Best of 2024 Part 4
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Comedy Bang Bang

You think it sounds like Wonnelly? I think it's Wonnelly. I finally figured it out because in between the last episode and this episode, I was listening to my favorite artist, Nelly Furtado. Yeah. Nelly Furtado? Yeah, Nelly Furtado.

This is like hashtag wars all over again. Oh, hashtag wars all over again. Name your favorite artist as a food item. Nelly Frittata. Taco. Don't even have to change the name. Jeff Double Decker. Jeff Decker? Jeff Beck. Oh, Beck. The best are where you can't even figure out what the original source material was. Exactly.

Oh my God. Hey, welcome to the Best of Comedy Bang Bang 2024 Part 4. I also welcome you with open arms. Yes, we'll take all comers. Give us your tired, your poor, your wretched, huddled masses yearning to breathe free. But you know what? Give us your...

like cool people and sexy ladies. Yeah. You know, like let's make sure the majority is maybe that. I mean, obviously give us those, the other ones. Yeah. But maybe throw in some like tens, you know? Yeah, some perfect tens. Yeah.

Welcome to, sorry, apologies for that. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. My name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. With me, as always, on these best of episodes where we, by the end of the day, we have been driven insane by them, is a comedian of note. You've seen him on your television screens. You've seen him in the movie There Will Be Blood. That's right.

You've seen him in the movie Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, playing Dave Grohl as a baby. I think. Please welcome Paul F. Tompkins. Hi, you left out Jack Frost. Playing drunk in audience. Jack Frost. Folks, he is doing the Jack Nicholson hair pullback. Yeah, bro.

How does Jack Nicholson feel like he's like, hey, my voice is already enough. You don't have to make fun of my hairline. That's part of Jack. He had that hairline for a long time. Yeah. He had that for a long time. What's funny is I remember seeing guys who had that same hairline still doing the hand on the head. It's like you don't have to do that. You just point to your head. Yeah. Like Jack Nicholson does. Yeah.

What are we doing here? Can I ask you a question before we establish what we're doing here? So there's Perfect 10 magazine, right? I guess, yeah. Does it still exist? Probably not, right? But they should have magazines for all the numbers. Yeah, like, you know, hey, you're not into maybe, like, it's unattainable.

I mean, here's some sixes. People are into what they're into. Yeah, exactly. Perfect Two magazine. Yeah. Perfect. Oh, she's a perfect two. And what about Imperfect Tens? Yes. You know, I want to see those. Yes. They're like, they're tens, but they've been like damaged in transit. And here's what I think all women are tens. They are. So that's why Perfect Ten magazine is.

There aren't other numbers because all women are 10. My Perfect 10 Magazine is just a magazine where you open it up and it's a dictionary definition of the word woman. My Perfect 10 Magazine is you open it up and it's a picture of my wife and everyone can buy it and everyone can see it.

Guys, we're not usually like this. We've been driven insane. Not on mic. We tape. Not on mic. We like locker room talk. Of course. Of course. After every episode, we hit the showers. We are, of course, this is our fourth. It's part four of these episodes. Paul and I tape these all day in one day.

And we are driven insane by them. And then we spend the rest of the year recuperating. The rest of the year. Yes. Yeah. And we tape all the year's episodes immediately preceding these episodes. It's Santa style. Open Santa style. Open Santa style. It's like he is exhausted after Christmas, right? But then when does he start?

doing this shit again? When does he start? Like, because when does he have to wait for kids to send out their lists or does he anticipate things that they will probably want? There probably is. It's like the chain of demand. It's like any toy supplier. You know what the big sellers year after year are, what your staples are. Stretch Armstrong. Of course. And nothing else. Tyco race car set. Nope. Just Stretch Armstrong. So he gets started on Stretch Armstrong's probably December 20 because he takes December 25th off.

Well, yeah, because he's done by then. Yeah. Yeah. And so then December 26, he goes, maybe he'll do a half day. Wouldn't you hate to be the fucking, the last stop on Santa's trip? Yeah. Because it's like 1159 on Christmas Eve. It's like, am I not getting presents this year? Yeah. Yeah.

I just realized what I said didn't make any sense. Because the idea is to get them all into the tree before Christmas Day. Yeah. Which he does. Which he does. He's the best at it. Yeah. Probably better at doing Santa shit than anyone else in the world. Oh, 100%. Yeah. 100%. There have been some people who have, like, you know how UPS was like, oh, we'll do it better than the post office, but you have to pay us more. Yeah. There have been Santa competitors. Yeah.

who have been like, I'll get presents to you quicker. That's right. You just got to pay me. Yeah. And those people are all dead.

Yeah. Because they didn't take into account. Santa's immortal. Yes. That's so, that's such a big part of it. It's a huge part of it. So they had a good run, I mean, of like 80 years, but then they all died off. Yeah, that's right. And now who's got the last laugh? And also. And that laugh is a little like this. Ho, ho, ho. What a shitty thing for Santa to show up and somebody's already put presents under the tree. Yeah. And he's like, what the fuck? Why did I come all the way out here? Yeah. Yeah.

Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. We agree.

How come New Year's Eve? Remember Rankin-Bass did Rudolph's shiny New Year and they were trying to get like a New Year thing going? What? I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they had the baby New Year. What did, I mean, okay, so Rudolph, he's tired from Christmas. Yeah. Then he's got to do another big adventure on New Year's? Yeah, I can't remember what happened. I don't remember if they had to rescue the baby New Year or something like that. Oh my God, this asshole. But it didn't really catch on. I don't remember it. There you go. I'd love to see it.

I would want for you to see it. If you have a copy of this and you see me on the street, just stop me and show it to me on your phone. Okay, here's the thing. If you have a VHS copy of this and you see you happen to see one of us on the street. I hope you better have your VCR ready. You can't just track us where we're going to be. This has to be a natural occurrence. I will share my location with you, but you can't look at it.

Yeah, same. Yeah. And this is, we're all in the honor system here. But what I'm suggesting is you have to have that copy, the VHS copy of Rudolph Shining New Year on you at all times. All times. On the off chance. That you see us. Because we're talking about magic here. We're talking about Christmas magic. We're talking about New Year's magic. And so wouldn't it be magical if you had that VHS on you and you happened to run into one of us?

I promise we will watch the entire thing. No matter who we're with, no matter where we're going, no matter what our plans are. We will immediately stop. If we just bought a hot lasagna, who cares? Cool it down. If Scott and I went in on a hot lasagna, which we like to do. We go halfsies, although for Paul...

He only pays for a third of it, usually, because of the tip. He's like, oh, yeah, we're going to have these. He pays for half of the lasagna. Yeah. Leaves me with the tip. That's what we agreed to do. Tipping is not a law. Oh, my God. Okay. We were out to dinner recently with someone who picked up the check.

And this person left, obviously, a huge tip for the server. Yes. Because the guy came back to have a quiet conversation with our friends. A quiet, like, thank you very, very much. I experienced this a couple of times where you just, like, someone's so good that you leave 50 to 60% tip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or just a giant tip or whatever. Yeah.

The person kind of has to come back to make sure you haven't made a mistake. Yeah, absolutely. It's kind of a nice thing to do to be like, you may have made a mistake here. I did that. I did it one time. And the person came back and asked, exactly, asked me, is this on purpose? Yeah. I was like, yes, it is. Yeah. So that's nice. But yeah, I really wondered how much it would be. Because first of all, we went out to dinner.

And the agreement between us all is that we're all going to chip in for this dinner equally. And this person just pulled, just big-timed us. Yeah. In a way that everyone was fine with. And that's enough. Like, sure, then just leave the customary, you know, 25% or whatever you leave. I'm just realizing something. Yeah. He was picking that check up and left that gigantic tip. Yeah.

As a way of apologizing to the server for us. Yes. He was embarrassed of us. He was embarrassed by us, yeah. Oh, this makes me sick to my stomach. I hate him. Who does he fucking think he is? Yeah, he's so much better than us. We're great.

Yeah, we're okay by ourselves. What we did at that table was fine. Have you ever done a thing where like you've been out to dinner with a friend? This is especially like when I was young and had no money. Yes. And you go out to dinner with a friend, another friend who's young and has no money. You go half on it or even back when you have no money, you decide how much your share of it was. You know what I mean? And then-

You leave the table and you notice how much your friend has tipped and it sucks. That has happened to me. And then you have to go back to the table and put some more money in as to not be embarrassed. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Because it's like they left... People are always doing that to me. They let...

Where are you getting these tips? I'm saying I'm the first. Oh, you're the guy? Oh, I see. That would be funny if I told the old switcheroo. I was going to say, how are you getting tips? I would love to get tips. Like after the show? Hey, guests on Comedy Bang Bang, give me a fiver on your way out the door. Yeah, not me though.

It would be weird. Should we pool our tips? We should pool our podcast tips at the end of the year. By the way, so many people came out to see us on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour this year. Would it have killed you to tip us on your way out? Yeah. Hey, I get if you don't want to spring for the VIP package. I understand. But you can't slip me fucking $5. During the show, you can't just come up on stage and just like hand a $20 to us? We got to put out a snifter.

We got to put a snifter at the side of the stage. Just at the side of the stage that people can come up. By the way, we met someone at the LA show who said, who gave me a wrapped present. Oh yeah, what was it? He said, oh, you and Paul during, I think one of the best ofs mentioned that during the tour, you wanted people to give you watches during the show. And I said, what? Right.

So he gave me a watch. Nice. So thank you, sir. Yeah, thank you. And also you pointed out that I also asked for that and I did not get a watch. Well, I mean, it seems like a one watch per show kind of thing. I can split the watch with you. I'd love to, Casey and Kulop do that with the jacket. Do they really? Yeah, they share a jacket. That's adorable. That's adorable. And one of them will call each other and say, hey, I need the jacket for this weekend. Oh!

I love that. I love that. But I get the watch through Christmas. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. So you can talk to me in 2025. Although we're in 2025 right now, it's January 2nd. So I'm talking to you, bitch. Give me that watch. Oh, shit. He's got a gun. Um...

What are we doing here? We are counting down your top episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that you have voted on from 2025. Glad people voted on something. Jesus. Um...

Hey, what are you going to do? The world is what it is. Hey, what are you going to do? That's the country we have. But you guys voted for what we did was we got giant computers and built the biggest website you've ever seen. Yeah. And it had a list of every single episode that we put out this year. And then everyone was able to pick 10 of these episodes, their favorite 10. We have then taken all those votes.

Found the top 14 episodes. Today, on this episode, we're going to hear the top three. Yeah. And I'm excited that we got all of this tabulated before we asked the big computer, what is love? Yeah. And then it went crazy. Smoke coming out. Ticker tape spitting out all over the place. Oh, my God.

And we didn't feed any ticker tape into it. No? Where did they get the ticker tape? I have no idea. I don't even know. Where does anyone buy ticker tape these days? During a parade, obviously, they're passing it out. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But the top three, this is the creme de la creme. Ticker tape parade. Confetti was already a thing. Yeah. So did somebody forget? Like the first ticker tape parade, did somebody forget to buy the confetti? Let's just use ticker tape.

We have plenty of that. It's so popular. It's like long confetti. What was it used for?

Just in general. It was like a news device that would give you information. Printouts and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to look up the actual definite. Oh, guess what? Tickertape.com comes up. Fuck off. Tickertape.com? The first thing that comes up is, okay, it revolutionized financial markets. Thank you. Because you could transmit stock price over telegraph lines. See? Stock. You going to buy some stock this year?

Oh, yeah. I love it. I love to buy stonks. Anyway, we're going to hear the creme de la creme. That means the cream of the cream, by the way. The best of the best, the cocoa of cocos. And this is the top three. Plus, we're going to hear your choice. And when I say your, I mean you, Paul, your choice for the top three.

Don Cheadle clip in Ocean's 11. Right. And that covers if he's talking about Ocean's 11 in an interview or Ocean's 12. Sure. And I'm going to open it up to Ocean's 13. Okay.

But I do prefer if it's a clip of someone coming up to Don Cheadle and saying how much something sucked. We'll try to find that. We've heard two so far. Our hearts go out to Don Cheadle, who apparently has a rough time of it. And again, leave Don Cheadle alone. And again, hashtag...

Cheetly needle. Cheetly needle. And he'll know what that means if he comes across it, which means we need him on Comedy Bang Bang this year. Aren't hashtags so helpful when you see a hashtag and you click on it and then it's just other shit with that hashtag, but nothing that says, here's what this means.

I feel like we were close to Cheadle when he was on Black Monday. Yeah. But we could never land it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Don, we need you. We were too scared to ask Paul Scheer to make it happen for us. Yeah. Because Paul Scheer owes us each. Yes. I think seven. He owes me seven favors. How many does he owe you? He owes me nine favors.

And we've never cashed them in. No. We just keep accumulating them. It seemed ungentlemanly to cash them in. So, but we should have used one of them on Don Cheadle. Do you think he has Cheadle's number? Oh, yeah. Okay, so what if we said, well, the two of us will erase the favor board if you get Cheadle on this show. That's 16 favors. Are we sure we want to cash these in just on Cheadle? I want him bad. Cheadle, we needle. We needle.

Sheardle for needle for cheetle. Hmm. Sheer will go clear. Scientology-wise. Because sheetle and needle. So no more debts and you will be a Scientologist. Yes. I like this. So it's two favors. It's give us on cheetle and become a Scientologist. We're also going to be hearing the number one question.

Bit of behind-the-scenes trivia regarding the movie, regarding Henry. Yeah. I'm excited. I'm very excited. You're going to love this one. Plus, we're going to hear the climactic conclusion of the snowman game. Yeah. This is going to be the time of your life listening to all of this. And I envy you. I wish I could be the person hearing this instead of having to perform it.

Everyone gets to enjoy this but us. Well, we're hearing it now. That's true. Yeah. So we're hearing it before anyone else. That's a good point. We're better than you. Focus on that. Mm-hmm. Now, obviously the first thing we have to do. Yeah. When you're talking about the numbers one, two, and three. Yeah. You got to get to number three first, right? Let's do it. You got to do it. Do it right now. We got to do it. Here it is. Pull the bandaid off. Your choice for episode number three. Number three.

All right. Number three. This is episode 863. Dang. Getting pretty high up there in the 800s. Pretty high. Let me give you a date. May 6th of 2024. May the 6th be with you. Yes. What happens at the beginning of May, Paul?

Well, the flowers bloom. That's true. We usually take a weekend off to go smell them. We celebrate our glorious communist country. Uh-huh. We dance around the maypole. Of course, of course. We ask old people to jump off a cliff. We ask them. Yeah, always with consent. I beg them sometimes. Wow, because who wants to do it, really? Yeah.

And that's it. Well, there's one thing you forgot, Paul. What? Comedy Bang Bang started the first week of May of 2009. So this episode is the 15th anniversary show. That's got to be it. It is it. Oh, I guessed it. Yeah. You didn't guess it. I told you. I can't believe I guessed it. Okay.

All right, who do we have? We have Jason Mantzoukas making another appearance. We have Paul F. Tompkins. We have Andy Daly. We have Lily Sullivan, Tim Baltz, Sean Diston, Vic Michaelis, Lisa Gilroy, and Will Hines. All right, so we're going to hear Jason Mantzoukas is my co-host. Then, Paul, you come in as Original Fig. That's right.

The liquor store owner. The liquor store owner himself. Then we have, and I mentioned that we were trying to get someone for the Wet Day episode. We have Andy Daly as Neptuna. That's right. This happened a couple of weeks after the Wet Day episode. Andy couldn't make the Wet Day episode, but really wanted to do Neptuna again. Let me just explain Neptuna. Andy did Neptuna in an episode probably like 200 and something, a long time ago.

And this is an underwater character from Atlantis or something. It's like kind of a merman. Yeah. And he does it, or at least he did it, you know, 10 years or so ago by having a glass of water in his mouth and gargling as he talks. Yes. And I remember people hated it. It was divisive. It was very divisive. Yeah.

And it really makes me laugh that he waited another decade and decided to come back. And now everyone loves it. It's like the world caught up to Neptuna. Yeah, that's beautiful. So we're going to hear Andy Daly as Neptuna. And then we're going to hear a little bit of Lily as Francesca Bolognese, the social media expert. We are going to hear some more of Tim Baltz as Randy Snuts.

Then we're going to jump to Lisa Gilroy, who comes in as my Nana. And then we're going to hear Will Hines as the bronze boogie boarder. Let's hear it. This is your choice for number three. Number three. Before we get too far in the weeds about it, this is a very special show. You want to know why? Tell me.

It is the 15th anniversary episode. Wow. Wow. 15 years. And it's crazy. You look great, by the way. Thank you. When you started, you were 45. Sounds like you're teeing something up. Okay. You were 45 when you started? You look fantastic for 60. Thank you so much. You're not incredibly far off. That's why usually exaggeration works if you go really far, but...

Look, 15 years ago, it was 2009, we started this show, and we're in our quinceañera. And yeah, we've all put on pretty dresses. Yes. And we're taking pictures by the fountain. I love this. Well, anyway, Jason, look, it's the 15th anniversary. Who knows who's going to drop by? Well, I do know one person who's going to stop by. You do have an open door policy. I do, yes. So anybody might join, or nobody. It might just be you and I. I don't believe you two have ever met before.

He is the owner of Gastemony Liquor and Scratcher. And please welcome back to the show, Original Fig. Hey, Scott. Thanks for having me. Hey. It's so good to have you. Jason, nice to meet you. Great to meet you. How are you doing, guys? I'm good.

I'm good. Yeah. 15 years. Have you ever done anything for 15 years? How long has Guess Them Any Liquor been open? Oh, well, I took it over from my dad when he retired. Oh, you did? Yeah. What was it called then? It was called the same thing. Yeah. Oh, because I thought you called it that because you're a big true crime fan. Yeah. The Bible is the original. It's my favorite true crime book. Yeah. So you named it as a kid? I named it as a kid. Oh.

So even as a kid, that was your favorite book. I've been a true crime buff forever. I feel like I was the first one. Yeah. Well, those are some of the first crimes. That's right. I mean, like a lot of crime is invented. Yeah. Well, eating the apple makes us aware that some of these things are crimes. Shout out to Cain and Abel. First murder. Yeah. Best to ever do it, I would say. I mean, to gain the knowledge between good and evil. Cain.

Cain, like, invented the genre of murder. Yeah. He did, yeah. Not even Satan did that. Like, honestly, we wouldn't be... Even Satan was like, whoa, dude. We wouldn't have Hannibal Lecter but for Cain. Yeah. He is an underwater creature from the lost city of Atlantis. Please welcome back to the show, Neptuna. Thank you, God.

Oh. Oh, as quickly as you could. Because you missed wet day by over three weeks. No, no, April 10th.

We're in May already. Yeah. How long did it take you to get here? Yeah. I wonder if this is anything to do with like climate change or like. Yeah. Or daylight savings. The two things that can make someone late. I don't know. I'm just I'm trying to help the guy out. He seems so distraught.

oh yeah the international dateline oh the dateline oh you must love dateline hold on neptuna of course i love dateline oh it's great what um do you think you got mandela affected i don't know what you should probably explain it to him do you know who nelson mandela is who he's a land creature

The best way to describe Nelson Mandela is he's a guy who lived on land. You start there and then zoom out.

Oh, of course. But I wouldn't know much about him. Okay. Well, Neptuna, it's great to have you back, regardless of if it's belated for wet day or not. Well, it's wonderful to be here. Well, it's wonderful to have you, Neptuna. I mean, the last time you were here, you had come to warn us of an impending war between... And I am still warring.

You have to renew a warning? Like renewing your vows?

Well, I got to ask, Neptuna, this war that is supposedly coming, we see life in humanity. How are you guys going to all survive up here? I mean, you haven't lasted 10 minutes without me throwing water on you. I know. The plan is not for the sea creatures to invade the land. The plan is a coordinated attack when you're on your so-called boats.

Okay, so when we're on hovercrafts and jet skis and stuff, you guys are going to... You went right to hovercraft. Yeah. Hovercrafts and jet skis? He said boats. Boats, sure. And you corrected it as hovercrafts and jet skis. I'm just imagining the summer. This must be taking place in the summer. Neptuna, Neptuna. Original fig, Gethsemane garden and scratcher. Oh.

Are you, is it only people that are on boats or you have no plan to come on to land to do anything? Of course not.

The plan is that all of the creatures of the sea, I'm talking about whales. I'm talking about sharks. I'm talking about octopuses and squids and things you haven't even heard of. The whales have been attacking boats. They've been attacking the propellers and other things. Oh, is that part of your thing? I have been bending the hill whales for the years. Are you single? No.

What do you ask me? What's your favorite pig out food? What's your guilty pleasure movie? Stop trying to distract me! What's your guilty pleasure Sunday afternoon? The killer whales are attacking Speedball! All right, well, we got to get to this plan. But before we do, we need to bring in our next guest.

She is a social media manager who is here to give us tips about how to use our devices and telling us how to get rid of all these dings. But she's here to help us with all these with tips. Please welcome Francesca Bolognese. Oh my God, every time with a fucking tip. I don't give a tip.

- You must have one tip though. - Yeah, my tip is go kill yourself. - Wow, wow, KYS. - Now Scott, are you gonna take that tip?

What have you been up to? For the listener who doesn't know who Francesca is, Francesca worked at Bed Bath & Beyond. Bed Bath & Beyond, they did a social media account. Oh, that's what it was. Well, I did a social media account for them, but I didn't have to run the account. What I did is I responded to comments on the account. I say, for example, I don't know, Instagram, for example. Sure. And then I go in the comment and I say, I went to Bed Bath & Beyond. I bought a refrigerator.

I open the freezer. That's probably in beyond. I have never seen. My guess is maybe I haven't made it down to the basement levels, but I have not seen. I don't think appliances are part of it, but maybe it's covered in beyond. Okay. I went to bed back in beyond. I bought a car. I bought a Hyundai Sonata. I buy a Kia. I open the

fucking refrigerator and inside I find a bunch of tiny little buns of hair buns of hair tiny buns tiny buns of hair top knots cut off of people's heads oh in the freezer in the freezer

Neptuno, you don't like to hear about freezers, right? You don't like to think about the water of the earth freezing. Oh, well, I mean, up in the poles where it's supposed to be cold, that's fine. But you ever read that Vonnegut book with Ice Nine in it, Cat's Cradle? No. I've read God Bless Mr. Rosewater. Breakfast of Champions? That's fine.

Welcome to the monkey house. That's it. All right. Anyway, Francesca, so you would write to these people. Yes. So I respond to comments like that. And I say, okay, Braxton from New Jersey.

I'm so sorry you buy a refrigerator with a bunch of top knot in the freezer. You find the hair because you a piece of shit. Why you not take your family of four go drive up a cliff in your Kia's rental? So you would tell these customers that and then they would retract their claim? No, no. No, they would just feel bad about it. How do you find out what they drive?

I go to their Instagram. I see the picture of the smiling family. - Oh wow. - On a vacation in fucking Hurricane Utah. - Where? - Hurricane Utah? - Hurricane Utah. - Hurricane? - Hurricane. - Hurricane. - Hurricane Utah. - So you do like a deep dive on these people if they say I found hair in something. - Yes. I find out where they live or where they work, how much money they make. - Then you can do like a targeted roast.

Yes, and I say, I'm so sorry, Daniel, for your job working in marketing. I fucking... Let me think of a marketing place.

I mean, any place, really. Lots of places have marketing. Where could someone do marketing at? A broad spectrum of corporations. Spectrum? Anything. Spectrum. Marketing department of the spectrum. Okay. Okay. Our interest is peaked. Yeah.

Yes. Your mind are blown. My question for you, Francesca, is having now shared time with you multiple occasions, it seems like a lot of Bed Bath & Beyond products are finding, people are finding hair in them. Yes. It's funny you know that. Is there an epidemic of... Now, where's that originating from? You mentioned top knots. Yes, so those appear to be coming straight off of scalps. Yes.

It's not just like, oh, there's sweepings of hair from a barbershop. This seems like people are... Was it like a massacre of the cast of Bunheads? Yes, well, you know, people think it is Mr. Beyond. Wait, there's an actual Mr. Beyond? Yes, Mr. Beyond. What? CEO of Mr. Beyond. Or is it Mrs.? Yes, but they die. Oh.

Oh, they died. They died. Mr. Beyond Remains. They choke on hair and they die. Okay. Wow. Okay. So hair again. This could be true crime for you. I'm getting excited. The original fig. You might be onto something. I'm getting excited. This could be a spinoff. Yeah. Have you spun off a true crime podcast? No, we got to do a CBB Presents true crime podcast with the original fig. Hosted by the original fig. I'm going to hold you to that original fig. We just made it happen right here. Okay.

I have a saltwater taffy shop. I would think that would be very normal. I think the unique thing would be to have a fresh water. Did you say taffy or toffee? That's a taffy. Okay. We probably should talk about that more. Francesco. Francesco.

All right. Well, look, we need to get to our next guest. Oh, my God. Okay, fine. We can get to someone else, I guess. Yeah. He is... I first got to know this gentleman when he had a job replacing the ice in the urinals at my favorite restaurant, Damiano's. Dadomio's. Dadomio's, sorry. Yes. What did the pandemic do to your fucking brain? I got mom brain right now. Yeah, the long COVID for sure. The longest COVID. All right.

Billy Joel. I'm sorry, it's called Daddy-O-Mios? Da-Domios. Da-Domios. It went out of business because their takeout sucked. 2020 was hard for a lot of people. Let's take back to it.

What's that? Didodudios? No, Dodomios. Dodomios. Is there something? Am I Mandela-ing my own mouth? Is it Diodorios? Now, I'm starting to get the impression that you guys are fucking with me. Oh, no. We're sorry to do that. But let me welcome you to the show. Please welcome Randy Snuts. Oh, nice. Finally, a welcome. Hi, Randy. Just seven minutes of shitting on my head.

Just kidding. Thanks for the welcome. I'm hungover right now. What's going on? Why are you hungover? From Twisted Fest. Oh, you guys had Twisted Fest recently. I don't know when this episode claims to have been recorded. I'm confused about that, too. The canon for me is that it's being recorded on 420, and I'm very upset that you invited me here. I beg your pardon, Randy. I didn't mean to invite you on a day that was so precious to you. Yeah, because this is the people's Christmas.

Jesus rolled out of the tomb, took like 17 days, and then hooked back up with the apostles and...

lit the fattest spliffs. I did not read that part of the Bible. I mean, original fig here is a Bible enthusiast. Yeah. A bibliophile? I'm a, hey, yeah, I never made that connection before. Yeah. But I guess I'm a bibliophile. The original book. As a true crime aficionado, I feel like Jesus' trial was a kangaroo court. Ha ha ha!

I feel like the charges were trumped up. Get him a new trial. And I think they executed an innocent man. That's what I've been saying. He didn't even have time to appeal. No. There was no appeal process. I don't think he even had legal representation. He rode a donkey into town for Passover. Put him on the fucking cross. So you know Jesus. I know Jesus. Wait.

And you know, above, did Jesus go to Atlantis? Did Jesus go underwater? He walked on the water, right, Jesus? Was he too good for it? Oh yeah, if he walks on the water, does that mean you like him or you hate him? I don't like him at all. Like, come on in, man. See, we don't like him on wet day because he refused to get wet. That's right. I don't like him either.

You're on record not liking Jesus. I'm not a fan. I think it was intentionally provocative to ride that donkey in the town. He was asking for it. Can you please reopen the bathroom door and give me the access to the faucet? Okay, yeah. No problem.

I need to stay wet. Neptune, is it possible you could go back home, like, through the toilet? Oh, yeah, I can. There has to be a hole. In the toilet? At the bottom of the toilet, there needs to be a hole. I don't know if that's standard. I think it is. Okay, good.

That's all I mean. And then I can get to the ocean. And that's one of the problems. Your sewage system leads to our habitat. You must stop polluting the ocean. You're probably shitting in your own ocean. Yeah, but that's different. Hey, do you ever see any of those big albino alligators down there?

No. I like to reside in the ocean. No, in the sewer. In the sewer. He talks to me like I'm the dumb one. You guys are a good duo. I would listen to this podcast of the two of you trying to solve underwater true crime. Do you want to guest on my true crime podcast? Yeah, absolutely.

The first thing is we're going to investigate the Bed Bath & Beyond mysteries. Mr. Beyond is to blame. Who is this shadowy figure? I introduce you to him. I make a connection, you know? A connection is made. Thanks, Elastica. If Francesca is on the show, you might have to modulate her voice if she wants to be anonymous. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah.

It's very special. It's a 15th anniversary show, and it's very special to me to be doing something this long. So I wanted to invite someone who is very special to me. Please welcome my Nana. Hello, Scott! Happy birthday! Hi, Nana. You're finally 15. I didn't think you'd make it. Ah, Nana. The show is 15. I'm a little bit older than you. Happy birthday, Scott. It's not my birthday. That's a little it. Happy birthday, Scott. Thank you very much. Wonderful to have you now. Now that you're finally 15, I can tell you a few things, boy.

Oh, gee, okay. What do you want to tell me? Hopefully I don't know any of it. Well, your mother made me promise I wouldn't tell you until you turn 15. Oh, okay. Happy birthday, sir. Sure, all right. But yeah, tell me, what do you have? Okay, well, have you ever wondered why your crotch hurts all the time? Oh, God.

I guess. Yeah, sure. Something, well, it's Nana's secret. You were in a moto-scootoo accident. A modal-scootoo accident? A moto-scootoo? A moto-scootoo accident? I said what I said. Bitch. Oh, bitch. Nana's very salty when she gets like this. He was in a moto-scootoo accident when he was just a baby. And all of you at his birthday party with the gall to laugh at him.

He walks around with a throbbing ache in between his legs from the motoscootoo. That's, by the way, why we named you Motoscootoo. I think my name's Scott, actually. Did you shorten it? Happy birthday, Scott. Happy birthday. Nana, where are you from, dear? I'm from, well, I'm from, I'm a mixed kind of, I guess, what's it, England? Ha ha ha ha!

Right, Scott? Yeah, I mean, yeah. You think you have a lovely speaking voice. There's a bit of a lilt to it, you know? Yes, I'm from the greater European continent. You're from the continent? Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah, that big one. The greater European continent. That's why. Not the lesser European continent. Of course not!

Was there anything else you wanted to tell me on my 15th birthday? Or was that it? Why did you feel like it was that important to tell him about his painful crotch? We wanted to wait until he was 15 so as not to, you know, bottle up his brain. But now that you know the truth, it's also, you know, time for 15-year-olds going to start having sex soon. Do you know what sex is, Scootoo? I have an okay idea of it. He has no fucking idea what sex is.

Say what you think it is. Come on, be cool. I'll tell you something. He needs help. I think it's when a man and a... Oh, my God. Scott's shorts are getting... Smoke is coming out of Scott's ears. Ticker tape coming out of his mouth. Human beings. There you go.

- Well, we have to get to our next guest. He is, well, there's no other way to put it. He's a traveler. Welcome, a traveler. - Behold, behold, panelists, tis I, the bronze boogie boarder, a galactic traveler who has abandoned his responsibilities and needs a place to crash. - We turned you down. You can talk right into the mic if you like. - You turned me down? Okay, good.

Wait a minute. Behold, a lot of headphones came off the ears. My apologies. Where are you traveling from? I'm traveling from the farthest reaches of space. I was the servant of a world-eating entity, and I abandoned my post. What's that mean? Well...

Try to judge the quickest way. Abandoned my post? Abandoned my post. No, that I got. You got that part. Oh, okay. Yeah, it means I had responsibilities. No, no, no, I got that. You got that part. I mean the world-eating entity. A world-eating entity. A giant genderless creature. Genderless? Well.

Well, actually, I never thought about it until this moment, but I... Did you ever see it having sex with anything? No, no, I never did. But sex is not a great gender, so I'm wondering, did you ask? Well, you know, I'm just realizing now it was a humanoid creature, an indeterminate gender. But your second descriptive word was genderless. That was number two. I've never described him that way, but I...

Yeah, I wouldn't describe anyone that way either. Well, no, that's not what I mean. I was going to say giant humanoid man, right? But then I was summoning my image of it and realized, well, it's not really male presenting. Does it have a codpiece or anything like that? Stop distracting him! The thing he's describing eats world! Ha!

Well, that's what I want to ask about. Yes. So this creature... Entity, yes. Sorry, entity. Sure. Just because he doesn't have gender, we don't have to call it a creature. Ha ha!

The creature's not pejorative, I don't think. Okay, all right. Wow, we're really hung up on this. But it's big enough to eat worlds? Yes. You mean like planets? Correct. So did it come from a gigantic planet itself? Its origin is unknown to me. What about Uranus? Oh, I love it. I love it. All right. Do you and this creature ever make jokes like that? No. No.

I wish we did. It's a very cold, well, it was a very cold and business-like relationship. My job was to scout planets for it to devour. Oh, okay. That's not good. No. Yeah, what are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking? So I quit. Oh, you quit? Oh, because you're not scouting for him. After how long?

Couple millennia. 2000 years. That's a long time. Not really a couple millennia. How long ago did you quit?

I call it the will anymore. Earlier today. I got to tell you. What's up? You sound like a bad person. What are you saying? 2,000 years you scouted out planets for this guy to eat. How often was he eating? It took you 2,000 years to say, maybe I shouldn't do this anymore. How often was he eating? Like three times a day like us humans do? No, no, no. Not that often. How often? Twice a week. Twice a week? Twice a week. For 2,000 years? Yeah, give or take. How long is a week?

In the... Where he lives. I don't know how to answer that question. Two days, but...

I'm fond of the people of this planet. I find that- You've been here before? Oh, yes. Scouting? Scouting it, yes. Come on, bro. I'm sorry. I know it's not cool. Wait a minute. This is just what we need to unite land dwellers and sea creatures against a common foe. This is like the end of Watchmen. You think we should attack him? Wait, wait, wait. What are you hinting at? Huh?

Slow down. This is our common enemy, this guy? No! No, I quit! I quit earlier today, like six hours ago. That's exactly what the person who was here to bring about destruction would say. Oh, come on. Don't start playing that game. I bet you do this all the time. You're scouting right now, aren't you? No, I mean, I can't help it.

I'm on autopilot a little bit with scouting, but I don't do it efficiently. What's the criteria you're looking for? You know, you got a lot of flesh walking around. Oh, this is, this guy's a fucking creep. You don't know. This guy's a perv. He's just coming to check out our flesh and then let someone else eat us. This is a child's birth.

All right, number three. This was fun. This was a fun one. This was really, really fun. I believe we're making Dread Zeppelin references that don't yet make sense. Oh, is that true? Yes. I mean, they made sense in the chronology of time, but they don't make sense. If you have not heard any of these episodes, you don't know why we're talking about Dread Zeppelin. Oh, I see. Yes, that's true. But also...

Paul, Original Fig, and I don't know whether we heard it in this clip, but Original Fig and Andy Daly as Neptuna agree to be on a true crime... Original Fig has a true crime podcast. No, he's a true crime buff. Yes, but we agreed that you were going to have a podcast. Yes, that he and Neptuna would do a true crime podcast investigating something with Costco. Well, it was going to be about the... Was it going to be about the Bible? I can't...

We just heard this clip, so I can't remember. But in any case, yes. So we tried to schedule this once. Yes. And everyone had too much shit going on. That's right. And we never tried again. But we'll get there. Never say never. We'll get there. By the way, I meant to say when Carl was doing Lothario Lewis, we agreed to maybe do a... Scott hasn't seen about the movie Hitch together. Neither of us have seen it. So...

We got to make that happen as well. Yeah, you do. Yes, of course we do. You must. Yeah, that was a fun episode. Everyone ganged up on Will. It was really, I mean, I'm of two minds on that because I want Will to do his thing. Yes. But it is fun.

When he introduces a character that's based on the Silver Surfer, and he explains like, yeah, it was my job to go around and find suitable planets for him to destroy. And to say like, hey, that's fucked up. That's terrible. What a terrible thing to do. You're akin to... It's genocide. You're akin to Hitler. It becomes funny to hear this Silver Surfer try to justify it. Yeah, it's like, well, I had to do it because of my planet. And it's like, well, so your planet is so much better than ours. It was really...

I don't know. It's very funny. I think Will is, I believe Will is okay with that. Like he expects it to happen and he's fine with it. But it does, it does, it weirdly does feel a little like bullying. It's as close as you can get to bullying when you're an improv person. Yeah. And you're the person usually being bullied. It's like a bullying simulator. Yes. That you can...

Will obviously enjoyed it because he brought the bronze boogie boarder back on tour in St. Louis. And he got the bright idea. First of all, I think we were so hungry during that show. We asked, someone brought up pizza and we asked what the best pizza was in St. Louis and someone shouted out a place and we immediately ordered it and said, whenever it comes out on stage, just bring it out on stage. We'll eat in front of everyone. Will got the pizza.

And he had the bright idea of simulating his bronze boogie boarder using one of these pallets with like the little roller wheels on it and was being pushed out on this while holding pizza. And I believe immediately toppled over. Immediately, yes. We got it on video. It looked great.

Uh, he's, he's standing very nobly on this, on this dolly and holding the pizzas in front of him, uh, in a, in a, you know, uh, a sort of gesture of offering. Um, and then, uh, stop short, I think. And then, or maybe it's a bump on the stage or something right down. The pizzas fall down. Um, also, uh,

because Will was waiting to be introduced, we could smell the pizza on stage. We were going crazy. I thought it was like being a dog. It was like being a dog.

So that was an interesting event. We were like, just bring it out. But Will wanted to come out with it in this big entrance switch event. Then we were told pretty immediately after the show that that was not the best pizza in town. This is a place that everybody knows. People were like, oh yeah, that pizza's not good. But we passed out a pizza to the audience. We watched it go around, people taking a slice. Yeah, there was one pizza and there were probably 800 people at that show or something. And everyone was respectful and kind.

It was like the miracle of the loaves, the fishes. It truly was. And our Lord Jesus Christ fed the masses with a miracle. Enough with Jesus. It's 2025. No more Jesus in 2025? No more Jesus. I don't want to hear about this guy anymore. Honestly, let's try it. One year. Let's just try it. One year, everyone agrees never to bring him up.

See how different the world could be. I tell you what, if it's worse, absolutely. From here on out, plenty of Jesus. I feel like something's going to happen this year which is going to make it worse naturally. I guess we'll see. Well, that was a really fun episode. Thanks to everyone involved. It's always great to do those big gang episodes. True that. We're going to take a break. When we come back. I know I am.

Yeah, everyone is. Oh, I know I am. When we come back, we're going to crack the top two. Shit. The best. The best of the best. Plus, we're going to have the number one Don Cheadle clip from Ocean's Eleven or talking about Ocean's Eleven. Or 12 or 13.

And we're going to hear the number one regarding Henry Fax. So much in the show and the Snowman game. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Best Of 2024 Part 4 after this. Exciting.

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Acura. Precision. Crafted. Performance. Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024 Part 4. You said it. And before we get to what you've chosen as episode number two...

We gotta get to. Gotta hear this clip. Gotta hear this Cheadle clip. Now, Don Cheadle is an American actor. He's been in a number of films, including the Oceans series of films. Yes. Oceans 11, Oceans 12, Oceans 13. Yes. I don't think he makes an appearance in Oceans 8.

I don't think to any of them. Clooney does, I think, right? Is Clooney in it? Does he do a little cameo? Yes, probably he does. Cassandra Bullock is Clooney's sister. Sister, I think, yeah. And they're both con artists? Yeah. Yeah.

Can that happen in a family? And they don't work together? They're just like separate solo con artists? Yeah, you think they'd be all like a team act? Yeah. Like, oh, we're, yeah, I don't know. Hey, who knows? I mean, it's a lot like Regarding Henry. Is that possible? Who knows? Or is it like a sitcom? I think it's possible to get shot in the head and be different. Yeah. Have a fucked up head. All right, let's hear it. This is your number one clip of Don Cheadle. Movie Talk.

If you're on the show, Movie Talk isn't good enough. Welcome to Movie Talk, our weekly show about movies, the people who star in them, and the people who create them. ♪

This is Peter Bart. I could not be happier. That's what he sounds like. There are two Don Cheadles. There's the champion jokester and bon vivant who starred in the Ocean Eleven series and Talk to Me. I ain't that crazy. And then there's the crusading social activist who made Crash and Hotel Rwanda and who serves as UN Goodwill Ambassador. Here's what you and I need to do. We need to go out. Let's go.

House of Pies. Wow. Hang on to your knickers.

Actors are proverbially worried about getting typecast, but there's no way that you can accuse anybody of typecasting. You're all over the map in terms of the characters you play. Yeah, I'm glad about that. I graduated high school. I went to California. More people coming up to him saying things are bad. This is titled Don Cheadle interview about Ocean 11 and Hotel Rwanda. And does it say Ocean 11? Yes, thank God. We do an avant-garde mask play and then we do, you know,

Come on, Cheeto. We had the opportunity to play a lot of different things and to explore a lot of different characters. Oh, wait. I can skip ahead to a part about it. Well, you have. Skip ahead. Do a part about it. And weeks later, he was able to put the financing together with me in the lead, so thankfully I worked it out. Okay, this is about Hotel Rwanda. I'm not sure why I skipped ahead to something called Financing Ocean 11.

And it's about financing Hotel Rwanda? What the hell? Peter Bar, get your fucking act together, dude. All right.

And that's it? That's your number one clip? Hey, I didn't vote for it. Number one clips are number one clips. Jesus Christ. All right.

Now, speaking of clips, we have to get to your choice. We have to. For the number two clip of Comedy Bang Bang this year. This is your number two. Number two. All right. This is we've been pretty high up in the 800s, haven't we? Yeah.

Live an eye on the 800s, as they say. This, however, is episode 845. That's so close to smack dab in the middle of the 800s. So close and yet so far away. This is from January 15th of this year. That's a million years ago. So long ago. But last year. Yeah, last year. Oh, that's right. Yeah. So almost a full calendar year ago.

And this is an episode called So New York. Now the participants are we have the actor and funny man, Jake Johnson. I remember when people would be called actor and funny man. Yeah.

I enjoyed that. Bring it back. Yeah, bring it back. Call us funny men or funny women. Jake Johnson, you know him from The New Girl or New Girl. We couldn't quite figure out what it was called during the episode. He didn't even know if it was called New Girl or The New Girl. He kind of like sort of said, oh, it's just New Girl. And then he said, wait, maybe I don't even know. I still can't figure it out. I don't know what it was called. Because they both seem right to me. Yeah, they both either seems possible. Also, let's be cops.

Let's be cops. He also very germane to this episode. So let me give a little bit of background about this episode. Okay, germane. Jake had never been on the podcast before. This is his first appearance. He'd been on the TV show in a very funny episode. And he's not someone that I run into all that much. So I'd never had the opportunity to ask him to be on the podcast before.

I don't run into him that much, except when I was at a hotel this Memorial day and I was sitting on the beach and he, I get a tap on the shoulder. He's like, Hey, what's going on? Tap on the shoulder on the beach. Yes. Terrifying. Um,

But he had never been on the show before. He's very, very funny. Just like a naturally funny guy. A lot like Jason Manzoukas in a way. Just very, very funny. Took to the podcast really well. Like a duck to water. That's right. But one behind the scenes part of it, which comes into the scenes is...

When you have a certain type of actor or performer on the show, you're going through publicists quite a bit to schedule it.

To figure out details about it. This is part of the checks and balances of showbiz. That's right. They don't want you just to run wild with having people on your podcast. Because where does it end? Yes. You become a podcast guy. So Jake's Publicist, there were so many conversations about this episode and what was going to happen during it and when it was going to come out.

And he was promoting his movie, which came out the week that this episode came out. And that was all fine. Like, he was there to promote the movie. But the publicist or the, no, the publicist got a hold of Sony because Jake also plays one of the, he plays Peter Parker in the Beyond the Spider-Verse movies. Sony knew he was coming on the show.

And said, hey, if you talk about the Spider-Verse movie, which at that point had been out for eight months or so, if you talk about the Spider-Verse movie, we'll send you a box full of Spider-Man merchandise. Sure.

Or it wasn't even like a quid pro quo. It was purely a... They said they would give you the box? Yes. Yes. It was more like, hey, will you make sure to talk about the Spider-Man movie? Right. And by the way, here's a box of Spider-Man merchandise. Yes. So it wasn't a quid pro quo necessarily. I would never engage in that kind of thing. Sorry, Clarice. But...

So I agreed and got this, I have a Spider-Man pen that I use over there and gave most of it away to my sister who's a pediatric nurse to give to the kids. And so it was like a giant box into the Spider-Verse stuff, which is very nice. And so Jake came on and was baffled by,

As to why I was bringing up Spider-Man. And was like, why are we talking about Spider-Man? Like he wasn't there to promote it. No one had ever asked him, hey, will you bring up Spider-Man? It was just something that I was told to do, which then led to what you're going to hear. We have Jake is there. We also have Paul F. Tompkins is there. Hi.

Um, you are later in these clips playing Alimony Tony. Mm-hmm. Um, we also have Lily Sullivan, who had come to be Bridget Jones, a character that she does based on the movie Bridget Jones's Diary. Mm-hmm.

We're not going to hear those clips. We're going to hear what ends up happening before that. Let's just hear it. This is your choice for episode number two. Number two. Yeah. But, uh, Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse, if you, uh, want to see the end of the story, you got to pay for two movies. Uh,

No, you have to pay for one. You've already seen the first half. Well, you don't have to pay. You haven't seen the first half. Okay, but. I was told you want to promote this first one. Yes. Why? If it's been out for, I guess it's in the, they tell me it's in the window, the home video window. Oh, that's for real. I'm supposed to promote this. Yes. Well, I mean, I'm supposed to bring it up. Well, they promised me Spider-Man merch if I talk about it.

And I said, well, I probably have all the merch, but I'll sell it on eBay. I don't know what I would promote for that besides. It's out. It's out. It's out in home video now. But it's been on home video. I know. But I was told to talk about it. Take this up with your people. So the movie's called. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Who's this? Sorry. Who's this?

I'm Maribel and I'm Jake's publicist. And I do. Sorry, Maribel. I, I, I didn't see you in the corner there. How long have you been there? Oh, I've been here for quite a while. She's always here. Oh, I, thanks for coming. Of course. You know, I'm always looking out for you. I know. Thank you.

the reason we're promoting it is to put it back in people's minds for when the second half comes out. I see. Okay, so you want to remind everyone that it exists. It exists. Did Sony tell you that, Maribel? Or are you just going off the jack here? Sony actually told me this was dumb. And I said... This is your call. Because you're my client. Okay, never mind. I'm sorry. Thank you. Yes. So what was the conversation with Sony? I said, I called... Okay.

I called up Sony and I said... You called Sony? Yes. She represents me. I made a movie for her. I call her all the time. Also, by the way, thank you for calling Sony and representing me. I have a weekly call with them. You do? Yes. Who at Sony? Everybody. But specifically? Okay. It's Tony. It's Rob. Tony Sony? Tony Sony. The whole Sony family. I heard my name.

Tony, what are you doing here? Well, I thought I'd come by. I just want to make sure you know you were doing a good job. What an honor. Thank you for coming. Okay, well, you know what? I'm glad you're here, Tony. Yeah. Because let's settle this right now. And you guys be the judge. Well, you can't. Scott, you have to be the judge. I'll be judge during an execution. Okay, because you're impartial. Well, don't be executioner. I'm not impartial. You said executioner. I like that, yeah. That's my word. All right, so is it...

as Tony says, dumb to promote a movie that's been out for years. I don't know if it's been out for years. How long has it been out? It's been out for, what, three years? Almost a year. No, no, Tony. Your movie, I would say, I think it was the summer. Nine months or so. Thank you. Feels longer. Feels longer.

In show business terms, that's years. Yeah, that's true. By the way, it is. In actress terms, you don't work anymore. Exactly. Invisible. You're dead. You're done. You're dead. You're done. We agree on that. In six months, you're dead. In six months, you're dead. You're done. You're cooked. That's what I always say.

Tony seems to be different. Now you seem to be a publicist too, Tony. Maribel, can I say you have the deepest voice and Tony, you have the highest voice. And also, Tony feels like a manager in New York in the early 80s. You're done, honey. You got nothing, kiddo. Hey, get the hell out of here. You can't dance, you can't sing, you got nothing, big nose. Tony, how did you start in this business? Well,

- You know, I worked my way up at the pizza place. - Wait, Sony started as a pizza place? - Sony was originally a pizzeria. - I started making the dough, making the pies.

Get the hell out of here. It was so New York. It was the so New York pizza place. So New York, Sony. Yes. I understand. So what's the deal with New York pizza? Is it the water? It is the water. It is the water. We piss in the water. You piss in the water in New York? That's how we do it in these. What era was this when you were making these pizzas pre-Sony? Beautiful 82.

I didn't. I thought Sony was like one of our oldest studios. It actually started as a pizza place in the 80s. Oh, wait, you're talking about the movie studio. Wait, are you not part? Oh, I don't call. I don't call the movie studio on a weekly basis. That's just called a pizza place. So New York every week. Yeah. Why? To talk to my friend, Tony, Tony.

And represent me. And I appreciate you both. You're welcome, of course. Is Maribel just mispronouncing your name? Is your name Tony So New York? Yeah. But we're friends. Forget about it. There's your proof. Tony's New York. True New York. All right. I will forget about it.

Please welcome to the show, back to the show, Alimony Tony. Hello, Scott. Hello, Jake. Nice to meet you. Great to meet you too, Tony. My name is Tony Giacchieroni, better known as Alimony Tony. Big fan, Tony. Thank, oh, thank you very much. Of my song parodies? Yes. Really? Yeah. That's so interesting because Fred Guinness was on the show recently and was saying that- The records guy.

He's also a song parodist. I don't know if you know this. Oh, you're talking about the Brad Garrett guy? He loves Brad Garrett and he happens to be a song parodist, not a song Garrett. But he also runs the Guinness Book of World Records. And that's his main gig. But he was telling me he was throwing shade at you. He was saying that your videos only have one view and that's your own view. That is true. And you won't even watch a second time to get a second view. That is because I can't

I can't stand that. Your voice? No, the embarrassment of adding another view and it's me again. Right. Do you know what I mean? But no one knows this. I know it. Okay. It's a private little hell, but it's mine. So Jake, how would you even know about Alimony Tony's song parodies? Word on the streets. Oh, word on the streets. I listened to a bootleg of it.

Similar to the Japanese shows. I just remember being in a van. I was younger, very stoned. Burned CD. And someone said, this guy's the best. I think it was a cassette. Oh, wow. My street team is working. Yeah. It was great. But so I wouldn't have registered on any clicks or anything. This was pre-internet, I feel. Yes, that's how I started. And I've decided to bring that back. And I've got a team of kids going out there. And they're distributing cassettes. And they are, of course, spray-painting stencils on the sidewalk. Weird Amore Allamore Jody. Yeah.

Okay, wow. So the word's getting out. The word is getting out. I think the word's spreading, don't you? I mean, I know who you are. You've been on the show several times, but I don't know that I've seen evidence of it. Oh, of course. My first appearance, of course, was... Very funny. That's right. But primarily what you're known for, for those of you who are new listeners to Comedy Bang Bang, you've been on the show many times. Many times. Primarily you're known for being a person who has gotten married and divorced. Hmm.

Multiple times. Yes. How many times are we up to now? Well, since the last time we've seen each other, Scott, it's probably the early 60s. You're in your, wow, your early 60s. Yeah. Try to get that up to 69. What do you say about that? Well, I hope that doesn't happen. I mean, you know, the thing is- You always, yes. Of course, I always marry for love. I always think it's going to work out. I always give it my all.

But it just doesn't work out sometimes. It doesn't. But the one thing about you is the one silver lining on this cloud is you love paying alimony. I love paying alimony. Oh, it gives me such a rush. Now, again, I do not get married just so I can get divorced to pay alimony.

I marry for love, but I do love paying alimony. Oh, I love writing those checks. Wow. So now you're paying, I don't know that you're paying over 60 people alimony because of course some get remarried, some pass away. I still send them the alimony though.

to their grave site in lieu of flowers. Please send down to the survivors. Oh yeah. To the survivors. Really? You're not legally obligated to do this. No, I'm not, but I just, well, I'd love paying alimony, but also I, I, of course I, I've remained on friendly terms with every single ex-wife that I've had. That's right. They love him. That's nice. Yeah, it is. Some refuse the alimony. They don't want it. They say, Tony, it just didn't work out. No hard feelings. Nobody's at fault here.

but I still sent them the check. And sometimes I sent it back. Sometimes I sent it back ripped up. Wow. Sometimes I sent it back with like a funny little message on it, like, nice try. Things like that. Any kids? Yeah. Do you have kids? No, no kids. I am, as they say, barren.

I'm so sorry. I don't know if that's come up. I don't think it has. I have what is called no motility. Oh, really? So everything's dead in there. It's just dead. So they're all in there. They're all in there floating around. Can you expel them?

Well, I mean, yes. Okay. I mean, there is a way to do that. Okay. I don't know how far you got in school. I just want to make sure that these aren't like a sperm that are multiple decades old. I'm kind of with you, Scott. It seems like they might just be living in there. No, I've had sex. Okay. Good. With all the women? With all the women. Oh, number one. What happened? There was one who was asexual. I married an asexual lady. Oh, and did you know that going in? I did know that going in. And I said, well, make it work. Well, we did make it work. Hmm.

because then she started wanting sex, but not for me. - How long did that one last? - That one lasted five weeks. I think we'd still be together today, but she got struck by lightning and completely changed her personality. - Really? - Yes. - Did we talk about this in a previous episode? - I don't think so. - Oh, okay.

I think you would remember, Scott, no? I'm remembering some sort of struck by lightning person. Oh yeah, the four years. I don't remember. Remembering some sort of struck by lightning person. It's been almost 15 years at this point. How many years? It's fun to do that. Who's the, do you mind if I ask who the love of your life is?

Are you currently married or are you current? I know you're currently divorced. I'm so sorry. Just was finalized yesterday. So I'm going to be probably, uh, you know, alone for a little while. So, so sorry. Who is this person?

Her name was Gretchen. Gretchen. And we met in an airport lounge. Oh, really? Yes. Okay. A private lounge or was it? Extremely private lounge. How private are we talking? It's not visible to people in the airport. Oh, okay. Yeah. You have to know where to look. Oh, all right. And was it how many people were in this if it was that private? There was three of us. Just three of you? Yes. Me, Gretchen, and Captain Sully Sullivan, a hero of Hudson. I've had him on this show. No.

He saved so many souls that one day. So many souls. Gretchen. Gretchen, I'm so sorry. So you got together at the airport lounge. Yes, on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve. So this is just recent. It felt like a romantic comedy. Was anything funny happening?

Oh, I guess not. But it felt like a romance. It felt like the romance part of the romantic comedy, which is not funny. No, no. But the best part of a rom-com, I would say. What is the most laugh out loud romantic comedy, would you say? Where you're just busting a gut. Busting a gut. I don't know. Jake, you've been in your share of rom-coms, haven't you? You've been in a rom-com with Cher? Yeah.

A bunch of them. This is exciting. We've been in a trilogy. We're filming the third one right now. Really? Yeah, it's been really fun. Is she a good kisser? Yeah, she's wonderful. A wild-pump trilogy. Yeah, she's a great actor. She's been a lot of fun. Absolutely. She's got a wonderful voice. I don't know if you know that, but she's a singer-songwriter. She's a singer as well? Yeah, she dances, and her fashion is through the roof. Really beautiful stuff. I'd love to marry her. It's going to be on Hulu, too. God, I wish you could meet Cher, because then... I'd love to meet her. Guys, guys.

in my car. She's in your car? That sounds wrong. It does. Are the windows down? No, I've got a Tesla. Hot enough to fry a egg on the sidewalk? Hot enough to fry Cher's brain? She is here, though. Do you want me to text her if she can come in? I don't care. I can ask her. You don't tell Cher nothing. You don't tell Cher things. You ask her. I would say this. If you're going to come in for the marriage, go slow. She's been hurt. Sure.

Greg Allman. She believes in love. Of course. She believes in love, but you got to go slow. That's right. Yeah. She could turn back time. Yeah. Remember her on the boat with the big- She famously said, if I could turn back time, not I can't turn back time. I believe I said if, but yes. You didn't. I do know I believe I did. You said she could turn back time. No, guys, guys, guys, the original version is I can turn back time.

oh wow i know that i talked to share about it you would know is her bragging about her no there was her version and it was an executive thing we all hate executives they said if you say ah you're gonna alienate the audience don't say that don't say don't say that who is that that's uh maribel this is alimony tony hello hello dear how are you are you single why is she staring at me

Why isn't she talking to you? I don't know. She's just staring at me. Did I say something wrong? Let me get her out of here. I'm so sorry. Tony! Hey, guys. Wait. Tony, you know Tony? I know Tony. Tony, of course. Tony, Tony, Tony. How you doing? We have the same kuma. Oh, Tony. Cher is a yes. Cher's coming in? She's coming in. She's excited. She's a big fan. I'm going to meet

Tony, I think you better leave. Not you, Tony. Me, I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to go to my mom. Yeah, it's getting too crowded. I'm going to be Chesky's kid. So I do need to just say this about Cher really quickly to you as the guy running the interview. No questions about her past. Nothing about the wardrobe. Everything has to be very positive. So nothing about the past. What about the present? Can we talk about the present? I wouldn't talk too much about the present. Future?

potentially a little bit about the future she likes things if possible sing songy sing songy okay we'll do i know but i don't want i don't want to share oh my word hello share nice to have you here i love when people sing does he have to continue or can he talk regular because he's showing such respect oh you can talk regular share thank you so much it's such a pleasure

It's so hot in the car. I'm sorry. Oh, I thought I turned the dog thing on. No, it's too hot. You're so sweaty. I'm so sweaty and wet. And you look beautiful. Cher, may I say hello? My name is Tony Giacchierone. I'm a huge fan of yours. Oh, hello. It's just a thrill to meet you. That's nice. And are you, I hope this is too forward a question, are you currently single, Cher? I am, yes. Yes.

well on tv well she's well a movie uh we're shooting a rom-com and there's a lot of rumors about onset yeah there's a lot of like what's happening on set is going home with them there's a lot of turmoil and is it true or we can't we can't comment on that but it's true this is like whoa this is like well we can't comment we can't comment on it but it's definitely happening

This is like the Sidney Sweeney, Glenn Powell movie. Exactly. Well, that's our competition because we're coming out this weekend too. Oh, you are? Yeah, we're out. They've just dwarfed us a little bit. And you're also going to mimic that trailer. We're doing the same bit. Yeah, we are. Absolutely. I think everyone should. Well, we did. It just didn't catch on. We haven't. It just has like nine views. Oh, I see. But we do the bit. That's eight more than you have. Get ready for number 10.

Scott. Sorry. It's not like you. I'm just stating facts. We're friends. No, we are friends. We like each other. We like each other. Yes, we don't have a combative relationship. No, we don't. I mean, it's okay for you to josh me. I shouldn't do so. Of course. Thin-skinned. Let's go back to Cher here. Cher. No, I'm going to go sit in the car more. No, no, no. No, let me sit in the car. Have you sat in the car some more? Before you...

- Before you go, and I know we do this on set and I know you love it. - I love it so much. - Will you give him a taste of your beautiful singing? 'Cause when she does this on set, she's being shy. But I know this woman. - I'm so shy. - When she gets pimped into a song, she acts like she doesn't love it, but then her voice is beautiful. - Don't make me sing. - Come on, Cher. - Oh, I hate it. - Come on, Cher. - Pretty please, Cher.

- What song are you gonna sing? - Oh, one of my classics. - "If I Could Turn Back Time"? ♪ If I could turn back time ♪ - Oh, that's the Cher voice I know so well. - Tony, do you sing? - I mean, I sing after a fashion. - Yeah, do one of your song parodies to "If I Could Turn Back Time". - Oh, oh, oh, okay. So song parody of Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time". Let's see, so it's about turning back time. That's impossible to do. What is something funny about impossibility?

I'm going to say... The Impossible Burger? Hold on, hold on a second.

You're in my process. This is incredible. Sisyphus. Pushing the rock up the hill, but then it comes back down. I thought it possibly does it, but then he has to do it again. Okay, what else is impossible? Now a possible burger's in my brain. I can't get it out of there. I'm sorry that I put that in there. I'm going to have to go with it. But there's got to be something in there. Impossible burger. Okay, okay. Impossible burger. Okay. If I could turn it back down. Okay. Okay.

I'm kind of nervous doing French here. If... Maybe don't start with the same word. Maybe something rhymes with if. Like Tiff. Scott, you're really getting in my brain. Tiff, the Toronto International Film Festival. Maybe it's a song about Tiff, you eating an impossible burger at Tiff. And it costs a dime to...

Tiff, I could stand in line. He's doing it. Tiff, I could get some food. I would get a false burger to watch the movie through. Oh, no.

Cher, I'm so sorry. Cher, baby, you're doing great. I've never done a song parody of someone's song while the person was here. This is impossible. It's all good. I thought it was fantastic. Thank you, Cher. You liked that, Cher. Oh, I loved it. I loved every second. I love when men sing to me. Can I ask you a question? Do you find Alimony Tony attractive at all? Cher. Oh, yeah. Cher. Cher. Tony, can I talk to you for a second? Sure.

I'm sorry, Sherry. Just take a break. It's all good. I'll go sit in the car. No, Jake, you can talk to Tony with me. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to have me go in a corner with Sherry. No, no, no. Don't go in a corner with Sherry. Come to the corner with me. No, no, no. Jake's coming with me. No, come to me. Let's sit in the corner. Over here, Jake. I don't know what to do. Over here. Okay, I'm going to go with you. He's speaking. Sherry, you got anything? No, no, no. I got a...

literally got a mamba i'll go with scott hey tony there's an exotic snake tony jake and i want to talk to you what's up locker room talk here we go like doesn't feel like locker room by the pussy no uh i think you have a shot i do too 100 but aren't you having an affair with her no we're just doing it for pr i think you i think she likes you i think she genuinely likes you she likes me likes me yeah here's the problem yeah

I think no court in this United States of America. Cher is so wealthy. Agreed. I don't think any court in the United States is going to award her alimony should you ever break up. Especially for Tony. You don't understand. Alimony is not about the legal system. Alimony is about me taking care of someone. I know, but here's what's going to happen. This is what I worry is going to happen. Right. You're going to just dive headfirst into a relationship with Cher. Fall in love. Yes.

You're already there. You're going to break up. And then the court will award you alimony. And suddenly you'll be paid out. And Scott, it'll be so much. It'll cover all 60 other ones and more. Look, look, look, look. I appreciate the gesture, gentlemen. But don't forget, I have more money than you could possibly imagine. Well, Alimony Tony is the inventor of what? No, I didn't invent it. My mother, your mother. Yeah. What was it? Gaseous paper.

It's paper that turns into gas once you write on it? Yes. It was for use in the space program. So they wouldn't have a bunch of paper floating around. Right, it was like directions of how to fly a rocket, right? And then once they launched it. I don't think I ever said that. That seems... Hey, can I get a moment, Scott? We don't need this anymore. I would hope there's more training than that. Once it's up in the air, it just dissolves.

Hey, Scott. You really tickled yourself. I know the Cher likes guys who made all their money from their mother's inventions. Really? Yeah. Like, I know women, especially older women, and that's a turn-on. Ooh, there's a pop for every lid. Yeah. I was hoping that Scott just heard that, Tony. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's why I said... I thought we were having a private... That's why I did the Hey Whisper, Hey Scott. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, we're still standing in a tight circle. I know, but I was hoping that he could relate to me. I couldn't help but hear it. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I promise. Okay, I understand. Hey, Alamone Tony, Jake is really...

bugging me with this whole like oh sorry oh wait no you're right here you said hey tony i didn't listen what'd you say oh okay you see this is a polite guy yeah i didn't hear a thing you said but i got a few things i want to pitch you about tony all right tony you i will i guess jake and i will give you our blessing if that's important to you yeah thank you that is what you asked i didn't want to ask i will say that's how this whole thing started all right share let me ask let me ask officially yes god

You're Tony. No, you're Tony. This is Jake. No, I'm talking to Tony. Tony. Tony, get over here. What are you talking about? You guys want some pizza? And Jake. Yes. It would mean the world to me if you would give me your blessing in asking Cher for her hand in marriage. Well, let's see. Should we give him our blessing? I'll tell you what. Does this answer your question? We will. We will.

Does it? I've heard all I need to hear. All right. Thanks, guys. Number two. There we go. This was very fun. That was a fun day. Very, very fun. I remember this. And I don't know. Sometimes it's nice when there's fewer people because you have to...

I don't know. You have to be kind of more on your toes because you have more of your share of time to fill. Yes. You know? And... In the big gang episodes, you can kind of like lean back and...

And choose your moments. Because you know other people are going to chime in and shit like that. And also, Jake played along so well and was so game for everything. In fact, he was egging it on more than we were in a way. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of times. And then Lily, like, it's, you know, it does happen on the show where somebody comes in with an idea and then something happens in the moment where they spontaneously say, oh, I'm going to do this now. Yeah. And...

So Lily became Tony Sony. This is the birth of Tony Sony. Which, who, by the way, listening to this clip, Tony Sony's voice is so different at the beginning than what it becomes. Oh, really? Yes. It's pretty much just like, hi, I'm Tony Sony. And then as it progresses, it starts getting it as more, as you learn more and more about Tony Sony. Tony Sony is probably the breakout character of 2024. Probably. Lily did Tony Sony and

many other episodes as well as did Tony Sony live during the tour quite a bit. Where Tony Sony would do stand-up. Tony Sony would do stand-up. Tony Sony, we learned about Tony Sony's wife, who's an Olympian and a brain surgeon. No, gave the BBLs. Yeah, yeah. And called, there was a really funny, I think it was in Indianapolis, I can't remember where,

Tim Baltz, who's married to Lily, was filming Righteous Gemstones for most of the tour and could only do two cities with us. Yeah. But Lily would call him on stage a lot and...

A lot of times Tim wouldn't even know who he was supposed to play and just be like having Lily introduced like, hi, honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Tony Sony, your husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Tim would be thrown into playing Tony Sony's wife. But there was a really funny... And he would immediately. Yes. But there was a really funny episode where...

He had to play both Tony's wife and Guma in separate phone calls. And Tim also would figure out what city Lily was in and figure out a bunch of fun facts about the cities and have those at the ready. He would just work them into conversation and the crowd would go berserk. It was so funny every single time. So good. I gotta say, this is just a pitch for the...

For the tour episodes. We really had such a good time. We did so many shows this year and so many different combos of people. And it was really, really fun. The crowds were great. And if you haven't, you should check them out. They're really enjoyable. Yes. We did 43 tour episodes in addition to, I think, 50...

maybe 57 Comedy Bang Bang episodes, including the best ofs. So that's a hundred episodes. But if you want to hear all the tour episodes, you just need to become a Maximus subscriber over at CBB World and all of those are there. And we would put them up, Brett would always put them up within 24 hours or so. Amazing turnaround, yeah.

But yeah, there's so many. And then also Tony Sony did our Madam Web Scott Hasn't Seen episode because those were the Sony Spider-Man episodes. That's right. That's right.

Definitely the number one character, new character of the year. I think actually this episode almost was number one and was number one for a good number of weeks. Wow. Until what ended up being number one. Do you track it the whole time during the voting period? I check it every 20 seconds, probably. Oh, that's a lot. Yeah. Every 20 seconds for the entire period of voting? Yeah. That's really frequently. Yeah.

Really? I just want to make sure, like, you know. You're saying every 20 seconds. Yeah, yeah. So, like, less than, not even every minute. Like, one alligator, two alligator, three alligator, all the way up to 20 alligator. So, you're checking it 20 alligator? Yeah. Every day? Every, uh, yeah. Every 20 alligator. Do I take off a day? No, I never take off a day. So, every single day. I set an alarm when I go to sleep for every 20 seconds. Oh.

I'm exhausted. I bet you are. Yeah. I don't think you have to do that because how much does it fluctuate? Pretty much that was the only change. Yeah. So you wasted a lot of time. You lost a lot of sleep, wasted a lot of time. Yeah. Bidet. I love it. Bidet. When you love what you do. Bidet. You never work a day in your life. Bidet. You know what I say? Bidets. Bidet. I love it.

Well, that was great. I, uh, uh, by the way, Alimony Tony, we heard from him. Uh, you've done a couple Alimony Tony Valimony Shonies. Right. And, uh, uh,

You were also doing Mirabelle, the publicist. And at one point we tried to get Alimony Tony talking to Mirabelle, but you wouldn't do it. Did I not do it at all? No. Good for me. Good for you. Setting my boundaries. Will we hear another Alimony Tony, Valimony Shoney this year?

I think you can count on it. I hope so. I will message the guests to make sure we can lock it down. Fantastic. All right. We're going to take a break. And when we come back, we're going to hear the number one. But before we do that, Scott. Oh, boy. We're going to hear a different number one. This is your number one behind the scenes fact about regarding Henry.

Harrison Ford almost turned down the role due to concerns about being typecast as a lawyer, having recently played one and presumed innocent, but ultimately accepted after realizing Henry's lawyer aspect would only be present in the beginning of the film. Guy has played Han Solo, Indiana Jones. He's an iconic movie star. And people are going to be like, oh, he's just a lawyer now. He's just a lawyer guy. Just give him lawyer parts. Ha ha ha ha!

He's a huge movie star. I can't see him as anything other than a lawyer. What a weirdo. Weird guy. Probably high as hell when he came to that stage. I hope so. I hope he's high as hell now. I hope so, too, man. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have your number one episode as well as the climactic conclusion of the Snowman game. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Come on.

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Empathy is our best policy. Comedy Bang Bang, we are back. The best of... Not for long, though. Not for long. It's winding down, baby. We are winding down. We only have one more clip to play. This is the best of 2024, part four, which means we have arrived to it. We have arrived to it.

You realize I've been talking now for five hours with you.

With a bad tongue. I know you got bad tongue. I keep wincing in pain during, how many times have I winced in pain that you've seen? Oh, almost constantly. Yep. And, you know, I'm a gentleman. I don't acknowledge it. I don't say stop making that fucking face. I don't say. Oh, thank you so much. I don't say, why don't you go to the doctor if it hurts so much? Doctor? What's a doctor going to do? A tongue doctor, they can make your tongue smaller. Oh. Yeah, you shave off the hurt part.

They get a cheese grater and they shave off their... Gross. It's an outpatient procedure. They hit you on the head with a hammer and they shave off the part. It's bad. All right. We got to do it, Paul. I know. We do. We have a duty. We have a duty to the listeners. We could just quit and they would never know what the number one episode is. Well, you know what, Scott? That's what's interesting is that we could have quit doing this at any time. Yeah.

We don't owe these people anything. No. If anything, they owe us. We'll get into that for sure. But if you wanted to, you can say, by the way, we're not going to tell you what number one is. Yeah. Just for the fuck of it. Figure it out yourself. Figure it out yourself. Why don't you guess? Why don't you hack into my computer? I set it, by the way. I don't know. You should be telling people that.

But we, because we feel a sense of commitment. Honor. Honor. Obey. Cherish. Semper fi. Semper fu. Semper fo. Semper fa. Semper fa. We did it. We did it. All the vowel sounds.

So we're going to do it. We're going to do it. Even though we don't have to do it. And we don't want to do it. And we don't know how to do it. So I can't read whatever this is. So I don't know. I'm illiterate. No, it is time for it. We have to do it. We have to. We've come to your choice for episode number one. Fuck. Number one. All right, Paul. Yeah.

I'm going to do something different. I'm going to give you the date first. You've never done this before. February 12th of this year. Two days before Valentine's Day. Yeah. So love is in the air. Yeah. You're trying to decide who you're going to take to Valentine's Day dinner. I'm thinking about Presidents Lincoln and Washington. You're buying so many mattresses. Okay. Then what else? Episode number 850.

Are you fucking kidding me? I wouldn't kid about this. This is the dead center of the 800s? Exactly in the middle. We've been dancing around it, dancing between the raindrops for this entire countdown. You said, oh, that's so close to the center. That's so close to the center. Yeah. We are in the center, baby. This is wild. It's insanity. I'm losing my mind. I need to be locked up in a rubber room. Please put me in a straitjacket.

And then put my Napoleon hat on. You bought a Napoleon hat just for this purpose. Yeah. If you ever went crazy. If I ever lose my mind, if I ever have some kind of episode, please put a Napoleon hat on me. I hope it has a chin strap. Me too. Yeah. This is an episode called The Exorcism of Hot Dog.

Boy, oh boy, oh boy. Boy, oh boy. Who do we have? Do I recall this? Yes. We have Jason Manzoukas. We have Andy Daly. And Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. That's me. Wow. Do you remember this episode? I remember that multiple characters appear in this episode. Yes. There are many strange goings on. Some would say supernatural in nature. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I remember...

That there was talk of a certain band from a certain era. That's right. That combines three different musical genre. This is where we establish, and you'll hear it, we talked about Dread Zeppelin. Yes.

You're going to hear the genesis of our talk about, I'll just leave it at that, of us talking about Dread Zeppelin. Do we explain in the clip what Dread Zeppelin is? Yes. Okay, all right. So if you are new to Comedy Bang Bang, we've been doing this since I think episode 200, right?

where we've had uh jason manzoukas and andy daily together on the show i think in episode 200 was the one because jason and andy and i had been doing a bunch of episodes and then the 200th one jason had this idea of doing an intervention for andy um and i think that was the one where everyone started jumping out the window um

So then every hundredth episode on 300, 400, we returned to Andy and Jason. And then we started doing it on the fifties as well. Um, and then, um, Andy started doing this character, Byron Denniston, Royal Watcher, Royal Watcher. He had done it on this show a few times back when not a lot was going on with the Royals. Um, and,

Basically a creep. There's these things, if you don't know what these are, in England, they have what are known as royal watchers, which are people who are just there to report on the comings and goings and behind the palace doors. And Andy took it to an extreme of, here's a person who sneaks into their castle and watches them personally. So he'd been doing this for a while. And during COVID...

Um, on the anniversary show of 2020, um, he was doing Byron Denniston and Paul was there set to be a different character. Mar was it Margaret? It was Lavinia Marsh Carruthers. Lavinia Marsh Carruthers. Otherwise known as Sheevel Knievel, the lady daredevil. That's right. You were all set to do that.

And Jason was on it with Andy and Andy as the Royal Watcher started. We started talking about his in the lore of these episodes. Oh, my gosh. They were really getting down to in the lore of these episodes.

Byron Denniston wants to get married to one of the royals because they're all taking off in a spaceship and abandoning Earth before it gets destroyed. He wants to marry a royal. We started going down the list of royals that he could possibly marry. There was one particular very attractive royal that we came upon. And in the moment, we found... Lady Amelia Spencer. Lady Amelia Spencer. In the moment...

We found out that she was engaged to a gentleman named the Grizz, which made us laugh really hard. And we found out he was a water polo instructor and it made us laugh really hard. And then Paul texted me and said, hey, should I just be the Grizz?

And I said, yes, you should. And so neither Jason nor Andy knew that Paul was going to be the Grizz. And so Paul just like jumped onto the Zoom and started going, well, well, well, which it's funny when Andy is actually surprised by something.

He was surprised by the intervention on episode 200, genuinely. Right, right, right. But the look on his face where he was like, what is this? This is, because he's a guy who, he's master improviser, but he always has sort of a plan in his mind. So when, and he can roll with anything, but it's very funny to be actually surprised. He was surprised by you being the Grizz. And then you abandoned your other character and just played the Grizz the entire time. Yeah, yeah.

which is very, very, very funny. So then we continued as a foursome on the hundreds and the fifties because this saga of Byron Denniston and the Grizz just kept expanding. So this is episode 850. What had happened in between episode 800 and 850 is the King Charles got crowned. Yeah. Crowned. He has coronation. Yeah. Coronation. And, um,

Andrew Lloyd Webber, who you have also played as long as the show's been going on, was entwined with the coronation because he was writing a song for the coronation. And as the coronation was happening, everyone starts sending us pictures of Andrew Lloyd Webber next to a particular gentleman who looked like a man in disguise. And everyone was saying, this is Byron Denniston in disguise. Right.

So that is how this starts. Yeah. In addition to talking about Dread Zeppelin, that's how this starts. We then switch to you guys switch characters to a bunch of things. Let's just hear it. This is your choice for episode number one. Number one.

Well, Jason, it's great to have you. We do need to get to our first guest. Oh, wow. All right. I would love to. Actually, first guests, if that's okay. Why not? Because they're here together. We last spoke to them, I believe it was episode somewhere around 799 or 801, somewhere around there. Somewhere in that realm.

in that range. Uh, they, uh, attended the coronation together. Of course. Um, please. Of the new King. Of the new King. King Charles. And we want to catch up with him, see what's been going on, but please welcome back to the show. Uh, uh,

Byron Denison. I wanted to say Byron Donaldson. That's someone different. But Byron Denison is here and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yes, hello. Don't know I was introduced second. I am a lord. I beg your pardon. Well, I don't think I saved the best for last. Oh, Scott Rick, you've done it again.

Guys, or chaps, rather, it's wonderful to have you back. Now, I don't know that you knew each other on the last episode, or maybe you did, I can't remember, but it seems like you're close friends. We don't necessarily measure time by episodes, you and I, but no, we don't. I sort of measure it by the days of my life. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But we met quite a while ago, I think. I presented myself as a

A very wealthy backer of West End shows. And it took several months before you realized I wasn't really. But by then we were friends. No, not at all. He hoped to go to shows for free so that he could see royals there. Ah, I see. I wanted to go on the nights when the royals would be there. Those were normally the premiere nights, I would think. Or are they going like, you know, five weeks later when the cast is settled in? They're very canny. Ah.

The royals, they do wait a bit. Do they really? Yes. Let's let them find their feet, they say. Oh, interesting. Sorry to excite you. Not the Roman feet. Not the Roman feet.

Yes, but you know, I always wanted to be in the audience when the royals were there with a clear view of the royals and simply watching them the entire time and never the show. That's your show. The show you're there to watch is them watching the show. That's right. And that doesn't go down so well with Lord Webber's passing. Were you requesting that Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber turn an entire seat around facing the other way? Yes, right in front of them. A row right in front of them. It's almost like when you ride a train, right? I wish he had requested it rather than just did it.

Well, yes, I brought some power tools along and I sort of uprooted the chair. Those are the best kind of tools for this kind of situation. Imagine the look of shock on the face of Betty Buckley walking out there and seeing one theater seat turned around with sawdust still on the floor from where he's sawn it from its very moorings. Like it was some sort of bar with sawdust on the floor or something. A draft house.

All right. Byron, you attended the coronation. I think we were talking to you beforehand. That's what I was trying to remember. Or was it afterwards? I think it was prior to King Charles becoming king. And you debuted the song that you were going to have sung, Android Webber. That's correct. How did this all go over? Everything? Well,

It was fascinating. I had to get into sort of an elaborate disguise. No, you don't say. Yes, just to sort of pass myself off as someone else. But I sat with Lord Webber and we had a lovely time. That's right. I think we saw pictures of this. You were next to Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yes.

In some sort of like... With a mustache? Did you have a mustache? Some sort of like Monty Python, Mr. Creosote costume. It was the disguisiest disguise anyone has ever seen. Pistachio Disguisey? From Master of Disguise? I don't know. Sort of like the Mr. Turtle guy? Yes.

The character's name is Pistachio Disguisey. I see. I hired the absolute best makeup department available. Rick Baker did this for you? Yes, Rick Baker. And the absolute best wig maker. Did Rick Baker still have some of the clump stuff lying around? You're just like, look, I'm going to wear clothes over it. Clump stuff.

The Clubs. You're not familiar with The Clubs. Oh, The Clubs. Starring Eddie Murphy. And Eddie Murphy. Oh, my God. They're in that film. Yes. Wonderful. I have to tell you, I've been, since the coronation, a bit bored with the Royals. Well, I was going to say, are there any, like you've also, it seems like, been spending quite a lot of time stateside here. Have you found any local people to decide to get into? It sounds like you're getting into. I mean, Howie Mandel is kind of the king of comedy. Yeah.

American royalty, as close as it comes. Used to be the Kennedys, but I'm afraid the crown is rather charmed. They knew you, Zerb. Careful, you're talking about someone from the comedy community. Who are you? Cheryl Hines' husband? Yes. We protect our own. That's a bad idea.

She doesn't disagree. She doesn't agree with him on everything. She's been very clear. She's okay with everything that's going on. It seems like she just says, look, my husband and I were different people. We have different thoughts. He's insane. No, no,

Or maybe I'm just someone who loves being married to an insane person. You don't both have to be sane in order to be married. Right, of course not. So, yeah, I mean, there's not been a lot going on, Byron. Well, there wasn't for quite a while. And I began to get into, well, Lloyd Webber and I have been heavily into competitive jigsaw puzzling. Yes, we've been doing that. Watching other people do it or doing it yourself? Doing it ourselves. All of it. I mean, we've jigsawed against one another. Indeed. Then we've teamed up to

to jigsaw against another team. You jigsaw against one another. Is it like someone puts down a piece and the other person just takes it out? Yes, pretty much. And is there like a chess clock? You put a piece in, hit the clock, boom, boom. The other person just takes it out, throws it away. You can't throw it away. You don't do that with chess pieces. Puts it in the pieces and mixes them up. Yes, but then you put in a piece. It cannot be the same piece. Ah.

- Very important. - Yeah, this sounds fascinating. - We've also started watching all the Saw films together. - Yes, they're amazing. Oh, that Jigsaw, what will he get up to next? - He's cheeky. - I know, I know. - Saw one through eight and then Jigsaw and then saw X? - Exactly. - Interesting. So how far have you gotten? - Into the Jigsaw films? - Yeah.

well how many are there i think we're halfway there's about halfway through but you know what i messed up and i watched the most recent one after watching the second chronologically it comes in between one and two so it does but i watched it between two and three oh i know why didn't you tell me well i felt ashamed how did you guys get into this did someone say do you want to play a game referring to puzzles and the other person said oh the saw films

I think it happened rather organically. Yes, it did. I said, I'm such a huge fan of jigsaws. And you said, well, then we should watch this. And you were a bit confused. And I had meant the jigsaw puzzle and you had meant the jigsaw character. These are the sorts of things we get up to. It was a real chocolate and peanut butter. Very much so. Are you living together? We're living. Now, we have houses next door to one another. Oh, okay.

Mine is just the way I want it. I had a spot of bother recently. You don't say. There was a poltergeist in my home. Oh, wow. Yes. I had to hire an exorcist. Here's what would happen. I would be in my home and then, you know, I have scripts lying around and then I would go into, I would leave a room, go into a room and then the script would be in a neat pile. Can you imagine anything more chilling than that? It sounds to me like Byron was coming over and visiting and just like rearranging his stuff. Is that so? But we'll,

Byron! I was ashamed. I have a thing for neatening up. I just do. Well, I do appreciate it. But I am terrified of the supernatural, so I did call an exorcist to come in. And I shouldn't have given him the credit, I suppose. It was Byron doing this all along. No, no, no. Give him the credit because he did ask me to stop coming into your house unannounced. But I did find that he, after the fact, he was the worst exorcist I could have hired.

No. The exorcist from hell? Wait, because he put something in there? No, he's just incompetent. Oh, okay. I looked in the Guinness Book of World Records. Oh, I know somebody who works there. Yeah, I know somebody who works there. He's the least successful exorcist. The least successful. Usually they give it to most. Padre Davide Benvenuto. Oh, that guy. Yeah, our friend was talking about him. He's actually caused more people to become...

Then he has exorcised demons. Remarkable. He's in the book. Do you know, have you ever met this person that we're talking about? I don't think so. Fred Guinness. Oh, Fred Guinness. I think I have met. You have met Fred Guinness. Yes, I don't remember quite how. Well, he was over the phone. He lives in Ireland. I didn't think I've met him. Have I?

No, dude. Should we give him a call? I don't think so. We could call Fred Guinness. We could call him. He always takes the call. Yeah, let me see if I can hear. Okay, I'm dialing the phone. Beep, boop. Beep, beep, beep. Why are you saying beep, boop while I'm dialing the phone? I was nervous the listener wouldn't know that we were making a call. They're hearing it as I call. Yeah. It's ringing. It's still ringing. Go for Guinness.

Hi, Fred. Scotty. Hey, buddy. What's going on? Is that Jason I hear? Jason's here with me. Jason, hello. Guess who else is here? Is this what I sound like?

I don't remember. Maybe I sound more like this. That's right. Yeah. I think that's pretty good. Who else is there? Who else you got? Byron Dennison is here. Byron! Royal Watcher! Nice to make your acquaintance again, Byron. Lovely. Now, what's going on, guys? Well, we also have someone else here. Who? Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber! Hello!

Are you in the book, Andrew Lloyd Webber? I would think you would be most successful. Longest running. Longest running show, maybe. I did hold that record for quite a while. For Les Mis. Wonderful. I love his Les Mis. That's my favorite of your shows, Andrew Lloyd Webber. That's not one of mine. Hi. Yes, hello. It's a pleasure to meet you. Well, the pleasure is mine. You're a lord. Yes, I am, but not the lord. I'm not religious.

So, yeah, you do hold the record for most successful person to have an absolute flop on Broadway. Don't remind me and everyone. Oh, my God. We were talking about Bad Cinderella. Bad Cinderella, that's correct. What was so bad about her? Ticket sales. Very funny.

Um, but, uh, Byron, tell us, I, I, I wanted to ask you about something because it just made the news recently and it's sort of, uh, piqued my interest, but, uh, there is some, something going on with the Royals. Oh, indeed. Uh,

Some sort of hospital stay for two of the royals. Oh, indeed. Fill me in. What exactly is happening? Well, all right. So, you know, I noticed things were rather quiet amongst the royals, you know. Harry and Meghan had sort of gone off and done their thing and whatnot. And the Queen Elizabeth is doing a very good job of keeping a low profile and staying and hiding. A few people have seen her, like the Loch Ness Monster here and there.

Right, right. But she's really kept a low profile. Scott, what are you doing? I don't know. Turn the dings off. Sorry. So many dings. I'm trying to turn these dings off. So, yeah, there have been a few sightings like Bigfoot or what have you. What the...

What is this? Scott, you really need to turn off the dings. Oh, for heaven's sake. What message is that? What message do you get that has a choo-choo sound? I seriously think it's on Do Not Disturb. I don't know what's happening right here. I don't know what that is. That one was suspenseful.

Sorry. Have you updated to the new operating system? Oh, August, you're back. Thank God. Yeah, yeah, I can give you help. Thank God, because I honestly don't know what I'm doing here. You gotta press focus. Focus. Did you work in the IT department at Schmeiderberg Pretzels? Briefly, yeah, I did. You know, because I was on suspension. Oh, yeah. They suspended me from sole suspension. I don't know what's happening. I don't know who's trying to contact me here. Yeah. Wait, wait. Can I just read my messages? I know who's messaging you.

Oh, it's this guy I know. This guy, his name is... It doesn't come up there on the message? Yeah, I know him by a different name. I know him by his nickname, but this guy, the Grizz, is trying to mess with me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, we all know him. No, no, no, whatever the Grizz says. From what?

Oh, no, no. Oh, I think he... Kent! I need to unlock the door. Sorry, the Grizz has been trying to get in. Don't unlock the door. Don't unlock it, actually. Keep it locked. I need to unlock the gates. This is the anti-WTF. I need to unlock the gates. Here, let me just... Let me just... Oh, God. Oh, for Christ's sake. Oh, wow. Oh, no. It just got... Hey, guys. It just got dark out. Oh.

Well, well, well. As I live and breathe. Sorry, guys. This is my friend Greg. It's me, Greg, isn't it? Yes, Mr. Mallet.

A.K.A. The Grizz. You know each other? Oh, yes. We've had innumerable dealings. Where? The Grizz and I here and there and all around. As a matter of fact, you know, there was a time when he and I were vying for the same lady, Amelia Spencer, in fact. And I'm sorry to say that since the last time we've spoken to you, they have, in fact, become married. Whoa. That's right. Congrats. They've known one another. Congrats, Greg. Thank you. Thank you. That's so amazing. I didn't know. I didn't get an invite, I guess.

No. I didn't either. No. And we've met a bunch of times. You guys have met too? I forgot that you invite everybody you've ever met to your wedding. I think so. I think that's how it works. If you had to, it would probably be, what, like 500 people tops, right? Max. HBO Max. I did invite HBO Max. He's my mate who has HBO.

I was at the wedding, of course, at Grizz's behest. I was compelled to serve. I made him watch. Did you get to object? No, no. Oh, no. Not only was I made to watch. I dared him to object. I'd take a big long pause.

Well, he made me be the ring bearer. Did he make you turn your seat around to face everybody? Yes. Yes. Away from the bride. Oh, no. So I could see the tears streaming down his face. It

It was just simply the entire day was devoted to humiliating me. The number of references and the vows that they wrote, the two of them, to me, was striking. People cried. I think they were crying in sympathy with me, in fact. It was so sad. No, I mean, they were crying laughing.

They've never seen anyone so horribly defeated and humiliated. It was really an entire wedding weekend devoted to humiliating me. I had to serve drinks at the cocktail affair. Oh, wow. So you were, like, employed. But not for money. Just to avoid being whipped. It was terrible. We had several wardrobe changes throughout the day. Like silly clothes? What were they? What were they? What?

depending on the occupation. Oh, of course. First, yeah, a lovely little pinafore when he brought the ring down the aisle. Wow, so you were really integrated into the ceremony. Oh, very much so. Almost where it was more about you than it was about the couple. It's certainly how it felt to me. He had to give a best man speech that I wrote.

Without the luxury of being the best man, even. But yes, I had to give a best man speech, and he wrote it, and it was only full of insults toward myself. I wish we had that. I'm so sorry, but this is now reminding me, you guys have been on the show together a few times. Yes, we have. My friend Greg has been. I got to know you through this show. Yeah, we're friends. We like each other. Yeah, we like each other, right? Yeah, we're friends. Of course, yeah. Remarkable how anyone could like Greg Mallet the Grizz. Come on!

He's the Grizz. I've only met him a couple of times here at the show, but the dudes are fucking blast. He's a fucking water polo champion. Nobody beats the Grizz. Nobody beats the Grizz. You know, that's the t-shirt. I'm sorry, but that is true. You know, he is a water polo inspector. Inspector? Inspector?

Wait, did you get a promotion? Yeah, I started inspecting water polo. Is that a Department of the British Police? It's under the aegis of the crown. Oh, is it the Ministry of Water Polo? That's right. Wow. Are you looking at the new minister? His Majesty's new minister of water polo. Wow. Congratulations, Grace. So are you in charge of water polo or inspecting water polo based crimes?

Both. I'll look around a water polo pitch and I'll say, look, ship shake to me. Okay. And then somebody says, so play on. There's been a murder. We suspect water polo foul play. By water foul? Sometimes. Then I have to consult me old mate, Chesley Sully Sullenberger. You know,

Sully. Sully, of course I do. Hero of the Outsiders. Yeah. So if you have some sort of goose-related problem... How often is it a goose-related problem? Four out of five. Yeah, I would think so. So you've got his number. Wily creatures. Geese hate people. We...

We were talking about Sully on a recent episode about how what people don't know about that miracle on the Hudson is every single people, every single person. Every single people. Every single person, every single soul that he saved had to get one of their limbs amputated. If not both. Yeah. Why? It was so cold. They lost their feet to frostbite, didn't they? So cold in the Hudson. Yes, but you'd rather be them than the geese, I dare say. Yeah.

In any case, I'm so sorry. I didn't remember, honestly, that there was some drama between you two guys. In the article, by the way, about your wedding, Grizz, you are mentioned as, not in this article as an inspector or instructor of water polo, but as a lifestyle coach. What is that?

You don't know what it is. I really don't. Why don't you, sir, are in need of a lifestyle coach? Oh, that would be great. Would you take on Byron as a client? Of course I would. Really? I'd be glad to. What would you do for me? I think my lifestyle is wonderful. Hold on. Can I talk to you for a second? To me? Yeah, Jason and I want to talk to you. Hold on, Greg. I'll be right with you. I'll just be over here in this puddle.

Byron. Yes. Here's an opportunity for you. What sort of an opportunity? Hire him as your lifestyle coach. Yes, yes. And then he'll teach you about his lifestyle and you can just take his place. Oh, my. Once he gives you all of the secrets. And I can call Rick. Sorry. Oh. Just passing by. I'm Greg Nicotero. I was just. Oh, Greg. Yeah.

From The Walking Dead. Not you, Greg. Well, I heard people talking about special effects makeup and I thought... Yes, yes. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't think about you, Greg. Incredible. Greg Nicotero from The Walking Dead, from countless other incredible productions with practical effects. Greg, may I ask you, did you see the gentleman sitting next to Andrew Lloyd Webber at the coronation of the Queen?

Yeah, that was you, right? Isn't that amazing? Give me your critique of that makeup work. Well, it sort of looked like to me that you were trying to let people know you were wearing a disguise. See, I wasn't at all. It didn't look very natural. It looked so cartoonish and it just seemed like, well, no actual human being looks like that. Wow. It was almost a Tony Clifton. What would you have done differently?

No, but that was a real person. Tony Clifford was a real person. Yeah, that's true. What would you have done differently, though? He's still around. I guess that's true. I would have done a shorter wig. I would have done a more human-scale mustache. It was like a bot, wasn't it? Yes. It was like a Dutch boy. I would have done a more human-scale mustache and probably glasses that you can wear at night, like see-through glasses as opposed to those. Like tinted frames? I feel like you wore tinted glasses.

that look like they're there to hide sort of a poor job on the eyes. He really looked like Tony Clifton. He really did. Yeah. The powder blue tuxedo. That didn't help.

doing those jokes my only concern i'll be honest for for you greg was would be in in transforming byron into um and again i don't think the grizz is listening the grid yeah no he's in the would he okay oh nice the grizz is in the pool oh hey hot dog i forgot you were here that's a real good song genuinely miserable to be here

I'm so sorry. I feel like Hot Dog would rather Byron Denniston be getting the attention. Yeah, Byron, you're very quiet, by the way. No, no, I think he's doing wonderfully. Well, you know, think about it. I am summoned out of a clear blue sky. Do you wait? You're just in the middle of the sky when I summon you? Yeah. What? I'm looking down on Earth. What? Wow. We have not talked about this at all. You never asked where I was.

You want to know all about his mug washing. You never asked where I was when you summoned me. It's so true. We say, what's up hot dog? You arrive and we never ask you where you just were. What if, if you guys would ever do me the favor of unsummoning me, what would happen is I just,

convert into mist and i i float around in the atmosphere that's what i and then when you summon me i become corporeal again and i'm a hot dog well whoa so you are almost like a spirit or a poltergeist in some ways i it's i am definitely missed i'm like evaporated water i am somebody say poltergeist oh

Who's this? I thought I heard Poltergeist mentioned. Oh, this is the father. Oh, yeah. Davide Benvenuto. Oh, right, right, right. Do you need a ghost, Boston? Is this an ad break? Boston makes me feel good. Are you afraid of ghosts? This seems like an ad break. I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

I think you're going to have a hard time people go, who are you going to call? And then your name, because it's very ingrained to say who you're going to call. Ghostbusters. Yeah. What's your name? Padre David Benvenuto. Can you put that into the song? Who are you going to call? When there's somebody strange in your neighborhood, who are you going to call?

Padre David, benvenuto. It doesn't really roll off the tongue the same way Ghostbusters does. Oh, how about this? What if it was to a reggae? What if John Anah did Ghostbusters as one of their songs? I think it's a great idea. I mean, at this point, Ghostbusters is older than 50s rock and roll was to John Anah themselves. What? What do you mean? That's true. Yeah.

Well, Shadowknot came together in like 1968, and so that was about seven years after the music that they were- Right. Yeah. And so Ghostbusters was 40 years ago this year. Wow, man. That's crazy. So it's older than the music of the 50s. Oh, boy. Wow, that's cool. Technically. Yeah. When you really think about it- When you drill down into it- It's older than the 50s. The 80s. 40 years ago is still older than the 50s. The 50s. Wow. Wow.

You guys are blowing my mind. I know. We just have to explain to you because you're mostly missed. I think you guys is possessed. What's that? I think you guys is possessed. Oh, no. I wouldn't perform an exorcism. I'm going to have to perform an exorcism. We didn't summon this guy, but you arrived on a Vespa? Si. I noticed this. And you're not missed before you come here. I ride the Vespa every year. Yeah. I ride to other country.

Yeah, you're not missed before you come here. I mean, yeah, when we say that, M-I-S-T, not M-I-S-S-E-D. Oh, I know I'm not missed. Oh, no. Hot dog. Hot dog. Hot dog might need an exorcism, honestly. I don't know what's going on with it. Hot dog, what's the matter for you? Why are you looking so sad? It's a nicer place. It's not so bad. Oh, shut up in your face.

Again, if you're listening to this episode and you weren't born in the early 70s or late 60s, you have no idea what's going on. But Hot Dog, I... Excuse me, Cal. I need to talk to Hot Dog. Yeah, I'm still here. Oh, right. But... And the Grizz. I know Grizz. Who would have thought the Grizz would get so little air time? Raindrops keep falling on the edge.

I think, Hot Dog, there's something going on with you. And it may benefit you to perform an exorcism on you because I've never seen you like this. You think I might have a ghost in me? I think so. Or what is it, a devil? You got a demon. Is a demon in me? Hot Dog, you got a demon in you. Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. You know, some people say, I got that demon in me. That's you now. I've never heard anybody say that, but I believe that I might have a demon in me. It's a big expression in an exorcism circle. Okay.

I got a demon in me. When did you start feeling like this? Was this sometime around the last time you spoke to Sean on opera? Well, yeah. I had a really bad conversation with those guys with Screamin' Scott and Donnie, and they were real mean to me. Really mean to me. Did you say Sean and I? Oh, what? Did you say Sean and I? Yeah. All possessed. No, no, no, no.

I mean, honestly, Jason, we've suspected this for a while. I'm not surprised by that. Yeah, I mean, they are trying to bring about hell on earth. Screaming at animals. Dirty Dan. John Bowser Bowser. They're all possessed. All possessed by demons. No. I mean, I know that they're in league with the devil and working for the devil, but possessed? Yeah. It's really split. He finally went all the way. What?

And so, Padre, do you think that perhaps when he tried to audition for Seananah that he invited this poltergeist or devil inside of him? Almost certainly. Well, part of the audition was drawing a pentagram with my blood and then having me jerk off on a parchment. Oh, whoa. That is your soul's signature. Oh, what do you mean? That's where they get you. Oh, no. Oh. I thought it was just a weird kink. Always have a lawyer look at the contract. Yeah.

I have it anytime I sign a contract that my lawyer cross out the part where I got to jerk off on the part. I just put a line right through that. That's smart. Just redline it. So what do you suggest we do here? Everybody got to pray. Oh, okay. Whether you believe or not, it does not matter. If you can pray in Latin, the best. I don't get Jason. Can you pray in Latin? I don't know Latin at all. It's too bad. Yeah. What's your favorite prayer?

I think the only prayer I know is the Lord's Prayer. Oh, it's a good one. I know God is good, God is great. Oh, I guess I don't know it. What's the one where it ends with let's eat? God is good, God is great. Come on, God, I just can't wait. Let me eat this food on my plate. What is this? That's the one, yeah. I know all hell, rock and roll.

Hell, hell, rock and roll. If you pretend that rock and roll is a god, is a rock and roll a god to you? Absolutely. You pray that no matter what happens, you pray that. So this is like a 12-step program where you don't have to believe in God necessarily as much as something can be God. Whatever God means to you. I'm not real strict about it. Also, the rock gods are there to be worshipped. Ronnie James Dio.

Jimi Hendrix. Dred Zeppelin. Or Elvis. Are you talking about Dred Zeppelin? Oh, yeah. I love Dred Zeppelin. Of course you do. You're older. Yeah.

So do you want to perform this exorcism? Okay, so you say God is good, God is great. Okay. You say the Lord is praying. Okay. You say, Hail, Hail, Rock and Roll. Okay. And I will perform at the same time. You don't have to say it. I'm going to sit this one out, if you don't mind. I'm going to read the magazine. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Greg, you, Greg and Greg. I'm more spiritual than religious. Okay, great. Good to know.

All right, here we go. Ready? Okay. And three, two, one. What? What is the countdown? We're all going to pray for you. Oh, okay. You never encouraged me to do a countdown, but that's good. Okay, yes. Here we go. Three, two, one.

Hell, hell, Rocky Road. Demon, I'm going to tell you right now, you better get out of there. You're making me mad, Demon. I'm going to get mad. I'm going to get so mad at you. And I call on God to say, get out of there. Oh, here he goes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, it's working. It's working. Oh, Demon, get out of there, hot dog. You better get out of there.

It's a hot dog shaped demon. Bring out the girls. Don DeBello. Don DeBello's been in hot dog this whole time? I've seen this demon before. So have I. Oh, it's you again, Father Benudo Benudo. Don DeBello. Paisan.

You got to get out of there. Leave the hot dog alone. No, it's good in here. I like it when it becomes the mist and then I can be everywhere. You got your own body. Why don't you stay in there? Have you seen my body? Good point. It's not so good these days. I do it trying Pilates. Oh, good. No, it's not. It's terrible. I mean, you don't look great. Thank you. I have to admit. Thank you for making my point for me. Not...

But it's not a compliment. I'm not thanking you for the compliment. Yeah, I understand. I command you to leave with the body of a hot dog. Listen, you're barking up the wrong tree because I myself am possessed by a demon. But I what? Yes. Oh, no. He's like a babushka. Wait. Three, two, one. All right.

It's me, Golly! Golly, the original demon! How's it going?

Not this guy. Oh, boy. Golly is a demon that a ventriloquist dummy come to life. Yeah. A paragon of evil. Yeah. Oh, my God. I need you. This guy, he's above my pay grade. Oh, no. You can't deal with him? Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. That's right. I've defeated him again and again.

Oh my God. I destroy him. I've never seen Father Bienvenuto seeming so scared. How many of you just met me? Well, I've never seen you so scared since I just met you. Ah, you got me. You've never seen anybody so scared. Look at him. Oh my God. What do we do, guys? What do we do? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Has anyone ever tried saying Golly's name backwards? Don't even try it. It can't be done. Okay, let's try it. It can't be done. E-log. I'm finally free. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Has anyone tried saying Don DeMello's name backwards? I don't think that can be done. Only man. Only man. Mod. Oh, my God. I feel fantastic. Oh, hot dog. I'm finally free. We're going to say your name backwards. Okay. I can finally leave. Dog toe. He seems to be gone. Number one. All right. What fun. What fun. What fun we had. This is where the Saw...

That's right. Film thing is established. Yeah. And so we're talking about, you know, getting into that Andrew Lloyd Webber and Byron Dennison are competitive jigsaw puzzlers. Yeah, you're competitive jigsaw puzzlers. And we like jigsaw so much. You started watching the Saw movies. And I had thought that we mentioned the idea of a watch along in the episode.

And then when I went back and listened to it again, I realized, no, we just talked about that off mic. I think I just... I think after the episode, yeah, you were like, hey, we should do a Saw watch-along thing. Yeah, and then Halloween was coming up, and I was like, let's do that Saw watch-along. Yeah. And so Andy and I went to Brett's house and Brett Morris' house and watched...

saw, which I had seen before. I think both of us had seen it before. Right. And I had recently watched it for Scott Hasn't Seen. Yeah. And we established that the characters had seen it before. Yes. Because in this episode, in the clip we just heard, you guys say that you've seen them all. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So...

To be watching that movie with him, with both of us in character was... It's so crazy. It was so weird. It's so much fun. And also we recorded it in the middle of the afternoon and so much of that movie is dark. Yes. We couldn't see shit. Because it's bright. Yeah. But it was a ball. And we decided, I mean, I think Andy's into this as well, but we are dedicated to doing one for every Halloween.

That's fantastic. As long as they keep making Saw movies, we'll do. What if they never stop? You'll just have to keep going. You switched to doing Fred Guinness, who we also... What if they never stop making Saw movies? They have to stop at some point. But what if they never do? Oh, no. You'll have to live forever. Our children's children? Our children's children's children? Can you imagine? It's the one franchise. Hundreds of years later, Saw movies are still going on. Hundreds of years later.

You switched to Fred Guinness. Yes. And then August Lint came in, which is a callback to me having problems with all the dings. That's right. You were providing all these dings, by the way. It's one of my favorite things to do. And then Hot Dog comes in, The Grizz, Greg Nicotero, Padre Davide Benvenuto. Benvenuto. Yeah.

And then, of course, we have Gali at the end, which Andy just did Gil and Gali live on stage in our final tour episode of 2024. And it was very funny because I had never seen Andy. I mean, I'd seen...

obviously Andy doing Gil and Golly during a podcast, but he had a live on stage. He had a physicality to him that I was like, Oh, Andy, is that how you, when you originate the character, is that the physicality that you did? He said, Oh, I've never done it on stage before. So that was the first time he'd ever done it in front of a live audience, which I thought was very, very cool. It was great. You know, Lauren and I, Lauren Lapkus and I were talking at dinner about Andy and how amazing he was that night and how, uh,

Andy is great in improv at having a game, but not making it feel like a game. It doesn't feel like rote, like, oh, I have to get back to my thing. It just always feels like a... It feels like he'd be fine abandoning the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the characters feel really fleshed out, and he stays in his characters really well. Because a lot of...

There's a kind of like a podcast improv now, which is a separate sort of improv where you don't necessarily stay in character the whole time. And there's a lot of winking. That also happens on stage a bit too, where people kind of laugh in scenes sometimes. Oh, sure. I think it's definitely... As podcasting has evolved, I think that's become a specific kind of thing that improvisers can let themselves do. Yeah. But Andy...

For a long while, he was never breaking character, even in podcasts. Now he kind of laughs during them sometimes. Or he says something that's part of his own life or his own experience in the guise of the character. But we were talking about just how amazing he is and also how the dark things that he comes up with, the things that he says, for someone who doesn't seem to be a dark person at all, but realizing like,

He has these thoughts in him. Yeah. Scary. It's a little spooky, but it's so... He's so funny. He's so great. He's brilliant. That was... It's such a good episode. Listening to that clip, just... I mean, the entire episode is great. Yeah. We could only cut it down to that much, and hopefully that's a representative bite, but...

It's so good. It was really fun to re-listen to when I was getting ready for the Saw thing. So good. I think a truly... And like I said, it was that or So New York. We're kind of going back and forth for a while. I think Exorcism of Hot Dog started running away with it towards the end of the voting period. But yeah, great episodes. Great episodes. Fun stuff. Really good. Should we do some stats? Oh my God, I forgot about stats. Please. Okay, so...

Let's talk about months and how many episodes. Let's talk about months. Yeah. So November. Ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao. There's only one episode eligible from November 2023 and then three from November 2024. None of those made it. Oh, fuck. People hated November episodes. A November to forget-ber. Yeah.

December, though, to remember, of 2023, one episode made it. January...

Two episodes from January made it. February, one. March, one. April, two. April always has the anniversary, so that... No, that's May. Sorry. Fool. No, so April had two. I'm the April fool. May has the anniversary. That had one. That was the anniversary. June had zero. June, people hated it. People hated it. July had one. August had one. September had one.

October had three. And they were episodes 886, 887, and 888. What a run. Three in a row. That was the Christian Bruhn one, then the Tatiana one, and then the Halloween one. Wow. Those three in a row. An amazing three weeks for podcasts. An amazing three weeks. Let's talk about the performers involved who are in these. A bunch of people were in one episode that cracked the...

Top 14. Did anybody make it to the... Oh, Ben Rogers first time, right? In the countdown?

I don't know. And he's in two. Ah, shit. I'm not sure. Definitely Jake Johnson, his first time. Well, we don't count those people. Yeah, we don't count those people. He'll never be back. I hope so. If I see him on the beach, I expect to see him back in this studio. Return tap. Charlie McCracken, I don't think he's ever been on the... Yeah, so he's new. Aaron Whitehead, I think, might be new to the best ofs. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but let's talk about the people who have more than one episode. Tim Baltz had two this year. Here's the people who were in two episodes in the top 14. Tim Baltz, Sean Diston, Will Hines, Ryan Gall, Taryn Killam, Ben Rogers, Christian Brune, Tatiana Maslany, Carl Tartt, and Andy Daly. 10.

10 people had more than had two. Nice. Congrats. Let's talk about the people who were in three. You have Lily Sullivan and Lisa Gilroy. Congrats. Congrats to them. Let's talk about one person has four episodes in the top 14. Jason Manzoukas. Congrats. Now, usually...

Usually there would be only one other person above Jason, but we have two now. Above Jason making five appearances, Vic.

Vic fucking McHale in five of the top 14, five of the top 14. This is a, a, just a banner year for Vic. Absolutely. Just tearing through the top 14. And may I say before you reveal the other name, if you have not yet seen it, very important people on dropout TV. You're in this season. I am in this season. I just was talking to the person editing your episode and they said it was so funny. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. I,

I look forward to seeing it. But it's a great show that Vic hosts. Cut all that stuff out. Hey, why? Why? Cut all the funny stuff. Why? Vic is a great host and it's improvisers being put into elaborate makeup and having to decide on the spot what their character is based on what they look like. And surprising Vic with who they are, right? No, Vic knows in advance. Vic knows. Oh, okay. Great. Well, that ruined it for me.

She doesn't know that you don't know that. Uh-oh. Okay, so at the top, once again, with seven of the top 14 episodes, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Dang. Now, you were saying before, am I over? Yeah, I think it every year. You think it every year, but because this year, so strangely, you were not in any of the episodes until...

episode nine. You only did nine episodes this year.

Is that true? Yeah, you usually do about 12. You do about one a month. Yeah. But because we were on tour for so long, I was taking it easy on you and not saying like, hey, come save me and come do an episode. I probably would have. You probably would have and you would have been great. But yeah, you only did nine. You only did two episodes that were not in the top 14. Wow. And those were close to the top 14. Wow. You did the John Cryer episode. Oh, yeah. And the...

the Tony Hale episodes. Oh, yeah. Both of those were great, but they are not in the top 14. So, your stats are still good. Well, I'm honored and flattered and, you know. You're in the top four and then six, seven, and nine.

Man. Well, look, I love doing this show and I'm happy to be with such esteemed company. Yes. I think this was a great year. I enjoyed all of these clips. I think so too. As a listener, I thought this was a terrific year and I think the podcast is not only just as good as it ever was, but I think it's having a real renaissance. And I think people should listen to the tour episodes because that's such a big part of the year for us.

um those were like almost to an episode yeah really really great someone pointed out that the the last tour episode that we did in la at the um at the united artists theater on broadway um we had you had eight guests right eight and yeah and myself yeah so nine nine stuler nine stuler and um

I saw someone put it that it was people that represented all these different eras of the show on one stage. Because we had people from the beginning, which would be you and Andy Daly and Seth Morris as Bob Duca and Zooks, people who were there in the first year.

Then you had like Lauren Lapkus, who was, who Clint, I always thought of as the new person, but now she's been added for 10 years or so. But then also some really great people from the new era, Sean Diston, Vic, Lisa Gilroy, people who have really, I mean, Vic and Lisa weren't even...

In the book, in the Bang Bang book, because they were so new at that point by the time it was put together that I think they had just started doing the show. So, yeah, it was it was great to have such a cross section of generations of performers on the show. Yeah. And hopefully we're going to keep it going. Yeah.

Hopefully we'll do another episode. At least you should do at least one, just at least one. Yeah. See how it feels. Yeah. Okay. I want to get some thanks out of the way. I want to think. I'm sure they'll be pleased to hear it phrased that way. Yeah. I want to get it out of the way. So I'd never have to thank them again. I want to stop thinking about these people. Or in person. I want to thank Kimmy Gregory, our producer over there at Earwolf. Kimmy.

has been doing a lot behind the scenes for the show. Um, you know, uh, works out, uh, a bit of the booking works out the workflow of, episodes being edited and completed and sent out. And then just, uh, also a bunch of, uh, random stuff for the show. And she's been working really hard and just had a baby. So, um, yeah,

And ask to listen to my voice every episode while making noits. No, no, don't make noits. Don't make the noid. Avoid the noid. Oh, no, he wrecks pizza. Making notes about like, you know, oh, hey, can we lose someone coughing here? All this kind of stuff. So really appreciate everything Kimmy has done. In addition to this year.

So many years I've had to listen to all these episodes and pull these clips myself. This year, Kimmy assembled a big team to do these for me and send the first drafts of them to me. So Kimmy enlisted Matt Apodaca, Cody Fisher, Amelia Chapelo, and Talon Stradley. And they all assembled all these clips. The Fantastic Four.

The Fantastic Four is what they're calling them. And I think it's apropos. People are calling them the Fantastic Four. They use this new morphing technology. Morphing technology. So they all pulled clips this year, which took a big, heavy load. I feel weird saying heavy load when I'm talking about a work environment. When you paused, I was like, keep going, just keep going. I know. But it took a load off of me this year. So thank you so much to those guys. And put the load right on me.

That's right. The band style. Also want to thank our engineers this year. We had Alex Gonzalez earlier in the year and then Jordan Duffy took over.

So thanks to Jordan. Yes. Shout out to them. Thank you so much to them. We also have July, July Diaz. He listens to every episode and he, if anything's wrong with them, he calls it out, but he also does the descriptions for every episode. And he's been doing this as long as anyone has been alive. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah.

July, thank you so much. Sorry I didn't recognize you when I saw you in a bar recently and you had to explain who you are. I haven't seen you in probably six years. So that's on you, July. Yeah. Show your face a little more often. I'll recognize you. In short, shut the fuck up.

He didn't complain, by the way. I just have felt bad about it. Thanks to Brett Morris over at Comedy Bang Bang World. Yes. Brett, who produces so much of our stuff over there at CBB World and makes...

everything over there work. I mean, he had so much and it's, it's amazing. The, the job that he does, all the work that he does, it's a vast amount of work and, you know, does it on time and quickly and like, for the most part on time, for them all. I mean, but like considering all the shit, like the fact that he turns it around as quickly as he does is pretty amazing. I'm going to have to talk to him about it. Right. Just so you know, I was the good cop here. Yeah.

But we talked during the break about how we both want this done. Hold up, hold up, hold up. No, he's great. He's also so funny on the mic on shows like Neighborhood Bliss and College Town and Batman and all this. Oh, and Randy and everything. Randy.

So, thanks to Brett. And I want to thank all of the guests who came on this year. You know, it's so much fun to be with the most funny and talented people. And it's always just so wonderful that people return, either be this their 15th year or...

Their first year doing the show, it's great that people still enjoy doing it. And I really appreciate everyone's hard work. Everyone who went out on tour with us this year, the performers who went on tour, this was such a fun tour. And again, you were saying such a variety of people on it. It was really great. Everyone who came out to see us on tour. Yeah. We played...

to thousands of people this year. We did 43 shows, probably, if I haven't counted the number of it, but I think it's around 4,000 people that we played to. Mm-hmm.

And great crowds. Not a bad crowd in any city, which is, I mean, given the odds, you would think that there would be at least one. Yeah, there have been a few shows in the past, especially early on when we start touring of like hecklers and just people yelling shit. People yelling shit a lot. This was so much fun and such good crowds. And then even going to the UK and Ireland, you kind of go like, oh, how are people gonna? Yeah. And such great crowds over there. So good. Yeah. Thank you for welcoming us. Yeah. So warmly. And

Um, to everyone who didn't live near any of the cities, but followed along and listened to the shows. Thank you so much for all that. And, uh,

I, there's a man that I need to thank. He's across the table from me. Paul F. Tompkins. That was me. That's right. That's a genuinely surprised me. I knew that was coming. Um, this, uh, always such a blast to do not only these best of us, but, uh, the, uh, 12 or so episodes you do every year. Um, you know, uh, wouldn't be comedy bang, bang without you. I think I, I, uh, you know,

I might consider packing it in were you ever to quit the show, not die. It's great to have that power. I would consider it. I probably would do it. Oh, okay. I mean, I feel like you're taking back the compliment a little bit. I am so thrilled to still be a part of this and to...

you know, have gotten to play with so many great people and to have so much fun with you and just being fucking idiots together is so enjoyable. Just listening to that last number one episode. It's so funny all the way through and just, you know, and the tour and everything, you know, it's just a blast too. We had a good time. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I count the hours that I've spent in this room among the happiest in my life.

And lastly, to all of you for listening this year, if this was your 15th year or maybe just even your first or maybe even these best ofs are the first time you've ever even heard of it. The fact that everyone still listens to the show. We met so many people on tour who were like,

I've been listening for 13 years or, you know, I've been listening this long and now my kids listen to it. And even people who are just like, I've been listening so long, like the last year and a half. It's so fun to see so many, a lot of young people on tour this year, which is great. So great to see so many people still into the show and,

Even people who dip in and out and just only listen to the best ofs or whatever. It's so great that we're still relevant. We have some big episodes coming up very soon this month. On Monday, we'll hear the first ep of the year with Ben Schwartz, who was just on the Solo Bolo. He was on the last episode of last year and the first episode of this year. And we have episode 900 coming up. Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's insane. It's crazy.

It's crazy. We have some good stuff, hopefully, this year. So it is our pleasure to keep entertaining you. And if life gets difficult for you, we're always happy to be here. We heard a lot about that on tour, just people who appreciate getting their mind off stuff. Yeah. That's what we're here to do. Indeed.

Um, we hope you had a happy holiday. We had a great 2024 and here's to a 2025 that, uh, is tolerable. Scott. Thank you. You're welcome. I mean that. I meant mine too. I meant it. Maybe more. Oh, you fucking prick. It's not a competition. I know it's not a competition, but I did. All right. We have one last thing to do, Paul. Now, are we putting money on this or what?

Or a dinner, or what are we doing? $10,000 bet. Do you want to do a double or nothing? I owe you an Olive Garden dinner. Oh, so it's definitely Olive Garden. Yeah. We've now established it's definitely Olive Garden. Yeah. All right. We can put this wherever you... I'm going to still allow you to put it wherever you like. I don't know that he's looked in that direction. Yeah. So I'm going to leave him where he is. Okay. All right. All right. So... Well, okay. What's the bet? A dinner? Just dinner. So if I win...

then neither of us owes any dinners. No dinner. If you win, we're tied and we have to go into OT. That's right. And if neither of us win, neither of us win, dinners are canceled. Yeah, dinners are canceled because that means I won. Right. Yes. So if we go into OT, we'll figure out what that means. All right, here we go. Here we go.

All right. You're going to film this. Yes. Because this is very. It's very exciting. Very exciting. This is where it goes. This is where the rubber meets the road. That's right. All you rubber fans. And road fans. That's true. All right. All right. Man, back off. Here we go. Here we go. I'm now. I'm squeezing his fat little hand. He's dancing around. Not Spunya. Now he's spinning.

Okay, still facing now to the left of the bathroom. He's now facing, I would consider that to be sort of in your direction. Splitting the diff between us. Now back to his first position. Spinning around for the final time.

Whoa! So close. No, he's not. It's too much of an angle. It's too much of an angle. Too much of an angle. This is like right on. I would have given it to you, but... I appreciate that. But apparently Paul doesn't want to go to Olive Garden. I don't want to go to Olive Garden with you. Because I don't think you respect it. Who respects it more than a former employee? I know you're going to be asking for those breadsticks all night long. We each have...

I think Cool Up even has a gift certificate as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if everybody who's won Comedian Feud descends on Olive Garden the same night? We should all just do a night there. Yeah. Hey, guess what? We're renting the place out. And we're not paying you a dime. We just have a party of 100. 100.

So... All right. If you ever see us at Olive Garden with a bunch of other comedians, I hope you brought your VHS. Oh, you know what? That's the thing to do. Have your VHS of Rudolph Shining New Year and just check out Olive Garden. Just check out whatever Olive Garden is nearest to us. We're trying to make this easy for you. Thank you. Guys...

Have a great 2025. We'll see you on Monday with the first episode of the year. Thank you, Paul. We'll see you Monday for the first episode of the year. Still. And also I wanted to say, we'll see you Monday for the first episode of the year. All right. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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