want to introduce you, sir. You've been on the show once before. We met in Boston. Is that correct? We did. Nice to see you again. Nice to see you again. He owns a mall shop. Please welcome back to the show, Bing Lugo. Hello, Bing. Hi, it's Lujo. I'm so sorry. Like Cujo, but with an L. Oh, yes. I remember it. He's a slobbering dog with his babies and wants to eat you. It's not me. Did anyone, when the movie Cujo was out, starring Dee Wallace...

Did you ever see a marquee where someone had taken off the top part of the sea and it said Bing Lujo? Oh, no, I guess he would just say Lujo. Because the Bing search engine. I definitely didn't see that. It wasn't invented at that point. What a life back then. Everything's so different now. It's so different now for a toy with buttons. Yeah, fun.

Do you remember when they had the game that was like a little plastic see-through tank with water in it? And then you press a button, you try to get the hoops on the crab or whatever, on his claws. I don't remember this. I don't think we had enough money to buy one of these. I thought that was the most innovative thing in toys. Yeah. It was so exciting. You used to see so many commercials for toys, and now you don't see them anymore. Yeah, I just see commercials for coffins. I see commercials for coffins.

but you used to see like every show you presence for grandchildren every prisons for grandchildren i thought that was your new platform you were no i would never throw a child how many grandchildren i have 76 grandchildren as many as the music man himself had of trombones well he lied though well it came true is it a lie if it eventually comes true it came true but it was a lie he didn't make it come true

Somebody else made that come true. Who else made it come true? The people that paid for the instruments. He didn't do anything.

yeah but then he bought the instruments he didn't do anything he bought the instruments he took the money and then bought the instruments no he didn't yeah eventually he did did he wear that into play at the end of the thing you see everyone with all their trombones wait a minute he sounds like a con man how do you not know what the sound of music is and you know the music man so well because I hear the music man and I say I want to know who's this man Bing the music man

But so you so so at the end is the scene where he buys the instruments for the people. They cut over. Where's the scene where he goes to the bathroom? You don't see everything that happens to a man in a movie. I think they cut out the bathroom part because it's not germane to the story. But this your mind automatically goes to. Oh, my gosh, this experience changed him so much that he went. They got the money. They want your mind to go there. How come when they arrested me never says, hey, I bought the instruments.

He never says shit. No, because then he does buy the instruments. After he gets arrested? Yeah. So that's the experience that changes him? By the way, he does not get arrested. They're about to arrest him. This is spoilers for the music man, by the way. They put him in handcuffs because he's directing the band with handcuffs on. Yes. Not everyone who's put in handcuffs is arrested, dear. Boy, that's a good point. Some people are just kinky. Yeah.

And we don't think so. So he is, he's directing the band. Yeah. He's not been arrested yet. They put him, they're about to, he's directing the band and he's, and he's saying, think, think, think, because he's been using the think system. That's right. And someone starts playing. One of the little kids starts playing horribly. Yeah. And the, the, the, he's a con man who didn't teach him anything. And the parents,

Because it's their little child that they love so much. Right. Start crying and saying, it's beautiful. Yeah. And that's my boy. Right. And all the parents are like, what are you talking about? This guy's a con man. He taught all these kids how to play these instruments. Right. Which, by the way, the instruments were there at the time. You have to admit that. They were there. That's right. So then it...

does a slow fade, the slower the better as far as I'm concerned with these fades. If you're directing a movie, turn that shit up to 60 seconds.

And then it fades into a big parade where all the kids have the instruments and he's not arrested. He hasn't served time or anything. That's right. You're agreeing with me. No, I'm not. Where do we differ? I'm letting you play this out. And so the mind is then led to believe like, oh, he wasn't arrested. If he's in handcuffs and the children show up with the instruments, how did that happen?

How did what happen? Why did they put him in handcuffs? Because they were about to arrest him for being a con man. But then why wouldn't he say, hey, before you put those handcuffs on me, I bought all the instruments with the money you gave me. Because he only had a few of the instruments at that point. The plan was to abscond with the rest of the money. Wouldn't you say, I do have a few of the instruments. The rest are on their way. That's what he did say. But then his these people.

From another town. The guy from the train. Yes, from another town that recognized him as a con man. Shows up to alert the authorities. Right. The authorities say, hey, you're a con man. And he says, no, I'm not. And they say, if you're not, then have these kids that you supposedly have been teaching how to play these instruments. Who now have their instruments. Who now, some of them have instruments. Some of them have instruments. Let them play. So the guy from the train explains to them.

Here's what he does. He buys a head full of instruments to make you think. And then his plan is to abscond with the 90% of the money. And that's what this guy says? That's what this guy says. Look at him right now. Bing it. Bing it. Bing it. Look at who right now. What am I supposed to bing? Don't take Kembe. R.I.P. Me. No, what? Sir. What? You didn't know to Kembe? No. Tell me that's not true.

It's unfortunately very true. He passed away a couple of weeks ago. So sorry. Why can't he do a no, no, no to the Grim Reaper? To the Grim Reaper?

In any case, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm right about this. It comes true. They never arrest him. It ends up coming true. And you can't think of a way to search for this specific scene in this movie? Look, I didn't have any luck calling Tatiana, but okay, yeah. Let's see. Final scene, music. All the scenes are the same? Okay, here we go. This is the 76 trombones. Here we go. I have to... That's going to be an ad before this? That's going to be the parade.

Here we go. He's in handcuffs. Back it up, baby. That's too soon. That's as early as it goes. I don't have the whole movie. But see, they all have the instruments. Pause that. Yes, sir. This proves nothing. And what you're doing is you're avoiding shooting the part that we're talking about. What are we talking about? We're talking about the... Shut the... I'm not avoiding shit.

This is the clip that came up. Do you want me to rent the movie? Yeah. And then fast forward to it. Should I go home? I'm sorry. This is our next guest. We're in the middle of an argument, ma'am. No, I'm saying if you want to get into it, I'm fine to go home. No, no, no. I just want you to say I'm right. It sounds like maybe renting the movie sounds like a worthy use of time. Do you want to watch it together tonight? I love that movie. I'll watch it anytime.

Then why do you not know the plot of it? If you love it so much. I'm saying that I do know the plot of it. And I'm saying you're wrong. What am I wrong about? You've never said that. You've said, oh, they don't have the instruments. I just proved they have the instruments. You said, I never said they don't have the instruments. Oh, you never said that. I say, why do they have the instruments? That's what I said. And did you answer that or was it purely just a hypothetical? No. If,

If I was asking the question, why would I have the answer for it? Because some people ask questions they know the answers to, honey. That's called lawyers. We're not in court, baby doll. And I'll tell you right now, you know you're wrong. I know why they have the instruments.

It's because he buys a few. He buys a few. Right. They were about to doubt him. Wells Fargo wagon comes. The guy from the trade shows up and says, here's what he does. He buys a few instruments and then he runs away with the rest of the money. Yes. That's the fucking seed that you ordered. Google, because you're a coward. I said that they do that. I am agreeing with you that they do that. No, I'm saying they don't do that.

He says it off camera, much like Constable Johnstable was shot, but we are led to believe. Because we, the audience, already know this information. He was shot on camera. He died off camera. Correct. The audience already know the information, so we don't want to hear it again. Which information? The information that his plan is to abscond with the rest of the money. When is it established that he buys a handful of instruments? Where do you think the instruments come from?

If they don't, if he didn't buy them. They come from nowhere is my point. What? They just show, they come from what? Their divine intervention? My point is, it's shoddy. My point is not that there's magic in the world where an angel delivers instruments. You're saying it's a plot.

That's all I've ever been saying. It's not a plot hole. It's just you don't need to be spoon-fed this information because we understand it. I think if you're watching a movie about a con man who makes kids play pretend instruments and takes their money for weeks and weeks...

And then all of a sudden some instruments show up with the guy has made a play. His whole thing is he's never going to buy these. No. Right. As they start to doubt him and go, hey, I think this guy might be a con man. The well, he's thought so far ahead. The Wells Fargo wagon comes and delivers some. And they're like, oh, see, he did. He's not a con man. It buys him a little time for him to get more of the money out of them. That's horseshit. You know it.

I know it. You know it. I don't know it. You good luck sleeping tonight with this on your conscience. You know what? I rescind my formal apology. I didn't even get to talk about how we're going to have a trick-or-treat party at this workshop. I can get out of here. No, I'm sorry, Hannah. I want you to stay.

They're a fire safety officer. Please welcome Hannah Byrne. Hello, Scott Ackerman. Guess how are we? Guess how are we? I said guests. Oh, guests. Yes. I thought you wanted me to guess how I was. I'll take it.

It's so wonderful to meet you, Hannah. You're a fire safety officer. Yes, and right now I'm on a big tour doing public outreach on fire safety. Okay, now are you pro or con fire? Pro or con fire? Yeah. I think fire is its own beast. I'm just here to protect people. Okay, so you think the invention of fire...

Which a lot of people say happened when God basically kicked Adam and Eve out of the kingdom of Eden. Sure. The Garden of Eden, basically, he was like, OK, a lot of people think the apple is code for sex. Like, hey, don't have sex while you're here. Do a lot of people think that? A lot of people, yeah, 99% of people think that. I thought the apple was knowledge of good and evil.

That's what they say, but when you're talking about good and evil, you're talking about the old in and out. Sex is knowledge? Urge, not urge. But then the Bible also talks about sex, so why would they in this one part be euphemistic?

See, I love this. Fire safety gets a discourse going, and that's what I appreciate most about it. Do you believe that Prometheus actually stole fire from the gods? Do I believe that Prometheus actually stole fire from the gods? Yeah. Here's how I like to—here's my relationship to fire. I don't like putting value judgments on fire or people who interact with fire. So it's neither good nor bad. My role is to give tips and rules about being safe if you choose to interact with fire. He dodged my question. He dodged my question.

What was your question? Do you believe that Prometheus stole fire from the gods to give to humanity? Again, I'm not putting a value judgment on fire or Prometheus' motives. That's not what I'm asking you to do. Well, because I'm saying you say stole, and stole seems to sort of inherently give some sort of a value on what he was doing. The fire belongs to the gods. I'm just saying, can fire really belong to anybody is my question. I think it belongs to anybody, gods. Sure, which one? Fire.

All of them. They all had the access to fire. But it's sort of like the song Happy Birthday. You got Patty and Mildred thinking they own it. No, it belongs to everyone. If I'm being totally honest, the San Diego Fire Department hasn't given an official line on this. And so I'm not totally sure how to proceed. I think they need to put it on their website. Yeah. And so maybe you can at San Diego Fire Department. Fire can be fun. And you can just go ahead and let them know that. And we can definitely put that in our topic points. It's a whole handle.

Fire can be fun is at fire can be fun. It's at San Diego Fire Department. Fire can be fun, but spelled in a little bit of a different way than you think it would be. So FYI, like the fire fest? Yes. Okay. Why are they promoting fun fire if they're the San Diego Fire Department? Fire. Fire.

Like the Fyre Fest. F-Y-R-E. Fyre can be fun. Like Billy. What's his name? Billy with the Fyre Fest. We put a lot of money into the new Fyre Festival that's going to be happening. Yes, the San Diego Fyre Festival. This one's going to be great. I think it's going to be great. I think so. How's it feel to have three men all just hammering you with questions? I love it. See, I spend most of my time in a fire department building. And so that's a lot more men. You all are so much smaller than all of the firefighters.

than I'm normally around. Do you mean in width, depth, or? And sort of, yeah, you know, like all around. I'd say an all around smaller circumference in mind and body. I am taller than I look. I'm just bent over. Can you stand up? Wow. Wow.

Do you think we could sell calendars? It was like you stretched up rather than stood up. That was incredible. You're the elongated man. Ralph Dibny himself. Do you think we can sell calendars of the three of us with our shirts on? I think you could. I don't think people will buy them. Hey, I'll take it though. Okay. So, hey, that's something. And there's something for everybody. Again, my job is not to put value judgments on anything. I'm just presenting information. That's your job description. Check for fire hazards. Okay. That's really important. So we're just looking around. So like, you know, I think like a lot of Americans, I'm in the process of

I'm moving. I had a, okay, well, oh, you just made that noise again. Be careful. It sounds like you're choking on your teeth. So here's the thing. I'm like a lot of Americans. I'm going through sort of a life change. So like I'm moving. We got boxes everywhere. I'm sort of like splitting apart my life from my, you know, whatever. And so, you know, like her stuff is in some boxes and she hasn't come pick them up yet. So this is a breakup.

Huh? This is a breakup of a relationship? I don't want to talk about my personal life. Oh, sorry. But you're going through some changes where you're moving. Like most Americans, there's boxes everywhere. And sort of like we're rolling up posters of like events that we put on together. And so it's like, you know, the events. You would put on events? What happened? Well, you know, when she's a firefighter and it's fine and we just like we don't want to we don't want to talk about it. She moved over to the smoke department and our lives sort of changed for the worse. What kind of events would you put on? Hmm.

Well, like fire safety events like this, you know. Anyways, I do not want to talk about my personal life. That's sort of like I'm putting up a boundary. So you used to be like a team? Like a duo act? Yeah, so it was like, you know, like smoke and fire. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was us. She was smoke, I was fire. She was a firefighter turned smoke advocate awareness officer. Wait, can I ask you, your last name is Byrne. Why weren't you like, and it's B-Y-R-N-E. Why weren't you like Byrne and...

Like, burn cream. Okay, I'm hearing the note, and I'm going to take the note. Thank you, Scott. I appreciate that. Burning cream? I feel like you're answering your own question. Where is cream supposed to... Put that example. Where would cream have come from? Burn in butter. Her last name was Carpaccio. Oh. Like the...

Like the little fresh meat. Fresh meat that you would tablescape with? It's spelled so different, Scott. Oh, like, let me guess. C-A-R-P-A-C-C-I-O? That's exactly it. Okay. Interesting. You're in a bad place right now. Huh? You're in a bad place. I would say I'm doing my job and I'm doing the best I can. What I love about what you do is you have a big smile on your face and you are being very professional. Thank you. But that said...

You can drop the act if you need to. I mean, we're all human beings here. I mean, this is the least professional environment. We've all had breakups. We've all had breakups. I mean, some of us more than the others. You must have had so many. You've lived such a long life. I've had three breakups. Is that true? That's it. Who? That's actually a lot. I've been with my wife for 75 years. Wow. And you just broke up, you were telling me? No, she died a few days ago. Oh, Jesus. I'm so sorry. Fire-related? Yeah.

uh no but she wants cremated okay well hey again fire we don't put value judgments on fire that's i'm sorry to hear that and also what a beautiful ending fire is good because you can make a hamburger or you can burn up your wife number nine all right so obviously sometimes in podcasting there's a little bit of a

a bit of a remove when someone's playing a character. A bleed, let's say. Yes. And you were playing Bing Lujo. Yes. Who had opinions about the movie and musical... The music. The music man. And we heard this argument between us. Correct. And sometimes in podcasting,

That remove between character and performer can get very thin. Yes. And to where it's almost dropped. It's true. It's true. Where we were having a genuine discussion, disagreement perhaps. Yes. Regarding the movie, The Music Man. Yes. And it went on so long that Vic decided to interrupt. Yeah. And asked if they should leave. Yes. And...

Very funny. I want to put a pin in that discussion. As do I. And return to it another time. How does that sound? That sounds fair. Okay, but it is something that happened and you just heard it. It's undeniable. We're not pretending it didn't happen.

It did happen. You just heard it, but I want to discuss the ramifications of it perhaps later. Yeah, we do have to talk about the ramifications. Yes, but that was a very funny episode and a lot of fun to do. A lot of fun to do. And obviously, Tat never recovered and died.

It's really sad. Oh, wait, no. I do think that perhaps we'll discuss what happened to her later. Oh, okay. That was very funny. Vic is Hannah Byrne. And let's go to a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top eight. Wow, that's wild. We just cracked the top nine. MySpace style. We're going to crack the top eight. Yeah, that's right. And there's going to be a song that auto plays and there's nothing you can do about it. All right.

All right. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2024, part two after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024 Part 2. And this is just thrilling to me because what are the famous octets? You got an octopus's arms. Yeah.

You got the seven dwarves and a friend. Of course. You have the Supreme Court justices, but somebody's just died. So in that in-between thing where the Senate is deciding whether they're going to approve someone or not. Yes, there's only the eight. You have the men out. Mm-hmm. That's them. You have the one that seven did to nine. You have the monkeys, beetles, super teen. Mm-hmm.

They played softball together. Yeah, and they battled Hermann's Hermits. Yep. There were a lot of Hermanns. There were so many Hermanns, and they were a threat to the musical universe. They had to cut half the Hermanns just to battle them. And in any case, we're now in another famous octet, which is the top eight episodes of Comedy Bang Bang this year. Now, Scott, that's very exciting. But before we get to number eight, I do have to tell you this behind-the-scenes trivia is

From Regarding Henry. We're cracking the top three Regarding Henry factoids. The scene with a group of Japanese clients featured real Japanese businessmen from the Asuda Life Insurance Company in New York. Interesting. I never would have guessed that. So when you see them on screen, they're real Japanese businessmen. Wow. And then suddenly they're in SAG-AFTRA? Yeah. And now they're leeching off our health insurance. Ha ha ha.

This is why you should never cast like, oh, this is my friend or, oh, this is a real guy. They're going to get health insurance. They're fucking it up for everybody else. Yes. Anyway, this is, I mean, this is one of the best things that ever happened to me. We've hit number eight. Scott, I'm so, as your friend, I'm so glad to be here for this. I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much.

All right, let's do it. Let's hear it. This is your choice for number eight. Number eight. All right. Episode number eight. This is, let me give you an episode number. Okay. This is episode eight, eight, one. I thought it was going to be palindromic for a second. I know, but we already heard episode eight, eight, eight. So it couldn't have been that. Couldn't have been. You can't, they can't be in there twice. No. Can they? Maybe they should be.

You want to hear episode 888 again? This is episode 881 from September 9 of this year, 2024. And this is an episode called Two Long Legs Up. Two Long Legs Up. Who's in this? We have our good buddy Kumail Nanjiani. That's right. Hasn't been on in a while. Hasn't been on in a while. He...

Kumail has been, I mean, he had a podcast before a lot of people had podcasts. He had that one where he played video games and he had the X-Files podcast. I forgot about the X-Files podcast. Yeah. So he's, you know, obviously his profile has risen over the last few years. He became one of the Eternals where he did the spread fingers blasting. That's right. And he's in a lot of movies. He's on a current standup tour.

And very funny guy. And we also have Taron Killam, whom people would know, I believe he did four years on SNL, I think. That's right. And then has been a sitcom star and a Broadway star and a very funny guy. This is his first appearance on the countdown this year. And this is an episode where, you know, Kumail was on and we used to do these episodes with Kumail when Silicon Valley was out. And, uh,

Uh, you know, with like less people. And so I just thought it would be really funny to do. Normally we have like three or four people on the show. I thought it'd be really three or four other than me. I thought it'd be really funny to do another episode where it was just one character in Kumail. Yeah.

The entire time. That was planned? Yes, it was planned. Not an accident. It was not an accident. We didn't have someone drop out or anything. You did this on purpose. I did it on purpose. And it turned out really well. Let's just hear it and we'll talk about it afterwards. This is your choice for episode number eight. Number eight. Let's welcome our first guest here to A Block. He's an old friend of the show. He is...

And comedian. And a stand-up comedian who brilliantly segued into the acting game. You know, speak the speech, I pray you, as it comes trippingly off the tongue. The immortal bard. You know all the works of him, obviously. So you're not speaking until I actually introduce you? Well, I don't know the rules. There are no rules, my friend. Rule number one, there are no rules. Romeo and Juliet. Juliet.

There you go. The star-crossed lovers, of course. Macbeth. I believe that was Hamlet. Oh. Our other guest is here as well. I'll introduce you in a second. I'll stay out of the hay block, but when you said that,

I thought I'd jump in with a little. That's a good point. That's a good point. Our doll maker guest is here and wants to talk. But I think doll makers got some slashes after it. He's not just a doll maker. I guess. Although I don't really quite know how to doll makers burying the lead. I would say Satan worshiper. Satan worshiper. Sure. I don't like to bring in what, you know, people's worship. I mean, I guess we could. I worship, but I also work very.

Very close in hand with the Dark One.

Okay. Right, right. He's proud of it. He is a part of the new season of Only Murders in the Building, season four, which is out now. A couple episodes have just dropped, and he has a new tour called Doing This Again. Please welcome back to the show Kumail Nanjiani. Hi. Thank you for having me. So great to have you. Yeah. Welcome back. Thank you, man. Welcome home. Can you imagine if you considered this to be home? Yeah.

I love Scott's podcast studio. I mean, my house is okay, but I really feel like myself only in Scott's. What's strange is it is my home. Yeah, it is your home. I mean, it's lovely. It's really, really nice. Let's welcome our other guest since he's been talking. He's a doll maker slash Satan worshiper. I'm into so many things. I'm so happy to be here with the almost birthdays.

I mean, you just missed it, quite honestly, Longlegs. I don't know about you. Is your birthday coming up? No, no. He's a birthday-based serial killer. Well... Only one particular birthday, too, I think. Yeah, it's like April 14th or something like that. Yeah, the day before tax day, which is like... I'm too busy, personally. Yeah, we got a lot going on. Prepping my taxes, doing e-file. Yeah, honestly, if you're gonna kill me before I get my taxes done, thank you. Yes, please. Oh, please. I'm doing...

you a favor. Yes, exactly. Thank you, Longlegs. Yeah, welcome to Longlegs. Hi, Longlegs. Oh, I'm so happy to be here. Such a fan of the podcast. Are you really? I listen all the time when I'm doing my carvings. I don't know if I like that. I hope I'm not inspiring to you. Oh, certainly. I

Every time I hear you chuckling away, I know that the corrupt souls that are listening are deserving of the beautiful punishment that's coming upon us.

I guess that's kind of a compliment. It's not really. He's saying your podcast makes him want to kill people. I guess, but I mean, you know, Ozzy Osbourne, they talked about how he was the cause of serial killers. I mean, so many of us are completely ineffectual in life. Having any kind of result is great. Thank you. I appreciate that. Bon Lakes, welcome to the show. Thank you. So happy to be here. Sorry I couldn't wait till B block. That's all right. Are you a fan of Kumail's here? I am such a huge fan of Kumail's.

I have been since Brother Nature. Oh, yeah, Brother Nature. Why deep cuts? You don't know Brother Nature? I don't. What was Brother Nature? Brother Nature was this movie. Maybe you mean Mother Nature? No, that was the joke. Oh, what? The joke was Brother Nature. That was the one joke.

It was also called Brother-in-Laws. Right. And that joke was... Yes, that joke was instead of Brothers-in-Law, it's Brother-in-Laws. Okay. Plural laws. That's kind of a joke. Brother-in-Laws. Yeah. Brother-in-Laws. So they broke laws in the... Is this a film or is this a TV show? It's a film. It's a film. It's a family summer romp.

Okay. All right. To be honest, Kumail, I missed this one. I'm sorry. You did? I did, yeah. You're the only one who missed it. Let me bring this up. Huge hit. Massive. What's it called? Brother Nature? Brother Nature. I don't know why this is so hard for you. You know how mother is in relation? I actually think the first time I laid eyes on Kumail was obviously Portlandia. And I had the good fortune of shaking his hand at the premiere and telling him I thought he was so wonderfully good.

You were at the premiere of Long Legs? I was. I'm a friend of Fred Armisen. It's not fitting. This makes sense. Yeah, exactly. You never know if it's like a band person, you know, is it a member of the Damned or is it Long Legs over here? Yeah, he collects us, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. Yeah, totally. Collects us wandering souls. Yeah.

Fit right in. Nobody blinked. So are you the official Longlegs or were you in the movie? I'm the Longlegs. The movie's based on my life. I see. So Nick Cage is an actor who played you. He lived with me for a year and a half to study me and I think

You think he nailed you? Got the essence of you? He kept saying, you're kind of just like Michael Jackson with the pig nose. And at first I took offense to that, but then I realized he's comparing me to the King of Pop. That's a good point. What about when he would break out into song out of nowhere a few times? Is that something that the real long list? Yeah, that's something I do. A little carpool karaoke for sure. So many gifts. We built this city! Oh dear. We built this city! Yeah!

How was Nick Cage as a roommate? You know, pretty tidy. Really? Okay, and how are you? Pretty tidy, and I'm a huge comic book lover, so there's Superman paraphernalia all over the place. He's got his Superman bed sheets. But, you know, he doesn't respect personal space so much. He likes to really inhabit the role. You know, a lot of people were saying that, you know when you were in the store in that movie, Long Legs? Yeah. That you had sort of a J.D. Vance going to a donut shop thing about you. Okay, okay.

Sure. That's good. There are a lot of similarities. And Camille, what do you think? How long have you been working here? Okay, good. Okay, good. So whatever makes sense. Yeah, whatever makes sense. Just put in some maple bars and a bear claw and a cream fill. Whatever makes sense. I've never had an issue ordering donuts at a donut shop. I know exactly how to do it. I know exactly what I want. I'll take those away.

those. Yeah. Him at the firefighters unionizing. Yeah. They booted immediately. And he goes, I hear there's all right. A fan, maybe some people who disagree. He calls them haters. Yeah. You're more comfortable in your own skin than he is. How is that long legs?

Where does the name Longlegs come from? Oh, it has to do with the cinematography framing. Does it really? Is that why you're cut off at the beginning of the film? Yes, yes. Because it's shot, it's low budget. They couldn't afford a higher tripod. They couldn't afford sticks. They couldn't have very low sticks. The best they could do was a double apple. Oh, my God. By the way, spoilers for Longlegs. We should mention about.

I mean, have we spoiled anything? I guess the fact that he's a Satan worshiper. Yeah. We've spoiled it in the way where it's like those highlights magazines where all the clues are spread out. Yeah. Like looking at it, it doesn't really make sense. ESPN highlights magazines. What do you think about that? Is that true? I don't know. I don't know if it's true or not. I'm just saying it. Find the top, find the difference in these top 10 catches. Yeah.

Well, doing this again, you're out there, you're doing a bunch of cities, and then I would imagine that once you're done with that, you're never going to film it and you're never going to put it out as a special? No, that's it. I want everyone to forget about it. I just want to say the words and move the fuck on. And I had heard that this tour you're trying to never repeat any word that you say. Yeah, it's very tough.

Because I don't, I mean, I know a lot of words, but not enough to like not repeat them for an hour. It's hard not to say the more than once. Yeah. And so I hold my the. Okay. Until the very end that people applaud. Minute 45 is the. I was going to say, by the time you get to Atlanta, it's going to be like poetry for Neanderthals. No, I don't mean show to show. Oh. It's just within one show. Within one show. It would be impossible to do. Yeah, buddy. That's stupid. Come on, long legs. That's crazy. Yeah. I just use up words.

Per show. Yeah, easy to do in one show. Yeah, you could do it in one show. Signs, signs everywhere. The signs walking on me. I love signs. He's into signs. He just loves all the things. What was that lyric in that about the crazy long hairs need not apply? Yeah. We all remember that one. Did you take that personally, like Michael Jordan said? Well, yeah, and I took that personally. I sent him a doll.

Also, Kumail, I want to talk to you about Only Murders as well, because much like Long Legs, the characters in Only Murders this year are making movies.

Yeah, so Zach Galifianakis is playing himself in it. Is it a movie or a TV show? He's making a movie. It's a movie. Yeah. Okay. And Zach, I'm sure, has been on this podcast. Zach, yeah. Multiple times. Many times. Multiple times. Yeah. Well, he's playing himself on it. That's right. Are you playing yourself or are you... I'm playing another character. Another guy. Who's this guy? His name's Rudy. He's... What's his last name? I believe Thurber. Rudy Thurber. Isn't it odd how last names just are the first... Fall away. First thing you forget about a character. Yeah.

I could not name most of my characters. I couldn't name my guy in Brother Nature. Can I test you? We've done this on the show before. Yeah, some of them. I bet I'll remember some. Okay. That script was so thin. There may not have been a certain name to start with. Come on.

We're going to test you. But anyway, continue talking about only murders. So they all go to Hollywood this year. Yeah, well, Hollywood comes to them. Wait, the whole city moves? All of it. Tax breaks. Don't you remember that time when it got really cold in the winter here? That's when we were going to New York. Everyone just moved. It's amazing. It's Eugene Levy. He's playing himself. Eva Longoria is playing herself. Zach is playing himself. And then me and Richard Kind are like...

New neighbors who are... New to each other or new neighbors to... Who are you new? New to the people we know. We're friends amongst ourselves. Okay. And we're new suspects. I'm going to give you a layup here. Maybe we did. Obi-Wan Kenobi, what's your last name? Haja Estri. Yeah, see that's easy because it's a weird name. It's a weird name. All right. Most of these don't even have it listed. I bet I don't even... Yeah, remember first names. Uh...

You don't even remember first names. Okay, great. I'll try you on this. Who were you in the short parking spot? Oh, that's, I was the guy from Eternal, so. Oh, you were Kingo. Oh, okay. Wait, you were, oh, that's a Marvel. It was a thing. That's a Marvel short. Okay. I thought someone just made a short film and cast you and you decided to play the Eternal guy. No, it was, it was a spot. Who were you in the Lovebirds?

Oh, Gibran. Gibran. Do you have a last name? It's not listed. No, I don't think I had a last name. You never had a last name. Gibran Nee? Gibran Nee? Okay, The Twilight Zone. Of course, the famous first episode. Samir Wesson. Yes, that's right. Yeah, wow. How do you know this? I do. I do know that one. Wow. Interesting. Okay, Harmon Quest.

Oh, I have no idea. Eddie Lizard. Eddie Lizard. Of course. That's right. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, most of these do not have last names, but of course... I try and get them stricken from the script. Yes, of course there's Skip Marooch. Skip Marooch. He's coming back. Is he coming back? Bob's Burgers. I just did a new episode with Skip Marooch, one of my favorite shows, one of my favorite...

to play. I love that show. That's a great show, of course, Tall John, one of the writers and producers. One of the great guys in our town. Yes. Just a lovely, lovely man. He's now talking about long legs. All right, long legs. All right, long legs. We'll get to your projects in a second. All right, long legs, what do you have coming up? I'm doing Bob's Burgers. What? What?

Who are you playing? It's a cutaway. I play myself. Okay, it's a cutaway. Sure. Sounds more Family Guy-ish, but okay. I watch Bob's Burgers.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, you know all the characters. I should now. The whole family. The sister that's voiced by a male. Yes. Kristen Schaal. Of course. All of them. Schauls. You've worn Schauls in your life, haven't you? I love a Schaal around fall weather. You've got a Schaal vibe. I'll show him Schaal. You have like an... That would be my catchphrase if I have one. You have an autumnal kind of thing to you. I'm the pumpkin spice of spooky Satan worshipping.

doll making weirdos. But then you strike during April? It doesn't make sense to me. I think it was March, right? Was it March? Well, you should know.

Well, you know, they take creative liberties. Okay. I'm the real long legs. Okay, so what is your day? So it's either Ides of March or Tax Day. It's Ides of March. I'm a Shakespeare head. That's why I couldn't stay quiet in the A block. Got it. Where are the Ides of March, which is from? Of course, Kim Lear. Oh, I do know. No, no, Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar. Of course. That's the only one I've read. Okay. That's the only one you've read. Were you reading it out loud?

Yeah. Yeah, just to hear how it sounds. Yeah, I just wanted to get the rhythms of it, you know? Yeah, of course. It's the only way to read Shakespeare. I memorized it. Let's hear it. Nope. I've had long legs, though, so... Friends! Oh, the big speech. Romans!

This is why you don't get cast in more stuff. Oh, God, I wish. What are you doing the rest of the year when you're waiting for March 14th to roll around? Whittling, gluing, screwing, drilling, brewing, chewing. Screwing and brewing. Screwing and brewing, bro.

I want to make a t-shirt now. That's long legs summertime. Long legs. Long legs in an inner tube. Just river flow. With his fingers Richard Nixon style. And it just says screwing and brewing. Yeah. Impenetrable shirt. Everyone's like, what the fuck is this shirt? Okay, I got to write this down actually. Screwing and brewing. Long legs. Long legs screwing and brewing. Richard Nixon hands. Yep. All right. I'm actually going to make this.

But please don't alert the long legs people. I mean, it must have been very disappointing for you. You go to this film, suddenly your first scene on screen, they're cutting your head off. It's so frustrating. You know, not even me, but my likeness, obviously. Yeah, exactly. And they had me in this old beat up station wagon. That was insulting. Yeah. I drive a Cybertruck. You drive a Cybertruck? Yeah.

I drive a Cybertruck. We got to get to this, Longlegs, because first of all, it's maybe the only... I'm not avoiding it. It might be the only... I went out of my way to bring it up. It might be the only car your Longlegs would fit into. That's exactly right. Longlegs, we got to talk about this Cybertruck. Oh, I was going to suggest it, driving out to Phoenix. That's a beautiful drive in a Cybertruck.

There's no way it's going to make it. Yeah. I mean, you put it on autopilot, right? Right. You have to stop. We get about 200 miles per charge. It just drives you into the ocean instead, doesn't it? I mean. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it just drives in circles. Sometimes it only will drive in reverse. It'll drive to your ex-girlfriend's house. That truck sucks. I'll tell you what the truck will do. It'll drive you crazy. Okay, long legs. All right, long legs. It drives you crazy.

Fine Young Cannibals fan as well. Actually, the first time I heard that was on Muppets Unplugged. Oh, so you heard the good version. And it's Kermit and Piggy and he goes, she drives me crazy. And then Piggy goes, these are good impressions, Longlegs. Yeah, Longlegs, you're good at impressions. I have a lot of time on my hands carving dolls and playing topspin. You do Mulaney?

Huh. That's funny. Hey, you, what are you doing? You've got to be what? 13? Very specific cut from Millennium's latest special. You say you have a lot of time on your hands, but it takes you so long to make a doll. Why don't you just like spend more of your time making these dolls?

Making a doll should only take a week. Right, right. First of all, you should have the parts already to the arms and legs. My thinkies get all cut up and splintered if I try to carve and whittle for too long. And then how am I going to play my topspin? What is topspin? Is that even a sport? What is it? It's tennis. Topspin is the size of the way you hit the ball. You want to hit a ball with topspin. I don't care. When it bounces, it goes faster. Someone's not watching the U.S. Open. Anti-American!

- It's US Open, that's the one anyone can play in? - No. - It's open. - Yeah, but it's open. - That means it's hard to get into. - Wait, it's harder to get into when it's open? - I guess. - Yes. - Yeah, US closed, anybody could, any of us could walk in. - 'Cause it's closed, everyone can do it. - It's closed, everyone's welcome. Open, oh, that's hard. ♪ Number eight ♪ - There we go, episode eight. - That's episode eight. - If that's episode eight, and you're telling me that there are better episodes?

This is crazy. You're fucking. You're fucking with me. I hate liars. Stop fucking with me. I hate liars. Yeah. And that's what people are doing. But no, they're not, Paul. Wait, what? The rest of the episodes are even better. No, but if you're, I'm saying if. Oh yeah, if you're lying, yeah. If you're lying, I hate you. Yeah, if you've ever lied, we hate you. I've never told a lie in my life, never. That was really fun. Taryn came in. Every once in a while, someone will do this where they'll go.

And they'll say like, oh, I'll say, who are you playing? And they'll say, oh, I have two thoughts. And then they'll say their two thoughts. Long legs was one. I can't remember what the other one was. Short legs? And I truly, it does not matter to me. And I just say like-

I don't care. And then they just pick whatever I say, whichever whichever one you have more of a connection to or really want to do or whatever. That's nicer than saying I don't care. I actually think that the other one was someone who had a Cybertruck. And so he wove that in the long legs. Someone who had a Cybertruck. So, yeah.

Yeah, it was very funny. He ended up doing Long Legs on the tour with us in the New Jersey stop, and then he did his own special where Long Legs did his own show where he interviewed other famous movie murderers. Now, Long Legs is, of course, a movie starring Nicolas Cage as the titular Long Legs. Yes. And I felt a little bit bad about it.

The episode coming out so soon after the movie coming out and maybe people hadn't seen it, but I don't think we really spoiled that much that you couldn't just figure out for yourself about Longlegs. He's a weirdo who murders people. He's a weirdo who murders people. That's every horror movie. Right? Right? You got your Jason, you got your Freddy.

The weirdos who murder people. This is a genre. The devil. Who's weirder than the devil? He's a weird guy. He's in a lot of these movies. Guy didn't want to be an angel. He could have been in the Heavenly Band. And it's so good. He's like, no, I'd rather be down here. Yeah. Do you have any forks down here? Sucks. Yeah. Maybe, you know, maybe he just likes fire better than clouds. Hmm.

I get it. Maybe it's really chilly up in heaven. He like invented this whole beef with God just so he could have a big firepower. I mean, you're rolling around up in the upper atmosphere where it's very cold. All you have is a robe. Yeah. You want some fire. A lake of it. A giant lake where people burn endlessly. And you want the worst people from Earth to be around you.

But that was a very fun episode and great to have Kumail back on. And Taryn is very funny, obviously. All right, let's take a break. And we have one more clip to play on this episode.

Yeah, we've already done our Don Cheadle clip, and we've already done our Regarding Henry. So there's one piece of business left to do, which is... Well, two pieces. Oh, that's right. Of course, we're going to play... The Snowman Game. The Snowman Game after this clip. All right, let's take the break. When we come back, we'll have your choice for number seven right after this. Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024, part two.

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Hell awaits you. Save 35% off Diablo 4 and Vessel of Hatred today in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for Mature. Comedy Bang Bang, Best of 2020 for Part 2 and Paul. Yeah, man. We're cracking the top seven. I know. It feels good. We're just gonna crack it. Seven is lucky. Yes. And... Jackpot. Jackpot. Remember, Twin Deeks? No. What the...

Wasn't Dougie, didn't he say jackpot all the time? They called him Mr. Jackpot. Remember Dougie? Shit, I don't remember. Teach me how to Dougie. I do remember teaching you how to Dougie. I couldn't pick it up for the longest time. I don't remember him saying jackpot. Yeah, he was in the casino and you go, jackpot. I was so frustrated by Twin Peaks The Return. I do the...

When I rewatch, I fast forward Dougie parts. Because they ultimately end up not leading. They're enjoyable, maybe, but they're so inessential. I goofed on it at the time on social media and a lot of people got mad at me. But I don't fault anyone for liking it. Oh, no. Enjoy yourself. I liked the balance of weird and narrative that the series had. Yes.

And then when it was all weird, I was like, I don't get what's happening. I just want to know what's happening. Well, we also, we love Agent Cooper, don't we, folks? We do love Agent Cooper. And to have him not be part of that for so long. For so long. He's in the, well, you got evil Agent Cooper, who's great in the first couple episodes. And then you have Dougie for...

Really long time. Eight, 10, I don't know. And then you have Agent Cooper for the last two. Yeah. A little disappointing. But hey, there's still a lot of good stuff, I think, in The Return. And I would love to see them return again. I would love to see generations upon generations of Twin Peaks and just keep coming back to it. Generations upon generations? Yes. Like the Bible? Yes. You want them to begat each other? I was going to say, you want them to start begatting. Yes. Let's watch someone begat.

You know what that means, right? That's just porn. That's just pornography. All right, let's get to it. This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. All right, episode seven. I'm going to give you an episode number that's probably not going to tip you off to anything. Okay, man. Try your best. Episode 859. Oh, I know exactly what this is. You do? Let me give you a date and that'll tell you immediately what it is. It'll confirm your suspicions. Okay.

April 8th. Uh-huh. Sounds to me like it's an episode with, you know, somebody you're doing an interview in the first block and then some characters show up. Am I wrong? Right on the money. Thank you. But April 8th, you know, obviously, what holiday...

This falls. Well, it's so close to wet day. It is the wet day episode. It's the wet day episode. Wet day special 2024. Wet day, of course, is April 12th. Yes. And this was or 10th. I think it's 10th. Or 11th. Who cares? Who cares?

This is our Wet Day special 2024. Now, Wet Day is a holiday invented by Paul and I. That's right. On these very best ofs. On these best ofs three years ago, I believe. Yeah. And we've celebrated it in Comedy Bang Bang proper ever since then. And this is, I think, our third Wet Day special. And who's in it but Paul F. Tompkins himself. There we go.

As himself, for a bit, we're going to first, these clips we're going to hear, we're going to first hear Paul and I talking about Wet Day itself. Part of the fun of these Wet Day specials is now listing what we've said on previous ones. The lore, yes. Yes, the lore. The traditions and customs of Wet Day. Yes.

That has become a tradition into itself or unto itself where we list... Unto itself. Under itself, where we list the previous traditions. So you'll hear us talking about Wet Day. And then I believe the Wet Day episodes before we had Drew Tarver on. Yes. And you guys would play Mike and Spike or Ike? Ike and Spike. Ike and Spike. Mink Salmon. Mink Salmon. Now, Drew...

was very, very busy this year filming a lot of stuff. And I reached out to him constantly. He had no time to do episodes. He did do an episode at the end of the previous year.

But, so he was unavailable. So, but Ryan Gall also does him. Ryan is in this episode, but we have a new addition to Wet Day. We have Aaron Whitehead. Welcome, Aaron, to the Wet Day family. That's right. And we were trying to think of what we could do with Wet Day and what characters ever, previous Comedy Bang Bang characters were ever wet. And we reached out to one who couldn't be there, but we'll talk about that a little later. Okay.

And then we realized that Aaron had a character which is very wet, as did you. And so we're going to hear these clips. Let's just hear it and we'll talk about it afterwards. This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. It is Wet Day!

Once again! Third annual wet day! Can you believe it? Can you believe it's here? I can't believe it. It came so suddenly this year for me. My favorite time of year. I was so dry for so long, and then just suddenly today I woke up, I was wet. I start in October, I start sort of...

like, I don't know, like... Moistening things? Demoistening things? So that they can be... I can, like, moisten everything for wet day. Oh, God, you want to be as dry as possible before wet day. Yes, before... And then wet day eve, of course, is when it begins. Midnight. That's right. Wet day eve, midnight of wet day eve, it begins the... Yeah, midnight on wet day eve, that's when I will turn on the shower full blast. Full blast. I'll put all of the stuff I own in there. Ha ha ha!

And then I climbed on top of it. Everything. Absolutely everything. Gigantic mountain of things. Yeah, because then I can buy all new electronics. That's what's great. We love to shop. Yeah. America has a shopping addiction. We love to shop. Yeah. Well, you know, we hope you're celebrating Wet Day out there with us. We know you are, as a matter of fact. And I want to introduce my guest. He is here for the third annual Wet Day celebration. He is the co-creator of Wet Day as a holiday. Wow.

I mean, I don't know if he's the sole creator of it as anything else, but as a holiday, he's the co-creator of Wet Day. I think that's safe to say. Yeah. And please welcome back to the show, Paul F. Tompkins. Scott, it's great to see you again. So good to see you, Paul. Thank you for having me on the show. I'm the wettest I've ever been right now. Same.

I mean, I thought I couldn't top last year's wet day. I'm sopping wet. I am soaked to the bone. Yeah. I believe I have pneumonia. Yeah. I'm sick. We're going to die for this. I'm shivering. We're elderly men and we should not be doing this. No, I'm shivering. I'm starting to feel very warm. I just feel cozy and I just want to like rest.

For any of you who don't know what we're talking about. And I can't imagine you don't. If you don't celebrate wet day in your own houses for some reason or another. If you're an ET who just got here to planet Earth and you need to know about our customs. And you're pretending to be a human trying to acclimate yourself, trying to fit in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't because of your weird head and long neck and little stubby body. Well, guess what? This will help knowing what wet day is. Yeah.

Because eating Reese's Pieces isn't going to be enough. What happened was approximately three years and three months or so ago. Oh, I said the years. Paul and I were on the CBB Best Of episodes. I forget which year, but you can do the math yourself. And we talked about how...

How did wet day come to be? Well, wet day came to be because we realized that, uh,

After April Fool's Day, most people have dried off from the pranks. Yeah. And they need to get wet again. The bucket, the door jam. And they need to get wet again. They need to get wet again. And so Wet Day was born on April 10th. They have enough time to get dry, that nine-day period. That's more than enough time. Sure, I hope so. For the types of April Fool's pranks that involve water...

Or any kind of liquid. Sure. No, I mean, hey, I want to look. Sure. We celebrate water on this show. Of course we do. Water is one of the best things to get wet with. Yes.

It's 99.5% of the planet. That's right. Our bodies are 99.5% water. That's right. If you touch anyone a little bit hard, they will just go sploosh and dissolve into a puddle of liquid. At the very least, your fingertip will come away damp. That's right. Depending on where you touch them as well. Hello. But we love water, but we don't want to discount the other liquids out there. No. Beer. Liquid soap.

Liquid paper. Sure. We'll take liquid paper. If you want to douse me in liquid paper today, I love it. I love it. It's wet day. Do you think Elmer's glue is not a liquid? You're wrong. That's right. Just pour crazy glue all over your friends. Yes! Gorilla glue! Shout out to Harambe. Oh, yes. Harambe. R.I.P. One thing I did want to mention is we had established wet day eve is celebrated two months before.

Yeah, of course. And what I've said comports with that. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. They fit together. Okay, wonderful. So January 10th is wet day. Ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao. And I have been wet as a judge. Of course, the decorations. I have been wet as a doornail since then. The decorations, we string together popcorn and ice cubes. Yeah. We have a wet day tree. We get the wettest tree we can find. That's right. By the way,

It's just the wettest tree you can find. Any kind of tree. We're not saying that you have to be out there with sopping wet trees. Just the wettest one you can find. Yeah. But it has to be wet. Well, it has to be somewhat wet, but it's like if you live in a dry area where trees are only, you know. A draria. Yeah, just nominally wet, then get the wettest one you can find. Yeah. You put it inside your house and then open the window and bend it so that it leans inside. That's right. Do you put it inside your house and then bend it so it leans inside? No.

I don't know. I think you put it outside your house and you bend it. Outside the house. That's right. Bend it so it leans inside. Yes. Because who wants a tree in their house? Not me. Especially a wet one. Not me. Exactly. Even though we love wet day and everything it stands for, we still don't want a wet tree in the house. Jim Belushi, Grand Marshal of the Wet Day Parade.

There are three wet ghosts. Three years running. Three wet ghosts and wet bed sheets who visit us on wet day. That's right. It's disgusting. One is Ted Danson and the lady from Creepshow. And then Leslie Nielsen, also from Creepshow. That's right.

That's correct. Of course, what do we do on wet day? The Lady from the Creepshow. Her name lost to the mist of time. Probably Christine Forrest. But we don't know. We don't know. Forests get wet. Forests get very, very wet. Yeah, they're just standing out there. The rainforest? Ever heard of it? They are the cover for other things. That's right. Yeah, they're the things that let other things be dry. Yeah.

What do we do on a wet day? We take a longer shower than usual. That's right. 30 minutes exactly to the second, now we're saying. That's right. You have to use an atomic clock. That's right. You have a big wet meal, mainly soup. But you can squirt some mustard in your mouth. You can squirt some mustard in your mouth. You know what I mean? Sleep in a tub. A full tub, of course, full of water. Or whatever liquid you choose. Oh, that's right. Visit wet places. Mm-hmm.

Toss water balloons into local businesses. That's right. They love it. They love it. Take the ink out of a pen, fill it with water, and then put that ink into squirting flowers. That's right. Just sort of swap them. Just switch them. Yeah, just switch them. We sing wet day carols. We have wet ass pussy, of course, is a very big one. It's like the jingle bells of wet day.

It truly is. And it's a little kids know it. They love to sing it. They love it. Of course, we also have going to make you sweat by C&C Music Factory. That's right. Of course, Keith Sweat. Anything by him. Anything by him. Bringing in the sheaves. Even though it's about wheat, you can pronounce wheat as wet. Wet day gifts. A wet car with a wet bow. Yep.

Water bottled. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. This is a holiday, an American holiday that I think we've also established is worldwide, right? I think so, but started in America. It's a global holiday. Much like jazz. Yeah. Global holiday that started in America, much like jazz. Of course you did. Yeah. Yeah. Remember when he loved jazz so much in this musical that he talked about it while jazz was playing? Right. Yeah. I do remember that. It was a musical. It was good. Yeah.

So I think it has the potential, and I think it's not just potential. I think it's on track to kind of replace Thanksgiving with

As the premier American holiday. I think so. And honestly, I don't think anyone's going to celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. We don't like it. Here's what's dry. Turkey. Oh, God. If I have to eat another dry-ass turkey? Yeah. Oh, my Lord. And you know what else is dry? Your elderly parents and their skin. What if Weird Al did a parody of what I suppose they call dry-ass turkey? Dry-ass turkey? This is actually... Do you want to mail that to ourselves? Will he allow himself to say asses?

I think he said it once. He said it once? Maybe he was talking about a donkey, though. Weird Al, would you please consider one day a year calling yourself Wet Al? Just on wet day. Just on wet day. Wet Al Yankovic. Yeah. He'd love it. Because I'm wet. I'm wet. You know it.

But we do need to get to our first wet, wet guest. He is an underwater treasure hunter. Right. And I guess famously for people who haven't heard him on the show before...

He was on the hunt for a certain... The core de la mer. A certain diamond, the core de la mer. The heart of the ocean. The heart of the ocean, of course. I guess most famously seen in the movie Titanic. Yeah. Which I know is a sore spot for you. I'm not ready to go back to Titanic. You're not ready? No. Okay. Meaning the movie or would you go back to the actual underwater... Any day of the week, but the movie, no. Yeah, that's right. It's too painful to watch.

They made a fool of me in that movie. They did.

They did. They did. I mean, we've talked about it on this show. She had that necklace the whole time. The whole damn time. And all she had to do was rip open her blouse. She threw it away. Just give it to me. Yeah. She threw it in the ocean. Why are you doing that? I was just there. You were not even two feet away from it most of the time. You were almost nose to diamond with it. I didn't get to smoke my cigar. Yeah.

Anything else going on down there or? Well, I had kind of a weird encounter. Oh, up above the, the, the. No, no, no. Where is this? Under the sea. This is under the sea? Yeah. Really? Under the sea. Okay. What happened if, if you don't mind me asking? This is weird, but I met somebody.

Oh, like a romantic partner? Well, it's hard to say, but I don't think so. I don't know. I have complicated feelings about it. Okay. Meaning you met someone you didn't... It's so interesting because the ocean is so vast. So vast, man! You don't expect to run into anyone down there. Here's like the weirdest thing I ever see is like those dumb fish that you can see through or they have a...

flashlight on their head or whatever. Right. You know what I mean? The little lantern fish or whatever they're called. Yeah. Oh, that's a good name for them. Yeah. Maybe we should call them that. I was calling them flashlight fish. Fleshlight fish? Come on, man. You know what I should have called them was book light fish. That's what they look like. Oh, yeah, they do. It would be interesting to see a fish in the shape of a fleshlight, wouldn't it though? Yeah. That'd be a fish you would become very rare, I would imagine. Why? Because they'd be, you know, so sought after.

You think that people, rather than using the fleshlight they can buy, they would prefer a fish that looks like a fleshlight. And is the appeal that it's alive? I don't know. Or that it's organic? Probably the organic part of it. Because a fleshlight, I would imagine, is synthetic material. Yeah. What's more romantic than the smell of a rotting fish?

That gets me in the mood. They get one a day. They don't have to run. One a day? Plus five minutes. They're really rare. I'm talking about the fish that are in the deep, deep ocean. Right. Wonderful. So what happened to you down there? Wonderful. So I met a lady. I mean, she's hard to describe. Oh, okay. Can you try? Well, you know mermaids? Yeah, I've seen Splash once or twice in my life. Which is it?

Yeah, I thought so. I don't remember it. So no, I don't know mermaids. So mermaids are like the top half is a lady and the bottom half is a fish. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. So it's like a half and half. It's much like a half and half. Yeah. But this lady that I met, top half lady, kind of. Okay. Bottom half, kind of an octopus. Oh wow. Okay. Okay.

Interesting. And what, do you mind me asking what, I ask this about anyone in a story, what color was she? Was it, I mean, meaning, was it purple like an octopus? Oh, yeah, pretty much purple like an octopus. But like also wearing a, like kind of a black dress that covered all of the... The naughty bits? It must have been bespoke.

It's got to be couture. Did she have any jewelry at all? Yeah, I think like a nice necklace. Yeah, it looks like maybe some sort of a gold. Yeah, like a medallion. Medallion. I mean, that's what caught my eye. I saw the glint of gold and I was like, it's time to punch in, Brock. Oh, you don't punch in until you actually see the... No, of course, I don't punch in. I'm on the clock. That's just a thing I say to myself to get myself psyched up. Right. So...

Interesting because I, this is gorgeous head of hair. Yeah. This is ringing some bells to me. Oh really? Yeah. I think I've met this person. She's actually, she's in the car. Do you mind? She's in the car? Yeah. Is she wet in there? I hope so. Oh yeah. The car is filled with water. Okay, good. Do you drive into like a river or something like that and fill it up with water? No, just fill it up with a hose. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. I mean, uh, could, could, uh, she come in? I think that would be great. Yeah. Hold on a second. Oh, okay. Hey, Ursula.

Come on in! Well, well, well, you finally let me out of the car. Yeah, I did. I understand you've been here before. Oh, does that bother you? I don't know. I don't know how to feel about it. You don't know why you're still hunting the heart of the ocean when you've got the octopussy of the sea right in front of you. So you, Ursula, of course, we all know you. It's so interesting. You're both...

Real people that movies have been based upon. Oh, thank you. You know, most people say that The Little Mermaid was based on The Little Mermaid. Right. And I disagree. I consider it to be a biopic about you. As the antagonist, I absolutely agree. Nothing would have happened without me there. Did you bond over that about having these depictions of you in movies? Yeah, like kind of being...

portrayed as an anti-hero? Yes. Yes. Not quite being seen the way we were. Exactly. All I was trying to do was find some treasure. You know, had I been in your movie, I could have sucked you under the sea, taken your voice and made you a mer-man. Then you could have gotten that necklace right away. Really? How would that have worked? Oh,

I take people's voices all the time. No, I understand that. No, I've seen that part of it. I take their voice out of their lungs. No, I know that part of it. How does he get the Cordula Bear from that? Just by being a mermaid. It's underwater, Scott. Keep up. Yeah, but I mean, the ocean is so huge. Well, because I would have been able to swim around. Immediately. You would have seen where it landed. I could probably swim pretty fast, right? As a merman? Very quickly. How quick? You know those videos where they show...

A bunch of animals racing each other so you know how fast they can go and it's set to the same Katy Perry song. Oh, like a cheetah is always quite fast. Cheetah is always quite fast. But they did a fish one, but there were no mermaids or mermen in there. So we don't know how fast these things are. Well, let me give you an idea. Sure. You know how fast a shark swims? Yeah, real fast.

Not quite that fast. So mermen and mer-ladies, mermaids, I guess, are unable to outrace sharks. Oh, mer-ladies. Hello, 1955. Sorry. Yeah, get modern, Scott. They're mermaids. But sharks can eat mer-people? Sharks can swim faster than a mer-person. Why did you jump right to that? You're talking about speed. If I were a mer-person, I would want to be the fastest thing under the ocean so I could outrace anything.

But, you know, we don't have any... I say we. I'm not a merman yet. Are you considering being a mermaid? I'm thinking about it. You know, speaking of eating mermaids, if you want to... Okay, Ursula. All right. Plant your poor, unfortunate soul patch in my salty garden. I wouldn't have a problem with that. Number seven. Yes. Thank you. Number seven. This caused a lot of people to ship mermaids.

pardon the pun, Brock Lovett and Ursula the Sea Witch. That's right. Brock Lovett, of course, we've talked about. This is a character that you do. Maybe my favorite character. Is it really? The most fun to talk to. It's the one you remember the most. For sure. I just enjoy the hook of this character so much that the two hooks are

And which is perfect for wet day, especially if you're going to be sitting in the middle of the ocean fishing. That's right. But the first hook of the fact that you are looking for the Cordula bear and there was a whole movie based on you. Yes. And the second hook of that you love treasure, but only wet treasure. That's right. It just seems like there's a lot to talk about every time we talk. Didn't we talk? You did Brock in Glasgow, I believe, this year. Yeah. Yeah.

And the wet treasure there was the tap water. The tap water, because they have such good tap water. They're very proud of their tap water. They love it there. Yeah. Um, so this was great. Yes. Uh, and Ursula, the sea witch, she was great. Uh,

when I think when we came up with the idea of like, what if they've met, it, um, delighted us. It was great that Aaron could do, could do that. Um, we didn't hear Ryan. Uh, he came in a little later after this clip as barber Bernie cutch. That's right. Um, but Ryan's very funny. We'll talk about him later. Um,

Any other special memes of episode 859? Wet day special? Wet day's coming up. Just that I had a wonderful time. Wet day eve is in a few weeks. I know. Because it's January something. We talked about it in that clip. That's right. So a lot of preparations are about to happen. I do love the...

the traditions of wet day, how it is celebrated and adding to that is very funny to me. Yes. And the songs, because we're, we keep remembering new songs. New wet day carols. Yes. Yeah. Wet day carols. That's right. Very fun. Happy to get that episode here in the best ofs. All right. That we're coming up towards the end of this episode. We have one piece of business yet to go, yet to go, yet to complete. Yeah.

And that is part two of the exciting Snowman game. It's true. Now, we described the Snowman game in our previous episode. We're not going to do it again, but we're just going to play it. Do we need to start the Snowman in a different place? Or does he always start? Yeah, I feel like we should place him...

Somewhere different. How about at an angle? Okay, this I fear is going to run into the cables. Yes. Oh, yeah, the cables. We're hooked on this little striped candy cane. Yes. All right. Here we go. Three, two, one. Just dancing in place. Turning, turning. Two and a quarter turn. Oh, he's looking sort of over my shoulder. Over your shoulder, boulder holder. Turning again.

Now looking nowhere near either of us. Right at the bathroom door. Right at the bathroom door. Like he has to take a dump. Now, kind of at 11 o'clock as it comes to me. And now he's spinning again. And he... Oh! Oh! Wow! Wow! Yes! Dang, there's no mistaking that. No mistaking it. He's looking right at you. The day after Christmas? Boxing day? Holy shit. To have the... Oh. Gotta get a pick.

Hey, we're selling our POV picks. Yeah. Is that cool? Do you like that? You fucking pervs. Scott and I have a joint OnlyFans account. Where we sell our POV picks of the snowman game. All right. That's, oh man. All right. So we're one and one and one and oh. One and none. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, one to zero. Wow, I love it. Wow. I hope we don't have to go to a tiebreaker. Yeah, overtime? Yeah. Add another episode, a fifth episode. All right, that's going to, yeah, and try to find more better clips. Oh, that's going to, yeah. That's going to, yeah. All right, that's going to do it for this episode. We're going to be back on Monday with part three where we're going to crack the top six. Yeah, it's exciting.

too exciting for words. Yeah, I'm dying. My heart gave out. Oh, no. I'm going to administer CPR. Thank you. We'll be back on Monday. We'll see you then. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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